Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 7, Episode 5 - Colossus and the Headhunters - full transcript

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ In the not-too-distant
future ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Way down in Deep 13 ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ Dr. Forrester and
TV's Frank ♪

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Were hatching
an evil scheme ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ They hired a temp
by the name of Mike ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ Just a regular Joe
they didn't like ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Their experiment needed
a good test case ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ So they conked him
on the noggin ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ And they shot him
into space ♪

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Get me down!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ We'll send him
cheesy movies ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ The worst we can find ♪

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ La, la, la ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ He'll have to sit
and watch them all ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ And we'll monitor his mind ♪

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ La, la, la ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ Now, keep in mind,
Mike can't control ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Where the movies
begin or end ♪

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ La, la, la ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ He'll try to keep
his sanity ♪

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ With the help
of his robot friends ♪

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Robot roll call.

{\a1\pos(222,96)}-MACambot.
-CAMBOT: Show yourself.

{\a1\pos(180,68)}MAN: Gypsy.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}-MAN: Tom Servo.
-SERVO: Hello, there.

{\a1\pos(201,96)}-MAN: Croooow.
-CROW: That's one "o".

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes ♪

{\a1\pos(75,460)}♪ And other science facts ♪

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ La, la, la ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Just repeat to yourself
it's just a show ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ I should really just relax ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ For Mystery Science
Theater 3000 ♪

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors closing ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: If 2001
just can't be wrong...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But, Tom, I don't see
how I could owe that much.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Listen, Crow,
the numbers don't lie,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}you had diddly for deductions,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and you got to remember,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}it's not so much
the original amount.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's the penalties, wow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But $37,000 in back taxes

{\a1\pos(12,460)}for the total of $12 I made

{\a1\pos(138,460)}selling Grit in '89,
that's insane.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You should have filed quarterly,
like I suggested

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you did in the first place.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You see... Hi.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Where do I sign
for my big 'ol refund?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-Oh, right on the "X" there.
-Refund?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-You're getting a refund?
-Yeah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Tom says $20,000.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}$20,000 dollars?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Right, you wanted me
to roll half of that over

{\a1\pos(96,460)}into your 401(k), right?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}401(k)?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Yeah, you could do that
or we talked about T-bills,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}maybe Jenny May.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Whatever you think
is best, all right?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Okay, I'm gonna get going
and order that swimming pool.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-Thanks, buddy.
-Swimming pool?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Crow stutters ]

{\a1\pos(57,460)}You know, Crow,
the best thing is to come clean

{\a1\pos(96,460)}with the IRS -- that way,
you can avoid jail time.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Jail-- Ooh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, and don't forget
to mail your return.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: My return.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ Because I'm the tax man,
yeah{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ I'm the tax man{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(120,460)}Wait a minute,
eight times seven isn't 200.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Fair enough.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Six times three
isn't 200, either.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Fine, do your own taxes.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We don't need to do taxes,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}besides, Willie Nelson
and Redd Foxx are calling.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Really?
-No.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Nelson, a recent study

{\a1\pos(96,460)}by a research group
at Senior's Lifestyle

{\a1\pos(12,460)}revealed that, and Frank quotes,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}"Owning and caring for a pet
decreases hypertension,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}"slows the heart rate,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and lowers blood pressure."

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Obviously, the cuter the pet,
the lower the heart rate.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Anyway, I've designed
the world's most adorable pet.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It would make you so placid,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}so carefree, that I'll be
able to rule the world

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and you won't even notice.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You, as per usual,
are the test case. Frank?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And his name is Nummy Muffin
Coocol Butter, oh, yes,

{\a1\pos(57,460)}and he's the nummiest
little thing there's ever been,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}oh, yes you are, yes you are.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's right, Nummy Muffin
Coocol Butter, yes, you are.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Isn't he cute?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Clears throat ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It outdoes the kitty cat,
it run circles

{\a1\pos(96,460)}around the Easter Bunny,
and it make Snuggles,

{\a1\pos(78,460)}the fabric softening
bear, look like Penn Jillette.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It's just me and you,
Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'll never leave you, ever,
ever.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-No, I won't, no, I won't...
-Well, actually, Frank,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}it's time to send him up.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-No.
-Yes.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-No.
-Yeah, well, just put him in--

{\a1\pos(33,460)}just put him in the box, Frank.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Stay alive, Nummy Muffin
Coocol Butter.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Remember, whatever occurs,
I will find you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, you forgot your--

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, this is kind of fun.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Toy squeaking ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Nummy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Oh, look at little Nummy
Muffin Coocol Butter.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}How are you?
Are you good?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Are you good?
Look at him, guys.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Just keep it out of my room.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Mike, it's a tribble.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Come on, guys, we can teach
him to catch Frisbees.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Mike, you can keep it,
but you'll have to feed it

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and wash it, and take on
all the responsibilities

{\a1\pos(96,460)}a pet owner should.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Like looking at it, yuck.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I don't see the appeal.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}I don't see how
Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter

{\a1\pos(33,460)}can bring us anything but joy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Won't you bring us joy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Dibs on spaying it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What? Look, the mad light,
go, fetch, get it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Relax and enjoy, naïve fool.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Why, Nummy?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, Frank, get over it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Here, here's Snuggles.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I don't want Snuggles.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, have a pillow,
the little pillow...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I don't want a pillow.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Anyway, your movie this week is
"Colossus and the Headhunters".

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I don't want "Colossus
and the Headhunters".

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, Frank, please.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Anyway, that's your movie.
There you go.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, I think-- I think...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No, Nummy Muffin
Coocol Butter, you stay.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, I can't leave you,
little Nummy [ Mumbles ]...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Won't you...? Nelson!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Whoa, sorry, whoa.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors opening ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: I miss Nummy already.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: He slobbers,
and he smells bad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Hey, looks like
it's gonna be a cartoon.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Oh, goody.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}"Colossus
and the Headhunters,"

{\a1\pos(36,460)}the struggles of a Greek
immigrant in a tough job market.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Starring the law firm
of Morris, Brown, and Leroy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Oh, you know,
I had Malatesta one time,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-it made me itch like crazy.
-MIKE: Ow.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Ooh, this movie is like
a storm raging inside you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: The Ringo Starr gang.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Today's forecast
is huge boulders

{\a1\pos(96,460)}mixed with volcanic ash.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Another Italian
government collapses.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Tsk, tsk, tsk.

{\a1\pos(288,460)}-Ow.
-CROW: Owie, ow, ow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Ow, oh, ouch, oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: We have to save
Jerry Van Dyke's house.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: What, what?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, forget it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oh, my tummy hurts.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MAN: We got to get out of here,
Ariel, before we're all killed.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oh, excuse me, Ron,
I was acting.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: The rocks
are big today, huh? Ooh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: So why do we live
in caves again?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Ned Beatty.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Ariel, it's the end of the
world, you must do something.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Look there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Who?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Oh, I'm well-sculpted,
and I'm here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What the-- hey.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: I'm gone for one hour...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}There's no time for questions,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}just follow me
if you want to escape.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Come on, to the sea.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Can I come?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Stones rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Ariel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Stones rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: What a fool...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I spent good money
on pelts for this?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE: Geez. Ooh,
that Styrofoam really burns.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Stay put.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO: Good-bye,
John Abesel and Mick Fleetwood.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: They shouldn't put
those holes everywhere.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They wouldn't be falling
into them willy-nilly.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Okay, there's only room
for a hundred or so.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I know we'll be welcome
on the shores of Miami.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Those Carnival Cruises
were rustic back then, huh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: The lido deck.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Careful Asmyn, here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Let me grab your bosom.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Take my hand.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MAN: All of you, hurry.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}CROW: Judging
by their colorful fabric,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}they had a bustling
garment district.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You two, come on.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}MIKE: Uh, folks,
we can offer a free ticket

{\a1\pos(180,460)}to anyone willing
to be bumped today.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: [ Grunts ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Uh, Barry, we have a motor.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Man, Hasselhoff

{\a1\pos(180,460)}can't suck it in
like this clown.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MAN: Make fast.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO: Geez,
look at it, you guys, I'll row.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Very skinny extras
make Colossus look bigger.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Fire roaring ]

{\a1\pos(78,460)}MIKE: I wanna talk
to Julie, our cruise director.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The island, look at our island.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Yow.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}Their island just turned into
stock footage from World War II.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: I think that may affect
the tourism industry.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}MIKE: I told you,
Firecracker Island wasn't safe.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Well, looks like
the fish got a new Pope.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: If only they
had had First Alert.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}BOTH:We caught
the bloody Bismarck{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And then we put her down{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hey.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: You know,
after the smoke clears,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}there's gonna be a lot
of sunfish out.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: And I just made
my last house payment.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-MIKE: I see a turkey.
-SERVO: Where?

{\a1\pos(36,460)}CROW: Thank goodness,
I was able to salvage this girl.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We were fortunate
to escape in time.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yes.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}With the help of the Gods.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MAN: Trim the sail.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO: The gods, huh?
Well, the Gods were supposed

{\a1\pos(54,460)}to help me move last weekend.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: You always
know what to say.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}-Asmyn.
-MIKE: You have my hot rollers?

