Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 4, Episode 3 - Pod People - full transcript

{\a1\pos(33,460)}In the not-too-distant future

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Next Sunday A.D.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There was a guy named Joel

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Not too different from you or me

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He worked at Gizmonic Institute

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Just another face
in a red jumpsuit

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He did a good job
cleaning up the place

{\a1\pos(201,460)}But his bosses
didn't like him

{\a1\pos(180,460)}So they shot him
into space

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We'll send him
cheesy movies

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The worst we can find

{\a1\pos(264,460)}La-la-la

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He'll have to sit
and watch them all

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And we'll monitor his mind

{\a1\pos(264,460)}La-la-la

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now, keep in mind
Joel can't control

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Where the movies
begin or end

{\a1\pos(264,460)}La-la-la

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Because he used
those special parts

{\a1\pos(12,460)}To make his robot friends

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Robot Roll Call:
-All right, let's go!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Cambot!
-Pan left!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Gypsy!
-Hi, girl!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Tom Servo!
-What a cool guy!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Crow!
-Oh, wisecracker.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And other science facts

{\a1\pos(264,460)}La-la-la

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Then repeat to yourself,
"It's just a show"

{\a1\pos(54,460)}"I should really just relax"

{\a1\pos(54,460)}For Mystery Science Theater
3000!

Watch Movies, Series & LiveTV
www.flixify.app

{\a1\pos(96,460)}IBM, CBS, RCA, the CIA,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}the FBI, the NBA,
A&P, NBC, ABC,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}R. Crumb, and C.P.O. Sharkey.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You see, they're all the same.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And what do I think?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I think, if life
gives you lemons,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}you make lemonade.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Good night, and may God bless.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hey, that was great.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, I didn't know
you guys were there.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-Stop, thank... thank you.
-I'd applaud if I could, but...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, it's a work in progress.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's part of my one-man show
called "Robot on the Run."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Wow, it's... Hey, look,
we're on, everybody. Hi!

{\a1\pos(183,460)}Hey, welcome
to the Satellite of Love.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}We're having our
art Chautauqua today.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Cool.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}FEMALE VOICE: Commercial sign
in 15 seconds.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Anyway, Tom,
you wanna do yours?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Let's do it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Tom clears throat ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I was born the son
of a poor Filipino merchant.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I remember I would sit on the
stoop of my tenement brownstone

{\a1\pos(96,460)}on the Lower East Side.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I was... Uh, I was, uh...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}FEMALE VOICE: Tom, your line is,
"I was crying."

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Thank you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}FEMALE VOICE:
Commercial sign in five,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}four, three, two...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Commercial sign now.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I was crying.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Whimpers ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Sobbing ]

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Now?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Mayo, I'm going to make
a recommendation

{\a1\pos(138,460)}that you be dropped
from the program.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Don't you do it!
Don't you do it!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I've got nowhere else to go!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I've got nothin'.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Hey, pretty good.
-Yeah, pretty good.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-Thank you. Huh, Cool.
-Okay, anyway, I...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}...think it's time to do, uh,
the invention exchange here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What I've got isn't really
a new invention,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}but it's a new kind
of guitar chord.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What you do...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's for the dynamic endings
of your rock show.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}This is the Mel Bay, uh,
chart right there.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's an A minor augmented

{\a1\pos(96,460)}with an Eddie Van Halen
bolt action on the bottom.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Cool.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And so when you get
to the big jams

{\a1\pos(12,460)}at the end of the concert,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}you can play it. Now...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It takes two hands
to play this chord,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}so at that point you have
your dynamic front man.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I guess Crow will do it...
will strum it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Okay, on the count of three.
One, two, three.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Long guitar note ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Coughing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What do you think, sirs?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, great, get Foghat
on the phone.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, our experiment
this week, Joel,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}is going to be sweeping
the country by storm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Isn't that right, Frank?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}That's right.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You know, all the fads
with the young people today.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You know the kids today,
with their loud music,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}hula hoops, fax machines,
but the biggest fad these days,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}karaoke, whoo!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sings poorly ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What we've done is we've
invented a Karaoke machine

{\a1\pos(117,460)}that exclusively plays
public domain songs.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}That's right. That means you can
sing into your karaoke machine,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}have as much fun as you want,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and not pay one cent
in artist royalties.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That's right, Frank.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now, what happens when you go
into your favorite karaoke bar

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and you want to hear "I Want to
Know What Love is" by Foreigner?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}People vomit?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}No, Lou Gramm, songwriter
and Chess King spokesmodel

{\a1\pos(33,460)}gets a big fat royalty check,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}and that means lots of money.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}So, Joel, we've loaded
our machine

{\a1\pos(33,460)}only with public domain songs.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}All free of copyright,
all owned by you, the people.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}That's right. You wanna hit
the roll there, Jerry?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You get "The Battle Hymn
of the Republic."

{\a1\pos(222,460)}The immortal
"Ba Ba Black Sheep."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}The turgid and bittersweet
"Gregorian Chant number 5."

{\a1\pos(54,460)}The impish "Twinkle Twinkle
Little Star."

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Mozart's the Magic Flute,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and there's so much more.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}But your experiment this week,
Joel, is called "Pod People".

{\a1\pos(201,460)}It has nothing
to do with pods.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It has nothing to do
with people.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It has everything to do
with hurting.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And we're going to sing you
into it...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}with our new public domain
karaoke machine.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hit it, Frank.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Ave

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Maria

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-[ Yelling ]
-[ Alarm buzzing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Boy, it's a good thing we
got those... those new heads on.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Great experiment, Joel.
Great, great invention there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Oh, pod people got
no reason to live.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Isn't that Nia Peeples'
brother? Pod Peeple?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-JOEL: Mm-hm.
-TOM: No.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: And she's married
to Maury Povich, right?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: No, you're thinking of
Connie Chung. That's Cheston.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Sorry.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: William Anton.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}I think that's
Susan Anton's half-brother.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Could be.
-CROW: Which half?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Huh?
-JOEL: Better half?

{\a1\pos(141,460)}JOEL: Whoa,
it's the Iron Maiden, dude.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-JOEL: Check him out.
-CROW: Hey! Whoo!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: These...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I believe I'll use
my putter for...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: For what?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: For... hittin', guys.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Oh, this is
where the Swamp Thing

{\a1\pos(96,460)}versus the sweet thang.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Ooh.
-CROW: Ah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Ah, the tears of a clown.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Faruk Alatan? I went
to school with Faruk Alatan.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom Chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Let's go skin it
and eat it now.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}That's not a Spalding.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's a Piquer Simon-Jack Gray
signature ball.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Huh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I dare you to eat it.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: No, you eat it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Lick it first.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: That one's hard on pants.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom groans ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Boy, that guy's got some
unfortunate skin, all right.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-JOEL: Really unfortunate skin.
-TOM: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Emergency 911.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: A man falls.
Stunned by a monster.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: My baby.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Oh, boldly backing away

{\a1\pos(96,460)}from where no man
has gone before.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Car sick.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Humming
the "Star Trek" theme ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Look. Between a rock
and a hard planet.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Crow laughs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Come on and dance.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: I'm Curly Neal,
to show you how.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: It was a dark
and stormy night.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}I'd taken
a creative writing course.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Daktari.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Oh, I love taking rides
in the bog.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: You sure this is the place?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MAN 2: Sure I'm sure.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: I'm sure that you're sure
that I'm sure I'm sure.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Sure?
-TOM: Sure.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MAN 2: Well, I think I'm sure.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Think you're sure I'm sure.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Hey, does he look
dorky enough?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Dorky Park.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}And you think you know it all,
don't ya?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: D'oh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I just don't want to spend
a night out in this crap

{\a1\pos(222,460)}for nothin'.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}For Christ's sake, will you keep
your voices down?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}There's rangers around here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Let's grab the pic-a-nic
baskets and scram, Boo-Boo.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Meanwhile,
a few miles away.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Is this...?

{\a1\pos(162,460)}JOEL: Darren,
did you just hear a comet?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Huh. Now, this guy's
got Renaissance Festival

{\a1\pos(117,460)}written all over him.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL AND TOM: Huzzah!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}ALL: Lions and tigers,
and bears, oh, my!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}ALL: Lions and tigers,
and bears.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Oh, my!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Well,
time to start camping.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: You dress up
as Oscar Wilde,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and I'll sing Noel Coward songs.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Camping!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MAN 2: This way.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Yeah, whatever.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Tonight on Music
from Hearts of Space,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}we'll go on a cosmic joyride
with some space music

{\a1\pos(54,460)}by various Bay Area artists.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}But first...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MAN 2: There, that's the nest.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We'll make a fortune
with that lot.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}They're nightingale's eggs.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll believe that
when they've hatched out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Lay off. Will you, Matt?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Just lay off.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MATT: Here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Perfect.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Go to the truck
and bring a ladder, Sam.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: I didn't get cast in the
Lorne Greene role for nothin'.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}There's something very strange
going on in that light.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Look over there.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Didn't you hear me?
Go get that damn ladder.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Okay.
-Move it!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Heil Hitler.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: I'm going, I'm going.
Jeepers.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: First up
on Hearts of Space,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}John Tesh with
"Whispering Firestorm."

{\a1\pos(99,460)}Then it's Yanni with
"Snoremaster of Trafalgamar."

