Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Memo That Got Away - full transcript

come on people it shouldn't be this hard

let's brainstorm so what do you think of

when you think of the 1980s glasnost the

rise of the religious right uh who are

we kidding the 80s were even duller than

the 50s Ronald Reagan was just

Eisenhower with more hair

I can't believe I'm doing another decade

in review show this is my third one you

watch your entire life distilled into 50

minutes of hackneyed video clips court



to time and a bottle and where is Murphy

you know she's always the first one here

when we're doling out the Ollie north

interviews when we have to come up with

five minutes on cultural advancements

and all we've got is a very Brady

Christmas three read books maybe that'll

help

let's just take a five excuse me I know

you you're Corky Sherwood I watch once

you mail it's on it's that cute and you

are um Lewis clutter the Walt Whitman

junior high school Gazette Oh student

you know I just love the journalism



class I took cutting and pacing all

those little articles making headlines

have you done that yet no right now

we're studying libel and the use of fair

comment and criticism defense first

introducing the Supreme Court case New

York Times versus Sullivan anyway I was

hoping to interview Murphy Brown for my

school paper well you know Murphy is a

busy woman but I'm sure she could find

time to spend with a nice bright young

man like yourself why don't you just go

right over there and sit down

thanks for sure what I really appreciate

this enough is enough you tell me there

isn't a conspiracy in personnel it's

really you I'm Lewis clutter the Walt

Whitman junior high school Gazette I've

been waiting to interview you for a

story oh well look little boy I'm sure

you're really a nice kid and all that

but I just don't have time what you know

interview David Cassidy or one of those

ghostbusters I'm more interested in you

you know Ms Brown I thought your

interview with Prime Minister Bhutto was

the only one that captured both for pure

femininity and iron will no kidding

did you happen to catch Barbara Walters

interviewer please

well maybe I do have a few minutes to

spare come on Louis I'll show you the

inner sanctum

alright so Louis shoot what burning

questions are on the minds of the Walt

Whitman Gazette readership well mostly I

wanted your comments on this seems to be

a memo you wrote to the president of the

news division saying would you think of

all the people on your show what well

you can look at like in paragraph three

you say Jim Dyle needs to be careful he

doesn't become too comfortable in his

role as senior anchor Cheryl I need

poison here I have a whole set of these

Lois where did you get this oh well the

other day I was fooling around with my

computer see I figured out how to break

into the new system I like to see how

other people write their copy boy dan

Rather really hates George Bush anyway I

came across this in your file and I'm

gonna run it next Monday's Gazette it'll

knock this melody story right on its

button there's just a few things you

don't understand that's why I need a

quote from you what did you mean when

you said Frank Fontana sometimes gets

caught up in the flash of his story and

ignores the substance look Lois I was

pressured by management into writing

that memo I didn't want to write it I

wrote it as gently as I knew how but if

you publish at the national press will

have a field day with it they don't

understand how much I love and respect

the people I work with sorry

so now that I've explained all this to

you I'm sure you understand so why don't

you just let me hang on to this thing

for a while and we'll just pretend it

never happened

I gotta go what do you mean you gotta go

well if you're not gonna give me coal I

have to I waited too long in the lobby

I'm already late for homeroom

homeroom Lois you can't just walk out of

here we haven't finished talking where

can I reach you in case I changed my

mind about the quote oh well my dad's in

the book on 32nd Street but don't call

after 9:00 I have my retainer hi guys

how's it going

pull up a chair we're way behind on this

decade in Review

I know and I really want to be there for

you but I have a very important meeting

it's kind of a sensitive matter it won't

take long I promise

I'd say someone isn't pulling her weight

around here and her initials are MV oh

look there's a little kid who looks like

he's lost maybe I'll help hi Lois thanks

for agreeing to meet me here so okay you

wanted to see fils here it is smoked

stools beer let's go someplace else no

come on you promised I've always wanted

to see a real journalists watering hole

okay sure great let's take that table

way over in the corner his parents have

a Nielsen box I'll just be a minute

so Louis being as I have a few years on

you in this journalism game just let me

say that tempting as the story might be

it's the kind of thing that can come

back to haunt you I know that some

people would be unhappy if I run this

story but I think he was walter Lippmann

who said freedom depends on whether a

