Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 3, Episode 2 - Brown and Blue - full transcript

What is the first amendment?

The right to bear arms. I think?

I couldn't tell you.

All men be created equal.

Freedom of life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

No idea.

I've forgotten.

I really don't know.

To be good to each other. I really don't know it.

You shall not kill?

What's the First Amendment?



Freedom of speech.

Free speech.

Freedom of speech.

Freedom of speech.

Freedom of speech.

Will, I don't know exactly when I'll be home,
Will honey. I just got here a half hour ago.

So did you finish writing the
first chapter of your novel yet?

You went out of typing paper!

Oh Will, sweetheart you're a real writer now.

Oh, I miss you too.

Maybe I can come home for lunch again and we can...

Wait a minute.

I hear breathing.

Frank!



You mean I'm not on hold with the Library of Congress?

I'm sorry.

I'll talk to you later.

Hello I'm Murphy Brown you must be my new secretary.

Miss Brown.

I know you've had a lot of trouble with secretaries.

But all that ends today.

I know how hard you work, and you deserve
someone who really knows how to take care of you.

So I prioritize your phone calls,

reorganized your work day,

and I took the liberty of
scheduling a massage for you at five.

Wow, thank you.

You know? I have a very good feeling about this.

If you don't have plans,

maybe I could take you to lunch and we
could get this relationship off to a good start.

There she is.

Hi!

Come on.

Let's go.

Sorry about this.

Last week we found her in a cockpit in Dallas airport.

Waiting for clearance.

Does this means lunch is off?

Good morning everyone.

Great show last night.

You're here. Let's sit down
and start the meeting. Come on.

Sit and start. Sit and start.

Why is it whenever somebody's got a story idea.

Somebody always forgets somebody's manners.

Save it miles. I've got a hot
story we need to move fast.

I want to interview Tony Rocket.

Tony Rocket? The stand-up comic? The king of shock?

And constitutional landmine.
Look at this morning's paper.

Three states passed legislation barring

the sales of his albums.

I'm not sure about this one Murphy.

The guy's pretty offensive.

He bashes the handicapped,
gays, Jews, Asians, blacks, Latinos.

Did I mention Jews?

But most of all women.

I quoted his act once in a New York club.

After five minutes I got up to leave,

three women slapped me on my way out.

You should be used to that by now Frank.

I think we should trust Murphy's judgment.

She knows this man's act, and
she still wants to interview him.

So, she should be able to.

Well, actually I haven't heard his act yet.

I picked up a couple of his concerts

on cassette and I sent out for two of his videotapes.

An old force. Oh dear Lord.

You guys are missing the story here.

The story isn't how offensive the guy might be.

The story is the controversy around him.

Rocket's act is testing the First Amendment.

Maybe Murphy's right. We can't ignore the issue.

And the Aid grants are being pulled,
and there's the whole flag burning debate.

True, once you institute censorship in
one area, soon you find it in all areas.

And before you know it, political pressure
is hounded a perfectly wonderful show

like the Smothers Brothers off the air, only to
be replaced by four seasons of Sony and Cher.

Look, while we're sitting around talking, Diane
Sawyers probably camped out on his doorstep.

I'm not sold yet Murphy, this Rocket guy is a wild man.

He won't be controllable and
we're a live television show.

Miles you once told me the reason
you wanted to run a live news show

is because it's a challenge
every time you're on the air.

Now suddenly you're afraid of a risk.

If you want to make an omelette,
you've got to break some eggs.

I'm not saying no Murphy.

And I'm not saying yes.

I'm saying, let me think about it tonight.

Fine. You do what you have to do.
Me, I'm going to start my research.

Uh, take my advice Murph.

Don't listen to this guy's act on a full stomach.

I'm a big girl Frank. It takes a lot to shock me.

Oh God. Did he just say that?

Oh, how could anybody say that?

What! Doesn't this guy have a mother?

I need to wash out my ears with Janitor in a Drum.

What a pleasant way to spend the morning.

