Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 8, Episode 5 - Escape 2000 - full transcript

-♪ In the not-too-distant
future ♪

♪ Way down in Deep 13

♪ The evil Dr. Forrester

♪ Was hatching a nasty scheme

♪ He hired a temp
by the name of Mike ♪

♪ Just a regular Joe
he didn't like ♪

♪ His experiment needed
a good test case ♪

♪ So he conked him
on the noggin ♪

♪ And he shot him into space

-Let me go!

-♪ I'll send him
cheesy movies ♪

♪ The worst I can find

-♪ La la la

-♪ He'll have to sit
and watch them all ♪

♪ And I'll monitor his mind

-♪ La la la

-♪ Now, keep in mind
Mike can't control ♪

♪ Where the movies
begin or end ♪

-♪ La la la

-♪ He'll try to keep
his sanity ♪

♪ With the help
of his robot friends ♪

-Robot Roll Call.

-♪ Cambot
-Show yourself.

-♪ Gypsy
-I'm not ready.

-♪ Tom Servo
-Hello, there.

-♪ Crow
-That's one "O."

-♪ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes ♪

♪ And other science facts

-♪ La la la

-♪ Just repeat to yourself,
"It's just a show ♪

♪ I should really just relax"

-Did I tell you
my mother's here?

-♪ For "Mystery Science
Theater 3000" ♪

[Doors thud and creak]

[Doors whir]

[Doors thud and clank]

-Hello, everyone, and welcome
to the Satellite of Love,

and if I could say,
in all sincerity,

that it really is
a satellite of love this week,

as I'm holding my annual auctionto help the really good cause!

-Wait, wait, wait.
What's it for?

-It's for the really, uh,
sad kids with hurt puppies.

Okay!

Christie, if you please.

How much am I bid
for this first item?

A penny, a penny, this classic,
durable, handcrafted penny.

I'll start the bidding at $85.
No?

Who will give me a dime?

A penny?

Uh, let's move on.

Um, Christie, uh,
get the nickel.

-Okay, sure.
-Our staff combed the globe

looking for the best
cost-no-object nickel,

and this is it!

What am I bid for this nickel?

Come on!
The hungry rainforest...

-You're not gonna pay
that much, Tom?

-...depends on...

Eh, uh, well, let's move on.

-Oh, okay.
-Dollar!

-Dollar, hey!
-Uh, a dollar!

-I'd give you 60 cents
for that, I guess.

-Um, 75.
-Sold!

-Hey, I got a dollar!

-Okay, let's tally up
the grand total...

-That's a pretty good deal.
-...if you could, Christie.

-Uh, let's see, it was a dollar
for, uh...

Six for the items,
12 bucks for the material

to make the stands, uh,
the tux was 300 bucks.

Okay, well,
we lost only $312.31!

-Well, hey!
-And next year,

we'll lose even more!

-I got a dollar.
-Yes.

Ah, thank you, everyone.

Thank you, you cheap,
heartless bastards.

-Wow.
-We'll be right back after

I talk to Bob Geldof here.
Crow?

♪♪

-Crow, I --

I think you should admit that
your little auction fundraiser

was nothing
but a fraudulent attempt

to line your own pockets
with some easy cash.

-Uh-huh.
-You know, um, I hate to ask.

What are you doing now?

-Uh, well, the angle of the sun
is just right, so I, uh --

I thought I'd burn this ant

I found while I was organizing
my oily rags.

-Oh, what next?
-An ant?

Crow, doesn't that seem
pointless and cruel?

-Oh, like there's going to besome kind of divine retribution.

-Aw, maybe --
-Bingo!

-It's just the saddest thing
to think about.

-Aah! Whoa!
-My oily rags!

-Aah! Oh!
-Hi, guys.

Some bad news, although I'm sureyou could see it coming

just as well as I could.

I finally had to put Mom
in a home.

-Clayton!

-She'd really been
slipping lately,

just off in another world.

Like last week, she said,

"Clayton,
where's the coat rack?"

Where's the coat rack?

We don't even have a coat rack!
[Laughs]

W-- I guess we do,
but she's just...

Her mind is gone.
It's just...

-Clayton, you get me out
of this house right now!

-Wow.

[All shouting, alarm blaring]

-The flames have spread!

Those oily rags
are level 12, Mike!

-Cambot, give me
rocket number nine!

Prepare to jettison the core!

-We don't have a core!
We're all going to die!

-♪ Nearer my god to thee

-Thank you for those
kind words, but in the end,

this is the sort
of personal tragedy

that we must deal with
in our own way.

-Clayton, I don't
like it in here!

-Well, I promised her
I'd visit.

It's not a lot of fun,

but, uh, she does seem
to enjoy seeing me.

Oh! D'oh!
Hello, Mother!

It's me, Clayton!
Do you recognize me?

-Clayton, you let me
out of here!

-Well, I'd love to, Mother,
but I can't.

Uh!
Ugh!

Ugh!
-Clayton!

-Well, Mike, your movie
this week is "Escape 2000."

It's really the kind of thing

Mother would enjoy had she stillhad control of her faculties.

-Clayton!
Clayton, I'm hungry!

Clayton!
-Oh, "I'm hungry. I'm tired."

It never stops.

Death would be a blessing.

[Alarm blaring]-Zoink! Zoink!

Oh, good God!

-Gypsy, we got movie sign,
and we're all going to die!

-It's my fault! It's my fault!
-You're not going to die!

Now get in the theater!

-Okay.

-Cambot, activate
the sprinkler system!

[Doors thud and clank]

-Whew. Well, that was scary.
-Wow.

-Hey, why is John Madden

signing Samuel Goldwyn's
signature?

-Samuel Goldwyn,
Father of the Constitution!

[All chuckle]

-Wow, the new draconian
HUD policies!

-Hmm.
-Well.

-You are ordered
to leave the Bronx!

I repeat, you are ordered
to leave the Bronx!

-I forgot my luggage!

-The area has been
declared uninhabitable

and destined for demolition.

Leave now, and leave peacefully.-Okay, you convinced me!

-The government guarantees
to relocate all of you

in comfortable, up-to-date,
alternative accommodations.

-Mm-hmm.
-Leave the Bronx!

-Even though this is Italy,
leave the Bronx.

-I repeat, you are ordered
to leave the Bronx.

-You, too, Henry Silva.

-The area has been
declared uninhabitable

and destined for demolition.
-Therefore, we suggest you...

-Leave the Bronx!
-...leave the Bronx!

-Leave now,
and leave peacefully.

You have nothing to fear.

The government guarantees
to relocate all of you

in comfortable, up-to-date...
-So, leave the Bronx.

-Leave the Bronx.
-...alternative accommodations.

-Vote Johnson!
Vote Johnson!

-...which still reads presence

of unauthorized occupancy --
isolate immediately.

Isolate immediately!

-Hey, I had the radio on.
I didn't hear.

Am I supposed
to leave the Bronx?

-You are ordered
to leave the Bronx.

The area has been
declared uninhabitable

and destined for demolition.

-Isolate area P6.
Isolate area...

-And we have a bingo!
-...P6.

-Hold your cards, please.

-Evacuation of area M3
is now complete.

-Right there!
-Cordon off, repeat,

cordon off area M3.

-Lunch today -- tater tots,
Jell-O, pigs in a blanket.

-Leave the Bronx.
-Hang on, Earl,

I got to read the sign, here.
"Leave the Bronx."

-You are ordered
to leave the Bronx.

-Yeah. Huh. Gee.

-I repeat, you are ordered
to leave the Bronx.

-Yeah, I got to tell you,

it looks like everybody
has left the Bronx, Ted.

-Pretty much.

-Leave now, and leave
peacefully.

-We gratefully acknowledge

the Reynolds Wrap Corporation
for donating the costumes.

-The government guarantees
to relocate all of you

in comfortable,
up-to-date,

alternative accommodations.
-I think they're

really overselling
the New Mexico thing.

-You are ordered
to leave the Bronx.

I repeat, you are ordered
to leave the Bronx.

-Well, I suppose I ought
to leave the Bronx.

-[Chuckles]

♪♪

-I thought it was a suggestion!

-When Habitat for Humanity
cracks down.

-Hey, wait a minute!

Wait a minute, you guys!
Poco cannot leave!

-[Speaks indistinctly]
Eliminate!

-Wow, the Orkin men
have snapped!

-Gah! Aah!
-Yow! That stang!

-Damn it.
He should've left the Bronx.

♪♪

-Second disinfestation group
is now operational.

-Hmm?
-Go with group five!

I repeat, go with group five
to sectors H8 and H9.

-If you leave the Bronx,
we'll give you Fudgsicles!

-That's H8 and H9.

-Groups two and five covering
sectors H8 and H9.

-Ziggy Stardust.

-Hmm!
-Skyboy 3 to Central.

Skyboy 3 to Central.
I'm over sectors M60 and M61.

Negative readings.
Repeat, negative readings.

-Oh, and leave the Bronx.
-Central to Skyboy 3.

Converge sector D8.

Your man was sighted
at the area of sector D8.

He got by the Manhattan squad,
and they lost him.

Make sure you don't do
the same thing.

-Huh. You ought to try
searching this mess.

-Hold it!

-I think you're going to
like this one!

-Hold it!
I've seen something.

-A building!
-Stand by.

♪♪

-Well, Valerie Bertinelli
hasn't left the Bronx.

♪♪

♪ Working on a sex farm

-I better get over to
the "Zombie Nightmare" set.

♪♪

-Skyboy 3 to Central.

Skyboy 3 to Central.
It's Trash.

We've got him!
He's a sitting duck here!

Whoo-hoo! We've finally got
that son of a [no audio]

in our sights!

-Trash sense danger.

♪♪

-Those squibs were meant
for me!

-We have mortgage subsidies
for you

if you'll just move
to New Mexico.

♪♪

-I'm a pretty good judge
of people who

aren't going to leave the Bronx,and this guy is one of them.

-Mm. Mm-hmm.

-Wow, it would be horrible
to die

to the strains of David Sanborn.

♪♪

-This was once a glorious
McDonald's Playland.

