My Wife and Kids (2001–2005): Season 5, Episode 4 - Class Reunion - full transcript

MICHAEL, I AM SO HAPPY
OUR CLASS REUNION IS COMING UP.

AREN'T YOU EXCITED, BABY?

[ HUMMING
"POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE" ]

NO.

MICHAEL, PLEASE.

THIS IS
VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.

I'VE BEEN DIETING
AND WORKING OUT

FOR A WHOLE MONTH
GETTING READY FOR THIS.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU WANNA GO ANYWAY.

ALL YOU GONNA DO IS SEE
THE PEOPLE YOU HATED

WHEN YOU WAS YOUNG, EXCEPT NOW
THEY'RE FAT AND BALD.



WELL, DAD, YOU'RE BALD,

AND I DON'T FEEL
TOO MANY ABS IN THERE.

HEY, DON'T TOUCH
A MAN'S STOMACH

WHEN HE'S ON THE EXHALE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU OLD, DECREPIT PEOPLE

WANNA GET TOGETHER
AND SEE WHAT LITTLE TIME

YOU HAVE LEFT ANYWAY.

WOW!
WOW!

THAT HURT.
YUCK.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
WHY YOU WALKING LIKE THAT?

'CAUSE THESE SHOES ARE
A COUPLE OF SIZES TOO SMALL.

THEN WHY DID YOU BUY 'EM?

BECAUSE THEY'RE SO CUTE.
DUH!

AND GET THIS, MOM.
THEY WERE ON SALE.



THEY GOT ANY SIZE 6's?
ONLY IN SIZE 4.

THAT'LL WORK.
I COULD WORK WITH THAT.

A 4?
JAY, YOU'RE A SIZE 9.

MICHAEL, DIDN'T I JUST SAY
I LOST WEIGHT?

DIDN'T I JUST SAY THAT?

IN YOUR FEET?

THAT'S WHERE I LOSE IT FIRST,
THE FEET AND THE FACE.

LOOK, DON'T CHANGE
THE SUBJECT.

ARE YOU COMING WITH ME
TO THIS REUNION OR NOT?

NO, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

BECAUSE THE MOMENT I SAY,
"YES, I'LL GO WITH YOU,"

WE'RE GONNA GET
INTO AN ARGUMENT

ABOUT MY EX-GIRLFRIEND SHARON.

SHARON?

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT THAT HEIFER.

AND BESIDES, MICHAEL,
SHARON HAS EIGHT KIDS.

THERE IS NO WAY SHE CAN COMPETE
WITH ALL OF THIS.

ALL OF THIS, MICHAEL.

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

NOW I'M POSITIVE
I DON'T WANNA GO.

SO, YOU JUST GO
AND ENJOY YOURSELF.

I THINK YOU'RE AFRAID

YOU'RE GONNA RUN
INTO BOBBY SHAW.

HOW DARE YOU MENTION
THAT MAN'S NAME IN MY HOUSE?

WHO... BOBBY SHAW?
YEAH, BOBBY SHAW.

YOUR FIRST CRUSH,
YOUR FIRST KISS, JAY.

HE TOOK YOUR LIP-GINITY.

LIP-GINITY?
YEAH.

WHATEVER, MICHAEL, SO WHAT?
AT THAT POINT,

EVERYBODY IN THE SCHOOL
THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY ANYWAY.

NOT EVERYBODY, OKAY?

MY TEACHERS DIDN'T THINK
I WAS GAY, ALL RIGHT?

THE HOMEROOM...
THE ECONOMICS TEACHER

KNEW I WAS THE STRAIGHT ONE
IN THE ROOM, OKAY?

AND WHAT ABOUT
TONY FOGLE, HUH?

THE COOLEST GUY IN THE SCHOOL.
THAT WAS MY BUDDY.

HE ALWAYS WANTED TO HANG WITH ME
NOT BOBBY SHAW.

ME AND FOGLE WERE LIKE THIS.

EVERYWHERE YOU WENT,
ME AND FOGLE... BAM!

