My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011–2012): Season 1, Episode 4 - Guys and Dolls - full transcript

Ethan...

Talk to me, buddy. You okay?

Yeah, I'm great!

Nothing like starting the day
in some guy's armpit!

Ow, ow, ow! Okay, okay!
We get it, we get it.

You're the alpha male
and we're not.

Just give us wedgies already
so we can go, okay.

All right, listen up, geeks.
From now on, we're best buds. Got it?

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we got it.

Wait. What?

Yeah! Awesome. Best buds forever.
Yeah, totally cool.



Headlocks are like jock hugs.

Awesome. See you around,
Bro 1 and Bro 2!

Yes! Yes!

That...

...was awesome!

Which part? The love tap, or the part
where I could taste his deodorant?

Hmm... Glide Stick.
Extreme glacier ice.

Two thousand... nine.

I mean the part where we're
friends with David Stachowski.

Our street cred just went
through the roof!

Why would a guy like him want
to friend up with us?

Ethan, don't look idiot jock
in the mouth.

In fact,
don't make eye contact at all.

Hey, wanna go out?



I've got the David Stachowski
seal of approval.

- Drop dead.
- See?

She spoke to me. That never
happened pre-headlock!

There's something
about that guy...

You mean other than the fact that
he's huge and popular and awesome?

Is... is that a flea?

- Tell me I don't have fleas.
- That's a flea.

♪ She's the girl next door. ♪

♪ Nice but not in a heart ♪
♪ that's pure. ♪

♪ She's the girl next door. ♪

♪ Just for me. ♪

♪ What you get is ♪
♪ what you see. ♪

♪ No more ♪
♪ "Maybe it's Maybelline" ♪

♪ She can give you everything ♪
♪ you need. ♪

♪ She's the girl next door. ♪

♪ Nice but not in a heart ♪
♪ that's pure. ♪

♪ She's the girl next door. ♪

♪ Just for me. ♪

Come on...

Is that
one of your fledgling powers?

Not a power.
Just a perk.

So, where's
your new jock BFF?

- Ha ha.
- I saw you back with David.

Something's weird.

It's like the lions have started
hanging out with the zebras.

Ah... David.

Hey, pal. Sweet casa.
Me likey.

Who's got two thumbs,

three free candy bars, and is
best buds with Dave Stachowski?

That's right, this guy.

I, uh, see
what you mean.

It gets worse. It's like he's
inserted himself into my life.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Um, who's this?
- Dave Stachowski, I'm Steven's--

- Ethan.
- Ethan's new best bud.

- He's great.
- You play sports?

Yeah, I'm, uh,
team captain.

Really? For what team?

Oh, I don't know.
All of them.

Our champ here is
a hardcore "mathlete".

That's a tough sport,
right Ethan?

We make him
wear a helmet.

So he eats
all your food.

Not enough
to break up a good bromance.

There's more.
The guy howls.

Woo-hoo!
Free candy bar!

A lot of dudes howl.

It's a...
it's a jock animal thing.

I can't be the only one
who's noticed how hairy he is.

Would you get my back, bud?

So he's hairy.
A lot of guys are hairy.

It's a...
hairy guy thing.

Howling plus hair

- plus this town equals--
- Awesome.

- Werewolf.
- Werewolf.

Ethan, not everything is
supernatural. You're obsessed.

Yeah, he's just hanging out with us
'cause he realized how cool we are.

Watch.
I'll prove it.

Ladies.

Dude's a werewolf.

Okay, we prove
that David's a werewolf.

Then we figure out
what he wants.

I've got better things to do
than stalk back shavers.

- Like what?
- Soccer tryouts.

I think
she was serious.

Oh, well, in that case
I'm sure it'll be fine.

I'm sorry!

Forget it, muscles.
I need girls for the team--

- girls with faces. - I think I have
one of those concussion things.

- What do you call those again?
- You might want to try wrestling.

Or ultimate fighting.

Let me guess--

Soccer went the same way
tennis tryouts went,

and volleyball,
and... yearbook?

I'm just trying
to do something!

Something so I can feel, I don't
know, normal? - You don't fit in

with humans anymore,
Sarah.

Why keep fighting it?
Come over to the hot side.

Everybody looks better
with fangs.

- Put those away!
- Hey, I'm David Stachowski,

which you probably know,
since I'm David Stachowski.

I saw you talking to my two
best buds, and since you're buds

- with my buds, that makes me--
- Really annoying?

Oh, and maybe you should shave
your forehead again.

I think you missed a spot.

Hey, I'm Erica!

Why don't you call me? Anytime!

Ethan thinks
he's a werewolf.

- I think he's a loser.
- Now he is someone I could date.