{\a1\pos(141,460)}You realize
there's no food or water...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Yes, I know.
-It's terrible.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's neat.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}ARIEL: My people thank you.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}MACISTE:
They can keep their thanks

{\a1\pos(117,460)}until we reach safety.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Then you'll get my bill.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What is your name?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MACISTE: Maciste. And you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Cheesesteak?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Ariel, son of King Sandor.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: So there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}My father perished.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And many perished with him,

{\a1\pos(162,460)}and now it's you
who must lead your people.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Well, I don't wanna
lead my people, ugh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Where are we going Maciste?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I don't know myself, yet.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I've been at sea for a month
when I saw your islands.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}But apart from that, Ariel,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I know of no other land
in these waters.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Oh, great.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}King used to talk
of a far distant land

{\a1\pos(180,460)}in the direction
of the setting sun.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Long ago,
he lived there as a child,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}he remembered the great city
adorned with gold.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-MIKE: Oh, gold land.
-Land of the Urias.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The Urias.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yes, I had forgotten
all about them.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We would be safe if we succeeded
in reaching that land.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}But the voyage
will be long and dangerous.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE:
Don't you think I know that?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}With luck, we'll be all right.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}CROW:
But I'll need more Coppertone.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO: Geez,
not one life vest among them.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW: Bet they
don't have a license, either.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: They're in trouble.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Raft isn't registered.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: I see some sky,
oceans, and clouds,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}sea and more sky.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hoist the sail,
the wind's rising.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO: Who died
and made him supervisor, huh?

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-ASMYN: Ariel.
-CROW: Whoohoo, butts ahoy.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}SERVO: Regis,
what are you doing here?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Come and talk to me, please.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'm frightened.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Oh, you're frightened,
huh? What about me?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: God, you're tawny.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}We'll all be drowned,
or die in this miserable raft.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You mustn't worry, everything's
going to be all right.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO:
Time to make my move, hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-CROW: Me next.
-SERVO: Me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Next.
SERVO: No, my turn.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Quit shoving, Tina.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm on the verge of despair.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE:
We're on the eve of destruction.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Fate seems to be opposing us.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You should not
give up hope yet, Ariel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You should set an example
for the others.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Well, thank you,
Mr. Corporate consultant.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: I'm gonna atrophy
if I don't lift.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Can I bench-press
one of you guys?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: ♪ Ninety-nine amphora
of meat on the wall{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}ninety-- come on, sing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Want me to tell you
about my dog again?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Shh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}God-- Colossus, I've been
elected by everyone else

{\a1\pos(141,460)}to ask you
what the hell you're doing?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
Want me to drive for a while?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: So, what kind of name
is Colossus, anyway?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Is that German or...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Well,
thanks for stopping by.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Yeah, go ahead
and drink me in, folks.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There's no bad parts on me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Well, the camera operator
is indulging himself here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I think so.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(78,460)}CROW: I'm too frail
and sensitive for this voyage.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}ARIEL: There must be land
out there somewhere.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}ASMYN: I hope you're right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Ow, my head.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Oh, it was behind the sail
the whole time.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MACISTE: Land. Land.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: It would be really great
if we found some land.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Yeah,
it's the wrong land.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hold it, sorry.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Landfall, at last.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I like land.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I think it's good.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO: Oh,
land is kind of a letdown,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}not that big a deal, after all.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE: Oh, ow,
I just stepped on a puffer fish.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Careful, everyone.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: So, the whole time,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}there was this much
better island

{\a1\pos(117,460)}just over the horizon.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO: Hmm, I wonder
if they'll come across a piano.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oh, medical waste,
we're in Trenton.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(204,460)}SERVO: Well,
the anticipation of land

{\a1\pos(201,460)}is much better
than the actual event.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}CROW: Yeah, although this is
supposed to be pretty good land,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I read about it
in La{\r}magazine.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}You must rest,
I'll go inland and explore.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}We must have food and water.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}ARIEL: Be careful, Maciste.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}MIKE:
I am not your cheesesteak.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Oh, focus, thank you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: This is the laziest
civilization I've ever seen.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Very interesting.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: What you got, Dave?
Greeks?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Earth to Tom.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE:
I feel like Spartan tonight.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Geez, washed up
on a Klingon language camp.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Servo speaking Klingon ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Hey, everybody.
Our captors are here.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}SERVO:
New crop of eunuchs, huh?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Good enough.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: Throw down your arms.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Don't move
if you value your lives.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Oh, this bites.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We'll take them away.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Ha-ha. Hee-hee.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm frail. Leave me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Follow me. Come on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Stay together.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO:
Must be early French people.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Folks, if you wanna sing
or anything, feel free.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We're not ogres, you know.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: I'm just gonna stick 'em
on a Greyhound

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and send them right back.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}[ Whistling theme to
"Bridge On The River Kwai" ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Say, could someone
help me here?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: They're gonna be so happy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Wait till I get back
and tell them

{\a1\pos(33,460)}about this underbrush I found.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Who's that?
-SERVO: I don't know.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Oh, they
pierced his varnish.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Geez, Eric. I just wanted
to know who it was.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Geez.
Walk into the woods.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I haven't even put up
my stand yet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I get a Theban, nice one, too.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-MAN: He's dead.
-MAN: I wonder who he is.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MAN: Who cares?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The vultures aren't particular.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE: Yes.
Let's ignore his breathing.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MAN: Let's go.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}CROW: Yeah,
let's get back to the VFW.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: All right.
Buy you a baklava.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Oh, no. I shouldn't.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-MIKE: Oh, I insist.
-CROW: Well, okay.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: I'm telling, you guys.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Luckily, this was
before death was invented.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: If he had a shirt,
it would be an Arrow shirt.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hit him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Stupid arrow.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Well,
that wasn't too bad.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Whoa.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW:
This spoils my bronze look.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Now, I'm gonna
have to spackle over this

{\a1\pos(12,460)}for the pose down later on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: [ Grunts ] I hope there's
an Urgent Care on this island.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Watch out for snakes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Watch them closely.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: And by the way, people,
thanks for cooperating.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}You're being
real sweet about this.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: We're gonna be slaves.
Yes, we are. Yes, yes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: I'm on the verge
of despair again.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Where is Maciste?
-Who knows?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The only thing we can do
is trust in his good luck.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Move, will you?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}MIKE:
The mildly harsh slave master.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: And stupid hunters
get all drunk.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Mumbles ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO: Hey, the view.
Hey, everybody, come up here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's great.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Close lines behind, come on.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Faster.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Yeah, here's where
we farm our poinsettias.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Faster, I said.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: All right.
Now, everybody, frolic.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Sir, is forcing the slaves

{\a1\pos(180,460)}to have a picnic
really a good idea?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Let's see, do I sleep
tonight or not, or what?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Hey, he frosted his hair.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Stupid branch.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Summer's Eve.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.
Keep it together.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Faster. Move them up back there.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: But I'm getting ticks.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW: The Bataan
"Oh, My Dogs Are Aching" March.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE: Sir,
some of us don't feel fresh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Hey, get me.
I'm outstanding in my field.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, shut up.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Well...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Well, no one here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Might as well take off
my clothes and run around.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Oh, Colossus,
don't pick at that, honey.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You'll get a scar.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Oh. Can't eat scenery,
that's for sure.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}SERVO:
Hehehehehehehehe.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, they should relax.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}They're too "tents".

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Servo laughing ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Sorry.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: They're being forced
to join the Rainbow Gathering.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Actually, we're not hiring
slaves right now.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: We really weren't
ready for you.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Captured you
on pretty short notice.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Look, Van Cliburn.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Welcome to Trojan Burger.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-Can I take your order?
-Where is the queen?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Where did she go?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}In the woods, I think.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I saw her with a bow.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I must find her.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Gainor, Daicor, hurry.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Kukak, Landau, Klatinka.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Wow,
he's Mr. Perma-grimace.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What'll they do, Ariel?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Whatever happens,
I hope Maciste finds us.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Hello?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You guys?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, this isn't funny,
you guys.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Ever feel like
the world is Manhattan

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and you're Fergus Falls?

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE:
There's no one around for miles,

{\a1\pos(78,460)}and he's still
self-conscious about tinkling.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: What's this?
"Colossus sucks at--" wait!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}AMOHA: Stay where you are.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Okay.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It's impossible
for you to miss me,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}so hit that shoulder please.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This one has been
wounded once.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Don't make jokes
with me, stranger,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and stay where you are.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}This is a strange way
to greet someone

{\a1\pos(57,460)}who has never
before set foot on your island.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}May I ask what kind
of people you are?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I came to this island in peace.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And for no reason at all, you
welcomed me as an enemy here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Hey,
look what Trixie found.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}AMOHA:
What do you want with us?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Hey, have you guys
seen our pants?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}MACISTE: They are
survivors of a peaceful tribe

{\a1\pos(138,460)}overcome by disaster.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW: Who won
the World Series in A.D. 10?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Where do you come from?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MACISTE: From the sea.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}From an island where
the people treat strangers

{\a1\pos(117,460)}as guests, not enemies.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I'm gonna be
your love interest

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-whether you like it or not.
-This is my island--

{\a1\pos(162,460)}All right.
Now, take me to your king.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And I warn you, if you make
one false move, I'll kill you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MAN: Don't move.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Release that woman, stranger.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-CROW: And let her love again.
-She is our queen.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Queen of the Urias.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The Urias?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My friends speak of you
with great respect.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: If you know what I mean.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But their King Sandor
could be wrong.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}King Sandor?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You're from his island?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: You know Freddie?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Across the sea?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Why are you so surprised
about it?

