My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011–2012): Season 1, Episode 9 - Blue Moon - full transcript

- I'm not gonna do it, Benny.
- Come on. I'm trying to help.

I don't need help.

Lack, I have my lucky sacks, a clean shirt,
and a fresh battle of cologne.

Dude, you have absolutely no game.

Tsk. And you do?

No, but my dad
is currently on the dating scene...

which means
that I have unrestricted access to this:

- Be A Man Magazine.
- Fine.

Now I'll pretend to be Sarah.

- This is stupid.
- Just do it.

Okay.



- Hey, Sarah. What's up?
- Oh, hey, Ethan.

I'm just hanging out, you know,
shopping and stuff.

I was just wandering
if maybe you'd like to go see...

the new Galaxatack movie
with me an Saturday.

You and me? Like on a date? No.

Hey, I thought you were
supposed to be helping me.

I am. What if she says no?
What, are you just gonna give up?

- Mm. Yeah, probably.
- Wrong answer.

Close the deal. Convince me.

Make me feel
like I'm the only girl in the world.

Be a man.

Be my man.

Oh. I'd really like to go an a date with you.

You and I have this connection
that's really special.



I feel like there's some cosmic reason
we were thrown together.

That's beautiful, Ethan.

Plus, you are, like, really pretty.

Oh!

Ha. Uh...

I have hockey tickets tonight.

I thought maybe you and Benny
would wanna come along.

Sc I'll just leave them here.

Dad, this is not what it lacks like.

Yeah, I'm teaching him how to be a man.
Heh-heh.

Okay. Oh, your cage thing arrived
from that Warlock movie that you lave.

It's in the back.

The Cage of Eternity?

Sweet. That thing's a chick magnet.

I can't believe they shipped
your Eternity Cage without the key.

Haw are we gonna play
Warlocks Phantasm?

Benny, keep it dawn.

I'm trying to attract a girl,
not the whole Chess Club.

Okay.

- What is that?
- This'?

Harmonia. It's musk.

Supposed to tap into
a woman's primal nature.

It's definitely manly.

Like wrestling team laundry bag manly.

Okay, here goes.

- I'm just worried she'll laugh in my face.
- She probably will.

Uh... It gives you one less thing
to worry about, right?

Joking?

Mm. Taps into a girl's primal nature, huh?

Lave potion. Blam!

I am about to increase your adds
by 5000 percent.

And mine tan.

All right, tannis rant, cumin...

Excuse me, ladies, do you know
if the biology lab has any sea slugs?

Ew. Ga ask one of your laser friends.

Okay, I don't need the slugs.
Just their urine.

Hard to believe this is all you get
from just ten slugs.

Baa-yah. An entire team of chemists
can't do the jab of me.

- Strike out?
- Chickened out.

That was my second guess.
Don't worry.

DJ Benny B's spinning mad spells
all night lung.

- What are you talking about?
- A simple concoction...

of your dad's cologne,
some of our pheromones...

and the pee of a couple of
ticked-off slugs, vailé.

Lave Potion Number Ben.

You can't always resort to... Wait.

How did you get my pheromones?

Hope she's not mad.

Shh. Targets acquired.
Babes are in range.

- Hey, ladies. What do you say'?
- Drop dead, geek'?

- Easy, babe, easy.
- Hey, nothing personal.

- I just don't hang out with darks.
- I just wanted to see if you wanna sample...

this new Dusk Perfume.

It's supposed to make even undead people
smell like flowers...

and other girly stuff.

- Wanna try it?
- Yes.

- Na, thanks. Ugh.
- Oh, please.

- Dust one little spritz.
- Okay.

Hey, there, handsome.

- You're talking to me. In school.
- Mm.

There's other things
I'd like to do in school.

Ethan, stop paying attention to Erica.

- You're gonna make your girlfriend jealous.
- Girlfriend'?

You know what I love?
All your striped shirts.

They just scream, "I'm good at calculus."

- He actually is really good at calculus.
- That is so hot.

And your hair is, like, the cutest hair
I've seen an any bay ever.

Does your mom cut it'?

I lave your skinny little arms.

Oh, pan. We have to get to class.

Will you miss me?