He's so cute
and primal. Rawr.

Oh, yeah, nothing like
curling up with a guy

and running your fingers
through his back hair.

I know, right?

Dude, I've got it. A spell that will
totally prove that David's a werewolf.

A K9 lupus.

One hit, and wham!
Claw and tooth time.

We get it on tape,
throw it on the net,

two million views later,
ka-chow!

Bucks, babes... Benny.

You left out biting
and bodies.

If there's a werewolf in school,
you're gonna get plenty of both.

Do you want to know
if he's a K9 or not?

Better to find out now,
and on camera,

'cause there's a full moon
on Friday.

David may be part animal,
but he's all money.

Hey, guys!

Who's a party animal?
It's me, right?

No, it's David.
Don't worry about it.

Are you having a party?

'Cause my Friday's wide open.
And Saturday.

And Sunday.

Uh, sorry,
Rory.

We're going
to the... um,

garlic and tanning bed
convention.

It'd be so cool
if you came, but...

...you know, you'd burst
into flames. Next time?

Yeah. For sure.
I'll... see you guys later.

- Harsh, dude.
- Had to be done.

If David really is a werewolf,
he'd tear Rory to shreds.

Wolves and vamps are, like,
archenemies.

Kind of like you and girls.

All right,

just one little spell, and
things are about to get furry.

Heads up.
Awkwardness at 12 o'clock.

Gooo team hairy!

David!

Hey, jerk!
Watch his face!!

Benny, do it now!

- Zap him!
- Zap him?

This is magic, not Star Wars.
Totally different geek universe!

Domlath lupus...
gorkanoth.

Ah!

- Benny!
- Sorry, dude.

I got nervous.
Anyway, don't worry.

You're not a wolf.
You'll be fine.

Woo!

Domlath lupus...
gorkanoth!

- Oof!
- Camera.

Camera!
Camera!

- I'm trying!
- Gimme that.

Woo! Woo!

Dude is so not a werewolf!

Enough.

There's only one way
to do this.

Cover me.
I'm going in.

What? Cover you?
What does that even mean?

Whoa.
Hey, Benny. Benny!

Sorry, bud.

I see a ball...
I go for it.

I'm fine.
Nothing a hospital can't fix.

David! David!

Okay, this chick is seriously
crazy. What's her deal?

We may never
figure that one out.

If I were you,
I'd run.

I want a love tackle!

David, I love you!

So, uh,
no on the wolf out,

but I did get great footage
of you getting absolutely owned.

Perfect for YouTube!

- David's definitely a werewolf.
- What?

No, my wolf reveal spell
didn't work. He's fine.

No, trust me.
He's a wolf.

I saw it.
I had a vision.

Then, uh...
you've got a big problem.

Please tell me I'm not going to turn
into some kind of werewolf jock!

No way.
It doesn't work like that.

You'd be a werewolf...
geek.

Benny. Benny.
I think I'm changing.

I chased a car
this morning--17 blocks!

I only lost it
when it went on the freeway.

Would you relax? I checked in
with Professor Google.

You have to be bitten
by a werewolf

when it's a wolf
for the curse to pass on.

You just got scratched by David
when he was in jock form.

Hey, Sarah.

Hey. Your pal David's
a real charmer.

Well, he is
your ancestral enemy.

Or maybe
he's just a jerk.

Little Miss Neck Biter has
trouble believing in werewolves?

Whoa, whoa, Ethan,
what's gotten into you?

Who are the ancestral enemies
now, huh?

What'd you call me?

Whatever.
Don't get your fangs in a twist.

So, um...

...moving on...

That symbol you saw,
I looked it up last night.

And get this.
It's for a reversal cure.

A cure?!

Does it work for other curses,
like... a vampire curse?

Why? Soccer team have a strict
"no blood sucker" policy? - It might...

...work on other curses.

David's probably trying to find
it before the full moon tonight.

We're ditching class.
You are helping me find this cure now.

We... are not done.

Hello,
my hairy soul mate.

Goodbye,
my crazy stalker girl.

Our destinies are
intertwined.

We're doomed to a torrid

forbidden romance
until your pack tears you apart

for violating
their ancient laws.

You got that off the back
of a book, didn't you?

Not "a" book;
"the" book.

Dusk V, if you really want
to know, which you do,

since it's so great,
and you should read it.

You know, I was just on my
way to the bookstore now.

It's like
Romeo and Juliet,

but with pointy teeth
and no tights.

- What are you doing here?
- Checking to see if you're

coming to the big par-tay
tonight.

- What party?
- Ethan and Benny were talking

about David being
a total party animal,

and E's parents are always
on these lame date nights

- on Friday--
- Ah. They're having a party

with David,
and they didn't invite me?

