My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011–2012): Season 1, Episode 13 - ReVamped - full transcript

Of course, the one time we get free pizza
is when your mom is treating us.

The guy still has two minutes
and 49 seconds.

Pfft! Zero chance in that rust bucket.

- Which reminds me, limo or jet pack?
- What'?

Our ride to
the Fly Off to the Mann dance.

You know my pick, but do you think
the chicks will dig a stretch?

- What chicks?
- Jet pack it is.

Benny, I think I'm out.

What? We've gotta go.

- Party. Possible chicks. Jet packs.
- I don't know.

Ever since we dug up
the Cubile Animus...



and Sarah gut possessed
and trashed the house...

I've kind of felt like laying low.
You can lay low when you're dead.

These are the best years of our lives.

- Really?
- I really hope not.

Add another name to the
Whitechapel's list of missing persons.

Who is it? Stand by.

Missing persons?
Haw about my missing pizza.

I'm calling it in.

Okay, mom. I'll be home by 11.

- Na.
- Eww!

Don't bother.

I'll just grab some fast fund
an the way.

In fact, it just showed up. Bye.

Find your own table, this one's taken.



OMG, you're back.

Attention, students.

Please remember that
the south parking lot is for teachers only.

That pizza place owes us big time.

- Give it up, Benny.
- We were stand up, E.

New I have a gaping
pizza-sized hale right here.

You guys hooked up
for the Fly Off to the Moon dance yet'?

Know any honeys with a hat sister...

or a smoking second cousin?
Pfft! This guy's going stag.

- Gotta keep my options open, you know.
- Loser.

You should ask Sarah.

Wha...? I did the math.

You've got like, a one-in-2173 chance
she'll say yes.

I can't believe you have a date
for the dance.

I thought you were done
with bays from our school.

Who says he's from our school?

Why can't we just go out
and do something fun?

Like those girls.

They told me they were
going to the beach...

far some sun.
That sound like fun to you?

Fine. Forget I mentioned it.

Well, hello, Sarah.

- You ladies going to the dance tomorrow?
- Not with you dorks.

I'm off to the zoo, It's feeding time.

Hey, are pandas still endangered?

Yes.

Bummer.

Sc you two off to some
wild after-school dark-a-than?

Heh. No.
For your information we're...

Yeah. Chess club.

Oh, laser chess. And we gotta go
before all the good lasers are taken.

- So...
- You can come if you want.

Hey, I'm not that desperate.

Besides, I have to study.
Studying for what?

Vampire history?

- Ha, ha.
- I missed so much class, Mr. G. says...

I'll fail the whale semester unless
I pass the makeup test an Monday.

Have fun at your club.

Ah. She's gotta relax.

Count Dracula never had a degree,
and he owned a castle.

Came an, genius.

JESSE'.
Come on, Sarah. Can't you feel it?

Your body knows what it wants.

Hey, Sarah? You okay?

I'm fine. Just studying tan hard.

Relax, you'll get, what,
a million chances at high school?

- Who cares if you flunk this one'?
- I care.

I have things I wanna do in my life.

You know, in case I get cured.

- Sorry, he didn't mean to...
- You know...

Ethan could help you study.

I mean, he's about as big of a geek
as they came.

Even for a freshman.

- Hey.
- Na, he's right.

Maybe you could quiz me?

Sure, it's Friday, so you're coming
to babysit Jane anyways, right?

Thanks.

This stuff must seem like a total waste
of time to a vampire, huh?

I'm a fledgling.

Still. It's like Superman taking midterms.

You're practically immortal.

- Who cares about grades'?
- I do.

I used to have a life before this.
New I have nothing.

Oh, you have me. And Benny.

You guys are gonna grow up,
get a job, get married, have kids.

And I'm gonna be 17 forever.

Well, an the bright side,
maybe you can babysit my kids one day?

Sorry. Nat funny.

Undead is the perfect ward for me.

Nat dead, but not really living.

Okay, next chapter,
heh-heh, plate tectonics.

It's no use.
I can't do this right now.

I'm tan tired and my neck is killing me.

Where?

Do you think your parents would mind
if I left early? I have a ton of work to do.

