Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 2, Episode 18 - The Murphy Brown School of Broadcasting - full transcript

come on people focus I can't believe

this group of highly paid professionals

can't come up with one good idea

there's Murphy help us out here

we've hit a roadblock and we're running

out of time where should we go for lunch

I want beef Demming with you today I've

got a date how do I look Frank am i

overdressed our pearls too much

I like the pearls do you need the dress

you shut up and help me with them lunch



date and pearls well this is certainly

more interesting than all that

verifiable nuclear disarmament stuff

miles waste our entire morning with

what's happening back there Frank oh god

I'm gonna be late I can't get this my

hands are too big huge actually I do

this all the time for Doris Murphy

aren't you going to tell us who the

mystery man is he's not a mystery man

and it's not a date date I'm meeting my

high school journalism teacher mr.

Hamilton he's the reason I joined my

high school newspaper he ran it like the



New York Times toughest editor I ever

had

smells like I had the female equivalent

of your mr. Hamilton mrs. Bronstein was

the most demanding teacher in school

she's dead now probably teaching Beowulf

in Hell this is obviously defective i

their men are so hopeless

[Music]

okay I'm going now I'll be at Phil's I

thought you'd like it there or do you

think I should have made reservations at

the Press Club ah this is ridiculous I'm

an accomplished woman it's not like the

man is gonna give me a grade for God's

sake besides since when did I start

worrying about what other people think

of me

pearls

[Music]

hey there Murphy you're wearing your

pearls

this guy must be somebody pretty special

he is Bill I'd like you to meet mr.

Hamilton he was my high school

journalism teacher no kiddin I bet this

one must have been a real pistol in high

school my Jeff a look for yourself Phil

I brought along the old yearbook the

Centurion circa 1966 oh no you did you

really used to be such a nice man and

here's our girl right here

would you look at down here it must be 4

feet tall be I'm it was fashionable

there looks like Jiffy Pop just before

it's ready to blow

hey I bet you can't guess who this is

[Laughter]

at least it's not that picture of me and

my gym shorts Murphy I can't tell you

how great it is to catch up with you

again after all these years you may not

realize it but I had three major

influences in my life Edward are Moreau

Wiley coyote and mr. Hamilton hey Murphy

enough already with this mr. Hamilton

stuff call me Ken gee that's a little my

calling the Queen of England bad either

can Murphy you should see the old school

now we've added a video department and

for the last ten years I've been

teaching broadcast journalism til I hit

that magic number 65 well I remember the

kind of hours who used to put in if

anyone deserves to enjoy retirement it's

you are you kidding I hate it I'm not

the kind of guy who wants to spend the

rest of his days walking on the beach

with a metal detector they keep doing

the things I love so I'm gonna open a

school right here in the hub of the news

world I'd love this it's a terrific idea

but opening a school has got to be an

enormous investment it is but I'm taking

it slowly you're looking at the Dean

registrar custodian and head nurse I'm

excited about this Murphy it's got the

old blood pumping again I want to help

you a pensions not gonna go very far I

want to make a donation after all if it

weren't for you I wouldn't be here today

no way I'm not gonna take your money

even though People magazine says you're

rolling in it but there is one thing you

could do what you just said would make a

wonderful quote in my brochure can I use

it of course you can use it I'd put my

name on anything Kent Hamilton was

involved with Murphy that's terrific

with your name in my skill I'll have so

much business I'll be turning students

away hey Murphy guy at the bar wants to

know if you can still get into this

position on the balance beam

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

absolutely incredible morning Jim what

are you grumbling about I've just seen

the most confounding even shocking

advertisement in today's paper listen to

this learn the techniques that took me

to the top join the exciting world of

television sign up now for the Murphy

Brown school of broadcasting lower

left-hand corner right next to the

girdle ad who's in this picture holy cow

that's Murphy a very young Murphy her

hair is so commercial endorsements

besmirch our entire profession oh sure I

could have taken that lucrative contract

to push through to the moon but did I

know once the journalist tap dances

across the screen in a banana suit he

can kiss his credibility goodbye

[Applause]

