Murphy Brown (1988–2018): Season 2, Episode 16 - I Want My FYI - full transcript

people left on the boat our George Bush

Gorbachev and Dan Rather going on ten

minutes now Phil this better be a good

joke all of a sudden in the distance

they see another boat coming up and it

gets closer and closer and closer great

everybody's together I have big news

Mike finally the boat comes right up

next to him and who do you think he's on

the deck oh is this the Nancy Reagan

joke oh I'm sorry okay I guess I was



just anxious to fill you in on the scoop

of the day I had a meeting with the head

of network programming he had this

incredible idea I mean when I tell you

what it is you were going to flip you

wouldn't happen to be talking about a

new magazine show the network wants to

promote and they want you to produce the

pilot that wouldn't be at would it miles

sorry I hate myself by the way your

raise didn't come through

a new magazine show I don't like the

sound of it the network already has us

why do they need another one don't worry



about a prank there's no competition

it's a Saturday morning news show

reported by kids for kids fYI for kids

isn't that a great idea I'll say and

you're the perfect choice to produce if

you're over budget on wardrobe the kids

can wear your clothes have somebody to

help you with your paper route all right

all right let's hear from that table

down there

come on take a shot it's a really mild

you must be so sensitive so what's the

first segment is piggy on the Berlin

Wall okay I can see where I stand the

network selects me to produce an

important pilot that just might raise

the intelligence of the nation's youth

and II just I was hoping you'd

understand I was also hoping you might

work with the kids some expertise on

story areas would you read my lips miles

I remember what it was like when I was

first starting out I needed guidance

from someone old and I had Murphy now

it's time to get something back I'll

help you miles thanks cookie cookies

gonna help me so it's me and Corky

anyone else please baby cookies right

it's about time we offer our youth

something other than these poorly drawn

cartoons that litter the airwaves what

about you Frank well maybe I could spare

some time as long as this fYI for kids

isn't on opposite route dog I love that

show least one person I haven't heard

from yet miles I already have a job and

besides there's that little matter of

the Mario Cuomo profile which you want

for next week's show okay forget it

we don't need Murphy I'm sure there was

probably a time I would have tried to

change your mind maybe even begged but

the truth is I think we can do this

without her I really do

so buddy aren't you sorry miles and I'm

up to the real world you know little

things like wars revolts global warming

so good luck see you all on the peewee

Silverberg spoils

[Music]

our young reporters are in a photo

session our following that they'll be

here to meet you for the first time then

it's informal chatty until noon lunch

from 12:00 to 1:00 stories from one to

three and a visit to the set at 3:15 so

that's our schedule for the day

hey look who's here

my kids my stars of tomorrow - one

where's Natalie

he missed the elevator ok ok this is not

a crisis she knows where to go

somebody call security here in the

meantime I'm going to introduce you to

some very special people

fYI me FYI jr. now Tracey night you'll

be working with curly Shirley

[Music]

so much I want to teach you about

finding a story and writing a good lead

have you ever won your hair pulled back

this area Dyke young man must be the

acre

I'm Jim dial welcome aboard how do you

do mr. dial my name is Henry Caldwell

but they're not the anchor

I'm the investigative reporter so then

by simple process of elimination is it

where this fellow right over here the

only one left

must be the anchor you got that right

West Jordan how's it hangin Jim

oh you're not sure about the earring

yeah why I was warned me hey that's cool

but just because I don't fit the mold

doesn't mean I can't report the news oh

of course not

I guess I'm just a traditionalist last

of dying breed it's an old dinosaur

gasping for air as it crashes to the

ground and dies

so it's Henry right yes sir

very nice me sir Hey we're not in the

arm you call me Frank and listen the

only time an investigative reporter

whereas it ty is when they bury him but

I can't

[Laughter]

