Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999): Season 2, Episode 7 - Robot Monster - full transcript

-♪ In the not-too-distant
future ♪

♪ Next Sunday, AD

♪ There was a guy named Joel

♪ Not too different
from you or me ♪

♪ He worked at
Gizmonic Institute ♪

♪ Just another face
in a red jumpsuit ♪

♪ He did a good job
cleaning up the place ♪

♪ But his bosses
didn't like him ♪

♪ So they shot him into space

♪ We'll send him cheesy movies

♪ The worst we can find

♪ La-la-la

♪ He'll have to sit
and watch them all ♪

♪ And we'll monitor his mind

♪ La-la-la

♪ Now, keep in mind,
Joel can't control ♪

♪ Where the movies
begin or end ♪

♪ La-la-la

♪ Because he used
those special parts ♪

♪ To make his robot friends

♪ Robot roll call

-Cambot!
-Pan left!

-Gypsy!
-Hi, girl!

-Tom Servo!
-What a cool guy!

-Cro-o-o-ow!
-What a wisecracker.

-♪ If you're wondering
how he eats and breathes ♪

♪ And other science facts

♪ La-la-la

♪ Then repeat to yourself,
it's just a show ♪

♪ I should really just relax

♪ For "Mystery Science
Theater 3000" ♪

[Creaking]

[Doors whooshing]

-30 seconds commercials time.

-Hey, everybody.

Um, welcome to
the Satellite of Love.

Um, my name is Joel,and I'm marooned in outer space,

and I guess,
in a way, uh, you are, too.

Uh, I'm expecting a call from
the evil overlord scientists

who shot me into space
pretty soon.

-Commercials time
in 15 seconds.

-So, um, stick around.

You know, we're going to
find out what the movie is,

and then we're going to have
an Invention Exchange,

and then we can get on
with the experiment,

and then after that, I guess
you can get on with your lives.

-Commercials time in five,
four, three, two.

-Don't...

-Commercials time, now.

-Don't go away.
We'll be right back.

♪♪

Okay, now, just take it easy.

This isn't going to hurt a bit.

-Ooh, it's going to hurt!
It's going to hurt!

-A-Always be careful when Joel
is using the laser torch.

All right?
-Oh!

-See?

Okay, look. You're -- I'm done.

I'm done already.

I'm done. Here, okay, jump down.

Here's your RAM chip.
Come on. There you go.

Get out of here, now.

Oh, my evil overlords
are calling me.

Come in, sirs!

-Come in Joe-lene,
you pusillanimous poltroon.

-Hey, sirs. What's going on?
What's up?

-Well, what's up every week
at this time,

you anti-gravitational
sewage leak?

-It's the Invention Exchange,

and this time, we've got
a real winner for you,

something that'll sure to pleaseall of your frat buddies.

-It's a little something
we like to call

the mechanically inflating
whoopee cushion.

As we all know,
the whoopee cushion

has been
a long-standing favorite

among pranksters
around the world.

[Laughs]
-Yes.

This one has got a little twist,though.

It's a self-inflating model,

and it's filled
with real methane gas.

-Get the picture?

-Larry.
-Ready?

Whoo-hoo!

-[Coughs]

-Excuse me. [Laughs]

-[Sighs]
-What do you think?

-I'm shocked.

-It's really sophomoric.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

-Well, what's your little
contribution to science

this week, Joe-lita,
my little vacuum flower?

[Both laugh]

-Okay, sirs.
Well, this is my new invention.

It's called
the Cumber Bubble Bund.

It's something you wear when youwant to make a big impression.

Let's say it's your
first day of school somewhere,

or you're, uh, going in
for a job interview.

Just put on
the Cumber Bubble Bun,

and you're an automatic
disco-dance party.

[Whirring]
Hit the music, Cambot!

-Prepare to go wild!

[Dance music playing]

-See?

-Party, ooh, wow!

-Okay, stop it. I got a joke.

[Whirring continues]

You know,champagne goes right through me.

[Laughter]

Anyway,
what do you think, sirs?

-Oh, very amusing.

-[Groans]

-Anyway, your film today is
"Robot Monster."

It's a classic film

that was nominated for
a Golden Turkey Award

for being one of
the fowl-est films ever.

-See, to call this film wretched

would just be an insult
to the word "wretched."

It stars no one!

Oh, man. You won't believe this.

-Yes, and to further
your viewing displeasure,

we have a double-dose of that
classic Commando Cody serial

"Radar Men from the Moon."

Deal with it, pink boy!
-Enjoy!

[Buzzer]

-Oh, movie sign!

[Doors whooshing]

♪♪

I don't know.

I thought that invention
was a good idea.

-Flaming whoopee cushion,
that was brilliant.

-No, not that, mine,
the bubble thing.

-Oh, yeah. I like bubbles.

-Look at this.

Another one of these,
"Radar Men from the Moon."

-Seen it.

-Oh!
-Can we go?

-Done it.

-Starring the same people
as the week before,

the week before that.
and episode after episode.

-Hmm, yep, yep.

-What did you do today?

Well, we watched a stupid movie.Yeah, same as always.

Another day in the salt mine.

-Well,
try to keep a good attitude.

We got to do two of these.

-What?!

-Oh, brother.

-I don't think I can do that.

♪♪

[Humming]

Yeah. We know. We know!

-Music is good this time.

[Dramatic music plays]

-"Flight to Destruction."

Ooh, I'm quivering in my chair.

♪♪

"Commando Cody pursues Daly and
Graber who, on Krog's orders,

attempt to, uh,

attempt to, uh,
bomb the rocket ship

with Cody and the kidnapper,"
and stuff.

-Okay, now see if you can spot
the escape scene that happens.

We always seem to miss it

when they get out
just before something explodes.

♪♪

-If I remember correctly,

they're turning onto
the bridge of death.

♪♪

-Hey.

Here comes Cody, and he's got
his beer goggles on.

-He's trashed, and now
he's going to get bombed.

-[Laughs]

Huh?

♪♪

[Tires screech]

-Oh, oh, look! It's a bomb!

-Hey, that scene wasn't in
last time.

-That's because they didn't get
the film back

from the drugstore yet.

-Upon further review,the refs find that Cody is dead.

The play stands.

Cody is dead.

♪♪

-So the people on the Moon

are planning a direct attack
on the world,

soon as their saboteurs
have softened up our defenses.

-What do you thinktheir chances are of succeeding?

-You've seen what their ray guns
have already done here.

If they send out a fleet
of rocket ships

armed with atomic weapons
like those

or perhaps even larger ones,

it would be difficult
to hold out against them.

-Perhaps our best move

would be to attempt an attack
on the Moon.

-We'd be at
a terrific disadvantage.

I don't even see how
we could land ships there

in face of their ray guns.

-We just can't sit here
and wait to be attacked.

-Sure we can.
We've done it a million times.

-Retik the Ruler told me
they plan to attack

after their saboteurs herehave accomplished their mission.

If we can round up
the gang operating here,

we may stave off the attack

until we are better prepared
to meet it.

-Yes.

-That guy
is uglier than a mud fence.

-You know some of the saboteurs,don't you?

-He could make a train
dig a dirt road.

-That is my site,

and my flying suit gives me
a considerable advantage

in running them down.

-Right.

I'll have you notifiedwhenever there's another attack.

In the meantime, we'll put every
available man on this case.

Goodbye, Cody.
-Goodbye, sir.

-Bye.

-What a nice guy.

-Seems like a nice-enough fella.

-At first.

-Hey, forget about
the pearled inlay.

Just screw it back together.

-I'll have this ray gun finishedin a short time now,

so you'd better arrange to get
another truck to mount it in.

-Okay, but I'll need
some more money.

-My purse is on the counter,
honey.

-We'll have to sell
some more of those jewels

you brought down from the Moon.

-I have only a few of them left,

and I must keep those
for an emergency.

-What's he going to do,
luge in that outfit?

-...your career of bank robbery.

-Not me.

I'm already on parole for that.

-I know, but you would be wise
to continue to obey my orders.

Your more recent activities

would be of extreme interest
to the authorities.

-Oh, who's going to report me,
you, Mr. Moon Man?

♪♪

-Do you need someone to help
you?

-Yeah, but they'll have to do
the dirty work.

-Dirty work, yeah.

-Of course I'll go along
to check on them.

-Very well.
Make your arrangements at once.

Select a bank

which is located in a
not too heavily patrolled area.

-Like Yellowstone?

-Boy,
that guy is good at leaning.

[Bell rings]

Hey, his face rings a bell.

-An MPA System bell.

♪♪

-Motion Picture Association?

-It's possible.

[Ringing continues]

-Here they come.

[Gunshot]

-Oh, what a time
to get a kink in the back.

♪♪

He got one, too.

Heartbreak of psoriasis.

♪♪

-After that car!

-Hey, you know -- Hey,
you could get in, you know?

There's seats for that.

-Maybe he thinks
it's a skateboard.

-It's a running board,
not a riding board.

-We ought to lose them now.
We are in traffic.

-Hey, this isn't the way
to Taco John's!

♪♪

-Whatever you do,
don't open your door.

-Oh, alone at last!

You know, you're the man for me.

-Gomez,
I'm not your new best friend.

♪♪

-Ooh, the lucky one.

-Nice roll.

-Oops.

-Hey!

♪♪

It's John Cleese!

-But we must have more money.

You've got to get it somehow.

-Not by any more bank jobs.

-Krog is not looking good.

-We'll have to figure out
something else.

♪♪

-I'll radio the Moon.

Perhaps Retik can advise us.

-Good idea, maybe he'll send yousome moon rocks or something.

-He better get some shut-eye.

-Krog, calling Retik.

