My Wife and Kids (2001–2005): Season 5, Episode 9 - The Return of Bobby Shaw - full transcript
Michael's enemy, Bobby Shaw tricks Jr. into signing a contract making Jr. his slave. When Michael tries to get him out of the contract, they end up in a dance off.
HEY, DAD,
I FINALLY FIGURED OUT
WHAT I'M GONNA DO
WITH MY LIFE.
REALLY?
I WOULD FALL OUT THIS CHAIR,
BUT MY BACK HURTS ALREADY.
LOOK, I'M GLAD TO HEAR
THAT YOU'RE FINALLY MOTIVATED,
AND YOU GOT A PLAN
AND A PURPOSE.
THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
TELL YOUR DAD WHAT IT IS.
DAD, I'M GONNA
BECOME A RAPPER.
YOU MEAN LIKE PACKAGES
AT THE STORE?
NO, DAD, A REAL RAPPER.
LOOK AT THIS... BAM!
AAH!
LOOK AT THAT.
JUNIOR, THIS IS A FLYER
FOR THE RAP-CADEMY.
WHAT THE HELL
IS A RAP-CADEMY?
OH, IT'S LIKE A RAP-VERSITY
BUT SMALLER...
MORE ONE-ON-ONE ATTENTION.
SOMEBODY LEFT IT
ON MY WINDSHIELD.
THEY MUST KNOW
I'M TALENTED.
AND, ACCORDING TO THE FLYER,
I COULD BE A BIG RAPPER IN
A WEEK AND MAKE LOTS OF MONEY.
I DON'T KNOW, JUNIOR.
COME ON, DAD!
BECOMING A RAPPER
HAS BEEN MY DREAM
EVER I SINCE I WAS
THREE MINUTES AGO.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT...
GIVE IT THREE MORE MINUTES,
AND IT WILL GO AWAY, OKAY?
I WANTED TO BE A RAPPER, TOO,
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAD YOU, AND I REALIZED
I HAVE RESPONSIBILITY.
SO, YOU KNOW WHAT I DID?
I GOT A JOB.
YEAH, BUT BACK
WHEN YOU WAS MY AGE,
RAPPING WASN'T A JOB,
IT WAS JUST SOMETHING
CRAZY PEOPLE DID IN THE SUBWAY.
♪ MAN, I'M HUNGRY,
WISH I HAD SOME CHANGE ♪
♪ BEEN TALKING TO MYSELF,
AIN'T THAT STRANGE? ♪
♪ HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH,
WHO SAID THAT? ♪
I HOPE THAT'S NOT
YOUR BEST RAP.
NO, DAD, I GOT MODERN RAPS.
CHECK THIS OUT...
HA HA!
♪ MY NAME IS J-R-DOT,
AND I'M REAL HOT ♪
♪ I'M THE SON, AND
YOU MY POPS ♪ WHAT?
♪ I GET MY HAIR CUT
AT THE BARBERSHOP ♪
♪ I BLOW MY NOSE
WHEN IT'S FILLED WITH SNOT ♪
♪ AND WHEN MY BOOTY RUMBLES,
I GOT TO GO... ♪
HEY, I THINK
YOU SHOULD STOP NOW.
LOOK, JUNIOR,
WHY DON'T YOU DREAM
ABOUT BECOMING
A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN
OR DREAM ABOUT
TAKING OVER KYLE TRUCKING.
DREAM ABOUT
SOMETHING REAL, SON.
'CAUSE THOSE DREAMS
ARE TAKEN.
BY WHO?
SOCIETY AND THEM!
WHO'S "THEM"?
THOSE.
"THOSE" WHO?
THEY!
WHERE?
IN THE BACK!
LOOK, JUNIOR, OKAY,
I KNOW THAT
THIS HAS BEEN YOUR DREAM
SINCE ABOUT THREE MINUTES AGO,
YEAH.
AND WHO AM I TO STAND IN THE WAY
OF THAT KIND OF PASSION?
ALL RIGHT?
I'M GIVING YOU SEVEN DAYS.
SEVEN DAYS
IS ALL I NEED, DAD.
MONDAY, I WRITE.
TUESDAY, I RECORD.
WEDNESDAY, IT DROPS.
THURSDAY, I'M ON TOUR.
FRIDAY,
IT'S IN THE NATIONAL PRESS.
SATURDAY,
I SHOOT MY FLICK.
SUNDAY, I RETIRE TO ENJOY
THE FRUITS OF MY LABOR.
JUNIOR, I'M GLAD
YOU GOT IT ALL WORKED OUT,
AND I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT
YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING.
BUT PROMISE ME THIS...
IF YOUR DREAM DOESN'T WORK OUT,
YOU'RE GONNA
DROP THIS FANTASY
AND TAKE CARE
OF YOUR SOON-TO-BE WIFE
AND YOUR ALREADY-HERE KID.
NO PROBLEM, DAD.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M GONNA
WORK ON MY RHYMES RIGHT NOW.
WATCH ME PROVE YOU,
THEY, THOSE,
THEMS IN THE BACK, SOCIETY...
EVERYBODY WRONG.
HA HA!
Claire: HEY, MOM.
HEY, SWEETHEART,
THERE WAS SOMETHING
WHAT'S UP?
BABY, HAVE YOU NOTICED
THAT LATELY
WE HAVEN'T SPENT AS MUCH TIME
TOGETHER AS WE USED TO?
I KNOW.
IT'S GOOD, ISN'T IT?
NO!
NO, IT ISN'T!
YOUR BROTHER'S
ABOUT TO BE MARRIED.
HE AND VANESSA
ARE GOING OUT ON THEIR OWN.
YOU'RE GROWING UP,
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
YOU'LL BE GOING
OUT ON YOUR OWN, TOO.
YES!
I CAN'T WAIT!
WELL, I CAN.
AND I WANT US TO START
DOING SOME THINGS TOGETHER.
EW!
BUT, MOM, YOU'RE TWICE MY AGE,
AND YOU'RE NOT THAT COOL.
UH...
[ SCOFFS ]
CLAIRE, I AM COOL!
I AM SO COOL!
ALL MY FRIENDS
SAY I'M COOL!
MY HUSBAND
SAYS I AM VERY SO COOL!
OKAY, LOOK,
THIS ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE GOOD.
YES, IT IS, BABY!
HONEY!
AND I HAVE A SPECIFIC IDEA
THAT MOMMY THINKS WILL BE GREAT!
OH, NOT ONE
OF YOUR GREAT IDEAS.
YES, AND THIS ONE YOU WILL LIKE.
IT'S YOGA CLASS!
EW, I HATE YOGA!
BUT THE INSTRUCTOR
IS ADORABLE.
OOH, HOW ADORABLE?
GIRL, HE IS FIZZINE!
AAH!
[ LAUGHS ]
OKAY, DO ME A FAVOR AND STOP
SAYING THINGS LIKE "FIZZINE,"
AND I'LL GO WITH YOU
TO YOGA.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEALIO!
[ LAUGHS ]
♪ 'CAUSE I BE DANCING
IN MY MANSION ♪
HEY, SON,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
DAD, I THINK I JUST WROTE
MY FIRST HIT SINGLE.
REALLY? GET OUT OF HERE.
LET ME HEAR IT.
ARE YOU READY?
