Newhart (1982–1990): Season 1, Episode 1 - In the Beginning - full transcript
Manhattanites Dick and Joanna Louden take the plunge and move to Vermont where they've bought the historic Stratford Inn. Dick is far keener than Joanna but she relents and they are soon renovating and getting to know their surroundings. They meet George the inn's handyman and Kirk Devane who runs the restaurant and gift shop next door. They also hire new maid, socialite Leslie Vanderkellen. The local ladies historical society is thrilled that the Revolutionary-era inn is to be re-opened and ask Dick, who is a writer by profession, to give a talk on the history of the inn and particularly on the winter of 1775 when many of their ancestors stayed there. Dick agrees but when his research shows that inn was used as a house of ill-repute during that winter, he's at something of a loss as to what to tell them.
(LAUGHING)
You'll want to fix that.
Well, here it is. The Stratford,
one of the oldest inns in Vermont.
Still standing virtually
the same as it was back in 1774
and pretty much the same as when
you folks first saw it two weeks ago.
Yes, they say James Madison
once stayed here.
Really? Really? See, Joanna? That's great.
I mean, just being in a place like this,
we're gonna know things
about James Madison
that we, you know,
we'd never know from any book.
Like what?
Well, for one thing,
he didn't care where he slept.
- Yeah, you did say there was a caretaker?
- George Utley, yes.
His folks have been
taking care of this place
for as long as people
around here can remember.
- What do you think?
-1 like it.
No, you don't.
Yes, ll do.
I'm just as excited about this as you are.
No, you're not.
All right. Maybe not as much as you are,
but I'm pretty darn excited.
Joanna, we don't have to buy an inn.
We'll just forget the whole thing.
We'll say we came up for the drive,
took in a little scenery,
smelled a little fresh air.
What about our deposit?
Ate a $2,000 lunch.
Dick, honey, that's ridiculous.
Besides, I have a feeling
that you love this place.
Yeah.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Oh, that's George, the caretaker.
George, I'd like you to meet
Mr. and Mrs. Loudon.
- How do?
- Hello.
- Looks like they're buying the place.
- Well, let's say we're pretty close.
Shoot, I bet I'm out of work, then.
Well, not necessarily.
We'll still need a caretaker.
Yeah, but no raise, I bet.
No.
Okay.
George, before you go, do you mind
my asking what you're working on?
You know that little doohickey inside
a furnace, by the door, under the screen?
I'm working on the thing next to that.
(GEORGE WHISTLING)
He seems like a real knowledgeable guy.
Dick, why don't we just
go ahead and do this?
You mean that?
Sure. Now, I'm not saying
we won't have doubts.
We're used to Manhattan.
Our friends are there.
Our whole life is there.
Do you realize I'm on the collection
committee to six different diseases?
We have disease here.
Not to mention your work.
You're used to writing
in a tiny little apartment.
Who knows if you can write up here?
We always say,
"If you can't write here, you can't write."
(CHUCKLES)
Then there's all the repairs
this place needs,
which neither of us knows how to do.
Well, you know, I have written
some how-to books.
Unfortunately, you never wrote one
on how to change your life.
Look, Joanna, there are a million reasons
not to buy this place.
That's why most people don't.
And maybe that's the one reason
we should.
I mean, we are standing on the threshold
of one of the great adventures of our lives
and we have that rare opportunity
to pursue the American dream
and all we have to do is just have
the courage to say, "Let's go for it.”
(GASPS)
That's stirring. Where have I heard it?
It's from the prologue I wrote
to Building Your Own Patio Cover.
- Right. Are you excited?
- I'm excited.
- Mr. Shaver, I guess we'll take it.
- Goody.
No, wait. Oh, God, hold everything!
You didn't take it yet, did you?
Just now. Why?
Oh, then no big deal.
- Honey, look at what I found in the study.
- Oh, what is it?
It's a box of stuff.
Lucky you.
You know, this really isn't fair.
I mean, I'm on a treasure hunt,
and you're down on your hands and knees
trying to get the char off the fireplace.
