Nehama (2019): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
Dad, you didn't wake me.
I told you to wake me!
When?
-Geez.
When did you tell me?
I left you a message in
our family WhatsApp group.
I muted that group.
You muted
the family WhatsApp group?
If I'm late once more,
I won't get accepted.
Into where?
Where?
-The School of the Arts.
Eden, make sandwiches
for everyone.
We're leaving in 7 minutes.
Dad, there's no food.
Here's your pacifier.
It'll be okay,
I'll take care of everything.
Everyone, get up.
Happy morning.
We're gonna be happy today.
Good morning, Amir, Jonathan.
I'm not getting up,
I'm not going to school.
Yes, you are, you're.
on probation since that fire.
-They won't say anything.
No, you have to get up.
Everybody, up.
Listen! We're gonna dance
We havent danced in a long time
and we have to be
happy together.
Everybody, happy, happy
Who's dancing with me?
-Dad, did you talk to them?
We need to buy food.
We will, dont worry.
Guys, we have to.
Dad, answer me
-About what?
The School of the Arts.
The auditions were during the shiva
you said you'd talk to them.
I will, I promise.
That's Mom's phone.
I've been looking for that.
Give it to me.
Now it's mine.
A memento.
You can't plunder Mom's phone.
Mom's dead,
she won't be using
But it has all her contacts
photos, memories.
I need that phone.
Give it to me.
Shir, give it to me. Shir.
Give it to me,
you idiot!
- Idiot?
You called me an idiot.
I'll need years of therapy.
-I'm sorry.
You're not an idiot.
You're the smartest girl I know.
Really.
You too, Eden.
You're just as smart.
You're equally smart.
Smart at different things.
What is she smarter at?
-It's not a competition. Why compare?
Leave that!
You' re hitting me!
Now you're violent too
You're nuts ,
what are you talking about?
I just want us to be happy.
What's with you?
Jonathan, take a shower,
you peed in your pants.
You're a big boy and these are new sofas.
Why do you sleep here anyway?
You have a bedroom.
You're like animals. Look at us.
Take a shower. Where did Mom put
Jonathan's underwear?
I can't find them.
Jonathan, I'll get you dressed.
Great, that's the
If you can't find his underwear
he can wear shorts instead.
Okay? Great.
We're going to buy things.
We're all going to be happy.
We have to be happy
this morning.
That's all I want,
for us to be happy!
Where will we find a taxi now?
Taxi !
Dont fall asleep.
I'm exhausted.
-Come on!
I'd rather we not go out if you're
going to fall asleep on the way.
Because we won't have sex?
Didnt cross my mind.
But yes.
Is that all you think about?
What do you care if the only thing
I think about is you?
You need to get checked.
You're always tired. Could be your B12.
I'm not checking anything.
I'll live to be 100.
I come home after
12 hours of hard labor,
full of energy and you crash out
on the sofa at nine.
Oh, yeah?
You work hard, Mr. Man?
I know you also work hard at
the summer camp you call our house.
You've got some nerve! I fucking run
the House of Cards.
You think your stupid
high-tech job is hard?
You know that I grind Ritalin
into Amir's cocoa every day?
He won't take it.
I grind it and put it in his cocoa.
Dont tell him.
If I'm overseas with the world's
most beautiful woman. -Yeah, right.
Can't I practice sex that
can't get you pregnant?
Just a little practicing?
When I die, what'll you write
on my tombstone? -Whoa.
There's no way
you'll die before me,
but just for the heck of it:
"Thank you, Chapter 1.
You should write: "Here lies the woman
who did everything without me even noticing.
Or.
"Here lies Tamar Ophir Nehama
"who died of natural causes
without an epidural."
Like when you gave birth.
You nutcase.
You're a sad person.
-No, I'm not, I'm hilarious.
If I die, you have to be
happy for them, you hear?
I'm tired, find me a taxi.
-Taxi!
Tamar,
30 days have gone by
and it seems like forever.
If I could talk to you once more
I'd ask you loads of questions.
Like how do you make
your schnitzel?
Jonathan only likes them
and I can't make them like you.
What's in them? Soy, honey?
How much?
You have 34 WhatsApp groups
on your phone.
I can't believe it. All the kids' classes
and after-school activities.
Today we got a message from
the mathematical thinking class
that the kid needs
to bring a calculator
and I don't know who
goes to that class.
None of the kids know either.
So either one of the kids
is lying to me
and if so,
I'll catch him and find out,
or you were embarrassed
to leave the group.
You had so many crazy talents
that I dont have.
You knew how to
sort laundry for 7 people,
you were a genius
and I didnt get it.
Most
important,
you knew how to be happy.
And I.
I dont have Tamar's abilities.
I can't step into her shoes.
Dont count on me.
But I promise you, Tamar,
that we'll be happy.
Me and the kids.
We'll be happy.
I brought a CD playe
to play a song,
but there's no electricity
here by the grave.
We're in the 21st century, damn it.
So, Shir.
please sing for us all.
After all the money
we put into voice lessons.
Dad, this is embarrassing.
Shir, life must go on.
Come on.
Then give me Mom's phone.
-Not now, Shir.
Sing, okay?
Did you talk to the school?
Tomorrow, I promise, okay
Sing, okay?
Sing.
Here you go.
-Thank you, Omer's mom.
Did you make them yourself?
Yes, I bought the
Bro, you gotta move fast
before the mourning wears off.
Are you suggesting
I do something sick?
There's nothing sick
in getting laid.
The first thing
we learned in psychology
is that the second vital sign
after a pulse is an erection.
Seriously?
-Yeah.
Now you're gonna tell me that you
havent been with anyone else yet.
Nah, I did loads of women.
You gotta go for Dana Khen.
-No way.
Are you nuts? She's perfect.
And she's crazy about you.
She's not my type.
Guy, she's everyone's type.
And she gets along
great with the kids.
Yeah, but I'm her boss,
it would be sexual harassment.
You're not her boss, you quit.
If you dont move fast,
you'll lose her.
It's what Tamar wouldve wanted.
Nehama, your daughter is a genius.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
Guy is dying to fuck you, too.
-Shut up, dummy.
What, Mom?
Listen,
I froze the spicy fish I brought.
-Thanks.
I threw away Grandma Lea's food.
-Thank you.
None of the kids eat it anyway.
-Right.
We're leaving now.
Alright.
I want to ask you
for something.
I need you to give me
7,000 shekels a month.
I'm going to do stand-up comedy.
I'll need it just till I get back on my feet.
I wanted you all to hear.
Have you lost your mind?
You're going back to Technosystems.
-What did I tell you, Mom?
What?
-Of course, dont worry.
You'll be the most
famous man in the country.
Thanks, Dad.
-I always hated high-tech.
You sit there in those offices like mice.
-Yeah.
You should be doing bigger things.
Malka, I'll give Guy and Tamar
7,000 shekels a month.
Not Tamar, just Guy.
Wait, hold it.
If you give Guy money,
you have to give us, too. -Of course.
What?
I never got any money.
You want to talk about
the land you got
that's worth two million? -Yeah.
You think I'm an idiot?
But you got 4,000 shekels
a month for years!
Let's divide two million shekels
into 4,000.
