Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 9, Episode 14 - Riding with Death - full transcript

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ In the not too distant future

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ Somewhere in time and space

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ Mike Nelson and his robot pals

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ Are caught in an endless chase

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ Pursued by a woman
whose name is Pearl

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ An evil gal who
wants to rule the world

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ She threw a few
things in her purse

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ And in her rocket
ship she hunts him

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ All across the universe

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ I'll get you

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ I'll send him cheesy movies

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ The worst I can find

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ La la la

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ He'll have sit
and watch them all

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ And I'll monitor his mind

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Now keep in mind
Mike can't control

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Where the movies begin or end

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ He'll try to keep his sanity

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ With the help of
his robot friends

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Robot roll call

{\a1\pos(264,68)}♪ Cambot

{\a1\pos(285,68)}♪ Gypsy

{\a1\pos(180,68)}♪ Tom Servo

{\a1\pos(285,460)}♪ Crow

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ And other science facts

{\a1\pos(162,460)}♪ Just repeat to
yourself, it's just a show

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ I should really just relax

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ For Mystery Science
Theater 3000

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hi everybody, and welcome
to the Satellite of Love.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Say, did you know that
Mike spent a two week stint

{\a1\pos(117,460)}as a Teppanyaki chef at
a place called Sukiyummy?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(laughs)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Neither did I, 'till he
went completely mental!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now he's slicing
everything on the ship.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What's that, Mike?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, you wanna slice
another onion,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}sure, I know how
happy that makes you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Can I just get a
piece of that shrimp

{\a1\pos(96,460)}before you turn it
into shrimp pudding?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Woah! Stop cutting already Mike.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm woozy from hunger.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You know, Mike's
dangerous enough

{\a1\pos(117,460)}just wielding that big
chunky body of his around,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but give him a knife and
it's goodnight Irene.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What now? Oh, you wanna
slice the peppers, sure.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, the pieces
have been coming out

{\a1\pos(117,460)}kinda big, go to town.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}There's about a one
in four chance we're

{\a1\pos(54,460)}gonna come out of this alive.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Alright, that's it, I
want a piece of steak.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Ow! Jeez, thanks, now
he's trying to slice it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Yeah, that's nice, he's
trying to slice my hand up,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}good, no that's fine
Mike, you cut my hand up

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and serve it to me, good.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}The thing is, I'm so
hungry it looks good to me.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}My own hand looks delicious.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You see what you've
done to me Mike?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You see what you've done?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You folks better not see any

{\a1\pos(96,460)}more of this, we'll
be right back.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Fry my head, just fry me.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Not the head,
Crow, not the head.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(theme music)

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(chewing)

{\a1\pos(99,460)}Well, there's just not
much meat on your claw, Crow.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}Well, there's no meat,
Mike, I'm made of molybdenum.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Can I have my hand back please?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Sure.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(phone ringing)
The hell?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It sounds like a World
War II era field phone.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- What?
- Look at this.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Well I'll be!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What do you know.
- Son of a gun.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look at that, there, huh?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It's ringing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Sure is.
- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ringing alright.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What do you know.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, I'll get it.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(automatic gun firing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Mike, we're under attack!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}An army of renegade,
warlike robots

{\a1\pos(96,460)}has us pinned down,
we're almost out

{\a1\pos(54,460)}of ammo and I don't think we
can survive another charge.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}And?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}And I am going
to box your ears

{\a1\pos(138,460)}if you don't help us
get off this planet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, lawgiver, the war's over

{\a1\pos(33,460)}for me, I've got trench mouth.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}How could you,
we just got started

{\a1\pos(96,460)}five minutes ago and you
already have trench mouth?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well I have sensitive
gums, you see--

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, oh great,
just what I need...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Medic, medic!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Here I am.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Brain guy, what the
hell is your deal?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My race is pacifist and
does not believe in war.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We only kill out
of personal spite.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We will, however,
provide humanitarian aid.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What's that smell?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Mustard gas.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Mustard gas, get the masks!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No no no, that's just me,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I ate a whole jar of Plochman's
with my knish for lunch.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Good god, ape.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}That's it, we're pulling out.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Hand grenade!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Grenade, I'll save you--

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What are you doing--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(explosion)

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Bobo, Brain Guy, quit farting
around and get in the van.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ok, Nelson, we need air
support and we need it fast.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's a good thing
I don't have a body.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sure, no problem,
I used to make

{\a1\pos(201,460)}these babies in
junior high school

{\a1\pos(33,460)}out of vinegar and baking soda.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Is that too much
baking soda, Mike, or...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And high school, now
that I think of it,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and college, too, got
expelled for that.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Definitely too much
baking soda, Mike.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just a little too much.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And for the temp
job I worked on too,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}'till that one guy in
receiving got me fired.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Heh, Mike, Mike, honey, the
baking soda, just got a tich--

{\a1\pos(138,460)}- Just a little prank
- Too much baking soda--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but he had to rat
out on me, didn't he?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, well, I guess some
people are just like that.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}So, bombs away, Mike.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Ok Mike,
- Mike?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ok, bombs away.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Alright, bombs away!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}- Bombs away.
- Wahoo!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, I heard you
can make a bazooka

{\a1\pos(180,460)}out of PVC tubing
and a used diaper.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Is that so?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}- Ah!
- Woah, ok.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}There you go, Mrs. Forester,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}a little distraction for you.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(all yelling)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ok, a few things,
Mike: first, well,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}you blew up another
planet, obviously,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}what's that, three for you now?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Think so.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Second, are you
out of your stupid,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}rotted skull, you dumb man?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(phone ringing)

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Now what?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(monkey calls)

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, I can't stand it,
oh, it's killing me, oh--

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Bobo, have you been hit?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Bobo, speak to us, Bobo!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh Nelson, look
what you've done,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}this poor, noble
ape is gonna croak

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and it's all your fault.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'm sending you the worst movie

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I know, it's called
"Riding With Death"

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and it sucks on toes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hang on, Bobo, hang on!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Bobo, darling,
what's happened?

{\a1\pos(162,460)}I am so hungry! I
haven't eaten since lunch.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Anybody got a knish?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hungry, why you stupid monkey!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You smelly, stupid simian...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What'd you do with that planet
you silly, stupid old man?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Someone's going to jail
and it's not gonna be me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We got movie sign!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(buzzing)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Mike humming)

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(Tom singing)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Good.
- Thank you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Universal, except
for you, Ron.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know, the Earth
thinks it's so great.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh yeah, it thinks the whole
world revolves around itself.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}(mysterious electronic music)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, the Matthew
Broderick story.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And believe me, death
does not pony up for gas.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Is there such a thing
as starring Ben Murphy,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}isn't it more honest
just to say that

{\a1\pos(33,460)}most of the time, the camera's
pointed at Ben Murphy?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Starring rejects from Harry O.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Richard the Dys-hearted.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(Tom laughs)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}William Sylvester's theme,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}a music of hope for the world!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Smog's pretty heavy
over LA this afternoon.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, if Clu Gulager isn't

{\a1\pos(54,460)}in this, it'll be very wrong.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Anthony Zerbe, come on,
please please please...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Or Evan Smith, your choice.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ah, that's who's playing
John Hiller this time.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(Mike laughs)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}(Crow makes guttural noise)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And dawn slams up.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, you think this guy
likes spiders and snakes?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}And step, ball,
kick, change, go!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Datacorp, providing
personnel decisions in

{\a1\pos(138,460)}management consulting
for exploiting

{\a1\pos(117,460)}your core competencies
with an eye

{\a1\pos(96,460)}toward productivity
and connectivity.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, Steven Bochco, does this

{\a1\pos(12,460)}mean we have to see Dennis
Franz's hairy butt cheeks?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I hope not.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Ah yes, that gooey LA sky.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Birds? Nah, all dead.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Intersect, making lines
meet for over 50 years.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This computer has
over 500 bytes of RAM.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}The long and winding
road that leads to your--

{\a1\pos(222,460)}World's most
difficult math test.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Damn. We've got dots again.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}So everybody at NORAD

{\a1\pos(138,460)}called in sick today
except this guy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's one of them
early tanning booths.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Top secret, so don't
look at it too long.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Quick brown fox jumped
over the lazy dog.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hi. I'm Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Federal agent Sam Casey.
- You table is ready.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Born April 16th, 1958.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}New York City, New York.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Received Juris Doctor degree,
Harvard law school, 1983.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Under operation
"Admit the Dumb".

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hi, Ben Murphy again.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Special federal
agent Sam Casey

{\a1\pos(201,460)}was assigned to
operation Royce Explorer

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to retrieve an unidentified
satellite from the ocean floor.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Backstory database.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}During the course of
the salvage operation,

{\a1\pos(222,460)}the submerged
satellite exploded.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}The radiation from the blast
left Casey alive but invisible.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Do you buy that?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The intersect radiation lab

{\a1\pos(201,460)}fitted him with
a DNA stabilizer.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}From Beymark.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}This enables Casey to both

{\a1\pos(180,460)}become invisible
and to materialize.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Still with me?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}The complete details are top

{\a1\pos(12,460)}secret file number 487384.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Send a self-addressed, stamped

{\a1\pos(78,460)}envelope to Ben Murphy
Information, Pueblo, Colorado.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Start seeing Ben Murphys.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}(motorcycle engine roaring)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Sorry squirrel.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah, I got the
whole Ben Murphy

{\a1\pos(138,460)}thing going on, so I
got that going for me.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Gavin MacLeod mania:
not Gavin MacLeod,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}but an incredible simulation.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just swing by and pick
up my vacation pictures.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Not exactly riding
with death yet, is he?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No, just riding with slight

{\a1\pos(96,460)}abrasions at the moment.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ah, it's a synchronized
car-exiting competition.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You took my
employee of the month

{\a1\pos(12,460)}parking spot, you bastard!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Frankly, miss,
I'm surprised you

{\a1\pos(33,460)}didn't notice I was Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll have a pappa burger
with cheese and fries.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(tire squealing)
(Tom squealing)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We'll take your
medication, grandpa.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Damn corporate rough-housing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Peter Fonda is Richard

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Petty in the Marcel
Marceau story.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}(Crow breathing laboriously)

{\a1\pos(54,460)}An elderly security guy, run!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Maytag repair
man in hot pursuit.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh killers, they're fun.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Gimme my comic books!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hold it, hold it, relax,
I'm one of the good guys.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Name's Casey, Intersect.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, I'm not cool, so
I'll have to shake regular.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Thank you, thank you,
I'm Dr. Arthur Hale