You wanna switch?
No, ll just wanted to let you know
Il was aware of it.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Remind me to fix that.
I hung that shutter back up that fell off.
I didn't know a shutter was off.
Yeah, I knocked one off this morning
trying to fix that window.
I didn't know there was
anything wrong with the window.
Yeah, I broke the darn thing
trying to clean it.
Well, what do you want me to do next?
- George, you could fix the front door.
- What's the matter with it?
It sticks.
It sticks. Yeah, right.
Yeah, I'll get my plane and shave it.
I think it's gonna take a long time
to get this place in shape.
Well, it'd go a lot quicker
if we can stop George from fixing it.
- Hi, can I help you?
- We weren't sure anyone was here.
- Are you open for business?
- Not really.
-(WHISPERING) Yes.
- But we can be. Why not?
- Great. How much are your rooms?
- How much are the rooms?
Why don't you step over here,
and I'll look it up in the ledger?
To be honest with you, we're new at this.
We just bought this place.
Oh.
Rooms, rooms, rooms, rooms. Here we go.
That'll be a farthing.
Dick! How's 40?
That's a little more
than we wanted to spend.
- How's 20?
- Hey, 20 is fine.
Okay, if you just give me
your John Hancock.
Where?
Right there under "John Hancock."
Okay, here you go.
Top of the stairs and down the hall.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Pomerantz.
I'll bring you up some fresh linens
in just a minute.
Okay, thanks.
Dick, we have guests. Our first 20 bucks.
See, you were worried about the money,
weren't you?
Honey, we figured this all out.
I make enough from writing
to take care of this place
whether anybody stays here
and still have money left over
for you name it.
- Food?
- Possibly, if we...
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking that door
made me look like an ass.
Well, I'm glad it happened
and I'll tell you why.
Because now you know I'm not just
some slick-talking guy off the street.
How you doing? Kirk Devane.
Dick Loudon, and this is my wife Joanna.
Happy to meet you. Happy? Thrilled.
I own the place next door.
- The Minuteman Cafe?
- And Souvenir Shop.
I was so glad when I heard
someone bought this place.
- Ought to be good for both of us.
- Well, let's hope so.
Yeah. Listen, if we're gonna be neighbors
and maybe even friends,
there's something you have to know
about me right upfront.
- And what's that?
- I'm an habitual liar.
Actually, that's not true.
What ll mean is, it's something
I'm aware of and working to correct.
I only bring it up because admitting it
is part of my therapy.
Well, thanks. Thanks for being so honest.
Actually, I'm not in therapy.
I lied about that.
But everything else I said was true,
or probably as close to it as I'll ever get.
(PHONE RINGING)
Excuse me.
Hello.
Who? Mr. Pomerantz.
Hold on. Just a minute, I'll check.
Low tonight should be around 30
with gusty winds
and a chance of freezing rain. Why?
Your window is missing.
Yeah, I believe our caretaker
knows something about that.
We'll take care of it right away.
No trouble at all.
Really, it's not a silly request.
So, Dick, they tell me you're a writer.
That's more than fascinating.
- Anything I'd know?
-1 don't think so.
Dick writes mostly informational books.
How to Panel in Hard-to-Reach Places.
The Joy of Tubing.
Know Your Harley.
- Honey, you don't have to list them all.
- Why not? You're good.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello. Yes, Mr. Pomerantz.
There's no heat in your room.
Well, maybe it only feels
like there's no heat
because you have that big hole
where the window used to be.
Have you felt the radiator? You know,
sometimes it takes them a while...
You don't have a radiator.
You have anything in the room up there
that looks like it might give off heat?
Your wife's getting a little steamed.
We'll fix it right away.
You're not being a pest. Goodbye.
So, you're busy and I'm bored, so
why don't I drop back over another time?
Oh, by the way, did I mention your guests
get a 10% discount at my place?
- No, you didn't.
- Good.
I bet after you get to know him,
he grows on you.
I'll take that bet.
I better get those linens.
Which reminds me, can we still
afford that maid we talked about?