Maybe this afternoon, I'll
just staple my hand repeatedly.

Frank, honey, I'm so sorry I
slapped you, but I do feel better now.

Thanks for being there.

Well that's it.

There's no way I can do this interview.

The only way I could be in
the same studio with that creep.

Is if I were wearing a radiation suit.

Morning people.

Murphy, let me get a good look at you.

No one walk between us.

I don't anyone to block the
gratitude the day she thanks me.

Murphy.

I got you Tony Rocket for this week's show.

- Was that the phone?
- I...
- I'll sharpen a pencil.

What?

I booked Rocket. In fact, he should be on his
way over right now to set up pre interviews with you.

I hate to brag, but I pulled him
right up under the noses of 2020..

Barbara Walters is steamed.

I heard she called me a "Little Pisher".

Miles, how could you do that?

How could you book someone without checking?

I just spent three hours in the
viewing room and I feel assaulted.

Rocket is degrading, dehumanizing, repulsive.

What are you saying?

You don't want to do the interview?

Oh you Harvard guys, can't put anything over on you.

Ah. I see.

Well, uh okay Murphy. Is that how you feel?

Certainly wouldn't want to arm twist you
into doing something you don't want to do.

Good. So then I guess I need to
find a story for this week's show.

Maybe something on the budget talk.

Nooo, we want to force you.

Cause I think it's interesting. I mean...

You're the one who said we
shouldn't hide from controversy.

I seem to remember some
sort of a reference to an egg dish.

Omelette, I think it was.

Yes but, what have we here?

Someone who's no longer acting as a journalist.

Someone who's letting her
personal feelings get in the way.

Oh hey okay okay.

God I hate it when you're...

not wrong.

I guess those tapes caught me off guard.

I'll do the interview.

That's my journalist.

Besides, I have a feeling that
this act of Rockets is exactly that:

an act.

No one could be that offensive in real life.

Hey, it's not like I did
nothing that I'd paid you for it..

Whoa get a look at this place.

Chicks everywhere.

What is it? Affirmative action week.

Hey, why don't you make yourself useful?

Black. Two sugars.

And walk slowly.

So I can enjoy it.

See what I'm talking about? Women.

The worst thing we men ever did to
ourselves was invent the self-cleaning oven.

Hey you, ... you'll love this one.

You know why God invented breasts?

So there'd be some place to hold the beer can.

Hey hey excuse me! Can't just come
in here and talk to the women like that.

You know you hide your brand of
sexist repression behind comedy.

But it's still oppression and I don't like it.

- Thank you Frank
- Well, I've always been sensitive to women's issues.

There's probably a lot of things you don't know
about me. Maybe if we had lunch sometimes.

Mr. Rocket. We spoke on the phone this morning.

Right. Silverstein.

Silverberg.

Like there's a difference!

And look who's here! Murphy Brown.

The chick I'll be baring my... soul too.

You know? When they told me you wanted to
interview me I never figured you was a fan but hey!

The broads go for me.

It's the charisma.

You feel it?

Mr. Rocket. Let's get something
straight right from the top.

We're going to be spending a lot of
time together over the next few days.

Not because I am a fan.

But because I need background information
to conduct a fair and in-depth interview.

That's all.

So let's go into my office and get to work.

Oh, hurt me.

You little Pisher!

...

Maybe you'll drop a couple
of inches off of that big butt.

Everybody! Let's remember that free speech is a
complicated issue and we must be prepared to...

We were talking about your
family, you said you have two sisters.

Can you tell me what kind of
relationship you had with them?

Oh, right. This is the psychological part.

How I became what I am today. What do
you want me to say that I played with dolls?

Okay. I did. I had Bobby do with GI Joe.

And I made Ken watch.

Excuse me Murphy. This will only take a moment.

Mr. Rocket.

I have one thing to say to you, and one thing only.

Ernie Kovacs.

Now that was a funny man.

Bob Newhart on the phone with
Sir Walter Raleigh. Comic genius..

...

That Mr. Rocket, is comedy.

