Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 5, Episode 13 - Manhunt in Space - full transcript
Joel and the Bots watch an early episode of the soap opera behemoth General Hospital (1963) before watching a movie made of several edited television episodes about space pirates. On the SOL, Joel refuses to play soap opera with the Bots and the Mads get stuck in their bean bag chairs.
♫ In the not too distant future
♫ Next Sunday, A.D.
♫ There was a guy named Joel
♫ Not to different from you or me
♫ He worked at Gizmonic Institute
♫ Just another face in a red jumpsuit
♫ He did a good job cleaning up the place
♫ But his bosses didn't like
him so they shot him into space
♫ We'll send him cheesy movies
♫ The worst we can find, la la la
♫ He'll have to sit and watch them all
♫ And we'll monitor his mind, la la la
♫ Now keep in mind Joel can't control
♫ Where the movies begin or end, la la la
♫ Because he used those special parts
♫ To make his robot friends
♫ Robot Roll Call
♫ Cambot, pan left
♫ Gypsy, hi, girl
♫ Tom Servo, What a cool guy
♫ Crooooow, oh, wisecracker
♫ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes
♫ And other science facts, la la la
♫ Then repeat to
yourself, it's just a show
♫ I should really just relax
♫ For Mystery Science Theater 3000 ♫
- Alright, it's snack time!
- Oh, hi everybody.
Welcome to the Satellite
of Love, I'm Joel Robinson.
We're just waiting for
this week's experiment.
This is Crow T. Robot.
- Boogie oogie.
- And this is Tom Servo.
- You got Bugles, I love Bugles.
- You know you guys, I was
just talking to TV's Frank
and he was saying how this weeks movie
is in black and white.
Pretty cool, huh?
- Oh no, not another black and white.
- Oh, come on, Crow.
Black and white's grittier.
It helps get across the harsh realism
that is every day life.
- Oh gee, sounds like fun.
The way I see it, Robinson,
the Jones had a depressing
enough life as it was.
And then, they filmed
it in black and white.
Give me color, give me some pizzazz!
- Hey, what do you think, Tom Servo?
- Uh, about what?
- Well, you know, that
how some of our movies
are in black and white and some
of our movies are in color.
- Uh, I'm not sure I
understand the question.
- Oh, come on!
Movie A, color.
Movie B, black and white.
- Look, we can't all
notice the same subtleties.
- Subtleties?
Why that's not even the point.
- Just a second, Crow.
Uhm, Tom?
What color is my jumpsuit?
- Red.
- Okay, and, what color is Crow?
- Red.
- [Voiceover] Commercials
in five, four, three, two--
What color is Dr. Forester?
- Red! What about it?
- Okay, I think I know what's wrong.
We'll be right back.
- You have a very kind face.
- Tom, now cut it out!
I said you were colorblind, not blind.
- I might as well be.
For all the azure skies I've
missed, for the green fields,
and apple blossoms I've never truly seen.
- When I think of the
elaborate stories you've had to
invent to cover for the
hideous lie you've been living.
Oh, Tom, it wouldn't of mattered to me!
- You guys, you guys.
You guys, listen to me.
You're taking this all too seriously.
I think Tom just has a simple
red-green color deficiency.
Oh, uh, Joel, Bausch and Lomb are calling.
- Oh, you're colorblind.
Uh, what color is this?
(chuckling)
What color is this?
(evil chortle)
Sorry.
Well, Joel, you may not
know that Frank and I,
with a little prompting
from the Utne Reader,
have been hosting a
weekly discussion salon.
- Yet with our hectic schedules,
often times our guests will
arrive before we've had time
to properly review
Susan Faludi's Backlash,
much less give the apartment
that suitable bohemian look.
- That's why we've developed these new,
Beanbag Pants.
Now, these pants allow
you to relax anywhere.
And to sit down and have
a nice hot cup of talk.
Frank, why haven't you
put your pants on yet?
(laughter)
Joking, of course I kid--
- Baby got back, uh!
Actually, you know what?
They're perfect for sit-ins.
Imagine just once integrating
a Southern lunch counter
in cushy comfort.
- Yes, indeed.
And they're perfect for
those whispery discussions
of white-guilt with good friends.
Frank?
- You know, I thought the
invention lacked a certain...
je ne sais quoi.
A certain depth.
- I disagree, and yet it's so refreshing
to meet someone with a
fresh opinion like yours.
- Gosh, sirs, that actually
seems like a really nice idea.
Promoting open dialogue and social change.
Today's invention exchange
from the Satellite of Love
is based on the premise
that it's a really good idea
to wear recycled paper as clothing.
And we've got a persuasive
presentation to prove it.
- I'm Gypsy, and yesterdays news
is tomorrow's fish and chip paper.
Remember to pitch in.
- That's right Gypsy,
her dress was a tree,
then it was a pile of newspapers,
now it's a dress and soon it
will be a pithy greeting card.
Pretty responsible, aye?
- I'm Crow, and my suit is made entirely
of used Viva Paper Towels.
I wear it at the discos,
'cause I'm the quicker picker upper.
- Ha ha ha, true, Crow.
It's so absorbent.
You know you could spill soup, drool,
or even drop a pitcher
of margaritas on him
and he'll remain warm and dry.
- And I'm Tom Servo,
and I may be colorblind,
but it's plain to see I'm wearing a dress.
What am I, that girl?
- Maybe so, in that case
can't afford to be seen
in the same thing twice.
Change in a flash with
our flash-paper clothing.
Just one flick of the BIC and...
- Uh oh.
Wah-ho, ow oh oh.
Phew, oh for crying out loud.
Not only am I colorblind,
I'm flash-blind now too.
Oh, jeeze, I'm gonna go lay down.
Whoa, owchie!
- There go the drapes.
- What do you think sirs?
- Sorry, we missed that, Joel.
Anyway, your movie this week
is called Manhunt in Space.
But first, a little
kinescope suppository from
our video depository.
It's an old, General Hospital.
(alarm sounding)
(all talking simultaneously)
- [Tom] Oh, don't make me walk
all the way over there, Phil.
- If this will cheer you up any,
I called Cynthia and asked her to dinner,
she accepted, celebrate the engagement.
- [Crow] Thanks nurse-ratchet.
- That's great.
- Well, wait it was your idea--
- Alright, alright, I said it was great.
Didn't I?
We'll have a ball.
- [Tom] Really cheered you up, aye Phil?
- [Crow] Jeepers.
- [Joel] Sorry, dear.
- [Crow] I will now express a modern dance
to express my true feelings.
- [Joel] Oh, this is about
general hospital stuff.
You know, those little
wrist tags, billing,
that kind of thing.
- [Voiceover] General
Hospital is brought to you by,
Kennel--
(all three barking)
- [Crow] Going up, Mr. Tyler?
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, let me get, excuse me, sorry, hello.
- [Joel] Sounds like
General Hospital on ice.
- Good morning, Lucy.
- Good morning, Jessie.
(buzzing)
- I'll get it.
- [Tom] She's the dark nurse of the soul.
- [Joel] Mm mm.
- Yes, Dr. Hardy
The new x-rays on Mrs. Lions?
Well, I wouldn't know,
I just came on duty.
- [Crow] I think she's
been into the percodan.
- [Tom] G'yah.
- Lucille?
- Hmm?
- The tilt pillar on Mrs. Lions,
has it come up from x-ray?
- Oh yes.
- [Joel] Here are your head-shots for the
Young and the Restless audition.
- [Tom] It's a new cot!
Oh.
- [Crow] Hello, I've been in
the bell tower all morning.
- [Lucille] Good morning, Dr. Lewis.
- Good morning, Lucille.
Is Jessie in?
- Yes, she just came on duty.
- [Tom] Yeah, she's a shade bit broody.
- Didn't you come to
the hospital together?
- No, I left the apartment before she did.
Took a walk.
- [Crow] See what you can do
about making this lobby spookier.
- [Joel] Jeeze, he really
sucked the air out of this room.
- Alright.
I guess it's a wonderful
but weird institution.
Aye, Clampett?
- I wouldn't know Ms. March.
- [Crow] I'm not very bright.
- Looking at it from the
other end of the stethoscope,
neither would I.
- [Tom] Ah, Swiss Miss,
will you get me another cup of cocoa?
- [Crow] More letters on how
unappealing you are, sir.
- [Joel] She kinda
looks like Uncle Miltie.
- [Tom] Yeah.
- [Crow] Huh, here comes nurse-feratu.
- [Tom] Yeesh.
Well I think everybody
admitted to this hospital
commits suicide.
- Jessie?
- [All Three] Ee-yah!
- Did you decide to invite--
- [Crow] My God, you're ugly.
- To celebrate the engagement?
- [Tom] Did you ih-vite
Cyn-phia and K-eh-en Mah-tan
tuh deen-ah tuh cel-uh-ba-rate
yur ehn-gah-hage-mant.
- It'll help clear the air.
- [Joel] Pshhh.
- Oh, I don't know Lucille,
I'm having my doubts that it's very smart.
- Well it's what Phil suggested, isn't it?
- [Tom] Phill-th?
- It's what Phil suggested,
but I'm not very sure he really wants to.
- [Crow] Oh Phil this, Phil that.
Everything's Phil, Phil, Phil.
- What good is it gonna do?
- Well it will sort of make
the engagement official.
- [Tom] Whe-ell itch-ill short-off make-sh
the en-gah-hage-ment off-fish-ill.
- That Cynthia is going
to marry Ken Martin.
That's what it'll do.
- [Tom] Tatch what it'll dooo.
- At least, I hope you're right.
- [Joel] Would you please
take a breath mint?
- [Tom] So, uh, what's
the barber doing here?
- Oh I'd like to
counter-sign the medication
for Mr. Turner.
- Oh, yeah.
- [Crow] Jeeze, he was old even then.
- Oh, uh, I'll be in Martha Lions' room.
- Yes, Dr. Hardy.
- Good morning, Jessie.
- Morning, Dr. Hardy.
- [Joel] Man I've still got it, don't I?
Damn I'm good.
"Good morning, Jessie"
was a stroke of genius.
- [Crow] Oh doctor! Do you mind?
- [Woman] I think you're
being a little unfair.
- [Tom] She's nude.
- And maybe it is a simple
case of indigestion,
but I'm worried.
I want to be absolutely sure
that there's nothing wrong.
- [Crow] Oh, my barber's here. Gotta go.
- George, Dr. Hardy
just came into the room.
He looks as though he might
have some news for me?
- [Crow] Oh, it's just about
that cyst with teeth and hair.
- Yes, indeed he does.
Yes, I'll call you back, dear. Bye.
- [Joel] Hi, that was Vince Edwards,
he gave me a second opinion.
- Give us a moment.
- There is something wrong with me?
- [Tom] Yes, you've been hospitalized.
- You have what's known
as a hiatus hernia.
- [Crow] Which means I win the pool,
but that's beside the point.
- What is that?
- Well, it's nothing to
be too alarmed about.
But it is to be taken seriously.
And it's quite rare.
- [Tom] Nothing an expensive
operation can't complicate.
- How were you finally
able to diagnose that?
- Those, uh, last x-rays.
We took the tilt x-rays, they revealed it.
- [Tom] And you might of noticed,
you've been vomiting a lot lately.
- What is it?
I've never heard of it.
Hiatus hernia?
- [Tom] You calling me a liar?
- [Crow] Get out! Get out!
- Well--
- [Tom] The body sees a hernia
as a series of ones and zeros.
- Point at where the esophagus
goes into the stomach.
The constriction is most likely
to happen when the stomach
is full, after you've had
something to eat or drink.
- [Joel] Uh, is this
gonna be on the final?
- Put simply, when the stomach enlarges,
it gets pinched at this opening.
- [Tom] To put it even more
simply, you eat like a pig.
- After all my doubts.
- [Tom] I'm Eric Stoltz, in Mask.
- And all of George's insisting there
was nothing wrong with me.
- [Crow] That bastard.
- There is something wrong with me.
- [Tom] Yes, you're a
spooky New York actress.
- Yes, I was pretty sure
your pain wasn't imaginary.
In fact, the pain associated
with a hiatus hernia,
is very intense and it's almost identical
to coronary inclusion or heart attack.
- [Crow] Here, let me punch you
in the sternum to simulate the pain.
- Why does the pain go
away after a few minutes?
- Well, it usually disappears when you
get up and walk around a bit.
- [Tom] Hint. Hint.
- [Dr. Hardy] Well, then, you see
the stomach has more room.
- [Joel] Well I could
see how that would--Huh?
- Steve, can something be done for this?
- [Tom] Nope.
- Of course.
- [Crow] (snickering)
- that you try a couple
of weeks of hospital care
with special attention to diet.
- [Crow] And then I'll do
my Gregory Peck impression.
- If we can't cure the condition that way,
or come close to it,
we may have to consider surgery.
Now let me assure you, Martha.
- [Martha] Surgery?
There's no great cause for alarm.
- [Tom] Oh it's dangerous
and painful, but don't worry.
- And I'm very hopeful
that we can get rid of it
without surgery.
- [Joel] Though I have
performed surgery once before,
although the person didn't
survive, I feel confident.
- Who's going to tell my
husband all about this?
- [Tom] How about his wife?
- I will if you like.
But I think it might be a better idea
if you tell Dr. Lions yourself.
- [Tom] Maybe you could use a puppet.
- [Dr. Hardy] Of course,
I'll be happy to answer
he might ask or have a
consultation with him about it.
- George is going to be very upset.
- [Joel] He hates hiatus hernias!
- [Dr. Hardy] Because you
really have something wrong?
- Not only that...
It's you.
You proved that he was wrong.
He said that it was indigestion
and just my imagination.
- [Crow] Running away with her.
- Hiatus hernia's a
difficult thing to diagnose,
in fact it's very difficult.
Well look at the trouble I had.
- [Crow] And I'm brilliant!
- Yes, but you did diagnose it.
- [Crow] Okay, so your husband's a putz.
- Anyway, for a couple
of weeks will give you
plenty of rest and a special diet.
So don't worry, we'll
take good care of you.
- [Tom] Now, about that hair.
- Will you come in to see me?
- [Tom] (smooching)
- You're my patient, remember?
- [Crow] And don't forget we've scheduled
that lobotomy first thing Monday morning.
- [Tom] And now taking the ice,
your Minnesota North Stars.
- [All] (quiet cheering)
- [Crow] Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.
Wow, look at all the Juji Fruits.
- [Joel] Well, I saw Howard Hunt in space.
- [Tom] I saw Linda Hunt in space.
- [Crow] I have saw Hunt's Hall in space.
- [Joel] An adventure of tomorrow,
for today's troubled teens.
- [Crow] Tracy and
Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall,
Mansfield and Lyden.
- [Joel] Mama Maurice Cass.
- [Tom] They say this really
is a L'estrange movie.
- [Crow] Or a Strenge movie.
- [Joel] Cough up a Roy Luby.
♫ Oz never did give
nothing to Bill Tinsman ♫
- [Crow] I wanted to Hoerl
after I read the screenplay.
- [Joel] Hi, Guy.
- [Tom] Arthur Pierson, the
inventor of the salted nut roll.
- [Crow] Oh, is the
great Hollingsworth Morse
going to direct?
- [All] Oooo.
- [Joel] This is the part where the, uhm,
zagnut is fertilized
by the salted nut roll.
- [Tom] Look, it's the
MST3K logo up there--
- [Joel] You're not
supposed to know about...
- [Tom] Oh (clears throat and whistles)
- Vena.
- [Crow] Oh ho Vena-ha.
- Reggie!
- [Joel] Bad dog! Bad dog.
- You know I'm expecting
to hear from Rocky.
- I wanted to bring in Casa 7.
There it is.
- [Crow] It's a crunch berry.
- [Tom] Times up!
- I contacted Casa's
central control station,
and they're holding communications open.
- Can I speak to my brother Paul?
- Well I asked for him.
They said he's at the
landing field inspecting
construction on the new landing platform.
- I'll soon see him.
- [Crow] In hell.
- It'll be wonderful.
- How long since you've
seen your brother, Vena?
- [Joel] An hour.
- Almost three years.
He'll be on the Casa 7
project another five years.
What happened, Reggie?
- [Tom] Ah, the Playboy
channel's scrambled again.
- All the instruments are dead.
- [Joel] So am I.
- Well it seems normal.
- This is weird.
- [Tom] So am I.
- Rocket thrust is zero.
- [Crow] Gee that makes me bitter.
- [Tom] Oh, and the animation sucks too.
- [Crow] Oh brother.
- [Joel] M-C-7, are they
any relation to the MC5?
- [Tom] Maybe.
- This thing has neutralized
every bit of our equipment.
- [Crow] Even my acting.
- There's not a thing we can do about it.
No way to check speed or position
and not a chance to make
contact with anyone.
- [Tom] It's not fair (whimpers)
- They may have us under robot control.
- I don't know, Vena.
- [Crow] I just don't know.
- I don't know any way of finding out.
- [Joel] Might as well
just fade this scene out.
- [Tom] And this is what
the Heritage Foundation
will look like if you contribute.
- [Tom] Exterminate!
Exterminate! Exterminate!
- [Crow] Sure hope my
support belt holds up.
- Has kept that spaceship
visiograph busy for an hour.
She knew I was going to call.
- Well, she's havin' a vacation, Rocky.
Now, for me, let me relax
with a little black book
and a gay night life.
- [Joel] Uh, insert joke here.
- [Crow] Yeah.
- Well here, relax, Rocky.
I'll give ya a couple of choice pages.
(buzzing)
- [Tom] Mm, here's Christopher,
Trevor, Todd, Kyle...
♫ You're in the Army now
♫ And always get your trout
♫ You'll never get rich but ♫
- I'm glad I found you in, Rocky.
- [Tom] But I'm not in Rocky.
- There's something I'd like to discuss.
If it doesn't upset your plans.
- It won't, sir.
- [Man On Screen] After all,
this is your off duty period.
- [Crow] Oh duh-huh, my black
book, no I won't be able.
- [Joel] You know,
by 1980 everyone will
have phones like this.
- Well I kissed the
beautiful girls goodbye.
- And the gay night life.
- And the gay night life.
- [Tom] Ack, so, his hinnie...
- [Crow] Well, oh never mind.
- [Tom] Look out, ready for ground.
- Well, that's alright, sir.
I can take care of cancelling
our vacations plans, I guess.
- [Joel] Enhancing your vacation?
- Perhaps I should assign
someone else to the mission?
- [Crow] How about Major Heating?
- That's right, we'd rather
ride the rocket, sir.
- [Tom] What does he--
- [Joel] Shhhhh.
- I don't know where this
problem is going to lead.
- [Tom] I don't know how to looooove.
- [Joel] (fart sounds)
- Well sir, you know us.
We're not happy unless we're in trouble.
I mean.
- [Tom] Heh, heh. Get out! Get out!
- First I'll fill you in
on some of the details.
- [Crow] I've prepared a song.
- The United Worlds, as you know,
are fortifying the planetoid, Casa 7.
As a joint control station
for our entire solar system.
- [Crow] I, did not know that.
- Oh yes.
Professor Newton told us
something about the project.
- In preparing Casa 7,
each of the United Worlds
is furnishing strategic,
and in most cases,
restricted materials.
- [Joel] And they're
releasing it to teens.
- [Drake] But lately there
have been disturbing reports
of cargo spaceships vanishing
on the way to Casa 7.
(buzzing)
- [Joel] At beneficial,
- [Tom] Doot doot.
- [Joel] You're good for more.
- We're in contact by
visiograph with Mars, sir.
They request Secretary Drake.
- I'll take it on my receiver.
- [Crow] 'Scuse me boys,
I have to take this.
You understand.
- [Tom] Bah doo doo doo.
There's my Lichtenstein.
- [Joel] Mork calling
Orson, Mork calling Orson.
- Speaking from Mars, Ruinus here.
This is the final report
on our supply spaceship,
Double M en-route to Casa 7.
It is now two Moon cycles over due.
- [Tom] I'm so ashamed.
- [Ruinus] We must presume it to be lost.
- [Drake] Space Rangers are
being assigned immediately.
To investigate the entire
situation of missing cargo ships.
- I know you'll keep us
informed, Mr. Secretary.
- [Drake] You'll have a
report within a solar month.
Greetings from Earth, Ruinus.
- Greetings from Mars--
- [Joel] Ciao baby, right back at 'cha.
- [Crow] What a jerk,
sorry you had to see that.
- You heard.
That's the third spaceship
vanished within a week.
- You know of course, sir,
that Vena's on her way
to Casa 7 on a cargo ship.
- That's right, sir.
Rocky's been trying to call Vena.
- I've been unable to make contact.
And frankly, sir, I'm a bit worried.
- We'll put your mind at ease.
- [Joel] I've got somethin'
that'll put you through the floor, boys.
- Egans.
- [Tom] Send in the clowns!
Don't bother, they're here.
- I want to know if cargo
spaceship CM7 has landed.
- [Joel] And bring me
some sleepy-time tea.
- We want to find out what's
happening to the cargo ships.
- Oh, I'm sure it can be done, sir.
By using our space stations.
- [Crow] Scott Tracy.
Hmm, less animated.
- We've got to find the answer.
Or there'll be repercussions throughout
our entire system.
- [Crow] Chin, get Danno,
round up every known hood on the island.
- The report from Casa 7, sir.
- Let's have it.
- [Tom] It says, "Haaaaaaaaaaalp!"
- Last heard from as it was about to enter
the gravity field for the approach.
Since then there's been no word--
- [Joel] Man does this ever bite,
I need a career change. (disgusted sound)
- CM7 has disappeared into space.
- Thank you--
- [Tom] It was very
good, very good indeed.
Thank you, thank you, very good.
- I'd like to start by
tracing spaceship CM7.
- Of course, this
mission is in your hands.
- Good, we can blast off within the hour.
Winky.
- [Tom] I wonder if Winky
has a nickname. Hah!
- Get the Orbit Jet ready
for blastoff, Winky.
I'm going to see Professor
Newton for a moment.
- The rockets'll be ready to roar.
- [Tom] Oh I'd like to slap him so hard.