we'll work on it well I'm excited and

your excited too aren't you Henry you

can tell just by looking at you I've

arranged a special studio tour right

after lunch first I get a bus driver who

can't accept criticism now this hey

Natalie there you are

did you get lost no I didn't get lost

rollers pedal over there didn't hold the

elevator for me

Natalie snuck into the studio you know

you really shouldn't do that you could

get into trouble Oh

did you say this one's name was Natalie

more remember it Miles asked me to do

double duty because of a certain

person's selfishness so I'll be helping

Tracy and you with your little stories

boy it just gets worse thanks but I

don't need help just give me an office

and a decent secretary you know I was

thinking maybe I could find time in my

schedule to work with Natalie but before

we get started there's something you

should understand to me working with

kids is like chewing chalk so don't

expect me to be nurturing or patient or

bake cookie Murphy are we gonna stand

around yakking all day or are we gonna

put together a story you got potential

kid I can tell you that from experience

what's wrong someone phoned sheldon

Pincus and my parents were out of the

house and then I want him to come over

and watch Blue Lagoon gee I wonder what

that could have been it was Natalie I

know it was Tracy it's okay when they

pull those pranks on us they're just

showing their affection it means we've

finally been accepted into that

fraternity of news people

okay you guys ready for this I did what

I could I don't know I'm I had a week

yet this very sharp Henry its Hank Hank

he's exposing substandard nutrition

levels in school cafeterias Scott Hank

well Frank

so far I've infiltrated the kitchens of

four different schools opposing as a

student cafeteria monitor including an

all-girls school the master of disguise

I'll wear the jacket but I've gotta roll

up the sleeves I'll look like a geek oh

I see anybody who wears a suit and ties

a keep that what you're saying that I'm

a geek you know when I was your own

problem here miles I've been talking

myself blue in the face but mr.

wisenheimer has all the answers

seems I've been doing everything wrong

for the past 25 years maybe I should

wear an earring maybe Dan Rather's

should do the news and shredded jeans

take it easy

maybe after the meeting you guys can go

grab a burger and talk this out oh great

more talking I can't to just work with a

sherwoodk chick Oh

hi everybody guess what I brought that's

right a dozen beauty friends help

yourself just a little treat because my

story's going so well hey how was last

night Tracy it's Sheldon show you that

note there was no trick

it's great energy

okay I'm glad to see we're all getting

along why don't we get this meeting

underway exchange our thoughts talk

about ways to improve upon the things

we've done so far

there it is but we don't have time come

on young man we have some tapes to look

at all not little Walter Klondike Walter

Cronkite landlord will I ever make it

through this lifetime

come on Natalie let me get your caught

up on what I've been doing so where I

couldn't wait until school was over and

show you the extra work I did on my

interview and I really can't wait to see

it but just have a look at this first

what's this everything you ever wanted

to know on Edward Stoddard

Superintendent of Schools all the

research all the questions so all I have

to do is read it no well okay I did sort

of put it in a script form but you could

rearrange the questions if you want is

that something you could do see but

don't change the first three well maybe

you should just do the whole interview

yourself you don't need me come on

Natalie this is your first time out it's

not easy being on television I want you

to do well I want you to be the best

okay come on let's work on your opening

we'll do it together

I wrote an opening I put it on your desk

yesterday didn't you read it I skimmed

it thoroughly okay I was going to read

it but I was too busy come on we'll do

it now no thanks you go ahead I know

you'll do a better job anyway and that's

what counts hey Natalie

Natalie

[Music]

but time that's all I ask a thin little

piece of cloth that goes around your

neck would it kill you to wear it yes it

would put me in my grave see if I care

okay this is it

show time how do they look they seem

nervous

maybe the skin too what was too rough

maybe I pushed them too hard oh there

you go coddling them again if those kids

really want to be journalists they're

going to have to learn to be tough don't

you agree I should have gone with the

Batman wallpaper

I'm gonna give Natalie a little pep talk

so this is it the big moment how you

feel okay I guess I just wanted to wish

you good luck and see if she wanted to

use these three new questions I came up

with sure look Natalie I know you wanted

to do the interview you are away but

this isn't the school play there's no

room to make mistakes you know you're

right

well you're almost done I better go hey

Murphy yeah can I just ask you a

question when you did this for the first

time was it fun are you kidding it was

the greatest moment of my life oh I just

wanted to know all right places

everybody

20 seconds

addley give me those cards what give

them to me those are my notes and my

questions except it's not my interview

okay you want to learn

you're now flying without a net you're

gonna do this your way and you want to

know something you're gonna have the

time of your life all right stay by

everyone can I borrow your time in

[Music]

four three two

[Music]

good morning

I'm West Jordan welcome to the first

edition of fYI for kids where your

information

Hank Caldwell exposes a nutritional

nightmare in our school cafeterias and

tracy night spends a day skating with

Dorothy Hamill but first in an exclusive

interview dr. Edwards stuttered the

superintendent of Dolan County School

System talks to our own Natalie more

Baddeley Thank You Wes dr. Stoddard

welcome to fYI for kids well thank you

for inviting me Natalie I want to wish

you and your colleagues good luck and

your new and exciting project thank you

dr. Stoddard while other school

districts rely on tax dollars for

funding you began a successful program

reaching out to the private sector for

financial support and Natalie the

business of Education is the business of

all our tomorrow's

you see we're counting on bright boys

and girls like you to be the leaders of

the future

[Music]