Hilarious guy.

What's that cologne you're wearing?

From aldehyde?

Let's talk about your personal life.

You're single, never been married.

Have you ever had a caring
serious relationship with a woman?

Who do you think you're talking to?

Of course I have.

20 minutes ago in the parking lot.

Okay. That's it. I put up with enough this week.

I did everything I could to prepare for
this interview, but even I have my limits.

I'll see you in the studio tonight.
Meanwhile I have better things to do.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I think I know what the problem is.

You want me.

And it's blowing your concentration.

So look. Why don't we hop over to my hotel room.

We get comfy, and we launched
the Rocket a couple of times.

God! What happened?

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'm sorry.

I'm fine.

Hello Murphy.

How are you feeling?

Fine.

A few bruises on my ankles and I'm still sore
from where Jim thought he was grabbing my elbow.

But other than that, I guess I'm all right.

Murphy I've made a decision.

It wasn't an easy one but,

after the blood sport at Phil's, I
figured something had to be done.

Even though we're only a couple hours before Showtime.

I've decided to pull the Rocket interview.

What? Miles, you can't do
that. I want to do the interview.

No Murphy. I can't run the risk of an on
air incident like the one we just had at Phil's.

Your reputation is more
important than any one single story.

Or the ratings.

Miles, I know I screwed up.

I know how it must have looked.

And I'm gonna be totally honest with you.

I scared myself.

I never lost it like that before.

But if I don't do the interview, it
means more than just losing a story.

Means I walk away from this
having failed as a journalist.

No matter how well I nail the
next interview or the next one.

I'll never know if I had what
it took to handle this one.

I need to prove to myself I can do it Miles.

I'm asking you to give me that chance.

Can I just give you some money?

God! 27 years old! I'm living on Mylanta.

Okay Murphy. Okay.

We go with the interview.

Thank you Miles. Thank you. You won't regret this.

I hope you're right.

So. Do you think you could untie me now?

Sure.

Well Murphy. Sit. I just want to let you
know I have complete confidence in you.

Oh my God! I'm out.

Miles! What are you worrying
about? I have everything under control.

I just took a little walk to clear
my mind and I had this realization.

This interview is easy.

All I have to do, is sit back and let Rocket open
his mouth and reveal himself as the jerk he is.

It's so clear to me now.

And when you're through with those cheeks.

You can come over tonight and dust the other side.

God be with you Murphy. _____
against this man. He's the devil himself.

Thank you for your support Carl.

No true man would ever treat women the way he does.

I myself always try to find the pleasure spots
on a woman's feet and massage them selflessly.

Not many men left like you Carl.

You can be sure darling,

that at the first sign your Womanhood is being soiled.

I'll be out from behind that camera
and defend you before you know it.

In my family I'm known for my speed.

Let's do it Miles.

You! Goldberg.

Sheena Queen of the Jungle
over there lays one finger on me,

and this network's turned
into a parking lot. You read me?

You have nothing to worry about Mr. Rocket.

However, due to the possibility of
some unpredictable language on your part.

The network has decided to air
this broadcast on a five second delay.

Should there be a need, I will personally be
manning a censoring button mounted on my podium.

Oh really?

Well. Five seconds delay ain't much time.

You think you're fast?

Fast enough.

Fast enough if I say something like...

shi....

fting trends immorality are
interesting. Don't you think?

Nobody panic! He was just testing me people.

I'll get it next time. I'm in control.

Places people. 20 seconds to air.

Miles. I think you ought to
know Carl's doing leg stretches.

Don't talk to me. Don't anybody talk to me.

Okay people! Here we go.

In 5, 4, 3, 2.

Good evening and welcome to FYI.

For your information tonight.

Frank Fontana goes undercover to expose a cartel ring.

While Corky Sherwood Forest spends a
week on the balance beam with Olga Corbut.

But first.

Murphy Brown interviews a man,

known to be as explosive as his
name by his fans and his detractors both:

controversial Comedian, Tony Rocket.