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
♪ YO, YO, YO, YO, YO ♪
♪ YO, YO, YO-YO-YO-YO-YO,
YO-YO-YO YO ♪
♪ YO, YO ♪
♪ YO, HERE WE COME, YO ♪
ALL RIGHT, DID YOU PUT
THAT MANY YO'S DOWN THERE?
YEAH. OH, "OY."
YEAH, THAT'S "YO" BACKWARDS.
TRYING TO EXPAND MY AUDIENCE
FOR MY DYSLEXIC PEEPS.
HOLLA!
WOULD YOU START ALREADY?
I GOT STUFF TO DO.
OKAY, YOU READY?
♪ YO, YO, YO, YO, OY ♪
♪ I GOT DIAMONDS ON MY WRIST,
I'M POURING OUT CRYS ♪
♪ I GOT SO MUCH MONEY,
I HOLD IT LIKE THIS ♪
♪ I'M LARGE AND IN CHARGE,
I GOT A ZILLION CARS ♪
♪ IT'S OKAY
IF YOU'RE GLANCING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M DANCING
IN MY MANSION ♪
♪ MY MANSION, MY MANSION ♪
♪ My mansion ♪
SEE, THAT' THE ECHO
'CAUSE IT'S A BIG HOUSE,
AND I AIN'T GOT
NO FURNITURE YET.
OKAY, I HAVE A COUPLE
OF QUESTIONS.
SHOOT.
ALL RIGHT,
IF YOU GOT ALL THIS MONEY,
YOU KNOW, ON THE WRISTS,
AND YOU'RE LARGE
AND IN CHARGE,
WHY ARE YOU STILL
LIVING IN MY GARAGE?
[ SCOFFS ]
IT'S JUST RHYMES, DAD.
NO, IT'S JUST LIES, JUNIOR.
RAP IS SUPPOSED TO BE
A TRUE FORM OF EXPRESSION.
I'M EXPRESSING HOW
RICH I AM. BUT YOU'RE NOT.
BUT I WILL BE
AFTER THIS DROPS ON WEDNESDAY.
JUNIOR,
IF YOU'RE GONNA RHYME,
RHYME ABOUT
THINGS YOU KNOW...
ABOUT WHAT GOES ON
IN YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE.
THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE
REALLY WANT TO HEAR.
YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
"DANCING IN MY MANSION."
MORE LIKE A MIRAGE
IN MY GARAGE.
NOW, THAT'S GOOD, DAD.
[ LAUGHS ]
"OY."
WHAT DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT RAMA?
OH, HE IS FIZZINE!
GIRL, DON'T SAY ANYTHING,
BUT I THINK HE HAS
A CRUSH ON ME.
[ LAUGHS ]
[ BELL CHIMES ]
AND NOW, EVERYONE,
ASSUME THE TREE POSE.
[ INHALES AND EXHALES ]
AND NOW HOLD THIS POSITION
TO THE COUNT OF 10.
ONE, TWO...
UGH!
ARE YOU OKAY?
I GUESS I OVERESTIMATED
MY ABILITIES.
FIRST TIME?
IT SURE IS.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
CLAIRE.
I'M RAMA.
I KNOW.
[ LAUGHS ]
WELL, CLAIRE,
MAYBE YOU NEED
A LITTLE PERSONAL
INSTRUCTION.
I DO.
[ LAUGHS ]
LET ME HELP YOU.
OH, OKAY.
[ GIGGLES ]
NOW, HOLD ONTO ME.
HEY, RAMA.
AM I DOING IT RIGHT, RAMA?
YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER.
BUT BACK TO YOU, CLAIRE.
HELLO, ANYBODY HOME?
HELLO?
[ LAUGHS ]
HA HA!
♪ YO, YO ♪
♪ MY NAME IS J-R-DOT,
I GOT MY OWN SPOT, ♪
♪ I CALL IT THE GARAGE ♪
♪ EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE
I LIKE A MASSAGE ♪
♪ IF BOTH HANDS ARE FREE,
I HAVE A MéNAGE ♪
♪ à TRIOS ♪
HA HA!
Shaw: THAT WAS
WIGGEDY-WIGGEDY WACK!
HEY, IT'S...
IT'S...
IT'S BOBBY SHAW.
HA HA!
FRESH AND IN THE FLESH.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU ARE MIKE LOVE'S SON.
NO WONDER YOU'RE SPITTING
THOSE LAME RAPS.
WELL, MY DAD TOLD ME
TO RAP ABOUT WHAT I KNOW.
[ LAUGHS ]
WHOO! OH!
BOY, THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING
I EVER HEARD OF.
YOU DO THE TOTAL OPPOSITE.
YOU RAP ABOUT THINGS
YOU COULD NEVER ACCOMPLISH.
WELL, CAN YOU TEACH ME
TO BE A GOOD RAPPER?
TEACH! TEACH!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE GAME IS TO BE SOLD
AND NOT TO BE TOLD.
BUT I'M GONNA LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE SECRET.
BRING AN EAR.
♪ I'M A SIMA LAMA LIMA LAMA
LIMA LAMA LIMA LAMA LIMA LAMA ♪
OH, YEAH!
THAT WAS IT.
WHAT?!
I SAID "SIMA LAM..."
NEVER MIND.
LOOK...
WHAT I'M TRYING
TO LAY ON YOU IS THIS...
I CAN TEACH YOU
TO BE DOPER THAN DOPE.
I'M WILLING TO DO
WHAT IT TAKES.
ARE YOU WILLING TO
SACRIFICE?! I'M WILLING!
ARE YOU WILLING TO
WORK HARD?! I'M WILLING!
DO YOU HAVE 50 BUCKS?!
50 BUCKS?
50 BUCKS.
MAN, I ONLY GOT 40.
CLOSE ENOUGH, CLOSE ENOUGH.
I'M GONNA TAKE THE OTHER 10
OFF OF YOUR ADVANCE.
NOW, YOU MIGHT WANT TO READ
THAT SIGN ON THE WALL.
AND HERE, HERE...
YOU MIGHT NEED THESE.
IF YOU DON'T MAKE IT,
IT'S YOUR FAULT.
ET CETERA,
ET CETERA, ET CETERA.
NOW, LET ME TELL YOU
WHAT THE PLAN IS.
SEE,
YOU CAME AT THE RIGHT TIME.
WHY?
WHY, BECAUSE I AM IN
MY MOST ENTREPRENEURIAL
STATE OF MIND RIGHT NOW.
SEE, I'M GONNA
PUT MY NAME ON EVERYTHING
JUST LIKE CALVIN KLEIN.
YOU REMEMBER WHEN CALVIN KLEIN
PUT "CK" ON EVERYTHING?
WELL, BOBBY SHAW IS GONNA
PUT "BS" ON EVERYTHING!
OH, YOU MEAN LIKE PAJAMIES.
LIKE PAJAMIES, SOCKS,
SHOES, PANTS, SHIRTS,
JACKETS, HAIRCUTS,
AND ROCKET SHIPS.
WOW!
I SAY WOW, INDEED,
MY YOUNG PEANUT-HEAD FRIEND.
NOW, ALL I NEED YOU TO DO
IS TO SIGN YOUR LIFE...
I MEAN, YOUR NAME,
ON THIS CONTRACT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU WENT
AND ALIGNED YOURSELF
WITH MY ARCHENEMY,
BOBBY SHAW.
HE SAID
HE COULD MAKE ME A STAR.
