My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011–2012): Season 2, Episode 7 - Hottie Ho-Tep - full transcript

[owl hooting]
[crickets chirping]

We've been waiting for you.

Watch our numbers grow!

Mole leaders make it so!

Can you stop screaming?

I'm trying to watch
"So You Think You Can Scream."

[screaming]

Ah-ah-ah-ah,
put the donuts down-

and step away
from the box.

I was just going to take one.

Uh-huh.
Or two.



One or two dozen.

I stopped eating Moleos
when I was twelve,

and my teeth still hurt
when I look at 'em.

And you're supposed to
sell the boxes of donuts

before you get your Business
Mole badge, remember?

Sell, not eat.
[horn honks]

Sounds like your ride's here.

Come on.
Let's get your sweater on.

Do I have to go to the Mini
Moles with the Tornado Twins?

They're crazy!

Oh, honey.
Come on.

They're not that bad.

[knocking]
See?

They're even knocking
at the door this time.



Hi guys.

Ah!

Target goof eliminated!

That's my mom!

That's my mom!
That's my mom!

I'm Ethan,
I need a babysitter!

Boys!

Ahhh!

Boys, get back here!

Oh, hey Sam!
How are ya?

Oh, I love your blouse.

[crash]
Dirk!
Put it down!

It's Moleo season again.

All that sugar.

Oh, yeah.
Times two.

And Ross gets back on Sunday,
so I have three days

to find a father-proof
hiding spot for the donuts.

Are you still thinking of
putting them in the wall?

Oh! I put ours in
the bunker out back.

The kids don't
even know about it.

Oh, do you think you
could take ours too?

If they're in the house,
Ross will smell them.

He has a nose for Moleos.

[crash]
Oh!
Sure, but hurry up.

Just before the boys
find your matches.

So are we still on

for the Waltzing Wives
of Whitechapel tomorrow?

Yes! Yeah.
No, oh, darn it.

Our babysitter had
a little breakdown.

Again.

But, you.

You're old enough
to babysit...

No! No!
Oh, no.

DONE!

He'll be fine!

I'll just drop the boys off
when I pick your mom up.

Boys!

Sugar bomb, 12 o'clock!

[screaming]

[clears throat]

You are a lifesaver!

So, you'll let me
babysit her kids?

Well, I thought that maybe
you deserve a second shot.

That's okay;
I'll call Sarah for backup.

Wow.

* She's the girl next door.

* Nice, but not
in a heart that's pure *

* She's the girl next door

* Just for me

* What you get is what you see

* No more maybe
it's may believe *

* She can give you
everything you need *

* She's the girl next door.

* Nice, but not
in a heart that's pure *

* She's the girl next door

* Just for me

[*]

Thanks so much
for coming, Sarah.

Okay, this'll be great.

It'll be fun.

Just call me if
you smell smoke.

Okay.
[doorbell rings]

Okay.

So I have to babysit you

while you babysit
two 9-year-olds?

Seriously?
How bad can they be?

Imagine a giant piranha
that walks on land.

Now give it rabies.

And a brother.

I'd rather babysit
the piranhas.

Ethan, you remember the boys?

They're being so
nice and quiet!

They're up to
something, I know it!

So, let's go, shall we,
before they... you know.

No, I don't know.

Why are we running?

Oooh, kids drawing.

Real scary.

Where should we hide?

I'm keeping this at the ready.

Looks like a mole
made a hole in this.

Only one thing to do.

Time to go.

They're so quiet.

Yeah, too quiet.

I bet they're drawing up
a plan to destroy us.

Devising a sinister trap

that at any second's
gonna suddenly GET US.

Just wait for it...

Wait for it...

Benny!
Ah!

Oh Benny!

Boo-yah!

Hey! Is this for me
barfing down your chimney?

No, no.
I just- wait, you what?

Nothing.

I'm here to help battle
the tornado twins.

Yeah, me too.
Are they here yet?

I don't see
anybody bleeding...

See for yourself.

Hey boys, this is
Benny and Rory.

Hello Benny and Rory.

Whoa.

That is a tornado of weird.

Okay.
Kids speaking in unison.

That's never good.

[knocking]
Ah!

Are we going or what?

I'm starving.

Coming, Erica.

Wait. Going?
Going where?

New safety rule
from the council-

they want us to hunt in pairs.

So I have to watch this
"vegetarian vampire"

pick up her blood salad
from a delivery truck.

Beats watching you
choose your meal:

"He's so stringy.
He's too old.

I hate her outfit."

People with bad
taste taste bad.

What?

More stalk, less talk.

You're supposed
to be my backup.

You can't leave me
alone with them!

What-

are you afraid they're gonna
colour outside the lines?

[snickers]

I won't be long.

And if you need backup,

I'm sure Jane can handle it.

Right, Jane?

You betcha.

What now?

Do I check their
crayons for sharp edges?

Dude, relax.

Can't you see?

They know what
they're up against.

In their eyes,
we're the grown-ups.

Yeah!

Grown-ups!

Let's go play video games!

Yes!
Yes!

[*]

Seriously, what good's
pre-paying for a delivery

if the guy doesn't show up?

