Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 9, Episode 16 - Prince of Space - full transcript

-♪ In the not-too-distant
future ♪

♪ Somewhere in time and space

♪ Mike Nelson
and his robot pals ♪

♪ Are caught in
an endless chase ♪

♪ Pursued by a woman
whose name is Pearl ♪

♪ An evil gal who wants
to rule the world ♪

♪ She threw a few things
in her purse ♪

♪ And in her rocketship,
she hunts him ♪

♪ All across the universe

-I'll get you!

-♪ I'll send him cheesy movies

-♪ Ooh, ooh
-♪ The worst I can find

-♪ La, la, la

-♪ He'll have to sit
and watch them all ♪

♪ And I'll monitor his mind

-♪ La, la, la
-♪ Now keep in mind

♪ Mike can't control where
the movies begin or end ♪

-♪ La, la, la
-♪ He'll try to keep his

♪ Sanity with the help
of his robot friends ♪

-Robot roll call.

-Cambot.
-You're on.

-Gypsy.
-Oh, my stars!

-Tom Servo.
-Check me out.

-Croooow!
-I'm different.

-♪ If you're wondering how
he eats and breathes ♪

-♪ Ooh, ooh
-♪ And other science facts

-♪ La, la, la
-♪ Just repeat to yourself

♪ "It's just a show.
I should really just relax" ♪

♪ For "Mystery Science
Theater 3000" ♪

♪♪

-Mike! Mike! Mike!

[Growls]

-What is going on here?
-Mike! Mike! Mike!

-Hey, hey, hey.
Down, down, down, down.

Now what's up?

-Mike, we were playing
dog and bear, you know?

And Servo was chasing me,

and I ran panicked over logs
and through streams

mad with primal terror,
you know?

And I turned
and raked my deadly claws

against his howling snout,
you know?

And I rose to my hind feet,
towering,

and still bellowing,
he came,

and I mewled and spewed gore
from my wounds

and snot
from my flaring wild maw,

and then -- and then -- and thenwe were locked like lovers,

and -- and then
I was encountered by

moiled, spotted hound bodies,

and my entrails
were hanging out.

And I tried a savage,
feral roar,

But alas, my force was spent,
and I died.

That Servo took it too far.

[Crying]
-All right. I understand.

Is that what happened, Servo?

-Well,
I guess that's about right,

but I mean, what's too far when
your entrails are spilling out?

I mean, where's the line?

-Well, I see your point,
but I'll tell you what.

Why don't you guys
just play a nice game, okay?

-Okay.
-Okay.

-Could you stick my entrails
back in, Mike?

-Oh, sure I will.

We'll be right back.

Entrails back in.
There you go.

-Thank you.
-How's that?

♪♪

[Laughter]

-♪ La, la, la, la, la
-♪ La, la, la, la, la

-♪ La, la, la, la, la,
dooby-dee, ba-dee ♪

-What's so funny, guys?

-We're having fun.

-Oh, because you're not playing
dog and bear again, are you?

Because you know how
that can get out of hand.

-Oh, no. Now we're playing
sea lion and squirrel,

and we have nothing at all
to do with each other.

-And it's fun.

-♪ La, la, la, la, la
-♪ La, la, la, la, la

-Oh, that's great.
Oh, Pearl Bailey is calling.

-Okay.

-Oh, hurry up.

-Hey, Nelson Eddy.

It's time to take
your movie medicine.

-Don't look!
-We're not looking!

Bobo has to...go,

so brain boy here
tied a rope around him

and sent him out.

Anyway,
your movie today is --

-You're looking,
I know you are!

-Believe me, there's nothing
I'd like to look at less.

-Well, I'm going to go
into this big tunnel thing here

so you can't look at me
even if you try.

-Wait, wait, wait,
don't go in there!

Don't go --
I wouldn't do that.

That's a -- No, don't.

That's a --

That's a wormhole.

-A worm what?
-A wormhole.

-A what hole?
-A wormhole, wormhole --

A cosmic rift
where all time and matter

is rearranged
seemingly at random.

-Oh, big deal.

-Well, it is.

They're very unpredictable
and dangerous.

-Well, so am I, Brainiac.

Let's get in there
and get that monkey.

-May I ask why?

-What happens if Bobo causes
one of them weird numbers

where he goes back in the past

and steps on a butterfly
or something,

and then 'cause of that,

mammals as we know them
never evolve,

and then because of that,

mankind never invents
slot machines,

and my favorite hobby goes
straight down the toity, huh?

-Your logic is irrefutable.

-Hey, Nelson, we're going
wormhole surfing.

-Goodbye.
-So long!

-Goodbye!
-Arrivederci!

-Goodbye now!
-Goodbye!

-Goodbye!
-Bon voyage!

-Goodbye!
-Goodbye!

-No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.

No. You're coming with.

Hey, Whitey, how about using
that brain of yours

to give these guys a tow?

-Yeah, I'll do that
for you, ma'am,

but then I gots to be
moseying along.

I've got spurs that go
jingly jangly jingle after all.

That's just the way I am.

I'll kiss you now, ma'am,
and then...

-Would you just lasso
the stupid ship, please?

-Okay, okay.

I'll show you where
all the cowboys have gone.

[Metal clangs]

-Whoa, we're being
bronco busted!

-Oh, hang on, little doggies.

-Ohh!
-Ohh!

[Wind howling]

-Whoa, whoa, that's heavy.

-We hope you enjoy traveling
Wormhole Express Airlines.

Your in-flight movie today
is a little confection

from our friends in Japan
called "Prince of Space."

Sayonara.

-Whoa.
-Wow, a wormhole.

All sorts of weird stuff
could happen.

-And it probably will.
[Buzzer sounds]

-Even worse,
we have movie sign.

Let's go!

[Buzzer sounding]

-Wormhole.

Hey, I'm in space already, damn.

-Starring Tatsuo, Johji,
Hiroko, and Ken.

Oh, and Nobu. hmm.

-So, is this going to be
a super-violent porn cartoon?

-The English version done
by Bellucci Productions.

-Oh, of course.
-Makes sense.

♪♪

-H.O. scale Japan.

-Japan. By Marx.

♪♪

-[Humming "Leave it to Beaver"
theme]

-Oh, Ma, tempura again?

-We love cram school, father!

♪♪

-Okay, okay, okay,

two Italian guys dodge mushroomsthrown by a monkey.

Huh?
-I don't know.

-Isn't that great?

As soon as you get
your rocket ship inflated,

you'll be able to fly around
in outer space.

-I would be afraid
to go out there.

Wouldn't you be afraid,
Susie?

-Oh, yes.

-Mickey, what do you say
we watch television?

The world championship
is tonight.

-All right, but first...
-Of what?

-...I want to look at the new
telescope you got, all right?

-Yes. Excuse me, mom.

[Laughter]

-Mickey.
-Put on your upsetting shorts.

-Don't forget Wally
will be coming by

to pick you up
in a few minutes.

-Oh, he's never on time anyways.

Forget it.

-Here, Mickey.

I'll leave an apple here
for you, Kimmy.

-Thank you.

-It's just wonderful
what your friend Wally

has done for these children.

-Yes, he doesn't have a very
easy time of it, I imagine,

playing both mother and father
to a couple of orphans,

but he does it well.

-Yes, they're very happy
with him, as you can see,

and he's even started
to teach them

how to earn their own money.

-Mm-hmm.

-More squid eyes?

-Ah, here he is now.

-Good evening.

-I hope my kids haven't been
giving you much trouble.

-Of course not.
We love having them.

-Well, don't just
stand over there.

Come over here
and sit down.

-Come on, Mickey.

Let's go in and watch
the championship fight.

-All right, if you want to.

-Well, son, we were all
just talking about you.

-You were?
Something nice I hope?

-About the way
you take care of the children.

-Do you ever feed them?

-We agreed you were doing
a marvelous job.

-Yes.
-Oh, well, it's really nothing.

I'm trying to do my best.

I just wish I could
teach them something

besides bootblacking.

-What's the matter
with bootblacking?

We both like it very much.

Right, Kimmy?
-Sure.

-So shut up about bootblacking.

-This new rocket fuel of yours
has astounded the whole world.

-You haven't heard the latest.

The first
cosmic exploration rocket

will be launched from this base.

-The dining room?

-Wow, congratulations.
-Come, come, my boy.

-No, it's space.

-You know you're a tremendous
help to me in the laboratory,

and your friend Dr. Cummings
of America

was also a great help,

and Susie's brother also
deserves some of the credit.

By the way,
he's coming back tomorrow.

-Oh, that's nice.

[Beeping]
-Hey, what's that

supposed to be?
-That's a commercial.

-It couldn't be.

They're not selling anything.

-You want to bet
it's a commercial?

They're probably selling
some new toy.

-We like it very much.

-That looks like
a real rocket ship.

-Attention, people of Earth.
Attention, people of Earth.

This is Krankor Exploration
Force speaking.

-Crank-whore?

-Do not be alarmed.
-I know.

-Stand by
for an important message.

Stand by
for an important message.

-Veterans
can not be turned down.

-The ancient name
of the dark planet.

-I can't believe they're
showing Dennis Franz's butt.

-That ship must be
in outer space.

-That's a toy
I wouldn't mind having.

I like it very much.

-Attention, people of Earth.

-Ba-kawk.

-I am Ambassador Phantom from
the planet Krankor.

-We are Ken.
-We are Ken.

-I am rapidly approaching
your planet

in the warship
which you have just seen.

-Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.
-That's good.

-It's overloading every channel.

What a powerful beam
he must have.

-Thank you.
-Look at that modulation.

-I will arrive tomorrow night
at precisely 8:00.

-Bawk, bawk.

-At that time, I will make
my wishes known to you.

-Bawk.

-You will obey them or die.

-Ba-kawk.

-Have a pleasant night's sleep.

[Laughs evilly]

-How are you?

-[Laughs evilly]

-Krankor,
nothing to worry about.

Truman Capote
sent to fight Krankor.

[Horn honks]

-Hey, there's Jerry
the reporter.

-Hey, Wally.

-What is it, Beav?

-Hot off the press.

-Thanks.

Where are you going?

-Professor Macken is giving
a press conference.

-He's supposed to know
what these spacemen want.

He might know how
we can fight them off too.

-Yeah. Got a whole bunch
of firecrackers

left over from last year.

Maybe we can use them.

[Laughter]

-Let's go. We're late now.
-Goodbye.

