Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 7, Episode 1 - Girls Town - full transcript

{\a1\pos(33,460)}("MST3K Theme" by Charles
Erickson and Joel Hodgson)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ In the not-too-distant future

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Way down in Deep 13

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Were hatching an evil scheme

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ They hired a temp
by the name of Mike

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Just a regular
Joe they didn't like

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Their experiment
needed a good test case

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ So they conked
him on the noggin

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ And they shot him into space

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Get me down!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ We'll send him cheesy movies

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ The worst we can find

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ La la la

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ He'll have to sit
and watch them all

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ And we'll monitor his mind

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ La la la

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Now keep in mind
Mike can't control

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ Where the movies begin or end

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ La la la

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ He'll try to keep his sanity

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ With the help of
his robot friends

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Robot roll call

{\a1\pos(180,96)}♪ Cambot
♪ Show yourself

{\a1\pos(180,96)}♪ Gypsy
♪ I'm not ready

{\a1\pos(201,96)}♪ Tom Servo
♪ Hello there

{\a1\pos(201,96)}♪ Croooow
♪ That's one O

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ And other science facts

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ La la la

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Just repeat to yourself

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ It's just a show

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ I should really just relax

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ For Mystery
Science Theater 3000

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Okay, okay, okay.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Fruit cups, check.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Place cards, check.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Fresh guest towels

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in both the men's and
ladies' rooms, check.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Nut cup...
- Okay, Tom.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Got the sparkling
pink Catawba juice

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and the champagne glasses.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Check.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hi everyone, welcome
to the Satellite of Love.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank
are going to make some sort

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of a major announcement.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}So we're supposed to celebrate,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and Tom here is head
of the party committee.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- That's right, check.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Mike, you're not gonna
wear that, are you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- It's my tuxedo jumper.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Huh, sure, okay.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Dance floor waxed, check.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Music.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I got a band.
- Mm, good.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yeah, you got 'em
weeks ago, right?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Eh, sure.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, something coming
in on the hexasphere.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Bet it's the band.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Gentlemen, I give you, live
from the Richfield VFW 365,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The Power Steves!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(polka music)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Yeah!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Crow, where did
you get these guys?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Uh, Seattle.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Um, I think they're part of that

{\a1\pos(96,460)}popular grunge movement
that's so, uh...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I think you've got
your movements confused.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hey, we're lucky to get 'em.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just don't mention
Lady of Spain.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Right, Lady of Spain out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}("Lady of Spain" plays)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Ow!
- Doh no, no!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Getting out of here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We'll be right back.
Stop that!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, stop.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You, you, put that down!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}("MST3K Theme" by Charles
Erickson and Joel Hodgson)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Let's pick it up here, Ernie.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, you're not
playing a funeral.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}One and a two, and a,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}hey, you in back,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}you got a pulse?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Come on, hello.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Come on people, work with me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I, just, I, (groaning).

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Showbiz people, I
don't believe...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hey, Crow, did you get
everything straightened out

{\a1\pos(201,460)}with the band?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Nah, I'm gonna stop
payment on their check.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just keep playing!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Losers.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, here's the mads.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}They must be ready to make
their big announcement.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Ooh, ooh!
- This is them.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Thank you, Mike,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Tim Salvo, and the rest.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And thank you, ladies and
gentlemen of the press.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It is very easy for the
scientific community,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}nay, the world at large

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to take my greatness
for granted.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}My laser-like vision
and unswerving genius

{\a1\pos(33,460)}led to the discovery that
shooting a man in space

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and forcing experiments
on him is a,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}something that is,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}a good thing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}But I see a question

{\a1\pos(117,460)}on the parted lips
of the collective,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}citizens of Earth.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Dr. Forrester, they say,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Clay, what's next?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, how about I shatter the
known laws of physics, hmm?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}How about I symbolically
rub my sweat socks

{\a1\pos(96,460)}into the pimply faces
of those who doubted me?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}How about a 270-mile tether
to an orbiting satellite?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, you'd like
that, wouldn't you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Frank, prepare to
receive the Umbilicus.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey just what
are you planning...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Silence, fool.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You see, you're in a
geosynchronous orbit,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}my little bran muffins,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and right now, even as we speak,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}a physical link
is being deployed

{\a1\pos(33,460)}from the Satellite of
Love to us here on Earth.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now, fly, monkeys, fly!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Physical link?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Cambot, give me
rocket number nine.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(alarm sounding)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] What in the
Hec Ramsey is that?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- That, my little trolls,
is me doing the impossible.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}In your face, world.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Is genius undefinable?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Or is it, as Homer once said,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}"the stuff that dreams..."

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Gypsy!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(yelling)
(Polka music)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(groaning)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(yelling)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Okay, Crow, lock it off.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Gotcha!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- In conclusion,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}let me quote the great
man who once said,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Excuse me while
I kiss the sky."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Frank, the Umbilicus?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- (groaning) No problem.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Frank, these are
both male connectors.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- And?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Just a minute folks

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and history will be made.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Go down to Hardware Hank

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and get a 3/8C brass
adapter, all right?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(laughs nervously)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}While you're waiting
for history to be made,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}please enjoy Girls Town

{\a1\pos(201,460)}and history.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I don't want to be a
link to the mad poopies.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I know, Gypsy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Everyone okay?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(alarm beeping)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Whoa, movie time.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Movie time!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Take five!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] I don't
know if Gypsy...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Hope she's okay, wow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] She'll be
okay, she's smart.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Wow, poor Gypsy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}A shadowy figure.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Tonight on Viper.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(engine revving)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Oh, the Jaguar
dealers just reek of class.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Ho, ho,
what a jag you are.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Jag you are, ha.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] I don't get it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Boy, primitive
nuclear power, huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] (laughs)
Looks like John Deere

{\a1\pos(12,460)}has really retooled the combine.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Yeah, huh?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Sweet.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Ah, he's
dating a Kabuki dancer.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(screaming)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Oh, that's
one of my fans.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(scat singing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Hey, it was
just a fake rubber snake.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Come back!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] On the shores
of Gitche Gumee.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Heidi, in The
Most Dangerous Game.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Ooh, that kinda
put me in the mood.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Come here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Wilma Flintstone?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] (laughs) Boy
that Kennedy compound.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Girl] Leave me alone!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Gee, it was easier
in From Here to Eternity.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] And much nicer, too.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Girl] Let me go!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Hit him harder.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Girl] Leave me alone!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Tom] Oh, man!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Look, if you wanna
wear my dress, just tell me!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Girl] Let me go, let go!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I don't like this.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] A weasel
ripped my dress.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Rizzz!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Girl] Why don't
you let me go?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] This relationship
is suffocating me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Chip] Why, you!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(screaming)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Ahh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, look, a morel.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Ahh!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Eh, carrots (smacking).

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Right now, the
guy's replaying the date

{\a1\pos(201,460)}in his mind.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}"Where did I go wrong?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"What did I do?"
(laughing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Notorious for
its shallow roots,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the common cliff shrub gives
way easily to gentle pressure.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}There it goes.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(screaming)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Mommy!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Ow.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(screaming)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] He's breakdancing.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Well, that finally
got Mel's attention.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Gotta catch
up with the Von Trapps.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] What do-ba
scooba-do, what's goin' on?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(scat singing)
- Hey, Chip!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Chip!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey, Freddy,
where are you going?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Scarborough Fair.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Wait a minute,
I'll go with you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Freddy] Hey, Chip,
where are ya, Chip?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Down here!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I got a crick in my neck!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Freddy] Chip!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Quit hiding, Chip.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We know you're here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] You're missing
a great view, Chip.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Come on, Chip, say
something, will ya?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Whoo ow!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(screaming)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] Shoo-doo-ba-doo-da-what?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Howdy, hey, I think
the date's going pretty well.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Well, later on, then.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(surfer music)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Chip is dead

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ He plummeted to his death

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Listen to me, girls

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Watch your P's and Q's

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Or you will have
the Girls' Town blues

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Chip is dead, Chip is dead

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ Chip is dead, is dead, is dead

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Chip is dead, Chip is dead

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Chip is dead-a-la-dead

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ He's down at the
bottom of a cliff

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Girls Town Boys' Club
welcomes you to Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Some of them seem bad

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ He's dead

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ I don't know why they should

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Still dead

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ 'Cause when they leave there

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ They always leave they're good

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ From Girls Town

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Bet they're all on
the same cycle in Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Where God, family,
and industry come together.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, how do you do, Mr. Anka?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] She plays
all the girls.

{\a1\pos(201,68)}- [Tom] Wow.

{\a1\pos(201,68)}- [Mike] Gigi.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] And Billy Chapin.

{\a1\pos(33,96)}- [Crow] You know, there
hasn't been a cast like this

{\a1\pos(33,460)}since Judgment at Nuremberg.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Tom] Really?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Really.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Oh, with Jim Mitchum
you can even skip a day.

{\a1\pos(117,96)}- [Tom] Hey, Dick
Contino (laughs).

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh boy.
- Oh boy.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Harold Lloyd Jr.?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(laughs) Fatty Arbuckle,
Jr., Larry Fine Jr.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] You know, Grabowski
was the big prop comic

{\a1\pos(201,460)}of his time.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Yeah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}No Grabowski in there, kids.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(humming)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Listen to me girls

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [All] Yeah?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Mind your P's and Q's

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [All] Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Or you're gonna have
the Girls Town blues.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow howls)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Why does it
hurt when I P and Q?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Ooh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] This guy's just
flaunting his bad driving now.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ You will also find you'll
come out with peace of mind

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ From Girl's Town, Girl's Town

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Dan Rostenkowski
goes for a drive.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] Congressman, be careful,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Congressman, stay on the road.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Congressman.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(woman screams)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Love roller coaster

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Of love, oh yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ I said at Girl's Town

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mark] You said
at Girl's Town?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ You will always
find you will come out

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ With peace of mind

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ From Girls Town, Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Yeah, but
how's the food?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh, I get it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(laugh insincerely)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Fashion Hamburgers.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] What do you know?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Stay here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Hey, crack
a window for her.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(knocks)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Come on, it's
Mel Torme, open up.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(knocks)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Mel's goiter was
smaller back then, hm?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Who's makin' that racket?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Get away from there,
she ain't home!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Bob Marley! (laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Come on, open up in there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What do you want?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Where's Silver?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- She's not home.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Where is she?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- I don't know

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, come on, baby,
don't lie to me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Where is me?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Mel always looked 50.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Yep.
- Who?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Who are you talking to

