Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 7, Episode 14 - San Francisco International - full transcript

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Way down in Deep 13 ♪

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Dr. Forrester
and TV's Frank ♪

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Were hatching
an evil scheme ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ They hired a temp
by the name of Mike ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Just a regular Joe
they didn't like ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ Their experiment
needed a good test case ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ So they conked him
on the noggin ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ And they shot him
into space ♪

{\a1\pos(369,460)}Mike:
Get me down!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ We'll send him
cheesy movies ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- ♪ The worst we can find ♪
- ♪ La la la ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ He'll have to sit
and watch them all ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- ♪ And we'll
monitor his mind ♪
- ♪ La la la ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Now keep in mind
Mike can't control ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- ♪ Where the movies
begin or end ♪
- ♪ La la la ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ He'll try to keep
his sanity ♪

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ With the help
of his robot friends ♪

{\a1\pos(159,460)}♪ Robot roll call ♪

{\a1\pos(201,96)}- ♪ Cambot ♪
- Show yourself.

{\a1\pos(201,96)}- ♪ Gypsy ♪
- I'm not ready.

{\a1\pos(201,96)}- ♪ Tom Servo ♪
- Hello there.

{\a1\pos(201,96)}- ♪ Croooow ♪
- That's one "O."

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes ♪

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- ♪ And other
science facts ♪
- ♪ La la la ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Just repeat to yourself,
"It's just a show ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ I should really
just relax" ♪

{\a1\pos(138,460)}♪ For Mystery Science
Theater 3000. ♪

{\a1\pos(33,460)}( chuckles )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ah, yes.
Yes, hello, everyone,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and welcome to
the Satellite of Love.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Today we would like
to start our program
with a political debate.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}On my left, Tom Servo,
and on my right,
Crow T. Robot.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And the subject
of today's
political debate,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}politics. Gentlemen?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Well, first of all,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}let me once again
state that if we

{\a1\pos(264,460)}are going to have
a democracy,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}we must have
a mulching
attachment.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yes, but do you
not agree that
the whole concept

{\a1\pos(12,460)}of a shampoo and conditioner
in one is absurd?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Huh. Let me
answer that, sir,
with a question.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Have you or have you
not ever tilled

{\a1\pos(264,460)}the Apple River with
Sally Jessy Raphael,
hmm?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Dill is a good spice.
I will not have it maligned.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Why, you've never even
met Mamie Eisenhower,
have you?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, have you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Are you saying
that you do ride

{\a1\pos(12,460)}in a surrey
with a fringe on top?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Gentlemen, please,
surely there must be
some middle ground.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}But horseradish does
not go with chicken.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You refuse to even learn
about Wink Martindale.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, let me
restate, sir,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}that you are
a kindergarten baby,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}you wash your face
in gravy, wrap it up
in bubblegum,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- and mail it to the Navy.
- We'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Shut up, Iris.
- But I just wanted to say--

{\a1\pos(348,460)}You, sir, cannot
criticize Babar.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}So, Mike,
who won our little
political debate?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No, no, my friend,
as long as we furthered

{\a1\pos(180,460)}an understanding
of vital issues,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}then the real winner
is the American public.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yeah. So in other words,
I won.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You scallywag.
You rake.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You nattering nabob
and naysayer.
You mugwump.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You dare
sting me with
your solo ding-dong.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- ( radio static )
- ( music playing )

{\a1\pos(285,460)}( static stops )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, hey, Nelson.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Whole lot of work
going on around here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, we gotta
tuck point that whole
section up there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That wall there,
oh, holy cats,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}that's a project
in itself.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So you fellas
better get busy, too.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You gettin'
a whole lot
of work to do

{\a1\pos(180,460)}in fixing up things
and whatnot.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So we'll meet you
down at the Mermaid
later, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, Frank, what do you
think of this wall here?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Ah, you can take her out
or leave her in, I guess.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ah, it's gonna run you
about the same,
just the same.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Ah, might want
to take some
green-treated lumber

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and toenail her in,
I suppose.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ah, hell, I would.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Long run, you're gonna
be glad you did.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, you know, guys,
as long as I got
this board here,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}it'd be a good time
to teach you...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Whoa! Hey!
- the classic--

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Watch it!
- teach you the classic
board gag.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Be careful
there, Mike.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, no, it'll be fine.
It's the old gag

{\a1\pos(96,460)}where you're over there.
"What's that, Servo?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Ohh!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}- Mike, be careful
with that board!
- Crow, did I get you, too?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Oh, Servo. ( laughs )
- ( groaning )

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, real sorry about that.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- ( groaning )
{\r}- Oh. ( laughing )

{\a1\pos(159,460)}( Bots muttering )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, you gotta admit
it's pretty funny.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ugh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}( music playing )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ah, Deb
make you that?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}( chuckles )
Yeah, right.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Like I could ever
get her to do that.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ah, you know,
that Deb is fine.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What's that supposed
to mean, man?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Nothing. I'm just
saying, you know,
Deb is, you know--

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Deb is
private stock, man.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Okay, okay.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Nelson, your movie
this week,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"San Francisco
International."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, yeah, San Francisco
International Airport.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I Sheetrocked
that place, man.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Nice guys out there,
real regular guys.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, back at it.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( whirring )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I-I see a light,
Mike.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I'm going down
a hallway,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and I see a light.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Is that you walking
with me, Jesus?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Eh, where is
the board?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Please
don't hit me

{\a1\pos(348,460)}with the board
again, mister.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Sorry. I didn't know--
- ( alarm blaring )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, no!
We got Movie Sign!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Ow. Ow. Ow.

{\a1\pos(96,96)}- ( chuckles )
- ( laughs ) I'm all better.

{\a1\pos(432,68)}Me, too.

{\a1\pos(264,124)}Hey, watch out
for mountain-sized
meteor parts.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}Okay,
big frigging deal.

{\a1\pos(432,124)}"Hi.
I'm Snuggles
the bear.

{\a1\pos(432,68)}Down here."

{\a1\pos(180,68)}( groans )

{\a1\pos(180,96)}Ooh. ♪ San Francisco
International Airport ♪

{\a1\pos(180,96)}♪ Where the big
B actors roar ♪

{\a1\pos(348,124)}Yeah, wonder
if Pernell's
gonna be

{\a1\pos(348,124)}older
than his dad
in this show.

{\a1\pos(348,68)}"Gulager?"

{\a1\pos(348,68)}Not Gallagher?

{\a1\pos(348,96)}What sort of
name is Gulager?

{\a1\pos(180,96)}Your in-flight movie,
"Fearless."

{\a1\pos(180,96)}♪ What I am
is what I am ♪

{\a1\pos(180,96)}- ♪ Is what I am ♪
- Shut up.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}- ♪ Is what I am. ♪
- Shut up, Iris.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Filmed
in Panelvision.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Gentlemen...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "...I'm Pernell Roberts."
- the captain tells me

{\a1\pos(96,460)}the faulty landing gear
warning light is on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Therefore,
we will have to take
certain precautions.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Who are you?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Exactly what
does that mean, Jim?

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Where's
my drink?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}...warning light means
we have to figure

{\a1\pos(12,460)}on the possibility
of the landing gear
collapsing at touchdown.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Now Little Joe
and I will try to rope
the plane, but..."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}San Francisco tower,
this is Charter 447.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We're having
hydraulic problems.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Request
straight-in approach.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I've got him.
- ( overlapping chatter )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Roger, 447.
Cleared for
straight-in approach,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}runway one right.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wind 280 at one-niner.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Roger. 447.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"And thank you,
token."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Stand by.
We have an alert-two
emergency in progress.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Conver 990 charter
on final.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Okay. ( gasps )
Clu Gulager?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All right, move.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Did you ever see Clu Gulager
and Evonne Goolagong

{\a1\pos(96,96)}with the Groovy Ghoulies
in the Gulag Archipelago?

{\a1\pos(96,96)}- Yes, I did.
- ( sirens blaring )

{\a1\pos(348,68)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(432,96)}This is
alarming.

{\a1\pos(264,68)}"Nancy Malone."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Awooga.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"I'm Ziggy
Stardust."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Should the airport
have a volunteer
fire department?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I don't...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Oh, my adenoids."
- Ooh.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"My shipment
of face cream
is on that jet."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( sirens continue )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Awooga awooga.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Land on us.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}We'll cushion
your fall."

{\a1\pos(264,68)}"David Hartman"?

{\a1\pos(264,124)}David Hartman,
your guaranteed
TV movie seal.

{\a1\pos(180,68)}( chuckles )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Strange. Isn't that
the airport
survey flight

{\a1\pos(264,460)}with the Senate
committee aboard?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Quiet, honey."
- The Senate committee?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}A couple
of congressmen...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Ah, let 'em crash.
- and Conrad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, all my people
at the airport have
been alerted.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}They'll take
every precaution.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now I suggest that
we let this young lady

{\a1\pos(180,460)}instruct us
on emergency procedures.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"...which
never work, but..."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Please raise your seat back
to vertical.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Remove all sharp objects
from your pockets.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Like your voice?
- Make sure your seatbelts
are pulled snug.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hold the pillow
over your face,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and bend your face
down onto your knees.

{\a1\pos(348,96)}"Press until you
no longer move."

{\a1\pos(264,96)}"Now for some
plane aerobics."

{\a1\pos(348,68)}With these guys,

{\a1\pos(348,124)}I'll bet the
seatbelts are
already snug.

{\a1\pos(348,68)}Hey, chubby.

{\a1\pos(264,96)}"Ah, now your 747s,
when they go down,

{\a1\pos(264,96)}they leave kind of
a spray pattern."

{\a1\pos(117,96)}This is San Francisco
control tower.

{\a1\pos(117,96)}We have an emergency
in progress.

{\a1\pos(264,96)}Didn't Werner Herzog
direct "Stayczek"?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know, Tab Hunter was
Troy Donahue at one point.

{\a1\pos(516,460)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Hmm.
( smacks lips )

{\a1\pos(117,96)}Beach Bonanza, hold where
you are on the taxiway.

{\a1\pos(117,68)}We have an emergency.

{\a1\pos(348,124)}"There's
a gray slick
on the runway."

{\a1\pos(264,96)}"I'm sorry
about the stamps."

{\a1\pos(180,96)}"Senator Dumbo
was killed today."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Whoo-hoo!

{\a1\pos(432,432)}Whoo-hoo!

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Name one
of these actors.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Uh...
- Yeah?

{\a1\pos(432,96)}Old Hickory,
A.S.C.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}I'm guessing
people in first class

{\a1\pos(180,460)}get to cushion
themselves with
people in coach.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That's the way
it should be.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We have an emergency.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}United 10. Roger.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Pan American 111,
maintain present...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Does this
every time he lands.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Has to make
a big production
out of everything."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Jeez, they've
whipped themselves

{\a1\pos(180,460)}into a state
of mild concern.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( gulps )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}You could
cut the tension

{\a1\pos(348,460)}with
a dull object.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Okay, get him.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Crash into him
if you have to."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Whoa.
- Whoa.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Oh.
- ( gulps )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Once more
around the horn.
- Right.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Mommy."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Is this heaven?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Uncle Tonoose!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I believe I had
the right-of-way.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Jeez."
- Whoo!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, no one
can survive it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This is too horrible
for words.

