Ned and Stacey (1995–2017): Season 2, Episode 16 - No Retreat, No Surrender - full transcript
Previously, on Ned and Stacey.
- Is that clock right?
My watch says three.
- Oh we never set
that clock back after
Daylight Savings Time ended.
- Huh.
- Hey honey I parked
in the yellow zone.
Am I okay out there?
- Um are you gonna be
here for more than an hour?
- No.
- Oh you're fine.
We're outta milk!
Oh wait.
No we're not.
Why Stacey?
Why Ned?
It was business.
Strictly business.
Here's the deal.
To get the promotion
I needed a wife.
See to get a life, I
needed his apartment.
So what the hell, we
up and got married.
The only thing we
have in common?
We irritate each other.
Right.
Enjoy the show.
- 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78.
Oh a nickel!
- Wow.
- 79, 80.
- God, take over will you?
- 81.
- Eric, these people
that bring us their money.
I'm, I'm finding I
wanna hurt them?
Is that wrong?
- Well strictly from an
accounting standpoint, yeah.
- Huh.
- Oh come on honey, honey.
In two more days
we'll be skiing down
the freshly powdered
slopes of Sugar Valley
so hang in there okay?
I'll try.
- Wait a minute, wait a
minute, Sugar Valley?
Your ad agency
retreat is this weekend?
- Uh, yeah!
Didn't Ned tell you about it?
- No he didn't.
- Oh you know what,
on second thought,
I don't even think
Ned is goin' so.
- I am ski man.
Do not fear me.
I come only to ski.
And pleasure myself with
your women, who's first?
- Perhaps I was mistaken.
- Hi Stacey.
- I cannot believe you.
I have spent a
year-and-a-half of my life
suffering through your boring
advertising agency functions
and now when there's
finally a good one
you don't even tell me about it?
- Well look under
normal circumstances
I would have absolutely
no problem inviting you.
However on this
particular weekend,
I intend to rendez-vous with
a certain fetching coworker.
Ah?
Rico knows what
I'm talking about.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
- Sounds like somebody's
planning on hooking up
with one Miss Wiloughby.
- Who's Miss Wiloughby?
- She's our office manager.
But oh so much more than that.
She's a repressed young
thing, a ripe nectarine
just waiting for the
right man to come along,
bite into her and let
her succulent juices
dribble down his chin.
What?
I was just answering
her question.
Come on honey, all the guys
think she's a ripe nectarine.
Come on!
- Oh come on Ned, come on,
please just let me come along.
I will stay out of your way.
Please, please,
please, please, please.
- Oh Stacey.
You always know
the right thing to say.
To get me to say no.
- Hello everyone!
- Hey Pat!
- Ned you've got to change,
we've got a very important
business meeting across town
in just 20 minutes.
- Don't worry Pat.
I've got a three-piece suit
on underneath the ski suits.
And under that, I'm nude.
And under that I have
a bony infrastructure
containing my squishy guts.
- Oh Ned.
How are you Stacey?
- I'm fine Pat.
- Well everyone at the agency
is missing seeing you around.
I just think it's tragic
that you two kids
haven't worked things out.
- And yet, we haven't.
- You know Pat, we
want to work things out.
If only there was a
place that we could go.
Some private, serene,
mountainy place
where we could get
a fresh perspective.
- Funny that you
should mention that.
- Pat, big meeting
in 10 minutes.
I'll race you there, come
on, ready, steady, go.
- Stop it will you Ned?
Listen, why don't you come
to our retreat this weekend?
- The retreat?
- Pat, Pat, I walk
funny in these boots.
It's entertaining to
children and you.
- You really have
to come Stacey.
I mean there are going to
be a whole lot of seminars
and one of them is
designed just for couples!
- Why that is just
crazy enough to work!
- God honey, this
place is so fantastic.
Do you smell that?
- Smell what?
- No muffins.
No muffin customers!
Let us rejoice!
- Wow you know, they got some
great seminars up here honey.
Look at this one, "Making
Friends with the Internet".
"Close The Deal, Not Your Mind".
Oh oh oh look!
"Getting Comfortable
With Your Feminine Side".
But you should take that honey.
- Thank you that's very sweet.
- Oh look at this one!