I'll have to live to 160
to break even.
When I got the land
it was worth 60,000 shekels,
is it my fault that
prices went up here?
This used to be
a high-crime neighborhood,
no one wanted to live here.
I live in Harlem.
Then I have a great idea.
We'll live in Harlem and you'll move
into our rented apartment. -Guy,
you're going back to Technosystems.
You know how much
I'll earn a gig, Mom?
Asi Dvora gets 29,000 shekels
tax not included.
And he's not as funny as me.
Okay, but starting
stand-up at your age?
They're all young.
When's the last time you saw
the color of your hair?
Wake up.
-Mom,
just once, be supportive.
Was I supportive when
you started working in high-tech?
Good.
I was reading that the best way
to deal with trauma is drugs.
Oren, you're a police officer
help your brother score some.
Stop this.
I want 7,000 shekels
and I'm going to do stand-up,
so enough!
They're all with cheese,
I'm allergic.
Idea for a short story.
In the harsh winter of 1675
in Poland
the richest man in the country,
Nicola Kestofanski
wants to marry the daughter
of the Magid of Miedzyrzec,
head of the Hassidic Movement,
the fairest of all girls in Poland.
Gitel.
Nicola met Gitel during a pogrom.
She was so beautiful that he
couldnt burn the barn down
and they sat up all night
and talked.
Nicola was the greatest
ballet dancer in Poland.
He was the biggest promise.
All the talk was about him.
His mother was never supportive
but his father said:
You'll be the most famous dancer
in Poland.
He knows that
he marries a Jewish girl
his child may be born with a tail or horns
and will control the media,
but love makes men
justify any mistake.
The Magid tells Nicola
that to marry his daughte
he'll have to convert,
leave the Bolshoi,
and immigrate with her
that very day to the Land of Israel.
What do I have to do
convert?
Nicola is so in love that he'd do anything
for Gitel, the fairest of all girls in Poland
and possibly the entire world.
Because all the mohels
were murdered in the riots
they get the butcher,
Shlomo Shlemazel Leibowitz.
Nicola doesnt wait
for a local anesthesia
and he enters
"the covenant of Abraham."
Jesus Christ!
The Land of Israel
is a wonderful place.
The people there are so nice
and the weather is never hot.
Are you in pain, my husband?
Only when I pee.
On the way to the Holy Land
they stop in the village of Oshtinlitz.
Unfortunately the Black Plague
has struck the village,
Poland, all of Europe
and the entire Northern Hemisphere.
The Jews, not for the first time in history,
are dropping like flies.
There's nowhere to run to.
It'll be okay.
I've figured everything out.
In 3 years
we'll have 5 kids.
Gitel, God will save us.
But despite their great love,
Gitel passes away.
Nicola wants to throw himself
in the river,
but since there's no river
in Oshtinlitz
he decides to hang himself
on an apple tree.
Suddenly, out of the darkness,
a possessed Jewish boy appears.
Yabba dabba dum.
Who are you?
Go away.
Yabba dabba dum.
Go away, evil spirit!
I've lost everything.
Everything! You understand?
What kind of religion is this?
When I pee
it's in two streams
Two, damn it!
-Yabba dabba dum.
Nicola remembers
his beloved's last words:
"You have to be happy."
He realizes that
deep down inside he's an artist.
He knows that when he left the Bolshoi
he burned down all the bridges.
He has only one way to survive.
He'll go back to his father
and ask for 7,000 rubles a month.
He'll buy a bear and they'll go from village
to village and make people laugh and dance.
Thank you, Chapter 1.
Shir!
Eden! Shir!
What do you want?
-Why didnt you put the wet laundry
in the dryer like I asked
you and Eden?
Why dont you
ever ask the boys?
Because boys are morons.
Girls are reliable.
Are you doing stand-up tonight
at the club? -Yes.
Dad, my friends could be there.
It's embarrassing.
I dont care, I'm going to do this
and you're going to babysit.
-No,
I'm not their mother.
And I have a life, unlike you.
Why do you think
you can do this?
All the comics are young
and you're old.
Shir,
what happened to us?
When you were little,
we were best friends.
You, me and Mom
would cuddle in bed.
We went together
to the Culture Club concert
we sang Karma Chameleon, remember?
-Dad, I was four.
And you grew up so fast.
You're so big.
Are you saying I'm fat?
-No, no, no.
Not at all.
You'll be a woman soon.
And yes,
we got screwed,
but you have to fill that big body
with a big girl's personality.
I need you, I need your help.
Look at all this laundry, I need you.
Get your brothers and sisters, okay?
Eden!
Amir!
Amir
Jonathan!
Eden!
I meant go get them,
but thanks.
Listen, kids.
From now on,
you have to do
whatever Shir tells you.
And Eden.
Now we're going to dance.
Just like Mom used to put on
a song in the evening
I'm going to put one on
and we're gonna dance.
song that you like.
Come dance with me.
Johnny.
Jonathan, come dance with me.
Eden, you like this song.
Come on.
You like this song.
Dad, stop it.
We dont want to dance,
we're depressed.
You're always telling us jokes.
Funny ones. -We wouldnt know that
because we're depressed.
Okay, I'll dance with Dad.
No, Amir, it's dumb.
-She's right. Dad.
The kids haven't brushed
their teeth since Mom died.
Eden,
tell him what you told me.
No.
Tell him.
-No.
She's afraid of getting her period
because she's afraid when she tells you
you'll tell jokes about it.
Eden.
I'll never tell jokes about
your period, are you nuts?
What do you want?
We want to cry over Mom.
Then let's cry.
We're all gonna cry now.
Cry with me, Jonathan.
Amir.
Let's cry together. Eden.
Let's cry.
Come on, Shir.
We're all gonna cry now.
I'm not getting in that car, Dad.
Of course you are.
This is the only car we have.
Mom's accident was in this car.
What is it doing here? It's awful.
Sell it. -We can't,
after such an accident.
We have to wait for an idiot.
So you're the idiot
that's gonna drive it?
Guess so.
I spoke to the School of the Arts.
Things may work out.
Of course they will.
When you start talking,
no one can get a word in edgewise.
I'm not getting into that car.
Come on, Jonathan.
Knock it off, Eden.
We have to go with him
to Grandma's now, come on.
Eden!
Jonathan!
Get the hell back here.
Mom, what are you doing here?
I was bringing them to you.
They'll be out in a minute.
I wanted to talk to you
face to face.
Oh no.
-But it has to stay between us
and promise you won't talk
to Dad about it.
Okay.
What's wrong, is he sick?
We can't give you the money
that Dad promised you.
You have to tell him
you dont need it anymore.
We can't pay you the money.
Because of Oren?
It has nothing to do with Oren.
-Yes, it does.
You think we'd pay Oren?
Oren.
After everything
he put us through.
Drug problems, social worker.
Forget it.
You have no idea
what he put us through.
All the money he took.
Mom, I need the money.
-There won't be any.
But I need the mone
-There won't be am
I'm in the middle.
-I'm telling you.
You think this is easy for me?
It's not like
you're out on the street.
You have to.
go back to your old job.
You're the vice-president,
for God's sake.
Call them and tell them
you're coming back.