{\a1\pos(264,124)}God, there are
credits all over
the runway.

{\a1\pos(348,124)}So where's
George Kennedy
in all of this?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Lawrence
of San Francisco.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Lawrence.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Is this any way
to run a TV movie?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You bet it is.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Terror at Sea Level."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Ah, man,
the cops."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, really prompt
luggage crew. Eager.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}"Oh, no! Your hairpiece
is stuck in the door!"

{\a1\pos(348,96)}"Jeez, pass if
you're gonna."

{\a1\pos(432,124)}"Okay, I
think we can
shake 'em

{\a1\pos(432,124)}if we turn
this corner
here. Uhp."

{\a1\pos(180,96)}Ah, couldn't you just
crash a little bit?

{\a1\pos(180,68)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(264,96)}Ah, where are
the charred remains?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Gee,
anybody hurt?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I hope I'm dead,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}'cause my pants
are full."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Can we see the end
of 'Six Pack' now?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}May I have
your attention
for a moment?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"The best way
to get stains

{\a1\pos(348,460)}out of your
underwear..."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What I just put you through
was a simulation.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "What? Kill him!"
- "Kill him!"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "Get him!"
- "Son of a..."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}A standard
emergency procedures test

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that we do with the tower
every month.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There was
no real emergency.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Had it been real...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"...I wouldn't have
done 'Trapper John.'"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}some of us
might not be here now...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Let go
of my hand."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and the number
of real emergencies

{\a1\pos(12,460)}in the future
is up to you, gentlemen.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Eh?
- Aah! Run!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now, when you vote
on the appropriations

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that the Airport Commission
is asking for...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}remember what
it was like up there
a little while ago.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"So give to
the Will Rogers
Institute."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Tell the captain
we can head back now.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I don't
really love you.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I mean,
we all said things
we didn't mean.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I don't expect you
to marry me."

{\a1\pos(201,460)}447, turn right
on taxiway C,

{\a1\pos(141,460)}and proceed
to the V.I.P. loading area.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}- Okay.
- Roger, 447.

{\a1\pos(264,124)}Jeez.
They overbooked
the credits.

{\a1\pos(348,96)}If you
listen closely,

{\a1\pos(348,124)}you can
hear the guys
beating the crap

{\a1\pos(348,96)}out of
Pernell Roberts.

{\a1\pos(432,96)}"You son
of a-- guh."

{\a1\pos(348,96)}"Just got
a message.

{\a1\pos(348,96)}All of your
mothers died.

{\a1\pos(348,96)}Just kidding!
Ha ha!"

{\a1\pos(264,68)}Huh.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}Oh, I think this
is the restored

{\a1\pos(180,460)}second unit
director's cut.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Ah, where'd I leave
that neck brace?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Hold
the pickles.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Hold
the lettuce.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Special
deplaning
orders don't--"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"No, really, ma'am,
I gotta get off fast.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I think they're
pretty mad at me."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I've never
spanked a member
of the Ponderosa."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This little
demonstration
your idea, Jim?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It was.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All right.
You've made your point,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}though a little
more melodramatically

{\a1\pos(180,460)}than was necessary,
I think.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Okay, Senator
Stinkypants."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ladies and gentlemen,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}the parents
of the Beatles.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}♪ Bwow. ♪

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Evans, I want to talk.
- I'm so sorry, Senator.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Please get in. Go ahead.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}It's a clown
limousine.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Here, sir. Will you
sit on the jump seat
in the front, please?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Go back to your
piddly Congress.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I work for an airport."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I'm sorry, Senator.
Please get in.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Can I sit on
your lap, Jim?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Now I'm gonna
play tricks

{\a1\pos(264,460)}on the Trilateral
Commission."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Will the distinguished
Senator from California

{\a1\pos(180,460)}please scooch over?
Boney, aren't you?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"You pump. I'll pay.
Want a bagel dog?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now that
the excitement's over,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}it ought to be
a fairly routine day

{\a1\pos(180,460)}except for that
Federal Reserve shipment
coming in.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's an all-cargo
shipment, isn't it?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, I see you're
ready for it, anyway.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Well,
we rented
a truck."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}How much money
in that shipment?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't know.
Don't remember exactly.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Something over
3 million bucks.
I know that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}From the Federal Reserve
at Juneau.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}What time's
it due in?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}1:30, about 2 1/2 hours.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All right, I'll check
back with you.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Ah, insert Tab A
into B movie.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Ah, he's
punching out
of the movie.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He's gotta get to his
"Lust in the Dust"
audition.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Hope Van Johnson
didn't stack
my locker."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He's got a poster
of Jeffrey Hunter
in there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Davey?
{\r}- "...The Luftwaffe called."

{\a1\pos(453,460)}Davey?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I love
this windbreaker
so much.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I love you,
windbreaker.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Do you love me?"
- Yeah?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You're not
still packing, are you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No. I was just
looking for this.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Why did I
marry him?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We've gotta get started.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Mom...
- "...Why is the music
so poignant?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I don't want to go.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}You know
what I mean.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yes, I know what you mean.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"But they
need you
in Vietnam."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ah, she's wearing
appliance green.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'll explain it
to you again.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"You're a loser,
and we're sending
you away."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's just that sometimes
married people...

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"...Break up
because of
their kids."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}simply have to live
apart for a while.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Apart from their kids,
I mean."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You're gonna
get a divorce.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Yes,
and I don't
want custody."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That hasn't
been decided.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Although,
because of you,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}it's
very likely."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Do we have
to go now?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"You have to go now."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Look, we've been
through this before.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Come on, hurry up.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}David Hartman
was really young
in this movie.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Come on, kid.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Get your act
together.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Just read
"Catcher
in the Rye,"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}and deal
with it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Well,
there'll always

{\a1\pos(264,460)}be 'Battlestar
Galactica.'

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That'll never
be canceled."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Captain Howdy
will show me the way."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I'm miss my
Neo-Renaissance
lifestyle.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( sniffles )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}And my
windbreaker."

{\a1\pos(225,460)}( P.A. )
Trans World Airlines...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Damn.
- ...flight 88...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Damn.
He's being followed
by Major Nelson.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Boy, I'm really
feeling my Tab today.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Tab Hunter,
hunting down

{\a1\pos(348,460)}people who don't
pay their tabs.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Boy, that
makes me yearn for
a $5 hot dog, huh?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Mm-hmm.
- Mm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I think he's tab hunting
even as we speak.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Hey,
you know what?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I'll pick up
that Tab.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'd like to run a Tab...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}all over my body.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Hey, what do
you say we
split that Tab?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- ( laughs )
- Wow.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}It's Tab time.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Heavy fog's coming in
from off the coast.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The city'll
probably get it heavy.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Oh, I love Kona.
Ohh.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yeah, we're gonna
get an awful lot

{\a1\pos(264,460)}of airplanes
in a little while.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's gonna be
a busy shift.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, well,
you just get 'em in.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll try to find
someplace to put 'em.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"They could stay
at my house."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Aha.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Never kissed me
like that."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, good morning,
America.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I made-for-TV
love you."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Have a good trip.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Hmm.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Wait a minute.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I married
David Hartman."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Whoa. Whoa, boy."
( guffaws )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"What did I do with
my career? Hmm."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( horn honks )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Hi there.
Ho ho ho ho!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Oh, civilization."
- I'm sorry.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No trouble, lady.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Ugh.
- Just drive.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Do it...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}if you want to live.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I want to live
and love and laugh."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Just drive."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"There's
an airport fee,
you know."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( sobs )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Now this from
English Leather."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Ah, pork bellies
are up.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Ooh.
- Up there.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Tab is
just a specter
in this film.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Thanks,
Bartholomew Cubbins."

{\a1\pos(201,460)}...now arriving
at gate 55.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Dig me."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Evans would like
to see you right away.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- What's up?
- I don't know,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but Jenny says
he is raving.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Maybe he got
the commissioners
to fire me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What did you do?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- My job my way.
- "Mylanta."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Listen, if I'm
out of work, I'll have
time to propose.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And I'll have time
to think it over...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Oh.
- carefully.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "You'll say yes."
- ( knocks )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Come in.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Katie said
you wanted
to see me.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}One, and two,
and turn and...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Want to get
one thing very straight
with you and Hatten.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}And that is?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's very simply this.
If you ever pull
another stunt

{\a1\pos(12,460)}like the one
you pulled this morning,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you're gonna be finished.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And if you ever
get involved with him

{\a1\pos(180,460)}in something like that
again, you're gonna be
through, too.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Look, Evans,
I represent the Sheriff
of San Mateo County

{\a1\pos(12,460)}on these premises, right?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now if Jim Conrad here
or you or anybody else

{\a1\pos(12,460)}breaks the law
of that county
or this state, I'll move.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Otherwise,
Jim runs the airport,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and I run
the security division.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And as far
as I'm concerned,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}it's gonna stay
that way.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}We're into deep
TV movie now.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Airport movies
are like

{\a1\pos(264,460)}the watering holes
of B-movie actors.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}You said it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}First of all,
Bob had nothing to do

{\a1\pos(180,460)}with what I did
out there this morning,
so get off his back.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now second, somebody
better do something,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and fast, or we'll
all be finished,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}because this airport
will be an antique
nobody'll dare use.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm aware of
this facility's needs.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"What about
my needs?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I also know there's
a right way to do things--

{\a1\pos(285,460)}And Conrad's way.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, now I am
supposed to keep
those runways open

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and all the traffic
on 'em moving.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"We gotta close
the beaches."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And as a representative
of the Airport
Commission,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}you're supposed to see
that I have whatever
I need to do it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now maybe you
better start
planning some stunts

{\a1\pos(201,460)}of your own
if you don't like mine.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You can try to justify
this morning's escapade
all you want to, Jim.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The fact is
that Senator Whitman
didn't like it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You think?
- He didn't like it at all.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}And?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And as the expression goes,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you made your bed.
You're gonna have
to lie in it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Alone, unless
I miss my guess.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, you didn't
come to me

{\a1\pos(12,460)}when you
decided to teach

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that planeload of V.I.P.s
a lesson.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Don't expect me
to bail you out

{\a1\pos(33,460)}now that they're
gonna come after you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You know something,
Cliff?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Rolos are
my favorite candy."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I really wasn't
counting on you anyway.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"So eat
my dimples,
okay?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wow. That's great.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Oh, yeah?
Well, I've had 17,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and I don't feel
a thing."

{\a1\pos(369,460)}Airport Motel.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Room 212, please.