-Oh, no, Dave's van!
-Man.

♪♪

-Come on, be a sitting duck
like you were before.

-Eddie Money, no!

-You just took down
flying officer Irv Peterson!

-Whoo-hoo!
-Oh.

-Wow, it's staying up there
a long time. Hmm.

[Flames crackling]

-I'd better take a light wrap.

-It's all really annoying
because he was planning

on leaving the Bronx anyway!

What do you know?

-It looks like most of the
buildings have left the Bronx.

-[Laughs]

Isn't this where they filmed
"Dollman"?

This kind of feels...
-I wouldn't know.

-All units to D8.

All units to D8.

Group nine cover Trash's
apartment.

-Something about despairing
the partridge?

-I didn't catch it.

-See, this is the danger
of expanding rock

videos to full-length features.
-Yeah.

-Readings indicate he hasn't
gone underground,

and he may be headed
for his parents'.

-Or perhaps his Aunt Sylvia.
-How many of them are there?

-How the hell should I know?
-Whether Trash shows up or not,

the parents are
to be eliminated.

-The parrots are
to be eliminated?

-The parents are
to be eliminated.

-Cool.

-Let's go.

♪♪

-Yes, the Bronx --
gateway to the Great Lakes.

-Graffiti is rather tame
for the Bronx.

-Their uniforms have a black
breathable cotton panel!

-We're here to see
the one-bedroom.

-Gary, how do you keep your
helmet from fogging up?

-Why are the
Mercury Seven here?

-But please!

-Honey, we've been through this
100 times before!

-We are the men
from ServiceMaster.

-But it's a matter
of principle!

Now, our rights are at stake.

-Okay, first, we'll ask them
nicely to turn down their TV.

-Just force us out of what's
been our home for 28 years

and tell us
we got to move to New Mexico?

Who the hell wants to live
in New Mexico?

-They're rehearsing
a David Mamet play.

-Jesus!
No, no!

-Ah, I shouldn't have seen
"Showgirls" before

I came up here.-Now, if you want to go, you go!

-Oh, Joe, you know
I wouldn't go without you,

but maybe New Mexico
isn't so bad.

-Is he married
to Jo Anne Worley?

-I mean, we never been there,
so do we know?

-They're not throwing me
out, damn it!

-I can't leave all this!

-They are not throwing me out
of my own house!

-Please, Joe, do it for me.

-I'm Tyne Daly.
-But don't you see?

We can't give into
those [no audio].

We were born here,
for Christ's sake!

-"Bad guys," I think he said.
-Ah.

-Joe, I understand,
I really do.

I just don't think it's worth
the pain or worth the misery,

the living in fear.

-We're here to tenderize.
-Come on, Joe! Oh!

What are we going to do?

-They're not getting
the Tom of Finland posters!

-This is what I'm going to do.
-Oh, no!

It'll make it worse!
-I'll show them!

-I'll show 'em this!

I got it at Sportmart!
-No, Joe! No!

-Hey, guys, look at this!
-Aah!

-What a --
-Ooh!

Got good aluminum on that one.

-Sir, would you at least
take a "Watchtower"? Ow!

-Come on!
-No!

-Come and get me! I'm going to
smash your skulls in!

-Uh, sir, by now,
I'm sure you've heard about

"Leave the Bronx" program?

-My contacts! Oh!
-Aah!

-Good one, big shot.

You didn't want
to leave the Bronx!

-[Screaming]

-No, not my fine washables!

-[Screaming]

-I'm ready to live
the Southwest lifestyle!

-Little taste of the weather
in New Mexico.

-[Screaming]

-♪ Kawasaki
lets the good times roll ♪

-It's Evel Knieval's
handicap access.

-I was sleeping up here!

-And I can't even have a cat
in my apartment building.

-[Chuckles]

♪ Purple rain, purple rain

-He's got kind of an
inconvenient parking spot.

-Got to be a cash machine
around here somewhere.

-Well, it's just a good thing
he doesn't drive a bus.

-I got to check my Roquefort
cheese, man.

-Uh, where's the sound?
-Oh, I'll do it.

-Yep.-Ta-chi, ta-chi, ta-chi, ta-chi.

Chik-chik-chik.
-Okay, let's see.

♪ Peg, I hear you call --
No, no.

♪ Debbie, I hear you c--
No, no.

-Satan?
Satan?

-Welcome to the
Honeycomb Hideout!

-Hold it.
Hold it!

-Oh, hi, Walker, Texas Ranger!
-What got into you?

-The next time you don't give
the signal...

-[Mocking voice]

-...I tell you,
I'll blow your brains out.

-Yeah, Trash, who do you think
you are, the president?

-God, don't tease Trash,
I guess.

-Come on, try me.

♪♪

-I'm in the shower!
-Cut it out.

Now break this up.

-♪ Mystery Date
[Gasps]

Ooh.
-Frankie Goes to Hollywood!

-Huh.
-Hi.

-It's the case of "Fame!"
-Whoa.

♪♪

♪ In the Navy, you can sail...

♪ One!

-Keep popping, baby.
-See you, Trash.

Feel alive, huh?

Listen, honey,
I am still waiting.

-Uh, no comment.

-Hey, what --
-Just let me see it.

-Yeah, okay.

-And I'll slice it
like the lamp.

-Whoo-hoo!
Wait a minute. Hey, I...

-♪ I really need this job

-And two.
-♪ And I want to have...

And three, and --

-Ammo! You ask for ammo,
I bring you ammo!

-I sent you out for waxworms!
-Okay.

Why are you getting so excited?

Stay cool,
then I tell you something!

I really think you are
pretty damn good,

coming and going all the time!

-Well, well, isn't that nice,
flattering compliments.

-It's nice to know you're...

-Prince needs a decaf, pronto!
-Oh, by the way, next time,

the price
of ammunition is going up.

-Hey, don't you think
you're ripping us off enough?

[Speaks Spanish]
-I don't get you.

-[Laughs] Vamos.

-I feel like you're cheap
as dirt, Bronx gangs.

You're all holed up down here
eating out of tin cans!

-Well...
-Um, I need a check signed.

-We are alive and kicking,
my friend.

-Uh, there's a soda
delivery up front.

-Whereas, up there,
they kill us like ants.

-Hey, hey,
what's our FedEx number?

There's a guy out front.

Hello?

-Hey, what are you guys
doing here?

Get on back to your posts.
Go on, icabrones!

-Go pay for more hats!
-[Spits]

-Ha!
"The One Minute Manager."

-Mm.
-Don't change the subject.

-Hey, look at that!

-You seem to talk a lot.

It's all bark and no bite.
Hey, I brought you this.

-It's the lyrics
to that Whitesnake song

I was telling you about.

-Here, just in case you run out
of toilet paper.

-Put that on still store.
-[Chuckles]

-"Get out of the Bronx,"
they say.

We got our solar houses
in the enchanting New Mexico

waiting for you --
ihijo de puta!

-The Italians
really embrace life.

-While you're laughing,they're wasting innocent people.

You know what the problem
with you guys is, Dablone?

You ran too quick.
-Your name is Toblerone?

-And now you're just trying
to make a stand.

-I love Toblerone.

-Well, the ones with guts
didn't scare so easy.

-Oh, sure, look who's talking,
Superman!

-Well, what about my old man
and my old lady

and others like them?

Just try and move them
out of the Bronx.

Nah, you turned chicken
too soon.

That's all.
-If you had any brains,

you would tell them
to come here, underground!

-We've got a great food court!
-It isn't faster.

We'll never come in!
[Laughs]

-Ha, ha-ha-ha, ha?

-Hmm?

-Gah! Oh, why did I think
this was a good idea?

-Two positive readings,
Sector H8.

-"Renegade."

-Uh, may I suggest a rake?

-Ah, Sector H8, I love it here.

-Aw, man, if only there had
been enterprise zone

legislation,none of this would be a problem.

This would be -- Hey!

-Oh, sorry, Dad.
Gee. God...

-Well...

-Jeez, so he parked
in your space. Come on!

♪♪

-All right.
I got the accordion. Ha-ha!

-Place is just filled
with oily rags, it's great!

-Some of the politest,

most informative graffiti
I've ever seen!

-Mr. Lee.
Mr. Lee.

-Have you seen a knife
like this?

But, wait, there's more!

♪♪

-[Making whooshing sounds]

-Ah, now he'll flash back
to the Shaolin monastery.

-[Groans]
-Adam Sandler, get him!

-Get him!
-Yes! Yes!

-Yes! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
-Aw, yeah.

-Ha! Aah!

-Hmm? Hmm?

Oh, George Hamilton didn't know
when to stop tanning.

[Footsteps]

-♪ Wash and go, Pert Plus

Sorry, Uncle Ron.

-A horrible fondue accident.

♪♪

-We just wanted to dry
off the cat.

♪♪

-That was my favorite chair.

♪♪

-You should've left
the Bronx, Dad!

♪♪

-He took out Horshack!

♪♪

-He's dead already, come on!
-Dad?

-Kathy Bates.

-Lorenzo Lamas in
"The Gino Vannelli Story."

♪♪

-Dinner is in the fridge, honey!

♪♪

-Yet her Orlon
sweater survived.

-Can I have
the overturned chair?

-This, ladies and gentlemen,

will be the New York
of the future,

the most magnificent
architectural complex

every created by man,
the eighth Wonder of the World.

-Me!
-This work of genius,

ladies and gentlemen,
was conceived and promoted

by our president, Mr. Clark,
who has committed

all the company's resources
to the project.

-Wow, the new stuff killed.
-Thank you very much.

-Yes, I invented New York City.
-Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you.

-As you can all see,
it's a suspended city

linked to the other
inhabited zones.

-Will it still be a hell
of a town, sir?

-A perfect, bordered, civilized
metropolis, a future city...

-Get your hand off my ass.
-...for a future man,

serviced by the most
modern technology available.

-Every building will have
Selectric typewriters.

-A city in which there are
no social blots.

Areas of poverty,
illiteracy, and crime...

-Uh, built-in.
-...like the Bronx,

will have been
totally eliminated.