{\a1\pos(162,460)}That old legend
is starting to make sense.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Take him back to the village
and look after him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: He gets into everything.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Follow me.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: So, this queen,
is she seeing anybody?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Louicus,
This could be the start

{\a1\pos(33,460)}of a beautiful friendshipicus.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Doors closing

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Yes. And you're going to look
those judges in the eyes,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and you're going to be the best

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter
that there ever was...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-What?
-What are you doing?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm getting Nummy Muffin
Coocol Butter all ready

{\a1\pos(96,460)}for the Westminster
dog show or, uh, Star Search.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's great, Mike.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom.
-Coo-coo, coo-coo, coo-coo...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, there it is again.
Go get it.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-Go get it this time.
-Would you just get the light?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ I was alone,
I had lost my way ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ Until one wonderful,
funderful day ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ When I met a friend
made up of fur and fuzz ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ A friendly little friend
whose friendly name was ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ Scrappy little pal
like no other ♪

{\a1\pos(75,460)}♪ His name is kind of long ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ So you could just
call him Muffin ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Whatever you call him ♪

{\a1\pos(75,460)}♪ I sure as heck love him ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ I love him even more
than my father or mother ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ Then one day unexpectedly ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ Was taken from me ♪

{\a1\pos(120,460)}♪ The loss of that pet
has left a really big void ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ My subsequent behavior
would even startle Freud ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ When it comes to pets ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ They'll never be
another like ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter ♪

{\a1\pos(54,432)}♪ Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter ♪

{\a1\pos(141,460)}Come back,
Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I love you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: I thought Frank's
song was fantastic.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: It was fantastic.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: I repaired your nipple.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}No, no. You must rest.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Your life is precious.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: It is? Oh.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Thank you, your highness.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Your hospitality shows me
I was mistaken.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}AMOHA: It was I who was wrong.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now, I welcome you as a friend.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I am confused by your behavior.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}A queen whose people
wanna kill me

{\a1\pos(96,460)}suddenly brings me
to her own tent

{\a1\pos(96,460)}where I awake in the care
of this beautiful girl.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: She's dressed
like an Easter Egg.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Good-bye, Mr. Colossus.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Perhaps, you are unaware
of the misfortune

{\a1\pos(54,460)}that has befallen my people.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: My hat.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}AMOHA: You see us now
as hostile nomads.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But we've not always
been like this.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The Urias used to have
a wonderful city.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}In the Valley of Heaven

{\a1\pos(117,460)}with a hundred towers,
all covered in gold.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}SERVO: Yeah,
but why did you shoot me?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It was ruled by my father
King Halibama.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And we had peace.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: And carrots.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Then he took as his advisor
Kermes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}A cruel, ambitious man.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hey, look.
My island blew up.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}AMOHA: Too late
we discovered his real aim.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: Mischief.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Kermes went secretly to a tribe,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}the bitterest enemies
of our race,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and said that he would
give them our heads

{\a1\pos(96,460)}if they'd help him
usurp my father.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They wanted your heads?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: And then what happened?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They're horrible savages.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And unbelievably cruel.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They cut off the heads
of their enemies

{\a1\pos(141,460)}and use them
to decorate their villages.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Huh, neat.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}Once we saw them perform
this ceremony, it was terrible.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: And the tickets
were 40 bucks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Then what happened?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}AMOHA: Kermes led
the headhunters

{\a1\pos(138,460)}to the City of Gold.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It was a horrible massacre.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There were rivers of blood.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We were caught
totally unprepared.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And in a few moments
the city was in flames.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}MIKE:
Go back to the head part.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Nearly all my people
were wiped out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No one would've survived,

{\a1\pos(36,460)}but for the bravery
of one of my faithful followers.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-SERVO: Murray.
-Kaleb.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And so, with him
and some of my people,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I escaped to the safety
of the forest.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And your father?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He's never been heard from.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And as far as we know,
he's dead.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}MACISTE: But then
you can't be certain of that.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Did anyone see the body?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-CROW: Then what happened?
-...couldn't have lived.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And this Kermes,
where is he now?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ever since the day
that he betrayed us,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}he's been living
with the headhunters,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: In SoHo.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}and he knows
that as long as I am alive,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}he'll never be king
of the Urias.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You would be in a bad position
if he and his headhunters

{\a1\pos(96,460)}searched the forest
and discovered this village.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Have you prepared
against a surprise attack?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}AMOHA: Of course.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Tyran has placed sentries
in the trees.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Don't lean on the throne.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now, please, would you tell me
just what I am expected to do

{\a1\pos(222,460)}to solve your
tribe's problems?

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO:
[ Mimics turntable scratching ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Nobody ever came
to our land from the sea.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Do you know
what our legend says?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MACISTE: No. Tell me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}When misfortune prevails
among the Urias,

{\a1\pos(57,460)}a brave and strong man
will come from the sea to help.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Thank you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And the star of the Urias
will shine again.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And I suppose you're convinced
that I am your legend.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But I'm sorry to say
that's impossible.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: I failed my Legend finals.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}MACISTE: I've told you
that I did not come here alone.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}And because of the fact
that I do not wish my friends

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to lose their heads by helping
fight your battles

{\a1\pos(117,460)}against these savages,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}as you would surely expect
if they stayed here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Whoa. Oooh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'm obliged to give protection
to these people

{\a1\pos(138,460)}who have trusted me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And the sooner I manage
to get them away from here,

{\a1\pos(162,460)}the less chance
they'll have of decorating

{\a1\pos(12,460)}the village of your headhunters.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}So, that is why
I cannot help you.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Okay.
You've made your point.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You mustn't leave.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Okay.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Let's love.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I could have you executed.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And your people, too.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The daughter of a king
as wise as your father

{\a1\pos(54,460)}wouldn't give such an order.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: You're thinking
of my sister, Peg.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}Yes, I know.
But you're our last hope.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The gods foretold
you would come and...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}The gods say
all kinds of things.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}They're not all true.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}May I wish you luck.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO: Oh.
I can finally let my gut out.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Oh, struck out
with Queen Easy, huh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Boy, she never sends
anybody away.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Must be a real loser.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: ♪ And this test,
fires... ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hey, how is it going?

{\a1\pos(57,460)}It's impossible
to stay here any longer, Ariel,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}without jeopardizing
the whole tribe.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We must find some place
which is safe.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Somewhere far away from here.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}SERVO: By the way,
I guess I'm some kind of legend.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Go figure.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: Let's go.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}CROW:
It's a daring, leisurely escape.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They're going away.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Good group of slaves.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Did you permit them to leave?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He's a coward.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Never in my life have I hated
anyone like I hate him.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: You're in love.
You're in love.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I don't trust them, somehow.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Who knows what they'll do.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Is it possible
they might betray us?

{\a1\pos(183,460)}We're finished
if Kermes finds our camp.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Would you change?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}I know.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Better that I follow them and
find out exactly where they go.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Two of you. Come with me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Oh, it's one of them
corporate bonding retreats.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Uh, Colossus, did we
cross this bridge on the way in?

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE: Hey,
believe me, this will shave

{\a1\pos(96,460)}20 minutes off the trip.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: You know, I'd say
three max on that bridge.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-SERVO: Hey, look, Ed Koch.
-CROW: How am I doing?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Look at all the pot.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Isn't that great?

{\a1\pos(57,460)}So, when I heard that,
I decided to leave immediately,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but when we have finally
reach safety...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: I'll drop her a note.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-you and I will come back here.
-SERVO: And shop.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-You can count on me.
-Good.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}These people have been
very unfortunate.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I would like to do
what I can for them.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They need our help.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: But they have to be
willing to help themselves.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: You think they fantasize
about wearing business suits?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: I know I do.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO: Oh, I wish
they'd put a road in here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Hey, get off the fairway!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MACISTE: Keep together.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: We are doing it,
Colossus. Ass.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Taxi.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hey.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, no, the queen
is drunk again.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: That's her jogging suit.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Whoo.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Hey, queenie, baby.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Whoo.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Want a hotdog, lady?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm worried.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: About burning my hand.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I have a strange premonition.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}CROW:
I knew she was gonna say that.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It would have been wiser
if Tyran

{\a1\pos(138,460)}had sent someone else
after those strangers.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO:
I'm having a strange interlude.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}Do you think
the headhunters will attack?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MAN: The future in the hands
of the Gods, my child.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Oh, and they've done
so much for us so far.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: So, you think it will rain
if it stays like this?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: And the Greeks
return to the river

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of their birth to spawn.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Ugh, I just walked
through a warm spot.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Sir, sir. There's
a road just to our right.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Perfectly good road.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: I think the Gods
are in a meeting right now.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Kind of like
a Greco-Roman "Deliverance."

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
He absolutely radiates clean.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Come on, how much
farther is this nude beach?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Are you sure that this is
the way to the raft?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Yes.
-SERVO: I think.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Those birds up there
are sea birds.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}MOANA:
Why are you so sad, Amoha?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I can't forget that man.