Well, it's an operating expense.
It's deductible.
Oh, great.
I deduct it from our savings.
Well, I got my plane.
Now, which door was it?
Leslie, if you don't mind my asking,
why are you interested in being a maid?
Well, to be honest with you, Mr. Loudon,
I'd just like to get out
and experience the real world.
You see, all my life,
I have had everything given to me,
money, cars, clothes, schooling.
I want to find out
what it's like to be average.
It's fun.
I probably don't have a chance,
but I'd really like to have this job,
and I'd work really hard at it.
As for my qualifications,
I have a degree in European History,
and I'm presently attending Dartmouth
studying for my Masters in Renaissance
Theology, and in my free time,
I'm practicing with the hope of becoming
a member of the US Olympics ski team.
That's basically what
we're looking for in a maid.
Leslie, I can't see any reason
not to give you the job.
I can't see any reason not to vote for you.
The job is yours.
Mr. Loudon, thank you.
This is terrific. Thank you.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Come in.
- Hi, Dick.
I just brought over some things
from the store
that I've been looting
from this place over the years.
Nothing of any real value.
- This looks kind of interesting.
- Yeah?
Well, the rest of the stuff is junk.
Hi. ll don't believe we've had
the utter thrill of meeting.
- I'm Kirk.
- Leslie Vanderkellen. Kirk what?
Douglas.
That's not true. His name is Kirk Devane.
Actually, that's not true.
I lied to you, Dick.
- Your name is really Kirk Douglas?
- No, it's not that either.
You see what a sickness this is?
Hi, how's the interview going?
Great. Great. This is Leslie Vanderkellen.
This is my wife Joanna.
- Hello
And you know...whoever.
We just hired Leslie. She's gonna move in
and work for us
while she's going to school.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Well, I guess that's about it. Why don't I
get George and he can show you around?
Why don't you get me
to show her around?
- Thank you.
- Leslie, what are you studying?
European History
and Renaissance Theology.
Say hello to fate.
That's what my degrees are in.
- Dick, the DWI just called.
- The who?
The Daughters of the War
for Independence.
They heard from the real estate agent
that the inn was opening again,
and they want 12 rooms for next weekend.
Why?
Well, honey, apparently
a number of their ancestors stayed here
during the winter of 1775.
Well, that's great. It's just...
Well, I just don't think we're ready
to host a lot of people yet.
Dick, we're talking about a lot of money,
and look how much we've lost
fixing up the Pomerantz's room.
Honey, we didn't lose that money.
We'll still break even.
Maybe not in our lifetime.
I mean, the purpose of buying
the Stratford was to restore it,
not to make money off it.
I think we're talking
about our integrity here.
Okay, if you feel that strongly about it,
I'll just tell them no.
I'll also tell them you won't be giving
a speech on the inn's history.
- What's that?
- Like they wanted you to.
They asked for that?
See, that's not fair.
I mean, you know that I'm a sucker
for talking about this place.
I mean, I love that stuff.
It's up to you, Dick.
What do you want to do?
Well, I've already taken my position.
There's only one thing ll can do.
I'm changing my mind.
- Hi. Remember me?
- You're Kirk something.
Right. Listen, if you're not busy,
I was wondering
if you would like to go to a movie.
- You're joking, right?
- Right. I meant go get a pizza.
- I'm waxing the floor.
- How about tomorrow?
I'm sorry, ll can't go tomorrow night.
You see, I have this really close friend,
and, well, we've been almost
like sisters to each other
ever since I was 10 years old.
Well, the last two years,
she's had this really serious illness
and we didn't know whether
she was gonna pull through or not.
But she did
and she met this really neat guy,
and they're really in love, and
they're getting married tomorrow night,
-and I'm serving as maid of honor.
- Any chance you can get out of it?
Well, I got the rooms cleaned, the baths
ready and the carpets vacuumed.
Oh, and Leslie is working out great.
Did you know that her family owns
their own island in the Caribbean?
She told me that this morning
while we were cleaning grout.
- I'm sorry, Joanna. This is amazing.
- What is?
