Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 2, Episode 4 - TV or Not TV - full transcript
.
HI. I'M MURPHY BROWN. YOU MUST BE MY NEW SECRETARY.
?? P-P-P-PLEASED TO MEET YOU AND LET ME JUST SAY ??
?? THAT I'M HERE TO SERVE YOU IN ANY OLD WAY ??
?? I'M A GUY WHO'S FLY ??
?? LOOK ME IN THE EYE??
??TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED ??
?? THEN LET ME SAY HI, HI, HI, HI ??
?? SAY IT AGAIN ?
?? HI, HI, HI, HI ??
?? ONE MORE TIME ??
?? HI, HI, HI, HI. ??
OKAY.
MORNING, EVERYBODY.
SORRY I'M LATE.
I GOT TIED UP IN A MEETING.
THE GUYS FROM THE ENTERTAINMENT DIVISION ARE IN FROM L.A.
THEY SPENT THE FIRST 20 MINUTES
TALKING ABOUT HOW DEATH STARTS IN THE COLON BEFORE WE GOT DOWN TO BUSINESS.
CAN WE MAKE THIS MEETING FAST?
I'VE GOT A SHOOT
AT A TOXIC WASTE SITE
AND I WANT TO GET THERE BEFORE THE WIND SHIFTS.
OKAY, I HAVE SOME INFORMATION FOR YOU.
THE NETWORK HAS GIVEN THE GREEN LIGHT TO A NEW SITUATION COMEDY SERIES.
THEY'RE VERY HIGH ON IT AND THEY'D LIKE OUR HELP.
OUR HELP? SORRY, MILES.
DON'T GET INVOLVED
WITH PEOPLE WHO SIT IN A ROOM ALL DAY AND THINK UP LITTLE STORIES ABOUT TALKING HORSES.
WHAT KIND OF JOB IS THAT
FOR A GROWN-UP?
NO, NO. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THIS SHOW IS SET IN A NEWSROOM.
AH, A NEWSROOM.
WHAT KIND OF NEWSROOM, MILES?
A LIVE WEEKLY MAGAZINE SHOW.
IT CENTERS AROUND AN ANCHORWOMAN.
WHAT KIND OF ANCHORWOMAN?
BRIGHT, AMBITIOUS, TOUGH, DRIVEN
AT THE TOP OF HER PROFESSION.
CAN THEY DO THAT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?
BEFORE YOU JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS
THEY'VE ASSURED ME SHE'S NOT MODELED AFTER ANYBODY.
SHE'S A COMBINATION OF PEOPLE--
ANYONE FROM LESLEY STAHL TO SAM DONALDSON.
WHAT'S HER NAME?
KELLY GREEN.
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, MILES.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE NEWS DIVISION.
IT'S SACRED.
BUT THE NETWORK HEAD OVERRULED ME AND GAVE THEM PERMISSION TO COME IN AND STUDY US.
THE WHOLE THING SOUNDS LIKE A CHEAP STUNT.
NOW, IF THIS WERE AN ATTEMPT TO ACCURATELY PORTRAY
THE TENSION-FRAUGHT WORLD OF AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER
WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO HAVE A WARM, VULNERABLE SIDE
AND THE ABILITY TO LAUGH AT HIMSELF THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANYONE ELSE
BUT I'M NOT ABOUT TO JEOPARDIZE MY CREDIBILITY AS A JOURNALIST
FOR SOME 30-MINUTE SITCOM.
WHO'S IN IT?
THEY JUST CLOSED THE DEAL WITH...
JULIA ST. MARTIN.
OH, THAT DOES IT.
JULIA ST. MARTIN?
I LOVE HER.
OH, COME ON, FRANK.
THE WOMAN MADE A FORTUNE
PLAYING A NUN IN A PUSH-UP BRA.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
JULIA ST. MARTIN IS COMING HERE TOMORROW?
THIS IS REALLY EXCITING.
NO, IT ISN'T. IT'S AN INTRUSION.
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET ANYTHING DONE
WITH HER HANGING AROUND HERE FLINGING HER HAIR AND WETTING HER LIPS?
DOES SHE NEED A RIDE FROM THE AIRPORT?
I DON'T KNOW, MURPHY.
AT LEAST OF US LEFT WHO REFUSE TO ALLOW OUR INTEGRITY TO BE TARNISHED.
I'D BETTER GET TO WORK
BEFORE THE NETWORK DECIDES TO GIVE ME A WACKY SIDEKICK.
...AND I SAID TO HIM, "JACK, THIS IS AN IMPORTANT SPEECH FOR YOU.
I'VE SEEN THIS WALL AFFECT EVERYONE--
EAST, WEST, EVEN THE AMERICANS.
AND IN A SENSE WE'RE ALL BERLINERS."
OF COURSE, WE WERE SPEAKING GERMAN.
YOU KNOW, JIM, THIS IS SO EXCITING FOR ME--
TO GET TO SIT HERE AND EXPERIENCE THE MAN BEHIND THE ICON.
THERE'S A WARMTH AND A PASSION.
I DON'T SHOW THAT SIDE TO MANY PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW
I PLAYED A MERRY TOWNSMAN
IN MY HIGH SCHOOL PRODUCTION OF BRIGADOON.
MURPHY, YOU'RE HERE.
THERE'S SOMEONE I WANT YOU TO MEET.
JULIA ST. MARTIN, MURPHY BROWN.
I'M SO PLEASED TO FINALLY MEET YOU.
I FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU.
AFTER ALL, WE DID ONCE SHARE THE COVER OF THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER.
I WAS ABDUCTED BY A U.F.O.
AND MURPHY WAS HAVING BIG FOOT'S BABY.
WELL, JULIA, NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
DO YOU THINK I COULD HAVE MY CHAIR BACK?
YES, OF COURSE. I'M SORRY
I WAS JUST GETTING THE FEEL OF YOUR OFFICE
STUDYING THE DETAILS.
IT REALLY DOES HELP AN ACTRESS TO CONSTRUCT A CHARACTER.
