Ned and Stacey (1995–2017): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Muffins Take Manhattan - full transcript
Ned learns that his girlfriend is seeing someone else.
- Why Stacey?
- Why Ned?
- It was business.
- Strictly business.
Here's the deal.
To get the promotion,
I needed the wife.
See, to get a life, I
needed his apartment.
So, what the hell?
We up and got married.
The only thing we
have in common?
We irritate each other.
Right.
Enjoy the show.
- Ned?
- Huh? Oh, hey!
- Boy, you startled me!
Woo!
I thought you were a big mouse,
or a Jehovah's Witness.
Oh, Ned.
You know, now that
we're getting a divorce,
I would have thought
you'd lose the need
to fling your
infantile jibes at me.
- You know, I woulda
thought so, too,
but somehow,
it still feels right.
- Here.
- What's this?
- My rent check for October.
Is it March already?
- As you know, my lawyer,
my new one whom
you haven't slept with...
Oh, I slept with him.
- Advised me against
co-mingling any funds,
or owing you any money.
So here, take it.
- Look, Stace, I
know you're broke,
and as long as we're
going through the divorce
'til we get everything settled,
let's just have
the rent be on me.
I'm not interested
in any of your
patronizing charity, Ned.
All I want is for our lived
to be completely separate
and un-co-mingled.
- 'Kay.
Nope, nope, nope, nope.
- What, what, what?
- Well, it's my milk,
and I don't want my milk
co-mingling with
your intestinal tract.
- I can't have any milk?
- You can if you're lactating.
- Fine.
I don't want any of
your stupid milk anyway.
- Mine. Mine.
Mine. Mine.
Also mine.
Another belonging to me.
Come in!
- Hey, hey!
- Hey!
- Good morning, partner!
- Good morning to you, partner.
Are we rich yet?
- Well, it won't be long now.
I just found out
that a luxury condo
is going up on the same block
as our little piece of property.
And that means
they're gonna wanna buy
the rest of the block!
- All my good
parts are tinglin'.
- Look at that, will ya?
The person I care about
most in the world and my wife
finally comin' together.
All it took was a little
greed, God love 'em.
- Let's eat.
- Well, well, well.
Quite the little love-fest
you two have going.
- Well, I at long last realized
she's the nice one.
- You know Amanda,
you're always telling me
how stupid I was for getting
all tangled up with Ned,
and now here you are
doing the exact same thing.
- No, no, no, no.
I'm not.
It's completely different.
You see, you married him.
That's messy, tangled, bad.
What I'm doing is just
a quick surgical strike.
I used him for his money,
make a quick profit,
and then I'm out of Nedville.
- Visit our gift
shop before you go.
- So this muffin
shop is the only part
of the building
that's still occupied,
but their lease is
up at noon on Friday.
Ahh, it's good to own land.
It's honest and rich.
Fertile, true.
Over here, we let
this section lie fallow
'til the spring rain.
And over here, we plant
alfalfa under this old guy.
How you doin', chewin' man?
- Are you Bea Sudcliffe?
- Well, yes.
- Hi, I'm Amanda Moyer,
we spoke on the phone.
This is my partner, Ned Dorsey.
- Oh, yes, you're
the new owners!
- What up, G?
- It's nice to meet both of you.
Now, shall we get started?
- Started?
- I think you should be
here by 4:30 in the morning
to preheat the ovens.
- Bea, we're not...
- And while they're heating,
you can start
beating the batter,
and greasing the pans.
- Bea.
- Yes?
- Perhaps I wasn't
clear on the phone,
but we're not planning
on running the muffin shop.
- Well, I don't understand.
- Let me.
Bea, Amanda and I
are gonna sell this place
to some folks who
are gonna bulldoze it,
then bury it under 20,000
tons of steel and glass.
- Nice.
- Well, I,
I think this is terrible.
A lot of my customers
have been coming here
for over 30 years.
I've seen their
children grow up,
and then bring
in their children.
When I decided to retire,
I just assumed that this
place would keep going on.
- So you blew it.
- Boy!
I been listenin' to your
smart aleck remarks
since you walked in here.
You oughta be
ashamed of yourself,
closin' this place
down, you little twerp!
- Okay, thank you.
You know, it's, whoa,
almost three o'clock.
