My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011–2012): Season 2, Episode 11 - Halloweird - full transcript

[ominous music]

[electrical crackling]

[hiss]

[motors whirring]

[ominous music]

Where are those guys?

[mouth full]
I don't know

but they're
missing Taco Tuesday.

Not wise.

[crunches]

Oh, I'm sorry.



Would you like a taco?
I must be a gentleman.

Ew, don't talk
with your mouth full.

* She's the girl next door

* Nice, but not
in a heart that's pure *

* She's the girl next door

* Just for me

* What you get is what you see

* No more maybe
it's may believe *

* She can give you
everything you need *

* She's the girl next door

* Nice, but not
in a heart that's pure *

* She's the girl next door

* Just for me

[*]



Okay, here we go.

Don't you think you guys

are getting a little bit
old for milk and cookies?

Maybe.

But you're never too old
for a cookie sandwich!

Mmm.

Just when I think you've found

every way there is
to be disgusting,

you find another one.

Yeah, I know, right?

Grow up, Benny.

Hello?
[door opens]

Oh hi, Evelyn.
Come on in.

What brings you here?

Well, I just wanted to make sure
that Benny isn't making a mess.

Oh!

Do you have any napkins?

Stay put, no problem.
I'll get some.

Grandma!

Well?

What do you have to
say for yourselves?

It's an easy explanation.

Sarah didn't believe in trolls

and Ethan bet me
I couldn't conjure one.

What was I supposed to do?

You didn't conjure a troll.

You conjured a toll.

It cost me five bucks to
get out of my living room.

Ha!
Told ya you couldn't do it!

[sighs]
Here we go.

Oh Benny!

It's okay.
I'll get the dust-thingy.

Just be a sec.

Well, at least
I conjured a toll booth.

Can one of you two do that?
Hm?

No, all I do is fight
everything while you hide.

You hide every time that stupid
robot dentist movie is on.

Hey!

Cyberdontist came to this planet
to fill our cavities with pain!

And at least I'm not
hiding from myself.

What's that supposed to mean?

That you're a vampire who's
afraid to bite people.

What?
He said it, I didn't!

And you're so perfect?

I'm just saying.

Between Benny's misspelt magic

and your smash-happy strategy,

you'd both fail without
my bulletproof genius plans.

STOP!

You three are a team!

It's in the hall closet.

I sense a coming darkness.
[loud thunderclap]

A force so powerful,
so evil,

that none of you stand
a chance against it alone.

Only by working
together can-

You have to
work together!

Yeah.

[sigh]

Did you guys
hear that thunder?

Ew.

Mom!
Milk's gone bad.

Mom?

Dad?

Jane, I made you cereal!

Jane?

[wind howling quietly]

[loud belch]

Ooh!
Okay, that one's on me, boys.

That one's on me.

O-kay, either I'm really
late or I'm really early.

No way...

I thought the school trip to
the Candy Factory was next week!

Hey Rory.

What is that?
Vampire Sasquatch!

Can you believe
they cancelled his show

after just nine seasons?

Yeah.
Anyway, have you seen Sarah?

Yes!
Today?

No.

I want to run for vampire
council party planner,

but I need two other
vamps to sign for me-

in their blood.

Speaking of which...

Ow!
Wait.

As a vampire council member,

what will you do to help
our fangy community?

First, I can start by making
sure your furry friend's head

stays on his body.

But his head's
already on his body.

Oh...

Nice try, Erica,
but he's a vampire.

He'll just regenerate.

Fine.
What will it take?

Hang out with me!

For some reason, Ethan
and Benny aren't around.

What's that, buddy?

I know!
It is strange!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Benny?
Did you do this?

Benny?

Did you read a spell
backwards again?

Did I do this?

This feels like something I did.

I bet that disappearing
spell went wrong,

or everyone turned invisible,

or I made everyone
silent and tiny...

And I'm their overseer.

I'm alone.

[electrical crackling]

SARAH:
Ethan?

Hello?

[crackling static]
Ethan!

Benny, is that you?

I don't know what's going on,
but I'm out of here!

No phone.

No Internet.

No people...

Okay, Ethan,

you're trapped alone in some
sort of pocket dimension.

You need a genius plan.

But maybe not right away.

My favourite class...

Fries!
[sizzling]

Playing hooky, are we?

That's not the Sarah I know.

You look like me.

Yeah, kinda.

Except I'm stronger,
faster, cooler-

I'm the you
that you're too chicken to be.

[hisses]

[feedback]

* They're the Heckbots!

* Their hearts are
made of steel! *

* Their guts are...