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Then comes Bay Area
musician Del Mondo,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}with his Sominex suite
in D-flat.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Then a synthesized
interplanetary salute

{\a1\pos(201,460)}to Perry Como.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}A the end of the hour,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}we'll have information about
the types of sedatives used

{\a1\pos(12,460)}by tonight's artists... on Music
from the Hearts of Space.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Cat meowing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Uh, football practice.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Meowing continues ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Puma?
-JOEL: Puma.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Spielberg?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Cat whines ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Kitty.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Oh, Mittens,
are you eating gerbils?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BOY: Naughty kitty.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Must be punished.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wow, his room's
becoming a disco.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Neat.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Cat meows ]

{\a1\pos(162,460)}JOEL: It's
the ABC Movie of the Week.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(141,460)}TOM:
Hmm, what pretentious crap.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: Well, that guy's
going to get

{\a1\pos(180,460)}his presidential
physical fitness award.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's a done deal.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Crow grunts ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom grunts ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Come on, you wuss.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Come on,
you gotta want it.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}CROW: Hey, Dad
hid the eggs good this year.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Man sighs ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Whoa.
-JOEL: That darn cat.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Huh?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}-TOM: Ooh!
-CROW: Next time on MacGyver.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: I do believe in spooks.
I do believe in spooks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I do, I do, I do, I do,
I do believe in spooks.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I do, I do. Good night.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Huzzah!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: Ha! Did you see that?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-TOM: Speak Middle English.
-Did you see it?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}What? What the hell are you
talking about?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Looked like... like a huge ball
of fire crashed over there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-Probably a bolt of lightning.
-It was no bolt of lightning.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I tell you something crashed
back there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What's going on?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-Well, I just saw something.
-Nothing.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Here. Hold my purse.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I swear to you, I saw something
crash back there.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I don't know,
maybe a meteorite.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, forget it, Sam.
Just go and get...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Ready?
Push him over now.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-...the ladder, will you? Go on.
-TOM: Oh... I love that one.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And don't take all night.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Wish we brought Bill along
instead of that crazy moron.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Bill? He's changed sides.
Works for the rangers now.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-JOEL: Bill jumped the fence?
-Bill on the side of the law?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-That's incredible.
-TOM: Swings both ways now.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Let's try that nest over there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Hey,
looks like Yoda's home.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Tom imitating Yoda ]
Luke? Use the Force, Luke.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Hmm. Nah. Nah.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Snorting ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Ah, ah, it's clearing now.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: With a name like Smuckers
raspberry preserves,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}you know it's good.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This inflamed tissue,
the burning,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}we'd better put some peroxide.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Smuckers brand peroxide.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I'll get a hanky.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Tom clears throat ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom retches ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom coughing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Welcome to Laserium.
Tonight, music by Rick Wakeman.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom humming ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: A ladder.
That's a rope.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Idiot.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom humming ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Oh, forget this.
I'm gettin' out of here.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: I'm no longer
your whipping boy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I ain't gonna work
on Maggie's farm no more.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Truck grinding gears ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Joel laughing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: If you can't find 'em,
grind 'em, right?

{\a1\pos(36,460)}[ Joel continues laughing ]
JOEL: Grind a pound for me, man.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: This Outward Bound
is really broadening him.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Man gasps ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MAN: Well worth the trouble.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, let me have a look.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Good idea.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-TOM: What have we here?
-JOEL: These are kola nuts.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: These are un-kola nuts.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}These will pay the rent
for a while.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-Where's Sam?
-CROW: He's paying the rent.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hell, I don't know.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Should've been back by now,
though.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Hey, what if the son of a...
has run out on us?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And taken the truck, too.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Don't touch him there.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MAN: Come on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Now Mr. Science is going
to show us the white cells.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Put that down.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: D'oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oh, clean up
on aisle 7.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: It's a Gold'n Plump
chicken!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Crow retching ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Ugh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Ooh, he should've checked
the freshness date on those.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Over easy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Oh, what is he,
an L.A. cop?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Man exploring
his territory here.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Ouch.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: I guess we know which
came first now, don't we?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Groaning ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Creature growls ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Wanna make a movie,
you gotta break some eggs.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Bawk, bawk, bawk.
Cluck, cluck, cluck.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: Oh, my goodness,
it's the Easter Bunny,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}and is he ever mad.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Hey, this guy looks
like Norm Abram getting killed.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Hmm.
-CROW: Hear that?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Sounds like Norm Abram's
getting killed

{\a1\pos(138,460)}by a giant chicken.
[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: I gotta walk off
those eggs.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hoo!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}My cholesterol count's way up.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Morning comes
to cheap white trash.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-Was this it?
-Yeah.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MATT: I knew it. Son of a...
ran out on us.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MAN: Ah, looks like we spend
the night out here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: You feel comfortable, uh,
sharing a sleeping bag with me?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MATT: All the camping equipment
was in the pickup.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: So what? Won't be the first
time you've dropped it.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: D'oh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Hey, it's White Fang.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}And he's stealing
those bifocals.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: They came to Earth
to steal bifocals.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Well, it's not his
prescription, I don't think.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: I've gone blind.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}I'm looking
at the back of my retinas.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-JOEL: No, it's just the movie.
-CROW: I'm blind.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: The movie went blind.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Oh.
Wish I had gone blind.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}[ Tom imitating Yoda ] Luke,
finish your training, you will.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Bambi, humans
are basically good.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Uh, check that.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: You know, Mom,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}you never hear the one
with your name on it.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MAN: See that?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Game around here isn't usually
at all nervous.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: My bloodlust
cannot be sated.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}The light trembling of a fawn

{\a1\pos(54,460)}as it lay dying in my arms,
you know.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MATT: Christ, you're beginning
to sound like Sam.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Son of Sam.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MAN: ...why or what.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}But I got a funny feeling,
and I don't like it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: I've gotta kill something
is what I gotta do.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-TOM: How about you?
-CROW: Gino Vannelli?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}JOEL: Yee...

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Needs a shave.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-JOEL: Ugh.
-TOM: Ooh. Right in the eye.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-ALL: Ooh.
-TOM: Whoa!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Whoo.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: The helpless cough of
a squirrel with a crushed face.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that's what life's all about.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MATT: What's the big hurry?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: The big hurry's I wanna get
the hell out of here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: I'm doing a one-man show...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Leslie Nielson, Leslie Nielson,
Leslie Nielson.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: I can tell you this,
something weird going on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All right, look.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You stick around if you like.
I'm moving.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Movin' on.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Hey, you may want to wax
that bikini hair.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Oof!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Oh, you know,
even the movie "The Fog"

{\a1\pos(12,460)}didn't have this much fog.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Un-hunh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, the entry wound
of a shot is a kill.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Okay
-CROW: Please.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MATT: At least, we'd have
four walls and a roof.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MAN: And a jail cell tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MATT: Oh, yeah,
guess you're right.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Eh, forget about that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: Give me some of that stuff.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Hi, God.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Look, there's Julie Andrews,
and she's on fire.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Sorry, Jules.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: You know, this scene

{\a1\pos(96,460)}didn't originally appear
in the movie,

{\a1\pos(99,460)}but they, uh... they
restored it. Aren't you glad?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Oh, thank you, AMC.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Huh. Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Aah! It's the camera man.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}He's looking
through the wrong lens.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Oh, that comb... used to
belong to Keith Richards.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Crow retching ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Look what I've got here,
Uncle Bill.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Huh, centipede.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's a lithobius forficatus.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}To me, it's a centipede.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's always been called
a centipede.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: He's a loving
and giving caregiver.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}WOMAN:
What have you got there?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}A lithobius forficatus.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Centipede.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Well, chuck
the filthy thing away.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's for my insect collection.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Then, take it up to your room,
okay?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Can I go out and find
some more specimens?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Later. You've got to help
your uncle in the cellar.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now, then,
finish your breakfast.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}TOM: Aw.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oops, wrong bowl.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Groaning ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Lively music ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: 3M today.
A more vibrant future

{\a1\pos(54,460)}for the plastic resin-based
industries!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Ah, finally a movie
for our generation.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Swingin'.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Whoo.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Get your bike ready,
leather jacket on

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Hey, it's Greg Brady!
TOM & CROW: Cool.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let the engine go.
Oh, no, hold it. Hold it.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-It stinks.
-CROW: We agree.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Let's take it again
from the top.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Here's your coffee.
I made it special.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'll be right over here. Bye.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MAN: You guys are
all over the place.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Yeah, you're up
in the mountains.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You're in the studio.
You're in a cave.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You're in a shotgun shack.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You're in another part
of the world.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You're on top
of Old Smokey there.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Huh. You're all over the place.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: We're just as confused
as you are, folks.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Ah, the heck with this,
Norm.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Let's go down to the suburbs

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and crash
through a school window.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hey, okay.
Hey, you hear about Phil?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}He got hit by a truck
last night.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}TOM:
Ooh, down by the salt lick?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Yeah.
-TOM: Oh, what a shame.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MAN: Ah, here they come.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Walkin' down the street.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}They get the funniest looks
from everyone they meet.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Wait, those aren't deer.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Well, let's shoot them.
They're not wearing orange.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: They're going to die
in that Samurai Jeep anyway.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Gears grinding ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Uh, uh,
you're still in first.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: No... Mo... You don't know
how to drive a stick, do you?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MAN: Oh, hell,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}don't say they're going to
have problems, not now.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: They're going to have
problems, not now.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MAN: Christ.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No. There they go.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}They're okay.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Good riddance.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now we can kill us some game
in peace and quiet.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Do you realize
what you just said?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Matt laughs ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MATT: Or maybe just go and rest
in the cabin.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Huzzah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: I say we take a rest.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}ALL: Aah!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...kick her into gear

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Steady as she goes
Am I flying overdrive

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-TOM: Flying over trout?
-MAN: Heading down the highway

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Hey, you think the mike's
picking up their dancing?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}All I wanna feel is the wind
in my eyes

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Lyrics by Mrs. Johnson's
Kindergarten Class.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-TOM: Wind in my eyes?
-All systems ready to go

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: All victims ready
to skull?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-MAN: Hear the engines roar now
-TOM: Idiot control now

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Idiot control...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, Greg Louganis
is so talented.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Cute, too.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Young Republicans...
They're so hip!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: This may...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}might be Mike CurbCongregation's
best album ever!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}BACKUP SINGERS:
Burning rubber tires

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Whoo!

{\a1\pos(162,460)}-That's nice.
-Now they got it together.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Oh, yeah, they got it
together now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Hmm, hmm, hmm,
ceiling needs painting.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}WOMAN: He is really good.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Good? He's the best.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Oh, I could say...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Uh, just leave it
like that.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(12,460)}ALL: Hear the young potato

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(117,460)}ALL: Idiot control now

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(306,460)}TOM:
Hideous control now

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(204,460)}ALL:
Digging Minnie Pearl now

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Wheels on fire
Burning rubber tires

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Whoo!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Nice song, but I think
it needs a hook or something.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Get down, Crow.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I can't. Back up.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Whoo!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: If these guys
get any more soul,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}we'll have to order out
for greens.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Okay
-Hmm? Good.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Sighing ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Well?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Hmm?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-It stinks.
-TOM: D'oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}ALL: Whah, whah, whah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, what's the matter with it?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Who knows?
It was great.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sighs ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}BACKUP SINGER:
I hope you're joking.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I never joke about my living.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, I thought
it was great this time.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Great? Yeah.
Kathy was half-asleep,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and you, Tracy, you were
blasting out like a foghorn.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}What's wrong with him, then?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Did he get up on the wrong side
of the bed?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-CROW: You should know.
-TOM: Hey, shh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-And you.
-Me, what?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Come on, out with it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}You came in half a beat late.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SINGER: What are you
talking about, Rick?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Back in a minute...

