Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 7, Episode 18 - High School Big Shot - full transcript

{\a1\pos(204,460)}♪ In the
not-too-distant future ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Way down in Deep 13 ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Dr. Forrester ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ And TV's Frank ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Were hatching an
evil scheme ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ They hired a temp
by the name of Mike ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ Just a regular Joe
they didn't like ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Their experiment needed
a good test case ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ So they conked him
on the noggin ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ And they shot him
into space ♪

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Get me down.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ We'll send him
cheesy movies ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ The worst we can find ♪

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ La, la, la ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ He'll have to sit
and watch them all ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ And we'll monitor his mind ♪

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ La, la, la ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ Now, keep in mind,
Mike can't control ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Where the movies begin
or end ♪

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ La, la, la ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ He'll try to keep
his sanity ♪

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ With the help
of his robot friends ♪

{\a1\pos(201,68)}Robot roll call.

{\a1\pos(285,96)}-Cambot.
-Show yourself.

{\a1\pos(285,96)}-Gypsy.
-Oh, hurry!

{\a1\pos(243,96)}-Tom Servo.
-Hello there.

{\a1\pos(306,96)}-Crow.
-That's one "o".

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes ♪

{\a1\pos(75,460)}♪ And other science facts ♪

{\a1\pos(222,460)}♪ La, la, la ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Just repeat to yourself
it's just a show ♪

{\a1\pos(54,460)}♪ I should really just relax ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ For Mystery Science
Theater 3000 ♪

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors closing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ooh, ow, oh, oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, hi, everyone. Welcome
to the Satellite of Love.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm Mike Nelson.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm sorry to say
I have a really--

{\a1\pos(54,460)}a really pretty bad headache.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Ugh.
-Oh, a headache?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Yeah.
-Oh, well.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That's too bad, Mike.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But I've got to practice
my cymbals.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I got a big
recital tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No. No, no.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Crow, could you not...?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hey, Mike, look what
I found here, a bagpipe.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Any requests?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, Servo, I have a headache.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No, I don't know that one?
How about Amazing Grace?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Well...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I just saw Seinfeld.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I love it so much.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Laughing ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Jeez, Mike,
could you keep it down?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah, have some
consideration, jeez.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I like Kramer.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, oh, oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, oh, yeah, that's it.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}Ugh, oh,
I'm a miracle worker, baby.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, yeah.
We'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, that's better.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Machine whirring ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Mike, no.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}What?
What?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I have to relieve the pressure.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's the only way.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, well.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}At least, wear
your safety glasses.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, you know,
that's a good point.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Maybe I should.
-Oh, every time I have

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-a project-- what?
-Got a headache?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Good.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Look, I'm completely backed up

{\a1\pos(96,460)}on experiments this week,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}so I've sent you up

{\a1\pos(117,460)}a little chemistry set.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Invent something,
do the paperwork

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and send it down to me, okay?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, and falsify some lab reports

{\a1\pos(96,460)}while you're at it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, chop-chop.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Let's see what my little Frank

{\a1\pos(96,460)}is up to, shall we?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, you know, cloning.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Just recombining some DNA

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that I found in this chunky

{\a1\pos(117,460)}little piece of amber.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, like that's hard.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, hey, there.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hi, I'm Frank.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What's your name?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Frank, this is fascinating.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I think it was my turning
the Bunsen burner up

{\a1\pos(96,460)}that did the trick.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yes, yes, yes.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, jeez.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Grunting ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Bad.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}No, no.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Bad.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He'll be oblivious
like Mike, okay...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, cool.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Chemistry sets.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}I know.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
Maraschino cherry.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Servo, drink this.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, okay.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Here we go.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gulping ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hmm, kind of a minty sort of...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I thought it was...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Coughing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Indistinct ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Whoa.
-Whoa.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Servo, what have we done?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Servo, is that you?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Servo kill?
-No.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-You don't like Servo?
-What did I do?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No, no, no, we like Servo.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's just that Servo no kill.

{\a1\pos(225,460)}-No.
-Oh, don't touch Servo.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}No, touch bad.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}No touch Servo.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Servo hungry.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We'll get you a cookie.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Servo no like cookie.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-What a baby.
-Shh, no, shh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Dr. Forrester, help.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}He's so cute
when he's sleeping, Frank.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yes, he is.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I think he's used to me now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And I don't think
we have anything

{\a1\pos(201,460)}to worry about.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, your movie this week

{\a1\pos(180,460)}is a real treat.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ow, jeez.
Oh, jeez.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No, bad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's called
"High School Big Shot".

{\a1\pos(264,460)}And-- oh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That is not nice.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Bad.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}There's another bag of these.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Oh, we got-- movie sign.
-CROW: Movie sign.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Servo kill movie sign.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors opening ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Hey, he treed her.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}Is the devil
wearing satin tap pants?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}NARRATOR: There are those
who would say that the story

{\a1\pos(33,460)}which follows could happen
only in a dream.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-SERVO: Movie bad.
-MIKE: Yes.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}NARRATORegardless of where
it could happen,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}this is the way it did happen.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}-SERVO: Movie, go away.
-NARRATOR: The story involves

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Bill Dudley, a mighty darn good

{\a1\pos(33,460)}wholesale bakery salesman.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-MIKE: And that's about it.
-NARRATOA character

{\a1\pos(201,460)}named Red,
who actually is nothing

{\a1\pos(117,460)}more than a file clerk.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: Huh?
-NARRATOR: And one named

{\a1\pos(243,460)}Whitey, who
is similarly employed,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- so to speak.
-CROW: Hey, Whitey.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}NARRATOR: It all starts
in this rather strange

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and out of this world office.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Which keeps the sales records
of every wholesale

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- bakery salesman on earth.
-{\r} CROW: Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}NARRATOR: Or so the story goes.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Well, it's your story.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}NARRATOWhitey is entrusted
with the records

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- of good salesman.
-SERVO: Hate movie.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}NARRATOR: Red?
The other kind.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: The fugitive kind.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}NARRATOR: Now,
it seems that Red and Whitey

{\a1\pos(54,460)}never see eye to eye on them.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-SERVO: [ Grunting ]
-MIKE: What are you doing?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}NARRATOThis leads to many
arguments

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...in the midst of them.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: Oh.
-MIKE: Whoa.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}Must you beat
on that confounded thing

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-all the time?
-MIKE: You okay?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO: Yeah.
I guess it kind of wore off.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-I am not beating.
-MIKE: Weird, weird.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm playing.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, whatever it is,
it sounds awful.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You're just peeved
because another bread group

{\a1\pos(54,460)}salesman has been transferred

{\a1\pos(96,460)}from your record to mine.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Bill Dudley.
-CROW: Attorney.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll get him back
on my records again.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: It's like it's casual day
at 3M.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He's my kind of a salesman,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}that boy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Down, down, down.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-Through a burning ring of...
-Marvelous record.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}WHITEY: But what about this?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Which, of course, is the reason
he's now in my ledger.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: No fair.
There was a war.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Strictly a temporary condition.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I'll win a Tony one day.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}By the slightest excuse,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}he will slip back
into his old habit

{\a1\pos(138,460)}of taking life easy,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}the way a smart salesman should.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}You're talking
through your horns again.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Wouldn't want to make a little
bet on that now, would you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}WHITEY: Like what?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, say...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: A dollar?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}A new set of asbestos points

{\a1\pos(54,460)}for my pitch fork against...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You'd think Hell
would just provide those?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...a new set of strings
for that thing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hmm, on the level?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Strictly on the level.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}Of course
if you're afraid, then...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: I'll become Dr. Smith.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I don't frighten easily.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-Go on.
-That one's turning blue.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Can we have some heat, please?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, now, suppose an attractive

{\a1\pos(180,460)}young lady
were to ride the route

{\a1\pos(117,460)}with this Bill Dudley.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-SERVO: Yes.
-Say she's a magazine writer

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and is after material
for an article.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Say

{\a1\pos(222,460)}she makes fun
of the way he works.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Say I'm starring
in Forever Plaid.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's all it would take
to get him back into my way

{\a1\pos(180,460)}of selling again.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Yeah.
-You think so, huh?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm willing to bet on it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hmm, so I get it,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but how could we, up here,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}fix it so that a magazine writer

{\a1\pos(180,460)}down there?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-Has my dance belt shifted?
-Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-No, not me.
-RED: Why not?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The trip will do you good.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: I'll cover your phones.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}Hmm, of course,
I haven't been down there

{\a1\pos(201,460)}in a long time.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
She has a receding hair line.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Even on business.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's the way to talk.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}And perhaps,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}as a little added distraction
from his work...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I'll do community
theater,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'll make you bigger, stronger.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}But perhaps,
something a little more...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Mamie Eisenhower-ee?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Ah, never let
the devil dress you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, perhaps even.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, no, don't you dare.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No magic and no miracles,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}it's against the rules.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}If I go, I'll go...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}like this.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-How dull.
-SERVO: Undercover angel.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}All right, is it a bet?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: They're operating
under a different theology.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hmm, all right, it's a bet.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll put this Bill Dudley
to the test.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW: [ Imitating
Mission Impossible{\r} 's music ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Try new enriched stuff.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: I just saw Howard Hughes
in the desert.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let me see if I got this
whole thing straight now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-You're a writer?
-Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And you wanna do an article

{\a1\pos(54,460)}on modern food merchandising.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: And you work
for the devil.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...okay for you to ride
with me today?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROWD: And it's the '50s.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, it's okay with me, then.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}But I'd sure have a tough time
making my wife

{\a1\pos(180,460)}believe this one.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, so would I.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(246,460)}SERVO:
Well, you can bilocate

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and assume animal form.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MIKE: Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}She's gonna blow the lid off the
whole bread wholesaling racket.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}She's naming names!

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW:
Ah, never mind those magazines,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I barely read them.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Except for American
Muscle Woman{\r} ,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}that's interesting.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Now we unload
the first van

{\a1\pos(12,460)}at William Conrad's house.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: They leave orphaned
bread on people's doorsteps?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Mimics baby crying ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(99,460)}MIKE: Why do they keep
the bread in dresser drawers?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: This is Charles Kuralt.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll leave you now
with images of bread.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}All right, my life is hell.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What do you want from me?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: How do you mess up
at this job?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}NARRATOR: Well,
that's how Whitey started out

{\a1\pos(159,460)}to prove her point.

{\a1\pos(75,460)}But Red was not far behind.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: That's how Whitey
keeps us down.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, you're not down here
just for the ride, you know.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Start working on the guy.
We got a bet on.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Even the devil won't go
to The Bronx.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Engine revving ]

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO: It kind of sucks,
I got to take your notes, lady.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Hey, can I split your top
and butter your buns?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hey, you know this seems to be

{\a1\pos(96,460)}an awfully dull job
that you have.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, what gave you that idea?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wasn't my--

{\a1\pos(285,460)}I mean,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}well, after all, it is just
a delivery man's job,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-isn't it?
-CROW: Not just.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Young lady, take it from me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Any guy who thinks
this is just a delivery job

{\a1\pos(117,460)}belongs in a coal truck

{\a1\pos(96,460)}not a bread route.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I'm running you in, lady.
You're under arrest

{\a1\pos(54,460)}for impeding bread delivery.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Well,
then Mabel said to me,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}"Well, why did you wear
those earrings?"