OH, AND YOU BELIEVED THAT?
I TRUST HIM, DAD!
BOBBY SHAW IS A CON MAN,
ALL RIGHT?
HE'S A HUSTLER,
A SCAM ARTIST.
HE'S SLICKER
THAN HIS OWN HAIR.
NOW, WHAT DOES
THE CONTRACT SAY, FRANKLIN?
IT'S A FASCINATING DOCUMENT.
YOU KNOW,
IT'S DIABOLICAL BUT BRILLIANT.
SO, CAN I MAKE
A MILLION DOLLARS?
ABSOLUTELY,
THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE
THAT RESTRICTS
YOUR EARNING POWER WHATSOEVER.
SEE?!
HOWEVER...
SEE?
...FOR EVERY DOLLAR
YOU EARN,
YOU OWE BOBBY SHAW TWO.
WELL, THAT'S FAIR.
IF I CAN MAKE A MILLION,
I CAN AFFORD TO PAY HIM $2.
LISTEN, WHAT FRANKLIN
IS TRYING TO SAY
IS YOU'VE BEEN HOODWINKED.
IT'S ACTUALLY
WORSE THAN THAT.
I FOUND A VALET CLAUSE
IN HERE.
WHAT'S A VALET CLAUSE?
WELL, ACCORDING TO
THIS CONTRACT YOU SIGNED,
YOU NOW BELONG TO BOBBY SHAW.
YOU HAVE TO DO HIS BIDDING.
IN OTHER WORDS,
LEGALLY SPEAKING,
YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL
TO THE DEVIL.
[ SIGHS ]
WELL, I'M OFF TO THE MALL
TO BUY A NEW OUTFIT FOR YOGA.
UH, CLAIRE, YOU KNOW WHAT?
BABY, YOU WERE RIGHT.
WE DO SPEND
WAY TOO MUCH TIME TOGETHER.
AND I WAS CRAMPING
YOUR STYLE,
AND YOU NEED
TO FIND A NEW HOBBY...
SOMETHING THE KIDS
THINK IS COOL, YOU KNOW?
NO!
I LIKE YOGA.
REALLY?
YEAH.
BECAUSE I FELT LIKE,
YOU KNOW,
I WAS DRAGGING YOU
INTO THIS, YOU KNOW?
[ LAUGHS ]
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT?
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT?!
YOU'RE JEALOUS!
HOW FUNNY IS THAT?
I'M WHAT? ME JEALOUS
OF YOU, CLAIRE? YES.
FIRST OF ALL...
YOU'RE SO JEALOUS!
FIRST OF ALL,
YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.
SECOND OF ALL, WHY IN THE WORLD
WOULD I BE JEALOUS
JUST BECAUSE RAMA GAVE YOU
A LITTLE ATTENTION?
I NEVER MENTIONED RAMA.
YOU DIDN'T?
NO.
SOMEBODY SAID...
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU MUST HAVE
'CAUSE I KNOW I HEARD.
NOT ONCE.
WELL, YOU THOUGHT IT,
'CAUSE I'M YOUR MOTHER,
AND I GOT YOU.
AND BESIDES, CLAIRE,
HE IS NOT EVEN
THINKING ABOUT YOU.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE POWER THAT I HAVE, CLAIRE.
ALL OF THIS, ALL OF THIS,
CLAIRE.
ALL OF THAT.
CLAIRE, I JUST CHOOSE
NOT TO USE MY...
POWER BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE
WITH YOUR FATHER.
YEAH.
HEY...
RIGHT.
THAT IS... THAT'S MY...
OKAY, OKAY, SEE,
YOU'RE A NON-BELIEVER, OKAY?
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU NEED A LITTLE DEMONSTRATION.
SO, DON'T MISS THE NEXT
YOGA CLASS, OKAY, MISS THING?
OH, I WON'T.
DON'T!
I WOULDN'T MISS IT...
HEY!
WHOO!
...FOR THE WORLD.
ALL OF THIS.
ALL OF THIS.
IT'S LIKE THIS.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW TO DO IT RIGHT.
IF YOU'RE GONNA DO IT,
YOU GOTTA FLY WITH IT.
[ LAUGHS ]
♪ AND I GO BY THE NAME
OF BOBBY SHAW, HOO-RAH! ♪
♪ PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST ♪
HELLO, SHAW.
BEEN EXPECTING YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I'M HERE
TO TALK ABOUT MY SON.
[ LAUGHS ]
I THINK YOU MEAN MY SON.
I'M THINKING OF CHANGING
HIS NAME TO "BOBBY, JR."
I READ THE CONTRACT.
HEY, SUCKER MAN...
THIS CONTRACT
IS IRONCLAD, OKAY?
IT'S BULLETPROOF!
POW, POW, POW!
IT'S IMPREGNABLE.
IT'S A SUPER-DOCUMENT!
WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT...
LET'S GO OUTSIDE
AND SETTLE THIS.
YOU MEAN ENGAGING
IN YE OLD FISTICUFFS?
I DON'T THINK SO, BABY.
IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.
AND I JUST BOUGHT
THESE NEW BOOTS.
AND I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF RUSTING THESE SPURS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M ISSUING A CHALLENGE.
A CHALLENGE?
YOU KNOW BOBBY SHAW NEVER
BACKS DOWN FROM A CHALLENGE.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND,
ORANGUTAN-BEHIND?
I CHALLENGE YOU
TO A RAP-OFF.
WELL, YOU'RE ON
LIKE HOT BUTTER ON THE POP...
THE POP...
THE POP, POP, POPCORN
SHOW YOU RIGHT.
THESE ARE THE RULES.
WE KEEP THE RHYMES CLEAN...
NO HOS, NO HIP-HOP HONEYS,
NO AUTOMATIC WEAPONS,
NO DEAD POLICE, NO DRIVE-BYS,
NO MATERIALISM,
AND NO BABY MAMMAS.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
INSTRUMENTAL?
LOOK,
THE WINNER GETS THAT CONTRACT
AND CONTROL OF JUNIOR.
ALL RIGHT.
ALMOST CUT YOUR SHINS OFF.
WHOOPSIES! WHOOPSIES!
WHOOPSIES!
WHAT'S THE MATTER NOW?
RAMA, I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST CAN'T SEEM
TO GET THIS POSITION.
COULD YOU HELP ME?
SURE.
OH, THANK YOU, RAMA.
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.
I'M JUST HAVING
SO MUCH DIFFICULTY TODAY.
YEAH, YOU SURE ARE.
I SURE AM.
THANK YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU WATCH CLAIRE.
SHE'S A PICTURE
OF YOGA PERFECTION.
SHE A'IGHT.
BUT WHAT ABOUT
ALL OF THIS, RAMA?
WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THIS?
WHOOPSIES! WHOOPSIES!
UM, YOU KNOW WHAT, JAY?
YES, RAMA?
YOU NEED
A LITTLE EXTRA ATTENTION.
YES, I DO.
MM-HMM...
INDIVIDUAL, ONE-ON-ONE HELP.
[ LAUGHS ]
INDIVIDUAL,
ONE-ON-ONE HELP, RAMA.
TONY!
WHO? WHAT?
YEAH?
I WANT YOU TO TAKE JAY HERE
BACK TO YOUR BEGINNER CLASS.
GIVE HER
A LITTLE SPECIAL ATTENTION.
NO, RAMA, I'M FINE!
