Mr. Mayor (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - The Illusion of Choice - full transcript
Senior staff discovers that Neil has an identity problem: nobody knows who he is. James believes that using nudge theory in some form to effect social change without people actually realizing that they are being influenced will work in this matter. The pilot that James proposes specifically for the area around City Hall before it goes city-wide is something that Neil doesn't really like, but thinks there is no other option. While the pilot does show some increased recognition of Neil, Arpi points out to him that James was using nudge theory to make him agree to the pilot, two who can play that game in Neil wanting to kibosh the pilot. Meanwhile, Mikaela and Tommy learn that Jayden is no longer living with his mother, and has for the last month been sleeping at City Hall. While it points out the larger problem of the homeless working segment of the population, Mikaela and Tommy are determined to help him find an apartment within his very narrow parameters. Miraculously within that confine, Jayden is able to find an apartment, with one small problem in which Jayden would have to behave inherently unJaydenlike for the landlord, Leaf, to rent the apartment to him, something that may be impossible for him to accomplish.
I'm Chet Danville,
host of "Mayor Chat".
And the station told me
I have to quote,
"Help us justify
why you still have a show,"
so it's time for
a hip new segment I call
"Chet on the Sidewalk."
Angelenos are thought
to be kooks
who don't follow politics.
Let's put that to a test
with a new game
my wife told me to call
"What's Your Mayor's Name?"
Sir, for a dollar,
what's your mayor's name?
I don't really
follow politics.
I have a very rich
internal world.
You seem
politically informed.
- For a dollar...
- "Yes" on Prop Four.
"No" on Five-B.
"Maybe" on Prop a Million.
- The sun is a hoax!
- Oh, dear me.
Sir, what is your mayor's name?
Oh, uh, I know this.
It's... it's, uh...
I don't know
why I am panicking.
The Mayor of Los Angeles,
- what is his name?
- Yeah!
Well that's gonna be
our whole day.
[sighs]
[bright music]
*MR.MAYOR.
Season 02 Episode 04
Episode Title: " The Illusion of Choice"
Aired on: April 05, 2022.
[♪] Subtitles
Synchronized by srjanapala
What is it?
It starts with an "N."
Neville. Kentelman?
Dan Kentelman?
This is an emergency.
People don't even know
who I am.
So what?
This isn't about you.
It's about the four million
human beings
and six-hundred-million possums
that live in Los Angeles.
Public image is important,
Arpi, and I should know...
Everyone, come quick!
He's gonna tell a story
about the billboard industry!
Well I'm not now.
And it was gonna be
a good one, too.
Look, I can't do my job if
nobody knows who I am, right?
I mean, I could be on TV making
an emergency announcement,
and everyone would just think
I'm the hot new doctor
on "Chicago Med."
We need to get
my face out there!
That sounds like
vanity talking.
No, Arpi, vanity sounds like,
"Hello and welcome
to my castle of mirrors!
"With this amulet,
I shall stay young forever!
Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Well, Mr. Mayor,
my first thought
would be to use
a social nudging program
- to raise awareness.
- Nudging, of course.
I'll listen while
you explain that to Arpi.
It's social psychology.
The idea that small suggestions
can cause big changes
in behavior.
For example,
painting a fly on a urinal.
Oh, I give those little guys
the business.
That's exactly it, sir.
You think
you're making a choice
when really you're being nudged
to make less of a mess,
which, in turn,
reduces cleaning costs.
It's the illusion of choice.
Ugh, I can't tell if this
is fascist gobbledygook
or corporate doublespeak.
But, hey, why choose, right?
I'm just saying it works.
Look, I've actually been using
nudging around the office.
Mikaela is the only one
who uses the vanilla creamer,
so I just slapped
a little sticker of Jim Carrey
on the shelf behind it and...
Smoking!
James,
let's nudge some people.
Neil Bremer!
Your name is Neil Bremer.
Thank goodness!
Gosh, that camera,
it messed me up, man.
So, Jayden,
what am I looking at here?
This is where
the bad chairs go!
[clanging]
Fire!
[clanging] Fire!
Okay, I can explain.