-It's about time!-The Bronx is a public disgrace!

-Right on.
It should go.

-The crime rate's horrendous.

-The Bronx is a plague.
-It's not to be believed!

-The people from those areas
are guaranteed accommodation

and a higher standard
of living in New Mexico.

-That just isn't true!
-Honey, please.

-Why the hell don't you admit
you're deporting

and killing them,

that you're causing accidents
and epidemics

to eliminate those people who
put up the slightest resistance

to being thrown out
of their rightful homes?!

-Get her out of here.
-But I'm with "Parade!"

-Get your hands of me,
you fascist pigs!

-A fascist Italian?
Come on.

-This is supposed
to be a democracy!

You others, don't believe a wordthey're saying!

It's lies!

-Get her out.
-This isn't a press conference.

It's a farce, an unadulterated,

filthy,
dirty farce, you hear me?!

And the GC Corporation sucks!

-Is that true?
Do you suck?

-Ladies and gentlemen,
we live in a democracy.

-Mm-hmm.

-It's only right to answer
the questions

asked by bona fide
professional journalists...

-Sir, what's "bona fide" mean?

-...not the hysterical outburstsof so-called "crusaders."

-Probably that time
of the month for her.

-Continue, Mr. Hoffman.

-Um, I --
I was pretty much done.

-Any questions?

-The Bronx has been
in quarantine for 2 months.

When will the press
and television be allowed in?

-When the killing is done.

-The epidemic isn't
under control yet,

and that isn't the worst danger

we want to avoid
exposing you to.

-Uh, Mr. Hoffman, exactly
what danger do you mean?

-Well, the Bronx has become
a kind of no-man's-land

controlled by street gangs.

-As for the transfer of the,
let's say, honest residents,

what truth is there in the rumorthey're being forced out?

-Steve Higgins!
-That's total nonsense.

-Hey!
-They have been financially

compensated and relocated
with their full consent.

-Uh, what evidence
is there for this?

-[Mocking]
"Uh, what evidence is, uh..."

-We have a great deal
of photographic documentation

showing their current splendidresidential areas in New Mexico,

plus affidavits fromthe thousands who've gone there.

Now, all of this
will be made public

as soon as the operation
is completed.

-Attention.
Attention!

Abandon all buildings!

-Ye who enter here!
-This is a final warning.

Abandon all buildings!

-The Bronx has hit an iceberg
and is sinking!

-They're about to be demolished.Abandon all buildings!

They are about to be demolished.

-And I'm mainly talking
to you, Steve.

-Attention.
This is your final warning.

Abandon all building.They are about to be demolished.

-I think they blew
their cover here.

-They are about to be
demolished.

Attention.
Abandon all buildings.

-What's the word
from headquarters, sir?

-We now go for a response
from headquarters.

-The Very Large Corporation
of America.

-There he is.
-Get him!

-Um, reporter peas and carrots.
-Journalists and watermelon.

-Investigative sassafras.
-Okay, peas and carrots.

-But that's not
really our story.

-Nothing you don't
already know.

-That's bull [no audio].
-Oh, yeah.

-See you later.
-Another great scene.

-Look, however much good we do,
there are always those

who find some reason
or other to knock it.

-When will the demolition
ceremony take place?

-[Mocking voice]
-The 11th.

-How are you answering the UN
Human Rights Commission?

-It's all in the dossier
we gave to you.

-President Lincoln,
you had a question.

-I can't.

-Mr. Clark, what about
that issue with the...

-What's the best way
to take care of leg cramps?

-Is it really bad to clean
your toaster with a knife?

-How do I invest
in a Fannie Mae?

-I assure you, all information
is in the dossier.

-You didn't put these into
the dossier, did you, though?!

-Ooh.

-You didn't dare include
the identity of who

you put in charge
of the Bronx evacuation.

Floyd Wrangler,
and we all know...

-Juan Wangler?

-...who Floyd Wrangler is,
don't we?

A torturer, an expelled prison
warden, a killer.

-Please, please,
if you can keep

all your rhubarbs to a minimum.
-Break it up.

Make way.
Make way!

-Oh, jeez, I won't build
the development.

Boy, I try to be nice.

-Yeah, here's your man!
-Floyd Wrangler, hired killer!

[Doors thud and clank]

-Okay, we're all set up.
-Okay.

-Now, you want to keep it
below this line.

-Hey, what's with all
the lamp cord here,

some RadioShack project
gone horribly wrong?

-No, you big dope,
it's biofeedback!

Helps with my headaches,
and I thought I'd get

Crow set up here
so we can relax.

-Biofeedback?
Ah, what a load of crap.

It's nothing but snake oil,
my friend.

-No, it sounds cool.
-Come on, you losers.

Didn't you see that one
"60 Minutes" episode?

-No.
-No.

-Well, I'm sure there was one,
and they found out

that biofeedback
is a bunch of hoo-ha!

Lame-os!
-Never mind, Mike.

Alls that matters
is if it works.

Uh, does it?

-Well, it sure seems to help me.Okay, you're set.

-Okay.
-Now just relax,

and you'll start to feel
your fingertips warm up, okay?

Just relax, okay?

-All right.
-Relax, and now the tension

will slowly start
to melt away, okay?

All right. Great.
All right. Now relax.

Good, you're doing a good job.
Just relax.

[Explosion, alarm beeping]-[Coughing] Fire!

We got a fire!
-What the...

What is it, Servo?
-I don't know.

We got several small
spontaneous fires

bursting out
throughout the ship!

-D'oh!
Um, well, back it off a bit.

Uh -- uh -- uh, get Gypsy!

Go to condition red!

-Okay.
-Ah, yes, very restorative.

Ah.

♪♪

-Oh, baby.

Yes, I just love
that charcoal flavor.

Yes, uh, crispy skin, uh...

-Maybe I should goto a junior college for a while.

-Okay, Trash,
let's take it again.

Remember, you're really upset.

Your parents have been fried,
and...

Aw, forget it.

-Evacuate all buildings
at once!

-Are they still on that kick?

-This is a final warning.
-Jeez.

-Demolition squads are about
to go into action.

I repeat, evacuate all buildingsat once.

Demolition squads are about
to go into action.

-The remaining pizza
will go on sale.

-Demolition squads are about
to go into action.

This is your final warning.

I repeat, this is
your final warning.

-I want to carry it.
-I want to carry it!

-Jackson, load those choppers.

-Coming up!
-Coming up.

-Henry Silva,
supplied by Rent-a-Silva.

-There's still somebody
inside, sir.

-Oh, I'm sorry. I was off in
some daydreamy world.

-What did you say was inside?

-Well, sir, I said
there's still somebo--

-Oh, right, uh, rats, roaches?

-Perhaps I didn't
make myself --

Oh, I see.
Very clever, sir.

-Right.
Proceed!

-Jeez! He's got Ricky Ricardo
Tourette's syndrome.

-Come on, move your butts!

Take over the building!
Now run!

-Chauffeur is going
to clean up this town.

-That building, dynamite it!

-Or hang batteries on it
or something.

-Go get the wire!

-You!
-Lick me!

-Pull that plug!

-I hate middle management.
-Mr. Wrangler, sir.

Call from Mr. Clark for you.
-Fine, I'll take it now.

-Good, since he's
on the phone now.

-All squads, move back
under cover.

Demolition is about to start.

All squads, move back.

-Th-They're ditching us!
-Gary saw a silverfish!

Aah!

-Oh, realistic makes one that
says, "Explode, not explode."

-Frank sneezed!
-[Laughs]

-Hey, from the inside,
it's not so bad!

-Hmm.

-Gee, was today the day we were
supposed to leave the Bronx?

-War-torn the Bronx.

-Dah, I got to call Schneider.
-Aah!

-Jeez, I hope I can still
get my mailbox open.

-Aah!
-Ah, for the rent I pay,

I should not have to put up
with this crap!

-This is why they don't
allow hot plates.

-I wish that they would
at least put up a sign

when the elevator is out.

-Oh, the Bronx is something
which I should've left.

-Gah!

-Well, it was going well
until then.

-They're blowing up models
to get rid of him!

-Ah, the ladder of Damocles.

-Yeah, so far his greatest
adversary is a ladder.

♪♪

-Barracuda!

♪♪

-Should I move or no?

♪♪

-This is tension, right?

-Yeah.

♪♪

-This caretaker job is harder
than I thought it would be.

♪♪

-Jeez, is it Monday?
[Chuckles]

♪♪

-Must get to Whitesnake tapes.

♪♪

-Ugh, this would make
a cool coffee table.

I've got to save it.

-Someone left a burrito
in the microwave!

-It tossed him into the streets
of Rio Bravo.

-Listen, Wrangler.

I've got the media on my back
from morning to night,

and I don't know
what to tell them anymore.

I'm paying you
damn good money...

-Well, it's Italian money.

-...and look
at the results I get.

-Are you anywhere in this car?
-In 5 days,

the Bronx operation
is coming up at the UN.

-And I've got Jazzercise.

-You know what they're calling
your methods?

Genocide.

-Hmm, his head is shaped
like a peanut.

-The technical term
is disinfestation.

-Disinfestation?

-Now, you pay me to take care
of the technical side.

-Mm-hmm.

-The moral part is --
is not my sector.

-Hmm.

-The important thing is
to do the job cleanly...

-The disinfestation?
-...Mr. Wrangler.

-In 1986, despite all
our technical know-how,

we did not succeed
in getting rid of the rats.

-That's the plot
of "Fievel Goes West," anyway.

-Now, these people,
if you can call them that,

they are a, uh, race apart.

-Isn't he Michele Lee?
-They're what's left

of the gangs
that battled for the Bronx.

-I'm not speaking
to you anymore.

-You're worse than they are,
Mr. Wrangler.

-Allow me to correct you,
Mr. Clark.

I'm worse than anybody.

-Except that one guy,
he was really worse.

-There's got to be a launching
pad around here somewhere.

-♪ Once had love, and it was
a gas, soon turned out... ♪

-There's a bunch over there.
They just started to leave.

-What?
-We'll have to deep clean them.