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And then we went to Nine West,
but we couldn't find anything

{\a1\pos(36,460)}we wanted,
because I have really wide feet.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}But sometimes,
I can find stuff at Payless.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Anyhoo, Cindy told me
that Victoria's Secret

{\a1\pos(12,460)}was just around the corner,

{\a1\pos(222,460)}and she said
they're having a sale,

{\a1\pos(141,460)}and she knows
I'm really broke right now.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}So, I confronted her and well...

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO: You know,
I better call the cops on her.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: I never sat on a
loaf of bread before,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}it feels great.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Maybe I should take that
job as a Mouseketeer.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: If she doesn't shut up
pretty soon,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm gonna stuff her
full of croutons.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
Get your buns out of my truck.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Quit loafing in my van,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}you really take the cake.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: You got a lot of crust
to come around here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Come on, you and me,
mano a mano.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Now, let's take a look
at the lighter side

{\a1\pos(54,460)}of wholesale bread delivery.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Deet, dee, deet, boom.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Young lady, you sit there,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and I'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: I need some time alone
with my bread.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Doesn't she look smart?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Today's career gal
in her new fashions from...

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hmm...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The Mahavishnu Orchestra.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Well?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Well,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I told him I thought
he was a dope.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Not to work, but to be the
first one in, every day.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-RED: Good.
-CROW: Stanley.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I told him I thought all this
push on getting good displays,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}just a lot of front office talk.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Couldn't have phrased it
better myself.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}"Why keep a close check on
how your load's going?"

{\a1\pos(285,460)}I said.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}"You can always dump it
on the last half dozen stops."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Excellent.
And what did he say?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Nothing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's the trouble.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He just sat there listening

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and looking very thoughtful.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}There, you see?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What did I tell you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}My bet's practically won.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I would've sworn that nothing
could make him

{\a1\pos(96,460)}slip back into his
old selling ways.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Uh-oh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Mike mimics ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}BILL: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Must be new on the force.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: I got donuts.
Come back.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You talked, and I've listened.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now it's my turn.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I talk and you listen.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}First of all, take a look.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}A loaf of bread.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Eat every piece.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BILL: An important food,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}a healthy food.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And a basic food
that can be served

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in more than a hundred
different ways.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-SERVO: Actually, one.
-BILL: And give a look.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Not just one kind of bread.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But a whole variety.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And not only bread.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But a whole variety
of all types of baked goods.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Are you, by any chance,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}trying to say that you think
this business

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of yours is important?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's exactly the way
I feel about it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: I have to, it's all I got.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}There's something
about that guy's tone of voice

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I don't like.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-CROW: It's so butch.
-But just because

{\a1\pos(12,460)}we're important in the food
picture, doesn't mean a guy

{\a1\pos(99,460)}can sit back
and take it easy on this job.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Why not?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Huh, it's jerks like that
that end up as supervisors.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
It's the circus of the Devil.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: No, thanks,
I use toilet paper.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: If you're gonna
tempt a guy, don't send

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Clare Boothe Luce.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Please observe silence

{\a1\pos(96,460)}while visiting the
bread memorial.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}BILL: You know...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: Sausage.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}BILL: ...when I first started
on the route,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I acted like it was nothing more
than a delivery job.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I don't care.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Take this grocer
goodwill business.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW:
There's not an article in this.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Why, I used to go into stores,
and slam doors.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Hey, Dr. Giggles.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BILL: Hiya, Duffy old boy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}How's the old miser today?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Counting your gold again, huh?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I had a Brooklyn accent,
and a different personality.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Bill whistles ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: When bread wholesalers

{\a1\pos(96,460)}terrorize the community.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Everybody down,
the bread man is here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I'll do anything you say.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW:
Let the reign of terror end.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Oh.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
That's Christine Jorgensen.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, sorry, Duff.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
Not the Happy's ripple chips.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So I'm done, huh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}See you again, Duff.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It must've been awful.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, maybe it wasn't quite
that bad.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}Anyway, today,
I go after a grocer's goodwill,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}a little different...
I'll show you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Watch me come on
to a grocer.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-BILL: Morning, Mr. Marco.
-Good morning.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Ah, just putting
the salmon balls away.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}MIKE: Mr. Marco,
you want my coffee ring today?

{\a1\pos(183,460)}Sure be a shame
if something bad happened

{\a1\pos(96,460)}to your store here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}How are you today?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm feeling lousy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
Because I like you, Mr. Marco.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, something new.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: It'd be a shame
if this ran over your kid.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Hey, these are pretty slick.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You noticed that, eh?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Sure did.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now, I bet your customers
will go for them, too.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}With my customers,
maybe yes, maybe no.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-We'll see.
-Go on, you know doggone

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-well they will.
-CROW: Okay, they will,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-but don't hurt me.
-Be right back.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: I played it nice
this time.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-See?
-You see?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I want every grocer
on my route thinking...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: What a moron.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MARCO: That Bill Dudley is okay.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Never slams doors.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Always seems friendly,
always got a smile.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: What's he on?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MAN: Always interested
in my store,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}treats my place with respect.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: What does he want from me?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MAN: Never slams
his trays around,

{\a1\pos(159,460)}or makes a nuisance
of himself.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO:
Why can't he leave me alone?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: I like to do business
with salesman like that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: But his bread sucks.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BILL: Believe me, building
up goodwill is important.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Without it, you get nowhere
in selling a day.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Look, why don't you stay here
and rest a minute

{\a1\pos(222,460)}while I go in
and check the sales?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Don't run off now.
-Oh, I wouldn't think of it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Devil's gonna show up
as a hooker now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The Mahavishnu Orchestra.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I don't like the way
that guy's yakking.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, I do.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-You would.
-MIKE: You're a girl.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You want my opinion?
He's in a rut.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, well, if you want mine,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}he's in the groove.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Huh, thanks for the match, lady.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What match? Oh.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, yes.
You're welcome.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Haven't I seen that guy
before somewhere?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Beer wine, wine made
from fresh beer.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now, I was gonna tell you about
the second bull's-eye of mine.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Plus volume.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}One way to go after
it if you use this.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-And this.
-CROW: A hat and a pad.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That, my young lady,
is my business bible.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Ah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BILL: I've got a complete
and up-to-date picture

{\a1\pos(12,460)}on every stop on my route.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Measurements
of every woman in my routes.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BILL: I know exactly
what sells in each store,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and what doesn't.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I know what new items
I've tried in each stop,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}how each one is done.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}No guesswork.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The facts are all there,
and they're up-to-date.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: You're reaching out,
aren't you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, team up these facts

{\a1\pos(12,460)}with a little bit of this,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and you can go after plus volume
without the risk

{\a1\pos(180,460)}of getting stuck
with a lot of returns.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}So a guy gets returns.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}So what?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Let the boss worry about him.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Huh.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
Going over to Al Lewis' house.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: But why does
the strip club need bread?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Here's something else a fella
can do to get plus volume.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Watch me in here.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Car honks ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Oh, no, run.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I can't believe I had to
waste him.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: You didn't have
to shoot him the face.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Oops, forgot the bread.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BILL: Say, Mr. O'Connor.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Oh, I don't live
with my mother.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}BILL:
I'm putting in a half a dozen

{\a1\pos(12,460)}of these new sweet doughs.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I noticed they were good
last year,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}we're running them again.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: You're telling me
how to run my store?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}...I'm sure you wanna keep an
eye on them

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and see how they're going.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Look, I got a restraining
order on you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}See for yourself
how they good they are.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, thanks, Bill.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: [ Munching noises ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Take it out
of the wrapper first.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: [ Gulping ] [ Burps ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You see?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Talking it up

{\a1\pos(201,460)}is another key
to getting plus volume.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You can get in a good plug
when you introduce

{\a1\pos(201,460)}a new package,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}a new product, or a special.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Yeah, that's how it works.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The more you talk it up,

{\a1\pos(162,460)}the better chance
of getting him to push it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: And the kids will buy it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But what was all this mumbo-
jumbo business

{\a1\pos(138,460)}with so many of this,
at so much,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and so many of that,
at so much.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's a nice store.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, the count check.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}That's something I always do

{\a1\pos(117,460)}before I put the stuff
on the shelves.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Avoids mix-ups later on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-MIKE: Thanks for the carousel.
-BILL: And this is especially

{\a1\pos(117,460)}important in big bakery
departments.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You see, in supermarkets,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}there are a lot of bakery
salesmen coming in.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-CROW: They're like roaches.
-BILL: The count check

{\a1\pos(117,460)}also reminds the grocer
of what baked goods

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of mine he's got to sell.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Niels Bohr
buys groceries.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BILL: The better he knows
my products,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}the better chance
of getting his help

{\a1\pos(180,460)}in selling them.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}And that makes
for plus volume for me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: That means money.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Money I can cover
my naked butt with.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Third bull's-eye of mine.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Selling displays.
You know...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: I'm filled
with resentment.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}...that can be a little rough.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You see,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}well, take this route of mine.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I've got all kinds
of bread racks

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and display shelves.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Some of them are pips.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I guess other guys' routes
are the same way.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I used to give up easy
on displays.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I had only one rule I followed.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Kill or be killed.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BILL: As long as the stuff
didn't fall on the floor

{\a1\pos(33,460)}while I was there, it was okay.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-MIKE: I was a sick man.
-BILL: No more, though.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Now, I just throw it
on the floor.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}And believe me, there's
no trick or mystery to building

{\a1\pos(117,460)}good-selling displays.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Well, a platypus
could do my job.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}Just stack the bread
so the brand name shows best.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And shows off the bread
to best advantage.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: I love each of my loaves.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And give the specialty loaves
the best display space.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And don't squash bread
to get it in.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If a store is selling more
bread that I got room for

{\a1\pos(99,460)}-in my display space...
-CROW: Then we got a problem.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}BILL: ...I talk to the grocer
about giving me more room.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Say, near the checkout counters,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}or on the counter
next to the register.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Maybe I rough him up,
maybe I bust his chops.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now, baked goods
are impulse items, too.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}So I always display them
as near eye-level as I can

{\a1\pos(96,460)}so they're easy to see...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-ROM: Pffft.
-...and easy to reach.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Never put donuts
next to the kitty litter.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BILL: When you figure

{\a1\pos(12,460)}a shopper spends an average

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of only 35 seconds

{\a1\pos(33,460)}in a baked goods department...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Psst, hey, lady.
Eat me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BILL: ...for your display
to work on them.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: I'm a specialty bread.
Eat me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BILL: So display it
within easy reach,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}group the items together,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}keep from burying any item
out of sight.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: In a shallow grave.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}But, you know...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Sometimes, I wanna put
a bullet in my skull.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}A lot of bread boys
are doing that much,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}so how do you get
the jump on them?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO:
Maybe rough them up a little.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}With special display
and promotion ideas.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Take the other day.