{\a1\pos(225,460)}You know,
he's not worthy of you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yes, you're right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: These people
are led by a girl group.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-...had nothing to do with...
-CROW: I'm not complaining.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Behave like a coward,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but his eyes had the light
of courage, not fear.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I've never been in love, Moana.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No one has
ever touched my heart.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Everything else, sure,
but...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}...strange man.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Try and forget him now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}If he's left you,
he won't return.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MAN: Sound the alarm!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Dad's home.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MAN: Headhunters.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I can't slow down,
I can't slow down.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Oh, great.
It's the Kappa Delts.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}MIKE: Headhunters
never come at a good time.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Boys, you take
the roughhousing out--

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, never mind.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}MIKE:
Those puka shells are so out.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: The Rodneykus Kingus
verdict just came in.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: And they're all wearing
Easy Spirit pumps.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Is it the pokies on the table?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}MIKE:
Is anybody watching the grill?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Ah, JP Morgone says no!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Is there a ringing sound?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You guys hear a ringing?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The headhunters are attacking.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: They're coming in
low, under radar.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Back to the camp.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It sounds like a warning.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-I must go back.
-I'll come with you.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}How can you leave us?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What shall we do?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Well, first, cover up.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Bard, keep to this path
which will take you back

{\a1\pos(54,460)}to the raft, and wait there.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}If anybody attacks you,
don't waste time waiting for us,

{\a1\pos(36,460)}but put to sea at once
and get as far away as possible.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Forward.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Let's go, Ariel.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Don't leave me, Ariel.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You mustn't go.
You'll only be killed.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Don't worry, Asmyn,
I'll come back.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Headless, but...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Hey, all right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Afternoon delight, buddy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Getting in line.
There you go.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Wait for me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}ASMYN: I will.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Tragically,
the Lions and JCs

{\a1\pos(33,460)}reserved the same picnic area.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: You know, we used
to not even lock our doors

{\a1\pos(222,460)}in this town?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Get away from me.
Let me go.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: This is the
ancient incident

{\a1\pos(54,460)}that started Floyd Security.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Screaming ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Crossing the switchblade.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: This guy's just taking
advantage of the war.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}They're coming across
the river, the bridge.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Screaming ]

{\a1\pos(183,460)}SERVO: Oh, no.
It's a horrible fall. Oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Skins versus skins.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hey, this is fun. Whoopee!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: And thus, synchronized
swimming was invented.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Synchronized killing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Whoa,
look at those butts go.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I just hate going to the
Farmers' Market and this is why.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Hey, hey, hey, watch it.
That's the good throne.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: They usually
have vinyl over it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Hey, cute jumper.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: You'd look good
in a jumper like that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: I can't wear yellow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Oh, they haven't
worked out all the kinks

{\a1\pos(138,460)}of that tanning booth
system yet.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Imitates smooching ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-War is heck.
-CROW: It was.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They're bumping uglies.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look at my makeup brush.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, funny.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Geez, some
tapestry salesman

{\a1\pos(12,460)}is gonna have a field day.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW: You know,
it's all about the fighting.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's not really about the war.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: I bet they're losing
the war at home.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Yup.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Oh, that's always nice,
just set my tent on fire.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: If they had writing,
this day would live in infamy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: One actor who doesn't feel
compelled to pull in his gut.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
I said it was flame-retardant.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hold the line, retreat.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: A less conspicuous hat
might have helped.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Well, they weren't
very good at camouflage yet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Okay. Five more minutes

{\a1\pos(222,460)}of fighting,
then it's girl's dance.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: All because Central
beat them in basketball.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: I don't know.
Their reconciliation between

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Shannen Doherty
and Ashley Hamilton.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Here. Stick her
in the live well.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: There. Take that. Ew.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: This film is up
to its ears in rears.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Isn't that that one guy

{\a1\pos(180,460)}who kind of looks
like the one guy?

{\a1\pos(36,460)}CROW: Hey, we got that
at Ye Olde Totem Poles up north.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: It's wacky.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh. This is where
the skirts come in handy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Really freeing.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW:They are
the cowards of the county{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: There was three of them.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Come to Totem City
for our big fire sale.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Save big on totems

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and big savings on burnt yurts.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Come one, come all.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW:
Well, I admit now, we shouldn't

{\a1\pos(96,460)}have stopped for coffee.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We got here too late.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: An outdoor
ornamental bidet.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What can we do, Maciste?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We must not abandon the Urias.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}But it looks
like they were destroyed.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}We must get back
to our raft and our people.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Looks like
somebody TPed the place.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW:
Well, I have still got my pecs.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I've been wrong
in not trusting you,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and the Gods have punished me.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}But you weren't here when
the village was being destroyed.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's right.
By following and spying

{\a1\pos(117,460)}on you and your tribe,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I left my own people
to be massacred

{\a1\pos(180,460)}by those savages.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Blaming yourself won't bring
your men back to life,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but some were captured, and they
couldn't have gone very far.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}They won't be hard to follow.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW:
Just follow the trail of heads.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}SERVO:
You know a good car chase

{\a1\pos(180,460)}would feel great
right about now.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE: Oh, don't hop
over the bodies, that's so glib.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Imitates trumpet sound ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}SERVO:
Early batting cages!

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MAN: Look.
They're back, they're back.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE: Look at that, it's
Paul McCartney's head on a pole.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Yay.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Oh, don't get me down
or anything.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's not like I'm being defiled.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}SERVO: Geez,
imagine the phantom pains

{\a1\pos(138,460)}he's having up there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: 700 brides
for 700 brothers.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Chatter ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Manly hairstyle.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MAN: Get the fires ready.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Dad, did you bring me
a redhead this time?

{\a1\pos(36,460)}CROW:
This tribe lives in a gravel pit

{\a1\pos(180,460)}outside Springer.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Please, no autographs.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Let her through.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Good raid. I wouldn't say
it was a great raid.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE: There's really nothing
like a late-afternoon beheading.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You're relaxed,
you're ready for it.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Yeah.
-SERVO: Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}CROW: Colossus has got
to start doing something heroic.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He survived a flesh wound.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That's all he's done!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look, they came this way.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Follow me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Nummy, Nummy, Nummy ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ I got Coocol Butter ♪

{\a1\pos(222,460)}
Hey, Crow, what up?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This is what up, Mike.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}What?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}My sucker.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's covered with Nummy Muffin
Kooky Butter hair, Mike.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Hair covered.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I could barely stand to eat it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well, are you sure it's Nummy
Muffin Coocol Butter hair?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Duh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Alrighty, Mr. Pike.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}There's hair all over me.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}There's hair
on my blue Serge suit.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}There's hair
on my fruit roll-ups.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}There's hair all over the sofa.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hair shining, streaming,
gleaming, flaxen, waxen hair.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And your point is?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}The point is,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}your precious little Nummy
Coocol Muffin Butter sheds.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, what's the big deal?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}So, it's a little hair.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sneezes ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Bless you.
-Hi, everyone.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}How's our little
Nummy Muffin Kooky Butter?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-[ Sneezes ]
-Gypsy, are you okay?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, no, I'm fine.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It's just this bunch
of allergies is all.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Just a...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sneezes ]

{\a1\pos(36,460)}Are you sure it's not
Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, no. No.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It was something I ate.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, that's what it was.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah. Well,
when did your symptoms

{\a1\pos(117,460)}first start showing up?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, well, it was about the time

{\a1\pos(96,460)}we got Nummy Muffin
Kooky Butter, I think.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sneezes ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm afraid so, Nelstone.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yes, sorry, Mike.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}From now on, you'll have to keep

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Nummy Muffin
Coocol Butter outside.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Alarm buzzes ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}We got movie sign. Let's go.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Stay Nummy, stay.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Stay.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors opening ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Ding, dang, thing.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
Is Frontier Fremont around?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}GUNA: I have good news for you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We found the camp of the Urias
and destroyed everything.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Their queen is outside.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well done, Guna.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Bring her to me.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: If she's cuter than I,
I'll be devastated.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I am the very model
of a modern major-general.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Aris, my friend.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}My hopes have
at last been realized.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}CROW:
I am going to be on "Blossom."

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm always provided by fate.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: And Sears.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}To fulfill my ambitions
to be king of the Urias.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Never mind.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That was an empty dream.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Amoha, you are welcome here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}AMOHA: How dare you talk
to the daughter of your King,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}whom you have killed
and betrayed.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Good luck, sir.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}You are fortunate
not to be killed yourself.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Okay. I'll grant you
that, but still...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And for that, do you think
I should thank you?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}If you listen to me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: You'll make money
with no cash down.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Maybe you'll want to.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Save your voice Kermes,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I will not listen
to one single word.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I beg you to hear him out,
Amoha.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's to the good of yourself
and your people.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Who's he? He with you?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Now, listen to this.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: [ Speaks gibberish ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I've waited many years

{\a1\pos(180,460)}for this moment,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}but I was prepared to.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}For it was time well-spent.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE:
I got a lot of reading done.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I find it has
transformed you.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO:
He's got an ancient UPS look.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}From a girl
into a beautiful woman.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}A woman who is worthy to sit
upon the throne of the Urias.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I have all the right there is
to claim that throne.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a hair appointment.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}KERMES: Yes, you have the right,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}but you do not have the throne,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and I am the only person
who can give it to you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Why should you
offer me my throne?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Yeah, throne.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What wickedness have you
in mind now, Kermes?