Well, I was looking for
some special material on 1775,
like the Daughters asked me,
and ll ran across this packet of letters.
This one is dated January 30, 1775.
"Dearest Annabelle, I could not march on
to Concord without expressing to you
"my deepest gratitude
for the kindness you showed me,
"and, in fact, the entire platoon,
"upon our recent visit to the Stratford Inn.
"My sincerest regards
to all your fine young ladies
"who understand the rigors of battle
"and their tender affections
which soothes a soldier's heart.”
Then he goes into more bawdy prose.
Dick, what does this mean?
I think it means, in the winter of 1775,
the inn was
whatever our forefathers' word
was for a cathouse.
How in the world are you gonna tell
a Daughter of the War for Independence
that her great-great-great-grandmother
may have been...
A fun date?
(CHATTERING)
- Can ll get you anything?
- No, thank you.
Okay.
Oh, Dick, they're waiting for you.
- How do I look?
- Nervous.
Have you figured out what to say yet?
If 1 figured that out,
Il wouldn't care how I looked.
They seem to be having
a good time, honey.
I'll put a stop to that.
Well, I've served all the hors d'oeuvres.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
- Well, I set up your podium.
- Oh, okay.
I put it by the fireplace,
in front of all those chairs.
- Good.
- It's brown.
-1 think I'll find it.
- I'm here if you don't.
- Well, I guess this is it.
- Good luck, honey.
(EXHALES)
Oh, there you are.
Daughters, Daughters,
would you please take your seats?
Please be seated.
Attention, everyone. It's time to start
the second half of our meeting.
I'm sure that we're all
looking forward to this,
as many of us feel a kindred spirit
for the Stratford Inn,
and especially the winter of 1775.
I'm sure our guest speaker tonight is going
to enlighten us more about that year.
He's an author, a self-admitted history buff
and the owner of the Stratford.
Would you please join me in giving him
a warm welcome? Dick Loudon.
Mr. Loudon. How very nice
of you. Welcome.
Thank you. Thank you, Mrs. Hamilton.
Well, what can I tell you
about the Stratford?
It was built in 1774 by Nathan Potter
and named because it was built much like
his ancestors' home in Stratford, England.
Nathan Potter died only two months
after the inn was built,
and his family moved to Boston, where
apparently Mrs. Potter had relatives.
Then somebody else bought it.
Jumping to the 1800s...
Excuse me for interrupting, Mr. Loudon,
but you jumped over 1775.
Did I?
By golly, I did.
We were especially interested in that.
You see, we know that we have letters
from some of our ancestors
showing that they stayed here
during that winter,
and apparently they had a wonderful time.
(STAMMERING)
Are you sure it was here?
Oh, yes.
So, we would like to hear what you know
about that particular year
and the rest of the stuff, you can flush.
Well, when you put it that way.
Before I tell you about the winter of 1775,
just bear in mind
that there was a war going on,
and war, as everyone knows,
can be not good.
And there was probably lousy weather,
which forced them
to spend a lot of time indoors.
Excuse me again, Mr. Loudon,
but just what are you trying to say?
It's what I'm trying not to say.
You know, sometimes people think
they want to know things
and then, when they know them,
they wish they didn't.
What do you know, Loudon?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Well, since you're forcing me to say this.
Ladies, according to my information,
in the winter of 1775, when
all your ancestors were staying here,
the Stratford was not so much an inn
as it was a house of...
Let me put it this way,
there's every reason to believe
you may not be so much Daughters
of the War for Independence,
as you are daughters of a three-day pass.
(ALL GASPING)
Well, I can tell from your stunned silence
you're not taking this well.
I wish there was something I could say.
Really, it's not as bad as you think.
If you could read
some of the letters I read,
this place meant a lot to our fighting men.
It inspired them to rededicate
themselves to the war effort,
sometimes after only a few hours.
Are you saying we shouldn't be upset?
Well, maybe not. Maybe Vermont
wouldn't be Vermont today
if the Stratford hadn't been
what it was then.
My God, he could have a point.