♪♪

-Duh, nuh, nuh, nuh.

-Meanwhile,
back at Caesar's Palace...

-Krog, calling Retik.

-Don't ever interrupt me while
I'm playing the nickel slots.

-Krog, calling Retik.

-Then stop talking
into a pine cone.

-I have to report that
our scheme for obtaining money

was a failure, your excellency.

-Some day it'll grow, and he'll
be talking into a tree.

-Can you suggest some plan
that might be more successful?

-I think I can.

From what I hear
of activities on Earth,

kidnapping important persons
and holding them for ransom

has proved highly profitable.

-It's very trendy.

-Commando Cody, who flew
his rocket ship to the Moon,

is very valuable to the defense
organization of his country.

I suggest you select him.

-An excellent idea.

We shall carry it out at once.

-That's why he's the boss.

-Be a rough deal, but a lotsafer than robbing another bank.

-Of course.

Commando Cody should be worth
at least $100,000.

-Oh, at least.

-Shall we bring him here?
-No.

Hire a plane and take him to...

-Paradise City?

Oh, not another lab fight.

-Hey,this bra is coming along nicely!

♪♪

-Oh, I hate to shoot a butt
like that!

-I love that.

-Where's Cody?

-Right over there.

-Huh?
-Works every time.

-[Chuckles]

♪♪

-Yeah, well,
that's for Enrico Fermi!

-It is a good thing
scientists can really fight.

They must have been
taking classes.

♪♪

-Loose stool.

-If I told you once,
I told you a thousand times.

We're not rounding off pi
to four!

♪♪

-You MIT guys
think you're pretty tough.

-That's for Madam Curie!

♪♪

-She's so cute
when she's passed out.

-Ew.
-Geronimo!

♪♪

Oh, right in the test tubes!

♪♪

-What's the physics
of a broken jaw, college boy?

Are you referring to
the mandible or the maxilla?

♪♪

-Yeah, tell your friends
Crick and Watson.

-I've got a headache this big.

-Ooh!

-Dropped him like a bad habit.

♪♪

-Now will you tell us
where Cody is?

-In Wyoming?
-I don't know.

-Why don't we grab her
and use her to trap Cody?

-I amgrabbing her.
-That's an idea.

On your way, sister.

♪♪

Wait a minute.

♪♪

-At least she got to bring
her clutch purse.

-I think it's alligator.

It's very nice, very stylish.

[Engine revs]

♪♪

-Is she double-dating again?

Well, they seem like
nice-enough fellas.

-At first!
-At first!

♪♪

-How many times
do I have to tell them?

No kickball in the lab!

-Those same two men
who wrecked the ray gun,

they came after you.

-Where's Joan?
-I don't know.

Maybe they took her with them.

-Two men and a woman drove away
from here just as I came in.

They were too far away
to be recognized,

but it must have been them.

-They must have Joan.

They're taking her
to the San Diego Zoo.

-Police headquarters.

-Calling all cars.

Calling all cars.

Be on the lookout
for two men and a babe.

May be armed with a gigantic
experimental brassiere.

You know what to do --

Strap it on and parade around
singing show tunes.

-[Sneezes]
-Bless you.

-Whoa, sund.-You're not supposed to do that.

-That stirred up my ROMs
real bad.

[Tires screech]

-Okay, I'll tell him.

The police found out

that the car
went to the eastside airport,

and a man took off with Joan
on a chartered plane.

They left
just a few minutes ago.

-If I'm lucky, I can catch them.

-What about the bra?

-Window!
-Window!

-Window, hey!
-Look out!

-Whew!

-Jack-O'-Lantern, private eye.

-Nipple, nipple, tweak, tweak.

-Oh!
-Fly!

♪♪

-Can I offer you some peanuts?

♪♪

-I hope they show this movie
on that flight.

♪♪

-So do you like my plane, honey?

-Here I come to save the dame.

-Hello?

-She sees him.

♪♪

-Don't get excited, sister.

I'll take care of him.

♪♪

-Wow, he can fly and shoot
at the same time?

He must be ambidextrous.

-Boy, I'd give my right arm
to be ambidextrous.

♪♪

-Oh.

-She's so cute
when she's knocked out.

-Oh, Cody is shooting.

Hey, wasn't there something
in the rule book

about, uh, equal
and opposite reactions, Joel?

♪♪

-Darn.

♪♪

-Ouch, that's hot!

Commando Soprano.

♪♪

Oh, steering is out!

-Saves weight.

♪♪

-Oh, nice guy.

♪♪

-He ditched her.

♪♪

-Just like Karen Black.

-Where's Charlton Heston
when you need him?

-They should really work up
this act for air shows.

It would really fly.

[Chuckles]
-Hi, honey!

Come die with me!

-Hey, deplane, deplane!

-Boss! [Chuckles]

-He wrecked the controls!

-Why don't you put it down
over there by those rocks?

[Engine roaring]

♪♪

-Bang.

You don't have to wait
until next week.

-Nice parking.

♪♪

♪♪

-This is great,
back-to-back thrills.

-Yeah,
try to cope with it, you guys.

-Hey, it's a new character!

-No,
it's the same old character.

-It said, "New."

-Just think of it
as getting a booster shot

twice in the same day
by the same doctor.

-Yeah, Dr. Mengele.

-Right.

-Doesn't the Geneva Convention

have rules
against this sort of thing?

-You know, I think I'm going to
go cut an apple in half

and watch it brown.

-I think I'll go with.

-Hey, Servo, let's ditch him.

-Yeah!

-Oh, you guys, come on.

Cut that out.
Get back here, you.

-Hey, you can't make me.

You can't make me.
You can't make me.

-Get back here, you.

Crow?
-All right.

I'll sit here -- not.
-I'm hiding.

-Come on. Ow!

Get back over here.

You get --
-Ow, ow, ow!

-Tom Servo, stop it!

You come back here.
You understand?

-You can't make me.
You can't make me.

-There.

-This is Buddhist.

You create us to suffer.

-Aw, Crow, get back over here.

-"Commando Cody
in his flying suit,"

blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.

-I'm surrounded by idiots
of my own design.

♪♪

-Goodbye, pretty lady.

Enjoy your in-flight meal,
baked Alaska.

[Laughs]

♪♪

You know,they should work at an air show.

Huh? Psych!
-Ow.

♪♪

-Nice climbing.

-He wrecked the controls!

-Whoa.

-Get into that parachute.

-Parachute?

There was no parachute
in the last reel.

♪♪

-Look at that.

It looks like the little lady
is having the time of her life.

-Shoot.

♪♪

-Oh. Well, there goes the model.

What about the real plane?

♪♪

-I'm beginning to think
these endings are rigged.

-Oof, that was worse than usual.

-I got her!

I got her! Come to papa.

Oops!

-Hey, this is fun!

Watch this! Wee!

Wa-wee! [Chuckles]

It's like a big balloon.

♪♪

-What became of that man?

-He must have landed
somewhere near here.

If you're sure you're all right,I'll look for him.

-Well, of course I am.

I'll walk over to the road.
-Okay.

-Okay, let me just, uh...

Okay, yeah. That's right.

Nipple, nipple, and fly!

♪♪

-What a fantastic man!

Ah, it's been a good day.

I'd better head towards
the highway now.

Where is that highway?
Where am I?

♪♪

-You'd think he'd have
an inflated ego.

-Or at least inflamed tissue.

-Here is Chaz wearing his Armanifrom the desert wear collection.

-For goons on the go.

-Hey, uh, you call for
a murder car?

No, thanks.

I already got one.
-Yeah, hop in.

♪♪

-He's switching
to the light-rock station.

♪♪

-The moon-rock station.

-Yeah.

♪♪

-He flies better than Superman!

♪♪

-The man that flies
is chasing us.

Step on it!
-Huh, are you crazy?

-Don't argue. Step on it!

-Oh,
he could've never have known

he was picking up a Moon goon,
poor guy.

-Right, right, shoot him.

That's your solution
to everything.

Something gets in your way,
you pull out your little gun,

and you got to shoot him.

Well, listen, mister.

Someday there's going to be
a flying rocketeer behind you

who's going to shoot back.

[Gunshot]

♪♪

[Gunshots]
-Whoa!

-Hey, you winged him!

Better get out the dogs.

-That stopped him.

-What's the limit on Codys
this year, anyway?

-When you shoot down a Cody,
do you call a ranger,

or do you call
an air traffic controller?

-It's gutting him
that's the hard part.

Oh, darn.

I just got this back
from the garage.

♪♪

-Meanwhile, back in the bowels
of the Earth...

-We must report to the Moon.

-I think we've all reported tothe Moon at one time or another.

♪♪

-Krog, calling Retik.

♪♪

-Retik?
-Krog, calling Retik.

♪♪

-Retik, pick up line one please,Mr. Retik.

♪♪

-He's Retik and waiting.
-Come in, Krog.

-I have to report another
failure, your excellency.

We were unable
to capture Commando Cody

and hold him for ransom.

-You still have no funds?

-No, sir.-Apply for an arts grant, quick.

-...get a ray gun
into action again,

we are unable
to continue our campaign

against Earth's defenses.

-Listen carefully, Krog.

I cannot have my preparations
for invading the Earth delayed

by such a minor detail

as obtaining
a small amount of money.

If the men you now have cannot
accomplish this simple mission,

then hire someone
who can produce results.

This is an order!
-I understand, your excellency.

-Hmm, hire someone else.

I wonder if Kelly
has a thug department.

♪♪

-You heard?

It's up to you to decide

whether you can still be useful
to us or...

-Or I forgot my line.
-We'll figure something out.

-We'll figure out something,
if we could only use our arms!