WHATEVER.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT,
AS A MATTER OF FACT, MICHAEL,

BOBBY AND HIS CREW
BEAT YOU AND YOUR CREW

AT THE DANCE-OFF, HOMEBOY!

NO, THEY DIDN'T.
NO, THEY DIDN'T, JAY.

I COULD HAVE WON THAT,

BUT I LOOKED OUT THE CORNER
OF MY EYE

IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE TRIPLE BYE-BYE BIRDIE,

AND I SEE YOU KISSING HIM,

LOCKING LIPS
WITH THE POP-LOCKER.

AND I TRIPPED
ON MY CLUB FOOT.

I COULDN'T GET IT
BACK UNDERNEATH ME IN TIME.

FIRST...

FIRST OF ALL,

YOU COULD NEVER DO
THE TRIPLE BYE-BYE BIRDIE.

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN ABLE
TO DO THE TRIPLE BYE-BYE BIRDIE

BECAUSE THE TRIPLE
BYE-BYE BIRDIE IS A MYTH.

JAY.
WHAT?

DON'T MAKE ME
GET INTO THE BIRDIE.

DON'T MAKE ME
DO THE BIRDIE.

PLEASE, PLEASE,
DON'T HURT YOURSELF.

I COULD HAVE DONE IT BACK THEN
AND DO IT NOW IF I WANTED TO.

WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO THE REUNION ANYWAY.

YEAH, BUT IF I DID...

POW!

OH, PLEASE!

LET'S GO DOWN TO THE PARK
AND GET ON THE SWINGS!

NO, I'D RATHER STAY HERE

AND DO THESE FUN
DOUBLE HELIX EQUATIONS.

ARE YOU SAYING NO TO ME?

YES, BUT IT'S A MATTER
OF SURVIVAL.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M BEING BULLIED BY
SOME HOOLIGANS. WHO?

SOME RUFFIANS,
SOME STREET URCHINS,

STRAIGHT OUT OF
"OLIVER TWIST." WHERE?

"WEST SIDE STORY."

WHAT?

HAVE YOU EVER
CRACKED A BOOK?

HAVE YOU EVER EVEN HAD
THE SLIGHTEST DESIRE

TO LEARN ANYTHING?

NOW I KNOW WHY
THEY BEAT YOU UP.

YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

WAIT A MINUTE,
YOU CAN'T...

YES, SHE CAN.

SO, LOOK,
THIS IS THE DRESS

THAT I'M GONNA BE WEARING
TO THE REUNION.

YOU KNOW, MICHAEL,

EVERYBODY WAS DISAPPOINTED
WHEN I TOLD THEM

YOU WEREN'T COMING.
EVERYBODY?

OH, YES.
WHO'S EVERYBODY?

WHO'S EVERYBODY? YEAH,
WHERE'D YOU SEE EVERYBODY?

OH, WHEN...
WHEN DID I SEE 'EM?

I SAW THEM
AT THE PRE-UNION.

THE PRE-UNION.
WHAT'S THE PRE-UNION?

THAT'S THE UNION
BEFORE THE REUNION

JUST IN CASE ANYBODY DIES
BETWEEN UNIONS.

YEP.

I'LL REMEMBER THAT.

BUT I AM STILL NOT GOING
TO THE REUNION.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

I'LL GET IT.

OOH, CLAIRE'S SHOES HURT.

WHOO!
WHO IS THIS?

[ GASPS ]

OH, MY GOD!
IT'S... IT'S...

IT'S BOBBY SHAW!

FRESH
AND IN THE FLESH.

HOW ARE YOU, JAY?

I'M FINE,
THANK YOU, BOBBY!

YOU ARE STILL
ONE FUNKY COLD MEDINA.

BUT I DIGRESS.

IS THE MAN OF THE HOUSE IN?

YEAH, HE IS.
MICHAEL!

COME HERE.
SOMEONE'S HERE.

YEAH, BABY, LISTEN.
I WAS THINKING THAT...

S'UP, SHAW?

S'UP, MIKE LOVE?

YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT
SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NO, I MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T
GROWN AN INCH.

YEAH, WELL, THYROID.

PLUS I SMOKE CIGARETTES
AND DRINK COFFEE.

