My Wife and Kids (2001–2005): Season 5, Episode 11 - Careful What You Wish For - full transcript

THANKS FOR LETTING ME BORROW
THESE EARRINGS, MOM.

THEY LOOK GREAT.
OH, YOU CAN HAVE 'EM.

I ACTUALLY BOUGHT SOME NEW ONES
TO GO WITH THIS NEW DRESS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

[ GASPS ] WOW,
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, MOM!

THANK YOU.

THIS ISN'T
MY FAVORITE COLOR,

BUT I BOUGHT IT BECAUSE I KNEW
YOUR FATHER WAS GONNA LOVE IT.

AW, THAT'S GREAT HOW YOU STILL
DO THINGS FOR HIM.

I WOULD NEVER PUT ON A COLOR
I DIDN'T WANT TO WEAR

JUST TO PLEASE TONY.



[ CHUCKLES ] [ CHUCKLES ]

BUT, COME TO THINK OF IT,

I LOOK GOOD IN EVERY COLOR,
SO IT'S REALLY IRRELEVANT.

YOU KNOW, CLAIRE,

WHEN YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED
FOR AS LONG AS WE HAVE...

I'M OVER HERE.
I'M OVER HERE.

I'M OVER HERE,
HERE, HERE, HERE.

WHEN YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED
FOR AS LONG AS WE HAVE,

YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT IT'S
THE LITTLE... I'M OVER HERE.

I'M OVER HERE.
HERE.

YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT IT'S
THE LITTLE THINGS, BABY,

THAT KEEP YOUR PARTNER
INTERESTED.

REALLY?
YES.

I THOUGHT IT WAS
ALL OF THIS...



ALL OF THIS.

[ LAUGHS ] YEAH!

WHAT?
THAT IS ALL OF THIS.

WHOO, YEAH.

LOOK AT THAT,
LOOK AT THAT, LOOK AT THAT!

YOU LIKE?
OH, I LOVE IT!

OOH, LOOK AT
THAT BACKFIELD MOVE.

YOU REALLY LIKE IT,
BABY?

YES, YES!

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU REALLY LIKE IT,
BABY?

OH, WHAT IS NOT TO LIKE
ABOUT TERRELL OWENS?

GO, GO, GO, GO!

OKAY.

WELL, I GUESS
I'LL JUST SIT WITH MY BABY.

SURE.

HEY, YEAH,
THAT'S PERFECT.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
HERE WE GO.

YEAH, THAT'S PERFECT.
THAT'S PERFECT.

WAIT.
WHAT?

WAIT, OH, THIS IS NICE.

REALLY?

YEAH, THIS IS THE TEXTURE.

THIS IS JUST WHAT I'VE
BEEN LOOKING FOR.

WATCH THIS. HUH?

I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO
USE MY PALM.

OH, YOU'RE GONNA BE USING
YOUR PALM, ALL RIGHT.

MICHAEL!

DON'T YOU SEE SOMEBODY
WEARING SOMETHING COMPLETELY NEW

RIGHT IN FRONT
OF YOUR FACE?!

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I SURE DO.

THANK YOU.

CHRIS BERMAN HAS A BRAND-NEW
TIE ON "SportsCenter."

I WOULD HAVE NEVER NOTICED
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU.

NO!

NO, NO!

WOMEN...
WHAT'S WRONG WITH...

WHAT ARE YOU
SO MAD ABOUT?

MICHAEL, YOU NOTICED
THAT CHRIS BERMAN

HAD ON A NEW TIE TONIGHT,

BUT YOU DIDN'T NOTICE
THAT I BOUGHT A NEW DRESS.

I WILL NOTICE WHEN I GET
THE CREDIT-CARD BILL,

AND THEN I'LL SAY SOMETHING.

MICHAEL, FOR REAL.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
I DIDN'T LIKE THE DRESS?

MAYBE I WAS TRYING
TO PROTECT YOUR FEELINGS.

I DIDN'T LIKE
THE COLOR OR SOMETHING.

THIS IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR,
MICHAEL.

THAT'S WHY I BOUGHT
THE DOGGONE DRESS.