I'M SORT OF BUSY CONSTRUCTING A STORY FOR NEXT WEEK'S SHOW
AND TIME'S A LITTLE SHORT.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE HER DIRECTNESS
THAT ABILITY TO CUT RIGHT THROUGH IT.
I REALLY WANT TO TRY TO USE THAT.
WONDERFUL IDEA. JUST WONDERFUL.
KNOCK, KNOCK.
HERE'S THAT CAFE AU LAIT YOU WANTED, JULIA.
I BROUGHT IT FROM THE COMMISSARY UP MYSELF.
MILES, THANK YOU.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
I'M SURE YOU HAVE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN RUN AROUND AND GET ME COFFEE.
NOT REALLY.
HEY, MURPH, I, UH...
HI, FRANK.
THE TEMPLE OF DOOM IS THAT WAY.
LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.
FRANK FONTANA...
All: INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER.
JULIA ST. MARTIN, ACTRESS.
MY TIME IS AWFULLY SHORT--
WHAT WITH ALL THE CRIME AND THINGS GOING ON--
BUT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MANAGE TO CLEAR SOME TIME
AND TAKE YOU ON A STAKEOUT.
YEAH, THERE SHOULD BE LOTS OF OPPORTUNITY FOR COMEDY AT A CYANIDE DUMP.
I JUST THINK SHE SHOULD GET AN OVERVIEW, THAT'S ALL.
(guys bickering)
Murphy: HEY!
DO I HAVE TO HOSE YOU DOWN? COME ON GUYS, I'M BUSY HERE.
FELLOWS, I THINK WE SHOULD JUST GET OUT OF MURPHY'S WAY.
I'M GOING INTO THAT NEWS AREA AND JUST SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
WE CALL IT "THE BULLPEN."
LIKE IN BASEBALL.
DID YOU SEE HOW SHE WAS LOOKING AT ME?
WHO WOULDN'T?
EVERYBODY, I'M HERE TO RESEARCH A ROLE
AND I CAN'T DO THAT
UNLESS ALL OF YOU JUST IGNORE ME
AND GO BACK TO YOUR WORK.
I'M NOT HERE, OKAY?
OH.
THANKS.
(gasping)
I KNOW YOU!
HI. I KNOW YOU, TOO.
HI. JULIA ST. MARTIN.
CORKY SHERWOOD.
THIS IS REALLY EXCITING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I JUST LOVED YOU IN NUN ON THE RUN.
WELL, I...
ALTHOUGH, I THINK I LIKED NUN ON THE RUN II EVEN BETTER.
CORKY, I KNOW YOU MUST BE BUSY
BUT IT WOULD HELP ME IF I COULD EXPERIENCE
THE WORLD OF BROADCASTING
THROUGH THE EYES OF SOMEONE
THAT'S OUT THERE EVERY DAY LIVING IT.
I'D BE HAPPY TO HELP.
THE BLOND LEADING THE BLOND.
IF YOU HAD ONE PIECE OF ADVICE TO GIVE ME, AS A JOURNALIST AND A WOMAN
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
DON'T WEAR PLEATS.
CORKY, I WON'T KEEP YOU ANY LONGER.
YOU'VE REALLY BEEN VERY HELPFUL.
THANK YOU.
IF THERE'S ANY OTHER WAY I CAN ASSIST YOU
IN YOUR SEARCH FOR ACCURACY
I'M AT YOUR SERVICE.
(sighs)
I SHOULD HAVE JUST PUT OUT THAT EXERCISE VIDEO WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.
COME ON, MURPHY.
THROW ME A LIFELINE.
LOOK, JULIA, I KNOW YOU HAVE A JOB TO DO, BUT SO DO I.
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A VERY HOT STORY AND IT HAS TO COME FIRST.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A LITTLE COMPLICATED. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
WELL, TRY ME.
I'VE UNCOVERED SOME INFORMATION
ON THE CORRIO RIVER DAM PROJECT.
THE SENATOR SPONSORING THE BILL STANDS TO MAKE A PRETTY GOOD PROFIT
IF THE GOVERNMENT PURCHASES THE LAND INVOLVED.
IT'S WHAT WE IN THE MEDIA CALL A "VESTED INTEREST" STORY.
I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT WASN'T RIGHT ABOUT THAT PROJECT.
THE SIERRA CLUB SAID THAT DAM
WOULD DEVASTATE AGRICULTURE IN THREE ADJOINING STATES
AS WELL THREATEN THE HABITAT OF 23 MIGRATORY BIRDS
AND 17 SPECIES OF FISH.
AND JANE FONDA TOLD ME I WAS PARANOID.
LOOK, MURPHY, CAN I JUST BE HONEST WITH YOU FOR A MINUTE?
FOR MOST OF MY CAREER
I'VE HAD TO ACCEPT WHATEVER ROLES THEY HANDED TO ME.
AND I'VE HUNG IN THERE. BUT NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I GET TO CHOOSE.
AND I CHOOSE YOU.
I WANT TO BE PROUD OF THIS. I REALLY WANT KELLY GREEN
TO BE MODELED AFTER THE BEST REPORTER ON TELEVISION.
DON'T MAKE ME GO TO MARIA SHRIVER. THE WOMAN MARRIED CONAN.
WELL, OKAY, I GUESS IT WOULDN'T HURT FOR YOU TO WATCH ME FOR ONE DAY. BUT LET'S KEEP IT LOW KEY.
OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I WON'T BE IN THE WAY. YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE.
SO LET'S GET GOING ON THAT STORY
WE REALLY SHOULD TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THOSE ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT STUDIES.
DO YOU THINK WE CAN FIT ANOTHER DESK IN HERE?
HELLO, SENATOR PORAY?
MURPHY BROWN.
ABOUT THAT CORRIO RIVER DAM PROJECT..?
YES, I KNOW YOU'RE A BUSY MAN, SENATOR.
ANYBODY HOLDING DOWN TWO JOBS USUALLY IS.