-Goodbye.
-Goodbye!

-Goodbye, unfunny, weird man.

-He seems like a real jerk.

-Say, Wally, I bet you're
afraid of those spacemen.

-Of course I am.
-What for?

You aren't going to be much help

if you get frightened
as easy as that.

-I'm not here.

-Walter Mondale arrives.

-Come on, fellas.
Shake a leg, we're late.

-I have to swing in
for some violent porn comics.

-Where is he?
-Oh, here he comes now.

Good morning, professor.

-It's the subway fondler club.

-Good morning, gentlemen.

-Welcome to
my grandma's living room.

-Well, now,
do you have any questions?

-Yes, professor.

What about these spacemen, sir?

Do we expect them
to attempt to land here?

-Yes. Let me explain.

You know, gentlemen,

we have developed
a powerful new rocket fuel.

-Mm-hmm.
-Yes, sir.

-Now for reasons
which must remain classified,

we believe their visit

has something to do
with this discovery.

-Wait a minute, professor.

These people are obviously
much more advanced than we are.

What could they possibly want
from us?

-Yes, they've already achieved
interplanetary space travel.

That's more than we have, sir.

-Oh...

-Oh, it seems
that you are right,

at least about space travel.

In another respect,
in the question of fuel,

their technology lags
far behind ours.

Now if they were capable

of producing a rocket fuel
like mine,

why, they could send 100 ships
to Earth instead of one.

They could conquer
the entire world in a week.

-Thank you very much
and goodbye.

-The Japanese Don Knotts.

-Oh, Jerry, there you are.

-Jerry, baby.

-Very good story,
both of you.

I'm giving you bylines
on the front page.

-I hope there will be
someone around to read it.

We've just come
from the war office.

They're declaring
a general alert.

-Oh, a general alert?

-Does it affect my bow tie?

-This must be serious.

-They're going
to try to land here?

-Well, it's not official,

but they're heading this way
for sure.

-Is that right?

-They're coming here then.

-You're fascinating.

-Gentlemen, this may be
our last day on Earth.

-Let's hit the karaoke bar.

-Whoo.

♪♪

-A rare Godzilla-free day.

♪♪

-This is Metropolitan Police
speaking,

Metropolitan Police speaking.

-♪ Ding-ding, ding-ding,
ding-ding, ding-ding ♪

-All persons are warned
to stay off the streets.

All persons are warned
to stay off the streets.

-Paging Mr. Herman.

-Civil defense personnel
report to their stations.

Civil defense personnel
report to their stations.

-Come on.

-All others take shelter.

All other persons take shelter.

Do not panic.

Follow instructions.

You will not get hurt.

-[Humming tune from
"Firesign Theatre"]

-Regional control reporting.

All metropolitan sections
are on red alert.

Repeat, a little metropolitan
sections are on red alert.

Over and out.

-Stop looking at us.

Mind your own business.

-I wonder where Wally is.

He said he would come tonight.

-Uh-huh.

-He's got some stones
to mess with me.

-Monet in Paris.

[Dog barking]

-A ruff-a-roo, bow-a-wow.

[Dog barking]

-After that dog!

-♪ Where is aruff?

-[Laughs]

-One minute to 8:00.

Is your watch right?

[Buzzing]

-Listen, here they come.

-Is his watch right?

We may never know.

-Come on.

[Buzzing continues]

-Can you see anything?

-[Gasps] The Sony blimp.

-There. Look, over there!

-It's Cheap Trick.

-Surrender, Dorothy.

-Same goes for you, Paris.

-Pagoda of the damned.

[Buzzing]

-An alien race too proud
to ask for directions.

-My baby sun hat and smock
will protect me.

-Protect me, Japanese Fabian.

-Chief.
-What?

-I've just got a report

about some strange
electrical disturbance

out near Beaver Falls.

-You did?

-Beaver Falls?

-Better get out there
right away,

and take a photographer
with you.

-Oh, let me go too, chief.
All right?

Hmm?
-Yeah.

-Go, you bizarre little man.

-Well, consider yourself
conquered.

I got to go.

♪♪

-Beaver Falls Control here,
UFO descending in area 220.

-All right. Let's go.

-Okay.

Uh, yeah, let's go.

-♪ Ohh

-♪ Here we go off
to Beaver Falls ♪

♪ Beaver Falls, Beaver Falls

♪ Here we go off
to Beaver Falls ♪

♪ Early in the morning

-I burned my tofu.

-Something over there.
-Right.

Maintain radio contact
with headquarters.

-Right.

-Ah, the Stanley Cup
has invaded Earth, hmm?

-Aliens, come here right now.

-No, wait.

It's a periscope.

-Deploy your men around it.
-Right.

-I am the lemon zester
of destruction.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Bok choy. Wasabi.

-Samurai.
-Wasabi.

-Hey, there's Macken's car.

[Indistinct conversations]

-That's a lot more interesting
than a spaceship, a car!

-Look, he brought his kids
with him.

-Hey, Professor Macken,
you're just in time.

The spaceship
just landed over here.

-Yes, I know.

Well, what's going on?
Who's in charge here?

-The commissioner himself,but he's up there investigating.

-Oh, I see.
[Indistinct conversations]

-Sir, your office called.

-Hmm, David Byrne.

♪♪

-Hello?

Hello?
-Hello?

-Hello?
-Hello?

[Drum rhythm plays]
-What message speaks the drums?

-Junior Samples
and Business Boy.

-What's the matter with you,
Mickey?

This might be dangerous.

-I'm not afraid.
If you are, go on home.

-Wait, those are
two separate ideas.

-Yeah.

-What?

-Oh.

-It's a giant watermelon.

Gallagher is taking over.

-Oh!
-Oh!

-Forward.

-Okay, good luck, sir.
Let me know what...

Oh, you want me to go with you.

[Zap]

[All scream]

-I saw some smoke.

It's time for lunch.
Look at this tree.

-Look, he destroyed them
completely.

-Except for their salad bowls!

-Men of Earth,
this is my first warning.

Do not attempt to come nearer,
or you will be destroyed.

Obey my orders.
You are warned.

-That is one crafty
parking meter.

-Good lord.

-Get back to the car.

Notify the defense ministry.
-Right.

-Remember to crack a window.

-Oh, hi, Dave.
You here too?

[Zaps]

[All shout]

-I'm not afraid.
I'm wearing a tie.

You go home.

-Inspector. Inspector!

-Where are you?
What happened?

-Inspector!
-Look, Commissioner.

This is his gun.

-Follow me.

-Wet them if you've got them.

-Take cover.
It's dangerous.

Radio car, get the
defense ministry quick!

-What happened over there?
-The police force was attacked,

some kind of a death ray.

-What's that over there?
Look!

[Indistinct conversations]

-Oh!
-Oh!

-[Gasps]
-Oh!

-Hey, what's that?

-Looks like a flying saucer.

-Looks more like an upside down
flying wheelbarrow

with a stupa on top,
but I guess you could think --

[Buzzing]

-Oh, it's Buggy the spaceship.

[Crash]

-Holy Santa, pray for us.

-Ha, made you duck.

-What is that thing?
You go home. Hats are good.

-Hello.

-"Grown-Ups of the Corn."

-Mitch Gaylord.
-[Chuckles]

-What's that, a man?
-Mm-hmm.

-Yeah, believe it or not, yup.

[Fanfare plays]

-The king approaches!

-Phantom of Krankor,
hear my words.

I warn you to leave this planet.

You are not wanted here.

I warn you for the last time.

-And by the last,
I mean first.

-I have no powers,
but I can skip reasonably well.

-Your weapons are useless
against me, Phantom.

You are merely exhausting
your energy supply.

You must leave the Earth
at once.

-All right.
Let me talk to him.

-Who are you?

Get him on the televisor, quick!

-But I'm spinning my salad.

-It is enough that I know you.

You are Phantom of Krankor,

and you wish
to rule the universe.

-He's going to get grass stains
on his dance skins.

-You are planning now
to destroy the whole world.

I won't let you go through
with this.

You will not get
what you've come for.

You might as well leave now.

-But who are you?
Tell me.

Who are you?
What's your name?

-I am Prince of Space.

-[Gasps]
-Whoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!

-Wait a moment.

-Larry, we got anything
on this Prince of Space guy?

[Buzzing]

[Beeping]

-Powered by rotted fish,
I will defeat you.

-My contacts is bothering me.

-Captain, look
at the atom machine.

-The plutonium
is going critical, sir.

-Keep shooting.

You will overload
your power supply.

-We have to place
the lunch order, sir.

-He's right.

We better quit.

We won't have enough power
to give back.

-Right.
We had better give up now.

-Shall I prepare
for takeoff, sir?

-Make it ba-kawk.

♪♪

-Though I can easily
defeat them, I must get away.

Mom!

♪♪

-Hey, Mickey, let's get back
with the others now.

-All right.

-Any by the way,
you're so fine, hey, Mickey.

-They're taking off.
-Get them out of here.

-Get clear of the rocket blast.

Everybody, get back.

-Back to your 3x5 apartments,
men.

[Buzzing]

-A stand of cedars.

A spaceship is taking off.

And I am tired.

-It's a haiku.
-That's nice.

-Thank you.

-Into my modified pith helmet.

-Get the emergency
reserve power working.

-Yes, sir.

-I'm going to kill
this Prince of Space

if it's the last thing I do.

-There goes a narwhal.

-So what? Is he escorting them
to the county line?

-Mom says I have to wear this
in space because it's cold.

-We're ready to shoot, sir.
-Stand by to fire.

-Let him get a little closer.
We can't miss.

-Bawk.

♪♪

-He's Prince of watching
his space cushion.

♪♪

-Good spaceship
and a good, close shave.

-I'm going to turn on the air.
Anybody mind?

[Beeping]

-Twenty thousand leagues
above the sea.

-Wow, an exchange of
deadly negative scratches.

-Why don't we take lunch now?

-He's still coming on.

-It's a pretty good war,

but I'm going to
swing it around, yup.

-You there,
discharge the caustic vapors.

-Yeah, look who's talking.

-Engage the musical saw.

[Whirring]

-It's a cloud of fish oil.

♪♪

-Is that Ron?

-Hmm.

-you know, if the aliens
got new spark plugs,

they'd get
a lot better mileage.

-I see that their ship
totally let one.

♪♪

-Japanese are franticallytrying to pick up "Singled Out."