NO, MY FAVORITE COLOR IS THE TIE
THAT CHRIS BERMAN HAD ON...

THAT FUCHSIA...
I LOVE THAT!

WELL, IF YOU LOVE
CHRIS BERMAN SO MUCH,

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GO
MARRY HIM?

BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE
YOUR BIG, BROWN, BEAUTIFUL EYES

OR THOSE CUTE LITTLE FRECKLES
ON YOUR NOSE

OR THOSE SWEET LIPS
THAT I LOVE SO MUCH.

HEY, MOM.
HEY, DAD.

BOY, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?

OH, I'M CARRYING MY PRINCESS
THROUGH THE THRESHOLD.

OH, THAT IS SO SWEET!

WHY DON'T YOU EVER
DO THAT FOR ME?

UH-UH, I AIN'T GONNA THROW
MY BACK OUT AGAIN.

SORRY WE'RE LATE, GUYS.

VANESSA WANTED TO STOP AND SEE
IF WE COULD LOCATE THE STAR

I HAD NAMED AFTER HER.

ISN'T HE SWEET?

IF MR. KYLE'S ANYWHERE NEAR

AS THOUGHTFUL AND ROMANTIC
AS JUNIOR IS,

WE'RE THE LUCKIEST WOMEN
ON EARTH.

YOU'RE ALL ALONE THERE,
SISTER.

HEY, YOU, THE TABLE'S READY.
COME ON.

LADIES FIRST, MICHAEL.
LADIES FIRST.

OH, CAREFUL, BABY.

I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO BRUISE
THOSE PERFECT LITTLE KNEES.

AHH, THANK YOU, JUJU!
YOU'RE WELCOME, GIGI!

[ SMOOCHES ]

[ GIGGLING ]

ARE YOU SITTING HERE?
YEAH.

UM, EXCUSE...

UH, YOU GOT TO SIT DOWN
SO I CAN GET BY.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO PULL
MY CHAIR OUT FOR ME, MICHAEL.

WHAT,
YOUR ARMS IS BROKEN?

FORGET IT.
I WILL DO IT MYSELF.

UH, UH,
THIS IS, UH...

OHH!

THERE WE GO.

AHH!

OOH!
STOP!

WHAT? BABY, YOUR BEAUTY IS
SO OVERWHELMING RIGHT NOW,

I JUST NEEDED A FEW MORE SECONDS
TO TAKE IT ALL IN.

OH, JUJU.

GIGI! COME HERE.

[ SMOOCHING ]

STOP!

WHAT? [ GIGGLES ]

YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU CAN'T
AFFORD TO EAT NO MORE BREAD.

WHO'S HAVING DESERT?

I WILL HAVE
THE APPLE PIE,

AND IS ANGEL FOOD CAKE
OKAY FOR MY ANGEL?

[ Giggling ] NOW, THAT WOULD BE
LOVELY, JUJU.

[ TALKING BABY TALK ]

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL ALSO HAVE THE APPLE PIE

WITH A SCOOP
OF VANILLA ICE CREAM

AND A DECAF CAPPUCCINO.

AND BRING THE LADY...

[ GIGGLES ]

YOUR SUPER-LIGHT, NO-FAT,
NO-CARB, GREEN-JELLO SUBSTITUTE

WITH A SCOOP OF NON-DAIRY,
LOW-CAL,

SUGARLESS-SOY
WHIPPED TOPPING,

AND PUT A CHERRY ON TOP...

NAH, QUARTER OF A CHERRY,
JUST FOR FLAVOR.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT WAS REAL SUBTLE.

YOU'RE CALLING ME "FAT."

I'M NOT CALLING YOU FAT.

YES, YOU ARE,
RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE WAITER.

NO, I'M JUST SAYING, BABY,
YOU'VE BEEN WORKING OUT SO HARD,

AND YOU LOOK GREAT
IN THAT DRESS,

AND WE ALL KNOW THAT
YOU'RE JUST A JELLY BEAN AWAY.

FROM WHAT?

FROM LOUIS ARMSTRONG.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT,
WAITER?

I WILL HAVE
A WHOLE APPLE PIE

WITH A CARTON OF
VANILLA ICE CREAM AND COOKIES.

