Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 5, Episode 17 - Crash of Moons - full transcript

THEME SONG: In the not too
distant future, next Sunday AD,

there was a guy named Joel, not
too different from you or me.

He worked at Gizmonic
Institute, just another face

in a red jump suit.

He did a good job
cleaning up the place,

but his bosses didn't like him
so they shot him into space!

We'll send him cheesy movies.

The worst we can find.

La, la, la!

He'll have to sit
and watch them all,

then we'll monitor his mind.

La, la, la.

Now keep in mind
Joel can't control

where the movies begin or end.

La, la, la.

Because he used
those special parts

to make his robot friends.

Robot roll call-- let's go.

Cambot.

Pan left.

Gypsy.

Hi, girl.

Tom Servo.

What a cool guy.

Croooooow.

Oh, the wisecracker.

If you're wondering how
he eats and breathes,

and other science
facts-- la, la, la-- then

repeat to yourself
it's just a show,

I should really just relax-- for
"Mystery Science Theater 3000."

-Oh, hi, everybody.

Welcome to the
Satellite of Love.

I'm Joel Robinson.

And I was just teaching
Tom Servo, here,

how to do macrame so
he could get a head

start on some of his
Christmas presents.

-OK, help me out here.

-OK, now it's up and over.

And on the left side--
-Up, over, left.

- --and over, and cross
over to the middle.

-Cross over.
-Ahem.

Knock knock!

-Oh.

Oh, hi, Crow.

-Good morning, sir.

Uh, may I speak to the
man or lady of the house?

-Oh, boy.

-Ah, hello ma'am.

My name is Crow T Robot.

And I'm selling grit to raise
money to keep kids like me

off the street.

-Oh, not again, Crow!

-You need not pay now.

You can simply place
an order with me,

and I will personally
deliver your grit

within four to six weeks.

Or if you'd prefer, I
do have some free grit,

which is complimentary
to you at no charge.

-Crow, this is grit.

You're supposed to be
selling "Grit" there,

our nation's newspaper.

This is true grit.

-Uh, uh, uh.

Oh.

Uh, OK, sir.

Uh, may I interest you
and the little lady

in decorator driftwood candles,
sure to complement any decor.

-Come on, Crow!

I already have four dozen
turkey pizzas in the freezer.

And you never even went on
that band trip to Winnipeg.

-I got sick.

-Yeah, and besides, you
know those watermelon seeds

you sold me to buy
a transistor radio?

They don't even work up here.

And I've got about a
kajillion Olympic good luck

on your confirmation cards.

-Well, I'm just trying to put
a little jingle in my jeans.

-Yeah, well, listen.

I'm going to put
a stop to you're

sending away for stuff to sell.

It's for your own good.

-Uh, Joel, uh, let me ask you.

Uh, have you reviewed
your insurance needs

within the last year?

-Uh-oh.

-Have you considered what
would happen to your family

if anything should
happen to you?

-Crow.

-Uh, b-- what?

You're telling me you
don't love your family?

Uh--

-We'll be right back.

-Wow!

It says here, if I sell
50 pounds of kitty litter,

uh, I can win a shoestring
and a picture of Eve Arden.

-Yeah.

It says here, if
I sell my soul, I

can get a job working
for Pat Buchanan.

-Eh, cut the comedy, you two.

Uh, Governor and JJ are calling.

-Well, Boobie, our
experiment this week

was supposed to be about
brushing after meals,

but this one here
never stops eating!

-Pwah!

Ugh!

Excuse me.

Uh, you know, for years
now, Dr. Forrester

has been trying to get me
to not brush after eating.

He's tried everything, pleading,
scolding, electroshock therapy,

attaching a clothes pin to my--

-That's enough, Frank.

I, Dr. Clayton Forrester have
discovered an important truth.

Before adulthood, when
booze becomes a stable,

sugar is the next best
substitute to parental love.

That's why I've invented
Deep 13 toothpaste.

It's the candy coated,
sugar frosted denta-frise,

which 9 out of 10 disreputable
dentists choose by name.

-I'm having Chocolate Peanut
Butter Fudge toothpaste.

It also comes in Cookies 'N
Cream, Rocky Road, Banana Fudge

Ripple, and 31 other flavors.

Um.

-Yes, now kids can
brush their teeth

and still rot their teeth.

-Now, how to get kids to smoke.

-At long last, Senator, have
you no sense of decency?

-Speaking of rotting
teeth, our invention

is inspired by big
rock stars of our time.

-That's right.

In the past, the
only musicians who

could afford to destroy
their guitars every night

were rich rock stars, like
Pete Townsend, Jimi Hendrix,

Rick Springfield--

-Uh, uh, Rick Springfield?

-Well, I wish he'd
destroy his guitar.

Ha.

Anyway, now even been
struggling garage bands

can destroy their guitars with
the new Rock 'N Wreck guitar.

-Yeah, now you can unleash
a glorious moment of energy!

-Whoo-hoo!

Ha, ha, ha.

-But it doesn't have
to be permanent.

-Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

That's right.

Most music careers
may be temporary,

but your guitar
doesn't have to be.

-And as you spend the
remainder of your life

working long hours
at a fast food

joint, folding
cheese-a-ritos, you'll

always have a souvenir of
your once hopeful youth.

-Really dark, Crow.

-What do you think, sirs?

-Frank, give me that!

You've had enough!

-Hey!

Well, Boobie, uh,
Rocky Jones, Winky,

and the whole lethargic
gang is back again,

in your experiment today,
in the long awaited

sequel to "Manhunt in
Space," "Crash of the Moons,"

plus a "General Hospital" short.

Need I say more?

-Hah!

-Frank, quit bogarting
that toothpaste.

-Whoa!

We got movie sign!

-General Hospital--

-Oh, boy.
- --is brought to you by--

-Shh!

Quiet you guys.

This is my soap.

I scheduled all my
classes around it.

-Hey, it's my
Leonard Cohen album.

-Hm!

-God, I'm unappealing.

-Well, anyway, as I
was saying, Cynthia's

great with the
kids at the school.

I mean, they're all
crazy about her.

-Hm.

-Oh, I'm sure they are.

-Well, you are very popular
with the children too, sister.

-Oh.

-Can I take your helmet?

Uh, oh, that's your hair.

-What will you do, Cynthia,
after you and Ken are married?

Will you go on working
at the nursery school?

-Oh, I don't know.

I-- I hadn't really
thought about it.

-Oh, that's really smart.

-Mm, hm.

-I haven't talked it
over with Ken, yet.

-Maybe for a little while?

-Maybe.

Do you think it
would be a good idea?

[PHONE RINGING]

-I'll get it.

-Oh, it's probably
the Muzak Corporation

and they want their record back.

-Hello.

-Uh, would you
folks break it up?

You party is depressing
everyone in the building.

-Hold on.

Cynthia, it's for you.

-Hm.

[TOM HUMMING]

-Student loan people.

-Oh, thank you.

-(SINGING) Whaa, whaa, whaa--

-Yes.

-Oh, that's OK.

We don't have to get married.

I can marry someone else.

-Oh, I see.

Well, that's too bad.

-Uh-huh.

Head injury.
Mm-hm.

-Oh, no.

Of course it doesn't matter.

I understand.

Yes, I can get home all right.

-(WHISPERING) Give
in to the dark side.

-Will you call me
in the morning?

-Hm.

Dark side, huh?

-Fine.

-Hm.

Good night, Ken.

-The depressing thing
is, is this is in color.

-Ah.

-Mm, hm.

-Hm?

-Is that a Cross Your Heart?

-Well, he's at the hospital,
and he says it doesn't look like

he'll be through--
[ROBOTS BREATHING HEAVY]

- --in time to come back for me.

[ROBOTS BREATHING HEAVY]

-Well, that's too bad.

-Well, can I, uh, warm up
your bra--uh, c-coffee?

- --coming by and
pick you up, at all.

-I'm afraid not.

-Hm.

-Aw, it's a shame it
had to be this way.

Well, tonight of all nights.

-I'm sorry too.

-When Anne Sexton
throws a party--

-Well, it's getting late and--
and since Ken isn't coming

back--

-And since I'm
ruining your marriage!

-I gues I'd better go.

-Well, Cynthia, can I give you
some more coffee, or some cake,

or somethign?

-Oh, like that
solves everything!

-No, thanks.

Really.

I'll just, uh, call a cab.

-Well, wait a minute.

Why take a cab?

I can drive you home.

-Oh, no.

Phil, there's no reason
for you to do that.

-Well I'm not going to
let you go home in a cab.

-I don't like to put
you to any trouble.

-It's no trouble.

-Tell ya what.

Jess can drive the van,
we can sit in the back!

-I'll get your coat.

[CLICKING TONGUE]

-Yeah, grab that
sleeping bag, too!

-(IMITATING CYNTHIA'S
VOICE) Well,

this is my lucky day, isn't it?

And cake too!

-That's, uh, very nice of Phil.

-Well, he wanted to do it.

-In the road.

-It suddenly got very cold.

Aah, ooh, ooh.

-Jessie, why don't
you come with us?

It isn't very far.

And you can keep Phil
company on the way back.

-Come on, Jess, you swing!

-No, I don't think so.

I'm tired, and, uh--

-I hate your guts!

- --to have the
place cleaned up.

I have to be at the hospital
the first thing in the morning.

-For my autopsy.

-Well!

-(SINGING) It's a
hap-hap-happy day!

-Ha, ha, ironically, I'm
putting clothes on you!

Ha, ha.

-Thanks, very much, Jessie,
for having Ken and I over--

-(WHISPERING) Come on, let's go.
Let's go.

-(WHISPERING) Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go!

Let's go.
Let's go!

Come on!
-to celebrate our engagement.

It was very nice of you.

-Oh, you're very welcome.

And I hope you're
going to be very happy.

-Thank you.

Goodnight.

-Thanks for the coffee
and the use of your man.

-(SINGING) Oh,
zip-a-dee-doo-dah,

zip-a-dee-ay!

-I won't be long.

-No kidding?

You don't have to tell me!

-Oh.

-Life getting you down?

Headache pain?

Try booze.

-Really heals!

-I think I'll put on
my Dan Hill album.

-Oh sweet cake, you're the
only one who understands me.

-Ugh!

Aah, this weighs a ton.

I shouldn't have
used that saccreate.

[STRAINING]

-Oh, this is no cakewalk.

Ooh, I did it again.

[STRAINING]

-Oh, I think I'll just suck back
the rest of the Ready Whip can

and--

-Yep!

-Hey!

No!

-Down to the first floor.

-Ah, I'm blind.

Oh, I can't see!

-Joel!

Joel!

Oh, help!

Oh, I want my mommy!

-Oh.

-Oh!

-Hey, you drove onto
the living room set.

Get the car outta here.

-You'll arrive in style
in the new 1963 Corvair!

-Oops, ran outta gas.

-This it?

-Yes.

Well, thank you, Phil,
for bringing me home.

-Oh, wait a minute.

Don't go yet.

Uh, sit a minute.

-I gave you a cake, you owe me.

-You know, I, uh, I didn't
know where you lived, till now.

-Now I'll be lurking
in shadowy doorways.

-What do I say?