Shouldn't you be
headin' out to dinner?
- Dinner?
I hope you're thirsty, son,
because you're about to drink
a nice, frosty can of whoop ass!
- You wanna go?
Come on!
- Stop, this is ridiculous!
- Stop it.
Uh, I think you both should go.
- Oh, Bea, look,
I'm terribly sorry.
I'm just sorry.
- Oh no, it's all right.
- Good thing you
backed off when you did.
You were about to
dance to some chin music.
Ahh.
Naked, you're gonna vacuum.
It's a mitzvah,
and I'm plotzing.
Okay.
Okay, over by the couch,
there are some crumbs.
Let's get those.
Ah, crumbs!
Back up, get the crumbs.
Get the crumb. The crumbs!
Gah!
You're naked, but your bad
housekeeping disgusts me.
- Good morning.
- Good morning to ya.
- Look, Ned, um,
I'm really sorry that
I had to have you
subpoenaed at
your office yesterday,
but my lawyer said that
he tried to contact you
five times for those records.
- Well, of course,
last night, I was angry,
but I did a little
creative writing.
And I managed to work
my feelings through.
- Creative writing?
Anything I could see?
- Eventually, yeah.
- Just a second!
Hey!
- Hi.
- Stacey, why do
you have that...
- Don't get involved.
- Oh, oh, Amanda, honey,
you have a little
smudge right there.
- Oh, thanks.
- So what brings
you nutty kids over?
- Oh, we just got faxed an
offer from Winslow Development.
- Well,
doesn't seem like
very much money.
How will I ever build
my underwater city?
- Relax, Ned, this is
just an opening offer.
They'll come up.
And then we'll
be rollin' in dough.
- Yeah, I think I
better take a look at it.
Sometimes they try
to sneak somethin'
by ya in the fine print.
Can I borrow your desk, Ned?
- If you don't mind
one of the drawers
exploding into your groin.
- Stop it!
Okay.
- Anyway, they want us to go
by the muffin shop tomorrow
to negotiate, okay?
- Okay.
What's happening here?
Am I losin' ya?
Where's my spunky chicken?
- Ahh, it's just this muffin
shop thing, you know?
I mean, that old
woman who works there,
and all those customers who've
been going there for years.
I just don't know, Ned.
I mean, I feel kinda bad
about closing it down.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey.
Did you hear me crying
when they shut down
my favorite cock fighting ring?
Huh? Didja?
No, ya didn't.
I moved on.
And I found one that
had an omelet bar.
- What?
- Whoa!
Shake it but don't break it!
Wrap it up and I'll take it!
Yeah!
Ah-ha!
I was, uh, just
checkin' the fine print.
Oh yeah, it looks fine, fine.
- Come on, honey, you can
look at the naked lady next time.
But she might not be naked...
What naked lady?
Let's, I'll get a cab.
- Back on board?
- I guess.
- Ah, come on.
Where's that condescending smirk
that says you think you're
better than everybody?
Ah?
Oh.
Okay, ah, there it is.
I feel inferior!
Okay.
- Guilty.
- All right, I'll call
you with the details
as soon as I set the meeting.
I'll see you, Stace.
- Bye.
- And just remember,
those muffin-eaters,
they don't care about us.
They don't!
They'd slash our throats
for a lemon poppy seed
and never bat an eye.
I've seen it happen.
Huh?
You see what I did there?
You see how I
massaged that situation?
Uh-huh?
- You know, Ned, it's one
thing to sell the muffin store,
it's a whole other thing to be
so smug and happy about it.
But I guess everyone is on
this planet just to be a source
of your twisted little
amusement, aren't they?
- Ahh, oh.
- What are you laughing about?
- Oh.
- Oh! Ah, oh my God!
I cannot believe you!
You know what your problem is?
You know what your
whole problem is?
- Chafing?
- You are completely
unable to imagine
what it feels like to
be anyone but you,
and that makes you a very sad
and isolated human being.
You are completely
unable to imagine
what it feels like to
be anyone but you.
- Hey, wait a second.
What's goin' on here?
Don't you people know
we're closin' this place down?
Huh?
You, muffin eater!
- Prepare for these iron guns
to start pounding
your peasant villages!
- I've worked so hard.