You have no choice.
Bye, sweetie.
Oren!
What's up?
Guy, what are you doing here?
Let's play, I'll kick your ass.
I need to talk to you.
Play without him.
You screwed me,
you asshole.
Because of you, Mom and Dad
wont give me any money.
Everyone in the family
should be treated equally.
Why should I always
be deprived?
Why did you do it?
You get money from them every month
you have a job. -A job?
I'm a part-time police social worker.
Michal hasnt worked in a year.
Come down off the Olympus, Guy.
Come meet the real people
in this country.
You go overseas with your kids
every other year.
But I dont have a job
and you dont even have.
Oren!
What?
Huh?
Kids, a family?
I'm not as happy as you, so I dont
deserve to buy an apartment?
Happy?
Every morning I get up and don't
shoot myself is a good morning.
Talk to Mom and tell h
you dont want the mone
Tell her you dont need
and I'll get it.
Ain't gonna happen.
-Call her.
Ain't gonna happen, Guy.
-Talk to her.
Ain't gonna happen!
-Talk to her.
Please.
Dad went bankrupt.
No way. Dad's a financial genius.
-Oh yeah?
16 years ago someone wanted
to buy Grandpa's fur factory
but he decided to keep it.
Financial genius?
Who buys furs today
aside from clueless bimbos?
He sells synthetic furs,
he has lots of orders from Russia
Ukraine, Abu Dhabi.
Call the factory, ask for George.
Call, ask for George.
Hi, this is Guy, Herzl's son.
The tall one.
Can I speak to George?
Okay. Thanks.
What did he say?
That George hasnt
worked there in a year.
He fired everyone.
He's left with two employees
and loads of debts.
How did you know?
I take an interest in my family,
I'm not so self-involved.
And Mom told me yesterday.
She asked me to support her
regarding your issue.
What am I gonna do?
I was counting on
that help from Dad.
You dont go to family
to get support.
You go to get pity.
Pass it!
Wow.
They leave class
when they're bored?
This place is awesome.
Too bad
never asked my dad
to send me to a school like this.
My friends never understood
my sense of humor.
I walked around feeling like
I'd been punched in the stomach,
the pain of a tormented artist.
What is your art?
I'm a stand-up comic.
That's not exactly art,
it's more entertainment. -Excuse me?
Comedy is like poetry,
only people understand it.
Look, we finished
our auditions a month ago.
Your daughter can try next year.
No, please,
you have to give her a chance.
It's my fault
she didnt make it here.
Her mother passed away.
I'm sorry. From what?
I dont want to drag you into my problems
but I want to show you.
This is Shir, she won't let me
show this to anyone.
But this is her singing.
at her mother's grave,
to her mother.
She's a little off-key
because she's crying.
And she didnt pick the right song.
Okay, okay.
She can come on Sunday at 8:00
for an audition, okay?
Thank you.
This is a private school, yes?
-Yes .
Go to the office, fill out the forms
and leave a deposit check?
Yes. How much
My wife always
took care of these things.
900 shekels a month with
extra expenses throughout the year.
Okay, thanks.
Arik, I apologize.
I acted like a piece of shit.
-I can't hear you.
Speak up.
Arik, I apologize.
-Oh.
I acted like a piece of shit
and spoke to you in a way
that you dont deserve
and I need this job
and I know you won't turn
your back on me
because you're an amazing person.
Nehama,
Elba Technosystems
is like a family
and families help each other out
in times of need.
In some families.
-Yes.
I was very sorry to hear about Tamar.
-Thank you.
I didnt come to the shiva.
I waited for you.
I dont like going.
I always end up noshing
on all the pastries.
I can't afford to do that
to this body.
Well, I've made a few
structural changes here.
I promoted Dana.
That's great.
Not so great for you,
she's now VP.
She's above you,
you're below her.
She got your car
and parking space.
Okay?
Dana, explain his new job definition,
the president shouldnt
have to do that.
You know.
You got all dressed up today.
Will you always
dress like this as VP?
Is there a problem?
On the contrary!
It should be our dress code!
Everyone should dress like that.
Nehama, you should dress like that.
-I'd love to.
By the way, when the president
tries to hit on the VP
it's not considered
sexual harassment.
I'm joking!
That's it, no more joking
Come on!
You're killing us here.
Well,
the guys from Capital!
will be here in half an hour
they really didnt like
our presentation.
I need you there, Nehama.
I'm here.
I need you there at your best.
Okay?
This is what you want, right?
Right, Nehama?
You know where that's from.
From the TiVo.
Okay, go shove
the umbrella up their asses
then open it slowly.
-I'll nail 'em.
Good.
-For you, Arik.
-Thank you, man.
Okay.
Thanks, Nehama.
The door.
So?
That went well, didnt it?
-Amazing.
No, I.
-Yes .
At moments like this
you gotta know what to say.
Okay, so you're company president,
you're brilliant and all.
Steve Jobs, too.
What Steve Jobs didnt have
was the interpersonal skills.
What was Steve Jobs?
A hippie, he didnt know
how to behave with people.
That' s it.
-Okay
Dana, thanks for everything.
-No, thank you.
Take that nice thing with you.
What is it,
anyway?
A jacket.
It's a piece.
-Right. -As they say.
Okay.
-Thank you.
Thanks. -Thanks, Dana.
-Yes.
Capital,
I look at you
and I see lots of talent.
They didnt hire you
for your good looks.
That' s life. Really.
What is it
that you want, Capital?
As a company and as people.
You want to get off work early.
About 3:00, so you can beat
the traffic and Waze.
That's your main goal in life, right?
Home on time
to watch football.
That's you, Yagil.
No, Yagil has another problem.
He has a crazy pervert girlfriend.
She tears him apart.
I can feel him, he's exhausted.
I think I know her.
Why, Arik?
Why be a killjoy?
I'm telling you,
what our software can do
is sort all your paperwork
on its own!
Amazing.
-Really? -No.
Too bad, huh?
Sounds good. I'd buy it,
but we dont have that.
Where are you from?
-Petah Tikva.
You inherited an apartment, huh?
No one willingly moves
to Petah Tikva.
It's always, "Grandma died
get in the car, kids,
"we're moving to Petah Tikva.
What's up?
-Nehama, are you crying?
Of course not,
I have bad allergies
this time of year.
-It went great.
Yeah. Listen . . .
Tell Arik that.
I really thank him
that I love him,
that he's a great guy for taking me back
and that I'm glad we closed this deal
I know how much it means to him
and that I'll be here tomorrow
and that I gotta go now. I gotta run.
To the kids?
Yes, that's what you'll tell him.
Okay?
Hi, kids. Shir?
Help me find her.
Call for Shir,
I dont want to irritate my throat.
Shir.
-Shir.
Emergency, I gotta go,
you're staying with the kids.
No, I'm going to a party
in Tel Aviv.
Right.
I'll buy you some vodka
heroin and opium, too.
You told me to go
to Romi's party.
I thought it was
a slumber party nearby.
That's mine, thank you.
Are you for real?
You think I'm six years old?
I'm 16. -How are you
getting to Tel Aviv?
Cab.
You think I have money
for a cab?
Because you werent working.