{\a1\pos(180,460)}down there?
- Salvador Dali!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Did you ever see this before?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Switchblade lipstick!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Give me that!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No, no, no dice,
little bit, no dice.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Mel's built
like an a-frame.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Silver, pretty jazzy deal.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Give me that,
that's my sister's!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey, you're the
baby chick, aren't ya?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Come on, where's Silver?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}She had a date with Chip
Gardner tonight, didn't she?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- No.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Old Woman] Beverly, you
tell that boy to go home.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Right now

{\a1\pos(96,460)}or I'll call the police!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] How'd you like it if
someone picked your apples?!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- If not Chip, who is she with?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- She went to Lake
Malibu with the Dragons.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(car horn honks)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Alright, alright,
- State Farm Insurance.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I'll be there in a sec.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What Dragon little one?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- With Stan Joyce and
take your paw off of me!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Hit him, he'll cry!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(Tom laughs)
- I don't know, baby chick.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I think you're lying to me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What would the Dragons
be doing at Lake Malibu?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- They're having a party.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Pinch his dewlaps!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Old Woman] Mary Lee!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I've got boiling oil!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Why aren't you
there with them?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- They think I'm too young.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Ooh, sexy move.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Yeah, and
she's not bad either.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Give me that lipstick.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] The color's
being discontinued.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Please.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- (chuckles) Not a chance.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(car horn honks)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Alright, I'm comin'.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- He's like a youthful
Jabba the Hut.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Get around to you
later, little one.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] He's dreamy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I stayed here
just like you told me,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}what do I get, what do I get?!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Shut up, Iris.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] But I wanted...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I tell ya, shut up!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow sighs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, that is one fast funeral.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] A vroom-vroom's
coming, eh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] (imitating
English accent) Well,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}it's the Terry Thomas

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Gang, yes.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] (imitating English
accent) Tally-ho old chap

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and split your lip and all that.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Quite.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Bill Clinton!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Dick Contino's
world of posture.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow laughs)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Here, Dick,
we brought you a bra.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- You cats looking for a rumble?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We're looking
for Silver Morgan.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- You found her.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Boing.
- You had a date

{\a1\pos(117,460)}with Chip tonight.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- So what?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You drove out to
the cove with him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Guess again, flea brain.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Velvet Fog, actually.
- I stood him up.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Why?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I got tired of you
cats with the fast cars

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and slow heads.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You give me a pain in the ear.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- That's telling him, chick.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- This your lipstick, baby?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Where did you get it?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Chip's dead.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] This lipstick was
found lodged in his skull.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Dead?
- Yeah, dead.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Uuuuh, how did I die?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] (whispering) Not you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I always told him he
drove that jag real crazy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Wait a minute,
how did it happen?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- He went over a cliff,
but not in his jag.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Silver here must
have pushed him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You're in Queersville, man.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, look at that
dress in there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Crow laughs)
- I saw you run away

{\a1\pos(117,460)}over an hour ago.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- You're nuts.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The chick's been
here all the time.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Teen] Since the crazy
weenie roast began.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- So why don't you guys
just get in your little cars

{\a1\pos(201,460)}and blow?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Look out
he's gonna scat!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Mike gasps)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yeah, sure.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, baby, you're
blowing with us.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Ha ha ha.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Ho ho ho.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] And a
couple of tra la las.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Have some suds.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(crowd laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] That was Orange
Crush and I'm a diabetic!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- It's on.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(swing music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Don't worry, hon,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the state troopers
won't tell anybody.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Yes, it's
Teenage On with Wes Brown

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and his band of renown!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(scatting)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh you
make sun go away,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you are powerful.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Uh-oh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] Oop, fight choreography
by Jimmy Finlayson.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Hey, the dock shrunk!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Ooh, I'll say.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] Bridge on the River Wow.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow purrs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] And down goes Blaze!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom laughs)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Come on, ever do it
with a Rhodes scholar?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Come on, baby.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] It's the battle
of the Laura Petries.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] There can be only one.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Whoa, girl fight!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] When did this
director look into my dreams?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Ooh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Lifesaver, a part of living.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom laughs)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(screams)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] And it's a
lights-out cage baptism.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] This is why
there's no alcohol

{\a1\pos(180,460)}at Euro Disney.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow laughs)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Hey, Hillary who, baby?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Whoa, now
she's Stacey Koon.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(sirens wail)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Nobody called
us about the party, over.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Nick Mancuso is Edsel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Girls Town,
who are you gonna call?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] You grab the
Eucharist, I'll wait here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Wait for me, sister.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] If you
hear any shooting,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}just pull around the corner
and get ready to gun it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(Tom imitates the Penguin)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] She's a mother
superiority complex (chuckles).

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Doh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow hums)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Eew, she
pulled out her uvula.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Mother Veronica,
come in, come in,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}it's certainly nice to see you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Mr. Klein.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Would you

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Like a Scotch as usual?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Sit down please?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Thank you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I'm, uh, I'm sorry
we got a little problem

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- God I look good in black.
- With the girls.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Now we can't expect
to operate Girls Town

{\a1\pos(12,460)}without occasional difficulties.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}They have problems at Vassar.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Even with girls who have
parents and normal home life.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Mike chuckles)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Mother, this is, uh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] One of my girls.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Jimmy Parlow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You heard his name?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We hear the radio
even in Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}How do you do?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Fine, thank you, Mother.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] He wants
to intern as a nun.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Jimmy left the Cool
Note, that's the club

{\a1\pos(33,460)}where he sings after 2:00.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] You know, music?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- He arrived at
his hotel at 2:30.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}He called the night
clerk no more than a

{\a1\pos(33,460)}couple of minutes after
he went up in the elevator

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and asked that the
police be called.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I didn't want to make
trouble for anybody, Mother,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}but a thing like
this could ruin me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I had to do something.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I understand.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Can I see Serafina?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- It's sold out.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Bring in Serafina
Garcia please.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Oh no.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You know, Mother, I'm
not completely square, but

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] You're hot.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Coming into my room and
seeing this young girl

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in a lace nightie.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] I did it my way.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I beg your pardon.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] No, go on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- The Church is aware
of the existence

{\a1\pos(33,460)}of night gowns, Mr. Parlow.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- All the priests wear them.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Jimmy, Jimmy, darling!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Ladies,
please, the '50s!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hey, you're
lucky my chick's here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I never saw you
before last night.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- How can you say that?!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Over there
it's Major Barbara.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You know I love you!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You love me too, you wrote
it across the picture.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- What picture?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I don't know what
she's talking about,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}honest, Mother.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- She has this
autographed picture of you

{\a1\pos(117,460)}hanging in her room.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Wait, this is
a picture of Jesus!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- "To my darling,
Serafina, with a

{\a1\pos(33,460)}"million, million kisses.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"Forever yours, Jimmy."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] I guess I do love her.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- This isn't my
handwriting, Mother.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] It's Clifford Irving's.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I know, Jimmy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Serafina

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] You're
the Devil's spawn.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- If you love,
Jimmy, you don't want

{\a1\pos(96,460)}to get him into trouble.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Contributing to the
delinquency of a minor

{\a1\pos(33,460)}is a very serious offense.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I don't get it,
what's her idea?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- I love you, Jimmy, I love you!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Serafina.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Let's get you
back to Letterman's house.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Many of our girls are
orphans, Mr. Parlow.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Would you like one?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Sometimes they need
love so desperately

{\a1\pos(180,460)}they invent it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] A few hold patents.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- But why me, Mother?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- They hear your
voice on the radio

{\a1\pos(12,460)}or listen to phonograph records.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You sing love sings, Mr. Parlow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] You'll roast
in Hell for that.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Veronica] Sometimes
they think the songs

{\a1\pos(117,460)}are meant for them.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Tell the truth, Serafina.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Jimmy didn't ask you to come up

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to his room, did he?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Okay, it
was Snoop Doggy Dogg.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mr. Klein] You
don't want him to go

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to jail now, do you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Make him
promise not to sing

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She's Having My Baby.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mr. Klein] And
you don't want to go

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to reform school yourself?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] At least
I'd get some action.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You wouldn't send
her to reform school?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She's just a kid.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She didn't really
do anything wrong.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Crow chuckles)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- If you won't press
charges against her,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Mr. Parlow, I can take
her back to Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Isn't that a kind
of reform school?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- No.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's a home for girls
who've had problems

{\a1\pos(96,460)}with the law, but the
court feels they can be

{\a1\pos(12,460)}rehabilitated if they're placed
under the proper influence.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] A reform school.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Hm-mmm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- They're usually girls
who have no parents,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}so we try to help.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] They're all white
and Catholic, by the way.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You do want to go
back to Girls Town,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}don't you, Serafina?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] It's meat
loaf night tonight.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I don't know.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I don't know!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] This was the golden
age of stalking, you know.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Serafina.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I don't love you,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}nya-na-na-na-na.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Suppose I come up and
visit you once in a while?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Okay, Mother?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] No.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- We'd be very pleased.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Maybe I can do a song or two

{\a1\pos(117,460)}for you and the girls.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Oh, they're
being punished enough.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Jimmy, would you really?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Sure, why not?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You just be a real good kid

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and do what Mother Veronica
tells you to, okay?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh yes, yes, I will.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] We're
married now, right?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mr. Klein] I recommend
you to the custody

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of Girls Town then.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You think of the name
of your favorite song

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and when I come out, I'll
sing it just for you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Do you know White
Light, White Heat?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh, Jimmy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Alright, Serafina.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Another successful
sexual intervention

{\a1\pos(117,460)}courtesy of the Roman
Catholic Church.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I can still
stalk you, right?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Jimmy, you won't
tell the other girls

{\a1\pos(117,460)}we haven't been
friends all the time.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- We've been friends for years.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] This is really healthy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Mike chuckles)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You ready, Serafina?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yes, yes!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I'm going
to kill Eisenhower

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to prove my love for him!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] You are
not coming to sing.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You meant what you said?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I mean, it would be cruel
to build up her hopes.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Sure I meant it, Mother.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'm at the club at night, but,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}how about a week from
Saturday afternoon?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You're a fine young man.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Stevens!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Just a minute, Mr. Gardener.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Just a minute, nothing!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}My son's dead.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I want that girl
charged with murder.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Um, Mr., um.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- She had a date
with Chip, they found

{\a1\pos(96,460)}her lipstick in his car.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Should we leave?
- That's pretty skinny

{\a1\pos(117,460)}evidence for a murder
charge, Mr. Gardener.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And she has a dozen
witnesses who swear

{\a1\pos(117,460)}that she was at Lake
Malibu all evening.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] This is
probably a bad time.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Witnesses?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Wild animals, young
gangsters who'd swear