-What?
Like, I don't?

Like...
-What do I do? Burn them?

-Nothing.
-Yeah, let's go.

-We must protect
this dirty box.

-Ah, the cast of any
cable access program.

-You know, I actually don't
mind if they burn these guys.

-[Chuckles]
-Hi.

Say, you guys feel like
leaving the Bronx?

-Ah, Mr. Homeless People,
once again

we see there is nothing you canpossess that I cannot take away.

♪♪

-Come on, wake up.
-No, I'm a ghost.

Boo.

-Is this your indigent?
-Hmm.

-Do you know, if they lived
in Manhattan,

they could have gotten rid
of the Jeffersons?

-They're checking
under his coat.

-Let's take the Chunnel.

-How about a little fire,
spaceman?

-Oh.

-Quit disinfestating us.

-Ew, ew!
-Ohh, chunks.

-[Growls]

-Understood, Skyboy 5.

-Am I thinking that
or hearing that? I don't know.

-To all disinfestation squads,

to all disinfestation squads,
emergency alert.

-He's got a toupee
under his nose.

-Converge on sector R2R,
repeat R2R.

-Terror is our strength,
and he isn't even afraid of us.

The gangs must not be allowed
to find the leader.

-Oh, um, this...that...

-We've got to find the Trash
and kill him now.

-Later, in enchanting
New Mexico...

-You know, it's kind of
out of the way,

but they've got great omelettes.

-Down here is my bong room.

-You sure you know
where the fuse box is?

-Cathy Ladman, Private Eye.

♪♪

-Ahn-halla -- Oh.

-Look to the slum, Graduate.

♪♪

-Here comes the Popemobile!

-Ready?
-Snipes, Bertinelli,

"Escape 2000."

-Right under LaGuardia Square.
-She's got Bobbi Flekman voice.

-Judging from the stink,

I'd say we're under
the public toilets.

-Oh, that's my Chanel.

-Oh, shoot. I need to jump.
You guys have cables?

-Trash, you're missing
your welding class.

♪♪

-Uh, you're kind of in my way,
black man.

-Get back there.
-Uh-huh, right.

-[Whistles]
-You, twirl around.

♪♪

-Hey, you.

-♪ Ooh, I'm driving
my life away ♪

So you like it?
-We have to risk it, Jay.

-What the hell for?
You think four lousy pictures

of their dirty work
is going to change things?

-So far, talking
has done no good. Come on.

-Mandy Patinkin gets a tour
of the sewer.

-[Vocalizing]

Howard Stern
in "West Side Story."

-Formally, Dan's Diaper
Service,

now, the Annihilation Squad.

♪♪

-Your DAS Marching Band.

-[Vocalizing]
-[Beatboxing]

♪♪

The Good Humor organization
in a show of force.

♪♪

Under no circumstances look
to the right, men.

-They've got Rhoda Morgenstern.
-Steve Dallas, terrorist.

♪♪

Ever since the salmonella
outbreak,

the Schwan's truck
needs high security.

-Can we ride in the van?I mean, there's nobody in there.

♪♪

-Steven Tyler, action hero.
-Take cover!

We're being attacked.
Take cover.

-Run!
-Good luck.

Let me know what happens.

-If they see us,
we've had it.

-Just thought you
should know that.

-Aah!
-I regret nothing!

-Sonia Braga looks on.

-I was unable to make them
leave the Bronx. Ugh.

-Should have cut ear holes
in this thing.

-Hold up! Hold up!
Let me untie you.

-Get away.

Get away.
I'm rigged with a bomb.

Get away.
Go on with you.

-Seems stupid in retrospect.

-Get out of here!
-Get away!

-There's a bomb!

-Nice slide and he's safe.

-[Laughs]

-D'oh, I'm shot,
and then you trip me, great.

♪♪

-Quick, Jay, there.
There's others coming.

-But if they see us,
we've had it.

♪♪

-Oh!
-Oh!

-I'm going to take the crap
out of this picture.

♪♪

-You've seen me,
and I've had it.

-It's a funny gag lighter.
-[Screams]

-Ah, oh.

-I know it's wrong,
but he smells delicious.

[Gunfire]

-Aah!

-D'oh, there was supposed
to be a mat.

-You know, a year
after they restore the Bronx,

it's going to be
karate schools anyway.

-Yeah.

-Fred Biletnikoff.

-It's the SWAT bread delivery.

[Siren wails]

-Look at all this good

particleboard
people have thrown away.

[Gunfire]

-Hey, I wonder if that's
the dirty box from earlier.

-Hmm.

-She looks like Shelley Duvall
after a drinking binge.

-Please, ma'am,
if you go to New Mexico,

you'll have
a nice view of cacti.

You could live in a really
nice artist colony.

You might meet Joni Mitchell.

Hello?

-Freeze.
-[Gasps]

-Stop there.
-Wow, did I do that?

-She looks like a guy dressing
up like Diana Ross.

-So now the loving begins -- ah!

-Come on, follow my hair.

-Aren't these
corporations phony?

-You peed in my locker,
didn't you?

-So you let them both get away,

girl and that
delinquent Trash...

-Rockwell wants his coat back.
-Huh, I don't think so.

They are both under there
or maybe there...

-Right there.
-...or somewhere there.

-Maybe you intent to go down
to convince them

to waste themselves
with some dynamite?

-[Chuckles]
Oh, I don't think so.

-You guys didn't rehearse,
did you?

-Well, a layman
wouldn't understand.

-Nobody knows they're there.

It's easy to make people
who don't officially

exist disappear.

-The speakerphone is right.
-Can you?

-Ever love me?

-Yes, only we've got to
catch them by surprise.

If we let them get away,
it's going to be very tough.

The place is full of tunnels...

-I'm just blue-skying
here, but...

-...passageways, sewers.

-Mm-hmm.
-It's like, uh...

-A thing that does some...
-It's like a jungle.

-...without trees
or humidity or Italians.

-It's really a wonderful place.

-Why you?
-Hey, get ready

for a lot of laughing.

-Oh, good, the reporter girl.

I hear your reports
on the radio.

You know
you're really something.

-You got me so I can't
sleep at night.

-You've got a stink.

-I was born here in the Bronx.
-Ha!

-That's why I get
so worked up about it.

-Shh.
-The show is about to begin.

-Things are looking bad.
-I'll say.

-If you don't do something
down here

to protect yourselves,
you'll be in trouble.

-[Laughs]
Did you hear that, boys?

We are in trouble.

-We're getting a big slab
of Toblerone here.

-Um, yes?

-What about you and your place
out in the open?

You think you just
stop them, huh?

-Listen, Thief of Bagdad.

You really think you guys
are safe down here?

-Baby, they will never
come down here.

They know very well we
[Speaks Spanish] if they do.

-Dablone!
-I want to be called Dablone!

-Part the waves.

Part the waves, come on.

-Come on, give me
some laughing room here.

-What is it, huh?

-I found this in the tunnel
under the old pool house.

This disinfector was
poking his nose around.

-Suddenly, I feel sad.

-I did right, didn't I?

-I'm not laughing
very much today.

-What's in those guys?

The first time they come here.

They never did before.

-They want to
rebuild the Bronx.

You think they'd go ahead
with you jerks down here?

-Listen to her, Dablone.

She's got a point.
-Rat woman is right.

-Nobody will sit on a john
full of dynamite.

-I did it once
and it was a mistake.

-Skyboy 5,
I repeat the message.

Check for a hidden entrance
under slaughterhouse,

hidden entrance
under slaughterhouse.

-I'm Cherokee Jack.
-Corner of 23A and 51A.

-I'm tired and my feet hurt
and it's hot.

-Corner of 23A and 51A.

-It's the annual paper drive
in the Bronx.

-...stadium locker rooms,
north side, same sector.

♪♪

-Ah, it's hard being a Nazi.

I should have just been
a pirate.

-I love opening night,
don't you?

♪♪

-♪ You turn me right round baby,right round ♪

-...and then let them come.

We'll be ready.
-God, I love show business.

-Come on, what are you
doing here?

Go back outside
and keep your eyes open.

Understand?
Right.

Okay, boys, 10 minutes.
Hurry it up.

-We're the good Nazis,
aren't we?

-Hey, Jack...

-Hot dog, get your
Hebrew National franks here.

-You're not going to settle
anything

with shooting and killing.

I've tried to make
Trash realize that, too.

-Have a big bowl of coffee
for breakfast.

-What are we supposed to do?

Tell them, "Come in,

make yourself at home," huh?

-No, to lick them, you've got
to force the GC Corporation...

-I don't want to lick them.

-...to negotiate and...
-Ah.

Hey, put those down over
to one side.

-Ali Baba, there's only way.
-Nosferatu!

-Kidnap their president.

-I don't feel like laughing,
what's wrong with me?

-Kidnap the president?
-[Cackles]

-Me gusta.
I like it, but, uh...

♪♪

-Anyway, that's how we got the
guy out of the cheese cutter.

Hey, get me a cold one there,
will you, sport-aroono?

-Okay.

-It was the most disgusting
thing I've ever seen.

He was wearing his coveralls,

so he was nothing
but a bag of blood.

Hey, you got that bullet
coming there?

-I don't think we have
any bullets.

-Come on, come on.
Hook me a brewski there.

-I -- oh, ah...
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

They re-showed
the Theismann injury.

I got it on tape.

I got a four-head VCR
so we can freeze it.

It's great.
Bud, come on, crack me one.

-Oh, open a window, sure.

-No, wheres my 12-ounce
curl here, buddy?

-Ah, we didn't bring any curls.

I think we've got
some chips over there.

-Hey, you coming over
for the game?

I've got surround sound.
It's going to be great.

-Come on, a kiss in.
I want to be a mountain man.

[All talking indistinctly]

-Come on. Eat up, eat up.
We've got more steaks, too.

-Hey, come on.
It's Miller time.

-Oh, really? I didn't realize
it had gotten so...

-No, no, no, no, no.

Come on, I've got
a dead solider here.

-Oh, I'm sorry. That must be
terribly tragic for you.