{\a1\pos(201,460)}of Intersect's
technological division.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Nice to meet you.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm also a freelance
Murray Slaughter.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I was supposed to meet
Mr. Driscoll 15 minutes ago.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's alright, so was I.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Listen, you got any idea
who those turkeys were?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Were they Butterballs?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let's just say that
Mr. Driscoll will

{\a1\pos(222,460)}get into that
after the briefing.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We'll have a turkey update.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Housed in a beautiful,
redressed parking ramp.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Eh, let's go to
the turkey database.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Building the
perfect party tape.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}With the increasing
erratic behavior

{\a1\pos(138,460)}in the nuclear energy
arena, it is becoming

{\a1\pos(138,460)}more evident that new
sources for energy

{\a1\pos(138,460)}must be found to fill
our various needs.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hence these random shots.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Our standard fuel

{\a1\pos(96,460)}energy sources are
expensive and dangerous.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And ooky, and scary.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}They play too important a role

{\a1\pos(96,460)}in world politics,
constantly causing friction

{\a1\pos(12,460)}throughout the hemispheres.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It really steams my beans.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It is our hope that once

{\a1\pos(117,460)}again necessity will be
the mother of invention.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hit a unicyclist.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Duh, uh, duh...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Eh, these moral-boosting

{\a1\pos(180,460)}movie breaks just
aren't helping.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey baldy, down
and front, huh?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Tripolodine.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Dr. Hale's new fuel additive,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}so called because it
triples vehicular mileage.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What a turkey.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Hey, my favorite number, woo!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}70?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, I love 70.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}70 miles to one gallon?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}On one gallon of
the mixture, yes,

{\a1\pos(120,460)}cars with special
carburetors did even better.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Well, gets really dirty
now, I'll have to shut it off.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Mmm, turkey soup.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Congratulations, Dr.
Hale, this certainly

{\a1\pos(162,460)}will reduce our
dependence on foreign oil.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, but then one man's
meat's another man's poison.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Turkey meat, that is.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Meaning that
certain foreign oil

{\a1\pos(54,460)}interests won't be overjoyed.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}True enough, it could
obviously cost them billions.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You saw what happened
in the parking lot.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Yeah, the turkeys, right.
- How did they find out?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}A security leak, unhappily.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Not at Intersect?
- No no no.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Damn dirty glasses.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}In Washington, I'm afraid.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}You see, last week I
contacted federal authorities

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and told them we
planned to deliver

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(squeaking)

{\a1\pos(162,460)}two gallons of
tripolodine to the Federal

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Energy Commission's branch
office at Long Beach

{\a1\pos(180,460)}where it would be
tested and certified.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He's still
cleaning his glasses?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}My purpose was to
request an army convoy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(squeaking intensifies)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Within a matter of hours,
Mr. Driscoll had a call

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Still dirty!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}from the head of the
international oil combine,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}they wanted to buy all
the rights to tripolodine.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}To suppress it, of course.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Of course, that's
why I urge Mr. Driscoll

{\a1\pos(96,460)}to get the additive
to the Federal

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Energy Commission as
quickly as possible.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Meaning tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What is on these things?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Delivery will begin
at precisely 0500 hours

{\a1\pos(96,460)}when an army convoy will
depart the laboratory, but--

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I have to clean
my glasses first.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}In view of the security breach

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and just between
the four of us--

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My glasses are filthy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That convoy will
be a decoy and will

{\a1\pos(12,460)}not be carrying the tripolodine.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Still dirty.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Alright, so who will?
- Some turkeys?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You will, Sam, it's
your present assignment.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}I'm eh.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(theme music)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sam, at precisely
600 hours, this rig

{\a1\pos(96,460)}will arrive at Dr.
Hale's laboratory

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and you will be at the wheel.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}But I can't drive a stick.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let's take a look inside.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I need you to help me move

{\a1\pos(117,460)}my couch before we get
on with the operation.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You first, we wanna see
your visible panty line.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}They totally cleaned
out the book-mobile.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Dr. Hale has
devised this chamber

{\a1\pos(99,460)}constructed of
bullet-resisting armor plate.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's right.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Wow, you could fit a whole
lot of turkeys in this place.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Now, Dr. Hale
will ride in here

{\a1\pos(96,460)}with the two gallon
bottle of tripolodine--

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Some pretzels.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Special equipment
used in the refining

{\a1\pos(180,460)}process, and all
his secret formulas.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Ok, I think I get it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We run into any
trouble, then Dr. Hale

{\a1\pos(12,460)}can hold out in here until
help arrives, that the idea?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[Mike, Crow, Tom]: Amen.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Right. Now Sam--
- Don't wear that shirt.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}The Federal Energy Agency
closes tomorrow at 1800 hours.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Budget cuts, you know.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Your mission is
to protect Dr. Hale,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and get this rig to
Long Beach on time.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}So they have 13 hours to drive

{\a1\pos(54,460)}from Torrance to Long Beach?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Guess so.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}President Ford
declares martial law

{\a1\pos(12,460)}because of the streaking crisis.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And Comanches line the hills.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This is overview,
Army convoy has picked up

{\a1\pos(96,460)}material at secret
base as ordered.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Now approaching
Checkpoint Charlie.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Roger, Colonel.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'll be cleaning my glasses.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Poached? No, scrambled!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Sam, are you in position yet?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}This is Sam, I am.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Affirmative, Big Daddy,
I just arrived at the lab.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Good, proceed
with operation. Out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He calls me Sister Woman,
I call him Big Daddy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting
twipolodine. (laughs)

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Rip.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Well, what do
you think, doctor,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}you about ready to move out?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, just about,
couple of more items.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Eh, we're supposed
to leave at eight,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}it's about 11 now, but whatever.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We've disguised a bottle of
tripolodine as junior samples.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What's the matter?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's an oversight,
I just realized

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that a piece of equipment I
have stored in a warehouse

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in Dawson is absolutely
indispensable.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}My toupe.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well no problem, we can stop
on the way and pick it up.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- We'll be behind schedule.
- Not if we leave now.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well fine, I'm ready.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Alrighty.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, and I gotta hit the
cash machine if that's ok.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Ah, I'll do a little
pinch hit, pop in

{\a1\pos(180,460)}some Deep Purple,
and then get this

{\a1\pos(180,460)}secret government
project on the road.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Rip.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Turkeys ho!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Remember, for
all your top secret

{\a1\pos(33,460)}government project needs, trust
Central Moving and Storage.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Hey it fell over and exploded

{\a1\pos(12,460)}already, what should I do?

{\a1\pos(204,460)}99 bottles of
tripolodine on the wall,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}99 bottles of tripolodine.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I can't get it out of second.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ah, well, we got 13
hours to get there.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And Mickey Mantle's new liver

{\a1\pos(201,460)}is transported
across the country.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}...checkpoint Delta.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Roger, colonel, we will change

{\a1\pos(96,460)}frequency channel as per
planned at this time.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}An Indian van.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Wait, please
hold this channel.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Who is this?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It's Abby, I'm late.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}She's pregnant?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Abby, where are
you, the army convoy

{\a1\pos(222,460)}has left, the
operation's underway.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- I know that,
- Duh.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm on my way to Hale's lab.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Why?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well Sam is supposed
to meet me there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well go, you still
got five minutes.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Righto.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Woah, the acid kicked in.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Well I can't sing
but I don't care

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ As long as my CB radio's here

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- ♪ I'm on there
- I'm on there?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- ♪ I'm on there
- I'm on there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Ain't got no record,
ain't got no band

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ But I got me a song
about a truck-driving man

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ And I'm on there,
said I'm on there

{\a1\pos(54,460)}That's really beautiful, man.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ I'm on there, I
said I'm on there

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Get off the air, you cracker.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hey, encore, encore!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Well thank you
there, music lover!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It's Lazy Rider here.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Buffalo Bill, howdy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Howdy Buffalo,
where you rolling?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Stop cutting.
- I got 4000 pounds.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, lemme know how I'm
round your back door, buddy.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ew.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}As long as you can keep the
black bars off my mudflaps.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}- Ew.
- Say that again?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hijackers, they hit along this

{\a1\pos(54,460)}route five times last month.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I got you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- 10 four.
- Got you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I have a new friend
and his name is Buffalo.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Death rides comfortably

{\a1\pos(12,460)}with Central Moving and Storage.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ben Murphy, how may
I direct your call?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Are we on schedule?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We're 10 minutes
ahead, doctor.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Fine, thank you,
I'm gonna start

{\a1\pos(201,460)}to work on the
patent applications.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}So hold all my calls, Debby.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Okie dokie.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll just pop in
some Jeff Foxworthy

{\a1\pos(201,460)}books on tape.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Shoot, that secret
government project ditched me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ah, prelude to the
afternoon of a turkey.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}My bell bottoms
feel great today.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Her codename: Muskrat Susie.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ding dong, trick or
treat for pant suits.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Brought my modified
Dorothy Hamill cut.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Gasoline.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's the common fuel
I was trying to think of.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}(Tom sings in nasal voice)

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ I'll be your candle
on a pile of papers

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I wish I could get married
to my new boyfriend Sam Casey.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}To whom it may concern,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm breaking up with you and
burning down the warehouse.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}What would Toni Tennille do?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Amount embezzeled,
10.7 million.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}10 million dollars?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Somebody paid too
much for their muffler.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, the grappa.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}Oh it's Georgio, I'm
gonna stink for three years.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Mrs. Colombo's niece's friend.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Operation Camel Toe.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, Lou Grant's office
is now a permanent diorama.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, I could steal the
stapler and no one would know.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's Alan Smithee's number.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Probably the illegal

{\a1\pos(222,460)}embezzlement
information hotline.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}New Swiss.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}To order Toblerone, press one.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now I wonder who's
flying to Switzerland,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and with 10 million dollars.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Maybe it's Heidi.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}She has exploding boogers!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Thank goodness for
my Kevlar underalls.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Man, I really cut one.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(trumpet)
The king approaches.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm so upset, I'm going to go

{\a1\pos(96,460)}right out and eat a whole
bunch of rice cakes.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm gonna call Pam Dawber.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}She's calling Kleenex
consumer complaints.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Uh, yes ma'am, one
kind has lotion in it,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}the other kind has
nitroglycerin, yes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Mr. Driscoll's office.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This is Abby, get
me Mr. Driscoll.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on lunch, come on.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Ms. Lawrence on six.
- Ah crap, well...

