My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011–2012): Season 2, Episode 12 - The Date to End All Dates: Part 1 - full transcript

[soft music]

Mmm...
[chuckles]

I can't believe it took
so long for our first date.

Maybe all good things
are worth waiting for.

[laughs]
Wow.

That's such a good line.

To the vampire of my dreams.

There's something I've wanted
to do for a really long time.

Kiss me, Ethan?

[*]

E-thannn!



Hey, buddy!

Wake up!

Ethan! Ethan!

Ow!

[groaning]

What are you doing in here?

I let him in.

Oh, Ethan,
you're so dreamy!

Kiss me!

You ever heard of privacy,
you little rodent?

Mom!
Ethan hit me!

Ah!

Ethan, get up.

The council wants to see you.



They said they
have a job for you.

You can tell the Vampire Council
that they'll have to wait.

Today, I am a man.

Ah, you're usin'
the stove all by yourself?

No.

Today is the day that
I ask Sarah out on a date.

Cool!
Where are we going?

[sigh]

Ow!

Ethan's mom!
Ethan hit me!

* She's the girl next door

* Nice, but not
in a heart that's pure *

* She's the girl next door

* Just for me

* What you get is what you see

* No more maybe
it's may believe *

* She can give you
everything you need *

* She's the girl next door

* Nice, but not
in a heart that's pure *

* She's the girl next door

* Just for me

[*]

Thanks.

So?
Did you have fun last night?

Fun?

Everyone wore sunglasses indoors
and talked about blood types.

I know!
I love vampire clubs.

I just wanted
one normal night.

You know, go to the mall,
see a lame movie,

pig out on popcorn.

Just like we used to.

Sarah...

I was VP of the
historical fiction club.

I don't want that kind
of normal anymore.

Hey Sarah!
Looking good today.

No, she looks good every day.

Is it windy in here,
'cause I just got blown away.

Ugh.

Why am I so much
smoother in my dreams?

You know...

Just for you,

I'll take my hundred bucks
in dollars.

[sighs]

The deal was that I had
a year to ask Sarah out.

I still have five hours left.

Hmm...

The council wants to
meet with you now.

And this time I've been
authorized to use force.

[chuckles]
What force?

These...
[chuckles]

[growling]

And those.

Let's just get this over with.

I'll ask Sarah out later.

Yeah, sure you will.

Oh, and on a completely
unrelated note,

I have pre-ordered
a hundred dollars' worth

of the world's
first self-chewing gum.

Thank you for agreeing
to meet with us.

Most kind.

Yeah, sure.

Anytime...

Someone broke
into the archives

and left one of our
elders like this...

Elder?

He looks more like an intern.

He's 769 years old.

Doesn't look a day over 768.
[chuckles]

He's in some type of trance.

We cannot wake him.

We have no way of knowing
what went on here.

But a seer might.

Look inside of him
and see who did this.

I can't really
look for things.

I kind of just
see what I see.

Look now.

Or I will see
inside of your head.

The old-fashioned way.

Yeah...

Where is it!

Where is the Lucifractor?

He was attacked by a man
in a long cloak.

And he was looking for something
called the Lucifractor.

Someone you know?

Did you see anything else?

Not really.

Thank you for your help.
You're free to go.

And Ethan-

the next time you make me send
my guards to bring you back,

I'll send them out hungry.

Hey, that went well.

[struggling]

I mean,
you appear to be alive.

Yeah.

I've got all day
to ask Sarah out.

Yeah.
This I gotta see.

Get off!

Erica told me you were here.

Did they hurt you?
Oh!

Is everything okay?

Uh, yeah.

Um...

Can I...

Um, can we, uh...

I'd...

I'd like to uh...

ask you...

Uh...

Maybe we could, uh...

[whispering]
He's actually doing it!

I changed my mind -

this is definitely
worth a hundred bucks!

Sarah, would you like to go out
for dinner with me tonight?

What, like a date?

Uh, no, not like that.
I mean -
No! Yes!

I mean...
Yeah, exactly like that.

On a date.

Sure, what the heck.

Could be fun.

See you tonight then?

She said yes!
[laughing]

And I never doubted you ever!

Me neither!

And I'm not lying like Benny!

Yeah!

I can't believe she said...
"Yes."

One hundred dollars.

In nickels.

Best money I ever spent.

What are you doing?

I saw this in the vision I got
from the council librarian.

What did they
say it was?

I didn't tell them about it.

Dude!

You kept a secret
from the council?

How'd you get so
cool all of a sudden?

Look, the wizard who
raided the council library

was looking for something
called the Lucifractor.

Anastasia tried really
hard to not look worried

when I mentioned that.

Must be pretty important

if it scared little
Miss Fang Thang.

Maybe we should figure this out.

Maybe I should just call
Sarah about tonight and-

BOTH: Hey, whoa, whoa!

It took a full year
to get one date - one!