{\a1\pos(75,460)}I noticed a stop on my route
was running a special

{\a1\pos(222,460)}on hamburger.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}So, I talked to the grocer
into including rolls

{\a1\pos(159,460)}in a special display
next to the hamburgers.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: It didn't work.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BILL: That's where getting
goodwill pays off.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}If you got
the grocer's goodwill,

{\a1\pos(99,460)}you can get extra
selling displays in the store

{\a1\pos(159,460)}built around special
promotions.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-BILPicnic displays.
-MIKE: Oh, lovely.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BILEspecially good
just before holidays

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and weekends, and summer.

{\a1\pos(75,460)}School lunch idea displays,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}especially good in fall.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: He's going over the edge,
stop him.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BILL: Better breakfast displays.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Or any others that tie
with national promotions.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO: I'm making
over three million a year.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}BILL:
Seasonal promotion displays.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Fruitcakes around Thanksgiving
and Christmas.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hot cross buns and
Easter cakes at Easter time.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Funeral breads,
war breads.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}BILL:
Displays that suggest ideas

{\a1\pos(54,460)}for all types of entertaining.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Okay, we'll buy
the bread!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BILNow you go with
the banners, and cards,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and streamers, or printed
promotional material I can get.

{\a1\pos(75,460)}Anything to give any display
more sell.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Triumph of the bread.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But all this talk of mine
boils down to just this.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}This is a tough business,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}a mighty competitive business.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: I've been shot twice.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But the guy who aims,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}for grocer goodwill,

{\a1\pos(222,460)}plus volume,
and selling displays...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Divided by four.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}...they can be a darn
good one, too.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, now,
that was quite a speech.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, I'm sorry
if I bored you, I...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Bored me?
Oh, no, no.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Quite the opposite.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-MIKE: You terrified me.
-Tell me, how in the world

{\a1\pos(180,460)}do you get
all those things done?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, the whole secret to that

{\a1\pos(54,460)}is taking it in small chunks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: And uppers, dexies,
speed...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BILL: Maybe one week
I'm shooting

{\a1\pos(138,460)}for special displays

{\a1\pos(96,460)}in ten of my best stops.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Next week, ten more, and so on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}After all,
that's only two a day.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Or maybe my goal
for this week is to spend

{\a1\pos(96,460)}a couple of extra minutes

{\a1\pos(12,460)}in my biggest volume stops

{\a1\pos(96,460)}just to work on goodwill.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: I steal bikes
on the side.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I always got something cooking

{\a1\pos(201,460)}at a few stops.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Always something aimed
at one of these bull's-eyes,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}grocer goodwill,
plus volume,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}selling displays.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And are you sure nobody

{\a1\pos(180,460)}could unsell you
on these things?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Not a chance.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I like the payoff too much.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-MIKE: It's five bucks a week.
-Well, don't you ever slip up?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: You coming on to me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sure, I'm just as human
as the next guy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's why I keep these
bull's-eyes handy

{\a1\pos(117,460)}so that a small slip up

{\a1\pos(222,460)}doesn't turn
into a big trip up.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Oh.
[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, off to the races.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What do you say?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: Make sure
you stock your truck up

{\a1\pos(96,460)}so that you don't--
well, you know.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Damn you all,
to my place.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE: Oh, it's gonna turn out
the bread truck driver is Jesus.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: And another great thing
about bread,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-it's really great, and...
-CROW: Yeah, that's fine.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Thank you, hope you
accept bread into your life.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}To sell this piece
of tripe to a magazine?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Jeez.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Grocer goodwill.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Plus volume.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-CROW: Fake acting.
-Selling displays.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Flamboyant prancing.
Okay, so you won a bet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}But Bill Dudley's just one guy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}WHITEY: Oh, well,
maybe I better drop down

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and see some of the other
fellows on your list.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, no, you don't.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: And I just waxed that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}After all, that was only a bet.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}But from now on, I'm gonna
keep a pretty close watch

{\a1\pos(201,460)}on these guys.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Especially
when they're showering.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}And so will I.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Singing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Okay, Jerry.
Shut off the projector.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Huh.
Some broad, eh, guys?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Just kidding, of course.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look, you wanna remember
the three basic points,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}plus factor...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors closing ]

{\a1\pos(162,460)}You know,
after watching that short,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I've come to understand

{\a1\pos(138,460)}that with the limited
shelf space available,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I have to put more stock
in the specialty bread.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, that's right.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You know, you just can't rely

{\a1\pos(54,460)}on your sweet doughs anymore.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Nope, it's all going the way

{\a1\pos(138,460)}of specialty breads.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now, in a nutshell,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}specialty breads
are all the breads

{\a1\pos(96,460)}that aren't white bread.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, for instance,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}here is one
of my specialty breads.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's a bread that has a shampoo
and conditioner

{\a1\pos(201,460)}built right in.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My bread has thousands
of tiny loaves

{\a1\pos(201,460)}baked right in.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I have a specialty bread
that's normal bread,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}except it comes
to a sharp point.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}What if you had a bread
that doubled as a foot ointment?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That would be a specialty bread.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}You know,
I have a butter top bread

{\a1\pos(117,460)}that's actually studded
with bars of real butter.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Then you my friend
have a specialty bread.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I think what I am learning is

{\a1\pos(96,460)}that now more than ever,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}it's specialty breads.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}ALL: Specialty breads.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I understand you're a friend
of Harry March.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MAN: Who's Harry March?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Best safecracker around.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Maybe the best in the business.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-MAN: I never heard of him.
-CROW: Is this the screen test?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Just thought you might be
interested in a deal.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MAN: Wait a minute, kid,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}what kind of a deal?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Those lips, oh.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}What difference does it make?

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
He has a haunting ugliness.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Yeah, I make friends real easy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What kind of a deal?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: You're drunk.
Forget it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Is this a Warhol film?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}A million dollars cash.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: "The Autobiography
of Miss Tom Pittman".

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: This suitcase for hire.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: The Potsy story.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, let me out of here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}"The High School Big Shot."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}The real

{\a1\pos(117,460)}"High School Big Shot."

{\a1\pos(183,460)}MIKE: They open
with such strong imagery.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He's a "High School Big Shot."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: He's a "Big Shot
in High School."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}ALL: Big shot, big shot,
big shot,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}big shot, big shot, big shot.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: So the big shot's
in band, big deal.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Give me some of 'em
horns, yeah, come on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Jack Nickolaus.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: A monkey's gonna
come in and start throwing

{\a1\pos(138,460)}that suitcase around.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Those two-plus ladies,

{\a1\pos(222,460)}The Big Shot,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}yes, a Big Shot.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He skips to eat
cause he's a Big Shot.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Some big old Big Shot,

{\a1\pos(306,460)}hey.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Singing ]

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Wow.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hit me.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}MIKE: Or anus.
All right, any questions?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}At this point, Hamlet picks up
the skull of Yorick

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and delivers the famous speech.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Now, to whom
was this speech delivered?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Richard Dawson?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Fred Sanford?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Larry Hovis.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Vince, would you mind answering
the question, please?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Look at your mouth.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: You got such a
funny little mouth...

{\a1\pos(204,460)}-Vince.
-MIKE: That nipples, oh.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm held more by the question
of Hamlet's madness.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm sorry, Mr. Carter, would you
repeat the question, please?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}To whom was Hamlet's famous
graveside speech delivered?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I don't know, man.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I didn't catch the name
and address on the envelope.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Mr. Mouth, please.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's very amusing, Vince.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}I don't think
that your final failing mark

{\a1\pos(201,460)}in this course
quite as jocular.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Dun, dun, dun,
dun, dun, duh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Address on the envelope.
Did you hear that?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}How's he think of him?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Marvin?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Jawohl!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MR. CARTER: Would you answer
the question, please?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: What?
And get beat up again?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: It's not even
that his lips are big.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Yes, sir, the...
-CROW: Weird.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MARVIN: ...the speech
is from act five,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}scene one delivered to Horatio

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and the gravedigger.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-SERVO: Hey.
-MR. CARTER: Very good.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}If some of the others of you
would emulate Marvin,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}concentrate your efforts
toward learning something,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}you might all be
a lot better off.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well, I guess that should be
enough for today.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I just wanna remind you
that your term papers

{\a1\pos(138,460)}are due on Wednesday

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and for several of you
who are on the borderline,

{\a1\pos(78,460)}you might profit
by putting a little extra time

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and energy into this paper.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Bell ringing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Well, time to go have
better sex than you've ever had

{\a1\pos(96,460)}in your whole life, sir.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Is that Lincoln
or Dr. Zaius on the wall?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: We'll meet you by the
lunch room

{\a1\pos(201,460)}and we're gonna
pants you, Marvin.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: I won't live through
the day, thanks a lot, sir.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, Marvin,
can I see you a second?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-MARVIN: Yes, sir?
-Have you given

{\a1\pos(54,460)}any more thought to college?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The term is gonna be over
in a week, you know.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: You're 28,
you should graduate.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}I still haven't made up
my mind what I'm gonna do, sir.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Oh, Marv,
you have so much to offer.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's a shame if you don't take
advantage of it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: You've got a cute shape...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I don't know, sir.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I-- I'd like to go
to college, but--

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, it costs money,
you know, and...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Yes, I know.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And I'm still working on that
scholarship for you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I think maybe we'll be able
to figure something out.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I sure hope so.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Thank you, Mr. Carter.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Oh, run along,
enjoy your beating, son.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Hey, liver lips.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}...as stupid
as taking care of this.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Ow, that's my loafer.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: He's a cabbage patch
Robert Reed.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Oh, he's digging in
his ear, ugh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Oh, what is that,
chicken?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, I'm gonna wipe it
on my pants.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-No one will know...
-Hey, fink.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}VINCE: What's the idea
of trying to make a fool

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-out of me in there?
-MIKE: I thought it went okay.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-...what you mean, Vince.
-Well, fink,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}oh, you know what I mean.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Answering that question
like you were

{\a1\pos(96,460)}some kind of a king
or something.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: When he's threatened,
his lips engorge.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}-Okay. Vince.
-Look, anytime you think

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-you're better than me, we...
-BETTY: Vince,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}get your big paws off of him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: And put them on me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, when did you start
playing nursemaid