{\a1\pos(369,460)}Thank you.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I'll have
Silky Sullivan
in the fifth."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Hello.
{\r}- Are they there yet?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Yes, I'm here.
I answered
the phone."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Yep.
- Jeez. Aggressive
stewardess recruiting.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So convenient
to have a Hostage Inn
right near the airport.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Okay, go ahead.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It'll be on time.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What about Edwards?
- Adverts?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He's in the coffee shop.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll call you back
as soon as he leaves.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"He's eating
a big bear claw.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It could
take a while."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No. Uh-uh. No way.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Servo,
I am telling you,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}"Wake Me Up
Before You Go-Go"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}is about the Vietnam War.
Would you look at side--

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, please.
The song is clearly
about Bangladesh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Even George Harrison--
- Guys, check it out.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm Urkel.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- ( laughing )
- ( laughing )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Urkel.
- It's Urkel.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It's a great Urkel.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That is hilarious.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Gypsy, come in here.
You gotta see this.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What? What?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}( laughing )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( laughing )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, Urkel.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That is
delightful.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Frank,
whatever is--

{\a1\pos(348,460)}not Urkel.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( laughing )

{\a1\pos(96,460)}( laughter continues )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}What?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}H-Hey, Jan in the Pan,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Urkel.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}( laughing )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}What's everybody
laughing at?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It's not that funny.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I can't stop.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It's really
not that funny.
Now cut it out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}( laughter continues )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I'm such a nerd.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( sleigh bells jingling )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hey, Santa,
come here.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You gotta see
this thing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Urkel.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Urkel? ( laughing )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}( laughter continues )

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, no.
I can't stop.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I can't get my pants
high enough.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}All right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I got my rip
in my side.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I think that's--
- No. No, Mike. Don't stop.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Keep going.
- Okay. I'm Urkel.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I'm still Urkel.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Darn right I am.
You're darn right.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( sighing )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Take it easy.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}All you've gotta do
is get your husband
on that line.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Ask him if his
refrigerator's
running."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Okay, I can handle
three more arrivals
between now and 2:00.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's the best
I can do.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, thanks.
You saved my neck.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}No, not yet,
he hasn't.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You're still gonna
have one plane more
than you got gates.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I'll trade you
one arrival for
two departures."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}But heaven help you
if you get behind
on your departures.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Featuring
state-of-the-art
technology.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( phones ringing )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yeah, it's extending
up into the entire
northern end of the state.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yeah, they're diverting
everything down here.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"No, I'm not
the boy who's

{\a1\pos(348,460)}upset about
the divorce."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"W.A. May I take
your pledge?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}May I please speak
to Captain Ross Edwards?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}This is his wife.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Just a second.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I don't know
that he's still here.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I admit it's
a convoluted way
of saying it."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Please, it's urgent.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I wouldn't
know that
he didn't say

{\a1\pos(348,460)}that he
might not be
here still."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Captain Edwards.
- Yo.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Your wife on 712.
- Thank you.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, it's great being
David Hartman.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hi, honey.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Hi, honey."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Joan?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Tsk tsk,
Lucas Tanner."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Edwards...

{\a1\pos(369,460)}we've got
your wife.

{\a1\pos(369,460)}You ever
want to see her
alive again...

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"I can
barely
hear you.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}You want to
call back?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}As far as anyone
in that room
is concerned,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}they'd better
think you're
talking to her.

{\a1\pos(369,460)}Do you
understand?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Leave me alone.
You're suffocating me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Like that?"
- Yeah, Joan. I understand.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I like it when
you call me Joan."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That's real good,
flyboy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- "Will do."
- So far, you're doing
just fine.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You just keep it up.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}He's Papa Smurf.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}If you don't,
we'll know about it.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}The pilots union
is tough.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Now here's what
you're gonna do.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"First, have
a healthy
breakfast."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You're gonna
hang up that phone

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and hightail it out
of that room just
as fast as you can.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( clicks )
"Hello? Hello?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Go down
the main concourse
to the men's room.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Joe Orton
will be there."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Inside, there'll be
a phone ringing.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Don't wipe
with it."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You'd better
be the fella
who answers it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"There's a bathroom
with a phone?
That's great."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}It's Pernell's
elaborate trick

{\a1\pos(348,460)}to demonstrate
the need

{\a1\pos(348,460)}for men's room
phones.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I'm just
a pilot.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I'm not used
to pressure."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"I'll bring
my lunch
my way."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ahh! The alien!

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Sorry, Ross.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Is this considered
hightailing?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Stop looking.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}( phone ringing )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Well, that's for me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll take it
in the bathroom."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}His hair looks
so natural.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Move aside.
Bold one
coming through."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Eastern Airlines...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I wish this film
was in color.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...now boarding
at gate 16.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I can't.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( goofy )
"I gotta rescue
my wife."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}...delay five
or 10 minutes,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}let alone an hour,
not today.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}There's just
too much traffic--

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No way?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Let me get
my Day-Timer."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Not if it means
your wife's
gonna be dead

{\a1\pos(264,460)}if you
don't find a way?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Look, I could
if I would,
but good luck."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}An hour?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Oh, great.
I have a cyst."
( groans )

{\a1\pos(96,460)}How do I know
if I do what you want,
Joan'll be all right?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You got it
all wrong, flyboy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I'm even uglier
than you."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}What you should be
thinking about is...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Joan Lunden."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}what's gonna
happen to her

{\a1\pos(264,460)}if you don't
delay that flight
for one hour.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Well, I think
that's implied
in what I asked."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}One hour.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Not one
second less.
Do you understand?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}One hour.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He needs
more facial hair.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Yeah,
less face.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I hate
deadlines."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Well, I gotta pop over
to the 'Harry O.' set."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}All orange
all the time.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ugh.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Can we use
the pool?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Do not invade
with SWAT team
here."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Ah! That's
a brilliant
touch.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"He wants me
to polish the doorknob."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Well, I'm gonna
catch a shower.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Don't go anywhere,
all right?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Wow.
- Ooh!

{\a1\pos(348,460)}So she would
actually have

{\a1\pos(348,460)}to turn the knob
to get out.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Wow.
- ( whistles )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Hot-blooded,
check it and see. ♪

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Don't worry, lady.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Your husband's
gonna find a way.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}God, it's Dandy Don.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}After all,
what's an hour, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Fred Garvin,
male prostitute.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TWA 245, make a left turn,
and proceed to gateway 58.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}245, roger.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Here's our own
lovely 747

{\a1\pos(348,460)}sporting
a white outfit

{\a1\pos(348,460)}with a singular
fetching
right stripe

{\a1\pos(348,460)}all the way down
that luscious
fuselage.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Air Force 721

{\a1\pos(264,460)}across
runway 28 right,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and hold for
landing aircraft.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Western 310 cleared
to cross the taxiway.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Even the sky is brown
in this movie.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Blecch.
- ( coughs )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That's the EPA's
private jet.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- ( laughs )
- Ah, that's great.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( humming a tune )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Ah, shoot.
My face is still there."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Western Airlines flight...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}♪ I'm just
a gigolo ♪

{\a1\pos(348,460)}♪ Everywhere
I go ♪

{\a1\pos(348,460)}♪ Blah, blah,
blah, blah,
blah, blah. ♪

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ That's why the Savior
is a tramp, yeah. ♪

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, that was
a très bien merde.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Will Delta Airlines
passenger Rochelle...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Here.
Take my purse.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You know, she's got
a nice Republican
cloth coat.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Sir, will you be
checking all your
family members?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I'll be back
in a couple
of minutes.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I want to check
that story out
with Conrad.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It's called the
"Heart of Darkness."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, why don't you go
listen to the tower

{\a1\pos(180,460)}while your mother
checks you in?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You can hear the planes
take off and land.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Sure, Dad.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( sentimental music plays )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Things suddenly
got poignant.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"He's never forgiven me
for burning his bra."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'll just
take this on with me.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Ah, getting
divorced, huh?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Well, hello.
I just have
to sashay

{\a1\pos(348,460)}across
the airport.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I'll be back.
Bye."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Mommy, look at
that man's ears."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "Honey, shh."
- "But, Mommy--"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"They're not
that bad."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}When you need
an ugly man for
a small part...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No, not ground
transportation.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ One pill makes you
larger, and... ♪

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( imitates
motor )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( humming )

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( imitates
motor )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Slug Bug.
- Ow.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Herbie.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Okay to call
the flight, Ross?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Sure.
Call the flight Ross.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- See what I care."
- Load's been computed.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Weather's
no problem yet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'd like to get
an on-time departure.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I know I'm
forgetting--

{\a1\pos(348,460)}oh,
the kidnapping."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Call the flight.
We'll be taking off
on schedule.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I'm gonna turn it
over to Spencer
Christian now."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Call 223 now boarding.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Position O28 right,
watching 223.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}A10 ready.
Clear for takeoff.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Kind of a TV movie
Mount Rushmore.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}What'll you have?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}♪ Pabst
Blue Ribbon. ♪

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Scotch and soda.
- Three.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Western 223
cleared for takeoff.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wow. It's
an elaborate plan
to get a drink.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Let's review
our cast.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Hold it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}...Western 83,
when the clear point's..

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Western 223,
you've been cleared
for takeoff.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}223 request taxi
back to the gate.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "Taxi?"
- "Taxi?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "Taxi?"
- Roger, 223.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Make a right turn
at the next intersection
and hold.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Right turn
and hold, 223.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Sorry, guys.
I forgot my thermos
of gin."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Returning for...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}United 27
clear for takeoff.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}United rolling.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Well...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Western 223,
what's your problem?

{\a1\pos(432,460)}The...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"My face is large
and troublesome."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}nose wheel
feels mushy.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"And so
does the
copilot."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Move to the next crossover
and hold there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We'll try to find
a place to put you
at the terminal.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Roger, 223.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That's real smart,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}took up
a lot of time.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now, in a real emergency,
a heavily loaded jet

{\a1\pos(12,460)}would get off the runway
approximately right here.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Wait a minute.
223's returning
to the terminal?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"This doesn't affect
our drinking,
does it?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I better get down there,
'cause if he wants to unload,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm gonna have
to find him a gate.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Yeah.
- "Here. I'll finish this
for you."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Don't rush.
It'll be
a while yet.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Western Airlines
flight 223

{\a1\pos(117,460)}is returning
to the terminal.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"'Cause David
Hartman thought
it felt mushy."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ How will you make it
on your own? ♪

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( whistles along )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, hey, somebody
left a pie tin
on the fence.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It's perfectly good.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Ooh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I was hoping
we wouldn't take off.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Oh, honey,
I met Bob Dole

{\a1\pos(348,460)}since we've
separated."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I ate all
the Frusen Glädjé."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll just
go see what's
causing the delay.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}We'll be
in the lounge.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Fine.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Oh. Son, Scotch is
a good breakfast drink."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Martin Milner,
airline mechanic.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Ever think
of changing
the oil?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, David Hartman's
a neck with face
and eyes.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Oh, he's not
that bad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Look at this. Milfoil."