-Humiliating game shows
are beamed across the nation.

-Gentlemen, as you are aware,

our national territory was
invaded by an enemy last night.

-Bingo here!

-He was able to paralyze
our radar stations

and move at will
through our national skies.

He was eventually driven off
single-handed

by the pilot of
an unidentified flying saucer.

-Bingo!

-All we know is that this pilot
calls himself Prince of Space,

but as to who he is,
where he has come from,

or why he has fought our enemy,
we have no information.

-Buh-buh-buh-bing.

-We do know, however,
that after the battle,

the flying saucer was seen
returning to this area,

and we believe it is
still in this area now.

-Hi.
-Hello.

Late this morning?

-Last night,
what happened to you?

-Last night?

Oh, an old friend asked me
to go out to dinner.

-Hey, Wally, you missed it.

I saw Prince of Space
last night.

He chased away the spacemen.

-I like the kid.

-Oh?

-Here's the whole story
right here.

You can read
in this morning's paper.

-Listen, Wally, do you think
that Prince of Space

really comes from the stars?

-I guess so.
-Thank you.

-Why not?
What do you think?

The Prince of Space
might just be a man like Wally?

-Woody Allen asked me out.

-Well, in a way he is,
if you think about it.

After all,
I believe in peace too.

I would be willing to fight
this Phantom character

same way as he did.

-You wouldn't fight him.
You were too scared.

-Are we going to work
at all today?

-I better be going now.
-Going where?

-Over to Johnnie's house.

I made him promise to keep
watching the telescope.

-Let's go to Johnnie's house.

-Maybe this Phantom
will come back here again.

-I like it very much.

-Kimmy, you stay with Wally.

-Oh, yeah, Mike,
I was wondering that myself.

Weird, isn't it?

-Oh, hey, Tom.

How did you get here so fast?

-Oh, he'll be along.

I have his chicken puppet.
-Hey, where's Crow?

-Talking like what?

-Why are you talking like that?
-No, I'm not.

I'm just way ahead of you, Mike.-Well, like that.

You know, you're answering
my questions before I ask them.

I don't know, I'm just
asking him the same thing.

-No, you dope.

I mean, I'm moving faster
than you temporally speaking.

-Hey, what do you mean
you're way ahead of me?

-Well, I asked you
for it, Crow.

You were right here.
-Hi, guys.

Hey, how did you
get here so fast?

-That's what I've been trying
to tell you, Mike.

I'm ahead of you
by about 3 seconds.

-You know what, guys?

I think there may be
something wrong

with the space-time continuum.

-Servo, how did you get
my chicken puppet?

-Nope, sorry.

Everything is on the fritz.

My burrito was done
before I put it in the oven.

-All right, all right.
Take your damn chicken puppet.

I'll have it back
before you know it anyway.

-Hey, Tom, why don't you just

give him his chicken puppet
back, all right?

-Say, why don't we ask Gypsy
to mess with the warp engine?

-Well, alls I know is I want
my chicken puppet back.

Hey, how did that happen?
-That's a good idea.

Gypsy, there's something wrong
with the space-time thingy.

Is there anything we can do?
-Well, okay, Gypsy.

Well, I guess all we can do
is ride it out.

I'm out of here.
-Okay, Gypsy.

I guess all we can do
is ride it out.

I'm --
Wow, it's a weird déjà vu.

-[Laughs]

-Yeah, that's a good idea,
Crow.

You do that.
This is really weird.

We'll be right back.

-Well, I'm just going to play
with my chicken puppet

until this blows over.

I'll see you Mike, Tom.

[Whistles]

Hey, anybody seen
my chicken puppet?

♪♪

-Sorghum,
nature's rich bounty,

helping the war effort.

-Still lagging behind,
Crow, huh?

-Shut up.

You know, a scare me would
really help things out here.

-Scare me.

-It's a Sealy Posturepedic
corn field.

-I thought those
Heaven's Gate people

were supposed to meet us here.

♪♪

We have to chop the salads
and then get to the invasion.

-Today's lotto numbers
are 7...

-Careful now.

This microwave searchwill help us locate that prince.

-Mm-hmm.

-We'll find him,
that miserable scum.

-He stole my cup.

-He must be around here
someplace, I'm sure,

and when I find him,
I'm going to kill him myself.

-I was actually signed up
to do that, sir.

-Oh, here he is.

-Location 4 1/2 miles
northwest of here,

Sensitivity's 7.2,
inside a concrete building.

Strong iron reaction.

-Can I move this thing?
Thanks.

-Hm, that puts him
near Macken's laboratory.

Hey, see if you can get it
on the telemonitor.

-Yes, sir.

-[Humming]

-Luxury retirement compounds.

-Right over there, sir.
-Mm-hmm.

-Well, I'm back from break.
Anything shaking?

-All right.
Let's go get him.

Break out the underground tank.

-And they underpants
for a change.

-Attention below there.

Prepare the underground tank.

Coordinate 602 and point 5,
4 1/2 miles northwest of here.

-What gets in
to some civilizations?

-Don't know.

-Pretty small cubicles.

-I've been watching
all morning, but it's no use.

-Why not?

-I think he only comes
around at night.

-Why?
-He's evil,

and evil people
always come around at night?

-Nobody's watching, they even
come in the daytime.

-Although when evil people
are mating,

they will appear
at dawn sometimes.

♪♪

-♪ Japan

♪♪

-♪ I'm Hardrock

-♪ I'm Coco
-♪ I'm Joe

-Hey, look,
there's some funny people.

They're crawling out of a hole.

-Really? Give me that.

-Edna, come look.

-Do we all have to go?

What are we,
a bunch of women or...

-Hey, that looks like
that spaceman.

Remember the other night?

-You're right.
We'll go see.

Come on.

-I have a trial at 3:00.
Let's go.

-Take these, will you?

-Wait.
Where are you going now?

-We're going to spy
on those spacemen.

They're in the old factory.

-What?

♪♪

-We've filled our pants, sir.

-Ready and mince,

mince, mince, mince,
mince, mince, mince,

mince, mince, mince, mince,
mince, mince, mince, mince.

Mince, mince.

-This isn't where we parked.
Oh, yeah, up a level, come on.

♪♪

-The Gabe Kaplan brigade.

♪♪

-A-ha, and now the real reason
we came here,

refurbishing old buildings

and selling them
as affordable condominiums.

Hmm?
-Ah.

-Ha-ha.
-Mm-hmm.

♪♪

-They had cats, sir.

-[Laughing]

-Raceway Park!

-You came.

I've been expecting you.

-I came, yes.

-[Laughs]

-And now I'm going to kill you.

-Ha-ha, oh.

-Just how do you propose
to do that?

Your ray guns will have
no effect on me or my ship.

I've told you that already.

-Hold on, I'm getting
a Dodgers game here.

-You'd better leave this planet
in peace.

I warned you once before.

-Get him!

-Come on, little buddy!

-Where did he go?

-He disappeared.
-No, in here, he must be here.

-He's gone.

-That coward, he ran away.

-Looking for me?

-Uh, yeah, we are. Hi.

-I'm not running away.

No, I want to stay because
I'm going to prevent you

from getting
Dr. Macken's formula.

-Kill him!

-Would you guys just listen?

Your guns don't work!

-Some of you go that way.

-Don't let him get away.

-Aah!

-Bring the laser cannon.

-The Prince is there.

-Yeah, he must be fighting
with that Phantom.

-Somebody left a perfectly good
refrigerator over there.

[Laughs]

-Here is the laser cannon, sir.
-Good.

-We can't find him, sir.

-Listen, show yourself,

otherwise we're going
to kill some...dren!

-Kill some diffrin?
-Duffrin?

-I hear you.
Come in here.

I'm waiting for you.

Leave the children alone.

-You hear that, Jerry Seinfeld?

-You cannot harm them anyway
as long as I am here.

-Do You need a ladder?

-I've got you now, you scum.

-Scum, where'd that come from?

-This is the end for you.

-Ya jerk!

-You'll be a horrible example
for anyone who opposes me.

-A really horrible example

because no one else
will ever be scared of him.

-[Laughs]

I told you, your weapons
have no effect on me.

-It is my considered advice

that you discontinue your use
of said weapon!

Ha-ha!

-Aah! Aah! Aah!

-See, you are scum!

-Now, I'll wrangle you!

-I'll throw my doll at you!

-Let's go!

♪♪

-Whoo.

-Grab the children, grab them!

-Hinnywee away!

-Hey, wait, you go that way.

-Help!
-Help!

-There they are!
Let's grab them!

-You know, this is where
your cram school experience

really comes in handy.

[Both shouting]

-We have to get back
to boot-blacking.

We like it very much.

-Prince, don't let him take me.
-Prince, hide me, please!

-Empirical data suggests

the accuracy
of my earlier contention

that your weapons against me
are without merit!

Ha-ha!

♪♪

-Ooh, ouchie, ouchie,
ouchie, ouchie, ooh!

-Ow!
-Ooh!

-You know how to shoot, Prince.

You're a good shot!

-Hmm?

Oof, my lumbar.

-Oh!

-Come here, you little --

-Help, help, Prince,
help me, help!

-And the tension is thwarted.

-Hey, Prince!

-Please, call me the Artist.

-Did you get hurt?
Are you both all right?

-Yes, Prince.
-Yes, Prince.

-Oh, boy, you beat up
that Phantom pretty good.

-Yes, don't want to
kill him, though.

Listen, the police are coming.
We'd better go now.

-Right.

[Sirens wailing]

-It was so chilly.
I brought my shawl.

-Johnnie, listen to me.

I want to give you something.

Keep it with you always.

If you ever need me again,
just turn the dial, understand?

-I'll turn the dial.
-If you need me.

-You won't tell anybody
about this, agreed?

-Yes.

-All right.
Goodbye now.

-Who are we going
to tell first?

-Hey, there's the commissioner.

-Pete Rozelle?

[Rhythmic tapping]

Wow, Tap Dogs.

-Look, there's the kid.
Hey, Mickey!

-Commissioner!
-Commissioner!

-Well, children,
what's going on?

-The Prince of Space
and Phantom,

they were fighting.

Phantom got beat up
and ran away.

-What did you say,
the Prince of Space?

-The one who wears
the flying saucer.

-Yeah.
-The one you saw last night?

-Yeah, that's right.

-And he was here today?
-Yeah.

Right, Johnnie?
-Mm-hmm.