And I'm gonna miss you, cuddle bear.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, caps.
Almost forgot. Here you go.

What just happened?

I kissed Erica.

Sarah called me cuddle bear.

I just have one thing to say.

- What's that?
- I am a mega genius. I did it.

I tapped into the lave-centre of their brains,
and new they lave us.

Dude, Erica kissed you.

- Of her awn free will.
- I know.

- Ahh!
- Don't worry, it'll happen to you too soon.

- I've kissed a girl before.
- Cousins don't count.

Dude, I told you I didn't know, okay?

Hi, Benny. Hi, Ethan.

Your shirt lacks so great.

It even smells great, doesn't it, girls?

I get that a lat.

Text me later.

Oh! Bunny Paa-paa-kins.
Sc happy I found you.

I need to ask you something.

- Is it about the potion?
- What potion?

- Nothing.
- I need to know what your favorite color is.

- Um... Green Lantern green.
- Mine tan.

Want meta dress up
as your favorite superhero?

- Na, no, your normal clothes are fine.
- Okay.

You know what Benny's favorite fund is?

Because some girls in my gym class
have a huge crush an him...

- ...and they wanna surprise him.
- Uh...

- I don't know. Peanut Butter Cup pizza?
- Weird.

Do you maybe wanna go out
on Saturday night?

Of course. Ethan, I lave you.

And I finally realize I always have. See?

Okay. Well, I'm off to get us
some matching cardigans.

Shh.

Uh... Excuse me, Miss Fine?

- Can I go to the bathroom?
- Na.

Okay.

Amazing.

Same of you have very eloquent,
well thought-nut papers.

However,
there are exceptions to the rule...

and I would like to talk about
this paper in particular.

- Here you go.
- Oh.

"Hugs and kisses
from the Cheerleading Squad"?

Nice.

Well, here's my gift to you.

Next time,
try reading Pride and Prejudice.

You'd be amazed how much you don't
have to make up, like the part about aliens.

- I may have to assign you a study partner.
- Oh!

- Pick me!
- I'm really smart!

Class dismissed.

- Hey, wait for me.
- Wait up.

I lave you.

Ethan, hey.

- Since when are Benny and Erica-J?
- Ooh. McCutie alert.

- Nat you.
- Hi, Ethan.

We made these ourselves.

Thanks, wow.

Isn't Valentine's Day a few months away?

We didn't wanna be late, you know.

Okay, bye, Ethan. He's so cute.

You guys are an fire today.

Awesome.

- Hella?
- Hey, Benny's grandma?

- This is Benny's friend Rory.
- Hi, Rory. How's it hanging, bra?

Goad. It's hanging good.

I was wondering, do you have
any more of that magic potion left?

- Magic? What magic potion, dear?
- The one you gave the guys...

to make all the girls at school
fall in love with them.

That was the best day ever.
We're like movie stars.

Na, more like rack stars.

Hello, bays.

Grandma.
Sweets for the sweetest grandma ever?

- Take two.
- Drop it, Drake.

Tweedle-dumbest
told me what you did.

I made a love potion and dropped it.
Now all the girls in school love us.

Lave potion?

- The one on page 72'?
- You know it'?

Grandma racked the potion tan.

Is that haw you bagged Grandpa? Tsk-tsk.

Here's the thing, bays.
Nature is all about balance.

Brainiac here upset the balance.

You swung the pendulum all the way
to gnu-gun eyes and giggles.

Sc far, so sweet.

But when the pendulum swings back...

- O h!
- 0w!

That's what I'm talking about.

The more those girls loved you,
the more they're gonna hate you.

New, haw strung was the potion?

Well,
Sarah bought us matching cardigans.

Yup, you're toast.

- Please, don't punish us again, Grandma.
- Oh, you'll get yours.

But came an.

We're used to girls not liking us.

What's the worst that could happen?

I hate you, Benny!

Anyone know where Ethan lives?

Stop.

You're gonna need these.

- Let's do this.
- Good luck.

- Hello... Ooh.
- You Ethan and Benny'?

Yeah.

- You dweebs stole our girlfriends.
- Wait.

Your girlfriends dumped you for us?

The potion really is strung.

We're gonna break every bane
in your bodies.

