My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011–2012): Season 2, Episode 8 - Independence Daze - full transcript

Our young prince
Ho-tep died

at the tender age of 18

but the ancient
Egyptians viewed death

as merely a journey
into another world.

Um, what's with the
ancient supperware?

Oh, you know
the expression,

"You can't take it
with you"?

Yeah.

Yeah,
well, uh, they didn't. Yup.

Anyways, uh,

this gift-wrapped
fellow here was, uh,



arranged to marry
a pharaoh's daughter.

But when he refused because
he wasn't in love with her,

the pharaoh had him executed.

I bet she had one
killer unibrow.

[giggles]

Ah!

According to these
hieroglyphics,

he vowed to never
enter the afterlife

without his true love.

Ew.

It's either that or these
are cleaning instructions.

Can I make a mummy
for extra credit?

Ooh, that wouldn't
be encouraged.

Yes!
That was not a no!



Anyways, guys, that is
the end of the tour.

But, uh, you know, uh,

feel free to stay around
as long as you like.

Or you could leave,
'cause that's okay too.

He actually chose death
over a life without love.

That's so romantic.

It probably got less romantic
when they bottled up his organs.

And if I'm lucky,

one of these jars
will have pancreas.

I used all my Grandma's
ancient pancreas in a potion.

I have to top it up
before she finds out.

Gross.
What was it for?

Oh, Benny.

You look so good
with that beard.

Wizard stuff.

You wouldn't understand.
Cover me!

Okay, but just make it quick.

You guys are
asking for trouble!

I don't want any part of this.

Benny, maybe she's right.

It is stealing.

So?
The museum stole it first.

You think they asked
Raggedy Andy here

to raid his tomb?

Didn't think so.

Trust me,
no one will miss this.

Ah, bingo.

Hurry up.

Ugh.

Ah, it's hideous.

[coughs]

[*]

[inhales loudly]

* She's the girl next door.

* Nice, but not
in a heart that's pure *

* She's the girl next door

* Just for me

* What you get is what you see

* No more maybe
it's may believe *

* She can give you
everything you need *

* She's the girl next door.

* Nice, but not
in a heart that's pure *

* She's the girl next door

* Just for me

[*]

What is the big deal?

We collect weird
stuff all the time.

Yeah, when we're
fighting monsters.

This time
it's more like...

getting groceries.

Come on,
it's nothing like... that.

Okay, so it is.

But it's okay.

Everything worked out fine.

MRRRRRR!

[screaming]

MRRRRRR!
[screaming]

Mrrrr...

[unenthusiastic scream]

[coughs]

'Kay, this is just
getting pathetic.

That last one was
just a pity scream.

What do we do?

Here, mummy-mummy.

This is what you
want, isn't it?

Good mummy.

Go get it.
Yeah.

Problem solved.

Benny, we have to get this
thing back to the museum.

Uh, Sarah could fly
him back in seconds!

Sounds fun!

Or, I could go to class

and let you clean up
your own mess.

What?

There's a monster on the loose
and you're not gonna help us?

Monster?

Mmrruff!

Ooooh, the Mummy's
attacking me.

I'm so scared.
Have fun.

Great.
What do we do now?

I don't know.

Get its pancreas
back to the museum

and let the mummy
follow it back?

Right.
That- that should work...

...actually.

Hey, Ethan.
Hey.

Heard you were having,
uh... mummy issues.

Hang in there.

Okay, for the record,

I would've never let
Benny play organ donor

if I'd have known
the mummy was cursed.

The words "mummy" and
"curse" always go together!

You ever heard
of a mummy parade?

Or mummy rodeo?

That's true.

Though mummy rodeo
does sound pretty fun.

But we've got it
all under control.

Don't worry.

[phone rings]

Benny, what's up?

The mummy is missing!

I've gotta take this call.

What?

Maybe he just-

you know...
limped home.

No, but it also
ate my Grandma's

freaky bio-leftovers!

So, it has a weird diet.
Who cares?

Well, I checked
to see if any of them

could regenerate
a mummy's body...

Could one of them do that?

Try ten!

Dude, we have a fully fleshed-
out Mummy walking around!

Where would it go?

What am I,
the mummy whisperer?

Pardon me,
I came from the museum.

I wanted to return
this to you.

Oh, thanks!

How did you know it was mine?

The gems.

They sparkle like your eyes.

I think I just found him.

Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah, it's him.

How can you tell?

'Cause he's got the mummy
version of a toilet paper tail.

I can't believe
he stole my clothes!

Who does that?

You stole the guy's pancreas!

It's not like he was using it!

Who's the new guy?

Cute.

Oh, I guess,

if you're into older,
charming, handsome guys.

Sarah is.
She's flirting up a storm.

Flirting?

You think?

Wow, guys are so oblivious.

Oh, maybe he's just,
you know,

helping her with
her Egypt homework.

Dude, he's the mummy.

