Ned and Stacey (1995–2017): Season 2, Episode 1 - The Other End - full transcript
After being throw out, Stacey decides to go to Alex's. Kirkland threatens to fire Ned and tells him to straighten out his life. Eric takes Ned to a family gathering so Ned can tell Stacey his true feelings.
Why Stacey?
Why Ned?
It was business.
Strictly business.
Here's the deal.
To get the promotion,
I needed a wife.
See, to get a life, I
needed his apartment.
So what the hell, we
up and got married.
The only thing we
have in common,
we irritate each other.
Right, enjoy the show.
Previously on Ned and Stacey.
- We'll just grab little ol'
Stacey, head out to dinner.
How's that sound to ya?
- Absolutely wonderful.
- Hello, good evening ladies.
- Ned, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
- I am moving you out!
- Leave my stuff alone!
- Hey, this is neater
than you pack.
Where's your boyfriend?
- He left, okay?
- Well go after him.
Can't ya see?
This is your freedom.
I'm willing to let
you out of the marital
agreement a year early.
Now you can go and be with
the man that you love, Stacey!
Rejoice, sing, dance,
be happy, learn the banjo!
But most importantly, get out!
- No!
I will not be thrown out!
I pay rent here too and I'll
leave when I wanna leave!
- Okay, maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm being stupid.
Do you wanna stay and
try to work things out?
- Yes, I do.
- Well you can't, haha!
Get out!
- Alright look, okay,
you are insane right now.
So I'm gonna spend
the night at Alex's
until you calm down.
- I am never going to calm down.
So just take your stuff
and get the hell outta here.
- No!
- Evening Mrs. Warner.
- Hello.
- Take your stuff.
- I'm not taking it.
- Why?
- I'd like to get
to my apartment.
I'm expecting a phone
call from my doctor.
- Thank you Mr. Dorsey.
- You're welcome.
- Ned.
- Stacey.
Now get out!
- What?
That schmendrick.
I showed that property
at least 20 times.
Ugh, yeah, alright,
I'll call ya back.
What's up?
- Jerry Piedmont stole
another commission
out from under me.
Remind me to have
his head put on a pike.
- I think your
pike is full honey.
- Hey Stace.
Eric, I wanna kill
real estate so much.
- Stop torturing
yourself already and quit!
- Really?
Do you think we could
get by on just your salary?
- Well, uh no.
Second thought,
ya know, don't quit.
- God, I don't know why I
got into this stupid business.
Ya know, four years
of college and then I
find myself...
Stacey, what are you doing here?
- Ned kicked me out.
- Why?
What did ya do?
- Why do you assume
I did something?
- Oh Stacey, come
on, take it easy.
What did you do?
- It was just a
stupid little thing.
Ned came by with his boss
and some fancy client
and when they walked in,
Alex and I were
kinda ya know, naked.
You gonna finish that?
- No, help yourself.
- Great.
- 'Cause I really need
to eat when I'm upset.
- What are you upset about?
God, you are finally out
of this stupid fake marriage.
You should shower
and get on with your life.
- There's more.
In the middle of kicking me out,
he kissed me.
- Eww.
- Wait, he kissed
you, like a real kiss
with the lips and everything?
- Uh huh!
- It was incredibly
passionate and intense.
- I knew it the day you
two kids got married,
I knew you would wind
up falling for each other.
This is great,
congratulations Stacey!
- Oh, Stacey, you're
really somethin' else.
What's the matter, I
thought you were goin' out
to play with
your little boy toy!
Oh, sorry Cornelius.
I thought that it
might be my wife.
- Ah yes, she just
ran outta the building
looking very upset.
Is everything alright?
- Well ya know, just
had a little brew ha ha.
I told her to get out.
- Oh my goodness.
- Look, she's probably
gonna be coming through
the lobby here in a few
minutes wantin' to come on up,
talk things through,
try to work it out.
So, when ya see her,
just ya know, shoot her.
- God, it's just so bizarre.
I just wish I knew what to do.
I mean, on the one
hand, what Eric said before
made a lot of sense.
What was it you said?
- For God's sake,
let us go to sleep?