That's not my
-Dont bug me,
I dont want to irritate
my throat by yelling,
I have an important gig tonight.
You're staying with them,
you hear?
Did anyone see a book I left on a napkin
at the entrance to the house?
About a snail and a little boy?
Try to remember, Eden.
The boy eats the snail.
It was here.
Try to remember, Johnny.
It was golden material.
It was right here.
Hi, Avital.
Are you kidding me, Nehama?
You think you can just walk in here
after your disappearing act?
You pull a Houdini on me
right before you go on?
You listen to me.
Even if you're sick or dead,
you get your dead body up on stage
and blow the audience away.
Never leave me
with my dick in my hand.
I ain't going back to my hometown
because of you.
Avital, my wife died
the night of the performance.
Your wife had shitty timing.
Shut up, you moron!
Not nice.
I'm really sorry.
Really, I'm.
sorry about your wife.
It's okay, it's not your fault.
I'll give you
one last chance, Nehama.
Never stand me up.
I'll make sure you never work again.
-I understand.
Avital.
I havent.
been in the stand-up loop
for a while now.
How much do you pay per gig?
You start with 1,900,
it can easily go up to 49,000
if you're Asi Dvora.
No way.
-Yeah.
Wow!
-Yeah.
Wow!
Loads .
-Wow!
Yeah, that's loads.
-Wow!
Including tax?
-What?
Including tax.
-Not including.
Wow.
Excuse me for a sec.
Yes, Eden, what's wrong?
Amir and Jonathan are fighting.
Tell them to stop.
I put one of them up for adoption.
Jonathan put the charger
in his mouth
to show him that
he wouldnt get electrocuted
and then Amir said he's stupid
and sat on him.
Now Jonathan's hitting him back.
Put me on speaker.
Leave him alone!
You hear me?
You're not gonna ruin this for me.
Next time you see candy
will be when you're 18!
You're gonna wake Itai!
Where's Shir?
-At a party in Tel Aviv.
Bitch!
Dad, you're swearing.
No.
there are reception problems here
so you heard something else.
Go to your rooms
and dont talk to each other
until I get home.
Now!
Damn it.
Fuck!
Shir, why did you go to the party
when I told you
to stay at home to babysit?
What if Itai wakes up?
Dad, you have no idea
what's going on here.
You have to get me out of here.
I can't, I'm going on in a second.
Forget
Someone put something
in Romi's drink.
They want to take her
home with them.
I'm alone here.
Come help me.
Why are you doing this to me?
Just this once
I need something for me!
Where are you?
Shir.
Let's go. -We can't,
Romi is in their hands.
"In their hands"?
Are they ISIS?
They put something
in her drink.
I wasnt drinking,
but it couldve been me.
Look.
Go save her, Dad.
Shir, I can't.
Are you crazy?
I'm the only breadwinner
of 5 kids,
I can't get stabbed
by some moron.
Get in the car. -You're not
the first person I called
but you're he re now
and she's my best friend.
I'm sorry, Shir,
you'll find other friends.
Making new friends
is all part of the magic.
Get in the car.
She has parents,
let her call them.
I havent been
in a fight in ages.
We'll call the police.
I have 5 kids
I'm responsible for.
And we know
how responsible you are...
If I die here tonight,
write on my tombstone:
Here lies the idiot that died
because of stupid Romi."
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hi.
I understand you're on your way
to an orgy and rape,
I'm not being judgmental
or anything,
but I have to take
that girl, okay?
Say what?
She's my daughter's friend.
Come on, Romi.
-Who the fuck do you think you are?
Buzz off
before I fuck your mama
I'll give you tickets
to the Comedy Club. -Go
But I have to take her.
-Go!
Come on, stupid Romi.
Hey! -Come on.
-Stay, stay.
Shir, start the
Son of a bitch!
-Start the car, there's no code!
If anything happens to me,
you'll have to raise your siblings!
Come back to the car, baby.
Weren't we having fun?
Are you guys cousins?
Are your parents cousins?
You have a knife?
Listen, I'm not vaccinated
for tetanus.
We went to Italy 5 years ago.
Dad, no jokes.
-I have hand sanitizer and wipes,
we'll sterilize it
and it'll save me.
Stab me here,
in the appendix,
the least important organ, okay?
Dad, no jokes.
-Okay, buddy?
What is this bullshit?!
What are you doing here?
Shir called me.
I drove 180 kph all the way here.
What's up?
You didnt answer your phone.
Why is it always the same story?
Why do I always
have to come save you?
You're 1.87 meters tall.
Grow some balls!
Oren, just forget it, okay?
Who are you,
you son of a bitch?
Sorry, buddy, Im in the middle
of an argument with my brother.
Long live the State of Israel.
Can you believe this loser
was in a recon unit?
Can you believe
Now you're scared, huh?
Get in, girls.
-What's going on?
It's all good.
What is this? -It's all good,
lie down on the sofa.
Lift her legs.
-Is she okay?
This is Romi. No biggie.
Where the hell were you?
-I'm here.
I dont think
you should go on
the audience is tired,
it's the second half.
I'm going on.
I'm doing it.
Dad, he's right.
-No way.
Go give 'em hell,
you're the man.
Shir, I'm going on.
It's a shitty audience.
Mean people who
didnt come to laugh.
So if you go down,
go down with
your biggest punchline,
dont leave the stage quietly,
I ain't going back to my hometown
because of you. -Okay.
Good luck.
Let's hear it
for Guy Nehama!
What's with those ears?
Your sister didnt mind 'em last night
when she grabbed them and yelled:
More! More!
I have 5 kids.
What are you clapping for?
That I cant figure out the pull-out method?
Thank you.
I havent performed in 17 years
and I gotta tell you,
I missed that noise you make.
I see someone pregnant
in the first row. -Yes.
First child?
Not good.
It'll be very painful,
it'll rip you to shreds.
Really.
Faulty planning.
The exit is too small for the head.
Not big enough.
What do you have?
A boy?
Not good.
Abort.
Yep.
'Cause they're screw-ups.
I walked into the house,
he put the charger in the socket on
one side and his mouth in the other.
I say: What are you doing?
"Charging myself, Dad."
His brother's all worried: "It's been
two hours and he's not charged yet."
Thanks, you guys are sweet.
Really.
I want to marry
each and every one of you.
Come home with me
afterwards, okay?
No.
Who didnt turn off their phone?
Oh, it's me, fuck.
Wait, oh!
It's my wife's phone.
I take it everywhere so she can't reach me.
Let's put it on speaker
and see who it is.
If you're the life insurance guy,
it's not longer relevant.
Dad?
Jonathan.
Why are you calling Mom's phone?
No reason.
I wanted to see who's answering
after she died.
I have the phone, sweetie.
Can you come home?
I miss her.
I'm coming right now,
sweetie, okay?
Wait for me.
I'm sorry, I have to go.
It's okay, Nehama.
At least you went on.
It's like a punch, you never know
what you're gonna get.
Come next Saturday,
go on during the first half.
Why dont you turn off your phone
when you're on stage?
I didnt know
was in my pocket.
I told you to give me
Mom's phone.
Enough with the phone.
Romi, I'll leave you here.
Come on!
Shir honey.