-Good job not telling, kids.

-We're telling the truth.

He even spoke with us.
You know what he said?

-Yeah, he said the spacemen
came here to Earth

to steal
Dr. Macken's new rocket fuel.

-Yeah, the big goomba
is going to take the fuel!

-Commissioner, look at this!

-Terry got my gun dirty.

-Oh, one of those spacemen
was using that.

-One of those spacemen?
-Chief.

-One of those spacemen.
-The building is empty.

-Ah, they all got away, huh?

Come on. Your father
is worried about you.

-All right.
-Take over.

-All right. Whatever.

-Wow, it's a really
modern Lutheran church.

♪♪

-We're going to pop in here
for some sushi burritos.

-Dr. Sangamon?

-What is it, boys?

-Please, sir, are you going
to go ahead with the test?

-Of course we are.
-Everything is ready, Doctor.

-Good.

-You kids want to swab out
the particle accelerator?

-Oh, listen, boys, I think
you'd be better off at home.

There's no danger, of course,

but we don't want to take
any chances, right?

-They're kids.

-If this Phantom shows up,

these soldiers aren't
going to be much good.

-Yeah, I wish Prince of Space
was here with us.

-Did you bring the dial
with you?

-Why, sure.

-Why don't we call him
with it, then?

We're not in any trouble,
really,

but we don't want
to take any chances.

-What the hell happened
to my pants?

-What the --

-I'm going to tell him
it was your idea.

-Mm-hmm.

-So if we get busted,
it's your ass!

-Mm-hmm.

-Aah! Aah!

-What a handsome woman.

Oh.

-Laurence, what was that noise?

-Did you hear a noise?
-Mm-hmm.

-I only hear the turbines.
-I see.

-Look, it's him!
-The Phantom!

-The little troublemakers, huh?
-When chickens attack.

-We'll take care of you.
All right?

-Help!
-Help, help!

♪♪

-Ah!
-Goodbye.

-I'm retiring and moving
to Florida.

-Well, this is
a great day for us.

-Jimmy Osmond, whoa!

♪♪

-The day is less great now.

-Oh!

[Indistinct shouting]

-For some reason,
it doesn't work on hats.

-Who are you?
What do you want?

-You know what I want:
your rocket fuel.

Those soldiers who werestanding there are good examples

of what my ray guns can do,
Professor,

so don't
try my patience.

-But do try my homemade
griddle cakes.

-Well, are you going to talk?

Or do you want me to start
with the children?

-There's a safe over here.
-Get moving.

-I thought you said

you were going to start
with the children!

-Mars, put guards on the door.
-Yes, sir.

-Mars?

-No!
-Don't give it to him!

[Muffled shouting]

-You'd think they'd consider
taking over

one of the Earth's good nations.

-Well, what are you
waiting for?

I want that safe opened!

-Oh, sorry,
I'm a little out of it.

I stayed up and watched
"Letterman" last night.

-Please, I start cram school
at 3 a.m.!

♪♪

-If I could only reach
this dried squid!

♪♪

-Oh, a secret armoire.

-Whoops, my doorknob.

♪♪

-[Laughs]

-Ha, this is what I want.

-The abstracted deed
on your lake property!

-Let him go!
-Come on!

-Let him go!
-Come here, you!

-Give me that remote!
-Ah, Ken!

-Help us, Prince!
-Please help!

-Allow me to reference
my earlier codicil

on how your weapons
are ineffective.

-Enough, there's no use firing.

Your guns won't work against me.

-Have I mentioned that?

-And, Phantom, give the bag
back to the doctor.

-[Grumbles]

-What a bunch of crap.

-Take him!

[All shout]

-Prince! Prince!
-Oh!

-They all have knee goiters.

-Oh!
-Ah!

-Oh, Prince!

-You saved us, Prince!
-Stand clear, boys.

-Move on, Johnnie.
You're going with me.

One move, and he dies!

-No, let the boy go!

-Ah!
-Take the formula.

Let the boy go!

-So am I your hostage?

Should I -- Oh.

[Sirens wail, men shout]

-Ha-ha, I guess.

-"Medical Center,"
starring Evel Knievel.

[Sirens wailing]

-They was supposed to meet me
here in the saucer.

-Air Krankor.

-Oh, Krankor blew up
a potential tackler on the 40,

and now there's
nothing but daylight.

-Your invasion is like
a poorly planned bank heist.

♪♪

-Ooh, you just opened up

a whole can of jellied
whoop-ass, pal.

-Ooh!
-Get him!

-You know, I'll never go buy
a switching station

without thinking of this scene.

-Your guns are useless butscare the crap out of me anyway.

-There's trouble
at the Church of the Bomb.

-Oh!

-So, you going to let me invade
your planet now, huh, huh?

-Oh, no, not that!
Don't touch!

-You can't use the phone!
It doesn't dial out!

-Don't touch it!

Help, help!

-The easily bamboozled
Prince of Space.

-Go on, stop him!

-Meanwhile, at a car wash
in Yokohama...

♪♪

-All right. It's fine.
It's fine.

We got fire insurance.

It's all right.

-Never even had time
to tell Houston

that they had a problem.

Oh, the inanity!

-Oh, the Japan-ity!

[Siren wails]

-Aw, that's a shame.

-Dr. Macken, Dr. Macken,
how horrible!

He blew up the ship!

Look, there they go now.

-People looking,
very Spielberg-ian.

-Oh, the Prince of Space,
he's going after them!

-Yes, I am Prince of Space,
and I am going after them.

-And his companion,
Duke of Puddles.

[Buzzing]

-He sent us some cinnamon rolls.

There's the icing,
and the dough is usually

under the icing here.

-Okay, let's see here.

"Dear Japan, bite me,
love Prince of Space."

-"I will bring back the formula

after I chase
these invaders home,

signed Prince of Space."

-"In the meantime, there may be
many more horrible deaths."

-Um, Tora?

-Your attention, please,

your Red Arrow flight
from San Francisco

will land at International
Airport in 15 minutes.

Please observe the no-smoking sign when it is lit, thank you.

-Man, what an ugly bunch
of kids.

They yours?

-Doctor, I think you
dropped this photograph.

-Oh, thank you.

-That's your sister, isn't it?

She'd never forgive you
if you lost it.

-Yeah, don't talk
to me anymore.

All right?

[Buzzing]

-A giant roast turkey!

-Do you want the window seat?

♪♪

-Hey, that lady
got extra peanuts!

-Yeah, she got
the whole can, too!

-♪ Tora, Tora, Tora

♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-be-boom

♪ Da-da-da, Tora

-You want me, sir?

-Ah, Captain Munakata,
come in, please.

-I understand you're
stuffed with cheese.

-I want you to investigate
the disappearance

of a civilian aircraft.

You understand?
-Yes, sir.

-About 10 minutes ago,

our radio contact
with the plane was interrupted

and disappeared from our radar.

-Who's talking?
-I don't know.

-At the time, it must have been
approaching Point Barrow.

-Are we hearing voices?

-Point Barrow?
-We believe so.

-I'll go immediately.

-Or Thursday.

-Munakata, be careful.
-Yes, sir, I will.

-Love you!

-Baker tower from
Dog Charlie 22, come in.

-Woof, over.

-Baker tower here, go ahead.

-Altitude 10,000 feet,
Point Barrow dead ahead,

nothing in view.

We'll circle and investigate,
over.

-Roger, over and out.

-I'm a wasp, over. Bzz.

-Hey, it's Stevie Wonder.

♪ Isn't she lovely

♪ Isn't she wonderful

-Huh?

-Aah!

-Baker tower, Baker tower,

I...I can't move!

I...

I can't move!

-Oh, wait, sorry, I can move.

I just forgot how for a second.

-Dog Charlie, Dog Charlie,
what's the matter?

Hello, Dog Charlie?

Come on, please,
what's the matter?

Can you read me?

-I...I can't move!

My instruments --

my instruments
are going haywire!

-My violin, my tuba haywire!
-Ah!

-What's the matter?

-Controls are locked!

-Munakata, what's the matter?

-This, this is the matter!

-Aah!

-The pilot is teething.

-Black dragon ship,
black dragon!

-What?

-What do you mean, "what"?

-Munakata, what did you say?

-What?

-Aah!

-Aah, I hit my knee
on the dashboard!

Wow, hurts!

-There is dog hair
all over the car.

Why do you think that is, hmm?

-Oh, good evening,
Professor?

-Good evening.

-And then all the notes
that you asked me to to take

at the conference last week.

-Yes.

-I'm sure you'll find
everything in order, Doctor.

-Mm-hmm.
-Oh, if you did it,

I'm sure I will.

-Thank you, sir.

-Hey, Dad, Dad, wait.

Wait, Dad!

-Secretary of children.

-Oh, John, did you have
a good day at school, son?

-Yes, I did.
I wanted to talk to you.

Where are you going?
-To the Defense Ministry.

-Will you be back soon?

-No, because I loathe you.

-Not before your bedtime,
I'm afraid.

-Ah, gee, Dad,

I want to talk to you aboutthese invaders from outer space.

-He's putting a cigarette
out on him.

-Ow.

-Well, let's talk about it
tomorrow morning

at breakfast, huh?

-Um, how come
you're so old, Dad?

Did you have me when you were,
like, 60 or something?

-Well, I'm afraid I'm a bit
late for this conference.

Major Merke will be worried.

Will you call him
and tell him I'm on my way?

-Most certainly,
goodbye, Doctor.

-Bye, Dad, and don't
forget our theory.

-Goodbye, people I seem
to share a house with.

-Goodbye.

-I'm sorry.
Dr. Macken has not yet arrived.

-But, Major, what could
have happened to him?

-Oh, what?
-It's not like Macken at all

to be this late
for an appointment.

-Gentlemen,
I'm quite alarmed about this.

Dr. Macken may be in trouble.

In any case,
we can do nothing without him.

The police may be able
to determine his whereabouts.

Major Merke,
with your permission...

-Merke?
-...I will attend

to this matter immediately.

-Very good, Captain, go ahead.
-Yes.

-Gentlemen, I suggest

a 1/2-hour recess
while the captain...

-Recess!
-Woo-hoo!

-Recess!
-Yay!

-Wow, the Earth is so smooth.

It must have had dermabrasion.

-Sounds like the Earth
needs new brake pads.

-See how things are going.

-Okay, we'll check it out.