AND TELL ME, SENATOR, JUST WHAT EXACTLY DOES
A THIRD EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT OF WATERSIDE REALTY DO?
SENATOR, WHEN YOU SAY "NO COMMENT" TO ME THAT'S ONE THING,
BUT WHEN I REPEAT THAT TO 16 MILLION VIEWERS...
10:30 TOMORROW WOULD BE FINE.
SEE YOU THEN.
GOD, THAT WAS PERFECT.
THAT'S EVERYTHING I WANT KELLY TO BE.
MURPHY, DO ME A FAVOR. TRADE PLACES WITH ME FOR JUST A MINUTE.
I JUST WANT TO CAPTURE THAT MOMENT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
COME ON, GET UP.
HERE, LOAN ME YOUR GLASSES. GREAT.
THIS IS ACTING EXERCISE. IT'S CALLED SENSE MEMORY.
GIVE ME A MINUTE TO PREPARE AND THEN CUE ME.
YOU BE THE TELEPHONE.
SAY "RING, RING"
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I DON'T WANT TO BE A TELEPHONE.
WHAT IF SOMEONE WALKS IN?
(moans)
(sobs)
RING, RING.
SENATOR?
THIS IS KELLY GREEN.
YES, THE KELLY GREEN.
OH, I THINK YOU'LL FIND TIME TO TALK TO ME WHEN YOU HEAR WHY I'M CALLING.
YES, I KNOW YOU'RE VERY BUSY.
MOST PEOPLE WHO HOLD DOWN TWO JOBS ARE.
MM-HMM.
EVEN WHEN ONE IS A SILENT PARTNER
IN THE WATERSIDE REALTY CORPORATION?
RIGHT.
WELL, NO COMMENT IS SOMETHING
YOU CAN SAY TO ME, SENATOR
BUT I THINK OUR 16 MILLION VIEWERS ARE GOING TO HAVE SOME PRETTY COLORFUL COMMENTS OF THEIR OWN.
10:30 IS FINE. SEE YOU THEN.
UNBELIEVABLE.
IS IT MURPHY, OR IS IT MEMOREX?
OH, THAT FELT GOOD.
IT FELT RIGHT.
OH, THIS IS SO EXCITING. I HAVE BONDED WITH THE CHARACTER.
MURPHY, THIS IS ALL YOUR DOING.
YOU'VE BEEN SUCH AN INSPIRATION.
OH, WELL, GEE...
OH, WOW.
WHAT? WHAT?
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.
LISTEN-- "MURPHY BROWN MEETS KELLY GREEN"
ON OUR PREMIERE EPISODE, YOU DO A WALK-ON.
IT WOULD BE GREAT.
WE HAVE A REAL-LIFE NEWSWOMAN
WALK INTO OUR FICTIONAL WORLD.
TELL ME THIS ISN'T THE BEST.
OH, NOW WAIT A MINUTE, JULIA.
IT'S BEEN GREAT HAVING YOU HERE
BUT WE FROWN UPON OUR CORRESPONDENTS
DOING ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMS.
BUT, MILES, A NEW SHOW NEEDS ALL THE HELP IT CAN GET.
BESIDES, HAVING A HUGE STAR LIKE MURPHY BROWN
WOULD PRACTICALLY GUARANTEE US A 40 SHARE.
OH JULIA, I DON'T THINK IT WOULD MEAN A 40 SHARE.
JULIA, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING? MURPHY ISN'T AN ACTRESS.
ISN'T AN ACTRESS?
THE ONE THING YOU CANNOT TEACH AN ACTRESS IS CHARISMA.
I HAVE WATCHED THIS WOMAN
WEEK AFTER WEEK ON TELEVISION.
TALK ABOUT SOMEONE
WHO REALLY KNOWS HOW TO FILL UP THE SCREEN.
I WOULD KILL FOR HER PRESENCE.
I DON'T REALLY THINK I'D BE ANY GOOD... WOULD I?
YOU WOULD BE GREAT. YOU'D BE WONDERFUL.
MILES, WE'RE TALKING TEN MILLION NEW VIEWERS FOR F.Y.I.
AND A COVER OF TV GUIDE.
TV GUIDE?
JULIA, YOU'RE PUTTING MURPHY IN A TOUGH SPOT, BUT I'LL BE THE BAD GUY.
I CANNOT ENDORSE ANYTHING THAT MIGHT DAMAGE
MURPHY'S CREDIBILITY AS A JOURNALIST.
I GOING TO HAVE TO SAY NO.
OH, MILES. COME ON, DON'T BE SO STODGY.
IF THE ENTERTAINMENT DIVISION NEEDS OUR HELP
HOW CAN WE REFUSE?
MURPHY, HI!
OH, YOU LOOK GREAT.
THANKS.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING? A LITTLE NERVOUS?
ME? NAH. I'M USED TO BEING IN FRONT OF CAMERAS.
OH, GOOD.
LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO OUR DIRECTOR. YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE HIM.
MARK? ****
LET ME INTRODUCE MURPHY BROWN.
MARK BARON.
HI.
A REAL PLEASURE.
WHEN YOU AGREED TO DO OUR SHOW
I THOUGHT, "SHE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT HERSELF."
WE CAN'T TAKE OURSELVES TOO SERIOUSLY, CAN WE?
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
SO LET'S GET STARTED.
OKAY, THIS IS OUR NEWSROOM SET, OUR "BULLPEN."
WHAT WE'LL BE FILMING HERE, MURPHY
IS THE VERY LAST SCENE OF THE SHOW.
KELLY WILL SAY HER LINE TO HER CO-WORKER.
THAT WILL BE YOUR CUE TO ENTER.
YOU'LL COME DOWN FROM THE ELEVATOR
DOWN TO THIS SPOT
THAT WE HAVE MARKED ON THE FLOOR, BABE.
SAY YOUR LINE, FREEZE FRAME
SHOW'S OVER, SERIES RUNS SEVEN YEARS
WE RUN OUT OF PLACES TO PUT ALL THE EMMYS.
MURPHY...
HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR LINE YET?
YES, AND I THINK IT'S PRETTY FUNNY.
CAN WE PUT IT ON A CUE CARD?
I'VE MEMORIZED IT.
I FREQUENTLY MEMORIZE PAGES OF COPY.
WHY ARE WE WAITING?
OKAY, GOOD SHOW, EVERYBODY.
ROLL CAMERAS.
ROLLING.
KELLY GREEN, SCENE "H", TAKE ONE.
AND... ACTION!
ONE LITTLE COMMENT ABOUT THE COMPETITION
AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW IT'S ON PAGE ONE OF THE POST.
MURPHY BROWN!
(deadpan:) I GOT YOUR LETTER OF APOLOGY, KELLY.
NOW I'M SORRY I FILLED YOUR CAR WITH HERRING.
CUT.
UH... GREAT, GREAT.
NOW THAT WE'VE GOT IT ONCE
LET'S, UH... TRY TO RELAX
AND HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT, OKAY?
ONE MORE TIME, JUST FROM THE ELEVATOR.
I'M READY.
Mark: ROLL CAMERAS.
ROLLING.
KELLY GREEN, SCENE "H", TAKE TWO.
AND... ACTION!
MURPHY BROWN!
(still deadpan:) I GOT YOUR LETTER OF APOLOGY, KELLY.
NOW I'M SORRY I FILLED YOUR CAR WITH HERRING.
CUT.
UH... GREAT.
MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH BETTER.
LET ME SUGGEST SOMETHING.
TRY TO PUNCH THE WORDS "CAR" AND "HERRING."
CAR! HERRING!
THAT REALLY MAKES THE JOKE HIT HOME.
I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
THAT MAKES IT MUCH FUNNIER.
THANKS.
Mark: ROLL CAMERAS.
ROLLING.
KELLY GREEN, SCENE "H", TAKE THREE.
AND... ACTION.
MURPHY BROWN!
(campy:) I GOT YOUR LETTER OF APOLOGY, KELLY.
NOW I'M SORRY I FILLED YOUR CAR WITH HERRING!
CUT.
I MISSED MY MARK.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT PUNCHING THE RIGHT WORDS.
THIS IS HARD.
I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.
YOU HIT YOUR MARK EVERY TIME AND YOU SEEM SO NATURAL.
MAYBE IT WILL HELP IF YOU JUST TRY TO FORGET ABOUT THE CAMERAS
AND ALL THE PEOPLE OUT THERE.
YOU KNOW ALL THE TIMES WE'VE TALKED?
THINK OF THIS AS JUST ANOTHER CONVERSATION.
GREAT, I'LL TRY THAT.
THE WOMAN IS A REDWOOD.
HOW YOU DOING?
HEY THERE.
HOW YOU DOING, ELDIN?
HELLO.
SO. WE MEET AGAIN.
HELLO, ALVIN.
IT'S ELDIN.
BUT I CAN BE ALVIN.
HEY, EVERYBODY, WAIT UP.
SO EVERYBODY READY
FOR THE WORLD PREMIERE?
WHERE'S JULIA?
DID YOU INVITE HER?
I BET SHE'D LOVE TO WATCH THE SHOW WITH ALL OF US.
SHE AND I WERE GETTING PRETTY CLOSE
SHE AND Miles: GETTING FACE IT, FRANK
RIGHT NOW SHE'S SITTING IN A HOT TUB
WITH EMILIO ESTEVEZ.
HERE IT IS! HERE IT IS!
(campy theme music)
Kelly Green: Murphy Brown!
Murphy: I got your letter of apology, Kelly.
Murphy: Now I'm sorry I filled your car with herring.
(dubbed in laughter)
(Murphy laughing)
SO WHAT DID YOU THINK?
THIS IS WHY I DON'T OWN A TELEVISION.
I BRAVED THREE WARS AND EIGHT ADMINISTRATIONS
SO I COULD SEE MYSELF BECOME
A COMIC TOUR DE FORCE FOR PETER GRAVES?
COME ON, WHAT DID YOU THINK OF ME?
HEY, LOOK AT THE TIME.
OOH! OOP!
(animated conversations)
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
?? BEFORE YOU START ??
?? I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ??
?? I'LL SAY IT NOW AND GET IT OUT OF THE WAY ??
?? I WANT A GOOD ASSISTANT BEFORE I'M RETIRED ??
?? AND THAT'S NOT YOU ??
?? SO GUESS WHAT? ??
?? YOU'RE FIRED. ??
?? I SAY FI-F-F-F-F-FIRED! ??
GOOD MORNING, MURPHY.
I GOT RATINGS FROM YOUR SHOW.
IT'S NOT MY SHOW.
KELLY GREEN CAME IN A DISTANT FIFTH.
IT WAS A ONE SHOT DEAL.
I JUST TRIED TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN.
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AREN'T SITTING AROUND
DISCUSSING MY PERFORMANCE.
OKAY, SO THEY ARE.
TOMORROW SOMEBODY WILL SPOT ELVIS AT A 7-11
AND THEY'LL FORGET ABOUT ME.
(elevator chimes)
HI, MURPHY.
HOW ARE YOU?
CONNIE, HI!
GEE, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
WHAT BRINGS YOU TO TOWN?
I WAS JUST HERE FOR SOME BUREAU MEETINGS.
I SAW YOU ON TV LAST NIGHT.
WHAT DID YOU THINK?
CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU?
I THINK IT'S WRONG FOR A JOURNALIST OF YOUR STATURE
TO APPEAR IN A SITCOM.
ONCE YOU CROSS THAT LINE, YOU UNDERMINE YOUR CREDIBILITY.
I FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT THAT.
THAT'S AWFULLY NOBLE AND RIGHTEOUS
BUT IF YOU'D BEEN IN MY PLACE
AND THOSE NETWORK PEOPLE CAME BEGGING YOU TO HELP THEIR SHOW
OFFERING YOU THE CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT
I BET I KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD THEM.
EXACTLY WHAT I DID TELL THEM--
NO THANKS.