{\a1\pos(57,460)}I would prefer
you not to judge me so harshly.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW: Although,
I'm sorry about your village.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Let us not forget that
your life can be disposed of

{\a1\pos(117,460)}whenever I wish, Amoha.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Oh, hold that over me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}However...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Your typing skills
have improved.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I have decided to place you
on your throne.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}AMOHA: For which, I presume,
you want something in exchange.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yes.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}That's very sensible of you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: What an elaborate
throne he's got.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The fragile shoulders of a woman

{\a1\pos(117,460)}cannot bear the burdens
of the kingdom

{\a1\pos(96,460)}without assistance.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: He's talking
about fragile shoulders.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}[ Laugh ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wisdom, bravery,

{\a1\pos(222,460)}and cruelty.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: And pants.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And all the other virtues

{\a1\pos(201,460)}that only a man

{\a1\pos(117,460)}could possibly possess.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Well, at least
you're not pompous.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}A man like you, I suppose.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yes.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's what I mean, Amoha.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That is why you and I
will rule together

{\a1\pos(96,460)}with me as your adviser.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Would you like me
to tell you exactly

{\a1\pos(117,460)}what your real plan is?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You couldn't take the throne
of the Urias by yourself.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You have a few traitors
like Aris to help you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Why are you yelling at me?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But the rest of my people
won't help.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE: This is
my greatest moment, stop it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I know you thought the best way
to get to the throne

{\a1\pos(117,460)}would be to capture me,

{\a1\pos(141,460)}and then,
when there was nobody left,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to prevent you, you'd marry me.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}You think you're being
very clever, don't you, Amoha?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, I've heard enough.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}It's time you realize
that you have no other choice

{\a1\pos(117,460)}but to do what I want!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-SERVO: Please?
-I'd rather die

{\a1\pos(96,460)}than have anything to do
with your treacherous plan.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Oh.
-SERVO: Hey.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}So, you'd die before you share
the throne with me?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}We'll be married, never fear.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I have something that will make
my plans a certainty.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-MIKE: What'd you get me?
-What?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Something I've been keeping
for this.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Something that will make you
change your mind immediately.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Streisand tickets?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What is it that you want
to show me, Kermes?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, please,
oh, please, oh, please.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You'll find out soon enough.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Aris, I want an escort.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We're going to pay
a little visit.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Who's left to visit?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Well, what'd you get me?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Hmm, this is what it's
like getting into Fridays.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE:
This doesn't prove anything.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: ♪ Ontariyariyariya-o{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Let's move on.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Oh, man,
how does he do it?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Amazing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: It's a fixer-upper.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: It's a HUD castle.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MACISTE: There it is.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}All that's left
of the golden city of Urias.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-MACISTE: A pile of ruins.
-SERVO: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But why haven't you returned?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MAN: Not one of the Urias
will go back

{\a1\pos(54,460)}until the queen is reinstated
on the throne.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-MIKE: Speaking of the throne...
-There's one bloodline.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That helps explain
why after the revolt,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Kermes did not
return to the city.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He would've found nobody there.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That's what you call
poetic justice.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}By overthrowing the king,
he's defeated his own ambitions.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-MACISTE: Yes, come on.
-MAN: Maciste, remember,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}we can't go with you.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}We'll go keep an eye
on the Headhunters' village.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MACISTE: Very well, then,
let's go, Ariel.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: This is getting confusing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: I'll say.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Oh, hey, Terry Anderson.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I am so fat.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Why have we come here, Maciste?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-MIKE: I thought you knew.
-You know that nobody saw

{\a1\pos(180,460)}the king's body.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}According to Amoha.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Which gives me a suspicion.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}What?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MACISTE: It's just possible
that we might find

{\a1\pos(117,460)}something here to show
that King Olibana is alive.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's not very probable, is it?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's what we came here
to find out.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO:
What did we come here for?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Well, we wanted to see
if-- oh, would you stop that?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Hey, you're singeing
my back hairs, watch it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO:
And we'll call it Legends, huh?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What do you think?
Legends? Yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Your own Catholic mass.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Looks like the Federal
Reserve board of directors.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Makes noise ]

{\a1\pos(96,96)}SERVO: So, you want
to work for the Greeks?

{\a1\pos(222,96)}-Tell us why.
-Who are they?

{\a1\pos(180,96)}Could be mummies
of the Urias kings.

{\a1\pos(78,96)}SERVO: I don't know,
should've bought a guide book.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Honey, bring back
the shower curtain.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW: Yeah, used to be
city of gold, I know, I know.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MAN: Come on, you back there.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO: Wow, that's an
assortment of dad bodies, huh?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}I'm not sure,
this is my leather diaper, oh.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Hey, hey, cheesesteak,
what am I?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Columbia logo, get it? Huh?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Columbia logo?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah? No? Okay.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: The Marat/Sade down here?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: I always thought
it was Marat/Sade.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Well, the ad said
"old-world charm,"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but there's been
water damage down here.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}MIKE: Place is bigger
than it looks from the outside.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: When's he gonna eat
that marshmallow?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's burnt to a crisp.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Looks like
he's wearing wingtips

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and black socks.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: A look I like.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-This is great.
-MAN: It won't move.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}SERVO:
Maciste, I found a passage.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: The passage says,

{\a1\pos(222,460)}"He who reads
these words of wit..."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I wonder where it leads.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We'll soon find out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, must be
Danny DeVito's house.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Now, appearing, me,

{\a1\pos(162,460)}great to be here
in the root cellar, folks.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I heard something, Maciste.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's a human voice.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I wonder where it comes from.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Yeah, me, too.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I think about that
kind of stuff a lot.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}What's that?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}But which gate?

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
He's an inquisitive fellow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}A child of wonder.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-I was right, it's he.
-KING: Kermes...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'm not Kermes.
We're friends.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We've come to save you.
Where are you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Well, I was getting
some Amontillado and...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}KING OLIBANA: What have you done
with my daughter?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Sounds like an old
recording of Teddy Roosevelt.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh, my.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, lord.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Try pulling from your side.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I should've hired
some day-laborers.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, sorry, wrong wall.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Go back to watching "Phenom."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Wow, look at the size
of these nightcrawlers.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: I'll just add this
to the list of repairs

{\a1\pos(180,460)}the place needs.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Ugh, that was actually
kind of pointless, wasn't it?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Wow,
it's more of the same.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Could you spare some change
for an old hippie?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look at me, King Olibana.
I'm not Kermes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: They've imprisoned
Michael McDonald.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}I know.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}But it's not possible.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: To stick a Cadillac
up your nose.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Nobody but Kermes
comes to this cell.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}My name is Maciste.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm a friend
of your daughter Amoha.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(225,460)}-Amoha.
-MAN: That is your arm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Isn't it?
-Where is she?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}She's fallen into Kermes' hands.

{\a1\pos(267,460)}-Oh.
-But we'll find a way

{\a1\pos(180,460)}to get her back.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Isn't it cute,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the way they're making
a stab at a plot?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: The Fabio army arrives.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}KERMES: Open it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Oh, Colossus has got
to be feeling pretty stupid

{\a1\pos(180,460)}right about now.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Well, levers were like
computers back then.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}People were scared of them.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's about time we went.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: We have to go, Dad.
We'll be back on Easter.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Before I was buried alive,
Kermes blinded me, my friend.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Kermes, a traitor.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}SERVO: Nurse,
get me a braille Playboy.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MACISTE:
Don't worry, I'll help you.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO: He's made
a little nest for himself.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE: Yeah,
he used his own secretions.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't wanna go to Camp Snoopy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Come on, Dad,
you'll enjoy song day.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ To all the girls
I've loved before{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}KERMES: Come with me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That voice, it's Kermes.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}If we hide, you'll be alright.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The torch.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO:
And here's your new roommate,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hannibal Lecter.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}King Olibana.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
With a banjo on his knee{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(78,460)}KERMES:
I have some good news for you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I brought cupcakes.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}KERMES: I am marrying Amoha.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: A lawnmower?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}She has accepted
my proposal, old man.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We will rule your kingdom
side-by-side.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}-CROW: Hello?
-And while you are still alive,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-I shall be seated.
-MIKE: At the right hand.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}On the golden throne
of the Urias.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}May the Gods punish you
for this evil.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}KERMES: Pray if you wish,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but judging from my recent
good luck,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the gods should give me
nothing to complain about.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Oh, I could be
taller, true, but...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Accept the inevitable.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-MIKE: Be here, now.
-For your consent

{\a1\pos(138,460)}would be convenient,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and allow you, once again,
the joys of liberty.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-SERVO: Men are back.
-My consent

{\a1\pos(138,460)}will only permit you
to deceive my poor people.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-CROW: Exactly.
-KERMES: It is your daughter

{\a1\pos(54,460)}you should be thinking about.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}If you do not give me
your consent,

{\a1\pos(162,460)}I warn you,
it is she who will suffer.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Well, better her than me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What can I do?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You will publicly approve
of the marriage

{\a1\pos(162,460)}and so restore me
in the eyes of the people.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Do you understand?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Answer me. Answer me!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Don't give me that look.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MAN: Aris, we found something.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MAN: Kermes, he says
they found something.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I think we ought to take a look.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-SERVO: They found something.
-All right.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Oh, it's a baby rabbit,
it looks hurt.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}KING OLIBANA: What happened?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}They must've left, come on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: You lead the way.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm kidding.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}I kid.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}There's no one here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Come on, shake it,
you crusty old pitcher.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Coming.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Careful, I've got hips
like Waterford Crystal.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ow, that hurt, oh, ow.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Ah, the all-encompassing
movie judo chop.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Oh, yes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Snores ]

{\a1\pos(78,460)}He has more danger
fighting off the gold diggers.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Okay. I'm going,
you win, you win.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Ha!
-MAN: Oh.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Get them out.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(36,460)}CROW:
Oh, we fall for that every time.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Quick, into the sacristy.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: It's not a plot point.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's not an action sequence.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: No.
-MIKE: So what is it?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Uh... hmm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, that chain just has
all kinds of uses.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}Bobby, are you boys
knife-fighting down there again?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: No, mom.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: We fought off the Hakawi.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Colossus may be winning,
but he's winning ugly, oh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}KERMES: Come on, hurry.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO: So, you're
Ned and Jeanie's boy, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Well, I just...
-Cover out retreat.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Bag boy on three?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(162,460)}MIKE:
Try to look like katydids.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come here, you rummies.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I love you, guys.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: [ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Let's go, you got the old man?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: I thought
you had the old man.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: It's, like, trying
to escape

{\a1\pos(54,460)}from Aaron Spelling's house.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ I go to the hills when my...{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-Which way?
-It's no use. We've lost them.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}We'll go look
for Tyran in the forest.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW: Well, look
who just rolled out of bed.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: Caligula,
in the life and times

{\a1\pos(180,460)}of Grizzly Adams.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Well.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Soon, I shall become
king of the Urias.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Who wants pancakes?