{\a1\pos(141,460)}SINGER:
I came in half a beat late?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm not going to argue, Sharon.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You came in late.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Come on, Rick,
give me a break.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You're always early.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You're impossible to follow.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: Yay. Fantastic, everybody.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Hey, it's Andy Travis
from WKRP!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Gary's really excited
about this take.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Why don't you ask him?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Hmm?
-Hmm?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hey, guys, the fun's over.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}Well, I still say
you were all fantastic. Really.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's gonna be a hit for sure.
You wanna hear it again?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-ALL: No. No.
-That's okay, Gary.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's been a long day.
We'll hear it on Monday.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Thanks.
Have a nice weekend.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: But it's Wednesday.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Long weekend.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MAN: And now,
let's get out of here.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Let's get up
into those mountains

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and breathe a little fresh air.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}After the atmosphere in here,
it'll probably kill us.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}MAN: Tracy,
go pick up the scores.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: And my leather clown suit.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-Me and my big mouth.
-Place is really great.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You'll love it up there.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hey, Gary, how about it. Huh?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Sorry, honey.
Got a mess of work.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, come on, Gary.
You'll have a wonderful time.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'll belong to you,
soul and body.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: No, I just ate.
Thanks.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}GARY: I'm sorry, Tracy, it's
been a long week, and, well...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Okay, don't worry.
I get the message.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I know I'm not your type.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}What the hell?
There's always Robert Redford.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Oh, we gotta go, guys.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-Come on, give me a break.
-TRACY: That's what I was doing.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TRACY: Don't call us.
We'll call you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: She should be more
accessible, you know?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-So long, super stud.
-TOM: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}All right, all right,
let's do it again.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You come in late, girls,
again... you're out.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}All right?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}All right, from the top.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Lively music plays ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}With a pickle mind
We kick the nipple beers

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Steady as a goat
We're flying over trout

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Ghetto down the highway
At the speed of light

{\a1\pos(138,460)}All I wanna feel now
Is the wind in my eyes

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Sack of monkeys
In my pocket

{\a1\pos(96,460)}My sister's ready to go

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Idiot control now

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Idiot control now

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hideous control now

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hideous control now

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ninny on the road now

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ninny on the road now

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Minnie in control

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Wheels on fire

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Burning rubber tires

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Gypsy mumbling ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Whoo!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He's pretty good.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Good? He's the best.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Blurry jelly rolls now

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Blurry jelly rolls now

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hiddy lets it go now

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hiddy lets it go now

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Needy inches bow down

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Needy inches bow down

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Pitying a poor boy

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Pitying a poor boy

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hear the engines roar

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Bees on pie
Burning rubber tires

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Whoo!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Sighing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, great. Pretty good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What do you think?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Pinging sound ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It stinks.

{\a1\pos(57,460)}-Mom...
-ALL: Hear the engines roar now

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Woof. That was
a hot session, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, yeah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}RICK: Look, Sharon, honey,
I'm sorry.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I got all uptight.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: D'oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}RICK: This is important to me,
this LP, you know that.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Don't you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Just forget it, will you?

{\a1\pos(225,460)}You know
I didn't mean anything.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Ah, kiss me, you big lug.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-mm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TRACY: Hey, you got all weekend.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Oh, that's right.
All for fun.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-TOM: Oh, that's sweet, huh?
-JOEL: Oh, neat. Let's go.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: And they have Pringles.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TRACY: You think the weather's
going to hold?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: No, I think it's
just going to stop.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Hey, where did you say
we were going?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-CROW: To hell.
-Cinder National Forest.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sighs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's a fantastic place.
So peaceful and so quiet.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Not a soul for miles, I suppose.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: I'm not bringing mine.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's really out of the way.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Just a few rangers
and a lot of bears.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I guess I'll just have
to find a ranger

{\a1\pos(33,460)}or a bear to sleep with, then.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: What are you saying?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Ooh. Oh, sorry, wrong movie.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}WOMAN: I'm cold.
I didn't bring my jacket.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Or your brain.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}WOMAN: Do you mind if I put
on one of yours, Rick, darling?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Look, Pocahontas,
Rick's mine.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Somebody else needs warming up.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Who the hell is that?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hi, y'all.
I'm Laura Stapleton.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Maureen Stapleton?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Naw.
-TOM: Looking good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}LAURA: Oh, Ricky,
you were wonderful.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Marvelous.
You were all great.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We're going to have
such fun this weekend.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Uh-oh.
-Yeah, great fun.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-Sharon!
-What's got into that...?

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-CROW: Girl.
-Are you all right, Rick?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: All right in the bags?
S'all right.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}LAURA: Open this door!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}BRIAN: Who on Earth made you
invite her along?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-LAURA: What's going on?
-Forgot we met the other day.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I guess I must've told her
about the weekend by accident.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Yeah, accidently on purpose.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Never thought
she'd actually come.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well, tell her to get lost.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I can't do that, can I?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Turns out she's the daughter
of one of the bosses here.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Makes her part of
the establishment, doesn't it?

{\a1\pos(162,460)}And she happens
to like the way I perform.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Anyway, an artist has to think
about his public, doesn't he?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-TOM: Can't argue with that.
-JOEL: Ah, you make sense.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}LAURA: What's going on?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Especially if your public
has boobs like that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Uh, Joel, what are boobs?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: You know,
like Jethro Bodine?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Oh, boobs. Okay.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}BRIAN: Sharon...

{\a1\pos(99,460)}I think you're making
a mountain out of a molehill.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Tom clears throat ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SHARON: Leave me alone.
I'm going home.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: To change, I hope.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}Believe me,
it's not what you think.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: It's what you're wearing.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}SHARON: Of course not.
It's probably worse.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Anyway, that's it.
I'm finished with him.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Listen, Sharon.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Deep down, that guy is nuts
about you.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}BRIAN: Making out with chicks
is part of his act as an artist.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}One today,
a different one tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: See, cheating is hip.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BRIAN: Accept the fact.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And if you love him,
stand up and fight for him.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Enjoy being used.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}BRIAN: There's no way
you lose out.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Especially against some idiot
like that.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}So cool it. And relax.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Brian's right, you know, Sharon.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Mm-hm.
-Yes, isn't he always?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Why couldn't I fall in love
with him?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Laughing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-JOEL: And then they, oh...
-TOM: Come on, knuckleheads.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Still friends. Yeah.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Hey, try to be nice to your
boyfriend's girlfriend...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}boyfriend.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: There, that'll keep 'em.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-TOM: Uncle Bill?
-CROW: Jody?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-JOEL: Buffy?
-TOM: Mr. French?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Mrs. Beasley?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Chief?
-CROW: McCloud?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-CROW: Boy, I hate Kenny.
-JOEL: Oh, that's not Kenny.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-JOEL: We like this kid.
-CROW: Oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Hey, it's Desi and Lucy
in "The Big, Big Trailer"!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-JOEL: It's neat, huh?
-CROW: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Is this white Reggae?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What should I do?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's getting late

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm feeling blue

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: No, this is Morrissey.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Oh!
JOEL: I love it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I sometimes think

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's one of the jokes

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ooga.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: It's a kooky radio,
isn't it?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Crow imitating Laura ]
Yeah, it goes in my ear.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Boy, you know,
Ringo did some bad songs,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}but this is really embarrassing.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}JOEL: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-What should I do?
-CROW: Retire.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}She hasn't come

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'm feeling blue

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Hmm, this should fit
over my head.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That you will come
at the end

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: What?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Why you didn't call
and tell me

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Give me that.
I'll scratch your eyes out.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SHARON: ...found a worse road
than this?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Laughing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Fun. Levity.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Ah, the von Trapp Family
Singers on the road.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Hope they find some Nazis.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Enjoy the good life
in retirement.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Scene back roads,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Morrissey songs
24 hours a day.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: And it really
came together

{\a1\pos(138,460)}when Mom sang along.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You call me to tell me
you love me

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You play the same game
again

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What do you want from me?
[ Echoing ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Oh, oh, Joel, Joel, Joel,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'm tripping, tripping,
tripping.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-CROW: Talk him down, Joel.
-JOEL: It's just an Echoplex.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Talk him down.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}-TOM: Oh.
-JOEL: It's the Echoplex, buddy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Whew. I was worried.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Hey, look, we paid for
the van. We're gonna film it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Paid for the song, too.
Gonna use it all.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Oh, terrific, we're saved
by the Gates of Hell.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Hey, what is it
about the Gates of Hell

{\a1\pos(138,460)}that compels people
to wander into 'em?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: It's because of Smuckers
raspberry preserves.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Man,
what's he going to do,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}borrow a cup of sugar
from Satan?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: No, he's going to borrow

{\a1\pos(162,460)}a cup
of Smuckers raspberry jam.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's most like real fruit.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-TOM: Beastmaster?
-CROW: Ringo?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-JOEL: Axl?
-TOM & CROW: Sinead?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Chief?
-CROW: McCloud?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Joel imitating boy ]
Wow, specimen jackpot.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Just, uh, put away
his Dinty Moore.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Oh, that'll go great
in his alien mutant hell beast

{\a1\pos(117,460)}from space collection.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gasps ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: It says, "Don't laugh.
It's paid for."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-JOEL: In Braille?
-TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BRIAN: Hey, one of you go
and help Rick collect firewood.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-JOEL: I'll go. I wanna die.
-[ Electronic chirping ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Syntho birds.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}-JOEL: Hmm.
-CROW: Hey, it's a Casio forest.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Electronic chirping
continues ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: They parked
next to a data stream.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}LAURA:
Rick? Ricky, wait for me.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hey.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Hey, put the Casio
back in the van.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}LAURA: I don't think the others
like me being here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Duh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}LAURA: They haven't said
a word to me.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-Ignore them, then.
-Oh, sure.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I would, but they dry-click
their revolvers at me.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}RICK: What brought you here?
Me or them?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You, and you're right.
I don't care.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Kiss me, Ricky.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Where?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}RICK: Not now. Later.
They're waiting for us.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I only asked you to kiss me.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-Don't you want to?
-CROW: No, I...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Muffled ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: You got my gum.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Muffled ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Rick!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Where are you, Rick?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Mmph... over here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}RICK: Hold on!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sighs ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I'm coming!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: This is CNN.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}WOMAN: Tommy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Have you been playing with
the gatekeeper again, Tommy?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-BRIAN: Well...
-TOM: Mmm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}If nothing else...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Oh, you know,
Steve tastes great.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-I wish everybody liked them.
-TOM: A little more pelvis?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What do you think, Laura, dear?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Mmm. Real good.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hmm, you look
like you're enjoying it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}My mother's just the best darn
cook in the world.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}She taught me to enjoy
good eating.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Mmm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TRACY: Especially steaks, huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Not only.
All kinds of meat.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Pelvis.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SHARON: Sounds like a talented
lady, your mother.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: My mother was a saint!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}LAURA: ...you guys laughing
at me all the time.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: We're laughing
with you, dear heart...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TRACY: Oh, yeah, sure.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I know that you hate me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You're jealous, aren't ya?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Because Ricky likes me.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, that's the way the cookie
crumbles, honey.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Tell her what we did
in the woods, Ricky.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}She'd love to know.
Right, Sharon?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-[ Screams ]
-TOM: Coffee?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Laura huffs ]