Go to sleep.
I told you to wake me!
When?
-Geez.
When did you tell me?
I left you a message in
our family WhatsApp group.
I muted that group.
You muted
the family WhatsApp group?
If I'm late once more,
I won't get accepted.
Into where?
Where?
-The School of the Arts.
Eden, make sandwiches
for everyone.
We're leaving in 7 minutes.
Dad, there's no food.
Here's your pacifier.
It'll be okay,
I'll take care of everything.
Everyone, get up.
Happy morning.
We're gonna be happy today.
Good morning, Amir, Jonathan.
I'm not getting up,
I'm not going to school.
Yes, you are, you're.
on probation since that fire.
-They won't say anything.
No, you have to get up.
Everybody, up.
Listen! We're gonna dance
We havent danced in a long time
and we have to be
happy together.
Everybody, happy, happy
Who's dancing with me?
-Dad, did you talk to them?
We need to buy food.
We will, dont worry.
Guys, we have to.
Dad, answer me
-About what?
The School of the Arts.
The auditions were during the shiva
you said you'd talk to them.
I will, I promise.
That's Mom's phone.
I've been looking for that.
Give it to me.
Now it's mine.
A memento.
You can't plunder Mom's phone.
Mom's dead,
she won't be using
But it has all her contacts
photos, memories.
I need that phone.
Give it to me.
Shir, give it to me. Shir.
Give it to me,
you idiot!
- Idiot?
You called me an idiot.
I'll need years of therapy.
-I'm sorry.
You're not an idiot.
You're the smartest girl I know.
Really.
You too, Eden.
You're just as smart.
You're equally smart.
Smart at different things.
What is she smarter at?
-It's not a competition. Why compare?
Leave that!
You' re hitting me!
Now you're violent too
You're nuts ,
what are you talking about?
I just want us to be happy.
What's with you?
Jonathan, take a shower,
you peed in your pants.
You're a big boy and these are new sofas.
Why do you sleep here anyway?
You have a bedroom.
You're like animals. Look at us.
Take a shower. Where did Mom put
Jonathan's underwear?
I can't find them.
Jonathan, I'll get you dressed.
Great, that's the
If you can't find his underwear
he can wear shorts instead.
Okay? Great.
We're going to buy things.
We're all going to be happy.
We have to be happy
this morning.
That's all I want,
for us to be happy!
Where will we find a taxi now?
Taxi !
Dont fall asleep.
I'm exhausted.
-Come on!
I'd rather we not go out if you're
going to fall asleep on the way.
Because we won't have sex?
Didnt cross my mind.
But yes.
Is that all you think about?
What do you care if the only thing
I think about is you?
You need to get checked.
You're always tired. Could be your B12.
I'm not checking anything.
I'll live to be 100.
I come home after
12 hours of hard labor,
full of energy and you crash out
on the sofa at nine.
Oh, yeah?
You work hard, Mr. Man?
I know you also work hard at
the summer camp you call our house.
You've got some nerve! I fucking run
the House of Cards.
You think your stupid
high-tech job is hard?
You know that I grind Ritalin
into Amir's cocoa every day?
He won't take it.
I grind it and put it in his cocoa.
Dont tell him.
If I'm overseas with the world's
most beautiful woman. -Yeah, right.
Can't I practice sex that
can't get you pregnant?
Just a little practicing?
When I die, what'll you write
on my tombstone? -Whoa.
There's no way
you'll die before me,
but just for the heck of it:
"Thank you, Chapter 1.
You should write: "Here lies the woman
who did everything without me even noticing.
Or.
"Here lies Tamar Ophir Nehama
"who died of natural causes
without an epidural."
Like when you gave birth.
You nutcase.
You're a sad person.
-No, I'm not, I'm hilarious.
If I die, you have to be
happy for them, you hear?
I'm tired, find me a taxi.
-Taxi!
Tamar,
30 days have gone by
and it seems like forever.
If I could talk to you once more
I'd ask you loads of questions.
Like how do you make
your schnitzel?
Jonathan only likes them
and I can't make them like you.
What's in them? Soy, honey?
How much?
You have 34 WhatsApp groups
on your phone.
I can't believe it. All the kids' classes
and after-school activities.
Today we got a message from
the mathematical thinking class
that the kid needs
to bring a calculator
and I don't know who
goes to that class.
None of the kids know either.
So either one of the kids
is lying to me
and if so,
I'll catch him and find out,
or you were embarrassed
to leave the group.
You had so many crazy talents
that I dont have.
You knew how to
sort laundry for 7 people,
you were a genius
and I didnt get it.
Most
important,
you knew how to be happy.
And I.
I dont have Tamar's abilities.
I can't step into her shoes.
Dont count on me.
But I promise you, Tamar,
that we'll be happy.
Me and the kids.
We'll be happy.
I brought a CD playe
to play a song,
but there's no electricity
here by the grave.
We're in the 21st century, damn it.
So, Shir.
please sing for us all.
After all the money
we put into voice lessons.
Dad, this is embarrassing.
Shir, life must go on.
Come on.
Then give me Mom's phone.
-Not now, Shir.
Sing, okay?
Did you talk to the school?
Tomorrow, I promise, okay
Sing, okay?
Sing.
Here you go.
-Thank you, Omer's mom.
Did you make them yourself?
Yes, I bought the
Bro, you gotta move fast
before the mourning wears off.
Are you suggesting
I do something sick?
There's nothing sick
in getting laid.
The first thing
we learned in psychology
is that the second vital sign
after a pulse is an erection.
Seriously?
-Yeah.
Now you're gonna tell me that you
havent been with anyone else yet.
Nah, I did loads of women.
You gotta go for Dana Khen.
-No way.
Are you nuts? She's perfect.
And she's crazy about you.
She's not my type.
Guy, she's everyone's type.
And she gets along
great with the kids.
Yeah, but I'm her boss,
it would be sexual harassment.
You're not her boss, you quit.
If you dont move fast,
you'll lose her.
It's what Tamar wouldve wanted.
Nehama, your daughter is a genius.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
Guy is dying to fuck you, too.
-Shut up, dummy.
What, Mom?
Listen,
I froze the spicy fish I brought.
-Thanks.
I threw away Grandma Lea's food.
-Thank you.
None of the kids eat it anyway.
-Right.
We're leaving now.
Alright.
I want to ask you
for something.
I need you to give me
7,000 shekels a month.
I'm going to do stand-up comedy.
I'll need it just till I get back on my feet.
I wanted you all to hear.
Have you lost your mind?
You're going back to Technosystems.
-What did I tell you, Mom?
What?
-Of course, dont worry.
You'll be the most
famous man in the country.
Thanks, Dad.
-I always hated high-tech.
You sit there in those offices like mice.
-Yeah.
You should be doing bigger things.
Malka, I'll give Guy and Tamar
7,000 shekels a month.
Not Tamar, just Guy.
Wait, hold it.
If you give Guy money,
you have to give us, too. -Of course.
What?
I never got any money.
You want to talk about
the land you got
that's worth two million? -Yeah.
You think I'm an idiot?
But you got 4,000 shekels
a month for years!
Let's divide two million shekels
into 4,000.
I'll have to live to 160
to break even.