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW: All this trouble
to be ruler of about 20 people.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You may return to the forest.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: I can't hear you.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And tell the fugitives there
that our city will be rebuilt,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}just as soon as I am King.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: But what if
they refuse to listen?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}They'll suffer
the same fate as you.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}MAN:
Sir, we really need to get out

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and hunt some heads,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that's what we're good at.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MAN: No, no!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Take off that handy wipe.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: Help, I didn't do anything.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-No.
-CROW: Uh, Todd did it, too.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It's not fair.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MAN: Oh, oh.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
Please leave a little neck.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm kidding.
Go ahead and chop him.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: He's got
a slow backswing.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But good acceleration
through the neck.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Wait a minute,
they're headhunters,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and they're squeamish?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Boy,
look at that thing roll.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Who got it?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
That was worth getting up for.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW : Well,
got to go Armor All my cape.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Look at that bunch,
I am chief of the losers.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Boy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Hey, let go my Eggo.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: I got a bunch
of candy asses on my team.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}KERMES: Bring him in.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE:
We have enough to prosecute.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: And I need
a Berber rug in here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MAN: Doctor Zaius.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}KERMES: I must admit, I regret
having put out your eyes.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}SERVO:
Oh, water under the bridge.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Let me describe
the scene to you.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}At your feet,
you would see Amoha.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: And a hedge trimmer.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}KERMES: She's kneeling
with her pretty head

{\a1\pos(12,460)}on a block, and beside her,
waiting for my order,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}is the executioner.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-CROW: It's the Sledge-O-Matic.
-Curse you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}One day you'll pay
with your life

{\a1\pos(96,460)}for this useless cruelty.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-As you like.
-SERVO: "It".

{\a1\pos(33,460)}But, meantime, a word from you
will save your only daughter

{\a1\pos(138,460)}from being beheaded.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Oh, you think
that's my only daughter?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Amoha, is this the truth
that he's telling me?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Dad?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Yes, Father.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}But I beg you to act
according to your conscience

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and to respect the traditions
of our ancestors.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO Okay. Cut her head off.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We are to be married.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I will consent, Kermes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: The children
can't be raised headhunters.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}You will now announce
your decision to the captives.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Aris.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Hi, I'm Jake,
I'll be your guard.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}MIKE: I really do regret
putting his eyes out, you know.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Sorry.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}My people.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Such as they are.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You have a new King.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-SERVO: King Vitamin.
-Kermes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He will soon marry
my daughter Amoha.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO:
Tell them it's a cash bar.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}From the moment
the marriage is celebrated...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: It was over.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}KING OLIBANA:
You and all the Urias

{\a1\pos(138,460)}who are still hiding
in the forest

{\a1\pos(96,460)}will owe to Kermes
the obedience and respect

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you would owe to your king.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: So, I'd like to...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Snoring ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Wow, that really lit
a fire under 'em, huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: We should've had
Shandling do it.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE:
Jeez, he's, like, Art Garfunkel,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}walking around the world.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Yeah, except
he doesn't have an assistant

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to pick him up and take him
to his hotel every night.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Deciduous.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE: Hi, Ted,
you hear about the wedding?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO:
Yeah, wanna go in on a gift?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
Oh, that was really Colossus.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: You got to be careful,
sometimes they'll throw stuff

{\a1\pos(138,460)}just to distract you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Colossus parts ferns
with his bare hands.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Buddies!
Buddy, buddy, buddy!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: That's his
patented Colossus move.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Oh, I'm sorry.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I thought you were Phil
and Dave.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}D'oh, poor sap's
been reduced to skulking.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
Colossus, fearless vagrant.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Where's my furniture?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, without walking,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}there wouldn't be much
of a movie here.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}I'm certain the Gods
have not abandoned you, Amoha.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's too late now, Moana.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: I expected
more people at my shower.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'll be fine without my head,

{\a1\pos(141,460)}it's 20 pounds
I've always wanted to lose.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Whoa, there's Vicki.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}MIKE: We must
avoid action at all costs.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Even I'm getting bored.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Got to scare up
some action here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Linda, who gave me this?
Was there a card?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Maciste,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}what are you doing here?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-MIKE: Hey, babe.
-AMOHA: They'll kill you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You have a chance to get away.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hurry, Amoha, come with me.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Moana, watch
in case someone comes.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Oh, yes, Your Highness.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Kermes would take his revenge
on my people.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-On my father.
-CROW: On my carpet.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
What if the director was here?

{\a1\pos(204,460)}-Tell me.
-He has forced my father

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to consent to our marriage.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And so, when he is
king of the Urias,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}everyone will obey him.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}On what day is the ceremony?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Very soon.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You must go now, please, go now.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}If you were ever found here,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}they'll kill you, Maciste,
please go.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Are we talking
about the same thing?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}...are organizing all the Urias
living in the forest,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}but they still
need a little time.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Maybe you think you're lost,
Amoha,

{\a1\pos(120,460)}but I'm sure
we'll prevent your marriage.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You can't do anything now.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-SERVO: Just forget it.
-My fate is sealed.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Maciste, I love you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, if only I had known
right from the start

{\a1\pos(12,460)}what kind of a man you are.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW: Well,
here's a little cheesesteak

{\a1\pos(138,460)}for the little lady.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-KERMES: Amoha.
-It's Kermes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Delay the ceremony
as long as possible,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}the rest is up to me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Breast is up to him?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Just was, yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}After him, come on.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
You're not supposed to see me

{\a1\pos(54,460)}on my wedding day, big brute.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Our intrepid headhunters
spring into action!

{\a1\pos(162,460)}CROW: I should've
boarded that up years ago.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Now, speak.
-MIKE: Woof.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Who was that man?
Where did he come from?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I have no idea,
and even if I had,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I wouldn't tell you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Be careful, Amoha.
-Please calm down.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-MIKE: You two love each other.
-Who that man was,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and what he wanted
is of no importance now.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}The headhunters
are already on his trail.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And you may consider him dead.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Oh, all right.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Of course.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Do you know?
Do you know who did it?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's time to think
of the marriage.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It's almost daybreak.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Let's get out on the lake.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And before the sun has risen,
you will see me king, at last.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}And, at last,
I will take my seat

{\a1\pos(12,460)}on the throne of my dreams.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}SERVO:
Don't you think you can.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: I can't believe
I was actually excited

{\a1\pos(138,460)}when I got this job.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(204,460)}SERVO:
It's nutty hiding music.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: It's his one bit, folks.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Don't slam the rock.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Imitates dog barking ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MIKE: Geez, I
pick the weirdest time

{\a1\pos(180,460)}to do this stuff.

{\a1\pos(246,460)}SERVO:
Oh, that's my toe. Oh.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}CROW:
Hey, we have backstage passes.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO: This is all going
to end up in a dead-end alley,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and they'll have to go up
on the roof tops.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I just know it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Geez,
no one was more excited

{\a1\pos(117,460)}than I was to headhunt,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and now this, geez.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Your sandal
is digging into my thigh.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Sorry. Hey, all right.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}MIKE:
We're headhunting again.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Whoo.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Now, why are we
chasing him again?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: I dunno.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}He's crossed
the Macon County Line.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Like Fabian.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Fabian?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I just can't pass this up.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: That's at
Six Flags Over Thebes.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Guy looks like a cross
between Spock and Bones.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Dammit, me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Me and the guys chipped in
on this letter-opener, sir.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It's engraved
to "Best Chief Ever."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Come on, Steve, must
you belabor everything?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}ARIS: With the consent
of our deposed king, Olibana,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I, Aris, would now unite you
in the eyes of our Gods,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and according to our traditions.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: I can do that, you know.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}ARIS: With this sacred dagger,
I will draw your blood.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We must postpone
the ceremony if possible.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Wait until Maciste arrives.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Shh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He's coming, Amoha.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Do not lose faith in him.
You must be patient.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Hey.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And now you, Kermis.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Hi-ho, Kermis here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}And you, Amoha,
must stand and swear

{\a1\pos(12,460)}before the people gathered here,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and before the Gods,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}that you will respect

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-and obey--
-Just a moment.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Where are we
honeymooning?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Where is my father?