And it wasn't just Vermont it helped.
From some of the letters I read,
guys from New Hampshire
and Massachusetts...
Good for them.
Ladies, let's face it, America might not be
America today without the Stratford.
And I, for one, am not too proud
to tip my hat and say well done.
(ALL CHEERING)
(ALL CHATTERING)
Dick, am I crazy
or are those women happy?
I don't know what you said,
but it certainly turned the trick.
You'll want to fix that.
Well, here it is. The Stratford,
one of the oldest inns in Vermont.
Still standing virtually
the same as it was back in 1774
and pretty much the same as when
you folks first saw it two weeks ago.
Yes, they say James Madison
once stayed here.
Really? Really? See, Joanna? That's great.
I mean, just being in a place like this,
we're gonna know things
about James Madison
that we, you know,
we'd never know from any book.
Like what?
Well, for one thing,
he didn't care where he slept.
- Yeah, you did say there was a caretaker?
- George Utley, yes.
His folks have been
taking care of this place
for as long as people
around here can remember.
- What do you think?
-1 like it.
No, you don't.
Yes, ll do.
I'm just as excited about this as you are.
No, you're not.
All right. Maybe not as much as you are,
but I'm pretty darn excited.
Joanna, we don't have to buy an inn.
We'll just forget the whole thing.
We'll say we came up for the drive,
took in a little scenery,
smelled a little fresh air.
What about our deposit?
Ate a $2,000 lunch.
Dick, honey, that's ridiculous.
Besides, I have a feeling
that you love this place.
Yeah.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Oh, that's George, the caretaker.
George, I'd like you to meet
Mr. and Mrs. Loudon.
- How do?
- Hello.
- Looks like they're buying the place.
- Well, let's say we're pretty close.
Shoot, I bet I'm out of work, then.
Well, not necessarily.
We'll still need a caretaker.
Yeah, but no raise, I bet.
No.
Okay.
George, before you go, do you mind
my asking what you're working on?
You know that little doohickey inside
a furnace, by the door, under the screen?
I'm working on the thing next to that.
(GEORGE WHISTLING)
He seems like a real knowledgeable guy.
Dick, why don't we just
go ahead and do this?
You mean that?
Sure. Now, I'm not saying
we won't have doubts.
We're used to Manhattan.
Our friends are there.
Our whole life is there.
Do you realize I'm on the collection
committee to six different diseases?
We have disease here.
Not to mention your work.
You're used to writing
in a tiny little apartment.
Who knows if you can write up here?
We always say,
"If you can't write here, you can't write."
(CHUCKLES)
Then there's all the repairs
this place needs,
which neither of us knows how to do.
Well, you know, I have written
some how-to books.
Unfortunately, you never wrote one
on how to change your life.
Look, Joanna, there are a million reasons
not to buy this place.
That's why most people don't.
And maybe that's the one reason
we should.
I mean, we are standing on the threshold
of one of the great adventures of our lives
and we have that rare opportunity
to pursue the American dream
and all we have to do is just have
the courage to say, "Let's go for it.”
(GASPS)
That's stirring. Where have I heard it?
It's from the prologue I wrote
to Building Your Own Patio Cover.
- Right. Are you excited?
- I'm excited.
- Mr. Shaver, I guess we'll take it.
- Goody.
No, wait. Oh, God, hold everything!
You didn't take it yet, did you?
Just now. Why?
Oh, then no big deal.
- Honey, look at what I found in the study.
- Oh, what is it?
It's a box of stuff.
Lucky you.
You know, this really isn't fair.
I mean, I'm on a treasure hunt,
and you're down on your hands and knees
trying to get the char off the fireplace.
You wanna switch?
No, ll just wanted to let you know
Il was aware of it.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
Remind me to fix that.
I hung that shutter back up that fell off.
I didn't know a shutter was off.
Yeah, I knocked one off this morning
trying to fix that window.
I didn't know there was
anything wrong with the window.
Yeah, I broke the darn thing
trying to clean it.
Well, what do you want me to do next?
- George, you could fix the front door.
