My Wife and Kids (2001–2005): Season 5, Episode 24 - Michael Sells the Business - full transcript

[ GRUNTING ]

NOT INTERESTED
IN FOOTBALL, HUH?

HEY, WHAT ABOUT GOLF?

ALL YOU NEED
IS 600 MORE TEETH,

AND YOU COULD BE
THE NEXT TIGER WOODS.

NO? OKAY, LOOK,
BASKETBALL.

LOOK, THIS IS THE WAY
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL DOES IT.

TURNS LEFT, THEN HE COMES
UP.

BOOM!
HANG ON THE RIM, BABY!

HERE, YOU TRY.
YOU TRY.

TAKE A SHOT FOR GRANDPA.



JUST TAKE THE BALL
AND THEN TAKE THE SHOT.

OH, REJECTED!
BABY!

NOT IN MY HOUSE!

HEY, HEY, HEY!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS TRYING TO SEE WHAT
SPORT JUNIOR JR.'S GONNA PLAY.

BABE, HE CAN'T
EVEN WALK YET.

HEY, WE GOT TO START EARLY, JAY.

DO YOU KNOW THAT A
17-YEAR-OLD GIRL WON WIMBLEDON?

WHAT'S SO AMAZING ABOUT
THAT? SHE'S BEEN PLAYING

IT'S CALLED FETAL
TRAINING.

THEY HAVE
THEM...

[ IMITATING TENNIS
BALL VOLLEYING ]

[ LAUGHS ]



JUNIOR JR.'S ALREADY
TWO YEARS BEHIND, BABY.

I KNOW YOU WANT TO PLAY
WITH YOUR GRANDSON ALL DAY,

BUT HERE...
GOT TO GO TO WORK.

NO, I AM THE
BOSS.

AND IF I WANT TO STAY AND
PLAY WITH MY GRANDSON,

THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA
DO.

WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA
DO, FIRE ME? [ LAUGHS ]

MOM, YOU HAVE GOT TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT KADY.

[ Sarcastically ] OH, WHAT
IS THE PROBLEM NOW?!

SHE'S BEEN IN THE
BATHROOM FOR HOURS.

WELL, IS SHE SICK
OR SOMETHING?

NO, SHE'S JUST IN THERE
DOING HER GIRLY THING AGAIN

AND PUTTING ON MAKEUP AND
TRYING OUT NEW HAIRSTYLES.

AS OPPOSED TO YOU,

WHO'S IN THERE ALL THAT TIME
PLANNING WORLD PEACE, HUH?

[ LAUGHS ]

I HAVE A JOB.
I HAVE SCHOOL.

PEOPLE DEPEND ON
ME TO LOOK GOOD.

I'M CLAIRE
KYLE.

SHE'S JUST GETTING READY
TO GO PLAY IN THE DIRT.

DON'T SAY THAT
ABOUT MY BABY.

LOOK AT MY BABY.
SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY.

THANK YOU, MOMMY.

SHE SHOULD. IT TOOK HER A WEEK.

DON'T HATE ME
BECAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL.

I JUST HATE YOU
'CAUSE YOU'RE YOU.

I AM TIRED OF YOU TWO
FIGHTING OVER THE BATHROOM.

FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE BOTH
LIMITED TO 10 MINUTES IN THERE.

Both: 10 MINUTES?!

BUT, DAD, I NEED MORE TIME
BECAUSE I'M A BEGINNER.

I NEED MORE TIME,
TOO, BECAUSE...

BECAUSE YOU'RE UGLY!

HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY, HEY!

STOP THE NONSENSE!

10 MINUTES, AND THAT'S IT.
END OF DISCUSSION.

ARG
ARGH! H!

ARGH! ARGH!
ARGH!

NOW THE MEAN AUNTIES
ARE GONE, HUH?

LOOK AT HIM, JAY, HUH?
HE LOVES HIS GRANDPA.

LOOK AT THOSE EYES.
HE'S MAKING GOO-GOO EYES.

HE DOES LOOK
CONTENT.

WAIT... PHEW!
[ SNIFFS ]

OH, NO, THOSE ARE DOO-DOO
EYES. HERE, HOLD HIM A SECOND.