{\a1\pos(36,460)}TRACY: Laura!
-TOM: You forgot your breakfast!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TRACY: I think I better
go after her.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}No, leave her alone
for a while.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let her cool off.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Or get eaten by creatures.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Snap an ankle,
die of exposure.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}BRIAN: You know, we have been
very hard on her.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Yeah, but it's a good
chance to thin out the cast.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Tom imitating weeping ]
I don't even like coffee.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Weeping ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom slurping ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: Only half a cup?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Don't you like
the rich taste?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Mmm.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Dad?
-TOM: Mummy?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-Ricky? Is that you?
-CROW: Mr. Drysdale?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Mr. Eddie's father?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}LAURA: Don't play games with me,
please.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-CROW: Mr. Douglas.
-TOM: Mr. Haney.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Lisa?
-TOM: Chief?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: McCloud?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Please come out.
-TOM: Shaking the trees.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ricky, I'm frightened.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gasps ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Hey, look at the little birdie
I caught.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: It's a girl, you idiot.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: You know what, Matt?
You're a real blockhead.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You're just looking
to land up in jail.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Come on. I can use you
in my act. Huzzah.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MAN: I ain't doing nothing.
You better run.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's all forest that way.
She won't get far.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: D'oh.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MATT: Come on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: And there,
on the handle, was...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You're not listening.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TRACY: Great weather
for a picnic.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I read it in my horoscope.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: My horoscope said you'd be
stalked by a leather mug maker

{\a1\pos(54,460)}from a Renaissance Festival.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Panting ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Run away!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MATT: Jesus, that little... Can
run a lot faster than I thought.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yeah, well, you're a jerk.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Ooh, touche.
Very clever.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gasps ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-[ Creature growling ]
-[ Screams ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Next week on Mannix.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TRACY: God, what was that?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Sounded like Laura
leaping to her death.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TRACY: Laura?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Jerk. You're a jerk.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Over there, jerk.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Come on, jerk.
Such a jerk.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}SHARON: Come on.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Wait, did we leave
the iron on?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}BRIAN: Laura!
Where are you, Laura?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Tell Laura I love her.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}BRIAN: Laura!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Huh? Is your name Laura?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: Nothing but trouble, Matt.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Let's get out of here fast.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Bitty-bitty-bitty.
Wanna dance, Buck?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Oh, it's Laura Palmer.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Soupy Sales.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-This way.
-CROW: What, do you smell her?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-TOM: Yeah, like a bloodhound.
-CROW: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}RICK: There she is.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Don't move.
We'll come down.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}BRIAN: Laura!

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Laura!
-Jesus.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-She isn't dead, is she?
-I don't think so.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But she's sure in bad shape.
Get her legs.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Yeah, quick,
move her spine around a lot.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Making bone cracking noises ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Dope.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Laura! Rick!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-TOM: Bosley?
-JOEL: Angels?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Chief?
-CROW: McCloud?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}KATHY: Daddy, where are you?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Daddy?
-JOEL: Leviathan?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-TOM: Laverne?
-Where are they?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Crow imitating Squiggy ]
Hello!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}SHARON: Over there.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, my God, what happened?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I don't know.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: She's claiming
she's Anais Nin.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Things could get
kind of tricky now.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}This place is going to be
swarming with rangers soon.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We better be on our way
out of here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: We shouldn't have stole
that pic-a-nic basket.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}MAN: We'll make for the old
hideout in the canyon, Big Bend.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-JOEL: Huzzah.
-Christ, that's miles away.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Come on.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Quick, let's fold her.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Well, I'm so glad they
turned her into a vegetable.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BRIAN: Give me one
of the blankets.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Uh, no, that's okay.
I'm not cold.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-CROW: It's for her.
-TOM: Oh.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TRACY: Here.
This'll warm her up.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Uh, no thanks.
I'm not thirsty.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-CROW: It's for her, for her.
-JOEL: For her.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-[ Chuckles ]
-TOM: Yes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: She obviously
doesn't need it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-BRIAN: She's out cold.
-CROW: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}We've got to get her
to a hospital.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Or a bar.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}BRIAN: Hold on, Rick.
It's more than 50 miles.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}In this weather, in these roads,
you wouldn't get very far.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We have to do something, Brian.
We can't just leave her.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}It's my fault.
I forced her to run away.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, Sharon, it wasn't you.
It was me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-She'll be all right.
-JOEL: It's her fault.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}RICK: Don't cry now.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What can we do, Brian?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Jam a sandwich
down her throat.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BRIAN:...refuge at Black Butte,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}where there's a telephone,
and they can help us.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Then, let's get out things.
Come on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Meanwhile,
in another movie...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Ah, patience, gentle viewer.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}This'll all make sense
in the end.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-[ Chuckles ]
-TOM: Not.

{\a1\pos(36,460)}CROW: I wonder when Flo
and Alice are going to get here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Mel, at home.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom muffled ]
Let me out.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I said, let me out.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I said, let me out.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Ow, ow.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-CROW: Shave and a haircut?
-TOM: Two bits.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Heart beating ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}WOMAN: Tommy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Just tending the incubus,
mother.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Cat meowing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Why haven't you gone
to bed yet?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I did, Mom,
but kitty was meowing,

{\a1\pos(201,460)}and I thought
maybe he was hungry.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, he's already eaten
at least three times today.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Then, he certainly
shouldn't have any more.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Okay, come on, into bed.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}One of these days we're going
to have trouble with you two.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}In you get.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: And remember,
no wire hangers!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Settle down.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now, go to sleep.
All right?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yes, Mom.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Good night.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-TOM: Good night, mother.
-JOEL: Good night, John-boy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-TOM: Good night, Hardcastle.
-JOEL: Good night, McCormick.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-TOM: Good night, Chief.
-CROW: Good night, McCloud.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Cat meows ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOMMY: You all just wait
and see.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You're going to have
a new friend soon.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: That's really great,
little kid.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Sad.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Spends a lot of time
alone. Ugh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, he's trying
to hatch the egg.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What is he, Horton?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom snores ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Okay, so is this Movie A?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Beats me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Raspberries ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Well, let's see.
The hunters are in Movie A.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The kid was in Movie B.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Ah, this is the Cowsills
part. This is Movie C....C.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: I shouldn't have had
so much coffee.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'll be right back.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Ooh, enter the fog machine.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: Come on, honey.
You're gonna love it here.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}RICK: Hello?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Anybody home?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What do you want
at this time of night?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}We need help.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Well, go and find it
somewhere else.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Wait a minute, please.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Please, we need help.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What's going on, Bill?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Just a troublemaker.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-CROW: Nah, Jehovah Witnesses.
-Please, we need help.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Open the door, Bill.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Go on.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Open the door.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}RICK: Please, ma'am,
can we use your phone?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There's been an accident.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: She soiled herself.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-What kind of trouble?
-TOM: Oh, please.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-She fell.
-Bring her in.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Accident.
-The telephone room.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Follow me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Wakka-wakka?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}RICK: This phone isn't working.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Give me that. I'll show
you how to use a prop phone.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-All right?
-Yeah, fine.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Eh, just a few more rooms,
and you'll be there.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Keep going.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ooh, nice.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}RICK: The line's dead.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There's been a rock fall.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}The road's blocked.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The phone lines
are probably down, too.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: There's no way
out of this film.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BILL: God only knows
how you got this far.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Did you get through
to the hospital?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: No, it's a prop phone.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}RICK: No way.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The phone's screwed up.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}That's all we need.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: Man, if it's not
one thing, it's another.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}BRIAN: Surely there must be
some way of getting help.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Hey, life stinks, man.
Deal with it.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}BILL: Not now, there ain't.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-You sure?
-Of course I am.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Come on.
I'll make you some coffee.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Don't worry.
She'll be all right.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MOM: With a good night's rest,
she'll be as right as rain

{\a1\pos(180,460)}in the morning.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Yeah, that's what cures
a crushed spine.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SHARON: What's going on?

{\a1\pos(204,460)}Nothing.
The phone's not working.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}The road back to town
is blocked.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Looks like there's
no way out of here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}But Laura needs help.
There must be some way.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}Doesn't look like it.
Not in this bloody wilderness.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You and your out of the way
places.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}-TOM: D'oh.
-SHARON: Come on now, Rick...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Wow, a rock group
staying at my house?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Too much.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}RICK: I know.
I'm not blaming you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It'll all be all right.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I know where we can get help.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-Please, Mrs., uh...
-Stevens.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Thank you.
-Molly Stevens.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Tell us, Mrs. Stevens.
-JOEL: Molly Stevens.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Just a few miles from here
there's a forest ranger's cabin.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}They've got a radio.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Then, what are we waiting for?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Not now.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You'll have to wait
for daylight.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}At night you wouldn't make it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Anyway, since it's springtime,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}the rangers will be out
searching for poachers.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm right, Bill, aren't I?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Oh, yeah, I'll give you
that one.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MOLLY: Bill knows
where the patrols get to.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}He'll take you there tomorrow.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now you must get some rest.
It's no good worrying.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MOLLY: We've got plenty
of space here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}So as soon as you finish
your coffee,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I'll show you to your room.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}BRIAN: You're being very kind.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}TOM: Egg? Say, egg.
There's a lot of people here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-TOM: Have ya... Huh?
-[ Tommy gasps ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Hey, uh...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Ooh, we gotta go.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Groaning ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Creamy living
chocolate center.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ech!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Heart beating ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, hiya, Crow.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, hi. Whatcha doin'?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, we were just inspired

{\a1\pos(12,460)}by the cool, new-age music
of this movie,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}so we decided to use
the wall of keyboards

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and make out own great
new new-age music.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You wanna help?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Sure.
Uh, what can I do?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Well, I could teach you
how to play the keyboards.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Will it take long?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No, of course not.
Come on over here.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Here, check this out.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Okay, put your hand... Come on,
put your hand over here.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-Okay.
-Put your finger down. See?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Like that?
-Yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-[ Note being played ]
-Ah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yeah, you got... you're playing
a new-age chord now, okay?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hey.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Just like Yanni. All right, now,
put another finger down.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}-Okay.
-See?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now you're playing
a Yanni lick.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-Now, hold it down for an hour.
-Yeah.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Now hold it down till you get
a record contract

{\a1\pos(96,460)}from Windham Hill.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Oh, hey, cool.
-See?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Servo, check it out.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's my new new-age Yanni lick.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Uh, Joel, hold on my new new-age
Yanni lick.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I've got to put
my sandwich down.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Okay. Got it.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}This music's kind of dull,
isn't it?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Yeah, but it's a good way
to make a lot of money

{\a1\pos(117,460)}without a big initial
investment.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Clears throat ]

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}And now music
from some guys in space.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Tonight on music
from some guys in space,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}more fine new new-age music
and sounds

{\a1\pos(12,460)}from super progressive Bay Area
new-age keyboardist

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Joel Robinson.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Joel will be accompanied
on the wall of keyboards

{\a1\pos(117,460)}by veteran minimalist
Crow T. Robot.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We invite you to sit back
and enjoy

{\a1\pos(33,460)}more repetitive new-age music

{\a1\pos(54,460)}as we cruise the space ways.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Come along, fellow travelers,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}and enjoy music
from some guys in space.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Alarm buzzing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Hey, we got movie sign,
you guys.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It's movie sign, next time
on Emergency 911.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Tom, you're stuck
in Shatner mode.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}A duck with an arrow
through its neck.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Come on, man, snap out of it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Crow, wake up!
-Movie sign!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}What?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ All screaming ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}When I get a hold of that Sam,
I swear I'll kill him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Standing us up here like this.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Oh, it's not so bad.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}There's a connection I know

{\a1\pos(96,460)}who'll give us at least,
I'd say...