I'm a sleepwalker.
Ever since I went to
a show at the Magic Castle
and I heckled a hypnotist...
Jayden, that's not the part
that we're wondering about.
You can't sleep here, sir.
This is a city office.
You're just lucky I was there
to save your life.
Of course, I'll go
to Never land with you!
Oh, hey, hey, hey!
Oh, Peter! Ugh!
Oh, that was you?
- Oh, I think I...
- Kissed me?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Thank you, Officer Gutierrez.
We assure you
this will not happen again.
[softly] Hi.
Jayden, how many nights
have you done this?
Um, like four weeks, I think.
Oh, my God!
I thought you lived
with your mom.
I did, okay?
But she raised the rent to
$1,400 and 20 kisses a month.
And both prices are too steep,
okay? I'm not made of kisses.
- So rent an apartment.
- Or go on a reality show.
Everything is so expensive!
And "Big Brother" said
my application was too sad.
It's an LA tale
as old as time.
Don't sneak up
on people like that.
Not sneaking. Just tiny.
And Jayden has joined the ranks
of our city's working unhoused.
It's an all too common problem
exacerbated by stagnant wages
and a housing shortage.
Perhaps one of my friends
will take me in.
- No, no, no.
- Oh, hell no.
We'll help you find
an apartment.
Okay,
what are you looking for?
One bedroom, five baths,
walking distance
to a Peruvian bakery.
I like a low ceiling
'cause I like to jump up
and see if I can touch it.
Must allow large lizards,
in case I get one.
Every room needs a floor drain.
I spill. A lot.
Okay, you're not making this
any easier, buddy.
Yeah,
that's what my mom said.
The problem, low public
awareness of Mayor Bremer.
The goal, get his face
out there.
The solution.
Huh. Would you look at that.
It's a trash can.
This is nudging.
You know, you put a target
on a trash can,
it makes people use it.
Belgium had a lot of success
with trash cans
with Smurf faces on them.
Heady company, sir.
Arpi, care to give it a try?
I've got peanut shells
in my pocket.
Yeah, I can see people
liking that.
It's great, James.
But I couldn't help
but notice you have two more
of these things
with the sheets on them.
As much as I love that,
I probably
shouldn't make a decision
without seeing the options.
- Couldn't agree more.
- Okay.
Well, these are all the same.
Uh, no, actually,
the cans themselves
are different greens.
We've got mint green,
jade green, and jasper green.
We wanted to make sure
we got your input on that
before we roll out
the pilot program.
And this "pilot program,"
that would mean
how many of these things?
We'd start with
a couple dozen
just in and around City Hall.
That way we can
all watch them at work!
Smart! Pick a color, sir.
Not that it matters
really how they look, right?
This awareness campaign's
for the good of the city,
not anyone's ego.
I, uh, I really like
the jasper.
- Oh, this one's jasper, sir.
- I love it.
[blowing nose obnoxiously]
- Oh, my God.
- Did you see it?
I got an apartment match!
Okay, it went on the market
two minutes ago,
and it's five minutes away.
You have a chance
if you leave now
and you run every light.
I don't know, it doesn't
have the floor drains.
In this market,
you won't find better. Go.
I'm gonna do
a Scooby Doo start
so I get there extra fast.
So after that,
you're attending
the LA River cleanup, where
they'd love for you
to drink just
a little cup of water.
What? No. Hey, easy! Easy!
Oh, you took that
like a champ, sir.
It's not me.
It's just a trash can.
Oh, hey,
are you kidding me, pal?
That gets its own bucket?
The important thing is that
my face is getting out there.
See? Even future voters
like that little... oh, jeez!
The smell just hit me.
Oh, what are they feeding
that baby?
Get in, quick.
Open the door.
Ugh, someone else
got the apartment?
No, it's still available.
- So you didn't like it?
- No. It's perfect.
Multiple skylights,
one bedroom, four bathrooms.
Legend has it the original
architect had dementia
so he just kept adding toilets.
And I hope you don't mind,
but I keep a monitor lizard
in the courtyard.
I have never minded
anything less!
I'll take it. - Oh,
wonderful!