I SAID I'M FINE!
LET'S GO,
LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
OH, MY GOD!
OKAY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
[ APPLAUSE ]
WHOO!
WHOO!
HELLO, PARTY PEOPLE.
YOU ARE ALL ABOUT TO WITNESS
THE DISMANTLING OF THIS MAN
WITH ONE
OF MY SIGNATURE RAPS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OH, YEAH?!
WELL, LET'S GET
THIS PARTY STARTED!
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WHERE'S YOUR CREW?!
[ SCOFFS ] YO, MC's!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ YEAH, THROW 'EM UP,
THROW 'EM UP ♪
♪ YEAH, THROW 'EM UP,
THROW 'EM UP ♪
♪ I'M MC LYTE,
AND I RHYME GALORE ♪
♪ BUT YOU GOT RHYMES,
BUT I GOT ME MORE ♪
♪ SEE, I BEEN DOING THIS
BEFORE YOU COULD WALK ♪
♪ SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN
WHILE A REAL MC TALKS ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OKAY, THAT WAS DISRESPECTFUL,
VERY DISRESPECTFUL.
OKAY, CAN I GET SOME HELP?
FELLAS!
YEAH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ COME ON, GET 'EM UP,
COME ON, GET 'EM UP ♪
♪ UH, UH, UH, UH ♪
♪ LA-DI-DA-DI,
MOE CAME TO PARTY ♪
♪ YOU DON'T WANT TROUBLE,
I'M TAKING ANYBODY ♪
♪ THE... THE TIGHTEST
IN THE WORLD, I STEP TO THE... ♪
♪ AND I TAKE WHAT I WANT, AND
I MIGHT EVEN TAKE YOUR GIRL ♪
OOOH!
OOOH! OOOH!
THAT'S VERY DISRESPECTFUL.
YO, FLAV,
TELL HIM ABOUT IT, SON!
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, IT'S LIKE THIS ♪
♪ MY NAME IS FLAVOR FLAV,
AND I AM A RAP "G" ♪
♪ I GOT A CLOCK
AND SOME SHINY GOLD TEETH ♪
♪ I'M KNOWN AS THE HYPEST MAN
IN THE GAME ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN ASK YOUR MAMMA ♪
♪ 'CAUSE SHE CAN
TELL YOU THE SAME ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OOH!
ALL RIGHT,
I'M GONNA ASK MY MAMMA LATER.
SPECIAL ED,
HELP ME OUT!
COME ON, MAN.
♪ I GOT IT MADE,
AH, I GOT IT MADE ♪
HOLD IT, HOLD IT!
[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]
WHAT?
YOU SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME.
I NEED HELP IN THE BATTLE.
HOLD UP, LITTLE MAN.
EVERY TIME I SAY IT,
I GET A ROYALTY.
SHUT UP!
I STILL GOT IT MADE.
I GOT IT MADE.
I GOT IT MADE.
WAIT A MINUTE...
TELLING ME TO SHUT UP.
GET OVER THERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL DO THIS MYSELF!
COME HERE, YOUNG BOY.
STAND IN FRONT
OF YOUR LEGAL DADDY.
[ LAUGHS ]
YEAH, HIT IT!
[ RAP MUSIC PLAYS ]
♪ UH! ♪
♪ WH-WH-WHA! ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ I OWN YOUR BIG HEAD,
I OWN YOU ♪
♪ EVEN WHEN YOU'RE DEAD,
I'LL OWN YOU ♪
♪ FORGET WHAT HE SAID,
I OWN YOU ♪
♪ BUYING MY BREAD,
I OWN YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY SOLE POSSESSION,
I OWN YOU ♪
♪ I-I OWN YOU,
I-I OWN YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY SOLE POSSESSION ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
A'IGHT, A'IGHT, YO,
HERE IT IS, HERE IT IS.
I'M MIKE "L" TO THE "O"
TO THE "V-E."
AND I'M HERE
TO GET MY SON BACK.
SO, I WANT Y'ALL TO REALLY
FEEL ME ON THIS HERE HOT TRACK.
AND THIS SONG IS CALLED, "FOOL,
WHY YOU SIGN THE CONTRACT?"
ALL RIGHT,
DROP IT ON THE ONE.
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
♪ OH-OH, OH-OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
♪ OH-OH-OH-OH-OH
OH-OH-OH, OH, OH, OH, ♪
♪ OH-OH, OH-OH-OH ♪
[ MUSIC STOPS ]
NOT THAT ONE.
WHAT?
THE OTHER ONE!
OH, MY BAD, MY BAD.
DROP IT ON THE TWO.
[ RAP MUSIC PLAYS ]
♪ YEAH, YEAH OH, YO,
THROW YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR ♪
♪ LIKE THIS HERE,
THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
YO, YO, YO ♪
♪ IT WAS ME WHO SHOT THIS FOOL
IN THE WORLD ♪
♪ TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I WAS HOPING HE WAS GIRL ♪
♪ BUT MISTAKES HAPPEN,
AND HERE HE IS ♪
♪ BUT I CAN'T TURN MY BACK,
HE'S ONE OF MY KIDS ♪
♪ YO, YOU HAVING FUN
TRYING TO STEAL MY SON? ♪
♪ WHAT YOU'VE DONE AIN'T DONE
TILL IT'S DONE, SON ♪
♪ OFF YOUR FACE,
I'LL WIPE THAT SMILE ♪
♪ IN 10 YEARS, THOSE BOOTS
WILL BE BACK IN STYLE ♪
♪ I'LL PUT 'EM ON NOW,
KICK YOUR ASS A MILE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T COME
BETWEEN A KYLE AND A KYLE ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HOLD, HOLD!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.
YOU WIN AGAIN, KYLE.
I'M GETTING REAL SICK
OF LOSING TO YOU.
YEAH, WELL YOU BETTER
GET USED TO IT
BECAUSE WHEN THIS MIKE
STEPS TO THAT MIC,
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.
OOH-RAH!
YEAH, WHAT ABOUT MY $40?
OOH-RAH!
HA HA HA HA HA!
I SPENT IT
ON HAIR-CARE PRODUCTS.
AH-RAH, OOH-OOH-OOH,
A-OOH-OOH.
RAPPERS, RETREAT!
THANKS, DAD.
YOU KNOW, JUNIOR,
THERE'S GONNA COME A TIME
WHEN I'M NOT THERE
TO BAIL YOU OUT.
ALL RIGHT?
YOU'RE A MAN NOW.
THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE...
THEY DON'T
JUST AFFECT YOU ANYMORE.
SO, YOU NEED TO THINK
ABOUT THAT LONG AND HARD
BEFORE YOU MAKE
YOUR NEXT CAREER DECISION.
YOU'RE RIGHT, DAD.
NOW LET'S GO HOME
SO WE CAN DO SOME MORE WORK.
WORK ON WHAT?
BOY, I OWN YOU!
I OWN YOUR BIG HEAD!
I'LL OWN YOU
WHILE YOU'RE DEAD!
I OWN YOU!
YOU KNOW BOBBY SHAW
NEVER BREAKS DOWN...
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU KNOW BOBBY SHAW NEVER
BREAKS DOWN FROM A CHALLENGE.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
"BACKS DOWN."
DID I DO IT AGAIN? YEAH,
YOU SAID "BREAKS DOWN."
HEY, DO YOU HAVE
ANY EDITING EQUIPMENT?