HI. I'M MURPHY BROWN. YOU MUST BE MY NEW SECRETARY.
?? P-P-P-PLEASED TO MEET YOU AND LET ME JUST SAY ??
?? THAT I'M HERE TO SERVE YOU IN ANY OLD WAY ??
?? I'M A GUY WHO'S FLY ??
?? LOOK ME IN THE EYE??
??TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED ??
?? THEN LET ME SAY HI, HI, HI, HI ??
?? SAY IT AGAIN ?
?? HI, HI, HI, HI ??
?? ONE MORE TIME ??
?? HI, HI, HI, HI. ??
OKAY.
MORNING, EVERYBODY.
SORRY I'M LATE.
I GOT TIED UP IN A MEETING.
THE GUYS FROM THE ENTERTAINMENT DIVISION ARE IN FROM L.A.
THEY SPENT THE FIRST 20 MINUTES
TALKING ABOUT HOW DEATH STARTS IN THE COLON BEFORE WE GOT DOWN TO BUSINESS.
CAN WE MAKE THIS MEETING FAST?
I'VE GOT A SHOOT
AT A TOXIC WASTE SITE
AND I WANT TO GET THERE BEFORE THE WIND SHIFTS.
OKAY, I HAVE SOME INFORMATION FOR YOU.
THE NETWORK HAS GIVEN THE GREEN LIGHT TO A NEW SITUATION COMEDY SERIES.
THEY'RE VERY HIGH ON IT AND THEY'D LIKE OUR HELP.
OUR HELP? SORRY, MILES.
DON'T GET INVOLVED
WITH PEOPLE WHO SIT IN A ROOM ALL DAY AND THINK UP LITTLE STORIES ABOUT TALKING HORSES.
WHAT KIND OF JOB IS THAT
FOR A GROWN-UP?
NO, NO. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
THIS SHOW IS SET IN A NEWSROOM.
AH, A NEWSROOM.
WHAT KIND OF NEWSROOM, MILES?
A LIVE WEEKLY MAGAZINE SHOW.
IT CENTERS AROUND AN ANCHORWOMAN.
WHAT KIND OF ANCHORWOMAN?
BRIGHT, AMBITIOUS, TOUGH, DRIVEN
AT THE TOP OF HER PROFESSION.
CAN THEY DO THAT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?
BEFORE YOU JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS
THEY'VE ASSURED ME SHE'S NOT MODELED AFTER ANYBODY.
SHE'S A COMBINATION OF PEOPLE--
ANYONE FROM LESLEY STAHL TO SAM DONALDSON.
WHAT'S HER NAME?
KELLY GREEN.
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, MILES.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE NEWS DIVISION.
IT'S SACRED.
BUT THE NETWORK HEAD OVERRULED ME AND GAVE THEM PERMISSION TO COME IN AND STUDY US.
THE WHOLE THING SOUNDS LIKE A CHEAP STUNT.
NOW, IF THIS WERE AN ATTEMPT TO ACCURATELY PORTRAY
THE TENSION-FRAUGHT WORLD OF AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER
WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO HAVE A WARM, VULNERABLE SIDE
AND THE ABILITY TO LAUGH AT HIMSELF THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ANYONE ELSE
BUT I'M NOT ABOUT TO JEOPARDIZE MY CREDIBILITY AS A JOURNALIST
FOR SOME 30-MINUTE SITCOM.
WHO'S IN IT?
THEY JUST CLOSED THE DEAL WITH...
JULIA ST. MARTIN.
OH, THAT DOES IT.
JULIA ST. MARTIN?
I LOVE HER.
OH, COME ON, FRANK.
THE WOMAN MADE A FORTUNE
PLAYING A NUN IN A PUSH-UP BRA.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
JULIA ST. MARTIN IS COMING HERE TOMORROW?
THIS IS REALLY EXCITING.
NO, IT ISN'T. IT'S AN INTRUSION.
HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET ANYTHING DONE
WITH HER HANGING AROUND HERE FLINGING HER HAIR AND WETTING HER LIPS?
DOES SHE NEED A RIDE FROM THE AIRPORT?
I DON'T KNOW, MURPHY.
AT LEAST OF US LEFT WHO REFUSE TO ALLOW OUR INTEGRITY TO BE TARNISHED.
I'D BETTER GET TO WORK
BEFORE THE NETWORK DECIDES TO GIVE ME A WACKY SIDEKICK.
...AND I SAID TO HIM, "JACK, THIS IS AN IMPORTANT SPEECH FOR YOU.
I'VE SEEN THIS WALL AFFECT EVERYONE--
EAST, WEST, EVEN THE AMERICANS.
AND IN A SENSE WE'RE ALL BERLINERS."
OF COURSE, WE WERE SPEAKING GERMAN.
YOU KNOW, JIM, THIS IS SO EXCITING FOR ME--
TO GET TO SIT HERE AND EXPERIENCE THE MAN BEHIND THE ICON.
THERE'S A WARMTH AND A PASSION.
I DON'T SHOW THAT SIDE TO MANY PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW
I PLAYED A MERRY TOWNSMAN
IN MY HIGH SCHOOL PRODUCTION OF BRIGADOON.
MURPHY, YOU'RE HERE.
THERE'S SOMEONE I WANT YOU TO MEET.
JULIA ST. MARTIN, MURPHY BROWN.
I'M SO PLEASED TO FINALLY MEET YOU.
I FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU.
AFTER ALL, WE DID ONCE SHARE THE COVER OF THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER.
I WAS ABDUCTED BY A U.F.O.
AND MURPHY WAS HAVING BIG FOOT'S BABY.
WELL, JULIA, NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
DO YOU THINK I COULD HAVE MY CHAIR BACK?
YES, OF COURSE. I'M SORRY
I WAS JUST GETTING THE FEEL OF YOUR OFFICE
STUDYING THE DETAILS.
IT REALLY DOES HELP AN ACTRESS TO CONSTRUCT A CHARACTER.