I GOT TO GO GET
HIS DIAPER BAG, OKAY?

I WONDER WHERE
I PUT THE DIAPER BAG?

IT ALWAYS SEEMS
TO TURN UP MISSING.

HEY!

MICHAEL!

[ SIGHS ]

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

GOT A CERTIFIED LETTER
HERE FOR ONE MICHAEL KYLE,

BETTER KNOWN AS MIKE LOVE.

WHOA, SESELIS, WHOA.

BOBBY SHAW.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING
THOSE TINY SHORTS

WITH COWBOY BOOTS
AND SPURS?

HEY, SUCKA MAN,

THIS IS IN MEMORY
OF THE PONY EXPRESS,

AND THIS UNIFORM
THAT YOU SPEAK OF

IS THE OFFICIAL UNIFORM OF THE
COMPANY OF WHICH I REPRESENT...

HORSEY EXPRESS MESSENGERS.

[ WHINNIES ]

DOWN, SESELIS.

SO, YOU SAY YOU
HAD SOMETHING FOR ME?

OH, YEAH, YEAH.
MATTER OF FACT, I DO.

I HAVE A CERTIFIED,
SEALED LETTER,

AND IT FEELS LIKE GOOD
NEWS.

SO YOU THINK IT'S
GOOD NEWS, HUH?

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

I'M PRETTY INTUITIVE ABOUT
THIS SORT OF THING, REALLY,

AND I GOT A FEELING... A
PREMONITION, IF YOU WILL...

THAT THIS IS GONNA BE MY
LAST WEEK AS A MESSENGER.

OH, REALLY? AND WHY IS THAT?

BECAUSE MY THIRD EYE... AND
MOST PEOPLE ONLY HAVE TWO.

YOU PROBABLY
SEEN THAT YOURSELF...

MY THIRD EYE,
MY SIXTH SENSE,

AND EVERY FIBER
OF MY PARANORMAL BEING

IS TELLING ME THAT I...
YES, I...

AM GONNA WIN THE LOTTERY.

HOW BIG IS THE JACKPOT?

HUH?

HUNDREDS, THOUSANDS,
A BUNCH OF THOUSANDS,

AND THEN...
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!

AND WITH ANY LUCK,

NOBODY'S GONNA WIN
THIS WEEK,

AND NEXT WEEK,
IT'S GONNA BE EVEN BIGGER.

SO YOU BOUGHT A LOTTERY
TICKET HOPING YOU DIDN'T WIN?

EXACTLY.
I BOUGHT LIFE INSURANCE.

I'M HOPING I DON'T FALL OFF
OF SESELIS AND DIE.

I MEAN, I CAN'T ARGUE
WITH THAT LOGIC.

I DON'T NEED THE LOTTERY

BECAUSE I'M GONNA INHERIT ALL
OF THIS WHEN YOU-KNOW-WHO DIES.

Shh!

OW! WHAT?

LET ME READ THIS
LETTER.

"DEAR MR.
KYLE,

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE
SUCCESS OF KYLE TRUCKING."

BLAH, BLAH,
BLAH.

"WE REPRESENT THE BOARD
STREET-LEVEL EXPRESS."

BLAH, BLAH, BLEE,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

"THE BOARD IS INTERESTED
IN ACQUIRING KYLE TRUCKING."

YES! I KNEW
THERE WAS GOOD...

KNEW THERE WAS GOOD NEWS
IN THE AIR!

ME AND SESELIS TRIED
TO TELL YOU.

SEE, MY VIBRATORY SENSES
WAS ALL ATINGLE WHEN I CAME IN.

YOU PROBABLY SAW ME. I
COULDN'T EVEN CONTROL SESELIS.

YOU KNOW, I MIGHT BE
A CARRIER OF GOOD NEWS,

SOMETHING LIKE A LEPRECHAUN
OR AN ELF OR A STORK

OR A DWARF
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I'M TELLING YOU,
THERE'S MAGIC AFOOT.

♪ THERE'S MAGIC AFOOT,
THERE'S MAGIC AFOOT ♪

CAN YOU FEEL IT?
COME ON, SESELIS!

WE ARE OUT OF HERE.
AIN'T GOT TO TAKE THIS.