- [Joel] Kids, close that door.
We're not trying to heat the outside.
Come on.
- [Crow] And that's how
cattle are inseminated.
Eh-tao-oo-bovine.
- Now we'll have to give this at least
a four hour exposure, Bobby.
- Well that's the longest one yet.
- [Joel] How come you don't
have to wear stretch pants, grandpa?
- Oh Rocky, we're making some
wonderful pictures of Scorpus.
With hyrdrogen--
- [Tom] Yeah, that's great.
- What we need are some
trick snapshots of Casa 7.
- Your tone tells me there's trouble.
- Perhaps.
But I don't know what it is, professor.
- Accept that it concerns Casa 7.
- [Tom] Vladimir Horowitz.
- Secretary Drake will
tell you the whole story.
This much I wanted you to know.
- [Tom] (gibberish)
- The ship Vena's on,
has vanished into space.
- I wanna help, Rocky.
Please let me help.
- This is one time I'd
like to say no, Bobby.
But, I can't.
- [Crow] You outrank me.
- Thanks a million.
You won't be sorry.
We'll find Vena.
- [Tom] I'm already sorry, Bobby.
- Now, run along and get packed.
Meet us at the blastoff platform.
- [Crow] Not a word of
our meetings, Bobby.
- Professor Newton.
- [Joel] How are the fig
cookies coming along.
- I don't know where this
flight is going to take us.
Maybe to the far limits
of our solar system.
- [Crow] Maybe to the
darkest reaches of our souls.
- Something you wish to ask me, Rocky?
- Yes--
- [Tom] Have you ever
danced with the devil
in the pale moonlight?
- Any new discoveries still held secret
that might help us?
- Yes, there is.
But I've been fearful
of even discussing it.
- [Crow] Except with Bobby.
- It could have cataclysmic results.
- Vena's life may be at stake.
- [Joel] You want to go?
- [Tom] Come on, let's go let's go.
- [Crow] Okay.
- I'll show you, I'll show
you the power of cold light.
- Cold light?
- Peggy, I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you.
- Oh my God!
What is it?
Is it a hiatus hernia?
- No, it's not that.
- Is it the heart break of psoriasis?
- No, it's not that.
- Is it Mogo on the Ga-go-go?
- No, I'm afraid it's
much worse than that.
- Oh please, Doc.
Tell me what it is!
- Well it seems that when you were walking
down the hall earlier, the
back of hospital gown was open
and everyone could see your butt!
- I'll never live down the shame!
- You know, my dear, in
tough situations like this
I've found in the past that
the best thing a patient can do
is be comforted by me, Dr. Chad Feelgood.
- You cad!
I knew you were cheating on me!
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
Hey, nice bod.
- I'll never live down the (crying)
- Oh Peggy, I can comfort you with--
- Hey, wait and say what's going on here?
- Oh no!
It's Dr. Joel Robinson,
the hard-drinking, two-fisted,
cantankerous yet lovable
hospital administrator!
- I am not.
(all gasp)
- Oh no, and he's suffering from amnesia!
Oh the pain and the misery.
- You guys, I'm not gonna
play soap opera with you.
When I was nine years
old, my sister made me
play soap opera, I'm not
gonna play soap opera.
I won't play soap opera.
Okay Cambot, that's it.
That's it.
Alright, that's it.
Who's next?
- They must of seen us.
- [Tom] Thanks a lot, Joel.
- [Crow] Yeah.
- It may of come from Casa 7.
- Well you'll soon find out.
(Crow and Tom honking and beeping)
- Can they come along side us?
- Yes, I'm sure the
magnetic locks in operation.
- [Crow] Wow, that was
better than I thought!
- Probably aligning the airlock hatch.
- [Joel] It's an old
lady, she rear-ended 'em.
- [Crow] What are they doing, Joel?
- [Joel] They're telling secrets.
- [Crow] Ahh.
- They've breached the hatch.
We're connected now.
- [Tom] Oh, hang on a minute.
Gotta put my head in the salad spinner.
- [Crow] Oh he didn't
even turn the handle!
- [Tom] My, what a cheap
crummy special effect.
- [Joel] Blondie, I'm home.
I brought Mr. Dithers along.
- [Joel] (sighs)
- [Crow] Boy I told you to find adventure,
not bring it home with you.
- [Joel] Hi, can I be
submissive for anyone?
- Are you from Casa 7?
- [Joel] I can if you want me to be.
- On Casa 7 they don't
even know you're alive.
- Then you're the ones who
neutralized our equipment.
- You're real bright to
figure that out for yourself.
- [Crow] Thanks! That's
nice of you to--Hey!
- Relax, it won't be alive.
- [Tom] Uhm, anyone for coffee?
- [Crow] I'll just wait here then.
- [Tom] Psst, hey buddy.
- [Joel] Hey, check this out.
There's a ton of cool stuff in here.
Oh cool you don't even have
to push any buttons to get in.
This is, oh man, this is where
they store their costumes.
These fantastic VCRs,
Nintendo, it's great.
- [Tom] Ooh, fudge.
- [Crow] I'll throw this
caramelled apple at him.
- [Joel] Foo-di-doo,
nothing behind my back.
- [Tom] Hi.
- [Crow] A little song, a little grace,
a little seltzer in your face.
- [Tom] Take that, ha ha ha.
Casa 7, love it or leave it, buddy.
- [Joel] They're gonna
play the limbo real low.
- [Tom] Think it's played
by Trip Shakespeare.
(laughter)
- Vena, your space gun.
- [Crow] What about it?
Oh, I should get it, okay.
- If you have to, use it.
Ask questions later.
I'll get through to Casa 7 on
the astrophone on their ship.
- [Crow] But if I shoot
'em, I can't ask questions.
- [Tom] No you see,
it's a figure of speech.
- [Crow] Ah, oh.
I know what you're thinking.
Did I shoot six shots of seltzer or seven?
- [Joel] Alright, hand
me that terrarium, now.
- [Crow] Ooh, ouch.
Wellll, Mrs. Carmichael?
- Go over there.
- [Joel] Okay, now bark like a dog.
And you start chewing the other ones leg.
- Now, Vena, you'll drop it.
- [Tom] He's doing a grand jete, look.
- Get over there.
- Nice work.
- [Tom] If you can get
it, then you can get it.
- Only, you don't have any brains.
Now see if you can get their cargo
into our ship without tripping over it.
- [Joel] But you just said we were smart.
Oh, I get it.
- [Crow] Awkward.
- So, Rinkman.
You've ended up as a space pirate.
At least you can't sink any lower.
- [Joel] Well, I could date you.
- Don't you get it?
You destroy space ships.
- [Joel] Hey, it's the sucker brothers.
- [Tom] You know, I saw a college kid
stick his head in a party bowl one time.
- You won't be harmed.
We just neutralized you
ship's rockets and equipment.
- [Crow] And your stomach acid.
- Why are we still in normal flight?
- You're not.
You're revolving around
Casa 7 in a fixed orbit.
Just like the Moon
revolves around the Earth.
- How?
- We cut your power and
neutralized your equipment.
- [Tom] And pass the savings on to you.
- Balanced against the gravity of Casa 7.
- That's what happened to the
other ships you've pirated.
- [Tom] Grrr.
- [Rinkman] That's right.
- You'll be revolving around Casa 7
for the next million years.
Or until a piece of meteoric
waste hits the ship.
- [Joel] Or until I
turn into Robert Stack.
- I'll have the markings
removed from your ship.
- You have found a new
way to commit murder.
- [Tom] You noticed.
- Don't give me any credit, Vena.
Dr. Vanko worked it out.
I just make sure that no
other spaceship bothers you.
- [Crow] Why you, you person you.
- [Joel] There goes a narwhal!
- [Tom] Oh, our air isn't
good enough for the Johnsons.
They have to bring their own.
- [Joel] It's a boy.
- It's the last of it.
- I'll send your pilot back.
- [Tom] You don't have to yell,
I'm sitting right next to you.
- Oh, I almost forgot.
- [Joel] Your dad called.
- In case you're expecting
help from Rocky Jones,
forget it.
I've got a decoy
spaceship waiting for him.
The Orbit Jet will be blown to bits.
- [Crow] Ha ha ha, I can't
pretend I'm not enjoying this.
- [Joel] Orbit Jet is go
- [Tom] Blown to bits
- [Joel] Craw, craw
- [Tom] Bits, blown, bits.
- [Tom] So, uh, which ship is theirs?
The phallic one or the phallic one?
- [Joel] Oh I think it's
the phallic one, oooh.
- [Crow] We'll call ya.
Thanks for breakfast.
- [Tom] Oh boy, now.
- [Joel] Way to go, Bob.
- Do we have a chance?
- No use kidding ourselves, Vena.
It's like a million to one
shot we'll ever be seen.
- [Crow] Oh, they're on Comedy Central.
- Like finding a tiny
fragment in infinite space.
- Until our food gives out.
Or a meteorite hits us.
- That's the deal, Vena.
- [Tom] Vena, when I go I want
you to roast me and eat me.
All of it, brisket too.
- I'll get lunch.
- [Joel] Hazel, will you
cook up something for dinner?
- [Tom] Okay Mr. B.
- Winky, what's our position?
- [Crow] Leaning towards Perot.
- No, let me see if I can read it.
- [Joel] Eh, you have to be 18, kid.
- What are you planning to do?
Get my job as navigator?
- Oh you know I wouldn't take anything
that's yours or Rocky's.
- Alright, go ahead and read it boy.
- [Tom] Yeah, read it boy. Read it!
- [Crow] Do the funny voice.
- Position celestial meridian,
longitude 219 degrees,
20 minutes.
- [Tom] What is this?
Radio AAHS?
- Latitude, 76 degrees, 4 minutes.
- Good work, Bobby.
Oh, Winky?
- [Crow] Jettison Bobby.
- They still have no word
from Vena's spaceship.
- Oh, well maybe we better
start scanning the radar, huh?
- [Tom] What do you think, Bobby?
- Our flight will take us
into Casa's atmosphere.
Hey, Winky?
A spaceship at five o'clock.
- [Crow] Made you look!
- Can you identify it?
- [Tom] Yeah, it's a
spaceship at five o'clock.
- [Winky] Yeah, it's a Mars spaceship.
- I'll arc over the ship at R-400.
- [Tom] Duh, okay.
- Release rocket on count five.
- [Tom] Kay.
- Starting run.
- [Tom] Okay.
- One, two...
- [Crow] What comes after two?
- Three.
- [Crow] Oh.
- Four, Fire!
- [Tom] Hi-keeba!
Ouch.
- Well, the Double M just
became the Scrambled M.
- [Tom] Get out! Get out!
- So then a full report can be sent
to Mars space headquarters.
- [Tom] All done!
- What did'ya hit?
- Sighted enemy, smeared same.
- Why do I have to miss
all the excitement?
- [Crow] 'Cause we don't like
you and you're a bad person.
- Keep the radar vex open, Winky.
I'm sure we're in an area
our unknown enemies
don't want us to search.
- [Tom] Yes, it's a dark forbidden area
full of secrets and shame.
If you'd like to make a call,
please hang up and dial again.
- Rocky, object ahead.
- [Joel] Could you be more vague, Winky?
- Object just about two
solar minutes ahead of us.
- [Crow] Ah, shut up.
What's going on, Winky?
- You're right, Bobby.
Professor Newton can be proud of you.
- Elemental my dear Rocky, elemental.
- [Crow] You little dipstick.
- Winky, when we're half way there
we'll be able to tell if it's a spaceship.
- Rocky?
Why'd you bring this on the Orbit Jet?
- [Tom] Oh that?
That's our Aschenberg.
- That's something Professor Newton's
been working on for a long time.
- I know, it's cold light.
- Oh? Then he's told you about it, huh?
- Yes, we discussed it.
And I gave him my opinion.
- Well I know he appreciated that.
- Cold light should never
be used indiscriminately.
The gamma rays could be
fatal to those who use it.
- [Tom] Remember that, kids.
- Professor Newton warned me.
- Rocky, it's a spaceship ahead.
- [Joel] Has Bobby been giving
you that cold light crap?
- [Tom] Hey, that's us, five minutes ago.
- Safety belts.
- [Joel] 'Cept you, Bobby.
- [Crow] Bobby been getting to you?
You thinking what I'm thinking?
- [Tom] Yup, I've got a headache this big
and it's got Bobby written all over it.
- This is the XV2 calling spaceship
at approximately celestial
meridian 190 degrees.
Celestial parallel 80 degrees.
Come in, identify yourself.
- [Crow] I am Kirok.
- This is the XV2 calling spaceship
at approximately celestial
meridian 180 degrees.
Celestial parallel 90 degrees.
Come in, identify yourself.
- [Tom] I have no idea
what I'm saying, over.
- It's a spaceship, Reggie.
- [Tom] No.
- [Joel] Oh boy, nothing get's passed her.
- We have to get some signal to him.
- We're helpless, Vena.
- The rocket missiles.
- We can't operate the tubes.
- [Crow] I had 'em tied.
- Firing them wouldn't be safe.
- I mean, force them through the tubes.
Drop them over side.
They'd have to see that
and not pass us by.
- It might work.
- [Tom] Who made you the expert?
- We may have enough auxiliary
power to drop them off.
- [Tom] Winky must die!
- Look at their missile tubes, starboard.
- It's starting to open.
- We're gonna be ducking
missiles in a moment.
- Port rocket, Winky.
Same run.
Fire missile on count five.
- Repeat, on five.
- [Joel] Repeat on five, repeat on five.
- [Tom] Look, shut up.
- Starting run.
- Check.
- One, two, three, four--
hold on, Winky, hold fire.
- [Crow] Oh, coughed up a fur-ball.
- They ejected the rocket.
They weren't firing it.
That was meant as a signal to us.
- Maybe the ships in some
kind of trouble, Rocky.
- [Crow] Oh get out of here, Bobby.
Clear the room.
- We're going along side.
- Aye aye, sir.
- The Orbit Jet is gone.
- [All] Stupid car, stupid car!
- [Tom] This is sort of like Diver Dan
only without all the majesty and grandeur.
- [Crow] Look at that effect.
Industrial Light and Magic,
you've done it again!
- [Tom] Oh ho ho ooo.
- It's come along side.
- I'll open the airlock hatch.
- [Joel] Oh great.
It really worked good
last time you did that.
- [Tom] Alright, get on
your mini greenhouse.
- [Crow] I'm turning this wheel.
Really, I'm turning it,
doesn't it look like it?
- [Tom] She waits.
- [Joel] Where have you been?
You could of called.
- [Crow] Oh, hi Bobby, hi Winky.
- Rocky!
Bobby!
- Oh, you had us worried.
- I was never so happy to
see anyone in all my life.
- Why didn't you answer our signal?
- The power and equipment
were neutralized.
- Our spaceship is a satellite of Casa 7.
- How'd that happen?
- Rinkman and Dr. Vanko.
The two renegades from Earth arranged it.
- Oh, so they're the
cause of all the trouble.
- They've taken up space pirating.
They came along side and
took off all our cargo.
- [Tom] And your escargot.
- Well you can give me a complete run down
on our way to Casa 7.
- We can't get out of our orbit, Rocky.
- Oh, I think we can.
The Orbit Jet will take you out.
We'll stay in magnetic lock.
Tandem pull will do the job.
You better stay by the controls here, Reg.
Vena, you come in the
Orbit Jet with me, hmm?
- That's like going home, Rocky.
- [Tom] I know.
- I told him we'd find you, Vena.
Didn't I, Rocky?
- [Crow] Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
- [Joel] One day all of you space losers
will be working for me, and I mean it too.
(moaning)
- [Crow] Did the universe
move for you too?
- [Joel] Oh don't you start.
- [Tom] How about we light up?
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
- Come in Casa 7.
- [Crow] I'm speaking to you
over a Jimmy Dean sausage.
- [Voiceover] Central station to XV2.
- Requesting landing clearance.
- [Tom] Say please.
- Bringing spaceship
CM7 in on tandem pull.
- [Voiceover] Landing
platform and readiness,
please report at ten miles.
We'll bring you in for
ground control approach.
Out.
- Out.
- [Tom] That was easy.
- [Crow] Looks like they bagged
an albino five point buck.
- [Joel] You have to
look at it just right.
- [Crow] Yeah, kind of squint.
- [Joel] It's backing up.
- Stand by twin landing platforms.
Ready magnetic locks.
It's only a matter of seconds now.
- My sister Vena can't
be any happier than I am.
- [Tom] You don't know Vena.
No Vena.
- [Crow] Look at this, this
is us at the Grand Canyon.
- [Joel] When in Duluth,
visit the lift bridge.
- [Tom] Ah, sir, you're in
an assigned parking space.
Sir, sir?
- The Orbit Jet and CN7 in magnetic lock
are safely landed, sir.
- [Joel] Can I have a cookie?
- [Crow] He's got a really high butt.
- [Tom] Sure does.
- I'll bet you your excited, Vena.
- I'm excited, and happy, and thankful
I reached Casa 7.
- Your big brother's
probably waiting outside now.
- [Tom] Lets roll, boys.
- [Crow] Very funny, Winky.
- Paul!
- Hehehe, you know, Joel,
I stand in chuckling wonder
at the space dialogue
in this so-called space movie.
- I know.
Movies like this are
always trying to show off
how futuristic they are
by putting the word space
in front of everything.
- It's a classic overuse of
what's known as a modifier.
And in this movie, our
grammatical friend the modifier
puts in triple overtime.
See, they eat their space lunch,
the take their space pills,
there's a space girlfriend on this ship,
there was a pesky space
kid, space this, space that.
- Yeah, with all the man hours spent
on ingenious plot points
and carefully crafted
character development.
There was no time for hard research.
- And hey, did you get a load
of those really cheap props
made to look like
bonafide space equipment?
- Heh, yeah.
- Well, you know.
It makes you wonder if
people did this sort of thing
in every era, don't it?
- Right.
Like in the old days of the old West.
Maybe frontier people ate frontier chips
with frontier onion dip and rode
their frontier transportation down to
the frontier meeting place to watch some
frontier entertainment
and then some of them use
their frontier guns and frontier rifles
to settle a game of frontier poker
in which somebody frontier
cheated a frontier freeman.
- The implications are staggering.
The most temporal social
intercourse with ones peers
might escalate to the
degree that neither party
knows what of the other party speaks.
Thus profoundly affecting
interpersonal relationships.
And the resulting impact could change
the entire social fabric
of modern civilization!
Really makes you think, doesn't it?
- No.
Oh hey, Space Joel?
Space suggestion.
Lets have space au gratin
potatoes for dinner tonight.
- Space dinner!
- Yeah.
- That's right, good idea, Spacey.
I'll space recipe out.
- Out of the space kitchen.
- Hey Space Tom, looks like you're getting
a little space pimple
on the old space noodle.
I'll go to the space
medicine space and get you
some space astringent.
(laughter)
You know what, folks?
Modifiers, they can be your friend.
And they can be your enemy.
Modifiers.
♫ Come on and zoom on, zoom on, zoom oooon
♫ I think I wanna zoom with you ♫
- [Tom] Oh, space desk.
I just can't get enough of Bettie Page.
Excuse you.
- [Crow] Mm (lip smacking)
mm, gay night life, hmm.
- [Tom] Hey, Winky's doing
his straight jacket routine.
- [Joel] Oh great, all
she can make is Pop-Tarts.
- Thanks, Vena.
- Can I get you anything else?
- No, this is just fine.
Oh, did you get Bobby to bed?
- Yes, he's in dreamland.
- So's Winky.
And you're next, Vena.
Turn in.
- Are we getting anywhere, Rocky?
- [Tom] No, you know I'm
not ready for commitment.
- If Paul's around, I'd
like to talk to him.
- We'll be right with you.
- Oh, Vena.
Just Paul.
You'll learn all about it in the morning.
Those are orders.
- [Crow] Now run along little astronaut.
- Alright.
- Vena.
How 'bout a little snack for me, huh?
- [Tom] Oh Winky, please,
I'm saving myself.
- I'll get you a snack, you faker.
- [Crow] Oh, Winky thinks it's
good to boss around women.
He wants to stay in the 50s forever.
- [Tom] I think she likes me.
- Ah, well Rock, I'm raring to go.
- You should be after eight hours sleep.
- It's this air.
It's like Paris in spring.
- [Tom] But Paris was destroyed
in the apocalypse, Winky.
- There goes my social life on Casa 7.
- [Crow] Yeah, that's right, Winky.
You're real hot.
I saw your little black book,
you had Nancy Kulp's number in there!
- Winky, Vena sent this to you.
- [Joel] She said to put
it where the Sun don't--
- [Tom] Oooh.
- This is mine, that's Rocky's.
- Rocky, have you come
up with anything yet?
- Maybe.
If an unfriendly planet is
behind the acts of piracy,
they wouldn't operate
from their home base.
That'd be too easy to trace.
- And the United Worlds
might declare open warfare.
- There are four or five
planetoids far enough
off of regular space lanes.
- [Tom] Ooh, I had planetoids once.
I had one of those doughnut things.
- I have checked them all, and
this is the one I've picked.
- [Crow] Why she's nude!
And naked too!
- [Tom] Purr.
- Known as the lonely Moon.
- [Crow] You should know, Winky.
- 20 celestial degrees from
any lane of space travel.
- Yes but Rocky, you
know the history of Prah.
- No spaceship has ever landed there
because of some unknown defense barrier.
- [Crow] That's the history.
- Three Earth spaceships--
- [Joel] Hey, could I, I would
really like to say something.
If you could, oh excuse me a second, I...
- The only way we'll ever find out
if Prah is being used is to go there.
- Well how do we get through the barrier?
- [Tom] We ask nice.
- I think it can be managed.
- Are you sure, Rocky?
- Alright, so we land on Prah.
What then?
- [Joel] Yeah, then your
gay night life kicks in.
Huh, Winky?
- That's that, nothing
to do but blast off.
- I'll send along couple of
armed escort ships with you.
- Thank, Paul.
But we're not ready
for any frontal attack.
- I don't like it, Rocky.