What the good of having fangs

if your friend stops
you from BITING people?

That guy was driving, Erica!

It's called "Meals
on Wheels," Sarah.

And he had his window open.

He also had a mullet.

I thought you
were a food snob.

Well, it's not like
we're at a buffet.

There's hardly anyone
on the streets.

Actually, there's
no one on the streets.

[chanting]
Moles all around.

Watch our numbers grow.

Kill the queen,
destroy the hive.

But it's more fun
shooting Rory!

Not for Rory!

Should we check on the kids?

Hey, creep brothers!

If you're okay,
say nothing.

They're fine.

Roads outta Whitechapel
are snarled.

What's going on?

Should we all be in a
state of total panic?

Are our very lives in danger?

Stay tuned and
we'll let you know.

News Eye 5
will keep you alive!

And in more delicious news,

it's Moleo time again!

So it's time to
ditch that diet

and enjoy the
moleriffic taste of...

goodbye.

Who wants a donut?

Guys, stick to the plan!

Conquer the queen,
then release the colony!

Feeling...
Faint.

Rory!
Snacks!

I'm on it!

Guys?

Those boys ain't right.

Uh, uh, uh...

That one painted my face!

Wait, wait, it was that one.

Darn-
which one's the evil one?

Hey, little dude.
What's going on?

Moles in the ground.

Moles all around.

Val Mudrap is coming.

They said who now?

We've got a problem.

Your mom's home.

Your mom was so busy yelling,

she didn't even
notice Sarah gone

or Jane acting weird.

Well, I'll tell
you what's weird:

my vision had
snack food in it.

Dude, I have visions
of food all the time.

Pizza, milk shakes,
pizza-flavoured milk shakes...

And every time
I searched Val Mudrap,

my computer froze on that
picture of a red door.

[indistinct voices]

Why is everyone leaving?

Well, hello, boys.

Classes are cancelled.

All the teaching staff
appear to have left.

Left?
Left where?

No idea.

They just got up and took off.

Not even a word of thank-you

for the donuts I got them
for the staff meeting.

Well, at least
they left me one.

Did you just see that?

Do you know what this means?

Yes! Of course!
Sort of.

Nope.

Just tell me what it means.

It must be the donuts.

They're making all
the adults leave town

and turning the
kids into droneos.

I wonder what it
does to teenagers?

I don't wanna know!

Why did you buy-?

A moment of weakness,
all right?

Speaking of weak, here
comes the hot-mess express.

Ah!

She's so hungry she
can't control her fangs

and I'm so hungry
I can't control her!

What are you geeks gawking at?

You guys hungry?
You want some of my lunch?

[squeaking]
It's fresh.

Ah!
Mr. Lunchy! No!

No, Mr. Lunchy!
Stay!

No rats!
We need real food

and this town is
running on empty.

So? Just fly over to the
next town and get some takeout.

The Vampire Council says
hunting outside of Whitechapel

can cause a turf war.

Can't you just take a
small nibble of a student-

not me, of course.

Teenagers are full of
junk food and hormones.

Do you have any idea what
that can do to your skin?

She's a picky eater.

And my blood-delivery
guy vanished.

Whatever's happening,
un-happen it!

Okay, we need to go home
and come up with a plan.

Wait!

No adults?

I have been dreaming of
this moment my whole life.

We can do anything we want!

Anything!

Yeah!

So this is the moment
you've been waiting for?

Ethan, this pizza is
topped with another pizza.

With no manager to stop him,

they just made it for me!

Mmm-

you can really taste the
gumballs in the middle!

Is that my mom?

Where's she going?

Mom!
Where are you going!

Ethan!
Come back!

Mom!

Ethan.

I dropped my pizza.

I think we found
the troop leader.

Let me handle this.

Okay.

Possessed and
possibly rabid

miniature citizens
of Whitechapel.

I am your new king.

Wow!
Benny?

That's never worked before.

I think we should run.

Run? Why?
They're just little kids.

Okay, now, who wants to play
"make the king a sandwich"?

I think they'd rather
make the king into a sandwich.

Let's go!

Ah.

What do we do?
We can't hit kids!

Owww! I know!
But I want to...

I really want to!
Ah!

Should we cNo! for help?

I don't want anyone witnessing
this kinder beat-down!

Wave to the camera, guys!

You're gonna be
Internet stars!

Sarah! Help!
This is serious!

In a sec!

I'm enjoying you getting
your butts kicked

by ankle-biters.

Ow!
They're biting my ankles!

Okay, this is serious.

Fine.

I think there's a
tooth in my shoe!

The kid had braces.

Hey, they're stronger
than they look, okay?

I could use a Moleo myself.

Maybe I have some left.

[stomach rumbling]
Don't talk about EATING!

Whoa!

Benny, your grandma's
blood substitute...

I know it tastes like shoes,

but does she have any left?

Grandma is long gone.

She has a pack-a-day
habit in Moleo season.

Last time I touched her stuff

she put a shrunken
head in my lunch.

That guy wouldn't shut up.

I mean,
"Okay! Let's go!"

No, wait.

That Alpha brat is
hoarding every kid in town.

Now Jane's home all alone.