When I got the land
it was worth 60,000 shekels,
is it my fault that
prices went up here?
This used to be
a high-crime neighborhood,
no one wanted to live here.
I live in Harlem.
Then I have a great idea.
We'll live in Harlem and you'll move
into our rented apartment. -Guy,
you're going back to Technosystems.
You know how much
I'll earn a gig, Mom?
Asi Dvora gets 29,000 shekels
tax not included.
And he's not as funny as me.
Okay, but starting
stand-up at your age?
They're all young.
When's the last time you saw
the color of your hair?
Wake up.
-Mom,
just once, be supportive.
Was I supportive when
you started working in high-tech?
Good.
I was reading that the best way
to deal with trauma is drugs.
Oren, you're a police officer
help your brother score some.
Stop this.
I want 7,000 shekels
and I'm going to do stand-up,
so enough!
They're all with cheese,
I'm allergic.
Idea for a short story.
In the harsh winter of 1675
in Poland
the richest man in the country,
Nicola Kestofanski
wants to marry the daughter
of the Magid of Miedzyrzec,
head of the Hassidic Movement,
the fairest of all girls in Poland.
Gitel.
Nicola met Gitel during a pogrom.
She was so beautiful that he
couldnt burn the barn down
and they sat up all night
and talked.
Nicola was the greatest
ballet dancer in Poland.
He was the biggest promise.
All the talk was about him.
His mother was never supportive
but his father said:
You'll be the most famous dancer
in Poland.
He knows that
he marries a Jewish girl
his child may be born with a tail or horns
and will control the media,
but love makes men
justify any mistake.
The Magid tells Nicola
that to marry his daughte
he'll have to convert,
leave the Bolshoi,
and immigrate with her
that very day to the Land of Israel.
What do I have to do
convert?
Nicola is so in love that he'd do anything
for Gitel, the fairest of all girls in Poland
and possibly the entire world.
Because all the mohels
were murdered in the riots
they get the butcher,
Shlomo Shlemazel Leibowitz.
Nicola doesnt wait
for a local anesthesia
and he enters
"the covenant of Abraham."
Jesus Christ!
The Land of Israel
is a wonderful place.
The people there are so nice
and the weather is never hot.
Are you in pain, my husband?
Only when I pee.
On the way to the Holy Land
they stop in the village of Oshtinlitz.
Unfortunately the Black Plague
has struck the village,
Poland, all of Europe
and the entire Northern Hemisphere.
The Jews, not for the first time in history,
are dropping like flies.
There's nowhere to run to.
It'll be okay.
I've figured everything out.
In 3 years
we'll have 5 kids.
Gitel, God will save us.
But despite their great love,
Gitel passes away.
Nicola wants to throw himself
in the river,
but since there's no river
in Oshtinlitz
he decides to hang himself
on an apple tree.
Suddenly, out of the darkness,
a possessed Jewish boy appears.
Yabba dabba dum.
Who are you?
Go away.
Yabba dabba dum.
Go away, evil spirit!
I've lost everything.
Everything! You understand?
What kind of religion is this?
When I pee
it's in two streams
Two, damn it!
-Yabba dabba dum.
Nicola remembers
his beloved's last words:
"You have to be happy."
He realizes that
deep down inside he's an artist.
He knows that when he left the Bolshoi
he burned down all the bridges.
He has only one way to survive.
He'll go back to his father
and ask for 7,000 rubles a month.
He'll buy a bear and they'll go from village
to village and make people laugh and dance.
Thank you, Chapter 1.
Shir!
Eden! Shir!
What do you want?
-Why didnt you put the wet laundry
in the dryer like I asked
you and Eden?
Why dont you
ever ask the boys?
Because boys are morons.
Girls are reliable.
Are you doing stand-up tonight
at the club? -Yes.
Dad, my friends could be there.
It's embarrassing.
I dont care, I'm going to do this
and you're going to babysit.
-No,
I'm not their mother.
And I have a life, unlike you.
Why do you think
you can do this?
All the comics are young
and you're old.
Shir,
what happened to us?
When you were little,
we were best friends.
You, me and Mom
would cuddle in bed.
We went together
to the Culture Club concert
we sang Karma Chameleon, remember?
-Dad, I was four.
And you grew up so fast.
You're so big.
Are you saying I'm fat?
-No, no, no.
Not at all.
You'll be a woman soon.
And yes,
we got screwed,
but you have to fill that big body
with a big girl's personality.
I need you, I need your help.
Look at all this laundry, I need you.
Get your brothers and sisters, okay?
Eden!
Amir!
Amir
Jonathan!
Eden!
I meant go get them,
but thanks.
Listen, kids.
From now on,
you have to do
whatever Shir tells you.
And Eden.
Now we're going to dance.
Just like Mom used to put on
a song in the evening
I'm going to put one on
and we're gonna dance.
song that you like.
Come dance with me.
Johnny.
Jonathan, come dance with me.
Eden, you like this song.
Come on.
You like this song.
Dad, stop it.
We dont want to dance,
we're depressed.
You're always telling us jokes.
Funny ones. -We wouldnt know that
because we're depressed.
Okay, I'll dance with Dad.
No, Amir, it's dumb.
-She's right. Dad.
The kids haven't brushed
their teeth since Mom died.
Eden,
tell him what you told me.
No.
Tell him.
-No.
She's afraid of getting her period
because she's afraid when she tells you
you'll tell jokes about it.
Eden.
I'll never tell jokes about
your period, are you nuts?
What do you want?
We want to cry over Mom.
Then let's cry.
We're all gonna cry now.
Cry with me, Jonathan.
Amir.
Let's cry together. Eden.
Let's cry.
Come on, Shir.
We're all gonna cry now.
I'm not getting in that car, Dad.
Of course you are.
This is the only car we have.
Mom's accident was in this car.
What is it doing here? It's awful.
Sell it. -We can't,
after such an accident.
We have to wait for an idiot.
So you're the idiot
that's gonna drive it?
Guess so.
I spoke to the School of the Arts.
Things may work out.
Of course they will.
When you start talking,
no one can get a word in edgewise.
I'm not getting into that car.
Come on, Jonathan.
Knock it off, Eden.
We have to go with him
to Grandma's now, come on.
Eden!
Jonathan!
Get the hell back here.
Mom, what are you doing here?
I was bringing them to you.
They'll be out in a minute.
I wanted to talk to you
face to face.
Oh no.
-But it has to stay between us
and promise you won't talk
to Dad about it.
Okay.
What's wrong, is he sick?
We can't give you the money
that Dad promised you.
You have to tell him
you dont need it anymore.
We can't pay you the money.
Because of Oren?
It has nothing to do with Oren.
-Yes, it does.
You think we'd pay Oren?
Oren.
After everything
he put us through.
Drug problems, social worker.
Forget it.
You have no idea
what he put us through.
All the money he took.
Mom, I need the money.
-There won't be any.
But I need the mone
-There won't be am
I'm in the middle.
-I'm telling you.
You think this is easy for me?
It's not like
you're out on the street.
You have to.
go back to your old job.
You're the vice-president,
for God's sake.
Call them and tell them
you're coming back.
You have no choice.
Bye, sweetie.