JAY, DID YOU INVITE
THIS MAN TO MY HOUSE?

"INVITE THIS MAN?"

YOU DON'T INVITE THE WIND!

THE WIND JUST...
[ Imitates wind blowing ]

BLOWS IN!

WELL, THE WIND NEEDS TO...
[ Imitates Bobby ]

BLOW A BREATH MINT
IN HIS MOUTH.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA LET YOU TWO
GET REACQUAINTED.

BOBBY, IT WAS GREAT
SEEING YOU AGAIN.

NOT AS GREAT AS IT WAS
TO SEE YOU, SWEET LIPS.

HA HA HA...
OW!

HA HA HA.

LOVE THOSE SHOES.

HA HA HA.

YEAH, THEY'RE A SIZE 4.
THEY COULD PROBABLY FIT YOU.

MAYBE IF THEY'RE ITALIAN.
I WEAR A 3-E.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, SHAW?

HEY, HEY, HEY,
BACK UP, JACK!

DON'T CATCH A...
[ Imitates a heartbeat ]

HEART ATTACK.

OKAY?

I JUST CAME HERE TO INVITE YOU
AND YOUR RAGGEDY CREW

TO A DANCE-OFF
AT THE REUNION.

YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT GOING
TO THE REUNION.

AND WHY NOT?

ARE YOU AND YOUR JIVE TURKEYS
NOT FULLY COOKED YET?

[ SQUAWKS ]

THAT'S A CHICKEN SOUND.

HEY, SUCKER MAN,
DON'T MAKE NO EXCUSES.

I DON'T NEED
EXCUSES FOR YOU.

I'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT HERE.
I'LL BATTLE YOU.

I'LL DO THE TRIPLE
BYE-BYE BIRDIE ON YOU RIGHT NOW.

HA, I WAS JUST BEGINNIN'
TO BELIEVE YOU, TOO...

TRIPLE BYE-BYE BIRDIE.

AIN'T NOBODY EVER DONE
THE TRIPLE BYE-BYE BIRDIE

'CAUSE IT'S A MYTH,
AND YOU CAN'T DO MYTHS.

MATTER OF FACT,
I'M GONNA BEAT YOU

IN FRONT OF ALL
OUR FORMER CLASSMATES.

WORD TO YOUR MOTHER.

HA HA HA.

WHY DO YOU STILL TALK
LIKE YOU'RE IN THE '80s?

BECAUSE MY THERAPIST SAID
IT WAS MY DECADE,

AND I'M SURE ENOUGH
NEVER LEAVIN'.

THE QUESTION IS
CAN YOU PICK UP

WHAT I'M PUTTIN' DOWN
'ROUND THE TOWN,

FUNKY CLOWN?

ARE YOU DONE YET?

POUND FOR POUND, CHARLIE BROWN,
'ROUND THE MOUND.

BOBBY... PA-CHOWN
CHOWN CHI-CHOWN CHOWN.

THAT'S CHINESE.

OKAY, NOW I'M DONE.

OKAY, SHAW,

YOU'RE ON.
TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN.

WILL YOU STOP THAT?

ON AND ON
IN THE EARLY MORN!

NOW, CAN YOU FIND YOUR CREW?

OH, I CAN TRACK MINE DOWN.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?
CAN YOU FIND YOUR BOYS?

HA!

FIND? FIND?

WE NEVER SPLIT UP!

WE'VE BEEN LIVING
IN THE SAME HOUSE

FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS

PRACTICING OUR MOVES.

WE ALMOST MADE
UNIVERSOUL CIRCUS,

BUT I WAS ALLERGIC
TO ELEPHANTS AND SEALS.

AND WE'VE BEEN
BOOED OFF THE APOLLO

NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE,
NOT THRICE,

BUT A BUNCH OF TIMES!

AND THESE...
YOU CAN HAVE THESE

'CAUSE THESE IS
THROWAWAY MOVES.

AND WE DON'T
EVEN USE THESE...

NO MORE.

ALL RIGHT,
SEE YOU THERE.

HOORAH!

OW, OW, OW.

OW, OW.

OW, DARN!