What's your astrological sign?
What? Oh, um, Gemini.
Ah! Go!
You mustn't be here!
[Shouting]
The landlord will only rent
to a Scorpio. And I'm a...
Obvious Pisces.
Ugh, better luck
next time, Jayden.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
Not only is
this discrimination,
it's dumb discrimination
based on a pseudoscience.
So you agree, it's a science.
Jayden, this landlord
is illegally discriminating
against you
based on astrological sign.
No, we are going back there.
I hope you're happy.
Americans
overvalue happiness.
I hope I'm useful. What's up?
I hate the trash cans, okay?
I hate that they
have me on them.
I saw two pigeons
making love on my face, Arpi!
On my face!
If you don't
like the trash cans,
just cancel the program.
I can't do that.
James says I'm trending.
Teens have invented a game
where they throw
hot dogs in my mouth.
James says it's not sexual
but I don't believe him.
I don't get why
you let the pilot program
go ahead in the first place.
Why even pick a trash can?
Because all the choices
were trash cans, Arpi!
I had to pick...
Oh, the illusion of choice.
See, he nudged me.
James nudged me!
Huh, I guess he did.
So nudge him back.
Trick him into thinking
we shouldn't do
the trash cans at all.
Trick James,
the Master of Nudge?
Oh, please.
James just slapped
a fresh coat of paint
on the oldest trick
in the book.
Nudging is the same as
"Great idea, sir."
It's when I say an idea,
wait for my superior
to bring it up again later,
and then compliment them
like it's their idea.
I also like "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
That's what you say to sound
like you're agreeing.
But if it's all you say,
the person you're talking to
has to start
filling the silence,
negotiating with his own idea
until he talks himself
out of it.
Yeah, I do that every time
Orly asks for a rabbit.
Oh, hey, what if we use
our old-school nudging
to get James to cancel
the trash can program?
Great idea, sir!
I know. Thank you.
Thanks for the
last-minute showing.
No problem at all.
I'm an Aquarius,
so I love meeting new souls.
I'm a Libra!
So the old "scales of balance."
It's why I'm the hero
of my own story
- but also a victim.
- And I should mention,
we're only renting
to a Scorpio.
The complex has been
really out of balance,
and I'm just looking to restore
that fearless energy
to our collective.
I love that.
Interesting you say that,
though,
because the Fair Housing Act
of 1968 says...
Says that I can't
discriminate
on the basis of race, color,
national origin,
familial history,
or disability.
Everything else is fair game.
People who wear beads
can go to law school.
I didn't. But I could.
- Huh.
- Yeah.
Thankfully,
the apartment's not for her.
It's for Jayden,
who is 100% Scorpio.
Because of the moon.
Ain't nothing but a moon thang!
Jai ho,
that's fantastic news.
I'll go get a pen and
an application from our Virgo!
What are you doing?
Jayden doesn't have
the raw animosity
to convincingly pass
as a Scorpio.
Wait, are Scorpios mean?
Guys, I'm Jayden.
- I'm stone-cold Hufflepuff.
- You can do this, Jayden.
Just, like,
everyone you talk to
is the person
who canceled "Ducktales."
[grunts]
Expressing anger already.
Classic Scorpio.
You think you're so smart,
it's embarrassing!
You need to start
thinking about
what I want to do
with my Saturdays,
not steal my joy like some sort
of corporate Magic a de Spell.
A true son of Mars!
Welcome to the building.
The laundry is in the basement,
and the dryers do not work.
Ass!
[both chuckling]
As a thank you,
I got doughnuts.
What are you doing?
You're a Scorpio now!
Scorpios don't bring doughnuts.
They take doughnuts,
or comment that other people
- shouldn't be eating doughnuts!
- I thought I was only
supposed to be a Scorpio
at the apartment.
No, Jayden,
this is the zodiac
that we're talking about.
And Tommy can roll his eyes
all that he wants...
Oh, I can? Thank you!
Oh, brother!
You're attempting to be
the opposite of everything
that the stars
have dictated for your nature.
You can't go back and forth.
I don't want this to break you.
Okay, um, put these on.