-Can I touch your butt, honey?

-No, No!

-Well, that's not really true.

I--

-I danced in front of your
mirror, wearing your things?

Uh, no.

-I've walked by here many times.

-You have?

-Well, staggered anyway.

-You know, there's not a
gifted conversationalists

in this whole group, you know?

-Hm, mm.

-I hate these Pinter plays.

-Uh, a booger!

Whoop!

-Uh, made my own blender
mayonnaise, yesterday.

-That's really
interesting, Phil.

-Ugh!

Cynthia, why you do it?

Why did you get engaged to Ken?

-Phil!

Why does this always
have to happen?

We keep telling ourselves
we're just good friends, but--

-Every time I get engaged,
you do this to me!

-Phil, I made up my mind
after the last time.

I-- I have to make
a life for myself!

-And you choose to
make a life with Ken?

-Yes.

He loves me.

I know he does!

And-- and we can have
a good life together.

Anyway, we-- we have as good a
chance as most married people.

-Sure, Ken's not
anatomically correct, but--

-Do you love him, Cynthia?

-No, please.

Phil, don't ask me that.

-Aw, I don't have to ask you.

I can tell you.

-I'm damn unappealing!

-You don't love Ken--

-Like I love, Ken.

[KISSES]

-You love me.

-No!

I mustn't love you.

-Why?

-'Cause you're so icky!

-Look, Phil, you
can't hurt Jessie.

Neither of us can!

-I don't want to.

-But I have to.

This is a soap opera, after all.

If I don't, we're outta work!

-Phil, don't you see?

I'm doing the only
sensible thing!

Married to Ken, I'll have
to forget all about you.

-You don't love Ken!

-Ew, gin breath!

-Do you love Jessie?

-I asked you first.

No tag backs!

-The truth is, I'm in love
with a small Mexican man.

-Oh.

-Well, no.

-Yes, I do.

Ah, not the way I
used to love her.

-Now, I love corn flakes.

-Solid rubber.

-Hm.

-Not the way I
love you, Cynthia.

-Oh, Phil!

-My name is Evelyn!

-When you walked into my life,
there was nothing but you.

-You wiped your feet on
the doormat of my heart!

-I saw, for the first
time, how love could be.

And life without you
has no meaning, Cynthia.

It has no point at all.

-Yeah, your patients are
going to be happy about that!

-Just face it, please!

-Stop it!

And deny the truth that
we love each other?

-Do you need some Dristan?

-Cynthia--

-How can you not love
a skull like this?

-Look at me.

-Let's hope this is a tree.

-What?

-You do love me.

-Say it!

Say it!

'Cause I don't love you!

Ha, ha, ha.

-I have to go in.

-You're spooky looking.

-Here's the wind up.

And the pitch!

Low and away!

-(SINGING) Oh, sweet mystery of
life, at last I've found you!

[GASP]

-"Crash of the Moons," two frat
boys in a butt-on collision.

[LAUGHING]

-Hey, you guys.

I've got an idea.

Just for fun, let's see how
fast we can refund these names.

-OK.

OK.

Here, I'll got first.

Um, um, um, OK.

Sam Neil Beckett's brother.

Um, Jane's Mansfield's sister.

-Uh-huh.

-Um, John Lydon's
illegitimate son.

-Uh-huh.

Uh, Peggy Cass's father.

Oh, oh, um, Charles
Meredith-Baxter-Burney

The Patsy Parsons' Project.

Oh, uh, uh, pass.

-Uh, uh, OK.

Uh, uh, Guy Roe versus Wade.

Uh, Dick L'Estrange
when you're a stranger.

Oh, Will Luby shot Oswald.

Uh, pass, pass.

-Uh, uh, uh, Phil Glass's
brother, Al Capps uncle.

Uh, um, I's didn't do
nothin' for Billy Tinsman.

And, uh, he didn't already
have, uh, Monty Python's

Hall's first.

Pass, pass!

-Um, um, Warren
Wilson, let me think.

Oh, Oh, pass, pass.

-Oh, uh, Guy Thayer,
um-- pass, pass.

-Uh, uh, Arthur Pierson,
creator of the Salty Nut Goodie.

-Uh, OK.

OK, um, pass on Roland Reed.

-Oh, uh, mm?

Go, go!

-Oh, it's the
great Hollingsworth

Morse going to direct?

-Uh, judges?

[IMITATING BUZZER]

-I'm sorry, we
can't accept that.

-Damn!

-Overused.

-Skittles?

-Hm!

-Oh, it's kareoke night.

-Getting ready to transport
TR-14, thanks for the buggy

ride.

Out.

-Hm?

-Uh, the airship is pulling
up to the tower now,

and, oh my god!

It's burst into flames!

Aah!

Oh, the humanity.

Oh, my God, it's terrible.

People are running
every-- where.

Ugh!

-LEGO Hospital.

Snap-tight hernias
sold separately.

-Leona Helmsley!

-Secretary Drake, you've
landed your spaceship here

on our planet against my orders.

-Cleolanta, please
try to understand--

-I'm a magic mess.

Cha-ca-cha.

Cha-ca-cha.

Each0 world does its share
for the benefit of all.

You can help us, Cleolanta,
and we can help you.

-If you know what
I mean. [CHUCKING]

-Cleolanta needs no
help from any man.

Our planet, Ophecius, is strong.

It needs no help
from your planet.

-You're depriving your
people of great benefits.

-401K, full medical, dental!

-Rocky Jones, you
are presumptuous.

-And you are numtous!

-Everything that my people
need is right here on Ophecius.

-Everything!

-You are wrong, Winky-breath.

-I grant you one hour
to leave Ophecius.

-One hour?

Crap, we're not even packed.

-If you don't, you and your
spaceship will be destroyed.

-You and your
daughter are doomed.

-Only 59 minutes remain.

Lasvon, train the guns
on their spaceship.

59 minutes.

-A CBS News magazine.

-Come on, Rocky, Winky.

It's useless.

We're wasting our
precious minutes.

-"The Honeymooners!"

-Well, we had plenty
of time to spare.

We could have hit the
gift shop or something.

-Boy, oh, boy.

-It's pretty slow for a rocket.

-Ah, Cleolanta.

A stubborn woman
if I ever saw one.

-You've never see one, Rocky.

-You can't argue with
self-sufficient people

like that.

-Well, now me, I--
I'm a family guy.

I like my neighbors.

You know, how about
a game of cards.

Or may I borrow a cup of sugar?

-Can I see your butt?

-Orbit Jet to
Space Station OW-9.

[BEEPING]

-Won't Rocky be surprised?

-When I tell him I'm pregnant!

Station OW-9 to Orbit Jet.

Andrews to Rocky Jones.

Come in, Rocky.

-Hm?

I'm using my space voice.

-OW-9 to Orbit Jet.

Come in, Rocky Jones.

-Well, what's the
matter with Andrews?

Has he got a mouth full
of crackers, or something?

-No, he's got an
extra Y chromosome.

-Rocket Jones to OW-9.

Come in, OW-9.

Andrews to Rocky Jones.

Come in.

-Heh, heh.

[CHUCKLING]

-Goodness, gracious!

-Great balls of fire!

-That's Professor Newton,
and Vina and Bobby.

-That's right, Winky.

We're all here.

-And this is "Your Life."

-Say, what are you doing
on Space Station OW-9?

-Oh, we're having
a Mary Kay party.

-We're here to greet old
friends, Rocky-- Potonda,

Bavarro, and Torvak.

-What?

Did they manage to build
a spaceship of their own?

-Winky, honey, hang up the line.

-The Gypsy Moons,
Posita and Nagato,

are entering our solar system.

Placenta and Neg--

-And at 0600 today, they will be
very close this space station.

-Not close enough to wave.

But close enough to dock.

-Professor Newton--

-Please hit Bobby.

-Where will the space station be
in relation to the Gypsy Moons?

-Directly between them, Rocky.

-Andrews?

-Hm?

-Yes, Rocky, great
news, isn't it?

-Stand by.

I'll check back as
soon as possible.

Out.

Winky, stay at the controls.

Correct direction.

Head for Space Station OW-9.

-I gotta go potty.

-OK, let's see how
we start this here.

Uh-- Dear Abby, I'm
an elderly woman

who doesn't enjoy sex anymore.

I found that in the--

What is it, Rocky?

-Something Professor Newton
overlooked-- the atmosphere

chain which links the two moons.

Now assume this is
the space station.

-And this is the ship
arriving too late

to save a drowning witch.

-And these are the Gypsy
Moons, Posita and Nagato--

-Hm.

- --approaching
from that direction.

-Neat.

-Now as the moons pass--

-Mm, hm.

- --the atmosphere chain will
envelope the space station.

-Oh!
Neat.

Funny.

-It was built only
to stand in space.

-Cute.

-A sudden whoosh of
atmosphere could destroy it.

-Wonderful.

Mm, hm.

-Where are we in
relation to them?

-This is out position, here.

-Next to that TCBY.

-I don't know whether we
can reach Space Station

OW-9 in time to evacuate it.

-I'll try to make reservations.

-I can't understand
Rocky not being excited

about the Gypsy Moons.

-Maybe Mr. Secretary
put the pressure on him.

Perhaps he didn't like
our blasting off Earth

without orders.

-Maybe he thinks
he's too good for us.

Well, screw, Rocky.

-Well, I can't think
of any other reason.

[BEEPING]

-Orbit Jet to
Space Station OW-9.

Rocky Jones to Andrews.

Come in Andrews.

-Yes, Rocky?

-Whoa!

Got enough Maybelline
on there, Skipper?

-Give me your
refueling schedule.

When's the next spaceship due?

-I'm having a
Monteclaire moment.

-Nothing scheduled, Rocky.

Since Transport TR-14
left, we're all clear.

-I'll sing off.

Call back the TR-14.

Bring it back.

-And back-fill the
story for the audience.

They have no idea
what's going on.

-What is it Rocky?

What's the matter?

-I have to clear
for Andrews' call.

Just remind Professor Newton
of the atmosphere chain.

-And hurry, Andrews.

Make the call.

Bring back but the TR-14.

-Bring back the Boston Rag!

-The atmosphere
chain, Professor?

-The atmosphere chain.

Now, what can Rocky have m--

-Oh, I've soiled myself again.

-Of course!

Of course!

Oh!

-He's a queer duck!

-How stupid of me.

-What is it, Professor?

-Yes, what?

-What?

-Quick Andrews, make
your call, as Rocky said.

Space Station OW-9
to Transport TR-14.

Come in, TR-14, come in.

-Hm?

Hm.

-Vladimir Horowitz.

-I've made a terrible blunder.

I've--

-I'll say.

- --led you and Bobby
into grave peril.

-I don't care.

-Aah!

-The OW-9 is going
to be destroyed!

[GULP]

-What do you mean, Professor?

-An object built to withstand
the elements of space

cannot survive in an atmosphere!

-Oh, like you know that!

-The atmosphere
chain, that's right!

-Yep, I--

-And Rocky wants the
TR-14 to evacuate us.

-Ugh!

-Ick!

-Space Station OW-9 to Transport
TR-14, urgent, repeat urgent!

Come in.