This?

This happens every week.

Go on your date, dude.

We'll totally figure
this thing out.

The two of us make
almost a full Ethan.

Yeah...
What?

Okay.

Yeah, you're right.

So, where are you
taking her?

Well, Erica mentioned a little
restaurant Sarah might like.

Nice.
Time for some tips.

Oh, I don't need any tips.

I don't need any tips...
Coach.

How necessary would
you say that wig is?

Very.

I totally think it brings
out the colour in my eye.

Cut the chatter!

What do you do when
you first sit down?

Act like it's the
only place to be.

"Isn't this awesome?"

[gasp]
Awkward pause alert!

What do you do?

Um, compliment her
eyes or her shoes!

Do you have a map?

Why?

Because I just got
lost in your shoes.

Oh, my!

Here comes the bill, hotshot.

There you are, sir.

What do you do?

Don't make a big deal
about how maybe your soup

wasn't worth
seven dollars?

Lesson time's over!
Get in there!

Get your date on!
Go, go, go, go!

Oh...
Thanks!

You think
he'll blow it?

Yeah, probs.

I mean,
he left you the bill.

I've been staring at this
thing for five minutes and...

Does this look like
a monkey's head to you?

I mean, with one eye?

I think it looks
more like this.

Hey, you're right.
Nice catch.

What is this map?

Oh, that would be
the "oh-no zone."

It's the only part of town
my company won't insure.

Too many weird accidents.

Uh, this one...

House sucked
into the ground.

Um, garage torn apart by trees.

Oh yeah, driveway
turned to lava !

Yeah!

Nothing that gets built in
these spots stays up for long.

It's like the whole area seems
to be filled with bad luck.

Oh.

What's this place
in the centre?

One Darkwood Road?

Oh, Darkwood Hotel -
oldest in town.

You know,
back in the '40s,

a busload of people
checked in.

The next day...

They disappeared.
Checked out.

Checked out?

You mean, like...?

No one knows.

Whatever it was,

their insurance
didn't cover it.

[laughs]

[awkward laughter]

So, Ross, um...

We kids, we love your
insurance stories.

Do you have any pictures
of, like,

flooded basements
and stuff?

Do I?

Yeah, they're upstairs!

I'll go get 'em!

Thank you.

Okay, each place
he mentioned

is a nexus of
supernatural energy.

What about this one?

It's on the drawing,
but not in the map.

Ethan said that
Cloakey Vamp-stomper

was looking for something
called the Lucifractor.

If this is where it is,
we need to get there first.

We're going to
One Darkwood Road.

You won't believe this...

One guy's basement,
right here,

full of... fish!

It's not a "date" date.

It's just two friends
having a-

A date!
And it shouldn't be happening.

You're not
like him anymore.

This isn't a Dusk novel.

And I'm not a
thousand years old.

Yet.

So, relax.

Hey, whoa.

Isn't that the bracelet
Jesse gave you?

Are you sure that's a good
idea to be wearing that?

That's the one nice thing I got
out of that relationship.

And I backhanded him in
the face with it once.

Good times.

Flower equals date...

I thought I was
picking you up.

I thought I was
picking you up.

I was gonna buy you a
pair of Heckbots earrings

but thought you might
like this better.

Thanks.

Shall we?

Hello, Ethan,
it's been a while.

And we need to talk.

Was that a...

Uh... no no,
it was nothing!

Here.

[chuckling]

[beeping]

Dude.

This place is
definitely haunted.

We should go.

Rory.

On the monster scale,
vampire beats ghost.

You're the scariest
thing down here.

I am?
[beeping]

Cool!

Hold on.

Wait, wait, wait...

There's a pile of
supernatural energy here.

Yeah, this is the right place.
[rapid beeping]

Oh, no!

It's been in my
stomach the whole time!

Ahhh!

[sighs]

[beeping]

[rate increases]

Here!
Okay, this is it.

This is it -
Hold this!

[beeping stops]

[creaks]

Aha.

That's how it's done.

Behold the Lucifractor!

We are its new masters!

What does it do?

It obeys our awesome commands!

Cool.
How?

I...
have no idea.

Grandma will figure
that one out.
[growling]

For something so important,

you think it'd have, like,
an alarm or something.

[beeping]
You mean like that?

[growling]

Run!

Morgan -
Reservation for 7 o'clock?

Ah yes.
Right this way.

Nice place!

Enjoy your meal, sir.

Oh, thanks.

And enjoy yours.
Thanks.

Very lean, but healthy.

Oh, turkey napkins.
Nice.

Actually,
I think it's a swan.

Oh.

Thank you my good m -
Erica?!

Aren't you two the most
adorable couple ever?

You work here?

Vampires need money too.

So would you like
to hear our specials?

We have one dessert
so sweet

that goes straight
to your bloodstream.

Um, can we just have a second
with the menus?

Take your time.

