My Wife and Kids (2001–2005): Season 5, Episode 19 - Michael Joins a Gym - full transcript

KEEP OR TOSS?
TOSS.

I AIN'T LISTENING TO YOU.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT.

OUT.

KEEP OR TOSS?
TOSS AND BURN.

YOU TRIPPIN'.
I AIN'T LISTENING TO YOU.

WHY ASK MY OPINION IF YOU'RE
GONNA KEEP EVERYTHING ANYWAY?

I'M NOT KEEPING EVERYTHING.
THERE'S STUFF IN THIS TOSS BOX.

TWO PAIR OF 20-YEAR-OLD
PANTIE DRAWERS

THAT ARE THIS BIG.

BABY, YOU'RE THE WORST PERSON
IN THE WORLD FOR THIS JOB.



YOU'RE ATTACHED
TO ALL YOUR OLD CLOTHES.

YOU NEED TO STOP CLINGING
TO THE PAST.

JUST LET GO.

OKAY.
WAIT!

NOT MY JEANS.

WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO ALL THE STUFF

ABOUT CLINGING TO THE PAST?

I KNOW, BUT THESE ARE
MY OOH WOW WOW JEANS.

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW ♪

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW, WOW ♪
JEANS!

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW ♪

♪ HE'S GOT SOME STYLE ♪

JEANS!

REMEMBER THAT? I DON'T
REMEMBER THAT, I'M SORRY.



YOU REMEMBER
HOW ALL YOUR FRIENDS...

ALL THEM GIRLS
USED TO CALL ME "PEACHES."

I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.

THAT'S BECAUSE MY BUTT USED
TO LOOK LIKE A PEACH IN THIS.

REMEMBER? LOOK.

THAT WAS ME. LOOK.

THAT WAS YOU?
MM-HMM.

I'M-A SHOW YOU.
I'M-A TRY 'EM ON.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I GOTTA GO IN THE BATHROOM
AND PUT 'EM ON.

WHY YOU GOTTA
GO IN THE BATHROOM?

BECAUSE IT'S THE ELEMENT
OF SURPRISE.

WHEN YOU SEE IT, YOU GO...
♪ OOH, WOW, WOW ♪

[ THUDS ]

[ MICHAEL GRUNTING ]

MICHAEL, YOU HAVING
TROUBLE IN THERE?

NO, I-I GOT IT.
I GOT ONE LEG IN ALREADY.

[ THUDS CONTINUING ]

MICHAEL!
IT'S BEEN 20 MINUTES.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU
TO PUT ON ONE PAIR OF JEANS?

LOOK, DID YOU GET
THE BUTTER OR WHAT?

HAND ME THE BUTTER.
I GOT THE BUTTER.

GIVE ME THE BUTTER.
WHAT YOU NEED IT FOR?

STOP PLAYIN'.
GIMME THE BUTTER

OR THE TALCUM POWDER
GON' DRY UP.

OH, MY GOSH.

WILL YOU JUST HURRY UP?

OKAY, HERE I COME.

COURSE THEY FIT.

THIS HOW THE KIDS...

THE KIDS ARE WEARING 'EM
LIKE THIS NOWADAYS.

YOU AIN'T BEEN WATCHING
YOUR VIDEO CHANNEL.

SEE, THIS IS
CALLED "SAGGIN'."

I CAN GET IN MY POCKET
LIKE THAT.

GET MY KEYS, MY WALLET
BACK THERE LIKE THAT.

ALL I NEED IS A SHIRT

THAT COMES DOWN TO HERE,

AND PEACHES
IS BACK IN SEASON.

YEAH, PEACHES
IS BACK IN SEASON,

BUT I SEE YOUR PLUMS.

BABE, YOU GAINED A LITTLE WEIGHT
OVER THE YEARS,

IT'S OKAY.

YOUR PEACHES HAVE
TURNED INTO PUMPKINS.

WOW,
THIS SELECTION IS HUGE.

IT SURE IS.

NOW, LOOK,
THERE'S THE SALESMAN.

THIS IS ALL
ABOUT NEGOTIATIONS, JAY,

SO I NEED YOU TO BE QUIET,
LET ME HANDLE IT

BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS LOOK
AT WOMEN AS THE WEAK LINK,

THEN THEY TRY TO SELL EVERYTHING
TO YOU. ALL RIGHT?