A relaxation seminar
starting in five minutes.
That would be a great way
to start the weekend, let's go!
- Wait well instead of that,
why don't we go upstairs
and you know, I'll relax you.
- Oh, thanks, thanks honey.
But see this guy's a
professional, gotta run!
- King size bed, check.
Jacuzzi, check.
Melon-breasted
geisha girl, check.
- Hi, what's my room number?
- Uh, you know I don't know.
I think the front desk
probably knows, that's their job.
- You didn't get my room?
- Listen, little reminder.
I don't want you here.
- Oh would you just relax?
All I wanna do is ski, I'm
not gonna come between
you and your juicy nectarine.
- As if youc ould.
- Hello Mr. Dorsey.
- Ah, hello Miss Wiloughby.
- Hi.
- Mr. Dorsey you're
here with your wife.
- Uh, no, no.
This is actually my
she-servant, Papooey.
Papooey, fetch bag.
Fetch bag, fetch bag Papooey.
Papooey fetch bag!
Miss Wiloughby wait, one second.
Miss Wiloughby, Miss Wiloughby.
- You led me to believe
that you and your wife
were in the process
of divorcing Mr. Dorsey.
- Well, we are.
But it was Pat Kirkland,
he's the one that invited her.
He's got this insane idea
that she and I can reconcile.
But I gotta tell ya it's
not gonna happen.
It's not.
I mean, we're not
even sharing a room.
- Truly?
- Truly.
Now please, come.
Let's sit.
- Well, alright.
So this is all
Kirkland's idea, is it?
- It is.
- Well he's a
meddling bastard, ooh!
So sorry!
I don't generally use
profanity Mr. Dorsey,
it makes a woman sound common.
- Well, I can assure
you, Miss Wiloughby.
You calling someone a bastard,
well it's like a
choir of angels.
Calling someone a bastard.
- Aw!
Oh Mr. Dorsey!
- No, Miss Wiloughby.
- Can I get you folks a drink?
- Oh a drink, oh I
don't usually drink.
Although, although I did
have a wonderful drink
at my sister's wedding.
It was sweet and the
foam tickled my nose.
And it had an umbrella
in it, what is that called?
- That's called a double scotch.
- Oh!
Oh it's really
something being here.
In the mountains up
in the high altitude.
Why I feel like I could
do almost anything.
- Huh, almost anything?
Sure hope I can
be a part of that.
So would you like to
maybe come in my room
for a few moments?
- Well whatever for?
Yes maybe I will come
in for a moment or two.
- Uh, can you give me a second?
Underwear on the floor.
- Aw!
- Stacey!
- Oh darn I was hoping you
were the extra burney sauce.
- What the hell
happened in here?
It looks like a
garanimal bomb went off.
What are you doing here?
- You didn't reserve
me a room Ned.
By the time I got to
the front of the line
they were sold out.
So they put me in here!
Ta-da.
- Come with me.
- What?
- Come on!
- Ned what are you doing?
- Come with me.
Shh, come with me.
- What?
- Take your sister.
- What?
- Oh no way bucko, I'm waiting
for my husband to get back.
- Haha good, take
her leg through this
or you take her in small
pieces underneath the door.
Nuh uh!
- What?
- Yeah, oh yeah.
- Oh my nose!
Oh God.
- Take her!
- No!
- Sorry I'm late honey but
after the relaxation seminar
I went to a bunch of other ones.
From now on, we
make all our own cheese.
Hey guys.
- Enjoy, haha, I win, haha!
- Dammit.
- Neddy!
What's going on?
- Well, craziest thing.
There's some hotel guys in
there adding another testament
to my Gideon bible.
Okay!
Listen, why don't we
just go over to your room?
- Oh come on silly, I'm
rooming with Katie Davis
from Accounts Payable.
- You know.
I always liked Katie.
- Oh you!
Well.
Maybe we'll get
together tomorrow.
- Will you never be
the burney sauce?
- You listen to me missy.
Tomorrow you will go far,
far, far, far away from here.
In the meantime you can sleep
standing up in
the shower tonight.
- Yeah like that's gonna happen.
- Listen Stacey.
This is my room.
And that's my bed.
And that was my sex that
went unhad because of you.