- There is something you can do.
- [Crow] Set the table.
- Explain to Vena and Bobby
why they can't go along.
- [Tom] Make it personal, hurt
their feelings if you can.
- The trick is, to be
Casa 7 before they're
up in the morning.
- [Tom] How's that for evil?
(evil cackling)
- [Crow] Tonight, on Fisher
Price Medical Center!
- [Joel] Oh brother, I am way over dressed
for this first day at work.
- [Tom] No, Mr. Winky isn't in right now.
- This is Rinkman, speaking from Prah.
Calling Cleolanta on Ophicius.
- This is Cleolanta.
What is there to report?
- I've got the cargo
of Earth spaceship CM7
safely stowed away.
- [Joel] And Mr. Mooney too.
- [Cleolanta] Hold it at Prah
until you receive delivery orders.
- [Tom] Ask her what she's wearing.
- [Cleolanta] Is there
anything else, Rinkman?
- Yes.
Break down a little Cleolanta.
Forget you're the boss for five minutes.
- [Crow] She's got a
triple menorah on her head.
- [Joel] Hanukkah 3D.
- [Crow] Hanukkah, Hanukkah, Hanukkah.
- A little bit, I think you'll like this.
After we left the CM7
to it's lonely travels,
we picked up Rocky Jones on the radar vex.
- [Joel] Nice guy.
- [Cleolantra] And you
kept right on to Prah?
- Sure, why not?
- So he could follow you?
- [Joel] You know, she should probably
follow the Glamour
ten-point accessory rule.
- [Crow] I agree.
- [Rinkman] What do you think?
- [Tom] Yes, yes, keep talking.
Yes, yes.
- [Rinkman] Decoy spaceship
to blast the Orbit Jet
into the next galaxy.
- You disobeyed my orders.
- [Crow] Good job.
- [Rinkman] I was thinking
mainly of saving my own neck.
- Remain on Prah for further orders.
Out.
- [Tom] Insubordinates, (sputters)
- You know something, Doc?
- [Tom] I think she's hot.
- I think she'd rather see
us dead than Rocky Jones.
- [Crow] Hahahaha, oh.
It wasn't a joke.
- Atlasan.
- [Tom] Ampersand?
- Did you call me--
- [Tom] D'yah! Don't do that, Radar!
- Rinkman and Dr. Vanko are on Prah.
- Excellent, then we'll have
more valuable merchandise
to sell to our ally planets.
- Rinkman and Dr. Vanko,
are to be executed.
- Executed?
But what have they done?
- They've disobeyed my orders.
- [Tom] Oh well, they, hmm?
- I shall see that your
orders are carried out.
- Then do it.
- [Tom] Just do it.
- Cleolanta.
It's too bad that we can't get Rocky Jones
to take their place.
- [Crow] Well it's too bad
you're not in a gopher suit.
What's your point?
- Get out.
Get out!
- [Tom] Oh, she threw
Winky's black book at him.
- [Crow] Oh, she's angry
when she's beautiful.
- [Joel] I shouldn't let
my executioners get to me.
- [Tom] I keep working
my way back to you, babe.
Hey folks, it's the breakfast
flakes with you in the AM
and today's crazy calls going out to Mars!
- [Crow] Hey! Don't use
that indiscriminately!
- Oh, Winky.
- We're approaching Prah's
gravity field, Rock.
- Yes, you can see Prah now on visiograph.
- Well, what are we going to
do about that defense barrier?
- You know, Winky?
What you can't see you can't hit.
- [Crow] Does that mean
you're gonna hit me?
- But what are we going to do
about that defense barrier?
- [Tom] Oh wow, I heard that coming.
- I've been holding out
on you until now, Winky,
because I promised Professor Newton.
- Mm, I know what you mean.
The cold light.
I never could get you to talk about it.
- Professor Newton asked me
not to use it until we had to.
He's kept it so hush-hush that most people
don't even know it exists.
I'll have to brief you on it.
- [Tom] It's called a
Snuggee. Turn around.
- The filament in the vacuum
tube is quickly brought
to a temperature of about
-243 degrees centigrade.
- [Joel] Ah what was
the middle part again?
- Well, Professor Newton
explained it this way.
Heat can effect--
- [Tom] Blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah.
Our images, blah blah blah.
Blah blah seen by blah blah blah.
Blah blah mirage blah blah blah blah blah.
- Now intense cold--
- [Tom] Blah blah, cold, blah blah.
- [Crow] I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
- The ray that is sent out by
the terrifically cold light,
will make the Orbit Jet invisible.
- Well how can we fly a ship we can't see?
- The cold light will surround the ship.
- [Tom] (scoffs) You idiot.
- We'll be able to see
everything normally,
here in the cabins.
But no one will be able to see us.
- Well if that can't get us
through any defense barrier,
nothing can.
- Oh, just one point, Winky.
- [Tom] Shut up!
- We have to fight time.
We don't know how long the
cold lamp will operate,
so, stand by to switch it on.
- [Tom] Okay.
- [Crow] Hey, it's a Universal film.
- We're entering Prah's gravity field.
Switch it on, Winky.
- [Crow] Okay.
- [Tom] There, you see, I did it, Rocky.
I did it, I switched it on.
How did I do?
Did I do well?
I switched it on, I did it.
I did it, did you see that?
I switched it on, I can do it.
- How do you know if the ship's invisible?
- [Joel] Will I feel invisible?
- But if something hits us,
we'll know the cold light didn't work.
- That's finding out the hard way.
- [Tom] You don't know the
half of it, little guy.
- Boy, that's a rugged place.
- [Crow] That's a Van Gogh.
- [Tom] Van Gochghgh.
- Activate the gyro.
- [Joel] No, it's pronounce ee-ro.
- Activated, sir.
- Secure for landing.
- [Tom] Please put your
seats in their locked,
upright position.
- But even if we can spot a
place in the Rocky terrain.
The Orbit Jet won't stand on it's tail.
- [Joel] Don't start with me, Winky.
- We'll arrive on one of
their landing platforms.
- Well, somebody's gonna be surprised.
I hope it isn't us.
- [Tom] You hear an
invisible ship just now?
- Who could possibly land on Prah?
- Marcov?
- [Tom] Polo.
Marcov!
- [Tom] Polo!
- [Voiceover] Markov here.
- Who's making a landing?
- [Voiceover] Nothing's coming
into the landing platforms.
- Are you blind?
- [Crow] Yes sir.
Why do you ask?
- [Tom] Sounds like a blimp.
- Keep the visiograph on, Winky.
You'll have to cover me.
If they start anything, blast 'em.
- I'll keep my trigger finger ready.
- You'll be able to see me materialize
out the ships invisibility blanket.
- [Tom] I'll be buck naked.
- They're gonna be even more
surprised than they are now.
- [Crow] Underneath those clothes he's
as smooth as a Ken doll, heh heh.
- [Tom] Oh good, now I can screw off.
The Mahavishnu Orchestra!
- You can see no
spaceship has landed here.
- It must have landed,
we heard the rockets.
- Maybe we're all blind.
- What do you think, Doc?
You heard it.
- [Tom] I don't wanna get involved.
- I don't know, it's fantastic.
- We're being paid to know
about these things, Vanko.
Did a spaceship land, or didn't it?
- [Tom] Oh, no, yes, I
uh, sort of, I think.
Mm, maybe.
- Or you'll be dropped back to Earth
and wind up on the exile-planet.
- Look, there is lights.
- [Crow] Hi, I'm your answer.
- Expecting someone, Rinkman?
- [Tom] Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition!
- They have discovered the
light vibration of invisibility.
- It's friendly of you to bring
this new discovery to us.
- [Joel] Oh he's got
yummy icing on his collar.
- I'm here with a warning.
- [Crow] Don't eat refrozen ice cream.
- There's the Orbit Jet,
take my word for it.
There's a gun on it ready to blast you
if you make one false move.
- [Tom] I like pancakes.
What the, huh?
- [Rocky] Stop pirating the
spaceships of the United Worlds.
Or Prah will be blown out of existence.
- That's big talk, Rocky.
- [Crow] Mannix, no!
- [Tom] Uh, Winky? Winky?
Oh for crying out loud Winky
I could use a little help.
Help here Winky.
Oh Winky!
- [Joel] Winky?
- I didn't think the Orbit
Jet would fire on you
to get us.
- [Crow] He's got some smooth pants on.
- We'll take that chance.
Get him to the caves.
- [All] For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good...
- [Joel] Oh I know this
is coming up in my review.
- [Tom] You know, they
really didn't think through
the invasion of this planet too well.
- [Rinkman] Cleolanta?
- Yes.
- [Rinkman] This is Rinkman on Prah.
- [Tom] I'm under your desk, actually.
- Proceed with your report.
- There's been a slight
change in our plans--
- [Crow] He's holding a
bottle of Pierre Cardin.
- [Tom] Mm, and his knee's on fire.
- Why wasn't it reported earlier?
- Because I didn't
discover the change until--
- [Tom] (Coughing)
Thank you.
- That's impossible.
No spaceship can get
through the defense barrier.
- Rocky Jones' discovered a new trick.
He's here.
- What is he up to?
- [Tom] Well put him on.
- [Rinkman] Nothing much,
as long as I have him
locked up in one of the caves.
- Keep him under guard.
You'll get further orders.
Out.
- [Joel] Mmm, lets see
I can wear a camisole
and a blazer, no that
wouldn't be right either.
- [Tom] Uhm, hello, no, hi, hi.
I'm Mylanta, no no, Mr.
Jones I presume, no.
- Well Atlasan?
- [Crow] Yes, exclamation?
- To Prah to handle the execution
of Rinkman and Dr. Vanko.
- [Crow] Rosencrantz and Guilderstern.
- Cleolanta, that was your command.
- [Tom] I went to a lot of trouble.
- I said, cancel your orders.
- What's the matter?
Did they redeem themselves?
- [Joel] For valuable prizes?
- I will go to Prah and decide
if they're to be pardoned.
- Prah is a barren planet.
A land of rock and granite mountains.
It's no place for a woman.
- [Tom] Don't say barren to me.
- Have my spaceship made ready.
You will serve as pilot.
- If that is what you wish.
- It is what I command.
- [Crow] Yeah and we know what
kind of weight that carries.
- [Joel] Oh now my tummy's upset.
- [Tom] Ooh, I'll have to wear flats
if I'm gonna drive a spaceship.
I'll probably get his name
wrong, I'll call him Sandy Jones.
Or Rusty Jones.
- [Joel] Uh, you know what?
I should of known with a guy like Winky.
You know, the guy's not
even good for ballast.
No, look at that Bobby,
(mutters) funny (mutters)
Who wants gum anyway?
Oh I love to do that to myself.
- [Crow] Good thing they didn't frisk him.
- Winky.
Winky, am I getting through?
- You're coming in clear, Rocky.
- I'm being held in a cave
in one of the mountains.
- I'll find it.
- [Tom] I can't find it.
- I don't know how much
cold light we have left.
- You're not to leave the Orbit Jet.
I'll have to find a way to get clear.
So keep the ship ready
for blast off at any time.
- Will do, but I feel like a
lunkhead just sitting here.
- [Crow] Hold that thought, Winky.
- Just keep the Orbit Jet invisible.
Just as long as the cold light holds out.
Stand by.
- [Joel] Oh hi, you must be Rocky.
I'm supposed to take your dinner order.
- [Tom] Rodin's The Thinker.
Two of them.
- Rocky.
Suppose we make a deal?
- [Tom] I'll give you $50
if you have a hard-boiled
egg in your purse.
- You've got something good in
that secret of invisibility.
- [Crow] Ralph Ellison want's you.
- I think so.
- I could get you off Prah alive,
in exchange for that secret.
- You're wasting your time.
- I'll put it this way, come in with me.
- [Tom] Join me Rocky,
we could rule the world.
- You mean, as a space pirate?
- It pays off.
- [Joel] Plus benefits.
- Working out of an invisible spaceship,
we'd have the solar system by the tail.
- [Joel] Oh great.
- How about the people
you're taking orders from.
- We won't be needing them,
we can brush them off.
- [Tom] Like dandruff.
- Yes, but I don't know
who you're working for.
- [Tom] Winky, quit eavesdropping.
Get off the line.
- Well Rocky, is it a deal?
Or do you rot it out in this cave?
- [Crow] Oh, that's the option.
- [Rinkman] What'll it be, Rocky?
- [Joel] Uh, I'll take the surf'n'turf.
I'm on vacation.
- Keep him covered, Winky.
- [Winky] I got 'im covered, Rocky.
- [Crow] You let a guy
named Winky fool you?
- [Tom] Wendy, honey, I
think you hurt me real bad.
- [Crow] Oh, uh, hi, my gun and, oh, huh?
- [Tom] D'yah, what a
revolting development.
What a house of ill-repute.
- [Joel] Hey, he moved
the entire cave wall.
- [Tom] Come in.
Come in!
Thank you.
- Rinkman's been gone a long time.
- [Joel] Nice booger collection.
- He has some business with the prisoner.
- He shouldn't of wanted
to see Rocky Jones alone.
Rocky's a sharp character.
- He insisted.
- I'm going to see what's going on.
- [Tom] Okay.
- Back up!
Don't try anything.
Go on, Dr. Vanko, put
your hands in the air
and keep them there.
- [Crow] Now dance.
- Go on, get over beside Dr. Vanko.
- [Crow] Now you, give him a back rub.
- Don't either one of you try a thing.
Winky, come in Winky.
- [Winky] Go ahead, Rocky.
Not much time left.
- Open the airlock hatch.
- [Tom] I'm sorry, I'm
afraid I can't do that, Dave.
- I'm on my way.
- [Winky] The rockets'll be roaring.
- [Crow] And the spaceship
will be ready too.
- [Tom] Well, I had a great time.
Enjoyed the canapés.
Uh, say hello to the wife.
Hope you don't mind if just kind of leave!
- [Joel] Oh, they've
got Flinstone furniture.
Check it out.
- [Tom] Ah, Rocky blew it again.
- [Crow] Yeah, what was his mission?
Go in there, get caught, and escape?
- [Tom] Look at her go.
- [Joel] Well hi, Rocky,
where have you been?
- You blast off perfect, Winky.
- You had yourself quite a time.
- Yes, but I didn't
quite complete the job.
We know where the space
pirates operate from.
- And who they are.
- But we still don't know
who's behind Rinkman.
- [Joel] I thought we were, sir.
- We'll keep the cold light on
until we're out of Prah's gravity field.
- I sure hope there's enough
energy left in the lamp.
- Winky, look.
- [Tom] That's us.
- [Rocky] Strange
spaceship headed for Prah.
- Wow, we just blasted off in time.
- Rinkman's boss is probably on that ship.
I'd sure like to have a look inside.
- [Crow] Inside the boss?
That's disgusting.
- [Tom] Thunderbirds are go!
This year's winter
carnival king and queen.
- I'm curious Cleolanta
about this journey to Prah.
- [Crow] Do we have enough gas?
- Truth is, Rocky Jones
has been taken prisoner.
And is being held on Prah.
- So that's the reason
you're giving it your personal attention?
- [Tom] (making cat sounds)
- If you were as smart as
my chief office should be--
- [Crow] You'd be half as smart as me.
- Rocky Jones has caused
us more difficulties
than any other person
in the United Worlds.
- [Tom] I want him to work the counter.
- I want him on our side.
- You failed before, Cleolanta.
- This time, I'm not going to fail.
- [Joel] I bought some Jovani.
- [Tom] Oh, uh oh.
It's the cold ray thing.
I think they were just going along with it
'cause he can see us, you see.
- This is the XV2 calling Casa 7.
- [Voiceover] This is Casa 7.
Go ahead, XV2.
- Message to Paul Ray.
- [Tom] Bite me.
- Proceeding to Casa 7.
Anticipate arrival at, uh, 400 solar time.
Tell Paul to say hello to Vena and Bobby.
- [Voiceover] Message will
be delivered to Paul Ray.
- [Tom] He bought it.
- Thank you Casa 7, out.
- Well there's the period on this mission.
- No, Winky.
I think there's still a lot more to come
before we see the end
of the space pirates.
- [Tom] Oooh.
- Well I only hope that
Betty doesn't get tired.
I told her to wait for me at
the band stand in Central Park.
- [Joel] Yeah right, Winky, you loser.
- [Tom] Well that was shorter
than I thought it would be.
Huh?
- [All] Ooh.
- [Crow] Oh, sheesh.
- [Tom] Grand hotel, hold please.
Grand hotel, grand hotel.
- This is Casa 7 central station, come in.
- This is the XV2
approaching gravity field.
- What is your estimated time of arrival?
- [Crow] Oh, 2:00, 2:30ish.
- We'll prepare a landing clearance.
Please contact central
station when you reach
altitude 50 miles.
- [Joel] Hold on, Winky wants to say hi.
- Out.
- [Tom] Jeeze, I better
get this place cleaned up.
- [Crow] Hey! I'm in here! Ocupado!
- [Tom] Sorry.
Janet, answer.
- [Ken] This is Casa 7, Ken speaking.
- [Tom] I'd like to make a
reservation for two please.
- The Orbit Jet just reported.
Approaching Casa 7.
- [Joel] He's an odd duck.
- Do you hear me?
- [Tom] No!
- Tell him to contact you for instructions
after the Orbit Jet lands.
- Contact me for instructions
after the orbit jet lands.
- [Crow] Oh, well here you just talk.
- Is everything going as planned?
- Everything's just fine, out.
- You mean everything's
ruined by your stupidity.
- [Joel] Yeah, that's what I meant.
- I arrive on Prah and find that
Rocky Jones has made fools
of the whole lot of you.
- He just vanished right
in front of our eyes.
- What can you do against
a secret like that?
- [All Three] Punt!
- Find out what the secret
is and use it yourself.
But you let him slip right
through your fingers.
- Let's not make a big
argument of it, Atlasan.
Rocky's gone.
What we have to find out
is, how do we get him back?
- Until we dispose of him,
our very profitable traffic
in United Planets spaceships
and their valuable cargos
is finished.
- [Joel] Look, we're not getting anywhere!
- [Tom] Look, Jarod Palmer.
- My orders stand.
I want Rocky Jones alive.
- Why, Cleolanta?
I just don't understand.
- You don't have to understand, Rinkman.
Now concentrate on these orders,
- [Tom] Bite me.
- I want Casa 7 taken.
- [Crow] Yeessss?
- You know, that's not a bad idea.
- And not too difficult to accomplish.
Instruct our agent Ken to
immobilize their defenses.
- Casa 7 should be a sitting duck.
- [Crow] (quacking)
- [Rinkman] We take it
over and all the valuable
equipment and material.
- Don't fail this time.
We're returning to Ophicius.
- [Tom] Oh, take these
giant boogers with you.
- One thing more, you'll
not be welcome on Ophicius
until you bring Rocky Jones as a prisoner.
- [Tom] And you're not invited
to my pool party, either.
- [Crow] Ooh, she's it a foul mood.
- Well, why waste words?
- [Tom] They won't ever be heard.
- I'm in the unfortunate positions of
being obliged to do
Cleolantra's dirty work.
- [Tom] A fake accent
helps me deal with it.
- If we take over Casa 7,
and lay hands on Rocky Jones,
we'll do the dictating.
- [Joel] I could be the secretary.
- Right now we have to
wait for word from Ken.
- [Crow] Ken's a good friend.
- [Tom] Sturgeon in space!
Now Rocky's gonna show us how to execute
a Y-turn in a freefall.
- Paul, this is Ken at landing controls.
- [Tom] You won't believe
where I'm calling from.
- The Orbit Jet is in
the process of landing.
- [Tom] Know what I mean?
- [Paul] Good, I'll be
there in a few minutes.
Have Rocky wait for me there, out.
- [Tom] Hey, what's up badguys.
And hey, it's 72 degrees
here in the metro area
and the Orbit Jet is in
the process of landing.
Uh, I'm landing on burner number 3.
- [Joel] Hey hit my Big Wheel.
- [Tom] There we go.
Busy, busy, look busy.
- Well, all safe and ship shape
thanks to Professor Newton's cold light.
- [Joel] Now can we go after the ladies?
- Give Vena all the details on
the operation of the cold light
for her report to Professor Newton.
- Will do.
- [Tom] When I get to it!
- You know I bet those
space buzzards on Prah
are still busy tying to figure out
what made the Orbit Jet invisible.
- I think we can depend on
them trying to find out.
- That's what I like about you--
- [Crow] Hit him! Hit him!
- Come on, Winky, Paul's
probably waiting for us.
- Joel, this movie hurts.
Quite bad, actually.
- Yeah there's some
things I'd probably change
if I had my way.
- I don't get why Ken
and Tammy and Cpt. Joe
are flying to the planet with the guy
in the mine getup and all that
"Try to kill him with the forklift"
- Crow, listen, that was
like 20 experiments ago.
Okay?
- It was?
- Oh we're getting a transmission and
it's coming from outside the ship.
And it's not the mads.
Cambot but it up on the
hex-field viewscreen pronto.
- [All] Winky!
- Actually my name is
Winchester P. Thorenjuler.
But you can call me Winky.
- [Crow] Yeah, we'd call you that
even if you didn't want us to.
- [Joel] Crow, come on.
Hey Winky, I thought you
were a fictional character.
I didn't know you were a real live kid.
- No, I get that a lot.
See 'cause I was a friend of the directors
and so he cast me as myself.
The deal is we used to go to lunch a lot.
We'd go to this little
Italian place up the street
and usually I'd get like this salad
and then like a past a dish,
you know, as my main dish.
And still get a beverage
and then I'd get out
for under six bucks.
- [Tom] Is there a point to this, Winky?
- Oh yeah, the point is, I flew
my invisible spaceship
up here and took time
out of my hot and savage dating life,
what with the beautiful
intense girlfriends.
(snickering)
- [Joel] Oh, Winky, you
go out with girls on dates
and stuff huh?
- Sure, yeah.
- [Tom] I bet you make time
with the honeys real good.
Huh, old Winky?
- Sure.
- [Crow] Winky, you've
never even touched a woman,
have you?