Why are you doing this?
Why?
- Sir?
Excuse me, sir.
I think what you're
doing is reprehensible.
And if I were you, and I am,
I would reconsider my decision.
Remember, hugs not drugs.
Why, sir?
- Why?
- Why?
- Why?
- Come on.
- Why, sir?
- I didn't mean anything by it.
- Why?
- Why, sir?
- Stacey.
Stacey!
- Why wouldn't you share
your food with me, Ned?
Why?
You're such a meanie!
- Yeah.
She looked pretty good.
- God, where are these guys?
What's up with you, Ned?
- Hm?
- What's goin' on?
- Oh, nothin', I just didn't
sleep very well last night.
- Why, were you up
late writing on Stacey?
Oh, here they come.
Okay, listen, you just
sit there and look pretty.
I'll do all the talking.
- Amanda Moyer, Ned Dorsey?
- Yeah. You are?
- Doug Crispin,
Winslow Development.
This is my associate Phil Daley.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Please, won't you sit down?
- Well, as I'm sure you know,
we've already
acquired both properties
adjacent to this one,
so needless to say,
we're quite interested in
closing this deal as well.
Have you had a chance
to look at our offer?
- What there was of it.
I'm afraid a few of the zeroes
were cut off by my fax machine.
- Well, let's just
call that offer
a friendly opening salvo.
- Mm, yes.
We wanted to make
sure you weren't imbeciles.
I think this will be a
little more to your liking.
- Hmm.
Well, you know, gentlemen,
I might consider
an offer like this,
but frankly, I don't think my
associate would go for this.
Would you go for this?
No, I'm sorry, I
didn't think so.
Sorry.
- Well, there might be some
room to add to that figure.
Phil?
- Yeah.
All right, this
should get us home.
What do you think?
- Hm!
Are we home?
- I'm walkin' around
in my underwear, Phil.
- Okay.
Here you go, I'll need
you both sign here,
here, here, here,
here, and here.
- No deal!
- Excuse me?
- Excuse me?
- Excuse me?
- No deal.
What do you want, Mr. Dorsey.
- What we want, Phil
dog, is this amount.
Penny less will be an insult.
- This figure is ridiculous.
- Well, I guess
you're free to go then.
- Fine, you have a deal.
- Really?
- Yes!
- There's more.
- No!
- What is it, Mr. Dorsey?
- I want a monkey!
A huge
monkey.
- All right, all right.
We'll make some
sort of arrangement.
Is that it?
- And I want to
meet Kristy McNichol.
- What?
- Fine, we'll figure
something out.
- And I want a sponge bath.
- That's it, I'm out of here.
- Hold on.
Let's not be hasty.
No, I mean, I'm going, yeah.
- If you folks don't
want to sell, that's fine.
We'll build around you.
Goodbye.
- Uh, wait!
We were almost home!
I want to go home!
There's no place like home!
- So, how'd it go?
So, how'd it go?
So, how'd it go?
- Uh, actually,
Rico, I blew the deal.
- Ned, she quit
her job for this deal!
- I'm sorry, I'll make
it up to you somehow.
- So, how'd it go?
- Your lunatic fake
husband blew the deal.
- Don't appreciate
the name callin'!
- Then why did you do it, Ned?
- I told you I had a dream
that made it
uncomfortable for me
to sell the muffin shop.
Why is that so
hard to understand?
- Ned, you didn't
have to blow the deal!
I mean, I've got dreams, too,
you don't see me pursuing them.
- Look, why am I the
bad guy in this scenario?
She made me have the dream!
- Huh? What did I say?
- You said I couldn't
imagine what it was like
to be anyone but me.
So I had the dream,
and in the dream, I was
everyone in the muffin shop.
You know, I couldn't
throw me outta here.
I love me too much.
- Don't worry, honey, Ned
said he'd make it up to us.
Now come on, Ned, you tell us
how you're gonna
make it up to us.
- With muffins.
- I'm sorry, I could have
sworn you said muffins
when the only thing
you could have said
is that you're gonna
write me a check!
- A check?
Can you spread
butter on a check?
Can a check warm you up
with its blueberry goodness?
Can a check be of any
use to a starving man?
No.
Well, yes, but that aside,
let's keep this place goin'.