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Abby?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Leonard, listen to me--
- No.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}This whole thing is a fraud.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Abby.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Sam is in terrible trouble,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}tripolodine is
chemically unstable.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Hello, hello?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I don't know why you
say goodbye, I say hello.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Grace, I've been cut off.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Its molecular
structure breaks down

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and it transforms itself into an

{\a1\pos(117,460)}explosive more violent
than nitroglycerin.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I don't know how
long it takes, but

{\a1\pos(180,460)}just a couple of
drops on a tissue

{\a1\pos(180,460)}nearly blew this
whole room apart.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, knocked over a chair.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}The slightest
jar in that truck

{\a1\pos(54,460)}that Sam is driving and he's
gonna be blown to smithereens.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, yeah, and someone's
going to Switzerland.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Leonard, Leonard,
are you there?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I doubt it very much.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Robert Reed and Tom T. Hall!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}So funny when a girl
tries to do something.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(all laugh)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No way, my girl, no way.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Just curds.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Put her in the 'copter.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Heh heh, a song about
the seventies, huh? Groovy!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, it's always
been my favorite decade.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Cool, rock it you turkey!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Alright.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ Ow, ow ow boogie ow

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Back in the funky seventies,
the party didn't ever stop

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ The city of Pompeii
was doing alright

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ But Vesuvius
blew her top, ow ow

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ Back in the
super bad seventies

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ The Roman empire
still reigned supreme

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ Emperor Titus came to power

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ and he finished
up the coliseum

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Uh, Servo?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ Back in the
funkadelic seventies

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Tom, can I just
unplug you here and just

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Egyptian week was...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Who turned off my losound?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That was me actually,
I think we had

{\a1\pos(33,460)}a little miscommunication here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What, you said
you wanted to hear

{\a1\pos(180,460)}my song about the
seventies, right?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Well we thought
you meant the 1970s,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}you know, the decade
of today's movie?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's absurd, I distinctly
heard "the seventies", period.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, but usually
when people say

{\a1\pos(96,460)}the seventies they don't
mean 70 AD to 79 AD,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}they mean the 1970s.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The 1970s.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, how can people
just assume that?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I mean, why don't they just get

{\a1\pos(201,460)}off their lazy
butts and say 1970s?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I mean, I don't know shinola
about the stupid 1970s.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}It's just a kinda
short-hand, I can't explain,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}why don't you just play one
of your other songs, ok?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, alright.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Calm down.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Here's a little song I
penned about the fifties.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Do you remember the fifties,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ When Emperor Claudius died

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ The apostle Paul
traveled to Greece

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Uh, Servo...
- Oh no, not again.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[Mike, Crow] Yep.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I mean, what is wrong
with people, how can

{\a1\pos(96,460)}they be so sloppy,
I mean, why don't we

{\a1\pos(33,460)}just throw out the damn stupid

{\a1\pos(12,460)}calendar if nobody's gonna
use it, I mean, jeez--

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Bunch of ninnies and thieves,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}morons, morons all of you, man.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(theme music)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, his essential
equipment comes

{\a1\pos(180,460)}in a whole lotta
laundry bags, huh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And Richard Carpenter
sketches a truck.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now we just need to
swing by Sudsomatic.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}In there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}So in the truck, then, thanks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(moaning from bag)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Delicious.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey, wanna sign
for this stuff?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Lucky guy, he's about to
find out I'm Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Keep on trucking,
peace, Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So your company's
called Evilco, eh?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Fred Willard, longshoreman.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Dr. Hale says to tell you
this bag isn't even his.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Lemme see there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yep, not even his,
says it right here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's not even from
his locker, put it back.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Lemme change that
invoice, will you?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}A lot of bag
switching going on,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}well you guys probably
got it under control.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ok, there you go.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Alright, thank you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Fadeaway jerk handshake.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That was a great
handshake, man.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This is a pretty mellow
top secret operation,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}nobody's getting uptight,
everything's cool.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}No baggage or hangups.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm just gonna hang
in there, baby,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}you bet your sweet bippy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'll do my thing and
they'll do theirs.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Just gotta keep
mellow, that's what

{\a1\pos(117,460)}being Ben Murphy's all
about, and I'm Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Bye, sack of
hamm-- I mean, Sam.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sure hope he remembers
to pick up death.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Boy I sure hope it never stops

{\a1\pos(117,460)}being the seventies or
we'll all be in trouble.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Sue Ann put me in this, mayor.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Nice, delicate
improvisation, Stark.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ms. Scuzzy, I mean.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Yeah, kinda guarantees
her total disappearance.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Uh huh, along with
mine, allegedly.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(laughs)

{\a1\pos(138,460)}- Chopper's out back.
- Good, let's get going.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Yeah, I know the plan.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Think I'll get me a mood ring.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's stop-and-go, slow-and-go

{\a1\pos(96,460)}over the top secret
government project today.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sorry I made you
throw up back there.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yup, being Ben Murphy
has its advantages,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}like being Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}How you riding
back there, doctor?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm not in a helicopter.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, fine, Sam, just fine.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But I'm working on
my patent papers

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and I really would appreciate it
if you didn't disturb me.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Sorry.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Heh heh, dope.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You didn't give
yourself much leeway.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Plenty.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}In every experiment
I conducted,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}it took nearly three
hours for the molecular

{\a1\pos(96,460)}structure to break down.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Stupid molecular structure.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}I wonder how
Intersect's going to feel

{\a1\pos(33,460)}when they learn that Dr. Hale,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}together with all the
secrets for tripolodine,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}have been blown sky high by the

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Agents of the
International Oil Cartels.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Eh, probably not
that good, heh heh heh.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Slug bug!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ow, Mike!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}How long now?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}The first good
bump in the road.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(dramatic trumpet)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Eh Rhoda and Joe, I sure
hope they get married.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Smurf urine.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Christo started out with
small projects like this.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, she's emerging
out of her pupal stage.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Front of the truck.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Lazy Rider to Big Daddy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh cut that out, Sam.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It hurts me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh come on, Big Daddy,
you've just blown my cover.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sam, you know very well
we're on the scrambler.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now did Abby make contact
for synchronization exercise?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Make contact, where?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}- At the lab.
- D'oh!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}No, but then, we left a little
ahead of schedule, Leonard.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}She's pecking at it
with her egg tooth.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}When she reaches you,
have her contact me, too.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}10 four.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Man, he's so uptight
and un-mellow, jeez.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Look at that old bag.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}She's half in the
bag at this point.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ok, that's quite enough.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The first test of
the female condom.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Please, I have
to make a deposit

{\a1\pos(54,460)}or my rent check will bounce.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Someone's deck!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The seventies didn't deal

{\a1\pos(201,460)}well with stuff
that wasn't mellow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My acetone-free Cutex.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hold me closer, tiny death.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Riding with death through

{\a1\pos(201,460)}San Bernardino,
Azusa, Simi Valley.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Are you a little
chilly, death?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yes you are, yes
you are chilly...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He's whistling Milton Babbitt.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}There you go honey,
just try to go.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ben Murphying's
going pretty good, yep.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Sam!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Made the pants too long!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Sam, stop, it's Abby!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I think he's whistling
the Hello Larry theme song.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Sam, we're gonna blow up!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We're about halfway
there, Dr. Hale.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well that's fine, Sam, fine,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}but I am trying to concentrate
on these patent papers.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm sorry.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Sam!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Tom and Crow whinging)

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Just ask yourself, what
would Pepper do at this point?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And he runs head on
into BJ and the bear.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I wonder what kept Abby.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}She's some gal.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}According to Driscoll, I owe my

{\a1\pos(138,460)}life to her after the
satellite exploded.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}'Kay.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ok now, everyone mellow
out, I'm invisible,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but I'm still Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Duh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I don't see anything.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's just a candy shell.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's empty.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ow, he bit me!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}No, no I feel
his skin, I feel...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- His forehead, I feel his face.
- His oily t-zone.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Something's there.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It's him.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He's here, he's
alive, and invisible.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And mellow.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}He's going to die if we don't
get him on life support.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}His pulse is erratic.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Very erratic.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wait, look!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Ben Murphy is
assumed into heaven.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The invisibility, it seems

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to spread outward from his body.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yeah, sure did spread
outward from my body.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I enjoy Abby's flashbacks.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm some gal.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ok, well, I could
put corn husk dolls,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Amish quilts, it could
be totally country.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know, maybe her
blow comb could help her.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ah, this is where those

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Intersect home ec
classes really pay off.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, she's making bandages for
the boys in the Crimean War.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Woah, hey, it's cool,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}almost hit you when I
swerved, but it's mellow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}D.J. Swan's kicking in.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now that I think about it, I

{\a1\pos(180,460)}must have been in
some sorta coma.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I was in a coma, that's

{\a1\pos(201,460)}probably why I
don't remember it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}So no air holes in the mask?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Got long arms.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I was as frightened
as Abby and Leonard.