-Remember that payroll job Duke
was trying to get you in on?

Maybe he'll still
go through with it.

♪♪

-Well?

-It's risky, but it might work.

It's the Western
Wholesale Supply Company.

-Mm-hmm.

-They keep their payroll in the
office safe every Friday night.

There's a man in the office
who knows the combination.

-Every time he talks,
the scene fades out.

-Meanwhile,
further along in the script...

[Bell ringing]

Well, no one has been shot yet.

It's going pretty well.

-I think they got that car
at Getaway Rentals.

[Ringing continues]

[Whistle blowing]

-It's a cop. Get going!

-Be on the lookout
for a 1935 murder car,

smart looker, priced to move.

You'll be the hit
of your neighborhood.

Owned by a little old lady.

1935 Porter,
that's my mother dear.

Helps me through
everything I do,

and I'm so glad she's here.

-That's a stunning
Jerry van Dyke.

-You know, uh, Jerry van Dyke
has a bumper sticker that says,

"My other car is my mother."

-Oh, he's a nut.

[Tires screech]

-You're watching
the All Car Chase Network.

[Tires screech]

♪♪

-All cars, all chases,
all the time.

♪♪

♪♪

-They're getting closer.

-Shoot, shoot, shoot.

It's everyone's answer
to everything in this film.

♪♪

-Hey, that's my lunch!

♪♪

[Gunshot]

[Gunshots]

♪♪

-Well, that was a nice shot.

-I suppose he tried to do that.

♪♪

-Meanwhile,
back at the Cody Institute

for Scientists
Who Get Pummeled...

♪♪

-Honey, I'm home.
-Finally got a break!

They called me down
to the jail hospital to see

if I could identify a prisoner,

and he turned out
to be one of those two

who'd been making
all the trouble for us.

-Well, how did they catch him?

-Well, he and another man
staged a payroll robbery.

-Uh-huh.

-The police went after them,
and their car crashed.

The other man was killed, but
our pal was only banged a bit.

-See the dartboard up there,
you guys?

-What did you find out
about him?

-He was, uh, banged up a little.

-Hey, cool.
-I'm going to get it.

I got this giant dart.
-Don't do it, Joel.

You'll ruin the screen!
-Come on.

-No, don't, Joel!
-Okay. All right.

Just an idea.

-We might be overheard.

-But aren't they going to try
and find out something?

-Yes.

They're going to move him under
guard to a private sanitarium,

where we can question him

without any danger
of the story leaking out

and throwing the whole country
into a panic.

-When will that be?
-Probably this afternoon.

Henderson is going to
let me know

as soon
as they make arrangements

for having him transferred.

I'd like you to go with me, Ted.-Sure.

-Great! If I stay around here,
I'll get my butt kicked again.

-I got some news about Graver.

A friend of mine is a trustee
in the jail hospital,

and he tipped me off
they're moving Graver out

and in an ambulance
this afternoon.

-My trusty friend.

-Is there anything
we can do about it?

-Yeah. I got it all figured out.

Now, my friend told me which
road the ambulance is taking.

-[Mumbling]

♪♪

-Lay down.

-What a party.

I was so hammered.

♪♪

[Tires screech]

-Look, guys. It's roadkill.

♪♪

-Huh?

-All right.

Give me a snow cone
and two Bomb Pops.

-Start walking, cross-country.

Go on!
-I'm wearing white, though!

That's not very good humor.

Geez.

♪♪

-That's got to hurt.

-What about the driver?

-I sent him hiking.
-You should've slugged him.

As soon as he gets to a phone,

he'll have the cops
on our trail.

-Oh, that's okay.

There's a car parked a few milesup the road to pick you up.

-Okay, let's go.

-Wow, now they can have all the
frozen treats they ever wanted!

-That's a haul.

♪♪

Cool car.

That's a cool Cody Car.

♪♪

-Hey, wait a minute.

There's no ice cream
on these sticks!

-Those are tongue depressors.This is an ambulance, you idiot!

-Oh!

-It's about time you got here.

The cops are after you already.

-Oh, no.
-What?

-Yeah, it's coming over
the radio right now.

-But check local listings
in your area.

♪♪

-Calling all cars.
Calling all cars.

The stolen ambulance
was last reported

turning onto the east end
of Harrison Canyon Highway.

-I told you you should've
slugged that driver.

-Calling police headquarters.

Calling police headquarters.

-It's Cody.
-Police headquarters, come in.

-This is Commando Cody.

I picked up your broadcast,

and I'm just turning into thewest end of Harrison Canyon now.

-Think that's an honorary title?

-Meet the ambulance.
I'll stop it for you.

-We'll get some men up there
soon as we can.

-That's a bad break.
What's he doing out here?

-Probably on his way
to third-degree me.

I'll go back to town with you,
Sam.

You keep going
with the ambulance

until you can ditch it.

If you meet Cody first,
smash him.

-Right.

-Man, he should just
get some counseling.

He wouldn't want to smash peopleall the time.

-Smash, slug, shoot, walk --
it's all the same to him.

He just wasn't beat up enough
as a kid.

♪♪

-We now return you

to the All Car Chase Network
already in progress.

-You think we'll meet them
on the road?

-Well,
if I read my script right,

we should be meeting them
pretty soon.

-I ever tell you guys about
how James Dean died?

♪♪

♪♪

-What'd I tell you?
There he is, page 92.

♪♪

-There it is.

♪♪

It's going to crash into us!

-Nah, we've done this
a million times!

-Oh.-Ooh, we got to get out of here.

♪♪

[Doors whooshing]

♪♪

Okay.

Let's see if what we just saw inthe movie could really happen.

The airplane leaves Krog's cave
at 4:00 p.m.

It flies due north.

Tom Servo,
what's the estimated speed

of a two-person,
single-engine plane?

-Let's see, uh,
assuming a tailwind of,

let's say, uh, 30 miles per hourand figuring an average weight

of 135 pounds
for each passenger,

I'd say, uh, 123 knots,

plus or minus 3%
for the drag coefficient.

-Uh, are you compensating
for a positive Doppler shift?

-Of course I am.

-Oh, okay.
-Okay, so it's 130 knots.

How fast would Commando Cody
have to fly

to catch up to the plane?

Crow?

-Uh, easy,
Commando Cody would, uh,

need to rev up his rocket pack
to 290 knots for 18 minutes.

Of course, gentlemen,
we're only theorizing here.

In reality,
it takes only one film edit

to advance Cody to the plane.
[Chuckles]

-Right,
it is just a serial.

Anyway, the whole thing ends

in a fiery plane crash anyway,
right?

-Whoa!
-Whoa!

-Like that.
-Very nice.

-Ooh.

Well, as long as we're
talking about reality here,

uh, let's talk about
that pumpkin head for a second.

You know, even a ninth grader
could see that

with all the heaviness

and position of the rockets
on Cody's back,

he'd be cartwheeling his butt
all over Southern California.

-Right, but, Tom, remember,
it's just a serial.

It's only a show.

This couldn't really happen.

You know, that thing
that Isaac Asimov said about

King Kong's body being too huge?

It couldn't happen physically.
He'd crumble.

-Hmm.
-Yeah, he also argued that

the incredible shrinking man
could never have been, uh,

heard because his vocal chords
would be so tiny.

His voice would be ultrasonic.

Even dogs would have to go,
"What? Huh?"

-But keep in mind, gentlemen,
that physics has yet

to legitimize the existence
of Isaac Asimov's sideburns.

-Oh, yes, we see.

It's exactly like
the "Invisible Man" paradox.

-Mm-hmm.
-If he's truly invisible,

he'd be blind because his
retinas would be transparent.

-Ah, well, I know one
that's even true in real life

that's unbelievable.

Physics has yet to explain
how bumblebees fly.

Their bodies are too big
for their wingspan.

Physics says bumblebees
can't fly, but they fly.

Go figure, Tom Servo.

-Hmm, wingspan, body weight,
air resistance --

[Electricity crackles]
Whoa, ooh.

-Oh, man.

Uh, Crow,
any thoughts on the subject?

-Uh,
what was the question again?

-Uh, the thing about bumblebees.

-Uh, oh, well, sure.
Bumblebees can't fly, big deal.

[Electricity crackles]
So what? Boom.

-Oh, man, I got to get
more memory in these guys.

Hey, Cambot,
what do you think of that,

about bumblebees
not being able to fly?

[Electricity crackles]

♪♪

See, you're as good as new.

-Well, don't give me
any more brainteasers,

and my head won't blow up.

-You okay, Crow?
-I thought it was a rush.

-"Robot Monster," oh, man.

"Tru-Stereo Three Dimension
Process," sounds serious.

-George Nader, that's
Ralph Nader's naughty brother.

He wrote "Safe at Any Speed."

-Claudia Barrett from the
comedy team Grin and Barrett.

-Selena Royale,
what a great movie.

Wasn't Woody Allen in that?

♪♪

-John Mylong from the comedy
team Mylong and Winding Road.

-Gregory Moffett, who went on
to star in "Yards of Leather."

♪♪

-Pamela Paulson --
she's never made a bad film.

♪♪

-George Barrows, too ashamed
to show his own face.

♪♪

♪♪

-The Automatic Billion Bubble
Machine, is that expensive?

-No, it's not the machine
that's expensive.

It's paying the guy
who counts the bubbles.

-Elmer Bernstein.

♪♪

-Wyott Ordung.

-Ah, Wyott.
-His name is Wyott, yes.

♪♪

[High-pitched whining]

♪♪

-Stop torturing that cat.

[Whining continues]

♪♪

-Am I dead?

-You're disintegrated.
-Good.

Does that mean
we can play house now?

You promised.