{\a1\pos(201,460)}to this creep?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Oh, playing nursemaid.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Ever since you started trying
to be Tarzan or somebody.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-That's all right, Betty.
-No, it's not.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Now, get out of here
and leave him alone,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}you animal.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, okay, baby,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}if you want to play mother.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Whoa, oh, oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm not gonna stand
in your way.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Not when you're
playing nursemaid.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Can I see you tonight?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I have other plans.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}CROW:
I'm sharpening my breasts.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Okay, baby.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}If you change your mind,
just give me a call.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Oh. Say, you elbowed
me there at the end,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}you probably wanna
come back and apologize.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO:
My belt's caught in the tree.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
Let's go to picture, picture.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You didn't have
to do that, Betty,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}maybe he'll get mad
or something.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Look, what do I care?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Betty, pants.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The world's full
of guys like him.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You're kind of special.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, look, I'm serious.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
In a completely insincere way.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I've kind of wanted to say this
to you for a long time.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: You've got dandruff
and weird smelling breath.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Betty, you go with Vince.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: Lombardi.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}He's sort of the star
of the whole school.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Boys like Vince
will never amount to anything.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Oh, my eyebrows
smell like cheese.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, boy, ugh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Betty, will you go out with me?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: No, I go out with Vince.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}I practically
asked you out, haven't I?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-Would you--? I mean...
-Well, how about tonight?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I thought you said
you were busy tonight.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm busy for him.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO: Hope you like
sitting alone in dark rooms.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, sure.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Fine.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Pick me up at 8:00.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Okay. I'll pick you up at 8:00.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Does drool bother you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll see you then.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah. Betty...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Do you have
any extra underpants?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What about Vince?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: He'll join us later.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Don't worry about Vince.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I can take care of him.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: I have nothing to say
or feel about this situation.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MAN: Hey, Marv, is that you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, pop, it's me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: [ Makes sounds ]

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
Marv has Dade City stunned.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Did everything go okay today?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
Oh, what was it today, son?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Swirly? Book dump?
Tittie twister?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Monkey bump? Wedgie?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hey. How come you're
getting all dressed up?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I got a date tonight.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Real sharp girl
I met down at Tony's.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Well, I've got
a date tonight, too.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-You do?
-Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, who with?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Betty Alexander.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: No, really.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Who?
-Hey.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hey, she's the best-looking
chick in the whole school,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}ain't she?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}She sure is.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}And what in the world
she's going out with you for?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: [ Makes noise ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Oh, I'm sorry, loser,
I mean son.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: How's mom, dad?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That's okay, pop.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I know I'm not much
but she likes me.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Gee, kid, fine, fine.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}Just a chip off
the old block after all, huh?

{\a1\pos(57,460)}MIKE:
Don't ever say that again, dad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, I guess so.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: How else can I scar him?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Son, you have a tiny winky.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, Marv.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: The school called,
everyone hates you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I was wondering you got
any money on you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, a couple of dollars,
pop, but...

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Look, kid,
this is a real fancy girl,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-do you know what I mean?
-SERVO: Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, I'm gonna have to take her
out to supper, probably,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and-- well, you know.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I know, pop, but I got
a date tonight myself.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't get paid until the 15th.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}How much you got?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, six dollars
and some change.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll tell you what,
we'll split even.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Okay?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: I love you, dad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Okay, pop.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO: Oh, and son,
I ate the last can of dog food.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Thanks. Oh, by the way, son,
Merry Christmas.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: You know,
maybe if they sold off

{\a1\pos(12,460)}one of those Tiffany lamps.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-SERVO: Nice.
-Oh, by the way,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I think I'm gonna have
a job next week.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Really?
-Yup.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I met a guy today who's sure
he can put me on full time.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Yup, I'm gonna sale
my plasma door-to-door.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It'd be swell, pop.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Come into my house,
eat my bananas and mock me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, don't worry, boy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll hang on to this one.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No more booze for me, I promise.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Is beer booze?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Pretty soon we'll have money
enough to get out of this dump.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}You can quit
that crummy job of yours

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and go to college like you want.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Then, we'll be married.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Like your mother wanted you to.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Before I drank her.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}I unscrewed her head
and drank out of her neck, well.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I know, pop.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Thanks, kid.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Have a good time tonight, huh?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}You too, pop.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}SERVO: Three bucks,
I'm gonna buy a French fry, pop.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: I love my life.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: So, are we gonna walk
the alleys all night?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm sorry, Betty, I was...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, that's okay.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}At least it was a good movie.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I've never walked
to a drive-in before.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's just that I-- well,
I have to give some money

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-to pop and...
-Oh, just forget it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm having a lovely time.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}-Betty...
-SERVO: Can I sniff your bra?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I've got almost a dollar left.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Would you like to have a Coke?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'd love it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Thanks a lot,
Adnan Khashoggi.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Levon and the Hawks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Tonight only,
Coke's a dollar-ten.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But this guy grabs this chick
by the neck, see,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and he gives her
a couple of whacks

{\a1\pos(96,460)}right across the...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}man, he'd like to
knock her head off.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Hey, come on,
that's a delightful story.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, daddy, you don't dig
my act or something?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What's the matter, Vinny?
That chick Betty bugging you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No. She don't bug me none.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yeah. Why should she?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We got so much stuff
around here,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}we have to beat it off
with a club.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Yeah, so where's it all here?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, am I seeing right?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MAN: Oh, man,
I don't believe it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: They beamed down.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: I must be cracking up.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: How's the German
expressionist date going?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What is she doing
with that fink?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Well...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I thought the zoo closed
at 6:00.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}-Yeah?
-CROW: It does but--hey.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}So how come you don't want
any animals out for a walk?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Very funny.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW:
Special dialogue by Neil Simon.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Look, Betty, I think
we better go on home.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-I've got some homework to do.
-You aren't gonna let these

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-big apes scare you away...
-You know it's not that,

{\a1\pos(162,460)}it's just that
I got some homework to do.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Okay. Come on.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO: Wetting your pants
is considered homework, right?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, good night, boys.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Better stay off the streets
before the dog catcher

{\a1\pos(246,460)}sees you
without your licenses.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: To the moon, Alice.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Boy, she sure got
salty in a big hurry.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Where does that
cheap broad come off

{\a1\pos(96,460)}talking to us like that?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}MIKE: Hey,
that's the cheap broad I love.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}Hey, let's follow them
and give them a going over, huh?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
People pick a song over there?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}The guy in the story
that Burt was telling you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You guys stay here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Been a really fun
book club, though.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hey.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: That's your nail clipper.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I thought you said
that chick didn't move you?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}She don't.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Not at all.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: He is a wonderful
puzzle, isn't he?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: This place
has all the atmosphere

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of a ground round.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW: And that's why
The Plague is my favorite book.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Thanks, Marv.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I had a real good time.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: This is where
Mr. Hooper died.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, it would have been
better if I'd had more money.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Next time, maybe.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}You mean,
there's gonna be a next time?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, if you want it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-If I want it? Of course, I do.
-MIKE: Oh, and I hate it

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-when his face lights up.
-Oh, it's great.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, I'm not real smart
or anything.

{\a1\pos(225,460)}-I...
-CROW: And I don't have

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-any arms.
-...thought I might be

{\a1\pos(99,460)}-kind of dull.
-SERVO: What the-- what, huh?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, no, you're not dull.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}MIKE:
Remember, I'm into Shakespeare.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Thanks.
-CROW: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Your talk of hemlines
kept me riveted.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Marv, I hate to ask you
for a favor or anything...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Go ahead, anything you want.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-SERVO: Hmm, what, what?
-Well, it's Mr. Carter's

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Shakespeare class.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}You know,
I'm kind of on the borderline.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If I don't pass this class,
I'm not gonna graduate.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}And my old man
would kill me for sure.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}Well, if you write
a good term paper, you'll pass.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That's just it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Though, I don't understand him.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Shakespeare, I mean.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}He's so deep.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Don't smile, no.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I don't know what to do.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You want me
to write a paper for you?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, no, I just thought maybe
you'd help me a little bit.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I don't mind.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It will only take me
a couple of hours.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}BETTY: Would you?
I mean, would you really?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Our little secret,
my little schatz.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Thanks, Marv.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'll never forget it.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
I could write a dissertation,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-series of books...
-Well, good night.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-CROW: ...they'll pop up, too.
-I'll see you tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Marv? Hello?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO:
Perhaps an analysis of Lear,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}10 pages, double spaced?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Hmm?
-Good night, Betty.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Good night, sweet prince.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Oh, Vince.
-CROW: Will you write

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-a paper for me?
-You scared me to death.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Look, what's with you two?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Rebooting.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}With me and Marv?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Come on, I can't hold
this face much longer.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, you can't be serious.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look, you were with him.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You went out with him
instead of me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: He had three dollars.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But honey, I just wanted him
to write my term paper for me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Would you write mine
if I kissed him?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You sure that's all?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, of course, silly.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}You don't think I could
possibly see anything in him,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}do you?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO: Well,
if you're just giving him sex

{\a1\pos(96,460)}for term papers...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}No, I don't think so.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, you see, actually,
it's kind of for us.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If I don't pass the course,
I won't graduate.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My parents won't let us
get married or anything.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-CROW: She is a saint.
-Yeah.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-MIKE: Mm-hmm.
-SERVO: Now, would you write

{\a1\pos(180,460)}my shop project?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}But...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}why did you kiss him?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Kiss him?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: You can't miss his lips.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They just ran into me.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You call that a kiss?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: I think so.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Do I have the wrong word again?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now, this is what I call a kiss.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Oh.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Vince, smooth as silk.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: [ Chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Terry Malloy.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Betty?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Sorry, I made you
work the docks for our date.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: What?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Have you ever thought
about marrying anybody?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: And suffocating them
in a loveless union?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Sure.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know, I wanted
to marry Rock Hudson once.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But he was taken at the time,
so then I just thought

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'd marry Gary Cooper
and I found out he had

{\a1\pos(96,460)}a daughter older than me,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-so...
-I'm serious, Betty.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
I know I have a moist face.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: [ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You know what I'm getting at.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: I think you ought
to marry Vince.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}After all Marv, you have
to go to college and everything.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I won't go to college.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'd get a full-time job.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}I bet Mr. Matthews
will put me on for $75 a week.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Seventy-five.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}I guess,
I misled you just a little.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I mean, you're sweet,
and smart...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-SERVO: And oily, and...
-BETTY: I think someday

{\a1\pos(180,460)}you'll really be
somebody important.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: You'll be U Thant.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}BETTY: Little Betty isn't ready
to settle down

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and try and live on $75 a week.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-CROW: Seventy-eight?
-I've been poor

{\a1\pos(96,460)}too long for that.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Eighty?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}BETTY:
Oh, look, I'd better be going.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}My old man
will be full of questions.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}He thinks I'm a tramp.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What's the matter?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What's the matter?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You said your father
thinks you're a tramp?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Just when he's feeling good.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}If you could hear
some of the things he's--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}one night,
when my mom was out...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: I never completed...
I never finish a...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Someday, I'm gonna show him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm gonna come back here
with my diamonds and my furs.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And I'm gonna throw them
right in his stinkin' face.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Now, hold still, son.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Marv?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}How come you ain't out
with Betty tonight?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}No, she wanted
to stay home tonight.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Said it makes her old man happy
if she stays in every

{\a1\pos(180,460)}once in a while.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, I see.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: So,
wanna get a porn movie?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Really, I think it's time
we consider that suicide pact.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-Look, Marv...
-SERVO: Hey, could you massage