- What's the matter with it?
It sticks.
It sticks. Yeah, right.
Yeah, I'll get my plane and shave it.
I think it's gonna take a long time
to get this place in shape.
Well, it'd go a lot quicker
if we can stop George from fixing it.
- Hi, can I help you?
- We weren't sure anyone was here.
- Are you open for business?
- Not really.
-(WHISPERING) Yes.
- But we can be. Why not?
- Great. How much are your rooms?
- How much are the rooms?
Why don't you step over here,
and I'll look it up in the ledger?
To be honest with you, we're new at this.
We just bought this place.
Oh.
Rooms, rooms, rooms, rooms. Here we go.
That'll be a farthing.
Dick! How's 40?
That's a little more
than we wanted to spend.
- How's 20?
- Hey, 20 is fine.
Okay, if you just give me
your John Hancock.
Where?
Right there under "John Hancock."
Okay, here you go.
Top of the stairs and down the hall.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Pomerantz.
I'll bring you up some fresh linens
in just a minute.
Okay, thanks.
Dick, we have guests. Our first 20 bucks.
See, you were worried about the money,
weren't you?
Honey, we figured this all out.
I make enough from writing
to take care of this place
whether anybody stays here
and still have money left over
for you name it.
- Food?
- Possibly, if we...
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking that door
made me look like an ass.
Well, I'm glad it happened
and I'll tell you why.
Because now you know I'm not just
some slick-talking guy off the street.
How you doing? Kirk Devane.
Dick Loudon, and this is my wife Joanna.
Happy to meet you. Happy? Thrilled.
I own the place next door.
- The Minuteman Cafe?
- And Souvenir Shop.
I was so glad when I heard
someone bought this place.
- Ought to be good for both of us.
- Well, let's hope so.
Yeah. Listen, if we're gonna be neighbors
and maybe even friends,
there's something you have to know
about me right upfront.
- And what's that?
- I'm an habitual liar.
Actually, that's not true.
What ll mean is, it's something
I'm aware of and working to correct.
I only bring it up because admitting it
is part of my therapy.
Well, thanks. Thanks for being so honest.
Actually, I'm not in therapy.
I lied about that.
But everything else I said was true,
or probably as close to it as I'll ever get.
(PHONE RINGING)
Excuse me.
Hello.
Who? Mr. Pomerantz.
Hold on. Just a minute, I'll check.
Low tonight should be around 30
with gusty winds
and a chance of freezing rain. Why?
Your window is missing.
Yeah, I believe our caretaker
knows something about that.
We'll take care of it right away.
No trouble at all.
Really, it's not a silly request.
So, Dick, they tell me you're a writer.
That's more than fascinating.
- Anything I'd know?
-1 don't think so.
Dick writes mostly informational books.
How to Panel in Hard-to-Reach Places.
The Joy of Tubing.
Know Your Harley.
- Honey, you don't have to list them all.
- Why not? You're good.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello. Yes, Mr. Pomerantz.
There's no heat in your room.
Well, maybe it only feels
like there's no heat
because you have that big hole
where the window used to be.
Have you felt the radiator? You know,
sometimes it takes them a while...
You don't have a radiator.
You have anything in the room up there
that looks like it might give off heat?
Your wife's getting a little steamed.
We'll fix it right away.
You're not being a pest. Goodbye.
So, you're busy and I'm bored, so
why don't I drop back over another time?
Oh, by the way, did I mention your guests
get a 10% discount at my place?
- No, you didn't.
- Good.
I bet after you get to know him,
he grows on you.
I'll take that bet.
I better get those linens.
Which reminds me, can we still
afford that maid we talked about?
Well, it's an operating expense.
It's deductible.
Oh, great.
I deduct it from our savings.
Well, I got my plane.
Now, which door was it?
Leslie, if you don't mind my asking,
why are you interested in being a maid?
Well, to be honest with you, Mr. Loudon,
I'd just like to get out
and experience the real world.
You see, all my life,
I have had everything given to me,
money, cars, clothes, schooling.
I want to find out
what it's like to be average.