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: You awake, Crow?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-...3,000 bucks for this lot.
-CROW: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Crow sighs ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}How are we supposed
to get back to tow, huh?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}On foot?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Wait a minute, I'm...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-[ Tom exhales ]
-TOM: Yep.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sighs ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MAN: It wouldn't be
the first time.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Why don't we take
the kids camper?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Are you crazy?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Uh, can I think about it?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: Haven't you screwed things
up enough already? Huh?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Well, he did write
the script.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Huzzah.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MATT: What was that noise?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Maybe it's the rangers.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Hey, Boo-Boo.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Eww.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MATT: What on Earth is that?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Looks like a cross
between a pig and a bear.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-CROW: A pear?
-My god it's ugly.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Hey, you're no prize
yourself, Dan Folgelberg.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Be careful.
It could be dangerous.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Cocks gun ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Ah, it may be ugly, but it
appears harmless enough.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Hey, it's
Mr. Snuffleupagus.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Cute:
-CROW: I see...

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MATT: Sure is a strange bird.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Think it could be
worth something?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-TOM: Queer kind of duck.
-MAN: Yeah, maybe.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Maybe.
-Keep him busy.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}-TOM: Keep him busy?
-Hey, uh, enjoying yourself?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Take a little night stroll?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Trouble is, the weather's
a little bit rough for that.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MATT: Isn't it?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Stop the inane
conversation.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MAN: Go on talking.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: You live around here much?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}MATT: Eh, you must be hungry,
huh?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Have some.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: It's one of you,
only gamier.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Eww.
-MATT: It won't hurt ya.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-JOEL: So you like Chinese food?
-Don't be afraid. Come on.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MATT: Help yourself.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}-JOEL: Huh?
-TOM: Mongolian barbecue?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-JOEL: Ha.
-TOM: Oh.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MAN: Matt, come on!
Give me a hand!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Get the drawn butter.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MAN: Christ, he's strong.
I can't... I can't hold him.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Screams ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Alf, no! No, Alf!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Creature grunts ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ooh.
Big mistake.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Hey, that long nose must
be handy in hard-to-reach areas.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom humming ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Just pad out the scene here
a little bit.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Humming ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: Hey, what gives?
I'm on the milk carton.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: You're hungry again.
Aren't you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There's no need to worry,
Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You like that name.
Don't you, Trumpy?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-CROW: I prefer Milky Bear.
-TOMMY: I'm your friend.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOMMY: And I won't let
anyone hurt you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: I named you
after Donald Trump.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Hello.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Crow imitating Trumpy ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Hey, look.
Look what I got for you.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mucus.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: Oh, boy. You sure are
greedy. Aren't you?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: Wow, if you keep drinking
milk like that,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}you're going to grow really
big and strong.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Then we can play together.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know what playing is,
Trumpy?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Yes, it's where
I break you in half.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: No? I'll teach you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We're going to have such fun.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Foreigner.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Uh, meanwhile in Movie C.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Uh, I think
this is Movie D.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Oh.
-CROW: D for dumb.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Okay.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gasps ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Oh, great.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOMMY: Oh, boy,
how you've grown.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Yeah, during the cutaway
anything's possible.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOMMY: Keep growing like that,
and you won't fit any clothes.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Then what are we going to do?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Tommy, come on down
and eat your breakfast.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You've got to hide.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Belches ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You understand?
You've got to hide.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Tommy, did you hear me?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Can you feel me near you?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, what a nightmare.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Ooh, I dreamt I was
a crappy actress

{\a1\pos(33,460)}in a horrible monster... film.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Hey, wait a minute.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Oh, no, she really does
have combination skin.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Eww.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Oh. Oh, my goodness.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Oh, bad. Big bad...
Big bad thing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Help, everyone. Big bad.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SHARON: Rick!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}JOEL: Hurry.
Big sale on flannel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Everyone, come on.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Flannel?
Did she say, "Flannel"?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}JOEL: Here,
drink this coffee, kid.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, he's stealing
all the Nerf toast.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gasps ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Uh, hello, remember us,
the audience?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Uh, could we see, please?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: I think her perm
didn't take.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Eww.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-[ Crying ]
-TOM: Aw!

{\a1\pos(57,460)}CROW: Well, come on,
your breakfast is getting cold,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}and she's not getting
any warmer.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Crying continues ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That means more oatmeal
for everyone.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Right.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: What happened, Mommy?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It's nothing to do with you,
dear.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Go play with your tripping
hell beast, darling.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MOLLY: But I don't want you
coming in here, understand?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Have you finished
your breakfast?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Then, you know
what you have to do now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Run along.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Cat meows ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Singing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Mmm. Delicious kitty.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh. Ouch.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Ooh, kitty's like a potato.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Birds chirping ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oh, so nice.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, where do I start?
It all looks so good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Little winged potatoes.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Ouch, that's my snout.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Ow, let go.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}This potato's got big ears.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yes.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: It's a whole buffet.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}New potatoes, hmm.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Whoa!
-CROW: Aah!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Oh, it's a rogue robot.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}He's got the mange.
He's gone rogue.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We're gonna have to kill him.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Speak to me, boy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Rattling ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Uh-oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Ah, never seen one
do that before.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Whoa!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Ooh, never seen one
do that before.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Oh, that's no good.
Un-uh.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Humming ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: He's going to have
to house train 'em.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}He can't just keep hauling
that stuff out.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: I told you to stay
out of sight.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Nobody must see you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: He doesn't speak
your language, dickweed.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: If you want to stay
with me,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}you've got to do
what I tell you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I don't think so.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: You don't want them
to separate us, do you?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Carbon scoring
all over my droid.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOMMY: I've brought you
something special to eat.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Are you hungry now, Trumpy?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Yes.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Ooh, won't peanuts get
caught in his snout?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Oh, little potatoes.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Slurping noise ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Ooh.
-JOEL: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Now you try.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOMMY: Do you want some more?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Oh, wait. Let me get
the attachments.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You can do the couch.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOMMY: You know,
sooner or later,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Mommy's going to notice
all this food disappearing.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Then, you'll have to kill her.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}These we'll put away
for later.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: No, more.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Now we can play.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-CROW: Like hell. More food.
-You know how to play, Trumpy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What do you know?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Food, eating, the theater.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOMMY: Nothing?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Boy, I sure hope Trumpy
doesn't sneeze

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and pistol-whip that kid
with peanuts.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Wow,
never thought about that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOMMY: I'll show you how to do
a jigsaw, okay?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-TOM: Oh, that's exciting.
-Here, come on.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Pente, the ancient game
of stones.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm?

{\a1\pos(225,460)}You see?
The pieces go together.

{\a1\pos(99,460)}No, no, no,
start with the corner pieces.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Oh, if only this film
were so lucky.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOMMY: You understand?
It's easy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Why are you looking at me
like that, Trumpy?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: Well, Trumpy, you get it?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: No.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOMMY: No, hmm?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, let's try another game.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Cheating. You must
teach me one day.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}All right. Now, then,
look at me.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Can I eat it?
It looks so good.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Pay attention and repeat
what I do.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Like a potato?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Uh, no, wait, wait.
Let me try again.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-TOMMY: Are you watching?
-TOM: Damn.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: No, no, that's not...
There, okay.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Beeping ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Yeah, that's it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Beeping continues ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Oh, he stinks.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Not very good. Is he?
CROW: Un-uh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Yeah, that's great.
Give me that.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}There, it's your turn.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-[ Game playing melody ]
-TOM: Huh?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Huh?
-TOM: Oh, it's kooky.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Hey.
-Gee.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Trumpy, you can do
stupid things.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Isn't this Gary Numan
and the Tubeway Army?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Yep.
-ALL: In cars

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: In cars

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: In cars

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: In trucks

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I got a kooky idea
for a new song.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TRACY: And now what are
we going to do?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Find the rangers and tell them
what's happened to you.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's a bit late.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}It's more important now
than ever before.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You saw them,
those marks on her face.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Oh.
-It's horrible.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Oh, just go out
and get yourself a new pair

{\a1\pos(117,460)}of disco camping boots
there, dear.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MOLLY: Warm up the Jeep.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Molly, the road is
in a terrible condition.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Come on, Bill.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If anyone can get through,
you can.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We've got to try.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Listen, I'll come with you.
I'll just get...

{\a1\pos(222,460)}No, I'll go.
You stay with Sharon.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Why don't we all go
in the camper?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-JOEL: Oh, just go! Somebody.
-TOM: Come on.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MOLLY: What about the phone,
then?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Lines are still down.
I just tried it.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Well, that's it.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What are we gonna do?
Find the rangers?