{\a1\pos(264,460)}my feet?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What would you say
if I got married again?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO: Well,
you should clear it with mom.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, what brought that on, pop?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, I figure you'll be
through school soon,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}probably be going to college,
or getting married maybe,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and a man's got to
have someone look after him

{\a1\pos(201,460)}in his old age.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And I got that job coming up.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Gonna be town drunk.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Is she the girl you met
down at Tony's, pop?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: I'm not sure, I think so.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Do you love her?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, she's wonderful, kid.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: He runs a tilt-a-whirl.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Sweet as pie,
you know what I mean?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: And twice as fattening.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Who're you trying
to convince, me or you?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No, really.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}She's different.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: She has an extra hip,
really disturbing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Pop, if you got married,
you'd have to hold a job.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I would, boy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'd do anything
in the world for her.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Isn't unemployment a job?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Well, I guess
you love her, then.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Not as such, no.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-Would you mind?
-MIKE: getting off my foot?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I think it's great.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}When's the big day?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Well, you see, son,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}she lives in the thimble kingdom

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and she has to defend
the mushroom people

{\a1\pos(138,460)}before we can marry.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That isn't settled.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Her name is Thimbelina.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}By the way,
she milks butterflies

{\a1\pos(57,460)}and she's charmed,
if I touch her, I turn to wood.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Pop, have you asked her yet?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Fact is, I haven't, but
that won't be no problem, boy.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}-I can tell.
-MIKE: Once I'm elevated

{\a1\pos(180,460)}to full dwarfdom.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm real happy for you, pop.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Then join us
at the emerald gathering.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-SERVO: Well, okay.
-MIKE: Oh, yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I guess, there's nothing
in the whole world

{\a1\pos(96,460)}as nice as being in love.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Boy, it sure is quiet.
I wonder where everyone is.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Uh-oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Car engine revving ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Crow hooting ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Whoa, ow, oh,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}ah, ha, ha.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Hey, you guys, get back here.
I mean it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Are you talking to us,
Mr. Nelson?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Yeah, something wrong,
Mr. Nelson?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah. You got a problem,
Mr. Nel Stupid?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Yeah. I got a problem.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What you did was so wrong.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Please enlighten us.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Yeah.
-Well, you see,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}when you egg someone,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}you're supposed to do
raw eggs not omelets,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}you morons!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Raw eggs? What a laugh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Huh, squaresville, man.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Strictly squaresville here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So long, daddy-o.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Who needs?
I can't believe they did that,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}even they should know
that was wrong.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Hey, old man Nelson,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}didn't like the omelets, huh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Then, try this.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Laughing ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, guys, get back here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What now, father time?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, you see, your Hollandaise
is way too lemony.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, too bad.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, no, we got movie sign.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Indistinct chatter ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BOTH: [ Laughing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors opening ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Real funny.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Real funny.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hiya, Kid.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hi, Mr. Matthews.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}MIKE:
Therefore, I petition the court

{\a1\pos(180,460)}that my father be
committed and...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oh, I'm gonna catch
that Abbott and Costello.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}We've got another deal goin'.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}How much is involved?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}A million dollars, cash.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, where's
the million-dollar file?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Ah, here it is.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW:
Shipping clerk work khakis.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Knocks on door ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Are you decent?

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-Yes.
-Excuse me, Mr. Matthews.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You wanna sign these papers?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Later, kid, I'm real busy.

{\a1\pos(225,460)}-Okay.
-CROW: Oh, they sort of

{\a1\pos(201,460)}built up but...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}We've handled some big deals
before, Walt,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}but never a million dollars.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Watch the bowling balls,
coming through.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sorry, kid.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: ...this much heroin before.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MATTHEWS: What's our cut?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MAN: Twenty-five percent.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-MATTHEWS: Good enough.
-SERVO: You're getting this

{\a1\pos(96,460)}out there, Marvin?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Boat's due in Saturday night.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The money will arrive here
sometime this afternoon.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: Who's bringing it in?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MATTHEWS: Never mind.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It's coming,
you can rest assured.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And I'll put it in the safe.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And at exactly 11:15,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll be back with the guy
carrying the dope.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}I'll give him the money
and they'll make the exchange.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Isn't it a little risky
leaving a million dollars

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in the safe that long?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Nobody will know it's there.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-SERVO: I do.
-And I'd rather have it here

{\a1\pos(138,460)}than carry it around
if you follow me.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Sure.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Now, all you have to do
is open the doors

{\a1\pos(201,460)}for us at 11:15

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and then standby to make sure
that there's no double cross.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Okay. You know, that's it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oh, the big heroin
shipment is coming down

{\a1\pos(180,460)}the street.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: A million dollars.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that's 75 bucks a week for life!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll see you there.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Take it easy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Good luck with the heroin.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Kid. Kid!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yes, sir.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let me have a look
at those papers.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Oh, heroin I come.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Wait, they all had
to go to the bathroom?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm very disappointed
in you, Marv.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: It's been two weeks
and you haven't slipped

{\a1\pos(96,460)}her the tongue yet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I don't understand, Mr. Carter.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I think you do.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Okay. You're excused.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, we might as well
get this over with

{\a1\pos(117,460)}as quickly as possible.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: I'm not Robert Q. Lewis.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}He wrote your paper,
didn't he?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}He--

{\a1\pos(201,460)}of course not,
I wrote it myself.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, come now, Betty.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You have many attributes,
I will confess.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-SERVO: Oh.
-CARTER: But a comprehensive

{\a1\pos(54,460)}understanding of Shakespeare

{\a1\pos(222,460)}and his works
is not one of them.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I studied.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I worked real hard.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: James at 16.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}Well, Marv,
you wanna tell me the truth?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Well, sir,
everyone thinks

{\a1\pos(54,460)}you smell like old hamburger.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Uh-oh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}She wrote it, honest,
Mr. Carter.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Am I a Sweathog now,
Mr. Kotter?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: [ Chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Ladies and gentlemen,
of the jury,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-we are asked to believe...
-CARTER: All right then,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}what is it all about?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Oh, um, well,
there's this plot,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and there's people and a lot
of betwixt other stuff

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and forsoothing.

{\a1\pos(225,460)}-Oh.
-It's about Shakespeare

{\a1\pos(201,460)}and his plays.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: She did write the paper.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You didn't even read it,
did you?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Of course, I read it.
I wrote it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now, look, neither one of you
is fooling anybody

{\a1\pos(201,460)}but yourselves.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Now, come on, Marv,
admit it and get it over with.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: She's guilty
of thought crimes.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}-CARTER: Come on.
-MIKE: Put the rat mask on her.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: [ Chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yes, sir.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's better now.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-SERVO: Abe, your witness.
-You didn't have to tell him.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}He couldn't prove it.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I hope you understand
that I'll have to fail you

{\a1\pos(180,460)}for this, Betty.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}As far as you're concerned,
Marv,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}your grades are too good.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I can't possibly fail you.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}CROW:
I'm out of those little slips.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I can't even blame you...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}But I am going to withdraw
my recommendation

{\a1\pos(138,460)}for the scholarship.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I thought that you were
different, Marv.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But, I guess I was wrong.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You don't deserve
that scholarship

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and you know it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You're just bitter
because you can't do anything

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but earn 60 bucks a week

{\a1\pos(138,460)}with your fancy words
and big brains.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You have no right to flunk me.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW:
Don't stand so close to me.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}[ Gasps ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's all you're worried about.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You don't even care

{\a1\pos(96,460)}that Marv may lose
his opportunity

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to go to college because of you.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: You temptress,
parading around

{\a1\pos(12,460)}in that revealing sweater.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sorceress.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All right.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's all. You're both excused.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: But Betty, Marv
is more excused than you.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MARV: Betty.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-Betty.
-Look, stay away from me,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-you fink.
-Betty.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Look, you didn't have
to tell him.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-But he knew.
-He didn't know.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-He couldn't prove it.
-SERVO: Betty, Betty.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Betty, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well, be sorry somewhere else
and just leave me alone.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Do you know
where the office is?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You mean it's over
just because of this?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-SERVO: Betty.
-Over?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now, what's there to be over?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: But, Betty...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, I thought you said that...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Look, I didn't say anything.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Oh, Betty?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You did all the talking,
remember?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Betty.

{\a1\pos(75,460)}♪ What kind of fool am I? ♪

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, wow, you were just using me.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Ding, ding, ding, ding.
We have a winner.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's right.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Oh, you want me
to sign your yearbook?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Look, all I know is now, I'm...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Lola Falana.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}My father is gonna kill me,
he really will,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and I'm not
gonna graduate and...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Because I'll be dead
because he killed me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I guess things just don't
wanna work out for me.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Betty.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Can I still
call you Betty, Betty?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}Betty, you said
that you wanted to come back

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and throw diamonds
and minks in his face.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}So?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Are they live minks?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So if I could get
those things for you...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: Oh, sorry. A little
bratwurst repeating on me.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}And the way you feel,
I mean, about the whole world.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Thanks, Marv, but it won't help.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I mean it, Betty.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Could it make a difference?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, bring them around
the first chance you get.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It might make
a difference at that.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I have my answer.
I'm walking on air.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MATTHEWS: I'll put it in
the safe.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MAN: Isn't it a little risky,
leaving a million dollars

{\a1\pos(138,460)}in the safe that long?

{\a1\pos(117,68)}CROW: Where, oh, where

{\a1\pos(33,68)}could a guy find a bell tower?

{\a1\pos(285,68)}Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,68)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(12,96)}MIKE: At least there's dad
to cheer me up.

{\a1\pos(180,68)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO: Dad,
I've told you, not on the rug!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Oh, dad's turned
into Gregor Samsa.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO:
Mm-hmm. Suspense. I can't wait.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It's gonna be so cool
when they reveal it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I just can't-- oh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Dad's new girlfriend
is named Smirnoff.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Why, no one can spend
three bucks the way dad does.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: This is so beautiful.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Boy, it's like
a Norman Rockwell painting.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: You didn't leave
any for me, you jerk.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Why, pop?
You said you were through.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}MIKE:
Well, it's empty, isn't it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Gonna lecture me again?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: You're grounded.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Might as well have
Mitchell for a dad.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Well, Happy Easter anyway.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: The Big Brother program
doesn't work for everybody.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What happened, pop?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I opened the bottle
and drank some.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}She turned me down.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-SERVO: Why?
-MIKE: Why?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I ain't good enough for her--

{\a1\pos(117,460)}ain't got enough dough.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-CROW: Oh, it's her fault.
-They're all alike.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Only thing they want is money.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: My body isn't enough.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: What would you
at home do?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: You have pimples.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Execute them.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MATHEWS:
Nobody will know it's there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Are those voices
in your head or mine?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Pop, I'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Where are you going?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-You're going to see that...
-No, I'm not gonna see

{\a1\pos(180,460)}that girl again.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}She's just like all the rest,
you'll see.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Lay down, pop.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Just stay there
and hallucinate.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Oh, not on our
one piece of furniture.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Marv...
-SERVO: Ugh.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}...don't go.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You're my son, you're all
I got left in the world.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Besides my lucky table.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: You know, the thing is,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}he isn't even close
to hitting bottom.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-SERVO: Mm-mmm.
-Come on, pop.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'll help you on the sofa.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}SERVO: Come on.
Let's change that diaper.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Dad, come on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We've got our Webelos meeting.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}See you right back, pop.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}When I get back,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}maybe we can show them all
a thing or two.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Pop? Pop.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Pop. Oh, my God.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Come on, pop. Live.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Damn it. Live.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Hand me the remote, son.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO: Meanwhile,
Betty, earns some extra credit

{\a1\pos(222,460)}after school.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Van Cliburn
entertains a groupie.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Boy, if the class
could see me now.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: We can!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They'd just be jealous,
that's all.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-Honey, I don't know if...
-MIKE: My hands are stuck

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-to your head.
-Well, you know,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm supposed to be so hard

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and tough and all.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Tell me you love me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: You love me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I love you.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Again.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: I can't hear you, worm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I love you, baby.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I love you.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}When are you gonna prove it?