-Would you snag me one?
-Snag?

-No, stop that.
Now, come on. Pop me one.

-Okay, I'll have to come around
to do it.

-Oh, God. I love men's night.
This is great.

-Oh, we got movie sign!
Come on.

Follow me, come on.
-Aah!

[Doors thud and creak]

[Beeping]

-How could anybody crossNew York without being attacked?

-Oh, dinosaur pasta.
Nom, nom.

-They all will be against us --

them, the police,
and maybe the National Guard.

-Is daddy milk?
-You're talking about up above.

What if somebody crawledall the way underneath the city?

There are people who
have done it, aren't there?

-The robbery at
the First National Bank.

Then there was the time
they cleaned out Tiffany's.

-They had the --
the crazy Strike.

-[Snarls]
-Right, is he around anymore?

-Oh, he's around all right,

but he could change his hold
for a villa on Long Island.

-Is he hard to find?

-No, but the hard thing
is to find him in a good mood.

-Why?
What if he's in a bad mood?

-Then you've got a problem,
deep trouble.

-[Laughs] Oh, sorry.

♪♪

-Oh, I get it.

This is a metaphor
for something.

-My coffin is right over here.

-Radon levels are really
high down here.

♪♪

-Oh.
-Thrust Industries.

-Yes, of course.
-I don't know, loden, I guess.

-There's nothing in the papers.
-Yes, with the Gore-Tex, right.

-Okay.
-Yeah, the extra large is fine.

-I'll go there myself
and see what I can do.

-Will there be a bra fitter
on duty?

-Don't mention it, Al.
It's my pleasure.

-Yeah, I'll pass the catalog
onto a friend.

-Okay.
Bye now.

What a mess.

He wants the hospital
finished before the elections.

-Well, at least we have
his promise

that he'll see Washington
doesn't interfere

in our Bronx business.

-Here is my report card.
You have to sign it.

-But this damn hospital is
costing us all of $80 million.

I don't know who's worse,
the politicians or the gangs.

-Or the rat woman.

-Yeah.

-[Gasps]
-Ah!

-Lupita, no.

-Overload, overload.
-Listen, I like your style,

but, uh,
go easy with that thing, huh?

-I've got to see Strike.
-Go back home.

-I've got to see Strike.
-We did that line.

-Only if I say okay.
-I hear when Strike comes in,

the movie really picks up.

-Watch out for the wire.

-♪ She's so popular

-Boom, boom.

-Ah, your magic isn't
very good, kid.

-Ah, it always makes
for great cinema

when the caretaker
shows an apartment.

♪♪

-How can you have any meat
if you don't eat your pudding?

♪♪

-So what do you think?
Gas and electric are included.

Put down a small deposit.

-♪ Dark sarcasm,
in the classroom ♪

♪ Hey

-Thing, put the Luger down.

-Strike?

-Strike, are you kidding?
It was way outside.

-[Chuckles]

-[Chuckles]
That's a great confession.

-You certainly must have heard
I'm crazy, right?

-Sure did.
-Sure I did, lady. Oh!

-Heard you're the craziest,
but you're also the bravest.

-Da, Mr. Person-in-the-thing.

-We need you to kidnap
the president.

-Of the United States?
-Nah, the GC Corporation.

-Sure, I heard.

You really think I didn't know?

-They're especially out
to get you.

-Oh, I must have this scarf.

It's so kicky.

-Oh, watch out!

Her other jaw
is going to shoot out.

-This is so red hot, oh.

-And rightly so.

How else could they have
succeeded with the robbery

of the century without you?

-Can I get you
a glass of blood?

-A nice little bank job.

And what about Tiffany's?

-She looks like if Gilda Radner
and Satan had had a baby.

-How about the time we...

-Well, there are probablyexperimental mind-altering drugs

that will make me want
to kiss her, but I don't...

-Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What's in it for me?
-That's simple.

If they want
their president back,

they have to put things
back the way they were.

-No, doesn't affect me at all.

-Bronx will be back
in the hands of the gangs,

which means you'll go back
to being the number one guy

for all the big robberies...
-Well, that's sweet, Trash.

-...instead of hiding out
down here.

-You've got a point there.
-Trash, Trash, whoa.

-Okay.
You can count on me.

-I must have blood.
-Get ready, Junior.

We're going on a job.

-School waits another
year, fine.

-What do you plan
to do with the kid?

-Ah, wouldn't think of doing
a job without him.

-Well -- Well, yeah,
but what, uh...Oh.

-It's okay by me, honey,
if you really want

to bring this, uh --
this useless slob along.

-So the hero of our movie
has to go hire another hero?

-I was right again.
I'm the pro.

-Shrive me, fool.
-Shrive me, fool, hmm.

♪♪

-Meanwhile, in Schaumburg,
Illinois.

-It's Friday afternoon,
the employees of Citicorp

turn the speakers out
of the windows.

-[Laughs]

-Wilford Brimley is 007.

-Oh, sorry, sir.
I was rocking out in here.

-Driver, take me down
to the mailbox.

♪♪

-Ah, she's looking for a place

to hang upside down
for the night.

-Now, listen, it's going to get
much rougher from here on in,

so be on your guard.

There are more ways
to die down here

than there are
in a Bruce Lee film.

-What are some of his films?
-Each one's on his own.

If anybody gets hurt or has to
stay behind for any reason,

don't count on him.
-[Snarls]

-I'm setting the thing, Plump.

-You know, he looks like
Persis Khambatta.

-Pow.

-Hmm, another hard-hitting look
at cities with buildings.

♪♪

-Who is the boy?
-He's yours, remember?

-Believe it or not,
he's my son.

-And you keep him
buried down here?

-What?

Is up there better?

-Yeah, it looks great,
actually.

-I know.
-Traffic is pretty moderate.

Oh, hey, we've got
a great waterfront park here.

♪♪

-We've been waiting an hour.
Why don't we just go?

♪♪

-And now another look at
"Love, American Style."

-Neat. How did he do that
with the package of thing?

-Now, the hero subcontractor
has to subcontract to his kid.

-I'm doing a traffic report.
-No, I am.

-Boy, I miss Toblerone.
-Oh, yeah.

-Moon, let's leave
your bag over there.

-Moon?
Is his name Moon W. Trash?

-Junior, place your charges,
uh, about 10 feet apart.

-Yeah, right.
I'll take care of this.

You go ahead and
suck face with Vampira.

-I just really,
really miss Toblerone.

-Yeah, me, too.

-Ah!
Ah, what was I going to say?

Damn.
-We're going out now.

I've explained everything.
You know what to do.

-Yes, okay.
Good luck!

-Weird "Courtship of Eddie's
Father" episode here.

-Jim Henson's
Chairman Mao Babies.

-I'll catch up on my Marxist
dogma while they're up there.

-Coming in low out
of the rising sun,

scares the hell
out of the executives.

-Something about, uh,because you mentioned bank lines

and -- Ah, God.

Well, hey!

It is better up here,
a lot better.

[Ship horn blares]

-Are you coming?
What are you doing?

Gee.

-Hey, uh, Skipper, look at
the terrorists over there.

-On sale, Cibro barges.

Own a genuine Cibro barge.

Cibro barge company.

-South access blockade...

-Uh, anyone seen
Lieutenant Kojak?

Tall, bald, ugly.
Anyone?

-We've got four
of these things...

-Ah, we're looking for
Petrocelli over here.

-We're waiting for Banacek
to show.

I think they all carpooled.

-Hey, are they going to bring
down that lunch wagon over here

or are we going to have
to go over there?

-[Vocalizing]

-They blocked all the roads
leading to the island.

-How do we get in?
-Trash makes a contribution.

-We're in already.
-Oh, yeah. [Chuckles]

-Come on.

-I'm going to across town

to this great bar
I know, English pub.

[All talking]

-Hey, what is this,
a hen party?

Follow me, we've got
a job to do.

-I'll tell you about this bar
I know later with all

the broads and other...yeah.
-They just called.

The lunch wagon is on its way.

-All right.
-All right.

-I got to tell you about
this lunch I had one time.

There were broads
and lunch and broads.

-Uh, guys?
I sweated all over the gorp.

Sorry.
-This is driving me crazy.

I can't remember
what I was going to say.

-Again the movie
states unflinchingly

that there is a city.

-Let's see, Toblerone
recommended the Guggenheim.

-Where the heck
did the city go?

-I'm glad we got those
noise-cancellation shoes.

-You know, I am the undead.
I shouldn't be out in the sun.

-Ladies and gentlemen,
here we are on East Island

with a beautiful view
of the Manhattan skyline

at the official ceremony
for the commencement

of the demolition of the old
historic Gothic castle

is about to begin.

In it's place will be
the new children's hospital.

-And "Weekly Reader News"
is on the scene.

-I'll get back to my report
in a minute,

but I just love helicopters.

-Trash just seems lost.

-The Promise Keepers are there.

-There's a bunch of white guys
down there, sir.

Is that them?

-Do that thing.
-Hands in pockets, look up.

-And now we simply kidnap him.

-Got to say, I expected
more of a turnout

for the destruction of ye old
Gothic castle.

-The helicopter has just
landed and Mr. Henry G. Clark

is getting off.

Ready to great him is New York
State Governor Malcolm Biddle.

-Don't laugh at his name.
He gets mad at that.

-I bet this live coverage is
really pulling in the numbers.

-Mm-hmm.

-Folks, I know
you're all excited about

the munitions plant going --I mean, the children's hospital.

-Hello, Mr. Clark.

How was your trip?
-Very good, thank you.

-Ah, please come with me.
-Would you like a pop?

-We have some photographers
waiting here.

They're going to be
snapping some pictures.

-And some bras.
-We want New Yorkers to know

who the man is who's building
their future city for them.

-I guess a little notoriety
never hurt anyone.

-Where the buffet?
-Maybe some questions, as well,

if you don't mind.
-No, no, not at all.

-As you have read in the papers,Mr. Clark,

president and main stockholder

of General Construction
Corporation,

has not only donated
the entire island to the state,

but generously agreed to do
the complete razing job

free of charge.