♪♪

-Yeah, it seems like it,
doesn't it?

-So you think we're back in syncon the whole time thing?

-D'oh!

-I'm sorry, sorry,
just keep...

-Okay, hey, guys, listen up.
-What?

-I think I have some answers.

Apparently the separateuniverse layers are commingling.

If we don't isolate our position
in space and time,

limitless potential...
Wait, wait, what, wh -- what?

-Uh, Mike,
you're a small robot.

-Yeah.

-Of course I am.
What do you expect?

-Well, normally when we're not
in a wormhole and stuff,

you're a big,
chunky human thing.

-And I don't mean to offend you
or anything,

but as you are, I have the urge
to put you back in your cage.

-Co --
come on, cut it out, now.

I can't speak for your reality.
-Okay.

-But in mine, we are all robots
serving on this vessel,

and I'm in command.
-Uh, uh...

-You have tremendous
respect for me.

You do.
-Yeah, uh-huh.

-Now, now, my orders
are as follows --

I want you to --
-Sorry, Mike,

I only take orders
from Willie Tyler and Lester.

-Oh, oh, that's --
that's a -- Stop.

Now, come on.
Stop it.

-Okay, I'm sorry.
-No, stop. Now listen up.

We all want to get back, right?
-Yeah.

-Okay, okay, listen up.
-Okay. Sorry.

-If we want to put things
right, you'll do just as I say.

If we can overdrive
the plasma thrusters

to create a gravity well

isolating us
from the other universe layers,

we untangle
our commingling realm.

-I think he just looks --
-Hey, cut it --

-He's so cute!
-Come on. Cut it out!

You guys, we're going to be
annihilated and stuff!

-Oh, Mike, I don't care, man.

It's worth it
to see you like this.

-No, stop it!

Dude! We got movies.

-Get out of here,
get out of here!

-Don't push. Don't push.
Don't push. Don't push.

-Come on. Move it, short stuff.
-I'm moving. I'm moving.

-Move it, shrimp.
-Don't push, I'm fine.

-Yes.

-It says,
"Employees must wash hands

before returning to invasions."

-A mummified Alf Landon!

-Ew.

-Good morning, honey.

-Professor Macken,
welcome aboard.

-Who are you?
-Come, come, Professor,

permit me
to introduce myself.

They call me Phantom of Krankor,

but you seem startled,
Professor.

Sit down. Relax.

-Hey, Z7, suck it in!

-Is this a dream?

Where am I?

-You want to know
where you are?

-No, I want to know how --

Of course I want to know
where I am!

-You are aboard my flagship,

halfway between
your world and Krankor.

-How did you bring me here?

-For a man
of your intelligence,

a full explanation
would be necessary.

-Oh.

-But we have no time
for that, Professor.

-Yay.

-Well, what about my chauffeur?

-Come now, my dear Professor,
what a silly question.

Do you expect me to keep track
of your worthless servants?

We blasted him out
of an air lock,

so by now he may have
fallen into a star.

[Laughs]

-Wow, this guy is nuttier
than a Stuckey's log.

-Well, I suppose
that you expect me to help you

with your evil plans.

-Yeah, would you mind?
Thanks.

-That is precisely why I gave
orders to take you aboard.

I will show you much here
that only you can appreciate,

for example,

how I propose to control
the universe.

-Yeah.

-And when you have
seen all this...

-So cute.

-...you will realize
how futile it is

for you or anyone else
to oppose me.

-Fine, just go light
on the probes.

-Making no progress at all.

-It's incredible how accurate
this is at depicting space.

-♪ Some people call me
the space cowboy ♪

♪ Yeah

-Hey, look at that!

-Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
I got distracted.

-Ah, oh!

-Well, up there is
the kids' playroom.

And we're going to, yeah.

-Hey, Chief, we got thatflying saucer on the televisers.

It's coming up fast astern.

-What?

-What?

-Get him back to his quarters
under guard.

-Right, sir.

Come on, you.

-Oh, Speed, oh.

-Come on, I said!

-It's "The Instant Miso Soup
Hour," starring...

[Humming "Pop Goes the Weasel"]

-Ah, it's him, alright.

-Saying "it is me" will have
no effect on me, a-ha.

-It's a flying
rotary nose-hair clipper.

-I've got him
right where I want him!

-Somewhere in space.

-Don't look at my butt.

-Now he dies.

-Just want to test some
batteries here first, though.

[Laser firing]

-A-ha, and they stay
crunchy in milk, hmm!

[Laser fire continues]

-Swing me over there,
trusty string.

-He's in the Wienermobile.

-Oh, no, he lost control
of his fried egg!

-Enough.
-Right, sir.

-He's finished.
-Look at...Look at that.

-And the boob thought
he could follow us...

-Oh, don't.
-No.

-...through a shower
of meteorites.

[Laughs]

-I have to tell Fang
about that, ha!

-They're landing
on Captain Picard's head.

-Oh, it's the planet where
sea monkeys come from.

-Wow, look at that,
look at that!

-A trip to Mike's subconscious.

-It's pretty accurate.
I've got to admit.

-It's a DQ planet.

-Dress to the right stuff.

-Chafe, chafe,
chafe, chafe, chafe, chafe...

-Shall I put Macken
with the others?

-Of course not.

Bring him to the great hall.

-Right, sir.

-And prepare to return
to Earth.

-Right, sir.

-Uh, didn't we just get back
from Earth, sir?

-Sir, do we have a plan?
Or...

-So cracked corn
all around then, gentlemen?

-I have a special job for you.

-Yes, sir.

-I want you to find
that Prince of Space.

-Prince of Space?
-You heard me right.

He may have possibly
escaped destruction

when we passed through
that meteorite shower.

-Prince of Space, sir?

-I must have positive proof
that he is finished.

-Prince of Space, then.

-He may make
some foolish attempt

to rescue our prisoners

and disrupt my plans
for the Earth.

-Uh, sir, no,
I was going to ask you

if I should bring this
to the lab, don't! Oh.

-The last we saw of his ship,

it was falling away
toward Earth.

He may possibly have been able
to return to his base.

-Prince of Space?

-Does he have a base there?
-I don't know.

-Of course, he must have
a base somewhere.

-That's right.

He must have one there,
and I want you to find it.

-I'll find it.
All right.

I can promise you that.

-You'd better take the X-radar
with you to help you find him.

Isha will give you
the formula for his wavelength.

You.

-Bite me.
-Accompany him.

-Right, sir.

-Install the X-radar

in one of the ground cars
of the Earthlings

and comb the city for him.

-Ah?
-Ah?

-He's bound to be disguised,
of course,

perhaps as a civilian,
but if it's properly set up,

the X-radar
will find him easily.

-Huh?
-Oh, hmm.

-And when you find him,
report to me,

and above all,
keep track of him.

I prefer to deal
personally with him.

And if you don't find him,
don't bother to come back.

-Right, sir,
we go to obey orders.

-Dismissed.

-First we have to go
to the bathroom.

-Professor Macken is waiting
for you in the great hall.

-Always quarter to 3:00
here at Krankor's place.

-Good.

You, bring in the others
and put them up on the stage.

-Yes, sir.

-I'm ashamed of my talk show.

-Great hall designed
by the LEGO corporation.

-Well, we don't have
as big a turnout

as we expected tonight,

so if we could all justmove down to the first few rows.

-At ease, men.

-I mean, man.

-Professor Macken,
I want to bid you welcome

to the planet of Krankor
and my home.

You must have seen a lot
from the window of my flagship:

the castle cut
from the living rock,

my giant guardian and so forth.

-Whatnot and what have you.

-And I have many more wonders
to show you.

And I have even brought

some friends of yours

to share
this experience with you.

-Can I get more coffee
over here, please?

-Bookend Mr. Mooneys.

-All my rowdy friends!

-Dr. Fletcher!

-Oh, Macken!

-I'm scared!

-Are you all right?

-Oh, Professor.

-I forgot to water
your plants, ah.

-Lucille!

-It's Dr. Cummings!

-Yes, and his assistant
Professor Koi.

-Lucille.

-Oh, I'm so sorry about this,
Dr. Cummings.

-And here is Professor Doriex
from the Southern Institute.

-Lucille.
-Oh.

♪♪

-Mrs. Carmichael.

-If you don't mind, gentlemen,

we have much to discuss.

-Oh.

-Please sit down.

-Please.

No, really, please,
sit down.

There.

-So they're alien except for
their Chippendale furniture.

-Sorry I'm late.
Cat threw up this morning.

Hi.

-Very good.

-You sit well.

-Everyone I need seems
to be here.

I appreciate your coming,
gentlemen.

I am honored to find myself
in the company

of five of the most
advanced minds of Earth.

Please make yourselves
comfortable...

-Until they arrive.

-...while I explain my plans,

plans in which you gentlemen
play a very important part.

[Laughs]

-I have to leave early.

-Wait, you can't!
This is impossible!

-Be silent,
I'm dictator of Krankor.

I assure you
that the word impossible

is a word, which for me,
does not exist.

-Although I just said it.

-Now first of all,
Professor Macken,

I've arranged
an interesting show for you.

I trust that you will find it
quite instructive, go ahead.

-♪ Do-do-do,
Bum-bum, ba-da dum-dum ♪

-Lean forward.

-Why, that --
why, that's my house!

-Oh!

-So it is.

You are quite right,
Professor Macken,

your house.

-You win this round.

-And it's half a million
Earth miles from here.

-But it's on the bus line.

-Oh, Johnnie!

-They slammed the iron gate on
me at cram school again today!

[Classical music plays]

-Samuel Barber's "Adagio
for Young Japanese Children."

[Music stops]

And it's gone.

-Well, I'm sure this little
scene is leading somewhere,

if you'll all be patient.

-Now watch as we turn
the lawn sprinklers

on our little Johnnie.

-There's the Japanese
Suzanne Pleshette.

-Geez, my life
is really boring!

-Well, gentlemen...
-Ah!

-...what do you think of that?
-What?

Oh, wait, they just
got better, yeah.

-As you saw, nothing you do
on Earth can be hidden from me.

I've watched all of your secretsfrom here.

You see, I've been watching you
for a long time now.

-He knows about the porn.

-And I knew right where
to find you when I wanted to.

-So you know about my rash?

-That's an impressive toy,
but first of all,

I demand to know
why you brought us here!

-Grab some bench, lumpy.
-You demand nothing.

You will merely obey
my instructions.