The only people who wear
sunglasses indoors
are cool and mean.
Or grammies after
cataract surgery.
You stop thinking
like a Jayden!
If you want this apartment,
you gotta be the Scorpio.
'Sup, Leslie?
What's it like having a mom
that's not as pretty as my mom?
- You take that back.
- [voice breaking] No.
- You wanted to see me, sir?
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
James, we're thrilled
with the trash can project.
It's a great first try.
"First try?" It's a home run.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
But, of course, I'm sure
there's room for improvement.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Why don't the team and I
take a look first.
See what we can improve
before the citywide roll out.
Great idea, James.
Yeah.
Race you to the top,
dog breath!
Deal with it, dog breaths!
Suck eggs, person breath!
[dog whimpers]
Scorpio! Scorpio! Scorpio!
I don't think
I did a good job
explaining to him
what a Scorpio is.
What, Nora? What?
This is the same
exact trash can!
Actually, sir, it's not.
Yes, the original trash cans
were pretty sticky on social.
But how exactly
were they trending?
"LA trash mouth."
"Garbage clown."
- "Hotdog slut."
- That is definitely sexual.
- You think I don't know that?
- Now that is awareness, yes.
But it's not the message
we're looking for,
which is why
we've updated to 2.0.
Hi, I'm Mayor Neil Bremer.
Thank you for your trash.
Boy, that... that is something.
The original cans
had a fatal flaw.
They didn't identify you
as the mayor.
So we've corrected that error
with ten fun phrases
the team put together
using existing soundbites.
I'll finish it if you won't!
I'm Mayor Neil Bremer.
And it's all eco-friendly.
The speakers are solar-powered
and the electronics
are all recycled from that dump
that's all Furbys from 1998.
Your trash but my treasure!
I'm Mayor Neil Bremer.
- It's pretty great, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But... yeah.
Yeah?
Permission
to go citywide, sir?
Is there another choice?
Oh, sorry.
I was talking to the can.
Let's do this, LA!
I'm Mayor Neil Bremer.
[groaning]
- Jayden?
- Oh, sorry.
Do you ever get the feeling
that your real personality
is at the bottom of a deep pit,
and your fake personality
you've built
keeps building the walls
of the pit higher,
and you can't get out?
Only in high school
and college.
- Okay.
- Ugh, I told you,
forcing Jayden to be a Scorpio
was going to be too much.
He's clearly losing himself.
Yeah, I didn't mind switching
to black underpants
and calling everybody
"dog breath,"
but this Scorpio duty
is just too hard.
Wait, what's Scorpio duty?
It's when the building
Scorpio
has to do the tasks that
the Aquarius landlord can't.
All right, my Scorpio king,
I need you
to evict the lady in 2A.
You might want to do it
while her son is at preschool.
Also, tell her I'll be keeping
her security deposit
because her wheelchair
ruined the carpet.
I would do it, but I'm coo!
You know?
No, she can't make you
evict other tenants.
She's not making me,
because as a Scorpio,
I should love to do it.
And if I don't love to do it,
then I'm apparently
not a Scorpio!
This is insane.
There has to be a law
somewhere against this.
No, Tommy, just let it go.
There's a ton of laws
about building code,
but no law about
being an LA weirdo.
You're right, there are a ton
of laws about building code.
And I'm gonna read every one
until I find out
which one she's breaking.
Because Aquarians hate rules!
To the City Hall Library!
Which is now completely online!
That's a big one! Nice shot!
- But my treas... hey, I'll eat...
- Hey, hey!
What do you two
think you're doing?
Dude, have you seen these?
Yummy! I'll eat... Your. But.
I'm. Filthy. Mayor Bremer.
My. Mouth. Loves. Trash?
Dude, you can make it say,
like, whatever!
- It's called trash mouthing...
- Hey, you know what?
Oh, snap,
you're Mayor Bremer!
Oh, my God! Hotdog Slut!
[laughter]
When clean LA...
Nice shot! Yummy, yummy!
[zapping]
I'm Mayor Neil Bremer!
We gotta go. [Laughing]
[distorted] Yummy!