♪♪

-Is that the Billion
Bubble Machine, Joel?

-No, that's the
50 Bubble Machine.

-These ones
are full of spacemen.

It's either them or us. Come on.

-I'd rather it be you.

[Whining continues]

-Hey, come on.

Let's go play
on the high cliffs.

♪♪

-Music by Pianosaurus.

-No, it's the band that's calledStop Us If We Get Annoying.

-Hey, I've seen this movie.

Isn't this"The Boy in the Plastic Bubble"?

-That's the kid's disease.He grows up to be John Travolta.

-Oh, no, that's so sad.

♪♪

-Spaceman, you must die.

-Did you see something?
-Hey, it's Randolph Mantooth.

-He played Johnny Gage, right?
-He says that we must die.

-Oh, well...
-Rampart.

-...well, if you insist,
but come here.

-Kids, don't ever sit on
an archaeologist's lap.

-Wouldn't it be nicer
if we could live at peace

with each other?

-Okay.
I'll become a friendly planet.

-[Chuckles]
-Good.

Does that mean
we can play house now?

-No.
-No.

-I'm friendly,
but I still have to find out

what they're doing here.

-We -- We are archaeologists,
boy,

people who try to find out
what men were like

way backbefore they could read or write.

The only way to pass on
what they knew

were through pictures
like this one.

-You see, our job
is to chip it out carefully

and take it to a museum
so people can study it.

-Oh, don't patronize me,
rock jockey.

-Gee, are you a scientist?

-That's even better than
being cowboys, huh, professor?

-Yeah.
-You bet.

-Was he a spaceman robot?

-As far as we know,

there were no spacemen at those
times -- and robots, either.

-Hmm.-Looks like some of those people

I saw last time I was on Pluto.

-Oh!
-I'll get the sedatives.

-What's your name, son?
-Johnny!

-Uh-oh, Johnny, it looks like
you've stirred

a little outside of your orbit,
doesn't it?

-Carla!
-You're in trouble, bubble boy.

-Here we are in the cave.
-What's the deal?

Their houses are right
on the edge of a canyon?

-My mother and sister.
Bet you'd like her.

-No doubt.
-Johnny, that wasn't fair.

-No doubt.

-You kids promised you'd
take a nap right after lunch

if we took you on this picnic,
and off you scoot.

-Think his head is problematic?

-I hope he hasn't given you
any trouble.

-Not at all.

Johnny,
at the camp I used go to,

we used to have to take a nap
after lunch

right up until we were 14.

-But you're terminally
out of it.

-Will you be here
when I get back?

-If we are,
you are welcome to join us.

-In our dance of death.
-Come on. Come on.

Quit stalling.

-Nice family.

How'd you like to put them
in a museum?

Little Mason jar accident,
real nice.

-Hey, great,
a picnic at the slag heap.

Thanks, Mom.

-Here, dear.

There you are.

Take this, too, darling.

All right.

-Take this and this.

Hey, Mom.
Tell us about Hell again.

♪♪

-Here, honey,
take these asbestos turnovers.

-If Dad was still alive,
I bet he'd let me stay.

-I don't think he would, John.

-Say, are we ever going to have
a new father around our house?

-I don't know, dear.
Would you like that?

-If we do,
I hope he's a big scientist

who makes rocket ships
and things like that.

-And has lots of candy.

-And so, after a meal
of crushed granite

and Pop Rocks, they slept.

♪♪

-Scientists finally
have realized

that a barren landscape inspiresa child's natural curiosity.

♪♪

[Thunder rumbles]

Oh, he's always been
light-sensitive.

♪♪

-Duck!

-Cool.

-What?
-Oh!

The movie has been attacked
by a nature film.

-It's Gecko-Ro-Man wrestling.

-[Chuckles]

♪♪

-Alligator turnovers all around.

-It's like dueling handbags.

♪♪

-Looks like outtakes fromMutual of Omaha, 20 million B.C.

-Look out.

♪♪

-Ah, I win.

♪♪

-Aw, man,
that Schlitz Malt Liquor.

Boy, do I have the zackleys.

♪♪

-What're the zackleys?

-Uh...

-That's all right.

-Your pants got shorter.

Look at that.
-Maybe he got taller.

-What kind of universe is this

where they alter your clothing
when you sleep?

-It's an alternating universe.

-Cheese it.

-It's a flasher.
He better get out of there.

♪♪

[Electricity crackles]

♪♪

-This is what comes from
teaching apes sign language.

♪♪

-At least he'll be ready
for heavy weather.

♪♪

-That kind of looks like
your Uncle Lou

from that picture you showed us.

-Hey.

♪♪

Hey, look. They got asteroids.

-Hey, they must be pretty
advanced if they have Atari.

♪♪

-Cool.

-Hmm, Estes model rockets.

♪♪

-Comes from a planet
where they evolved from apes

and water coolers.

-Home planet,
stop my milk delivery.

Pick up my mail.

-Extension Ro-Man X-J-2
reporting to Guidance Ro-Man.

I salute you.

-You are late 14 minutes.

-The lights were against me.

-Gravitational pull
is stronger than reported,

0.7652 higher than our planet.

-Accepted. Report.

-He is so gullible.

-May I ask first for other news?

-Granted.

No life has been discovered
on any other planets.

Earth is our only rival.

-Was, Great Guidance.
-What's he looking through?

-A glass darkly.

-...energy had not mastered
the cosmic ray.

Wherever I directed the
calcinator beam, they crumbled.

At first, the fools
thought it came from

one among their many nations.

They began destroying each otherwith hydrogen bombs.

I announced myself to keep them
from wiping out cities,

which will give our people
much amusement.

-Oh, good, you saved Six Flags
and Disneyland, great.

-Too late
they banded against me.

Their resistance pattern
showed some intelligence.

-Is he looking into a mirror?
-But all are gone now.

-It's like
he's a schizophrenic ape.

-The way is clear
for our people.

-He's got problems.
-I want facts, not words.

-Yeah.

-Fact A -- My pulse has been
reduced to plus zero zero.

-Reject.

Pair off.
-Pair...

But, Great Guidance,
I approved it.

My energizer has scan-checked
by square feet.

No life
above Lepidoptera level exists.

-My computator is more accurate.

-Got a monkey on his back.

-In the 22nd category, there is
an error of 16 billionths.

-Great One is never wrong.

Then there are perhaps
eight people left on Earth?

-Not perhaps, precisely.

Find and destroy them,
then report back.

♪♪

-It's the Berlin Wall.
-No, it's --

This is the future.

That's the Great Wall
of Cleveland.

-Oh.

-I don't think that wiring
was up to code.

[Electricity crackling]

-Hey.

They get the stuff?

-Come on in.

-He's got to build a step
sometime.

-Pa, what do you think?

-I have a good mind
to give you a thrashing.

Didn't we tell you never,
never, never to go outside

of those wires
without our permission?

-Mother, anger won't keep
the boy from doing it again.

You must tell him why.

You know the terrible things
that have happened

when the Ro-Man landed on Earth.

The only reason
we are still alive

is that your sister, Alice,
and I

worked out a way to reflect
his deadly beams...

-Oh.
-...away from the house.

He can't see us.

He can't hear us, but one word
spoken outside the barrier,

and he will be down on us.

-Like ugly on an ape.

-Do you understand that, Johnny?

-But I saw him.
-Saw who?

-Ro-Man -- he's in the cave
at the end of the ravine.

-Then he's found us out.

-Not yet,
or we'd all by dead by now.

Are you sure?
-We'd be crispy fritters.

-I was in the cave
painting these pictures

the way we saw him
on the viewer screen.

-Why were you doing that,
Johnny?

-So in case he did wipe out
the human race,

there'd be some record
of how it happened.

-Go on. Go on.

-Johnny, don't be a hero.
Don't be a fool with your life.

-...ducked out just in time.

Looked to me like
he was making it his home.

-Why here?

Why so close?
-It's near the mall.

-Maybe we could kill him, Papa.

-No, Johnny, the armies
of the entire world

tried and failed.

We have thrown everything we hadat him, but he's impervious.

-Unless we can find
his weak spot.

-Like his underwear line?
-Ew.

-Yes, dear.
-We have all the bananas.

-Why here?
-We have all the power.

-Why here?

[Electricity crackling]

-Perhaps we're the last people
on Earth, Dad.

He senses our presence and keepscalculating closer and closer.

-I don't believe that.

I'm sure there were
some other scientific minds

capable of rigging a foil
to prevent detection.

-With even worse accents.
-If we only could find the way,

only one way of communication
with each other.

-Do you think we still have a
garrison on the space platform?

Ro-Man hasn't
destroyed that yet.

-Well...

it could be.

If we only could
get through to them,

but why should we succeed
where others failed?

-Don't you talk like that, dear.

-I have to talk like that.
I'm German.

[High-pitched whining]

-Excuse me.
-Hey, the cookies are done.

-This may be them.

Maybe they are coming through
from the space platform.

-Humans, listen to me.

-Okay.

-Due to an error in calculation,

there are still
a few of you left.

-We sincerely apologize

for any inconvenience
it may have caused you.

-Now I know you are watching.

I see five of you
who have not been destroyed.

Show yourselves, and I promise
you a painless death.

-Uh, we're looking at
a few other offers first.

-Just the five of us left?
But this is incredible.

It means that Roy is gone, too.

-I'll bet Alice is happy,

the way they used to fight.
-Hey.

-Don't say that, Johnny.
-Don't ever say that.

-Roy was a great scientist.

-I would have never developed
the serum without him.

-Maple serum?
-The trouble was he --

he wouldn't admit
I was good in my field.

-Anyone who could fix
that view screen

after what that blast did to it
is better than good.