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to anything to protect
one of their own.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I want her tried for murder!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Excuse me, Mr. Klein.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Here, let
me get rid of my nun

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and my teen idol.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Crow chuckles)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Spread out, you two.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(mechanical beeping)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, guys, this
movie, what with that

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Mel Torme and all
reminds me that, golly,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I just really love to scat.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mike and Crow groan)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, want me to
scat for you guys?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, you could scat
'til we're sick of it,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I suppose.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Okay!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom scats)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Okay, we're sick of it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hurry, hurry.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Put this thing on here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mike and Crow laugh)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Ow, oh, hey.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Uh, oh, we got.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Doh, we got commercial sign.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We gotta go, cut
him out of there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We never have any fun anymore.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Ah!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom scats)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Stop, please!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Okay.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Sit down, Silver.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] If you can.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- This is Chip
Gardener's father.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] I'm dropping
the charges.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You killed my son.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'm sorry for
you, Mr. Gardener,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}but your dialin'
the wrong number.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No smoking, please.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'm not in stir yet.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You're not helping
yourself, Silver.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I'll never understand
what my son saw in you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh, no?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Do these
explain anything?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Silver Morgan, senior,
James Polk High School.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Father in the
state penitentiary,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}his third conviction
on bad check charges.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] D in Typing.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Mother's whereabouts unknown.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Active in Kiwanis.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Lives with father's
sister who's on relief.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Picked up three times,
twice for after hours,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}once for assaulting a teacher.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- She hit me first.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Today's gospel.
- Now on probation.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Alright, if she's on
probation, revoke it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Put her in jail where
I can always find her.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crow] Whoa!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What do you want
to find me for, pops?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm not your type.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Young woman

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Tom] You are.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'm going to convict
you of killing my son

{\a1\pos(117,460)}if I have to hire
every detective

{\a1\pos(33,460)}in the state of California.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And I want to know where you are

{\a1\pos(33,460)}when they found the proof.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You know, I always
thought Chip was

{\a1\pos(33,460)}a sick kid, now I know why.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Ooh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You're going to
throw me in the jug

{\a1\pos(33,460)}because you found my lipstick

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in Chip's car or
can I go home now?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We have very little
to hold her on.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Look, Klein, I want to
keep this girl in jail

{\a1\pos(12,460)}if I have to go to the governor.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] And J.J.!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Alright, Mr. Gardener,
I'll tell you what I'll do.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- (whispering) This
isn't the show.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- (whispering) Yes, I know.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- She has no parents.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}If Mother Veronica will
take her, I'll commit

{\a1\pos(117,460)}her to Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You'll do what?!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- It's not a prison, Silver.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] It's just
the Catholic Church.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What's my crime, dad?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}For not having as much
moolah as this jerk?!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] For a start.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Or my old lady wasn't
in the social register?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] There's another reason.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No, your crime
was knocking down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}a high school teacher.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Probation isn't a
right, it's a privilege.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Like stretch pants.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You don't want to
go to Girls Town,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I could send you
to reform school.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- But for what?!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}For knowing this
character's kid?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh man,
Chip, you were so hmm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, if you think
your green stuff is going

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to keep me cooped
up, you're tuned in

{\a1\pos(117,460)}on the wrong channel.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Here, let me
show you the brochure

{\a1\pos(12,460)}for Girls Town, it's very nice.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Meanwhile
at Monticello.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Hey, no field hockey?!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Wait a minute.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Hey.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] You throw like a girl.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] I am a girl.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Stately Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey, you oughtta
wheel this hot rod

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in a drag race, Sis.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, it does have
a six pack, my child.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Is this Girlsville?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Nun] Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Where are the prison walls?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- There aren't any.
- Where should I be looking

{\a1\pos(180,460)}right now, hmm?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- How do you keep
us from angling it?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- We conduct Girls Town
on the honor system.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Brother.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We have no brothers
here, only sisters.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Silver] Too bad.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Come on, let's go,
you and me, mano a mano.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Hey, those kids are
hip, I mean, they really

{\a1\pos(264,460)}send me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(sings scat)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hey, stop
doing Mel Torme.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Something wrong, chick?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(sings scat)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Knock it off.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I'll mess you up bad.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Don't flip your wig,
I got your signal.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Where's the cell block?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- We have no cell blocks here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Got no sense of humor.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You'll share a nice, clean
room with three other girls.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, isn't that just dandy?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(Tom hums "Bong bong bong")

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What time's chow?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- The supper bell rings at 6:00.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I'll have prime ribs,
baked potatoes, and

{\a1\pos(180,460)}fresh asparagus.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You'll take hash.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now come along!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] (singing) Gigantor.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Hayley Mills,
Hayley Mills, Hayley Mills,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and Hayley Mills
with Hayley Mills.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] In Hayley Mills.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hey, who are them apples?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The Junior Whacks?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Our girls proceed
from room to room

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in an orderly manner.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- This pad spooks me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- This is the new
girl, Mother Veronica.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Welcome to Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] You'll have to
check those at the desk.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I hope you'll be
very happy here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's real gone, ma.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'm customarily
addressed as Mother.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Okay if I call
you something else?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}That's a dirty word to me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Many of the girls are bitter

{\a1\pos(33,460)}when they first get here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] We break them.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You get over it in due time.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Don't count on it.
- Do time, get it?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Where do I park the body?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Come with me and I'll
show you to your room.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] (singing) Gigantor!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Yes, it's a tribute
to British bombshell,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Diana Dors.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Bless
me, Peter O'Toole.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] (whispering) No.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Who's that?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Some guy,
supposed to be good for ya.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- That's St. Jude,
the patron saint

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of hopeless causes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] He was
with the Mariners.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- If there is something you want

{\a1\pos(117,460)}that seems
impossible, perhaps he

{\a1\pos(117,460)}can intercede for you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I stopped believing
in Santa Claus

{\a1\pos(180,460)}a long time ago.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- (imitating Santa) No, Lupita.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Don't believe in prayer?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I don't believe in talking

{\a1\pos(201,460)}to myself.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- But you do believe we
can hear human voices

{\a1\pos(96,460)}thousands of miles away?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You mean on TV?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Or on the radio.
- [Tom] Hm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- So why couldn't
God hear your voice

{\a1\pos(96,460)}if you pray to St. Jude?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- What's he got to do with it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, thank of
him as a microphone.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Or radar!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Let him send your
voice to the Lord's ear.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Jude's wearin' a wire!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- He's never tuned in
to my wavelength yet.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Keep trying.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Serafina?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yes, Mother?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- This is your new
roommate, Silver Morgan.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Would you take her
in and introduce her

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to the other girls?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yes, Mother.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Thank you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Hi, I love
you, are we married now?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- What's all that jazz for?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's holy water.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What's holy water?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's plain ordinary
water with the hell

{\a1\pos(33,460)}boiled out of it.
- And only half the calories.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Our room's right here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] She's dressed
like Minnie Mouse only

{\a1\pos(117,460)}many times hotter.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- It really isn't so bad.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We have volleyball
courts, a sewing room,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and a gymnasium.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh great.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- That's your bed on the top.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Those are the lockers
and the second door

{\a1\pos(96,460)}from the bottom's empty.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- So this is the pad.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Oh heavens,
we call it the crib.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Any studs around here?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Any what?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Daddios, he-males, stags.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Only the gardeners.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] And Father Fabio.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- What do you do for kicks?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We go to movies
on Saturday night.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh the end.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Oh and Benny Hill
comes over and chases

{\a1\pos(96,460)}us around now and then.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What are you in for?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What do you mean?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What was the wrap?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Shoplifting, stealing cars?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Consorting
with short singers?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- No, I'm an orphan.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}My mother and father died.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You don't know
it, kid, but you're

{\a1\pos(201,460)}way ahead.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Hm?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Uh-oh, Romulans!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Who's the doll?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Silver's our new roommate.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Silver, this is Vida and Flo.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Flo's a big hard
throw in softpaw.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Hi, Silver.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You, um, got any nails?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Could be.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Tom] Or not.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Nails?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What are you in for?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Wish I knew.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I'll take charge of these.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Give them back.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Smoking's against the rules.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We've got a good school here

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and that's the way
we're gonna keep it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You'll make the beds and
Vida will do the washing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You raunchy slob,
give my cigs back!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Raunchy slob, you
just described my dream girl!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Maybe you don't
bleed when you're cut.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Have not a chick eyes?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Okay, you're gonna have
to learn the hard way.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}The door, Flo.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Loved ya in Grapes of Wrath!
(Mike chuckles)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- If you want your cigarettes,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you come and get them.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Ooh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh she's gonna christen her!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow gasps)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] I wish I
lived off-campus.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Walker: Texas Ranger.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- We got a new
champion in Girls Town!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}How do you like it, killer?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(shouts and gasps)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] But this
isn't my locker!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I like it fine.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}How do you like it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Hey, there's
a pool table in here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Nun] Girls!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Let her out of there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Nun] Open the door, girls!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Open the door!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Coming!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Klaus, Colonel Klink
wants you all out front!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- What's going on in here?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- We were just, uh, rearranging
our lockers, Mother.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We were going to take
our showers and with

{\a1\pos(117,460)}four of us in this
little place...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yes, Vida, I understand.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I haven't heard such
a load of crap in all my life.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- If you have any more
trouble with your (pause)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}locker, just come to me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ I'll be there, I'll be there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Anytime you want
a return match,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}you just say so.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] First I
want Joe Frazier.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Well, we should
have them over more often.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom laughs)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Your flower vase?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Sorry, kid.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I love you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Cigarette, Fina?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Why yes, it is, I...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I've never smoked.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I'm pregnant with
Paul Anka's child, you know.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Maybe you'd better not.
- Paul's the Pope too,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}you know.
- Hey, how did that Vida

{\a1\pos(96,460)}get sent to Girlsville?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Did she break somebody's neck?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Her father taught
her all that judo.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He's a bouncer in a saloon.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- There a law against judo?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- When you use it
to roll a drunk.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Mark Eden's greatest triumph.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] What are you
in Girls Town for?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I mean, really?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, Paul Anka and I
pulled off the Brinks Job

{\a1\pos(201,460)}together.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I bought some clothes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Silver] You
bought some clothes?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] And I killed a guy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I must have lost track
of my charge account

{\a1\pos(201,460)}or something.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Honor system seems
to be working quite well.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Don't you think I have as
much right to nice clothes

{\a1\pos(180,460)}as other girls?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Sure, you do.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Careful, Greg
Morris is in there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey, how'd you like
to be my henchman?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What's a henchman?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- You know, buddy buddies, pals.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Doormat.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I think that
would be wonderful.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Not wonderful, crazy,
cool, fantabulous.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Night for a moon dance.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Fantabulous.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- We got a deal?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Tom imitates buzzer)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Crow chuckles)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}("MST3K Theme" by Charles
Erickson and Joel Hodgson)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Hm, Mamie
contemplates away

{\a1\pos(117,460)}over the picket face.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(dramatic humming)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Maybe she
can tunnel out?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Stupid recess
filter, no taste.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Van Doren meets
Van Damme in Death Warrant!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Dick] Hey gorgeous.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hi.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] How about
some fresh-sliced me?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] I'm really white
and really straight.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You're new around
here, aren't ya?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Fresh out of the box, daddy-o.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What are you doing
in Girlsville?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I haul the goodies.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's my chariot.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] You speak slang!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey, got any cigs?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm tapped out.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- For you, beautiful, anything.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I thought
they were nails.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Thanks, buddy boy,
I'll remember you

{\a1\pos(201,460)}in my prayers.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- My name's Dick Culdane.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- I'm Silver.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You know, you're the
first chick around here

{\a1\pos(12,460)}that doesn't give me the creeps.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You're the first stud I've
seen around here period.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Stud?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What are you doing
like Saturday night?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Going to bed at 10:00.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}That's lights-out at this pad.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Oh?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I mean, like, oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And getting up again
at a quarter after.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Where do I meet ya?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] On Easy Street,
where I am right now.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- That was the best shower ever.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Yes, the tub is
mine, all mine (chuckles).