morning everybody mornin MuRF so what is

it some kind of tax shelter thing or did

you just lose your mind what are you

talking about

take a look right near the bust enlarger

ad oh no the Murphy Brown school that

picture that hair oh please tell me this

is a joke what do you say Murph said you

didn't know about this it's a mistake of

course it's a mistake

look at me if my hair were any higher I

could sell lift tickets on it well

you'll never guess when I saw the paper

this morning gee I wonder what it could

be miles

I saw an ad cemetery plots are on sale

at Mount Zion and I could use one of

those too because then I looked over and

saw an ad for the Murphy Brown school of

broadcasting I hope it's successful

Murphy then you could buy me a nice

headstone for the plot I ordered but

after I returned his phone call from Ted

Koppel who wants to know where he should

register for that high-paying glamorous

horn career how do you think I feel

miles I told mr. animals and he could

use my name he obviously misunderstood

I've gotta fix this Murphy I can't have

my on-air talent involved in anything

that could bring on negative press so

leave me I know look I'm sure I can

straighten this out pretty easily

Murphy hello I hope I'm not interrupting

anything mr. can how about that we were

just talking about you let me introduce

you to the people I work with Jim dial

Frank Fontana

Corky Sherwood mild Silverberg this is

Kent Hamilton the man I owe most of my

success to and the founder of the Murphy

Brown school of broadcasting

burpee I came by to get your opinion

about these new brochures I just picked

them up from the printers actually

wouldn't mind getting all your reactions

after all you're the professionals there

is that picture again they can do this

to hair but they can't get that squeak

out of my dashboard okay maybe we should

go in my office I think we should talk

sure oh hey you've still got that old AP

Stylebook I gave you when you graduated

yeah

well listen can here's the thing I think

there's been a little misunderstanding

see when I said you could use my name I

I never thought you know you'd make the

whole school after me yeah pretty great

huh I wanted to surprise you

oh it's a surprise all right and I see

here the Kathleen Sullivan call wanting

to know she could get in on the early

admissions program and I know you meant

it as a compliment but having my name on

the school could cause a lot of problems

oh gee I guess that just never occurred

to me you know I would never use your

name if it makes you feel uncomfortable

that's the bottom line well thank you

can't thank you for understanding that's

why I want you to come to the Murphy

Brown school of broadcasting tonight

give it a real going-over then if you

still have a problem we'll take that

name right off but I can guarantee you

you're gonna love it what do you say Ken

to be honest I I think it's a great idea

terrific and you know what I just got

another idea

oh boy imagine how excited the students

would be if the whole f.y.i team showed

up tonight help kick off the first night

gee that would be exciting

terrific oh listen I gotta run I got a

million things to do before tonight

Murphy thank you thank you for

everything isn't life great

[Music]

how could you let those men make those

disgusting kissing noises at me there

were six of them Corky

they had baseball bats and no ball okay

guys I know it looks bad but but what I

don't know I just like to point

something out

just because my car holds five people I

had to drive so now my brand-new BMW is

sitting out in that parking lot waiting

to be stripped smashed and set on fire

thank you Murphy when you visit my plot

bring the steering wheel I'd like that

okay so maybe there are any ivy-covered

halls donated by millionaires but that's

not what education is about now I'm

going in there to show my support for a

wonderful man and his dream besides it's

freezing out here there's a big turnout

that's something and who knows maybe one

of these people might be the next Edward

Armour Oh Murphy Brennan Bob Wilson this

is a real thrill for me well it's nice

to meet you too Bob so what brings you

here a lifelong dream to be a broadcast

journalist what oh no no I'm just here

to meet my wife

oh she's in traffic school next door and

it's it's too dangerous to wait outside

well nice talking to you come on I can t

believe it do you know my friends say I

sound just like ya

great great you're here

Marky I can't tell you how much this

means to me and thank you all for coming

I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you but

I had to talk to the landlord about the

heat oh good there it is now okay so

everyone uh uh I want to welcome you to

the first class of the Murphy Brown

school of broadcasting this is an

exciting moment in my life and I'm

gratified that some very special guests

are here to share it with me won't you

please welcome a former student of mine

Murphy Brown come on up here folks where

everyone can see it

I hate these chairs I'm flashing back to

sister Patrice's geometry class you

start to talk about the hypotenuse of a

triangle and I'd be out like a light and

whack the ruler would come right across

the back of my head I still have the

scars all right all the talking I wasn't

he was he was

now I always tell my students a good

journalist does what goes right to the

source and what better source than

Murphy Brown

so Murphy why don't you stand up and

tell the class what has made you one of

the most successful journalists in

broadcasting today I wasn't prepared to

make a speech I don't want to get mark

down a grade so how about I just answer

a couple of questions Chris Brown I've

always wanted to be a broadcast

journalist just like you thank you what

is your question how much money do you

make a year class I think we would make

better use of our time if we had

questions that related to the way in

which a journalist works yes in the past

I have a question about tabloids oh good

that's a very interesting area what do

you want to know I read in the Inquirer

that you're dating Jack Nicholson if

that's true do you make more money than

he does and is that a problem

I don't want to hog the floor here how

about we just turn it over to our senior

anchor Jim dial I'm sure there must be a

lot of questions for here yes the

gentleman in the motorcycle jacket yeah

look I heard they're paying Deborah

Norville a million two now is that

standard for an entry-level position

[Applause]