- Yes I have!
I'm a real swinger and you can see
I'm up here in my invisible spaceship.
- Uh, Winky, our
instruments say that you're
calling from Ladysmith, Wisconsin, Winky?
- Well then your instruments are wrong
because I'm on my invisible spaceship.
And look at me, I'm a real swinger.
- Winky, you're not a swinger.
And you look like Hardware Hank.
- Oh, you're real funny red-boy.
Well maybe I'll just
fly back down to Earth
and pick up Clarissa, and Tawny, and Sue,
and come back up here
and prove to you guys
that I date hot savage women!
- Winky, why don't we
just call your mother
and get this whole thing straightened out.
- You go right ahead, I don't care.
- Okay we will.
- Okay, I don't care.
- Ladysmith, Wisconsin.
- [Voiceover] Hello?
- Oh, hi.
Is Winky there?
- [Voiceover] He's in the
basement, hold on a second.
- Thank you.
- [Voiceover] Winky, telephone.
- Yeah, Clarissa, why don't you start
the hot oils warming up.
But I'll be right up, okay?
- [Voiceover] What?
- Oh my gui--that's your mother!
- It is not my mother.
It's Clarissa my girlfriend.
It's Clarissa my girlfriend
and she's really pretty
and I kiss here and you
can never get a girlfriend
even half that good
because I'm the swinger
and you're not!
(screaming)
Look, I gotta go, Clarissa's
real tigress when she's angry.
I'll see you guys later.
- Woo, you think we were
a little hard on him?
- Uh, guys I don't even
think we got through.
And for Winky's sake, I hope we never do.
We'll be right back.
Let's have a little quiet time now.
- The important thing
now is we've discovered
Rinkman's pirate--
- [Tom] There he is again.
- [Crow] No.
- Oh, when I asked you to wait here for me
I had a reason.
- [Tom] I had to square
up my butt, you see.
- [Joel] Mm, I'm not a traitor.
- Oh yeah.
- There was something
about the disappearance
of our cargo spaceships that bothered me.
How did the pirates
know the exact schedule?
So I checked the records.
- [Tom] Pure gibberish.
- I found that each
spaceship reported from
just outside out gravity
field and then vanished.
- [Crow] Your line.
- I see, making it look like Rinkman
got his information from here.
Well, that should be easy to check.
- Unfortunately it isn't.
- [Tom] Oh, that's what I
meant, not easy to track.
- [Joel] Sammy Hagar new?
- He was an apprentice from Mars.
The day Vena's ship
disappeared he vanished.
- [Crow] Rocky, your line again.
- I think you'll eventually
find your traitor, Paul.
- [Joel] Have you looked in the garage?
- Ken, continue a close guard around here.
- Of course.
- [Tom] Follow me men.
And no comments about
the square butt, okay?
- [Joel] Mm, the traitors
not me I'm just sitting here
and I'm not being a traitor, mm-hmm.
- [Tom] Heading out to eden.
- [Crow] Winky unplugs.
- [Tom] Sleepy little felon?
- [Joel] Looks like he's
stroking Palisades Park.
♫ Take your ship of slumber where--
- [Crow] The downers.
Winky needs professional help.
- [Tom] Just kill me, please kill me.
- [Joel] Hi! Well things went goo--oh.
I'm sorry.
- [Joel] Hey. Hey Winky.
Come back.
Swear it to Winky.
- [All Three] (howling all together)
♫ In your palatial extra
spacial outbound dreamer
♫ To the stars tomorrow--
- [Crow] (clears throat)
Hi, hun, I'm home.
- [Tom] Let's go, come on.
♫ The trail we blaze
tonight will be my guide
- [Crow] I think it's dumb.
♫ And smile because I'm
remembering a little tyke
- [Joel] That kid's gonna
have the darkest dreams
he's ever had.
♫ The night he made the starfield ♫
- [Tom] Alright, thank you.
Stinky is it?
Oh yeah, we'll call you.
Okay, thanks.
- [Crow] One more time.
And that's our starfield rag!
- [Joel] Don't you ever do that again!
- Oh Vena, when you have
that report finished,
will you send it to Secretary Drake
on the message scrambler?
- [Crow] In a pig's eye.
- Winky, I'm going to
check over the Orbit Jet.
- You want me to go with you?
- No you stay here.
- [Joel] And practice.
- [Crow] Bobby's sleeping, and it's funny!
- [Tom] We'll be back after
this word from Oxford Dishes.
- Rinkman.
- [Joel] Ooh, big thumb.
- I also cut power in all defense units.
- Can we come in for a landing?
- I'll stand by in central station.
I'll bring you in by ground control.
- [Tom] To Major Tom.
- Don't let Rocky Jones
blast off before we arrive.
- He won't find the Orbit Jet.
I switched on the invisibility equipment.
- [Joel] You scamp.
- That's the equipment we want.
- It's here, ready to be taken.
- [Crow] Oh yes, oh yes.
- Somebody's coming, out.
- [Joel] So, I'll pick
you up at seven then?
Really nothing going on here.
I'm just kinda...
- [Tom] Make a ship
for slumber or nothing.
So, making a tortilla, huh?
- Ah, you're working late Ken.
- [Crow] Bruh, huh? Nuh-nothing, nothing.
- I'm good for 24 hour duty.
I use the charting room
for living quarters.
- I came to check on the Orbit Jet.
It isn't at the landing platform.
- [Crow] Joel?
- That's strange.
- [Crow] Let's leave.
- [Joel] We can't.
- [Crow] Please.
- The only place spaceships can be kept
is at one of the platforms.
- [Tom] At a cool temperature.
- Oh have you seen anything of Hagar Nu?
- Not a sign.
- [Tom] Stop accusing me!
- [Crow] Shoes for industry, comrade.
- [Tom] Oh wait, I forgot
to validate your parking.
- [Joel] Ken is that close
to a written warning.
- [Crow] Oh, he's gonna
do the Letterman thing.
- [Tom] Top of the gantry, ma!
- [Crow] And they're gone, huzzah!
- [Joel] They're really proud
of that process, aren't they?
- [Crow] Mom, I found a
spaceman, can I keep him?
- [Joel] Okay, now you
two play nice together.
- [Tom] I think you two will get along.
Rocky's into science too.
- [Crow] Good morning sunshine.
- [Joel] Trotsky?
- Did you also catch up
with the traitor Ken?
- [Tom] Uh, hm, yeah, sure.
- So it was Ken.
- [Joel] Jeeze I hate that guy Ken.
- I guess both of us found out too late.
- You are an Earth man.
- Yes, Rocky Jones, I
command the Orbit Jet.
- I am Hagar Nu, a Martian.
- They're looking for you as the traitor.
- Ken arranged that, cleverly.
After I caught him giving
information to the pirates.
He had to silence me.
- Yes, he's quite a hand at that.
- For two days I was bound and helpless
in the charting room at central station.
- [Crow] It wasn't that bad, really.
- I was into a deep sleep
and found myself here.
- [Tom] Oh yeah, Winky sang to you too?
- We're on my ship, the Orbit Jet.
That's where Ken made his mistake.
I know this ship too well.
- Ken is an evil man.
He'll not stop--
- [Crow] Ken is sick.
Just ask Barbie.
- If we can get out of these bonds,
he'll of missed his chance.
- [Joel] Buy bonds where you work a bank.
- [Tom] Well, alley-oop.
In the meantime there's
some exercises you can do
in your office or home.
And they're really good for your back.
- [Joel] Okay, one two three.
Now you try, come on.
- [Crow] Come on, lay back down.
- If I can stretch these
bonds I may be able
to slip them over my wrist.
- [Tom] Yes, if you see,
I can stretch the bonds.
Space Ghost!
- [Crow] I think they're losing altitude.
- [Tom] This is Walter
Cronkite with Roger Mudd,
and we're space pirates hoo-hoo-hoo-hooo.
- [Joel] That's the way it was.
- This is Casa 7 central station, come in.
- Rinkman here, making
approach for landing.
- Neutralize all circuits, activate gyros.
- [Joel] And bring me one.
- We'll handle circuits and gyros.
- Ground control will bring
you in for landing, out.
- [Crow] Ah, let's see.
A couple of these, a couple of those.
Hit that one, there we go.
- [Joel] Ah, if it's not
one thing it's another.
Ah brother.
- [Tom] I saw the harbor lights.
- [Joel] Kids, check it out.
They're landing on the cover
of a popular science magazine.
- [Tom] Cool.
Kill the props.
- Well, we made it Doc.
- Now we have to take over Casa 7.
- And do it fast.
Get Markov and Link in here.
- [Tom] Oh, why don't you
take Linkov and Mark in there?
- [Crow] Avon calling?
- [Joel] Hi, I ran up here
all the way to meet you.
- [Tom] Gene Kelly! Look.
- First there's Paul
Ray, take him prisoner.
He's in charge of the
entire project of Casa 7.
- Then what?
- After that it will be easy.
- Where do we find this Paul Ray?
- I'll show you.
- [Crow] Here let me show you around.
We'll take over and
then we'll grab a beer.
- [Joel] Okay, now I want
you to do your space math.
Space two plus space
two equals space four.
- Rinkman.
- Just making a little surprise visit.
- [Tom] What are you doing
in Alan Brady's office?
- [Voiceover] We've covered the area
at least a dozen times, Winky.
- [Crow] Yeah! Get Winky.
Get him, get him, get Winky.
- [Joel] Yeah, hit him hard!
Really hard.
- [Tom] Are you guys hungry
for dinner I've got (muffled)
- [Joel] Hey, it's the
Nelsons, full and half.
- Hold it, or I'll use this.
- [Crow] Now do bobby!
- I said hold it!
- [Tom] Tickle me, (giggles)
- If you don't think so, I'll
give you a taste of this.
- [Joel] It's chocolate, hmm.
- I think it's slipping loose.
- [Crow] Yeah, right.
Would you like to hear my plan?
- [Tom] There, see? Told ya.
- [Joel] Ah, don't start
walking yet, Rocky.
- [Crow] No, it's time for a granola bar.
I need quick energy.
- [Tom] Ooh, my wrist.
- [Joel] Hey, why is that
ladder hanging sideways?
- [Tom] 'Cause it's space, get it?
See it's space.
- Ken keeps on the automatic lock.
- He didn't know there's
a way to handle that.
- [Crow] With a handle.
- There's an emergency
circuit breaker here.
- [Joel] It's the sign of pizza.
- [Crow] Whoa, watch that last step.
Oh no, the anarchists are here.
- [Joel] Good thing I happen to have
some sandpaper in my pocket.
- [Crow] Heh-heh-hey,
I always carry chalk.
- [Tom] Let's see.
Winky is a dolt.
- [Joel] Oh, that's in
breakfast of champions.
- [Crow] I remember.
- [Tom] Oh, I remember.
- [Tom] Whoa-ho, almost fooled myself.
- [Crow] It's cold filtered.
- [Tom] Hands off green man.
- The Orbit Jet is invisible.
I don't think Ken will
be able to find it again.
- I am frank to say, I am puzzled.
- [Joel] Well said, Martian
- Ken had the platform marked so he'd know
where the invisible ship was located.
I erased the marks and put
them on another platform.
- [Crow] Aren't I sneaky? (giggles)
- [Joel] Oh you kook, imagine his surprise
when his skull hits the pavement.
You're so nuts.
- The Orbit Jet's invisible.
I marked the platform.
Come on.
- [Tom] Now, let's tune into Ken's face
as he tries to find the Orbit Jet.
- We'll walk right into
the invisible band.
- [Tom] And watch my
face here when I try to--
- Where is this invisible band?
- I don't understand it.
- You sure you know what you're doing?
- I left the ship right here twice--
- [Crow] Maybe an invisible
tow truck came and, no.
- There's nothing here, real or invisible.
- Rocky Jones and the Martian
are on the ship, tied up.
- [Tom] I said it, and I'm glad.
- If I know Rocky Jones, he
didn't stay tied up long.
- But he couldn't get away.
- If he did, he's got the Orbit Jet.
And Cleolatra will have your neck.
- I'll find the ship.
- [Joel] If I have to
search all three pads.
- I'll get Rocky's crew into my ship
and send them along to Ophicius.
- With his friends in danger,
Rocky Jones will soon show his hand.
- Yes, you took the words
right out of my mind, Doc.
- [Tom] What do you do, old man?
- If the Orbit Jet is lost, so are you.
- [Crow] Oh I'm sorry your majesty.
Oh where did the rocket,
oh ho, no stepping.
- [Joel] An American in Paris.
- Were you looking for me, Ken?
- [Crow] No, I was looking for...
This chair!
That was it!
- [Joel] Oh, I can't
believe I fell for that.
- [Tom] Look, just answer my question.
Who are you looking for?
- Alright, I've got a nice place for you.
- [Joel] It's a Days Inn, it's
not elaborate but it's clean.
- Move.
- [Crow] Haha, I'm a grim old
warrior. Ho ho ho (whimpers)
- [Tom] Okay okay, that's perfect Steve.
Yeah, good special effect,
really tricks the eye.
- [Joel] It's Edith Ann.
- [Crow] Just a little
paint, cover the rust.
- [Tom] What? Silly putty, why?
- [Crow] Oh man, he's whiping
boogers on the rocket.
- [Tom] Those some big
boogers, let me tell ya.
- [Joel] Now I've gotta go
change the sand in the ashtrays.
- [Crow] Funny how things change, huh?
Funny how the hunter becomes the hunted.
- Who's ship is that on the next platform?
- [Tom] Oh, that's the
good ship, Lollipop.
- Who's ship is it?
- [Joel] Go ahead on three!
- Sounds like Kens in trouble.
Hold them here.
- Go on.
- [Crow] That's so cool, it's
like Romulan cloaking device.
The Klingon's had one too.
- [Tom] Oh jeeze, I really had to go.
I feel ten pounds lighter.
- [Joel] Now let's see, is that not it?
Or is it down there not it.
- [Crow] Your pockets are speaking to you,
they're trying to tell you something.
- [Tom] Ooo, kill. Kill.
- [Joel] Wait a minute,
I'm a young Buddy Ebsen.
- [Crow] That's impossible.
- Nobody's in sight.
Lock them in the rear section.
They've got a long journey ahead.
- Right, lets go.
- Link.
- [Tom] (gasps) We can have
the interrogation outside!
- Doc will go along as navigator.
- When do we blast off?
- As soon as I contact
Cleolantra and explain
- [Crow] Cleo Laine?
- I'll give you the word.
Markov and I will be
using Paul Ray's quarters.
- [Joel] Gene, you keep
singing and dancing.
- [Tom] Gotta dance.
- [Crow] Make it tight.
No, tighter, I can get out of this.
Make it tighter.
- Ken won't give us any more trouble.
- [Tom] Oh thanks for the update, Quisp.
- He's wanted back on Earth
to answer for his crimes.
- Perhaps he'll answer
for them sooner than that.
- What do you mean Hagar Nu?
- I wanted to be certain
that traitors are destroyed.
I inserted Toenite-Alpha
into the rocket tubes
of Rickman's spaceship.
- That'll blow them to
bits when they blast off.
- Yes.
The traitors will be destroyed.
- [Joel] And it will leave a huge stain.
- [Tom] I don't get ze Earth people.
- Winky, Paul?
- [Joel] Scooter.
- [Crow] Diane.
- [Tom] Chopper.
- [Joel] Chief.
- [Crow] McCloud.
Rawr.
- [Joel] Oh, now it's a Phaedo farce.
- Doctor Vanko, Link, come in.
- [Crow] I'll get it.
- Yeah, Rinkman?
- You can blast off anytime, Doc.
- What did you arrange with Cleolantra?
- She sending two spaceships with troops
to police this project.
- Can you hold on 'till they arrive?
- The troops will be taking over
before the people here
know Paul Ray's missing.
Come back as soon as you can, Doc.
- [Tom] I miss you, miss you a lot.
- And for you, good hunting.
You'll have to find Rocky Jones.
- [Joel] Good fishing,
good camping, good eating.
- Rinkman.
- [Crow] I found Rocky Jones!
- Where are Paul Ray and my crew?
- [Rinkman] You're a little late, Rocky.
- Where are they?
- [Rinkman] They're
due to blast off Casa 7
at any moment.
- On which ship?
- [Tom] There's only two ships out there!
- On my spaceship.
- Don't let them blast off, Rinkman.
- Stop bluffing, Rocky.
You try to hold the ship.
- You've gotta stop them, the
ships in danger of blowing up.
- [Tom] Folks, lets relive
the scene we just did.
Only this time...
- [Crow] Whoa, shook myself up.
Never really did that before.
- [Joel] Will the person
with the shiny rocket
please move it?
It's glaring.
- Starboard rocket.
- [Crow] I'm wearing my
strip of bacon today.
(coughing)
- [Joel] Ah, somebody jammed
a potato in the exhaust pipe.
- Ja, it registers.
- Try the starboard rocket again.
- [Crow] Jeeze, I was
just talking to my analyst
and things got weird.
- Dr. Vanko, Link, come in, urgent.
(buzzing)
- That's a signal, Doc, take it.
- [Tom] Yo.
- Dr. Vanko.
- Doc, trouble.
Rocky Jones' on his way to the ship.
Hold blastoff, take him.
- We'll handle him.
- [Joel] Yes, it's Dr.
Smith and Mr. Mooney
as you've never seen them before.
- [Crow] Romeo, Romeo, where..
- Open the hatch, then keep me covered.
- [Tom] Okay, now, turn off the lights
and when he comes in, oh
this is gonna be so good.
- [All Three] (doing Ancient
Battle theme from Star Trek)
- [Tom] Oh forget it.
- [Joel] I have this.
- Take Vanko, this ones mine.
- [Crow] And away!
- [Joel] Good job, Winky.
- [Tom] Ooh, right in the winky, ow.
- [Joel] That's for Betty, and for Tawny.
- [Tom] Whoa, whoa, Winky!
- [Joel] Oh, just in time square-butt.
- I knew Rocky was alright, Vena.
- [Tom] You don't know
nothing, you little punk.
- Of course, Bobby.
- Oh Paul, you don't know how
close you came to oblivion.
Hagar Nu loaded the
rockets with Toenite-Alpha.
- Wow.
It was lucky I thought of knocking out
those fuel pumps, wasn't it?
- I knew we could depend on you, Winky.
- Bobby showed us a new
trick with his pen knife.
- [Tom] It's a tracheotomy.
- I had to do something, didn't I, Rocky?
Well that's why you took me along.
- Bobby, you're wonderful.
Oh Paul, there are a couple more prisoners
at your quarters we have
to pick up to add to these.
- [Joel] And throw Bobby in there.
- Oh, did you find the Orbit Jet?
- Yes, and she's ready for blastoff.
- [Tom] And so am I.
- Paul, one more detail.
- [Crow] Bite me.
- There are two spaceships
headed here from Ophicius.
- I'll know what to do
with them, blast 'em.
- [Joel] Oh, happiness fades
back to the dark recesses
of my hideous life.
- [All Three] Yoroniku, Gamera.
Yoroniku, Gamera. Yoroniku, Ga-mer-ah!
- [Crow] Looks like you
got the worst of it, Ned.
- Hey, Rocky.
What time do we land on Earth
with our cargo of traitors?
- [Joel] Yeah, why, is
Betty waiting for you?
- Oh wonderful.
Hey, how about using the astrophone?
- I've already reported to Secretary--
- [Tom] Nah nah nah,
not tonight plant Winky.
- Yeah, well, uh, you see,
I wanted to call Betty.
I wanna see if she's till waiting for me
at the bandstand in Central Park.
- [Crow] Do it! Space whack him dead!
- I'll ask her if she
has a friend for you.
(laughter)
- [Tom] Is this it, is this it?
I'm holding my breath.
Is this it?
(cheering)
- Hello Earth!
- Bzzz.
No, you see, Joel, the
thing is that I can't--
Bzzzzz.
Now how would you like it
if someone came up and--
Bzzz (imitating guitar solo)
Now, Joel, come on.
Being an amplifier
makes my innards vibrate
and that just makes me feel all funny.
- Oh, come on, Tom.
Crow's having a good time, aren't you?
- I wouldn't go that far, Joel.
And watch out for my
eyes, they're brand new.
- Here you guys, I'll sing a song.
That'll probably make you feel better.
Shadow me, okay, Mr. Amplifier?
- (imitates guitar riff)
♫ Sleepy little fella
♫ Nodding in my arms
♫ Couldn't keep your head up if you tried
- Oh I feel so much better now.
♫ Take a ship of slumber
♫ When nothing harms
♫ An astro-boy who's
on a star field ride ♫
- Joel, for God's sake,
I'm not a Stratocaster.
- (imitating guitar solo)
- Oh, I'm sorry you guys.
Listen, I got a, uh,
I got a letter here and put that up
stills there, Cambot.
This is from Tye Rickman, and
he's got some pictures there.
Cool, they're pretty neat aren't they?
- Hey, could you hurry it up?
I'm not sure how long I
can hold this position.
- Okay.
Alright, I'm gonna read Tye's letter
by using the golden
throat, okay, here we go.
- Oh no, Joel, not the golden throat.
♫ Wah-wow-wa-wow, I really love you
♫ I really dig your way hip show
♫ I tape you on Friday nights
♫ Watch you as you happen on Sat. Morning
♫ And watch the one I taped afterwards
♫ Back to back, it's the only way to go
♫ Tom Servo really need a woman
♫ Keep up the good work
♫ I really want ♫
Now now, come on, Joel.
On top of everything, I've got to put up
with these gratuitous insults.
And to think of all I do
for the ship around here.
Well I've simply had it, my friend.
- Hey, you know what?
Let's see what this system can really do.
Okay, here comes the beatdowns
and a windmill, here we go!
(gibberish guitar noise)
- What do you think, sirs?
- So any way, reading John-Paul Sartre
opened up a whole new world for me.
Suddenly, being a shift
supervisor at Arby's
wasn't enough anymore.
I had to say to myself, I have
to do what's right for Frank.
I have to do what's gonna make Frank
feel good in this cold
heartless modern world.