journalist puts truth in first place or

in second place know believe you know

where I stand

do your goodbyes

I mean they're really good hey Murphy

who's this

Milo's replacement he's a journalist and

I wouldn't be surprised if we all ended

up working for him one day is that right

well Louis I'm gonna tell you something

I tell to every young journalist who

comes in to Bill's bar for the first

time we don't take credit cards when we

cook with two spices salt and pepper and

we only serve one kind of lettuce it's

name is iceberg by the way welcome to

Phil's what'll it be just a club soda

Phil how about you Louis I have a

meatloaf I'm special they've been a

heavy demand but I think I can save your

piece I think I'll just have a

cheeseburger kid shrewd Murphy so Louis

as I was saying Murphy we really need

you over there

we're putting together a list of

indictments during the Reagan years and

you're the only one who knows them by

heart

miles I'm busy and who have we here a

young nephew Louis Claire

reporter Walt Whitman is it mile

Silverberg executive producer FYI

I don't know Louis every network in town

is trying to woo her away now the

Gazette what do you offer you Murphy a

top block weren't enough to get out of

gym Phil you should have send that tab

over to me boy did you hear that he's

gonna buy US lunch in the memo you said

he was cheap Louis what's this and I

never said he was cheap I said any

network that's busier counting beans

than finding good stories is doomed to

mediocrity look I wasn't going to do

this but you want a big story right

right

okay forget the memo Louis turn on that

tape recorder because I'm about to tell

you a story I've never told anyone I'm

going to tell you about the day I

decided to check into Betty Ford I've

been working really hard it's preparing

for an interview with Noriega it took a

long time to get him to agree to go on

camera and I was really feeling the

pressure I was drinking a lot just to

keep one step ahead of the panic I

always feel before I have to ask the

first question the night before we were

to fly to Panama I sat alone in my

office convinced I'd never be able to

pull it off so I opened up a bottle of

scotch I don't remember anything after

that a total blackout when I woke up I

was home but I don't remember how I got

there

I was shaking I couldn't even light a

cigarette I never got on that plane to

Panama but I did get on a plane to Betty

Ford and it was the hardest thing I've

ever done

yeah I like the memo better what

reasonable person would like the memo

better come on Murphy another celebrity

chefs into Betty Ford

strictly page three I don't know I don't

think I want to talk about this anymore

okay okay we don't have to talk about it

let's talk about sports you like

football Louis huh I bet you've never

been in the Redskins locker room I could

take you there after school kind of car

you drive a Porsche Louis take the big

one

then after

and Lewis please keep the car out of the

street we wouldn't want to break any

laws he's put 47 miles on that car just

in the driveway I used to have a clutch

and I used to have hands like a surgeon

now look at this cut me some slack we

yell and you know what my weeks been

like taking us on a special White House

tour taking Lewis - Andy Rooney's tailor

today I spent the entire afternoon in an

arcade

I dropped 40 bucks into Donkey Kong and

kids still couldn't win an extra game I

like his neck and the car you bet Murphy

do you every tell you what we did today

we had lunch at the Press Club no I had

three shrimp cocktails I guess we saw

mr. bertocchi Connie Francis Donaghy was

the next table I asked him for his

autograph and he got really mad she'sshe

Murphy yelling she's practically

screaming and the whole place was

looking it was so cool I rate just went

up Lois I know we had a lot of fun today

did a lot of things but it's time we

talked about you know mmm oh that's

right Lois the memo but we've settled

all that you know where I said Lois

we're talking the bottom line here not

journalistic ethics not public trust the

bottom line what's your price huh your

price Lois everybody has a price just

tell me what it'll take to kill that

memo and it's yours think Lois think

very hard well there is one thing just

name it

well there's this 8th grade dance

Saturday never to DJ and everything I

wanted to go with Courtney Ann Simmons

but he likes Jason Robley you want me to

take care of Jason I can take care of

Jason

no I was kind of thinking you know maybe

you and I could go together

let me understand this Lewis are you

saying that if I go to the dance with

you you'll forget about the memo is that

what you're saying go to the dance no

more memo you know it's not like he'd be

the tallest girl there

Andrea allgreen is five foot nine your

sneakers and we wouldn't have to dance

all the slow dances now what I be

driving or would your parents be picket

wait I've been humiliated enough forget

it Louis I'm not going to any junior

high school dance do what you want

because you know what I can take the

consequences of my actions I knew what I

was doing when I wrote that memo and in