{\a1\pos(246,460)}- Abby!
- I need more pudding!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Some sort of hangup.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}When they entered the room,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}all I could say was, what
the hell happened to me?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And then I said, hey,
it's cool, but rap with me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah, that sure
was all I could say,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}was just, what the hell
happened to me? Yep.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}This may harsh his buzz.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well death, I gotta
pull over up here.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Possible bring-down.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Bastards, they're hijacking

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Farrah Fawcett-Majors posters.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Keep your hands
inside, buster.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Anything you say, pal.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Just turn invisible and run!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What the--

{\a1\pos(222,460)}What's wrong?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He's gone! Must be a hidey
hole in there somewhere.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Makes me wanna throw
myself on the ground.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The Indian in the cupboard
comes to the rescue.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, ok, now the
gun remains perfectly

{\a1\pos(138,460)}still and he hits him
with a six-foot arm?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Uh huh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm on your ass,
I'm on your ass.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Time to mellow
these turkeys out.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}These guys are
from the spiders

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and snakes
anti-defamation league.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Mellow out.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Black bars.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}- Lazy Rider.
- Buffalo Bill.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Good to meet you.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Nice to see you, you're like
a one man army, ain't you?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, a little fancy
footwork, that's all.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Here, why don't you
take care of these

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and I'll call the
county mountie.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Ok, ok boys, smokey's
gonna put you in the pokey.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Let's go, get up.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Then you're gonna
sing croaky and skoaky.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Come on, let's join
your friends, let's go.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(theme music)

{\a1\pos(54,460)}She wouldn't look good bald.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Why did she put death
in a johnny jumper?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Listen, I gotta get moving,
I got a schedule to keep,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}can you handle it from here?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Yeah, sure, and thanks, buddy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And the shipment of
pet rocks is saved.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I owe you one.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Sorry, let a big one here.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}What's this?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And the precious cargo of

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Billy Beer continues on its way.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ok, check this out, Mike:

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Truckin'

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Huh? What do you think, uh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, slug bug.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ow, Mike, that's a
Karmann Ghia, come on.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Sorry.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, sure, it's a secret

{\a1\pos(96,460)}government project,
but he's still gonna

{\a1\pos(96,460)}stop for some flapjacks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Poor guys who own the gas

{\a1\pos(12,460)}station just rebuilt after
Jonathan Winters' rampage.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Special cameo
by Chuck Connors.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Howdy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Fill 'er up.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Just ignore us, we're
not following you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Boy, that looks
like the guy I have in

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the back of my truck, ah well.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I better check
my autobahn guide.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's one of them
airborne turkeys.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's one of those
UN black helicopters,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}only painted white and orange.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That's exactly
what they would do.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Casey to Intersect.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Mr. Driscoll,
Sam Casey on three.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But I'm eating my pencil.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yeah Sam.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Leonard, I got a
chopper that seems

{\a1\pos(222,460)}to be hanging
around, registration

{\a1\pos(138,460)}number two zero delta
bravo, check it out

{\a1\pos(33,460)}with the FAA for me, will you?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Two zero delta bravo, will do.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Have you heard from Abby?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Negative. I'll catch
you later Leonard.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I have hired the most
incompetent agent ever.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}So what's Pete
Duel really like?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Help, they hijacked me again!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Whatever, I don't
get the seventies.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'll deliver this shipment
of Whip Inflation Now buttons.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}(helicopter droning)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Boy I sure hope I don't
get legionnaire's disease.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Probably not.

{\a1\pos(267,460)}- Sam?
- Stop disturbing me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}In studying our
schedule, I see

{\a1\pos(96,460)}that we should have
cleared Cedarville by 2:30.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Looks like we're running
half an hour late,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'd like you to step on it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh sure, and go bumpety bump.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Say no, Sam!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Roger.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Mike, I think I need a handle.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Call me the Delta Lady.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Uh, no.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Lazy Rider here, I'm
clearing Cedarville

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and heading west--

{\a1\pos(12,460)}(drowned out by road noise)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sure have, good buddy,
little old Buffalo Bill.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Hey Buffalo, I got a problem.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I gotta burn some rubber, buddy,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and I can't abide any smokies.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Well the road's
clean but looks like

{\a1\pos(12,460)}a bear in the air back your way.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Winged bears!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh my god, it's the end of time.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Yeah, I got my sights on him,
Bill, but that's no smokey.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Your handle could be Walter.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey, it's Pat.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(all whinge)

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Go look at my
shocks, will you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They're riding un-mellow.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ah, this could be
my swine flu results.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Casey.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sam, the chopper
belongs to Aircraft

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Leasing Incorporated in Haden.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It was rented out last night
to a man named Luther Stark.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Luther Stark, eh?
- Of the stark nakeds?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Could that be a phony name?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No no no no no no--

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[All] No no no no no

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He had to show
his pilot's license.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Anyway, we're running
a top priority

{\a1\pos(201,460)}check with the
FBI, CIA, Interpol,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}hold it, hold it, hold
it Sam, got a teletype.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Apparently my
glasses are dirty.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Well,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}This is so naughty.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Obviously the
eccentric Dr. Hale

{\a1\pos(180,460)}didn't trust our
security measures

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and has laid on a little
extra protection of his own.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What do you
mean, Leonard, wait

{\a1\pos(180,460)}a minute, I don't
get the connection.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}This teletype's from
the Canadian Royal
Police in Toronto.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It says, no.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Seems a few years
back, Dr. Hale was doing

{\a1\pos(138,460)}some kind of research
at Burnell University.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}There was an arsonist-type fire

{\a1\pos(12,460)}in his lab, and the man who

{\a1\pos(201,460)}pulled Hale out
was Luther Stark.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Obviously Hale
has his old friend

{\a1\pos(96,460)}flying surveillance
in that chopper.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Surveillance?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Don't use vocabulary words.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's not his bag,
he's a scientist.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Bag.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}- Something's fishy, Leonard.
- Not his bag.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah, I know, I
know. Be careful, Sam.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I may have to investigate
the professor's bag.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Good, yeah, I thought
they were alright.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}- Listen, what do I owe you?
- Catch you next time.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Thank you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Have a nice day.
- Alright, you too!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ha ha ha, sucker,
I won't be back.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Day three of his 40 mile trip.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, his plan of being
careful is derailed already.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}They don't call
me Carl for nothing.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Sam, how do you spell patent?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}How does cutting the
break line help my shocks?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, I'm not the mechanic.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Arsonist-type fire.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Arsonist-type fire, go!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sorry about that
last bump, Dr. Hale,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I hit a hole in the road.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, he's mellow but cunning.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What bump?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I hope it didn't
jar you too badly.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Well, it almost
knocked my glasses off!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But that isn't important, we
have to make up that lost time.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Roger.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh man.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You know, a steep grade for him

{\a1\pos(117,460)}would be like a C plus,
you know what I'm saying?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Good one, Mike.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}All trucks without breaks,
please turn around here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Da da da duh da

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Stuff that's not
exciting at all,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Just trucking like it's
been for the past hour

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ Da da da da

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, my breaks are out,
Abby's some gal.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, groovy pant cuff.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Damn you, Carl!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He could die and
miss the bicentennial.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}This is Lazy Rider,
clear the path,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm a runaway, I
repeat, I'm a runaway.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What's the
problem, Lazy Rider?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Buffalo, I got
no brakes, buddy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}- Well where are you?
- Rawr.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'm on hill 10 and I'm flying,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I mean, man, I am coming
down on a wing and a prayer.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ok man, I got your front

{\a1\pos(180,460)}door, now listen
close, old buddy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'm listening.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}You make that
straightaway downgrade

{\a1\pos(180,460)}then maybe I can
help you since you're

{\a1\pos(96,460)}gonna have one tiny
little problem.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah, how tiny?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Those last hairpin curves
right before the straightaway?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I just went through 'em, ain't

{\a1\pos(180,460)}nobody ever made
it going over 30.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What's your speed?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}170, is that a problem?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}40 and climbing.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Well gosh, old
buddy, all I can say

{\a1\pos(33,460)}is I hope we meet again someday

{\a1\pos(33,460)}on that big highway in the sky.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Boy, you sure know
how to cheer a guy up.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, if only he had the
Flintstone braking system.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Extreme mellowness advised.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Gotta be at my Ben Murphiest.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My Annie Green Springs.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Maybe they should have
double-bagged the tripolodine.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My patent papers are at

{\a1\pos(138,460)}a slight angle, Sam,
what's going on?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This is the drum
solo of movie scenes.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}(gasps)

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Sure, just take your
half out of the middle.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Buffalo?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, Lazy Rider.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm on the
straightaway, buddy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I've up and quit
my side, over.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well hallelujah,
praise the lord.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Your real tough problem is
just beginning, Lazy Rider.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Your speed's gonna
build up and that's

{\a1\pos(33,460)}about the time you're gonna be

{\a1\pos(180,460)}coming up on old
Buffalo's hindquarters.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}If I pull you through this, how

{\a1\pos(138,460)}about getting out of
this racket with me?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}And do what?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Race cars in Ontario,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}this is my last run in this rig.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}This is liable
to be my last run,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}too, if you don't stop the gap.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You just told me minutes
ago we were buddies,

{\a1\pos(78,460)}now you're not even
interested in my future plans?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Ok, I got you in my rearview.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Now what's your speed?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}60 miles an hour.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh man, I hope
the Joe sees you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(all mangling words
nonsensically)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I sure hope you
like 'em scrambled.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(theme music)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Cambot, pop in that
eight track, there you go.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(country music playing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well hey, Mike! I'm a trucker.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What happened to your body?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, I got me a trucker body,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}found a foam-latex truck driver

{\a1\pos(33,460)}body-maker in the yellow pages.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You smell like coffee and
cigarettes and diesel fuel.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well thank you, Mike, I'm the

{\a1\pos(180,460)}lone eagle of the
interstate system.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}As symbolized by your paunch.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yes sir, I'm a cowboy
of the highway, Mike.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well I think you're
hideous, 'cause, you know,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}your legs are like
pipe cleaners--

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, not
everybody understands

{\a1\pos(180,460)}the allure of the
road, the open arms

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of the trunk highway, the
gentle embrace of County

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Road D, the sweet
'lowin of the turnpike,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}the urgent bidding
of the freeway.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You have no butt.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well now hold on there, Mike,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}that's no way to
talk to my new butt.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}No, no, I think
you're hideous,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}you're buttless
and skinny, no...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You're just jealous, Nelson,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I have a fine butt, you
wish you had my butt,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I like my butt!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I like you, butt, don't
you pay any mind to him,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you're a terrific butt.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You and me, butt,
we'll be just fine.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(buzzing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Movie sign, better mosey along.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Alrighty, I'm coming up
on your mudflaps at 67.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Coming up on your mudflaps,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}people have such
cute names for sex.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}My well-oiled
chassis is coming up

{\a1\pos(117,460)}on your backside, now.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}My rigid grill
structure is baring

{\a1\pos(222,460)}down on your
unprotected cargo door.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(metal screeching)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}My oft-complimented
Peterbilt is rhythmically

{\a1\pos(96,460)}nudging that sweet
honey pot of yours.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Crow!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hell, now it's just plain fun!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Breast-feeding it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Damn, damn, I mean,
everything alright Sam?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That dude's gotta have
horseshoes in both pockets.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Grading it
satisfied 'em tracing

{\a1\pos(201,460)}lazy circles on
your supercab, now.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You said I was bad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You inspired me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ So I sing you to
sleep after the truckin'

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ With a song

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now they have to get married.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Almost wasn't mellow there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I don't think she'd
look that bad bald.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Sam, why have we stopped?
- As if you didn't know.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Look, I'm sorry about
that ride, Mr. Hale,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}looks like the airbrakes
went out on me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Don't worry about a thing,
I can get them fixed,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}just have to get out
the old tool box.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Uh, yeah, alright,
well that's,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}yeah that's fine, Sam.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Sam, don't come back here,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'm, uh, doing
naked burpees, Sam.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well I guess you won't
be needing me anymore.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I gotta get rolling.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Bill, thanks for
saving my neck, buddy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, like I said,
I owed you one.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well we're even now.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yep.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom slurping)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ouch, this is hot.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Hey Bill, you
take it easy, huh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You too, Lazy Rider!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Dressed like a counter
worker at Roy Rogers.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}If you get up around
Ontario, look me up.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Will do.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I like him in spite of
the fact that he's not me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Get the car off
me, Earl, ow, god--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Nice blue flame,
speaking of blue flame

{\a1\pos(120,460)}I sure hope Craig
Breedlove's record holds up.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}- Seventies?
- Yeah, that's...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He's gonna emblazon
"Ben Murphy is cool".