- No, no, no, after that.
Oh right!
That Ned is just
like a hurt little boy
too scared to express
his true feelings.
Then again Amanda,
you had a good point too.
What did you say?
- That Ned's a psychopath.
- I'll tell you one darn thing.
She thinks that she
can come back in here
and just expect old Ned
Dorsey to forgive and forget, ha!
She's got another thing comin'.
Uh huh.
You're right, you're
right Cornelius.
Here she comes
trottin' down the street.
No, that's just a horse.
Didn't see that cop
riding her at first.
- Take care Mr. Dorsey.
Hello.
- Hi, hi.
So you got one of
your own, did ya?
- He was just up here
hangin' out with me for a while.
- So, Stacey dropped
by our place last night.
- Really?
- Yeah, she seemed
pretty upset trying to decide
whether or not to
come back here or not.
- What,
what'd she decide?
- To go to Papaya King
and then go to Alex's.
- Went to Alex's, did she?
Good, good.
That's where I told her to go.
Glad she obeyed.
- Ned, come on!
Now come on.
Stacey told us
that you kissed her.
Now obviously you've
got some feelings for her.
So don't try to hide them.
- No, no.
- Don't try to...
- No, no, no, no.
No feelings for Stacey, Rico.
I'm glad she's gone.
I am!
I'm very glad she's gone.
I'd go so far as to say
I'm damn glad she's gone!
You ever seen
the Stacey shuffle?
It goes like this.
She's gone, she's
gone, she's gone.
She's gone, she's
gone, she's gone.
I'm free!
No more Stacey.
It's morning in America again.
Hello little feller.
Stacey's gone and she
ain't comin' back again.
- Good, I never
liked her anyway.
- Huzza?
Mr. Dorsey, Pat
Kirkland is on his way
down to see you.
- Oh, thank you.
Why, why, why?
Oh why?
- Ned.
- Pat, come on in.
- Ned, we're in a hell of a
mess here thanks to that
lovely scene at your
apartment last night.
- I know.
- Well, there we are
entertaining the head
of family goodness
foods for God's sakes
and there's your wife
naked with another man.
The whole room
reeking of hot animal sex.
So, where do things
stand with you two?
- Oh Pat, it's over.
It's over.
The more I pleaded with
her, the more she taunted me
with tales of her and other
men having hot animal sex.
- My God.
- Ski instructors, real estate
salesmen, notary publics,
circus freaks, manutho.
Even the guys that
had been kicked out.
But why am I, why
am I bothering you
with stories of my
personal disgrace.
Just here.
- What's this?
- Ah, it's just some
notes, ideas I had
for the family goodness
food campaign.
I thought my replacement
might find them useful.
Here ya go.
- Ned.
- Ah, come on, come on.
- Don't toy with me here Pat.
I know why you promoted me.
It's 'cause the company
wanted a stable family guy.
- I just don't think that you
resigning at the moment
is the way to go here.
No! I want you
to stay on the job.
Provided that you can
get your personal life
straightened out so it
doesn't interfere with
your work here anymore.
Can ya do that?
- Oh, yes I can!
Oh good boss, so easy to love.
Oh, thank you, thanks
for coming by today Pat.
Listen, maybe someday
I'll have a chance to see
your wife naked and
then we'll be even.
See ya on the squash court.
- Amanda I am so glad I
didn't come back here last night.
Thank you for
talking sense into me.
- Come on, let's
get your stuff and go.
I don't wanna hit traffic.
- I know that he's gonna
think that I came back here
to say, "Oh Ned, I really
felt something when
"you kissed me," but I didn't.
And even if I did, I wouldn't
say anything to him about it.
- Knock, please.
- It's up to him to
say something to me.
And even if he does,
I still like Alex better.
Dreading this, it's
gonna be so tense.
- Hey hey!
How ya doin', come on in!
Come on in!
- Alright.
- How's it goin' Gatsby?
- Just fine, just dandy.
Dropped by the club earlier,
played a couple of
sets of badminton
with Thurston Hal the III.
Oh yeah, listen,
can I get you two kids
something to drink?