-Hmm, easy, easy.

-I'm sorry.

Seems silly after
all the terrible things that

have happened to go to pieces
over one miserable,

egotistical, impossible guy.

-Goodness, I love him.
-Oh, Roy.

-Sure, he's a jerk,
but he's my jerk.

-Do you wonder what happened
to your fellows?

-Yeah.
-Watch them.

-They were forced to watch
boring war documentaries.

-Hey, my fellows
never looked like buildings.

-I'm not watching this.

♪♪

[Electricity crackling]

♪♪

-Servo, Servo, come in,
my faithful servant.

-I am here, Your Excellency.

-Why have not
you killed the human?

-Because he gives me
crunchy treats,

and he empties my load pan.

-But he is human
and unfit to live.

-But he's kind of cute.

He has good bone structure,
and he can drive a stick.

-There is no room
for your petty sentimentality

or your -- He can drive a stick?

Uh, nevertheless, he is human.

Kill him by sundown,
or you will feel my wrath.

-Okay. I will try,

but I do not think
he is going to like it much.

-You have the effrontery
to defy my orders?

-Oh, no, nothing like that, sir.

I'm -- I'm getting a call
on the other line.

I'm going to have to put you
on hold,

oh,
Supreme Being of the Universe.

Oh, rats, I got to
shut this thing off.

-This is no party line, dolt.

Try to play telephone tag
with me, you clinkering,

clankering mishmash of discardedHarley-Davidson remnants.

Oh, the Earth man
approaches now.

Destroy him.

-Oh, I -- I must destroy
the Earth man.

-Hey, Crow, Tom Servo.
What's up?

-Your number, I'm afraid.
I must kill you...

-Huh?
-...Mr. Bond.

I must kill you now.

Whoa.

-Joel, what happened?

-Uh, Tom Servo is --

His reason circuits
must have burnt out.

He tried to kill me.

-Oh, no, Joel, we were just
doing a little role-playing,

you know, kill the human
role-play like in the movie.

-Oh, no, Tom Servo, buddy,
you got to wake up.

-Ow, my aching chem sphere.
What happened?

-Man, I'm -- I'm sorry, Tom.

I didn't know you were kidding.

-Oh, man, somebody must have
forgotten the robotic laws

of Isaac Asimov, I think.

-I'm - I know. I'm sorry.

A robot can never kill a human.

-Right.
-I'm really sorry.

What can I do
to make it up to you, Tom?

-You could let me kill you,

Mr. Bond.
-Huh?

-You could let me --

Ah, ah!
-He was kidding.

-Oh, no, we got movie sign!

[Doors whooshing]

♪♪

[Electricity crackling]

I'm sorry.

I didn't know
you were you were kidding.

-Don't ever do that.

I don't have a breakaway body,
Joel.

-I thought it was cool.

-Yeah, of course you did.

Looks like their futon
survived the holocaust.

-It's for us.

[Rumbling]

-Hi there. Anybody home?

-It's Roy!
-Oh, he is here.

-Roy!
-Boy, their survival clothing

must be getting pretty gamy
by now.

-Do you know who's in the cave
at the end of the ravine?

-Ro-Man.
-Ro-Man.

- Well, uh, I -- I was
as close to him as I am to you.

-So was I.

-But he didn't know
that I was there.

-Do you know why?

-Maybe you're not
worth noticing.

-Oh, now I know
I'm in the right house.

-Yes, and a moment ago, she was
crying because you were dead.

-You didn't have to waste
any tears on me, honey.

I bear a charmed life.

-Except in the shirt department.

-Ro-Man spoke to us
over the view screen.

He said that we are the last
five people on the Earth.

Is he lying,
or are there any other people?

-Two more, Jason and McCloud.

-But why them?

That doesn't make sense.
-Oh, doesn't it?

Look, the professor here
spends his entire life

trying to discover a serum,
an antibiotic serum

that will cure all diseases,
even the common cold, and...

-We're listening.
-...thanks to his wise choice

of assistants,
he manages to achieve his goal.

-Uh-huh.
-And so who does he

experiment on
with his first injections?

-Monkeys?

-Himself, his family, myself,
and Jason and McCloud.

Therefore, the great antibiotic

is also the immunizer
to Ro-Man's death ray.

-And I thought it was
the electronic barricade

around the house.
-Aw.

-Well, that may prevent Ro-Man
from finding us

and blowing us up.
-Which is nothing.

-But against the sweep of
the death-ray, it's powerless.

No, the serum, that's the thing.-Chocolate serum?

-Couldn't you find any more
in the lab?

-Plenty, but I didn't bring it.

-Why?
-Hmm?

-Because we managed
to get together enough fuel

to take a rocket ship
to the space platform.

-Smart.
-There's enough serum onboard

to immunize
the entire garrison there.

-Apricot serum?
-Does the garrison

know you're coming?
-Well, how could I tell them

without
letting Ro-Man know, too?

-They know
what's going on down here.

They'll figure it's Ro-Man

and blast the ship
right out of the sky.

We'll have to get word
to the space platform.

That's all.

-Jason and McCloud take off
in two days.

On foot, it would take me longerthan that to get back there.

-Jason, M-McCloud?

Is Dennis Weaver in this film?

-...rewire the circuits
on the view screen

so that we can broadcast
without Ro-Man picking it up.

-That's it.

-Such a complicated job
in two days?

-Well, at least I can try.

If I only had a decent assistantwho could take orders

instead of trying
to be the boss.

-I'm bossy? You're so bossy,

you ought to be milked
before you come home at night.

-Dibs.
-I'll -- I'll do that.

-I'll get a stool and a pail.
-All right.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-That's udder-ly ridiculous.

-Oh, cow could you say that?

-Are you going to milk this
for all it's worth?

♪♪

-Don't you have to loop it?

-Roy, will you not argue,
please?

-Looks like
a steam-powered soldering iron.

-You're either too beautiful
to be so smart

or too smart to be so beautiful.

-I guess we do get along
all right at that,

but let's work together now
and we can play later.

-Some people really have
a strange idea about foreplay.

-Roy, oh, what time is it?

-It's Miller time.
-4:30.

-And what day, Roy? I can't...

-It's Miller day.

-I'm so tired.

♪♪

There, there.

-Ouch, ouch, hot.
-Oh, Roy, we'll never make it.

-Hot.

♪♪

-I can't control my hands
anymore.

-Let's rest a little.
-Oh, but we can't.

-Roy is right.

It's time you get some sleep,
Alice.

-Jiminy,
two days you've been at it.

-Oh, not that long.
It can't be that long.

-It is.

-The rocket ship
must have taken off at dawn.

They're either there by now...

-Two darks, two lights,
that's two days, right?

-I'm sorry, Dad.
-Failed?

Do you realize that what
you tried to was impossible,

yet you almost did it?

-But I didn't.
-That's why it's impossible.

-Now, this is what Dr. Corneliuswould look like

if he was played
by Raymond Burr.

♪♪

-You know, you'd think if
he was going to rule the world,

he'd pick a better spot
than a cave.

-It's got a bus line.

-And it's, uh, rent-controlled.

-Time for another fireside chat
with Ro-Man.

-Now I find six.

-He still doesn't know about
Jason and McCloud.

-Yeah, but you just told him.

-There were eight of you.

The Guidance Ro-Man who
understands everything

showed me that.

Yet I might have had trouble
locating the other two

had they not taken off
in a rocket ship

and revealed their presence.

Look, humans.

-Hmm?

-Oh, it's just a V-2 rocket.

-Aw, he could've had a V-8.

Joke, Joel, joke.

Sorry.

-I thought it was hilarious.

-They are headed
for the space platform,

which Guidance Ro-Man spared
because it would have been

a convenience for my people
when they arrive on Earth.

-[Laughs] Look at that.

It's hand-powered.
-The space platform.

♪♪

-But now we shall
destroy that, too.

♪♪

Alert!

10, 9, 8...

-8, 7, 6, 5, 4...

Hey.
Stay true to your countdown.

[Electricity crackles]

-The space platform.

-The guy could just drop it.

-That's a Lucas effect,
isn't it?

-Buddy Lucas.

-I just saw the hand.

-Human seven and eight, all.

-They look really bored.
He should open with a joke.

-Yeah.

-...of the two billion,
there are six.

♪♪

Calculate your chances --
negative, negative, negative.

-He's so negative.
-Is there a choice

between a painless
surrender death

and the horror
of resistance death?

-Oh, I didn't know
the death ray had two settings.

-By your clock time,
in one hour, I seek you out.

♪♪

Last warning.

♪♪

-The screen turned back
into a refrigerator.

-Mommy,
why doesn't he like people?

-He likes most people.
It's just you he hates.

-I don't know, darling.
-He's not alone.

-Perhaps if we could
talk to him.

You better go and rest, too.

-They just got up.

-George, we can't go on this waymuch longer.

Our food is almost gone.

-What else can we do?

Commit suicide
or give into Ro-Man...

-What was the first one again?

-...as the last people on Earth?

-George, talk to him.

They can see
that we won't harm him.

He can let us live.

If Alice could've finished
rewiring the view screen,

you could've talked
to the platform

without Ro-Man
discovering our presence.

-But she didn't.

-Why can't you talk
directly to him?

-I could. Of course I could.

As soon as Alice
has had her sleep, I will.

♪♪

-What is this,
a Shedd's Spread commercial?

-Not like that.

-Alice, look.

You simply can't connect
these two circuits.

-Here, let me.

-Her hands are solderly soft.

-Hey, Ro-Man got a CD player.

-And I think
there's a ham radio.

-And a lunch box.

-Maybe it's
a ham-and-cheese radio.