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Well, she kind of
looks like Robes-pierre,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}with the robe and all (laughs).

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Jesus sees you, child.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Mamie sabotages the
Sisters' Sader by planting

{\a1\pos(117,460)}multiple officulmen.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Obsessive compulsive
cleaning ritual, you know.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Terrible, yes.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Excite your husband
by hiding your laundry

{\a1\pos(117,460)}throughout the house.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Crow chuckles)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Oh, hello, darlings.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You better get a shower.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Lights out in five minutes.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You know so many rules,
how come you made it to this

{\a1\pos(201,460)}prison camp?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Some dizzy blonde
swiped my boyfriend

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and I forgot the one about
turning the other cheek.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I mean, she really
clobbered her.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- You don't look so tough to me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You do everything the
Sisters tell you to do.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I give them a fair shake,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}they give me a fair shake.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'll bet you do.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Randy Brewer,
that's who she looks like.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Vida] Use a lot of soap!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You need it!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] But not too
much, it'll dry your skin.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh and be sure to use some

{\a1\pos(117,460)}nice moisturizer.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'm going to have
to give that one

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the back of my hand.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I call dibs.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I have no doubt
you could, Sister.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I've seen your work.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- But remember Muley Ryan?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- What an act.
- She was a stubborn one.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, this one
reminds me of her.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I have a feeling
you'll get further with

{\a1\pos(33,460)}patience, lots of patience.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Maybe so, but when
the patience runs out,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}what then?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Pray earnestly, Sister.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Aah.
- Hmm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Before you poke
her in the kisser.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(laughs)
- Rock 'em, sock 'em nun.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Meanwhile at
Father O'Rourke's house.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Modeling the
latest in Terry Fashions,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Mamie Van (growls).

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Hope it's a woman.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Mike chuckles)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Tom] Awkward.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Didn't the Ritz
brothers stay at this house?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom laughs)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Chased by a
big ape or something?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crow] Yeah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] What's the
address of the 9009 Club?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Duh.
- Two nines.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] I guess this is
back when delivery men

{\a1\pos(180,460)}made 40k a year.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] (imitating French
accent) Sir, I have a table

{\a1\pos(33,460)}for you and your jailbait.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom chuckles)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] A subtle evening
gown that screams,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}"Look at this!"

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow laughs)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Would you care
for the four-pound steak

{\a1\pos(33,460)}or the two-pound petit steak?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] And how many martinis

{\a1\pos(117,460)}will sir be downing
this evening?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Hey, Tom Skerritt!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ I'm just a lonely boy

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Why does
that not surprise me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Lonely and blue

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ I'm all alone

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ A Greek, not a Jew.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(laughs)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Is this guy the
only talent in town?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Talent, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ But all I want

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh yeah,
you just don't see

{\a1\pos(117,460)}rhythmic gum chewing
like that anymore.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Someone yes someone to love

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] George
Winston unbearded.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Someone to love

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Someone to kiss

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Someone to hold

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Boy, this is so graphic.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- The place is just packed
with bakery drivers.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ I like to hear

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Somebody clap.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Somebody say

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh.
(Mike laughs)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ I'll give you my love

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Each night and day

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] He's just making
this up as he goes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- The All-Marine Band!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ten hut.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Somebody, somebody

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Somebody
please shoot him!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Send her to me

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Doin' the butt.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow laughs)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ I'll make her happy

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Just wait and see

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Anchor burger,
table three, pick up!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ I prayed so hard

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Paul Anka
got a big butt.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ To the heavens above

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] He looks
like a young Cher.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ That I might find

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ My first baseman's glove.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Someone to love

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] That's good.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Close.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(Tom chuckles awkwardly)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ I'm just a lonely boy

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Oh, yeah, what I thinking?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Oh I'm all alone

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ With nothing to do

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Check that out.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Wow, that's smooth.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You wax that often?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ I've got everything

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Except a career.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ You can think of

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ But all I want

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Is someone to love.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] This song
is longer than

{\a1\pos(117,460)}In Da Gadda Da Vida.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Crow and Tom laugh)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Teen song for Bangladesh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(crowd applauds)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And so another
season comes to an end

{\a1\pos(117,460)}for the Texaco
Metropolitan Opera.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Mr. Anka's approaching the mic.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hey, I dig him, he's crazy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Hey, this is from
Artie Johnson's point of view.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ He's just a lonely boy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Say, Elieen T. Price.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Yeah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] This is kind of good.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] It's the
Platters, love them.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Is my salad up soon?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Can I get
my calamari, please?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Your warm-tumbler
Jagermeister, ma'am.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And your martini, sir.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Did I tell you
sour dough was my idea?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Yep.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(Tom makes slurping noises)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Boys 2 Men.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] 2 Woman.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] That too.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Heh heh,
girl pretty, heh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Want another
drink? (coughs)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What's the matter, you
got something against

{\a1\pos(117,460)}petting, chicky-bird?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I'm invoking
Landers' Law.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] How do they
support all these bands

{\a1\pos(96,460)}with just 10 customers?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] Gee, they're so smooth,
they're almost not singing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh here
comes the big move.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] You know when
they appeared on Sullivan

{\a1\pos(117,460)}they had to be shot
above the eyebrows.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] With the camera.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] They're almost as
good as the Statler Brothers.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I hear you shoved
a guy with lose hands

{\a1\pos(201,460)}over a cliff?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Great come-on line.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Who told you that?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- I heard it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Whatchoo
talkin' 'bout, Willis?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Oh yes, she killed him

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Oh yes, she pushed
him over a cliff

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You know, some of
the Debs in Girls Town

{\a1\pos(117,460)}aren't exactly your
pals, Silver baby.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They said you took the
Mother Veronica route

{\a1\pos(96,460)}to keep out of the hotel
with barred windows.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- So skip it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] So you ever
read any Balzac?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Who were those
witnesses, the Dragons?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Every one of them.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Strictly US Mint.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Well, zooley for them.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Zooley?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now they're just improvising.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- What do you mean, true or not?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Well, truth is a
subjective phenomenon...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Tom] Shut up.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ She killed him

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Thank you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Great,
now out the back.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Wait, they made up fast.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You know, even if you
did shove that jerk off

{\a1\pos(96,460)}the cliff, they couldn't
pin anything on you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You didn't drive him
there in your car.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I didn't go there
in his car either.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You heard what the Dragons said.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hm, you smell like rye.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Even if the
Dragons lied for you,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you're in the clear.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}That park's on a lonely road

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and he practically attacks you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You had a right to
defend yourself.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yes, but I didn't.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Say, what are you, a cop?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Uh-oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Are you trying to
trap me into something?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Nothing like that.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'm a simple
bakery driver, ma'am.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Now I remember.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Chip's father said he
was going to convict me

{\a1\pos(117,460)}if he had to hire
every detective

{\a1\pos(33,460)}in the state of California.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Pretty smart.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Oh, I'm dumb to fall
for a phony delivery boy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Especially since
you're thirty-eight.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Did Gardener hire you?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Take it easy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We don't have to get
mad at each other

{\a1\pos(117,460)}just because I
have a job to you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Why don't you level with me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Maybe I can show you a
way to clear yourself.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I'm blasting out of here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}("MST3K Theme" by Charles
Erickson and Joel Hodgson)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Say Mike, Girls Town is
run by an honor system?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What's that?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Well, it's just some
kind of Catholic thing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know, it's all about
guilt, original sin,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}rot in Hell for all eternity,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}something along
those lines, I think.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Tom, it is not.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's about accountability,
it's about taking

{\a1\pos(117,460)}responsibility for
your own actions.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And you know, as
a matter of fact,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I think the honor system might
just be the thing we need

{\a1\pos(117,460)}right here on the good
old Satellite of Love.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Wow, the candy stash!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Gee, Mike, you usually
keep it locked up

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and only let us have one
delicious candy bar a day.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hmm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, from now on it will
be on the honor system.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You still get to have one a day

{\a1\pos(117,460)}but you have to
police yourselves.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Gee, Mike, can honor
really build character?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Of course it can, Crow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ever since Demosthenes
went walking the streets

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of ancient Greece,
(Tom munches)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}working for one honorable
man by lamplight,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}honor has been one of
the most noble traits

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that we have, like history
is filled with stories

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of men and women who
will not let hardship

{\a1\pos(33,460)}stand in the way of their
own deep, personal sense

{\a1\pos(201,460)}of honor.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}George Washington cutting
down the cherry tree

{\a1\pos(96,460)}is a parable perhaps,
but it still illustrates

{\a1\pos(33,460)}how honor contributes to
the dignity and the stature

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of our nation's leaders.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You ask if honor
can build character?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Well, I say to you,
my friend, without honor

{\a1\pos(117,460)}would we even have
character to build?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Without honor we are nothing
more than wild animals.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Oh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom burps)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Mike, what was that
you were saying about the