I think I got a little
champagne left from my
comin' out party.
- No Ned, we don't want
anything to drink, thank you.
- I'll take a mimosa.
- You got it.
Stacey, are you sure I
can't get ya something?
- No no, Ned.
I just came by to pack.
- Oh well, listen Stacey.
I can't let you
pack up anything.
- Oh boy, here we go.
And why is that Ned?
- Because I've had it
all packed up for you.
By professionals.
Clothing, shoes, cosmetics,
waxing implements,
all neatly labeled.
So, unpacking
should be a breeze.
Hey, so,
all set?
- Um, yes.
I guess so.
Thank you for the movers.
- Well, thank you
for well, moving.
- Hey Ned, thanks again
for the creme brulee.
- Remember, serve it chilled.
If you like it, tell a friend.
- Well, um,
bye Ned.
- So long.
Keep in touch.
Loved Alex!
Good luck on future projects.
- Stuff kinda fills up
the place, doesn't it?
- Oh I don't care.
It's just stuff.
Point is, we're together.
- Awe.
- Some of it can go into
storage though, right?
- Oh! Of course, yes.
- Look, I got a hell of a
lot of work to get done.
You mind if I start on
that while you unpack?
- No, go ahead.
I'll take that.
Oh look!
- Huh?
- If you lean all the way
over, you can kinda get
a view of the top
of that tree in front.
It's nice.
- Ned, Amanda and I wanted
to thank you for a great day
on Sunday.
- Ah, you're welcome my friend.
- Everything was fabulous.
The brunch, the yacht
race, the polo match.
- How are those saddle sores?
- Oh, it's okay, the
ointment is really helping.
- Good, good.
- So, have you spoken to Stacey?
- Stacey?
Oh, Stacey.
Oh boy, that name's
a blast from the past.
That's a golden oldie.
No, ya know, at long last,
that's a nightmare that's ended.
So, what do you say?
Let's get started.
- Good, good.
You know Ken, I
must tell you that
our Ned here has been
a whirling dervish these
past few days getting
this campaign in shape.
- I don't know about
a whirling dervish,
just call me the
Kentucky dervish.
- Well Pat, I'm
very anxious to see
what your man has in store.
- So am I!
Zing.
Again, what I've done
here is I've put together
a prototype spot of the kinda
campaign that I have in mind.
- I'm ready, let's have a look.
- Okay.
- Hi Daddy!
- Hey kids!
- Hi!
- Oh boy hun, am I starved.
What's for dinner?
- Meatloaf, gravy,
mashed potatoes, and corn.
All your favorites, darling.
- And biscuits too?
- Yes Billy, biscuits too.
- Mmm, I love biscuits.
- Emily, we all love biscuits.
Hun, these don't taste like
Family Goodness biscuits.
- I tried a different
brand tonight.
Hope you don't mind.
- Mind? Of course
I mind, damn it!
I want Family Goodness biscuits!
Get outta here, you
wrong biscuit buying slut!
And don't come back without
Family Goodness biscuits!
Get out!
Family Goodness biscuits.
Buy them or get out.
- Any thoughts?
Feedback?
- Came in way under
budget, by the way.
- Pat, if this is a joke,
you'll notice I'm not laughing.
- I tried to be
understanding Ned.
But I am fed up.
Now either you get your
personal life straightened out
or you're through.
Do you understand me?
- Oh Rico.
What the hell is
goin' on with me?
- Don't ya see Ned?
It's Stacey, she's
still inside of you.
She's gnawing away at
you from the inside, buddy.
- Like alien.
- That's right!
Unless you do
something about it,
she's gonna burst
right outta your thorax
and skitter across the table.
Is that what you want?
- No.
- So go to her,
talk to her, tell her!
- Tell her what Rico?
Tell her what?
- Tell her that ya
love her, damn it!
- But I don't love her.
- Well, tell her something.
I know ya feel
something for her.
Dig deep, come on Ned.
- Ya know, alright.
I feel...
- Dig!
- I feel,
I feel an intense ambivalence,
some of which doesn't
border entirely on the negative.
- Then tell her that damn it!
Tell her that!