[Chuckles] Ho-ho!
Ham and cheese.

-He looks like Gino Vannelli
with a kettle head.

♪♪

[High-pitched whining]

-I thought I told you
to never call me here.

-Ro-Man, Ro-Man, do you scan us
on your view screen?

-Yes, Earth man, I see you.

This means only one thing --

You have decided to take
the easy way out.

-No, Ro-Man, we have fought you
to a standstill,

and we will go on doing it
as long as necessary.

If you try to figure out
our position,

you are wasting your time.

-None shall escape me.

I shall find a way to rid
this Earth planet of humans.

-No!

We humans will not give up
this earth of ours.

-Ever.

-But let me ask you
something else.

-Have you thought about your
future, your insurance needs?

-What do you have to need
from us?

Let me show you the sick people
you want to destroy.

-Thanks!
We've been dying to meet them.

-First, my wife, Martha.

My companion for 23 years.

-She bakes a strudel that will
make your pelt stand on end.

-Is there anything to fear
from this woman?

-A human woman
is the bringer of human life.

There must be an end
to your race.

-Or my children, Alice...

-No!

I have a mission to perform.

-...Carla...
-She can take a nothing day

and suddenly make it all
seem worth --

Uh, well, maybe not.

-...and Johnny.

-Pbht!

-The boy is impertinent.

-Or is it in the etiquette code
of your people

that children must be murdered?

-You are not like my people.

You are savage barbarians.

Non-Ro-Man.

Animals!

-Take my assistant, Roy.
-Please!

-Who has developed
a serum with me,

which would have wiped out
disease among my people.

-Wait!

-What's my line again?

Oh, yeah, there is something.
Yeah.

-There is something
I do not understand quite.

But I want to see the girl,
Alice, again.

-Okay, now tilt the camera down
a little.

-We want peace, Ro-Man.

But peace with honor.

-I will talk with the girl.

It is not in the plan,but although I cannot verify it,

I feel that she will understand.

-No!

I am the head
of this family unit.

You have to talk with me!

-Calculate, human.

If I meet with the girl,

I may find a way
to integrate you into the plan.

It is not a fact,
but what you would call a hope.

-Name the place, Ro-Man.

I will be there.

-I do not understand,

but it is only the onecalled Alice that I want to see.

-And for some reason,I feel like calling you Dad now.

-Here I am, Ro-Man.
Where shall we meet?

-Behind the junior high school
gym, right after math.

-...dry rivers,
there is a ruin there.

I will meet you in an hour.

-Dave's van's
parked right in back.

Can't miss it.
-I will be there.

-You're not going.
-I said get out of my way!

-And I said you're not going!

-Oh. It's discipline time.

Johnny, go to your room.

♪♪

♪ Peeking through the knothole
in grandma's wooden leg ♪

♪ Where do the build the shore
so near the ocean? ♪

[Humming]

Oh, excuse me.

Did it again. Pulled my finger.

Pulled my own finger. [Chuckles]

♪♪

-Hey, it's an old film
of Bigfoot.

-Oh, yeah, we shall add me one
of those all-terrain vehicles.

I'm getting a little too big
to climb these planets.

♪♪

-Johnny!

Johnny!

Johnny's gone!

-You don't think
he'd be outside the back?

-No.
That kid would try anything!

What a family I have!

-I didn't do anything.

-Johnny has left the barricade.

He might have it in his head
to find Ro-Man.

We have to stop him.
-Don't worry, professor.

Alice and I can find him.
-I'll go, of course.

But don't either of you
speak to me.

-Little boy who crumbled
the Ro-Man empire.

-If Johnny comes back,
I will set off a flare.

-And kill the fatted calf.

♪♪

-♪ Oh, three Irishmen,
three Irishmen ♪

[Humming]

♪ What's so fun,
the planet Earth ♪

Excuse me. [Chuckles]

[Humming]

♪♪

-Ben!

Ben!

-It's a good Clint Howard
impression.

I like that.
-Huh?

-I got the eyebrows for it.

♪♪

♪♪

-What, is Ro-Man on the parade
of homes?

♪♪

-He's just roamin' around.

-What are you doing here, boy?

-My sister isn't coming.

-So they sent you?

-I came by myself.

I wanted to find out
what you had against me.

-Your voice, for starters.
-You are human.

Your people were getting
too intelligent.

We could not wait until you werestrong enough to attack us.

We had to attack you first.

-I think you're just
a big bully,

picking on people
smaller than you are.

-Now I will kill you.

-That did it.

She is a big bully.

[Electricity crackling]

-Kill first,
ask questions later.

-You look like
a pooped-out pinwheel!

-Oh, come here
and say that, you kid!

-...really cannot harm you.

Your father must be
a brilliant scientist.

-He's got a super serum

that keeps people
from ever getting sick.

-Maple serum?
-How do you know it works?

-Because he tried it on me
and Carla and Allison,

Roy, and everybody.
-Shh.

-And we don't get sick,
even when we swallow capsules

with real bad bugs in them.

-Maybe you should stop
eating bugs anyway.

-And the two men who took off
on the rocket ship,

they also had this injection?
-Sure.

They -- [Gasps]

-Oh, he's singing like a canary.

-I will calculate the spectrum
dust and account a death ray

to counteract this antibiotic.

-Hey, how did you hear
about my Auntie Biotic?

-It was a Uncle Biotic.

-And all the little biotics.

-[Laughs] The biotic man.

-Come back here, you rotten kid.

I'm going to shake my fist
at you, old boy!

-What's so scary about an alien

that looks like the mascot
of a college football team?

-He must be from Texas A&M.

You know, ape and monster.

[Laughter]

-Hit him!
-Oh!

That didn't hurt.

-Hmm.

You know, it's really quite nicewhen you get used to it.

♪♪

-The hills are alive with
the sound of weird music.

-Ah, this is what
we've been waiting for.

-Try to stay on camera,
everybody.

-[Humming]

♪♪

-Oh, right, she can walk,
but she can't run.

-It's just that
her knees give out

when she sees a robot monster.

-She can't eat. She can't sleep.

All she wants to do
is think about him,

be with him, groom him.

♪♪

[Electricity crackling]

-No more static out of you,
buddy!

♪♪

-Just duck down here
in the bunker.

He looks like
a walking paintbrush.

-Well, maybe he's from
that Sherwin-Williams planet.

You know, the one
that's covered with paint.

♪♪

[Electricity crackling]

-Stop beating around the bush.

-You know, he kind of looks like

Baloo the Bear from
the "Jungle Book."

Those -- Those ape necessities.

-Robot monster necessities?

♪♪

[Electricity crackling]

-Ann?

-Judge! Judge!

There he is! He looks all right!

-Run! -Run, Van Ryan!

- Run, Van Ryan!
-[Speaks German]

Come into the bunker!

-You became one of them.

-I was just
standing next to them.

-Hey, did you bring the chips?

Where's the salsa?

Looks like he spilled
the sour cream.

-Empty-handed again.

-Hey, always wipe your feet
before entering a bunker.

-It's all right.

Now, tell us all about it.

-No it isn't, Mom.
I gave it all away.

I didn't mean to, but I did.

-You did what?

-I wanted to talk to Ro-Man,
but he got out of me

how we were protected
from the death ray.

And now he's going to
do something about it.

-Now he's going to sue us.
-It's all right, boy.

You did right.

And Ro-Man won't find it easy
to counteract the serum,

so we have still
a little time left.

-Butterscotch serum?
-I only wish it were over now.

-This is getting a little old,
isn't it?

-Well, when it is, can I go overto Janie's house

and borrow her dolls?
-Yeah, sure.

Of course!
-You're one sick puppy, kid.

-Solar flares
at the end of the earth.

-Shh, Ro-Man might hear us!

-Even at the end of the world,
love springs eternal.

Man needs woman to be his steed.

Woman needs man.

Yeah. Now she got the need.

-Is that right, Joel?

-I think
it's something like that.

It's an old Alice Cooper song.

-Hey!

-[Humming]

♪♪

-He's bleeding from the ear.

-Must be good.
-It's that little kids voice.

♪♪

-Maybe it's an earring.

-[Sighs]

-[Humming]

-Oh, he deflowered her!
-That's nothing.

See the sun, honey? Up there?

Way back.
That sun means nothing.

But you -- you are something.

Yeah. You are something, girl.
Yep!

Well, I feel the same way
about you,

your forehead and everything,

but it's gloomy, and, well,
wait a minute, you are big.

Whereas, me, well, uh,
I'm small. Yeah.

Oh, honey,
you're my kind of gal.

Oh!

-[Sighs]

-I'm misty now, Joel.
That was beautiful.

-I feel so real.

-I feel used.

-I'm defenseless. Yes.

Let's go to a commercial.

♪♪

-Here comes
Romping Rowdy Ro-Man!

♪♪

[Electricity crackling]

-While Mommy
braided Cindy's hair,

Daddy read from the home repair
and improvement bunker guide.

-You know, we could put
a ceiling on this place.

-Who's got the time?
It's the end of the earth.

-There's always time
for a good roof.

-Catch!

-Oh!

What has kept you two?

-Well, you know.

-Not really, father.
Isn't it obvious?

-Have you been playing house?

-In a way. In a way.

-Professor, uh,
it may sound silly to you,

but Alice and I
want to get married.

And we were wondering
how you'd feel

about performing the ceremony?

-You want me to?
-Oh, yes!

-In that case, let's do it!

And I want you to know,

this is the biggest
social event of the year!

-It's the only social event
of the year.

It's the last social event
of the year.

We know.

-Meanwhile, at the Mundy house,

Baloo had just awaken
from a long winter's nap.

-I just took a tick bath, and Ican't do a thing with this pelt.