- Frank, when I get out of this,
I'm going to kill you.
- Ah, the existence of vague threats
that no one can do anything about.
- It's not a vague threat, Frank.
I'm going to kill you.
♫ Next Sunday, A.D.
♫ There was a guy named Joel
♫ Not to different from you or me
♫ He worked at Gizmonic Institute
♫ Just another face in a red jumpsuit
♫ He did a good job cleaning up the place
♫ But his bosses didn't like
him so they shot him into space
♫ We'll send him cheesy movies
♫ The worst we can find, la la la
♫ He'll have to sit and watch them all
♫ And we'll monitor his mind, la la la
♫ Now keep in mind Joel can't control
♫ Where the movies begin or end, la la la
♫ Because he used those special parts
♫ To make his robot friends
♫ Robot Roll Call
♫ Cambot, pan left
♫ Gypsy, hi, girl
♫ Tom Servo, What a cool guy
♫ Crooooow, oh, wisecracker
♫ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes
♫ And other science facts, la la la
♫ Then repeat to
yourself, it's just a show
♫ I should really just relax
♫ For Mystery Science Theater 3000 ♫
- Alright, it's snack time!
- Oh, hi everybody.
Welcome to the Satellite
of Love, I'm Joel Robinson.
We're just waiting for
this week's experiment.
This is Crow T. Robot.
- Boogie oogie.
- And this is Tom Servo.
- You got Bugles, I love Bugles.
- You know you guys, I was
just talking to TV's Frank
and he was saying how this weeks movie
is in black and white.
Pretty cool, huh?
- Oh no, not another black and white.
- Oh, come on, Crow.
Black and white's grittier.
It helps get across the harsh realism
that is every day life.
- Oh gee, sounds like fun.
The way I see it, Robinson,
the Jones had a depressing
enough life as it was.
And then, they filmed
it in black and white.
Give me color, give me some pizzazz!
- Hey, what do you think, Tom Servo?
- Uh, about what?
- Well, you know, that
how some of our movies
are in black and white and some
of our movies are in color.
- Uh, I'm not sure I
understand the question.
- Oh, come on!
Movie A, color.
Movie B, black and white.
- Look, we can't all
notice the same subtleties.
- Subtleties?
Why that's not even the point.
- Just a second, Crow.
Uhm, Tom?
What color is my jumpsuit?
- Red.
- Okay, and, what color is Crow?
- Red.
- [Voiceover] Commercials
in five, four, three, two--
What color is Dr. Forester?
- Red! What about it?
- Okay, I think I know what's wrong.
We'll be right back.
- You have a very kind face.
- Tom, now cut it out!
I said you were colorblind, not blind.
- I might as well be.
For all the azure skies I've
missed, for the green fields,
and apple blossoms I've never truly seen.
- When I think of the
elaborate stories you've had to
invent to cover for the
hideous lie you've been living.
Oh, Tom, it wouldn't of mattered to me!
- You guys, you guys.
You guys, listen to me.
You're taking this all too seriously.
I think Tom just has a simple
red-green color deficiency.
Oh, uh, Joel, Bausch and Lomb are calling.
- Oh, you're colorblind.
Uh, what color is this?
(chuckling)
What color is this?
(evil chortle)
Sorry.
Well, Joel, you may not
know that Frank and I,
with a little prompting
from the Utne Reader,
have been hosting a
weekly discussion salon.
- Yet with our hectic schedules,
often times our guests will
arrive before we've had time
to properly review
Susan Faludi's Backlash,
much less give the apartment
that suitable bohemian look.
- That's why we've developed these new,
Beanbag Pants.
Now, these pants allow
you to relax anywhere.
And to sit down and have
a nice hot cup of talk.
Frank, why haven't you
put your pants on yet?
(laughter)
Joking, of course I kid--
- Baby got back, uh!
Actually, you know what?
They're perfect for sit-ins.
Imagine just once integrating
a Southern lunch counter
in cushy comfort.
- Yes, indeed.
And they're perfect for
those whispery discussions
of white-guilt with good friends.
Frank?
- You know, I thought the
invention lacked a certain...
je ne sais quoi.
A certain depth.
- I disagree, and yet it's so refreshing
to meet someone with a
fresh opinion like yours.
- Gosh, sirs, that actually
seems like a really nice idea.
Promoting open dialogue and social change.
Today's invention exchange
from the Satellite of Love
is based on the premise
that it's a really good idea
to wear recycled paper as clothing.
And we've got a persuasive
presentation to prove it.
- I'm Gypsy, and yesterdays news
is tomorrow's fish and chip paper.
Remember to pitch in.
- That's right Gypsy,
her dress was a tree,
then it was a pile of newspapers,
now it's a dress and soon it
will be a pithy greeting card.
Pretty responsible, aye?
- I'm Crow, and my suit is made entirely
of used Viva Paper Towels.
I wear it at the discos,
'cause I'm the quicker picker upper.
- Ha ha ha, true, Crow.
It's so absorbent.
You know you could spill soup, drool,
or even drop a pitcher
of margaritas on him
and he'll remain warm and dry.
- And I'm Tom Servo,
and I may be colorblind,
but it's plain to see I'm wearing a dress.
What am I, that girl?
- Maybe so, in that case
can't afford to be seen
in the same thing twice.
Change in a flash with
our flash-paper clothing.
Just one flick of the BIC and...
- Uh oh.
Wah-ho, ow oh oh.
Phew, oh for crying out loud.
Not only am I colorblind,
I'm flash-blind now too.
Oh, jeeze, I'm gonna go lay down.
Whoa, owchie!
- There go the drapes.
- What do you think sirs?
- Sorry, we missed that, Joel.
Anyway, your movie this week
is called Manhunt in Space.
But first, a little
kinescope suppository from
our video depository.
It's an old, General Hospital.
(alarm sounding)
(all talking simultaneously)
- [Tom] Oh, don't make me walk
all the way over there, Phil.
- If this will cheer you up any,
I called Cynthia and asked her to dinner,
she accepted, celebrate the engagement.
- [Crow] Thanks nurse-ratchet.
- That's great.
- Well, wait it was your idea--
- Alright, alright, I said it was great.
Didn't I?
We'll have a ball.
- [Tom] Really cheered you up, aye Phil?
- [Crow] Jeepers.
- [Joel] Sorry, dear.
- [Crow] I will now express a modern dance
to express my true feelings.
- [Joel] Oh, this is about
general hospital stuff.
You know, those little
wrist tags, billing,
that kind of thing.
- [Voiceover] General
Hospital is brought to you by,
Kennel--
(all three barking)
- [Crow] Going up, Mr. Tyler?
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, let me get, excuse me, sorry, hello.
- [Joel] Sounds like
General Hospital on ice.
- Good morning, Lucy.
- Good morning, Jessie.
(buzzing)
- I'll get it.
- [Tom] She's the dark nurse of the soul.
- [Joel] Mm mm.
- Yes, Dr. Hardy
The new x-rays on Mrs. Lions?
Well, I wouldn't know,
I just came on duty.
- [Crow] I think she's
been into the percodan.
- [Tom] G'yah.
- Lucille?
- Hmm?
- The tilt pillar on Mrs. Lions,
has it come up from x-ray?
- Oh yes.
- [Joel] Here are your head-shots for the
Young and the Restless audition.
- [Tom] It's a new cot!
Oh.
- [Crow] Hello, I've been in
the bell tower all morning.
- [Lucille] Good morning, Dr. Lewis.
- Good morning, Lucille.
Is Jessie in?
- Yes, she just came on duty.
- [Tom] Yeah, she's a shade bit broody.
- Didn't you come to
the hospital together?
- No, I left the apartment before she did.
Took a walk.
- [Crow] See what you can do
about making this lobby spookier.
- [Joel] Jeeze, he really
sucked the air out of this room.
- Alright.
I guess it's a wonderful
but weird institution.
Aye, Clampett?
- I wouldn't know Ms. March.
- [Crow] I'm not very bright.
- Looking at it from the
other end of the stethoscope,
neither would I.
- [Tom] Ah, Swiss Miss,
will you get me another cup of cocoa?
- [Crow] More letters on how
unappealing you are, sir.
- [Joel] She kinda
looks like Uncle Miltie.
- [Tom] Yeah.
- [Crow] Huh, here comes nurse-feratu.
- [Tom] Yeesh.
Well I think everybody
admitted to this hospital
commits suicide.
- Jessie?
- [All Three] Ee-yah!
- Did you decide to invite--
- [Crow] My God, you're ugly.
- To celebrate the engagement?
- [Tom] Did you ih-vite
Cyn-phia and K-eh-en Mah-tan
tuh deen-ah tuh cel-uh-ba-rate
yur ehn-gah-hage-mant.
- It'll help clear the air.
- [Joel] Pshhh.
- Oh, I don't know Lucille,
I'm having my doubts that it's very smart.
- Well it's what Phil suggested, isn't it?
- [Tom] Phill-th?
- It's what Phil suggested,
but I'm not very sure he really wants to.
- [Crow] Oh Phil this, Phil that.
Everything's Phil, Phil, Phil.
- What good is it gonna do?
- Well it will sort of make
the engagement official.
- [Tom] Whe-ell itch-ill short-off make-sh
the en-gah-hage-ment off-fish-ill.
- That Cynthia is going
to marry Ken Martin.
That's what it'll do.
- [Tom] Tatch what it'll dooo.
- At least, I hope you're right.
- [Joel] Would you please
take a breath mint?
- [Tom] So, uh, what's
the barber doing here?
- Oh I'd like to
counter-sign the medication
for Mr. Turner.
- Oh, yeah.
- [Crow] Jeeze, he was old even then.
- Oh, uh, I'll be in Martha Lions' room.
- Yes, Dr. Hardy.
- Good morning, Jessie.
- Morning, Dr. Hardy.
- [Joel] Man I've still got it, don't I?
Damn I'm good.
"Good morning, Jessie"
was a stroke of genius.
- [Crow] Oh doctor! Do you mind?
- [Woman] I think you're
being a little unfair.
- [Tom] She's nude.
- And maybe it is a simple
case of indigestion,
but I'm worried.
I want to be absolutely sure
that there's nothing wrong.
- [Crow] Oh, my barber's here. Gotta go.
- George, Dr. Hardy
just came into the room.
He looks as though he might
have some news for me?
- [Crow] Oh, it's just about
that cyst with teeth and hair.
- Yes, indeed he does.
Yes, I'll call you back, dear. Bye.
- [Joel] Hi, that was Vince Edwards,
he gave me a second opinion.
- Give us a moment.
- There is something wrong with me?
- [Tom] Yes, you've been hospitalized.
- You have what's known
as a hiatus hernia.
- [Crow] Which means I win the pool,
but that's beside the point.
- What is that?
- Well, it's nothing to
be too alarmed about.
But it is to be taken seriously.
And it's quite rare.
- [Tom] Nothing an expensive
operation can't complicate.
- How were you finally
able to diagnose that?
- Those, uh, last x-rays.
We took the tilt x-rays, they revealed it.
- [Tom] And you might of noticed,
you've been vomiting a lot lately.
- What is it?
I've never heard of it.
Hiatus hernia?
- [Tom] You calling me a liar?
- [Crow] Get out! Get out!
- Well--
- [Tom] The body sees a hernia
as a series of ones and zeros.
- Point at where the esophagus
goes into the stomach.
The constriction is most likely
to happen when the stomach
is full, after you've had
something to eat or drink.
- [Joel] Uh, is this
gonna be on the final?
- Put simply, when the stomach enlarges,
it gets pinched at this opening.
- [Tom] To put it even more
simply, you eat like a pig.
- After all my doubts.
- [Tom] I'm Eric Stoltz, in Mask.
- And all of George's insisting there
was nothing wrong with me.
- [Crow] That bastard.
- There is something wrong with me.
- [Tom] Yes, you're a
spooky New York actress.
- Yes, I was pretty sure
your pain wasn't imaginary.
In fact, the pain associated
with a hiatus hernia,
is very intense and it's almost identical
to coronary inclusion or heart attack.
- [Crow] Here, let me punch you
in the sternum to simulate the pain.
- Why does the pain go
away after a few minutes?
- Well, it usually disappears when you
get up and walk around a bit.
- [Tom] Hint. Hint.
- [Dr. Hardy] Well, then, you see
the stomach has more room.
- [Joel] Well I could
see how that would--Huh?
- Steve, can something be done for this?
- [Tom] Nope.
- Of course.
- [Crow] (snickering)
- that you try a couple
of weeks of hospital care
with special attention to diet.
- [Crow] And then I'll do
my Gregory Peck impression.
- If we can't cure the condition that way,
or come close to it,
we may have to consider surgery.
Now let me assure you, Martha.
- [Martha] Surgery?
There's no great cause for alarm.
- [Tom] Oh it's dangerous
and painful, but don't worry.
- And I'm very hopeful
that we can get rid of it
without surgery.
- [Joel] Though I have
performed surgery once before,
although the person didn't
survive, I feel confident.
- Who's going to tell my
husband all about this?
- [Tom] How about his wife?
- I will if you like.
But I think it might be a better idea
if you tell Dr. Lions yourself.
- [Tom] Maybe you could use a puppet.
- [Dr. Hardy] Of course,
I'll be happy to answer
he might ask or have a
consultation with him about it.
- George is going to be very upset.
- [Joel] He hates hiatus hernias!
- [Dr. Hardy] Because you
really have something wrong?
- Not only that...
It's you.
You proved that he was wrong.
He said that it was indigestion
and just my imagination.
- [Crow] Running away with her.
- Hiatus hernia's a
difficult thing to diagnose,
in fact it's very difficult.
Well look at the trouble I had.
- [Crow] And I'm brilliant!
- Yes, but you did diagnose it.
- [Crow] Okay, so your husband's a putz.
- Anyway, for a couple
of weeks will give you
plenty of rest and a special diet.
So don't worry, we'll
take good care of you.
- [Tom] Now, about that hair.
- Will you come in to see me?
- [Tom] (smooching)
- You're my patient, remember?
- [Crow] And don't forget we've scheduled
that lobotomy first thing Monday morning.
- [Tom] And now taking the ice,
your Minnesota North Stars.
- [All] (quiet cheering)
- [Crow] Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.
Wow, look at all the Juji Fruits.
- [Joel] Well, I saw Howard Hunt in space.
- [Tom] I saw Linda Hunt in space.
- [Crow] I have saw Hunt's Hall in space.
- [Joel] An adventure of tomorrow,
for today's troubled teens.
- [Crow] Tracy and
Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall,
Mansfield and Lyden.
- [Joel] Mama Maurice Cass.
- [Tom] They say this really
is a L'estrange movie.
- [Crow] Or a Strenge movie.
- [Joel] Cough up a Roy Luby.
♫ Oz never did give
nothing to Bill Tinsman ♫
- [Crow] I wanted to Hoerl
after I read the screenplay.
- [Joel] Hi, Guy.
- [Tom] Arthur Pierson, the
inventor of the salted nut roll.
- [Crow] Oh, is the
great Hollingsworth Morse
going to direct?
- [All] Oooo.
- [Joel] This is the part where the, uhm,
zagnut is fertilized
by the salted nut roll.
- [Tom] Look, it's the
MST3K logo up there--
- [Joel] You're not
supposed to know about...
- [Tom] Oh (clears throat and whistles)
- Vena.
- [Crow] Oh ho Vena-ha.
- Reggie!
- [Joel] Bad dog! Bad dog.
- You know I'm expecting
to hear from Rocky.
- I wanted to bring in Casa 7.
There it is.
- [Crow] It's a crunch berry.
- [Tom] Times up!
- I contacted Casa's
central control station,
and they're holding communications open.
- Can I speak to my brother Paul?
- Well I asked for him.
They said he's at the
landing field inspecting
construction on the new landing platform.
- I'll soon see him.
- [Crow] In hell.
- It'll be wonderful.
- How long since you've
seen your brother, Vena?
- [Joel] An hour.
- Almost three years.
He'll be on the Casa 7
project another five years.
What happened, Reggie?
- [Tom] Ah, the Playboy
channel's scrambled again.
- All the instruments are dead.
- [Joel] So am I.
- Well it seems normal.
- This is weird.
- [Tom] So am I.
- Rocket thrust is zero.
- [Crow] Gee that makes me bitter.
- [Tom] Oh, and the animation sucks too.
- [Crow] Oh brother.
- [Joel] M-C-7, are they
any relation to the MC5?
- [Tom] Maybe.
- This thing has neutralized
every bit of our equipment.
- [Crow] Even my acting.
- There's not a thing we can do about it.
No way to check speed or position
and not a chance to make
contact with anyone.
- [Tom] It's not fair (whimpers)
- They may have us under robot control.
- I don't know, Vena.
- [Crow] I just don't know.
- I don't know any way of finding out.
- [Joel] Might as well
just fade this scene out.
- [Tom] And this is what
the Heritage Foundation
will look like if you contribute.
- [Tom] Exterminate!
Exterminate! Exterminate!
- [Crow] Sure hope my
support belt holds up.
- Has kept that spaceship
visiograph busy for an hour.
She knew I was going to call.
- Well, she's havin' a vacation, Rocky.
Now, for me, let me relax
with a little black book
and a gay night life.
- [Joel] Uh, insert joke here.
- [Crow] Yeah.
- Well here, relax, Rocky.
I'll give ya a couple of choice pages.
(buzzing)
- [Tom] Mm, here's Christopher,
Trevor, Todd, Kyle...
♫ You're in the Army now
♫ And always get your trout
♫ You'll never get rich but ♫
- I'm glad I found you in, Rocky.
- [Tom] But I'm not in Rocky.
- There's something I'd like to discuss.
If it doesn't upset your plans.
- It won't, sir.
- [Man On Screen] After all,
this is your off duty period.
- [Crow] Oh duh-huh, my black
book, no I won't be able.
- [Joel] You know,
by 1980 everyone will
have phones like this.
- Well I kissed the
beautiful girls goodbye.
- And the gay night life.
- And the gay night life.
- [Tom] Ack, so, his hinnie...
- [Crow] Well, oh never mind.
- [Tom] Look out, ready for ground.
- Well, that's alright, sir.
I can take care of cancelling
our vacations plans, I guess.
- [Joel] Enhancing your vacation?
- Perhaps I should assign
someone else to the mission?
- [Crow] How about Major Heating?
- That's right, we'd rather
ride the rocket, sir.
- [Tom] What does he--
- [Joel] Shhhhh.
- I don't know where this
problem is going to lead.
- [Tom] I don't know how to looooove.
- [Joel] (fart sounds)
- Well sir, you know us.
We're not happy unless we're in trouble.
I mean.
- [Tom] Heh, heh. Get out! Get out!
- First I'll fill you in
on some of the details.
- [Crow] I've prepared a song.
- The United Worlds, as you know,
are fortifying the planetoid, Casa 7.
As a joint control station
for our entire solar system.
- [Crow] I, did not know that.
- Oh yes.
Professor Newton told us
something about the project.
- In preparing Casa 7,
each of the United Worlds
is furnishing strategic,
and in most cases,
restricted materials.
- [Joel] And they're
releasing it to teens.
- [Drake] But lately there
have been disturbing reports
of cargo spaceships vanishing
on the way to Casa 7.
(buzzing)
- [Joel] At beneficial,
- [Tom] Doot doot.
- [Joel] You're good for more.
- We're in contact by
visiograph with Mars, sir.
They request Secretary Drake.
- I'll take it on my receiver.
- [Crow] 'Scuse me boys,
I have to take this.
You understand.
- [Tom] Bah doo doo doo.
There's my Lichtenstein.
- [Joel] Mork calling
Orson, Mork calling Orson.
- Speaking from Mars, Ruinus here.
This is the final report
on our supply spaceship,
Double M en-route to Casa 7.
It is now two Moon cycles over due.
- [Tom] I'm so ashamed.
- [Ruinus] We must presume it to be lost.
- [Drake] Space Rangers are
being assigned immediately.
To investigate the entire
situation of missing cargo ships.
- I know you'll keep us
informed, Mr. Secretary.
- [Drake] You'll have a
report within a solar month.
Greetings from Earth, Ruinus.
- Greetings from Mars--
- [Joel] Ciao baby, right back at 'cha.
- [Crow] What a jerk,
sorry you had to see that.
- You heard.
That's the third spaceship
vanished within a week.
- You know of course, sir,
that Vena's on her way
to Casa 7 on a cargo ship.
- That's right, sir.
Rocky's been trying to call Vena.
- I've been unable to make contact.
And frankly, sir, I'm a bit worried.
- We'll put your mind at ease.
- [Joel] I've got somethin'
that'll put you through the floor, boys.
- Egans.
- [Tom] Send in the clowns!
Don't bother, they're here.
- I want to know if cargo
spaceship CM7 has landed.
- [Joel] And bring me
some sleepy-time tea.
- We want to find out what's
happening to the cargo ships.
- Oh, I'm sure it can be done, sir.
By using our space stations.
- [Crow] Scott Tracy.
Hmm, less animated.
- We've got to find the answer.
Or there'll be repercussions throughout
our entire system.
- [Crow] Chin, get Danno,
round up every known hood on the island.
- The report from Casa 7, sir.
- Let's have it.
- [Tom] It says, "Haaaaaaaaaaalp!"
- Last heard from as it was about to enter
the gravity field for the approach.
Since then there's been no word--
- [Joel] Man does this ever bite,
I need a career change. (disgusted sound)
- CM7 has disappeared into space.
- Thank you--
- [Tom] It was very
good, very good indeed.
Thank you, thank you, very good.
- I'd like to start by
tracing spaceship CM7.
- Of course, this
mission is in your hands.
- Good, we can blast off within the hour.
Winky.
- [Tom] I wonder if Winky
has a nickname. Hah!
- Get the Orbit Jet ready
for blastoff, Winky.
I'm going to see Professor
Newton for a moment.
- The rockets'll be ready to roar.
- [Tom] Oh I'd like to slap him so hard.
- [Joel] Kids, close that door.
We're not trying to heat the outside.
Come on.
- [Crow] And that's how
cattle are inseminated.