COULD'VE SAID THANK YOU
OR SOMETHING.

I DONE BROUGHT GOOD NEWS
AND STUFF FOR YOU.

I... OH!

NO, MICHAEL. NO, YOU
CAN'T SELL THE BUSINESS.

IT'S LIKE IT'S ONE OF
OUR KIDS OR SOMETHING.

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME IF
SOMEONE MADE AN OFFER LIKE THAT

TO BUY ONE OF OUR KIDS,
YOU WOULDN'T SELL 'EM?

MAYBE JUNIOR, BUT
NOT THE BUSINESS.

BABY, I COULD START
A WHOLE NEW CAREER.

LIKE WHAT,
MICHAEL?

I DON'T KNOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT?

I CAN BE A MALE MODEL.

OR A KARATE TEACHER.
KEE-HYAH!

OR A MALE MODEL.

OR A DANCER.

OR A MALE MODEL, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, THEY PAY OVER
$500 AN HOUR JUST TO DO THIS.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THAT. I'M NOT FINISHED YET.

SEE, I WAS GETTING
INTO THE POSE.

YOU GOT TO TURN THE HEAD.
IT'S NOT UNTIL I TURN THE HEAD.

$500, JAY.

MICHAEL, I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE REALLY GONNA DO.

YOU'RE GONNA HANG
AROUND THIS HOUSE,

CLOCKING MY EVERY
MOVE, DRIVING ME CRAZY.

AND WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT FROM?

FROM
THERESA.

WHEN HER HUSBAND
RETIRED.D

YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?
HE GAINED 200 POUNDS.

HE INSTALLED A PLASMA
TV IN THE BATHROOM

ALONG WITH A SNACK-FOOD
VENDING MACHINE.

A SNACK-FOOD VEN...
THAT'S UNSANITARY.

MAYBE A BEER DISPENSER.

MICHAEL!

YOU KNOW WHAT?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I DON'T WANT YOU
HERE ALL THE TIME.

BABY, WE WON'T BE HERE
ALL THE TIME.

CHECK THIS OUT...

WE COULD GO TO THE MOVIES
AT 10:00

AND THEN MAKE LOVE
AT 11:00.

WON'T WE STILL BE IN
THE MOVIES AT 11:00?

THAT'S THE POINT.

LET DENZEL WATCH US
FOR A CHANGE.

BABY, WE COULD
DO ANYTHING.

WE'D BE FREE... ANYTIME,
ANYPLACE, ANYWHERE.

I DON'T KNOW, MICHAEL,
I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU
THE BEST PART, JAY.

THE BEST PART IS WE
GET THE CHANCE TO SPEND

ALL THE TIME WE WANT
WITH LITTLE JUNIOR JR.

WE COULD TAKE HIM TO THE PARK.
WE COULD TAKE HIM TO THE ZOO.

WE COULD TAKE HIM
TO BASEBALL GAMES.

OH, THAT DOES SOUND GOOD.

YES. I GUESS THAT COULD WORK.

OH, OH, HE JUST THREW UP.
HERE, HOLD HIM A SECOND.

LET ME GET SOMETHING
TO WIPE THAT UP.

THAT'S
NASTY.

NOW, WHERE DID I PUT
THE PAPER TOWELS?

MICHAEL!

GOOD MORNING, BABY.

OH, GOOD MORNING, MRS. BABY.

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE
BREAKFAST IN BED

TO START OFF THE BEST PART
OF OUR LIVES?

SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE.

WE HAVE SOME JUICE, A
LITTLE COFFEE, AND A LITTLE...

[ LAUGHS ]
YOU ALMOST GOT ME.

I ALSO BROUGHT YOU
THE PHONE

SO THAT YOU CAN CALL
STREET-LEVEL EXPRESS

AND CLOSE THAT DEAL.

LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO LOOK
TOO ANXIOUS, OKAY, TO SELL.

I GOT TO SIT BACK AND
TEASE THEM A LITTLE... WATCH.

I'M GONNA DIAL THREE
NUMBERS, THEN HANG UP.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

I JUST WANT TO SIT
HERE, WATCH A LITTLE TV,

AND LET STREET-LEVEL MARINATE

ON BEING IN BUSINESS
WITH KYLE TRUCKING.