I can't get an answer.

Shall I call Rocky back?

-He knows what's happening.

He'll do everything possible.

Keep trying the TR-14.

-And keep reaching
for the stars!

-OW-9 to TR-14, come in.

Mayday!

Repeat, Mayday!

Space Station OW-9 to
Transport TR-14, mayday!

Repeat, mayday!

-Um, do you fellas have a
chair I could on, or something?

-I'm bleeding her now, Rocky,
all the thrust she's got.

-Jeez.

-Space Station OW-9 to Transport
TR-14, can you hear me?

Turn back!

Turn back!

-I resent that!

-Orbit Jet to
Space Station OW-9.

Rocky Jones to Andrews.

-Yes, Rocky?

-It's no use, Andrews.

The TR-14 is beyond reach.

-So deal with it, man.

-Has Professor Newton
rechecked his figures?

-Hm?

-Have you checked
his credentials?

-Yes, Rocky.

And their absolute.

- --ly.

-The Gypsy Moons will pass the
space station at 0600 today.

-Don't worry, we'll get
you off before then.

-All right!

Heh, heh.

-Tell Andrews I'll call
back every hour on the hour.

-Then I start
tossing out bodies.

-Please, try to understand--

-I'm a magic man.

-(SINGING) A dun-dun, chh!

A dun-dun hoo!

- --but seeing out friends
on the Gypsy Moons.

-My entire life is a lie.

-Oh, the Gypsy Moons.

-The Gypsy Moons, huh?

-Hey, that's a novel idea.

-Have you a plan, Rocky?

Something we can do?

Leaving the space station
before 0600 looks impossible.

-Ha, ha.

Oh, I hope you're
enjoying today's film.

And I certainly hope those
Gypsy Moons don't crash.

Did you know that the
Gypsy Moons is actually

a reference to a popular
song title from the 1920s?

Mm, hm.

Don't remember?

Well, here's our own
Tom Servo, Gypsy,

and Crow to help you out,
doing their rendition

of "The Gypsy Moons."

Hit it kids.

-Oh, I'm telling ya
Gypsy, I love you.

And I know I'd love you
too, if only we could--

-Why, you haven't a chance
with a girl like her.

It's me she cares for.

Isn't that right, Gypsy?

-I can't decide.

Can't decide?

Well, maybe this will help.

[STRUMMING BANJO AND WHISTLING]

-Ba-boom, ba-boom.

-(SINGING) I can't
sleep, or clean my room,

[WHISTLING] since you and I
first had our swoony swoon.

-Ooh!

-(SINGING) In early June under
the clear blue Gypsy Moon.

-Ooh, that's nice.

-No, no, no.

Don't listen to him, honey.

Listen to me.

-I should.

(SINGING)- While
others have their tune,

I know that I was meant for you.

-Ooh.

-(SINGING) Yes one
on one makes two,

and that would be just
me and you, honey!

Wow!

Strolling arm-in-arm under
a Gyp-Gyp-Gypsy moon.

-Oh, very good.

-Take my hand.

-Oh, thank you.

-(SINGING) In Tom's
set of macaroons,

his family are all baboons.

But my love is a typhoon, and
besides my dad's a tycoon.

-Oh, Daddy's got money.

-(SINGING) So come with me
under the Gyp-Gyp-Gypsy moon.

-Ooh!

-Don't listen to that
tin beak over there.

-Oh, yeah?

-Listen to me.

(SINGING) I am a
starter for the Bruins,

so don't leave my
heart in ruins.

-Oh, a hockey player.

-(SINGING) I've
been in a cocoon,

but now I sing just like a loon.

-Ooh!

-(SINGING) Since you and I sang
tunes under a Gyp-Gyp-Gypsy

moon.

-I've got something to say.

-Oh, tell me.

Tell me.

-(SINGING) Although I just as
soon take NyQuil with a spoon,

than listen to you two drone
on about the Gypsy moon.

If the choice is
between you two goons,

I'd rather date Stacy Coons.

-Stacy Coons?

-(SINGING) I think
you judge too soon

in this matter of the moon.

-I did?

-(SINGING) 'Cause when the
lights go out and we're sitting

on the couch--

-Whew!

-(SINGING) I'm gonna
give you every--

-Uh, OK, Uh-- uh, we hope
you enjoyed this little trip

down memory lane.

And now, here's our own Al
'Jazbo' Collins with a message.

Never again, you guys.

That's it.

You know, you two are
getting a little too spicy.

-Hey, look.

Cola nuts.

-What?

-Oh, it's the Mall of America.

-Hey.

-Oh.

-Hi, space honey, I'm home.

[THUNDER]

-Frau Blucher!

-What did you do all day?

This place is a mess!

Us

[CRYING]

-Was that me?

Oh.

-Potonda!

-Did you have a baby?

-Potonda!

-What is the matter
with our son?

-He's not your son, Fred.

[THUNDER]

[CRYING]

-Oh, they've got him
in the Weber grill!

-I don't understand it, Bavarro.

He has been crying
for a long time.

-Did I tell you
to have this baby?

-Ooh!

The first likeable character.

[TALKING BABY TALK]

[CRYING]

-I don't want to
be in this movie.

-He seems to be afraid.

Something has frightened him.

-It's you, Sergeant Shultz.

[CRYING]

-Don't worry, Potonda.

Our little friend is just
strengthening his voice

so some day he may
rule his people.

[IMITATING MONKEY]

-I wonder if Rocky Jones will
find our Gypsy Moons again?

-I wonder what the
king is doing to her.

-Don't touch me!

Aah!

-Oh, ho, ho.

-Moms Mabley.

-Oh, ho.

-Wow!

He seems to be trying
to tell us something.

-No, you've been alone
with the baby too long.

-Round and round she goes.

Where she'll stop, nobody knows.

Place your bets.

-Rocky, we're picking up the
Gypsy Moons on our radar banks.

-Right, Andrews.

We're also starting
to pick them up.

-Hey, we picked 'em up first.

[IMITATING_SCI-FI_MUSIC]

-We're still too
far away to catch

the image of your space station.

I'll call back in an hour.

-Ah, don't bother!

-Out, Rocky.

-We can now make pick
up on visiograph.

Andrews.

-Oh, Vladimir, does this
clip need any setup?

-Plop, plop, fizz, fizz,
oh, what a bad film it is.

[THUNDER]

-I don't get it. do you?

-Nuh-uh.

-Goodnight, folks.

-Huh?

Well?

-Wow, that's really, not--

-Yeah.

- --not that cool.

-No, not very impressive.

-Get ready for no action!

-What's all the
excitement for Rocky?

There's nothing built quite as
sturdy as this space station.

-Against the perils
of space, yes, Winky.

-But, what, sir?

-She wasn't built to
withstand an atmosphere.

Feeb!

-It would be picked
up and carried off

like a barn door in a hurricane.

-So take it out on me, then.

-Well, it's a long shot, Winky.

We'll try to get there
in time to evacuate.

-Hey, do you think you
could find me a seat now?

-Looks kinda like an
Everlasting Gobstopper.

-Hee, hee, hee.

Hi, Helum, you've done it again.

Heh, heh.

[THUNDER]

(SINGING) Like a
circle in a spiral,

like a wheel within a wheel.

The weather started getting
rough, a tiny wheel was tossed.

-Oh, they're on a
tilt-a-whirl station.

-Doo, doo, doo, do-do.

Doo, doo, doo.

-Neat.

-We're gonna miss
by minutes, Rocky.

-We've got just seconds left,
Winky, Let's make 'em count.

-Aw, let's just give up!

-You know, a fella could make
a real funny comment about that

if he was so inclined.

-Well, they shouldn't
have bought that furniture

at Office Max, ya know?

-Aah, aah, ahh.

-I'm coming Elizabeth!

-If I could only ram
in the landing party.

-If I could only turn into
a leprechaun, ya know?

-Yes.

If we're in of weather, we're
gonna have our hands full.

Half thrust, Winky.

-Half thrust?

-(SINGING) The house began to
twitch, the hinges to unhitch.

The--

-Orbit Jet to
Space Station OW-9.

Andrews, can you come in?

Space Station OW-9, come in.

-Uh, call back in about
a half an hour, OK?

-Throw on your magnetic block.

We're trying for
the landing berth.

Throw on your magnetic block.

-You do it.

I'm bitter.

-Ah, say the secret word, and
Bill Cosby rips your show off.

-Winky, when we get into
the berth, full power.

-Standing by, sir.

-Better one, better two.

-Magnetic block on, Rocky.

-Right entrance.

-And they fell for it.

This ought to be fun.

-The Casino Royale.

Da-da, da da da doo.

Doo-da-doo.

-That desk is scratching the
heck out of those old floors.

-Mm, hm.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

-Oop!

Time's up.

-Uncha-cha-chong ka-chong.

-This movie's about
the birds and the bees.

-Now, Winky, full power.

All she has.

-Well, that's not much.

-All right.

-You see, guys, when a spaceship
loves a space station, very,

very much--

-Hm.

- --ya get this, here.

-Oh, boy!

-Attention, all hands on Winky.

-You know, I'd be relieved
if I knew what was happening.

-Oh!

Guess that office furniture
wasn't a bad idea.

-Ugh!

Ugh!

-A little bit.

A little bit.

-Aah!

[THUNDER]

-(SINGING) Anderson, that's me!

-What do you think, Bavarro?

-There is a slight disturbance
in the atmospheric chain.

-I know.

-Recorded it too, but we
have no idea what it is.

How is our son, Potonda?

-Oh.

-You mean my son.

-As the, uh, Lockjeans would
say, he's asleep of the happy.

-Come on.

Let's make a new junior.

It's going to be a banner day!

-Banner time.

-Cha-chung.
Cha-cha-chung.

Cha-chung-chung.

Cha-chung-chung.

Kick it down.

-Uh, push, Winky.

Come on.

Push, for crying out loud.

Ugh!

-And it lands on red.

-I'm glad you saw what
happened, Mr. Secretary.

This looks like the
room of a new cadet.

-This cadet would never make
the Space Rangers, I assure you.

I'll dispatch a work-ship
for a third check.

It looks like Space Station
OW-9 will be as good as new.

-Yes, sir.

I'm sure.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye, sir.

Why does he have to take
orders from a bus driver?

-Now, Vena and I have started--

-A family.

- --a graph of the
Gypsy Moons' course.

We must realize
the Gypsy Moons can

present very grave problems.

Other space stations
may be trapped

in the atmosphere chain.

Or with even far greater loss
of life, one of the moons

by crash against another,
or even a planet.

-Well let's go that route.

-Can you get an exact
course, Professor Newton?

Are they traveling
in a fixed orbit.

-Orbit?

What does that mean?

-Well, not in the
way our planets

travel in the solar system.

-Well, what do you
mean, Professor?

-Well, you see--

-Well, when a man and a woman
love each other very much--

- --travel around the sun.

-And the Gypsy Moons
travel around each other.

-Exactly, Rocky.

And because of this--

-I'm Eleanor Roosevelt!

- --it can be far
more dangerous.

-Oh, I see what you
mean, Professor Newton.

-Twisted old fruit.

-While the Gypsy Moons
themselves aren't large,

the orbit they describe is.