Murphy.

Thank you Jim.

Mr. Rocket. Your critics contend that your
comedy, particularly offensive to women

and minorities, it's obscene and goes well
beyond what is protected by the First Amendment.

How do you respond to your critics?

If you don't mind, Miss Brown.

First, I'd like to take this
opportunity to say hello to my mother.

Who's in the hospital.

Hi Mama.

You get better now. Hurry home. I love you.

As I was saying. Your critics say that your
act pushes the limits of the First Amendment.

How do you respond?

Though I respect my critics. I think
the numbers speak for themselves.

Just last week I sold out two
concerts at the Astrodome.

Obviously these people don't think I'm obscene.

They just think I'm bringing them
laughter in some very troubled times.

Yeah well, let's face it. You make the female gender
sound like it's just a kicking post for the male ego.

How do you defend that?

But sure miss Brown, I can't deny
I've made those kinds of statements.

But what you have to understand is,
it's not me up there. It's a character I play.

You do understand that?

I understand that...

I think of myself as an actor.

And the guy I play on stage is a sexist jerk.

People know that what I do is an act.

My girlfriend knows it. My grandmother knows it.

With all due respect.

The only person who seems not to
understand this, is you Miss Brown.

Mr. Rocket. I know what an act is. And this is the act.

Gee.

You know? They taught me in school
that journalists are supposed to be objective.

It seems you've already made your mind up about me.

I wouldn't have expected that from a
reporter of your ability and reputation.

Well, Tony I'll agree with you on one thing.

Journalists are trained to
remain neutral no matter what.

But sometimes we can't be.

Sometimes we do things we're not supposed to do.

Like now.

Oh! No.

I'm going to break the rules
tonight because I feel like it.

Don't be fooled by this man.

He is hateful, arrogant, degrading and offensive.

But as much as I disagree with what he
says, I will always defend his right to say it.

Freedom of speech is one of the
most important freedoms we have.

If we're truly going to protect it,

we have to take the good

with the bad.

You know? Anyone who would choose
human degradation as a way to find fame

should take a good long look in the mirror.

And so should those of you who cheer him.

One last thing.

As I look at Mr. Rocket I wonder something else.

Without his cheap shots and
four letter words, could he cut it?

I don't think so.

Because Tony Rocket is guilty of the worst sin of all.

He's just not funny.

It's like I always said. Never give a woman
the floor. Unless she's got a back flat against it.

Oh kiss my..!

Back to you Jim.

No, no, no. I don't deserve your
admiration. Don't you understand?

What I did was wrong. I stooped to his level.

Oh God! What a horrible day!

What did I do to deserve this?

You figure you had a bad day?

They've been out there chanting for hours.

At first, I thought they were picketing me.

Imagine my terror as I raced through my memory

wondering if I'd recently done anything
to alienate a large group of women.

Eldin, if you don't mind, I don't feel like talking.

I don't blame you. You said
enough earlier this evening.

What? What are you talking about?

You didn't watch the show. Didn't
you? You never watch television.

That's true. But I happen to hear that on
PBS the Yankee woodworker was running an
episode on the evolution of the wall sconce.

Now, as I'm scanning for my channel,

guess what I stumble upon?

Come on!

You.

I saw you for the first time on TV.

What a mouth!

I tell you. I haven't heard language like that

since Bob Dan ..... backed into the hot glue gun.

Give me a break, would you Eldin?

It has been the worst week of my life.

Until next week. I have to apologize on the air.

I should never have said what I said tonight Eldin.

It was wrong.

It was bad.

But it felt so good.

But it was wrong.

But it felt so good.

It's a complicated issue, isn't it?

But as an artist I must say this:

You should always be someone pushing the envelope.

I mean what is art?

If it doesn't awaken one from the mundane.

Unexpected.

You've painted something, haven't you Eldin?

Haven't you?

Kitchen hallway.

I was afraid that I was getting, you
know, safe. So, uh I tried something.

And don't be afraid to tell me what you think.