I FINALLY FIGURED OUT
WHAT I'M GONNA DO
WITH MY LIFE.
REALLY?
I WOULD FALL OUT THIS CHAIR,
BUT MY BACK HURTS ALREADY.
LOOK, I'M GLAD TO HEAR
THAT YOU'RE FINALLY MOTIVATED,
AND YOU GOT A PLAN
AND A PURPOSE.
THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL.
TELL YOUR DAD WHAT IT IS.
DAD, I'M GONNA
BECOME A RAPPER.
YOU MEAN LIKE PACKAGES
AT THE STORE?
NO, DAD, A REAL RAPPER.
LOOK AT THIS... BAM!
AAH!
LOOK AT THAT.
JUNIOR, THIS IS A FLYER
FOR THE RAP-CADEMY.
WHAT THE HELL
IS A RAP-CADEMY?
OH, IT'S LIKE A RAP-VERSITY
BUT SMALLER...
MORE ONE-ON-ONE ATTENTION.
SOMEBODY LEFT IT
ON MY WINDSHIELD.
THEY MUST KNOW
I'M TALENTED.
AND, ACCORDING TO THE FLYER,
I COULD BE A BIG RAPPER IN
A WEEK AND MAKE LOTS OF MONEY.
I DON'T KNOW, JUNIOR.
COME ON, DAD!
BECOMING A RAPPER
HAS BEEN MY DREAM
EVER I SINCE I WAS
THREE MINUTES AGO.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT...
GIVE IT THREE MORE MINUTES,
AND IT WILL GO AWAY, OKAY?
I WANTED TO BE A RAPPER, TOO,
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.
BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAD YOU, AND I REALIZED
I HAVE RESPONSIBILITY.
SO, YOU KNOW WHAT I DID?
I GOT A JOB.
YEAH, BUT BACK
WHEN YOU WAS MY AGE,
RAPPING WASN'T A JOB,
IT WAS JUST SOMETHING
CRAZY PEOPLE DID IN THE SUBWAY.
♪ MAN, I'M HUNGRY,
WISH I HAD SOME CHANGE ♪
♪ BEEN TALKING TO MYSELF,
AIN'T THAT STRANGE? ♪
♪ HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH,
WHO SAID THAT? ♪
I HOPE THAT'S NOT
YOUR BEST RAP.
NO, DAD, I GOT MODERN RAPS.
CHECK THIS OUT...
HA HA!
♪ MY NAME IS J-R-DOT,
AND I'M REAL HOT ♪
♪ I'M THE SON, AND
YOU MY POPS ♪ WHAT?
♪ I GET MY HAIR CUT
AT THE BARBERSHOP ♪
♪ I BLOW MY NOSE
WHEN IT'S FILLED WITH SNOT ♪
♪ AND WHEN MY BOOTY RUMBLES,
I GOT TO GO... ♪
HEY, I THINK
YOU SHOULD STOP NOW.
LOOK, JUNIOR,
WHY DON'T YOU DREAM
ABOUT BECOMING
A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN
OR DREAM ABOUT
TAKING OVER KYLE TRUCKING.
DREAM ABOUT
SOMETHING REAL, SON.
'CAUSE THOSE DREAMS
ARE TAKEN.
BY WHO?
SOCIETY AND THEM!
WHO'S "THEM"?
THOSE.
"THOSE" WHO?
THEY!
WHERE?
IN THE BACK!
LOOK, JUNIOR, OKAY,
I KNOW THAT
THIS HAS BEEN YOUR DREAM
SINCE ABOUT THREE MINUTES AGO,
YEAH.
AND WHO AM I TO STAND IN THE WAY
OF THAT KIND OF PASSION?
ALL RIGHT?
I'M GIVING YOU SEVEN DAYS.
SEVEN DAYS
IS ALL I NEED, DAD.
MONDAY, I WRITE.
TUESDAY, I RECORD.
WEDNESDAY, IT DROPS.
THURSDAY, I'M ON TOUR.
FRIDAY,
IT'S IN THE NATIONAL PRESS.
SATURDAY,
I SHOOT MY FLICK.
SUNDAY, I RETIRE TO ENJOY
THE FRUITS OF MY LABOR.
JUNIOR, I'M GLAD
YOU GOT IT ALL WORKED OUT,
AND I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT
YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT SOMETHING.
BUT PROMISE ME THIS...
IF YOUR DREAM DOESN'T WORK OUT,
YOU'RE GONNA
DROP THIS FANTASY
AND TAKE CARE
OF YOUR SOON-TO-BE WIFE
AND YOUR ALREADY-HERE KID.
NO PROBLEM, DAD.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M GONNA
WORK ON MY RHYMES RIGHT NOW.
WATCH ME PROVE YOU,
THEY, THOSE,
THEMS IN THE BACK, SOCIETY...
EVERYBODY WRONG.
HA HA!
Claire: HEY, MOM.
HEY, SWEETHEART,
THERE WAS SOMETHING
WHAT'S UP?
BABY, HAVE YOU NOTICED
THAT LATELY
WE HAVEN'T SPENT AS MUCH TIME
TOGETHER AS WE USED TO?
I KNOW.
IT'S GOOD, ISN'T IT?
NO!
NO, IT ISN'T!
YOUR BROTHER'S
ABOUT TO BE MARRIED.
HE AND VANESSA
ARE GOING OUT ON THEIR OWN.
YOU'RE GROWING UP,
AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
YOU'LL BE GOING
OUT ON YOUR OWN, TOO.
YES!
I CAN'T WAIT!
WELL, I CAN.
AND I WANT US TO START
DOING SOME THINGS TOGETHER.
EW!
BUT, MOM, YOU'RE TWICE MY AGE,
AND YOU'RE NOT THAT COOL.
UH...
[ SCOFFS ]
CLAIRE, I AM COOL!
I AM SO COOL!
ALL MY FRIENDS
SAY I'M COOL!
MY HUSBAND
SAYS I AM VERY SO COOL!
OKAY, LOOK,
THIS ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE GOOD.
YES, IT IS, BABY!
HONEY!
AND I HAVE A SPECIFIC IDEA
THAT MOMMY THINKS WILL BE GREAT!
OH, NOT ONE
OF YOUR GREAT IDEAS.
YES, AND THIS ONE YOU WILL LIKE.
IT'S YOGA CLASS!
EW, I HATE YOGA!
BUT THE INSTRUCTOR
IS ADORABLE.
OOH, HOW ADORABLE?
GIRL, HE IS FIZZINE!
AAH!
[ LAUGHS ]
OKAY, DO ME A FAVOR AND STOP
SAYING THINGS LIKE "FIZZINE,"
AND I'LL GO WITH YOU
TO YOGA.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEALIO!
[ LAUGHS ]
♪ 'CAUSE I BE DANCING
IN MY MANSION ♪
HEY, SON,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
DAD, I THINK I JUST WROTE
MY FIRST HIT SINGLE.
REALLY? GET OUT OF HERE.
LET ME HEAR IT.
ARE YOU READY?
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
♪ YO, YO, YO, YO, YO ♪
♪ YO, YO, YO-YO-YO-YO-YO,
YO-YO-YO YO ♪
♪ YO, YO ♪
♪ YO, HERE WE COME, YO ♪
ALL RIGHT, DID YOU PUT
THAT MANY YO'S DOWN THERE?