{\a1\pos(201,460)}honor system?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I got a kind of distracted.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Good one, Tom, but
you got a little...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, we got movie time!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(shouts)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I can't walk.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Man, that guy can
really put the groceries away.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] I know,
no self-control.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(girls shouting)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Excuse me, Crow.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Pardon me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Oh hey!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Sorry about the foot.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh geez, help me
lift up in the front.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(grunts)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] The movie?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Kind of full.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I think this
is hell week for nuns.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Toughest six
weeks of your life,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}but then you're a nun!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Stop it, stop it!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I'm the outcast here!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You dirty skags.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Maybe someone
ought to tell you

{\a1\pos(33,460)}how we operate in Girls Town.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We have a regular court.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] With regular pay-offs.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- And if you make things
tough for the rest of us,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the court hears the charges

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and decides what to do.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- What's that got to do with me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Get in the witness
chair and find out.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I think you're a
zoo full of weirdies.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}But nobody's going to drag me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Yeah, well, you're
a cookie full of arsenic

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and I'd like to take
a bite out of you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Sit there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] And sing
shock the monkey.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] That's weird.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Court's in session.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] I'm full.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Mike laughs)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We've got charges
against Silver Morgan.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What are they?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- This new chick's thinks
she's the smartest thing

{\a1\pos(117,460)}that ever walked
through the door.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, if she's so smart,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}how comes she's in Girls Town?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(sarcastically laughs)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Now all you kids know

{\a1\pos(117,460)}we've got a pretty
good thing going here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}There's no walls around
us, we're not caged up

{\a1\pos(96,460)}like a bunch of monkeys,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and the Sisters
treat us real humans,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}so what does this flea brain do?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}She sasses the Sisters,
smokes in the room,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and last night she goes out.
- Oh no.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- And goes nightclubbin'!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- She wiped that on her chin!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mike, Tom, and Crow
groan in disgust)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- How long do you
think they're going

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to let us stay here?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We'll all be locked up

{\a1\pos(117,460)}in some stinkin'
concentration camp.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}With bars on the doors
- Geez.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- and grease in the hash

{\a1\pos(117,460)}just 'cause this one
fungus among us thinks

{\a1\pos(12,460)}she can get away with anything.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] So is this
Schindler's List now?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Hmm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Do you deny any of this?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Deny it?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I didn't come to this jail house

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to be herded around
by the keepers.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I came for the food.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- If you chicks got any guts
we can take over this place.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike, Tom, and Crow]
We got guts, yes we do,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}we've got guts, how about you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Go bingo your bongo.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] Go crinkle your cronkle.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Go finkle your fookle.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Go pinkle your pongle.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- All in favor of
a guilty verdict,

{\a1\pos(264,460)}say aye.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [All Girls] Aye.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Girl] Opposed no.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Guess who?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- No.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Prisoner is found guilty.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] She is to
be hung by her bongo

{\a1\pos(201,460)}until bingo.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Anybody want to
suggest a punishment?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I have an idea.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We're having a
dance Saturday night

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and somebody's got to scrub
out this old dance floor.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Mike and Crow laugh)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Good one, monkey.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] (imitating New
Jersey accent) Mr. B,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the floor is scrubbed.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Mamie, you
missed a spot there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Yeah, come
on, lay into it there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Scrub scrub.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Elbow grease.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Uh-oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Silver, I'll help you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- So your dreamboat can
step on a nice clean floor?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Wow.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Why are you
lashing out at me, Susan?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] (whimpers) I'm frail.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You promised me
we'd be henchmen.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- So what?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- So that means I can
help you if I want to!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The two of us against the world.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I love you, Mommy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Okay, okay, don't
make it a big deal.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Hmm, look
at this spill.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What is that, green corn?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- What is that Flo in here for?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Beauty parlors.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Hm?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What do you mean,
beauty parlors?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- She's always getting
permanent waves

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and special hair-dos
and fancy cosmetics

{\a1\pos(180,460)}She has to steal
to pay for them.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- She couldn't be beautiful

{\a1\pos(33,460)}if she spent a million
bucks in a beauty parlor.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- I know it, but she has to try.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Tough.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Hello, Levine.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What's going on here?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The sentence was you scrub
you this floor alone.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey Gloria, Eleanor.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}This creep's got Junior
helping her scrub up.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}How about that?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Uh-uh, that's strictly
against the rules.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Come away from there, Serafina.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- But I want to help her!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Why don't you
gravy pusses get lost

{\a1\pos(33,460)}before I give you new teeth?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ What's new, Gravy Puss

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Whoa-oa-whoa-oa-whoa-oa

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Oh yeah, you just try?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Vida] Put down that brush.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Get done mopping the slop.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Girls, girls,
what's the meaning

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of this disturbance?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- She had a fair trial, Mother.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The court sentenced
her to scrub the floor

{\a1\pos(117,460)}for the party Friday.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Then we came here and
found Serafina helping her.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I want you all to leave,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}immediately.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You too Serafina.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All but Silver.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Time to beat
the word of God into her.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] It's okay,
Paul doesn't want me

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to work outside
the home anymore.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Dink.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] What was that?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I said I must think.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- I wanted to help her, Mother.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I'm sure you did, Serafina.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Now run along.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Well, we have to
meet with the realtors anyway.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Paul's a pirate, you know.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Eew, wrist stickies.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Looking good, Sister!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Been working out?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Say your
prayers, blondie.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I don't need any help.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We all need help.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] We're all
bozos on this bus.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Not me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I don't know what gets
into you, young people.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's more than about rebellion.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] You young people, nyah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You old folks left such
a great world for us.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Too bad we don't appreciate it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's not a perfect
world, Silver,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}but some of us try
to make it better.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Don't bother!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You remind me of a
story my grandmother

{\a1\pos(201,460)}used to tell.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] A rabbi and a
priest walk into a bar.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- There's a small animal in
Norway called the lemming.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It has a very peculiar instinct.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] And odor.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- One little lemming is a
perfectly sensible creature.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] I know this one.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- But you get a bunch
of lemmings together

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and they start to run

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and they start to run
to the edge of the cliff

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and they jump off.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Eew!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Nun] And they
kill themselves.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- What are you driving at?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I'm saying there's no
such thing as a bad girl,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}not really bad.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Just a bad lemming.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- But sometimes when a
group of you get together

{\a1\pos(33,460)}you act just like the lemming,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}reckless and suicidal,
for no reason.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Are you trying to say I pushed

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that creep off the cliff?!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Because I didn't,
I wasn't there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}For all I know, he jumped
off it like a lemming.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Maybe he didn't need
his gang to jump with.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Maybe in this country they
jump all by themselves.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] You're just
a reckless lemming.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Poor Silver.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You want to scrub?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Scrub!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] But don't you see
lemmings, they, oh forget it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Bitch, bitch.

{\a1\pos(117,96)}- [Crow] Catch the
game last night?

{\a1\pos(117,96)}- [Tom] I sure did,
I lost 50 bucks!

{\a1\pos(117,96)}- [Crow] But you had
the points spread.

{\a1\pos(96,96)}- [Tom] Aw, Ackman
slips out of the pocket

{\a1\pos(117,68)}and he's a cupcake.

{\a1\pos(117,96)}- [Crow] Oh, Ackman
can go to blazes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Where the boys are

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ That's the time to cry

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] You know if
they were Baptist,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}they could have
got the platters.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ When you know you're lonely

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You're lonely?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Would you find a
new theme please?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ The one and only

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Who will cry

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(imitates loud speaker)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Attention: the
lunch menu for today.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Cheese sandwich, tater
tots, and fruit cup.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And please congratulate
your cross country team

{\a1\pos(33,460)}for getting fifth at district.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That is all.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Let's
see, Serafina Anka?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}No, no, no.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Paula Anka?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Mmm, I like the sound of that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] He'd never touch
you Terri, you're dirt.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] The music that rocked
America gently to sleep.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sir, could you please
close out your tab?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Excuse me.
- Sir, I'm going off my shift.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Could you close your tab?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] You could sign it with
a card or Visa or something.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You got something
you want signed?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You autographed your
picture to me, remember?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Oh yeah, security!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Security!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(swing music)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Short women only
dance with short woman.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's the way it is.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- May I have this
dance, Mr. Parlow?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'm Gloria.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Certainly, Gloria.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}A one, two, three, four.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Well, I'm
taking the children

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and going back to your mother's.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Have you heard
Sadie Hawkins dance?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}This is kinda a K.D. Lang dance.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Oh, Mel insisted
on doing his own stunts.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] The first of many
burgers today for Mel.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(car horn honks)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] It's John Waters.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Velvet Hog.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(mumbles) Hi ya.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Good afternoon, sir.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What would you like?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Cheese sandwich
and a root beer.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] (mumbles) Mmm,
cheese sandwich, good choice.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] They're having
way too much fun.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] And the Pope stops
by for a snap inspection.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You wanna dance this one?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Are you kidding?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'll dance with you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] This is one of those
dances where the girls line

{\a1\pos(96,460)}on one side of the room

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and the girls line
up on the other.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}♪ Gigantor

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Anything else?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] More Tums, please.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yeah, baby, change your mind

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and ride in the drag
race with me today, huh?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Carhop] No dice, loverboy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm a working woman.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Well, then, one
more time through the menu.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Tony Randall
needs Harry All.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What time did Silver
leave with Stan Joyce?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- It was early.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- How early, like four o' clock?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Five, six?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I don't know.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] He didn't finish
the cheese sandwich.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Aww man, I should've
had the clownburger.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(swing music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Swingin.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Almost three PM
and still goin' strong.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Whoooo.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] How could you
dance with another woman

{\a1\pos(117,460)}on our honeymoon?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(Tom scat singing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You're trying to steal him!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He's mine!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(Tom imitates punching)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Leave him alone
or I'll kill you!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He's mine!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}He's mine!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Nun] Sera, please.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- She's trying to
steal my Jimmy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We're going steady.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Jimmy, don't say you
don't love me anymore.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I never told her
I loved her, Mother.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I know Jimmy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Serfina, you've got to stop
imagining these things.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Jimmy please don't
leave me alone!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I love you!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Paul Anka's beefy
security nuns step in.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Serafina.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sister, go after her.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Jimmy, I'm sorry
our party for you

{\a1\pos(12,460)}had to end this way, excuse me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- It's alright, Mother.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I'm only bleeding.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Come on boys,
the party's over.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What time did
Chip come after her?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Seven o'clock, eight?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It was after dinner.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- What did Chip say when
you told him she was gone?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] He said "Don't
push me off a cliff."