- I can't tell her that.
- Ned, if ya don't do this,
for the rest of your
life, you'll be haunted,
tormented by the
thought, if only I had
expressed what I felt.
If only I hadn't been so
timid, so contemptibly afraid,
I know I could've scored
with Mary Ann Brisco
after the homecoming dance.
I mean, Stacey, you'll regret
what you didn't say to Stacey.
- I can do it.
- Yes you can!
- Let's go!
- Let's go, come on!
- Stacey.
Stacey!
- What's goin' on?
You guys hopped up on Peyote?
- No, he's looking
for Stacey Dorsey.
- Oh the redhead that
shacked up with Palmer.
- Yeah, do you
know where she is?
- They went upstate
to his parents house.
I'm watching his cat.
Have you seen it?
- Yeah Palmer, that's it yeah.
421 Oakdale, okay
I got it, thanks bye.
Okay buddy, we're on our way.
Now come on,
practice for me, let's go.
- Stacey, I haven't
stepped on any cornflakes or
toe nail clippings in two weeks.
Damn it, I miss you!
- That's good,
hang onto that one.
Don't let that one slip away.
- It's hard Rico, it's hard!
- Come on, you can
do it man, you can do it.
- Let's just do
this thing already.
- Let's do it.
There you go.
- Get this over with.
I have feelings for you,
please come home with me.
- Pardon me?
- No, he's looking for
Stacey Dorsey, is she here?
- Yes she is, come in, come in.
Please.
- Ned, Eric, what
are you doing here?
- Uh Stacey, Ned's
got something to tell ya.
- What is it?
- Stacey?
- Yes Ned?
- Get out!
- What?
- I mean,
I like pie.
Ned?
Ned, that's my car, Ned?
- Stacey's gone, Stacey's gone.
Stacey.
Much goes into the
making of a Ned and Stacey.
First, the audience
arrives excitedly
and enters the studio where
they're shown to their seats.
Refreshments are served.
Mmm, eat up.
With the show over,
the audience departs,
but our work is just beginning.
First, the comedy must
be weighed, then mixed,
and finally bottled.
Then it's loaded onto trucks
and delivered to your door.
Now, that's fresh comedy.
Woah, goodnight.
Why Ned?
It was business.
Strictly business.
Here's the deal.
To get the promotion,
I needed a wife.
See, to get a life, I
needed his apartment.
So what the hell, we
up and got married.
The only thing we
have in common,
we irritate each other.
Right, enjoy the show.
Previously on Ned and Stacey.
- We'll just grab little ol'
Stacey, head out to dinner.
How's that sound to ya?
- Absolutely wonderful.
- Hello, good evening ladies.
- Ned, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
- I am moving you out!
- Leave my stuff alone!
- Hey, this is neater
than you pack.
Where's your boyfriend?
- He left, okay?
- Well go after him.
Can't ya see?
This is your freedom.
I'm willing to let
you out of the marital
agreement a year early.
Now you can go and be with
the man that you love, Stacey!
Rejoice, sing, dance,
be happy, learn the banjo!
But most importantly, get out!
- No!
I will not be thrown out!
I pay rent here too and I'll
leave when I wanna leave!
- Okay, maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm being stupid.
Do you wanna stay and
try to work things out?
- Yes, I do.
- Well you can't, haha!
Get out!
- Alright look, okay,
you are insane right now.
So I'm gonna spend
the night at Alex's
until you calm down.
- I am never going to calm down.
So just take your stuff
and get the hell outta here.
- No!
- Evening Mrs. Warner.
- Hello.
- Take your stuff.
- I'm not taking it.
- Why?
- I'd like to get
to my apartment.
I'm expecting a phone
call from my doctor.
- Thank you Mr. Dorsey.
- You're welcome.
- Ned.
- Stacey.
Now get out!
- What?
That schmendrick.
I showed that property
at least 20 times.
Ugh, yeah, alright,
I'll call ya back.
What's up?
- Jerry Piedmont stole
another commission
out from under me.
Remind me to have
his head put on a pike.
- I think your
pike is full honey.
- Hey Stace.