-Shh, shh. These mule deer
are extremely wary.

-Delta one, Delta one.

-Yeah?
-Radio links established.

-Okay, right.
-Situation?

-Everything here
is under control.

-Understood.
-This is good gum.

-This is a message
to unit leaders.

Message to unit leaders --
until the ceremony is over,

all river craft
including ferries

are to be kept clear
of the island.

-Hey, that's not fair.
-Now report the situation.

-A lot of them.
-Hi.

-Sigma two, over.
-Area one is covered.

-Roger, Sigma two.
-Omega six...

-Hi.
-...come in, please.

-Omega six...

-Should we spread out
or something?

-Roger.
Able three?

-Able three here...
-There's Able three.

-[Muttering indistinctly]

-Check down there,
move on to area five.

-And on behalf of the General
Construction Corporation,

I have the great honor of
asking Governor Biddle...

-Not piddle.

-...to give the first blow
of the pick.

-Thank you very much,
Mr. Clark.

Very proud.
-Don't screw it up, Piddle.

-I'll show them who's Piddle.

I'll bring this cathedraldown a mighty blow of my hammer.

-Uh, ow, owie.
That hurts my wrist.

-The governor has just given
the first symbolic blow

with a pick to the wall
of the old building...

-This guy.

-...to mark the beginning
of the demolition.

The new children's hospital
to be constructed by...

-Hospital.

-...Mr. Clark's company
will be styled to blend in

with the Eighth Wonder Project
of the future,

the complete rebuilding
of the Bronx

to a fashionable
residential area.

-Spinge, Punch, you guys!
-One of our campaign promises,

and by gum,
we're going to carry it out.

-Starsky and Carole King.
-Frank, what are we doing?

-Oh, I think we need
a little diversion.

-I'll take care of it, Conan.

-Why did you call me Conan?

Where did you get Conan?
-How?

-I know what to do.
-Go to it.

-The Bronx project
is part and...

-A rubbery Jimmy Smits.

-Lies!
They're all lies.

It's about time
the truth was told.

-News!
This is actual news.

-...what is really going on
in the Bronx.

-That nosy crusader again.
-Well, I'll tell you.

I can tell you because I've
seen it with my own eyes.

People are being slaughtered
in there, exterminated,

and it's genocide!

It's being condoned
by our dear governor.

Why don't you admit it,
Governor Biddle?

-Not piddle.
-Why don't you admit

that you're
in cahoots with Clark,

that you're giving GCC
carte blanche...

-Can't you stop her?
-...to assure your reelection.

-Um, stop.
-She's got a gun.

-What?-She's going to shoot Mr. Clark.

-Killers!
Murderers and criminals!

-Nice governor.

[Gunshot]-Oh, my God.

-Murder at some historic
cathedral somewhere.

-Protect Mr. Clark!
Get him out of here.

-Nosferatu was murdered today.

-We need a wooden stake here!
-She's got nothing.

She didn't have a gun.

-You're blind, buddy.
I saw it myself.

-The rodent kingdom mournedthe loss of the rat queen today.

-This is just plain crooked.
I hate evil corporations

that try and evacuate the Bronx
and plant guns.

-Ugh.
-Just burns me.

Colonel Mustard looks nervous.

-Trash stumbles into
the middle of the action.

No!

♪♪

-Ew.
-Oh, hey!

Trash has got
Italian bun huggers.

-Ugh!

♪♪

-There's something sort of
Richard Dreyfuss-inian

about this guy.
-[Chuckles]

-Exploding boards!
Ooh, oh.

-Good afternoon,
Mr. Murdering Clark.

-Uh, just Mr. Clark is fine.

-Come on.
Let's get out of here.

-He's being kidnapped by KISS.

-[Laughs]

-Todd!

-Battleship Potemkin is losing
a lot of crew.

-Just leave a salt lick
for the rabbits and...

-Stay down.
-Sega!

-The physics of this
make no sense.

-To all emergency units
operating around the Bronx,

President Clark
has been kidnapped.

Repeat, GCC President Clark
has been kidnapped.

-Aah!

-What's with the drum sound?

-Ah, they're looking
for Frog One.

"French Connection."

-And now Pinch
in the silent spot.

[Vocalizing]

-I've grown to like Flank.
-Strike.

-Strike?
-I don't know.

-Go on! Go on! It's me.
-Come on.

There's no sound in here.

[Explosion]

-Aah!

-This trampoline accident
could have been avoided.

Never use a trampoline
with unstable TNT

in your pocket.

-Okay.

-Maybe this is an outrageously
funny Italian movie.

-I think it was originallyconceived as a still photograph.

-Back when ballet dancers
moonlighted as chauffeurs.

-Skyboy 9 to Central,
I may have something, over.

-I think it may be
a cold, over.

-The old, historic Gothic
castle subway stop.

-Got to get
at the canned peaches.

-Come on.
-Oh, please.

I don't have any tokens.

-Hey, Grandma.
We got another one.

-What do you want from me?

Who are you?
-Shut up!

-Don't make me think.
I can't multitask.

-Squad number two to the sewer
system north of the port.

Squad nine to the subway tunnelsin sector four,

125th Street entrance.

-Come on! Move it!
-All right.

The bobsled team
has arrived, good.

-Move it!
[Shouts indistinctly]

-Is that the way
to motivate, Wade?

-Dead as a doornail.

-I was in the basement.
Uh, something happen up here?

[Beeping]

-The movie is backing up.

-The ones who went after them
are all dead, too.

-I'm on the phone.
-Hello.

Wrangler here.

Shift seven squad to the Bronx
and give me an okay.

-Operation Stop Flink.
-You people never learn.

You've got to hit them first.

-Yes, I know, but --
-I'm on the phone!

-Hello? Okay.

Intercept them before they reachthe Bronx

and don't go
the same way they did.

-It's all tore up.
Go around.

-Bring some explosives.

I'm on my way to the Bronx
to direct operations myself.

-And squadron nine arrives
at the Carnegie Deli.

-Must make liquor delivery.
-Repeat one-one-seven.

Squad eight
to emergency exit D26.

-Hurry, hurry!
We didn't get a permit to film!

-Beware of possible
dynamite charges.

-That's always good advice.
-Mm-hmm.

-I can't see where this wouldcontinue for another 20 minutes.

-Wait over there.
-The Bronx is leaking.

-Hold it!
-Is this moisture going

to frizz my hair out?
-Listen.

Whatever happens,
I'd like to get something --

something straight between us.
-You coming on to me?

-No way.

-Dump my used oil
in the gutter.

-Do you really think that I
and I alone

am responsible
for all the --

the unpleasant things thathave been going on in the Bronx?

It's very complicated.
You understand.

Decisions were not all mine.

-Yeah, but you're
still a wheel.

-Oops, run!

-So?
-Okay!

-Ha-ha!
Let's go!

-I got to get you
to kindergarten.

-Let's move it!
-Maybe this is a chick film,

and we just don't get it.

-You know, we haven't taken
the time to enjoy the death

of that devil-vampire woman.
-Right.

-You ever think, Gurnie,

that the filth coming down
could've been your own?

-Ugh.

-Uh, we spotted
some floaters, sir.

-Ew! Ew!

-Get back! Get back!
Get back!

-Sir, we're okay!That's what these suits are for!

Aah!
-Panicking commander.

-The director had a vision --
make guys jump in slow motion.

-Mm-hmm.
-This flameproof suit sucks!

Oh!
-Geez.

Bring back Toblerone!
-Yeah!

-Yeah, we want Toblerone!

-So these apartments,

the kitchens
will be real open and airy?

Laundry on every floor?

Wow, this is going to be
a terrific development.

-[Grunts] Aah! Aah!

-We always jump
and forget to shoot!

[Whimpering]

-Guard!
Oh, wait.

-Smook, Trunk, Zip, I'm afraid.

Chunks?
Kroll?

Flep?
Twark?

Ryan?
Oh, oh.

-[Grunts]
Oh, I tore a groin muscle.

-Geez, it looks like
"Prince of Persia."

♪♪

-Well, it's nicer than
the Soldier Field bathrooms.

-[Laughs]

-Hey, the Los Angeles River.

-Tonight on
the Channel Nine News.

-Strike!

♪♪

-It sounds like the "Banacek"
suite for orchestra and guitar.

[Vocalizing]

-You too can play
the electric guitar in 2 days.

♪♪

[All humming]

♪♪

-Don't shoot!

It's me, Clark!
Don't shoot!

Am I glad to see you guys!

[Gunshot]-Aah!

-Get back.

-Oh. High-bouncing bullets.

-Look, just leave the Bronx.We're just trying to do our job.

Oh!

-Hey, it's, uh, one guy.

-Plink?
Spinch, is that you?

-Hmm?
-Are you our one guy?

-Can't decide who
I like better.

-John-John Rambo.

-You try that again, and you'll
look like a tea strainer.

-A hostage is no good dead.

I've got to be worth something
if you're going through

all that much fuss topside.

-Then you know who to root
for, right?

-Dork, I'm surprised at you.

-Because if we make it,
so do you.

-They're coming!

They're coming!
-Where are they?

-Hang on.
I'll come over there.

-Right now down tunnel four.

-Charger set?
-Yeah.

-Okay.
Let's go.

Come on!
-Come on. You heard him.

Nado tellum four.
-Move!

-Oh, I was hoping we'd see that
darling explosion just remix.

-Ah, jeez.
-[Chuckles]

[Explosion]

[Doors thud and clank]

[Beeping]

-Maybe I just need to lay down
for a minute.

-Hmm.
-No, no, I'm fine.

-You sick dope.

-No, I think
I'd better lay down.

-Seemed fine in the theater.-Come on. Have a little of this.

-Oh, no. I'm feeling better.
No.

-Uh, hey, what would the Mads
be calling at this hour for?

-Okay.
It's like this, Nelson.

I've been going over
your Arbitron numbers,

and despite our efforts
to boost your ratings,

they've been flat-aroo.

We've tried "MST" nights,

but the network
just didn't go for it.

Frankly, I blame you guys.

-Us? Why?

-Why?
Because there's no kid.