Na, no, it's coal.

Hey, Sarah?

Never mind.
See you at the dance tomorrow?

Sure.

Hello?

- Erica?
- Heh-heh.

- I'll give you one more guess.
- Jesse.

Du it.

Came an. Finish me off.

Can't do it, can you?

You're torn between two worlds,
You're not one of them, not truly one of us.

- Shut up.
- You're so beautiful and strong...

but so alone.

- We're the same, you and I.
- I'm nothing like you.

Heh. Oh, but you are.

Lack at you.

An immortal studying for her finals.

It's midterms.

You're weak.

Well, you spend months disembodied
underground and see how you feel.

I'm not here to hurt you.
I have a proposal for you.

In a few days,
when I'm strung enough...

I'm leaving.

There's nothing for me here.

Except you.

Jain me.

- We made a great couple.
- Yeah, until you bit me.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

In a few years, even those little darks
will leave you behind.

You'll be stuck in high school
for all time.

- You're a vampire.
- No, I'm not.

Jain me.

We'll travel the world,
immortal and all-powerful.

All it takes is one tiny, little human life.

Will you leave my friends alone?

You have my ward.

You can have three days
to think about it.

And haw will I find you?

Text me.

Until next time, my fair fledgling.

Ow.

- This?
- Where are we going, paintballing?

- How about this?
- You still wear plaid'?

Oh, came an. Ah.

- Haw about this?
- That's it. We're rolling in style.

- We are renting tuxes.
- Let's see...

0w!

The Cubile Animus?

Oh, no. Na, no, no.

- Oh, chill, it'll be awesome.
- Benny.

I haven't racked a tux since
Jeremy Peltzman's bar mitzvah, and...

What is this doing in my closet?

I told you to put it somewhere
no one would find it.

Have you seen your closet?

Benny, I had a vision.

When we dug up the Cubile Animus,
something gut out.

Or somebody. Jesse.

- What? We totally vanquished him.
- Yeah, well, then somehow...

we unvanquished him...

when we dug up the box.

You mean,
he was in the box and we...

Are you sure?

Oh. There's only one way to find out.

Oh, no.

Na, no, no.

- We are so dumb.
- We are so dead. We're gonna die.

Instead of wearing my tux
for the dance it'll beta my funeral.

Which means we should probably buy
instead of rent.

- Okay, we have to find Sarah.
- Oh, great, now we're gonna die twice.

First Sarah will kill us
and then Jesse will.

- Get a grip!
- I'm tan young to die!

- Oh. Uh, Sarah, listen, Jesse's back.
- Jesse's back.

- How'd you know?
- He just proposed to me.

- What?
- Jesse's weak.

We have to take him out new
before he gets his strength back.

We'll go tomorrow night.

- But it's the dance.
- We're coming.

- Right, Benny?
- He's weak?

He can barely walk.

All right, let's smoke
this brake-dawn vampire.

- Again.
- Yeah.

Okay. I'll set the meeting.
You guys get the gear.

Okay, it's Jesse takedawn, 2.0.
This time we know what we're doing.

We'll still have time to dance
into the honeys' hearts.

That's right, we can totally do this.

Goad. Because Jesse wants me
at the school for 9.

- Perfect. We are super psyched.
- Heh.

Came an, fearless vampire hunters.

Okay, what do we gut?

- Holy water ball'?
- Check.

Garlic bombs?
Ugh. Nasty. Check.

- UV flash blaster?
- Oh, classic. Check.

- Unh. Stake-o-matic?
- I don't know which one that is, but check.

Okay. If we're gonna kick Jesse
while he's dawn, we can't go halfway.

Do you think we need one more'?

- You think we need one more.
- Yeah.

Oh. The UV Sun Saber XL. Check.

You don't think Sarah would ever
go back to Jesse, do you?

Nu way. Why?

I had a vision.

She was last in a fag
and then she was aver a body...

with bland an her mouth.

You don't think Sarah
would ever turn, do you?

Dude, she's been fighting it
for this lung.

Heh. Why would she change new?

But you and I, an the other hand...

have to change into these.