Eric, I wanna kill
real estate so much.
- Stop torturing
yourself already and quit!
- Really?
Do you think we could
get by on just your salary?
- Well, uh no.
Second thought,
ya know, don't quit.
- God, I don't know why I
got into this stupid business.
Ya know, four years
of college and then I
find myself...
Stacey, what are you doing here?
- Ned kicked me out.
- Why?
What did ya do?
- Why do you assume
I did something?
- Oh Stacey, come
on, take it easy.
What did you do?
- It was just a
stupid little thing.
Ned came by with his boss
and some fancy client
and when they walked in,
Alex and I were
kinda ya know, naked.
You gonna finish that?
- No, help yourself.
- Great.
- 'Cause I really need
to eat when I'm upset.
- What are you upset about?
God, you are finally out
of this stupid fake marriage.
You should shower
and get on with your life.
- There's more.
In the middle of kicking me out,
he kissed me.
- Eww.
- Wait, he kissed
you, like a real kiss
with the lips and everything?
- Uh huh!
- It was incredibly
passionate and intense.
- I knew it the day you
two kids got married,
I knew you would wind
up falling for each other.
This is great,
congratulations Stacey!
- Oh, Stacey, you're
really somethin' else.
What's the matter, I
thought you were goin' out
to play with
your little boy toy!
Oh, sorry Cornelius.
I thought that it
might be my wife.
- Ah yes, she just
ran outta the building
looking very upset.
Is everything alright?
- Well ya know, just
had a little brew ha ha.
I told her to get out.
- Oh my goodness.
- Look, she's probably
gonna be coming through
the lobby here in a few
minutes wantin' to come on up,
talk things through,
try to work it out.
So, when ya see her,
just ya know, shoot her.
- God, it's just so bizarre.
I just wish I knew what to do.
I mean, on the one
hand, what Eric said before
made a lot of sense.
What was it you said?
- For God's sake,
let us go to sleep?
- No, no, no, after that.
Oh right!
That Ned is just
like a hurt little boy
too scared to express
his true feelings.
Then again Amanda,
you had a good point too.
What did you say?
- That Ned's a psychopath.
- I'll tell you one darn thing.
She thinks that she
can come back in here
and just expect old Ned
Dorsey to forgive and forget, ha!
She's got another thing comin'.
Uh huh.
You're right, you're
right Cornelius.
Here she comes
trottin' down the street.
No, that's just a horse.
Didn't see that cop
riding her at first.
- Take care Mr. Dorsey.
Hello.
- Hi, hi.
So you got one of
your own, did ya?
- He was just up here
hangin' out with me for a while.
- So, Stacey dropped
by our place last night.
- Really?
- Yeah, she seemed
pretty upset trying to decide
whether or not to
come back here or not.
- What,
what'd she decide?
- To go to Papaya King
and then go to Alex's.
- Went to Alex's, did she?
Good, good.
That's where I told her to go.
Glad she obeyed.
- Ned, come on!
Now come on.
Stacey told us
that you kissed her.
Now obviously you've
got some feelings for her.
So don't try to hide them.
- No, no.
- Don't try to...
- No, no, no, no.
No feelings for Stacey, Rico.
I'm glad she's gone.
I am!
I'm very glad she's gone.
I'd go so far as to say
I'm damn glad she's gone!
You ever seen
the Stacey shuffle?
It goes like this.
She's gone, she's
gone, she's gone.
She's gone, she's
gone, she's gone.
I'm free!
No more Stacey.
It's morning in America again.
Hello little feller.
Stacey's gone and she
ain't comin' back again.
- Good, I never
liked her anyway.
- Huzza?
Mr. Dorsey, Pat
Kirkland is on his way
down to see you.
- Oh, thank you.
Why, why, why?
Oh why?
- Ned.
- Pat, come on in.
- Ned, we're in a hell of a
mess here thanks to that
lovely scene at your
apartment last night.
- I know.
- Well, there we are
entertaining the head
of family goodness
foods for God's sakes
and there's your wife
naked with another man.
The whole room
reeking of hot animal sex.
So, where do things
stand with you two?