There is no way as long as I
have a breath left in my body.
That you will ever
get that bed from me.
- Too late, already in it!
- Okay you either get out
of the bed, or I'm gettin' in.
- But Ned, what
if I lose control?
- I believe you wear
special underpants for that.
Damn hotel.
Never give ya enough
pillows or barbed wire.
- What?
Amanda.
- No no no, no.
Just leave me alone.
- But I did not
push you off the lift!
I was simply making room
for that great looking guy.
- Oh yeah so I had to
ride up with a total stranger.
And just my luck, I get the
one Jehovah's Witness who skis.
- Hello ladies.
- Eric where have you been,
I haven't seen you all day!
- Where have I been, well
let me put it this way honey.
My phone answering
techniques are now honed
to a fine razor's edge.
Go ahead, say ring ring.
- Oh I am so not
going to say ring ring.
- Stacey you say
it, say ring ring.
- Ring ring!
- Hello, this is Eric Moyer.
Huh, huh?
Man what was I thinkin' before?
So honey you got a free hour?
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Oh God I thought
you'd never ask.
Okay, you know what I wanna do?
- What?
- I wanna go upstairs, I
wanna light some candles.
I wanna get a bubble bath going
and lie in a very sexy
and provocative pose.
- Well if you don't wanna learn
how to duplicate your
own keys I'll catch you later!
- Haha what?
- You kids!
He's a good looking guy.
Looking to put the
poke in Poconos?
- Hello there!
- Hey Pat!
- Hi!
- You know I'm sorry but you
kids still look great together!
- Oh thanks.
We take geritol.
- Just remember,
couples communication
seminar is at 2 o'clock.
- Of course Pat.
I mean, if there's any love
in this marriage to flush out.
My jukey will flush it.
- Good, see you there!
- Alright.
- Bye!
- Best of luck on
future projects.
- See ya.
- Oh rock me Mama, rock me!
- I thought he only
said that to me.
- That was some
breakthrough there, huh folks?
Yeah.
Okay, who's next
for the hot seats?
- Oh, we are, we are.
Come on honey!
- No I don't wanna go up there.
- Come on come on!
- So.
Eric and This Seminar Sucks.
- That's uh, she's Amanda.
- Amanda.
Eric.
What's going on with you two?
- Well, um, recently
I've noticed a rift
in our relationship.
A subtle but growing resentment
that I just can't quite
pinpoint you know?
- Hm.
Amanda?
Are you resentful
about something?
- Yes.
- Well speak up honey,
if it hurts, let it go!
- Alright.
Eric.
I don't want to be here.
I want to be alone.
With you, upstairs in
our room, having sex.
- Okay so what I
hear you saying to me.
Is that you want to
have sex with me now.
- Could we please?
- Sounds good to me!
- Alright well.
- Now I'm not
sure that sex is a...
- Nah!
- Yeah!
Well let's see, have we had
all of our couples up here?
- Showtime.
- Make it convincing,
no one gets hurt.
- You always have to
play the victim don't you?
- That's because
I am the victim.
- Oh put on your seat belts,
we're goin' on a guilt trip.
- See, there it is again.
The digging, nothing
but digs, digs, digs.
I feel like Egypt.
- What are you talking about?
What digs?
- Oh like about my
appearance for instance.
"Do you really need
to have dessert Ned?
"Why don't you
just apply the cake
"directly to your hips Ned?"
Just love me for me?
- How am I supposed to love you
when you spend all your
time with your damn cats?
- Well at least they don't
hit me, there I said it!
Or maybe in front of the group,
you'd prefer I call it rassling.
- Okay.
Okay come on you two.
Come on, let's turn
of that hate spigot
and get back to the good.
What do you like
about each other?
- Okay, well you know.
She gets a pretty
cute look on her face
when she opens a
beer with her teeth.
- Hm?
- I like the way he sounds out
all the words when he reads.
Oh, mmhm.
- She's kinda pretty.
- Mmhm.
- In the right light
he's kinda pretty too.
- Hey you too.
How's the sex?
- I think it would be good.
Is good.
Was good.
- Well we don't do it, you know.
As much as we should.
- Oh man did you see
the look on Kirkland's face?
- He ate it up!
- And that thing that you said.