YEAH. OH, "OY."
YEAH, THAT'S "YO" BACKWARDS.
TRYING TO EXPAND MY AUDIENCE
FOR MY DYSLEXIC PEEPS.
HOLLA!
WOULD YOU START ALREADY?
I GOT STUFF TO DO.
OKAY, YOU READY?
♪ YO, YO, YO, YO, OY ♪
♪ I GOT DIAMONDS ON MY WRIST,
I'M POURING OUT CRYS ♪
♪ I GOT SO MUCH MONEY,
I HOLD IT LIKE THIS ♪
♪ I'M LARGE AND IN CHARGE,
I GOT A ZILLION CARS ♪
♪ IT'S OKAY
IF YOU'RE GLANCING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M DANCING
IN MY MANSION ♪
♪ MY MANSION, MY MANSION ♪
♪ My mansion ♪
SEE, THAT' THE ECHO
'CAUSE IT'S A BIG HOUSE,
AND I AIN'T GOT
NO FURNITURE YET.
OKAY, I HAVE A COUPLE
OF QUESTIONS.
SHOOT.
ALL RIGHT,
IF YOU GOT ALL THIS MONEY,
YOU KNOW, ON THE WRISTS,
AND YOU'RE LARGE
AND IN CHARGE,
WHY ARE YOU STILL
LIVING IN MY GARAGE?
[ SCOFFS ]
IT'S JUST RHYMES, DAD.
NO, IT'S JUST LIES, JUNIOR.
RAP IS SUPPOSED TO BE
A TRUE FORM OF EXPRESSION.
I'M EXPRESSING HOW
RICH I AM. BUT YOU'RE NOT.
BUT I WILL BE
AFTER THIS DROPS ON WEDNESDAY.
JUNIOR,
IF YOU'RE GONNA RHYME,
RHYME ABOUT
THINGS YOU KNOW...
ABOUT WHAT GOES ON
IN YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE.
THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE
REALLY WANT TO HEAR.
YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
"DANCING IN MY MANSION."
MORE LIKE A MIRAGE
IN MY GARAGE.
NOW, THAT'S GOOD, DAD.
[ LAUGHS ]
"OY."
WHAT DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT RAMA?
OH, HE IS FIZZINE!
GIRL, DON'T SAY ANYTHING,
BUT I THINK HE HAS
A CRUSH ON ME.
[ LAUGHS ]
[ BELL CHIMES ]
AND NOW, EVERYONE,
ASSUME THE TREE POSE.
[ INHALES AND EXHALES ]
AND NOW HOLD THIS POSITION
TO THE COUNT OF 10.
ONE, TWO...
UGH!
ARE YOU OKAY?
I GUESS I OVERESTIMATED
MY ABILITIES.
FIRST TIME?
IT SURE IS.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
CLAIRE.
I'M RAMA.
I KNOW.
[ LAUGHS ]
WELL, CLAIRE,
MAYBE YOU NEED
A LITTLE PERSONAL
INSTRUCTION.
I DO.
[ LAUGHS ]
LET ME HELP YOU.
OH, OKAY.
[ GIGGLES ]
NOW, HOLD ONTO ME.
HEY, RAMA.
AM I DOING IT RIGHT, RAMA?
YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVER.
BUT BACK TO YOU, CLAIRE.
HELLO, ANYBODY HOME?
HELLO?
[ LAUGHS ]
HA HA!
♪ YO, YO ♪
♪ MY NAME IS J-R-DOT,
I GOT MY OWN SPOT, ♪
♪ I CALL IT THE GARAGE ♪
♪ EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE
I LIKE A MASSAGE ♪
♪ IF BOTH HANDS ARE FREE,
I HAVE A MéNAGE ♪
♪ à TRIOS ♪
HA HA!
Shaw: THAT WAS
WIGGEDY-WIGGEDY WACK!
HEY, IT'S...
IT'S...
IT'S BOBBY SHAW.
HA HA!
FRESH AND IN THE FLESH.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU ARE MIKE LOVE'S SON.
NO WONDER YOU'RE SPITTING
THOSE LAME RAPS.
WELL, MY DAD TOLD ME
TO RAP ABOUT WHAT I KNOW.
[ LAUGHS ]
WHOO! OH!
BOY, THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING
I EVER HEARD OF.
YOU DO THE TOTAL OPPOSITE.
YOU RAP ABOUT THINGS
YOU COULD NEVER ACCOMPLISH.
WELL, CAN YOU TEACH ME
TO BE A GOOD RAPPER?
TEACH! TEACH!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE GAME IS TO BE SOLD
AND NOT TO BE TOLD.
BUT I'M GONNA LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE SECRET.
BRING AN EAR.
♪ I'M A SIMA LAMA LIMA LAMA
LIMA LAMA LIMA LAMA LIMA LAMA ♪
OH, YEAH!
THAT WAS IT.
WHAT?!
I SAID "SIMA LAM..."
NEVER MIND.
LOOK...
WHAT I'M TRYING
TO LAY ON YOU IS THIS...
I CAN TEACH YOU
TO BE DOPER THAN DOPE.
I'M WILLING TO DO
WHAT IT TAKES.
ARE YOU WILLING TO
SACRIFICE?! I'M WILLING!
ARE YOU WILLING TO
WORK HARD?! I'M WILLING!
DO YOU HAVE 50 BUCKS?!
50 BUCKS?
50 BUCKS.
MAN, I ONLY GOT 40.
CLOSE ENOUGH, CLOSE ENOUGH.
I'M GONNA TAKE THE OTHER 10
OFF OF YOUR ADVANCE.
NOW, YOU MIGHT WANT TO READ
THAT SIGN ON THE WALL.
AND HERE, HERE...
YOU MIGHT NEED THESE.
IF YOU DON'T MAKE IT,
IT'S YOUR FAULT.
ET CETERA,
ET CETERA, ET CETERA.
NOW, LET ME TELL YOU
WHAT THE PLAN IS.
SEE,
YOU CAME AT THE RIGHT TIME.
WHY?
WHY, BECAUSE I AM IN
MY MOST ENTREPRENEURIAL
STATE OF MIND RIGHT NOW.
SEE, I'M GONNA
PUT MY NAME ON EVERYTHING
JUST LIKE CALVIN KLEIN.
YOU REMEMBER WHEN CALVIN KLEIN
PUT "CK" ON EVERYTHING?
WELL, BOBBY SHAW IS GONNA
PUT "BS" ON EVERYTHING!
OH, YOU MEAN LIKE PAJAMIES.
LIKE PAJAMIES, SOCKS,
SHOES, PANTS, SHIRTS,
JACKETS, HAIRCUTS,
AND ROCKET SHIPS.
WOW!
I SAY WOW, INDEED,
MY YOUNG PEANUT-HEAD FRIEND.
NOW, ALL I NEED YOU TO DO
IS TO SIGN YOUR LIFE...
I MEAN, YOUR NAME,
ON THIS CONTRACT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU WENT
AND ALIGNED YOURSELF
WITH MY ARCHENEMY,
BOBBY SHAW.
HE SAID
HE COULD MAKE ME A STAR.
OH, AND YOU BELIEVED THAT?
I TRUST HIM, DAD!
BOBBY SHAW IS A CON MAN,
ALL RIGHT?
HE'S A HUSTLER,
A SCAM ARTIST.