-Like children of a playground.

-Uh, now, look, honey.

Why do you just go
make some sandwiches?

OK?

-Here, let me show you.

Bobby.

The way they move
through space--

-OK, hit it, Joe.

- --it's something like two
children on a playground.

Bobby is Posita and
I'm the other moon,

Nagato Our arms and hands
are the atmosphere chain.

They move through space
spinning around each other.

-Yeah, yeah.

And I guess the moons sing
"Ring Around the Rosie!"

Get out!

Get out!

-But if I spin myself, I
don't cover half as much area.

-So what would happen if one
moon sat down and shut up?

-Now--

-Back to work.

- --this is my great
concern, Rocky.

-Where are my gummy bears?

-Magnify this by tens
of thousands of miles,

and you see-- you see
what tremendous danger

we're confronted with.

-Uh, Vladimer, if you get
to an issue that's relevant,

let us know.

-For example, say
there's a planet

or a moon right over there.

-OK.

-Bobby, go ahead again.

-It's on my birthday!

-Mr. Secretary!

I'm sorry.

-What's going on?

-She blinded me with science!

-An illustration of an
astronomical phenomenon,

Mr. Secretary.

-Yeah, it, uh, it seems
that you are a planet, Mr.

Secretary, and Vena is Posita--

-Hm?

-And Bobby's Nagato.

-Hm?

-No, no, no.

Bobby is Posita
and Vena is Nagato.

-In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, baby!

-You-- you could really
either be a planet or a moon,

but as it happens,
you're planet.

So you see what happens?

-I uh--

-Bob Saget, ladies and
gentlemen, Bob Saget.

-Orbit Jet to
Posita headquarters.

-The baby's talking!

-Bavarro, come in, Bavarro.

-Infant one to mother!

-Come in, Bavarro.

-Bavarro!

Come Bavarro.

-What, Potonda?

We were going to speak
they're language?

-(WITH GERMAN
ACCENT) Say nothing.

-It is Squawky Jones.

-Squawky Jones?

-Now that's rude.

Come down Bavarro.

Talk to him.

-I married a Nazi.

-Orbit Jet to--

-Rocky Jones!

-My thumb is swollen and purple.

-We've tried to
vex one language.

-My neighbor chatza.

-Ah, her hair changed sides.

Did you see that?

-Professor Newton, and--
and Bobby, and Winky.

-And Poco and poopie
pants, and greasy Dan.

-This is Dinky, uh, Winky--
she's got me doing it.

Bobby and the Professor are
with us, and so is Vena.

-Bavarro.

-Yes, Rocky.

-We're in the
ellipse of your moon.

Landing time, 0214.

-Hurry in, Rocky.

This is so-- so clandindo.

Uh, clandindo--

-The sap!

Thinks he's on "Hogan's
Heroes" already.

-Oop, I can't take a crap.

Bobby's my witness.

-He's right.

-Oh, they're landing on
the planet of Magic Rocks.

-Ew.

-Welcome, to our cardboard home.

-By Vena!

Have fun at German camp!

-Contombo!

Contombo, Rocky!

-Is that Swahili?

-I have such wonderful
news to share.

-Zorro painted mine house!

-You see how happy we--

-Horowitz is getting smaller.

-I know.

-I just couldn't bring
myself to tell her.

-Can there be a
mistake, Professor?

Is the collision between
Ophecius and Posita inevitable?

-I double-checked
my equations, Rocky.

-Yeah, ya double-checked
'em last time, too.

- --the slightest
margin for error.

-Ophecius, Cleolanta's
planet, which

didn't need any
help from anyone.

-Men, just ignore him.

-She'll need plenty, now.

A fleet of spaceships
for evacuation.

-Shut up, Winky.

Just shut up!

-Bavarro, to him, his
moon is a place of beauty.

His whole world.

-Sit down!

-Well, we'd better go.

He has to be told.

-Now he can be told!

-Uh, is someone gonna drive?

Uh, wait for me.

-Oh, Potonda, he's beautiful.

-I'll take him.

-Beautiful?

What is that, you say?

His mother is beautiful.

My son is strong.

[CHUCKLING]

-All right, then.

He's beautiful and strong.

-Good.

The next ruler of Posita, he
will be beautiful and strong!

-Of za purest race!

[BELL SOUNDING]

-If you'd like to make a call.

-Wait here!

I wish to surprise
Rocky with my son.

-He's gonna give Rocky his son?

[THUNDER]

-This gets him every time.

This is going to be a doozie!

-Rocky Jones!

-Hello, Bavarro.

-Welcome to Posita.

Bobby!

-Poopie?

-Why was I not
lucky enough to have

a son who would grow up to
be a fine boy like Bobby?

Welcome to Posita, Bobby.

-Ah, you smell.

-Welcome.

Then he could be a brave
man, like Rocky Jones.

-Uh, who the hell are you?

-Oh, Bavarro, I want you
to meet Secretary Drake.

-Bavarro.

-Or my son could be a great
leader, like Secretary Drake.

I heard so much about
you, Mr. Secretary.

Welcome to Posita.

-Man, they're dopple-gangers.

Look at 'em.

-Or my son could have
a brilliant mind,

like Professor Newton, here.

Welcome, Professor.

-Bavarro, you honor me.

-Bavarro, and
Bavano, and Bavarro.

Kliepsen.

-Hi, Bavarro.

-Oh, Hi, Winky.

-Winky!

Or like Winky, my
son would, um--

-Would get beat up
in the third grade.

-Would have a huge heart, and a
wonderful twinkle in his eyes.

Gentlemen.

I was afraid we'll
never meet again, Rocky.

My moon travels a
lot, Mr. Secretary.

-Yes.

-You're a lonely
man, aren't you?

-We've been targeting
your course.

-Mel Torme!

-The way the Gypsy
Moons, Posita and Nagato,

travel through space, it's
an astronomical phenomenon!

-Pig Face!

-Ha, ha, ha.

What is phenom--

-Something unusual, Bavarro.

-Something that happens.

-You see the
atmosphere which joins

the two moons serves as a chain.

-Uh-huh?

-One moon swings the
other, then the other--

-And I swing both ways.

-Strange that we don't
get, uh, uh, dizzy, huh?

-Bavarro, please,
listen carefully.

-You're fired.

-On the 19th of next month--

-Where were you?

- --your moon, Posita
will-- will crash,

head on, into Ophecius.

-Hm?

-Both will be destroyed.

-Just do London Bridges.

Show him how it works.

-What?

What are you saying?

Posita is going to be destroyed?

-Unless you buy
these magazines, now.

-Yes, Bavarro.

-No.

-Oh, he's pleased to know it.

-It will not happen.

Never!

I will not let it happen!

Never!

-OK, we're convinced.

Fine!

-Now, now, little
prince, don't cry.

-Oh, honey!

-Ooh!

[IMITATING POPEYE) Sweet Pea's
trying to tell us somethun.

-You know, Vena, in
some strange way,

our baby knew about Posita's
tragedy before Rocky told us.

-Oh sure, everybody's
baby is so smart.

-I have had great
pride in Posita.

More than anything, I'm
distressed that my son

shall lose his heritage.

-Coo-coo!

-How the people of
Ophecius must hate us.

Their moon stands
still in all innocence,

while we rush forward
to destroy it.

-Got kind of a Spritz cookie
cutter on his chest, there.

-Have they started
the evacuation?

-Evac?

Oh, evacuation.

-They don't know
what's going to happen.

-Ophecius is ruled by an
arrogant woman named Cleolanta.

She won't allow her people
any information about life

on other moons and planets.

-Even the possession
of an astrophone set

is punishable by death.

We tried to reason
with Cleolanta, but--

-And we secretly switched her--

-She even threatened to
kill us, if we returned.

-But she must know.

She must be warned.

-She will be.

Mr. Secretary, may I suggest
you go with Bavarro to Nagato,

and meet with Torvak, the ruler?

We'll need his help
in the evacuation.

-Oh, yeah, I'll take
orders from you.

-Professor Newton--

-You make cookies.

-You and Vena and Bobby will do
what you can, here on Posita,

while Winky and I are gone.

There must not be any
panic among the people.

-Yes, Rocky.

-Mr. Secretary, we'll leave
for Ophecius immediately.

-Hey Rocky, couldn't we rig
up a space anchor for Posita?

-No, we're not gonna
rig up a space anchor!

-If we only could, Bobby.

That would be a great solution.

[THUNDER]

-Ha!

I love that pooper.

-When in the Ukraine,
visit Chernobyl.

-So, um, who's leaving, here?

-Uh?

-Uh, we don't--

-Looks like the land of
Dairy Queen gone wrong.

-But you can't marry Ken.

You don't love him.

-Trinka?

-Jump on.

-Well, aren't you proud of me?

Today, I have a special
audience to Cleolanta.

My, uh, Suzerain says she has
great plans in store for me.

-So why are you dressed
as Liberace's chauffeur?

-Well, aren't you proud of me?

-We used to have
plans, too, Atlasan.

-Hm.

-We were going to leave Ophecius
and see how other people lived.

-To me, Ophecius comes first.

You're talking as foolishly
as a child, Trinka.

-Yes, sir.

-And that's, uh, pretty foolish.

It's my point.

-Jeez!

And the women who love them!

-Glad she's dressed
for her Rumplemintz ad.

-I better hit the bottle.

-Even in the future,
booze satisfies.

-Hey!

-Breaker, breaker, good buddy.

This is the Hot Pagoda.

-Pigs in space!

-So, ya ever think you'd be just
sitting here saying nothing?

-Well, there's Ophecius.

-This is your scalp
before treatment, Winky.

-Cut rockets, Winky.

We'll stand off and try
to get a message through.

-Uh, take a left here, and
we'll try to parallel park.

-We'll be lucky if we can
get through to Ophecius.

Cleolanta always jams
and garbles our messages.

[GARBLED MUMBLING]

-You're right, Winky.

I know we can't get
through to Cleolanta,

but we'll try for
the underground.

You see, there's an
underground faction there,

in favor of joining
the United Worlds.

If they have a secret
astrophone set,

they can relay my
message to Cleolanta.

-You know, Rocky's got
all of facial expressions

of Troy Tempest.

-This is--

-That's right.

- --Rocky Jones in the
Space Ranger's ship,

Orbit Jet to Ophecius.

-Rocky Jones!

-Cybil Faulty.

-Alert Ophecius.

Alert.

Learn this.

-Ya, well, learn this, Rocky.

-The moons, Posita
and Nagato are

traveling in our solar system.

On the 19th--

-Uh-huh.

- --the moon Posita will--

-(IMITATING STEWIE) Oh, I know.

I know!

-Cleolanta must be told at once!

An evacuation must be planned.

United World's offer
all possible assistance.

-We all remember John
Banner, Sergeant Schultz

from TVs "Hogan's
Heroes," the sitcom

that pokes fun at wartime
atrocities in such

a life-affirming way.

Yes, yes.

John Banner.

Probably the most affable man
that ever walked this earth.

And now, with the
Bannergram, you

can send John Banner
and his warm greetings

anywhere-- across the
street or across the nation.