clothing that I paid 20% down on my

townhouse and took out a 30-year

mortgage so I could get the maximum

interest deductions I hope that answers

your questions

Oh God

that's it my car come on everybody let's

get out

Wow okay I think I got the heating

problem taken care of I'm sorry for the

inconvenience Thank You Murphy and thank

you fYI T hi I thought I would conclude

tonight's class by discussing some of

the underlying principles of broadcast

journalism let's see we've been in here

for three hours at 350 degrees I'm done

Hamilton does best

the primary obligation of henny

journalists is to remain objective and

impartial the press must never become

too closely associated with those whose

influence might color that precious

objectivity

isn't that right Murphy well yes up to a

point but sometimes it's necessary to

establish a more personal relationship

as it means to get the story behind the

story well yes

I see your point anyway in television

news all parties work together to get

the truth on the air I'm sure you'd

agree with that Murphy actually the

realities of television news are Network

politics run-ins with sponsors and

concern over ratings but I'm I'm sure

that's what you meant

in any case it all comes down to the

story and nothing can compare to the

excitement of the clacking teletype

machine when a fast breaking news story

is come

yes Murphy it's all computerized now we

haven't used teletype machines in years

oh I'm gonna go out on an emotional limb

here would you like to talk about it yes

yes I would Elden have you ever had a

mentor of course well I did - he was my

high school journalism teacher but

tonight I sat in a classroom and

realized I'd surpassed my mentor I knew

it he knew it it was difficult for both

of us I had the same experience it

happened many years ago

it was an artist in Greenwich Village

now I considered the man a genius we

would sit and talk together about theory

technique for hours his work was

incredible

ball gets so full of feeling I'd asked

if I could observe him at work but he's

a very private man so one day I couldn't

resist I went to a studio I climb up on

the roof and I look at him through the

skylight there he was stark naked

I watched amazed as my mentor sits and a

can of paint and drags his butt across

the canvas like a dog on a carpet

he solved that painting for $45,000

he called that the crack of dawn

[Applause]

it was a very painful experience for me

[Laughter]

and as you can tell I'm still not

completely over it are you all right yes

go on this whole situations gotten

totally out of hand how do I tell my

mentor he's failing it would break his

heart so to put this in layman's terms

you're gonna let this old guy sit up on

a rotting scaffold because you haven't

got the paint cans to be honest with him

is that it

why is this happening to me I was just

minding my own business if you really

respect his teacher yours you will tell

him the truth I know

thanks for the er Eldon let me say that

to an artist

[Applause]

kolinsky passage the fucked up overtime

of his party he thinks he shoots he

scores and the Asti and suckles happy

and joyous with teaming and many

heartfelt felicitations Thank You mr.

MacDougal that was certainly

enthusiastic well I guess that's all the

time we have tonight so class dismissed

Murphy's hi what brings you to this neck

of the woods if you have a minute I'd

like to talk yeah always got a minute

for my star pupil floor is all yours mr.

Hamilton 25 years ago I came to you

confused about my future we sat down in

your classroom kind of like we're doing

now and I talked and you listened and

you asked me one simple question what

did I want to do no one had ever really

asked me that before you wanted to study

journalism that's right and one of the

reasons I got the courage to follow my

dream was that I knew that if you

thought it was wrong you would have told

me even if it hurt you never pulled any

punches sounds like you've got something

on your mind Murphy I do I think the

school is a mistake

the equipment is totally out of date the

students are hopeless and frankly

there's a very big difference between

life in the classroom and life in the

real world I know how much teaching

means to you but I think you're throwing

your life savings away oh great mr.

Hamilton I'm so glad I caught you but do

you mind this is somewhat of a private

conversation this will only take a

minute

mr. Hamilton I'm sorry miss class today

but have a great excuse I got a job a

job a job yeah you know when we talked

last night he stayed after class to 1:00

in the morning telling me not to quit

not to give up and I said it was

pointless well I was wrong I took your

advice I went down to the PBS station

today and I got it a job Michael

congratulations

see you just needed to believe in

yourself what kind of a job exactly an

intern well a gofer really but it pays

the rent and the last guy of the job is

now a field reporter for a network

affiliate oh Michael is there's

wonderful news I'm so proud of you well

I got a run mr. Hamilton I'm sorry that

I won't be able to finish this semester

you're really something

good luck kiddo keep in touch

you bet bye boy do I feel like a

world-class jerk you realize that in a

year's time I'll be begging that kid for

a better time slot I guess nobody knows

anything about anything

Murphy you didn't say anything tonight

that I didn't tell myself after that

first class really I know I'm out of

touch but I can fix that you can teach

me now how's that for coming full circle

Oh mr. Hamilton you have got yourself a

deal

great now how about I Drive you over to

Phil's and treat you to dinner and a pop

quiz you're on but you gotta stop

calling me mr. Hamilton I told you it's

ken Ken Ken Hamilton that's a great name

for a school don't you think the Ken

Hamilton school of broadcasting I like

it good

[Music]

[Music]