It's been a while since the last time
I shopped at Fancy Frank's, huh?

- Let's do this.
- Phew. Yeah.

Time to kick some intergalactic butt.

- Don't you mean vampire butt'?
- Check, 8:15, we jet.

Nine o'clock, eliminate vampire lard.

Nine-thirty, charm the chicks
at the dance. Whoa!

Ah! Lack at you. You lack gorgeous.

Came an in, I'll call the bays. Ethan.

On, m...

Hey. 9W5-

You lack adorable.

- Came an, it's picture time.
- Heh.

Okay, you guys, two, three, cheese.

Oh, came an, you guys...

you completely blocked Sarah.
Gotta take another.

- Gotta go, Mom.
- Uh, okay. Have a good time.

And don't drink tan much
of the red stuff.

- What?
- Punch.

Don't they serve punch
at high school dances any more?

- Bye, Mom.
- Bye. Love you.

Do you really think you
should be drinking so much punch?

The key to fighting vampires
is to hydrate.

Really? Where do you get
all this information?

- Dusk.
- Oh.

There's Della.

Wow. Should I ask her to dance?

Na. Sarah's gonna give us a signal
any second.

- Then it's time to kick some butt.
- Whose butt?

What are you wearing?

We're supposed to dress up.

- You said we're wearing suits.
- Not space suits, Rory.

You're just upset
because you didn't think of it.

Bella's lacking this way.

It's Sarah. Jesse's here.

What? Na. What about Della?

Forget it, man. We gotta go.
Grab the bag.

- Before we go, I gotta go.
- Forget it, there's no time.

Came an, let's go.

Why'd you make me drink
so much punch?

- Hey, Della. You lack out of this world.
- Nice suit.

I was worried you might not show.

- Wouldn't miss it.
- Jesse, come on.

There's a smorgasbord of freshmen
in there.

Sarah.

What are you doing here?

What we need to do.
Do not try and stop us.

Who's us'?

The same us that killed you last time.

Goad. You gut my invitation.

- You knew I would bring them here'?
- Of course.

Hence, you're not the only one
who brought friends.

Tan weak to fight your awn battles, huh?

- Lame.
- Hey, if you wanna raise the stakes, fine.

We can do that.

Erica, what are you doing?

We had a special chat earlier.

- Erica, hold an to her.
- Yes. I'll hold an to her.

Erica is in a trance.
He's not as weak as we thought.

Get him.

You gut something else to say?

I have to use the bathroom.

- Then go.
- I just did.

This wasn't part of your little plan,
was it?

Erica, listen to me. This isn't you.

Jesse has you charmed.
We have to stop him.

Shut up.

I'm your friend.
Lack into my eyes, please.

Ow! Unh!

What the heck? What's going an?

Let him go.

I don't care how cute you are,
no one puts me in a trance.

Why do you even care about this meat?

In 500 years,
you won't remember its name.

Came with me,
and be what you're meant to be.

Get it through your tiny bat brain.

If you hurt one of my friends I make you
regret it, even if it takes a thousand years.

But I will never, never be one of you.

We'll see.

- Ethan.
- Now, either you become one of us...

or he does.

Your choice.

- See you scan.
- Ethan!

No.

- What's she doing?
- Saving him.

Sarah...

Don't worry, honey.
Sarah got the venom out.

Your heart's still beating,
you're gonna be all right.

Yeah, but Sarah isn't.

- Benny, I feel terrible.
- What do you expect'?

You just gut bitten by a vampire.

Vampire.

Sarah gave up whatever chance
she had at life to save me.

She really is worth the 8 bucks an hour
your mom pays her to babysit, huh'?

Benny.
Dust trying to lighten the mead.

There's nothing left for her now.

- He'll be okay, right?
- Yeah.

Ethan's a rack. When we were bath sick
with the pig flu, I was puking for like...

Ah. Well, welcome to Team V, Sarah.

It may not be awesome at first,
but after a few decades or 50...

Ow.

$0...

I guess we'll really be best friends
forever new, huh?

Enough with the girl gab.
Let's hit that after party.

Welcome to the rest of your life,
girlfriend.

When you're ready,
we will be there for you.