Okay, sir, James told me
you were on board
with the branded
garbage cans, but...
Wait, is this on a porn site?
"Mayor on mayor"
is a real kink?
I mean, no judgment.
Mean boy, coming through!
The cans are obviously
not working, Mikaela.
They just attract hooligans.
You know what I saw
when I watched that video, pal?
A clean street.
Oh! Jayden's right.
That block
is usually covered in trash.
I'm pretending
to be a Scorpio
for reasons you don't
need to know, but guess what?
I don't care that
you're butt-hurt about people
throwing garbage at your face!
They're using
the trash cans, man!
I'm so tired
of being like this.
Excuse me, Leaf?
Jayden, did you get that
Scorpio duty done
- like we had communicated about?
- Uh, no, not yet.
Okay, Jayden, I mean,
let's do it
before her water breaks, okay?
Tell her, Jayden.
[in strained voice]
Jayden is not here right now.
Okay, Jayden's not a Scorpio,
he's a Pisces.
Oh, wow.
This is a violation
of your lease
and I need you to tell yourself
to move out.
You will lose your deposit.
Ugh, I hate doing this!
- This is why I need a Scorpio!
- Oh, yeah, such a bummer.
I just find it so interesting
that, as an Aquarius,
you'd be such a stickler
for a rule like this.
Oh, well, rules protect
our vibe, you know?
Mm, yeah, but I noticed
you don't follow the rule
about having fire extinguishers
in every public hallway.
And what you have labeled
as an organic algae garden
is most definitely black mold.
[chuckles]
Your aura is so vibrant
right now.
I need to capture this.
Let me go get my watercolors.
Great, and while you do that,
I'm gonna go ahead
and just write down
every building code violation
that I observe,
as an official representative
of the City of Los Angeles.
For real?
Oh, he's 100%
Taurus about this.
I'm really a Pisces!
Yeah, we told her
already, buddy.
Oh. - Listen, you can
discriminate
based on astrological signs
all you want but...
I can shut down
your entire building.
Okay, fine!
I'm just a crappy
LA landlord.
My name is Arlene,
and I own a gun, okay?
I don't even believe
in astrology.
Then why do you
live like this?
I realized that when tenants
come to me with complaints,
I can just start babbling
about how I need to know
the exact time they were born
so I can chart
if we're compatible,
and then they'd go away,
and I never fix the AC.
How long have you been
doing this?
Since 1990
when I discovered
the character Leaf
in my Sunday show
at The Groundlings.
"SNL" may have passed
on old Arlene,
but she still found a way
to make a living
from her characters.
I also own a biker bar in WeHo
as Big Butch Betty Bodean.
- Oh, no.
- No.
It was a different time
in comedy.
Yeah.
So how much do you want
to go away?
I'm willing to look
the other way on this
if you fix all these violations
and you let Jayden stay.
At 500 less a month.
And I get to feed your lizard
whenever I want to.
- Deal!
- [maniacal laughter]
Whoa! Sorry.
That was the last
of the Scorpio leaving my body.
Okay, here's what we do
with the trash cans.
I have some friends
in the Teamsters Union
and they know
how to make things disappear.
Remember that guy
who was gonna host "Jeopardy"?
We're not getting
rid of them, Arpi.
I just approved
the citywide roll out.
Seriously? But... but...
Those stupid trash cans
are humiliating, yes,
but they're actually keeping
the streets cleaner.
And I didn't see it
until a very weird
Jayden pointed it out.
Because your face is fun
to throw trash at, of course!
I concede one point
to the I-Team.
All righty then!
Well, sir,
I'm glad you realized that
a city of four million people
is actually bigger
than your ego.
Well, thank you, Arpi.
That means...
[yawning] it means a lot to me.
- [coughs]
- I am sorry, sir.
I saw your open mouth
and it was a reflex.
I'm gonna buy you
a can of shelled nuts.
Yes, you are.
Nudging works.
What a great. Episode.
Stay. Tuned. For.
Sexy. Cop. Trash.
[laughter]
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
host of "Mayor Chat".