THEY'RE GONNA MARINATE.
THEY'RE GONNA MARINATE.

WE GOT THE
MARINATING.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

IN FINANCIAL NEWS THIS
MORNING,

STREET-LEVEL EXPRESS
STOCK FELL 93%

AFTER REVELATIONS
OF ACCOUNTING FRAUD,

TOTALING OVER $20
BILLION.

11 OF 12 BOARD MEMBERS
HAVE BEEN ARRESTED AND JAILED.

AAH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THERE'S ONLY ONE
BOARD MEMBER LEFT.

I GOT TO CALL HIM AND
TRY TO MAKE THIS DEAL.

THE ONE REMAINING BOARD
MEMBER

JUMPED OUT OF A STREET-LEVEL
EXPRESS CARGO JET

SHORTLY BEFORE IT PLUNGED
INTO THE SEA.

UM...

BABE?

BABE, WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA DO NOW?

I GOT TO GO TO
WORK.

THERE WILL BE
OTHER OFFERS,

OTHER OFFERS,
DAD.

NO, THERE WON'T!

OH, SURE THERE WILL.
THIS IS A GOOD BUSINESS.

IF STREET-LEVEL
EXPRESS WANTED IT,

SOMEBODY ELSE IS GONNA WANT IT.

I'M JUST LOOKING
AT THE BRIGHT SIDE.

YEAH, WELL, DON'T!

OKAY, DAD. I HATE
TO SEE YOU THIS WAY.

YEAH, WELL, DON'T!
I DON'T CARE!

I USED TO BE HAPPY RIGHT
HERE AT KYLE TRUCKING

UNTIL I GOT THAT OFFER.

AND NOW THAT I TASTED THE
SWEET NECTAR OF POSSIBILITY,

I FEEL STUCK!

WHOA, SESELIS!

WHOO!

WHOA, SESELIS!

DOWN, GIRL.

BOBBY SHAW AT YOUR DOOR,
MIKE LOVE.

AS YOU CAN SEE,

♪ I GOT PRIDE IN MY GLIDE
♪

♪ I GOT PEP IN MY STEP

♪ I GOT FUR IN MY SPUR

♪ JUST STOPPED BY ON MY
ROUTE ♪

♪ TO SEE HOW
YOUR OFFER WORKED OUT ♪

NOT SO GOOD, BOBBY.
THEY WENT OUT OF BUSINESS.

OH, MAN,
I HATE HEARING THAT.

THIS IS AWFUL THERE.

WHOA, SESELIS, STAY.

STAY, NOW, STAY.

YOU KNOW... NEGATIVITY ALWAYS
GETS ME DOWN PERSONALLY.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU THAT.

BUT I GOT SOMETHING THAT
MIGHT JUST WORK OUT FOR YOU.

THIS WEEK, YOU COULD PLAY
THE POWERBALL WITH ME,

AND THEN THAT WAY WE COULD
WIN 'CAUSE I GOT THE GOOD NUMBERS.

COULD
YOU...

THE VIEW IS NOT
GOOD.

I HAD TO BUY THESE
AT A CHILDREN'S STORE.

IN THE SMALL
SECTION.

YOU SAY YOU GOT
THE GOOD NUMBERS?

YES, SON OF LOVE,
THE GOOD NUMBERS.

I'VE BEEN PLAYING THEM
FOR 11 YEARS NOW.

SO, IN ALL THESE
YEARS,

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE
THESE NUMBERS WON?

HUH? NEVER.

SO, HOW COULD THEY BE GOOD
NUMBERS IF THEY KEEP LOSING?

STOP QUESTIONING ME,
SUCKA MAN!

LOOK, IT'S THE LAW OF
AVERAGES. THE MORE THEY LO...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH SESELIS?!

YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THAT BOY.

THAT'S NO RUN-OF-THE-MILL
HORSE THERE.

ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING,
SUCKA MAN AND SUCKA MAN JR.,

IT'S THE LAW
OF AVERAGES, OKAY?

EVERY TIME THEY LOSE,
THEY ARE CLOSER TO WINNING.

AND RIGHT NOW,
THEY'VE BEEN LOSING SO LONG

THAT THEY ARE
THIS CLOSE TO WINNING.