JUST LET ME DO THIS.
WE STICK TO THE PLAN.

WATCH THE PROFESSIONAL.
AHEM.

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
YOU NEED SOME HELP?

YES, SIR.
HA HA HA.

I'D LIKE TO BUY
THIS DVD PLAYER

FOR $100,
AND $100 ONLY.

FOR $350, YOU CAN GET THIS ONE
WITH ALL THE FUNCTIONS.

I'LL TAKE IT.

HERE, JUST PUT IT
ON MY CREDIT CARD.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HEY, NO TAX ON THAT.

WE DON'T DO THAT.

YOU SEE,
IT'S ALL IN THE GAME, JAY.

WOW, YOU'RE GOOD.

YEAH, YOU SEE,
I ALMOST GOT NO TAX...

BABY,
IS THAT DARYL SCOTT?

NAH.

NO, THAT'S DARYL SCOTT
FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

HE'S TOO BUFF
TO BE DARYL.

NO, BABY, I THINK
THAT'S DARYL SCOTT.

DARYL?
JAY?

HEY! OH, MY GOD!

WHEE! HA HA HA!

ONE, TWO,

THREE.

OH, MY GOSH,
YOU'RE SO STRONG.

DARYL, YOU KNOW,
YOU ARE LOOKING SO GOOD.

YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED
SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

WELL, THANK YOU, AND YOU ARE
LOOKING PRETTY GOOD YOURSELF.

WHOO!

[ COUGHING ]

I'M SORRY.

I'M DARYL SCOTT.

HOW YOU DOING?
NICE TO MEET YOU.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
MEET ME?

IT'S ME... MICHAEL KYLE.
EXCUSE ME?

WE WERE ON THE SAME BASKETBALL
TEAM TOGETHER, REMEMBER?

I WAS THE GUY
THAT SET ALL THE PICKS.

YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE ME
'CAUSE I'M STANDING UP.

LOOK.
SEE?

MICHAEL KYLE!

YEAH, MAN.
OH, MAN, NO WAY.

YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
I LOST MY HAIR.

NO, YOU THICKENED UP, MAN.
THICKENED?

YOU TURNED INTO
A FAT, FAT FATTY.

HA HA HA HA HA!

WELL, MAYBE I PUT ON
A POUND OR TWO,

BUT YOU LOOK
LIKE YOU'VE JUST BEEN

SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME
IN THE GYM.

OH, MAN, I AIN'T WORKED OUT
IN AN HOUR OR SO.

HEY, UM,

YOU KNOW,
I OWN A GYM, THOUGH.

REALLY?

YEAH, YEAH, WE SPECIALIZE
IN EURO TRAINING.

I'M HERE GETTING
SOME NEW PLASMA TVs

FOR THE EUROBICS ROOM,
YOU KNOW.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY LOOK
LIKE YOU ARE IN SHAPE.

EUROBICS
IS WORKING.

MICHAEL, DOESN'T HE LOOK
LIKE HE'S IN SHAPE?

HE LOOKS...
YEAH, HE'S ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
LOOK AT HIS CHEST.

LOOK AT HIS CHEST.

OOH, HA HA!

ALMOST POKED MY EYE OUT.

UH, UH, UH, UH, UH.

LOOK, LOOK.
UH, UH, UH, UH.

THAT AIN'T NOTHING
BUT THE "THRILLER" VIDEO.

YEAH, IT'S A THRILLER,
ALL RIGHT.

IT'S A THRILLER.

ARE THOSE GUNS
FULLY LOADED?

BAM!

MICHAEL,
FEEL HIS GUNS.

LOOK AT IT,
IT'S LIKE, OH, MY GOSH.

YOU NEED TWO HANDS

WITH THOSE
LITTLE PUNY FINGERS.

OW, THE GRIP.
THE GRIP.

I'M KIDDING.
THERE'S NO GRIP, REALLY.

HEY, LOOK, LOOK,

IT WAS SO GOOD TO... I GOTTA BE
GETTING OUT OF HERE,

BUT IT WAS SO GOOD
TO SEE YOU GUYS.

WAIT,
ONE MORE SECOND.

MICHAEL,
TOUCH HIS CHEST.

I DON'T WANNA
TOUCH HIS CHEST.

I MEAN, THIS IS
A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME CHANCE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW
YOU LIKE THAT.