I WANT EVERY COOKIE
YOU'VE GOT BACK THERE.

I WANT CHOCOLATE CHIP.
I WANT MACAROON.

I WANT ALL OF THEM.

[ Imitating Louis Armstrong ]
♪ HELLO, BABY ♪

SHUT UP!

MOM, YOU MUST REALLY HAVE
A SWEET TOOTH.

I DON'T HAVE A SWEET TOOTH.
IT'S JUST IN THE LAST 20 YEARS,

I'VE BEEN WATCHING WHAT I EAT
SO I COULD LOOK GOOD FOR DADDY,

BUT I REALIZED SOMETHING.

DADDY AIN'T LOOKING
AT MOMMY.

HE NOT?

WHAT'S THE POINT?

I DON'T KNOW!

LOOK, JAY,
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT YOU
ALL DAY, EVERY DAY,

FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS
OF MY LIFE.

I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME?
TURN AROUND.

NO, DON'T LOOK AT ME.
WE'RE PLAYING A LITTLE GAME.

OKAY, LET'S PLAY
YOUR LITTLE GAME.

GO AHEAD.

WHICH ONE OF MY BREASTS
ARE BIGGER THAN THE OTHER?

THAT'S EASY.

IT'S THE ONE
WITH THE HAIR ON IT.

YEAH.

BOINK.

[ DOOR BELL RING ]

I'LL GET IT.

HI, FRANKLIN.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

WHAT'S WRONG?

I'M STEAMED.
I'M TICKED OFF.

I'M ABSOLUTELY PEEVED.

WHAT HAPPENED,
FRANKLIN?

WHAT HAPPENED?!
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.

I WENT TO THAT
AMUSEMENT PARK TODAY,

YOU KNOW, "FUN" TOWN.

YEAH?

I STOOD IN LINE
FOR OVER AN HOUR

TO GET ON THE WHITE KNUCKLER
ROLLER COASTER.

THAT'S THE SCARIEST RIDE
IN THE WHOLE PARK.

I'VE BEEN ON IT 10 TIMES.
IT'S THE COOLEST.

WELL, WHIP-I-DIP-I-DO
FOR YOU.

ANYWAY, AS I GOT
TO THE HEAD OF THE LINE,

THEY TOLD ME THAT I WAS
TOO SHORT TO RIDE IT!

WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

[ LAUGHS ]

DO I LOOK LIKE
I'M KIDDING?

SORRY.

AS I WAS SAYING, I WAS FORCED
TO STEP OUT OF LINE,

AND I WAS NOT PERMITTED
TO RIDE A ROLLER COASTER

THAT I DESIGNED!

THAT'S TOO BAD, FRANKLIN.

THEY SHOULD HAVE
AN I.Q. REQUIREMENT

INSTEAD OF
A HEIGHT REQUIREMENT.

THEN I WOULD BE ABLE TO RIDE
THE DARN THING ALL BY MYSELF.

DON'T WORRY, FRANKLIN.
I STILL THINK YOU'RE CUTE.

STOP THAT.

WHAT?

PATTING ME ON THE HEAD.

WHY?

IT'S A BIT DEGRADING.

I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'VE NOTICED,

BUT YOU'RE GETTING
A LOT TALLER THAN ME.

REALLY?

STAND BACK TO BACK.

WELL, MAYBE SHE'S JUST GETTING
A LITTLE TALLER THAN YOU.

ARE YOU BLIND, WOMAN?!

COMPARED TO ME,
SHE'S AN AMAZON,

AND I'M JUST
A LITTLE PYGMY!

SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE
ABOUT THIS.

[ DOOR SLAMS CLOSED ]

POOR FRANKLIN.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME
WITH THIS DANG GATE?!

JAY, COME ON.

ALL THIS SILENCE,
ALL THIS DRAMA

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW

WHICH ONE OF YOUR BREASTS
IS SMALLER THAN THE OTHER?

THAT'S A TRICK QUESTION.

THEY'RE BOTH ITTY-BITTY,
LITTLE...

[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

WHAT?

YOU SAID
THEY HAD HAIR ON THEM.