I...
we kinda gave him a makeover.

Really?

Can you make over
another one for me?

I don't see why not.

Guys, we have to warn Sarah.

This guy is clearly
too old for her.

Oh, c'mon.
What's the rush?

She's finally found
a guy that she likes.

If you tell her now,

she'll just pull a "Sarah"
and get all freaked out.

No!
I have to put a stop to this!

For Sarah's safety, guys.

[giggling]
No...

Hey, Sarah.

Who's your friend?

My name is Hottie Ho-tep.

It's Egyptian.

I call him "Hottie" for short.

He's so romantic.

She is the light
of a morning sun

that wakes my heart to life.

Oh, come on!

I mean, over here ...

'cause we need to talk.

Okay, Captain Awkward.
What's up?

Well...

This better not be about
your stupid mummy again!

I guess it can wait.

Pfft!
Guy's alive one day

and already he's getting
more ladies than you.

This is by far the worst
monster we have ever faced.

[suspenseful music]

[loud crashes]

[loud rumbling]

We have been summoned
back to Earth!

Yes.

Our tomb is a lot more
spacious than I recall.

Hottie Ho-tep has escaped!

We must capture him at once!

And punish those
who dared free him.

Me?
I didn't steal the mummy!

I didn't!
It wasn't me, I swear!

Relax, Rory.
It's just a locker search.

We're only doing it

because we were
at the museum today.

That and you have soiled rags
hanging from your locker.

Oh, these?
I brought them from home.

Let's see.

Oh, I have a squirrel...

...a pigeon...

...and a cat!

Meow!
Oops!

This one's not ready yet.

Well, Rory, you get
an A for effort,

but an F for freaking me out.

Yeah, it must get boring
working in a museum all day.

Yes.

But I would gladly cross
the world over again

to be next to you.

Can I see you tonight?

Okay!

Oh, but I might
have to babysit.

Sit?
On a baby?

That's most strange.

But no matter,
if we may do it together.

You and I shall
outshine the stars.

[sighs]

Oh!
Hey, guys.

Hey!
Hottie is so sweet!

We're really hitting it off.

Really?
I didn't notice.

I'm just afraid to
tell him I'm a vampire.

I mean, who wants to date
some freaky undead creature?

You know, I think he'd
be cool with that.

Really?
Yeah.

Thanks, Benny!

[pained groan]

Okay, we need to get Prince
Pyramid back to the museum

before Sarah gets
too attached.

Hmm...

For her sake!

You mean for your sake.

You gonna help me or not?

Okay, okay.

I found this mummifying
slash demummifying spell,

but I have to test it.

For all I know, it could
turn it into someone's mom.

Where are we going to find
another mummy to test it on?

Check it out!

Can I mummy or what?

Hey, Rory.

Careful, you'll hurt him!

'Kay, I'm no veterinarian,

but I'm pretty sure
he can't feel a thing.

Nu-uh!

A mummy's spirit, or "Ka,"
is connected to its body.

Mr. Kitty feels all.

What?
I did my homework.

Watch out...

This kitty's Ka's about
to make a comeback.

Osiris-mortus-resurrecti!

[meows]

Mr. Kitty, you're back!

Now time for repackaging.
[loud meow]

I forgot.
Alive kitties can do that.

Ah!

[door opens]

Hey!

What's he doing here?

Your mom said
I could bring him.

What are you guys doing?

We're chasing Mr. Kitty!

And you know...

...other cool stuff.

Sarah, can I talk
to you for a sec?

I don't think you should be
hanging with Hottie so much.

What?

Are you like my guidance
counsellor or something?

Just trust me.

You never know when his
past will catch up to him.

HA!
We have found you at last!

You may have vowed never to join
the underworld without a bride,

but you may
not join the living.

You sure you got
the right house?

The eternal guards
of the pharaoh.

They have sworn to ensure

that I serve my sentence
for eternity.

Otherwise, what is the
point in executing someone?

It's time for a
new line of work.

Fear not, Sarah.

I shall deal with
these vermin.

The crook of Osiris!

I sensed it might come
in useful in my travels.

A'nen Spi!

Nice moves.

I was totally about
to do all that!

Our victory is short lived.

But the guards
will live again.

I've merely returned
them to their tombs.

But they will not rest
until I've returned home.

Ah!

So, you're the mummy?

We tried to tell you.

You knew about this?

I wanted to tell you,

but I feared my being
an undead creature

might frighten you away.

I see now you have
secrets of your own.

No, don't.

They're beautiful.

[meow]

[purring]

What's wrong?

You allergic or something?

Cats are the guardians
of the afterlife!

This one speaks to me.

Is it naptime?

In a manner of speaking.

My apologies for bringing
this trouble to your house.

I must go.

Wait, Hottie!

Where are you going?

I have angered the Gods
by remaining on Earth.

It is time I departed
this world for the next.

But, we were just getting
to know each other.