LOOK, LOOK,
LOOK, LOOK,

HEY, UM, NOW,

YOU KNOW,
IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

BUT, UM, HERE'S MY CARD.
GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME.

I'LL HELP YOU GET RID
OF YOUR FRIEND HERE.

I WASN'T FLEXING.
NOW DO IT.

OH, THAT'S LIKE
"ALIEN" OR SOMETHING.

HEY,

BYE-BYE.
TAKE IT EASY.

ALL RIGHT.

HE IS CRAZY, BOY.
THAT DARYL IS SOMETHING ELSE.

WHOO.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
WHAT WAS WHAT?

YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH HIM.
FLIRTING, MICHAEL?

[ IMITATES HER LAUGH ]

I DON'T LAUGH LIKE
THAT. YES, YOU DO.

WHEN YOU'RE FLIRTING,
AND NOT ONLY

DID YOU FLIRT WITH HIM,

BUT YOU MADE
ME FLIRT WITH HIM.

WHAT?
DON'T EVER PUT MY HAND

ON ANOTHER MAN'S MUSCLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN LOOK JUST LIKE THAT,

BUT I GOT A FAMILY
I TAKE CARE OF.

AND A BABY ON THE WAY.

PSYCH.

WHAT SMELLS SO GOOD
IN HERE?

DAD, YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY
HAPPY. HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE.

OH, NO, NO, NO.
NO, THANK YOU.

I'M EATING OUT TONIGHT.
OUT?

THAT'S RIGHT.
OUTTA THIS BAG RIGHT HERE.

WHAT IS THAT?

I'M ON AN 800-CALORIE-A-DAY
DIET, JAY...

NO FAT, NO CARBS,
NO SUGAR.

MICHAEL, IS THIS ABOUT
THE TIGHT JEANS SITUATION

OR THE DARYL SCOTT SITUATION?

IT'S ABOUT BOTH.

I AM DETERMINED TO LOSE
15 POUNDS

BY THE END OF THE MONTH.

SO YOU GUYS SIT HERE AND EAT
THIS DEAD ANIMAL CARCASS.

YEP, RIGHT THERE...

THAT'S THE STUFF
THAT CLOGS UP YOUR ARTERIES.

ALL THESE
SODIUM-BASED GRAVIES

THAT RAISE
YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE UP.

YEP, RIGHT THERE.

I JUST FELT IT ELEVATE
RIGHT THERE.

AND ALL THEM SWEET SAUCES

THAT YOU PUT
IN THESE TATERS...

THESE SUGARY SAUCES...
THEY GET YOUR BLOOD SUGAR LEVEL

OVER 600.

NOT ME,
I'M NOT GONNA EAT THAT.

I'LL BE SITTING HERE
EATING MY CELERY STICKS,

FOLLOWED BY SOME
SEAWEED TOFU CROQUETTES.

EW.
IT'S ACTUALLY VERY GOOD.

JUST LIKE THAT,
I JUST USE THIS FOR SOME FLAVOR.

MICHAEL, YOU LOOK GREAT
FOR A MAN YOUR AGE.

MY AGE?
YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU LOOK GREAT
FOR A MAN YOUR AGE, MICHAEL.

YOU'RE JUST ACTING
SILLY RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE JUST ACTING
PLAIN OLD SILLY.

THAT'S ME...

THE SILLY, SILLY,
FAT, FAT FATTY.

AND THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WANNA
KEEP ME THAT WAY, JAY.

BECAUSE OF THIS STUFF HERE

THAT YOU BE MAKING.

THIS HERE GOT ME
OVERWEIGHT

AND UNATTRACTIVE
TO OTHER WOMEN.

'CAUSE THAT'S THE PLOT.
OH, COME ON.

YOU KNOW WHAT? AS LONG AS I GOT
THESE CELERY STICKS...

PUT THAT RIGHT THERE,

GIVE IT SOME FLAVOR.

I JOINED DARYL'S GYM,

AND HE TOLD ME
IN THREE WEEKS' TIME,

I'M GONNA HAVE
A CHEST JUST LIKE HIS.

HERE WE GO.

ANOTHER MANIC-COMPULSIVE QUEST
BY MICHAEL RICHARD KYLE.

YEAH, YOU WON'T BE SAYING THAT
WHEN I GOT THE PERCOLATING PECS.

WATCH THIS.
WATCH WHAT?