What was it that you
said the thing about uh.
That I had a,
that I had a nice...
- Butt.
- That was pretty
good, pretty good.
- And I liked what you said,
about liking the way my breasts
ran against the taut fabric
of my sheer cotton blouse.
- Just came to me!
Listen.
Nice work partner,
put her there.
- Thank you I think
we pulled it off.
- It was good stuff
I think, ay, okay.
- Yeah.
Hug?
- Okay, hey I think
we earned a hug.
Yeah there's a good one, okay.
So listen I think I'm
gonna go back downstairs.
- Okay.
- Alright.
- Have a good evening.
- You too, you too.
- I can't believe this!
I came here to
give myself to you.
And what do I find but you,
making love with your wife!
- No no.
No, no it's not what
you think it is Lillian.
- It's not?
- It's not?
- Well it is.
And yet it's not!
- What is going on in here I?
Oh wow.
Eric I'm having that
nightmare again!
- I'm stunned Mr. Dorsey.
I can't believe that you
have been lying to me
all this time.
- Lillian I swear to you.
I have never, ever,
had sex with my wife.
That still seems
like a lie doesn't it?
- Good bye Mr. Dorsey.
Mrs. Dorsey.
- Bye.
- Oh and one more thing.
Good luck getting
office supplies.
- No!
So what do you want to do?
- Maybe we should
take this interruption
as a sign from the gods.
- Right.
I mean after all, what
do we stand to gain?
Two, three minutes of pleasure.
And then.
Then a lifetime of dealing
with the consequences.
- Right, you're
absolutely right.
I mean, two or three minutes?
- Did I say two or three?
I meant five or six.
Yeah, oh yeah.
- Here.
- There ya go.
- Here, let me up.
- Okay, alright.
- This is, this is definitely
the right way to go.
- Right.
Best thing that can happen
now is good night's sleep.
- Right.
- Just you know forget
that this ever happened.
Yep.
That's the best thing.
- Goodnight Ned.
- Goodnight Stacey.
Ned?
- Yeah?
It's 4:30 in the afternoon.
- Just shut up and go to sleep.
Next week on Ned and Stacey.
- Goodnight, oh!
Goodnight.
- Is that clock right?
My watch says three.
- Oh we never set
that clock back after
Daylight Savings Time ended.
- Huh.
- Hey honey I parked
in the yellow zone.
Am I okay out there?
- Um are you gonna be
here for more than an hour?
- No.
- Oh you're fine.
We're outta milk!
Oh wait.
No we're not.
Why Stacey?
Why Ned?
It was business.
Strictly business.
Here's the deal.
To get the promotion
I needed a wife.
See to get a life, I
needed his apartment.
So what the hell, we
up and got married.
The only thing we
have in common?
We irritate each other.
Right.
Enjoy the show.
- 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78.
Oh a nickel!
- Wow.
- 79, 80.
- God, take over will you?
- 81.
- Eric, these people
that bring us their money.
I'm, I'm finding I
wanna hurt them?
Is that wrong?
- Well strictly from an
accounting standpoint, yeah.
- Huh.
- Oh come on honey, honey.
In two more days
we'll be skiing down
the freshly powdered
slopes of Sugar Valley
so hang in there okay?
I'll try.
- Wait a minute, wait a
minute, Sugar Valley?
Your ad agency
retreat is this weekend?
- Uh, yeah!
Didn't Ned tell you about it?
- No he didn't.
- Oh you know what,
on second thought,
I don't even think
Ned is goin' so.
- I am ski man.
Do not fear me.
I come only to ski.
And pleasure myself with
your women, who's first?
- Perhaps I was mistaken.
- Hi Stacey.
- I cannot believe you.
I have spent a
year-and-a-half of my life
suffering through your boring
advertising agency functions
and now when there's
finally a good one
you don't even tell me about it?
- Well look under
normal circumstances
I would have absolutely
no problem inviting you.
However on this
particular weekend,
I intend to rendez-vous with
a certain fetching coworker.
Ah?
Rico knows what
I'm talking about.
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
- Sounds like somebody's
planning on hooking up
with one Miss Wiloughby.
- Who's Miss Wiloughby?
- She's our office manager.
But oh so much more than that.