{\a1\pos(516,460)}Duh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, as far
as I'm concerned,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}this gear is
in perfect condition.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Then you fly it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That nose wheel
strut's mushy.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"All kinds
of girl stuff
in there."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}How'd it feel when you
ran it onto the apron?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Perfect.
- Well...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If it hadn't,
I'd be in there
finding out why.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Then stop
mouthing off,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}and start doing
just that.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"What time
of the month is it?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Wait a minute,
Edwards. We got
a problem.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What are you butting in
to this for, Conrad?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}This is an airline matter.
It's got nothing to do
with airport business.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}When this airport is
jammed up with planes

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and I got no place
to put 'em. That's
airport business.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And it's my business
to make sure

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that anything
I fly passengers in
is 100% safe,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and I'm saying
that nose wheel
didn't feel right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, your chief mechanic
doesn't agree with you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's right, but
the final responsibility's
mine, not his,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and that plane
doesn't move until I know

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that nose wheel's
safe for a landing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I understand that, Ross.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Where are
those rewrites?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}All right,
if this flight
isn't loading

{\a1\pos(264,460)}in 15 minutes,
I'll have to have it
towed out of here

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and over
to the shops.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Hope
they kidnap
your wife."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"We'll be back
after this."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}♪ By Mennen. ♪

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( popping )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It's a miracle,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}a miracle.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Virgin Mary
in my face oil."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look at that.
Just look at that!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's a miracle I didn't
lose my sight in that eye.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}A quarter
of an inch higher,
and I would have.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Mr. Woodruff,
why don't you have
a seat over here?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And if you like,
I'll get a doctor
down here

{\a1\pos(180,460)}to take a look
at your eye.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There's nothing
for a doctor to do.
It's a black eye.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}It's an eye
of color.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Just gonna have
to live with it

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and try to explain
how I got it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Why don't you do that?
Why don't you tell me
what happened?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, I don't see
how you can allow

{\a1\pos(264,460)}a young hippie
type like that
to go around

{\a1\pos(264,460)}punching people
in an airline--

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Mr. Woodruff,
we don't allow hippies

{\a1\pos(12,460)}or anybody else
to start fights
at this airport.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Except Jackson Browne."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now if you'll just please
tell me what happened.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Well, actually
I fell against
the coffee table again."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, every Friday,
I go down and check
my company's books

{\a1\pos(264,460)}in the Los Angeles
branch.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"It's
a dirty habit,
I know."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I take the 12:40
commuter flight
down there,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and I usually
manage to make it

{\a1\pos(285,460)}back in time
for dinner.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "...And 'MacGyver.'"
- All right.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, today I
arrived here
at the terminal,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and I had
a few minutes
to spare,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}so I went over
to the candy counter

{\a1\pos(264,460)}to pick up a pack
of diet gum.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Oh, you mean
for fatsos?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}My wife is after me
to lose some weight.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Anyway,
I'm standing there,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}waiting
in the line.
You know,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}there's always
a little crowd
there...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Fatso."
- and one cashier,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and I'm waiting,
and all of a sudden,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}this dirty-looking,
long-haired creep

{\a1\pos(285,460)}with a guitar
on his back...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Shawn Phillips?
- shoulders his way

{\a1\pos(264,460)}right in front
of me in the line.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}He couldn't
wait his turn like
the rest of us.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Is that when
the fight started?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}There wasn't
any fight.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Bo-oi-oing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I just told him
he could go to the end
of the line

{\a1\pos(180,460)}like any
decent citizen would.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Mm-hmm.
What happened then?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Then he told me
what I could do.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Mostly
character roles."

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I don't think
I have to tell you
what that was.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"It involved
my bottom."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And then he shoved me
out of the way again,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}he paid the cashier,
and just took off
just like that.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You know,
Jesus was a hippie.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}But it didn't end there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Just as I was about
to board my flight,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I saw him
sitting over there

{\a1\pos(180,460)}in the Delta Airlines
waiting area,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}plucking
that guitar of his.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Playing a guitar
in an airlines
terminal.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Singing
Mr. Bojangles."

{\a1\pos(201,460)}So I walked up to him,
and I got him up
on his feet,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}and I was gonna
tell him exactly

{\a1\pos(201,460)}what I think
of people like him,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and then he hit me

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- right there.
- "Right there."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He knocked me down
on the ground.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}My briefcase fell open,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}the papers went
all over the place,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and even broke
my glasses.
Look at that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And that's when
the officer stepped in
and brought you here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Is that right?
- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"And you're bald,
aren't you?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}All right, Joe,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- get the boy, please.
- Sure.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Hey, were you on
'Carter Country'?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You mean you're
not gonna keep him
locked up?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No, he's not locked up.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He's in the room
right there,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- the other room.
- "There's a room
over there."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm gonna hear
his side of it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- ( grumbles )
- You can stay where you are

{\a1\pos(12,460)}if--you should
keep quiet.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( grumbles )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Now let's meet
our hippie!
( cheers )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Name's
William Sturtevant,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}age 22,
occupation student.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Oh, he's
a made-for-TV
hippie.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Like, peace, man."

{\a1\pos(453,460)}Student?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"No,
thanks, man.
Just had one."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What are you studying?
- Guitar.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You...
- "...know any Donovan?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}you don't know how
to play that thing?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, like,
there's playing it,
you know,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and then
there's playing it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I'm no
Yngwie Malmsteen."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- William?
- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}What brought you
to the airport,
William?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Bus, my friend. What else?
- I'm not looking for jokes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Looking
for some pot, though.
You got any idea--"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}What's your
business here?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You mean
where am I going?

{\a1\pos(453,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, there's
this music festival

{\a1\pos(180,460)}up in Westbridge,
Virginia, and...

{\a1\pos(369,460)}All right.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, what happened
between you
and this man--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( laughs )
I don't know, man.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- He flipped out.
- Now wait a minute.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"I do not
flip out.
I freak."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}What makes you
say that?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, I was
just sitting there

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- when this--
- Suit? Cat? Dude?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You're sitting there,
right, cool, you know,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- mellow...
- Satisfying.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}minding
your own business,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and all of a sudden,
this dude's
all over you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So, well, I mean,
he's gotta be
flipped out, huh?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, didn't you
expect some kind
of trouble

{\a1\pos(264,460)}after what happened
at the candy
counter?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm not following you,
my friend. No way.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "...Jose."
- You don't remember

{\a1\pos(264,460)}shoving him
at the candy
counter?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Hitting
him with
a Marathon bar?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I don't know nothing
about nothing about
no candy counter...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Uh-uh.
- and that's the truth.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"That's the truth."
( blows raspberry )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Are you just
gonna sit there

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and let him
lie to you like that?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Is he lying,
Mr. Woodruff?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Of course he is!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I told you
what really happened.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, are you
gonna believe me or
someone like that?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Why don't you just
sit down, Mr. Woodruff?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sit down, please.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Mr. Woodruff
looks like
a roll-on deodorant.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now, if you weren't
shoving this man around

{\a1\pos(180,460)}at the candy counter
about 10 minutes ago,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}what were you doing?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I was all hung up over
in the other concourse...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I believe I had
good vibes."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Southeast
Pacific Airlines.
- Hung up?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Pardon
my hipness."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}See, I bought
this ticket two weeks ago

{\a1\pos(96,460)}to go
to the music festival.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And when I get here
this morning,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}they tell me I can't
get on the plane

{\a1\pos(96,460)}because something's
wrong with whatever's always
wrong with 'em, and...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- The mushy thing.
- that they booked me

{\a1\pos(96,460)}into a Delta flight
and to come over here,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and so I came over here.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( gurgles )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Does anybody
want to get high?"

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Give 'em
a call, Joe.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Oh! You got
a dry-mark
board."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, boy.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}So the Man's
coming down hard.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I guess there's
just no justice left

{\a1\pos(12,460)}in this country
at all, huh?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Meet
the new boss."
( chuckles )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I mean, when
a hippie punk like this

{\a1\pos(12,460)}can go around
punching people
in the face

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and breaking
their glasses

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and then get away
with lying to the law
about it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}If he's lying, he's not
gonna get away with it,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but he's got as much
right to be heard
as you do.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}This hippie's
straight out
of "Brigadoon."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Look at him.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I see him.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Can't keep
my eyes
off him."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Bob,
Southeastern Pacific

{\a1\pos(12,460)}does have an aircraft
temporarily
out of service.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}They rebooked
several passengers,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}including
William Sturtevant,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}onto Delta's flight 21.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Mr. Sturtevant
picked up his ticket
at their counter

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- on the north concourse.
{\r}- When?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- 10 minutes ago.
- Ah!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}While you were
at the candy counter

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- in the south concourse.
{\r}- "...Stuffing your face
with diet gum!"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I think
you can still make
that Delta flight

{\a1\pos(264,460)}if you get moving.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Gotcha.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"The answer
my friend is blow it
out your ass."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Whoo!
- Whoo!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, and, hey, man...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}you're outta sight.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( laughing )
Huggy Bear, Rooster,
it's Urkel.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}( laughter continues )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Wait. Wait. Wait.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Wait. I got
one for you.
Okay, ready?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- What?
- Ready?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Hey, Laura,
want some cheese?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( laughing )

{\a1\pos(432,460)}What?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Cheese! Oh, God!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( laughing )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}( laughing )

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( alarm buzzing )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( as Urkel )
Ah, we got
Movie Sign. Aah!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( laughter continues )

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I don't want you to leave.
- ( chuckling )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There's no need.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Please, Lester,
we've been through
this how many times?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I want my wife.
I want my son.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I want my Maypo."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Not as much
as you want to be
the one man

{\a1\pos(180,460)}whose column
can cure the sickness
of an entire city

{\a1\pos(180,460)}or create
a Cinderella overnight.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Ah, that's good.
Can I use that?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That's what you want.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That's what
you really want.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It isn't. You're wrong.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Sure, my work is
important to me,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and it's important to a lot
of other people, too,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}sometimes very important.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I understand that.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I really do.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Hey, more
Reba-esque."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}But what
I can't understand

{\a1\pos(180,460)}is why your work has
to be your entire life,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}why there's
never any room left
for Davey and me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I can't control
when a story's breaking.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Who's Davey?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You don't get to the top
in this business

{\a1\pos(12,460)}worrying about
getting home at 5:30.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}The top--{\r} you're
on the top, Lester.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"What about
the top of me?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You're not
a cub reporter.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Hi. I'm not
in this."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You're not
breaking in
a new column.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You don't have
to beat every paper
to every story.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You're Lester Scott,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}the most
important columnist
in this city,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}perhaps the most
influential man
in San Franci--

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Because I care
about what I do.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I'm sleeping
with Herb Caen."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Of course you do.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I wouldn't want you
to be any other way.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( whimpers )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Rub-a-dub-dub,
thanks for
the grub,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}dear God."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}But do you have to--
do you have to cover
every story?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Do you have
to make the rounds
of all the bars

{\a1\pos(201,460)}and all the parties?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Do you have
to look like that?"

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I mean, if something
important happens,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}you'll hear about it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Everybody wants
to tip Lester Scott

{\a1\pos(180,460)}to his latest scoop.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Everybody
wants to know you,
to be your pal.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"And nobody
doesn't like
Sara Lee."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Don't you understand?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So do Davey and I.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I don't know
this Davey."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That isn't fair.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You're asking me
to choose,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you and Davey
or my work.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Work wins."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No, I'm not.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Work doesn't pick
and pick at me."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I never have.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I've gotta get
to my depression
class."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I just think that
we're entitled to
part of your time,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}just enough so we
can feel like...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"...a natural
woman."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}we're a family
again.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Nope, nope, nope, nope.
Not working.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sell it more!