-Think he's going to get jealous

that Alice is going to
get married to another guy?

-Only time will tell.

-It's going to be like thecurly knife scene in "Oklahoma."

-Come in, same guy.

♪♪

-Great Guidance,
I have discovered the secret

of our failureto destroy the remaining humans.

-It's these gorilla suits.
They really slow me down!

-Our C ray,
the Calcinator Death Ray,

cannot penetrate them.

They have been made immune
to the antibiotic serum,

which I believe is the same
as our formula, XZA.

-Or janitor in a drum.

-Eliminate the error!

Death to humans
can come by force.

-Remember your S training.

-...physical means, Great One.

The plan shall be fulfilled.

The planet earth
has half revolved.

You have but a short time
to achieve our goal.

♪♪

-The pyramid game of death.

♪♪

-We'll be right back after
this message from Geritol.

♪♪

-We're only up to about
half a billion bubbles so far.

I've been counting.

-All right. Places!

-Smiles, everyone! Smile!

-Keep it bright.

-Hey, no shoes, no shirt,
no ceremony!

-It's an Armageddon wedding.

-Armageddon married
in the morning.

-[Humming]

-Nice organ.

-Gorilla my dreams. [Chuckles]

-We are gathered here today...

-Stop it.
-Stopping.

-Dear Lord, you know that I am
not trained for this job...

-Acting?
-Huh?

-...but I have tried
to live by your laws.

The Ten Commandments,
the Beatitudes,

the Golden Rule.

-The rule of inverse proportion.

-I would like you to look down
on Alice and Roy

and give your blessing.
-And try not to spit.

-Even this darkest hour,
we have kept the faith.

In your grand design, there may
be no room for man's triumph

over this particular evil
that has beset us.

But if by any chance
victory should be on our side,

I want you to give a long life
to Alice and Roy,

and a fruitful one...

-Considering they're
the last couple on earth.

-...no matter how it ends, Lord.

Watch over them this night.

Watch over us all.

Amen.

-Amen!
-Amen!

-And now, I pronounce you
man and wife.

-[Sighs]

-Roy, do you have the ring?

-Huh?

-I didn't think about that.

-Oh, brother,

are you going to have to
pick up after him!

♪♪

-I wanted you to have it
someday anyhow, dear.

-I was gonna sell it,
but everybody else is dead.

-With this ring, I thee wed.

-And the only thing
to seal it now is a kiss.

-So in this movie,
it's wed, bed, dead, right?

♪♪

-And now, if everyone could go
to the fellowship hall

for bars and punch.

♪♪

-Where are you going on
your honeymoon, Niagra Falls?

-Oh, no, the forbidden zone.

We're just going to
monkey around for a while.

-Well, to tell the truth,
we hadn't thought about that.

-You little twit.

-Wherever you go, be careful.

And I want you back
the first thing in the morning.

And in case you don't know,
there's a war going on.

[Laughter]
-I forgot.

-I don't want to give up.

-Thanks for everything, Dad.

Most of all,
for having raised Alice.

You've done well.

-I'll go get my things,
and then we'll go.

-What things
could you possibly have?

-Her stick?

Her other stick?

-Man, somebody's got to take
that kid out of the rain.

♪♪

It's Magilla Gorilla!

-♪ Peeking through the knothole
in grandma's wooden leg ♪

♪ Walk the earth

♪ This will all be
months of May ♪

[Humming]

-It looks like he's just going
to break out and say, like,

23 skidoo any second.

-Someday, babe,
this will all be yours.

-Roy! Alice!

Wait for me!
-Oh, great!

-Carla, what are you doing here?

-I didn't get you any present.

-Oh, you little rascal.

-Your present was not coming.
-Thank you very much.

Now, you'd better
run right on home.

-Quickly, Carla.
-Faster. Faster!

Hey, and home is the other way,

unless you're going
around the world.

-[Humming]

-Ro-Man!

Ro-Man,
outstanding in his field.

-Oh!
-And he hits me.

♪♪

-Now, uh, come back here.

I've got some etchings
I'd love to show you.

♪♪

-Did I ever tell you

about the game against Stanford
back in, uh, 2030?

♪♪

-Uh-oh!
-Lovely!

Lovely!

-What are you doing here alone,
girl-child?

-My daddy won't let you hurt me.

-I can't watch this.

I'm -- It's just terrible.

-[Screaming]

[Doors whooshing]

♪♪

-Oh, no. Oh, Joel.

I think I'm having
heart palpitations.

This movie
is really getting to me.

-Yeah, Joel, I think
I'm developing an aneurysm.

Please, no more movie.

-Come on, you guys aren'tsupposed to have human ailments.

Besides, I think
it's kind of cool in a dark,

surrealistic sort of way.

-Well, so is standing in front
of a speeding snowmobile.

-No, you don't get it.You see, isn't it kind of weird?

It's like, there's a guy
in a gorilla suit

and there's --
he's got a robot head,

and inside, he's got
kind of a bunch of clay.

I mean, I've seen Dali paintings

that make more sense
than this movie does.

-Yeah, but I think
there's a fine line

between surrealism
and costume-shop closeouts.

-I don't get it, Joel.

Is it cool to make no sense?
-No, it's --

-Is it hip to be vague?

-It's not cool to make no sense,but it's surreal.

-Oh, like, hoppity-hop
patang strawberry potatoes

climbing Mount Everest in tears.

[Chuckles]
-Right. You got it!

Right!

Look, even the Cambot
is getting into it.

Look at the monitor. Yeah.
-Oh!

Well, then, I would follow
that dripping cows

go Yugoslav calf cutting
and Lederhosen.

-Right.
-Is that cool though, Joel?

-No, it's not cool,
but it's surreal.

-Oh!

-Oh, it's kind of fun, too,
really, if you think about it.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Well, seeing a floating head
band to picadillo Mr. Mgreet.

-Yeah, so long, Dolly.

Got a hum-hum ring
through the vortex.

Betang! Whoa!

-My robots, I think I'll crush
grape jelly my neck

until the clocks come home.

♪♪

♪♪

I need something sweet now.

♪♪

A little boy would go
very nicely right now.

♪♪

-Oh, boy.

-This is Casey Kasem
for America's top 40.

Our first letter
comes from Darla in Rice Lake,

who writes, "Casey..."

♪♪

-What? What?

If it's not one thing,
it's another.

I got arteries in these legs
the size of cables!

I was in the shower!
What do you want?

-Great Guidance,
I have a favorable report.

I have already eliminated
one of them.

♪♪

-Sounds painful.
-This was necessary.

It was a simple matter
of strangulation.

That leaves all.

-There are again, five,
four and one more,

on whom I have made an estimate

in relation
to our strategic reserve.

The plan should include
one living human for reference

in case of
unforeseen contingency.

-Do you question the plan?

-Oh, Great one!

I only postulate.

-Hothtoid schmothtoid.

-Destroy the others.

All of them!

♪♪

[High-pitched whining]

-Boy, I hate talking
to that guy.

I got an ulcer
the size of a lap dog,

and what does he do?

Keep talking and talking.

-When do we get to see
the other three banana splits?

-I'm going to go push a crayon.

♪♪

-Sorghum, nature's rich bounty!

♪♪

-Pan, pan, pan!

Oh, we're going to have to
hose those two off

like the dogs in the yard.

-What a romantic honeymoon.

-Right on the back 40.

-I don't know if they've gotten
to that one yet.

♪♪

He hates love.
-[Screams]

-Can't have love.

Forbidden to love.
-Run away!

♪♪

-[Grunts]

-Yeah, I saw that coming
a mile away.

-One-punch Larry.

-[Screams]

♪♪

-That, ladies and gentlemen,

is the destroyer
of the universe.

I rest my case.
-Oh!

-Pretty pathetic!
-Oh! Oh!

♪♪

-[Screams]

-Bound to happen.

-I got the girl! I got the girl!

A happy day!

I will love her and pet her
and hug her and squeeze her

and I will call her Georgette.

-Hey, you two!

My marriage license has expired.

You're not really married!

Come back!
-Uh-oh!

-Carla! [Sobbing]

-Field kill.

-He will hear you!

-I don't care!
-I can't see.

-Oh, God!
-You must care!

-You must not give up!
-Uh, lady, hey, do you mind?

Make a better door
than a window.

-Did the Ro-Man kill, like,

all the other wildlife
on the planet, too?

There's no birds
or anything in this.

-[Sobbing]

-Ro-Man is just filled
with hate, Tom Servo.

-I understand it.

It's the only part he can get.

♪♪

-Bummer.

All right!

♪♪

-I got the girl!

-Beautiful maidens
in the hands of hideous beasts.

This is my kind of movie.
-Yo!

-Sort of like a miniature
version of "King Kong."

-I must do it with my hands.
-Oh!

-How is you're so strong,
Ro-Man?

It seems impossible.

-Well, I try and stay in shape.
You know, eat right.

-Planet Ro-Man relay
for individual energizers.

-Long enough to carry with you?
-No.

Mine is in the cave.

-The cave? Hmm?

♪♪

-I wish now I played house
with her more often

when she wanted to.

-Shut up,
you little insensitive dolt!

-Don't be sad, Johnny.

We enjoyed her
as long as she was with us,

and now, somehow, we have to
find a way to live without her.

-Is this the Donner party story?

-Yeah, Donner Reed.

-Oh!
-Oh!

-I did it again.

Sorry.

-Mash me up
and call me a potato.

-There's a robot monster robot,
big robot helmet!

Robot!
-Ro-Man's -- Ro-Man's --

-Robot monster.

-Start another grave, dear.
-[Screaming]

-Am I your first Ro-Man?