WELL, I UNDERSTAND
THAT,

BUT I'M NOT GONNA THROW MY
MONEY AWAY ON YOUR PIPE DREAM.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.
SUIT YOURSELF.

REMEMBER THIS, THOUGH.
REMEMBER THESE TWO WORDS.

IT'S MILLIONS OF DOLLARS,
MIKE LOVE... MILLIONS!

OKAY?

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
ANOTHER CHANCE.

IF YOU DECIDE
TO CHANGE YOUR MIND,

I'LL BE WHERE I ALWAYS AM
AROUND THIS TIME...

HAVING MY LUNCH
AT THE HOT DOG STAND

AND FEEDING MY BELOVED STEED,
WHO NOBODY SHOULD BE TOUCHING.

TALLYHO, SESELIS!

WATCH THE DOOR, SESELIS,
WATCH IT!

COME ON, CLAIRE, TIME'S
UP!

YOU'RE SIX SECONDS
INTO OVERTIME!

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY! WHAT IS GOING ON?

CLAIRE'S 10 MINUTES
ARE UP,

AND SHE WON'T COME OUT
OF THE BATHROOM.

I'M NOT QUITE DONE, MOM.

MY HUSBAND SAID 10
MINUTES, AND IT'S BEEN...

10 MINUTES AND 17
SECONDS AND COUNTING.

18,
MISSISSIPPI...

19, MISSISSIPPI...
20, MISSISSIPPI...

GIVE ME THE CLOCK. DONE
WITH COUNTING WITH YOU.

MOM, IT TAKES ME LONGER
THAN 10 MINUTES TO DO MY HAIR.

YOU SHOULD'VE
THOUGHT ABOUT THAT

BEFORE YOU STARTED
COMPLAINING ABOUT KADY.

NOW, OPEN UP THE DOOR.

WHOA!

I CAN'T GO OUT WITH
TONY LOOKING LIKE THIS.

[ LAUGHS ] SURE YOU CAN, BABY.

IT'LL BE A GOOD WAY TO
FIND OUT IF TONY LIKES YOU.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

I LOOK LIKE A FREAK.

YES... NO.

NO, CLAIRE.

NOW, LOOK, LOOKS AREN'T
EVERYTHING, BABY.

NOW, SOMEDAY YOU'LL GET OLD,

AND YOU'LL LOSE YOUR
LOOKS, AND THEN WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW.
YOU TELL ME.

OH, NO, SHE
DIDN'T.

YES, SHE DID.

LOOK, CAN I JUST GO BACK
TO FIXING MY HAIR?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, LOOK, I
DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE IN THIS.

IF THE TWO OF YOU CAN FIGURE
OUT YOUR PROBLEM BY YOURSELVES,

PLEASE BE MY GUEST.

OKAY. I HAVE A COMPROMISE.

LET'S HEAR
IT.

CLAIRE COULD GO OUT
WEARING HALF A HAT.

WHAT DO YOU
HAVE?

WHAT IF I LET YOU USE MY LIP
GLOSS FOR AN EXTRA 10 MINUTES?

FIVE.
DEAL.

LOVELY. CARRY ON.

YOU'VE GOT FOUR MINUTES
AND 59 SECONDS AND COUNTING!

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

WHO IS
BOBBY SHAW. IT?

JUST TELL HIM I'M NOT HERE.

MY DAD TOLD ME TO TELL YOU
THAT HE'S NOT HERE.

HELLO,
BOBBY.

HELLO, MIKE LOVE.

HOW YOU
DOING THERE, BOBBY?

NOT TOO GOOD, YOUNG LOVE.

WHAT'S THE
MATTER?

WELL, AS IT TURNS OUT,

MY INTUITION FAILED ME AS
REGARDS TO THE POWERBALL.

YOU DIDN'T
WIN?

NO...

I WON TWICE AS MUCH AS I
THOUGHT I WAS GONNA WIN, MIKE LOVE!

LOOK, LOOK.

NOT ONCE,
BUT TWICE AS MUCH!

TWICE!

TWICE! WON!

♪ I WON, I WON,
I WON, I WON ♪

♪ I WON, I WON,
I WON, I WON ♪

I WON... THE LOTTO!