THE PECS.
WATCH THE PECS PERCOLATE.

YOU SEE THAT?
IT MOVED.

TOUCH IT.
TOUCH IT.

THAT'S ASTHMA.

YOU KNOW YOU GOT ASTHMA.

I'M NOT EATING
WITH YOU GUYS.

OH, MICHAEL, COME ON.

I'M NOT TRYING
TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BABE.

A LITTLE BUTTER
FOR MY, UH, CELERY...

FOR YOUR JEANS?

I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

THAT'S IT!
HERE WE GO!

ONE MORE, ONE MORE.
LAST ONE.

YEAH, THERE WE GO.

YEAH, GET UP HERE.

OH, MAN.

THANKS FOR THE WORKOUT.

HEY, YO, YO, YO, YO.

THAT WASN'T
THE WORKOUT.

THAT WAS THE PRE-WARM-UP
TO GET YOU READY

FOR THE WARM-UP
TO GET YOU READY

FOR THE PRE-WORKOUT
FOLLOWED BY THE WORKOUT

WHICH PRECEDES
THE POST-WORKOUT.

THEN WE'RE GOING INTO A LITTLE
60-MINUTE WARM-DOWN.

60-MINUTE WARM-DOWN?
WHAT DOES THAT CONSIST OF?

MOSTLY RUNNING UPHILL,
BUT YOU GET TO WALK BACK DOWN...

OH, GOOD.
BACKWARDS...

ON YOUR HANDS
WITH ANKLE WEIGHTS.

WE'RE DOING
ALL THAT TODAY?

DO YOU WANT THESE...

THE PERCOLATING
PECTORALS, HUH?

DON'T YOU WANT 'EM?
YES, THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

IF YOU WANT 'EM,
TOUCH 'EM.

I DON'T WANNA.
TOUCH 'EM.

THERE'RE PEOPLE AROUND.
TOUCH 'EM!

I WAS CHECKING
HIS HEART RATE

'CAUSE WE JUST
DID THE, UM...

OKAY, LET'S GET TO WORK.

COME ON OVER HERE.

WE'RE GONNA KICK THINGS OFF
WITH SOME BICEP CURLS.

BICEP CURLS.
GOT 'EM.

NOW, I USUALLY
DO MY PRE-WARM-UP WITH 50s,

BUT WE GON' START YOU OFF
WITH SOME 10s

'CAUSE YOU AIN'T ME.

HEY, HEY, HOLD UP.
DON'T PATRONIZE ME.

IF YOU DO 50,
I'M DOING 50.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAKE IT 60.

YOU WANT 60s?
THAT'S RIGHT.

OKAY, YOU GOT IT.

I DON'T WANT 60s, I NEED 60s.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, UH,

WE GON' GET 15 REPS
OF THESE, ALL RIGHT?

MY CHEST GON' LOOK
LIKE YOURS?

IN-DEED.

LET ME DEMONSTRATE.

NOW, YOU MIGHT
WANNA STEP BACK.

FURTHER.

YEAH?
YEAH.

NO, NO,
A LITTLE FURTHER.

THERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT.

[ GRUNTING LOUDLY ]

EURO!
TRAINING!

EURO!
TRAINING!

THAT'S ONE.

THAT'S ONE?

OKAY, IT'S HEAVY.

IT'S HEAVY, NOW. HOLD ON.

HEY, I'M LETTIN'
THESE BABIES GO.

HELP ME UP.
HELP ME UP.

THERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME GET THIS.
THAT WAS A HALF.

YEAH, NOW YOU GOT
14 1/2 LEFT TO GO.

YOU AIN'T SAID NOTHING.
1, 2, 3.

THRUST!
COME ON, GIVE IT UP NOW.

1, 2, 3!

WE NEED SOME EFFORT,
COME ON.

OKAY,

HERE IT GOES.

COME ON.

COME ON, JUST LIKE
I DID IT, MAN.

SHAKE IT.
GET LOOSE WITH IT.

COME ON.

MAKING LOVE
TO THE WEIGHT NOW.

COME ON.

YEAH, ALL DAY LONG,
THERE WE GO.

[ GRUNTING ]

LET ME DO
SOME EURO TRAINING.

Both: EURO!

WE'RE MOVING ON.

ALL RIGHT,
WE'RE GONNA START THIS OFF

NICE AND EASY.
ONE.

THERE WE GO.
TWO.