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Sam, my patent papers are
wondering why we stopped.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What's taking him
so long in there?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Did he fall in?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(hissing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What the Sam Scratch is
he up to, what an idiot.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Sam, my patent
papers are flammable.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}So he took shop at
Harvard law school.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Alright, I'm coming
in, and I'm Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(crashing)

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Stand clear.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh Sam.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You made the pants too long.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now hold it Sam,
hold it, hold it--

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Watch it, watch it, watch it.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}This is unbelievable.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Tripolodine's an explosive?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}(Tom mumbles incoherently)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And Abby, Abby was
locked up by Dr. Hale?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's incredible!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Alright Sam, alright,
I'll be on my way

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow whinging)

{\a1\pos(138,460)}As soon as I dispatch
a bomb squad.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}But under no circumstances touch

{\a1\pos(180,460)}that tripolodine
or move that truck.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}As Abby says, one slightest jog,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}it might blow it all to pieces.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Believe me,
Leonard, I wouldn't

{\a1\pos(12,460)}move this rig another foot
for all the rice in China.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Alright, look, I'll
catch you later.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Man, I could just hear
the filth on his glasses.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ok Abby, I'll come
with you out there

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and try and stall them.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Please stay out of trouble.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll be right Ben.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I think he's onto us.
- He is Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He'd be a fool
if he wasn't after

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that ploy with the breaks.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We gotta know.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Sam?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yes magic truck cab?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yo.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Where are we?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Cobb's Junction, just
over the city line.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well then, drive
to the Valco station,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}it'll speed up the repair job.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Drive without breaks?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well it's only a block
or two, you can gear down.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}No no, that's too dangerous,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}besides, I'll have these
brakes fixed in a minute.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}He knows.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Get me in a position for
a shot at the gas tank.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The whole town will go up.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}So the whole town will go up,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}along with Casey, the girl,
and allegedly, yours truly,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}10 million dollars,
Luther, 10 mil.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}10 mil.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Alright, but I can't get too
close or we'll go up with it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"Riding With Death"
will be right back.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}And we're back.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Charleton Heston
wants my parking place.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(suspenseful music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mike muttering along)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Abby is jumping, Abby!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Central Moving
and Storage: mention

{\a1\pos(12,460)}"Riding With Death" and get
three free packing blankets.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sam, stop!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Abby what are you
doing, get out of here!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hale's shooting at the gas tank,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}if I don't get this
rig out of town,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}there ain't gonna be no town!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Go on, Abby, get off
of there, get off!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Will you call me? Can
we still go do that thing?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I need PSSST.

{\a1\pos(96,96)}(Tom singing along
to dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(12,68)}Lemme see what time-- doh!

{\a1\pos(180,68)}He's ducked down.

{\a1\pos(54,68)}Or bailed out the other door.

{\a1\pos(33,68)}No, no, I would have seen him.

{\a1\pos(33,68)}Central Moving and Storage now

{\a1\pos(117,460)}has free estimates and
invisible drivers on call.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(exploding)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ha ha ha ha ha.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sam, I'm blown to
several thousand bits,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}but I've gotta finish
these patent papers.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}So I don't think it really

{\a1\pos(180,460)}would have taken
out the whole town.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It might have singed

{\a1\pos(12,460)}the side of a bed and breakfast.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Which is good.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Let's see, it's a
quarter to-- doh!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Keep doing that!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, I don't think you
look like Gavin MacLeod.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Thank you, I don't

{\a1\pos(96,460)}think you look like
Michael Sarrazin.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He could not have survived.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, I wanna make
absolutely sure.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I want to look
around a little.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}He could be hiding somewhere.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}No way, he was blown to bits.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Woohoo, I'm so happy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}He's got the
wristwatch of power.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}No, this can't
be, you're dead.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No I'm not.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}How would you like
to see a ghost punch.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hold it Casey.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Wait a minute, doctor,
that's not gonna work.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}For your plan
to succeed, I had

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to die in that explosion, right?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}How are you gonna
explain a bullet, eh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I don't care anymore,
you destroyed all my plans,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}somehow you've
countered my every move,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}well lemme see you counter this!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It can't be! You're invisible!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Are you through?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh Murray, dear,
sweet, homicidal Murray.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm sorry, doctor,
bad guys finish last.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You have the right
to remain mellow.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If we rap with you, you have the

{\a1\pos(54,460)}right to an attorney present.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Sir, is this the boy
who broke your aerial?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Doctor, whatever made
you think you could

{\a1\pos(96,460)}get away with this
insane scheme?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I would have, except for him.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Listen Driscoll,
whatever happens to me

{\a1\pos(180,460)}there's something
you should know:

{\a1\pos(54,460)}the man's inhuman, unnatural.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'm Ben Murphy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He vanished, disappeared right

{\a1\pos(201,460)}before my very
eyes into thin air.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Imagining things, doctor.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hallucinations of a guilty mind.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No, no no no, into
thin air, I tell you!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}The only thing that vanished

{\a1\pos(12,460)}was the 10 million dollars
that we spent on this fraud.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}His comb over's
making a run for it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Not funny.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What am I gonna tell the
bureau of the budget?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's no problem, Leonard,
there's a bank down the street.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}So what?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}So, the chief
needs 10 mil, we'll

{\a1\pos(201,460)}get him 10 mil,
right schweet heart?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, sure, Sam, that
cracker box is a pushover.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ok, who wants their
butt kicked first?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now wait a minute you two.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Be back with the loot
in five minutes, Leonard.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Sam--

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Don't touch there. Sam. Doh!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Sam, Sam, come back here,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}you're as elusive
as Robert Denby.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Who?
- Sam.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}See, see, he did it again,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}inhuman, into thin
air, I tell you--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Optical illusion.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow yelling)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sam, if you don't
show yourself,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll put you back
on the Denby case.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh no, I need a
month's vacation.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Nice ADR.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You got it.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Thanks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Sorry I said you were as
elusive as Robert Denby.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(engine roaring)

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Wow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ride, ride like the demon
that drives your dreams.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I seek Robert Denby, I need to

{\a1\pos(96,460)}know why I was considered
as elusive as him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He had to wear his
sister's pants today.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}From then on, tripolodine was

{\a1\pos(201,460)}transported in
super safe hot rods.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I dunno whose tire is whose.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}Come on, you know, we
shoulda labeled these, jeez.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Casey to Intersect.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Robert Vesco.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Mr. Driscoll, I have
Casey on line four.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Go ahead, Sam.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Leonard, I hear you've grown

{\a1\pos(117,460)}quite a mustache while
I was on vacation.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Nevermind that, where are you?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm at the racetrack.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Hello, Burn.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Have you found
Robert Denby yet?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I just got here, Leonard.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}When you locate
him, report back.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Roger, out.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}So you're at it
again, Leonard.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}And you are?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}All the years
I have known you,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I have never seen
you act like this,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}haven't you persecuted
that poor guy enough?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, poor guy, my eye, Elliot!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Denby's been involved in every

{\a1\pos(54,460)}major act of defense sabotage
in the last five years.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}You haven't a
shred of evidence.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}No, but he was
lurking somewhere

{\a1\pos(54,460)}around the scene every time.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Guilt by association, huh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That hurt.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I mean, you've spied on him,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}you've bugged him, illegally
searched his premises,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}finally drove him into court.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You are so almost fired.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}How'd you know that?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You think it's a secret?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Even my lab assistants know it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They laughed their
heads off when

{\a1\pos(117,460)}that judge granted him
a restraining order

{\a1\pos(180,460)}forbidding you to
harass him further.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And if you ignore it, you might
find yourself in contempt.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You like Robert Denby?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Who's harassing
him? I'm sitting here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, Casey's doing
your dirty work.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If Judge Witherspoon found out--

{\a1\pos(264,460)}He won't.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Does Casey know you've
got a restraining order?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Who are you, just leave!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well I... I haven't gotten
around to telling him yet.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sam Casey's been away.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We got this head shot of Denby

{\a1\pos(222,460)}at a theater,
where he was seeing

{\a1\pos(117,460)}a very depressing show.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That order applies to
everyone at Intersect.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Including Casey!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I mean, he could end up in jail.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I hate being badgered
by pharmacists.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, it's Andy Kaufman.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Thank you very much,
you are so stupid.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Here's our patsy now, Billy!
- Yes, Vanilli!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Yes sir?
- Come here a minute.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}John, I want you to meet
Buffalo Billy Joe Hickins,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}one of my very best men.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Bill, it's John
Hiller, John's a vice

{\a1\pos(12,460)}president of Baxter Electronics.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, well howdy, sir!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, sorry, that's
my unclean hand.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Nice to meet you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You still hankering
to drive the special?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Uh yeah, sure am.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know, Billy here won
the Pete Street 50 lapper.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}The what?