Every successful television show

has had a winsome child
of some sort.

Take your, uh, "Family Affairs,"your "Full Houses,"

your "The Avengers."

-"The Avengers"
didn't have a cute kid.

-Well, split hairs if you will.

The point is, we need
something cute on the show.

Gentlemen, I give you
Timmy Bobby Rusty.

Huh, huh?

-Timmy Bobby Rusty?
-Come on.

Look.
He's got red hair.

-Dr. Forrester,
are you my daddy?

-No.
Well, Mike, adorable, huh?

I can already feel those ratingsgoing boom.

-Timmy Bobby, uh, Rusty.

-What does Timmy Bobby Rusty
do exactly?

-Do?
What does he do?

He's adorable,
and people will love it!

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, that must be
the Arbitron numbers.

-Hey, lady.

Are you my nana?
-Look, Clay.

I got to be honest.

I don't like kids.
-Oh, damn!

Timmy Bobby Rusty didn't bring
the ratings up one scintilla.

Ugh!
-[Crying]

-Well, don't worry, Nelson.

There's still my nude celebrity
trap shoot.

Pull. [Chuckles]

♪♪

-Send a squad down the manhole!

-Yonder manhole?
-Eight didn't get through.

Why waste any more squads?

-Who's this personal-injury
lawyer who keeps showing up?

-Because we're leading them
into a trap.

They cannot get out
of the Queens sewers

or the Manhattan lines either.

-Hmm.
-Fine.

-Well, don't get mad.
It's true. Come on.

-I'll be in my office
waiting for news, good or bad.

-Get those oven mitts
off your shoulders.

-Hello?
Yes, Wrangler.

-I want to win a Wangler.
-What are those idiots doing?

Sleeping?
-Oh, they are sleeping.

-Listen. I want a squad sent
to the East End sewer now!

-Sir, we're ready
to go down now.

-Hurry it up!

-Okay, yo, got you.
-What's it like?

Go down quickly!
-Hmm?

Where are you?
Oh.

Where you are? Oh.
Where are you? Oh.

-Ow, that was my sore ear,
Trash.

-There against the wall.

-You guys will never make it.

-We might.
Come on.

-If you let me go,
I promise I'll --

-Shut your damn trap!
We know your promises.

-Are you guys going to
blow us up again?

-Now!

-Ahh.

-Down there, go, go!
-Hmm? Hmm?

-And?
-Hmm.

-And...
-Aah!

-Come on, big shot.

Let's go.
-Oh, bummer.

Hope they don't blow
our crotches up.

-Aah!
-Oh, what did you step in?

-Oh, d'oh, wait.
I got -- It's all twisted.

Oh, damn.

-Hold it.

-Go that way.
-Just wait for me.

'Cause we all got
to get up there.

-Wonder if the silver-pantsguys hate the blue-uniform guys?

-Oh, I shouldn't have
wore these tight...

-Go on.
-...Italian underthings. Ugh.

-Why don't you think
we'll make it?

I think we're doing fine.

-Hold it.
-Geez, they keep spawning.

-I am officially hot
in this suit.

-Boil-in-bag people.

-Mm. [Clicks tongue]

-Whoa, where's the ladder?

-We're right on top of them.

The four squad is blocking
the main exit,

so we've got them trapped.
-That's a beautiful haiku.

-It's only a matter
of minutes now.

-That was a stroke
of genius, sir.

-Need a light, sir?

-Don't congratulate me
too quickly.

-Hmm?

-Rimsky-Korsakov's delightful
"Spike Descending"

written originally
for the ballet.

-Oh, rope burns on the willy.

-Oh, I'm getting tingly.

-Team building through
Outward Bound.

-Good boy.

-It's easy.

-But you're so big
and brave, Trash.

♪♪

-This is easy and fun!

I'm building my pecs
as I'm evacuating the Bronx!

-Oh!
-Aah!

-My wallet!

♪♪

♪ Baby, hold on to me
-Oh, God.

He's snugger than ever.
-Alfred Hitchcock's rope.

Not the movie,
they just borrowed his rope.

-Go ahead.
-That way.

♪♪

-Ow, fine.
Here is your stupid rope.

-Aah!
-Wow, he must be in God Mode

with unlimited ammo.
-Let's go! Move!

-Pah.

-Oh!
-He looks like Vanity.

-New York City ran out
of cops today.

-I should've known!

-Quick!
-Strawberry Quik,

that's what I'm thirsty for.

-Oh!

-Me, too! Me too! I want to die!Thank you.

-Aah!

-Shoot them all.
We'll make more.

-Aaaaaaah!

-Huh?

-Ah, you murdering little rat.
-Yeah.

-You're going down next, Dad.

-Let's go.

-So tell me honestly, what do
you think of my security force?

-They were about to run off
the ledge anyway.

-I repeat...

-My face is long.
-...if we intercept them,

we've got them, but if they get
into the Bronx

with all those gangs,
I cannot guarantee it.

-You say Mr. Clark
is in danger?

-Absolutely.

-"Man from U.N.C.L.E."
swish pan.

-There's a risk
that they will kill him.

-Hello?
-I will talk with you later.

Ah.

-Methadone.

-[Spits]
-Eight O'Clock Coffee!

-No sugar, you idiot!

How many times do
I have to tell you?

No sugar!
It makes me crazy!

-Crazy.

-And why do you want to bea scale model here at Conglomco?

♪♪

-Vroom, vroom.
[Chuckles]

-Hmm, what?
You like that, huh?

You like it when I touch
your penthouse?

♪♪

Yeah, yeah.
-You don't like me, do you?

You think you're better than me.

-I'm getting all of your names.

♪♪

-You, your name?

And you?

Mm-hmm, got yours. Yeah.

Ha, you?

-All right.

Same time tomorrow then?

Okay.
Thank you for your time.

♪♪

-Don't look at me
as I walk away.

I'm leaving.
Bye.

-Ah, what a jerk that guy is.

Hey, condo.
You like that guy?

-Nah.

-I am an architect
at a small Midwestern Bronx.

The first building was Neo-Romanin style and...more later.

♪♪

-Ms. Gibbs...
-I'm not here.

-...take down
a press communiqué.

-No.

-Our president...
-Uh-huh.

-...Mr. Clark...
-Great, I'll take care of that.

-...has been kidnapped by a --
a group of Bronx criminals.

-Good.
-Their demands are absurd.

-They want Croppies nailed
to every lamppost.

-Hmm?
-$10 million,

or they'll kill him
in cold blood.

These are not people fighting
for their homes but crooks...

-You got a...
-...hungering after money

and blood,

especially blood becausethe time they give us to collect

this enormous
sum is ridiculous...

-It's none time!

-...which they know
perfectly well.

-Thank you, wise wall.

-They're right on top of us,

the tunnel there.
-Okay.

-You've got to take me
to the potty. I have to go.

-Wait there.

-Boy, if you're into creeping
around corners,

this is your movie.
-Mm.

-A herd of ibexes.

Yeah.

-Ah, this is from
the Hard to Find Tools catalog.

-Thank you, Brookstone.I knew this would come in handy.

Oop!

-Buck Fever has a real
problem with these silver guys.

-Real hard to find genuine
Ringo caps anymore.

-Come on.

-Fourth squad went off
on the wrong track, sir.

They fell into some kind
of trap, but the fifth squad

has them cornered near
the main sewer junction.

-Stepping off the LEM.That's one small step for a man.

-This is the end of the line.

If we let them get away
from us this time,

there will
not be a second chance.

-Uh, is that okay?

Uh, are you there?

-Of course, the president!
-Put your mother on.

-It was his life
that I was talking about.

-Okay. Okay!

-...those buildings
on the right!

-A completely new outdoor
walking scene.

-Stevie Nicks!
-Four men with me, come on.

-Caw, caw!

♪♪

-Got to bring eggshells
to school tomorrow, Dad.

-So this is the basement
of the Bronx, huh?

You guys have any problem
with seepage down here?

-Hey, they made it!
Here they come! Get 'em!

-Hit it, girls!

[All clamoring]

-Get 'em!

-Mr. Sinatra coming through.

-My people love me.

They love my housing
developments.

Thank you.
-Get Richard Dreyfuss!

Get him!

[Clamoring continues]

-If ever a scene cried out
for Toblerone...

-Come on! Do it!

Come on!

-What are they going to do,
tap-dance him to death?

[Gunshots]

-Oh, wait. This could be it!
Yes, yes, there he is!

-Yes, there he is!
-Yes!

-Whoo!
-Toby!

-Hey, icabrones!
-Just drink him in.

-Stand back!
-Oh, do it. Yes.

-I'm warning you.

You will answer for this
before a court of law.

-You can't handle the truth!
-Sure, sure.

Well, guys, you did it.

Nice going, Trash.
Congratulations.

-Splink.

Aren't those earrings
a bit dressy?

-Now let me see what
a president looks like.

You've got two arms...
-Two hearts?

-...two legs just like us!
[Laughs]

-We have Toblerone laugh.
-Yes.

I admit, I don't get it.
-Here the mother [no audio]

finally is.

-Oh! Oh, um...
-I'd like to kill him!

-Oh, the throat, Mister...
-I'd like to cut his throat!

-...Toblerone.
-But if I do,

we can't negotiate, and now...

-I'm so lucky to study with him.

-...they will listen to us

if they want
their president back.

[Laughing]

-Frankly, I'm not
into Toblerone.

-Oh?

-Dablone, Dablone,
the Disinfestors,

they're outside
preparing an all-out attack!

♪♪

-[Gasps] Richard Carpenter's
"The Fog."

♪♪

-Gas! Gas!

-GATT? GATT?
There's a trade treaty here?

-Get out!
Get out!

Get out!
-Huggy Bear, Michael Jackson,

Micky Dolenz, Randy Quaid,Bob Dylan, uh, Huggy Bear again.

-Stop running!
Stop running!

-There's gas!
-Somebody grab the coffee!

Get the horses out of the barn.

-Come on, people.
We're circus!

We're bigger than this!

-Guys, over here.
-Help me move my record albums.