OH, YEAH,
FEEL THE BURN. THREE.

NOW, EURO TRAINING.

[ GRUNTING ]

EURO! TRAINING!

EURO! TRAINING!

[ GRUNTING ]

YOUR TURN.

OKAY, THIS IS
A PRETTY GOOD PACE,

BUT WE'RE GONNA KICK THINGS
UP A NOTCH, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, YOU MIGHT
WANNA STEP BACK.

STEP BACK?
OKAY.

[ GRUNTING ]

EURO! TRAINING!
EURO! TRAINING!

[ GRUNTING ]

YOUR TURN.

IS MY CHEST GON'
LOOK LIKE YOURS?

IN-DEED.

TOUCH IT.

I WAS...
I WAS JUST MAKING SURE

HIS CHAKRA DIDN'T FALL
FROM...

OKAY...

I'LL JUST
DO THIS HERE.

RIGHT HERE, LIKE THAT.

AND THEN I'M JUST
GON' STRETCH A LITTLE BIT.

GOTTA GET MY THING
LOOSENED UP.

JUST A LITTLE BACK...
FOR THE BACK HERE.

AAH!

OH!

THAT'S A GOOD STRETCH.
YEAH, YEAH.

EURO HAMS.

OKAY. EURO HAMS.

LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.

OKAY, THIS IS COOL.
I GOT THIS.

ALL RIGHT,
THERE YOU GO.

AAH! EURO!

COME ON.
COME ON!

COME ON!

COME ON.

THIS AIN'T BAD.

I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.

WHOA.

OKAY, LET'S TAKE THIS
UP A NOTCH.

[ GRUNTS ]

[ MICHAEL WHIMPERING ]

MICHAEL, WHAT HAPPENED?!
DID YOU HURT YOURSELF?

NO, NO, IT'S JUST A LITTLE
LACTIC ACID BUILDUP.

HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME
MOVING RIGHT NOW.

HE'LL BE FINE
IN THE MORNING.

IS MY CHEST
GONNA LOOK LIKE YOURS?

IN-DEED.

HEY, UM,

CAN I USE
YOUR FACILITIES, PLEASE?

YEAH, IT'S THAT WAY.
IT'S THAT WAY.

I'M GONNA HAVE
THAT WALK, TOO.

DAD, YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU HURT ALL OVER.

I DO, SON.

OH, DOES THAT HURT?
DOES THAT HURT?

DOES THAT HURT?
DOES THAT HURT?

LISTEN, DOES THAT HURT?
DOES THAT HURT?

MICHAEL,

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
TO YOURSELF?

WELL, TODAY, HE HAD ME WORK
CHEST, ABS, LEGS, CHEST.

AND THEN I WORKED
THE UPPER CLEAVAGE,

LOWER CLEAVAGE,
AND THE NECK AREA.

MICHAEL, THIS IS
RIDICULOUS.

YOU CAN'T STICK
TO THIS SILLY WORKOUT

TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH DARYL.
YOU'RE GONNA KILL YOURSELF.

YEAH, BUT WHEN THEY
PUT ME IN THE COFFIN,

AND THEY CROSS MY ARMS,

IT'S GONNA BE
ON A CHEST LIKE THAT, JAY.

GO AHEAD, TOUCH IT.
TOUCH IT.

AAH!
SORRY!

I SAID TOUCH IT,
NOT SMACK IT.

SORRY!
MICHAEL, THIS CAN'T CONTINUE.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO NEGATIVE
COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, HUH?

"CAN'T, CAN'T,
CAN'T, CAN'T, CAN'T."

WELL, LET ME
TELL YOU SOMETHING,

"CAN'T" IS NOT A WORD
IN MY VOCABULARY.

GOODBYE.

I CAN'T MOVE.

LET'S GET YOU UPSTAIRS.

YOU'RE GONNA NEED
YOUR REST

'CAUSE TOMORROW
WE GONNA GO HARD.

[ WHIMPERING ]

EASY.

YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING, MOM.
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

MY FAULT?
HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?

WEREN'T YOU FLIRTING
WITH MUSCLE BOY?

YEAH, WEREN'T YOU TEASING DAD
ABOUT HIS OOH, WOW, WOW JEANS?

I SUPPOSE...
WELL, YOU STARTED IT,

SO YOU NEED TO FIX IT
BEFORE DAD KILLS HIMSELF.