Huh?
- Did someone slip
me some blotter acid
or are you seriously suggesting
that we run a muffin shop?
- Not we.
You.
I have a job.
♪ Oh, we're gonna
run a muffin store
♪ A muffin store, a muffin store
♪ We're gonna run a muffin store
♪ All the live long a day
♪ We're gonna run a muffin store
♪ A muffin store, muffin store
- Eric, stop singing!
Sorry.
- Eric!
Just tryin' to cheer
you up, honey.
- I'm giddy.
- Ah, come on, I
didn't like it either
'til I looked at the books.
It turns out that old
lady's been gouging
her customers for years.
- I'm gonna run a muffin store.
♪ Muffin store, muffin store
- Look honey, you
try it for a while.
You always wanted
to be your own boss.
Now you can berate yourself.
Wasn't funny, okay.
Look, we'll try it for a while,
and if you still don't like it,
we'll try somethin' else, okay?
- I guess.
- Okay, come on,
let's get some sleep.
Don't forget, set
the alarm for 4:30.
- Hey.
What are you doin' out here?
- Just lookin'
through the telescope.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I totally forgot.
It's your telescope, it's
your stars, it's your moon.
- Okay, okay.
I'm sorry, I guess things
have gotten a little out of hand.
Sorry I didn't share
my food with ya.
Sorry I wrote on your face.
Sorry I put your hand in warm
water while you were sleeping.
Sorry I switched
your regular coffee
with Folgers crystals.
- You did? I couldn't tell.
Hey, hey is that Mercury,
or is that just a
really bright star?
Well, that, little lady,
happens to be...
You know, I actually
have no idea.
I've never pointing this
thing at the sky before.
Mm, no.
Don't have a good readin' on it.
No.
Well, anyway, so...
I have a date.
How do I look?
All right.
All right, don't wait up.
- Oh, I have a date, too.
So I'll see ya later.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Yes.
- I want a piece of you.
Prepare for these
old flabby guns...
Prepare for these
old flabby guns
to start pum...
Prepare for these iron guns
to start pounding
your sissy warships!
- Right away.
- Right away, right away.
- No, no.
- Stop laughing!
- Goodnight. Whoa!
Goodnight.
- Why Ned?
- It was business.
- Strictly business.
Here's the deal.
To get the promotion,
I needed the wife.
See, to get a life, I
needed his apartment.
So, what the hell?
We up and got married.
The only thing we
have in common?
We irritate each other.
Right.
Enjoy the show.
- Ned?
- Huh? Oh, hey!
- Boy, you startled me!
Woo!
I thought you were a big mouse,
or a Jehovah's Witness.
Oh, Ned.
You know, now that
we're getting a divorce,
I would have thought
you'd lose the need
to fling your
infantile jibes at me.
- You know, I woulda
thought so, too,
but somehow,
it still feels right.
- Here.
- What's this?
- My rent check for October.
Is it March already?
- As you know, my lawyer,
my new one whom
you haven't slept with...
Oh, I slept with him.
- Advised me against
co-mingling any funds,
or owing you any money.
So here, take it.
- Look, Stace, I
know you're broke,
and as long as we're
going through the divorce
'til we get everything settled,
let's just have
the rent be on me.
I'm not interested
in any of your
patronizing charity, Ned.
All I want is for our lived
to be completely separate
and un-co-mingled.
- 'Kay.
Nope, nope, nope, nope.
- What, what, what?
- Well, it's my milk,
and I don't want my milk
co-mingling with
your intestinal tract.
- I can't have any milk?
- You can if you're lactating.
- Fine.
I don't want any of
your stupid milk anyway.
- Mine. Mine.
Mine. Mine.
Also mine.
Another belonging to me.
Come in!
- Hey, hey!
- Hey!
- Good morning, partner!
- Good morning to you, partner.
Are we rich yet?
- Well, it won't be long now.
I just found out
that a luxury condo
is going up on the same block
as our little piece of property.
And that means
they're gonna wanna buy
the rest of the block!
- All my good
parts are tinglin'.
- Look at that, will ya?
The person I care about
most in the world and my wife
finally comin' together.
All it took was a little
greed, God love 'em.
- Let's eat.
- Well, well, well.
Quite the little love-fest
you two have going.