And the station told me
I have to quote,
"Help us justify
why you still have a show,"
so it's time for
a hip new segment I call
"Chet on the Sidewalk."
Angelenos are thought
to be kooks
who don't follow politics.
Let's put that to a test
with a new game
my wife told me to call
"What's Your Mayor's Name?"
Sir, for a dollar,
what's your mayor's name?
I don't really
follow politics.
I have a very rich
internal world.
You seem
politically informed.
- For a dollar...
- "Yes" on Prop Four.
"No" on Five-B.
"Maybe" on Prop a Million.
- The sun is a hoax!
- Oh, dear me.
Sir, what is your mayor's name?
Oh, uh, I know this.
It's... it's, uh...
I don't know
why I am panicking.
The Mayor of Los Angeles,
- what is his name?
- Yeah!
Well that's gonna be
our whole day.
[sighs]
[bright music]
*MR.MAYOR.
Season 02 Episode 04
Episode Title: " The Illusion of Choice"
Aired on: April 05, 2022.
[♪] Subtitles
Synchronized by srjanapala
What is it?
It starts with an "N."
Neville. Kentelman?
Dan Kentelman?
This is an emergency.
People don't even know
who I am.
So what?
This isn't about you.
It's about the four million
human beings
and six-hundred-million possums
that live in Los Angeles.
Public image is important,
Arpi, and I should know...
Everyone, come quick!
He's gonna tell a story
about the billboard industry!
Well I'm not now.
And it was gonna be
a good one, too.
Look, I can't do my job if
nobody knows who I am, right?
I mean, I could be on TV making
an emergency announcement,
and everyone would just think
I'm the hot new doctor
on "Chicago Med."
We need to get
my face out there!
That sounds like
vanity talking.
No, Arpi, vanity sounds like,
"Hello and welcome
to my castle of mirrors!
"With this amulet,
I shall stay young forever!
Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Well, Mr. Mayor,
my first thought
would be to use
a social nudging program
- to raise awareness.
- Nudging, of course.
I'll listen while
you explain that to Arpi.
It's social psychology.
The idea that small suggestions
can cause big changes
in behavior.
For example,
painting a fly on a urinal.
Oh, I give those little guys
the business.
That's exactly it, sir.
You think
you're making a choice
when really you're being nudged
to make less of a mess,
which, in turn,
reduces cleaning costs.
It's the illusion of choice.
Ugh, I can't tell if this
is fascist gobbledygook
or corporate doublespeak.
But, hey, why choose, right?
I'm just saying it works.
Look, I've actually been using
nudging around the office.
Mikaela is the only one
who uses the vanilla creamer,
so I just slapped
a little sticker of Jim Carrey
on the shelf behind it and...
Smoking!
James,
let's nudge some people.
Neil Bremer!
Your name is Neil Bremer.
Thank goodness!
Gosh, that camera,
it messed me up, man.
So, Jayden,
what am I looking at here?
This is where
the bad chairs go!
[clanging]
Fire!
[clanging] Fire!
Okay, I can explain.
I'm a sleepwalker.
Ever since I went to
a show at the Magic Castle
and I heckled a hypnotist...
Jayden, that's not the part
that we're wondering about.
You can't sleep here, sir.
This is a city office.
You're just lucky I was there
to save your life.
Of course, I'll go
to Never land with you!
Oh, hey, hey, hey!
Oh, Peter! Ugh!
Oh, that was you?
- Oh, I think I...
- Kissed me?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Thank you, Officer Gutierrez.
We assure you
this will not happen again.
[softly] Hi.
Jayden, how many nights
have you done this?
Um, like four weeks, I think.
Oh, my God!
I thought you lived
with your mom.
I did, okay?
But she raised the rent to
$1,400 and 20 kisses a month.
And both prices are too steep,
okay? I'm not made of kisses.
- So rent an apartment.
- Or go on a reality show.
Everything is so expensive!
And "Big Brother" said
my application was too sad.
It's an LA tale
as old as time.
Don't sneak up
on people like that.
Not sneaking. Just tiny.
And Jayden has joined the ranks
of our city's working unhoused.
It's an all too common problem
exacerbated by stagnant wages
and a housing shortage.