Eh-tao-oo-bovine.
- Now we'll have to give this at least
a four hour exposure, Bobby.
- Well that's the longest one yet.
- [Joel] How come you don't
have to wear stretch pants, grandpa?
- Oh Rocky, we're making some
wonderful pictures of Scorpus.
With hyrdrogen--
- [Tom] Yeah, that's great.
- What we need are some
trick snapshots of Casa 7.
- Your tone tells me there's trouble.
- Perhaps.
But I don't know what it is, professor.
- Accept that it concerns Casa 7.
- [Tom] Vladimir Horowitz.
- Secretary Drake will
tell you the whole story.
This much I wanted you to know.
- [Tom] (gibberish)
- The ship Vena's on,
has vanished into space.
- I wanna help, Rocky.
Please let me help.
- This is one time I'd
like to say no, Bobby.
But, I can't.
- [Crow] You outrank me.
- Thanks a million.
You won't be sorry.
We'll find Vena.
- [Tom] I'm already sorry, Bobby.
- Now, run along and get packed.
Meet us at the blastoff platform.
- [Crow] Not a word of
our meetings, Bobby.
- Professor Newton.
- [Joel] How are the fig
cookies coming along.
- I don't know where this
flight is going to take us.
Maybe to the far limits
of our solar system.
- [Crow] Maybe to the
darkest reaches of our souls.
- Something you wish to ask me, Rocky?
- Yes--
- [Tom] Have you ever
danced with the devil
in the pale moonlight?
- Any new discoveries still held secret
that might help us?
- Yes, there is.
But I've been fearful
of even discussing it.
- [Crow] Except with Bobby.
- It could have cataclysmic results.
- Vena's life may be at stake.
- [Joel] You want to go?
- [Tom] Come on, let's go let's go.
- [Crow] Okay.
- I'll show you, I'll show
you the power of cold light.
- Cold light?
- Peggy, I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you.
- Oh my God!
What is it?
Is it a hiatus hernia?
- No, it's not that.
- Is it the heart break of psoriasis?
- No, it's not that.
- Is it Mogo on the Ga-go-go?
- No, I'm afraid it's
much worse than that.
- Oh please, Doc.
Tell me what it is!
- Well it seems that when you were walking
down the hall earlier, the
back of hospital gown was open
and everyone could see your butt!
- I'll never live down the shame!
- You know, my dear, in
tough situations like this
I've found in the past that
the best thing a patient can do
is be comforted by me, Dr. Chad Feelgood.
- You cad!
I knew you were cheating on me!
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
Hey, nice bod.
- I'll never live down the (crying)
- Oh Peggy, I can comfort you with--
- Hey, wait and say what's going on here?
- Oh no!
It's Dr. Joel Robinson,
the hard-drinking, two-fisted,
cantankerous yet lovable
hospital administrator!
- I am not.
(all gasp)
- Oh no, and he's suffering from amnesia!
Oh the pain and the misery.
- You guys, I'm not gonna
play soap opera with you.
When I was nine years
old, my sister made me
play soap opera, I'm not
gonna play soap opera.
I won't play soap opera.
Okay Cambot, that's it.
That's it.
Alright, that's it.
Who's next?
- They must of seen us.
- [Tom] Thanks a lot, Joel.
- [Crow] Yeah.
- It may of come from Casa 7.
- Well you'll soon find out.
(Crow and Tom honking and beeping)
- Can they come along side us?
- Yes, I'm sure the
magnetic locks in operation.
- [Crow] Wow, that was
better than I thought!
- Probably aligning the airlock hatch.
- [Joel] It's an old
lady, she rear-ended 'em.
- [Crow] What are they doing, Joel?
- [Joel] They're telling secrets.
- [Crow] Ahh.
- They've breached the hatch.
We're connected now.
- [Tom] Oh, hang on a minute.
Gotta put my head in the salad spinner.
- [Crow] Oh he didn't
even turn the handle!
- [Tom] My, what a cheap
crummy special effect.
- [Joel] Blondie, I'm home.
I brought Mr. Dithers along.
- [Joel] (sighs)
- [Crow] Boy I told you to find adventure,
not bring it home with you.
- [Joel] Hi, can I be
submissive for anyone?
- Are you from Casa 7?
- [Joel] I can if you want me to be.
- On Casa 7 they don't
even know you're alive.
- Then you're the ones who
neutralized our equipment.
- You're real bright to
figure that out for yourself.
- [Crow] Thanks! That's
nice of you to--Hey!
- Relax, it won't be alive.
- [Tom] Uhm, anyone for coffee?
- [Crow] I'll just wait here then.
- [Tom] Psst, hey buddy.
- [Joel] Hey, check this out.
There's a ton of cool stuff in here.
Oh cool you don't even have
to push any buttons to get in.
This is, oh man, this is where
they store their costumes.
These fantastic VCRs,
Nintendo, it's great.
- [Tom] Ooh, fudge.
- [Crow] I'll throw this
caramelled apple at him.
- [Joel] Foo-di-doo,
nothing behind my back.
- [Tom] Hi.
- [Crow] A little song, a little grace,
a little seltzer in your face.
- [Tom] Take that, ha ha ha.
Casa 7, love it or leave it, buddy.
- [Joel] They're gonna
play the limbo real low.
- [Tom] Think it's played
by Trip Shakespeare.
(laughter)
- Vena, your space gun.
- [Crow] What about it?
Oh, I should get it, okay.
- If you have to, use it.
Ask questions later.
I'll get through to Casa 7 on
the astrophone on their ship.
- [Crow] But if I shoot
'em, I can't ask questions.
- [Tom] No you see,
it's a figure of speech.
- [Crow] Ah, oh.
I know what you're thinking.
Did I shoot six shots of seltzer or seven?
- [Joel] Alright, hand
me that terrarium, now.
- [Crow] Ooh, ouch.
Wellll, Mrs. Carmichael?
- Go over there.
- [Joel] Okay, now bark like a dog.
And you start chewing the other ones leg.
- Now, Vena, you'll drop it.
- [Tom] He's doing a grand jete, look.
- Get over there.
- Nice work.
- [Tom] If you can get
it, then you can get it.
- Only, you don't have any brains.
Now see if you can get their cargo
into our ship without tripping over it.
- [Joel] But you just said we were smart.
Oh, I get it.
- [Crow] Awkward.
- So, Rinkman.
You've ended up as a space pirate.
At least you can't sink any lower.
- [Joel] Well, I could date you.
- Don't you get it?
You destroy space ships.
- [Joel] Hey, it's the sucker brothers.
- [Tom] You know, I saw a college kid
stick his head in a party bowl one time.
- You won't be harmed.
We just neutralized you
ship's rockets and equipment.
- [Crow] And your stomach acid.
- Why are we still in normal flight?
- You're not.
You're revolving around
Casa 7 in a fixed orbit.
Just like the Moon
revolves around the Earth.
- How?
- We cut your power and
neutralized your equipment.
- [Tom] And pass the savings on to you.
- Balanced against the gravity of Casa 7.
- That's what happened to the
other ships you've pirated.
- [Tom] Grrr.
- [Rinkman] That's right.
- You'll be revolving around Casa 7
for the next million years.
Or until a piece of meteoric
waste hits the ship.
- [Joel] Or until I
turn into Robert Stack.
- I'll have the markings
removed from your ship.
- You have found a new
way to commit murder.
- [Tom] You noticed.
- Don't give me any credit, Vena.
Dr. Vanko worked it out.
I just make sure that no
other spaceship bothers you.
- [Crow] Why you, you person you.
- [Joel] There goes a narwhal!
- [Tom] Oh, our air isn't
good enough for the Johnsons.
They have to bring their own.
- [Joel] It's a boy.
- It's the last of it.
- I'll send your pilot back.
- [Tom] You don't have to yell,
I'm sitting right next to you.
- Oh, I almost forgot.
- [Joel] Your dad called.
- In case you're expecting
help from Rocky Jones,
forget it.
I've got a decoy
spaceship waiting for him.
The Orbit Jet will be blown to bits.
- [Crow] Ha ha ha, I can't
pretend I'm not enjoying this.
- [Joel] Orbit Jet is go
- [Tom] Blown to bits
- [Joel] Craw, craw
- [Tom] Bits, blown, bits.
- [Tom] So, uh, which ship is theirs?
The phallic one or the phallic one?
- [Joel] Oh I think it's
the phallic one, oooh.
- [Crow] We'll call ya.
Thanks for breakfast.
- [Tom] Oh boy, now.
- [Joel] Way to go, Bob.
- Do we have a chance?
- No use kidding ourselves, Vena.
It's like a million to one
shot we'll ever be seen.
- [Crow] Oh, they're on Comedy Central.
- Like finding a tiny
fragment in infinite space.
- Until our food gives out.
Or a meteorite hits us.
- That's the deal, Vena.
- [Tom] Vena, when I go I want
you to roast me and eat me.
All of it, brisket too.
- I'll get lunch.
- [Joel] Hazel, will you
cook up something for dinner?
- [Tom] Okay Mr. B.
- Winky, what's our position?
- [Crow] Leaning towards Perot.
- No, let me see if I can read it.
- [Joel] Eh, you have to be 18, kid.
- What are you planning to do?
Get my job as navigator?
- Oh you know I wouldn't take anything
that's yours or Rocky's.
- Alright, go ahead and read it boy.
- [Tom] Yeah, read it boy. Read it!
- [Crow] Do the funny voice.
- Position celestial meridian,
longitude 219 degrees,
20 minutes.
- [Tom] What is this?
Radio AAHS?
- Latitude, 76 degrees, 4 minutes.
- Good work, Bobby.
Oh, Winky?
- [Crow] Jettison Bobby.
- They still have no word
from Vena's spaceship.
- Oh, well maybe we better
start scanning the radar, huh?
- [Tom] What do you think, Bobby?
- Our flight will take us
into Casa's atmosphere.
Hey, Winky?
A spaceship at five o'clock.
- [Crow] Made you look!
- Can you identify it?
- [Tom] Yeah, it's a
spaceship at five o'clock.
- [Winky] Yeah, it's a Mars spaceship.
- I'll arc over the ship at R-400.
- [Tom] Duh, okay.
- Release rocket on count five.
- [Tom] Kay.
- Starting run.
- [Tom] Okay.
- One, two...
- [Crow] What comes after two?
- Three.
- [Crow] Oh.
- Four, Fire!
- [Tom] Hi-keeba!
Ouch.
- Well, the Double M just
became the Scrambled M.
- [Tom] Get out! Get out!
- So then a full report can be sent
to Mars space headquarters.
- [Tom] All done!
- What did'ya hit?
- Sighted enemy, smeared same.
- Why do I have to miss
all the excitement?
- [Crow] 'Cause we don't like
you and you're a bad person.
- Keep the radar vex open, Winky.
I'm sure we're in an area
our unknown enemies
don't want us to search.
- [Tom] Yes, it's a dark forbidden area
full of secrets and shame.
If you'd like to make a call,
please hang up and dial again.
- Rocky, object ahead.
- [Joel] Could you be more vague, Winky?
- Object just about two
solar minutes ahead of us.
- [Crow] Ah, shut up.
What's going on, Winky?
- You're right, Bobby.
Professor Newton can be proud of you.
- Elemental my dear Rocky, elemental.
- [Crow] You little dipstick.
- Winky, when we're half way there
we'll be able to tell if it's a spaceship.
- Rocky?
Why'd you bring this on the Orbit Jet?
- [Tom] Oh that?
That's our Aschenberg.
- That's something Professor Newton's
been working on for a long time.
- I know, it's cold light.
- Oh? Then he's told you about it, huh?
- Yes, we discussed it.
And I gave him my opinion.
- Well I know he appreciated that.
- Cold light should never
be used indiscriminately.
The gamma rays could be
fatal to those who use it.
- [Tom] Remember that, kids.
- Professor Newton warned me.
- Rocky, it's a spaceship ahead.
- [Joel] Has Bobby been giving
you that cold light crap?
- [Tom] Hey, that's us, five minutes ago.
- Safety belts.
- [Joel] 'Cept you, Bobby.
- [Crow] Bobby been getting to you?
You thinking what I'm thinking?
- [Tom] Yup, I've got a headache this big
and it's got Bobby written all over it.
- This is the XV2 calling spaceship
at approximately celestial
meridian 190 degrees.
Celestial parallel 80 degrees.
Come in, identify yourself.
- [Crow] I am Kirok.
- This is the XV2 calling spaceship
at approximately celestial
meridian 180 degrees.
Celestial parallel 90 degrees.
Come in, identify yourself.
- [Tom] I have no idea
what I'm saying, over.
- It's a spaceship, Reggie.
- [Tom] No.
- [Joel] Oh boy, nothing get's passed her.
- We have to get some signal to him.
- We're helpless, Vena.
- The rocket missiles.
- We can't operate the tubes.
- [Crow] I had 'em tied.
- Firing them wouldn't be safe.
- I mean, force them through the tubes.
Drop them over side.
They'd have to see that
and not pass us by.
- It might work.
- [Tom] Who made you the expert?
- We may have enough auxiliary
power to drop them off.
- [Tom] Winky must die!
- Look at their missile tubes, starboard.
- It's starting to open.
- We're gonna be ducking
missiles in a moment.
- Port rocket, Winky.
Same run.
Fire missile on count five.
- Repeat, on five.
- [Joel] Repeat on five, repeat on five.
- [Tom] Look, shut up.
- Starting run.
- Check.
- One, two, three, four--
hold on, Winky, hold fire.
- [Crow] Oh, coughed up a fur-ball.
- They ejected the rocket.
They weren't firing it.
That was meant as a signal to us.
- Maybe the ships in some
kind of trouble, Rocky.
- [Crow] Oh get out of here, Bobby.
Clear the room.
- We're going along side.
- Aye aye, sir.
- The Orbit Jet is gone.
- [All] Stupid car, stupid car!
- [Tom] This is sort of like Diver Dan
only without all the majesty and grandeur.
- [Crow] Look at that effect.
Industrial Light and Magic,
you've done it again!
- [Tom] Oh ho ho ooo.
- It's come along side.
- I'll open the airlock hatch.
- [Joel] Oh great.
It really worked good
last time you did that.
- [Tom] Alright, get on
your mini greenhouse.
- [Crow] I'm turning this wheel.
Really, I'm turning it,
doesn't it look like it?
- [Tom] She waits.
- [Joel] Where have you been?
You could of called.
- [Crow] Oh, hi Bobby, hi Winky.
- Rocky!
Bobby!
- Oh, you had us worried.
- I was never so happy to
see anyone in all my life.
- Why didn't you answer our signal?
- The power and equipment
were neutralized.
- Our spaceship is a satellite of Casa 7.
- How'd that happen?
- Rinkman and Dr. Vanko.
The two renegades from Earth arranged it.
- Oh, so they're the
cause of all the trouble.
- They've taken up space pirating.
They came along side and
took off all our cargo.
- [Tom] And your escargot.
- Well you can give me a complete run down
on our way to Casa 7.
- We can't get out of our orbit, Rocky.
- Oh, I think we can.
The Orbit Jet will take you out.
We'll stay in magnetic lock.
Tandem pull will do the job.
You better stay by the controls here, Reg.
Vena, you come in the
Orbit Jet with me, hmm?
- That's like going home, Rocky.
- [Tom] I know.
- I told him we'd find you, Vena.
Didn't I, Rocky?
- [Crow] Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
- [Joel] One day all of you space losers
will be working for me, and I mean it too.
(moaning)
- [Crow] Did the universe
move for you too?
- [Joel] Oh don't you start.
- [Tom] How about we light up?
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
- Come in Casa 7.
- [Crow] I'm speaking to you
over a Jimmy Dean sausage.
- [Voiceover] Central station to XV2.
- Requesting landing clearance.
- [Tom] Say please.
- Bringing spaceship
CM7 in on tandem pull.
- [Voiceover] Landing
platform and readiness,
please report at ten miles.
We'll bring you in for
ground control approach.
Out.
- Out.
- [Tom] That was easy.
- [Crow] Looks like they bagged
an albino five point buck.
- [Joel] You have to
look at it just right.
- [Crow] Yeah, kind of squint.
- [Joel] It's backing up.
- Stand by twin landing platforms.
Ready magnetic locks.
It's only a matter of seconds now.
- My sister Vena can't
be any happier than I am.
- [Tom] You don't know Vena.
No Vena.
- [Crow] Look at this, this
is us at the Grand Canyon.
- [Joel] When in Duluth,
visit the lift bridge.
- [Tom] Ah, sir, you're in
an assigned parking space.
Sir, sir?
- The Orbit Jet and CN7 in magnetic lock
are safely landed, sir.
- [Joel] Can I have a cookie?
- [Crow] He's got a really high butt.
- [Tom] Sure does.
- I'll bet you your excited, Vena.
- I'm excited, and happy, and thankful
I reached Casa 7.
- Your big brother's
probably waiting outside now.
- [Tom] Lets roll, boys.
- [Crow] Very funny, Winky.
- Paul!
- Hehehe, you know, Joel,
I stand in chuckling wonder
at the space dialogue
in this so-called space movie.
- I know.
Movies like this are
always trying to show off
how futuristic they are
by putting the word space
in front of everything.
- It's a classic overuse of
what's known as a modifier.
And in this movie, our
grammatical friend the modifier
puts in triple overtime.
See, they eat their space lunch,
the take their space pills,
there's a space girlfriend on this ship,
there was a pesky space
kid, space this, space that.
- Yeah, with all the man hours spent
on ingenious plot points
and carefully crafted
character development.
There was no time for hard research.
- And hey, did you get a load
of those really cheap props
made to look like
bonafide space equipment?
- Heh, yeah.
- Well, you know.
It makes you wonder if
people did this sort of thing
in every era, don't it?
- Right.
Like in the old days of the old West.
Maybe frontier people ate frontier chips
with frontier onion dip and rode
their frontier transportation down to
the frontier meeting place to watch some
frontier entertainment
and then some of them use
their frontier guns and frontier rifles
to settle a game of frontier poker
in which somebody frontier
cheated a frontier freeman.
- The implications are staggering.
The most temporal social
intercourse with ones peers
might escalate to the
degree that neither party
knows what of the other party speaks.
Thus profoundly affecting
interpersonal relationships.
And the resulting impact could change
the entire social fabric
of modern civilization!
Really makes you think, doesn't it?
- No.
Oh hey, Space Joel?
Space suggestion.
Lets have space au gratin
potatoes for dinner tonight.
- Space dinner!
- Yeah.
- That's right, good idea, Spacey.
I'll space recipe out.
- Out of the space kitchen.
- Hey Space Tom, looks like you're getting
a little space pimple
on the old space noodle.
I'll go to the space
medicine space and get you
some space astringent.
(laughter)
You know what, folks?
Modifiers, they can be your friend.
And they can be your enemy.
Modifiers.
♫ Come on and zoom on, zoom on, zoom oooon
♫ I think I wanna zoom with you ♫
- [Tom] Oh, space desk.
I just can't get enough of Bettie Page.
Excuse you.
- [Crow] Mm (lip smacking)
mm, gay night life, hmm.
- [Tom] Hey, Winky's doing
his straight jacket routine.
- [Joel] Oh great, all
she can make is Pop-Tarts.
- Thanks, Vena.
- Can I get you anything else?
- No, this is just fine.
Oh, did you get Bobby to bed?
- Yes, he's in dreamland.
- So's Winky.
And you're next, Vena.
Turn in.
- Are we getting anywhere, Rocky?
- [Tom] No, you know I'm
not ready for commitment.
- If Paul's around, I'd
like to talk to him.
- We'll be right with you.
- Oh, Vena.
Just Paul.
You'll learn all about it in the morning.
Those are orders.
- [Crow] Now run along little astronaut.
- Alright.
- Vena.
How 'bout a little snack for me, huh?
- [Tom] Oh Winky, please,
I'm saving myself.
- I'll get you a snack, you faker.
- [Crow] Oh, Winky thinks it's
good to boss around women.
He wants to stay in the 50s forever.
- [Tom] I think she likes me.
- Ah, well Rock, I'm raring to go.
- You should be after eight hours sleep.
- It's this air.
It's like Paris in spring.
- [Tom] But Paris was destroyed
in the apocalypse, Winky.
- There goes my social life on Casa 7.
- [Crow] Yeah, that's right, Winky.
You're real hot.
I saw your little black book,
you had Nancy Kulp's number in there!
- Winky, Vena sent this to you.
- [Joel] She said to put
it where the Sun don't--
- [Tom] Oooh.
- This is mine, that's Rocky's.
- Rocky, have you come
up with anything yet?
- Maybe.
If an unfriendly planet is
behind the acts of piracy,
they wouldn't operate
from their home base.
That'd be too easy to trace.
- And the United Worlds
might declare open warfare.
- There are four or five
planetoids far enough
off of regular space lanes.
- [Tom] Ooh, I had planetoids once.
I had one of those doughnut things.
- I have checked them all, and
this is the one I've picked.
- [Crow] Why she's nude!
And naked too!
- [Tom] Purr.
- Known as the lonely Moon.
- [Crow] You should know, Winky.
- 20 celestial degrees from
any lane of space travel.
- Yes but Rocky, you
know the history of Prah.
- No spaceship has ever landed there
because of some unknown defense barrier.
- [Crow] That's the history.
- Three Earth spaceships--
- [Joel] Hey, could I, I would
really like to say something.
If you could, oh excuse me a second, I...
- The only way we'll ever find out
if Prah is being used is to go there.
- Well how do we get through the barrier?
- [Tom] We ask nice.
- I think it can be managed.
- Are you sure, Rocky?
- Alright, so we land on Prah.
What then?
- [Joel] Yeah, then your
gay night life kicks in.
Huh, Winky?
- That's that, nothing
to do but blast off.
- I'll send along couple of
armed escort ships with you.
- Thank, Paul.
But we're not ready
for any frontal attack.
- I don't like it, Rocky.
- There is something you can do.
- [Crow] Set the table.
- Explain to Vena and Bobby
why they can't go along.
- [Tom] Make it personal, hurt
their feelings if you can.