- Well, I at long last realized
she's the nice one.
- You know Amanda,
you're always telling me
how stupid I was for getting
all tangled up with Ned,
and now here you are
doing the exact same thing.
- No, no, no, no.
I'm not.
It's completely different.
You see, you married him.
That's messy, tangled, bad.
What I'm doing is just
a quick surgical strike.
I used him for his money,
make a quick profit,
and then I'm out of Nedville.
- Visit our gift
shop before you go.
- So this muffin
shop is the only part
of the building
that's still occupied,
but their lease is
up at noon on Friday.
Ahh, it's good to own land.
It's honest and rich.
Fertile, true.
Over here, we let
this section lie fallow
'til the spring rain.
And over here, we plant
alfalfa under this old guy.
How you doin', chewin' man?
- Are you Bea Sudcliffe?
- Well, yes.
- Hi, I'm Amanda Moyer,
we spoke on the phone.
This is my partner, Ned Dorsey.
- Oh, yes, you're
the new owners!
- What up, G?
- It's nice to meet both of you.
Now, shall we get started?
- Started?
- I think you should be
here by 4:30 in the morning
to preheat the ovens.
- Bea, we're not...
- And while they're heating,
you can start
beating the batter,
and greasing the pans.
- Bea.
- Yes?
- Perhaps I wasn't
clear on the phone,
but we're not planning
on running the muffin shop.
- Well, I don't understand.
- Let me.
Bea, Amanda and I
are gonna sell this place
to some folks who
are gonna bulldoze it,
then bury it under 20,000
tons of steel and glass.
- Nice.
- Well, I,
I think this is terrible.
A lot of my customers
have been coming here
for over 30 years.
I've seen their
children grow up,
and then bring
in their children.
When I decided to retire,
I just assumed that this
place would keep going on.
- So you blew it.
- Boy!
I been listenin' to your
smart aleck remarks
since you walked in here.
You oughta be
ashamed of yourself,
closin' this place
down, you little twerp!
- Okay, thank you.
You know, it's, whoa,
almost three o'clock.
Shouldn't you be
headin' out to dinner?
- Dinner?
I hope you're thirsty, son,
because you're about to drink
a nice, frosty can of whoop ass!
- You wanna go?
Come on!
- Stop, this is ridiculous!
- Stop it.
Uh, I think you both should go.
- Oh, Bea, look,
I'm terribly sorry.
I'm just sorry.
- Oh no, it's all right.
- Good thing you
backed off when you did.
You were about to
dance to some chin music.
Ahh.
Naked, you're gonna vacuum.
It's a mitzvah,
and I'm plotzing.
Okay.
Okay, over by the couch,
there are some crumbs.
Let's get those.
Ah, crumbs!
Back up, get the crumbs.
Get the crumb. The crumbs!
Gah!
You're naked, but your bad
housekeeping disgusts me.
- Good morning.
- Good morning to ya.
- Look, Ned, um,
I'm really sorry that
I had to have you
subpoenaed at
your office yesterday,
but my lawyer said that
he tried to contact you
five times for those records.
- Well, of course,
last night, I was angry,
but I did a little
creative writing.
And I managed to work
my feelings through.
- Creative writing?
Anything I could see?
- Eventually, yeah.
- Just a second!
Hey!
- Hi.
- Stacey, why do
you have that...
- Don't get involved.
- Oh, oh, Amanda, honey,
you have a little
smudge right there.
- Oh, thanks.
- So what brings
you nutty kids over?
- Oh, we just got faxed an
offer from Winslow Development.
- Well,
doesn't seem like
very much money.
How will I ever build
my underwater city?
- Relax, Ned, this is
just an opening offer.
They'll come up.
And then we'll
be rollin' in dough.
- Yeah, I think I
better take a look at it.
Sometimes they try
to sneak somethin'
by ya in the fine print.
Can I borrow your desk, Ned?
- If you don't mind
one of the drawers
exploding into your groin.
- Stop it!
Okay.
- Anyway, they want us to go
by the muffin shop tomorrow
to negotiate, okay?
- Okay.
What's happening here?
Am I losin' ya?
Where's my spunky chicken?
- Ahh, it's just this muffin
shop thing, you know?