WHAT'S WRONG?

I WAS BOXING
WITH THE TREES,

AND I GOT A SPLINTER
IN MY FINGER.

YOU WERE BOXING WITH TREES?

LET ME SEE YOUR PAW.

OKAY.

OW! OW, OW, OW, OW, OW,

MOMMY, MOMMY.
OW! THAT HURTS.

OW, OW, OW.

I ALREADY TOOK IT OUT,
YOU BIG BABY.

OOH, OH, REALLY.

LET'S JUST KEEP THAT
BETWEEN US, OKAY?

MY LIPS ARE SEALED.

AND IF THERE'S ANYTHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU,

YOU JUST LET ME KNOW.

ACTUALLY,
THERE IS ONE THING.

OH, OW!

OH, MY... MICHAEL! MICHAEL! HUH?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, I WAS JUST PRACTICING
MY TRIPLE BYE-BYE BIRDIE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU KEEP
PRACTICING THAT MOVE,

YOU'RE GONNA NEED
A TRIPLE BYE-BYPASS.

WHAT IS THAT THING
ON YOUR HEAD?

HA HA, YOU NOTICED, HUH?
THAT'S THE PICK.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE.

I KNOW
IT'S A PICK, MICHAEL.

HOW DID YOU EVEN ATTACH IT
TO YOUR HEAD?

I TOOK A LITTLE BIT
OF HAIR OFF OF HERE,

A LITTLE OFF OF HERE,
AND A LITTLE OFF THE DERRIERE.

THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

GIVE ME THIS!
OW!

NOW, DID YOU FIND
YOUR CREW OR WHAT?

YEAH, BUT I HAVE
TO REPLACE PACO.

WELL, WITH WHOM?

JAY, I FOUND A YOUNG MAN

WHO'S ON THE CUSP
OF STUPID AND GENIUS.

HE'S A POP-LOCKING SAVANT.
I'LL BRING HIM OUT.

[ BEATBOXING ]

MAKE A SANDWICH.

NOW FREEZE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
HUH?

I THINK BOBBY'S
GONNA BEAT YOU.

YOU'RE SIDING WITH THE MAN
WHO TOOK YOUR LIP-GINITY.

JAY, STOP CRUSHING
MY GROOVE.

[ BEATBOXING ]

THROW IT AWAY.

[ FRANKLIN WHISTLING ]

HEY, BRAINIAC,

THOUGHT WE TOLD YOU
TO STAY OUT OF THIS PARK.

YOU DID, BUT I REALIZED
THAT THIS IS AMERICA.

AND ONE OF THE AMENDMENTS
STIPULATES

THAT I'M ALLOWED TO GO
ANY PLACE I PLEASE.

YEAH, WELL,
IN THIS PARK,

WE STIPULATE
WHO COMES AND GOES.

AND YOU GOTTA GO.

I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY THAT.

AND THAT IS WHY
I DEVELOPED A PILL

BASED ON THE STORY
OF JEKYLL AND HYDE.

AND ONCE I SWALLOW THIS PILL,

THE BEAST INSIDE ME
SHALL BE UNLEASHED,

AND YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH.

YEAH, RIGHT, NERD.

YEAH, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
PREPARE TO FEEL MY FIST?

I WARN YOU,
STAY BACK.

TOO LATE, DOO-DOO FACE.

I FEEL IT.

IT'S STARTING TO WORK.

I ADVISE YOU...
RUN.

NOT A CHANCE, WEIRDO.

COME ON, LET'S GET HIM.

[ GRUNTING ]

Franklin's voice: I TOLD YOU
NOT TO BOTHER ME,

YOU RAPSCALLIONS!

All: AAH!

HA HA HA.
HOW WAS THAT?

FANTASTIC.

OW!

JAY!

OH, HI!

[ EXCITED LAUGHTER ]

SO... SO, WHAT'S GOING ON?
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

HOW'S LITTLE JUNIOR?

NOT SO LITTLE ANYMORE.

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN,
MICHAEL?

I'VE BEEN GREAT. YOU KNOW ME,
I CAN'T COMPLAIN.