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Perhaps if we
had a child."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Wow, Mom and Dad
are really
going at it."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Huh? Think I saw
some Israeli commandos."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Aerial
eroticism.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Wow. They've got
planes here."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Ah, taking
that one to
the impound lot.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This is Overseas
National 821.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We are estimating
San Francisco
in 10 minutes.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Roger, 821. You're
number three to land.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"If I could only
find some thread,
I could--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}holy cow!"

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Wind 285 at 15.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Roger, San Francisco.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We'll call
at the outer marker.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Overseas 821 clear.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Listen
to John Tower,
25 cents.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Going
my way?"

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( hums )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ah, kid's gonna
have black rings
around his eyes.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Pernell Roberts
is to this movie

{\a1\pos(264,460)}as Chad Everett is
to "Medical Center."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Yes.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Aah! The hand
of God! Oh."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hi. What do you see
that's so interesting?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Airplanes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yep, I know
what you mean.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, you're
really pretty lucky.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You get to be
around 'em all the time.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, you're right.
I am pretty lucky, at that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- "No love in my life, but..."
- You know what that one is?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's pretty new.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Check the oil,
sir?"

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Sure.
That's a 747.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's really groovy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "Are you high?"
- It's so smooth.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, yeah. When they
tuck up those wheels,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and go, "Whoosh..."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"You know a lot
about planes."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}it's really something.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Want to go see
the vroom-vrooms?"

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Guess you're
kind of disappointed

{\a1\pos(117,460)}your flight
didn't take off, huh?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No, I was really
kind of glad.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Heresy,
blasphemer."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, really? I kind of
thought flying was
your favorite pastime.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, I like to fly,
absolutely,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but this flight,
you know, it's--

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I'm all
messed up inside."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, my mom and I
are going away,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and my dad isn't coming.
You know what I mean.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Oh, so your mom's
available."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I was kind of hoping
that maybe they'd get
back together, but...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, I see
what you mean.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Dave, are
you familiar
with reality?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, I guess
it's hopeless.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}My dad just doesn't
get much time off from
that paper of his.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I'm not wearing
a toupee."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, well...

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"...It's
probably
your fault."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}sometimes these things
kind of work
themselves out.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Not this one."

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Just have to kind of
hope for the best.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"Maybe if you were
out of the picture."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll be seeing you.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Gee, I hope
there's a bell tower

{\a1\pos(264,460)}where we're
moving to."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Meanwhile,
on the "Buffalo
Bill" set...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ She gets
too hungry ♪

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ For
transubstantiate. ♪

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Hello, Father.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Hello, Muddah."
- Can I help you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I hope so, Miss...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Miss Barrett.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"It's a miracle.
You knew my name."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I had an appointment
with...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "...Bozo."
- the director

{\a1\pos(12,460)}of airport
public relations.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"And I'm not lying."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We're going
to arrange a field trip
to the airport

{\a1\pos(12,460)}for my boys
at St. Charles.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I don't care."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, I'm sure
they'll enjoy that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}My problem is...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}..."I need
a woman so bad."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I can't seem to find
this gentleman's office.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Would you mind
showing me where it is?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, of course not.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It's just
down the hall.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Jeez, ever since
Vatican II, these guys."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now take it
nice and easy.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"There's a new
testament in town."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}You know,
all the Church
will do

{\a1\pos(348,460)}is move this guy
to another
parish.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Gonna get down this hall,
past that guard.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}All right, Mr. Kent.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Give me trouble,
that guard's a dead man.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"What,
old Porno Pete?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You know, when I
said this field trip

{\a1\pos(264,460)}was for my boys
at St. Charles,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I meant the choir.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Improv.
Improv.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It's not easy to get
kids to practice
these days.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm constantly
trying to find

{\a1\pos(180,460)}outside activities
for them.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hi, Katie, Father.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "So why the gun, Father?"
- Fred.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Last month,
I took 'em to the zoo.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, they hated it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- They told me
I wasn't hip.
- Hmm?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Just head
to that elevator.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It seems
that the zoo

{\a1\pos(264,124)}isn't the in place
for the 11
to 14 group.

{\a1\pos(264,96)}But basically
they're good kids,

{\a1\pos(264,68)}full of mischief...

{\a1\pos(96,124)}- Why is
he holding her hostage?
- Well, it's God's work.

{\a1\pos(180,96)}and the best choir
in the diocese.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Look,
I'll go along with
the hostage thing,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}but this
constant banter..."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( imitates door
whooshing )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Captain Kirk."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Aren't we
going down?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"...Mr. Tyler."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's neat how they
decorated the airport

{\a1\pos(180,460)}in sort of
an airplaney motif.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Third level
of hell,
please."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( imitates
door whooshing )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Pretty cute
for a priest,
aren't I?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What do you want?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You'll find out.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Forgive me,
Father, for I
have sinned.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I have rubbed
Pernell's toupee

{\a1\pos(348,460)}all over
my naked body."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You scared?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"You gonna cry,
eh, baby? Huh?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You do
what I tell you to,
you'll be all right.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I'm beginning
to doubt you're
a priest."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}This is
why they should let
the priests marry.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Now remember,
we're husband and wife,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and-- oh."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"You have
anything to do

{\a1\pos(348,460)}with
Judas Priest?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( gasps )
Choose wisely.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}San Francisco tower,
this is...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Got to cut
the fences back
in the fall.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}They grow back
real nice.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, this
is the shot they used
for the album cover.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}...altimeter 3021.

{\a1\pos(516,460)}Madness.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"So do the Jesuits
carry guns, too?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}All right, stop.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Can
I call you
sometime?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}We're going
over there.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You're gonna get
the keys to one
of the airport cars.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Uh-huh."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Anyone
says anything,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}your boss told you
to drive me

{\a1\pos(264,460)}to the other side
of the field.
You got that?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I need more subtext."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Yes.
- Good.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Let's go.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't we take
two cars,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and I'll just
meet you there?"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Look, honey,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't want
to hurt you,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- but if I have to...
- His name is Frank Davis.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This man's
about as menacing
as Wally Cox.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Mobile seven.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Move that car
off the field immediately.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Make a right turn
at the next intersection,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and go straight back
to the terminal.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Is this Frank Davis?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It is. Now get that car
out of there.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The car is not
moving, Frank.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Nyah,
nyah, nyah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}At this moment, I'm--

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm holding a gun
on a Miss Katie Barrett.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Unless you're doing...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Oh, I love
talk radio."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}...she's had it,
you follow?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Your line.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}How do I know
you've really got her?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Hold her face
up to the radio."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Huh?
- Don't be stupid.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- ( groans )
- Take a look.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Recognize the dye job?"
- Get the picture?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"What are you
gonna do, son?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What am I
supposed to do?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Keep all traffic
in the air and
on the field normal.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm watching the field,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and I know the routine,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}so don't try
anything funny.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"That bitch.
I'm the hostage."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}In a few minutes,
a cargo flight

{\a1\pos(33,460)}from Alaska
will be landing.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}When he touches down,
you tell him to go

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to the end of the runway
and hold.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ooh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You got that?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I've got it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I can't wait
till Reagan fires us."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Remember, anybody
starts toward this car,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}this girl's
in big trouble.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}That guy's
one of the best

{\a1\pos(348,460)}lookers-on
in the business.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}♪ Moving on up
to the East Side ♪

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- ♪ Doo doo. ♪
- Absolutely Pernellian.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Any problems?
- Ah, we're okay.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}He's on
his final now.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Sheez,
what a mess.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}You go
to Arby's a lot,
don't you?"

{\a1\pos(33,460)}San Francisco tower,
this is Overseas
National 821

{\a1\pos(33,460)}over the outer marker.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Roger, 821.
Clear to land.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Toupee and
Graveweave,
they're cops.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}With the Elk River
High School
marching band.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( imitates
marching band )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I think those
curly fries
are good."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}To the end
of the runway.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Overseas National 821,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}taxi to the run-up mat
at the end of runway
28 right and hold.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"See? I told you
they'd do it.
Give me a dollar."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Ah, remember
when I scared
those congressmen?"

{\a1\pos(432,460)}And he wins!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"So did you get
that 'Toma' part?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Looks like
Dr. Zaius.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}He's even got
the Dr. Zaius
suit, see?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yeah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Going to get
my ball back."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Ohh. Uhh."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Ever done
a 'Banacek,' Clu?"

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}There's something wrong,
Jim.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}There's no reason
for him just to sit
out there like that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Especially when he's got
$3 million onboard.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Let's have a look.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"John Schuck
ever call you?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Radio provided
by Playskool.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And Dodge Coronets
are there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What's that car doing?
- Oh, about 30, I guess.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Stop them.
They're headed toward
that cargo plane.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Mobile four,
mobile four.
Hold where you are,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}please.
Do you read?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Don't move
your car, Bob.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}There's a guy
dressed like
a priest...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "...Walks into a bar."
- ...on the center turf.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}He's holding a gun
on Katie Barrett.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}I think
he'll kill her

{\a1\pos(285,460)}if we don't do
what he says.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"They're after
my toupee."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}San Francisco tower,
this is Overseas National...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ It's you, girl, and
you should know it. ♪

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...821, we're aware
of the situation.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hey, don't just
leave that thing

{\a1\pos(264,460)}in the middle
of the intersection!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Move that battleship!
- All right, you tell him
we're not moving.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You tell him he's
calling the shots.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, I like that.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Keep it up.
You may get
this girl back alive.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, yeah.
His cat is in there
somewhere.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"So is that Hoss guy
pretty nice, or...?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Sir, what
did your bag
look like?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Sir, you can't
just dump..."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Why don't you pop in
"Machine Head" there?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Dials. Buttons."
( chuckles )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Switches."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm gonna call through
the switchboard operator.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He won't hear us, but...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Mobile operator.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Operator,
get me San Francisco
International Airport.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}She is pure
TV-movie pretty.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Good. My laundry.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Get a different
shirt on here."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( yowls )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, operator.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Operator,
this is Hatten.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Could you get me
my office, please?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Yes, sir.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Oh, finally.
My new checks."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Sergeant Dobkin.
{\r}- Yeah, this is Hatten.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Don't stop to ask me
any questions.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "Why not?"
- Yes, sir.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}There's a guy
dressed like
a priest...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "...Walks into a bar."
- holding a gun on
Conrad's secretary

{\a1\pos(264,460)}in Mobile seven
right in front
of the tower.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I don't want
you guys to lay
a hand on him

{\a1\pos(285,460)}until you're
sure she's safe.
You got that?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Yes, sir.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( panting )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Rush albums!
Whoo!" Whoa.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}This guy overpacked.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I want you to cordon off
the whole airport,
that's street side,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}field side,
the whole airport.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You let cars in,
nothing out.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I mean absolutely
nothing goes out
till I pass the word.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Jeez. Didn't know
international
smuggling

{\a1\pos(264,460)}involved so much
heavy lifting."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( yowls )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Get in touch
with San Mateo,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and you tell
the Sheriff that we
may call on him.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- You got that?
- Will do.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}All right, and you
keep this line open.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Okay, bye."
Click.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( buzzes )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Oh, man, another sack
of hundreds.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I just need change
for a 10."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Put me through
to the fire department.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Right.
{\r}- Hmm?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, that's always nice.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Just steal
the in-flight magazines.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Conrad here.
Send one of the trucks out