NO. I SAID
ONE OF THEM HAD HAIR.

BOINK! THAT ONE.
BOINK!

WELL, JUNIOR AND VANESSA
DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW ALL THAT,

AND THAT'S ONLY PART OF WHY
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU.

IT IS MOSTLY BECAUSE
OF YOUR COMPLETE INSENSITIVITY

TOWARDS MY FEELINGS.

OH, BOY, THE FEELINGS.

WE GOT TO DEAL
WITH THE FEELINGS.

DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE
JUNIOR AND HIS WIFE TONIGHT?

YEAH, WE JUST HAD DINNER
WITH THEM.

NO, MICHAEL,
HE STOOD WHEN SHE STOOD.

HE PULLED OUT HER CHAIR.

HE CARRIED HER
OVER A THRESHOLD, MICHAEL.

I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT
TO THROW MY BACK OUT AGAIN.

LOOK, JUNIOR HAS TO DO
ALL THAT STUFF.

HE AND VANESSA'S RELATIONSHIP
STILL HAS THAT NEW-CAR SMELL.

WE'RE PAST ALL THAT, JAY.

NOT AT ALL, NUH-UNH.

NO?
NUH-UNH!

WE'RE NOT PAST ALL THAT.

YOU'RE PAST ALL THAT,
MICHAEL,

AND THAT IS THE PROBLEM
RIGHT THERE.

I GOT TO BEG YOU
TO DO ANYTHING

THAT'S NOT RELATED
TO A SPORTING EVENT.

OH, IS THIS WHAT
THIS IS ALL ABOUT?

THAT'S RIGHT!

BECAUSE I WANTED TO WATCH THE
HIGHLIGHTS ON "SportsCenter"?

AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING.

I PUT HIGHLIGHTS
IN MY HAIR LAST WEEK,

AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!

WELL, THEY WEREN'T
GREAT HIGHLIGHTS.

THEY WOULD HAVE MADE
"SportsCenter."

[ LAUGHS ]

[ COUGHING ]

SOMETHING GOT CAUGHT
IN MY THROAT.

MAYBE IT WAS A HAIR.

FOR YOU.

WHO DIED?

THE OLD, INSENSITIVE
MICHAEL KYLE

THAT TOOK HIS WIFE
FOR GRANTED.

THESE ARE NICE FLOWERS.

NICE TRY.
IT WON'T WORK.

BUT, BABY, LISTEN, HONEY,

I'VE BEEN THINKING, OKAY,

ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID
LAST NIGHT.

WAIT!
WHAT?

I WANT TO GET THAT
FOR YOU.

OH...
THANK YOU.

OKAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, I WAS
THINKING ABOUT LAST NIGHT...

HO!
WHOA! STOP!

HERE, LET ME SCOOT THAT IN
FOR YOU.

OKAY, CAN YOU NOT
SCREAM?

OKAY, I'M SORRY.

LOOK, LIKE I WAS SAYING,
OKAY?

I WAS WAS WRONG,
YOU WERE RIGHT, AND WE...

BABY, ARE YOU OKAY?

WHAT HAPPENED?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YOU PASSED OUT.

MICHAEL?
HUH?

I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU SAY
I WAS RIGHT.

YEAH, I DID SAY THAT.
WAIT, WAIT, WHOA, WHOA.

LISTEN, LISTEN.

I FEEL LIKE I WAS TAKING YOU
FOR GRANTED,

AND I'M DOING IT AGAIN.

I MEAN,
LISTEN TO ME BABBLE.

I'M JUST TALKING ON AND ON
ABOUT ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME.

I WANT TO KNOW
ABOUT YOU, JAY.

YOU DO? YES, I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT YOUR DAY WAS LIKE...

EVERY SINGLE LITTLE DETAIL...

AND, PLEASE, JUST TALK
AS LONG AS YOU'D LIKE.

REALLY?

YES, I'M ALL EARS.

OH, OKAY, WELL, YOU KNOW,
THE DAY STARTED...

WAIT!
WHOA!

HOLD ON.

I DON'T WANT ANYONE
TO INTERRUPT US.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

OKAY, I'M BACK.
OKAY, OKAY.

NOW WE'RE...