It's fun.
I probably don't have a chance,
but I'd really like to have this job,
and I'd work really hard at it.
As for my qualifications,
I have a degree in European History,
and I'm presently attending Dartmouth
studying for my Masters in Renaissance
Theology, and in my free time,
I'm practicing with the hope of becoming
a member of the US Olympics ski team.
That's basically what
we're looking for in a maid.
Leslie, I can't see any reason
not to give you the job.
I can't see any reason not to vote for you.
The job is yours.
Mr. Loudon, thank you.
This is terrific. Thank you.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- Come in.
- Hi, Dick.
I just brought over some things
from the store
that I've been looting
from this place over the years.
Nothing of any real value.
- This looks kind of interesting.
- Yeah?
Well, the rest of the stuff is junk.
Hi. ll don't believe we've had
the utter thrill of meeting.
- I'm Kirk.
- Leslie Vanderkellen. Kirk what?
Douglas.
That's not true. His name is Kirk Devane.
Actually, that's not true.
I lied to you, Dick.
- Your name is really Kirk Douglas?
- No, it's not that either.
You see what a sickness this is?
Hi, how's the interview going?
Great. Great. This is Leslie Vanderkellen.
This is my wife Joanna.
- Hello
And you know...whoever.
We just hired Leslie. She's gonna move in
and work for us
while she's going to school.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Well, I guess that's about it. Why don't I
get George and he can show you around?
Why don't you get me
to show her around?
- Thank you.
- Leslie, what are you studying?
European History
and Renaissance Theology.
Say hello to fate.
That's what my degrees are in.
- Dick, the DWI just called.
- The who?
The Daughters of the War
for Independence.
They heard from the real estate agent
that the inn was opening again,
and they want 12 rooms for next weekend.
Why?
Well, honey, apparently
a number of their ancestors stayed here
during the winter of 1775.
Well, that's great. It's just...
Well, I just don't think we're ready
to host a lot of people yet.
Dick, we're talking about a lot of money,
and look how much we've lost
fixing up the Pomerantz's room.
Honey, we didn't lose that money.
We'll still break even.
Maybe not in our lifetime.
I mean, the purpose of buying
the Stratford was to restore it,
not to make money off it.
I think we're talking
about our integrity here.
Okay, if you feel that strongly about it,
I'll just tell them no.
I'll also tell them you won't be giving
a speech on the inn's history.
- What's that?
- Like they wanted you to.
They asked for that?
See, that's not fair.
I mean, you know that I'm a sucker
for talking about this place.
I mean, I love that stuff.
It's up to you, Dick.
What do you want to do?
Well, I've already taken my position.
There's only one thing ll can do.
I'm changing my mind.
- Hi. Remember me?
- You're Kirk something.
Right. Listen, if you're not busy,
I was wondering
if you would like to go to a movie.
- You're joking, right?
- Right. I meant go get a pizza.
- I'm waxing the floor.
- How about tomorrow?
I'm sorry, ll can't go tomorrow night.
You see, I have this really close friend,
and, well, we've been almost
like sisters to each other
ever since I was 10 years old.
Well, the last two years,
she's had this really serious illness
and we didn't know whether
she was gonna pull through or not.
But she did
and she met this really neat guy,
and they're really in love, and
they're getting married tomorrow night,
-and I'm serving as maid of honor.
- Any chance you can get out of it?
Well, I got the rooms cleaned, the baths
ready and the carpets vacuumed.
Oh, and Leslie is working out great.
Did you know that her family owns
their own island in the Caribbean?
She told me that this morning
while we were cleaning grout.
- I'm sorry, Joanna. This is amazing.
- What is?
Well, I was looking for
some special material on 1775,
like the Daughters asked me,
and ll ran across this packet of letters.
This one is dated January 30, 1775.
"Dearest Annabelle, I could not march on
to Concord without expressing to you
"my deepest gratitude
for the kindness you showed me,
"and, in fact, the entire platoon,
"upon our recent visit to the Stratford Inn.