-Ah.
-Take your place

and remain silent

while I explain
why you were brought here.

-Ah.

-You five men are among

the top scientists of Earth.

Your governments
respect your opinions.

Thus, you men are well-equipped
to evaluate my power.

-One, two, uh-huh.

-You know I can exterminate
the world any time I want to.

-Quack.

-I want you to explain this
to your people,

impress upon them how useless
it would be to oppose me.

-Quack.

-You will tell them
I demand their surrender.

You...

-Bite me!

-...You,
each and every one of you.

-Bite me!
-No, I won't!

It's out of the question.

I won't!

I will never betray my people!

-I refuse, categorically.
-I will never be your tool!

-None of us will!
-Agreed?

-Of course we agree.

-I'll do it.

-Apparently you gentlemen
are upset.

I will give you a chance
to think it over calmly.

After all,
you are men of science.

-Eh.

-We are leaving to attack
your world in 12 hours.

-What are they going to do?

-With your cooperation
or without it,

I am going to attack.

I shall destroy one of your
major cities first.

Afterward, I'm sure
you will cooperate.

[Laughs]

-His heart is really
not in it, is it?

-No.
-Ah.

-It's a "Young Ones" ship.

[Buzzing]

-It's kind of hard to go
into warp drive

when you're burning so much oil.

-Professor, may I?

-Thank you.
-You must eat something.

Do you feel all right?

-Oh, don't light a match
is all I'll say.

-The poor man suffers so.

-I'm from the 19th century.

What does he want with me?

-Bad news,
all out of curly fries.

-The chief wants you.

-In the worst way.

-We were just about
to begin eating.

-You'll eat later.

-And me.

-What's the matter, you?

Isn't our food
good enough for you?

-Uh, no.
-Come on, on your feet, you!

-Ah, ah, ah!

-The man is sick.
Leave him alone!

-On your feet, you!

-But he's a sick man!
Oh!

-Oi, he waved his
stinky foot at me!

-Come on, eat this!

Eat it, I tell you!

-No.

-Ah, Mr. Bond, Bach.

-Ah, good morning, gentlemen.
You slept well, I hope?

-Yes, in my double-breasted
sleeping suit and tie.

-Tell him about how
we were about to eat.

-Listen, I speak formy colleagues as well as myself.

It is impossible to agree
to your demands.

-What?

-We are only men of science.

We can explain to our people
the state of your technology,

but we cannot
accept responsibility

for making political decisions.

-Who's talking?
-I understand...

-Again.
-I don't know.

-...though I cannot comprehend
a civilization

where intelligent men
like yourselves...

-Hello?

-...are not permitted to guide
the destinies of their people.

-Very well, then.

You agree to describe
our technology,

and you will do it so well
that even your government heads

will realize the hopelessness
of opposing me.

-Mm-hmm.
-All righty then.

-You'll make the necessary
arrangements,

then, to send us back to Earth?

-No need of that.

You can broadcast your message
directly from here.

-That means that we --
-That's right.

You may expect to remain
with us for some time...

-Oh.
-Gasp!

-...until you have assisted me
with all my plans.

-Bryce, when will I see you
again, Bryce?

♪♪

-I'm going to mess you up, mmm.

♪♪

-Beautiful, just beautiful.

-Mm.

The Cabrini Green of Japan.

♪♪

What if it's just a really
slow chase scene with one car?

♪♪

-What, are we driving through
plutonium?

-It's Garbo.

-Hey, hey, wake up!

-Bawk, bawk, bawk.

-Be careful, I don't think
the chief would like it

if he knew
you were sleeping on the job.

-Hey, wake up,
your egg is hatching.

-What is it?

-That's better.

You heard anything from
the flagship, from the chief?

-Not since they passed through
the meteors, no.

-All right.
Stay awake!

-Yeah, blow it
out your gizzard.

-Nothing new.

We'd better get some kind of
a lead on that prince

before the chief gets here.

Sure is funny how he disappearedwithout a trace, his car too.

-Get out of the way!

-The police have been
looking for him.

-I know.
-But they don't know anything.

The commissioner told me
they figured

it must have been the spacemen.

I guess so.
It's the only explanation.

-Hold it!

-My Slurpee spilled!

-Pick up something?
-Uh-huh.

I just got a reading
on the meter.

-Okay, right foot.

-All right.
Don't work so fast.

-Are you ever going
to stop farting?

Is that even
a remote possibility?

-That's close enough.
Cut in the automatic search.

-[Humming "Pop Goes the Weasel"]

-Well, Nomo got shelled
again last night.

♪♪

-Get back to work,
or you're back on the street!

-Fast hands.

-It's the shoeshine boy.

-Put it on the beam.
-Right.

[Beeping]

-Attention -- X-radar gave...
-Whee!

-...a very high rating of 98
on shoeshine boy.

-Tune it in properly!

-Just wiggle it around!

-Check, please.

-Would you mind
if I paid you in Tic Tacs?

-Heh.

-Ha-ha, so our Prince of Space

is disguised as
a miserable boot-black, clever.

We never would have picked
him up without the X-radar.

Attention, Earth Patrol --

This is your commander
speaking personally to you.

-Ba-kawk.

-Now that you have found
this Prince of Space,

be careful and keep him
in sight at all times.

-Careful, he'll try to sell you
you shoelaces with your shine!

-You heard what he said.

-Yeah.

-Whatever.

-Can I just learn to read,and then I'll come back to work?

-I got to boot-black
down at the track.

Yep, big boot-blacking thing
going on.

-Hey, boot-black,
congratulations!

When are you due?

-Mr. Tannin!
Hey, Mr. Tannin!

-Get out of my wine.

-You forgot this.

You're getting absentminded.

-Thanks.
-Be healed!

-[Laughs]

-[Chuckles]

-Man, I hate that
bastard, geez!

♪♪

-You, uh, carry
Boot-Black Journal,yeah?

Ah, here it is --
Little Baby Sun Hatsmonthly!

-Scalpel.

-What happened?

-He ran away.

He came back.

It's all right now.

-No, wait.
He ran away again.

-Attention, Earth Patrol.
Attention.

-Oh, what's this?

-We will arrive
over the city in 30 seconds.

-You better clean
this place up!

-Report any suspicious
movements

when we appear in the sky.

-I had a suspicious movement
after breakfast.

-All right.
-Oh, no. Great.

-Take her down.
-Right, sir.

-Full descent to 500 feet.

-Set hull fryers to stun!

[Man shouts]

-The upper half
of a Hopper painting.

[All shouting]

-Ah! A giant roast chicken!

-It is brown on the outside,
tender and juicy on the inside!

-It is not fermented,
pickled, or raw! Run!

-Oh!
-Potatoes or stuffing?

[All shouting]

-♪ When I was Japanese,
it was a very good year ♪

[All shouting]

-Oh! Ice dams!

We have ice dams!

-It may not be relevant,

but did you know that Gamera
is friend to children?

-Gamera? Ah, he is made
of turtle meat, right?

-Yes, he is really neat.

[All shouting]

-I like that very much.

♪♪

-Sir, they called us "weenies."

-Sir, we are ready
with the all-wave transmitter.

-Yes.

-Uh, sir, you left an egg
on the chair.

-Give me the microphone.

Put Professor Macken
on the screen.

-The camera loves him!

-Attention, people of Earth,

I have an important
announcement to make,

one that you've been
waiting for a long time.

-Yeah!

-Up here with me,

I have the famous
Professor Macken...

-Hmm.

-...a name you all recognize,

who has agreed to speak to you
on my behalf.

Go ahead, professor.

-Hey, the Japanese Sylvia Plath.

-For the past 24 hours,

I and several of my colleagues
have been captives

aboard the flagship
of the person who just spoke,

the dictator of Krankor.

-Oh!

-For most of that time,
we have been...

-Where's his chin?
It's gone.

-...captive witnesses of his
state of military technology

capable of destroying any of

the great metropolitan
centers of Earth.

In order to demonstrate
his power,

the dictator intends
to wipe out one of our cities

at noon tomorrow.

The only way to prevent this

is for all nations
and all the governments

of this planet

to agree to accept his terms
for unconditional surrender!

People of Earth, listen to me!

You have only one response
to make --

bomb the -- ah!

-Bomb the aye-re-raw?
-Very good.

-Aye-re-raw!

-Put him back in his quarters.

-Get him some tights.

-Put me on the screen.
-Right, sir.

-Come on.
This way.

Get going.

-All right.

As you can see,
your professor is indisposed,

so I will address
you personally.

-Darling, this is fun.

-Go faster?

Raise your hand
if you'd like to go faster.

-I'm sitting in the command
center of my flagship,

and, as professor Macken
has told you, if I so wished,

I could at this very moment

wipe your entire city
off the map.

-Turn to "Full House."
-I could do the same

to New York, Paris,
Rome, Berlin, Moscow,

all of your great
metropolitan centers.

-Pop, pop music.

-You can do nothing to stop me,

for I have completed paralyzed

all of your primitive
defense measures.

Your radar cannot find me.

Your fastest jet planes
would be destroyed

the moment they approached
my headquarters.

-What the hell is this?

-So you are wise to keep
your war planes grounded

and listen to me
quietly and calmly.

-Oh, maybe?

-I have come to offer you
a choice

between peace
or extermination.

If you do not accept my demand
for unconditional surrender,

I will destroy you.

-Oh!
-Oh.

-But if you accept me
willingly as your ruler,

your entire planet
will enter upon

a period of peace
and prosperity

such as it has never known
in all its recorded history.

-Okay, we give in.

-You have 24 hours

to make your wishes
known to me.

I will return tomorrow.

You will tell me then whether
you prefer to surrender...

-♪ Ba, ba, boom
Ba, boom ♪

-...or die.

[Laughs]

-Oh, and we need worms.

[Buzzing]

-It's going to rain
giblets on us!

-The Prince of Indecision.

-Wally, come on.
Let's get out of here, Wally.

Come on.

-Well, back into
the fart-mobile.

I still like boot-blacking
very much.

♪♪

Ba-kawk!

-Come on, slave labor.

I mean kids, kids, kids.

-Chief, Prince is walking away.

We'll follow him.

Go on, follow him!

-Stay with him.

Don't let him
out of your sight.

But above all, don't let
him know you are following.

-Bock, bock, bock.

-I will be there tonight,

and I want to be able
to take him at once.

-Do you ever get the feeling
Krankor is just winging it?