I'M SORT OF BUSY CONSTRUCTING A STORY FOR NEXT WEEK'S SHOW
AND TIME'S A LITTLE SHORT.
YOU KNOW, I LOVE HER DIRECTNESS
THAT ABILITY TO CUT RIGHT THROUGH IT.
I REALLY WANT TO TRY TO USE THAT.
WONDERFUL IDEA. JUST WONDERFUL.
KNOCK, KNOCK.
HERE'S THAT CAFE AU LAIT YOU WANTED, JULIA.
I BROUGHT IT FROM THE COMMISSARY UP MYSELF.
MILES, THANK YOU.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
I'M SURE YOU HAVE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN RUN AROUND AND GET ME COFFEE.
NOT REALLY.
HEY, MURPH, I, UH...
HI, FRANK.
THE TEMPLE OF DOOM IS THAT WAY.
LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.
FRANK FONTANA...
All: INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER.
JULIA ST. MARTIN, ACTRESS.
MY TIME IS AWFULLY SHORT--
WHAT WITH ALL THE CRIME AND THINGS GOING ON--
BUT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MANAGE TO CLEAR SOME TIME
AND TAKE YOU ON A STAKEOUT.
YEAH, THERE SHOULD BE LOTS OF OPPORTUNITY FOR COMEDY AT A CYANIDE DUMP.
I JUST THINK SHE SHOULD GET AN OVERVIEW, THAT'S ALL.
(guys bickering)
Murphy: HEY!
DO I HAVE TO HOSE YOU DOWN? COME ON GUYS, I'M BUSY HERE.
FELLOWS, I THINK WE SHOULD JUST GET OUT OF MURPHY'S WAY.
I'M GOING INTO THAT NEWS AREA AND JUST SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
WE CALL IT "THE BULLPEN."
LIKE IN BASEBALL.
DID YOU SEE HOW SHE WAS LOOKING AT ME?
WHO WOULDN'T?
EVERYBODY, I'M HERE TO RESEARCH A ROLE
AND I CAN'T DO THAT
UNLESS ALL OF YOU JUST IGNORE ME
AND GO BACK TO YOUR WORK.
I'M NOT HERE, OKAY?
OH.
THANKS.
(gasping)
I KNOW YOU!
HI. I KNOW YOU, TOO.
HI. JULIA ST. MARTIN.
CORKY SHERWOOD.
THIS IS REALLY EXCITING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I JUST LOVED YOU IN NUN ON THE RUN.
WELL, I...
ALTHOUGH, I THINK I LIKED NUN ON THE RUN II EVEN BETTER.
CORKY, I KNOW YOU MUST BE BUSY
BUT IT WOULD HELP ME IF I COULD EXPERIENCE
THE WORLD OF BROADCASTING
THROUGH THE EYES OF SOMEONE
THAT'S OUT THERE EVERY DAY LIVING IT.
I'D BE HAPPY TO HELP.
THE BLOND LEADING THE BLOND.
IF YOU HAD ONE PIECE OF ADVICE TO GIVE ME, AS A JOURNALIST AND A WOMAN
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
DON'T WEAR PLEATS.
CORKY, I WON'T KEEP YOU ANY LONGER.
YOU'VE REALLY BEEN VERY HELPFUL.
THANK YOU.
IF THERE'S ANY OTHER WAY I CAN ASSIST YOU
IN YOUR SEARCH FOR ACCURACY
I'M AT YOUR SERVICE.
(sighs)
I SHOULD HAVE JUST PUT OUT THAT EXERCISE VIDEO WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE.
COME ON, MURPHY.
THROW ME A LIFELINE.
LOOK, JULIA, I KNOW YOU HAVE A JOB TO DO, BUT SO DO I.
I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A VERY HOT STORY AND IT HAS TO COME FIRST.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A LITTLE COMPLICATED. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
WELL, TRY ME.
I'VE UNCOVERED SOME INFORMATION
ON THE CORRIO RIVER DAM PROJECT.
THE SENATOR SPONSORING THE BILL STANDS TO MAKE A PRETTY GOOD PROFIT
IF THE GOVERNMENT PURCHASES THE LAND INVOLVED.
IT'S WHAT WE IN THE MEDIA CALL A "VESTED INTEREST" STORY.
I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT WASN'T RIGHT ABOUT THAT PROJECT.
THE SIERRA CLUB SAID THAT DAM
WOULD DEVASTATE AGRICULTURE IN THREE ADJOINING STATES
AS WELL THREATEN THE HABITAT OF 23 MIGRATORY BIRDS
AND 17 SPECIES OF FISH.
AND JANE FONDA TOLD ME I WAS PARANOID.
LOOK, MURPHY, CAN I JUST BE HONEST WITH YOU FOR A MINUTE?
FOR MOST OF MY CAREER
I'VE HAD TO ACCEPT WHATEVER ROLES THEY HANDED TO ME.
AND I'VE HUNG IN THERE. BUT NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I GET TO CHOOSE.
AND I CHOOSE YOU.
I WANT TO BE PROUD OF THIS. I REALLY WANT KELLY GREEN
TO BE MODELED AFTER THE BEST REPORTER ON TELEVISION.
DON'T MAKE ME GO TO MARIA SHRIVER. THE WOMAN MARRIED CONAN.
WELL, OKAY, I GUESS IT WOULDN'T HURT FOR YOU TO WATCH ME FOR ONE DAY. BUT LET'S KEEP IT LOW KEY.
OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I WON'T BE IN THE WAY. YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE.
SO LET'S GET GOING ON THAT STORY
WE REALLY SHOULD TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THOSE ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT STUDIES.
DO YOU THINK WE CAN FIT ANOTHER DESK IN HERE?
HELLO, SENATOR PORAY?
MURPHY BROWN.
ABOUT THAT CORRIO RIVER DAM PROJECT..?
YES, I KNOW YOU'RE A BUSY MAN, SENATOR.
ANYBODY HOLDING DOWN TWO JOBS USUALLY IS.