life you have to take responsibility for

the choices you've made

so go Louis go go print that memo go

okay okay fine but I'm not leaving

without my briefcase it was really lucky

okay so we're up to the student revolt

in Beijing huh that'll make a good

contrast to the Supreme Court ruling on

flag burning do we really have to

mention the Vanessa Williams incident

some of us are still trying to forget hi

everybody

boy it's great to see you all here

together my buddies my pounds I know I

haven't been doing my share lately but

that's going to change starting here

starting now by the way Frank I haven't

said this to you in a long time but I

think your pieces are among the most

substantive and network television and

Jenna just driving over here it occurred

to me that for all the years you've been

behind that anchor desk

you've always remained in touch with

your audience and Corki what can I say

what can I say you've grown okay Murphy

I got your important message to come

down here I could see the writing on the

wall you're gonna accept that NBC offer

aren't you it's the coffee maker thing

fine we'll put a damn espresso machine

in your dressing room that was one of

the finest examples of authoritative

problem-solving I've ever seen now if I

could just interrupt the greatest news

team in the world I have something to

share with you oh god this is gonna be

harder than I thought

Murr what's the problem are you alright

slugger

thanks for caring about me you really

are good friends more than friends a

family

go ahead Murphy well a few months ago I

was asked by management to write a

critique of the fYI team believe me it

was a memo I never wanted to write they

really pressured me well you'll never

believe what happened you know that kid

who's been hanging around he hacked it

off my computer and it's going to hit

the press it's in the next few days so

to save you any undue anxiety I'm gonna

show you that memo because I know that

you'll take it in the spirit of good and

honest criticism in which it was written

Murphy yes Jim there's a smudge over

this word what is it

stiff stiff did you say yes stiff stiff

well sure klappa cut that off our chest

now let's just put all this behind us

and get on with our day how about that

decade in Review there are a lot of good

things to come on

this boom what right here's the morning

papers yes four oh great New York Times

Washington Post Chicago Tribune what

would mean to that

so anything else sister it's not here

it's not wait a minute it's not here how

could it not be here right I wouldn't

show that stupid memo to everybody you

mean I get it for nothing how did you do

that to me my name is Bob well if it

isn't Horace Greeley saw your little rag

today what I didn't see was the memo

story you realize what you put me

through you realize how many here what's

this every copy of the memo can have

them all back story got killed

Susie Schindler the butt brained editor

said it was long and boring and she

wanted to run something else obviously

the state of journalism has decayed

beyond hope when a food fight in the

cafeteria gets the front page all I ever

wanted to do was be a good reporter I

wanted to make a difference I wanted to

be like you

Oh Louis I worked so hard on that story

nobody else because that cares about

content it's it's it's not news it's

it's infotainment I give up you know

Louis this kind of thing has happened to

me a few times dad how do you think I

felt when my special on acid rain got

beaten by it's Arbor Day Charlie Brown

you have to keep going what would the

world be like if the couples and the

Cronkite's and the Brinkley's decided to

cash it in you know Louis as many times

as I've wanted to strangle you in the

last week I have to say I respect you

you're our only hope

don't let the but brains win you know

I'm right boys yeah I know feel a little

better now Thanks welcome so I'll go

back to your place and play a little

Nintendo Louis you don't have time for

kid games you're a reporter you've got a

beat to cover yeah oh there's a new

story I'm thinking of doing when good

Hall monitors go bad sounds great

goodbye Louis goodbye Murphy my car keys

that's right

hold it just a minute there now guys

sorry but it's been kind of a rough

morning but here's a movie we did what

you suggested we put ourselves in your

shoes and well we decided to forgive you

after all we can't very well hate you

forever although the idea of one week

was kicked around guys thank you we know

we're not perfect some of the things you

said we're valid which things miles oh

why don't we just drop it suddenly I

feel a whole lot better what about

having lunch today on me hope I can

break away from my daredevil schedule

Frank's having a little problem he's

finding it hard to be as mature as the

rest of us is that true Frank maybe come

on Frank give me a break here what can I

do to make it up to you I don't know yes

you do you always know name it your

parking spot are you kidding I'm not

giving you my parking spot that's what I

want come on Frank don't be a baby I'll

give you something else I don't want

anything I don't want you said name]