{\a1\pos(57,460)}It's just a little dirt
tracker back in North Carolina,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but I won it four years running.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm very impressed.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You're a hick, aren't you?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Billy, you know,
Cole Harmon is liable

{\a1\pos(96,460)}to get sick one of
these days, I'm thinking

{\a1\pos(180,460)}about appointing
a relief driver,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}would you consider the job?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yes I would, yes sir.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Alright, it's yours.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well this the chance
I been waiting for,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Mr. Denby, I don't
know how to thank you,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I really appreciate it.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Ah, nonsense,
you've earned it.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Imitation Brady dad.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Get back to work, eh?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yes sir, and it
was nice to meet you.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}He's from Barcelona.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He sure is a yokel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yep, married to a sheep.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll pick you up in
a van at dawn tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I have to get back
to my industries.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The rare male camel toe.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Those are nice
polyester knit jeans.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You are so stupid, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Lazy Rider?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Buffalo!
- How you doing?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(all slur words
incomprehensibly)

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's really good to see you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I can't believe it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}What are you doing here, what

{\a1\pos(54,460)}are you doing in that outfit?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What am I doing
here, I'm working here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm in the racing business.
(Tom whinges)

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Hey, what's this, some kinda
love interest or something?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Shut up, everybody shut up.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}My best buddy,
this is Lazy Rider.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hi.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hi.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Name's really Tina.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Glad to meet you,
Tina, Sam Casey.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Rolatina?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Just calls me "cupcake" 'cause

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm the Baxter Cup
promotion girl.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You know, handing
out samples and--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Uh huh, yeah, how
nice, um, I don't care.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You know, something,
cupcake, when I was

{\a1\pos(12,460)}back driving a truck, this
old boy saved my life.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Hey, come on,
come on, alright,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}tell Tina what you did
for me later, then.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, that wasn't nothing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It wasn't nothing?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Tina, if it weren't
for old Bill here,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'd still be lying at
the bottom of hill 10

{\a1\pos(138,460)}with 30 tons of truck
wrapped around my neck.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, so how are things going?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, not too good, Bill, I lost

{\a1\pos(33,460)}my rig to the mortgage people.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Or was it the Village People?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I really need a job, buddy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I thought I'd hit Denby for one

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of the crew of the
Baxter special.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, hey, that's easy as pie, I

{\a1\pos(180,460)}happen to be Mr.
Denby's main man.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That's right, Mr.
Denby always says

{\a1\pos(117,460)}that he's the best tire
changer he ever had.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(Tom makes dorky chuckle)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I now happen to
be relief driver,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}now what you think of that?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, Buffalo, I'm
so proud of you.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Vuvalo?
- Vuvalo.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}We're gonna get a little Lazy

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Rider here out of the
unemployment line.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(slurring) ... pork
gravy and ... (slurring)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If you recommend him, Bill,
that's good enough for me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well I sure would
like to have him

{\a1\pos(117,460)}on the backup crew when
I get behind the hood

{\a1\pos(12,460)}of that special, sir, Sam's
a real auto-fixing man.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, I'll tell you,
what I really had in mind

{\a1\pos(117,460)}was something like gas
man on the pit crew, ok?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}- Anything's alright with me.
- I can fart up a storm.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Now.
- We're a team!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}How about that, huh?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}(drowned out by road noise)

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But you can work your
way up like I done.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Get the job?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Sure he got the job, and
the celebration's on me,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}it's amateur night down
at the Pit Stop Saloon,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and we three are
gonna be there, wahoo!

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm gonna transmit
the crap outta this.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Our next contestant
is Buffalo Bill.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Actually he's more
like Calamity Jane.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(cheering)

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Where is she,
what's happening?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What's going on here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}This goes out to my friends
in the Posse Comitatus.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(honky tonk music)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, it's hardly
worth it, but boo.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}So, Cupcake, is that
Italian, or, uh...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, he's an amateur,
I'll give him that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'll get that bird for you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}America for Americans,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}let's send all the
Indians back to Africa!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}(someone in audience howling)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, cut it out,
brother cousin.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(speaks in unintelligible
southern accent)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(cheering)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sir, I'll have you know

{\a1\pos(12,460)}chitterlings kept my family
alive during the war.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Walaif lochhaim!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Am I actually in this?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey college boy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hey old buddy, you alright?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Woah, woah, woah, hey--

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(yelling)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Wait a minute, wait a minute--

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Mike, did the ozone layer

{\a1\pos(180,460)}finally give out,
what's going on?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That's right, chiefy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You got in a brawl, almost
lost a couple of teeth,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}now just take it easy.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}- I'm paralyzed.
- Is this on every station?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Amateur night is ruined.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Be careful, Sam, be careful.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Look, why don't we just
shake hands and uh...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Alright you guys,
let's break it up.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}They're at the Regal Beagle.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(yelling)

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(theme music)

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(yelling)

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Sam, use the DNA stabilizer.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I said that, then I
clammed up instantly.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh God of Israel,
please deliver us.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}He becomes invisible just so

{\a1\pos(117,460)}he can throw his peanut
shells on the ground.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}And Cupcake's
doing her Ruth Buzzy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You dirty old man--

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Thought I was Dale, oh well.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Again, I thought I was Dale.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}That's the way to do it, Sam.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}As long as nobody tips over

{\a1\pos(180,460)}the tiny hot dogs
and cocktail sauce.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}(crash)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(cheering)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Bravo, bravissimo!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}What the heck happened there?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey, don't hit
Marge O'Gortner.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The tripolodine! Oh
wait, that was before.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Dynamite, this here fist

{\a1\pos(54,460)}packs sheer dynamite, wahoo!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Pete Duel, forgive me,
I defile your memory.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(Crow making obnoxious noises)

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Now wine and
tapas for everyone.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh no, I'm just sitting
here among the bottles.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Drinking Rose's lime juice.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}I tell you something old
buddy, you are a one man army.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, I believe the two
of us could lick the world.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ew, please don't.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, baby.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I guess them bullies won't
be picking on you no more.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Mike making high
pitched noises)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What do you say?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You got it. Man, this little
fellow, he's a buzz saw.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Dynamite.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Well, all I can say is--
- Kill the UN.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Come on, everybody,
drinks are on us.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Come on, Buffalo,
finish your song.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}See, crackers and
hicks can get along.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Wait a minute, he's
gonna sing again?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What was the entire
point of the fight?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ah, Fox Deluxe,
room temperature.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Kelly Flinn on her
way to another tryst.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}XJ240 to ground control,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}do you see me on your radar?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}All this and no tape deck?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Roger, XJ240.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Leave Robert Denby alone.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Altitude, 17,500.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Airspeed, 1250 knots, over.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Of course, that's dog knots.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Roger, XJ240, maintain your

{\a1\pos(33,460)}present heading of 310 degrees.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}This cassette will
transmit a radio

{\a1\pos(12,460)}signal at 2500 megacycles.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Check out my Easy Bake Oven.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}Is that how you fuse the
deutrium I planted in the radio?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}If my theory's correct, yes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}XJ240 to ground control.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Mmm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Airspeed now 1500 knots

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Which is 10 knots
above the speed limit.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}XJ240, climb--

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Alright. Cross your
fingers, here we go.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He's so literal.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Increase your airspeed
to 1900 knots, over.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I knew I had too many dials.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We're on fire!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Stop harassing Denby.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Hey, whats--

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Honey, quiet.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Bailing out, bailing out.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}This is bogus, over.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm running a film now

{\a1\pos(54,460)}of a previous pilot ejection.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I love my new
Lazy Boy fun chair.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}My sack lunch!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Heh, still got my
fingers crossed, see.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You're so elusive!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What went wrong?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Nothing went wrong, it was
sabotaged, that means Bob Denby.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Is that a Marantz turn table?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Somehow he used
that stolen deutrium.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}There wasn't a gram
of deutrium in that jet!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Leonard, your paranoia
about this guy

{\a1\pos(180,460)}has confused the
whole investigation.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Might make us miss
the real cause.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Mechanical failure, turbulence,
any number of things.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It was sabotage, I tell
you, I got a gut feeling.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My corset is too tight.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}What for?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}'Cause I gotta confront
him, face to face.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Some powerhouse, huh?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Shut up.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It really isn't just
a stock charger, is it?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Says crumb cake.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, yeah, but it's
modified, cupcake,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}modified, about $40,000 worth.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And then when we
race that exhibition

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in Berlin last week, a
couple of square head

{\a1\pos(138,460)}mechanics come in and
really souped it up.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Poured soup all over it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Mechanics?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I didn't see 'em,
Denby took it off

{\a1\pos(96,460)}to some garage for about
five days there in Berlin.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Was that east or west Berlin?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Darn if I know.
- Um, south Berlin?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Bill, come here, will you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I want you to jump up and
down and say-- (squeals)

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You need a qualifying
speed of at least 153,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}155 miles an hour
to win the pull,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}or you could just
get me the first four

{\a1\pos(12,460)}rows and I'll be satisfied.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yes sir.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I've got some
tablets in my trailer

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I want you to take
on account of the

{\a1\pos(201,460)}dehydration and
everything, will you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Can I chicken fry 'em, sir?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Denby.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Nevermind about that,
we don't have time.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm sure the judges
want to get you

{\a1\pos(96,460)}on the track right away,
go ahead, get with it.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}- Yes sir.
- Let's get out of the heat.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I just got into the heat.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Wish me luck, Sam?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, hey, hey, you
know it old buddy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}See you, cupcake.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Need the jaws of life
to get him into the car.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Here's your throw up helmet.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}She's part rodent.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Um, woo?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well come on, we gotta
watch him do stuff.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And crash.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, I'm really being

{\a1\pos(12,460)}very kind to you, Leonard,
you're harassing me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Can I get paid?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}--tell Judge Witherspoon,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and you were in the pokey
for contempt of court.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Harassing you,
Bob, ridiculous.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}So I pinched your butt once.