{\a1\pos(12,460)}as fast as you can
to the northwest
boundaries.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}There's a break
in the fence. Block it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"If only Paulist
Doctrine were
more liberal."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}What's Tab doing
with his hand?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}What's he doing?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Nothing yet.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Megaweapon!
- Megaweapon!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Get to
Tony Zerbe's house.
He's having a brunch.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Throws great brunches,
too."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( suspenseful music plays )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Sounds like
the Avengers
are here.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Crank it up.
We're moving.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He's moving.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- They're moving.
- Moving.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}All right, Dobkin,
he's heading

{\a1\pos(264,460)}for the terminal.
You stay awake.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Are we moving?"
- ( gasps )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Oh, that's
my ring toe."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Come on. Come on, baby.
Let's roll.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- We're moving.
- We're moving.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Through there.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"No, sir, this is
contract parking.
Do you have-- Oh."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"My head
is spinning.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}It's all
happening
too fast."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Jeez, I got
a baptism to get to

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and then
a church social.
Gotta move."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Frank, he's gone.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Are you all right?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yes. I'm okay.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"We'll have to
dock you for this."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Security,
it's Conrad.
He's loose.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}We're on our way
to the cargo liner.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Guess you
better slow that
Mustang down.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Mr. Camus, no!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Just so we never
have to work with

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Gregory Harrison,
you know?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Maybe if I
had just taken
more hostages."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And his ears
are still ticking.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Chain link,
Julie, Pete.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- ( groans )
- Oh, my. Come on.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Whoa! Ooh! Ow!

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I got
this covered.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}We did this on
a 'Longstreet'
once."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( humming a tune )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Let's go find
somebody else to shoot.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}All right.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"So what exactly
did you do on
the Ponderosa?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Texaco guys.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}You see a priest
around here
anywhere

{\a1\pos(348,460)}in the past
few minutes?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- No.
- "We want to get
married, and, well..."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( crazed
laughter )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Shut up.
- ( chuckle )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}That's...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}They've been evicted.
Look.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Ah, my new
hairpieces
are in."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So this is Denver's
new baggage-handling
system, huh?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Yep, it's a plane,
all right."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Eh, boxes like these
are real good

{\a1\pos(180,460)}when you're moving,
you know."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"They're great."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Scott, forgive
the interruption,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but I think
you'd like to know

{\a1\pos(180,460)}that somebody just
robbed a cargo flight
on the runway,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}close to $3 million.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}This'll only
take a few minutes.
I'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"But I can't
get a pulse.
I'm dead."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Where'd your kid
get those
new glasses?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}...And I
just heard
from security

{\a1\pos(348,460)}a few minutes
ago. I'll get
you out there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Dad. Dad.
- "No comment."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"No one
in the airport
loves me."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( sobbing )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"On 'Making
of a Terrorist'..."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( humming )

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Do you
love me?"

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We've got
the owner of the car
on the telephone.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}He's positive
the magazines aren't his.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Okay. I'll get back
to you if I need you.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Well,
the mail pouches
are empty,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}so they got
the money.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I don't know how.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( slurring )
"I got stuff
to say."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}That guy went
over the fence,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}he wasn't carrying
any $3 million
with him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hardly.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}And all we found
in the car

{\a1\pos(264,460)}was old magazines.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So where's the money?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Duh.
- Duh.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Duuuuh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You said you could
close up this area

{\a1\pos(96,460)}in a matter
of minutes, right?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "Right. yeah."
- Right.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}All right,
they get the money,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but they probably know
they can't get out
of the area with it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What do they do?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}They don't try.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I think better
over here."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They transfer
that money right out there

{\a1\pos(96,460)}onto a box
already on the plane,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}a box they'd mailed earlier
addressed to themselves.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}A box loaded
with old magazines.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"We're gonna have us
a lot of 'Hustlers.'"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Security,
this is Mobile four.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I read you, Bob.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Have somebody
weigh those magazines
right now, please.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Okay.
Hold on a minute.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Mumbles wants us
to weigh magazines now."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Will you be
my daddy?"

{\a1\pos(33,460)}41 pounds.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Hi. Can we look
at your magazines?"

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Box big enough to hold
41 pounds of magazines.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That's gonna take
a pretty sturdy box.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Maybe even
a wooden one.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"...was shorter
with firm thighs and..."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Oh. Hickory Farm
gift pack.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Okay, enough with
the significant looks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Is that what
you're looking for?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We'll know as soon
as I get a postal
inspector out here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Tonight on
"Postal Inspector"...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}How will
you know then?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}That's when we
open the box.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( kisses )
"I love you,
plane."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( humming a tune )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I'll pretend
I'm fighting
the Cylon Empire.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That's
perfectly normal."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"It's pretty,
and it likes me."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( chuckles )

{\a1\pos(285,460)}( motor chugging )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Torn between
two airplanes. ♪

{\a1\pos(348,460)}This is what
lonely people

{\a1\pos(348,460)}did
before sci-fi
conventions.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ow.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( coughs )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I'm gonna
fly away and become
Jimmy Osmond."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, you didn't see
a pair of sunglasses
on the ground, did you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Uh-uh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"My parents are
divorcing, you know."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"If I find
your sunglasses,
will you love me?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Just keep
looking for
those sunglasses.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That's it,
loser. Come on."
( chuckles )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Hey, Lawrence
Hilton-Jacobs
back there.

{\a1\pos(516,460)}Ooh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I'd know
this nose grease
anywhere."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hey, lookit there.
A Berman Buckskin
mannequin.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Ah, yes.
The opulently
appointed...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}San Francisco
Airport.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Tender.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( whimpers )

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Deet,
deet, deet!

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( imitates
explosion )

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"I'm gonna splatter myself
all over the tarmac
to impress Dad."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}( chuckles )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"God did that."
( gasps )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Plane looks like
something you'd get

{\a1\pos(264,460)}out of
a cereal box.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( plane engine overhead )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Suddenly,
I am Starbuck."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( imitates whoosh,
weapon firing )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I gotta get
ahold of myself.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I was on
the 12th level

{\a1\pos(348,460)}of Dungeons
& Dragons

{\a1\pos(348,460)}and now
there's blood
on my knife."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( humming along )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}This movie
just staggers

{\a1\pos(264,460)}from one
commercial break
to another.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Ooh. He's got
Palmolive hands.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}How could he have
opened and closed

{\a1\pos(12,460)}a heavy crate
like this so fast?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He was
only out there, what,
three or four minutes?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Maybe this
is your answer.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Dummy screw.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No, they're
challenged screws.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"No, no clue.
Give to Daddy."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Let me have that
a minute.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Come here.
Give me that."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Excuse me.
Mexican
for lunch."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No, something
is holding
this thing down.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Maybe it's
the dummy screws.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Hot, steamy
hardware
intrigue.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}They should just
get Schneider
to do this.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Would you
just open the...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Pernell Roberts
and Clu Gulager,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}the new stars
of "Hometime."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Yep. Oh.
- "I don't see any money."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Nothing there.
Nope."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Ah, looks like
we're drinking
tonight."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Now they have enough

{\a1\pos(264,460)}for
a Streisand ticket.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ah, maybe not.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}How long does it take
to cross into Mexico
from El Paso?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Maybe five minutes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Let's do it."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- "Road trip."
- Whoo!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Not a bad setup.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Box goes onto
the next flight
to El Paso,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}which they're
booked aboard
as passengers.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Three hours later,
they claim their package

{\a1\pos(12,460)}at the El Paso
air freight and
head for the border.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}With 3 million
in cash.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Except we only
have one flight
to El Paso today,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and that was
scheduled to leave
before this arrived,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}which explains
Ross Edwards'
mushy nose wheel

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and 223's delay.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Normally
what would you do

{\a1\pos(12,460)}with a package
of medical supplies
like this marked "urgent"?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'd put it
on the next flight
to El Paso.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"That's just me,
though."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}And if I told you
that Western's 223

{\a1\pos(264,460)}was delayed and
hasn't left yet?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'd put it on that flight.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Okay, take the money out,
close it up,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and have one of your men
rush it over to 223.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Thanks for the scene."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You want to fill me in
on what you guys
are doing?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yeah. There are
two Ts in Hatten.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Right. Let's have it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, when I get
back to my office,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I'm gonna
get in touch
with El Paso,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and I'm gonna have 'em
pick up whoever calls
for that package.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Then I'm gonna have 'em
pick up Ross Edwards.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I'll wait here
and smirk."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I'll give you
a lift. Come on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I wish they were
my wife and kid."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Western Airlines
flight 223...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Oh, he's been
beamed in.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- That's Stayczek, right?
- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Stayczek and
Banacek battle
to save Kolchak.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, the Fisher-Price
airport set

{\a1\pos(180,460)}with Weebles.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Oh, yes,
my luggage."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( chuckles )
Not a very busy day

{\a1\pos(180,460)}at San Francisco
International.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...for El Paso
now boarding.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I been thinking
of getting

{\a1\pos(264,460)}some of them
bunny earmuffs.
What about you?"

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Continental Airlines
passenger...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}He's from
the Land
of Misfit Toys.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}He's like
a handsome rat.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( giggles )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Serum,"
the new CD from Rush.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Yep,
my luggage.
Yep."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Come here."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Take a hard look
at what you've married."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Well, he's
got a nice
personality."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Is that
a new scarf?"

{\a1\pos(183,460)}...128, runway 10,
right by the outer gates.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Man, this movie
is fraught with
meaningful looks.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This is the final call

{\a1\pos(117,460)}for Western Airlines
flight 223.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Burl Ives
is Andy Capp.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Ah, I got
one of these
boarding things.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll just
head on in, then."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...now boarding, please.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"How much
do I really love
my wife? I mean..."

{\a1\pos(516,460)}Eh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I'm Charles Lindbergh.
Whee!"

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Anyone seen
a screwed-up
kid?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Davey?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Eat my
jet fuel, Mom."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I'm gonna love you
less now, Davey."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Kiss my dysfunctional
butt, Mother."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Davey!

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Wait! I think
my sunglasses

{\a1\pos(348,460)}are under
the floor mats."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- ( snickers )
- ( chuckles )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"It's a Mad,
Mad, Mad, Mad,
Mad, Mad World."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}The restored
version.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( humming a tune )

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( overlapping chatter )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Oh. Child
of a messy divorce
on runway two."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Red Ercoupe
crossing the taxiway,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}hold your position.
Do you read?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Oh, the occasional
magazine, but..."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Red Ercoupe,
do you read?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Sometimes
a book.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I wouldn't
consider
myself a...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}kids book reader
as such.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hey, Frank,
that was Leonard.
- "I mean, there's readers...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The Ercoupe
just passed him.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}There's a kid
flying it.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Well,
shoot him down!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}( laughter continues )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( as Urkel )
All right,
all right.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}All right,
all right,
all right.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}All right,
got one more.
Ready?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}( laughter continues )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}( laughing )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Nuveena.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I don't see what's
so funny, Nuveena.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}What you talkin'
'bout, Willis?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}( laughter continues )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, Urkel!