-Yes John Banner, like
Pope John the 23rd,

gathering little children
unto his bosom, he--

-Oh, better than
Pope John the 23rd.

-Uh, you're right.

Much better.

So cheer up Aunt Jean in Denver.

-Or congratulate Cousin Bob,
for no reason at all, in Denver.

-Or just send John Banner
to yourself, in Denver.

Believe me, you'll feel
warm and wonderful.

Just pick up the phone and say--

-I want to send a Bannergram.

-A few quick keystrokes, and--

-Ha, ha, ha!

-John Banner for everyone!

Love and happiness.

-Hey, I, uh, Joel, I bet that's
fun to send a Bannergram.

-Um, hm.

Go ahead.

-Uh, let me try.

Uh--

-Oh, no.

-Uh, I did it wrong, I
sent a John Boehner-gram.

That's great.

-And I just sent a
David Brenner-gram.

-Oh, no.

-Look out!

-Wait, I sent a
Lucas Tanner-gram.

-A Lou Gosset Jr-gram.

Hoo-hoo.

-A Junior Samples-gram.

-A Whitman Sampler-gram.

Oh, no.

Now you've got me doing
it, you little devils.

-Ah!

-But it's all a good example
of the wholesome effect

John Banner brings to any
family or social event.

Spontaneous fun, good-hearted
enjoyment, likes you best.

-I love John Banner!

-Because he loves me.

-Hm.

-Here's one more.

-Oh no, you sent a
David Mammogram, Crow!

-I know nothing!

Nothing!

-Look out!

We got movie-gram!

-Huh!

A wife, Blythe Danner-gram.

-Ha, ha, ha.

I think that's a great one.

-Well, that was a bust.

I was parading down
the hall in my sash,

and the award ceremony doesn't
even start till next week.

Trinka, will you forgive me?

-Of course, I will,
Thunder Thighs.

-As you know, I-- I'm ambitious.

And I love Ophecius.

-And I'm not superstitious.

And you look delicious.

-I also love you, Trinka.

-Hey!

-Which is the greater
love, uh, I don't know.

-Atlasan--

It's a paint-by-number
Kandinsky,

up there on the wall.

-United Worlds offer
all possible assistance.

-Huh?

-I'll repeat the message.

-You're wearing a wire,
aren't ya, darling?

-United Worlds?

-I love that show.

-Trinka?

-Atlasan, please,
please forgive me.

But you must listen to
what the voice is saying.

-Hm?

-Now it's garbage!

-Uh-oh!

-This is Rocky Jones in the
Orbit Jet, clear to Ophecius.

-Oh, boy.

-Well, I guess I'm
not here, huh, Rocky?

-Think we got through, Rocky?

-I doubt it, Winky.

If Cleolanta heard our
message, there'd be some reply.

A warning to stay clear,
because she didn't believe us.

Or a demand that we
prove our information.

-Hm.

-So?

-Oh, I don't know, Winky.

-Rockets on, Winky.

We'll attempt a landing.

-Aye, aye, sir.

-Huh.

-You know, it doesn't
feel like a Thursday.

-Hm, mm.

Hm.

-My first lobotomy kit, by Sony.

-Who else is in this underground
conspiracy against us?

-Oh, just Betty next door.

-I'm not in any conspiracy
against Ophecius.

But you must listen to me.

-You'll answer my questions--

-Mm.

- --and that is all.

-Can I flick that thing
off your forehead?

-Who else is in the conspiracy?

-No one.

I only wanted to hear
how other people lived

and what they were like.

And I love Ophecius
as much as you.

-You answer my
Suzerain's questions,

and not one more word!

-That turns me on.

-That's very good, Atlasan.

Knowing the
punishment, it wasn't

easy to report your
wife's betrayal.

-Thank you, Cleolanta.

-I'm still mad at you, though.

-Cleolanta, my Suzerain.

-Yes?

-My Suzerain.

-There is a spaceship
descending on Ophecius.

-It's Rocky Jones.

Please listen to him.

-Silence, Trinka.

My Suzerain does not need
the advice of a traitor.

[IMITATING LONE
RANGER THEME MUSIC]

-Atlasan, prepare to fire.

-You're fired.

Oh.

-Fire controls ready.

-No, Atlasan!

-Fire!

[ROCKET FIRED]

-Whoa!

Almost hit the string.

-That's heavy stuff
they're throwing, Rocky.

-Who care.

Gee, we might die.

Oh, boy.

-The next one will do it.

Ready, Atlasan.

Ready and--

-Whoop!

-Please, Atlasan.

Don't start to fire again,
or I shall have to kill you.

-"Thelma and Louise," 1999.

-Fire, Atlasan.

-Yes, my Suzerain.

-Then this will stop you.

-What a wingspan.

-Don't repeat the
order, Cleolanta.

-She's got one look,
and this is it.

-Hm.

-Friends are
visiting from Europe.

-Watch out for the tricycle!

Oh!

Oh!

-You hit my tricycle!

-Lasvon, imprison that woman.

-Yes ma'am, live to serve ya!

-Atlasan!

-There's ham in the fridge,
honey, and there's--

-15 years and just
never know, do ya?

Hm!

-Not since "Fire
Maidens of Outer Space"

has there been such a
ladder scene so compelling.

[GROANING]

-Super City, you
build it, by Marx.

-My hip broke.

-Hey, uh, Rocky,
have ya ever had

a funny feeling you're
about to get slugged?

-Here, let me
complete the thought.

Boom!

-No matter what happens,
Winky, don't fire.

-Hey, I'm new.

I'm Ralph.

-Oh, no! "Crash of
the Moons" is on!

-Mm, mm, mm.

-Alert the guards.

-Uh, w-we are guards.

-I don't want them inside
the city spreading lies

to my people about
the United Worlds.

-She's wearing that arm band
because her career is dead.

-Mm, hm.

-So that's when I
got into stamps.

It's fun.

-Well, I don't see
any welcome mat.

There isn't even a doorbell.

At least, when we were
here with Secretary Drake,

they let us in.

-Winky, I want to
hit you so hard.

-Hello!

It's important that
we see Cleolanta.

-Who is it that wishes
to see Cleolanta?

-Uh, we're selling candy.

Send boys like us to Jupiter.

-Oh, they've got, uh, no
visible panty line, there.

-Climb every cheap set,
till you find a plot.

-Come on, in or out
you space pilots.

We're not trying to
heat the outside.

-Ope, see, I told
ya we shouldn't

have put those things there.

-(SINGING) Da-da da, da,
da, da-da-da, da, duh.

Brrp, brrp.

-Hold it.

You all right, Winky?

-Sure, Skipper.

-All right.

Take us to Cleolanta.

Move!

-Take us to the river.

Drop us in the water.

-Huh, 2, 3, 4.

Huh--

--(SINGING CADENCE) We
are in a crappy film.

-We are in a crappy film!

-Hup!

-All right, Winky.

-Drop 'em.

-Hm?

-Atlasan!

-Cleolanta, I don't-- I--
I don't know what happened.

I was going down the--

-Cleolanta, you're going
to sit down and listen

to every word I have to say.

-Sure, it's for your own good.

-You're going to sit down and
think about what you've done.

-Next, on "Nick at Night."

-Come on, bring it in.

Come on, bring it--
you're doing OK.

[BABY FUSSING]

[CLICKING TONGUE]

-Baby trapped in
film eats own hand.

News at 11:00.

-And he's been so
happy for days.

Laughing, and not
a single whimper.

-Now he insists on eating.

-Yes, Mr. Secretary.

-This toaster speaks to me.

-Yes, I'll-- I'll
tell her, at once.

Oh, and my very best regards--

-What a nut burger!

-And to Torvak.

Out.

-Alfred, to the bat cave.

-I just talked into
the radio antenna.

Everything's fine.

[BABY CRYING]

-Vena--

-Shut that kid up!

-The meeting on Nagato has
been successfully completed.

-Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto.

-Torvak will gladly welcome the
unfortunate people of Posita

to his moon.

[BABY CRYING]

-Oh, but, uh, when
will Bavarro return?

-Coo-coo.
Coo-coo.

Coo-coo.

-And I have concern for our son.

-He bit me, the
little son of a--

-They are making plans for
temporary housing on Nagato,

so we can start the evacuation.

-Ew!

-All right, we're
going to go out there

and we're going to show this
team what we've got, all right?

-No, Cleolanta, not
a day must be wasted.

Not even a single hour.

-So lunch?

-Winky and I will return
to Posita immediately

to help with their evacuation.

-But what about Ophecius?

(MOCKINGLY) What about Ophecius?

- --will be dispatched
from the United Worlds.

They'll help you with your
evacuation to a new world.

-Yuck.

-Which will be
mutually agreed upon.

-They will tell me
where to take my people?

-Hm!

-No, Cleolanta.

They'll only advise.

-For you!

-Please!

-Jeez, the Paris Peace
Talks were easier than this.

-Let me speak, alone,
with my lieutenants,

Atlasan and Lasvon.

-You can tell they're
falling in love.

You can see the sparks.

-Mm, hm.

-All right, Cleolanta.

-I'm feeling stupid today.

-Cleolanta!

-I'm just going to put pre-heat.

-They must be silenced.

If word of the crash
of moons leaked out,

there'd be panic
here on Ophecius.

-We can't imagine why.

-Mm, mm.

-The gas will keep them inactive
until I've decided what to do.

-[SNIFFING] Winky, you
been eating cabbage?

-What is it?

-Quick, Winky, cover your face.

-No, no, more of your face!

-The vent, up there.

-No, that's the sconce.

-Come with me, Atlasan.

We will make our own plans.

-Heh, heh, heh.

-Hm?

-To be safe, Atlasan, we
should explode Posita, here.

-If we exploded it
there, Posita wouldn't

have a chance to
evacuate all its people.

-Pshaw!

-This vagrant moon,
Posita, aims to destroy us.

Instead, we will destroy it.

We act only for
self-preservation.

-We're Republicans.

-Yes, my Suzerain.

-You're wearing
the crown, honey.

-Hm?

-Oh, the cookies are done.

Tollhouse!

[SNORING]

-The trail, becomes her.

Hm, hm.

-It's the extermination
room at the Fanta Suites.

-Hm?

Oon yellimon!

Oon yel-- uh, huh?

-Heh, heh, heh,.

This is my lucky day.

-So, um, are you still sore
at me for turning you in?

Uh, hm?

Lamb chop!

Pumpkin!

Snooker!

-Trinka.

Trinka!

-Trinka.

Trinka, Trinka, doo!

-Atlasan, tell me we're home.

I had such a bad dream.

I want to hear you
laugh and say, wake up.

Forget your dreams.

-Yeah, forget your dreams.

You're in prison, honey.

-But, Trinka, I did only what I
thought was right for Ophecius.

-Oh.

-Did you kill Rocky Jones?

-No.

No, he's only asleep.

-Atlasan, did he get
a chance to speak?

-Yes, Trinka.

And now I'll be a great man
in the history of Ophecius.

The savior of our planet.

-Hm, hm.

-How?

-Uh, I-- I don't know.

- --on a spaceship.

We leave soon to intercept
it's menacing moon.

It will be my honor to
fire tritanic missiles

into Posita, which
was save Ophecius.