YEAH, YOU WERE NEVER ONE
TO COMPLAIN.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
WE'LL SEE YOU TWO LATER.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
DON'T BE STRANGERS, HUH?

WE WON'T.
ALL RIGHT.

WHO WERE THOSE PEOPLE?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

HEY!

HEY, MICHAEL.

HEY, JAY.
IT'S US.

REMEMBER US?

WELL, WE'VE GAINED
A LITTLE WEIGHT.

Both: SKIPPY AND BUNNY!

YOU WERE THE KING AND QUEEN
OF THE WINTER CARNIVAL.

YEAH, THAT'S US. WELL,
YOU TWO ENJOY YOURSELVES.

OH, WE WILL,
UH, UH...

Both: SKIPPY AND BUNNY!

BYE!
BYE!

WOW.

SO, WHERE'S YOUR CREW, BABE?

WELL, THEY'RE NOT HERE YET,
GONNA MAKE AN ENTRANCE.

ALL RIGHT.

COME ON, LET'S GO UP IN HERE
'ROUND AND 'ROUND.

MICHAEL?
YEAH.

HI, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.

I CAN'T PLACE THE FACE.
I'M SORRY.

YOU CAN'T PLACE ME?
I'M TONY FOGLE.

WE WERE BEST BUDDIES.

MAN, WE WERE...
INSEPARABLE.

GIVE ME A HUG.

UM, TONY,

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING
A LITTLE DIFFERENT ABOUT YOU?

YEAH, MY GENDER.
IT'S TONI WITH AN "I" NOW.

HEY, MIKE, REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE
ON THE WRESTLING TEAM,

AND THE PILE DRIVER? MAN,
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEE US, JAY,

WHEN WE WERE
YOUNG SWEATY BOYS

POPPIN' TOWELS IN THE SHOWER,

MARCO POLO IN THE POOL.

MARCO POLO?
I'LL SHOW YOU.

MARCO!

POLO.

OH, THERE YOU ARE!

OH!

WHOO!

IT IS SO FUN TO SEE YOU.

YEAH, IT'S NICE
TO SEE YOU, TOO.

WE GOTTA GET TOGETHER
AND CHEW THE FAT.

YEAH, WE DO.
WE SHOULD.

NOW, YOU SAVE ME
A DANCE.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE
HE KEEPS THE FAT NOW,

BUT I'M DAMNED SURE
NOT CHEWING ON IT.

HEY, LOOK,
ISN'T THAT SHARON'S KID?

SHE'S THE SPITTING IMAGE.

EXCUSE ME,

YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE
YOUR MOTHER DID AT YOUR AGE,

EXCEPT PRETTIER.

THAT'S VERY FLATTERING, JAY,
BUT IT'S ME, SHARON!

THE HELL IT IS.

NO, IT'S ME, REALLY.
LOOK.

DIDN'T YOU JUST
HAVE A KID?

TWINS.
TWO WEEKS AGO.

OH, I STILL FEEL LIKE
A BIG FAT SLOB.

HEY, MICHAEL!

HEY, HONEY BU...
I MEAN, UM,

UM, THAT'S SHARON!

YOU LOOK SEXY
WITHOUT YOUR ORTHOPEDIC SHOE.

AW, SHUCKS.

AND YOU JUST
LOOK PLAIN OLD S...

SEE, JAY'S HERE.

LOOK, SEE.

YOU THINK HE LOOKS SEXY
WITHOUT HIS SHOE,

WAIT TILL YOU SEE HIM
WITH NO TEETH.

WELL, IT WAS NICE
SEEING YOU BOTH.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I'M GONNA GO SEE

IF I CAN FIND TONY FOGLE.
YOU GUYS WERE LIKE THIS.

DON'T DO THAT.

I THINK I CAN
HELP YOU FIND HIM.

MARCO!

Toni: [ Seductively ]
POLO.

THANKS, GUYS.

HE'S BACK THAT WAY.

DO YOU BELIEVE HER?
SHE LOOKS AWFUL.

SHUT UP.

SO, YOU READY,
MIKE LOVE?

I'M READY FOR FREDDY
AND AIN'T WAITIN' ON BACON.