READY.

OKAY, FOR BREAKFAST
I HAD SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS,

AND THEN I WENT TO...

WAIT.

BREAKFAST...
BABY, YOU'RE GLOSSING OVER

ALL THESE WONDERFUL,
DELICIOUS,

LITTLE JAY KYLE
SIGNATURE MOMENTS.

I AM?
YEAH.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU OPENED
THOSE BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BROWN EYES?

WHICH ONE OF THOSE
LOVELY HANDS

DID YOU USE TO PULL
THE COVERS BACK FIRST?

STOP.
[ LAUGHS ]

AND WHICH ONE OF THOSE
DELICATE SIZE 9 1/2 FEET

DID THAT FORTUNATE FLOOR
TOUCH FIRST?

OKAY, UM, WELL...

THIS MORNING
I OPENED MY EYES,

AND THEN THINGS WERE
A LITTLE BLURRY AT FIRST.

NO!
YES.

BUT IT CLEARED UP...

'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED
TO RAY CHARLES.

NO, NO, NO.
THE LIQUID...

NO, BUT IT CLEARED UP
QUITE QUICKLY.

Whew! OH, I GOT NERVOUS
FOR A MINUTE.

EVERYTHING'S FINE.
SO...

SO WHAT DID YOU
DREAM ABOUT?

OH, PONIES.

[ High-pitched voice ]
PONIES... OH, PONIES.

I LOVE PONIES!

YOU DO?
YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

AFTER YOU'RE FINISHED
TELLING ME

YOUR WONDERFUL STORY
ABOUT YOUR WONDERFUL DAY...

YEAH?

...CAN WE PLEASE GO TAKE
A PONY RIDE TOGETHER?

[ GASPS ]
MICHAEL...

[ IMITATING GALLOPING ]

MICHAEL!
ARE YOU... NO!

FOR REAL?

ARE YOU BEING FOR REAL?

NO, I'M BEING FOR JAY.

OH, BABY,
THAT IS SO SWEET.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

[ CHOKING ]

WHAT AM I UP TO?

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

[ Voice breaking ]
YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SO HURT
THAT YOU THINK

THAT MY MOTIVES
ARE ANYTHING LESS THAN PURE.

AND IT JUST REALLY PAINS ME
IN MY HEART

THAT I'VE ALLOWED SO MUCH
MISTRUST INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP.

OH, MICHAEL, MICHAEL,
I AM SO SORRY.

[ Sobbing ] I HAVE SO MUCH WORK
TO DO TO BRING YOUR TRUST BACK.

OH, BABY.
IT'S OKAY, CALM DOWN.

IT HURTS RIGHT HERE.

I'M SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT, JAY?

WHAT?

IT'S THE RIGHT BREAST
THAT'S THE BIG ONE. [ GASPS ]

AND THE LEFT CHEEK.

YOU NOTICED.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

Kady: I'LL GET IT.

HEY...

BABY.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU,
FRANKLIN?

NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

YES. FOR ONE THING,
YOU LOOK LIKE A PORCUPINE.

WHY IS YOUR HAIR STICKING
STRAIGHT UP LIKE THAT?

IT'S TO ENHANCE
THE ILLUSION OF HEIGHT.

IT'S CALLED
THE "FERNAN DO."

MIND IF I COME IN?

SURE.

WOW, LOOK AT THOSE SHOES.

[ LAUGHS ]
WHAT?

THERE'S NOTHING UNUSUAL
ABOUT THESE SHOES.

FRANKLIN, LOOK AT THEM.
THEY'RE GIGANTIC.

OH, YOU MEAN THESE SHOES?
OF COURSE.

THEY'RE CALLED
"HEIGHTY DOs."

I DIDN'T THINK
YOU'D NOTICE.

HOW COULD I NOT NOTICE?

YOU LOOK LIKE
HERMAN MUNSTER.

MAYBE I SHOULD TRY
WEARING LONGER PANTS?

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE
YOUR HEAD EXAMINED?

I DON'T NEED A SHRINK, KADY.
I NEED TO GROW.

YEAH, AND WHEN IT'S TIME
FOR YOU TO GROW, YOU WILL.