-I love it when
you talk that way.

-I'll give the order, Trinka.

And all I ask for
is a full pardon.

-Do I have to quit my job?

-They're looking for you.

-But on the
astrophone, Rocky Jones

said there are
people on this moon.

-Trinka, that can't be helped.

-Atlasan.

-Hm?

-Report to landing base.

-Goodbye, Trinka.

-Boy, her voice carries.

-Wait.

Warn those people on Posita.

Give them a chance to live.

-Trinka, I'm only obeying
Cleolanta's orders.

-I vas in Austria during da var!

-- --his life to warn us.

-Well, why don't you
marry Rocky Jones then?

-We must do the same for others.

-Atlasan, report
to landing base!

-I'm coming, you great cow!

0 go back to sleep, and
know nothing until I return.

-Sorry about your
death sentence, hun.

Bye bye.

-Uh, hun, would you
turn on the gas again?

I'm tired.

Thanks a lot.

-One more look!

-Hey, she's flipping me off!

Huh!

That gal.

-Whoa, did I get really
betrayed last night, or what?

-Oh, hi.

I was just coming to
fluff your pillow.

-Trinka, you're a
great deal wiser

than I am, and much favored.

You do whatever you think is
best, but please be careful.

Lasvon is on guard, and
he thinks you're asleep.

[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS]

-Get in!

-Oh, I'm never going
to get to kiss her!

-All right, a hundred
bucks to whoever

can guess who's in that rocket.

-Really?

-Uh.

-Neither will I.

--(SINGING) As long
as he needs-- huh?

Hm.

-Uh, look out, here
comes Craig T Nelson.

--(SINGING) Becuase
I'm bad, I'm bad.

Jo mo, doo-doo doo-doo.

-Jo mo?

-It's all right in there?

-All. right.

-Hm.

Well, I'm really stupid.

-Now!

(IMITATING DUDLEY
DOORIGHT) Well, everything

seems to be in order here!

-You know, she never
would have made

it a private girl's school.

She just can't sneak very well.

-Nuh, uh.

-You know, it's quite the
trend, looking into these.

-Here we go.

-Oh, yuck.

You can see Rocky's whole area!

-Ick!

-Be like a pixie!

--(SINGING) Lady love, I w--

-Oh, what a gas-over.

Um.

-You, uh, didn't
see my area, did ya?

-What?

Who are you?

-Please, stay there
just a moment.

-Hm.

Watch that window.

If it starts to open, you
must appear to be unconscious.

-Huh?

-Yeah, like that.

-What happened?

Please, come with me.

Hurry.

-But if I'm not-- if the
door-- what if, uh-- uh.

Hi, Bavarro.

-Look, Winky, you just
stay there and die.

--(SINGING) Gypsies,
tramps and thieves.

Uh, doo-da doo-da, doo-da.

-Sit down, close to the door,
where you can't be seen.

-Oh, right.

Dear Penthouse, I'm a--

-Za right?

-Za OK.

-Well, done.

--(SINGING) Taking
care of business.

-Oh, that was really
not that close.

-I'm Trinka.

You must be Rocky Jones.

-Yes.

-Can't see any way out of it.

-Tell me, Trinka--

-Why are you wearing a pagoda?

-How long have I been asleep?

-I don't know.

I was also put to sleep.

They call me a
traitor to Ophecius.

-Which is total crap, man.

-I had an astrophone set,
to listen to your voice.

My husband is Atlasan.

And, Rocky, Cleolanta and
Atlasan have left Ophecius.

They're going to try to shock
Posita out of her orbit.

They're going to bombard
her with tritanic missiles.

-Can I-- wait a minute.

Can I just have a cup of coffee?

-How long have they been gone?

-Not long.

Rocky, if you could only
get to your spaceship.

-Yeah.

-Could ya give me a ride?

-Hm?

Boi-oi-oing.

-Right, yeah.

He has to appear unconscious
and look like two people.

-Hm.

Hm.

[MURMURING]

-Oh!

Well, I didn't get to wear
puppy toes for being stupid!

-Ooh!

[SNORTING]

-Housekeeping!

-Ooh!

Right in the Winky.

-Whoa!

-Tripping!

Still works in the future.

-Yep!

-Come here, you!

Take that, Perry White.

Ha, ha, ha.

Take it back!

Take it back!

-OK, I'll try the samples!

-Ooh!

Wow!

I wonder if he knows he's
beating the crap outta Carl

Sandburg?

-So do ya think Jerome Robbins
choreographed this whole thing?

-Too bad we don't have weapons.

We gotta get to the space ship.

Hey!

-You know, he could
take Winky out right now

and no one would know.

-Uh, hey, really.

Ugh!

-I'm a wood nymph!

Wee!

-Hey, they've got a reception
area, and everything.

-Prepare for blast off, Trinka.

-Uh, just wing it.

Sit there.

It's a Comfo-rest.

Got it from an old
prune named Linkletter.

-We're on a 20 count for
a quick blast off, sir.

-Full rockets, Winky.

Cleolanta is on her
way to bombard Posita.

-With Vena and Bobby
and the Professor

and the little prince,
and all the others.

-And Donner and Blitzen.

-We'll make it.

-Sure we will.

-Ha!

-Right.

Hey, Rocky, who is that luscious
trail of stardust, anyway?

-Trinka's a married
woman, Winky.

-You wouldn't stand
a chance, anyhow.

-Oh.

-And enough of that.

-The new ST-Sinarock,
with Winky recovery.

-Cost a fortune.

-Stand by for more inaction.

-Uh, this is your
Captain, Rocky.

If you look out the right side
of the plane you'll see-- hm?

-Well, I must confess, I
ate your strained peas.

-Get away, old man.

Ick.

-I'd better get you
someone who doesn't

look as frightening as I do.

Help, help.

-Yep, I'm afraid he's an infant,
but he will grow out of it.

-There's nothing wrong with
the little prince, physically.

It's, uh, it's something
we can't explain.

It's his intuition,
his sense of danger.

-Oh, but there are still 14
days until our moon, Posita,

crashes into Ophecius.

He must not be allowed
to cry all that time.

-Oh, pshaa!

-Perhaps when we're evacuated
and we're safe on Nagato

he'll stop.

-Yes.

-If not, may lightning
strike me dead.

Hm?

-So you see, we must
hurry with the evacuation.

-Ew!

-You stay with your
little son, Potonda.

-Rotunda?

Hey, I'm just big-boned.

[BABY CRYING]

-I don't think it's the crash
of moons that's bothering him.

It's got something to
do with Rocky and Winky.

-I'm barren, Bobby.

-Well, are you ready to
ask for directions yet?

-Atlasan.

-Yes pound sign.

-At this glorious
moment, you're so quiet.

-Well, I'm just shy.

-I cant explain, Cleolanta.

-You're deep, ampersand.

-The Lockhorns in
the 25th century.

-Sight target.

-It's going to be a
long trip, I can tell.

[THUNDER]

-The moon, Posita, on target.

-When the moon is in the
7th house, and Jupiter

aligns with Mars.

-Repeat on fire count.

-Ready, my Susareign.

-Quit calling me that!

[BEEPING]

-Bobby, always on call.

-Rocky Jones to Posita, come in.

-Gosh, Rocky, it's you!

-Uh, that's not Rocky.

-I was wrong, Vena, it's Rocky.

-Now listen carefully, Bobby.

[GARBLED MUMBLING]

-You'll have to talk up, Rocky.

The little prince is
crying so loud that--

[EXPLOSION]

-The prince burped.

-Bobby?

Bobby, come in.

-Bobby, you stop that!

-I'm afraid so, Winky.

-Uh-oh.

-The little prince, Potonda,
and Professor Newton.

-Oh, no!

The changing table!

-Up, Winky, an enemy ship.

-Oh, what's the point?

I stopped caring long ago.

-Change course to attack
and stop bombardment.

-No.

I don't want to.

-Gotcha.

-Banked turn in space.

-Count two.

Count one.

Fire.

-Oh, the Count
from Sesame Street.

-Pow!

[BABY CRYING]

-Ooh, my Steinway!

-Oh, my baby!

Hurry, Vena, take him to
the underground shelter.

That is the only chance.

-He-- he's your kid.

You take him.

-Bobby, go help them.

Run, quick, Bobby!

-It would be so nice
if you weren't here.

-Fire.

-Ba-ba ba ba ba-ba
ba ba-ba ba ba-ba.

Boom ba boom ba-boom boom.

-Exciting, huh?

[BABY CRYING]

-Oh, whoa!

This is like that, uh,
"Perfect Strangers,"

uh, "Family Ties," uh,
"Full House" episode,

where they got locked
in the basement.

-Hey, this is great.

We get a good seat, too.

-Woo-hoo!

-Zero, zero on target, sir.

-Fire one.

-Ooh, I re-tasted my lunch!

-What was that?

-Take over, Chewy.

-Your ship is
crippled, Cleolanta.

-Come on out with your hands up.

- --a missile from
the Orbit Jet.

So stop the
bombardment of Posita.

-Bombardment?

-Rocky Jones!

-You come down
here, this instant!

-How did he get here, Atlasan?

-Ampersand is in deep doodoo.

-Atlasan, don't let Cleolanta
fire another missile.

-Your wife, Trinka!

-Yeah.

-You, too, are a
traitor to Ophecius.

-Thumb wrestle.

Thumb wrestle.

-The remote, ampersand.

-Atlasan.

Atlasan, answer me.

-What's the order, Rocky?

-Another moment is all, Winky.

We've got to get to Posita.

-Atlasan, Atlasan!

Atlasan!

Atlasan!

-What, honey?

-Nag, nag, nag.

-No more missiles
will be fired, Trinka.

-On the double, Winky!

Prepare for landing on Posita.

-Double Winky, coming up.

Rocky, what will
happen to Atlasan?

-He'll die.

-They're ship is
crippled in space--

-Well, it's
differently-abled is all.

-We'll haul it in later,
after giving help on Posita.

Full rocket power, Winky.

-If you say so.

-Full rockets, sir.

-Hm.

-Oh, good.

I wanted to see
the landing again.

-Uh, this is the uncut
director's version.

-They're landing
on Bald Mountain.

-Ooh, ooh.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

-You know, we
sublet to Axel Rose.

-Rocky!

Rocky!

-Professor, get off of her!

-Uh, I'm just
practicing my glasando.

-Professor, where's
the little prince?

-That's rather
personal, isn't it?

-They have the baby.

They tried to make it to the
underground shelter, Rocky.

-Trinka, do what
you can for them.

-Place 'em under arrest.

-My baby!

-Hey, where did
those kids come from?

-Mm.

-I've had real
feelings for you, Vena.

-Bobby, don't.

-Uh, but--

-No.

-Hey, uh, where the
heck are we going?

You know?

Oh!

-Bobby, if we only
get some air in here.

-You could have
some from my mouth.

-Oh, if we could only find it.

-We're all right, Vena.

Look at little prince.

He knows the danger's over.

-Sure, he does.

-Vena, Bobby!

Are you there?

-Down here, Rocky!

-Winky, move that stuff.

--(SINGING) There's got
to be a morning after.