Yeah!
How could they throw a party,

and not invite you?

Hey, honey!

Guess who got two lalast-minute
tickets to "Curling, The Musical"?

Don't worry, buddy. Your new
pal David's already here.

He can help you watch Jane.

- What? - Wow, look at you guys,
all dressed up and places to go.

- Killer timing, champ!
- Aw, yeah!

Okay, so anyway, I
know it's a full moon tonight.

Let's not do anything
too crazy.

- Night, guys.
- Bye.

See ya.

- So, bud, I've got a, uh--
- Dude.

I know that you're a werewolf, and I know
that you're here after some kind of cure.

So you do have the gift.
I knew it!

Or you're the most
obvious werewolf ever.

I didn't need a gift
to see this.

You know there's a pill
for fleas now, right?

All right,
let's cut to the chase.

I became your friend because I'm hoping your
second sight might help me find the cure.

All I saw was a symbol, but I don't
know what it means.

Listen, it's the full moon, man!
You want me to turn into a snarling beast?

Well, I--

You have no idea
how hard it is holding it in.

I want to be me again.

Try not to hurt people...
and rip them apart...

...and crush their...
twig-like limbs.

Just hold that thought, okay?

That's the magic spot!

All right, I checked
with every nerd I know,

and no one can figure out
how to decipher this symbol.

That's like six metric tonnes
of "geekitude", and nothing!

Benny,
I really need this cure!

So I have no choice
but to pull out the big guns.

What, is that, like,
a secret website?

It's totally secret.
Excuse me for a second.

Ethan?

It... looks like
you're in the trunk of a car.

Are you? Are you trapped
in a car trunk again?

Benny, it's happening.

Ethan, we really need to know
what this means.

I don't know.
It's a reversal cure.

Maybe try looking
at it... backwards?

Baharoth?

Great.
That makes so much sense now...

No, no, no.
It totally does.

A baharoth is, like,
a magic circle of stones.

Wait.

I've seen that!
In the park behind your house.

Ethan, whatever you do,
do not tell David.

I need to get there first.

David really wants that cure.

He's not into the whole
werewolf thing.

Yeah, well,
just keep a lid on it.

Thanks, Benny.
You're super awesome.

Any time, Sarah.
Is she gone?

Oh, dude! Harsh!

Thanks! Thanks
for making me feel better!

Oh, wait.

This might actually be
my fault.

That spell I hit you with, what if
that's what's making you wolf out?

Did you say it backwards...

- ...again?!
- Oh, no. I made you a werewolf!

I'll be right there!
Just...

Wow!

Dude is fast!

Now it's a party,

because the party animal's here.

It wasn't a party
before I arrived,

just so we're clear.

Where's that hairy "manimal"
of mine?

Tonight he defies
his werewolf nature

and confesses his true
undying love for me.

- You're weird.
- You're short.

I'm eight.

- He's over there.
- Hey, manimal!

I'm here!

Ohhhh, perfect!

Where's Ethan? Hey!

He's having party
and he didn't tell me?

You dog!

Dog?

Oh, dude.

Oh, not your vintage Galactitac
sheets! You might pee on them!

Benny,
just stay away, okay?

The moon... I'm...

- ...changing!
- Okay, relax.

I did this. I can fix it.
All right?

Corvus trigon...

I'm still hairy!

Okay, dude. Chill.
You're cured.

Trust me.
The hair will fall out.

Now come on.
I gotta get you to the party

and find the real werewolf.

What?
Who's having a party?

You are.
Now let's go find David.

I'm finally going
to be human again!

Hey, Sarah!

Guess who's the party animal
now?

Here's a hint...
It's me!

Oh, yeah!

False alarm.
Just an idiot.

Hey.
Is that the VIP room?

Don't hurt me.
I just want to make you famous.

- And me rich!
- Use him like a chew toy!

I thought we were friends!

Hey, what's happening?

Bad dog!

No!

- What did you do?
- I cured him.

How would you like it if I went
around curing all of your boyfriends?

Ethan?!
Really?!

Eww!

So not looking!

Where's David?

That's David?

Ugh.
That is so lame.

Great.
Just what the internet needs.

A cute animal video...

Hey.

I just...
wanted to say thanks for saving me.

You know, you could have
saved yourself.

I... I didn't know
you care so much.

Don't get too excited.
I thought you were David.

Besides, you were about to eat
your whole nerd squad.

Yo.
Get a load of us.

- Speak of the devil.
- He's teaching me everything

he knows about getting chicks.
It's true,

not every guy can pick up a girl
as beautiful as you.

- Yeah?
- You were ready to give up your cure for me.

Let me thank you properly.

Fetch!

Sorry,
I'm just not a dog person.