-Oh, yeah.

-We'll go to a land where
we are free to boot-black.

♪♪

-Bawk, bawk.

-My egg is crowning!

-I wonder how far
he's going to walk.

-Until we stop following him.

-Never mind the jokes.

-Sorry for my zaniness.

-They're going into the house.

♪♪

-I am going to
boot-black in my room.

♪♪

-Kimmy, don't eat
all the jellied squid!

♪♪

-Cram it, world.

-Ah, home at last!

Good boy, Mickey.
Going to feed the bird, huh?

-What difference does it make
if that mean dictator

is going
to burn us all up anyhow?

-Where is the Prince of Space?

He's the only one
who could help us.

-Don't worry, Mickey.

He will surely help us out.

-You think so?
-Of course he will!

He always came before, right?
Didn't he, Mickey?

-Oh, I think he's gone away
and forgotten about us.

-That bird left
a letter of resignation.

-Hey!

-Leave 50 cuttlebones
under the bridge,

or I start spotting your car.

-It's for me.
"Dear Mickey,

go to Johnnie's house
right away with your sister."

Signed Prince of Space.

Hey, Wally, what do
you think about that?

-Let's do what the note
says, Mickey.

-No, wait a minute.

Who could put a note
like this up on the cage?

-Never mind that!
Get a move on!

-What?

-You want to do what the note
says, right?

-Right, yeah.

Come on. Let's go.

-Whoa.
-All right. Goodbye, Wally.

Don't worry about us.
Go on with your dinner.

-Hurry, Kimmy, come on!

-The kid's great.
I love that kid.

-Wow.

-Finally, an evening alone
together!

-Oh!
-Oh!

-We got chickens!

-Bawk, bawk.

-I don't want to be
Prince of Space!

-Wait, where are you going?

Come back
and let us capture you!

-Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk!
-Bah, bah, bawk, bawk, bawk!

-Bawk, bawk, bawk, baah, bawk!
-Bah, bah, bawk, bah.

♪♪

-Exotic locations like
Normandale Community College!

-The chief is on his way
to meet us.

What are we going to do?-Just keep the radio beam going.

-Bawk.

♪♪

-Prince of Hauling Ass, whoo!

-Halt, or we fire.

-Well, his sights are pulling

about 60 yards
to the left there.

-Bawk, bawk, bah-bawk,
bah-ca-bawk!

-Ba-cah!
-Ba-cah, ba-cah, bah, bah!

-Bah-bah, bawk, bawk!

-I brought grubworms
for everyone!

-After him.
That way!

-Deploy your tiny whippers
only if necessary.

♪♪

-Maybe they just came
to this planet

to serve the guy a subpoena.

Maybe not.

♪♪

-Bawk, bawk.

-Even in death, they're stacked
on top of each other.

-Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk,
bawk-bawk!

-Ooh.

-Ba-kawk.

Bawk, bawk.

-Oh, Prince of Space!

-I was thinking it was going
to be Fritz Mondale,

but of course
it's Prince of Space.

-Hold your fire!

-You guys look ridiculous!

-Your weapons are useless.

Let's try bare hands now.

-Argh!

-I pound on Prince's face!

-His power apparently lies

in his choosing
incompetent enemies.

♪♪

-The Mertzes are here!
We're saved!

♪♪

-My mom is here.
I got to go.

♪♪

-The hell?

-Oh, hi. Charity, huh?

-You again?

-Ha, ha, yes, it's me.

-Heh, ha!

-I've come to finish you off.

-What a vicious cycle.

-Eh, I figure
he'll get bored and die,

and then I will rule, heh-heh!

♪♪

-Ah, even I am beginning
to doubt my powers.

-Ha, ha, ha, ha!

You see?

How many times do I have
to demonstrate to you --

Your guns are worthless
against me!

-Infinite.

-Come closer.

-I'm close enough.
Thank you anyway.

The stench of your foul breath

is more than
my stomach can stand.

-Wow.
-Chief, let's go!

-Get away!

Fire! Fire!

-Oh.

Sorry, sir.

You do have bad breath,
you know.

-I feel good all under!

-Oh, boy. Hey, wait up!
I need a ride!

I didn't mean that
about your breath.

Come on!

♪♪

-Chief, in the stern window
of that flying saucer.

-It's Mir, limping
into a service station.

-What do we do?
-Get them out of here.

Put them in their quarters.
Do it!

-All right.
-Back to your rooms.

-Chickens are too stupid
to mutiny.

♪♪

-My chest-mounted soap dish
will help me.

-Bawk, bawk.

-What are we going
to do, chief?

-Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.

-That tin can will never
survive another trip

through the meteor zone.

-Bah, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.
-Oh?

-But just to make sure,
prepare the caustic vapor!

[Birds chirping]

-Well, this is good, huh?

Okay, everything seems
to be back to normal.

I'm a flesh and human being,
and you guys are...

Oh, no.

Oh, no!

-Uh, Mike,
why are we in a sylvan glen?

-[Sneezes, coughs]

Hey, I got hay fever!
Cool!

[Laughs]

-I'm going to --

I'm going to go lay down
until this all blows over.

I'll -- I'll see you later.
-Uh, I -- I may need a Kleenex!

-You're fine.

-[Sniffles, coughs]

-Poor guy.
-Yeah.

-He doesn't handle alternate
realities very well, does he?

-[Sneezes]

Sorry, heh.

Ah, uh.

-Hmm.

Still, it's a nice day though.
Yeah.

-Yeah, yup.

-Hmm.

-Fishing?

♪♪

-Oh, you okay?
-Yeah.

Oh, God.

-Look, he's heading right
for the center.

Those meteorites will pound him
to pieces in a few minutes!

[Laughs]

-Yep, I'm the man.

-All right.

I think we've seen
the last of him.

He'll never come out
of that alive.

-Ah.
-Give everyone 4 hours off.

[Laughter]

-In the morning,
we'll return to Earth...

-Sir, did you forget something
when you got

dressed this morning?
-Oh, oh, put -- no.

-[Laughs]

-Planet International Falls.

-Oh! Here he is again!
-What the...

-They're just ignoring the fact
they have a giant out there.

-Your USC losers!

-Just in case, tell the giant
he'd better keep awake tonight.

-Huh?
-You never know.

He might get through
those meteorites.

-Bawk, bah, bah, bah, bawk.

-Bring those Earthlings
into the Great Hall.

-Right.

-Well, time for our daily
empty threats session.

-Krankor will be with you
in a few moments.

Uh, appointments
kind of backed up today.

You can have a seat there.

-Sit down.

Hey, sit down!

Sit down, I told you!

-Come on, this
is getting embarrassing!

-Hey, what do I have to do?

I told you to sit down!

-Oh, he knocked him
slightly off balance!

-This must be reported

to Amnesty International,
or the USDA.

-Heh, heh!

Maybe you'll listen to me now.

-Chickens are a cruel people.

♪♪

-[Clears throat] Okay.
Who called this meeting?

-I didn't.
-I didn't, no.

-Can we go?

♪♪

-I didn't see you.

Whoa!

-Get the DeSoto started.

-Hey, what's that?
A rocket!

-Oh!

-Oh, no, it's just
ductwork, okay.

-Oh.

-Krankor is
Mary, Queen of Scots.

-Taxi!

[All chuckle]

-Go ahead on three.

-Oh, ho!

-Oh?
-Oh, please, not this!

Anything but an old
Star Trek set!

-Here you see Krankor,
a part of my domain

which no man has ever seen.

It is the last thingwhich you will see in this life.

-So how are you guys?
-What do you mean?

What do you mean by that?

-Look!
-Look!

-What's that?

-Cecil Fielder!

-You see that?

-What the devil is that?

-It's the monster
which guards this place.

-Did you hear that?
A monster!

-A monster?

-Quite right, my dear Macken,

a monster which I created.

He obeys my slightest command.

-Like wander around aimlessly
and gain weight.

Yeah!

-The guardian has moved
into position.

All persons are warned
to stay clear of him.

-Very good.

-Give yourself a star.

-Now, gentlemen,
your time has come.

Prepare to leave Krankor.

-What's that?

-Prepare to leave.

-This is not happening.

-Each of you will enter
a space capsule.

-What?

-Each of you will enter
a space capsule!

-It will be sealed up.

Each one of you, in turn
will then blast off...

-What's that?

-...and travel far, far out...

-What'd he say?

-Come again?

-Your course will be selected
at random...

-What?
-No?

-...and will ultimately
be determined

by the celestial bodies
near which you pass.

-What'd he say?
-Those of you who are fortunate

will fall into a star.

-How's that?
-Your agony will be horrible,

but it will be brief.

-Beg pardon?

-The first rocket will be
manned by Dr. Macken.

-You know, wouldn't it be
cheaper and quicker

to just bludgeon them
right here?

-Efficiency.

-No!
-Oh!

♪♪

-Why, Dr. Macken,
you surprise me.

-I thought you were
a total puss!

-You look so glum.

After all, you preferred
not to surrender.

[Laughs]

-Hey, hey, hey!
Don't moon me over there, hey!

-Yep, agonizing death.

No doubt about it, yeah.

-Sir, we only have two ships.
Can we double up?

-What?

The Prince of Space?

-He's coming!
-Huh?

-Oh!
-Prince of Space!

Prince of Space is coming!

-Tickets at all
Ticketmaster outlets.

-Oh, there he is!

-What?
-Hi, be right with you.

Whoa!
Whoa, whoa.

-What a fool.

-He has defeated us
numerous times.

What makes him think
he can do it again?

-The guardian will make
mincemeat out of him.

He'd smash that miserable fool
once and for all!

-♪ In the land of Dairy Queen

-We're closed.

-He looks like a welder
who has fainting spells.

-Ross Perot!

-This is starting to be
kind of a weird movie.

-Mm-hmm, yeah.
-Ah.

-Ah, he kills with
an enormous air burp.

-Um, what was that
supposed to do?

-It's Pat!
-All right.

Took a look at the manual here.

There's giants.

Ah, big-eared matronly giants,
page 12.

-Ah.

-Mrs. Robinson,
are you trying to seduce me?

-Bless you.

-Hmm? What?

-Shh.

-Huh? No, not today.

-Some monsters just should
not wear belts.

-[Chuckles]

♪♪

-Ooh, he's a yam with features.

-He's going to Ultrabrite him
to death.