{\a1\pos(162,460)}CROW:
Pepperidge Farm remembers.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Mm, mm, mm, mm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You're a good kid.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Remind me
to use you later.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Hope she doesn't miss

{\a1\pos(54,460)}her Josie and the Pussycats
audition.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Engine starting ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: You know,
I never liked him.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Aloha.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Auf wiedersehen.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Okay, you've drawn Siegfried.
Now, where's Roy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOMMY: That's my mommy.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Aah!
-TOM: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: Do you have a mommy?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: He was born of an omelet.
Of course not.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOMMY: You don't know?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: Does she look like this?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Ooh.
-TOM: No, no.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOMMY: Or like this?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Any distinguishing marks
or scars?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Where is she, then?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Where did he learn
English?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: Oh, she's in a tree.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Uh, I can tell by
the expression on your face

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that you loved her so, Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: What,
she's from Rand McNally?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOMMY: On a star?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Can she carry moonbeams
home in a jar?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOMMY: Wow!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}With this you can see
the stars.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You want to look?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: This kid sounds
like Georgette.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}JOEL: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Kitty.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Oh, they got "Wild
Kingdom" on that telescope.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Cool.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Drums beating ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}JOEL: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And drums, too?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: You can do magic things.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: It's called evil, kid.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: He's got his high beams on.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: He's got Bette Davis eyes.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Orphan Annie eyes.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Oh, great,
now we're in "Gumby".

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Whoo!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: I'm going to go walk
through a book.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Ooh, it's

{\a1\pos(117,460)}supercalafragilistic-
expialidocious.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom giggles ]
D'oh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I love this.
It's so spontaneous.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Whoo!
-[ Crow laughs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Oh, wow, we're in
"Pee-Wee's Playhouse" now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Oh, yuck.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: It's a Peter Gabriel
video.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Yeah, somebody hit that kid
in the head with a...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}sledge hammer.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Laughing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Wow. Oh, this alien
makes student films, huh?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: What, did he come
from Planet Goofball?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Did he come here
in a little clown car?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Criminy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Great, now he can remake
"Rudolph's Shiny New Year."

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Poor rabbit.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Poor us.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy?
Where are you?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}CROW: Get me!
I'm Lionel Richie!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: That's not right.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Huh?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: Hey, come back down.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Really looked
like a ceiling. Didn't it?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}Oh, fun.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Whew!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MOLLY: Tommy,
what are you doing?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: It's just my Spike Jones
album, Mom!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Tommy, now,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}you quit warping time and space
this instant.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MOLLY: Tommy.
Did you hear me, Tommy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Come on, quickly.
-CROW: Busted.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Hide in there.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Imitating Trumpy ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Are you okay?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOMMY: Yes, Mom.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}What's going on here?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-Little Joe got out.
-What?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}My hamster Joe escaped.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, try and be a little more
careful.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}I told you a thousand times,
I don't want you...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: I'd like some
breakfast please.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}...turning this house
into a zoo.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And stop fidgeting around
like that.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Yes, Mommy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}All right. Now, come downstairs
with me and behave yourself.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I've got enough problems.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Make that three
hard-boiled eggs.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: I've got to get a series.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Now, do you think
those are blue contacts,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}or are his eyes naturally
that color?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Oh, you mean,
like Whoopi Goldberg?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}JOEL: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Get my head caught
in the snout there.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Now to find a herd
of cattle to drain dry.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Meanwhile in a winter movie
somewhere.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Gosh, that last scene
was goofy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm glad we weren't in it.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}BILL: Ah, sometimes there is.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I thought hunting
wasn't allowed around here.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's not.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Why are you carrying this rifle,
then?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: For you.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, if that friend of yours
Laura had carried one,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}she'd still be alive.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}JOEL: Hurts.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Hey, it's a matching shirt
and sofa set.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Hi, gang.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom humming ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Hmm, not bad.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Oh, the new Vogue is here.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}TRACY: Molly,
is the television working?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I think so, yes.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Well, at least we won't miss
"Dallas" this week.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Oh great,
your friend just died,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}and you're gonna watch "Dallas"?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Tsst.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}KATHY: Tracy, how can you kid
around like this,

{\a1\pos(33,460)}things being the way they are?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Thank you.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TRACY: Because if I didn't,
I'd be in hysterics.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-It doesn't work.
-JOEL: I'm in hysterics!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}That's strange.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}It was working yesterday.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: I rerouted the power
into Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The radio makes
a funny noise, too.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Uh, that's called music.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: Can I go back to my room,
Mommy?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Yes, you can.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: For the rest of your life.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}KATHY: How is Sharon?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}She's gone to bed.
She was shattered.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-JOEL: This town's in tatters.
-TOM: Shadoobie.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TRACY: So peaceful, so quiet.
[ Tracy chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}[ Tom chuckles like Tracy ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}[ Joel makes snarling noise ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Face it, kid.
Trumpy never loved you.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Boo! Gotcha!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy, where are you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Were ties ever that wide?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Ah.
-TOM: Ah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: All right.
S'all right.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Nothin'

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Cat meows ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: Have you seen Trumpy?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: He tried to eat me.
He's evil.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Forget you.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Boo!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Cujo?
-JOEL: Evil one?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-JOEL: Supreme being?
-CROW: Alf?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Chief?
-CROW: McCloud?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy, come on.
Where are you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: He seeks him here.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}He seeks him there.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}He seeks that rascal
everywhere.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Ah, don't worry about him.
He's moody and introspective.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He's in a corner reading
"Swimming to Cambodia".

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy, are you in here?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: This is, like, the house
of a million foyers.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Suspenseful ]
TOM: Dum, dum

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Dad?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}TOM: Dum

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Dad?
-TOM: Dum

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Don't go
into the dining room.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Here's Tommy!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Sounds like music

{\a1\pos(12,460)}from the "High Plains Drifter",
doesn't it?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Mm-hm.
-CROW: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Has a Sergio Leone
feel to it.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Bad choice.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Oh, those are ready
to pop, I would say.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}[ Imitating grinding noise ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Oh, thank goodness
it's summer again.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}We've been driving for months.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BILL: Doesn't look
like anybody's in.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}But how can you tell
from here?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Oh, why don't you just go
up to the door?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}You drove two seasons
to get here.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}For crying out loud.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Boy,
he's really burning oil.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: I'm going to let this
do the talking.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BILL: Charley? Jack?
Is anyone there?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: He knows them,
and he's bringing a gun?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}TOM: Oh,
it's a little practical joke.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}He kicks open the door
and plugs them with 30 rounds.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}It's kind of an inside family
thing, you know.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Housewarming gift.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-JOEL: Aah!
-TOM: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Oh, it's that guy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-What do you think you're...?
-Shh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Hey, Bill, are those
Haggar slacks you're wearing?

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Farah?
Dad N' Lad?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}The Guys?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Watch this.
Little joke.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Hi! We're the cast
from "Straw Dogs".

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Crow laughing uneasily ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Sometimes it works.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Watchtower!
Oh, just kidding.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Tom & Crow chuckle ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: That thing in the magazine.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BRIAN: What the hell
happened here?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}BILL: The radio's not working.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oh, nuts! I wanted
to hear Shadoe Stevens.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}BILL: Charley? Jack?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Biff? Happy? Anybody?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BRIAN: You think they're
in the other roo...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}After all this shouting,
I sure hope not.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Horse poster compliments
Dynamite magazine. For teens.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Turkey legs in the...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Groans ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BRIAN: He's dead, I think.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: His last words were,
"Huzzah!"

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BILL: What's that?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Same mark that... Laura had.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Is he one of the rangers?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: No, but we could dress him
like a ranger.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BILL: No, he's a poacher,
name of Matt Collins.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Let's get the hell
out of here.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I don't know.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Growling ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}BILL: Look out! Jesus!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Aah!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Alf's back,
and this time it's personal.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Ooh, Reagan's next.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Pepperidge Farm remembers!
Pepperidge Farm remembers!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The heck with it.
I'm getting out of here!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Crackers or no!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: That is the frumpiest...
monster I've ever seen.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Yep.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hey, wait!
You got coupons comin'.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: No hitchhikers.
It's company policy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Ah, enough
of that exciting stuff.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Meanwhile, in still yet
another movie.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sighs ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom hiccups ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: What the...?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MOLLY: You're a good cook,
Tracy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Unusual with girls today.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Well, my mother taught me.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}She always said that men
like you for your meat

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and after, your dessert.
[ Tom groans ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You know how it is.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}If you haven't got a pretty face
to begin with,

{\a1\pos(54,460)}there's nothing you can do.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Well, I think your mother
had a filthy mouth.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TRACY:...including
the 7-day beauty plan.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Didn't work.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}MOLLY: Come on.
It's not that bad.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}You've got a lot
of good points.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Yeah, and I know
the ones men like.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}These and this.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}But you're very intelligent.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Yeah, I don't know what
threatens the guys more...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}my face or my intelligence.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Yeah, E=mc2.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TRACY: Hey, I'm getting a bit
worried about Brian and Bill.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}They've been gone now
for hours.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, maybe they got held up.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Or couldn't find the rangers.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, yeah, these rangers.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Down, girl.
Heel. Take it easy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TRACY: All right, Molly.
I know.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Just in case, however,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm going to get my makeup
from the camper.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-I forgot it last night.
-TOM: Take a cold shower.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Now, what's going on, Tommy?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}You've been running
in and out all day.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What are you looking for?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Nothing. Just getting
some water for Joe.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}-Oh.
-Joe?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Are you hiding a man somewhere
in this house?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Joe is Tommy's hamster, Tracy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Oh, what a shame.
-TOM: Geez, Tracy, stay away

{\a1\pos(96,460)}from the kid's animals.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Thunder rumbling ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom humming ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Crow whistles ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Ba-dump-a-dee
Time to Armor All my pants.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Oh, this is great.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}He's gonna do
that Bob Newhart routine.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-[ Tom chuckles ]
-TOM: Love that.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Uh, Abner? Yeah, hello.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Still isn't working.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Where the hell have Brian
and that old geezer got to?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}It's been seven hours
since they left.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Didn't have that far to go.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Maybe something
happened to them.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Wouldn't surprise me.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Bill's as thick as two planks.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-CROW: Is he green-sheeted?
-How are Sharon and Kathy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}They took sleeping pills
and went to bed.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}They were absolutely scared
out of their wits.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Maybe you should do the same.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Mocking ] TOM: Maybe you
should do the same.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}[ Thunder distantly rumbles ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Trumpy? I brought you
a cup of treacle.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOM: Aww.
-Where are you hiding?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Hey, she's got her L.L. Bean
disco survival boots on.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Survive in style.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Trumpy, bring me the girl.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I desire to be read to.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Drums ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Neil Peart on drums.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Hey, it's Craig Wasson,
all of a sudden.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Now Trumpy and I will do
my version of "Rear Window".

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Woman screams ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: I think she found Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}ALL: Whah, whah, whah.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Woman groans ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Hey, this is not healthy
for a little boy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I can't watch.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Groans continue ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Trumpy, no.
I told you no.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: When good pets do bad
things, on "A Current Affair".