{\a1\pos(57,460)}He didn't want
to be present at your marriage.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's not important
that he should be here.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: I don't trust this guy.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}We already have his consent.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I want him here, with me.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MAN: Kermis.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Very well.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Diaper pants.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}If that is the case,
your wish is my command.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Cuda, I want Olibama brought in.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO:
Should I keep going or what?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Well, I got me a dress
down to Russia's bridal shop.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Yes. Ms. Manor says
the father of the bride

{\a1\pos(180,460)}should wear beige
and keep his eyes shut.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}My innocent child.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I beg you, forgive me.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}AMOHA: Forgive you for what?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Is the lamb to be blamed
if the wolf devours it?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Spock, Bones,
little bit of Elton John.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}You realize you're not
only behaving unlike a bride,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}you're wasting
the time of our gods.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Just a moment, Aris.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We have to perform
the dance first.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm sure the gods would want it.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO:
The gods this, the gods that.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Unfortunately,
we have no dancers.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Would you provoke the anger
of the gods, Kermis?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Moana will dance.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Well, the gods
are in a bad mood, anyway.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO: At least
they could have gotten a DJ.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: His favorite band
is Blind Melon.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Wow.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
[ Imitates chicken clucking ]

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
Now, this will anger the gods.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MIKE: Is that
their lady that's got

{\a1\pos(117,460)}her own exercise video
that I've seen?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I think so, yeah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Huh, oh, they've
combined the bachelor party

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and the wedding ceremony.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: You know,
maybe we can give her

{\a1\pos(96,460)}an extra-long scarf
and send her out for a drive.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-MIKE: Oh, that's a good idea.
-CROW: Good idea.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors closing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, come on, Mike.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Don't pay any attention
to the big baby.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Yeah, can't you see
the little weasel's faking it?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What's wrong, little Nummy
Muffin Coocol Butter?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Malingerer.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Faker. Faker. Faker.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You guys, this could be serious.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Do you have any idea
what Nummy's been eating?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, nothing out of the ordinary.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Couple of shoes,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}few yards of indoor/
outdoor carpeting.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You know, I gave it some cream
of herring sandwiches,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and a ring bologna.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}There must be something else.

{\a1\pos(225,460)}-Yeah.
-Stand aside, everyone.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Stand aside.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm a registered nurse
with the Mayo Clinic.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Have I-- Oh, my.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, my. Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh, my.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}Wow.
Mike, what are we gonna do?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I don't know.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hey, maybe the Mads could help?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You know, you may have
something there, actually,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}because the Mads,
they created Nummy, and--

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Mm-hmm.
-Well, yes.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Maybe the Mads could help.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What's the matter, little Franky
Wanky Goo-goo Butter?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Whining ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Groaning ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Barking ]

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Wow.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That was weird.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Yeah, Frank looked just like...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh. Yeah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So, Mike--
What are you doing, Mike?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Come on, Nummy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let's get you back
to Frank, huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Back where you belong.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Here we go.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You're just gonna fit
right in there.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Geez.
-Mike.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Yeah, what the heck, guys, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I've already got
three great friends.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'm the luckiest guy in space.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Aww, Mike, that's really nice.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's sweet, Mike, but, listen,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}if you ever try
that baby-talk on me,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'll cold-cock you, I swear it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I understand. All right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let's get him back
down to Frank.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Okay.
-Come on, guys.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(57,460)}The Urias.
They answered my call for help.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I give thanks to the Gods,
Tyran.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Perhaps now we have a chance.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}My men are ready for battle.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oops, mine aren't.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Forward.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MAN: Forward.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: We're gonna stop at
a bar before the reception.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Wait, they've got zippers
on their skirts.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Oh, I don't believe it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, my head bag's
all bunched up, sir.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Good-looking army
they got this year.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: I really thought
my wedding would be

{\a1\pos(180,460)}better than this.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: You guys know,
can I have this dance

{\a1\pos(96,460)}for the rest of my life?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And now in part six of my dance.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: [ Sigh ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}She's a dancing Millie Helper.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Shake it and down.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You know, she did
her own choreography.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}CROW: No.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO:
I'm kind of improvising here.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}You see,
I'm not bringing it to a ten,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}because I wanna save
my energy for tonight.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}[ Sigh ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: This is history's
first really awkward moment.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}SERVO: For the first time
people don't know where to look.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She's pretty damn good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Flicked and flying,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}oh, ready for a table dance
over here, gentlemen? No?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'll be back.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW: All right.
Betty, I think that's fine.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I think we're gonna
start the ceremony.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Betty.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}My dagger was better.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Imitates trumpet sound ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Okay.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I've been polite up till now.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I really think we should stop
this now, thank you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Sure I can't interest you
in a table dance?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}MIKE: No.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO:
Let's hear it for my band,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}ladies and gentlemen.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Imitates trumpet sound ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: So the director
has a girlfriend,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}aparently.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}I just know
the buffet is getting cold.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The gods thank you, Moana.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Now, get out.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now we will get the ceremony
over with.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You have already wasted
far too much time, Amoha.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Aris.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW:
And now the traditional viewing

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of Berlin Alexanderplatz.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: You're gonna be
married your whole life.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What's the rush?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: This is where they played
the wedding march on bongos.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: They're gonna invent
the Catholic Church,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}just so they can annul
this wedding.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Man screaming ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We're being attacked.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Whoo! Chopper's here.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Whoo!
-MIKE: Right. Whoa.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Stay where you are.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: As the bride's father,
I'd like to propose a toast.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: This town needs
an Apple Blossom festival

{\a1\pos(138,460)}or Pioneer Days or...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-CROW: Crazy Days.
-MIKE: Kolacky Days.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Great balls of fire.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-The Urias.
-SERVO: Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It's the kids
from Camp Shin-Go-Beek.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Excuse me,
is there supposed to be

{\a1\pos(12,460)}a crowd scene around here?

{\a1\pos(204,460)}CROW:
D'oh, not me, you idiot!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO: There is that
awkward time between wedding

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and reception, you know.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW:
They don't know what to do.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: You weren't invited.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: A steel piñata?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That could take hours!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, bungee-jumping
without the bungee.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, she majored in Fencing
at Sarah Lawrence.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Illogical, captain.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Make sure he's all right.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Man, all these people
are crashing their wedding.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MAN: Ariel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Sir, I just arrived
with your men.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}They've joined the battle.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-Watch out.
-MIKE: Oh, thanks, I got this.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Burn all the savages.
Burn them-- aah!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: John 3:16--
Oh, forget it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Never mind.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Isn't this typical?
Best man gets in a fight.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}MIKE:
Small Town Wisconsin wedding.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Yup.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Boy, Italian weddings
haven't changed much, huh?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Oh, now.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, my contact!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}SERVO: Meanwhile, Sonny's
upstairs with the maid of honor.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Well, there's
implied death everywhere.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: [ Sniffing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I can't help it.
I just love weddings.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Crying ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Sentimental guy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: It's kind of like
the final day of WE Fest.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Whoo, whoo.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Parry, thrust, ow, parry.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW: Negotiating
with the caterers gets ugly.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: And die.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}These guys give warfare
a bad name.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: I recall seeing
chess matches

{\a1\pos(12,460)}with more action than this.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: There can be only 300.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Oh, I found the wine.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Can I just ask, where's
Colossus through all this?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Mm-hmm. Good point.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Wild and crazy guys.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Whee.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE:
Is it hot, or is it just me?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Those wok lids
come in handy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Have no pity.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: I think this is where
they gather all the single women

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and then the bride
tosses the bouquet.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Or tosses a body.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We never talk anymore.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let's hope Maciste
sees our signal.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Look out.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Sir, the bar is closed.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Hey, you guys,
I found a bird's nest.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Colossus and his
impeccable sense of timing.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO: All right,
if everyone would just fight

{\a1\pos(117,460)}into the banquet area,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}we'll have dinner now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: [ Growls ]
Cut it out, you guys.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Growls ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Well, we should get going.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Oh, we got a couple
of tired kids here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Anything going on
around here?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Look at these ferns.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And there's a butterfly.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO: Well, I'm sure
they're fine, no need to run.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Oh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Oh, they did not
organize this very well.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}MIKE: Oh,
I forgot my bowtie, yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: I'll just get in
a few quick squats here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: It's the excer-stick.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: $99.95...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Kind of an awkward
wedding gift.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: There, that helped.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Uh, hello, I'm here.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Indistinct chatter
and screaming ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: I mean, here I am.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW: Ha-ha,
do it again, Uncle Colossus.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Oh, the only thing
greater than yourself... me.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Indistinct chatter
and screaming ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Poor guy doesn't have
a fighting partner.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Aw.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, uh, anyone want to do
anything else?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Anything?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Okay. Gather up here...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Three, break.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Extension cords
just aren't made

{\a1\pos(117,460)}for that kind of thing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Kids, no weapons
on the water bed.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Screams ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: [ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}A fire scene to rival
the burning of Atlanta.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Oh, couldn't you guys
come at me one at a time?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Maciste.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: All this for cheesesteak.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Being defeated.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: I call, we're married now.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Oh, no,
their first fight.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: We are registering
at Target, now, come on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}AMOHA: Let me go.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW: Ah,
swing your partner do-si-do,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you hack your pal, he hacks you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Anyone recall
how this got started?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: I hope this is
their big closing number.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ariel, Tyran, come on.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: I have to get
to my tanning sessions.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Purge and plunder, but be sure
to use the front door.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: [ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Ah, the Poconos, they're
so nice for honeymooners.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: They're just going to walk
to Las Vegas