-Boy, that was
really suspenseful.

Ha, ha, ha.

-Are you all right?

How's the little prince?

-Time to go?

-Time to go.

Up.

-As long as they're safe.

-Yep.

-OK, So what's the deal, Crow?

You've written
another spec script?

-A teleplay.

-A teleplay.

And what's suppo--

-Oh, you mean like that piece
of dung you wrote a while back?

Boy, we couldn't
get the stink out

after you read
that hunk of crap.

Huh!

What man did you tap on
that smoldering dog flap?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, uh, "Earth Versus Soup."

Whew, boy.

-Exactly.

Uh, well, I'm presenting my
new one to the group for a read

through.

And then I thought we'd
have a note session.

You know, an open dialogue.

Give and take,
critiquing my piece.

-That sounds good.

-Well, let me just say,
not a word changes!

OK?
-Ooh.

-This is the Bible, as
far as you're concerned.

Capish?

-Got it.

Got it.

-OK.

Well, I sort of
based the premise

on "Crash of the
Moons," where I've

created a whole other universe
for the viewer to enter.

-Oh.

-Uh, Joel, you're
Thringmar of Lickimus 13.

Ruler of Politicacrankafranks,
and blond master

of Cralifrankamor.

-Gotcha.

I'm Thingmar of Link-- right.

-Servo.

-Yo.

-Uh, you're Cleeman Frank,
cousin to Elruppapuppakank,

and you're trying
to retrieve the 10

swords of Urinequankadork.

-Uh, yeah.

Whatever.

-Gypsy, you're Sue Anderson.

-Oh.

-We begin with Joel.

-Uh, oh, uh, OK.

Ahem.

Uh, Windonk, we're hit.

Gringjax to full klingdorn.

Man the calangadang
on the poopaflew.

-I'm trying, Bleedledunk,
but my palagunkachrome

has reacted with the atmosphere
and Tralmackadorf 34,

and my bleezles are nearly
crumpletied with only

several
quackakakapoopyrums left.

-Gypsy?

-Ooh, um.

Uh, what's this word?

-Uh, krellenkanfrus.

-Krellenkankafrus.

Oh, what's this word?

-Oh, never mind.

Uh, we'll skip to my part.

This is great.

I-- I kind of took the
idea for "Star Trek."

Ahem, Freemar, we had many wars
like this back in our galaxy.

The bloody civil war of
Earth, the tragic World War I

and World War II, the flesandorf
wars of Greganfrank 18.

-Well, Tatookalome,
Wrinklesnork, today, we've

learned a great fringlworm.

Never to try to change
the blintawrinktenkranks

of Klanglemor Kakranksnort.

-Yeah, and then the
credits and music roll.

Well?

-Well, I, uh, have
a minor suggestion.

-Yes?

-Why don't you set a
match to this stink-burger

and never put pen to paper
until the mountains crumble

into the sea?

-OK, well that's just fine.

Well, I'm sending
this off to Sid Field,

and there won't be any royalty
split for either of you two!

-Servo, come on.

We've got, uh,
blankakrookensnork inside.

-I heard that!

-I envy you, Potonda.

-Ugh!

Given one stink hiatus.

-They put the baby
in the out basket.

-Ooh!

-Oh, there's enough women
for a baby shower, now.

-So Bun-O-Matic working yet?

-It's almost a
patchwork job, Rocky,

but the magnetic pole
should have enough power

to bring in Atlasan's spaceship.

-Good.

-Thanks for the
strokes, Captain.

[BEEPING]

-Now, what?

-Oh, I'll get it.

-Nagato to Posita.

Secretary Drake to
Professor Newton.

Come in, Professor.

Ya got the Roc, here.

-Posita to Nagato.

Rocky Jones to Mr. Secretary.

-Great to hear your voice, Rocky

-Oh, he's got a real
important part, that guy.

-How did Cleolanta receive the
news of the crash of moons?

Has the evacuation
of Ophecious started?

-This may come as a
surprise, Mr. Secretary--

-But I'm woman.

-Cleolanta is now on Posita.

Well, that is, she's
standing off in space.

-Duh, huh?

-Waiting to be brought in.

-Rocky, she should
be taking care

of the people of Ophecious.

-She tried to take
care of Posita.

And almost succeeded.

-Hm.

-When willyou return
Mr. Secretary?

-Well, Bavarro and
I are leaving now.

Temporary housing has
been arranged by Trovak.

The people of Nagato
will be glad to welcome

their friends from Posita.

Evacuation starts
tomorrow morning.

-What in the Sam Hill
is he talking about?

-Out Rocky.

-Out Mr. Secretary.

-Ready for magnetic ground
control of the spaceship,

Rocky.

-Well, fine, Winky.

-Thank you, Winky.

Thank you, Winky!

-Posita to Ophecian spaceship.

-Hi.

-Rocky Jones to Atlasan.

-Atlasan, speaking.

What is it, Rocky?

-Secure in your control chair.

We'll bring you in for a
landing in a spiral spin.

-Oh, you would like
that, wouldn't you?

-Man, I say frog, and
that bastard jumps.

-Anytime, Winky.

-Wait!

You got a call
from the Governor.

Don't!

-Every day the shadow of
Posita will become blacker

on the surface of Ophecious.

-No, it won't!

-You're a traitor
beyond words, Atlasan.

-I did not command the crash
of the moons, Cleolanta.

-I'm guilty of loving too much.

-And all the people of
Posita would have died.

-Everything you
touch, you destroy.

-I'm proud of Trinka.

-Oh, that really hurt.

-We'll be back,
right after this.

We're back.

[THUNDER]

-Please understand--

-I'm a magic man.

Chuck-a-boom.

Chuck-a choo.

Bzzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz.

- --cannot be explained
nor prevented.

We can only offer
united efforts so

that all the people are saved.

-But I want Ophecious saved.

-What about my needs?

-Seems you're more
interested in the lands

than in your people, Cleolanta.

-Without a land, there cannot
be a race of Ophecious.

My people will separate, drift
apart to one world and another.

-My land, too, is being
destroyed, Cleolanta.

But my people will
stay together.

(IN GERMAN ACCENT) Klink,
get that idiot out of here!

-Some planet that's rich and
fertile and can be developed.

-Hm, delicious.

-Mr. Secretary, please.

-What is, Rocky?

-And Bavarro.

-Yes, Rocky?

-We should make plans
quickly to evacuate--

-Ew!

-But we should speed the plans
to evacuate Posita, first.

-Then draw names for Christmas.

-If this can be done
in time, Cleolanta

can have her chance
to save Ophecious,

by destroying Posita after
Bavarro's people have left it.

-So it's a win-win situation!

Hm.

-Could you get your people
to Nagato, immediately?

-We can shuttle
airships very fast,

through the atmospheric chain.

-Oh, you're here.

-But my moon is the destroyer,
so everything possible

will be done.

-Prepare my spaceship at once.

-Prepare this.

-Atlasan and I will wait
until Posita is evacuated,

and then resume
the bombardments.

-Oh, no, Cleolanta.

-You get back up to your room.

-Rick and I will be on the
spaceship with you and Atlasan.

I'll give the order to
start the bombardment.

Oh, Winky.

-Aah!

-You and Vena will
control the Orbit Jet

under Secretary Drake's command.

-Aye, aye, sir.

-He and her?

-Word will be sent to
all available spaceships

to standby to aid in the
evacuation of Ophecious.

-Ew!

-Ick!

-In case the bombardment fails.

Professor?

-Uh, I'm not dead yet.

-Yes, Rocky.

-You'll come with me to see
if the bombardment shocks

Posita from its orbit.

-Yes.

-Hey, Rocky.

-No one hugged me today.

-Bobby, you're a bad person,
and nobody likes you.

-Board the Orbit Jet.

[BABY CRYING]

-Oh, no!

-Little prince, what's
bothering you this time?

-Your head.

-If you could only talk!

-If you could only act.

-Hey!

Maybe it's over now!

We can out quick and and--

-Uh, oh.

It was a storm.

-Epilogue 45.

-How is the little
nipper, Martha?

-The last plane to
Nagato is leaving.

-"Sophie's Choice."

-Oh, Nicolette.

[BABY CRYING]

-Oh, brother!

-But there was no
room in the inn.

Then the space Joseph and
Mary took the tiny infant

to space Bethlehem.

And that was when they--

-Such a fine, little prince to
be raised without a land rule.

Come, Potonda, I must
prepare the flare signal.

It will tell Rocky the
evacuation is complete.

[BABY CRYING]

-Oh, I've had this
happen before.

[CHUCKLING]

-Yep.

Slug bug, anybody?

-Hmm, mm, mm.

[WHISTLING]

-Ooh, aah!

An effect!

-Professor, Vena has just
signalled complete evacuation.

-Uh, no, that's just
a serial number.

-Watch carefully, Professor.

Check to see if we
succeed in shocking

the moon from its orbit.

-Uh, I'm still trying
to microwave my burrito.

-Start the bombardment.

-What bombardment?

[GASP]

-Ooh!

Aah!

Aah!

-Two missles, direct
on target, Professor.

Report results, please.

-It went boom.

-The course of Posita is still
absolute, without deviation,

Rocky.

-What do you know.

-Fire again.

Again and again.

-Whoa, whoa!

Slow down little lady.

-It's something to do.

Don't cost nothing.

-OK.

-Ooh!

Ooh, Ooh!

-You can't blow up a Cocoa Puff.

To this-- there's just no way.

-We're dry of
missiles, Professor.

What's your reading?

-"The Beauty Myth."

-Posita does not show
the slightest deviation

from course, Rocky.

-But I do.

-It must not be!

-The crash of moons is
something that was meant to be,

Cleolanta.

We can't stop.

-It's karma.

-Ophecian spaceship
to Orbit Jet.

Rocky Jones to Winky.

Come in.

-I'm in a meeting.

-Ophecian spaceship
to Orbit Jet.

-Ask nicely.

-Mr. Secretary, Rocky
Jones is calling in.

I'm with you, Roc,
what's your report?

-Uh, don't go in
there for a while.

-The evacuated moon, Posita
failed to show results.

Collision with Ophecious
on the 19th is absolute.

-Well, it figured, Rocky.

Mr. Secretary.

-Give me that pinkle Winky.

-I've alerted all of the
spaceships in the vicinity.

-Winkle Wink.

-The fleet will now
go to Ophecious.

-Look, he's got antelope horns.

Ha, ha.

-Cleolanta will be glad to
hear that, Mr. Secretary.

-A land, a world, where
shall I think my people?

-Please, Cleolanta, give
us your cooperation.

We'll do everything possible.

Now Rocky--

-It's a plot of United Worlds.

It's a trick to make the
Ophecious a lost race.

-Atlasan.

There's no time to lose.

There are plans to made.

it's a plot!

A trick!

-A female trick.

-Yes, Mr. Secretary?

-Rocky, you will arrive
on Ophecious first.

-OK.

-The people must
be warned and told

to prepare for the evacuation.

If there is a panic,
everything is lost.

-Yes, Mr. Secretary.

-Yeah, disavow
this, Mr. Secretary.

-And I have a good
partner for the job.

-Ha, aha.