We can't fight anyone
when we're this weak.

You get Jane.
We'll get food.

Okay.

Good.
I'm up.

You can let go now.

[thunderous noise]

Jane?

Jane!

Are you okay?

Doors in the floor,
moles by the score,

Val Mudrap for ever more.

That is not okay.

I must go.

Val Mudrap summons us.

Val who?

Jane, just snap out of it.

Holes in the ground,
moles all around.

Watch our numbers grow.

Oh, no, sis, sorry.

You gotta stay put, okay?

[phone rings]

Benny, what's up?

Ethan, get over here.

I think Grandma left something
that might be useful.

Also, the girls are looking
at me like I'm a burrito.

I have to stay and watch Jane.

She's got the donut fever.

Find anything you can about
the moles, or Val Mudrap.

Anything, okay?

Benny!
Whoa!

What do you think
you're doing?

Only Benny can "Benny"!

Says you.

Whoa, looks like grandma
left mid-snack attack.

Yes, but she left us this.

"Sacred Order of the Mole"
by Val Mudrap.

Wow.

Some of these moles
look delicious.

Skim through it.

Look through anything that
can help us figure out

what those moles are up to.

What about this, Benny?

It's red!

Can't you make this into
blood with one of your spells?

That's not how it-

Sure!
Let's give'r a try.

Okay.

Sanguinus ibgaroth
cambos mortalus.

Gimme, gimme!

Ugh!

Whoa.

What?
Nothing!

Is this a clue?

"The mothers and fathers
departed from the village,

the children played
for eternity.

All hailed Muldvaarp,
child-beast, charmer,

keeper of the key
to the underworld."

Looks like a clue to me.

Muldvaarp?
Nice name.

No wonder it
hates its parents.

Whoa!

Clue number two!

I'm on fire!

It's the girl
that beat you up!

I wouldn't say "beat up."

I had a stomach
full of pizza!

There's that name again.
Val Mudrap.

It's an anagram
from Muldvaarp.

It uses the same letters too!

Ethan needs to see this.

Wow!
You guys have-

Beautiful eyes!

Race ya!
Okay!

[door opens]

Whoa,
what happened?

Where's Jane?

Huh?

I turned my back on
her for one second

and the next thing
I know she's gone

and I have this
killer headache.

Dude, she grilled your cheese.

Recognize this
little rug rat?

Her name is Val Mudrap,
AKA Muldvaarp.

She likes taking little kids on
field trips to the underworld.

I found the clue!

It was fun!

"Mini-Mole Club
House Collapses."

One nine-year-old
witness said the building

'got sucked into a
door in the floor.'

Where is this place?

I saw it in my vision!

It was in the
old part of town.

We need to go there.
Fast.

How can you have so much
meat in your freezer

and none of it be human?

Hey.
Cool tails.

Tails?

Come on.
Jane's got a good head start.

Tails?

[*]

We've been waiting for you.

Jane.

Here, guys.
Drink this.

It should give you
a bit of a boost.

I ought to kick your butt
for turning us into freaks.

Yeah, before those
wickedly awesome upgrades,

you guys were totally normal.

Ow!
It's like sandpaper!

Guys!
Quit it!

All hail Muldvaarp!

And now we open the
door to eternal freedom!

Okay, Muldvaarp's the
guardian of the door,

keeper of the key.

We've gotta get the
key away from her

and she can't open that door.

How do you two feel?

Better.
But I don't think I can fight.

Then you get those
kids out of here.

I'm going after my sister.

[clunking sound]

Single file to
eternal freedom!

Get away from my sister!

Where are all my little ones?

They're in better hands now.

Relax, you moleo maniacs!

Erica, stop yelling at them!

Why won't they just nap?

I got this.

Porkoth Zanthrak Porkoth fara-

Oh!

Oh, that stings!

You guys are on your own!

Benny!

Knock it off, Rory!

You're ruining my fun!

Stop it!

Why don't you make me?

Ow!

This!
Is!

So!
PAINFUL!

Jane, come on!

Stop!

Ow!
My everything hurts!

Rory!
Grab Jane!

That's mine!

You're cheating!

I must go through the door.

Muldvaarp is coming.
I can't hold her!

It's all yours,
creep-weasel.

No fair!
No fair!

Ha!
How do you like them donuts?

I don't know what happened,

but I'm glad you
guys saved me.

Don't worry.
You're safe.

Everything's back to normal...

ish.

Can someone finally help me?

I think I need someone

with a vast knowledge
of medical aid.

Ugh.

Vampire down,
needs assistance.

Grandma had no idea how she-

got to that singles
resort in the Dominican.

Mom ended up at Funfunland.

Jane was furious
she went without her.

Well, you two look better.

Thanks to your Grandma
getting rid of those tails,

you escaped an
epic butt kicking.

Hey, what was in that
energy potion you gave us?

It actually worked.

Little of this.
Little of that.

A lot of my blood.

Later.

I drank Benny's blood?

This is awful.

Yeah.
So gross.

No, you don't understand.
I liked it.

Sarah, it was the best.

I can't stop
thinking about it.

It's not your fault.

Everything tastes good
when you're hungry.