SO, LET ME GET THIS
RIGHT. YOU WON?

I WON, YES!
NOW WE BOTH SAID IT.

MAN, I AM RICH. I AM
RICH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CH-CH!

I SPELL IT R-I-C-H-H-H-H-H-H
'CAUSE I'M RICH.

GOT IT?

WELL, THAT'S GREAT,
BOBBY. CONGRATULATIONS.

I'M HAPPY FOR
YOU.

THANK YOU, MIKE LOVE.

BUT, GO ON.
TELL THE TRUTH NOW.

AREN'T YOU JUST A
EENSY-WEENSY, TEENSY-WEENSY,

YELLOW-POLKA-DOT-BIKINI
JEALOUS OF ME?

NOT AT ALL. WHY
WOULD I BE JEALOUS?

WELL, I MEAN, YOU DID
HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY

TO PARTICIPATE IN HALF...
THAT'S 50%...

OF MY PRIZE-WINNING POWERBALL
DUCAT, WHICH YOU DECLINED.

OH, YES.

I OFFERED YOU A RIDE
ON MY GOLDEN CHARIOT...

OF GOLDEN GOOD NUMBERS,
AND YOU MOCKED IT.

YES, YOU DID.
YOU MOCKED IT,

AND YOU REFUSED
MY EXTENDED GLOVE OF PEACE

BECAUSE OF YOUR LONG-HELD
ANTIPATHY FOR MY PERSONAGE.

I HAVE NO ANTIPATHY FOR
YOUR PERSONAGE, BOBBY.

I HAVE NOTHING BUT
HAPPY THOUGHTS

AND WELL WISHES FOR
YOU.

SINCERELY?

YEAH,
TRULY.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO WITH THAT MONEY?

WELL, I HAVE
THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

WHEN I WAS A SMALL CHILD...

I MUST'VE BEEN NO BIGGER
THAN THIS RIGHT HERE...

WHEN I WAS A SMALL CHILD,

MY COUSIN,
ESMELDA ROSE AND I...

ESMELDA ROSE?

ESMELDA ROSE AND I...

BOBBY, I DON'T
WANT TO HEAR THIS.

PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT ME
IN MY LIFE STORY.

YOU DO WANT TO HEAR THIS.
WE WERE PLAYING A GAME.

IT WAS CALLED
CARS AND TRUCKS, OKAY?

ESMELDA LIKED THE CARS.
ME, I LIKED THE TRUCKS.

I LIKED THE BIG TRUCKS.
I LIKED THE SMALL TRUCKS.

I LIKED THE LONG TRUCKS.
I LIKED THE SHORT TRUCKS.

I LIKED GARBAGE TRUCKS.
I LIKED FIRE TRUCKS.

I LIKED TRUCKS WITH 4
WHEELS, 8 WHEELS, 16 WHEELS.

I LIKED HIPPIES THAT SAID,
"KEEP ON TRUCKIN'."

I LIKED EVERYTHING
THAT HAD TO DO WITH TRUCKS.

DO YOU GET THE GIST
OF MY STORY, MIKE LOVE?

YES, YOU LIKED
TRUCKS.

YES, YOU ARE GETTING IT.
I LIKE TRUCKS.

AND WHAT BUSINESS
ARE YOU IN, MIKE LOVE?

THE TRUCKING
BUSINESS.

THE TRUCKING BUSINESS.

AND YOU DO WANT TO SELL
SAID BUSINESS, DO YOU NOT?

WELL, YOU WANT TO
BUY MY BUSINESS?

LOCK, STOCK,
AND BOTH SMOKING BARRELS.

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
THE TRUCKING BUSINESS, BOBBY.

WHAT'S THERE TO KNOW?
I KNOW TWO SIMPLE THINGS...

I LIKE TRUCKS.
I GOT BUCKS.

YEAH, SEE,
AND IF YOU BUY IT,

YOU CAN HIRE ME
TO RUN IT FOR YOU.

NO!

RUN IT WHERE... INTO THE GROUND?

WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

THAT'S A FROWN... A SMILE
TURNED UPSIDE DOWN.

NOW, TURN AROUND, SIT
DOWN.

RIGHT NOW.

IS THERE MORE?
CHOW TOW.