how much money did you raise last year

oh yeah I'm sure you're not interested

in hearing a bunch of boring figures yes

I am you raised two million dollars

didn't you dr. Stoddard yet only a

million and a half reach the schools

whereas the other half million I'm glad

you asked it's being held in an escrow

account escrow is a very complicated

escrow account called sabar enterprises

an account used to secure a home

improvement loan for five five five Long

Creek Road that's your home address

isn't it dr. Schneider I have copies of

receipts for an automatic garage door

opener backyard patio three thousand

square feet of new sod this has been the

first edition of fYI for kids catch you

later

[Applause]

and I could watch that guy squirm LJ

come on you're gonna do seen it three

times already let's give the Machine

arrest have some more food ya wanna do

excuse me

Elden we're talking to me

I was just wondering something whatever

I'm here you usually you know follow me

around a lot and hang on my every word

well I've been here for a while now and

you haven't even said hello oh you know

I'm a proud man now I've tried in the

past to win your favor but to no avail

it's quite obvious a man like me has no

chance with a woman like you so I'm

moving on oh the old hard-to-get routine

who would have thought huh thanks for

the tip tank

[Applause]

hello Murphy sorry I'm late I got hung

up and meeting with the big breasts

reeling in those confluences what do

they want a four-year commitment well I

guess I can work it into my schedule

come on the kids will want to hear this

fYI for kids is history what you know it

can't be the network hated it

but they said it was too hard hitting

too adult for Saturday mornings the

going with a quiz show hosted by Lou

Ferrigno television anymore I hate this

lousy business I hate those Network

people are nothing but a bunch of vipers

does it I've had it I'm buying a little

farm in Virginia and I'm getting out

yourself together we have to tell the

kids tell the kids

oh no we can't they're so happy and full

of glee we'll tell them next week the

circus is coming to town yes we'll take

them to the circus and we'll tell them

while they're watching Bears ride a bike

wait a minute Murphy weren't you the one

who said we shouldn't baby them it

looked like you it sounded like you okay

I'll tell them I work everybody

can I talk to you for a minute I have

some news but first I just want to say

how proud we all are of the work you've

done this week oh yeah and that one day

you'll all go on to become great

successes in the exciting field we got

the X

[Applause]

they didn't even give us a chance how

can they do this we had no meeting it's

not fair

hey Frank who said life was fair don't

take it so hard we had a good time and

that's what counts

no it isn't we dumped we can't tomorrow

nobody will answer our calls it hurts

Hank this I should have worn the suit ha

Jim you should have worn the earring and

played the guitar shaking your bottom

that's what they want

look I know this is hard but let's do

something to cheer ourselves up would

you like to see a movie or go for ice

cream would you like a puppy it's ok

Murphy not really that disappointed

between school in the shell I didn't

have enough time for cheerleading

practice and that's my first love hey

anybody want to go them all Yeah right

unless you guys wants to stay I think

you're gonna be alright

oh yes we'll be fine go Oh crazy belts

are on sale like casual corner

I guess I'll be going to Natalie do you

want to talk about I don't know how you

can say that I know I feel pretty crummy

it's my fault isn't it I didn't work

hard enough I wasn't good enough whoa

hold on if I put that much pressure on

myself every time things didn't work out

the way I wanted them to I'd end up well

I'd end up been Betty Ford look you've

already learned how to be a good

reporter now why don't you take some

time out and learn how to be a kid relax

loosen up and if somebody like Miriam

charters undoes the braid in your hair

don't turn around and slug her so that

she never speaks to you again because

one day she just might bind up his

senior class vice president and throw a

really great Christmas party with a

sleigh ride and not invite you and then

before you know it you'll be in your 40s

and you'll still never have gone on that

sleigh ride it'll be okay

you'll see once you've been in this

business a little longer you'll develop

a tougher skin you'll learn to take

these things in stride see you bye

okay let's think of something to cheer

ourselves up I know let's play Barbara

Walters special I'll be shared oh no I

want to be shared okay

you'll be share I'll be Madonna who's

gonna be Barbara Walters they've got

Sharon Madonna when you turn

[Music]

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