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: That was neat.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gasps ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Trumpy, we hardly knew ye.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom coughs ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Put out the van.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, so people are being
methodically killed

{\a1\pos(117,460)}by the Banana Splits.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: There goes Drooper.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-JOEL: Fleegle.
-TOM: Snork.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Gunshot ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-Oh, my God.
-Bill.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-BILL: So what, she's dead?
-RICK: Yeah, she is.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}What the hell's going on?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-It was a damned animal.
-What animal?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-CROW: The damned one.
- Where's Brian?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He's dead.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Dead? Where?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Back at the hut.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Oh, take the Baretta
hat off, old man.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Aww.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Faster, Trumpy, kill, kill.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}RICK: What the hell?
What's happening?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Answer me, you goat.
What is this?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}[ Tom imitates a goat ] What
have you done, you old bastard?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Stop it! Have you both
gone crazy?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I want to know who it was killed
Brian and Tracy and why.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-I told you.
-TOM: We have to go.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}-JOEL: Oh.
-It was that weird animal.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And if we stay here,
it'll kill us all.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What sort of fairy tale
is this?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh, listen, Rick.
We'll sort this out later.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now help Bill carry Tracy
inside.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Bill.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}You are magic.
Aren't you, Trumpy?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Circus music ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Trumpy, you come down.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Screaming ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Carnival music plays ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I can't bring 'em down.
I don't know how it works.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm stuck! I'm stuck!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Oh, we got commercial sign!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Carnival music
continues playing ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I really don't know
what kind of animal it was.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}All I know is I was very lucky.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Whatever it is, it's already
killed four people.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}And maybe more.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Where are you going, Rick?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-To wake up the girls.
-Why?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}So we can get out of here.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I ain't hanging about to find
out who's next for the chop.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-You can't leave now.
-No? Why not?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: I made quiche.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}BILL: It's getting dark,
'cause the road's blocked,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}because that thing,
that murderous animal

{\a1\pos(96,460)}is maybe waiting for us.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Yeah, but give me
a good reason.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MOLLY: He's right, you know.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}We better wait till morning.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Listen, I'm sick and tired
of hearing the same old story.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: I'm sick and tired
of being I'm sick and tired.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}How can you say that, Rick?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Well, I'm getting out of here,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}and if I were you,
I'd take the kid and leave.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}TOM: Kid? What kid?
Oh, my God.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Don't start with me,
Martha.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BILL: If you've got a bit
of sense, then, you'll stay.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He's right, Rick.
He knows the forest.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I'd better make sure

{\a1\pos(33,460)}that all the doors and windows
are bolted.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Now for some peach
cobbler.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Oh, George, get me a drink.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Boo? Boo Radley?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Dark One? Beelzebub?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-JOEL: Chief?
-CROW: McCloud?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom laughing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Trumpage! Trumpazoid!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}The Trumpmonster!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Trumparino!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Stretching the premise.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Trumpy yelling ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: He knocked his block off,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}but you can press it
back down again

{\a1\pos(12,460)}with the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em
Robots! By Marx.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: So, what can I get ya?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Ouzo, vodka, Sambuca, Pernod,

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Frangelico, Blue Curacao,
Glenmorangie, B&B, Hennessy,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Tanqueray,
hundred-year-old brandy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}RICK: I've never needed
a gun to defend myself.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Yeah, right.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You probably pay others
to defend you.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: No, I use a woman
as a shield.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What the hell
are you doing?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Beer and a shot,
like you said.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: All right, all right,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll get the smoky
12-year-old scotch.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What are you doing?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: He shot my Jim Beam
pheasant decanter!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}He's gone crazy.

{\a1\pos(204,460)}Look.
What is it with you two?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Haven't we got enough trouble?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't like anyone bugging me.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Yeah.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Knocking on door ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: Mommy, open the door.
Let me in.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}It's Tommy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: I'll get him.
[ Imitates gun cocking ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Tommy, throw open the door
and say "pull".

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Crow giggling ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}MOLLY: Where did you spring
from?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: From your loins, Mommy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Didn't I tell you to stay
in your room?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I went to pick some plants
for all...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Plants for all your animals,
I suppose, right?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}That's it. Out they're going
to go in the morning.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Now, get to your room and
don't move till I tell you to.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wake up, Kathy.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: I think I got something
to say to you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}SHARON: I heard a shot.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}Shot?
You must've been dreaming.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-Wake up.
-What time is it?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: You know, I'm starting
not to believe this movie.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I believed it when Alf
went on the killing spree,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but now... I don't know.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I don't know. I just hear voices
from downstairs.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Wow. Those pills
sure are strong.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm going to take a shower
and try to wake myself up.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-That's a good idea.
-TOM: Say.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}But don't take too long.

{\a1\pos(264,460)}TOM: Oh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Honey, I'm home.
Oh, I'm a little kid.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}JOEL: Nosy?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Chirpy?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Ratboy? Sondra Locke?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Chief?
-CROW: McCloud?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Now, for my
wonderful experiment

{\a1\pos(96,460)}of joining a duck's body
to a rabbit's head.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}There.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom humming ]

{\a1\pos(162,460)}TOM:
I'm all alone in the world

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Hey, the evil one's back.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}-TOMMY: Trumpy.
-TOM: Yay!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Hey, it's like that scene
in "Mac and Me"

{\a1\pos(54,460)}when Mac came back to life!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOMMY: No, stay there.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Why did you kill that girl?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Why did you do that?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Now I can't be
your friend anymore.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}-TOM: Bad hell beast.
-CROW: Did it for the kicks.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOMMY: You're naughty, Trumpy.
Very naughty.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Where have you been,
young man?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}This is not a hotel.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: You wouldn't kill me,
would you?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Trumpy, was it you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: I like you, Tommy.
I'll kill you last.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOMMY: Are you saying
there's another one?

{\a1\pos(99,460)}Listen, Trumpy.
Uncle Bill wants to kill you.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: My advice...
don't let him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Looks real bad for you,
man.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}What can we do?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Oh, you could put on a play
in the backyard.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Trumpy could play Cyrano.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: You can't stay here
anymore.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}And I don't want you to go.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Listen. We'll go together
and hide in the woods.

{\a1\pos(183,460)}No, wait here.
I'll find you a disguise.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: What do you think he's
going to dress him up as...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Drew Barrymore?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}-JOEL: Henry Thomas he's not.
-No.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Oh, suddenly I feel like
someone should be reading

{\a1\pos(138,460)}a Robert Frost poem.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}"Something there is that doesn't
love a crummy monster film."

{\a1\pos(54,460)}That's from "Mending Monster
Film" by Robert Frost.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-CROW: Neat.
-TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Mint julep?

{\a1\pos(36,460)}[ Belches ]
TOM: Uh, no thanks. I've had 12.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Sure hope the liquor
holds out.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: I don't know.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Joel humming ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: I'm in the shower

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Nothing will happen to me

{\a1\pos(12,460)}[ Imitating mother from Psycho ]
CROW: Norman? Norman?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Important phone call!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: I wonder if Bobby likes me.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}I like him.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}JOEL: Check it out.
Product placement right there.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Yep.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: "Die Hard 2" this is not.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Hmm... Coke, Sprite,
Pepto-Bismol,

{\a1\pos(180,460)}United Airlines,
Steve Guttenberg.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}There. Now you look like Admiral
Peary playing the Elephant Man.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOMMY: Hold on a minute.
I'll go and investigate.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Trumpy felt scarred
by his ugly hillbilly... nose.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Looks like a baseball bat
from Alaska.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Oh, Velvet Hammer?
Harvey Wallbanger?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Pink Squirrel? Little hair
of the alien that bit ya?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Crow hums ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: I'm naked and all alone
in the shower.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm totally vulnerable
and somebody could kill me.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Continues to hum ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: It's probably likely
at this point in the film.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: My brain fell out.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Say, I look just like fog.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Hmm?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Oh.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}[ Crow imitating squeaking ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: You need a protein rinse.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}And you have dandruff.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Uh, honey...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Kathy screams ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: What? What, what?
What?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Screaming continues ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Wait! Wait, I made you
a special drink.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Don't forget the coaster!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}SHARON: Rick!

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Brian!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Somebody!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}RICK: Kathy!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Kathy screams ]
TOM: Ooh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Don't look at me
without makeup.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}-TOM: Whoa.
-JOEL: Oops.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}RICK: Open the door!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-CROW: But not with your skull.
-SHARON: Molly!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-MOLLY: What's happened?
-SHARON: It's Kathy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: She's zestfully dead.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom chuckling ]

{\a1\pos(264,460)}TOM: Ow.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}MOLLY: Quickly, get her
onto the bed.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Uh, you know,
this might sound crass,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}but we're getting
really good at this.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: They're going to have
to build an addition

{\a1\pos(12,460)}just to stack the bodies.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SHARON: What's happening here?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: How big
is a cord of bodies?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}What was that thing?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Depends on how you
stack them.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BILL: Some kind of weird animal.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-Where are Brian and Tracy?
-JOEL: What have I done?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: What have I done?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, my goodness.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOMMY: Trumpy,
what are you doing here?

{\a1\pos(264,460)}-Go on.
-TOM: Killing people.

{\a1\pos(225,460)}-Tommy?
-JOEL: Can you hear me?

{\a1\pos(36,460)}-Tommy!
-JOEL: Can you feel me near you?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: We can't play now.
Something's happened downstairs.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You've gotta hide.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: You're my alibi, kid.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: They'll kill you.
They'll kill you dead.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}[ Sniffs ]
JOEL: This thing smells musty.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-MOLLY: Tommy.
-What is it, Mom?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-Are you all right, son?
-Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Well, relatively speaking,
yes.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Depends on what the norm is.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}RICK: Are you sure we ought
to go after it now, Bill?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Now's the time to finish
the damn thing off.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Once and for all.

{\a1\pos(120,460)}It's wounded,
and we can follow its trail.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Don't go, Rick.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Isn't it better to wait
till morning?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I tell you, Molly. Now is
the time to finish it off.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}But, Bill, why don't you leave
it for the rangers?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Isn't it their...?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Molly, we can't just sit here

{\a1\pos(54,460)}waiting for it to come back
and kill us all.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Yeah, we got plenty
of booze. Let's go ahead.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}BILL: And we gotta do it now.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}It's not a monster.
It wants to be our friend.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}How can you say that
after all that's happened?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}'Cause it's true.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}They all want to be our friends,
but we won't let them.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}That's enough talking...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: Oh, that's silly.
Finish your tequila.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}RICK: Don't worry.
We'll be careful.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Don't go. There's been
enough killing.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Stop the madness!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Last call, everybody.
Finish them up.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You coming or not?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: Ah, we'll take a bottle.
Got a hip flask in the car.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: Hey, he's mixing
his leathers now.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Eww!