- The trick is, to be
Casa 7 before they're
up in the morning.
- [Tom] How's that for evil?
(evil cackling)
- [Crow] Tonight, on Fisher
Price Medical Center!
- [Joel] Oh brother, I am way over dressed
for this first day at work.
- [Tom] No, Mr. Winky isn't in right now.
- This is Rinkman, speaking from Prah.
Calling Cleolanta on Ophicius.
- This is Cleolanta.
What is there to report?
- I've got the cargo
of Earth spaceship CM7
safely stowed away.
- [Joel] And Mr. Mooney too.
- [Cleolanta] Hold it at Prah
until you receive delivery orders.
- [Tom] Ask her what she's wearing.
- [Cleolanta] Is there
anything else, Rinkman?
- Yes.
Break down a little Cleolanta.
Forget you're the boss for five minutes.
- [Crow] She's got a
triple menorah on her head.
- [Joel] Hanukkah 3D.
- [Crow] Hanukkah, Hanukkah, Hanukkah.
- A little bit, I think you'll like this.
After we left the CM7
to it's lonely travels,
we picked up Rocky Jones on the radar vex.
- [Joel] Nice guy.
- [Cleolantra] And you
kept right on to Prah?
- Sure, why not?
- So he could follow you?
- [Joel] You know, she should probably
follow the Glamour
ten-point accessory rule.
- [Crow] I agree.
- [Rinkman] What do you think?
- [Tom] Yes, yes, keep talking.
Yes, yes.
- [Rinkman] Decoy spaceship
to blast the Orbit Jet
into the next galaxy.
- You disobeyed my orders.
- [Crow] Good job.
- [Rinkman] I was thinking
mainly of saving my own neck.
- Remain on Prah for further orders.
Out.
- [Tom] Insubordinates, (sputters)
- You know something, Doc?
- [Tom] I think she's hot.
- I think she'd rather see
us dead than Rocky Jones.
- [Crow] Hahahaha, oh.
It wasn't a joke.
- Atlasan.
- [Tom] Ampersand?
- Did you call me--
- [Tom] D'yah! Don't do that, Radar!
- Rinkman and Dr. Vanko are on Prah.
- Excellent, then we'll have
more valuable merchandise
to sell to our ally planets.
- Rinkman and Dr. Vanko,
are to be executed.
- Executed?
But what have they done?
- They've disobeyed my orders.
- [Tom] Oh well, they, hmm?
- I shall see that your
orders are carried out.
- Then do it.
- [Tom] Just do it.
- Cleolanta.
It's too bad that we can't get Rocky Jones
to take their place.
- [Crow] Well it's too bad
you're not in a gopher suit.
What's your point?
- Get out.
Get out!
- [Tom] Oh, she threw
Winky's black book at him.
- [Crow] Oh, she's angry
when she's beautiful.
- [Joel] I shouldn't let
my executioners get to me.
- [Tom] I keep working
my way back to you, babe.
Hey folks, it's the breakfast
flakes with you in the AM
and today's crazy calls going out to Mars!
- [Crow] Hey! Don't use
that indiscriminately!
- Oh, Winky.
- We're approaching Prah's
gravity field, Rock.
- Yes, you can see Prah now on visiograph.
- Well, what are we going to
do about that defense barrier?
- You know, Winky?
What you can't see you can't hit.
- [Crow] Does that mean
you're gonna hit me?
- But what are we going to do
about that defense barrier?
- [Tom] Oh wow, I heard that coming.
- I've been holding out
on you until now, Winky,
because I promised Professor Newton.
- Mm, I know what you mean.
The cold light.
I never could get you to talk about it.
- Professor Newton asked me
not to use it until we had to.
He's kept it so hush-hush that most people
don't even know it exists.
I'll have to brief you on it.
- [Tom] It's called a
Snuggee. Turn around.
- The filament in the vacuum
tube is quickly brought
to a temperature of about
-243 degrees centigrade.
- [Joel] Ah what was
the middle part again?
- Well, Professor Newton
explained it this way.
Heat can effect--
- [Tom] Blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah.
Our images, blah blah blah.
Blah blah seen by blah blah blah.
Blah blah mirage blah blah blah blah blah.
- Now intense cold--
- [Tom] Blah blah, cold, blah blah.
- [Crow] I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
- The ray that is sent out by
the terrifically cold light,
will make the Orbit Jet invisible.
- Well how can we fly a ship we can't see?
- The cold light will surround the ship.
- [Tom] (scoffs) You idiot.
- We'll be able to see
everything normally,
here in the cabins.
But no one will be able to see us.
- Well if that can't get us
through any defense barrier,
nothing can.
- Oh, just one point, Winky.
- [Tom] Shut up!
- We have to fight time.
We don't know how long the
cold lamp will operate,
so, stand by to switch it on.
- [Tom] Okay.
- [Crow] Hey, it's a Universal film.
- We're entering Prah's gravity field.
Switch it on, Winky.
- [Crow] Okay.
- [Tom] There, you see, I did it, Rocky.
I did it, I switched it on.
How did I do?
Did I do well?
I switched it on, I did it.
I did it, did you see that?
I switched it on, I can do it.
- How do you know if the ship's invisible?
- [Joel] Will I feel invisible?
- But if something hits us,
we'll know the cold light didn't work.
- That's finding out the hard way.
- [Tom] You don't know the
half of it, little guy.
- Boy, that's a rugged place.
- [Crow] That's a Van Gogh.
- [Tom] Van Gochghgh.
- Activate the gyro.
- [Joel] No, it's pronounce ee-ro.
- Activated, sir.
- Secure for landing.
- [Tom] Please put your
seats in their locked,
upright position.
- But even if we can spot a
place in the Rocky terrain.
The Orbit Jet won't stand on it's tail.
- [Joel] Don't start with me, Winky.
- We'll arrive on one of
their landing platforms.
- Well, somebody's gonna be surprised.
I hope it isn't us.
- [Tom] You hear an
invisible ship just now?
- Who could possibly land on Prah?
- Marcov?
- [Tom] Polo.
Marcov!
- [Tom] Polo!
- [Voiceover] Markov here.
- Who's making a landing?
- [Voiceover] Nothing's coming
into the landing platforms.
- Are you blind?
- [Crow] Yes sir.
Why do you ask?
- [Tom] Sounds like a blimp.
- Keep the visiograph on, Winky.
You'll have to cover me.
If they start anything, blast 'em.
- I'll keep my trigger finger ready.
- You'll be able to see me materialize
out the ships invisibility blanket.
- [Tom] I'll be buck naked.
- They're gonna be even more
surprised than they are now.
- [Crow] Underneath those clothes he's
as smooth as a Ken doll, heh heh.
- [Tom] Oh good, now I can screw off.
The Mahavishnu Orchestra!
- You can see no
spaceship has landed here.
- It must have landed,
we heard the rockets.
- Maybe we're all blind.
- What do you think, Doc?
You heard it.
- [Tom] I don't wanna get involved.
- I don't know, it's fantastic.
- We're being paid to know
about these things, Vanko.
Did a spaceship land, or didn't it?
- [Tom] Oh, no, yes, I
uh, sort of, I think.
Mm, maybe.
- Or you'll be dropped back to Earth
and wind up on the exile-planet.
- Look, there is lights.
- [Crow] Hi, I'm your answer.
- Expecting someone, Rinkman?
- [Tom] Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition!
- They have discovered the
light vibration of invisibility.
- It's friendly of you to bring
this new discovery to us.
- [Joel] Oh he's got
yummy icing on his collar.
- I'm here with a warning.
- [Crow] Don't eat refrozen ice cream.
- There's the Orbit Jet,
take my word for it.
There's a gun on it ready to blast you
if you make one false move.
- [Tom] I like pancakes.
What the, huh?
- [Rocky] Stop pirating the
spaceships of the United Worlds.
Or Prah will be blown out of existence.
- That's big talk, Rocky.
- [Crow] Mannix, no!
- [Tom] Uh, Winky? Winky?
Oh for crying out loud Winky
I could use a little help.
Help here Winky.
Oh Winky!
- [Joel] Winky?
- I didn't think the Orbit
Jet would fire on you
to get us.
- [Crow] He's got some smooth pants on.
- We'll take that chance.
Get him to the caves.
- [All] For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good...
- [Joel] Oh I know this
is coming up in my review.
- [Tom] You know, they
really didn't think through
the invasion of this planet too well.
- [Rinkman] Cleolanta?
- Yes.
- [Rinkman] This is Rinkman on Prah.
- [Tom] I'm under your desk, actually.
- Proceed with your report.
- There's been a slight
change in our plans--
- [Crow] He's holding a
bottle of Pierre Cardin.
- [Tom] Mm, and his knee's on fire.
- Why wasn't it reported earlier?
- Because I didn't
discover the change until--
- [Tom] (Coughing)
Thank you.
- That's impossible.
No spaceship can get
through the defense barrier.
- Rocky Jones' discovered a new trick.
He's here.
- What is he up to?
- [Tom] Well put him on.
- [Rinkman] Nothing much,
as long as I have him
locked up in one of the caves.
- Keep him under guard.
You'll get further orders.
Out.
- [Joel] Mmm, lets see
I can wear a camisole
and a blazer, no that
wouldn't be right either.
- [Tom] Uhm, hello, no, hi, hi.
I'm Mylanta, no no, Mr.
Jones I presume, no.
- Well Atlasan?
- [Crow] Yes, exclamation?
- To Prah to handle the execution
of Rinkman and Dr. Vanko.
- [Crow] Rosencrantz and Guilderstern.
- Cleolanta, that was your command.
- [Tom] I went to a lot of trouble.
- I said, cancel your orders.
- What's the matter?
Did they redeem themselves?
- [Joel] For valuable prizes?
- I will go to Prah and decide
if they're to be pardoned.
- Prah is a barren planet.
A land of rock and granite mountains.
It's no place for a woman.
- [Tom] Don't say barren to me.
- Have my spaceship made ready.
You will serve as pilot.
- If that is what you wish.
- It is what I command.
- [Crow] Yeah and we know what
kind of weight that carries.
- [Joel] Oh now my tummy's upset.
- [Tom] Ooh, I'll have to wear flats
if I'm gonna drive a spaceship.
I'll probably get his name
wrong, I'll call him Sandy Jones.
Or Rusty Jones.
- [Joel] Uh, you know what?
I should of known with a guy like Winky.
You know, the guy's not
even good for ballast.
No, look at that Bobby,
(mutters) funny (mutters)
Who wants gum anyway?
Oh I love to do that to myself.
- [Crow] Good thing they didn't frisk him.
- Winky.
Winky, am I getting through?
- You're coming in clear, Rocky.
- I'm being held in a cave
in one of the mountains.
- I'll find it.
- [Tom] I can't find it.
- I don't know how much
cold light we have left.
- You're not to leave the Orbit Jet.
I'll have to find a way to get clear.
So keep the ship ready
for blast off at any time.
- Will do, but I feel like a
lunkhead just sitting here.
- [Crow] Hold that thought, Winky.
- Just keep the Orbit Jet invisible.
Just as long as the cold light holds out.
Stand by.
- [Joel] Oh hi, you must be Rocky.
I'm supposed to take your dinner order.
- [Tom] Rodin's The Thinker.
Two of them.
- Rocky.
Suppose we make a deal?
- [Tom] I'll give you $50
if you have a hard-boiled
egg in your purse.
- You've got something good in
that secret of invisibility.
- [Crow] Ralph Ellison want's you.
- I think so.
- I could get you off Prah alive,
in exchange for that secret.
- You're wasting your time.
- I'll put it this way, come in with me.
- [Tom] Join me Rocky,
we could rule the world.
- You mean, as a space pirate?
- It pays off.
- [Joel] Plus benefits.
- Working out of an invisible spaceship,
we'd have the solar system by the tail.
- [Joel] Oh great.
- How about the people
you're taking orders from.
- We won't be needing them,
we can brush them off.
- [Tom] Like dandruff.
- Yes, but I don't know
who you're working for.
- [Tom] Winky, quit eavesdropping.
Get off the line.
- Well Rocky, is it a deal?
Or do you rot it out in this cave?
- [Crow] Oh, that's the option.
- [Rinkman] What'll it be, Rocky?
- [Joel] Uh, I'll take the surf'n'turf.
I'm on vacation.
- Keep him covered, Winky.
- [Winky] I got 'im covered, Rocky.
- [Crow] You let a guy
named Winky fool you?
- [Tom] Wendy, honey, I
think you hurt me real bad.
- [Crow] Oh, uh, hi, my gun and, oh, huh?
- [Tom] D'yah, what a
revolting development.
What a house of ill-repute.
- [Joel] Hey, he moved
the entire cave wall.
- [Tom] Come in.
Come in!
Thank you.
- Rinkman's been gone a long time.
- [Joel] Nice booger collection.
- He has some business with the prisoner.
- He shouldn't of wanted
to see Rocky Jones alone.
Rocky's a sharp character.
- He insisted.
- I'm going to see what's going on.
- [Tom] Okay.
- Back up!
Don't try anything.
Go on, Dr. Vanko, put
your hands in the air
and keep them there.
- [Crow] Now dance.
- Go on, get over beside Dr. Vanko.
- [Crow] Now you, give him a back rub.
- Don't either one of you try a thing.
Winky, come in Winky.
- [Winky] Go ahead, Rocky.
Not much time left.
- Open the airlock hatch.
- [Tom] I'm sorry, I'm
afraid I can't do that, Dave.
- I'm on my way.
- [Winky] The rockets'll be roaring.
- [Crow] And the spaceship
will be ready too.
- [Tom] Well, I had a great time.
Enjoyed the canapés.
Uh, say hello to the wife.
Hope you don't mind if just kind of leave!
- [Joel] Oh, they've
got Flinstone furniture.
Check it out.
- [Tom] Ah, Rocky blew it again.
- [Crow] Yeah, what was his mission?
Go in there, get caught, and escape?
- [Tom] Look at her go.
- [Joel] Well hi, Rocky,
where have you been?
- You blast off perfect, Winky.
- You had yourself quite a time.
- Yes, but I didn't
quite complete the job.
We know where the space
pirates operate from.
- And who they are.
- But we still don't know
who's behind Rinkman.
- [Joel] I thought we were, sir.
- We'll keep the cold light on
until we're out of Prah's gravity field.
- I sure hope there's enough
energy left in the lamp.
- Winky, look.
- [Tom] That's us.
- [Rocky] Strange
spaceship headed for Prah.
- Wow, we just blasted off in time.
- Rinkman's boss is probably on that ship.
I'd sure like to have a look inside.
- [Crow] Inside the boss?
That's disgusting.
- [Tom] Thunderbirds are go!
This year's winter
carnival king and queen.
- I'm curious Cleolanta
about this journey to Prah.
- [Crow] Do we have enough gas?
- Truth is, Rocky Jones
has been taken prisoner.
And is being held on Prah.
- So that's the reason
you're giving it your personal attention?
- [Tom] (making cat sounds)
- If you were as smart as
my chief office should be--
- [Crow] You'd be half as smart as me.
- Rocky Jones has caused
us more difficulties
than any other person
in the United Worlds.
- [Tom] I want him to work the counter.
- I want him on our side.
- You failed before, Cleolanta.
- This time, I'm not going to fail.
- [Joel] I bought some Jovani.
- [Tom] Oh, uh oh.
It's the cold ray thing.
I think they were just going along with it
'cause he can see us, you see.
- This is the XV2 calling Casa 7.
- [Voiceover] This is Casa 7.
Go ahead, XV2.
- Message to Paul Ray.
- [Tom] Bite me.
- Proceeding to Casa 7.
Anticipate arrival at, uh, 400 solar time.
Tell Paul to say hello to Vena and Bobby.
- [Voiceover] Message will
be delivered to Paul Ray.
- [Tom] He bought it.
- Thank you Casa 7, out.
- Well there's the period on this mission.
- No, Winky.
I think there's still a lot more to come
before we see the end
of the space pirates.
- [Tom] Oooh.
- Well I only hope that
Betty doesn't get tired.
I told her to wait for me at
the band stand in Central Park.
- [Joel] Yeah right, Winky, you loser.
- [Tom] Well that was shorter
than I thought it would be.
Huh?
- [All] Ooh.
- [Crow] Oh, sheesh.
- [Tom] Grand hotel, hold please.
Grand hotel, grand hotel.
- This is Casa 7 central station, come in.
- This is the XV2
approaching gravity field.
- What is your estimated time of arrival?
- [Crow] Oh, 2:00, 2:30ish.
- We'll prepare a landing clearance.
Please contact central
station when you reach
altitude 50 miles.
- [Joel] Hold on, Winky wants to say hi.
- Out.
- [Tom] Jeeze, I better
get this place cleaned up.
- [Crow] Hey! I'm in here! Ocupado!
- [Tom] Sorry.
Janet, answer.
- [Ken] This is Casa 7, Ken speaking.
- [Tom] I'd like to make a
reservation for two please.
- The Orbit Jet just reported.
Approaching Casa 7.
- [Joel] He's an odd duck.
- Do you hear me?
- [Tom] No!
- Tell him to contact you for instructions
after the Orbit Jet lands.
- Contact me for instructions
after the orbit jet lands.
- [Crow] Oh, well here you just talk.
- Is everything going as planned?
- Everything's just fine, out.
- You mean everything's
ruined by your stupidity.
- [Joel] Yeah, that's what I meant.
- I arrive on Prah and find that
Rocky Jones has made fools
of the whole lot of you.
- He just vanished right
in front of our eyes.
- What can you do against
a secret like that?
- [All Three] Punt!
- Find out what the secret
is and use it yourself.
But you let him slip right
through your fingers.
- Let's not make a big
argument of it, Atlasan.
Rocky's gone.
What we have to find out
is, how do we get him back?
- Until we dispose of him,
our very profitable traffic
in United Planets spaceships
and their valuable cargos
is finished.
- [Joel] Look, we're not getting anywhere!
- [Tom] Look, Jarod Palmer.
- My orders stand.
I want Rocky Jones alive.
- Why, Cleolanta?
I just don't understand.
- You don't have to understand, Rinkman.
Now concentrate on these orders,
- [Tom] Bite me.
- I want Casa 7 taken.
- [Crow] Yeessss?
- You know, that's not a bad idea.
- And not too difficult to accomplish.
Instruct our agent Ken to
immobilize their defenses.
- Casa 7 should be a sitting duck.
- [Crow] (quacking)
- [Rinkman] We take it
over and all the valuable
equipment and material.
- Don't fail this time.
We're returning to Ophicius.
- [Tom] Oh, take these
giant boogers with you.
- One thing more, you'll
not be welcome on Ophicius
until you bring Rocky Jones as a prisoner.
- [Tom] And you're not invited
to my pool party, either.
- [Crow] Ooh, she's it a foul mood.
- Well, why waste words?
- [Tom] They won't ever be heard.
- I'm in the unfortunate positions of
being obliged to do
Cleolantra's dirty work.
- [Tom] A fake accent
helps me deal with it.
- If we take over Casa 7,
and lay hands on Rocky Jones,
we'll do the dictating.
- [Joel] I could be the secretary.
- Right now we have to
wait for word from Ken.
- [Crow] Ken's a good friend.
- [Tom] Sturgeon in space!
Now Rocky's gonna show us how to execute
a Y-turn in a freefall.
- Paul, this is Ken at landing controls.
- [Tom] You won't believe
where I'm calling from.
- The Orbit Jet is in
the process of landing.
- [Tom] Know what I mean?
- [Paul] Good, I'll be
there in a few minutes.
Have Rocky wait for me there, out.
- [Tom] Hey, what's up badguys.
And hey, it's 72 degrees
here in the metro area
and the Orbit Jet is in
the process of landing.
Uh, I'm landing on burner number 3.
- [Joel] Hey hit my Big Wheel.
- [Tom] There we go.
Busy, busy, look busy.
- Well, all safe and ship shape
thanks to Professor Newton's cold light.
- [Joel] Now can we go after the ladies?
- Give Vena all the details on
the operation of the cold light
for her report to Professor Newton.
- Will do.
- [Tom] When I get to it!
- You know I bet those
space buzzards on Prah
are still busy tying to figure out
what made the Orbit Jet invisible.
- I think we can depend on
them trying to find out.
- That's what I like about you--
- [Crow] Hit him! Hit him!
- Come on, Winky, Paul's
probably waiting for us.
- Joel, this movie hurts.
Quite bad, actually.
- Yeah there's some
things I'd probably change
if I had my way.
- I don't get why Ken
and Tammy and Cpt. Joe
are flying to the planet with the guy
in the mine getup and all that
"Try to kill him with the forklift"
- Crow, listen, that was
like 20 experiments ago.
Okay?
- It was?
- Oh we're getting a transmission and
it's coming from outside the ship.
And it's not the mads.
Cambot but it up on the
hex-field viewscreen pronto.
- [All] Winky!
- Actually my name is
Winchester P. Thorenjuler.
But you can call me Winky.
- [Crow] Yeah, we'd call you that
even if you didn't want us to.
- [Joel] Crow, come on.
Hey Winky, I thought you
were a fictional character.
I didn't know you were a real live kid.
- No, I get that a lot.
See 'cause I was a friend of the directors
and so he cast me as myself.
The deal is we used to go to lunch a lot.
We'd go to this little
Italian place up the street
and usually I'd get like this salad
and then like a past a dish,
you know, as my main dish.
And still get a beverage
and then I'd get out
for under six bucks.
- [Tom] Is there a point to this, Winky?
- Oh yeah, the point is, I flew
my invisible spaceship
up here and took time
out of my hot and savage dating life,
what with the beautiful
intense girlfriends.
(snickering)
- [Joel] Oh, Winky, you
go out with girls on dates
and stuff huh?
- Sure, yeah.
- [Tom] I bet you make time
with the honeys real good.
Huh, old Winky?
- Sure.
- [Crow] Winky, you've
never even touched a woman,
have you?
- Yes I have!
I'm a real swinger and you can see
I'm up here in my invisible spaceship.
- Uh, Winky, our
instruments say that you're
calling from Ladysmith, Wisconsin, Winky?