{\a1\pos(57,460)}MIKE: Oh,
should I give you a deposition?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Prove it?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You mean, you don't believe me?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, I believe it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}But a girl likes to see
something real, you know.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}SERVO:
Something in a mutual fund.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What do you mean?
Like a car or jewels

{\a1\pos(222,460)}or something?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, or something.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Like a supersoaker
in a nudie suit.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You'll have it all
someday, baby.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I swear it, you'll have it all.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}When?

{\a1\pos(246,460)}-Soon.
-CROW: How's Thursday?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}When I got out of school
and have a chance

{\a1\pos(96,460)}to look around a little.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}SERVO:
Inventing the desktop computer.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now, what if someone comes along

{\a1\pos(96,460)}who already has it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Stuff and stuff.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'd kill him and take it away.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
That is correct. Let's move on

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to the lightning round.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Tell me again.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: I forgot what I said.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I love you, baby.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: There's that Vince magic.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: He's gonna bowl
his troubles away.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: The mean streets
of Appleton.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hey, I'm fake-walking here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: He's surveying
his liquor kingdom.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's Gigot.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I think the point-
of-purchase displays

{\a1\pos(180,460)}have gotten
a little out of hand.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO:
Where's the bread display?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(99,460)}MIKE:
Here's one of the great one's

{\a1\pos(180,460)}classic routines.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: [ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's the all impulse item store.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: It's nutty, huh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: Tonight,
on Lou Jacobi Playhouse.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Ooh, that's good booze.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: And now back to our show.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Get your mitts
out of my register.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Samuel, please, my most
valuable possessions.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Sure, for stealing my cigars,
drinking my wine,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and dipping
into my cash register.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Samuel, I'm shocked.
Your own flesh and blood.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Mostly flesh.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}My what?

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Just because
I'm married to your sister

{\a1\pos(180,460)}doesn't give you
cause to come in

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and nail my inventory.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, she's your wife,
isn't she?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Yeah, but...
-And she's my sister.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Sure.
-Then you admit it,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}what yours is mine.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}CROW:
I like this new movie better.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Look, I don't wanna be a nag.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Why don't you go get a job?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}A job? Would you have
a doctor take up a pick?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}A chemist sit
behind the wheel of a truck?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}If he was making a bum
out of me, I would.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Samuel, I'm a professional man.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}There's no other way.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now, you were in the rackets,
you ought to know that.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Yeah, but I gave it up
10 years ago.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Phone ringing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I hope that's
the scene police calling.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SAMUEL: Sam's.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, dear.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-Potatoes?
-SERVO: Potatoes, tomatoes,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-tomatoes?
-Bread?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Yeah, I'll pick it up.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No, I won't forget.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yeah, good bye, dear.
I'll talk to you later.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Bye-bye.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Damn Jerky Boys.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Your sister.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Your wife.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Samuel, you are the last
of the great gentlemen.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Have a cigar.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Early Edmonds and
Curly isn't that good.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Real nice art direction.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Mm-hmm, you can't
art direct those stains

{\a1\pos(222,460)}on the wall.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Hit it, punk.
You ain't old enough.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm not here to buy liquor.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Sorry, we're fresh out of Cokes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Are you Sam Tolman?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yeah. So?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I need a bottle adapter
for my lips.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I understand you're a friend
of Harry March.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Harry March?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Who's Harry March?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Am I in the right movie?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}The best safe cracker around,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}maybe the best in the business.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Never heard of him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Okay. I just thought you might
be interested in a deal.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Wait a minute, kid.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-CROW: Is that your real face?
-What kind of a deal?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}What difference does it make?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You said you didn't know him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I make friends real easy.
What kind of a deal?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: I haven't figured
that part out yet.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}A big deal.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Oh, I'm in.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}A million dollars cash.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}A million dollars cash?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Kid, I'm busy, why don't
you go tell your fairy tales

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-someplace else?
-I mean it, a million cash.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And so where is it?
Maybe it's in the Mint

{\a1\pos(12,460)}or maybe it's in Fort Knox?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's about six blocks from here.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}You're lying.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Look, I know where the money is
and I know how to get it.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}All I need is someone
that could open a safe.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}So you ain't lying?

{\a1\pos(36,460)}How does a punk like you
know where a million dollars is?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO:
I, sir, am a shipping clerk.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Mr. Tolman, all my life,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}my brains have been
sort of a curse.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Unlike Dick Cavett.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Now, maybe I can make
it pay off for everybody.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}MIKE: Hmm,
chin needs a quick cleaning.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Let's say that you know
where the million is

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and let's say you have
a plan how to get it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Where do I come in?
And Harry.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW:
Well, we'll need a pony keg.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, you just tell Harry
to be here tomorrow night

{\a1\pos(264,460)}at 8:00.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'll explain it then.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Okay, kid, I'll have him here,
but...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}if you're lying...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Oh, how droll.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I've already had
one beating today.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}I don't suppose
another one would kill me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Oh, I know you.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You're that Shakespeare Queen
that Betty dumped.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Man, this chin is filthy.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}Well,
where is your young genius?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}He said 8:00.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's only a few minutes after.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm surprised at you, Samuel.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}This is obviously
somebody's idea of a joke.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Look, that's what
I thought at first,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but I could swear
he was on the level

{\a1\pos(54,460)}after talking to him awhile.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}If there were a million dollars
hanging about someplace,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}every operator in the country
would know about it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Maybe so, but...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Knocks on door ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-MIKE: Stay in there, mom.
-That's him now.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}SERVO: Eddie
Chayefsky's House of Games.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Hmm, good reefer, man.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Coughs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Here he is, Harry.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Grab his pickle.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Marv Grant.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}SERVO: I'm kind
of clammy, so be careful.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Harry March.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Well, I better get back
to social studies.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Glad to meet you, Mr. March.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I've heard
quite a bit about you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}All good, I might add,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}depending on which side
of the law you hold with.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Thank you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Gentlemen,
let's not be so polite.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I can't keep the store
closed forever.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-I gotta make a living.
-Okay. Sit down.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-I'll explain it to you.
-CROW: We find out

{\a1\pos(33,460)}where they store the band candy

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-and we steal it.
-Now, tomorrow night,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}there's a freighter docking
at the pier.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The Rose Lee{\r} out of Hong Kong.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SAMUEL: So?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, you're right,
I don't know.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}There's a shipment
of pure heroin being smuggled in

{\a1\pos(33,460)}on that ship for delivery here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Wait a minute.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I refuse to have anything
to do with narcotics.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Besides, it's a federal rap.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah, besides,
you said it was cash.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm getting to that.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now a syndicate here has
agreed to take the heroin off

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the hands of the present owners
for a million dollars cash.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Relieving them of the risks
and the headaches

{\a1\pos(201,460)}of distributing
and selling the stuff.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}So we grab the million
before it gets to the guys

{\a1\pos(201,460)}with the junk.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Exactly.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}One million dollars
in untraceable, unmarked...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-CROW: Pennies.
-...probably highly

{\a1\pos(180,460)}ill-gotten cash.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Very well.
So far, so good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now, what about our cut?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}For Sam and me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Fifty-five, forty-five.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}SERVO:
If man is still alive...{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Take it or leave it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We'll take it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Now, what's the set-up?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Walter Mathews
is the middleman.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He's the guy that owns the
warehouse on the dock, huh?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Right.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The million dollars will be
in his safe sometime tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}At 11:15, Mathews
and the dope owner arrive

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to exchange the heroin
for the cash.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}But by then,
we'll have the cash.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Hi, this is Marv.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Is your million dollars in yet?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}BETTY: Hello?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hello, Betty, this is Marv.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-Please don't hang up on me.
-No, thanks.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I thought I made myself
pretty clear.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Please, Betty,
this is important.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I think I made a mistake
in that paper I wrote.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Not on the phone.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Can you meet me somewhere?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: When what freezes over.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Money, Betty.

{\a1\pos(267,460)}SERVO:
Sweet, buttery money.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}MARV: Money to buy you
everything you've ever wanted.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}MIKE: Hello?
Whose turn is it to talk?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-Are you there, Betty?
-Look, is this a gag?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-I hope to die if it is.
-CROW: I hope to die anyway.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BETTY: Where do you want me
to meet you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Joe's Diner, 7th and Adams.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}BETTOkay. Good-bye.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Good-bye.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Geez, I just planned
my heist and my date

{\a1\pos(96,460)}for the same night!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Hmm. Hard Rock Cafe's
just don't work everywhere.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MIKE: Uh-uh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: [ Humming ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Edward Hopper's Night Dorks.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Is there
a Marv here-- uh-oh.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}Stick with me, baby,
and we'll go to places like this

{\a1\pos(222,460)}every night!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Don't have the meatloaf.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Would you like some coffee?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-CROW: I can afford it.
-No.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Let's just get to the point.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: That was my point,
actually.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm gonna get
some money, Betty.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, really?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}How much?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Lots.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: A berdillion,
kajillion dollars.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Enough to buy you all
the diamonds and mink coats

{\a1\pos(96,460)}in the whole world.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: If they cost less
than three dollars.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Boss make you president
of the company or something?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}No, but I'm getting it,
I swear it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well, did you get me all the
way down here just to talk...