{\a1\pos(159,460)}( suspenseful music
playing )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, Urkel!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Urkel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Can you believe...
- Urkel.

{\a1\pos(159,460)}( suspenseful music
continues )

{\a1\pos(201,460)}( music stops )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I-I've gotta say,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I've never been
a big...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Urkel fan.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}( laughter quiets )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I've gotta go read.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Yeah, me, too.
Let's go.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I'll help.
- Not really that funny,
I guess.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yeah, I mean,
who's Laura, anyway?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( stammers )
Want some cheese?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It was Urkel.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Are there
any light planes up?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Any instructors
in the training area?

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Ah, funny.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No. There's too much
jet traffic.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Anybody holding
for takeoff?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Maybe you
should sit down
for a minute."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}How much gas
in mine?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}About half,
if I remember.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}All right,
let's roll it out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"Sir, this is a highly
experimental aircraft

{\a1\pos(96,460)}controlled by your mind.
Not a good idea."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Do you have
a question
for my face?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}This is Captain
Edwards speaking.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'm sorry
for this delay.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}The tower has
asked us to remain...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Ah, Helen Hayes.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}at the gate
for a few minutes

{\a1\pos(117,460)}because of an emergency.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They tell us a young boy

{\a1\pos(117,460)}has accidentally taken off
in a small plane.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"And some elves are
transporting Nazis
to the moon."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We've been asked
to hold our positions

{\a1\pos(117,460)}until they can get
the youngster down.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We'll keep you informed.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Thank you.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Hey, Dave,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}why
the long face?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( laughs )
Ah, my.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Hey, how'd you get
that drink so fast?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ah, come on,
come on."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's Fergie
running from the press.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( humming along )

{\a1\pos(201,460)}( radio chatter )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's my wife! Stop!

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"You'll never
catch me,
coppers!"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Oh, drive up close.
I'll get the net."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...emergency in progress.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Davey!
He's up there!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Get her in the car.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"That's right,
honey, 'cause he's
the flying boy."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( babbles )

{\a1\pos(96,460)}All right,
stay with me, Frank.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm gonna have to try
to get that kid down myself.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}860, you're cleared
for takeoff.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ah,
come on, Pernell.
You're in charge

{\a1\pos(264,460)}of the vending
machines.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( radio chatter )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"The turkey vultures
are returning."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The only reason that thing's
still in the air

{\a1\pos(117,460)}is that some of those
little ones pretty near
fly themselves.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I forgot to take
my Dramamine.
Mommy?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( humming along )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}This theme song
is hard to hum.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}( hums )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Man, back when everybody
drove boss machines,
didn't they?

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( humming )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You stay here.
One of my men
will take care of you.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"If he violates
our airspace,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}we've gotta
take him down."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Yep, I save all
my keno cards."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Trick is to find 'em
and get 'em

{\a1\pos(180,460)}before they know
what's happening.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yeah. This is
the only picture

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Western could find
of Joan Edwards.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It was taken
at their Christmas party
last year.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}She's the one
in the black dress.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Wowwie wow wow!"
- Sir.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Pardon me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Would you put
your signature on this?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He put up the bail.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Thanks. My son
really liked you

{\a1\pos(264,460)}in 'San Francisco
International.'"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Mr. Woodruff.
- "Feeding time."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Give me that."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm not gonna
forget this ever.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And you haven't heard
the last of this either.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Just wait'll
we go to series."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"These damn subplots
keep washing ashore."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}( string music playing )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ooh, wow. He's
got Pablo Casals
in the back seat.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}He's very
John Schuckonian
here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Tonight
on Eyewitness News..."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( crackle )
"Missiles locked on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ready to terminate."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Davey, all
those people
down there

{\a1\pos(348,460)}are
getting divorced
because of you."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( crackles )
"Davey, climb out
on the wing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We're gonna switch
planes, okay?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I'm so high."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Bye-bye,
sucker."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"We're gonna die
down there."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"He wants me
to do karaoke.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}How?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"No, no, too dumb.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}No."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Eat it.
It's good."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Ah, forget it,
you little..."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Frank, get ahold
of the Ercoupe owner,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and find out where
the radio's mounted.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Stand by, Jim.
I've got the owner
on the phone now.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}...stay on the outer end
of the second intersection.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}He wants to know
where the radio is.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"It's at
my aunt's
house."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Okay. I've got it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}What frequency
do you keep it
tuned to?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm betting he goes down
in Sausalito.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I'll take some
of that action.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Stay where you are.
We may need
you again.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Right.
{\r}- Do you read, Jim?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Roger.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's behind
the right-hand seat.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He keeps it tuned
to tower frequency.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Got it.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"How do I
get rid of
the pee smell?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( humming along )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Kiss my..."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Wasn't he
the little girl
in The Cowsills?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, my.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Pufnstuf,
help me."

{\a1\pos(516,460)}"Okay,
Jimmy."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I'm gonna
shave my back."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( yowls )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Dur-hey, you little..."

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Can you hear me,
son?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yes, sir.
I can hear you.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Okay, good.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That's half
the battle.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Now what's
your name?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Davey. Davey Scott.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Okay, Davey,
this is Jim Conrad.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- "...The last man
you'll ever talk to."
- Remember me?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Sure. You're the guy
who runs the airport.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Davey,
I need to know

{\a1\pos(348,460)}where
your dental
records are."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Right, what we
gotta do is get you

{\a1\pos(201,460)}back to that airport
and on the ground.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yes, sir, I know.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now you
just pay attention,
do what I tell you...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "...And we all
go into the bay."
- we'll be okay.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}We got one thing
going for us.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Me."

{\a1\pos(285,460)}That's the easiest
plane to fly
ever made,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}simple,
like a car.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Oh, car."
- Now turn the wheel left
to go left,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}right to go right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- ♪ Do the hokey-pokey. ♪
- To go down,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- push the wheel forward.
{\r}- "Forward."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Pull it back to go up.
- "Pull the wheel?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Now, have you
got that?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yes, sir. I understand.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I'm a car,
and the plane is..."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Left to go left,
right to go right,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}forward down,
pull back to go up.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Now that's
the older model.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}You're flying
the new one which is
really complicated."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Now just
for the hell
of it,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}let's go
under the
bridge, okay?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}All right, Davey,
try to stay low,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and do just
what I tell you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"And of course
say your prayers."

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Now just try
to keep your wings

{\a1\pos(285,460)}parallel
to the horizon.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"No, don't
do that!
Oh, God!

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Just kidding.
That's a little
test there."

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Don't look over at me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Keep your eyes
straight ahead.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Don't look down.
{\r}- "That's it."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"See all those
people down there?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Those are the people
you've disappointed,
Davey."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now let's try
a gentle turn
to the right.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Okay,
with the plane, Davey."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ease the wheel
to the right
just a little.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Easy now.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"Now we're gonna guide you
into some power lines."

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You're looking great.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Now just try to keep
your wings parallel
to the horizon.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Now pretend
you're Buddy Hackett
and Mickey Rooney."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Now pull the wheel
back a little...
{\r}- "Where's the vomit bag?"

{\a1\pos(201,460)}just a touch.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}That's good.
Perfect.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"...If you
want to die."

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hold it
right there.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Okay, well,
there you go.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I'm gonna
split off here,
Davey."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Oh, and, Davey,
when you die,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}there's only
a dark nothingness
awaiting you."

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Okay, you're
doing fine, Dave.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Just stay loose.
Good.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hold it there.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"No, no,
not so close
to me! No!"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"All comedians,
put your notebooks
away."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I just don't
think we should
open our peanuts."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Yes,
my ears are big."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Want
to play Yahtzee

{\a1\pos(348,460)}or something
or...?"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"We're gonna bomb
that battleship
back there."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Oh, Davey, if you
like vegetarian,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}there's a restaurant
right down there,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}great
vegetarian food..."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Sir, I'm losing
control of the plane.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"real reasonable,
too."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Good boy, Dave.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You're doing fine.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"The faces
of those
you've wronged

{\a1\pos(348,460)}will be
floating up
on your left."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now we gotta get ready
to set her down.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You know where
the throttle is?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yes, sir.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Well, don't
touch it yet.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Oh, I'm sorry."
( cries )

{\a1\pos(285,460)}And when I
tell you to,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I want you
to pull it
halfway out.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"N-no,
the throttle."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Then just as we
touch the ground,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}all the way out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Then wiggle it."
- Can you remember that?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Sure, I can do it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Good. Now there's
one more thing
I want you to remember.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"You're a bad
and evil person."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I want you
to cut the engine

{\a1\pos(180,460)}right after
you pull the throttle.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Now another plane's
gotta join them

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and talk
them both down.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Don't fight
the wheel.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Stay loose.
Keep your wings
level with the horizon.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Now get in the
left-hand lane."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Watch your VOR.
Have you filed
a flight plan?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Have you radioed
it in? Get your
log sheet out."

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Just hold
that wheel
real gentle.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Now keep going
till you run
out of gas."

{\a1\pos(285,460)}All right,
we're approaching
the field.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Try to line up
on the center
of the runway.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I'm gonna
let you do
this first,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}'cause I'm
not really sure

{\a1\pos(348,460)}what to do
after this."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Davey, you're
gonna meet a man
in a black robe

{\a1\pos(180,460)}wanting to play chess
with you."

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Ease back
on the wheel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- ( chuckles )
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Don't look down
or to the side.

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"Just close
your eyes."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now if you feel a tilt,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}just ease your wheel
over the other way.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just keep your eyes
straight ahead
of you, Dave.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"No one
told Pernell
that Davey

{\a1\pos(348,460)}had the I.Q.
of a box
turtle."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}All right, a little
to the left, Dave.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Well, a lot
to the left."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's looking better.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Keep it steady.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Oh, they've
got it handled.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Can't we leave?"

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just stay loose.
Stay loose.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She'll fly herself,
Davey.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Davey, probably
wrong time to tell you,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but this is
a federal offense,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- stealing a plane and all."
- Steady.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Well, that's the end
of lesson one.
- Good. Good.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Now tomorrow
we'll actually
land them."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now just try to keep
your wings level.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Very good.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"I was a hostage.
Does that-- oh."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Get out of my way.
I'm trying to land."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Wouldn't it
be ironic
if Pernell

{\a1\pos(348,460)}died in
a fiery crash?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well,
it's looking...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You're doing fine, Dave.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Ease up the nose.
Pull up just a touch.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Runway's
on the ground,
Davey boy."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Looking very good.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now just ease
your throttle in
a little more.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now ease the wheel
a little forward, Dave,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}little more.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Keep on that center line.
Steady.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Stay loose.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Easy, easy.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on,
you stupid...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}She'll land herself.
Just hang in there.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Oh, you obviously
have no desire

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- to land, Davey."
- Attaboy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now yank that throttle
out, Dave.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}All the way!
All the way out, Dave!

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Before
you do that..."