-Oh, man, those Annie Sprinkle
performances.

Oh.
-[Coughs]

-Quick,
get to the Halls of Medicine!

[All coughing]

-Rat-a-tat-tat.
-Come on.

Come on!
-Please please me.

-Look, it says Arne Saknussemm.

-Hey!
Jimmy is ditching!

[Gunfire]

[Explosion]

-Uh, it's not worth
bending down for. Come on.

-We have down payment assistanceif that's a problem.

-Oh, they shot
the asthmatic Nazi.

-Okay.

I did something like this
at a management seminar once.

-The Monopoly guy has escaped.

-[Growling] Boards bad.

-I get my puffer?

[Coughs]

-Is this the end for Bilge?

-Trash, Trash.

-Hey, someone
put the trash out.

[Laughter]

-Rats!
Get the rats off me!

♪♪

-Hey, Fudge is buff.

-Oh.
-Oh.

-[Whimpering]

-[Laughs]

-Wow, the Bronx has never been
so densely populated.

-Apparently some of you do
not want to leave the Bronx.

As a first step, we urge you to
try thinking outside the Bronx.

-Hi.
Kill us.

Thank you!

-You guys, you know,
I normally like a movie

with silver guys
jumping out of trucks,

but I got say, I'm a bit, uh,
disappointed with this one.

-Yeah.

-Okay, but hurry and wash up.

-Wrangler, where are you?

It's me, Clark!

-Get my limo!

-So anyway,
I was saying, "Wangler!"

-Wrangler! It's me, Clark!

-Unit one to Wrangler.
I can see Mr. Clark, sir.

-Where?
-Right here.

He just came out of E6 exit.

-I'll take care of it
personally.

-How?

-Three minutes,
and leave it in the shell.

-Don't worry, our way.

-I wish he knew
I liked him like this.

Oh.

-Geez, Pork's little panties

have to be jammed
way up there by this time.

-[Grunts]

-I'm not subletting, damn it!
-[Laughs]

These guys are dumber
than invertebrates.

-Old West days in the Bronx.

-Get out of there!
That's the good china.

-All I can say is I'm very,
very happy to see you.

-Me, too, sir.
-Ah, they're in love.

-Oh, no.
Is there a bug on my shoulder?

-[Chuckles]

-[Groans]
-Ah, he died as he died, dead.

♪♪

-[Humming]

-Stop that.
-Geez, everybody dressed

like Randle P. McMurphy
to leave the Bronx.

♪♪

-Oh, really bad time
to do your storm windows.

-Okay.

Just going to climb up my windowand change my storm ladders.

-Panty raid!
Man on the floor!

♪♪

-♪ Motion in the ocean

♪ His air hose broke

♪ Lots of bubbles

♪ Lots of trouble

[Laughs]

-You know, as destroyed
as the Bronx is,

there's still a Kinko's
on every corner.

-♪ Leave the Bronx

♪ Leave the Bronx,
leave the Bronx ♪

♪ The Bronx,
leave the Bronx ♪

♪ The Bronx, leave the Bronx

-Hey, look, a perfectly good
can of creamed corn.

♪♪

-Disinfestation is just
beyond these clowns.

[Laughs]

-All right. We're here inthe KROQ super van giving out --

Aah!
-Hey, rats.

That was my van.

-Lindsey Buckingham, P.I.

-Well, that's taken care of.
-Did you bring me anything?

-Soon the rest will
be over, too.

-And then you'll say good-bye.

Not so hard!
-See you later, Mr. Wrangler.

-See you...Mr. President.

-When do I get
a key to the bathroom?

-Uh, you can let go now.

-Henry Silva for
all your Silva needs.

-Uh, now he's mad.

-Racquetball at 7, Mr. Wangler?

-Wait.
His Targa turned into a van.

-Hmm?

-I just disinfestated
the Bronx!

I'm going to Disneyland!

[Gunshot]-Oh!

-That one was just for fun.

[Gunshot]-Aah!

-Sorry, my horn is out,
so I'm just shooting.

[Gunshot]

-Oh, Trunk has been hit
in the hunky shoulder.

-Oh, finally the ultimate
showdown between vaguely evil

and somewhat ambiguous.

-Ooh.
-Geez.

-He made one mistake.
He parked.

-Yeah.

-Maybe next time you'll yield
the right of way.

-He looks like a cross
between a silverback gorilla

and Eddie Van Halen.

-I wonder what burning
Henry Silva smells like.

-Maybe I could salvage
those wheel covers.

Then I could get a van.I can have a real max party van.

Whoo!

-I see.

Now the movie has bookended
itself what with the explosion

at the beginning
and now this at the end

and all the explosions
within the middle part.

-I don't know.
Maybe I will leave the Bronx.

-♪ Go ahead and hate
your neighbor ♪

♪ Go ahead and cheat a friend

-Okay, Omega Man,
you can move your stuff in now.

-Hi, Chunk.
-Hey, Flink.

-Oh, you're wondering

how I keep my hair so full,
aren't you?

No?
No dialogue whatsoever?

Okay.

-Pa!
-Pa! Pa!

-Let's go back down.
I don't like it here up top.

-[Chuckles] Sorry,

my prepubescently
androgynous offspring.

-[Whistling
"The Andy Griffith Show" theme]

-Trash!
-It's Moon.

-Come with us.
-Everyone call me Trash,

so I can see where you could getthe idea my name is Trash.

-Pah!
-Uh-huh, yeah, sure, whatever.

Good-bye.
Hope you rot in preschool, kid.

♪♪

-Well, this just nipped
my habit of watching movies

with silver guys jumping out
of trucks right in the bud.

-Clean up in Borough Five.
-Oh!

-Hey, this gives me an idea.
I'll be right back.

-Crow?

-Of course, there was
a Coppola in it.

-[Vocalizing]

-Pretty nice grouping of
corpses they got going there.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, wish I
wasn't here right now.

♪♪

-Ow.

-♪ Leave Bronx

♪ Leave Bronx

♪ Leave Bronx

♪ Leave Bronx

♪ Leave Bronx, huh

♪ Leave Bronx

♪ Leave Bronx
Boogie!

♪ Leave Bronx
-All right.

-♪ Leave Bronx

♪ Baby, leave Bronx
-Ow, ow.

-♪ Ah, leave Bronx

♪ Ow, leave Bronx
-Okay, that's good.

-♪ Leave Bronx
-Ow. Watch that thing, okay?

-♪ Leave Bronx

♪ Hey, leave Bronx
-Would you stop that?

-♪ Why don't you leave Bronx?

♪ I said, leave Bronx
-I think we get the -- Stop it!

-♪ Baby, leave Bronx

♪ Come on,
leave the Bronx ♪

♪ Ow, leave Bronx

♪ When I say leave Bronx
-[Vocalizing]

-♪ Leave Bronx
Stop it.

♪ Leave Bronx
Stop it.

-Ow!
-♪ Leave Bronx

-Spin it.
♪ Leave Bronx

♪ La
-♪ Na, na, na, na

-♪ Someday love will find you

♪ Break those chains
that bind you ♪

♪ One night will remind you

♪ How we left and went
our separate ways ♪

-Okay. Okay. All right.
That's good. That's good.

That's good. That's good.
That's good.

Thank you. Thank you. Uh-huh.
-"Separate Ways."

-That's great.
You did a great job.

-Thank you.
-This is Dolby Stereo

reminding you
to leave the Bronx.

-[Laughs]

[Doors thud and clank]

[Beeping]

-Hey, where is Tom-alicious?
-Oh, I don't know.

Maybe he was ordered
to leave the Bronx.

-That's not funny.
-Sorry.

Can we read a letter?

-Yeah, let's read a letter.
-Okay.

Well, I got a nice letter
here from, uh...

-All right. Right here.
Keep it steady there, baby.

-...Ben Hurt,
and he writes that, uh...

-Right here.
Easy, easy, easy.

-Hi, Tom.
-Hi, there.

-Hey, where'd you get
the helicopter?

-Oh, it's just a rental.
It's not mine.

-Well, who's flying it?

-I don't know, some guy
who works for the company.

Rick, I think.
-Oh, okay.

Well, can we read
this letter here?

-Yeah. Better hurry 'cause
I'm on the clock here.

-Right, okay.
-Yeah!

-It's from, uh, Ben Hurt.
-Ben-Hur?

-Ben Hurt.
-Ah, thank you.

-Ben Hurt, and he's got
some nice pictures here.

Put that on still store, Cambot.

-Very nice!
-Look at those.

-Help me.
I'm Crow.

-Nice renditions.
-Anyway.

-Sounded just like me, too.
-Oh, whatever.

-He says, "I'm your biggest fan,

and I've seen all your shows,
and I have to say each one

is the funniest thing
I've ever seen."

-Ah, progressive enjoyment.
-Okay, whatever.

"You guys are so funny.
I just have one question.

Where do Crow,
Tom Servo and Gypsy sleep?"

-Wherever the hell we want.
-Yeah.

[Laughter]

-Anyways, thanks a lot, Ben.

That's a great letter.
-Okay, bring me up, Rick.

Bye-bye, fellas.

-Okay, bye-bye, then.
-Whoo-hoo.

-Bye-bye.
-Bye.

-Bye.
Odd little guy, huh?

-Yeah.

-[Laughing]
-Clayton!

Clayton, what is
that infernal noise?

Clayton!
-I'm eating cereal, Mother.

-Clayton, that noise,
make it stop.

-Oh, all right.
You crazy old loon.

Hey!
Keep it down!

I got my mother
in a home over here!

-Hey.

You no like my laughing, eh, eh?

[Laughing]

-Well, if you could just
keep it down just a little bit.

-Hey, what you in there for?

I hear of a Jack-in-the-box,
but I never hear of

a lady-in-the-box.
[Laughing]

-It's really a personal matter.
-You shut up.

-Yes, shutting up.

-And you, you come with me,
you beautiful lady.

-Eat my dust, Clayton.

I'm going off with this
beautiful olive-skinned man.

-Well, drive safely.

Huh.

It's been an odd day.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Spits]

[Laughs]