HE'S SLICKER
THAN HIS OWN HAIR.
NOW, WHAT DOES
THE CONTRACT SAY, FRANKLIN?
IT'S A FASCINATING DOCUMENT.
YOU KNOW,
IT'S DIABOLICAL BUT BRILLIANT.
SO, CAN I MAKE
A MILLION DOLLARS?
ABSOLUTELY,
THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE
THAT RESTRICTS
YOUR EARNING POWER WHATSOEVER.
SEE?!
HOWEVER...
SEE?
...FOR EVERY DOLLAR
YOU EARN,
YOU OWE BOBBY SHAW TWO.
WELL, THAT'S FAIR.
IF I CAN MAKE A MILLION,
I CAN AFFORD TO PAY HIM $2.
LISTEN, WHAT FRANKLIN
IS TRYING TO SAY
IS YOU'VE BEEN HOODWINKED.
IT'S ACTUALLY
WORSE THAN THAT.
I FOUND A VALET CLAUSE
IN HERE.
WHAT'S A VALET CLAUSE?
WELL, ACCORDING TO
THIS CONTRACT YOU SIGNED,
YOU NOW BELONG TO BOBBY SHAW.
YOU HAVE TO DO HIS BIDDING.
IN OTHER WORDS,
LEGALLY SPEAKING,
YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL
TO THE DEVIL.
[ SIGHS ]
WELL, I'M OFF TO THE MALL
TO BUY A NEW OUTFIT FOR YOGA.
UH, CLAIRE, YOU KNOW WHAT?
BABY, YOU WERE RIGHT.
WE DO SPEND
WAY TOO MUCH TIME TOGETHER.
AND I WAS CRAMPING
YOUR STYLE,
AND YOU NEED
TO FIND A NEW HOBBY...
SOMETHING THE KIDS
THINK IS COOL, YOU KNOW?
NO!
I LIKE YOGA.
REALLY?
YEAH.
BECAUSE I FELT LIKE,
YOU KNOW,
I WAS DRAGGING YOU
INTO THIS, YOU KNOW?
[ LAUGHS ]
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT?
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT?!
YOU'RE JEALOUS!
HOW FUNNY IS THAT?
I'M WHAT? ME JEALOUS
OF YOU, CLAIRE? YES.
FIRST OF ALL...
YOU'RE SO JEALOUS!
FIRST OF ALL,
YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.
SECOND OF ALL, WHY IN THE WORLD
WOULD I BE JEALOUS
JUST BECAUSE RAMA GAVE YOU
A LITTLE ATTENTION?
I NEVER MENTIONED RAMA.
YOU DIDN'T?
NO.
SOMEBODY SAID...
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU MUST HAVE
'CAUSE I KNOW I HEARD.
NOT ONCE.
WELL, YOU THOUGHT IT,
'CAUSE I'M YOUR MOTHER,
AND I GOT YOU.
AND BESIDES, CLAIRE,
HE IS NOT EVEN
THINKING ABOUT YOU.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE POWER THAT I HAVE, CLAIRE.
ALL OF THIS, ALL OF THIS,
CLAIRE.
ALL OF THAT.
CLAIRE, I JUST CHOOSE
NOT TO USE MY...
POWER BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE
WITH YOUR FATHER.
YEAH.
HEY...
RIGHT.
THAT IS... THAT'S MY...
OKAY, OKAY, SEE,
YOU'RE A NON-BELIEVER, OKAY?
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU NEED A LITTLE DEMONSTRATION.
SO, DON'T MISS THE NEXT
YOGA CLASS, OKAY, MISS THING?
OH, I WON'T.
DON'T!
I WOULDN'T MISS IT...
HEY!
WHOO!
...FOR THE WORLD.
ALL OF THIS.
ALL OF THIS.
IT'S LIKE THIS.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW TO DO IT RIGHT.
IF YOU'RE GONNA DO IT,
YOU GOTTA FLY WITH IT.
[ LAUGHS ]
♪ AND I GO BY THE NAME
OF BOBBY SHAW, HOO-RAH! ♪
♪ PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST ♪
HELLO, SHAW.
BEEN EXPECTING YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I'M HERE
TO TALK ABOUT MY SON.
[ LAUGHS ]
I THINK YOU MEAN MY SON.
I'M THINKING OF CHANGING
HIS NAME TO "BOBBY, JR."
I READ THE CONTRACT.
HEY, SUCKER MAN...
THIS CONTRACT
IS IRONCLAD, OKAY?
IT'S BULLETPROOF!
POW, POW, POW!
IT'S IMPREGNABLE.
IT'S A SUPER-DOCUMENT!
WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT...
LET'S GO OUTSIDE
AND SETTLE THIS.
YOU MEAN ENGAGING
IN YE OLD FISTICUFFS?
I DON'T THINK SO, BABY.
IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.
AND I JUST BOUGHT
THESE NEW BOOTS.
AND I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF RUSTING THESE SPURS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M ISSUING A CHALLENGE.
A CHALLENGE?
YOU KNOW BOBBY SHAW NEVER
BACKS DOWN FROM A CHALLENGE.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND,
ORANGUTAN-BEHIND?
I CHALLENGE YOU
TO A RAP-OFF.
WELL, YOU'RE ON
LIKE HOT BUTTER ON THE POP...
THE POP...
THE POP, POP, POPCORN
SHOW YOU RIGHT.
THESE ARE THE RULES.
WE KEEP THE RHYMES CLEAN...
NO HOS, NO HIP-HOP HONEYS,
NO AUTOMATIC WEAPONS,
NO DEAD POLICE, NO DRIVE-BYS,
NO MATERIALISM,
AND NO BABY MAMMAS.
WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
INSTRUMENTAL?
LOOK,
THE WINNER GETS THAT CONTRACT
AND CONTROL OF JUNIOR.
ALL RIGHT.
ALMOST CUT YOUR SHINS OFF.
WHOOPSIES! WHOOPSIES!
WHOOPSIES!
WHAT'S THE MATTER NOW?
RAMA, I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST CAN'T SEEM
TO GET THIS POSITION.
COULD YOU HELP ME?
SURE.
OH, THANK YOU, RAMA.
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.
I'M JUST HAVING
SO MUCH DIFFICULTY TODAY.
YEAH, YOU SURE ARE.
I SURE AM.
THANK YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU WATCH CLAIRE.
SHE'S A PICTURE
OF YOGA PERFECTION.
SHE A'IGHT.
BUT WHAT ABOUT
ALL OF THIS, RAMA?
WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THIS?
WHOOPSIES! WHOOPSIES!
UM, YOU KNOW WHAT, JAY?
YES, RAMA?
YOU NEED
A LITTLE EXTRA ATTENTION.
YES, I DO.
MM-HMM...
INDIVIDUAL, ONE-ON-ONE HELP.
[ LAUGHS ]
INDIVIDUAL,
ONE-ON-ONE HELP, RAMA.
TONY!
WHO? WHAT?
YEAH?
I WANT YOU TO TAKE JAY HERE
BACK TO YOUR BEGINNER CLASS.
GIVE HER
A LITTLE SPECIAL ATTENTION.
NO, RAMA, I'M FINE!
I SAID I'M FINE!
LET'S GO,
LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
OH, MY GOD!
OKAY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
[ APPLAUSE ]
WHOO!
WHOO!
HELLO, PARTY PEOPLE.