WEARING BIG SHOES
ISN'T GONNA CHANGE ANYTHING.

ON THE CONTRARY, MY LOVE.

RIGHT NOW,
I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU...

I'M FEELING PRETTY POWERFUL.

OH, REALLY?

[ SOBBING ]

[ Crying ]
OH, BYE, PENELOPE.

[ SNIFFLES ]

THAT WAS SO GOOD.

DID YOU ENJOY IT, NUPPY, HUH?
CHI-CHI-CHI-CHI, HUH?

I LIKED WHAT I COULD HEAR,
MICHAEL.

I MISSED THE LAST 20 MINUTES
'CAUSE YOU WERE CRYING SO HARD.

THAT'S BECAUSE WE ARE WATCHING
THE WIFETIME NETWORK.

THAT'S WHAT THAT'S
ALL ABOUT.

WHEN PENELOPE FOUND OUT
THAT SHE WAS TRAPPED

[Voice breaking] IN A LOVELESS
MARRIAGE WITH A MAN

WHO DIDN'T APPRECIATE HER AND
TO STAY IN THERE FOR THE KIDS,

THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.
[ GROWLS ]

WAIT!
WHAT?

HERE, LET ME PROP THAT UP
FOR YOU.

IT'S FINE. THANK YOU.

FINE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH
FOR MY JAY.

IT HAS TO BE PERFECT.
THERE.

CAN I MASSAGE YOUR FEET?

NO.
COME ON, LET ME...

NO! THEY'RE SORE
FROM THE LAST FIVE MASSAGES.

LEAVE THEM ALONE!

OKAY, THEN LET ME BITE
THE TOENAILS OFF.

NO! MICHAEL, STOP!
COME ON.

LEAVE MY TOES ALONE!

THEN THERE'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU.

NO, THERE'S NOTHING.

HOW ABOUT SOME COFFEE?
NO.

NO? HOW ABOUT ANGEL FOOD CAKE
FOR THE ANGEL?

NO, MICHAEL.
YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME?

YEAH, YEAH.
WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

GO FAR AWAY
AND GET ME SOME WATER.

WATER... COMING UP.
YOU WANT IT ICED? YES.

SHAVED, CUBED?
CUBED?

YEAH?
A LITTLE LEMON IN IT?

JUST GO GET THE WATER.

OKAY, OKAY.

HEY, I LOVE YOU.

YEAH.

I MEAN IT. YEAH, ME
TOO, ME TOO. YEAH, YEAH.

PSST!

MISSING YOU ALREADY.

GO GET THE DAMN...
GO GET THE DAMN WATER.

WAIT!
WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
OUT HERE?

WHY DON'T YOU COME INSIDE?

ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NO
HEIGHT REQUIREMENT?

ENOUGH WITH THE HEIGHT STUFF,
FRANKLIN.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP
BELITTLING YOURSELF.

IS THAT A JOKE?
NO.

YOU'RE MAKING YOURSELF CRAZY,
AND THAT'S MAKING ME CRAZY.

BUT LOOK AT YOU, MY LOVE.

YOU'RE BECOMING
A TALL, WILLOWY GODDESS,

AND I'M JUST A HOBBIT.

BUT IN THE MOVIE, FRANKLIN,
THE HOBBIT SAVED THE WORLD.

COME ON, KADY,
IT WASN'T A HOBBIT

WHO ENDED UP
WITH LIV TYLER.

FRANKLIN, YOU'RE ONLY
8 YEARS OLD.

I PROMISE YOU,
YOU'RE GONNA GROW.

WHEN AND HOW MUCH?

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

THERE'S NO HEIGHT REQUIREMENT
IN MY HEART.

IS THAT TRUE?

YES.

I LIKE YOU BECAUSE
OF YOUR EARNING POTENTIAL.

KADY KYLE,
YOU'RE THE GREATEST.

WAIT...

...NOW.

HEY, CLAIRE.

HEY, MOM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, I'M READING
THE DICTIONARY.

I DECIDED I'M GONNA LEARN
AND APPLY A NEW WORD EVERY DAY.

THAT'S GREAT, CLAIRE!