Oren!
What's up?
Guy, what are you doing here?
Let's play, I'll kick your ass.
I need to talk to you.
Play without him.
You screwed me,
you asshole.
Because of you, Mom and Dad
wont give me any money.
Everyone in the family
should be treated equally.
Why should I always
be deprived?
Why did you do it?
You get money from them every month
you have a job. -A job?
I'm a part-time police social worker.
Michal hasnt worked in a year.
Come down off the Olympus, Guy.
Come meet the real people
in this country.
You go overseas with your kids
every other year.
But I dont have a job
and you dont even have.
Oren!
What?
Huh?
Kids, a family?
I'm not as happy as you, so I dont
deserve to buy an apartment?
Happy?
Every morning I get up and don't
shoot myself is a good morning.
Talk to Mom and tell h
you dont want the mone
Tell her you dont need
and I'll get it.
Ain't gonna happen.
-Call her.
Ain't gonna happen, Guy.
-Talk to her.
Ain't gonna happen!
-Talk to her.
Please.
Dad went bankrupt.
No way. Dad's a financial genius.
-Oh yeah?
16 years ago someone wanted
to buy Grandpa's fur factory
but he decided to keep it.
Financial genius?
Who buys furs today
aside from clueless bimbos?
He sells synthetic furs,
he has lots of orders from Russia
Ukraine, Abu Dhabi.
Call the factory, ask for George.
Call, ask for George.
Hi, this is Guy, Herzl's son.
The tall one.
Can I speak to George?
Okay. Thanks.
What did he say?
That George hasnt
worked there in a year.
He fired everyone.
He's left with two employees
and loads of debts.
How did you know?
I take an interest in my family,
I'm not so self-involved.
And Mom told me yesterday.
She asked me to support her
regarding your issue.
What am I gonna do?
I was counting on
that help from Dad.
You dont go to family
to get support.
You go to get pity.
Pass it!
Wow.
They leave class
when they're bored?
This place is awesome.
Too bad
never asked my dad
to send me to a school like this.
My friends never understood
my sense of humor.
I walked around feeling like
I'd been punched in the stomach,
the pain of a tormented artist.
What is your art?
I'm a stand-up comic.
That's not exactly art,
it's more entertainment. -Excuse me?
Comedy is like poetry,
only people understand it.
Look, we finished
our auditions a month ago.
Your daughter can try next year.
No, please,
you have to give her a chance.
It's my fault
she didnt make it here.
Her mother passed away.
I'm sorry. From what?
I dont want to drag you into my problems
but I want to show you.
This is Shir, she won't let me
show this to anyone.
But this is her singing.
at her mother's grave,
to her mother.
She's a little off-key
because she's crying.
And she didnt pick the right song.
Okay, okay.
She can come on Sunday at 8:00
for an audition, okay?
Thank you.
This is a private school, yes?
-Yes .
Go to the office, fill out the forms
and leave a deposit check?
Yes. How much
My wife always
took care of these things.
900 shekels a month with
extra expenses throughout the year.
Okay, thanks.
Arik, I apologize.
I acted like a piece of shit.
-I can't hear you.
Speak up.
Arik, I apologize.
-Oh.
I acted like a piece of shit
and spoke to you in a way
that you dont deserve
and I need this job
and I know you won't turn
your back on me
because you're an amazing person.
Nehama,
Elba Technosystems
is like a family
and families help each other out
in times of need.
In some families.
-Yes.
I was very sorry to hear about Tamar.
-Thank you.
I didnt come to the shiva.
I waited for you.
I dont like going.
I always end up noshing
on all the pastries.
I can't afford to do that
to this body.
Well, I've made a few
structural changes here.
I promoted Dana.
That's great.
Not so great for you,
she's now VP.
She's above you,
you're below her.
She got your car
and parking space.
Okay?
Dana, explain his new job definition,
the president shouldnt
have to do that.
You know.
You got all dressed up today.
Will you always
dress like this as VP?
Is there a problem?
On the contrary!
It should be our dress code!
Everyone should dress like that.
Nehama, you should dress like that.
-I'd love to.
By the way, when the president
tries to hit on the VP
it's not considered
sexual harassment.
I'm joking!
That's it, no more joking
Come on!
You're killing us here.
Well,
the guys from Capital!
will be here in half an hour
they really didnt like
our presentation.
I need you there, Nehama.
I'm here.
I need you there at your best.
Okay?
This is what you want, right?
Right, Nehama?
You know where that's from.
From the TiVo.
Okay, go shove
the umbrella up their asses
then open it slowly.
-I'll nail 'em.
Good.
-For you, Arik.
-Thank you, man.
Okay.
Thanks, Nehama.
The door.
So?
That went well, didnt it?
-Amazing.
No, I.
-Yes .
At moments like this
you gotta know what to say.
Okay, so you're company president,
you're brilliant and all.
Steve Jobs, too.
What Steve Jobs didnt have
was the interpersonal skills.
What was Steve Jobs?
A hippie, he didnt know
how to behave with people.
That' s it.
-Okay
Dana, thanks for everything.
-No, thank you.
Take that nice thing with you.
What is it,
anyway?
A jacket.
It's a piece.
-Right. -As they say.
Okay.
-Thank you.
Thanks. -Thanks, Dana.
-Yes.
Capital,
I look at you
and I see lots of talent.
They didnt hire you
for your good looks.
That' s life. Really.
What is it
that you want, Capital?
As a company and as people.
You want to get off work early.
About 3:00, so you can beat
the traffic and Waze.
That's your main goal in life, right?
Home on time
to watch football.
That's you, Yagil.
No, Yagil has another problem.
He has a crazy pervert girlfriend.
She tears him apart.
I can feel him, he's exhausted.
I think I know her.
Why, Arik?
Why be a killjoy?
I'm telling you,
what our software can do
is sort all your paperwork
on its own!
Amazing.
-Really? -No.
Too bad, huh?
Sounds good. I'd buy it,
but we dont have that.
Where are you from?
-Petah Tikva.
You inherited an apartment, huh?
No one willingly moves
to Petah Tikva.
It's always, "Grandma died
get in the car, kids,
"we're moving to Petah Tikva.
What's up?
-Nehama, are you crying?
Of course not,
I have bad allergies
this time of year.
-It went great.
Yeah. Listen . . .
Tell Arik that.
I really thank him
that I love him,
that he's a great guy for taking me back
and that I'm glad we closed this deal
I know how much it means to him
and that I'll be here tomorrow
and that I gotta go now. I gotta run.
To the kids?
Yes, that's what you'll tell him.
Okay?
Hi, kids. Shir?
Help me find her.
Call for Shir,
I dont want to irritate my throat.
Shir.
-Shir.
Emergency, I gotta go,
you're staying with the kids.
No, I'm going to a party
in Tel Aviv.
Right.
I'll buy you some vodka
heroin and opium, too.
You told me to go
to Romi's party.
I thought it was
a slumber party nearby.
That's mine, thank you.
Are you for real?
You think I'm six years old?
I'm 16. -How are you
getting to Tel Aviv?
Cab.
You think I have money
for a cab?
Because you werent working.
That's not my
-Dont bug me,
I dont want to irritate
my throat by yelling,
I have an important gig tonight.