Sarah, these...

large children you sit on
may have stolen my pancreas.

But you have stolen my heart.

Might we meet again, so we may
seal our fate in the stars?

Of course.

Here, Mr. Kitty-kitty-kitty!

[meow]

Hey, guys.
Did I miss anything?

Can you believe that guy?

"Seal our fate in the stars."
Really?

I know, right?
Sarah totally ate it up!

Yeah, well...

I bet he stole it
from some corny old...

Egyptian pop song
or something!

Dude, let it go.

Rotting Romeo's going
back to Ragsville

and for once we don't
have to do anything.

Yeah, you're right.

Well, I promise, from now
on he's out of my mind.

Oh, thank goodness!

Ha, I got 'em!

Oh, for goodness' sake!
What?

That "fate in the stars" line!

He did steal it!

I'm so telling Sarah.

Ancient Egypt had pop songs?

Well, not quite.

It's from some ritual.

Uh-oh.

Looks like it means he's
taking Sarah to the underworld!

That club on Main Street?
Lame.

Ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

What did I do?

Ah!

Oh, yeah, that.

What did you do with
all the pancreas?

How am I supposed to
make my special lasagna?

I was just-

wait, lasagna?

Speak!

Okay-okay!

This all started when
I wanted to grow a beard...

And now Sarah's
dating a mummy.

Poor girl.

I dated a mummy once.

One minute they're romancing,

and the next minute

they're dragging you
down to the underworld.

Great kisser, though.

Ew, Grandma!

Anyway, Sarah can't really die,
so she's in the clear.

Dying's not the problem.

He'll offer her
his sacred tea,

and next minute she'll be
sucked down a portal

into the underworld.

Good to know.

Hey, dude.

We have a problem!

You look beautiful.

You're not too bad yourself.

Not a lot of guys can
pull off eyeliner.

It was more fashionable
a few millennia ago.

Speaking of millennia...

I was wondering.

How much further do you see
this relationship going?

Sarah, I just wanted my last
drink on Earth to be with you.

Oh, okay, good.

Then Anubis, the God of Death,

will pull our souls
into the underworld.

Yeah, about that.

I think we're moving
a little too fast.

Make sure we're not disturbed.

Thanks for the lift,
Rory.

I think I'm gonna
be Rory-sick.

Halt!

None may disrupt Hottie Ho-tep's
journey to the underworld!

Especially Sarah's male friend
who cannot take a hint!

What?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

First you're trying
to take him out,

and now you're
chaperoning his date?

What gives?

It is our duty to make sure
he returns to the underworld.

He is doing so.

I'll handle this.

[meow]

Mr. Kitty!

Rory!
Now's not the time!

There you are, Mr. Kitty!
[meow, hiss]

I'm just not ready for
this type of commitment!

And the whole afterworld
thing is a little freaky.

Sarah, you have
nothing to fear.

If your heart is free of sin,
you will get into paradise.

Yeah, this isn't
gonna work out.

Very well.

I have no choice but to
accept your decision.

Oh! Mr. Kitty! Stop it!
[angry meows]

Come on!

You got a spell for this?

Like what?
I dunno, do something!

How about running?
Running is something!

Wait!
What is that?

It is as though two stars have
fallen from the heavens and are-

Well...

...we showed them.

Now it is your turn.

Please.

If you care for me,
you will drink.

Sarah, no!

Seriously, guys?

Sarah, if you drink
that death juice,

it's a one-way ticket
to the underworld!

Hottie, is that true?

My Sarah.

Earthly life is
but a fleeting dream.

A new life awaits.

Save it for the afterlife.

We're done.

I will not let you just
walk away from destiny.

Hottie, you're cute.

But you're not gonna stay
cute if you don't let me go!

Ha!

Time to man up!

Ew, bugs!
Bugs, bugs!

Sarah, we all have to
go eventually.

Anubis-resut!

Why do all hot guys
have to be such jerks?

Headgear!
This yours?

No, don't-

BAAAAAHHH!

Cool, it's like a
voodoo doll in a jar!

Sarah, please!

You're breaking my heart!

I'd say "See you
in the next life,"

but that's not gonna happen.

That was a harsh breakup.

[sigh]

Hey, Rory.
Is that your cat?

Yeah.

He's not as playful
as he used to be.

But I decided it
was for the best

after he kept
clawing my eyes out.

Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

you deserve an
A in that class.

Really?
Thanks!

Let's go catch some
birds, Mr. Cat.

Hey, thanks for helping
with my "boy troubles."

I can't even believe I
almost fell for that guy.

I can't really blame you.

The guy was a
romantic superstar.

So I'm told.

If anyone's the romantic,
it's you.

I guess I have my moments.

As for me, I'm done with
romance for a loooong time.

It's way better
to have friends.

Yeah, yeah,
I couldn't agree more.

See ya.

Guess I don't need this poem

about how your eyes shine
like light sabres.