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
I was gonna stare at you, too.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now, where are you getting
this fortune?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}CROW: Can anyone here be
tempted with a little dessert?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This guy gives awkward
adolescence a bad name.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Yeah, I managed
to get us a table.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Would you just
say something?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-I'm stealing it.
-SERVO: I think.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}You're what?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I'm not stealing it?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, look, cut it out, will you?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You haven't even got
the nerve to lie.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I mean it, Betty, I'm stealing
a million dollars.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: I'm stealing it
a dollar at a time

{\a1\pos(117,460)}from a million places.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look, you shouldn't joke
about these things, Marv.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'm not joking.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}I found out where there's
gonna be a million dollars cash

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and I worked out a plan
to steal it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: And then we're taking
a chariot to Mars.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You're really serious,
aren't you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I just put my arm in pie.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You'd really do that for me?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Yes, I'm that screwed up.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Betty.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}CROW:
Your chair is on my foot.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'm in love with you.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: ♪ When you're in love
with a beautiful wom{\r}♪n

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I know I can.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I've got the best safe cracker
in the business

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-lined up to do it with me.
-When?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Saturday night
at the warehouse.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We'll have to split
with the other guys,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}but there'll be over
half a million for us.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: But, unfortunately,
I've hired 500,000 guys to help.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I could have everything
I've ever dreamed of.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: A pony, an ironing board,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and some stirrup pants.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I could finally spit
in his face.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: But first I'll eat a bag
of Oreos and a Snickers bar.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}You're crazy.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}MIKE: Iago was clearly
representational of the devil

{\a1\pos(33,460)}for at one time Othello looked
for his cloven hooves.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You're out of your mind.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, am I?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Listen, mister,
I'm giving you a break

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you haven't got coming.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}A break?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Asking me to heist
a million bucks from guys

{\a1\pos(54,460)}who'll be armed to the teeth?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}So who says you can't carry
a gun yourself?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: My dad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, I never have.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look, I've copped radios,
hub caps, stuff like that,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}but I'm no operator.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: I'm a small-time loser.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}So what are you, then?

{\a1\pos(204,460)}MIKE:
I am muscular dystrophy.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: You're always one step
ahead of me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Look, honey, it'll be a cinch.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}All you have to do is grab them
when they come out

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-with the money.
-SERVO: What?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Look, you can get Larry
and Burt to help you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You don't have to tell them
how much it is.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Larry Bird's
gonna help them?

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-SERVO: Hmm?
-Look, aren't I worth it?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Uh...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I don't know.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, let me clue you, buster,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'm getting out of this dump
one way or the other.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Why did they meet
at the dump?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now, if you want me to go
with Marv, that's okay,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but I'm giving you
the chance to take me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: Oh.
-SERVO: Hmm, oh, oh, God.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I have to take a cold shower.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Quit following me!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: This movie is low
on linguistic synapses.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You wouldn't go with him,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}no, not really.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wouldn't I?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If I have a million bucks,
I'd go with anyone.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}SERVO: Tom Arnold, Haile
Selassie, Soupy Sales, Idi Amin,

{\a1\pos(162,460)}-Abe Vigoda.
-Are you in love with him?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now what's love got
to do with it?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: What's love, but a second
hand emotion to man.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Crow beatboxing ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I don't know.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Want some gum?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Always hard when I have
to think and stuff.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Look, Vince,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I want you, I really do.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Baby, I'mma want you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I wanted you for years
and you know it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-CROW: But you weren't home.
-But I want something else too.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}SERVO:
Maintenance free vinyl siding.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And maybe more than
I want you, even.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And if I can have them both,
that's great,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but if I have to choose...

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MIKE: Boy, this movie
is filled to the brim with chin.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Crow giggling ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Vincent Suave Overdrive.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Humming ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Oh, wow, it's all soft
and stuff when we kiss.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Will you do it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: I thought I was.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Okay.
-MIKE: Vince do it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: I get it, sex metaphor.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Is he a shipping clerk?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Package here
for Mr. Matthews.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Okay. I'll see he gets it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Are you a real lonely guy?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Oh, yeah. You?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Yeah. Yup.
Me, too, yup.

{\a1\pos(267,460)}-Yup.
-Okay, buddy, thanks.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Oh, finally, his cheese
and sausage gift pack

{\a1\pos(96,460)}from Hickory Farms
has arrived.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hey, kid.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I don't have your money.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-For me?
-Yes, sir. It is.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Bring it in here, huh?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Boss is always
in a good mood

{\a1\pos(96,460)}when the heroin arrives.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: It's a Ma Kettle
blow up, doll.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Mike Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I thought these back
issues of Video Watchdog

{\a1\pos(180,460)}would never come.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: So, Mr. Peepers
is a heroin dealer?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hmm, uh-uh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Kal Kan is better.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Hi, son,
how'd the robbery go?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Gee, pop, beans?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's all we got in the house.
You want a bite?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No, you finish it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-SERVO: Don't tempt me.
-You going out?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, don't you have
some homework?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Pop, it's Saturday night.

{\a1\pos(225,460)}Remember,
school finished Friday.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, sure, yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I keep forgetting.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Are we still on
for my sponge bath, son?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You got a date?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yeah, sort of.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Marv.
-Hmm?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Did you get your check?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MARV: Pop, I don't get paid
until the 15th,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}you know that.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, yeah, that's right.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}CROW: Ah.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's just that Mrs. Fisher's
coming up for the rent tonight

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and I was wondering...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: If I could pay her
in cash instead of sex.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MARV: You blew your job,
didn't you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, just got
a big hunk of pork.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MARV: What happened, pop?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}He reconsidered, said
he guessed I was too old.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-CROW: Hmm.
-I don't know what to do, boy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Everywhere I turn,
the same thing happens.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I get drunk,
vomit, pass out,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and don't get hired.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Dad, I don't wanna be
around when the beans kick in.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Pop, everything's
gonna be all right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It ain't fair to you kid.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}No, it's true, I'm a burden.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}If I weren't around,
you could do anything you want,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}live your life the way you want,
go to college, like...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Look, pop, I don't want you
talking like that anymore,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}you understand?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-SERVO: I mean you're right.
-Marv.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Listen.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Can you borrow me
some bean money?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I want you to know one thing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: I'm your mother.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}No matter what happens,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I want you to know I tried
to be a good father to you,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}really, I tried.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Do you have
any specific examples?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You're the best father
a kid ever had.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Maybe I don't iron
your shirts too good, but...

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Pop.
-Yeah?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: You're standing
on my foot.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Everything's gonna be
all right, pop.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sure. Sure.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-You okay?
-Sure.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-No more booze.
-Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Now, look, get going,
you'd be late.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Have a good time tonight, kid.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Stay out of trouble, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sure, pop.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Who is he?
I know I should know him.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Remember what I said, pop,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}everything's gonna be all right.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Sure, I'll remember.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Everything is gonna be--

{\a1\pos(138,460)}every bean is beans.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Come here you, little rascals.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}[ Servo makes a fart sound ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Come on, I'm alone,
geez, what do you want?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Sure.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'll remember.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors closing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Crow, Crow rendezvous
at targets.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Crow.
-CROW: Ah, it is I,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}T. Hewitt Edward Crow,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}stealthily, like a cat--oh, oh.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Fine.
-Sorry, Cat.

{\a1\pos(267,460)}We have
to get pass this lock

{\a1\pos(33,460)}if we wanna read Gypsy's diary.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ah, the simplest of tasks

{\a1\pos(12,460)}for T. Hewitt Edward Crow.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Turn the dial left 22, right...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-Crow, it's a key lock.
-Hmm?

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-Oh.
-Can we just use the dynamite,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}please?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I agree, like a cat, dynamite.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Right.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Fire in the hole!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Explosion ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Coughing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Look at that, still locked.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Any ideas, T. Hewitt?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ah, more dynamite.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-Right, more dynamite.
-Yes.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}The answer is clear.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Delicate application of TNT,

{\a1\pos(99,460)}-precisely calibrated.
-All right. Fire in the hole.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Explosion ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Coughing ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, wow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's still locked.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, you wanna give it
another go?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Ah, sure, what the heck.
-Okay.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Coughing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Tough. Boy, I tell you,
these Happy Hearts diaries

{\a1\pos(138,460)}are really well-made.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Fire in the hole.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Explosion ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: This is really
frustrating.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Coughing ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Whistling ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Humming ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That's five in a row.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Are you cheating?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Honor, Sam.
Remember, honor.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, yeah, sure.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: I wish this movie
had these two guys in it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}About six thou.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Peanuts.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-SERVO: Hmm?
-MIKE: It's a low key

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-laid back heist.
-SERVO: Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}But don't edit,
whatever you do.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hello, new dads.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Hello, son.
-Hi, Harry.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: It's like you got
yourself Old Maid.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Who's winning?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He's killing me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Did you fix these cards?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I told you repeatedly, Samuel,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I am a thief, not a crook.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Laughing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-[ Indistinct ] the same?
-Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Just deal, Nicky
Arnstein.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Throw the seven.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Go on.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Hmm, Rhea Perlman.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Never seen Marv happier.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Gin.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: What is he--wait,
we've been playing poker.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: The most
affable thugs ever.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-SERVO: Mm-hmm.
-Figure it up.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}[ Sighs ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Avoris, anyone?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, you fellows have any plans
what you gonna do

{\a1\pos(54,460)}with your share of the money?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Marv's gonna buy
a fresh dad.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We had some good things
coming for a long time.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}You know, I think
anybody that sticks with me

{\a1\pos(138,460)}all these years is...
gotta get a break.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You're not so bad, Sam.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}How about you, Marvin?

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-Me?
-CROW: I'm gonna blow it all

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-on video games.
-Oh, I'm gonna get married,

{\a1\pos(222,460)}go to school.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-College?
-Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, I have always had
a lust for education myself.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}I wonder
if they'd let me in somewhere,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that is, if I had enough money.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Sure. You could teach the kids
to rob the professor's desk

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and steal the exams.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}You're snide, son,
but you are my flesh and blood.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-SERVO: In law.
-Let's play a little Hearts.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We have some time to kill.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Okay. But let's keep
the stakes low.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I don't trust him
and you're too smart.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh. High card deals.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom humming ]

{\a1\pos(36,460)}CROW: Meanwhile,
in the same room, across town...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}...shock.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Anything, pops. Lay it on me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: I'm pregnant.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We're gonna get ourselves
50,000 bucks tonight.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What are you smoking?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm serious.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-SERVO: Opium, but I'm serious.
-Dead serious.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We can get it,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}if you guys got the guts.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}For that kind of dough, I got
guts I ain't even used yet.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What's the scam?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: We take your guts
and harvest your organs.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Okay, now, you guys hear me
and hear me good.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}SERVO:
If they were a lot smarter,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}they can be the Bowery Boys.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Now you're not gonna
believe half of this,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}none of it maybe,
but it's all true.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Now, there's gonna be
a safe robbery tonight,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}not more than three blocks
from here.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now, I know who's pulling it,
and I know what we gotta do.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Imitating monkey sounds ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}All we do is wait for them
to come out with the loot,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and then we grab it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-It's so easy, it scares me.
-Who?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Who's doing it?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Who told you?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Guess.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Marv Grant.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, come on, Vince,
quit putting us on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm telling you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Okay, it was Marv Albert.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You mean all we gotta do
is walk up,

{\a1\pos(222,460)}and take it?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: No, no way,
it's too complicated.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}With these.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW:
Oh, he's the Vasectomy Kid.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Why can't I attract real dames
like I attract this lousy

{\a1\pos(180,460)}queen of spades?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Because they
don't wanna be torn in half.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's almost quarter of,
let's get going, huh?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I don't wanna leave
until exactly 10:45.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Why can't we leave now?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Why do you have
to cut it so fine?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Look, I timed the ride
a dozen times,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}it takes exactly 11 minutes to
get from here to the warehouse.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW: Come on, who's the
high school junior around here?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Besides I don't wanna arrive
at the ferryboat