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I don't remember.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- You're lying.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Again, I don't recall.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You answer me straight, kid,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}or you know what's gonna happen.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You'll wind up in jail yourself.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What did Chip say?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Will you give me a dime?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- What for?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] I'm gonna call
someone who cares.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I've got to call my aunt.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's supper time and she
doesn't know where I am.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Stop giving
me that princess look.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] When did she
turn in to Polly Holiday?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hey, what's going on here?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What's the scam?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- It's Serafina.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}She's taken sleeping pills.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Better not
be my sleeping pills.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Crow] Oh wow!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Look how cheap
frankfurters were.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] What, Larry
Hagman what are you...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Oh, you want
to milk a cow with me.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Milk.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Serafina wake up.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}We have to keep
her awake, Silver,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}until the doctor gets here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Get her on her feet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] And get Cher in here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Shouldn't sell class-C
narcotics in here, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Uh uh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Chestnuts roastin'

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] That's what I'm
hungry for, chestnuts, yeah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Judy, Judy Judy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Can't believe how
many Girls' Towns there are.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Al's Girls' Town,
Girls' Town Furniture...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Come on you crazy little goon.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, stay on your
feet, knucklehead.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Up, bean brain.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Calm your dogs.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Calm your dogs?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Open those big brown eyes.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Gimmie that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] (whoops) (giggles) Cold.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Girlsdale
mall, Girlsville...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Just reach out
and touch someone, baby.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Silver] Dragging your axle.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Come one, walk.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Walk Serafina.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Whoa, she
blew out a knee.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Out for the season.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Earl's Town.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Doh!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Hey, how bout it, huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] My neck's not
getting any skinnier.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] And what about
check 456, did that clear?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(car horn honks)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Geez, it's a tugboat.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Crazy crazy kid, you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Get the face in the waterworks.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Be careful.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] We now baptize you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] A swirly!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Woo hoo hoo!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] Girls' Town please hold.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Our Father, who art

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I say, she's
taking an awfully long time.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You wake up, baby.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Wake up, Serafina
- Come on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Let's keep moving around.
- Serafina.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Open your eyes, Serafina.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Watch his uppercut.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] You gotta cut me, Mick.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Cut me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Silver, you're wanted
on the telephone.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Sister Grace says it's urgent.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Silver] Take over.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] But I don't
know any slang.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Come on Eleanor, we
must keep her walking.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, Serafina.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Serafina.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Open your eyes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(car horn honks)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] All of our lines
are currently busy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The last call will
be answered first,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and those who call first
shall be answered last.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Charley Boy] Hey
baby, come on, let's go.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] If you're using
a Girls' Town product,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}please hold the line,
someone will... (mumbles)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow scats)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Just follow the
trail of scat. (laughs)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(car horn honks)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(tires screech)

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Hello.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I know who you are.
- Hello?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I saw what you did.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And I know what you're wearing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Silver] Hello!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Oh, you have to
use the St. Jude statue

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to get through to God, child.
- Hello!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- We're grateful to you
for keeping her awake.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] But she's dead.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I had this phone call

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and there was nobody
on the other end.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Sister Grace said it
was a girl's voice.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It could have been my sister.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Liar.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You're really not as hard
as you pretend to be, are you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- That's what you say.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Okay if I use the
Alexander Graham?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- The what?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- The telephone, I
wanna call my sister.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Certainly.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] But would you
stop with the slang?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Well, it's
better than scatting.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Operator information,
get me Jesus on the line?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] What city, please?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Well, he's
everywhere, so...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] What city, please?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] I'm not
sure, I guess...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Mary Lee there?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Woman] Mary Lee's gone.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}She's gone to the Devil,
just like her sister.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Well, then,
is Geddy Lee there?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Gee, even over
the phone, she's ugly.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] It's the Jay Leno gang.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] With Malcolm Forbes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Go, Greased Lightning

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ You're burning
up The quarter mile

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Aw, the banks of
the beautiful LA river, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Tom] Scenic.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Greetings, Cap.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Ready for the big drag race?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Sure.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Any time the Jags are ready.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Dick Contino
looks like Dick Francis.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Here they come.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(engines revving)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Mel Torme and his
jazz Nazis swing into action.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(scatting)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Look, I didn't come
with you for this,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I was just getting
away from that cop.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Look, it takes two for
this chicken race, baby.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Tom clucks)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You can't make me
if I don't want to.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Maybe you prefer that
I drive over to the jail,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}tell the cops what I know.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Why me, what did I do?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, for one thing,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you shouldn't have
worn that scarf today.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] It's not a Poochie.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's the same one
you wore the night

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you pushed Chip over the cliff.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Now, I
think, eww, salty.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You said you saw my sister.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I saw her scarf.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Found her lipstick, but...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The minute I saw your face
under that scarf today,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I knew that the
Dragons weren't lying.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Silver was at their beer
bust, and little sister

{\a1\pos(117,460)}borrowed her scarf.
- Scarf.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And her lipstick
and her boyfriend.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You said you were sure.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You just keep going
what I say, babyface.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] You're too close to Mel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Cool, here they come.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Jo Jackson.
- Hey.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You ready to go, man?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Anytime, creep.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Contino
looks like he's ready

{\a1\pos(33,460)}for a harness drag racing.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Tell him the rules, Joey.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Boy and a girl in each car.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Rolling start until
you get the flag.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hands off the wheel before
you cross the starting line.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You mean like this?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Like that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}First one to cross under the
Florence Avenue bridge, wins.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Dick Contino.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Let's see if our
friend don't chicken.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Oh, get her.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- If either member
of the team touches

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the steering wheel before the
car crosses under the bridge,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- That's bad.
- that car loses.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}("MST3K Theme" by Charles
Erickson and Joel Hodgson)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Huh, driving with
their areas or something here?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Ben Hur.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Tom] Ben him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Our ride's here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] We give
up, we surrender.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's funny. (laughs)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mary Lee] Fred!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Not now,
honey. (laughs)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Battle of the
Las Vegas crooners.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(screaming)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh now what?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Shouldn't have brought you with.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Well, it's
a nice day for it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh yeah.
- Oh yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] It's just
good to be out.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Ironically, they
have their seat belts on.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] And Mel is
the driver side airbag.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Kind of a dirty
Larry and crazy Murray here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(tires screeching)

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Ooh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Kiss my
pinky ring, Tormé.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(growls)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mary Lee] Watch out!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Oh, woman
drivers. (laughs)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] There's no one driving.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Can we just stop
and ask for direction?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Dummy.
- Crunch.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] (laughs) I
whipped her butt, Contino.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Contino?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Contino!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Ew, you're
all dead and stuff.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Geez, even when he's
dead he still gets fresh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] You guys forfeit?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Are you all right?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Should we
exchanged slang here?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Mary Lee cries)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(police sirens)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] So, who's
gonna make daddy-o?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Listen, you wanna
talk to the cops?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Let's get out of here, Joe.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] (laughs) It's
either Jerry Van Dyke

{\a1\pos(117,460)}or a trained chimp.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] It's the
Banana Splits show.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(scat singing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] (grunts) Must
do Christina's World.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Bust that jaywalker!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come here, lassie.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] But I'm princess.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Tell it to the judge.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Come on, come on, calm down.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Take it easy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Now what?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] We're prepared
to offer you sainthood.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Sit down.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Or slide down.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'm afraid your
sister's in trouble.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What kind of trouble?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Girl trouble.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yesterday afternoon she was
in some wild automobile race.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}One of the drivers was injured.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- You gotta let me out of here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}There's nobody to take care
of here but Aunt Scrooge

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and she's cracked.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What would you like
me to go the authorities

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and see if I can bring
her to Girl's Town?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Wow, aggressive recruiting.
- I don't want her

{\a1\pos(96,460)}inside any kind of jail.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Listen, if you don't let me go,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'll break out anyhow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- If you appear in
juvenile hall, Silver,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you'll be arrested.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It wouldn't do any
of us any good.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Mother, Mr. Parlow is here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] (gasps)
Bring my letter habit.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Bring him in.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(scat singing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Mother, I'm very sorry to
barge in on you like this

{\a1\pos(33,460)}but they told me Serafina
tried to kill herself

{\a1\pos(96,460)}after I left yesterday.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Congratulations.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I feel very bad about it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Is there anything I can do?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Yeah, quit showing up.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- It would be very
nice if you could speak

{\a1\pos(117,460)}with her, Mr. Parlow.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}She's really not a bad girl.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's just that she
needs to be loved.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] I can do that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You tell me what to say
and I'll do the best I can.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Thank you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(phone rings)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Oh, that's
probably God.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I have to take this.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Hello?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Uh hello, Sister
C, this Father Dolan.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Is David Doyle...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- The doctor's at
the infirmary now.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'll see if Serafina
can have visitors.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Perhaps your visit
will push her the edge.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Wait for me here, Silver.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] There goes
one hell of a nun.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] They don't
come any nunner.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] You know,
I know a lovely way

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to say how much you love me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Did you enjoy the
party yesterday?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Yeah, except for
that interminable song.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- King Groovy comes to
Dungeonville to make with a song

{\a1\pos(96,460)}for poor little ol' us.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What do you want me to do?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Kiss your foot?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- That's pretty
tough talk, isn't it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] But yes.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- You know you got a nice face.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What do you wanna spoil
it by hating people?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] It's fun!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What are you here for?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}To throw that poor
little chick breadcrumbs.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What is a cat like
you with all gold know

{\a1\pos(117,460)}about a kid without
a buck in the world?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No old lady, no old man.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Who are you to bigshot over her?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- A kid that didn't have
a buck in the world.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No old lady, no old man.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What are you
handing me, an act?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] You know I
don't have an act.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You should see the
neighborhood I was raised in.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know, when I was
14, a couple of us broke

{\a1\pos(12,460)}into a pool hall and stole $40.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Let me TP the place.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- What are you
doing in this place?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Paid back the $40?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I guess that's one
way of looking at it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] You see, I got a
lot of the street in me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- How'd you like to
really pay it back?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}My kid sister is in trouble
at the juvenile hall.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}How'd you like to go down
there and get her a lawyer?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Maybe Alan Dershowitz.
- What's her name?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Mary Lee, Mary Lee Morgan.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She isn't 16 yet,
she's just a baby.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I'll see what I can do.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh you mean it?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yeah, I go over
there this afternoon.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Oh, you do and
whoever keeps the books,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}he'll sure mark that
$40 paid in full.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] The big comptroller
in the sky will forgive you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(scat singing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Get out, get out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Honey, I'm
home. (nervously laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The baby's just fine, honey.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] They're teasing
you, you're mental.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Serafina?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I'm so glad to finally
have Paul Anka out of my mind