You lied to me!

You said I was the
scariest thing here!

Second scariest
is still pretty good.

Third scariest.

Thanks for finding
that for me, boys.

Now, let me have it.

Oh, you'll get it all right.

Run again!
Okay!

[growling]

Um, waitress?

I ordered a Caesar.

Did I tell you that your eyes
really match your shoes?

[laughs]
Wow.

I don't think anyone's ever
said that to me before.

I had a vision of Jesse.

Jesse?

I knew it!

In the park when you
touched my bracelet?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, I should
have said something

but I didn't want it
to get in the way.

I don't even know how
he knew we were dating.

You really think that's it?

Yeah, but enough is enough.

It's time I sent him
a message.

Tonight is about us.

Ethan, listen up.

We need to talk.

You're -
you're here.

Actually here.

This was just supposed
to be a message.

What do you want?

Someone's growing up!

And you're with Sarah.

First date?

Yeah, it is.

And you're interrupting.

Feeling territorial?

Easy, tiger.

This is business.

Someone's looking
for the Lucifractor.

You have to find it.

What's so important about it?

The Lucifractor absorbs
the dark energy

that keeps vampires alive.

Two centuries ago,

a sorcerer almost drove us
out of Whitechapel with it.

I ...

dealt with him
and hid it.

So why don't you just
deal with him again?

Yeah, I was kind of
banished by the council.

"Undesirable element"
they called me.

Can you believe that?

It boggles the mind.

Listen, Sarah's life
is in danger.

The Lucifractor is in
the old Darkwood Hotel.

And be careful.

I left a sort of watchdog
behind to guard it.

It won't care whose
side you're on.

Well?
What is it?

Um, I just need to
make a quick phone all.

[panting]

You're so fast.

You look a little tired.

Want me to carry
that for awhile?

Yes...

Oh!

It's a lot heavier
than I thought.

Maybe you shouldn't
touch this thing.

All right, then.

[phone rings]

Ethan!

Hey, okay, we've found
the Lucifractor, and it-

You found it?

Was there some kind
of guardian thing?

Oh, yeah.
And it-

Never mind!

You have to bring it
to the restaurant now!

Hurry!

Uh, hey, Rory.

You feel well enough to,
like,

fly really fast
while carrying me?

Uh-uh.

Okay, tell me
what's going on.

There's a bit too much
to explain right now,

but we should leave as soon as
Benny and Rory get here, okay?

Benny and Rory
are joining us?

On our date?

I knew it!

I'll get your coat, okay?

Oof!

[hisses]

Please be careful... sir.

This is a vampire restaurant!

What are you talking about?

You chose this place!

Actually, Erica did.

You recommended
a vampire restaurant?

Vampires have restaurants?

Look.

There's two types of
people in this world.

Eaters, and eat-ees.

You both need to know who
you're going on a date with.

Is there a problem
with the meal?

Would you like him seasoned?

I think I'll take him to go,
thanks.

[door opens]

Benny!

Hey, okay,
this is the good news.

Bad news is...

[growling]

That thing sure wants
its chew-toy back.

Why can't we just
give it to him?

Are you nuts?

It's powerful enough now without
giving it a super weapon.

Maybe we can destroy one
powerful thing with another.

Good idea!
Do it now!

I've gotta figure out
how to use it!

Maybe I can buy you some time.

Zakaroth nal...

[screaming]

Is it ready yet?

[loud crackling]

[crowd murmurs]

What is that thing?

I totally almost
tasted that earlier.

So much power.

I could feel it.

If you talk about
what you saw tonight,

the only people who
will believe you

are the ones
who will eat you.

Let's go!

Are you okay?

Here.

[grunting]

You all right?

Yeah.

I think I'll call it a night.

Yeah.
Um, I'll call you?

Yeah?

[sighs]

Well, let's put it
this way, buddy-

she'll never forget
this date.

Oh...

Let's go.

Maybe next time, trooper.

[sighs]

Dude...

You look rough.

Did you have that
zombie cat dream again?

Oh, yeah and worse.

Probably because I slept with
this thing under my pillow.

Hey, let's Lucifrac something.

No, Benny.

This thing's like a magnifying
glass for dark powers.

Exactly!

Imagine what I could do with it

if I was actually good at magic.

We could rule the world.

See?

That's exactly why I'm stuck
babysitting it.

Come on, just for the morning.
No.

I really want to Lucifrac
just... just one thing !

No way!

I'm the one who found it!

Give it back!
Boys!

You know how I feel about
horseplay in the halls.

I am horseplay's
greatest opponent.

This is coming with me.

No! No!

[grunting]

You can't take that!

I'm fairly certain I can.

If you would like
to argue the point,

I'd be happy to hear your
complaints in detention.

No, sir.

At least it's relatively
safe in his office.

What's Vice-Principal Stern
going to do with it?

[chuckles]

[*]