- Oh Pat, it's over.
It's over.
The more I pleaded with
her, the more she taunted me
with tales of her and other
men having hot animal sex.
- My God.
- Ski instructors, real estate
salesmen, notary publics,
circus freaks, manutho.
Even the guys that
had been kicked out.
But why am I, why
am I bothering you
with stories of my
personal disgrace.
Just here.
- What's this?
- Ah, it's just some
notes, ideas I had
for the family goodness
food campaign.
I thought my replacement
might find them useful.
Here ya go.
- Ned.
- Ah, come on, come on.
- Don't toy with me here Pat.
I know why you promoted me.
It's 'cause the company
wanted a stable family guy.
- I just don't think that you
resigning at the moment
is the way to go here.
No! I want you
to stay on the job.
Provided that you can
get your personal life
straightened out so it
doesn't interfere with
your work here anymore.
Can ya do that?
- Oh, yes I can!
Oh good boss, so easy to love.
Oh, thank you, thanks
for coming by today Pat.
Listen, maybe someday
I'll have a chance to see
your wife naked and
then we'll be even.
See ya on the squash court.
- Amanda I am so glad I
didn't come back here last night.
Thank you for
talking sense into me.
- Come on, let's
get your stuff and go.
I don't wanna hit traffic.
- I know that he's gonna
think that I came back here
to say, "Oh Ned, I really
felt something when
"you kissed me," but I didn't.
And even if I did, I wouldn't
say anything to him about it.
- Knock, please.
- It's up to him to
say something to me.
And even if he does,
I still like Alex better.
Dreading this, it's
gonna be so tense.
- Hey hey!
How ya doin', come on in!
Come on in!
- Alright.
- How's it goin' Gatsby?
- Just fine, just dandy.
Dropped by the club earlier,
played a couple of
sets of badminton
with Thurston Hal the III.
Oh yeah, listen,
can I get you two kids
something to drink?
I think I got a little
champagne left from my
comin' out party.
- No Ned, we don't want
anything to drink, thank you.
- I'll take a mimosa.
- You got it.
Stacey, are you sure I
can't get ya something?
- No no, Ned.
I just came by to pack.
- Oh well, listen Stacey.
I can't let you
pack up anything.
- Oh boy, here we go.
And why is that Ned?
- Because I've had it
all packed up for you.
By professionals.
Clothing, shoes, cosmetics,
waxing implements,
all neatly labeled.
So, unpacking
should be a breeze.
Hey, so,
all set?
- Um, yes.
I guess so.
Thank you for the movers.
- Well, thank you
for well, moving.
- Hey Ned, thanks again
for the creme brulee.
- Remember, serve it chilled.
If you like it, tell a friend.
- Well, um,
bye Ned.
- So long.
Keep in touch.
Loved Alex!
Good luck on future projects.
- Stuff kinda fills up
the place, doesn't it?
- Oh I don't care.
It's just stuff.
Point is, we're together.
- Awe.
- Some of it can go into
storage though, right?
- Oh! Of course, yes.
- Look, I got a hell of a
lot of work to get done.
You mind if I start on
that while you unpack?
- No, go ahead.
I'll take that.
Oh look!
- Huh?
- If you lean all the way
over, you can kinda get
a view of the top
of that tree in front.
It's nice.
- Ned, Amanda and I wanted
to thank you for a great day
on Sunday.
- Ah, you're welcome my friend.
- Everything was fabulous.
The brunch, the yacht
race, the polo match.
- How are those saddle sores?
- Oh, it's okay, the
ointment is really helping.
- Good, good.
- So, have you spoken to Stacey?
- Stacey?
Oh, Stacey.
Oh boy, that name's
a blast from the past.
That's a golden oldie.
No, ya know, at long last,
that's a nightmare that's ended.
So, what do you say?
Let's get started.
- Good, good.
You know Ken, I
must tell you that
our Ned here has been
a whirling dervish these
past few days getting
this campaign in shape.
- I don't know about
a whirling dervish,
just call me the
Kentucky dervish.
- Well Pat, I'm
very anxious to see
what your man has in store.
- So am I!
Zing.