Grandma, call the police.
I can't find the phone.

I'm gonna snap you in half
like a Popsicle stick.

Wait. I have a proposition.

- Make it fast.
- Okay.

You're really strung.

Here, these are tickets to tonight's game.

If you leave us alone, they are yours.

Sweet. Hey, thanks guys.

Wait, what about your girlfriends?

We can get new girlfriends.
These are platinum seats.

Hasta la vista, dams.

That wasn't so bad.

They're not the ones
you need to worry about.

Have a nice evening.

Hey, I was in the neighborhood.
Thought I might swing by.

Ga, go, go!

What are these girls, like,
ninjas or something?

You don't recognize us from the yearbook?
The Martial Arts Club?

Benny, you patianed martial arts experts.

Came an.

- You liked my shirt.
- That was before.

New I just want to smash your face in.

Is this one of those "teach us a lesson"
things? I mean, we get it.

- Ethan, came an, run for it.
- What?

Don't let that big goof get away.

- Listen. Can we just-f?
- Shut your infuriating little face.

Came an. If you don't struggle,
I promise I'll make it quick.

You know what would be really quick?
If you'd stop trying to kill me.

Whoa!

- Ow!
- Get out here so I can filet you.

You mean so I can strangle him.

- Hey, I hated him first.
- Yeah? Well, I hate him more.

Oh, no, she didn't. You gonna take that?

You'd be really good on the softball team
if you worked out your anger issues.

I'll get aver them once you die.

Strike three, you're out.

Oh, she's got you beat.
You'll never get to kill me now.

Benny, we have to get out of here
right now.

Relax, I'm safe.

Two girls, one guy. Instant cat fight.

Yeah, but new there's two girls
and two guys.

Perfect. One moron for each of us.

Let's get them.

- That's my man you've gut there.
- And the cuter one is mine.

Thank goodness you girls are here.

No one is gonna kill him but me.

- And me.
- What?

- Over our dead bodies.
- Fine.

- We should take this as our opportunity.
- To do what?

Ta run. Ga!

Quick, to the Cage of Eternity.

What are you doing?

How do you expect us
to get all those killer girls in here'?

Who said anything about them?

Wait a minute, you told me
you didn't have the key.

I don't. Once I'm in, I don't plan
an coming out anytime scan.

Came an, hurry up.

There are four girls out there
fighting aver us.

- Yeah, aver who gets to murder us.
- It's still pretty coal.

Benny. Benny, hurry up, get in.

- A rock's not gonna help us right now.
- Nat just any rack.

Emergency holy water.

I stashed these in bath of our backyards.

- You never know.
- Yeah, that's kind of crazy.

And smart. You really... Wait.

- You hear that?
- I don't hear anything.

Exactly. Fighfs aver.

And I have a pretty good idea who wan.
Came an, get in.

We are so dead, we are so dead,
we are so dead.

- Do you think this cage will keep them out'?
- We're gonna find out in any... Whoa!

Come on out, sweetie. I wanna go inside
and make popcorn with you.

- I don't think he can fit in the microwave.
- Oh, I'll make him fit.

- The Eternity Cage is impregnable.
- Yeah, and so is the prop. I hope.

Stop. Don't make us use these.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.
It's just like being in a shark tank.

This is like being in a shark tank.

- How long does Shark Week last?
- Well, they loved us for about six hours.

If your grandma's right,
they're gonna hate us for about five more.

- What do you think we should do?
- Kill them.

You said the spell would've
warn off by now.

It did. New we're just mad at you.

Guys, lack, we are really, really sorry.

Well, you should be.

Because lack what Sped-Ex
just dropped off.

Gan! I get it. You guys wanna punish us.
Totally.

Nat them, lover bays. Me.

Oh, Ethan, you missed a spat.

This is not haw I envisioned
spending my Saturday with Sarah.

Oh, boys, I need someone to
come over here and massage my bunions.

Don't lack at me.

I have to get more lemonade for Erica.

Oh, and this time,
don't skimp an the plasma.

Why is she always so nag, nag, nag?

I heard that.

- Stupid vampire super-hearing.
- I'm waiting.

Coming, Grandma.

- Left or right fact?
- Left.