YOU ARE ALL ABOUT TO WITNESS
THE DISMANTLING OF THIS MAN
WITH ONE
OF MY SIGNATURE RAPS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OH, YEAH?!
WELL, LET'S GET
THIS PARTY STARTED!
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WHERE'S YOUR CREW?!
[ SCOFFS ] YO, MC's!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ YEAH, THROW 'EM UP,
THROW 'EM UP ♪
♪ YEAH, THROW 'EM UP,
THROW 'EM UP ♪
♪ I'M MC LYTE,
AND I RHYME GALORE ♪
♪ BUT YOU GOT RHYMES,
BUT I GOT ME MORE ♪
♪ SEE, I BEEN DOING THIS
BEFORE YOU COULD WALK ♪
♪ SO SHUT UP AND LISTEN
WHILE A REAL MC TALKS ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OKAY, THAT WAS DISRESPECTFUL,
VERY DISRESPECTFUL.
OKAY, CAN I GET SOME HELP?
FELLAS!
YEAH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
♪ COME ON, GET 'EM UP,
COME ON, GET 'EM UP ♪
♪ UH, UH, UH, UH ♪
♪ LA-DI-DA-DI,
MOE CAME TO PARTY ♪
♪ YOU DON'T WANT TROUBLE,
I'M TAKING ANYBODY ♪
♪ THE... THE TIGHTEST
IN THE WORLD, I STEP TO THE... ♪
♪ AND I TAKE WHAT I WANT, AND
I MIGHT EVEN TAKE YOUR GIRL ♪
OOOH!
OOOH! OOOH!
THAT'S VERY DISRESPECTFUL.
YO, FLAV,
TELL HIM ABOUT IT, SON!
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, IT'S LIKE THIS ♪
♪ MY NAME IS FLAVOR FLAV,
AND I AM A RAP "G" ♪
♪ I GOT A CLOCK
AND SOME SHINY GOLD TEETH ♪
♪ I'M KNOWN AS THE HYPEST MAN
IN THE GAME ♪
♪ AND YOU CAN ASK YOUR MAMMA ♪
♪ 'CAUSE SHE CAN
TELL YOU THE SAME ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
OOH!
ALL RIGHT,
I'M GONNA ASK MY MAMMA LATER.
SPECIAL ED,
HELP ME OUT!
COME ON, MAN.
♪ I GOT IT MADE,
AH, I GOT IT MADE ♪
HOLD IT, HOLD IT!
[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]
WHAT?
YOU SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME.
I NEED HELP IN THE BATTLE.
HOLD UP, LITTLE MAN.
EVERY TIME I SAY IT,
I GET A ROYALTY.
SHUT UP!
I STILL GOT IT MADE.
I GOT IT MADE.
I GOT IT MADE.
WAIT A MINUTE...
TELLING ME TO SHUT UP.
GET OVER THERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL DO THIS MYSELF!
COME HERE, YOUNG BOY.
STAND IN FRONT
OF YOUR LEGAL DADDY.
[ LAUGHS ]
YEAH, HIT IT!
[ RAP MUSIC PLAYS ]
♪ UH! ♪
♪ WH-WH-WHA! ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪
♪ I OWN YOUR BIG HEAD,
I OWN YOU ♪
♪ EVEN WHEN YOU'RE DEAD,
I'LL OWN YOU ♪
♪ FORGET WHAT HE SAID,
I OWN YOU ♪
♪ BUYING MY BREAD,
I OWN YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY SOLE POSSESSION,
I OWN YOU ♪
♪ I-I OWN YOU,
I-I OWN YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE MY SOLE POSSESSION ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
A'IGHT, A'IGHT, YO,
HERE IT IS, HERE IT IS.
I'M MIKE "L" TO THE "O"
TO THE "V-E."
AND I'M HERE
TO GET MY SON BACK.
SO, I WANT Y'ALL TO REALLY
FEEL ME ON THIS HERE HOT TRACK.
AND THIS SONG IS CALLED, "FOOL,
WHY YOU SIGN THE CONTRACT?"
ALL RIGHT,
DROP IT ON THE ONE.
[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]
♪ OH-OH, OH-OH-OH-OH-OH ♪
♪ OH-OH-OH-OH-OH
OH-OH-OH, OH, OH, OH, ♪
♪ OH-OH, OH-OH-OH ♪
[ MUSIC STOPS ]
NOT THAT ONE.
WHAT?
THE OTHER ONE!
OH, MY BAD, MY BAD.
DROP IT ON THE TWO.
[ RAP MUSIC PLAYS ]
♪ YEAH, YEAH OH, YO,
THROW YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR ♪
♪ LIKE THIS HERE,
THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪
♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
YO, YO, YO ♪
♪ IT WAS ME WHO SHOT THIS FOOL
IN THE WORLD ♪
♪ TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I WAS HOPING HE WAS GIRL ♪
♪ BUT MISTAKES HAPPEN,
AND HERE HE IS ♪
♪ BUT I CAN'T TURN MY BACK,
HE'S ONE OF MY KIDS ♪
♪ YO, YOU HAVING FUN
TRYING TO STEAL MY SON? ♪
♪ WHAT YOU'VE DONE AIN'T DONE
TILL IT'S DONE, SON ♪
♪ OFF YOUR FACE,
I'LL WIPE THAT SMILE ♪
♪ IN 10 YEARS, THOSE BOOTS
WILL BE BACK IN STYLE ♪
♪ I'LL PUT 'EM ON NOW,
KICK YOUR ASS A MILE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T COME
BETWEEN A KYLE AND A KYLE ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HOLD, HOLD!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.
YOU WIN AGAIN, KYLE.
I'M GETTING REAL SICK
OF LOSING TO YOU.
YEAH, WELL YOU BETTER
GET USED TO IT
BECAUSE WHEN THIS MIKE
STEPS TO THAT MIC,
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.
OOH-RAH!
YEAH, WHAT ABOUT MY $40?
OOH-RAH!
HA HA HA HA HA!
I SPENT IT
ON HAIR-CARE PRODUCTS.
AH-RAH, OOH-OOH-OOH,
A-OOH-OOH.
RAPPERS, RETREAT!
THANKS, DAD.
YOU KNOW, JUNIOR,
THERE'S GONNA COME A TIME
WHEN I'M NOT THERE
TO BAIL YOU OUT.
ALL RIGHT?
YOU'RE A MAN NOW.
THE DECISIONS YOU MAKE...
THEY DON'T
JUST AFFECT YOU ANYMORE.
SO, YOU NEED TO THINK
ABOUT THAT LONG AND HARD
BEFORE YOU MAKE
YOUR NEXT CAREER DECISION.
YOU'RE RIGHT, DAD.
NOW LET'S GO HOME
SO WE CAN DO SOME MORE WORK.
WORK ON WHAT?
BOY, I OWN YOU!
I OWN YOUR BIG HEAD!
I'LL OWN YOU
WHILE YOU'RE DEAD!
I OWN YOU!
YOU KNOW BOBBY SHAW
NEVER BREAKS DOWN...
[ LAUGHS ]
YOU KNOW BOBBY SHAW NEVER
BREAKS DOWN FROM A CHALLENGE.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
"BACKS DOWN."
DID I DO IT AGAIN? YEAH,
YOU SAID "BREAKS DOWN."
HEY, DO YOU HAVE
ANY EDITING EQUIPMENT?