- Well then your instruments are wrong
because I'm on my invisible spaceship.
And look at me, I'm a real swinger.
- Winky, you're not a swinger.
And you look like Hardware Hank.
- Oh, you're real funny red-boy.
Well maybe I'll just
fly back down to Earth
and pick up Clarissa, and Tawny, and Sue,
and come back up here
and prove to you guys
that I date hot savage women!
- Winky, why don't we
just call your mother
and get this whole thing straightened out.
- You go right ahead, I don't care.
- Okay we will.
- Okay, I don't care.
- Ladysmith, Wisconsin.
- [Voiceover] Hello?
- Oh, hi.
Is Winky there?
- [Voiceover] He's in the
basement, hold on a second.
- Thank you.
- [Voiceover] Winky, telephone.
- Yeah, Clarissa, why don't you start
the hot oils warming up.
But I'll be right up, okay?
- [Voiceover] What?
- Oh my gui--that's your mother!
- It is not my mother.
It's Clarissa my girlfriend.
It's Clarissa my girlfriend
and she's really pretty
and I kiss here and you
can never get a girlfriend
even half that good
because I'm the swinger
and you're not!
(screaming)
Look, I gotta go, Clarissa's
real tigress when she's angry.
I'll see you guys later.
- Woo, you think we were
a little hard on him?
- Uh, guys I don't even
think we got through.
And for Winky's sake, I hope we never do.
We'll be right back.
Let's have a little quiet time now.
- The important thing
now is we've discovered
Rinkman's pirate--
- [Tom] There he is again.
- [Crow] No.
- Oh, when I asked you to wait here for me
I had a reason.
- [Tom] I had to square
up my butt, you see.
- [Joel] Mm, I'm not a traitor.
- Oh yeah.
- There was something
about the disappearance
of our cargo spaceships that bothered me.
How did the pirates
know the exact schedule?
So I checked the records.
- [Tom] Pure gibberish.
- I found that each
spaceship reported from
just outside out gravity
field and then vanished.
- [Crow] Your line.
- I see, making it look like Rinkman
got his information from here.
Well, that should be easy to check.
- Unfortunately it isn't.
- [Tom] Oh, that's what I
meant, not easy to track.
- [Joel] Sammy Hagar new?
- He was an apprentice from Mars.
The day Vena's ship
disappeared he vanished.
- [Crow] Rocky, your line again.
- I think you'll eventually
find your traitor, Paul.
- [Joel] Have you looked in the garage?
- Ken, continue a close guard around here.
- Of course.
- [Tom] Follow me men.
And no comments about
the square butt, okay?
- [Joel] Mm, the traitors
not me I'm just sitting here
and I'm not being a traitor, mm-hmm.
- [Tom] Heading out to eden.
- [Crow] Winky unplugs.
- [Tom] Sleepy little felon?
- [Joel] Looks like he's
stroking Palisades Park.
♫ Take your ship of slumber where--
- [Crow] The downers.
Winky needs professional help.
- [Tom] Just kill me, please kill me.
- [Joel] Hi! Well things went goo--oh.
I'm sorry.
- [Joel] Hey. Hey Winky.
Come back.
Swear it to Winky.
- [All Three] (howling all together)
♫ In your palatial extra
spacial outbound dreamer
♫ To the stars tomorrow--
- [Crow] (clears throat)
Hi, hun, I'm home.
- [Tom] Let's go, come on.
♫ The trail we blaze
tonight will be my guide
- [Crow] I think it's dumb.
♫ And smile because I'm
remembering a little tyke
- [Joel] That kid's gonna
have the darkest dreams
he's ever had.
♫ The night he made the starfield ♫
- [Tom] Alright, thank you.
Stinky is it?
Oh yeah, we'll call you.
Okay, thanks.
- [Crow] One more time.
And that's our starfield rag!
- [Joel] Don't you ever do that again!
- Oh Vena, when you have
that report finished,
will you send it to Secretary Drake
on the message scrambler?
- [Crow] In a pig's eye.
- Winky, I'm going to
check over the Orbit Jet.
- You want me to go with you?
- No you stay here.
- [Joel] And practice.
- [Crow] Bobby's sleeping, and it's funny!
- [Tom] We'll be back after
this word from Oxford Dishes.
- Rinkman.
- [Joel] Ooh, big thumb.
- I also cut power in all defense units.
- Can we come in for a landing?
- I'll stand by in central station.
I'll bring you in by ground control.
- [Tom] To Major Tom.
- Don't let Rocky Jones
blast off before we arrive.
- He won't find the Orbit Jet.
I switched on the invisibility equipment.
- [Joel] You scamp.
- That's the equipment we want.
- It's here, ready to be taken.
- [Crow] Oh yes, oh yes.
- Somebody's coming, out.
- [Joel] So, I'll pick
you up at seven then?
Really nothing going on here.
I'm just kinda...
- [Tom] Make a ship
for slumber or nothing.
So, making a tortilla, huh?
- Ah, you're working late Ken.
- [Crow] Bruh, huh? Nuh-nothing, nothing.
- I'm good for 24 hour duty.
I use the charting room
for living quarters.
- I came to check on the Orbit Jet.
It isn't at the landing platform.
- [Crow] Joel?
- That's strange.
- [Crow] Let's leave.
- [Joel] We can't.
- [Crow] Please.
- The only place spaceships can be kept
is at one of the platforms.
- [Tom] At a cool temperature.
- Oh have you seen anything of Hagar Nu?
- Not a sign.
- [Tom] Stop accusing me!
- [Crow] Shoes for industry, comrade.
- [Tom] Oh wait, I forgot
to validate your parking.
- [Joel] Ken is that close
to a written warning.
- [Crow] Oh, he's gonna
do the Letterman thing.
- [Tom] Top of the gantry, ma!
- [Crow] And they're gone, huzzah!
- [Joel] They're really proud
of that process, aren't they?
- [Crow] Mom, I found a
spaceman, can I keep him?
- [Joel] Okay, now you
two play nice together.
- [Tom] I think you two will get along.
Rocky's into science too.
- [Crow] Good morning sunshine.
- [Joel] Trotsky?
- Did you also catch up
with the traitor Ken?
- [Tom] Uh, hm, yeah, sure.
- So it was Ken.
- [Joel] Jeeze I hate that guy Ken.
- I guess both of us found out too late.
- You are an Earth man.
- Yes, Rocky Jones, I
command the Orbit Jet.
- I am Hagar Nu, a Martian.
- They're looking for you as the traitor.
- Ken arranged that, cleverly.
After I caught him giving
information to the pirates.
He had to silence me.
- Yes, he's quite a hand at that.
- For two days I was bound and helpless
in the charting room at central station.
- [Crow] It wasn't that bad, really.
- I was into a deep sleep
and found myself here.
- [Tom] Oh yeah, Winky sang to you too?
- We're on my ship, the Orbit Jet.
That's where Ken made his mistake.
I know this ship too well.
- Ken is an evil man.
He'll not stop--
- [Crow] Ken is sick.
Just ask Barbie.
- If we can get out of these bonds,
he'll of missed his chance.
- [Joel] Buy bonds where you work a bank.
- [Tom] Well, alley-oop.
In the meantime there's
some exercises you can do
in your office or home.
And they're really good for your back.
- [Joel] Okay, one two three.
Now you try, come on.
- [Crow] Come on, lay back down.
- If I can stretch these
bonds I may be able
to slip them over my wrist.
- [Tom] Yes, if you see,
I can stretch the bonds.
Space Ghost!
- [Crow] I think they're losing altitude.
- [Tom] This is Walter
Cronkite with Roger Mudd,
and we're space pirates hoo-hoo-hoo-hooo.
- [Joel] That's the way it was.
- This is Casa 7 central station, come in.
- Rinkman here, making
approach for landing.
- Neutralize all circuits, activate gyros.
- [Joel] And bring me one.
- We'll handle circuits and gyros.
- Ground control will bring
you in for landing, out.
- [Crow] Ah, let's see.
A couple of these, a couple of those.
Hit that one, there we go.
- [Joel] Ah, if it's not
one thing it's another.
Ah brother.
- [Tom] I saw the harbor lights.
- [Joel] Kids, check it out.
They're landing on the cover
of a popular science magazine.
- [Tom] Cool.
Kill the props.
- Well, we made it Doc.
- Now we have to take over Casa 7.
- And do it fast.
Get Markov and Link in here.
- [Tom] Oh, why don't you
take Linkov and Mark in there?
- [Crow] Avon calling?
- [Joel] Hi, I ran up here
all the way to meet you.
- [Tom] Gene Kelly! Look.
- First there's Paul
Ray, take him prisoner.
He's in charge of the
entire project of Casa 7.
- Then what?
- After that it will be easy.
- Where do we find this Paul Ray?
- I'll show you.
- [Crow] Here let me show you around.
We'll take over and
then we'll grab a beer.
- [Joel] Okay, now I want
you to do your space math.
Space two plus space
two equals space four.
- Rinkman.
- Just making a little surprise visit.
- [Tom] What are you doing
in Alan Brady's office?
- [Voiceover] We've covered the area
at least a dozen times, Winky.
- [Crow] Yeah! Get Winky.
Get him, get him, get Winky.
- [Joel] Yeah, hit him hard!
Really hard.
- [Tom] Are you guys hungry
for dinner I've got (muffled)
- [Joel] Hey, it's the
Nelsons, full and half.
- Hold it, or I'll use this.
- [Crow] Now do bobby!
- I said hold it!
- [Tom] Tickle me, (giggles)
- If you don't think so, I'll
give you a taste of this.
- [Joel] It's chocolate, hmm.
- I think it's slipping loose.
- [Crow] Yeah, right.
Would you like to hear my plan?
- [Tom] There, see? Told ya.
- [Joel] Ah, don't start
walking yet, Rocky.
- [Crow] No, it's time for a granola bar.
I need quick energy.
- [Tom] Ooh, my wrist.
- [Joel] Hey, why is that
ladder hanging sideways?
- [Tom] 'Cause it's space, get it?
See it's space.
- Ken keeps on the automatic lock.
- He didn't know there's
a way to handle that.
- [Crow] With a handle.
- There's an emergency
circuit breaker here.
- [Joel] It's the sign of pizza.
- [Crow] Whoa, watch that last step.
Oh no, the anarchists are here.
- [Joel] Good thing I happen to have
some sandpaper in my pocket.
- [Crow] Heh-heh-hey,
I always carry chalk.
- [Tom] Let's see.
Winky is a dolt.
- [Joel] Oh, that's in
breakfast of champions.
- [Crow] I remember.
- [Tom] Oh, I remember.
- [Tom] Whoa-ho, almost fooled myself.
- [Crow] It's cold filtered.
- [Tom] Hands off green man.
- The Orbit Jet is invisible.
I don't think Ken will
be able to find it again.
- I am frank to say, I am puzzled.
- [Joel] Well said, Martian
- Ken had the platform marked so he'd know
where the invisible ship was located.
I erased the marks and put
them on another platform.
- [Crow] Aren't I sneaky? (giggles)
- [Joel] Oh you kook, imagine his surprise
when his skull hits the pavement.
You're so nuts.
- The Orbit Jet's invisible.
I marked the platform.
Come on.
- [Tom] Now, let's tune into Ken's face
as he tries to find the Orbit Jet.
- We'll walk right into
the invisible band.
- [Tom] And watch my
face here when I try to--
- Where is this invisible band?
- I don't understand it.
- You sure you know what you're doing?
- I left the ship right here twice--
- [Crow] Maybe an invisible
tow truck came and, no.
- There's nothing here, real or invisible.
- Rocky Jones and the Martian
are on the ship, tied up.
- [Tom] I said it, and I'm glad.
- If I know Rocky Jones, he
didn't stay tied up long.
- But he couldn't get away.
- If he did, he's got the Orbit Jet.
And Cleolatra will have your neck.
- I'll find the ship.
- [Joel] If I have to
search all three pads.
- I'll get Rocky's crew into my ship
and send them along to Ophicius.
- With his friends in danger,
Rocky Jones will soon show his hand.
- Yes, you took the words
right out of my mind, Doc.
- [Tom] What do you do, old man?
- If the Orbit Jet is lost, so are you.
- [Crow] Oh I'm sorry your majesty.
Oh where did the rocket,
oh ho, no stepping.
- [Joel] An American in Paris.
- Were you looking for me, Ken?
- [Crow] No, I was looking for...
This chair!
That was it!
- [Joel] Oh, I can't
believe I fell for that.
- [Tom] Look, just answer my question.
Who are you looking for?
- Alright, I've got a nice place for you.
- [Joel] It's a Days Inn, it's
not elaborate but it's clean.
- Move.
- [Crow] Haha, I'm a grim old
warrior. Ho ho ho (whimpers)
- [Tom] Okay okay, that's perfect Steve.
Yeah, good special effect,
really tricks the eye.
- [Joel] It's Edith Ann.
- [Crow] Just a little
paint, cover the rust.
- [Tom] What? Silly putty, why?
- [Crow] Oh man, he's whiping
boogers on the rocket.
- [Tom] Those some big
boogers, let me tell ya.
- [Joel] Now I've gotta go
change the sand in the ashtrays.
- [Crow] Funny how things change, huh?
Funny how the hunter becomes the hunted.
- Who's ship is that on the next platform?
- [Tom] Oh, that's the
good ship, Lollipop.
- Who's ship is it?
- [Joel] Go ahead on three!
- Sounds like Kens in trouble.
Hold them here.
- Go on.
- [Crow] That's so cool, it's
like Romulan cloaking device.
The Klingon's had one too.
- [Tom] Oh jeeze, I really had to go.
I feel ten pounds lighter.
- [Joel] Now let's see, is that not it?
Or is it down there not it.
- [Crow] Your pockets are speaking to you,
they're trying to tell you something.
- [Tom] Ooo, kill. Kill.
- [Joel] Wait a minute,
I'm a young Buddy Ebsen.
- [Crow] That's impossible.
- Nobody's in sight.
Lock them in the rear section.
They've got a long journey ahead.
- Right, lets go.
- Link.
- [Tom] (gasps) We can have
the interrogation outside!
- Doc will go along as navigator.
- When do we blast off?
- As soon as I contact
Cleolantra and explain
- [Crow] Cleo Laine?
- I'll give you the word.
Markov and I will be
using Paul Ray's quarters.
- [Joel] Gene, you keep
singing and dancing.
- [Tom] Gotta dance.
- [Crow] Make it tight.
No, tighter, I can get out of this.
Make it tighter.
- Ken won't give us any more trouble.
- [Tom] Oh thanks for the update, Quisp.
- He's wanted back on Earth
to answer for his crimes.
- Perhaps he'll answer
for them sooner than that.
- What do you mean Hagar Nu?
- I wanted to be certain
that traitors are destroyed.
I inserted Toenite-Alpha
into the rocket tubes
of Rickman's spaceship.
- That'll blow them to
bits when they blast off.
- Yes.
The traitors will be destroyed.
- [Joel] And it will leave a huge stain.
- [Tom] I don't get ze Earth people.
- Winky, Paul?
- [Joel] Scooter.
- [Crow] Diane.
- [Tom] Chopper.
- [Joel] Chief.
- [Crow] McCloud.
Rawr.
- [Joel] Oh, now it's a Phaedo farce.
- Doctor Vanko, Link, come in.
- [Crow] I'll get it.
- Yeah, Rinkman?
- You can blast off anytime, Doc.
- What did you arrange with Cleolantra?
- She sending two spaceships with troops
to police this project.
- Can you hold on 'till they arrive?
- The troops will be taking over
before the people here
know Paul Ray's missing.
Come back as soon as you can, Doc.
- [Tom] I miss you, miss you a lot.
- And for you, good hunting.
You'll have to find Rocky Jones.
- [Joel] Good fishing,
good camping, good eating.
- Rinkman.
- [Crow] I found Rocky Jones!
- Where are Paul Ray and my crew?
- [Rinkman] You're a little late, Rocky.
- Where are they?
- [Rinkman] They're
due to blast off Casa 7
at any moment.
- On which ship?
- [Tom] There's only two ships out there!
- On my spaceship.
- Don't let them blast off, Rinkman.
- Stop bluffing, Rocky.
You try to hold the ship.
- You've gotta stop them, the
ships in danger of blowing up.
- [Tom] Folks, lets relive
the scene we just did.
Only this time...
- [Crow] Whoa, shook myself up.
Never really did that before.
- [Joel] Will the person
with the shiny rocket
please move it?
It's glaring.
- Starboard rocket.
- [Crow] I'm wearing my
strip of bacon today.
(coughing)
- [Joel] Ah, somebody jammed
a potato in the exhaust pipe.
- Ja, it registers.
- Try the starboard rocket again.
- [Crow] Jeeze, I was
just talking to my analyst
and things got weird.
- Dr. Vanko, Link, come in, urgent.
(buzzing)
- That's a signal, Doc, take it.
- [Tom] Yo.
- Dr. Vanko.
- Doc, trouble.
Rocky Jones' on his way to the ship.
Hold blastoff, take him.
- We'll handle him.
- [Joel] Yes, it's Dr.
Smith and Mr. Mooney
as you've never seen them before.
- [Crow] Romeo, Romeo, where..
- Open the hatch, then keep me covered.
- [Tom] Okay, now, turn off the lights
and when he comes in, oh
this is gonna be so good.
- [All Three] (doing Ancient
Battle theme from Star Trek)
- [Tom] Oh forget it.
- [Joel] I have this.
- Take Vanko, this ones mine.
- [Crow] And away!
- [Joel] Good job, Winky.
- [Tom] Ooh, right in the winky, ow.
- [Joel] That's for Betty, and for Tawny.
- [Tom] Whoa, whoa, Winky!
- [Joel] Oh, just in time square-butt.
- I knew Rocky was alright, Vena.
- [Tom] You don't know
nothing, you little punk.
- Of course, Bobby.
- Oh Paul, you don't know how
close you came to oblivion.
Hagar Nu loaded the
rockets with Toenite-Alpha.
- Wow.
It was lucky I thought of knocking out
those fuel pumps, wasn't it?
- I knew we could depend on you, Winky.
- Bobby showed us a new
trick with his pen knife.
- [Tom] It's a tracheotomy.
- I had to do something, didn't I, Rocky?
Well that's why you took me along.
- Bobby, you're wonderful.
Oh Paul, there are a couple more prisoners
at your quarters we have
to pick up to add to these.
- [Joel] And throw Bobby in there.
- Oh, did you find the Orbit Jet?
- Yes, and she's ready for blastoff.
- [Tom] And so am I.
- Paul, one more detail.
- [Crow] Bite me.
- There are two spaceships
headed here from Ophicius.
- I'll know what to do
with them, blast 'em.
- [Joel] Oh, happiness fades
back to the dark recesses
of my hideous life.
- [All Three] Yoroniku, Gamera.
Yoroniku, Gamera. Yoroniku, Ga-mer-ah!
- [Crow] Looks like you
got the worst of it, Ned.
- Hey, Rocky.
What time do we land on Earth
with our cargo of traitors?
- [Joel] Yeah, why, is
Betty waiting for you?
- Oh wonderful.
Hey, how about using the astrophone?
- I've already reported to Secretary--
- [Tom] Nah nah nah,
not tonight plant Winky.
- Yeah, well, uh, you see,
I wanted to call Betty.
I wanna see if she's till waiting for me
at the bandstand in Central Park.
- [Crow] Do it! Space whack him dead!
- I'll ask her if she
has a friend for you.
(laughter)
- [Tom] Is this it, is this it?
I'm holding my breath.
Is this it?
(cheering)
- Hello Earth!
- Bzzz.
No, you see, Joel, the
thing is that I can't--
Bzzzzz.
Now how would you like it
if someone came up and--
Bzzz (imitating guitar solo)
Now, Joel, come on.
Being an amplifier
makes my innards vibrate
and that just makes me feel all funny.
- Oh, come on, Tom.
Crow's having a good time, aren't you?
- I wouldn't go that far, Joel.
And watch out for my
eyes, they're brand new.
- Here you guys, I'll sing a song.
That'll probably make you feel better.
Shadow me, okay, Mr. Amplifier?
- (imitates guitar riff)
♫ Sleepy little fella
♫ Nodding in my arms
♫ Couldn't keep your head up if you tried
- Oh I feel so much better now.
♫ Take a ship of slumber
♫ When nothing harms
♫ An astro-boy who's
on a star field ride ♫
- Joel, for God's sake,
I'm not a Stratocaster.
- (imitating guitar solo)
- Oh, I'm sorry you guys.
Listen, I got a, uh,
I got a letter here and put that up
stills there, Cambot.
This is from Tye Rickman, and
he's got some pictures there.
Cool, they're pretty neat aren't they?
- Hey, could you hurry it up?
I'm not sure how long I
can hold this position.
- Okay.
Alright, I'm gonna read Tye's letter
by using the golden
throat, okay, here we go.
- Oh no, Joel, not the golden throat.
♫ Wah-wow-wa-wow, I really love you
♫ I really dig your way hip show
♫ I tape you on Friday nights
♫ Watch you as you happen on Sat. Morning
♫ And watch the one I taped afterwards
♫ Back to back, it's the only way to go
♫ Tom Servo really need a woman
♫ Keep up the good work
♫ I really want ♫
Now now, come on, Joel.
On top of everything, I've got to put up
with these gratuitous insults.
And to think of all I do
for the ship around here.
Well I've simply had it, my friend.
- Hey, you know what?
Let's see what this system can really do.
Okay, here comes the beatdowns
and a windmill, here we go!
(gibberish guitar noise)
- What do you think, sirs?
- So any way, reading John-Paul Sartre
opened up a whole new world for me.
Suddenly, being a shift
supervisor at Arby's
wasn't enough anymore.
I had to say to myself, I have
to do what's right for Frank.
I have to do what's gonna make Frank
feel good in this cold
heartless modern world.
- Frank, when I get out of this,
I'm going to kill you.
- Ah, the existence of vague threats
that no one can do anything about.
- It's not a vague threat, Frank.
I'm going to kill you.