AND TELL ME, SENATOR, JUST WHAT EXACTLY DOES
A THIRD EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT OF WATERSIDE REALTY DO?
SENATOR, WHEN YOU SAY "NO COMMENT" TO ME THAT'S ONE THING,
BUT WHEN I REPEAT THAT TO 16 MILLION VIEWERS...
10:30 TOMORROW WOULD BE FINE.
SEE YOU THEN.
GOD, THAT WAS PERFECT.
THAT'S EVERYTHING I WANT KELLY TO BE.
MURPHY, DO ME A FAVOR. TRADE PLACES WITH ME FOR JUST A MINUTE.
I JUST WANT TO CAPTURE THAT MOMENT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
COME ON, GET UP.
HERE, LOAN ME YOUR GLASSES. GREAT.
THIS IS ACTING EXERCISE. IT'S CALLED SENSE MEMORY.
GIVE ME A MINUTE TO PREPARE AND THEN CUE ME.
YOU BE THE TELEPHONE.
SAY "RING, RING"
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I DON'T WANT TO BE A TELEPHONE.
WHAT IF SOMEONE WALKS IN?
(moans)
(sobs)
RING, RING.
SENATOR?
THIS IS KELLY GREEN.
YES, THE KELLY GREEN.
OH, I THINK YOU'LL FIND TIME TO TALK TO ME WHEN YOU HEAR WHY I'M CALLING.
YES, I KNOW YOU'RE VERY BUSY.
MOST PEOPLE WHO HOLD DOWN TWO JOBS ARE.
MM-HMM.
EVEN WHEN ONE IS A SILENT PARTNER
IN THE WATERSIDE REALTY CORPORATION?
RIGHT.
WELL, NO COMMENT IS SOMETHING
YOU CAN SAY TO ME, SENATOR
BUT I THINK OUR 16 MILLION VIEWERS ARE GOING TO HAVE SOME PRETTY COLORFUL COMMENTS OF THEIR OWN.
10:30 IS FINE. SEE YOU THEN.
UNBELIEVABLE.
IS IT MURPHY, OR IS IT MEMOREX?
OH, THAT FELT GOOD.
IT FELT RIGHT.
OH, THIS IS SO EXCITING. I HAVE BONDED WITH THE CHARACTER.
MURPHY, THIS IS ALL YOUR DOING.
YOU'VE BEEN SUCH AN INSPIRATION.
OH, WELL, GEE...
OH, WOW.
WHAT? WHAT?
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLE. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.
LISTEN-- "MURPHY BROWN MEETS KELLY GREEN"
ON OUR PREMIERE EPISODE, YOU DO A WALK-ON.
IT WOULD BE GREAT.
WE HAVE A REAL-LIFE NEWSWOMAN
WALK INTO OUR FICTIONAL WORLD.
TELL ME THIS ISN'T THE BEST.
OH, NOW WAIT A MINUTE, JULIA.
IT'S BEEN GREAT HAVING YOU HERE
BUT WE FROWN UPON OUR CORRESPONDENTS
DOING ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMS.
BUT, MILES, A NEW SHOW NEEDS ALL THE HELP IT CAN GET.
BESIDES, HAVING A HUGE STAR LIKE MURPHY BROWN
WOULD PRACTICALLY GUARANTEE US A 40 SHARE.
OH JULIA, I DON'T THINK IT WOULD MEAN A 40 SHARE.
JULIA, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING? MURPHY ISN'T AN ACTRESS.
ISN'T AN ACTRESS?
THE ONE THING YOU CANNOT TEACH AN ACTRESS IS CHARISMA.
I HAVE WATCHED THIS WOMAN
WEEK AFTER WEEK ON TELEVISION.
TALK ABOUT SOMEONE
WHO REALLY KNOWS HOW TO FILL UP THE SCREEN.
I WOULD KILL FOR HER PRESENCE.
I DON'T REALLY THINK I'D BE ANY GOOD... WOULD I?
YOU WOULD BE GREAT. YOU'D BE WONDERFUL.
MILES, WE'RE TALKING TEN MILLION NEW VIEWERS FOR F.Y.I.
AND A COVER OF TV GUIDE.
TV GUIDE?
JULIA, YOU'RE PUTTING MURPHY IN A TOUGH SPOT, BUT I'LL BE THE BAD GUY.
I CANNOT ENDORSE ANYTHING THAT MIGHT DAMAGE
MURPHY'S CREDIBILITY AS A JOURNALIST.
I GOING TO HAVE TO SAY NO.
OH, MILES. COME ON, DON'T BE SO STODGY.
IF THE ENTERTAINMENT DIVISION NEEDS OUR HELP
HOW CAN WE REFUSE?
MURPHY, HI!
OH, YOU LOOK GREAT.
THANKS.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING? A LITTLE NERVOUS?
ME? NAH. I'M USED TO BEING IN FRONT OF CAMERAS.
OH, GOOD.
LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO OUR DIRECTOR. YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE HIM.
MARK? ****
LET ME INTRODUCE MURPHY BROWN.
MARK BARON.
HI.
A REAL PLEASURE.
WHEN YOU AGREED TO DO OUR SHOW
I THOUGHT, "SHE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT HERSELF."
WE CAN'T TAKE OURSELVES TOO SERIOUSLY, CAN WE?
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
SO LET'S GET STARTED.
OKAY, THIS IS OUR NEWSROOM SET, OUR "BULLPEN."
WHAT WE'LL BE FILMING HERE, MURPHY
IS THE VERY LAST SCENE OF THE SHOW.
KELLY WILL SAY HER LINE TO HER CO-WORKER.
THAT WILL BE YOUR CUE TO ENTER.
YOU'LL COME DOWN FROM THE ELEVATOR
DOWN TO THIS SPOT
THAT WE HAVE MARKED ON THE FLOOR, BABE.
SAY YOUR LINE, FREEZE FRAME
SHOW'S OVER, SERIES RUNS SEVEN YEARS
WE RUN OUT OF PLACES TO PUT ALL THE EMMYS.
MURPHY...
HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR LINE YET?