{\a1\pos(246,460)}As Judge
Witherspoon knows, I'm

{\a1\pos(138,460)}only here to wish you
luck in the race tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You tell him that? Under
oath? That's perjury.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Really, imagine that.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You'd have a little
trouble with you ethics,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}there, wouldn't you, Leonard?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}None, turkey.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Sit on it, you nerd.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You keep your nicknames for

{\a1\pos(96,460)}your punks and your
muggers, Driscoll.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh it's Driscoll, now, eh?
You losing your cool, Denby?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm a flightless
bird and I know it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Get outta here, Sherlock.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I got the phone, I'll
use it right now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No need, no
need, just leaving.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It's quarter to
three now, doh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Woo, stinks out there.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}You know, I'm
gonna get you, Denby.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You drake, you roughed grouse.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}You're right,
Moriarty, Sherlock.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He always got his
man, so will I.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Called me a turkey, he
really socked it to me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}At worst I'm a pullett.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Gobble, gobble, I-- damn.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Did you do it?
- Did you kiss him?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}No, Driscoll dropped
by unexpectedly.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Who's Driscoll?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well he's a cop that's
been hounding me for years.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I wasn't about to try and
pull it off with him here.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Well now that
I'm alone, I can.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}I'm gonna have to do it
tomorrow during the race itself.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Goodbye then, I guess.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}- Uh, seven.
- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Three.
- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Seven, no, no, four.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Da da duh

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It is I, Turkey
Volume Guessing Man!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Let me explain.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All this talk of
turkeys in today's movie

{\a1\pos(12,460)}led me to realize the true
nature of my super power,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and hence am I now revealed
as Turkey Volume Guessing Man.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}So you can guess the
volume of any turkey?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You're able to deliver
a whole lot of guesses

{\a1\pos(99,460)}about turkeys, thereby
achieving certain economies--

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You help turkeys
out by guessing the
volume of their pens?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ah, you guess how high
the volume of a stereo

{\a1\pos(12,460)}would have to be before it
annoyed the average turkey.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Would you just
tell us what you do?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Mike, would you agree
that for any given space

{\a1\pos(96,460)}it would require a
certain amount of turkeys

{\a1\pos(180,460)}to fill it up, in
other words, that the

{\a1\pos(54,460)}volume of any space might be
expressed in terms of turkeys?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yes.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well behold, that is my power.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I can guess the number
of turkeys it would take

{\a1\pos(138,460)}to fill up any given
space, for I am

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Turkey Volume Guessing Man.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}- And this is useful because?
- Sadly it is not useful at all.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And so my powers
isolate me, and I

{\a1\pos(96,460)}am a puzzle to the
ordinary run of man,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}although women are drawn to me,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}for my powers are
fascinating, and yet

{\a1\pos(180,460)}there is no woman
who can hold me,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}for always am I confronted
with spaces of various

{\a1\pos(180,460)}sizes and I must
guess the number of

{\a1\pos(180,460)}turkeys it would
take to fill them,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}for I am Turkey
Volume Guessing Man.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Yeah, nobody else can do this?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Well, try it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, ok, I mean,
this space here,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}from window to window,
ok, uh, 11,550 turkeys.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's right.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Mike.
- Really?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You would do this, Mike.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know, I tell you I'm
Turkey Volume Guessing Man,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and you just saunter
up and guess how many

{\a1\pos(180,460)}turkeys it takes
to fill this space.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, bite me, ok Mike?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It was just a
lucky guess, Crow.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Something special about Crow?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well here's Mike to
spit up all over it.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm just sick of it,
Mike, I can't even

{\a1\pos(180,460)}switch to chicken
volume guessing,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}'cause it just doesn't work.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I hate you Mike, I hate you,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't wanna talk to you again.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Come on, Crow, I
didn't mean, hey...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey come on, let's get
some lunch, huh? Come on.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I guess.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, I got some turkey.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh great, I... hey...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(all laughing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well thanks for breaking
me out of my funk Mike.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, sure.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I've learned a valuable lesson

{\a1\pos(54,460)}that I shouldn't take turkey
volume guessing too seriously.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}No, sir, we'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}In fact, just because
you can guess turkey volume

{\a1\pos(54,460)}doesn't mean I can't go ahead
and guess turkey volume too.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Sure it doesn't, hey,
we'll be right back--

{\a1\pos(54,460)}In fact, we can be partners.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}We are Turkey
Volume Guessing Men!

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Off!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Sad little man.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(theme music)

{\a1\pos(222,460)}East Berlin?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I mean, you mean to
tell me this Casey

{\a1\pos(96,460)}was pumping Buffalo about
what happened in Europe?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Pumping Buffalo?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well why didn't you
tell me this before?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, I thought it was just
some dumb friend of Buffalo's.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Bear claw, no...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Then I had second thoughts.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Alright, maybe
this Casey needs

{\a1\pos(12,460)}going over in a dark alley.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You know where he is right now?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Sure, he's meeting Buffalo
and me here at the Pit Stop.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Do you have a
pen I could borrow?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Lick the phone, goodbye.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, Lazy Rider,
how you doing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Pretty good, Bill.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hi, banana foldover.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Can I have Bill alone
for a couple minutes?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hey, old buddy, this
is my one and only,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm gonna be marrying
this little cupcake.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's right,
right after he wins

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that race tomorrow, on special.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Gonna have sex, huh huh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You're not gonna
be racing the special

{\a1\pos(180,460)}tomorrow, Bill, I
can't let you do it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What do you mean
you're not gonna let me?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Tell him you're
sick or something,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but I want you to
turn it over to me.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But he ain't sick, talk like
that's likely to make him sick.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I don't like what I'm hearing,
I mean, what you talking about?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That car is gonna
pile up tomorrow

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and I don't want you
in it, now that's

{\a1\pos(54,460)}all I can tell you right now.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm a racing driving man,
I can handle that hot rod.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Someone is out
to wreck that car.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He's making it
up, sweet pea, he

{\a1\pos(96,460)}just wants all the
glory for himself.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, Tina, please.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's the way it's
sounding to me, old buddy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's right,
ain't that sweet?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You get him a job and
he tries to take yours.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I just can't believe you'd
ever do a thing like this--

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, Bill, listen--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No, no, no!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I thought you was my friend, now

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I can see you's just out
for yourself the whole time.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You dumb jerk.
Don't you understand?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Someone is trying to kill you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now all I'm trying
to do is stop it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Don't you call him no jerk.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}- Come on, let's go.
- Yeah, let's go.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Wait a minute, listen
to me, Bill, please.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You are so stupid
you stupid person.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Et tu, Billy Bob?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Let's get out of here, hun.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}The schism was
deep, Waffle Houses

{\a1\pos(96,460)}throughout the south were
divided against themselves.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That pooped me right off my

{\a1\pos(180,460)}potato skins and
tepid back bacon.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Guy was never all there.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey Billy Bob,
Betty Bob, Bubabubub.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Can't believe they don't
have wine coolers here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Why am I so
full-hipped for a guy?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, we're home,
you wanna sleep

{\a1\pos(96,460)}in the front or the back?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We'd like you to
consider Scientology!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Your series is
cancelled, Murphy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Cupcake, call the smokies.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}On what, the radiator?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Mike yodeling)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Super cracker!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And he completely
misses the action.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sleeve-ripping bandits!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We need to get my
shirt to a hospital.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You forgot to crack a window.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}They didn't charge us
for the hush puppies.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I got a lacerated kidney!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}(Bill slurring words)

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We look like we been
stomped on and hung up--

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Dixie flag, ya catfish,
yo, Lynyrd Skynyrd.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Got some spinach
jammed up here.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}Couple of mean dudes
trying to do us in, I guess.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah, I figured
that out, but why?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Well, permit me
to explain "whah".

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- You know Bill--
- Let's move in together.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Something I
should have told you

{\a1\pos(138,460)}a long time ago, man.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I have to go to the bathroom.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I work for the government.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You what?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's why I drive
a black helicopter.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm an agent with Intersect.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey that ain't
nothin' like revenue,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I mean, I can't
abide revenue, Sam.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}No I'm not a
revenuer, I'm just

{\a1\pos(180,460)}your plain, old,
everyday federal agent.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Woowee, my old buddy Lazy
Rider is a secret agent.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Alright, hey.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I pooped my drawers,
I'm so excited.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Who jumped you must
have been spies, huh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, yeah, you might
call them that, yeah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I kinda figured they were.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I love you, Buffalo.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}You really wanna drive
that car tomorrow, don't you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, I really do.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I guess I didn't realize
how much it meant to you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}But you can't.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So I want you to
go ahead and take it.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You really mean that?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(shouts)

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Dukes of Hazzard got renewed!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey, calm down.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ok now, the only thing
is, you've got to

{\a1\pos(138,460)}finish in the money,
because we wanna

{\a1\pos(96,460)}demand an official
raceway inspection,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}that's the only
way we can get it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Woowow it's inappropriate.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Old Buffalo is gonna
be leading the herd.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}See, I'm telling.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Why are they leaning
over the urinals?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}This is a prototype
of the Baxter radio

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that was used in the XJ240.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}You can only use it if
you leave Robert Denby alone.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This is a gram of
deutrium that was

{\a1\pos(96,460)}shipped to me from
the bank at NATO.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I had to have
my passbook ready.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Now, let us assume--
- That monkeys can talk.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That the plastic
housing of the radio

{\a1\pos(12,460)}was somehow laced with deutrium.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We believe we've discovered how

{\a1\pos(180,460)}the fusing of the
deutrium was triggered.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}This is all very interesting,
but are my photos ready?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Put this on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Don't mind the dishes,
I kinda live out of my lab.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What do you mean, you're gonna
test your theory right now?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Until we do, all
it is is theory.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yeah I know, but I've
got a lunch thing, and...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hope you don't
blow up the building.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}With a kilo of deutrium,
maybe, but not with a gram.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}What could possibly go wrong.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This is a transmitter.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The clue, Leonard,
was in the ultra high

{\a1\pos(54,460)}cycle signal that we monitor
during the test flight.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We determined that it
was of 2500 megacycles.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I will now transmit
that precise signal.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm gonna call him a turkey.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well, this could help me look
like Hal Linden, anyway.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Are we not men?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}By the way, ignore the
M80 I put behind the thing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You've got mail.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}I have become death,
destroyer of portable radios.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Couldn't see a thing

{\a1\pos(201,460)}'cause of these
glasses, what happened?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I put deutrium in a
frog, too, it was great.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}...blow up the XJ240 this way?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}If he could somehow get a gram

{\a1\pos(180,460)}of deutrium into
the radio, he could.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Thanks, Elliot,
your demonstration's

{\a1\pos(117,460)}gonna help convict him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, it's time to
get to the track.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm running in the 440.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Believe me, I've waited
five years for this day.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Day at the track.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm gonna be in on the kill.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}Come on, make a
burning tire fly into us.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}All settled, buddy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, yeah, just give me
a couple of minutes, Bill.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Why don't you go ahead--

{\a1\pos(117,460)}How's the yokey folkey
lokie smokey dokey?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Chokey.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yes, I'm quite a gal.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm gonna eat
the last brownie.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's 3:15 now, oh gosh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, Bill, come on!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sammy "the Bull"
Gravano and Ted Knight!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He's clumsy when he's invisible.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Sam! Get in the car.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}96, ooh, you
keep breaking my...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'd like to buy
some tires, hello?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Get out of here, you dumb car,
and don't come back.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And crash.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}LD to mobile HQ
I'm locked out of my van.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}The men covering the
Baxter pit in position?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Affirmative.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Good, all other units standby.
The race is about to start.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}This is South
Carolina's national movie.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Looking waxy, that's good.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}- When?
- No, it's Bob, actually.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}First pit stop.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Gentlemen, start your engines.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(Tom singing along
with dramatic music)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And now the news.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Again, now the news.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}If a driver is killed, section