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and get married.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Stop that.
-You're hurting me.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-Behave yourself.
-SERVO: Come on, I just want

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to get out of this big old
wedding dress.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: What's following them?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: Ugh.
-MIKE: Wow.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Um.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-SERVO: Oh.
-CROW: Whew.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Let me go.
-You can't escape.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Now, let's go.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}AMOHA: Where are you taking me?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Wait until they see how
we decorated the chariot.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}[ Imitates horses galloping ]

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW: Whoa.
[ Imitates horse whinnying ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Why are you leading us?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Easy, friend.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'm Colossus, and I don't think
you wanna do that.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Don't let Dennis Franz
beat you up.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Now, this is a much
nicer place to fight.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: Yes.
-SERVO: Yes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}More room.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Please.
I have to sing tonight.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Oh, his teeth flew out.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}CROW: Oh.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Yuck.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: You'd think they'd be
repeating themselves now

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but, no, they've come up
with fresh moves.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: Yes.
-SERVO: All new.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: They're fighting
with a salad set.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Ah, this is a typical
Robert Bly retreat.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE: Look in back, it's
the wine cellars of Pat Paulson.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Screams ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: And Bobby "The Brain"
Heenan has Wahoo McDaniels

{\a1\pos(201,460)}in a deathlock.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(141,460)}SERVO:
♪ My heart wants to si{\r}♪g

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Every song it hears{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Done and done.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: You are going to meet
my mother,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}whether you like it or not.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Amoha.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Maciste.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Come any closer,
and I'll kill her.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You coward, Kermes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hiding behind a woman.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Oh, like Tom Arnold.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}One more step, and she's dead.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Don't listen to him, Maciste.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll be all right.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MACISTE: Amoha, you're hurt.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: How long have you been
seeing that guy?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Don't worry about me.
After him.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE: Well,
that resolved itself nicely.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: It's a Dungeons
& Dragons version

{\a1\pos(138,460)}of The Newlywed Game.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Man, look, he is amazing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Oh, Colossus,
that's not a lock,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}it's just part of the door.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW:
Colossus manipulates the decor.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Oh, you guys.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW: Oh,
there's got to be a directory

{\a1\pos(117,460)}around here somewhere.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Darn it.
Levers again.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: I caught you, you bitch.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}KERMES: Let's see you try
to get out of that.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: I got to admit,
it's pretty funny.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: [ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Well, it's still funny.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Whoa, whoa, whoa, poopy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Maybe I should have
come up with a plan B.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Oh, he's trapped
with Rowan Atkinson.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Oh, damn.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: I wonder if begging
and pleading

{\a1\pos(117,460)}has been invented yet.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW:
I'm still running, Colossus.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm very far away now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm outside now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You can't get me.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Why won't you fight, Kermes?
Have you lost your courage?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Yes.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Are you afraid?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Yes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yes, oops.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: It's raining men.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hallelujah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Ow, cut it out.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Uncle, uncle.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-MIKE: Oh.
-SERVO: Oh.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Get away.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}MIKE: Wow,
those sharp things really work.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW: Oh,
he's just holding it there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: And three quarters
the way into the movie,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Colossus finally does something.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}This is surprisingly painful.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: This is where being
a theater major

{\a1\pos(180,460)}is going to come
in really handy.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Hate to drag this out,
but I need the screen time.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Ugh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Oh, good thing
he caught himself.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He could've gotten hurt.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: This... is... easy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, hold on.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Comedy is hard.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}MIKE: Either
these curtains go or I do.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Ah, oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Scooch down, look.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-MIKE: Oh.
-SERVO: Oh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Oh, the irony of something
that I have no idea.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Oh, this is much harder
than getting in.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Oh, don't watch.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It only encourages him.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Maciste.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: More cheesesteak, please.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, Robert.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What did you do to my husband?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}They're stoic Midwesterners.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Epilogue.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: Sir.
-SERVO: Sir.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-CROW: Over here.
-SERVO: Turn around just...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}People of the Urias,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}our time of strife

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and violence is finally over.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now we must rebuild our city

{\a1\pos(201,460)}and our lives.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And I assure you

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that if we all work together...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: That wasn't enough
for that lady.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}OLIBANA: ...our country
will be restored

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to its former greatness

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and will become, once again,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}a haven of peace
and prosperity.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But let us not forget
that our victory

{\a1\pos(180,96)}over the tyranny
of ignorance and evil

{\a1\pos(138,96)}would never have been
achieved...

{\a1\pos(138,68)}CROW: We could leave.

{\a1\pos(180,68)}He wouldn't know.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}SERVO: That's us.
Thanks, everybody.

{\a1\pos(33,96)}OLIBANA: ...the sea at the time
of our greatest need.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Sneak out.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}OLIBANA: As you know,
a disaster has deprived them

{\a1\pos(180,460)}of their country.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And so I ask them

{\a1\pos(54,460)}to make our city their home.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}But it is to Maciste that we owe
our deepest gratitude.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Amoha, she's not here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She's gone away, Asmyn,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}to find her destiny.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}She'll come back?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: What's Robbie Douglas
doing there?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MAN: Yes, I think so,
though, who knows when.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Oh, where is it
the hell I'm going?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I can't find it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Well, his wife, his love,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and his lady is the sea.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Your movie for the voyage
is "Grumpy Old Men."

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: So, Jim and I
went down to Hannibal.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}AMOHA: Maciste, wait.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: The cops were asking
about you killing my husband.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MACISTE: Go back.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Amoha, I can't take you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You musn't come with me.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Oh, go back, Flipper.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
[ Imitate dolphin squeaking ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: She's carrying
her clothes on her head.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-SERVO: That's not her clothes.
-MIKE: Oh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Your place is on the throne
of the Urias as queen.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Look,
I don't even like you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I just want to get
my baby oil

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and my towel. Guy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I asked you to go home.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I have nothing to offer you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: I have a war wound,
and it doesn't work.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Oh, crimeny, come on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Grunts ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Jeez, whoa.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You might regret this, Amoha.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It'd be impossible.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}But you must realize,
my life is nothing but danger

{\a1\pos(201,460)}and adventure.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Yeah, right.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-MIKE: Yeah.
-I love you.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Num, num, num.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: So is his name Cheesesteak
or Colossus?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: I guess Colossus
is his Christian name,

{\a1\pos(183,460)}and Cheesesteak
is probably his nickname,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}when he was a kid.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Cheesesteak will be back

{\a1\pos(96,460)}in David Brenner's
"Soft Pretzels And Mustard."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-MIKE: That's so stupid.
-SERVO: But that's a bum.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors closing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, as tough as it was...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I think we made
the right decision, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Definitely, Mike.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}About what?

{\a1\pos(162,460)}About sending
Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter

{\a1\pos(96,460)}back down to Frank.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, we probably should.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We did already.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, then,
no decision necessary.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know, frankly, Mike,
uh, Servo,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I think the more important issue
we're facing

{\a1\pos(54,460)}is what it feels like to get
your head cut off.

{\a1\pos(267,460)}-Hey.
-What I think is that

{\a1\pos(120,460)}there'd be,
oh, like a couple of seconds

{\a1\pos(12,460)}where you could still think
and look around.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, come on.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Spine cut, nerves severed,
granted,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but a little bit of delay.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, Mike, it only make sense.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Give you a chance to look down
your own throat.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah, one final
penetrating glance

{\a1\pos(117,460)}at your executioner...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Guys, this is ridiculous.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You'd be dead instantly.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, there's one way
to find out.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Mike, you look at me
while I cut your head off,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and then tell me
how long you see me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Servo, you keep count.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Right.
-Fair enough.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-One Mississippi.
-Whack already, no.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm not going to let you cut
my head off, and that's final.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}-Pratz.
-Okay, let's read some letters.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Gypsy, letters.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}She loves letters.
Okay, this first one is from--

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's your letter music,
huh, it's nice.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}This first one
is from Andy Michel.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Is that Michael?
-Michel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Michel, put that...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Says "Dear Mike, Cambot, Gypsy,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}"Tom, and Crow,
I really like your show.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}"I recently did some
research about it,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"because I did a speech.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I got a B on it."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, pretty good.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's a strong 3-0 right?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Okay, "P.S. Every time
I watch your show,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}my cat tries to claw
Tom Servo."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, way to go, kitty.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}"I think she has a death wish
on him,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}"but tell him not to worry,
she's harmless.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm just glad it's not Crow,
he's a wimp."

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hey.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm going to cut him.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm going to cut him.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}No, calm down.
Careful.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All right.
This one is right--

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It's for you, Gypsy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Whoa, what?
-Yeah, here you go.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's from Dominic Brown.

{\a1\pos(96,68)}Put that up there.

{\a1\pos(96,96)}It's a little poem,
and it's says "To Gypsy,

{\a1\pos(201,96)}"roses are red,
violets are blue,

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I love you."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-That's it?
-Yeah?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}That's kind of a haiku, guys.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, it's simple,
I mean, it's...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, we better check back down

{\a1\pos(201,460)}on Nummy Muffin
Coocol Butter there.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, maybe Forrester will cut
Nummy Muffin's head off.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No, cut that out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Just saying maybe.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}[ Sighs ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,96)}Burn all the savages!
Burn them! Ahh!