YES, AND I THINK IT'S PRETTY FUNNY.
CAN WE PUT IT ON A CUE CARD?
I'VE MEMORIZED IT.
I FREQUENTLY MEMORIZE PAGES OF COPY.
WHY ARE WE WAITING?
OKAY, GOOD SHOW, EVERYBODY.
ROLL CAMERAS.
ROLLING.
KELLY GREEN, SCENE "H", TAKE ONE.
AND... ACTION!
ONE LITTLE COMMENT ABOUT THE COMPETITION
AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW IT'S ON PAGE ONE OF THE POST.
MURPHY BROWN!
(deadpan:) I GOT YOUR LETTER OF APOLOGY, KELLY.
NOW I'M SORRY I FILLED YOUR CAR WITH HERRING.
CUT.
UH... GREAT, GREAT.
NOW THAT WE'VE GOT IT ONCE
LET'S, UH... TRY TO RELAX
AND HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT, OKAY?
ONE MORE TIME, JUST FROM THE ELEVATOR.
I'M READY.
Mark: ROLL CAMERAS.
ROLLING.
KELLY GREEN, SCENE "H", TAKE TWO.
AND... ACTION!
MURPHY BROWN!
(still deadpan:) I GOT YOUR LETTER OF APOLOGY, KELLY.
NOW I'M SORRY I FILLED YOUR CAR WITH HERRING.
CUT.
UH... GREAT.
MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH BETTER.
LET ME SUGGEST SOMETHING.
TRY TO PUNCH THE WORDS "CAR" AND "HERRING."
CAR! HERRING!
THAT REALLY MAKES THE JOKE HIT HOME.
I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
THAT MAKES IT MUCH FUNNIER.
THANKS.
Mark: ROLL CAMERAS.
ROLLING.
KELLY GREEN, SCENE "H", TAKE THREE.
AND... ACTION.
MURPHY BROWN!
(campy:) I GOT YOUR LETTER OF APOLOGY, KELLY.
NOW I'M SORRY I FILLED YOUR CAR WITH HERRING!
CUT.
I MISSED MY MARK.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT PUNCHING THE RIGHT WORDS.
THIS IS HARD.
I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.
YOU HIT YOUR MARK EVERY TIME AND YOU SEEM SO NATURAL.
MAYBE IT WILL HELP IF YOU JUST TRY TO FORGET ABOUT THE CAMERAS
AND ALL THE PEOPLE OUT THERE.
YOU KNOW ALL THE TIMES WE'VE TALKED?
THINK OF THIS AS JUST ANOTHER CONVERSATION.
GREAT, I'LL TRY THAT.
THE WOMAN IS A REDWOOD.
HOW YOU DOING?
HEY THERE.
HOW YOU DOING, ELDIN?
HELLO.
SO. WE MEET AGAIN.
HELLO, ALVIN.
IT'S ELDIN.
BUT I CAN BE ALVIN.
HEY, EVERYBODY, WAIT UP.
SO EVERYBODY READY
FOR THE WORLD PREMIERE?
WHERE'S JULIA?
DID YOU INVITE HER?
I BET SHE'D LOVE TO WATCH THE SHOW WITH ALL OF US.
SHE AND I WERE GETTING PRETTY CLOSE
SHE AND Miles: GETTING FACE IT, FRANK
RIGHT NOW SHE'S SITTING IN A HOT TUB
WITH EMILIO ESTEVEZ.
HERE IT IS! HERE IT IS!
(campy theme music)
Kelly Green: Murphy Brown!
Murphy: I got your letter of apology, Kelly.
Murphy: Now I'm sorry I filled your car with herring.
(dubbed in laughter)
(Murphy laughing)
SO WHAT DID YOU THINK?
THIS IS WHY I DON'T OWN A TELEVISION.
I BRAVED THREE WARS AND EIGHT ADMINISTRATIONS
SO I COULD SEE MYSELF BECOME
A COMIC TOUR DE FORCE FOR PETER GRAVES?
COME ON, WHAT DID YOU THINK OF ME?
HEY, LOOK AT THE TIME.
OOH! OOP!
(animated conversations)
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
?? BEFORE YOU START ??
?? I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ??
?? I'LL SAY IT NOW AND GET IT OUT OF THE WAY ??
?? I WANT A GOOD ASSISTANT BEFORE I'M RETIRED ??
?? AND THAT'S NOT YOU ??
?? SO GUESS WHAT? ??
?? YOU'RE FIRED. ??
?? I SAY FI-F-F-F-F-FIRED! ??
GOOD MORNING, MURPHY.
I GOT RATINGS FROM YOUR SHOW.
IT'S NOT MY SHOW.
KELLY GREEN CAME IN A DISTANT FIFTH.
IT WAS A ONE SHOT DEAL.
I JUST TRIED TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN.
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AREN'T SITTING AROUND
DISCUSSING MY PERFORMANCE.
OKAY, SO THEY ARE.
TOMORROW SOMEBODY WILL SPOT ELVIS AT A 7-11
AND THEY'LL FORGET ABOUT ME.
(elevator chimes)
HI, MURPHY.
HOW ARE YOU?
CONNIE, HI!
GEE, IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
WHAT BRINGS YOU TO TOWN?
I WAS JUST HERE FOR SOME BUREAU MEETINGS.
I SAW YOU ON TV LAST NIGHT.
WHAT DID YOU THINK?
CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU?
I THINK IT'S WRONG FOR A JOURNALIST OF YOUR STATURE
TO APPEAR IN A SITCOM.
ONCE YOU CROSS THAT LINE, YOU UNDERMINE YOUR CREDIBILITY.
I FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT THAT.
THAT'S AWFULLY NOBLE AND RIGHTEOUS
BUT IF YOU'D BEEN IN MY PLACE
AND THOSE NETWORK PEOPLE CAME BEGGING YOU TO HELP THEIR SHOW
OFFERING YOU THE CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT
I BET I KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD THEM.
EXACTLY WHAT I DID TELL THEM--
NO THANKS.