{\a1\pos(138,460)}until exactly 10:52.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Don't pay the ferryboats.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Very well.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Hey, here's my
impersonation of your dad.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Mike laughs ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: You guys wanna hear
about my fruit fly experiment?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, actually, they're called
Drosophila melanogaster.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: I hate him.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: The anal gang.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}One more game or...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Okay, let's go.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Barney,
bring the van around.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO:
Did everyone make a potty?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Good luck.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: So, who's got the car?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Yeah, it takes 11 minutes
if he goes 600 miles an hour.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Well, at least
the traffic is with him.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Almost there yet?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}When are we gonna be there?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm hungry.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO:
Marv called everyone in town

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and asked them to stay home.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I have a test tomorrow,
what am I doing?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's almost 10:51.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Oh, we're missing Leno.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Relax, we'll make it.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: So, when does
the suspense part begin?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: So, are your dads
bean-eating alcoholics, too?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Marvin should really be
in his car seat.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SERVO: Oh, no.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}I've seen
this random car directing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What is it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Looks like an accident.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What do we do?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's the only direct street
to the ferry.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We'll have to detour.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hurry up.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Oh, he is smart.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That hurry-up part
was pure genius.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: You bet.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, sure.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Let's just sit around the table
and not leave early.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Good one, Marv.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Tom makes noises ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}We're there.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: It's really important
that,

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ Whatever you do ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Don't pay the ferryman ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Oh, could you do
something about that?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-MIKE: Okay...
-There's another ferry

{\a1\pos(201,460)}in two minutes.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO:
♪ Don't even fix a price ♪

{\a1\pos(96,460)}All we do is wait.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}And pray.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Yeah, I'm sure,
what, with wars and famine

{\a1\pos(96,460)}God is really interested
in your heist.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Until he gets
you to the other side ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: Okay, that's it.
That's it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Bye-bye.
-CROW: Woo-ho-ho.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Yay.
-What time is it?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-It's 10:58.
-We'll never make it.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MIKE: It was
a little harsh but...

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-We've got to.
-CROW: It had to be done.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Hey, the other side looks
exactly like the other side.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(204,460)}MIKE: So does
this heist count towards

{\a1\pos(54,460)}his outcome-based education?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Hmm, yes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Kill your lights.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: No, they don't need them
now that it's the middle

{\a1\pos(180,460)}of the afternoon.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Look at this one.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: I hope they didn't miss
the film's climax.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: I brought
my baritone sax.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's almost 11:04.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We may have missed them.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Again, maybe we didn't.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}CROW:
Oh, it's a sleepover caper.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Giggles ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: What's with the Tom
and Jerry music?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We're never late,
especially tonight.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What do we do now?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I don't know.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: What do you wanna do?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Accident. Stupid accident.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Listen.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I'm late for the Village
People auditions.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Knocks ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-It's Johnson.
-Is that you, Biff?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-JOHNSON: Yeah.
-CROW: Biff Johnson,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}security guard.

{\a1\pos(225,460)}-Hmm?
-Sorry, I'm late, Pete.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}There was an accident.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Have fun.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: Oh, he's hitting them
with a hotdog.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: All right.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ We hate you, comrade ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SERVO: Let's pose them
so that they're kissing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Servo and Crow laughs ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: ♪ Maryanne{\r} ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Madame Light, Maryanne ♪

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Ironically, Marv was about
to get a million dollar raise.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Bet you'd be
pretty impressed,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}if you knew
the shipping clerk here.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Why, I'm him.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom makes noise ]

{\a1\pos(162,460)}SERVO:
Damn, we need a locksmith.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Broke off.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Part of it's still in the lock.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, it's 7 after,
we haven't got much time.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This might do it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: It wasn't even locked.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SERVO: Sure increased
the tension, though, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MIKE: Guys,
we shouldn't be in here,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the sign said private.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: A safe?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I thought you said the money
was in a toaster.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, you're in luck.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This one's easy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's 11:08.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Fingers crossed.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Knocks on door ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-MRS. FISHER: Mr. Grant.
-SERVO: It's me, Mary.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MRS. FISHER: Are you there?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I'm wearing my apron
and nothing else.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: You're not eating beans
in there, are you?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's Mrs. Fisher.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: I brought
my assortment of nuts.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: This should be...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Mrs. Fisher screams]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, my God.
He's a puppeteer.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Oh, how horrible.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Many horses far away.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-SERVO: Ooh.
-CROW: Well, Vince

{\a1\pos(33,460)}has assembled his brain trust.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: I have no idea
what I'm doing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Go home, go home.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MIKE: I have determined
it's a safe.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Park in the old canning
lot. What were you thinking?

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-MIKE: Geez.
-CROW: Now turn your head

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and cough.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: I have a girlfriend.
Oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MIKE: Guys, I think I'm coming
down with something.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Distant sirens wailing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Should I have not
called the cops?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MIKE: Should I tell them or not?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Crow laughs ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Got it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: Oh.
-HARRY: Look at it.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-SERVO: Ooh.
-HARRY: Million bucks.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It's beautiful.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.
We haven't much time.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: It's all Wisconsin Dells
Wampum Bucks.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What is he stealing?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: Take it easy, or I won't
have room for my sweater.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laughs ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Glad you can make
the heist, Mr. Disney.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: You shut up.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Got a hernia.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: I wanna show you my desk
before we leave.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SAM: Come on, Harry.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Huh?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Did I tell you we have
honor system candy here?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: Oh, ho, ho.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Remember when I told you
about that guy

{\a1\pos(12,460)}who doesn't pay for coffee?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, that's his desk
over there.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MIKE: Unfortunately,
Marv will get caught

{\a1\pos(54,460)}when he turns in his timecard
with these hours on it.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SERVO: Oops.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: All of this because
of a strict English teacher.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MARV: Okay.
That's far enough.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-SERVO: Oh, hi, Vince.
-Vince.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Give me that case
right now.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Vince, look, the cops
will be here any minute.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You can have some.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Shut up and give me
that money!

{\a1\pos(99,460)}MIKE:
I'll write your paper, Vince.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Damn, I missed Marv.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Are you crazy, Vince?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You didn't have to do that.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Come on, let's go, Larry.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}SERVO: There goes the town's
only liquor store.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}He's the last
of the great gentlemen.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: That's who we should've
gotten for the heist.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: And seconds
into Vince's plan

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-and it all goes wrong.
-...even have a gun.

{\a1\pos(267,96)}-Vince.
-SERVO: And I helped.

{\a1\pos(201,96)}Vince, come on.
Don't just stand there.

{\a1\pos(117,96)}-You made me kill him.
-Come on.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on!

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-Vince.
-SERVO: This is cashmere.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No, Vince.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}SERVO:
Pepperidge Farm remembers...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Gunshots ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: I think this is about
more than the heist.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MIKE: Oh, geez.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}There they are.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gunshot ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Hey, Baryshnikov!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Huh, liquid assets.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Million bucks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-SERVO: He's juicy.
-MAN: Forget the money.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Let's get out of here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I am loaded down
with snow, remember?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Distant siren wailing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SERVO: Ah, Ricky.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Don't move.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Now you have the right
to remain silent.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gunshot ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Right there.
-Anything you say can

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and will be used against you.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MIKE: Oh, no need to launder
the money then.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Would you stop?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Why?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I got punched
right in the store. Oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, forgive me, I'm sorry, Pop.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Forgive me, Pop.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: I could really go
for a pop.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Sirens wailing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}SERVO: Reverse-angle cops.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, how'd the heist go?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, geez, what a mess.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}I just came from a scene
where some unemployed bean-eater

{\a1\pos(33,460)}was swinging from the ceiling.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Mike imitates music ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Should we just leave
the dead guys there?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SERVO: The crows will get them.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MIKE: Gross.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Servo makes noises ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: This is the PTA,
reminding you

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to always do your homework.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SERVO: You know, in light
of this, cheating on a paper

{\a1\pos(117,460)}wasn't that big a deal.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Coming up next on Nick at Nite.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}One of the original
black and white

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I Dream of Jeannie episodes.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Then F-Troop,
next on Nick at Nite.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}CROW:
Filmed before a live audience.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MIKE: This has been
a Filmways presentation,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}darling.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom and Crow humming ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Doors closing ]

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Boy, that was
a rugged movie, huh, guys?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Guys?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, well.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I got a letter to read here.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's from Donna Brinkhedder,

{\a1\pos(12,96)}and put it on still store,
Cambot, if you would.

{\a1\pos(117,96)}She writes, "Dear Mike,
Tom, Crow, and Gypsy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}"We've been watching your show
for some time

{\a1\pos(12,460)}"and enjoyed it very much.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}"But I'm afraid my husband
may be headed for trouble.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Keith is a good,
kind, decent man,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}but I think the dessert
has started to melt his..."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ah-ha. All right.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hand over the letter, Mike.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Don't move, give me the letter.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Drop it. Drop it.
-No. No.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Drop it.
-No. No. No. No.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Must continue to read letter,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ann Landers told me to.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Sandwiches anyone?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You made me do this.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Huh?
-You, woman, you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Gypsy screaming,
Crow laughing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, sorry. All right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Don't move, I don't think
you wanna be doing that.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Just drop the gun
and nobody gets wet.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, my God.
I'm a goner.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I'm wet.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You shot my boyfriend,
you dirty fuzz.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I ain't dead yet, cop.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, I'm dead.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, very nice.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Natural-born squirters.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}at least you don't have a thing
trying to-- let go.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Forrester panting ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}There.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Here boy, where are you?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Here, boy. Here, boy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Where are you?
Here-- hey.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Clay, have you seen
my dinosaur anywhere?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, Frank, could this be
your dinosaur?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That's-- oh. Oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, ho, ho. Ho, ho.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, ho. That hurt.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, ho, ho. Aha, ho, ho.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That is skin there.

{\a1\pos(243,460)}Ow, ow, ow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Dinosaur makes noises ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}FRANOh. Ah, ha, ha.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Dinosaur makes noises ]

{\a1\pos(78,460)}FRANK:
That's a sensitive spot there.

{\a1\pos(243,460)}Yi, yi, yi.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, wow.

{\a1\pos(327,460)}Wow.

{\a1\pos(243,460)}Ho, ho, ho.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}Oh, ho.
I must admit that stings.

{\a1\pos(327,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Ouchy, ouchy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Bambi, oh, oh.

{\a1\pos(243,460)}Yo, ho, ho.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ah-ha-ha.

{\a1\pos(327,460)}Wow.

{\a1\pos(75,460)}Oh, ha, ha, ha, ho, ha, ha.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, that stings.

{\a1\pos(243,460)}Ouch, ouch.

{\a1\pos(327,460)}Woo.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Dinosaur makes noises ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Frank snorts]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Dinosaur makes noises ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Frank screams ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, that hurts.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Ouch.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Music playing ]

{\a1\pos(201,68)}Million bucks.