I mean, that old
woman who works there,
and all those customers who've
been going there for years.
I just don't know, Ned.
I mean, I feel kinda bad
about closing it down.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey.
Did you hear me crying
when they shut down
my favorite cock fighting ring?
Huh? Didja?
No, ya didn't.
I moved on.
And I found one that
had an omelet bar.
- What?
- Whoa!
Shake it but don't break it!
Wrap it up and I'll take it!
Yeah!
Ah-ha!
I was, uh, just
checkin' the fine print.
Oh yeah, it looks fine, fine.
- Come on, honey, you can
look at the naked lady next time.
But she might not be naked...
What naked lady?
Let's, I'll get a cab.
- Back on board?
- I guess.
- Ah, come on.
Where's that condescending smirk
that says you think you're
better than everybody?
Ah?
Oh.
Okay, ah, there it is.
I feel inferior!
Okay.
- Guilty.
- All right, I'll call
you with the details
as soon as I set the meeting.
I'll see you, Stace.
- Bye.
- And just remember,
those muffin-eaters,
they don't care about us.
They don't!
They'd slash our throats
for a lemon poppy seed
and never bat an eye.
I've seen it happen.
Huh?
You see what I did there?
You see how I
massaged that situation?
Uh-huh?
- You know, Ned, it's one
thing to sell the muffin store,
it's a whole other thing to be
so smug and happy about it.
But I guess everyone is on
this planet just to be a source
of your twisted little
amusement, aren't they?
- Ahh, oh.
- What are you laughing about?
- Oh.
- Oh! Ah, oh my God!
I cannot believe you!
You know what your problem is?
You know what your
whole problem is?
- Chafing?
- You are completely
unable to imagine
what it feels like to
be anyone but you,
and that makes you a very sad
and isolated human being.
You are completely
unable to imagine
what it feels like to
be anyone but you.
- Hey, wait a second.
What's goin' on here?
Don't you people know
we're closin' this place down?
Huh?
You, muffin eater!
- Prepare for these iron guns
to start pounding
your peasant villages!
- I've worked so hard.
Why are you doing this?
Why?
- Sir?
Excuse me, sir.
I think what you're
doing is reprehensible.
And if I were you, and I am,
I would reconsider my decision.
Remember, hugs not drugs.
Why, sir?
- Why?
- Why?
- Why?
- Come on.
- Why, sir?
- I didn't mean anything by it.
- Why?
- Why, sir?
- Stacey.
Stacey!
- Why wouldn't you share
your food with me, Ned?
Why?
You're such a meanie!
- Yeah.
She looked pretty good.
- God, where are these guys?
What's up with you, Ned?
- Hm?
- What's goin' on?
- Oh, nothin', I just didn't
sleep very well last night.
- Why, were you up
late writing on Stacey?
Oh, here they come.
Okay, listen, you just
sit there and look pretty.
I'll do all the talking.
- Amanda Moyer, Ned Dorsey?
- Yeah. You are?
- Doug Crispin,
Winslow Development.
This is my associate Phil Daley.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Please, won't you sit down?
- Well, as I'm sure you know,
we've already
acquired both properties
adjacent to this one,
so needless to say,
we're quite interested in
closing this deal as well.
Have you had a chance
to look at our offer?
- What there was of it.
I'm afraid a few of the zeroes
were cut off by my fax machine.
- Well, let's just
call that offer
a friendly opening salvo.
- Mm, yes.
We wanted to make
sure you weren't imbeciles.
I think this will be a
little more to your liking.
- Hmm.
Well, you know, gentlemen,
I might consider
an offer like this,
but frankly, I don't think my
associate would go for this.
Would you go for this?
No, I'm sorry, I
didn't think so.
Sorry.
- Well, there might be some
room to add to that figure.
Phil?
- Yeah.
All right, this
should get us home.
What do you think?
- Hm!
Are we home?
- I'm walkin' around
in my underwear, Phil.
- Okay.
Here you go, I'll need
you both sign here,
here, here, here,
here, and here.
- No deal!
- Excuse me?
- Excuse me?
- Excuse me?
- No deal.
What do you want, Mr. Dorsey.
- What we want, Phil
dog, is this amount.
Penny less will be an insult.
- This figure is ridiculous.