Let me show you
what I've got down --

uh,
what I've done with the cave.

It's very romantic.
You're going to love it.

You know, I've got mirrors
on the stalactites,

and I got a new CD player.

-Roy is dead!

And nothing can be done.

-Roy's dead.
The little girl is dead.

-Maybe one of us could
lure him out for a moment

and the others
could run in and grab Alice.

-Hey!
-That's easier said than done.

-He'd come if he could be sure
of killing us.

-Go on! Go on!

-Tell me more.
-I like it!

-Call him on the viewer screen.

Tell him we don't want
to fight anymore.

-Uh-huh.
-He can get us in the ravine

if he promises easy death.
-Uh-huh.

And then he kills us, right?

-You slip in and grab Alice
when he comes out after me.

-It might work!
He has no time to lose.

-I like it!

Mother, keep digging graves.
Better do two.

This isn't going too well.

-Little one, big one.

-You know, and I got the whole
Cowsils collection on -- on CD.

It's going to be great.
You're going to love it.

-Hands off the merchandise, pal!

You overgrown dust bunny.

♪♪

-Suppose I were human,
would you treat me like a man?

-He's been using
the view screen.

-Hey!
-Now cut that out!

I don't like you alien types
touching our women folk.

-Silence, girl!

-That's it! That's it!

You come --

[High-pitched whining]

Oh. You. Talkin' to you.

That's better.

-Oh, no!

He's fitting her
for a gorilla suit.

Girl-illa.

-Stop it.

Oh, nice tag!

Nice swoon.

-Nice fall.

♪♪

-Look, I'm really busy
right now.

If you can call back,
I'd really appreciate it.

♪♪

-Why do you call me
at this time?

-Ro-Man?

We can't stand it any longer.

-I have made my last offer.

-You promised us a painless
death if we give ourselves up.

Come and get us!

-You can wait.
Call me again at another time.

-No!
-I'm kind of busy right now.

-We'll meet you halfway,
in the ravine.

-All right.

I will meet you in the ravine

when the sun passes
over the mountains.

-Oh, so night?

♪♪

♪♪

-Did she tie herself up?

♪♪

[High-pitched whining]

-Oh, what is it now?

Every time I find
an Earth girl I like,

I get a phone call,
Ro-Man this, Ro-Man that.

-Kill the human!

♪♪

-Attention!

Attention! Extension XJ2!

-Attention extension.
-Attention!

Attention! Extension XJ2!

-Hey, I'm up to my armpits
in humans down here.

The painters are in.
I can't fill half these orders.

Look at me!

I'm a wreck!
-Violate the law of plan.

Fact.

You have captured the girl
and not destroyed her.

Fact!
-Fact!

-You have delayed accepting
the surround of the others.

This verges on failure.

-There is one thing you do
not understand, Great Guidance.

-You reject the plan?

-I wish to make an estimate
of my own.

-To think for yourself
is to be like the human!

-Me-man?
-Yes.

To be like the human.

To laugh, feel, want.

Why are these things
not in the plan?

-You are an extension
of the Ro-Man.

And the Ro-Man you will remain.

Now I set you into motion.

One, destroy the girl.

Two, destroy the family!

Fail, and I will destroy you!

-Uh, what's number three?

Do I get a choice?

-Do not violate ape law!

-What a touching little scene.

-I cannot, yet I must.

How do you calculate that?

At what point on the graph
do "must" and "cannot" meet?

Yet I must.

But I cannot.

-But you cannot.
-This guy is deep.

-That's a touching soliloquy.
-He's deep.

And thick!

-He's furry.

♪♪

-Now, son,
this is the first thing --

time you've been away from home

luring the destroyer
of the world

out of his lair
to save what's left of mankind,

so I want you to keep
a cheerful disposition

and remember to wash up.

And I want you to take this hairdryer with you for safekeeping.

Now, your mother and I will get
safely away from the blast zone

and really have
a wonderful time.

-Write if you get work! [Laughs]

-Oh, what's that kid going to dowith a hot glue gun,

stick the ape's pelt
to the cave wall?

♪♪

-Attention.

Attention, Extension XJ2.

-Attention. Extension.

-Put him on hold.

Ben! Ben! Ben!

♪♪

-Speak, Great Guidance.

-Why have you not
killed the girl?

-I must, but I cannot.

-I couldn't kill her.

They cut away to the scene
with the humans,

and I can only
kill her on camera.

-Here I am, Ro-Man!

-This monkey is in love.

-Girl first, then the boy now!
-Great Guidance...

-What? The girl is tied up.
She's not going anywhere.

-...kill the girl,
but I will kill the boy.

-Here I am!

♪♪

-Alice, do not hate me.

I must.

-[Humming]

♪♪

-Bet it really smells
in that cave.

[Electricity crackling]

-♪ Peeking through the knothole
In Grandma's wooden leg, oh ♪

-I've hired an idiot.

♪♪

-Lovely, lovely.

-You wish to be a human. Good.

You can die a human.

-Whoa! Whoa!

[Electricity crackles]

-Well, uh, save the suit,
at least.

It's rented.

Yeah.

♪♪

-Human elements
still roam planet Earth.

I, the ruler of all Ro-Mans...
-A different voice.

-...shall complete your task,
Earth Ro-Man.

I shall release
our cosmic Q-rays.

[Electricity crackles]

Which will bring...

-Uh, cue the deus ex machina.

-...to devour
whatever remains of life.

-"Deus ex machine-a," isn't it?

-You say, "Machine-a,"
I say, "Mack-ina."

-Let's call the whole line off.

-Kitty!

-It's a Play-Doh fun set
come to life,

the magic of claymation.

-Triceratops.

-Okay, but I usually
don't like ceratops.

-Cyclotronic vibrations
will smash the planet Earth

out of the universe!
-Oh, come on.

We've seen this.

-Oh. Ew!

- It's Gecko-Ro-Man wrestling.
-Ugh.

Alligator turnover.

Most taste like chicken
to each other.

[Electricity crackles]

♪♪

-Well, that looks real.

That doesn't.

♪♪

Must be pretty good
lizard glue they used

to put that fin on that gator.

♪♪

-Aren't they supposed to
fight the humans?

-There are no humans.

This is from
an entirely different film.

-Yeah.

[Electricity crackles]

-There goes the, uh,
Tyco railroad scenery.

-Sort of a shame to see it breaklike that.

-Take it easy, son.
You're all right.

-What?
-How is he?

-He's all right.
We just make sure

you get up with everything
you fell down with.

-I found him next to
that flimsy plot device.

-Yeah, I was doing a beer bong
with the guys from Theta Chi.

-Hey! I found him!

That's quite a bump there, boy.

What happened? Huh?

-Darling, are you all right?

-You gave your mother
quite a scare.

-Yes.

-Here it was getting dark,
and no Johnny.

-You're alive?
-Yeah.

-Her, too?
-Mom, I've turned Hindu.

-Boy, was that a dream,
or was it?

-It was.
-Well, I must try to repay you

for all the trouble
you've gone to.

Won't you and your assistant
join us for dinner?

-Do.
-Done.

-Did.

-Will you play house with me
when we get home?

-Yes, we'll play house,
for God's sake!

Shut up!
-...well, all right,

but I got to keep an eye out
for Ro-Man.

-Really, Johnny, you're
overdoing this spaceman act.

-He's high.

-There simply aren't
any such things.

-Have you been in
my cleaning solutions, Johnny?

-This way.
-Can the Ro-Man crap.

♪♪

-Is this the end of the film,
Joel?

-Um, I don't think it is.

-You ever had a déjà vu, Joel?
-Huh?

What?

♪♪

-Is this the end of the film,
Joel?

-I think it is.

-You ever had a déjà vu, Joel?
-Huh?

What?

♪♪

-Is this the end of the film,
Joel?

-I think it is.

-You ever had a déjà vu, Joel?
-Huh?

What?
[Chatter]

-Whoa.
-This is pathetic.

-I got to go puke.

-You ever had a déjà vu, Joel?

-Stop it.

♪♪

[Doors whooshing]

♪♪

[All humming]

-In honor of this week's film
being over with,

the robots and I have organized
a brief skit titled -- Servo?

-[Clears throat]

"The Life and Times of Ro-Man
the Ro-Man Pageant."

-Or "In Search of
the Historical Robot Monster."

[Humming continues]

-Fact -- Ro-Man the Ro-Man
destroyed almost

all of Earth's population,
save for six refugees,

yet they all livedwithin a short walk of his cave.

[Humming continues]

-Fact -- Ro-Man the Ro-Man
used a cosmic ray

that kept the cities
of the world intact

to be enjoyed later
by all Ro-Man,

yet he lived in a cave,
and not even a very good cave.

-Uh, yeah, a slag heap.
Oh. [Clears throat]

Fact -- Ro-Man the Ro-Man was
an artificially created being

devoid of any human passion,

normal fears, tenderness,
or forgiveness,

ultimately lacking that which
mortals cling to most,

humanity, [Chuckles]
yet he liked bubbles.

[Humming continues]

-Ro-Man the Ro-Man
came from a civilization

light-years ahead of Earth's,

or at least the Earth
portrayed in the film,

yet he frequently gestured
like Howie Mandel.

Go figure.

[Humming continues]

-We believe these truths to be
self-evident and obvious.

-Please give to
the United Robot College Fund.

-Because an internal hard drive
is a terrible thing to waste.

Think about it, won't you?

What do you think, sirs?

[Humming continues]

-Could we have sent
a stranger person into space?

What in the name
of Jules Bergman was that?

-You think maybe
he's had enough up there?

I think he's snapped.
-By no means.

Here, file this.

-Well, until next week,
Jumpsuit Joely.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