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and I'll never have... (screams)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You look awfully
cute in that outfit.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] You bought
it for me, remember?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Look, I wanna have
a talk with you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] I'm never,
ever going to love you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}There's no way you could
ever attract a man.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}There, better.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- When I was a little kid,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I was always alone.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I'm just a lonely boy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I had some secret wish.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Fabian.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- And that was that I could
have a younger sister.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] And make her
try to commit suicide.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- If that could ever come true,
I'd like one just like you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Except not so spooky.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- With pretty black
hair, and big brown eyes,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] And a
gut full of pills.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- And a cute little smile.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Cute little smile.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] She's dead.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Oh!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You know, Serafina, if
I was your big brother

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and you were my little sister,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] It's Nick
that's nagging you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- we couldn't be sweethearts.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}But you know, a
brother and a sister

{\a1\pos(33,460)}make awfully good friends.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] We are knee deep in
a Freudian quagmire, here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Wow.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yes, Jimmy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Look, Serafina, I'll
make a deal with you, sis.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Stay 100
yards away from me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You behave yourself,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and do everything Mother
Veronica tells you to do.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And I'll send you a record
player for your room.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] With no further
obligation on your part.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Sure, I'll do
better than that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'll have the record company
send you some new Lps

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and some swingin
platters every month.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Oh great, she's getting
Paul Anka, the home game.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Nat Coles, and Frankies.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Look sis, don't get too
concentrated on any one singer,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}understand?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Cause in Cuckooville,
there's no hit parade.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Understand?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Yes, I'm
mental, not stupid.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Yes, Jimmy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Shake on it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Come on, shake.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Shake.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] I'm your
husband, now shake!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Shake!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow buzzes)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, by the way, the
wedding pictures are in.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] You know, close
up, he's really a putz.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Next!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] She bought it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, let's scram.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Yeah, I do
a lot of good stuff.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Basically, I'm
Saint Paul of Anka.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I thought you said
you were going to help.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- First step.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Bottle rockets.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(Crow imitates bottle rockets)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Please God, just
one more hit record, please?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow hums)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Hey, she's good.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] If you sing, I'll
become a personal representative

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of Satan, so help me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ Ave Maria
- Hey, what are you doing?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Why are
you looking at me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What should I do?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm so nervous.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Everybody!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ You cuckoo Maria, baby

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Special
lyrics by Sammy Cahn.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Oh listen to thy
children's prayer

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] I'm epiphanying
like crazy over here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I've gotta sit down.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Oh, I'm a bad goil

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] This is driving
all hope from her soul.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Now I remember
why I left the church.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Speaking of leaving.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] This is a good time.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Yeah, no better.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(whirring)
(beeping)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Mike, how come
women don't look

{\a1\pos(33,460)}like Mamie Van Doren anymore?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- They do, it's just
that styles have changed,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}so you don't hear about it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Huh, so women who look
the most like the new style

{\a1\pos(33,460)}are considered the cool ones?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- It's stupid, but yeah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- So, say it's 1953, and I
happen to look like Twiggy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'd have to keep my
job at the cleaners

{\a1\pos(117,460)}until I became
stylish in the 1960s?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I guess so, you know,
it's all up to the media.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}They go and change styles
without consulting us.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They think it's funny.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- So in the future
it might be stylish

{\a1\pos(96,460)}for women to have wings.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Say.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Wow, hey, start
sketching, Mike.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yeah, grab that sketch pad.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Okay, women in the future.
- Women, women, women.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Basic woman.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Okay, huge, ferocious wings.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Good.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Of fire.
- Great.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, I think in the future,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}women will adorn themselves
with Mexican tiles.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They're stylish, yet
easy to maintain.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Nah, that's too
far in the future.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Okay, Nelson, add
on huge eyelids.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Yeah!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Big enough to roll
up in and hide out.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Oh yeah, and power takeoff.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, she's gotta
have power takeoff.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- And an air conditioned cab.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- A lotion dispenser.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- A complete swing set.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Cadillac's patented
Northstar system.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Robots] Never needs oil.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Announcer] Commercial
sign in 15 seconds.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh man, we gotta go.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Whaddya got there, pal?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Well, you guys, I have a
feeling that in the future,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}women will pretty much look like

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [All] Mamie Van Doren.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yeah, you make a pretty
good point my friend.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Now throw some wings
on her, you sly boots.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And power takeoff.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I can't tell you how much I
believe in that power takeoff.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And in response
to media pressure,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}women will dress like pencils.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}("MST3K Theme" by Charles
Erickson and Joel Hodgson)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Done, and done.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Mmhmm.
- Mmhmm.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Oh, I love
the Paul Anka mass.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] He usually
sings at bar mitzvahs.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] He uses
pomade from Lord's.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}(unintelligible sobbing)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Now, do the
head tilt, there.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Second verse,
same as the first.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] All right,
that was "Ave Maria"

{\a1\pos(117,460)}going out to our lady
of perpetual groovin'.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(sobbing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Meanwhile, at
the Hotel New Hampshire.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(sports-related shouting)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Mmm, poison ivy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(thumping)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Owwww!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] She's going
to fall on a fin!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- What happened?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I went straight to
juvenile hall from here

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and Clyde told me her lawyer
had been in to bail her out.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You know, I thought that
everything was just fine, but,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] My pants hurt.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- he called me again this
morning to say he tried

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to reach your sister at home.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She didn't go home.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Look, there's nothing
to worry about.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}He's checking with
the lawyer now

{\a1\pos(117,460)}to see where the
bail money came from.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I've gotta get out of here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I've gotta find her!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Look, Silver.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Easy, Pepper.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I think you
outta play it cool.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You can't expect Clyde
to tell you anything.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Especially if you left this
place without permission.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Paul Anka, P.I.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Now he promised to call
me as soon as he finds her.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}When he does, I'll let
you know, right away.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- That's a promise?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yeah, you can count on me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}In fact, I'm bringing Serafina's
record player over tonight.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'll give you a report then.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Ave Maria, huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, Ave Maria.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Tom Stewart killed me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Papillon, papillon.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Hey, you didn't
finish your beets, princess.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- I wanna go!
- No dice.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You can't keep me here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Rather go to jailsville, huh?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Look, you know I
didn't mean to hurt Chip.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You was trying to...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You know what he was
trying to do to me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Look, the guys are out
racing a couple hundred bucks.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now, when they get it,
we'll take you down south.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Get ya a job.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Tom] Oh, he's a head hunter.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Hostess or something.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Go on, get up those stairs.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Go on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(whimsical humming)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Operator, I've dial
Orchard four two one two two,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}10 times.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I can't get anyone to answer.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Oh, you want
me to go to the house

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and answer the phone?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Let's see,
scat, non-scat.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] So where's
the go button?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(engine revs)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Eww, there's
clownburger wrappers everywhere.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And french fries on the floor.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Hey!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey, wait a minute!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Mel's not very good

{\a1\pos(117,460)}at holding people
hostage, is he?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Hey, remember
to double-clutch her

{\a1\pos(33,460)}or you'll grind the
gears, it's not sacrament.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And it has oil bath carburetors
be sure to clean them.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Aww crap.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Stupid dirt.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Smith, Smith,
Moody, Bland, and Gray,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}may I help you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Here's the
file on Velma Jordan.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Any news?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- My office.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- The monsignor is
waiting, Mother.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You may use my office as
long as you like, Silver.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] Hey, I'm already here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Where have you been?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh Silver, Silver...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's okay, chick.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Tell Mom all about it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I didn't want to ride
with him in that drag race,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but he made me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Who made you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] God made me.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Fred.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He's one of the Jag gang.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- But how could he make you go?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Line?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}A line?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- He knew about me and Chip.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Chip Douglas?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- You and Chip?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I tried to tell you
before, but I was scared.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Sit down.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] And shut up.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Maybe it's time
you level with me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] You know
how we're both hot?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Remember the night
you stood Chip up?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Tom] He died.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- He was real sore when
he didn't find you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] And then he died.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- So he asked me to
go in your place.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] And then I
killed him, and he died.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You always kept saying I
was too young to go anyplace,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}so I went.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] And I killed
him and he got all dead.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh great.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- It was fun at first,
when he only kissed me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] He wasn't dead, then.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Then he...
- Died.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- He started...
- Being killed by me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- to get fresh, and
then I ran away.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Chip caught me and tried to
throw me down on the ground.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Right
before he got dead.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- and then...
- He died.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- a rock slipped out
from under his feet...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] And he became killed.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- He fell.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Then he died.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- So that's how they found
my lipstick in his car.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Where does Fred come in?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] He's not dead.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- He saw it happen.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Then he died.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- He thought it
was you at first.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] And then he died.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Till he saw me again.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] And I killed him.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And all that time
you've been letting me

{\a1\pos(96,460)}sit here in jailsville.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I'm sorry Silver,
I tried to tell you

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the first time I came here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] (mockingly)
I tried to tell

{\a1\pos(33,460)}the first time I came here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's okay, chick.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's all over the dam.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I just can't believe
you went out with Chip.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}(sobs)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughter)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- What are you laughing at?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Something in Dilbert.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Nevermind.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- It's over the dam,
it's over the cliff.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Funny, huh?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Ah, well, forget it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- I'm scared.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Fred's trying to
send me to Tijuana.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] And trade
me for a chicken.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Tijuana?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Maybe I could push
Herb Alpert over a cliff.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- He's afraid his dad will
take the car away from him,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}if he finds out
about the drag race.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You mean that rat would
ship a 15 year old kid

{\a1\pos(33,460)}to Mexico to save his hot rod?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Men!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- He was going to give me $200.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Big deal.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] They're
on to us, Sister.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Let's beat sheets.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(sirens)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I never have anyone
to talk to, never!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Hey sis,
where'd you go?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- We'll show that character.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come here a minute.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You go out the same way
you came in, you dig me?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] The door.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- I'll meet you at the highway.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Okay.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Hey, wait,
are those my dungarees?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Here's your ride.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Hmm, yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] My ride.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- She's probably still
around here someplace.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Agent double Oh heaven.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(hums sneaky music)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Where do you
think you're going?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Out.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- No you're not.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You're staying right here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Bury yourself.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Back to the pad, tiger.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(Crow growls)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Gloria!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] (mockingly) Gloria!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Out of my way!
- Yay, one of these!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You're not going
anywhere, Silver.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The council had a meeting.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Who cares about you
and your phony council?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- We care.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And we decided nobody's
going to bust out nights.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Listen, I've gotta.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's my sister,
she's in trouble.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Your sister!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] My mother
(slap) my sister (slap)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}my mother (slap) my sister!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}(Crow scatting)