[ GROANS ] LOOK AT THIS.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S MY FAVORITE LUNCH WITH
A ROSE AND A NOTE THAT SAYS,

"ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS
ARE BLUE, HERE IS YOUR LUNCH,

I MADE IT FOR YOU.
LOVE, MIKEY."

OH, ISN'T THAT SWEET?

NO, THAT IS NOT SWEET,
CLAIRE.

IT STARTED OFF SWEET, BUT NOW
IT IS JUST PLAIN OLD ANNOYING.

OKAY, I'M LOST.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED HIM
TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO YOU.

I DID, BUT YOUR FATHER
AND HIS EVIL LITTLE BRAIN

HAS PERVERTED IT
INTO TORTURE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING,
HE WAS PAINTING MY TOENAILS.

CLAIRE, I ASKED FOR
A LITTLE BIT OF ATTENTION,

AND HE GOES OVERBOARD
TO PUNISH ME.

WOW.

DAD SURE IS HYPOGLYCEMIC.

WHAT?

HYPOGLYCEMIC...
IT'S MY WORD FOR THE DAY.

DOESN'T IT MEAN EVIL?

NO, CLAIRE.

IT... IT MEANS
LOW BLOOD SUGAR.

OH...

NEVER MIND.

BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.

HE IS EVIL,
AND TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME.

HERE YOU GO.

I BROUGHT MY LITTLE NUPPY-NUPPY
CHI-CHI WALLY-WALLY-WALLY

SOME
HOT CHOCOLATEY-LATEY-LATEY.

THANK YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ]
WAIT!

WHAT?
WHAT HAPPENED?

WHERE'S THE MARSHMALLOWS?

I FORGOT THE MARSH...
LET ME RUN DOWNSTAIRS AND...

WAIT! WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED, BABY?

I'M FINISHED READING
THIS PAGE, MICHAEL.

COULD YOU PLEASE
TURN IT FOR ME?

SURE, I CAN TURN IT.
THANK YOU.

WAIT!
WHAT?

DON'T LICK YOUR FINGERS.
THAT'S STICKY AND NASTY.

THEY'RE STICKY AND NASTY.
GONNA WIPE THAT OFF.

MM-HMM.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT THAT?

OOP, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THEY'RE STICKY AND NASTY.

THAT'LL DO.

UH, ANYTHING ELSE?
NO, THANK YOU.

YOU SURE?
YEAH, I'M FINE.

WAIT!
AAH! WHAT?

I GOTTA GO
TO THE BATHROOM.

HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
I CAN'T HELP YOU OUT THERE.

MICHAEL,
DON'T BE SILLY.

LOOK AT THIS.

YOU SEE HOW WRINKLED
THIS TOILET PAPER IS?

I WANT YOU TO GO IRON IT

AND MAKE IT LOOK
JUST LIKE THE HOTEL'S.

YOU'RE ON TO ME, RIGHT?
TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH.

BUT YOU KNOW
YOU HAD IT COMING, RIGHT?

LOOK, BABY, I APOLOGIZE,
BUT I REALLY THOUGHT

THAT IF I SHOWERED YOU
WITH ALL THIS ATTENTION,

THEN YOU WOULDN'T WANT
SO MUCH FROM ME.

YEAH, AND THAT WORKED,
MICHAEL,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO
BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED, EITHER.

I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU ARE
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE,

AND YOU SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE
THAT EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY.

NOW, THAT'S WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU DO SOMETHING NICE
FOR ME...

YEAH? I'LL DO
SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU.

REALLY? I LIKE WHERE THIS
IS HEADING.

YOU TELL
MY LITTLE "FERNAN DO"?

THAT'S RIGHT, SO HOP UP ON
THAT BED AND LET ME SHOW YOU.

HURRY UP.

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

WAIT!

SORRY.

AND IT'S THE BRIGHT BREAST?
THAT'S BIGGER.

THE BRIGHT BREAST?

IT'S SO BIG,
IT'S BRIGHT.

STOP!

WHAT?
[ GIGGLES ]

YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU CAN'T
AFFORD TO EAT NO MORE BREAD.

I'LL ORDER YOU A...
[ LAUGHING ]