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Wonder what they wanted?

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Hmm?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom humming ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MOLLY: Sharon! Tommy! Both
of you, quickly, come over here!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Get away from it!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom chuckling ]
Oh, my God!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOMMY: No, Mommy.
Don't shoot him.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Tommy!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Trumpy is good.
It wasn't him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: What he's done is good.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}MOLLY: Tommy, get away from it!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}No, Mommy, don't shoot.
Please.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Don't make your mother
kill him.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Tommy, it's going to kill you!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: I know what you're
thinking, Tommy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}"Did mom fire six shots
or only five?"

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MOLLY: Tommy!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Drums ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: John Bonham. Moby Dick.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-MOLLY: Tommy! Tommy, come back!
-TOM: Shane! Come back, Shane!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Come back! Tommy!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-CROW: Run, Rusty, run.
-TOM: Run, Eliza, run.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: You know, that Trumpy
is one ugly...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW & TOM: Shut yo' mouth!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Hey, I'm only talking
about Trumpy, can you dig it?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}BILL: We have to cross over
to the other side.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Let's go.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Break on through
to the other side, man.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom laughs ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Buddy Rich on drums.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Backed up
by Bill Kreutzmann.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}MOLLY: Tommy! Tommy!
Where are you?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Fortunately, Molly
was a LLRP in 'Nam

{\a1\pos(99,460)}and knows how to track
a boy with a snout-nosed pal.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}BILL: I walked down stream
in the water.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It's a clever...

{\a1\pos(12,460)}We'll never find him now.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Tommy!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}We must go faster.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Yeah, yeah,
keep your shirt on.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'm wearing a big stuffed suit.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}RICK: Not a trace.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Who?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}RICK: We'll have to wait
till daylight.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Daylight looks
like night anyhow.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}What's it now?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Day for night, I think.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Oh. Thank you, Truffaut.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Well, let's go home.
Our job is done here.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOMMY: Someone's coming.
Get down.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Splendor in the grass.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Grazing in the grass
is a gas.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: Can you dig it?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: High-weed surfin'.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOMMY: Ssh.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOM: Ssh. Would you...
Would you...

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOMMY: They mustn't find us.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom coughs ]

{\a1\pos(138,460)}-TOM: Vapor action.
-Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}Trumpy, where are you hiding?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Whistling theme
from "Lassie" ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom coughing ]

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Boy, he's going to need
that gas mask.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Oh, Trumpy, gross.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: You stepped
in some Trumpy-dumpy.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}JOEL: You guys, come on.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Gasps ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Continues to gasp ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Whoops.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}[ Chuckles ] TOM: I'm gonna
batter fry you, kid.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Come on, over the plate,
man.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Mommy!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Come on, rocket it in,
man. Over the plate. Come on.

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-Trumpy!
-TOM: Kid, you were set up.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOMMY: Mommy!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}RICK: Sounded like Tommy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: No, it wasn't.
It was "Mommy."

{\a1\pos(54,460)}It was an "M" sound. "Mmm,"
like Manhattan, Mimosa.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MOLLY: Tommy!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Tommy, where are you?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: This is, like,
more intense

{\a1\pos(33,460)}than when Bobby Brady got lost
in the Grand Canyon!

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Oh, no, wasn't that
in Hawaii?

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: No, that was where Peter
found that Buddha thing.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-CROW: Oh, yeah. That was cool.
-TOM: Oh, yeah.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOMMY: Don't hurt me.
I'm not like the others.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Tom & Joel mewing ]

{\a1\pos(222,460)}CROW: Ouch.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}[ Tom continues mewing ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOMMY: I'll help you.
I'm not just one of them.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}That's all.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Let me see.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Stay away from that.
It still hurts.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOMMY: I'm sorry. Don't worry.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'd just like to help you.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: I conspire against my own.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom mewing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}RICK: No.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I'll blast one.
You take the other.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}No, please don't hurt them.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Get out of the way, Tommy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Get out of the way!

{\a1\pos(54,460)}No, don't hurt them, please.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}TOM: Move it, kid. I'll have
a banana daiquiri, please.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOMMY: Run, Trumpy. Run!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}No, Bill!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Screams ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Long Island iced tea.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Creature screams ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: Hey, looks like he came
from the Dumbo planet.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Time to take the mask off
and see who it is.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Do you folks at home know?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MOLLY: Tommy!

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Oh, my ankle.
It's all bendy-wendy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}SHARON: Molly, we'll find him.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: We may find him dead,
but we will find him.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Boy, I hope he left
the keys to the liquor cabinet.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Poor sap.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}CROW: Oh, self-bury monster.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Explain that.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Soft beach.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}SHARON: Oh.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: And he died as he lived,
with his mouth wide open.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}MOLLY: Where's Tommy?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He went that way.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Wait, Molly! Come on.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Trumpy, I'm sorry.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Tommy!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Tommy, answer me, please!

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: State it in the form
of a question.

{\a1\pos(78,460)}-Tommy! Where are you?
-TOM: Come to the mirror, boy!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOMMY: It's just no good.
No, Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}They'll never let us stay
together.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}You frighten them.
You understand?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: For obvious reasons.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}I'll never forget you, Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: The way you callously
knocked off 15 people.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}I'll never forget that.
Don't ever change, Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Aww.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}JOEL: A tender moment.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Weeping ]

{\a1\pos(117,460)}TOMMY: Now, please go
and don't come back.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Do you understand?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Don't ever come back.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Tommy, where are you?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Go away, Trumpy.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}I hate you. Go away.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: Oh, boy, that kid's
really having mood swings.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}-We're not friends anymore.
-JOEL: That's not good.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOMMY: Go away.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}All right, Trumpy.
[ Tom mewing ]

{\a1\pos(201,460)}I'll go, then.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm over here, Mommy.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Talkin' to Billy Barty.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom mewing ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Mommy, I'm here!

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Uh-huh.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}RICK: Molly, he's here.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}JOEL: No, he's over there.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}MOLLY: Tommy!

{\a1\pos(306,460)}Mom!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: Sorry, boy,
your uncle's dead,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}but if there's a God
and he tends bar,

{\a1\pos(96,460)}your uncle's bellying up
right about now.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}RICK: Yes, Tommy,
all the monsters are dead.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Isn't that right?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}[ Synth music plays ]

{\a1\pos(306,460)}TOM:
It's been seven

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Oh, never mind.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}CROW: Hey, don't leave me here.
I was raised by a child.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}I can't survive
in the wilderness.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom mewing ]

{\a1\pos(12,460)}I'll... just... wait here, then.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}[ Mewing continues ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}TOM: So...

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Sighs ]

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hmm.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}TOM: Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(162,460)}JOEL:
I've laughed with monsters

{\a1\pos(204,460)}JOEL & TOM:
I've cried with monsters

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL & TOM: I'll die
with monsters from hell

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: I'm getting out of here.
This place sucks.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}[ Tom chuckles ]

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Going back to my planet.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Hmm, Marine?

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Chuckling ]
Send in the marines.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Hey.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}JOEL: Ah, isn't that
Martin Sheen's son?

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Hey, who isn't?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}-JOEL: Yeah, got a point there.
-TOM: Yep.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Ooh, that's a good
Italian lunch wine.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Very light.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Smooth palate,
a nice woody finish.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}JOEL: Hey, Martin and Lewis
were in this movie.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Come on, Jerry,

{\a1\pos(78,460)}we've got the rest
of the credits to get through.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}JOEL: Wow, Dean.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}CROW: Aw, quit horsing around,
boy.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}[ Tom sniffs ]

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Ah, the fresh smell
of Emanuel Pine.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}CROW: Long needle.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}JOEL: I say both of those guys
were in the Knights of Columbus.

{\a1\pos(33,460)}TOM: I think their Two Guys of
the Rotten Union is what it is.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Well, hmm.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}TOM: Oh, I thought
I smelled basil.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Basil!

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Yes, dear.
I'm doing it, dear.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}How can I do it if you keep
calling me?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}CROW: Great cow!

{\a1\pos(201,460)}JOEL: Come on,
let's get out of here.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}CROW: Oh, thank you.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}TOM: Chase me.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}CROW: Okay, ha ha ha.

{\a1\pos(222,460)}Well, guys,

{\a1\pos(138,460)}looks like it's time
to pack it all in again.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Yeah, we are the stuff
dreams are made of.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}TOM: Oh, that's beautiful, Crow.

{\a1\pos(201,460)}-Shakespeare?
-Uh, no, Burma-Shave.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Oh, well, Iike... Huh?

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You know, guys, it always
hurts to close it all up...

{\a1\pos(267,460)}-Yeah.
-...strike the set...

{\a1\pos(36,460)}-Oww!
-...wipe off the grease paint...

{\a1\pos(201,460)}Uh, napkin up
the blood and entrails

{\a1\pos(54,460)}and move on to another town.

{\a1\pos(117,460)}Uh-oh, I smell a song.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Mm-hm.

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Tell me, where does
all the magic go

{\a1\pos(117,460)}When the curtain falls
to end the show?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Do the clowns always cry

{\a1\pos(96,460)}When they pack up
the paper sky?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}When the champagne
is being poured

{\a1\pos(12,460)}And the lock is on the old
stage door?

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Will there still be a clown
in the sky

{\a1\pos(264,460)}For me?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Sobbing ]

{\a1\pos(306,460)}No.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}Don't worry, buddy. There'll be
other experiments.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}You really think so, mister?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Yeah, take a verse.
It'll cheer you up.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Okay.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}When the harlequin
is on the bed

{\a1\pos(138,460)}And the whisky haze
surrounds his head

{\a1\pos(180,460)}William Holden's
coming over

{\a1\pos(141,460)}-Tom Servo...
-And he's got a fifth of...

{\a1\pos(96,460)}if you don't stop doing
your Anthony Newley,

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I'm going to throw you
against the wall.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}He'll do it, too.

{\a1\pos(54,460)}Will there still be a clown
in the sky?

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Help us out, Crow.

{\a1\pos(180,460)}Still be a clown
in the sky?

{\a1\pos(138,460)}Take it home, Joel.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}Tell me, where is
that clown in the sky

{\a1\pos(180,460)}For... me?

{\a1\pos(222,460)}[ Sobbing ]
Oh!

{\a1\pos(117,460)}I love you, Tom Servo.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}-I love you, Joel.
-I love you, Crow.

{\a1\pos(12,460)}You're not my real father.

{\a1\pos(96,460)}What do you think, sirs?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It stinks.

{\a1\pos(285,460)}Well?

{\a1\pos(180,460)}It stinks.

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