She's a repressed young
thing, a ripe nectarine
just waiting for the
right man to come along,
bite into her and let
her succulent juices
dribble down his chin.
What?
I was just answering
her question.
Come on honey, all the guys
think she's a ripe nectarine.
Come on!
- Oh come on Ned, come on,
please just let me come along.
I will stay out of your way.
Please, please,
please, please, please.
- Oh Stacey.
You always know
the right thing to say.
To get me to say no.
- Hello everyone!
- Hey Pat!
- Ned you've got to change,
we've got a very important
business meeting across town
in just 20 minutes.
- Don't worry Pat.
I've got a three-piece suit
on underneath the ski suits.
And under that, I'm nude.
And under that I have
a bony infrastructure
containing my squishy guts.
- Oh Ned.
How are you Stacey?
- I'm fine Pat.
- Well everyone at the agency
is missing seeing you around.
I just think it's tragic
that you two kids
haven't worked things out.
- And yet, we haven't.
- You know Pat, we
want to work things out.
If only there was a
place that we could go.
Some private, serene,
mountainy place
where we could get
a fresh perspective.
- Funny that you
should mention that.
- Pat, big meeting
in 10 minutes.
I'll race you there, come
on, ready, steady, go.
- Stop it will you Ned?
Listen, why don't you come
to our retreat this weekend?
- The retreat?
- Pat, Pat, I walk
funny in these boots.
It's entertaining to
children and you.
- You really have
to come Stacey.
I mean there are going to
be a whole lot of seminars
and one of them is
designed just for couples!
- Why that is just
crazy enough to work!
- God honey, this
place is so fantastic.
Do you smell that?
- Smell what?
- No muffins.
No muffin customers!
Let us rejoice!
- Wow you know, they got some
great seminars up here honey.
Look at this one, "Making
Friends with the Internet".
"Close The Deal, Not Your Mind".
Oh oh oh look!
"Getting Comfortable
With Your Feminine Side".
But you should take that honey.
- Thank you that's very sweet.
- Oh look at this one!
A relaxation seminar
starting in five minutes.
That would be a great way
to start the weekend, let's go!
- Wait well instead of that,
why don't we go upstairs
and you know, I'll relax you.
- Oh, thanks, thanks honey.
But see this guy's a
professional, gotta run!
- King size bed, check.
Jacuzzi, check.
Melon-breasted
geisha girl, check.
- Hi, what's my room number?
- Uh, you know I don't know.
I think the front desk
probably knows, that's their job.
- You didn't get my room?
- Listen, little reminder.
I don't want you here.
- Oh would you just relax?
All I wanna do is ski, I'm
not gonna come between
you and your juicy nectarine.
- As if youc ould.
- Hello Mr. Dorsey.
- Ah, hello Miss Wiloughby.
- Hi.
- Mr. Dorsey you're
here with your wife.
- Uh, no, no.
This is actually my
she-servant, Papooey.
Papooey, fetch bag.
Fetch bag, fetch bag Papooey.
Papooey fetch bag!
Miss Wiloughby wait, one second.
Miss Wiloughby, Miss Wiloughby.
- You led me to believe
that you and your wife
were in the process
of divorcing Mr. Dorsey.
- Well, we are.
But it was Pat Kirkland,
he's the one that invited her.
He's got this insane idea
that she and I can reconcile.
But I gotta tell ya it's
not gonna happen.
It's not.
I mean, we're not
even sharing a room.
- Truly?
- Truly.
Now please, come.
Let's sit.
- Well, alright.
So this is all
Kirkland's idea, is it?
- It is.
- Well he's a
meddling bastard, ooh!
So sorry!
I don't generally use
profanity Mr. Dorsey,
it makes a woman sound common.
- Well, I can assure
you, Miss Wiloughby.
You calling someone a bastard,
well it's like a
choir of angels.
Calling someone a bastard.
- Aw!
Oh Mr. Dorsey!
- No, Miss Wiloughby.
- Can I get you folks a drink?
- Oh a drink, oh I
don't usually drink.
Although, although I did
have a wonderful drink
at my sister's wedding.
It was sweet and the
foam tickled my nose.
And it had an umbrella
in it, what is that called?
- That's called a double scotch.