- Well, I guess
you're free to go then.
- Fine, you have a deal.
- Really?
- Yes!
- There's more.
- No!
- What is it, Mr. Dorsey?
- I want a monkey!
A huge
monkey.
- All right, all right.
We'll make some
sort of arrangement.
Is that it?
- And I want to
meet Kristy McNichol.
- What?
- Fine, we'll figure
something out.
- And I want a sponge bath.
- That's it, I'm out of here.
- Hold on.
Let's not be hasty.
No, I mean, I'm going, yeah.
- If you folks don't
want to sell, that's fine.
We'll build around you.
Goodbye.
- Uh, wait!
We were almost home!
I want to go home!
There's no place like home!
- So, how'd it go?
So, how'd it go?
So, how'd it go?
- Uh, actually,
Rico, I blew the deal.
- Ned, she quit
her job for this deal!
- I'm sorry, I'll make
it up to you somehow.
- So, how'd it go?
- Your lunatic fake
husband blew the deal.
- Don't appreciate
the name callin'!
- Then why did you do it, Ned?
- I told you I had a dream
that made it
uncomfortable for me
to sell the muffin shop.
Why is that so
hard to understand?
- Ned, you didn't
have to blow the deal!
I mean, I've got dreams, too,
you don't see me pursuing them.
- Look, why am I the
bad guy in this scenario?
She made me have the dream!
- Huh? What did I say?
- You said I couldn't
imagine what it was like
to be anyone but me.
So I had the dream,
and in the dream, I was
everyone in the muffin shop.
You know, I couldn't
throw me outta here.
I love me too much.
- Don't worry, honey, Ned
said he'd make it up to us.
Now come on, Ned, you tell us
how you're gonna
make it up to us.
- With muffins.
- I'm sorry, I could have
sworn you said muffins
when the only thing
you could have said
is that you're gonna
write me a check!
- A check?
Can you spread
butter on a check?
Can a check warm you up
with its blueberry goodness?
Can a check be of any
use to a starving man?
No.
Well, yes, but that aside,
let's keep this place goin'.
Huh?
- Did someone slip
me some blotter acid
or are you seriously suggesting
that we run a muffin shop?
- Not we.
You.
I have a job.
♪ Oh, we're gonna
run a muffin store
♪ A muffin store, a muffin store
♪ We're gonna run a muffin store
♪ All the live long a day
♪ We're gonna run a muffin store
♪ A muffin store, muffin store
- Eric, stop singing!
Sorry.
- Eric!
Just tryin' to cheer
you up, honey.
- I'm giddy.
- Ah, come on, I
didn't like it either
'til I looked at the books.
It turns out that old
lady's been gouging
her customers for years.
- I'm gonna run a muffin store.
♪ Muffin store, muffin store
- Look honey, you
try it for a while.
You always wanted
to be your own boss.
Now you can berate yourself.
Wasn't funny, okay.
Look, we'll try it for a while,
and if you still don't like it,
we'll try somethin' else, okay?
- I guess.
- Okay, come on,
let's get some sleep.
Don't forget, set
the alarm for 4:30.
- Hey.
What are you doin' out here?
- Just lookin'
through the telescope.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I totally forgot.
It's your telescope, it's
your stars, it's your moon.
- Okay, okay.
I'm sorry, I guess things
have gotten a little out of hand.
Sorry I didn't share
my food with ya.
Sorry I wrote on your face.
Sorry I put your hand in warm
water while you were sleeping.
Sorry I switched
your regular coffee
with Folgers crystals.
- You did? I couldn't tell.
Hey, hey is that Mercury,
or is that just a
really bright star?
Well, that, little lady,
happens to be...
You know, I actually
have no idea.
I've never pointing this
thing at the sky before.
Mm, no.
Don't have a good readin' on it.
No.
Well, anyway, so...
I have a date.
How do I look?
All right.
All right, don't wait up.
- Oh, I have a date, too.
So I'll see ya later.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Yes.
- I want a piece of you.
Prepare for these
old flabby guns...
Prepare for these
old flabby guns
to start pum...
Prepare for these iron guns
to start pounding
your sissy warships!
- Right away.
- Right away, right away.
- No, no.
- Stop laughing!
- Goodnight. Whoa!
Goodnight.