Mmmm...

Well, gotta have balance.

Mmm...

Woo!

Number-one principal?

Guess they couldn't fit
the word "worst" in there.

Boom!

Uh, don't you two have class?

Principal Hicks?

Who said that?

Principal Hicks,
you've gotta help me!

I'm trapped
in some sort of-

Hello?
Who is this voice?

Please, leave my head!

What's going on?

Out! Out!
Get out! Stop it!

If there's somebody in his
head, they must be pretty small.

Yeah...

No.

How can principal Hicks hear me?

[gasp]

Mr. G's right.

I am my own worst enemy.

Hi!

What do you want from me?

I want you to stop
running from yourself.

Fine.
I'm done running.

Like I didn't see that coming.

If I did this,
I'm awesome.

[motor whirring]

Cyberdontist?!

[robotic voice]
Brace yourself.

By my calculations,
it is time for a checkup!

I knew this would
happen someday.

But I'm ready.

Technologos Bremnar Gremath!

[chuckles]

Illogical human.

Dentists are immune to magic.

Now open wide!

[screams]

Benny, can you hear me?

No...

Ah!

Benny, you in there?

No...

Ew...

Benny?

Benny, Benny,
can you hear me?

Benny?

Ethan?

Why are you shouting
inside my brain?

What's going on?

You tell me!
Didn't you do this?

Me?
Oh, sure, blame Benny.

Look, we're stuck in
our own universes!

But for some reason,

when I hold your gym
shorts I can talk to you.

You're talking
into my gym shorts?

Ugh,
worst cell phone ever!

Yeah.
Why the gym shorts?

What's so special
about them?

Nothing.

I hate gym!

More than anything!

Whenever I put those
shorts on,

I'm wearing a
cotton-shame blend!

That must be it.

It's an emotional connection.

Hang on, I'm gonna
try something, okay?

[motor whirring]

According to my data,
you know the drill!

[screams]
[drill whirring]

[panting]

Ah!

Oh!
Mr. Scopey!

Benny, remember him?

Of course.

Remember when Principal
Hicks confiscated it,

you screamed,
"Not Mr. Scopey!"

Got it!

Hicks took Sarah's
makeup thing last week.

She got really upset about it.

I guess if you can't
see your reflection,

it's nice to remember
what you look like.

Ethan?

Why can I hear you?

Because he's holding
your makeup thing!

Benny?

Sarah,
where are you?

Where are YOU?

There's no one in
this town-anywhere.

Except for my evil
twin who's hunting me.

At least your problem
is hot!

I'm being chased
by Cyberdontist.

That drill is a lot
scarier up close.

Wait, so you're
both being attacked?

I'm completely alone.

Lucky you.

Look, guys, I've got an idea.

Just meet me in the lounge
as soon as you can, okay?

Okay.

Now there's a guy in a cloak.

Without a face.

[electrical crackling]

Ah!
[explosion]

Okay, guys, I am
so caught up with you now!

Benny, Sarah,
I can see you guys!

Can you see me?

Barely.
Is that my compact?

Yeah, grab onto it!

Benny, grab your shorts.

These ones.

[grunting]

Ah!

Okay, now we're
trapped here together.

Not much of an upgrade.

Guys, we have to move.

I'm being chased by a guy with
no face and a lot of fireballs.

[drill whirring]

You know,
I liked it better

when it was just me
and Dr. Silver Pants.

[electrical noise]

[hiss]

I can't believe it.

My worst nightmare...

a fire juggler...

and a way-cooler
version of Sarah.

Hey!

Guys, at least
we'll be destroyed together.

That's the upside here?

Ah!

I agreed to hang out
with you ....

Not you and your...
dolly.

What's that,
Vampire Sasquatch?

Yeah, Erica is being
a little snooty.

I don't think I'll sign
that council thingy.

[hisses]

You're right, buddy.

Her fangs are too
big for her face.

Who could vote for that?

[whispering]
C'mon Benny.

[motors whirring]

[jiggles doorhandle]

[motors whirring]

[motors getting fainter]

So we're just gonna
stand here and wait?

We're not waiting.

We're hiding.

That's a much better plan.

I should just
go out there and -

And do what?
Get roughed up by yourself?

Hey, you can't
even magic yourself

out of a dentist
appointment!

Guys,
this isn't helping!

Well, why don't you go out there

and touch Hoodie McFirehands
and get a vision?

Spoiler alert:
He'll cook me.

Oh...

[sighs]

Look, we can't defeat them
by ourselves.

We have to come at them
together.

Sarah, how can we stop you?