IN-DEED.

OOH, BABY,
YOU LOOK SO GOOD.

YOU THINK?

YES, YOU LOOKIN'
ALL TIGHT AND RIPPED AND STUFF.

LOOK AT YOU.

ARE THOSE WASHBOARD ABS?
IS THAT A 6-PACK I SEE?

OH, BABY.

IT'S A 6-PACK
MINUS 5.

NUH-UNH, MICHAEL,

YOU'RE BEING MODEST.

NO, I ONLY LOST 3
1/2 POUNDS. THAT'S IT?

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,
THOUGH?

DARYL SAID THAT MUSCLE WEIGHS
MORE THAN FAT

SO I PROBABLY LOST
A LOT OF FAT,

AND PUT ON A LOT
OF MUSCLE.

RIGHT, RIGHT,
'CAUSE, SEE, YOU LOST,

WHAT, 3 POUNDS?
3 1/2.

AND THAT'S EQUIVALENT TO,
WHAT, 20?

REALLY?

NO, 30,

'CAUSE YOU ADD THAT
WITH THE DOG YEARS,

THAT'S 10 TIMES...

WOW.

YEAH, SO, LIKE, 30 POUNDS,
AND BABY...

BRING IT BACK UP.
LOOK AT YOUR CHEST.

YOUR CHEST IS
SO...

OOH, BOY,

LOOK AT THAT.
THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO START
CALLING YOU "CHESTER."

IN-DEED.
AAH!

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TRY
THESE JEANS ON RIGHT NOW.

NO.
YES.

NO.
BABY, YES.

NO, THE WAY YOU ARE...
BRING IT BACK UP.

THE WAY YOU ARE LOOKING.

IT'S TOO SOON.

NO, IT'S NOT.
NOT WHAT I SEE.

GO BACK IN THERE.

GO ON, NOW, PEACHES,

'CAUSE THOSE PEACHES
ARE RIPE, BABY.

COULDN'T GET
THE CHEST IN THERE.

OH, YEAH, I KNOW,
THE PEACHES ARE RIPE.

GO ON IN THERE.

COME ON, SWEETIE.

OOH, LOOK AT THIS.
I'M PAST THIGH LAND.

OW!
I JUST ZIPPED THE PLUMS.

CAREFUL, NOW.

WELL, LOOKY THERE.
PEACHES IS BACK.

AAH!
LOOK AT YOU!

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW
LOOK AT ME NOW ♪

JEANS.

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW
WATCH THE BOOTY GO POW ♪

WHOO! LOVE IT!

POW! JEANS.

BABY,
YOU LOOK AMAZING

IN THOSE JEANS.
I TOLD YOU.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU,

AND I JUST WANNA APOLOGIZE
TO YOU, MICHAEL.

IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS
WHEN I TEASED YOU

ABOUT THE JEANS NOT FITTING,
I'M REALLY SORRY.

IT'S OKAY, BABY.

I JUST ALWAYS WANNA LOOK
GOOD AND SEXY FOR YOU.

AND YOU DO, CHESTER.

IN-DEED.

HA HA HA HA. COME ON.

HEY, JUST OUT
OF CURIOSITY,

WAS IT HARD TO FIND A PAIR
OF VINTAGE OOH, WOW, WOW JEANS

IN A LARGER SIZE?

YOU'RE ONTO ME?

SOON AS I TAKE THESE JEANS OFF,
I'M GON' BE ON YOU.

SO YOU'RE NOT MAD
AT ME?

NO, I'M JUST HAPPY
THAT I HAVE A WIFE

WHO ACCEPTS ME
FOR WHO I AM.

OH, AND I DO.

AND, MICHAEL,
I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

REALLY?
YES.

I WAS A SIZE 4
WHEN YOU MARRIED ME,

AND NOW I'M A SIZE 6.

OH.

THAT'S SO OPEN
AND HONEST.

I HAVE
A CONFESSION, TOO.

YOU DO?
MM-HMM.

WHAT?
YOU'RE A SIZE 8.

STOP LOOKING
AT MY TAGS.

NOW, TOUCH IT.

MM.

IN-DEED.

THIS AIN'T BAD.

I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.

[ GRUNTS ]

WHOA!

LET'S TAKE IT UP A NOTCH.

COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON!

COME ON.

COME ON!

NO MORE FATTY FATTY.