You're staying with them,
you hear?
Did anyone see a book I left on a napkin
at the entrance to the house?
About a snail and a little boy?
Try to remember, Eden.
The boy eats the snail.
It was here.
Try to remember, Johnny.
It was golden material.
It was right here.
Hi, Avital.
Are you kidding me, Nehama?
You think you can just walk in here
after your disappearing act?
You pull a Houdini on me
right before you go on?
You listen to me.
Even if you're sick or dead,
you get your dead body up on stage
and blow the audience away.
Never leave me
with my dick in my hand.
I ain't going back to my hometown
because of you.
Avital, my wife died
the night of the performance.
Your wife had shitty timing.
Shut up, you moron!
Not nice.
I'm really sorry.
Really, I'm.
sorry about your wife.
It's okay, it's not your fault.
I'll give you
one last chance, Nehama.
Never stand me up.
I'll make sure you never work again.
-I understand.
Avital.
I havent.
been in the stand-up loop
for a while now.
How much do you pay per gig?
You start with 1,900,
it can easily go up to 49,000
if you're Asi Dvora.
No way.
-Yeah.
Wow!
-Yeah.
Wow!
Loads .
-Wow!
Yeah, that's loads.
-Wow!
Including tax?
-What?
Including tax.
-Not including.
Wow.
Excuse me for a sec.
Yes, Eden, what's wrong?
Amir and Jonathan are fighting.
Tell them to stop.
I put one of them up for adoption.
Jonathan put the charger
in his mouth
to show him that
he wouldnt get electrocuted
and then Amir said he's stupid
and sat on him.
Now Jonathan's hitting him back.
Put me on speaker.
Leave him alone!
You hear me?
You're not gonna ruin this for me.
Next time you see candy
will be when you're 18!
You're gonna wake Itai!
Where's Shir?
-At a party in Tel Aviv.
Bitch!
Dad, you're swearing.
No.
there are reception problems here
so you heard something else.
Go to your rooms
and dont talk to each other
until I get home.
Now!
Damn it.
Fuck!
Shir, why did you go to the party
when I told you
to stay at home to babysit?
What if Itai wakes up?
Dad, you have no idea
what's going on here.
You have to get me out of here.
I can't, I'm going on in a second.
Forget
Someone put something
in Romi's drink.
They want to take her
home with them.
I'm alone here.
Come help me.
Why are you doing this to me?
Just this once
I need something for me!
Where are you?
Shir.
Let's go. -We can't,
Romi is in their hands.
"In their hands"?
Are they ISIS?
They put something
in her drink.
I wasnt drinking,
but it couldve been me.
Look.
Go save her, Dad.
Shir, I can't.
Are you crazy?
I'm the only breadwinner
of 5 kids,
I can't get stabbed
by some moron.
Get in the car. -You're not
the first person I called
but you're he re now
and she's my best friend.
I'm sorry, Shir,
you'll find other friends.
Making new friends
is all part of the magic.
Get in the car.
She has parents,
let her call them.
I havent been
in a fight in ages.
We'll call the police.
I have 5 kids
I'm responsible for.
And we know
how responsible you are...
If I die here tonight,
write on my tombstone:
Here lies the idiot that died
because of stupid Romi."
Excuse me.
Hi.
Hi.
I understand you're on your way
to an orgy and rape,
I'm not being judgmental
or anything,
but I have to take
that girl, okay?
Say what?
She's my daughter's friend.
Come on, Romi.
-Who the fuck do you think you are?
Buzz off
before I fuck your mama
I'll give you tickets
to the Comedy Club. -Go
But I have to take her.
-Go!
Come on, stupid Romi.
Hey! -Come on.
-Stay, stay.
Shir, start the
Son of a bitch!
-Start the car, there's no code!
If anything happens to me,
you'll have to raise your siblings!
Come back to the car, baby.
Weren't we having fun?
Are you guys cousins?
Are your parents cousins?
You have a knife?
Listen, I'm not vaccinated
for tetanus.
We went to Italy 5 years ago.
Dad, no jokes.
-I have hand sanitizer and wipes,
we'll sterilize it
and it'll save me.
Stab me here,
in the appendix,
the least important organ, okay?
Dad, no jokes.
-Okay, buddy?
What is this bullshit?!
What are you doing here?
Shir called me.
I drove 180 kph all the way here.
What's up?
You didnt answer your phone.
Why is it always the same story?
Why do I always
have to come save you?
You're 1.87 meters tall.
Grow some balls!
Oren, just forget it, okay?
Who are you,
you son of a bitch?
Sorry, buddy, Im in the middle
of an argument with my brother.
Long live the State of Israel.
Can you believe this loser
was in a recon unit?
Can you believe
Now you're scared, huh?
Get in, girls.
-What's going on?
It's all good.
What is this? -It's all good,
lie down on the sofa.
Lift her legs.
-Is she okay?
This is Romi. No biggie.
Where the hell were you?
-I'm here.
I dont think
you should go on
the audience is tired,
it's the second half.
I'm going on.
I'm doing it.
Dad, he's right.
-No way.
Go give 'em hell,
you're the man.
Shir, I'm going on.
It's a shitty audience.
Mean people who
didnt come to laugh.
So if you go down,
go down with
your biggest punchline,
dont leave the stage quietly,
I ain't going back to my hometown
because of you. -Okay.
Good luck.
Let's hear it
for Guy Nehama!
What's with those ears?
Your sister didnt mind 'em last night
when she grabbed them and yelled:
More! More!
I have 5 kids.
What are you clapping for?
That I cant figure out the pull-out method?
Thank you.
I havent performed in 17 years
and I gotta tell you,
I missed that noise you make.
I see someone pregnant
in the first row. -Yes.
First child?
Not good.
It'll be very painful,
it'll rip you to shreds.
Really.
Faulty planning.
The exit is too small for the head.
Not big enough.
What do you have?
A boy?
Not good.
Abort.
Yep.
'Cause they're screw-ups.
I walked into the house,
he put the charger in the socket on
one side and his mouth in the other.
I say: What are you doing?
"Charging myself, Dad."
His brother's all worried: "It's been
two hours and he's not charged yet."
Thanks, you guys are sweet.
Really.
I want to marry
each and every one of you.
Come home with me
afterwards, okay?
No.
Who didnt turn off their phone?
Oh, it's me, fuck.
Wait, oh!
It's my wife's phone.
I take it everywhere so she can't reach me.
Let's put it on speaker
and see who it is.
If you're the life insurance guy,
it's not longer relevant.
Dad?
Jonathan.
Why are you calling Mom's phone?
No reason.
I wanted to see who's answering
after she died.
I have the phone, sweetie.
Can you come home?
I miss her.
I'm coming right now,
sweetie, okay?
Wait for me.
I'm sorry, I have to go.
It's okay, Nehama.
At least you went on.
It's like a punch, you never know
what you're gonna get.
Come next Saturday,
go on during the first half.
Why dont you turn off your phone
when you're on stage?
I didnt know
was in my pocket.
I told you to give me
Mom's phone.
Enough with the phone.
Romi, I'll leave you here.
Come on!
Shir honey.
Go to sleep.