OKAY. YOU KNOW, BOBBY,

THROUGH THE YEARS YOU AND I
HAVE NEVER REALLY SEEN EYE TO EYE.

IF YOU SINCERELY WANT
TO BUY MY BUSINESS,

THEN I SINCERELY
WANT TO SELL IT.

I SINCERELY WANT TO
BUY IT, MIKE LOVE.

WELL, LET'S SIT DOWN
AND HASH OUT A DEAL.

HEY, HAVE YOU HAD LUNCH? NO.

WE COULD HAVE LUNCH
AT THE HOT DOG STAND.

WE COULD HAVE A FRANKFURTER
AND SOME BUBBLY.

FRANKS AND BUBBLY.
YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE I OWN IT!
I OWN IT!

COME ON
AND SEE WHAT I OWN.

IT'S NICE AND SHINY
AND EVERYTHING.

BOBBY SHAW'S TRUCKING. VROOM!

OH, I DIDN'T THINK
YOU'D BE HERE.

I THOUGHT
YOU'D BE AT LUNCH.

[ LAUGHS ]

YEAH, I GOT LUNCH
RIGHT HERE. RIGHT HERE.

MATTER OF FACT,
YOU'RE RIGHT ON TIME.

WOULD YOU CARE FOR
ANY FRANKS AND BUBBLY?

IT'S ALL BEEF. ALL-BEEF
FRANKS THERE.

UH... NO, THANKS.

DON'T THEY GIVE YOU GAS?

ON OCCASION, BUT THERE
AIN'T NOBODY IN HERE BUT ME.

WELL, I WAS JUST
DROPPING OFF YOUR KEYS.

THANKS SO MU...

YOU KNOW... HEY, YOU
KNOW, WHILE YOU'RE HERE,

I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT COMPANY NAMES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT
THIS... POWERBALL SHIPPING?

SOUNDS STRONG AND GAY.

YOU GOT A POINT. I
GOT SLOGANS, THOUGH.

AND THE SLOGANS TAKE
THE GAYNESS OUT OF IT.

WATCH
THIS.

"POWERBALL
SHIPPING.

IF WE LOSE YOUR
PACKAGE, WE AIN'T SHIPPED."

[ LAUGHS ]

BOBBY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS YOUR COMPANY.

YOU MAKE THE DECISIONS
YOU WANT. I'M GOING HOME.

ALL RIGHT.
SO LONG.

I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
YOU, MIKE, LOVE, AND NOW I AM.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO
GET A SMALLER CHAIR

WHERE MY FEET TOUCH THE GROUND.

Y-YOU CAN LEAVE
THAT.

NO FAMILY ORALLY
NOTHING.E

BABY, I'M IN HEAVEN. I
GET UP WHENEVER I WANT.

I HAVE A CUP OF
COFFEE.

I STAND ON THE LAWN,
WAVE GOODBYE TO THE KIDS,

AND THEN COME BACK AND
PLAY WITH MY GRANDSON.

[ Baby talk ] THIS IS
PARADISE. I'M IN PARADISE.

YOU ARE REALLY HAPPY,
AREN'T YOU, BABY?

[ Normal voice ] OH, I
AM SO HAPPY, BABY.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT
THE GREAT THING IS?

BOBBY SHAW HOOKED
JUNIOR UP WITH A JOB FOR LIFE.

DOING WHAT?

JUNIOR?

Michael: THAT'S
THE UNIFORM, BABY.

[ LAUGHS ]

WELL, I'M OFF TO
WORK.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT, BOY?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW?

UHH!

THANK YOU.

NOW, YOU GO ON TO WORK

AND HAVE AN
A-B-C-DELIGHTFUL DAY.

I SURE
WILL.

TALLYHO, UBIQUITOUS,
SON OF SESELIS.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MAN. I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

[ SMOOCHES ]

WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT FROM? UM...

AND WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT FROM? THERESA.

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT FROM?

[ LAUGHS ]

WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT FROM? THERES A.

THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO
HER WHEN HER HUSBAND RETIRED.

HE GAINED 200 POUNDS.
HE INSTALLED A PLASMA...

Man: PLASMA TV...

YES, SHE HAS IT.

YES.