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Good, Dave.
We're down.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Now let's
try that again."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( humming along )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Well, we're
stuck with him."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"I never get
to see anyone die."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( sighs )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Northwest 31,
you're clear
to land.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Northwest 31...

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( humming a tune )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Get a crew out there

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to move those planes
off the runway, please.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Is caning legal
in this country?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Pernell's got
a built-in grimace.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Argh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( humming a tune )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}( gagging )

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"I did it
for Jodie
Foster."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Ah, Davey,
can you give me a lift?"

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Ah! Ah! It's Satan!
- You okay?

{\a1\pos(348,460)}I'm in hell!"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Come on,
you little..."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"You know, people
are gonna hate you

{\a1\pos(264,460)}for quite a while,
Davey."

{\a1\pos(201,460)}( radio chatter )

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Davey, let me
introduce you

{\a1\pos(348,460)}to these
federal agents.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}They are what
you young people
call bad-asses."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Get these planes
off the runway
as soon as you can.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Davey,
get in the car.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"By the way, sir,
Lloyd Bridges

{\a1\pos(264,460)}is replacing you
when we go
to series.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Thought you
might want to know."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Here's
your script.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}You'll be
playing

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Black Woman
On Plane."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Ah, I clogged it up
pretty bad back there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}There's blue liquid
flowing all over
the floor."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, sir, you almost
didn't make it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I know.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You can stow that
right up there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Pardon me.
- Thank you very much.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- See your ticket, sir.
- Appreciate that, yeah.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Where-- oh,
here it is.
I'm sorry.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Dressed up as
Ellery Queen.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Thank you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Did you see that,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}the way they helped
that boy down?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I'll tell you...
{\r}- "Oh, you're undercover."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}this is a day
that boy will
never forget. Never.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, yes. I'm sorry.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}As long as they
got him down safely,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't mind telling you
what a break for me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Of course,
if it hadn't been
for this delay,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'd have never
made this flight,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and if I'm not
at El Paso by tonight...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, I'm sorry.
You have to place
your briefcase

{\a1\pos(201,460)}on the floor
under you seat.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Ah, so the Russkies
run this plane, eh?"

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Don't move.
- Ah, yay.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Don't even blink.
- Yay, Clu!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Clu! Clu!
- Clu! Clu!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Ah, yay!
- Black guy!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Black guy!
- Black guy!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}All right, let's see
that gun drop away.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Over your peanuts."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Easy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Real easy.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Oh, I already paid
for my headphones."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hands behind your head.
Do it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}All right, on your feet.
Slowly.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Ah, some kid
on standby is
very lucky."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}( humming a tune )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Being watched over
by a South American
dictator.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Guess what.
I got to ride
in a taxi!"

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Two words, kid--
foster home."

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Looks like
a dense smug
rolling in.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Welcome home,
traveler.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}I'm glad to see
you made it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I think she means it.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Oh, elsewhere
at the airport,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Clu and Tab
are hugging.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"This changes
nothing, son."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't know
how to thank you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Oh, you hold him.
We'll punch him."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Don't try.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm sorry
for what Davey did,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and I can assure you
we'll make certain
it never happens again.

{\a1\pos(180,68)}Well, now look. I--

{\a1\pos(180,96)}I'm not so sure
we should blame Dave.

{\a1\pos(201,96)}I mean,
he's what, 13, 14?

{\a1\pos(348,124)}"But
we'll try him
as an adult."

{\a1\pos(180,96)}I'm afraid
I'd be inclined

{\a1\pos(180,124)}to blame the people
who didn't have
enough time

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- to keep track on him.
{\r}- "Ah, yeah.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, I'll be sure
and let those
people know."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"The dogs
told me to do it."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Does this flight mean
I've officially soloed?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, no.
No, I don't think

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'd try to log
that one, Dave.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}As a matter of fact,
if you make another
unauthorized flight,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}you'll never get
your license.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We don't want that
to happen, now, do we?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Yes, we do.
- Yes, we do.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Which belt
should I use?"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, good-bye,
good luck.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}So long, pal.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Did you see the toupee
on that guy?"

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "I know. I know."
- "Wow."

{\a1\pos(432,460)}"I still
got it."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Excuse me.
You're under arrest.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Just gonna take you
to the federal
building here."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Let's never
have kids, honey."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Pacific Southwest...

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Ah,
the unauthorized
flight has

{\a1\pos(348,460)}really brought
this family
together."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Mr. Scott,
it was close,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but we managed
to get them off

{\a1\pos(180,460)}just before
they buttoned up
the plane.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Can I give you
any help?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No, sir. We want
to do this ourselves.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Here, Mom.
Carry these.
Do it!"

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Yeah, we don't need
a tip back here

{\a1\pos(264,460)}or anything.
That's fine."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...flight 88 for Kennedy
International Airport.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"...Has gone down
in flames."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...boarding at gate 11...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Ditch him at the gate."
- at the north concourse.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Wait. How come
he's not in jail?"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"Ah, Pip,
they were gonna
make me God,

{\a1\pos(348,460)}but I was too
good-looking."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Where was Evans
through all of this?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, wow,
I forgot to tell you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He was called to town
for an urgent meeting

{\a1\pos(12,460)}of the Airport Commission.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ah, it takes a meeting
of the whole commission

{\a1\pos(180,460)}just to write out
my pink slip?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, not this time
apparently.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}They told him to bring
a cost breakdown

{\a1\pos(12,460)}for the proposed
new runways.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- ( gasps )
- Seems Senator Whitman

{\a1\pos(12,460)}likes men who are
willing to take a stand.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Oh, great.
- Yes, they're gonna
get the new runways.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I was just about
to send out a call

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to find out
where you were.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}He drove right
onto the concourse.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, what have
we got here?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I think
they call themselves

{\a1\pos(201,460)}the El Paso
medical forwarders.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Is that all of 'em?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ah, that's three
out of three.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Hmm.
- What's going on?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"There's no sequel,
Tab. Forget it."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...flight 223 for El Paso.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}How's Joan Edwards?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}She's gonna be
all right.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Doctor gave her
a sedative.
Ross took her home.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Bill Harper's
taking his flight.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know,
one of these days,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you're gonna
have to tell me
how you did all this.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, I can't
tell you that.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That's police work,
secret police work.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You got to watch
this guy.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}"I'd rather have
a sip of Tab."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Let's go, Joe.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Davey, no."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Not again.
- "Davey!"

{\a1\pos(348,460)}And they'll
all be going

{\a1\pos(348,460)}to sunny
California!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now stay tuned for
"The Name of the Game."

{\a1\pos(348,96)}Clu Gulager
is Gilligan

{\a1\pos(348,96)}in "Gulliver's
Travels."

{\a1\pos(180,68)}That's good.

{\a1\pos(348,96)}This movie has
really raised

{\a1\pos(348,124)}my awareness
level of
airports.

{\a1\pos(96,124)}Me, too. You know,
I really took airports
for granted before this.

{\a1\pos(264,68)}( humming along )

{\a1\pos(264,124)}Be sure to worship
at the airport
of your choice.

{\a1\pos(96,96)}Sounds like
King Friday music.

{\a1\pos(348,124)}Ushers will now
be going through
the audience,

{\a1\pos(348,68)}taking donations

{\a1\pos(348,124)}for the
Will Rogers
Institute.

{\a1\pos(264,96)}The Roy Rogers
Institute.

{\a1\pos(432,68)}( laughs )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I must say
I found that film
rather disappointing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, on balance,
I'd say I have to agree.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Yes, its exploration

{\a1\pos(264,460)}of the inherent
conflict between
order and creativity

{\a1\pos(264,460)}was both flawed
and perfunctory.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}A mere pastiche.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And yet I do feel
it managed

{\a1\pos(12,460)}to convey
one profoundly
enduring idea.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Oh?
- What's that?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}David Hartman
is an ugly, ugly man.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Oh, yeah.
- Right. Right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Let me tell you.
- ( barks, growls )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Excuse me,
but I found

{\a1\pos(264,460)}that last remark
really uncalled for.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}The very idea
of judging a person

{\a1\pos(264,460)}by their
physical appearance.
I mean, really.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, my.
Mister Sensitive.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, I suppose
he has a point.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And anyway, you know,
we got a couple of
letters to read here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Oh, boy.
- So, hey, Tom,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}why don't you read
the first one?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, I'd love to.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Let's see
what we have here.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh, from
David Williams.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}It's right there
on his letterhead,

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Crayola letterhead.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Dear Satellite
Of Love,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}you know, I had
a dream about you."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Hey, he had
an awesome dream,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- a la Lionel Richie.
- Yes. Yeah, we--

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- just read the letter.
- All right.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Tom Servo, Crow,
Gypsy, Cambot,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}all of you guys
are funny."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Crow, notice he
didn't mention Mike?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh. I guess
I'm not funny.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Sorry.
- No, I guess not.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Get back
to Earth soon."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Thank you very much.
We'd love to.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}"Make more robots
in the future."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- No. No, no, no.
- No, definitely not.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- "Your friend, David W.
- I can't.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}P.S. I'm nine."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}It's good
information to know.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Sometimes we all
feel nine, David.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And put the picture up
on Still Store there.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh, he's a
cute little guy,
isn't he?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}He is nine, huh?
And it says "for
Gypsy's scrapbook."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Well, isn't that cute?
- How sweet.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So we'll
have to make her one
and put it in there.

{\a1\pos(348,460)}Yeah, that's
a great idea.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And we have
one more letter.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}This is from
Rob Meyers,
and he says,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Dear Satellite Of Love,
I was flipping

{\a1\pos(180,460)}through the local paper
last week

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and came upon
a photo of some
ancient hieroglyphs.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I was shocked
to discover that
one of the figures

{\a1\pos(180,460)}bore an uncanny
resemblance to Crow."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Look at that.
Hey, look at that.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Put that up
on Still Store there.
Look at that.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So you were Farouk el--
el Crow Robotus

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- or something like that...
- Yes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}in the past?
That doesn't
surprise me at all.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}But, anyway, thanks for
that nice picture,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and, Tom, why don't
you give 'em the address

{\a1\pos(180,460)}so they can write in
and send more stuff?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Send
any inflammation
you might have

{\a1\pos(264,96)}to the Mystery
Science Theater

{\a1\pos(264,68)}Information Club...

{\a1\pos(180,68)}And, say, Clayton,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}can I ask, is there
something unusual
about your ears?

{\a1\pos(432,460)}Ugh.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}My ears?
No, there's

{\a1\pos(264,460)}nothing unusual
about my ears.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Why do you ask?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}( gasps )

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, I don't know.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Maybe it's
my imagination,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but they do kind of
look sort of a little,
maybe, well, large.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Oh. Ugh.
- ( gasps )

{\a1\pos(432,460)}( gags )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Large? What do
you mean "large"?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Well, ears
have a tendency

{\a1\pos(264,460)}to grow slightly
as one ages,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}but it's
perfectly normal

{\a1\pos(264,460)}and hardly
noticeable.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Large? ( laughs )

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Frank, be a dear,
and push the button,
will you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Sorry.
I didn't hear that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}( laughs )

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, with the...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}( music playing )

{\a1\pos(264,68)}My job my way.