-All right, this
must be the end.

-Ah, right!
-Yay!

It's over!

-I kind of liked that.

It was really fun.

-Yay!

-Uh-oh.

-I guess they're
travelling, huh?

-Oh, gee!

For crying out loud.

-Ach!

-OK, say cheese, everyone.

-If you wish, Rocky,
I'll blast down the ship.

I know the fields.

-Go ahead, Atlasan.

-(IMITATING STEWIE) Oh,
suddenly, we're friends?

[SIGH]

-Oh, uh, OK now, Mrs. Webb,
uh, we're-- we're gonna--

we're gonna turn
around here, OK?

No, no, no, Mrs. Webb!

Uh, oh!

-Devo, new traditionalists.

-Colonel Puppy Paws.

-(IMITATING DUDLEY
DOORIGHT) Nell, come in!

-Fort Apache, the
Bronx, by Marx.

-Hey, you know,
you just can't get

enough of these
here shots, can ya?

-Let's milk this dry, huh?

-A spaceship.

-Oh, no duh!

-This is our chance to escape.

-Whoop!

-You've given the
orders, Rocky Jones.

-Mm, hm.

-But now as Susareign
of Ophecious,

I demand the right to
speak to my people, alone!

-Ooh!

-What he lacks in expression,
he makes up for with hat tips.

-I must respect your leadership.

-Atlasan.

-Look, my name's Gary, OK?

-She really sucked the
air out of the room.

-Every time.

-Your USC Trojans!

-Ba-ba-ba- bah-ba bop.

-Ping.

-All right, now is our chance.

-Hm, hm, hm.

Hm, hm.

Hmm.

-Hey, it's me, your queen!

-General wrestle with
the queen, only $2.

-Yeah, this has all the earmarks
of a run on the bank, to me.

-Uh, I've got $2.

I'll wrestle the queen.

Definitely.

Mm, hm.

-Blast off!

Take us away from Ophecious.

-Oh yeah?

Well take this, Puppy Paws.

-Suddenly, it Guns
N Roses concert.

-Wrestle the queen?

Why I oughta--

-Harold, come on.

Don't cause trouble.

Why don't we just
take our seats.

-Jeez, these flight
attendants are tough!

-Wouldn't it be more productive
if they did this to Winky?

-Stop!

I command it!

Stop!

-Ooh!

Now is my chance to
be a real radio DJ.

-Please, this is
Trinka, your friend.

-Trinket?

-I won't command,
but listen to me.

You all know what
is going to happen.

You have a right to be afraid.

But we have fine friends
who will help us.

-Hm.

-If you all behave
in an orderly manner,

United Worlds will
see that everyone

is evacuated by the 19th.

-Yeah.

Boys!

-That little lady
makes a lot of sense.

-That's right.

-Wow!

-So go back there.

-Sorry I hit you, Bob.

-That would hurt
from down there.

-Lunch today will be
tomato soup, tater tots,

and pudding in a cloud.

-Horowitz is visibly shaken.

-Mm, hm.

-All right, lets us
wrestle the queen, now.

-Hey, snappy pantsuit.

-Well, America's Crummiest
Home Videos, huh?

[THUNDER]

-You said I was brave, Atlasan.

But I-- I'm not.

I'm frightened.

-You smell like
cheese curls, honey.

-We still have 5 days.

[BEEPING]

-Orbit Jet to Ophecious.

Vena to whoever
will answer this.

(SINGING) Who will answer?

Who will answer?

-I sure hope it's you, Rocky.

-Rocky Jones to the
Orbit Jet, come in.

-I'm alone with Winky and Bobby.

Get me out of here!

-Secretary Drake is
following in on the XV-8

as commander of the
evacuation fleet.

-You'll have your
clearance, Vena.

-So don't call me anymore.

-But be careful when you land.

There's understandable
tension here on Ophecious.

[CAT CRY]

-Out.

[LICKING]

-Out, Rocky.

-You could fry eggs on her.

-Mm, hm.

Ooh.

-Get that thing off of her.

-Frank Sinatra has.

-This scene again?

Oh!

-Oh, brother!

-It's better this time.

It-- there's two rockets.

-Oh!

-Hm.

She walks like a flying
monkey, that one.

-N 36.

N 36.

-Citizens of Ophecious--

-Hey, turn the reverb down!

-You will each receive
a slip of paper.

A voucher for your planet!

-They are numbered
16, 17, 18, and 19.

-Bingo!

-For the people who draw
the 19, I can only say this.

-So long-ong suckers-ers.

-Atlasan and I will be
on the last spaceship

to leave-- the Orbit Jet.

-OK, but, who are you?

-That will be under the
command of Rocky Jones.

-Me?

-And none of our friends
from the United Worlds

will leave until
everyone on Ophecious

is safely on their
way to a new home.

-Oh, they're just moving
them to North Dakota.

-Yeah, they'll do that.

[THUNDER]

-Uh!

Oh, a field of missile silos.

It is North Dakota.

-Mm, hm.

-It's a cardboard
cutout Klan meeting.

-Please-ease, make
sure-zur you have

your boarding
passes-es ready-dy.

-The XV-5 is ready.

-What about the MC-5, huh?

-Order to XV-5, blast off.

-Uh, does he mean us?

-Uh, no.

Uh, that's them.

-OK.

You go ahead.

-All right, thank you.

-Aw, come back.

-All right.

-You know, their luggage will
probably end up on Jupiter.

-Thank you!

-Oh, oh.

Boom!

-Whoop.

-Blast off orders, XR-7.

-Your table-ble is ready-dy.

-And so on and so on
and so on and so on.

-Anderson N, Barb-warb.

-XV-10

-Your-r pizza-za is ready-dy.

-Ya got a toenail on
your forehead there.

Kind of, just, flick
that off there.

T-t-- oh, never mind.

-WO-6

-Oh, oh, wait!

I mean WO-O5, 5.

[THUNDER]
-Uh, huh.

Hit the gun.

-As the world turns!

-Curly Neal to show you how.

-Success at last!

-And I helped.

-Anderson and Zeek-eek.

-You better blast off.

-Thank you, Bobby.

-Dee-da dee, da
da dink dink dee.

Da da dink dink

-Chink, chink-a-chink.

-Na-na- na na.

Now-now.

-Please, my Susareign,
there'll be another Ophecious.

-No!

I remain here.

-I'm sorry, Cleolanta.

-Whoa!

-Ha, ha.

Does that make her
carry on luggage?

-As long as she fits in
the overhead compartment.

-Tickets, please.

-Here it comes,
the crash of moons!

-Yay!
-All right!

Finally!

Whoo!

Hoo-hoo.

-When the gods play snooker.

-It's cosmic croquet.

-This is the most exciting
moment of my life.

-That I believe.

-(SINGING) Hit him, Crow.

That's a setup!

-Whoop! they evacuated
the wrong planets.

-They were full of people.

-Why should this happen?

[BEEPING]

-Why?

-Bavarro to Rocky Jones.

-Hi, Bavarro.

-Rocky Jones to Bavarro.

Did you see the crash of moons?

-No I was on de phone.

What did I miss?

Anything?

-But what does it
matter, really?

Torvak here put it so wisely.

It isn't a land.

-It's the cheese!

- --it's the people
who make the country.

-Oh, I hate it when John
Banner waxes philosophical.

-Allow me.

-Bavarro.

-Bite me.

-Do you really feel that?

Do you really believe
it isn't the land,

but the people who
make up a country?

-Are you that much of a rube?

-Yes, Cleolanta.

And please try.

You will see.

-Thank you, Bavarro.

-No further questions.

-Yes, Thank you.

Thank you, very much.

-Thank you very,
very, very, very much.

Thank you, so much.

Very, very, very, very--
let's get outta here, now!

Quick.

-Uh, I'm not going.

This can't be the end.

Yes, it-- see?

Check it out.

Let's go.

-Uh, oh-- it's says, whoa!

-Ah, boy!

Just when I think I've seen
the worst movie ever made

in the whole wide world,
along comes the worst movie

ever made in the
whole wide world.

-It's OK, Tom.

Listen, we got a
letter to read here.

It might cheer you up.

This is from a guy
named Jason Becker.

Let's put that up on
still store, Cambot.

Good.

OK.

It says, "Dear
Everybody Involved,

here is a poem to
show my appreciation.

Two years ago I found MST3K.

What are all those random
unconnected letters and one

number, the
unenlightened would say?

So I introduced them all, and
now they have such fun watching

Joel and the bots
dismantle films like

'Mustants,' 'Space
Ranger,' '2001.' "

It's Not very good, but it'll
have to do on short notice.

-But, Tom, it re-- oh,
that's written there.

I see.

-Attention!

We got something coming in
on the hexfield viewscreen.

-John Banner?

-Somebody sent us a Bannergram.

-Joel, how vundervar to
see you and your friends,

mine lieva Schatz.

If my young son could only
wear a jumpsuit of such a

deep, rich, red color,
how happy he would be!

-Oh, thanks, John Banner.

We were just reading a letter.

-I know.

And what a lovely
letter to be read

by such warm and
wonderful companions.

-Oh, really neat.

Hey, you know, we must
say, that we really

loved your work on
"Hogan's Heroes."

-Oh, yeah.

-Tell me, what was Werner
Klemperer really like?

-You must never mention
that name again.

Do you understand me?

-Uh, yeah.

Sure thing, John.

Uh, isn't there anybody we want
to send a Bannergram to quick?

-And now, permit me to admire
your lovely space dwelling.

How wonderful it must be to have
friends like the manly Servo,

and zee golden and witty Crow.

-You gotta do something, Joel.

This aggressive niceness is
making me really uncomfortable.

Here, if I could
just-- here you go.

-Oh, and what a lovely
device you have.

How vundervar it
must be to have that.

I know, if my young son--

-There!

- --only had such
a wonderful device.

-Well, goodbye.

-How lucky he would be to
have it not close in his face.

-Heh, heh.

Thought he'd never leave.

-Yep.

-Oh, Dr. Forrester!

[DOOR BELL]

-Don't you do it!

Don't you do it!

I knew you sent a Bannergram!

Frank!

Don't open the door!

-Hey, someone sent
us a Bannergram.

-Boopie!

-Ugh!

-Hi, Bavarro.

-Mine goodness, who wonderful
it must be for Dr. Clayton

Forrester to have such a caring,
considerate, and able-bodied

assistant such as yourself.

And I approve what you
are doing with the place.

And what a fine table.

I can see that you
did the woodwork

and, perhaps, varnished
this table, for it says,

It was refinished with
loving and gentle hands.

But, of course, a
house is not a home

without two people who really
care for one another in it.

And how could Frank
not care about you,

Dr. Forrester, with
your sharp, deductive

mind and your illustrious
sense of humor.

How lucky for you two to
have found one another.

And I hope one day
my infant son will

be able to conduct such
experiments to help, or hurt,

all of mankind.

Yes, I say, humankind.

For none of us would be
here without our mothers.

Soft and kind and
nurturing mothers.

And the mothers of the world
are so very, very special.

I only hope that my son
is born to a mother--

a mother as wonderful as
yours, Dr. Clayton Forrester.

Frank!

Bobby!