-♪ What would you say
if I sang out of tune ♪

-Now I'll circle in
and get at some of that plaque.

-Attention, gunners --

Blast him with every
available battery!

Automatic flak and fire!

-Okay. A little of this,
a little of that.

Strike-ups this over here.

[Gunfire]

-Ooh!

Is this worth a "ha, ha"?

Nah, I'll save it.

-Eh, ha, ha.

-Oh, I guess.

-Ha, ha, ha!

So much for that
Prince of Space!

Nothing, not even he,

could resist the devastating
effect of my thorium bombs!

-What?

-Now, let's get on
with our ceremony, eh?

Ha, ha, ha!

-No thanks.

Does he realize
how forced it sounds?

-Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha!

-Ugh, those eggs.

-All right, Macken.
You're first.

Get a move on!

-No!
-Dr. Macken, no!

-Now we isolate
our first contestant

in a soundproof booth.

-Hey!
-Get back here!

-What are you doing?

[All shouting]

-What?

-Another beer here.

[Laser guns fire]

-Back to my dried good stores.

-Seeing these guys,
it's hard to believe

human beings ever have sex.

[Laser gunfire]

-[Gasps]

-Oh!
-He wasn't killed!

-What?

-Um, hello?

-Prince of Space,

you're still alive, are you?

-Of course I am!

And I will keep fighting

to protect the people
who call upon me

to save them
from your domination.

-Blast him!

♪♪

-I didn't say blast,
I said, "rest him, rest him!"

-Listen.
-Is that the door?

-I call upon you to surrender,
to release these Earthlings,

to return them to wherever
you took them from,

and to cease your evil
plotting once and for all!

-You can't see me!

A-ha, ha.

♪♪

-Come out, Professor.

-Prince of Space!

-It's Michael Jeter.
Of course it's Prince of Space!

-Oh, our collective headaches!

-Mouse Trap!

♪ Duh-da, da, da, da, rink,
da, dum ♪

-♪ Do, do, do, do-do-do

♪♪

-You, turn on the reserve power.-Right.

-Switch on the heating current
to that griddle.

-All right.
-Now that I've got him,

I'm going to boil him alive.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

-Weird me out.

-I hope he has his tanning
goggles on, ha, ha!

-Here comes the deadly
fly rod cases.

-Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here

to get through
this thing called life.

-Careful, sweetie, no railing.

-Gentleman, prepare to be
Super Soaked!

-No one can resist my,
uh, things.

-Rapid deployment system
leaves no time to react!

-And then...

-Yeah, the finger coming out.

-Come on out, varmint!

-Shouldn't have let Mom
make my costume.

Oh, I am saving up
such a laugh.

-He's well-cooked.

Enough!
-Right.

-Steamed Prince of Space,
or fried in beer batter?

-Ah, Prince is alive!
-Dope.

I was hiding here, ya...

-Enough of this.

When will you ever learn?

Your guns won't work on me.

-The giant!
-Aah!

-Brilliant new plan, Sir.

-Fire lasers!

-Come on, the movie is over.
Let's just -- let's just go.

-No, it's not. It's not.
-It's not.

-Come on.
-Okay.

-Put Debbie on hold for a sec.

-Sit down.

-Sick, angry, a turtle.

What?

-Well, I suppose
that's it for me.

Yep, I'm dead.

-Now, look...

Give up,
or I'll have to kill you.

-Well, I can't back that up!

-No!

-Oh, oh!

-You'll never defeat me!
Bye now!

Into the giblet-mobile!

-Now is our chance.
Come on, follow me!

-Yes.

-I have no
objective whatsoever.

-Hey, Prince,
where are you going?

-Follow me! Quickly.

Come on!
Come on, all of you!

-Just run potty,
and then we'll go, okay?

-Mike, I swear,
I am never going to forget

what the Japanese did to us
with this movie.

-Oh, come on, this way!
-No, wait! Look out!

-Oh?
-Oh!

-Oh, ow!
-Oh! Ow!

-We're trapped!
-Ooh!

-Not yet. Come, this way!

-No, no, wait! What? Stop.

Oh, ooh, ah!

-Oh, wait. Stop. This way!
Now run!

No, wait, come on!
-Oh!

-No, look out.
No, wait. Stop. Huh?

-Oh, Prince of Space?
-Oh, huh, don't stop!

-Hurry. Come this way!

-Oh, no, wait!

Is that the way out?

-Of course, come on.

-Wait, probably it isn't!
No, I'll follow you.

Wait, Prince of Space!

-The Ritz Brothers
had more dignity!

-Over here!
-No kidding.

[All shouting]

-Calm down, calm down.

-Calm down.

-Okay, now panic.

-Ah, ha.

Caught like rats in a trap!

You'll be safe enough here.

I'm leaving for Earth now,
but when I come back,

I'll have a very special
kind of death for you,

my dear Prince of Space.

Goodbye!

-So he has a quick errand

before he kills Prince of Space.

-What?
What are you looking at?

-I had a very good reason
for not killing him now.

He's going to prepare
for blastoff in his flagship,

and unfortunately
it's the only ship available

that will take you
back to Earth.

-Yeah.

-Now, all of you stay
close behind me

and do exactly
what I tell you to do.

-Oh!

-Okay, now watch more.

There you go.

[Laser gun firing]

-Little more, yes.
Good, watch him, good.

-My grill lighter is saving us!

[Sizzling]

-Oh, we are more
interested now.

-Why is he melting
semi-sweet chocolate?

-Hurry up now, come on!

-Hey, guys, wait, watch this.
Watch this.

-My arthritis!

Oh, my spastic colon!

-Oh, my gout!
-Oh, my bad knee!

-Oh, my baldness!

♪♪

-Prince of Crossing Guards!

♪♪

-Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha.

-Ha, ha, ha!

-Would you get back further,
you morons?

♪♪

Stop right where you are.

-It's him!
-It's the Prince of Space!

-Oh, I love him!
-Let's get his autograph!

-Come back, you fools!
He's all alone!

-Ah.

-My one stance.

-Stand where you are!
-And who's that?

-The first man who walks down
the ramp

will be signing
his own death warrant.

I booby-trapped the whole thing,

and your own thorium bombs

will blast you
into the next world!

-Oh!
-Oh?

-You lie.

-You can find out pretty easily

whether I'm
telling you the truth.

Look behind you
in that corridor.

-What?

-Oh, gross, right on the rug!

-All right.
Then I surrender.

-They lapped themselves.

-Get back!
Get out of sight!

-Capture them for hostages!

♪♪

-They have no accumulated
memory whatsoever!

-Come on, why don't you try
to board your ship?

-Why, you...

-Now your breath is bad too!

-Oh, Prince,
the hall is being --

-Are we grateful to see you!

Say you're all right, please.
-Are you all right?

-Quiet down!
We haven't a moment to lose.

Everybody,
board this ship right away.

-Well, what about you?

-I will stay here until
you're safe on your way.

[Crashes]
-What's that?

-Go on, hurry!

-Oh, uh!
-Yes!

-Next, the Prince will sew
name tags in their underwear,

bunch of babies.

-Yeah, I need those guys like
I need another 1-inch wiener.

♪♪

-Keep pushing, men.

We're almost out
of our atmosphere.

♪♪

[Panting]

[Crashing]

-My coop!
My beautiful, beautiful coop!

Oh, ho!

-Wah, bawk, bawk, bawk.

-Bawk!
-Bah!

♪♪

-If they'd built
this up to code,

this never would have happened!

-Ah, yes,
the ancient Japanese tradition

of blowing up models
at the end of the movie!

-A blast at East Bedrock
claimed the lives

of Frederick R. Flintstone
and Barnabas Rubble today.

-And a proud,
noble civilization dies out,

sometimes.

This loser civilization,
however, will not be missed.

-Dr. Macken, Dr. Macken!

-I'm wet again!

-The automatic pilot
is working perfectly!

We're on a direct course
for Earth.

-Wonderful.

-And look there,
on the visual screen --

The one we owe everything to.

-Oh.

-Ah, it's the Prince of Space!

He wouldn't even let us
say thanks.

Who knows if we'll ever
see him again.

-Say, we'd better radio ahead.

Tell the Earth we're safe,
that we're coming home

thanks to Prince of Space.

-Yeah.

-On their own, the giant
infant scientist

survived another minute
and then crashed.

♪♪

-Meanwhile,
all the boots on Earth

get duller and less black.

-And yet I feel so empty.

-You know, this movie made me
want to renounce my Toyota.

♪♪

-Ah!

-Oh, it's the end!

Oh, the movie can't end
enough for me!

-Ah, let's get into space!
-Oh, ah, this one!

What?

-Okay, okay, okay.
-Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

-On the Satellite of Love,
right, right?

-Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
-There's no time lags.

Mike is not a puny little robot.

-Nope, nope, I...
Well, I don't think so.

-Because I tell you, guys,
you get to the point

where you just want to go,
"Wormhole, back off!"

-No, I hear you, but seems like
everything is back to normal.

Oh, you guys know my wife,
Krankor, right?

-Wah!
-Whoa, whoa!

Get me out of here!

-[Laughs]
-Ha, ha, ha, ha!

-Oh, that was good.
We got them, Krankor.

-We certainly got them
that time!

Ha!
-Yeah.

-Ha.

-Well, there's no reason
for you to hang around.

-You could take off.
-They ran like fools, ha!

-Yeah.
-Ha!

-Yeah, I guess
they did, Krankor.

-We pulled the wool
over their eyes. Ha!

-Wow.
-You know what, Krankor?

I want you to leave.
All right?

-Oh, do you?

Well, you may be interested
to know

that I have already
conquered your puny Satellite

and that you have
no defense against...

-Ah!
-Oh, oh, please don't hurt me!

No, no! Don't hit!
Don't hit! Don't hit!

-Well, Krankor.
-Yeah.

-Mike, Crow, Servo, Krankor,

we're orbiting a planet
that looks like Earth.

-Earth?
-Wow!

-Earth?
-I'm not sure.

-Really?
-Yes!

-It -- it is!
-I think.

-Oh, would you knock it off?

Mrs. F, how about you?

Do you know where we are
or when we are?

-I don't know, Mike.

There's no sign of Bobo,

but there are marble columns
and intricate frescoes.

-Evidently,
a sewage system of some sort.

-Could --
could it possibly be...

[Fanfare plays]

-Welcome to Roman Times.

-Guards, cease them.

[Suspenseful music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.