- Oh!
Oh it's really
something being here.
In the mountains up
in the high altitude.
Why I feel like I could
do almost anything.
- Huh, almost anything?
Sure hope I can
be a part of that.
So would you like to
maybe come in my room
for a few moments?
- Well whatever for?
Yes maybe I will come
in for a moment or two.
- Uh, can you give me a second?
Underwear on the floor.
- Aw!
- Stacey!
- Oh darn I was hoping you
were the extra burney sauce.
- What the hell
happened in here?
It looks like a
garanimal bomb went off.
What are you doing here?
- You didn't reserve
me a room Ned.
By the time I got to
the front of the line
they were sold out.
So they put me in here!
Ta-da.
- Come with me.
- What?
- Come on!
- Ned what are you doing?
- Come with me.
Shh, come with me.
- What?
- Take your sister.
- What?
- Oh no way bucko, I'm waiting
for my husband to get back.
- Haha good, take
her leg through this
or you take her in small
pieces underneath the door.
Nuh uh!
- What?
- Yeah, oh yeah.
- Oh my nose!
Oh God.
- Take her!
- No!
- Sorry I'm late honey but
after the relaxation seminar
I went to a bunch of other ones.
From now on, we
make all our own cheese.
Hey guys.
- Enjoy, haha, I win, haha!
- Dammit.
- Neddy!
What's going on?
- Well, craziest thing.
There's some hotel guys in
there adding another testament
to my Gideon bible.
Okay!
Listen, why don't we
just go over to your room?
- Oh come on silly, I'm
rooming with Katie Davis
from Accounts Payable.
- You know.
I always liked Katie.
- Oh you!
Well.
Maybe we'll get
together tomorrow.
- Will you never be
the burney sauce?
- You listen to me missy.
Tomorrow you will go far,
far, far, far away from here.
In the meantime you can sleep
standing up in
the shower tonight.
- Yeah like that's gonna happen.
- Listen Stacey.
This is my room.
And that's my bed.
And that was my sex that
went unhad because of you.
There is no way as long as I
have a breath left in my body.
That you will ever
get that bed from me.
- Too late, already in it!
- Okay you either get out
of the bed, or I'm gettin' in.
- But Ned, what
if I lose control?
- I believe you wear
special underpants for that.
Damn hotel.
Never give ya enough
pillows or barbed wire.
- What?
Amanda.
- No no no, no.
Just leave me alone.
- But I did not
push you off the lift!
I was simply making room
for that great looking guy.
- Oh yeah so I had to
ride up with a total stranger.
And just my luck, I get the
one Jehovah's Witness who skis.
- Hello ladies.
- Eric where have you been,
I haven't seen you all day!
- Where have I been, well
let me put it this way honey.
My phone answering
techniques are now honed
to a fine razor's edge.
Go ahead, say ring ring.
- Oh I am so not
going to say ring ring.
- Stacey you say
it, say ring ring.
- Ring ring!
- Hello, this is Eric Moyer.
Huh, huh?
Man what was I thinkin' before?
So honey you got a free hour?
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Oh God I thought
you'd never ask.
Okay, you know what I wanna do?
- What?
- I wanna go upstairs, I
wanna light some candles.
I wanna get a bubble bath going
and lie in a very sexy
and provocative pose.
- Well if you don't wanna learn
how to duplicate your
own keys I'll catch you later!
- Haha what?
- You kids!
He's a good looking guy.
Looking to put the
poke in Poconos?
- Hello there!
- Hey Pat!
- Hi!
- You know I'm sorry but you
kids still look great together!
- Oh thanks.
We take geritol.
- Just remember,
couples communication
seminar is at 2 o'clock.
- Of course Pat.
I mean, if there's any love
in this marriage to flush out.
My jukey will flush it.
- Good, see you there!
- Alright.
- Bye!
- Best of luck on
future projects.
- See ya.
- Oh rock me Mama, rock me!
- I thought he only
said that to me.
- That was some
breakthrough there, huh folks?
Yeah.
Okay, who's next
for the hot seats?
- Oh, we are, we are.
Come on honey!
- No I don't wanna go up there.
- Come on come on!
- So.
Eric and This Seminar Sucks.