That's not me.

That's the me
I don't want to be.

Why not?
"Why not?"

Because she doesn't have a
conscience and she eats people!

Okay,
let's start with that!

BENNY:
I ran the most track today.

My blood is pumping
like crazy.

[sniffs]

Ah!
Ow!

Ow!

Our weak human bodies
cannot run any farther.

Mmm.

I could use a lunch break.

Lunch is so served!

[hisses]

Wait.

Where's my lame-o look-alike?

Uh...

I'm too full of delicious
blood to answer.

Yeah, so much blood.

Well.

I guess I could
dine and dash.

[hisses]

That's one down.

Too bad.
Kinda liked her boots.

[whispers]
For the record,

she had a much
hotter look.

Benny!

What?
Hey!

I think I do pretty well for
someone who can't use a mirror.

Point taken.

SARAH:
Magic doesn't work on dentists?

BENNY:
He's not just a dentist,
he's a computer.

And computers are
all about logic

so maybe that's
where we hit him.

I'd rather hit him with
a train, but that's okay.

[motors whirring]

This is animal
cruelty to you, right?

[robotic growling]

Hey cyber-dork!

Why do we park in a driveway
and drive in a parkway?

I- I- I-

Your mission is not to
accept this mission!

Do you accept?

Logic paradox detected.

Must reroute logic canal.

It's working!

Why do you have to put coffee
inside a coffee maker?

Doesn't it make
the coffee?

...circuit...
Benny, come on!

Once, I ate
a whole half a pizza!

The whole half!

[whirring and beeping]

Nurse, cancel my appointments.

[whirring]

Yes!
It worked!

I knew he couldn't
handle logic paradoxes.

Actually I just
found his off-switch.

It was here the whole time.

Well, one left.
Let's go.

Guys, guys, guys!
I have an idea.

I wonder if we can play
video games on this thing?

[chuckles]

Never mind.

So, Sarah and I were chased by
things we're already afraid of.

So who's the pyro
in the bathrobe?

I don't recognize him from
any of my top ten nightmares.

So, if you don't
know what he is,

then how do we stop him?

Wait, maybe we don't have to!

If I pulled you guys
into this world-

then maybe somebody in the real
world could pull us back there!

Maybe? Yes?
I don't know?

We need to find an
emotionally-charged object.

Maybe Erica has
something in her locker.

Please.

Half the stuff in Erica's
locker isn't even hers.

Guys.
I know where we need to go.

Whew.

Good thing I know
Rory's combination.

Yeah, me too.

Oh.

[sigh]
I'll be honest.

I thought there'd be more toys.

Okay.

A-ha!

Hello little buddy.

Must be kinda lonely.

Not for long.

Rory?
Rory are you in there?

What's that,
Vampire Sasquatch?

You sound like Ethan.

That's it!
You two are getting a timeout.

Just gimme that.

This is Ethan!

We're trapped in an
alternate dimension!

Whoa.

Rory, I think I've been hanging
out with you for way too long.

[electrical crackling]

Uh! Ah!

We're being chased
by a walking flame thrower.

You have to
get us out of here!

Only if Sarah signs
my council application.

Wasn't that due,
like, a month ago?

What?

I have been hanging out with
Rory and his doll all day

for nothing?

ETHAN: Just meet us
in front of the school

right now!

Whoa!
I dig the ghost look!

But you guys are the ghosts!

Guys, we're all ghosts!

Just grab Vampire Sasquatch!

I already got him!

The ghost one, genius!

Hold on!

A little help here?
Yup!

[grunting]

Come on, pull!

[electrical crackling]

Ahh!

[panting]

TA DA!

And he was all
drilly-drilly

and I didn't cry once!

Not once!

But we worked together.

And we got out alive!

But I guess you
already knew that part.

Well, I'm glad you
learned your lesson.

Even if it took flinging you
into three private dimensions.

ALL:
What?!

Oh, relax.

You were never
in any real danger.

Tell that to the crazy
robots and the Evil Sarahs!

Dial it down, Grandma!

Cowboy up, Benny.

Those are your fears.

You needed a reason
to work together.

So who was that faceless
guy in the hoodie

throwing fireballs at me?

What?

You were supposed
to be alone.

Your fear is losing
those closest to you.

Well, yeah,
that used to be my fear.

Now it's
fireball-throwing guy.

There shouldn't have been
anyone there with you.

This has something to do
with the darkness I feel.

Trouble is coming.

Any of those cookies left?

'Cause if I don't
get some cookies,

then we're gonna
have some trouble.

[ominous music]