"My sincerest regards
to all your fine young ladies
"who understand the rigors of battle
"and their tender affections
which soothes a soldier's heart.”
Then he goes into more bawdy prose.
Dick, what does this mean?
I think it means, in the winter of 1775,
the inn was
whatever our forefathers' word
was for a cathouse.
How in the world are you gonna tell
a Daughter of the War for Independence
that her great-great-great-grandmother
may have been...
A fun date?
(CHATTERING)
- Can ll get you anything?
- No, thank you.
Okay.
Oh, Dick, they're waiting for you.
- How do I look?
- Nervous.
Have you figured out what to say yet?
If 1 figured that out,
Il wouldn't care how I looked.
They seem to be having
a good time, honey.
I'll put a stop to that.
Well, I've served all the hors d'oeuvres.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
- Well, I set up your podium.
- Oh, okay.
I put it by the fireplace,
in front of all those chairs.
- Good.
- It's brown.
-1 think I'll find it.
- I'm here if you don't.
- Well, I guess this is it.
- Good luck, honey.
(EXHALES)
Oh, there you are.
Daughters, Daughters,
would you please take your seats?
Please be seated.
Attention, everyone. It's time to start
the second half of our meeting.
I'm sure that we're all
looking forward to this,
as many of us feel a kindred spirit
for the Stratford Inn,
and especially the winter of 1775.
I'm sure our guest speaker tonight is going
to enlighten us more about that year.
He's an author, a self-admitted history buff
and the owner of the Stratford.
Would you please join me in giving him
a warm welcome? Dick Loudon.
Mr. Loudon. How very nice
of you. Welcome.
Thank you. Thank you, Mrs. Hamilton.
Well, what can I tell you
about the Stratford?
It was built in 1774 by Nathan Potter
and named because it was built much like
his ancestors' home in Stratford, England.
Nathan Potter died only two months
after the inn was built,
and his family moved to Boston, where
apparently Mrs. Potter had relatives.
Then somebody else bought it.
Jumping to the 1800s...
Excuse me for interrupting, Mr. Loudon,
but you jumped over 1775.
Did I?
By golly, I did.
We were especially interested in that.
You see, we know that we have letters
from some of our ancestors
showing that they stayed here
during that winter,
and apparently they had a wonderful time.
(STAMMERING)
Are you sure it was here?
Oh, yes.
So, we would like to hear what you know
about that particular year
and the rest of the stuff, you can flush.
Well, when you put it that way.
Before I tell you about the winter of 1775,
just bear in mind
that there was a war going on,
and war, as everyone knows,
can be not good.
And there was probably lousy weather,
which forced them
to spend a lot of time indoors.
Excuse me again, Mr. Loudon,
but just what are you trying to say?
It's what I'm trying not to say.
You know, sometimes people think
they want to know things
and then, when they know them,
they wish they didn't.
What do you know, Loudon?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Well, since you're forcing me to say this.
Ladies, according to my information,
in the winter of 1775, when
all your ancestors were staying here,
the Stratford was not so much an inn
as it was a house of...
Let me put it this way,
there's every reason to believe
you may not be so much Daughters
of the War for Independence,
as you are daughters of a three-day pass.
(ALL GASPING)
Well, I can tell from your stunned silence
you're not taking this well.
I wish there was something I could say.
Really, it's not as bad as you think.
If you could read
some of the letters I read,
this place meant a lot to our fighting men.
It inspired them to rededicate
themselves to the war effort,
sometimes after only a few hours.
Are you saying we shouldn't be upset?
Well, maybe not. Maybe Vermont
wouldn't be Vermont today
if the Stratford hadn't been
what it was then.
My God, he could have a point.
And it wasn't just Vermont it helped.
From some of the letters I read,
guys from New Hampshire
and Massachusetts...
Good for them.
Ladies, let's face it, America might not be
America today without the Stratford.
And I, for one, am not too proud
to tip my hat and say well done.
(ALL CHEERING)
(ALL CHATTERING)
Dick, am I crazy
or are those women happy?
I don't know what you said,
but it certainly turned the trick.