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- They're kidnapping my sister!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Look and see!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(scatting)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] I see a guy with
a Dewlap and a Triumph.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That's all.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I don't see a thing.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] But there was
this thing and now its...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh.
- What are you saying?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}There was no thing, was there?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] There was a thing.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] There was no thing.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You're not fooling anybody.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Suppose she's telling the truth.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Hey, thanks for
coming down tonight,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}supporting live liturgy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Say, what can I tell
you about myself?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, I'm a Saint.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'd like a bigger medallion.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}(laughs) I'm kidding, of course.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Listen Saint, whoever you are.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You're suppose to help people
who haven't got a chance.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's me, I haven't got
a chance in God's world.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Never once did you ask
me to your house for coffee.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Silver Morning praying, oh no.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- One more of her
phony baloney's.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Mortimer Snerd.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Yeah.
- That's who she is.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Any chance at all.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- I believe her.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] I'll tell
my fellow mounties.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] That statue
doesn't work anymore.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You on the level?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- You know I am.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- She's 15 years old and
they're shipping her to Tijuana.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Who kidnapped your sister?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- They've been keeping her
prisoner at Jag's Beach Pad

{\a1\pos(117,460)}where the kid fell
off the cliff.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They're afraid she'll
testify against them.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] (gasps) Santa Claus!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Silver!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Jimmy's outside,
he just drove up.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Grove] He's back from
fighting Nazi's on the moon.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- We got transportation.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Maybe we can still catch them.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- If I haven't seen her
praying with my own eyes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Let's give her
a chance, girls.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Vida, you and Flo
go with Silver.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'll wait here until
Mother Veronica gets back.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Good luck, girls.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Suddenly they're an
elite crime fighting unit.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- And then go and find Jimmy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And tell them that they
haven't stolen his car.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just borrowed it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}("MST3K Theme" by Charles
Erickson and Joel Hodgson)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] So anyway,
I wasn't very popular

{\a1\pos(33,460)}so as a freshman I had
to work extra hard to get

{\a1\pos(117,460)}on the wrestling
cheerleading squad.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Here we are, they're here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Park so you block the road.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Angels, I need
you to go undercover

{\a1\pos(117,460)}as high school girls.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Saint Jude is coming
and he's packing heat.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(giggles)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(mocking chatter)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(chuckles)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] This house is
on the national register

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of historic hideouts.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] A Nancy Drew mystery.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}(Tom imitates creaking steps)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Damn Cape Cods.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(scat singing)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Nobody expects
the Spanish inquisition.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, what hole
did you crawl out of?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I came for my sister.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- You came to the wrong place.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I was looking out the window

{\a1\pos(117,460)}when you pushed
into that T-Bird.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You're oughta your
little skull, blow.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- The only way I'd blow is
to blow the whistle on you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Mike] Wow.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Yeah sure, baby, you
just do that little thing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Call the cops, go on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You'll land right
back in the clink.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Maybe so but I'm not
leaving here without Mary Lee.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Not without my daughter.
- Too late, kiddo.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}She's gone.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You lousy bug head.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}If you sent that
little kid to Mexico...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Did you say you saw us push
her in a T-Bird, right?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- That's right.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Do you see any
T-Birds out there now?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You know my
sister isn't 16 yet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You know what they do to you

{\a1\pos(96,460)}for contributing to
delinquency of a minor?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] You're at jailsville.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You know what they
do to you for murder?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Revolt your dewlap?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Mary Lee?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [All] Boo!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Yay!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Ooh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Silver] Mary Lee!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Did the police.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Please hurry Mother Veronica.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- We'll be on time, Jimmy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You must have faith.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] We'll just you to
the Copa in time for your gig.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Here Jimmy, this will
strengthen your faith.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] You got a
weird theology, Mother.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Mary Lee!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] This time I mean it!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Ooh!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Right on woman.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Wow, weird scene.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Let me just
sneak by ya here, thanks.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Sam Peckinpah's
six degrees of separation.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Okay, you just won yourself
a one way ticket south.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Let me
guess, Mexicoville.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- By the way creep,
we're leaving.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- You wanna bet?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Go on, see if you
can find some rope.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] You just wait
until there's nuns

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and croquet mallets.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Well, I'll just
back through the door here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Nothing to see anyway.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Oh, Bingo!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Hey, what happened in there?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Say you fell in the dark.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Ow!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I fell in the dark.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mel] Dumb jerk.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Thank you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Chip's old man's got a
private eye on this case.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now if I can find out
that Mary Lee pushed Chip

{\a1\pos(117,460)}over the cliff, a
detective can too.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Unless we get her
out of the country.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You know I didn't
mean to hurt him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He was trying to attack me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You saw him run after me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Nobody else did, baby chick.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You just remember that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}If I say he was attacking
you, he was attacking you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}If I say you pushed
him, you pushed him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Mel, can we go talk
about this by the cliff?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- We oughta be friends,
you know what I mean?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Real good friends.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And if I say you
kidnapped Mary Lee,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I can make more trouble for
you than you can for us.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}So gangway.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh no, baby.
- Ooh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well if that's
the way you want it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Uh-huh, uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}- Oh my.
- Huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Well, I'm glad you
decided to be friends.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know you're not a
bad looking little dame

{\a1\pos(33,460)}when you turn those teeth in.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] Ah, the rock in
Betty Lou's pantyhose.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I always had eyes for you.
- Mary Lee, run.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] You know, there
are awkward moments

{\a1\pos(117,460)}like this at every
house party. (laughs)

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Just like that.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Now say,
that almost looks fun.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Mike] These guys are
confusing romance with football.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] That's a problem.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] Scooby Doo.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- All right, hold it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] All right,
let's start again.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You get your potato
and pantyhose.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- You're gonna get hurt.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Show me, loverboy.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(grunts)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Oh, that move
is pure Emma Peel.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Cut it off, I'm not kidding.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crow] Wow!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(grunts)

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] An evening at
Jake LaMotta's house.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Now, there's going
to be some real ass kicking.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Now, I'm gonna
split your head open.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(yells)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Aah, now it's Greco
Roman Catholic wrestling.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(laughs)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Mike] Ooh, the age old
struggle between pop and jazz.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] You wanna
finish him off, Sister?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- What's with this guy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- He's the only one that
knows Mary Lee didn't

{\a1\pos(33,460)}push Chip over the cliff.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] And he can
solve a Rubik's Cube.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh yeah?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Nobody's gonna
believe this babe.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Look, you're
gonna be a witness

{\a1\pos(117,460)}or you're going to be
tried for kidnapping.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You know what they could
do to you for kidnapping?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Which way would
you rather have it?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Which way?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] Please, that's where
my Velvet Frog emanates from.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I saw her run
out of the cabin.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Chip was chasing her.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Jimmy] Then she must
have been defending herself.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Huh?
- Yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,96)}- [Crow] Well, he's not
really Clint Eastwood

{\a1\pos(33,68)}but he gets the job done.

{\a1\pos(117,96)}- [Jimmy] You heard
him, Mother Veronica?

{\a1\pos(117,68)}- We all heard him.

{\a1\pos(33,96)}- And if you don't know what
to do with that baseball bat,

{\a1\pos(33,68)}I could give you an idea.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Mike] Oh sister,
you're gonna rot in hell

{\a1\pos(180,460)}but I love you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Tom] I was incredible.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Is this the place?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] I have an appointment
for a facial and a pedicure.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Where's the warden?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- There's isn't any.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Goodbye, Silver.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Goodbye, Sister Grace.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- Well, who's in charge?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Mother Veronica.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Mother's a dirty word to me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- You'll learn.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- I've already
learned too much, cat.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's why I'm here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Love lift up us
where we belong

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Crow] Cantinflas!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- We've come to say
goodbye, Silver.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Oh, Serafina
got the lead

{\a1\pos(33,460)}in the Thanksgiving pageant.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Would you like at
the baby chick now?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- I'm happy now, Silver.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Really happy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- You found somebody
who loves you, huh?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] I'm happy now, really.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- I'm glad.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It'll be a wonderful
thing for her.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- She'll have two years in
the novitiate To make sure.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- Goodbye, baby.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- Silver, you're still my hench.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Mike] I'm happy,
I'm really happy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Always will be.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And you've become my
henchman too, Silver.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Tom] Aww.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Goodbye.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Goodbye, Mother.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Actually
the name's Phyllis.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Good luck, Silver.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}- [Crow] Sister Silver wouldn't
have sounded that great.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- No, no.
- Nu-uh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] Change of habit!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Listen to me girls

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crow] Yes?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Watch your P's and Q's

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Or you're gonna have
the Girls Town blues

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Tom] So long suckers.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Oh, it's so good to
have you back with us.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ You go Girls Town

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Goodbye!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- [Crowd] Bye!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Tom] Let's do
some grinds, man.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ Come out with peace
of mind from Girls Town

{\a1\pos(96,460)}- [Crow] What she sees
in men I'll never know.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Many girls need love

{\a1\pos(180,460)}- [Mike] Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ Many girls need care

{\a1\pos(264,460)}They do?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}♪ And if they're not attended to

{\a1\pos(96,460)}♪ There's trouble
everywhere at Girls Town

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Well, let's go
savage the new girl.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Crow] Ooh, a lot of ends!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}♪ You can always find

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, I got an idea.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}♪ Peace of mind

{\a1\pos(33,460)}♪ From Girls Town, Girls Town

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh, oh, oh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}(laughing)

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Once again, I just like
to say how monumental

{\a1\pos(117,460)}this history making
event will be link,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the linking of the
whole umbilicus.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Doctor.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- And the..
- Doc, doctor.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I brought you this.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Give me that Frank,
you little crust.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Ow!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- And in conclusion,
I give the world

{\a1\pos(117,460)}the first earth
tethered satellite.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ta-Dah!

{\a1\pos(201,68)}(giggles)

{\a1\pos(264,68)}- Open.

{\a1\pos(180,68)}One, two, three!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- Doctor, shall I send up the
umbili-pod in the umbili-port?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Give me that, Frank.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I impart this vessel
unto the heavens.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- Hey, I think I hear
something coming.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Is science supposed to
smell like banana cream?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}- Oh Frank!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- I, Doctor Clayton
Forrester, bid you welcome.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}What news have you from
the far reaches of space?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}(splats)

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Push the button, Frank.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}- Mmm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}- [Dr. Forrester] Frank,
I'll give you three seconds

{\a1\pos(96,460)}to stop licking my face.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}- [Frank] Count slow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}(MST3K love theme)

{\a1\pos(117,96)}- You tell that boy
to go home right now.

{\a1\pos(117,68)}I'll call the police.