{\a1\pos(12,460)}31 B gets a free Hormel hot dog.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey, move over,
buddy, come on,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}let me have the controls.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Shouldn't have taken that
Nyquill before the race.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Is he sitting on him?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ok, the driver needs a
blanket and another pillow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I've been drugged.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Don't die, Stafford, you've

{\a1\pos(138,460)}got too many novelty
songs to write.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Go get 'em, Sam, give
it the old college try.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Is she in heaven, Mike?
I don't, I don't get it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Cupcake, get Twinkie the kid
and Fruitpie the magician.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Who's behind the wheel?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's Casey.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Casey, I didn't see
him get in, did you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He's as elusive as I am.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(theme music)

{\a1\pos(222,460)}- All units--
- I have an owie.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Casey's at the wheel and
everything's under control.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Standby to tow the car
to the raceway garage

{\a1\pos(12,460)}as soon as Casey finishes.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Roger.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Can I have some privacy, here?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Can I have money
for a hot dog?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Denby--
- Shut up.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Cupcake?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It's all right,
honey, Cupcake's here.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Where's Sam?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He's driving the special.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Space shuttle?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Stealing your glory,
just like I said he would.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}(Mike makes yodeling sounds)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh no, he has to
finish so the raceway

{\a1\pos(96,460)}can inspect the car
and get the spies.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm not a spazz.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Profiterole has a black heart.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What spies, honey?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Can you keep a secret?
- You know I can, lover.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You got Sam all wrong,
he's one of the good guys.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well what kind of good guy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well they sell stereos...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He's a good guy
agent, he works with

{\a1\pos(12,460)}an outfit called Intersect.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}As soon as I get off the can

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm gonna do
something about this.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, obviously,
just 'cause he's got

{\a1\pos(138,460)}somebody standing by
to lodge a protest.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}How do we stop him?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Well, we can't,
I'd say that car's

{\a1\pos(33,460)}gonna be in the raceway garage

{\a1\pos(12,460)}about 6 o'clock surrounded
by Intersect agents

{\a1\pos(96,460)}tearing it apart, so our
plan goes down the drain.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But it is a perfect setup for
me to get rid of Driscoll,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}get him off my
back, and for good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What's perfect about it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I have a radio receiver
built in the frame.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}6 o'clock--

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(Mike moans)

{\a1\pos(54,460)}... goodbye Leonard Driscoll.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ Goodbye, Sister Driscoll

{\a1\pos(138,460)}She's my girl, Bill.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Bad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Go back, go back,
what are you...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Baxter special, car
96 finishing third.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It made a great comeback,
folks, after spinning out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now what are we supposed
to do, hang around and

{\a1\pos(180,460)}take the flak all
by our lonesome?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now that's staying.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's you. I wasn't in Berlin.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I was in bio class.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The day is yours, cupcake,
but we shall meet again.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I will rule the
world, Emperor Cupcake.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Can I have a
glass of pork gravy?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Cupcake.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}So you made a fool
out of old Buffalo.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey now, don't you
get no wrong ideas

{\a1\pos(180,460)}about your little
old cupcake, honest,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I can explain it, I can
explain, I can explain.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You're an idiot,
and I fooled you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Into the cupcake-mobile!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Cupcake, cupcake,
cupcake, cupcake

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Cupcake, cupcake,
cupcake, cupcake

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Uh, can you get me directions?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Yeah, go around that turn, and

{\a1\pos(201,460)}go around that
turn one more time,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}go around that turn there.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Yep, thanks.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, full service gas

{\a1\pos(222,460)}stations were
great, weren't they?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sam, Sam, the spies are
gonna blow up the raceway!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You gotta stop 'em,
Sam, you gotta stop 'em!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What're you talking about?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Alright, take it nice and
slow, nice and easy, what?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}6 o'clock, Denby said.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What's at 6 o'clock?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They're gonna blow
the car to bits.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}What?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}They must have
found out we were

{\a1\pos(33,460)}taking it in for an inspection.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What else did they say, how
are they gonna blow it up?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't, that's all I know.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You lame-o.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It's a radio
transmitter built into

{\a1\pos(138,460)}this car and they'll
transmit the signal.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We gotta get this
thing out of here!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Five minutes.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Four.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Lotta people could
get killed, come on.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It'll be cool.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Get it where?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I know a place,
come on, Lazy Rider.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Just kick them coon
hounds off my seat there.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Global HQ, I'm joining you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And I need Bactine.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Stand by to locate the source

{\a1\pos(12,460)}of a 2500 megacycle signal.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hardee's has a chicken
fried biscuit special.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The devil.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They should drive into
the highest concentration of

{\a1\pos(54,460)}car-race fans they can find,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that would muffle the explosion.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Charlie's Angels are
coming up the other way.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Move it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He became a
demon for a moment.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I made love in this, and
that's alright with me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Love, the elusive
Robert Denby.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hang on there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Stupid crash-hungry
crackers coming through.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Gotta stop at my cousin's
on the way, is that ok?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(Bill shouts)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}New England journalists?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, I know what you mean

{\a1\pos(180,460)}about New England
journalists, but I feel

{\a1\pos(138,460)}that journalists from
many regions have

{\a1\pos(138,460)}their own distinctive
style, take for example

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the liberal-leanings of
your Allan Goodman, when--

{\a1\pos(138,460)}hang on a sec, woah.

{\a1\pos(201,96)}Now let's see,
little hand is closer

{\a1\pos(96,96)}to the bar thing on top,
and the big hand is, I...

{\a1\pos(201,96)}Straight ahead,
right on ahead.

{\a1\pos(96,68)}No, I, I see your point,

{\a1\pos(138,96)}but don't you believe
that journalists

{\a1\pos(180,96)}are becoming more
similar as the regions

{\a1\pos(12,68)}themselves become less distinct?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I disagree...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The car with sensitive
explosives in it, yep.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}My teacher said something
about the big hand,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}what is it, I don't...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, I suppose, might
as well blow it up.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Incoming signal, west by

{\a1\pos(54,460)}four degrees, we have a fix.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}He's gaining
weight by the second.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I like to get to the Whee
Fest eight months early.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hey, let's define New
England first, would

{\a1\pos(96,460)}you include Connecticut?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We only have 24 hundred

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and 12 seconds to
get out of here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hurry, the time is increasing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The defiant loads.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(explosion)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There's your Buffalo shot.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That'll put some
sookie in your dookie!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I gotta go back, my
chapstick is in there.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hey look, a couple of vans!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The war between AAA Acme

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Electric and AA
Anderson Electric.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hey, you need a
jump, by chance?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh shoot, I was caught
on the seat there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Alright Moriarty,
it's Sherlock,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}off to the slammer
to join Dr. Hale.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Turkey.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh boy. This again.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Thank you, Sam.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You're welcome, dork.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}For saving my life.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Would it be that
hard to kiss him?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ For saving my life

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(incomprehensible noises)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ When you consider the trouble

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ That follows me around

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You think you could get a

{\a1\pos(96,460)}little more spittle
on your fishy lips?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Than here on the ground

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Listening to him is like
flossing with a razor blade.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(Crow makes slow motion noises)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Probably wasn't worth it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Definitely wasn't worth it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But thank you Sam.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And he pulls it out
on the 18th.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(clapping)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Wanna table dance, Lazy Rider?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}That was good, that was great.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You really liked
that, Lazy Rider?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Um no.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I really liked it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Alright.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Sure beats your fighting.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And your talking,
and your whopping,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and the way you chew,
and your breath.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(funky seventies music)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Coming up next, Banachek,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}oh no, I mean, thank
you for enjoying

{\a1\pos(12,460)}our theater release movie today.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Fred Evelyn Champagne Waugh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}An executive story consultant?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yes, I advise you to
hire the most annoying

{\a1\pos(54,460)}cracker you can find and slam

{\a1\pos(183,460)}together two
incomprehensible stories.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Steven deSouza
edited the story

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Associate producer Richard
"Bag of Hammers" Milton.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Next up, Karen
Valentine guest stars

{\a1\pos(180,460)}on Heck Ramsey, I
mean, when you get home

{\a1\pos(96,460)}from the theater tonight
after this fine movie.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You know, for some reason this
movie was a hit with elderly

{\a1\pos(201,460)}black women and
Hispanic lesbians.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Really? That's interesting.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Pew, pew, pew, pew...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Technicolor
wishes to apologize

{\a1\pos(96,460)}for its use in this film.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ Music editor Bettie
Biery and Fred Prior

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ Women's costumes by
George H. Whittaker

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Not the H.G. Wells,
Hud Gomer Wells.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Pew pew pew pew pew...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}All characters depicted

{\a1\pos(180,460)}are really stupid
and disgusting.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Any similarity
to actual persons

{\a1\pos(138,460)}would be really sad.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}Produced in association
with the Kingdom of Darkness.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Remember, when riding
with death, buckle up.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, Buffalo, looks
like we won that race.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Yup, I'm on the air, Driscoll?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Good job. The elusive
Robert Denby is finished.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Go get 'em, Sam, give
it the old college try.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You know, that
didn't help at all.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Nope, still no idea
just what the heck

{\a1\pos(96,460)}that was supposed to be.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I feel as empty as I did
watching it in the theater.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Still have a nice cardboard
cutout of Abby, though.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, Abby!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(phone ringing)
What?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Air support.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ah, destroyer of worlds,
just wanted you to be

{\a1\pos(12,460)}in on this little medal ceremony

{\a1\pos(138,460)}so you could properly
revere me and stuff.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}B.B., give me some solemn music.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Right on, lawgiver.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}("Only Time Will Tell" by Asia)

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ Now sure as the sun
will cross the sky

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ This lie is o--

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ok, tick farm--

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Make with the empty
praise, way face.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Right. For courage
and honor in the face

{\a1\pos(201,460)}of meritorious
service, this medal of

{\a1\pos(117,460)}meritorious valliancy--

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Thank you, keep 'em coming.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}For honor and courage in the

{\a1\pos(96,460)}face of veritorious
valliancy, this medal

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of honortorious merit.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And finally, oh my, for courage

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and valliancy in the
face of valliant courage,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}meritoriousness, this medal of
meritorious courageous valor.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You like me, you
really like me,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Brain Guy, take the wheel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I can't, I'm a pacifist.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}("Flight of the Bumblebee")

{\a1\pos(222,460)}(theme music)