Again, what I've done
here is I've put together
a prototype spot of the kinda
campaign that I have in mind.
- I'm ready, let's have a look.
- Okay.
- Hi Daddy!
- Hey kids!
- Hi!
- Oh boy hun, am I starved.
What's for dinner?
- Meatloaf, gravy,
mashed potatoes, and corn.
All your favorites, darling.
- And biscuits too?
- Yes Billy, biscuits too.
- Mmm, I love biscuits.
- Emily, we all love biscuits.
Hun, these don't taste like
Family Goodness biscuits.
- I tried a different
brand tonight.
Hope you don't mind.
- Mind? Of course
I mind, damn it!
I want Family Goodness biscuits!
Get outta here, you
wrong biscuit buying slut!
And don't come back without
Family Goodness biscuits!
Get out!
Family Goodness biscuits.
Buy them or get out.
- Any thoughts?
Feedback?
- Came in way under
budget, by the way.
- Pat, if this is a joke,
you'll notice I'm not laughing.
- I tried to be
understanding Ned.
But I am fed up.
Now either you get your
personal life straightened out
or you're through.
Do you understand me?
- Oh Rico.
What the hell is
goin' on with me?
- Don't ya see Ned?
It's Stacey, she's
still inside of you.
She's gnawing away at
you from the inside, buddy.
- Like alien.
- That's right!
Unless you do
something about it,
she's gonna burst
right outta your thorax
and skitter across the table.
Is that what you want?
- No.
- So go to her,
talk to her, tell her!
- Tell her what Rico?
Tell her what?
- Tell her that ya
love her, damn it!
- But I don't love her.
- Well, tell her something.
I know ya feel
something for her.
Dig deep, come on Ned.
- Ya know, alright.
I feel...
- Dig!
- I feel,
I feel an intense ambivalence,
some of which doesn't
border entirely on the negative.
- Then tell her that damn it!
Tell her that!
- I can't tell her that.
- Ned, if ya don't do this,
for the rest of your
life, you'll be haunted,
tormented by the
thought, if only I had
expressed what I felt.
If only I hadn't been so
timid, so contemptibly afraid,
I know I could've scored
with Mary Ann Brisco
after the homecoming dance.
I mean, Stacey, you'll regret
what you didn't say to Stacey.
- I can do it.
- Yes you can!
- Let's go!
- Let's go, come on!
- Stacey.
Stacey!
- What's goin' on?
You guys hopped up on Peyote?
- No, he's looking
for Stacey Dorsey.
- Oh the redhead that
shacked up with Palmer.
- Yeah, do you
know where she is?
- They went upstate
to his parents house.
I'm watching his cat.
Have you seen it?
- Yeah Palmer, that's it yeah.
421 Oakdale, okay
I got it, thanks bye.
Okay buddy, we're on our way.
Now come on,
practice for me, let's go.
- Stacey, I haven't
stepped on any cornflakes or
toe nail clippings in two weeks.
Damn it, I miss you!
- That's good,
hang onto that one.
Don't let that one slip away.
- It's hard Rico, it's hard!
- Come on, you can
do it man, you can do it.
- Let's just do
this thing already.
- Let's do it.
There you go.
- Get this over with.
I have feelings for you,
please come home with me.
- Pardon me?
- No, he's looking for
Stacey Dorsey, is she here?
- Yes she is, come in, come in.
Please.
- Ned, Eric, what
are you doing here?
- Uh Stacey, Ned's
got something to tell ya.
- What is it?
- Stacey?
- Yes Ned?
- Get out!
- What?
- I mean,
I like pie.
Ned?
Ned, that's my car, Ned?
- Stacey's gone, Stacey's gone.
Stacey.
Much goes into the
making of a Ned and Stacey.
First, the audience
arrives excitedly
and enters the studio where
they're shown to their seats.
Refreshments are served.
Mmm, eat up.
With the show over,
the audience departs,
but our work is just beginning.
First, the comedy must
be weighed, then mixed,
and finally bottled.
Then it's loaded onto trucks
and delivered to your door.
Now, that's fresh comedy.
Woah, goodnight.