- That's uh, she's Amanda.
- Amanda.
Eric.
What's going on with you two?
- Well, um, recently
I've noticed a rift
in our relationship.
A subtle but growing resentment
that I just can't quite
pinpoint you know?
- Hm.
Amanda?
Are you resentful
about something?
- Yes.
- Well speak up honey,
if it hurts, let it go!
- Alright.
Eric.
I don't want to be here.
I want to be alone.
With you, upstairs in
our room, having sex.
- Okay so what I
hear you saying to me.
Is that you want to
have sex with me now.
- Could we please?
- Sounds good to me!
- Alright well.
- Now I'm not
sure that sex is a...
- Nah!
- Yeah!
Well let's see, have we had
all of our couples up here?
- Showtime.
- Make it convincing,
no one gets hurt.
- You always have to
play the victim don't you?
- That's because
I am the victim.
- Oh put on your seat belts,
we're goin' on a guilt trip.
- See, there it is again.
The digging, nothing
but digs, digs, digs.
I feel like Egypt.
- What are you talking about?
What digs?
- Oh like about my
appearance for instance.
"Do you really need
to have dessert Ned?
"Why don't you
just apply the cake
"directly to your hips Ned?"
Just love me for me?
- How am I supposed to love you
when you spend all your
time with your damn cats?
- Well at least they don't
hit me, there I said it!
Or maybe in front of the group,
you'd prefer I call it rassling.
- Okay.
Okay come on you two.
Come on, let's turn
of that hate spigot
and get back to the good.
What do you like
about each other?
- Okay, well you know.
She gets a pretty
cute look on her face
when she opens a
beer with her teeth.
- Hm?
- I like the way he sounds out
all the words when he reads.
Oh, mmhm.
- She's kinda pretty.
- Mmhm.
- In the right light
he's kinda pretty too.
- Hey you too.
How's the sex?
- I think it would be good.
Is good.
Was good.
- Well we don't do it, you know.
As much as we should.
- Oh man did you see
the look on Kirkland's face?
- He ate it up!
- And that thing that you said.
What was it that you
said the thing about uh.
That I had a,
that I had a nice...
- Butt.
- That was pretty
good, pretty good.
- And I liked what you said,
about liking the way my breasts
ran against the taut fabric
of my sheer cotton blouse.
- Just came to me!
Listen.
Nice work partner,
put her there.
- Thank you I think
we pulled it off.
- It was good stuff
I think, ay, okay.
- Yeah.
Hug?
- Okay, hey I think
we earned a hug.
Yeah there's a good one, okay.
So listen I think I'm
gonna go back downstairs.
- Okay.
- Alright.
- Have a good evening.
- You too, you too.
- I can't believe this!
I came here to
give myself to you.
And what do I find but you,
making love with your wife!
- No no.
No, no it's not what
you think it is Lillian.
- It's not?
- It's not?
- Well it is.
And yet it's not!
- What is going on in here I?
Oh wow.
Eric I'm having that
nightmare again!
- I'm stunned Mr. Dorsey.
I can't believe that you
have been lying to me
all this time.
- Lillian I swear to you.
I have never, ever,
had sex with my wife.
That still seems
like a lie doesn't it?
- Good bye Mr. Dorsey.
Mrs. Dorsey.
- Bye.
- Oh and one more thing.
Good luck getting
office supplies.
- No!
So what do you want to do?
- Maybe we should
take this interruption
as a sign from the gods.
- Right.
I mean after all, what
do we stand to gain?
Two, three minutes of pleasure.
And then.
Then a lifetime of dealing
with the consequences.
- Right, you're
absolutely right.
I mean, two or three minutes?
- Did I say two or three?
I meant five or six.
Yeah, oh yeah.
- Here.
- There ya go.
- Here, let me up.
- Okay, alright.
- This is, this is definitely
the right way to go.
- Right.
Best thing that can happen
now is good night's sleep.
- Right.
- Just you know forget
that this ever happened.
Yep.
That's the best thing.
- Goodnight Ned.
- Goodnight Stacey.
Ned?
- Yeah?
It's 4:30 in the afternoon.
- Just shut up and go to sleep.
Next week on Ned and Stacey.
- Goodnight, oh!
Goodnight.