All: OOH!

WELL, THEN, LET'S DO THIS
LIKE BRUTUS.

PLEASE.
COME ON, MICHAEL.

YEAH, WELL,
YOU PULL UP YOUR HEARSE

'CAUSE WE GO FIRST.

OH!

YEAH, BOY!

NOT SO FAST.
YOU GO LAST

'CAUSE IF I REMEMBER,
YOU LOST IN THE PAST.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SO, SO,
YOU ROCKED MY WORLD

WHEN YOU KISSED MY GIRL

AND I ALMOST HURLED

BECAUSE...

SHE KISSED
A SQUIRREL.

HOORAH!

FALCONS!

POSITIONS!

[ SQUAWKS ]

FALCONS, LET'S FLY.

[ GRANDMASTER FLASH'S
"WHITE LINES" PLAYING ]

♪ BASS ♪

♪ WHITE LINES ♪

♪ VISION DREAMS OF PASSION ♪

♪ BLOWIN' THROUGH MY MIND ♪

♪ AND ALL THE WHILE
I THINK OF YOU ♪

♪ PIPE CRIES ♪

♪ A VERY STRANGE REACTION ♪

♪ FOR US TO UNWIND ♪

♪ THE MORE I SEE,
THE MORE I DO ♪

[ MUSIC STOPS ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

COCKATOOS!

[ SQUAWKS ]

[ YAPPING ]

WHAT IS THAT?
I'M A COCKER SPANIEL.

COCKATOOS, POSITIONS.

[ AFRIKA BAMBAATAA'S
"PLANET ROCK" PLAYING ]

♪ JUST TASTE THE FUNK
AND HIT ME ♪

♪ JUST GET ON DOWN
AND HIT ME ♪

[ MUSIC STOPS ]

GET THAT DAMNED THING
OUTTA MY FACE!

THAT WAS IT, LOVE?

THAT'S ALL
I CAN REMEMBER.

UH-HUH.

SURVEY SAYS,
"THAT WAS WACK."

HA HA HA!

YOUR SHUCKY DUCKY
AIN'T QUITE QUACKING.

YEAH?

YEAH, WELL,
I'M ABOUT TO GET DIRTY

'CAUSE IT'S 'ROUND
ABOUT 12:30,

WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME
FOR ME TO DO

THE TRIPLE BYE-BYE BIRDIE.

NO!
YES.

MICHAEL, NO.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU'LL KILL YOURSELF.
HE'S NOT WORTH IT.

I'M NOT DOING IT
FOR HIM, JAY.

I'M DOING IT
FOR THE WOMAN I LOVE,

TO RECLAIM HER LIP-GINITY.

REMIX!

Crowd: 1...

2...

3!

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

BABY!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

BYE-BYE, BOBBY.

I HAVE TO ADMIT IT, KYLE,
YOU WIN.

YOU ARE SUPERSONIC.

YOU ARE A BAD MAMMA...

JAMMA.
SHUT YO' MOUTH.

I'M ONLY TALKIN'
'BOUT MICHAEL.

FALCONS!

RETREAT.

TO THE NEST.

BABY! THAT WAS GREAT.
OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD,
BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

HOW DID YOU DO IT?

ALL I NEEDED FOR MOTIVATION
WAS TO THINK ABOUT

HIM KISSING THOSE LIPS.

FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS,

THAT FIRE THAT BURNED
INSIDE OF ME,

AND, BOY, MY BACK HURTS.

IT HURTS.

THAT SCIATICA?
YEAH.

BOY, I TOLD YOU, GET THE DAMN
THING OUTTA MY FACE.

WHAT ABOUT TONY FOGLE,
THE COOLEST GUY IN THE SCHOOL?

HE DIDN'T THINK I WAS GAY.
ME AND HIM WAS LIKE THIS.

HE FOLLOWED ME EVERYWHERE.
"WHERE'S MICHAEL AND TONY?"

"THERE THEY GO."

WHO WAS LIKE THIS
WITH TONY FOGLE, HUH?

THAT'S ME AND FOGLE
ALL DAY LONG.