Perhaps one of my friends
will take me in.
- No, no, no.
- Oh, hell no.
We'll help you find
an apartment.
Okay,
what are you looking for?
One bedroom, five baths,
walking distance
to a Peruvian bakery.
I like a low ceiling
'cause I like to jump up
and see if I can touch it.
Must allow large lizards,
in case I get one.
Every room needs a floor drain.
I spill. A lot.
Okay, you're not making this
any easier, buddy.
Yeah,
that's what my mom said.
The problem, low public
awareness of Mayor Bremer.
The goal, get his face
out there.
The solution.
Huh. Would you look at that.
It's a trash can.
This is nudging.
You know, you put a target
on a trash can,
it makes people use it.
Belgium had a lot of success
with trash cans
with Smurf faces on them.
Heady company, sir.
Arpi, care to give it a try?
I've got peanut shells
in my pocket.
Yeah, I can see people
liking that.
It's great, James.
But I couldn't help
but notice you have two more
of these things
with the sheets on them.
As much as I love that,
I probably
shouldn't make a decision
without seeing the options.
- Couldn't agree more.
- Okay.
Well, these are all the same.
Uh, no, actually,
the cans themselves
are different greens.
We've got mint green,
jade green, and jasper green.
We wanted to make sure
we got your input on that
before we roll out
the pilot program.
And this "pilot program,"
that would mean
how many of these things?
We'd start with
a couple dozen
just in and around City Hall.
That way we can
all watch them at work!
Smart! Pick a color, sir.
Not that it matters
really how they look, right?
This awareness campaign's
for the good of the city,
not anyone's ego.
I, uh, I really like
the jasper.
- Oh, this one's jasper, sir.
- I love it.
[blowing nose obnoxiously]
- Oh, my God.
- Did you see it?
I got an apartment match!
Okay, it went on the market
two minutes ago,
and it's five minutes away.
You have a chance
if you leave now
and you run every light.
I don't know, it doesn't
have the floor drains.
In this market,
you won't find better. Go.
I'm gonna do
a Scooby Doo start
so I get there extra fast.
So after that,
you're attending
the LA River cleanup, where
they'd love for you
to drink just
a little cup of water.
What? No. Hey, easy! Easy!
Oh, you took that
like a champ, sir.
It's not me.
It's just a trash can.
Oh, hey,
are you kidding me, pal?
That gets its own bucket?
The important thing is that
my face is getting out there.
See? Even future voters
like that little... oh, jeez!
The smell just hit me.
Oh, what are they feeding
that baby?
Get in, quick.
Open the door.
Ugh, someone else
got the apartment?
No, it's still available.
- So you didn't like it?
- No. It's perfect.
Multiple skylights,
one bedroom, four bathrooms.
Legend has it the original
architect had dementia
so he just kept adding toilets.
And I hope you don't mind,
but I keep a monitor lizard
in the courtyard.
I have never minded
anything less!
I'll take it. - Oh,
wonderful!
What's your astrological sign?
What? Oh, um, Gemini.
Ah! Go!
You mustn't be here!
[Shouting]
The landlord will only rent
to a Scorpio. And I'm a...
Obvious Pisces.
Ugh, better luck
next time, Jayden.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
Not only is
this discrimination,
it's dumb discrimination
based on a pseudoscience.
So you agree, it's a science.
Jayden, this landlord
is illegally discriminating
against you
based on astrological sign.
No, we are going back there.
I hope you're happy.
Americans
overvalue happiness.
I hope I'm useful. What's up?
I hate the trash cans, okay?
I hate that they
have me on them.
I saw two pigeons
making love on my face, Arpi!
On my face!
If you don't
like the trash cans,
just cancel the program.
I can't do that.
James says I'm trending.
Teens have invented a game
where they throw
hot dogs in my mouth.
James says it's not sexual
but I don't believe him.
I don't get why
you let the pilot program
go ahead in the first place.
Why even pick a trash can?
Because all the choices
were trash cans, Arpi!
I had to pick...
Oh, the illusion of choice.
See, he nudged me.
James nudged me!
Huh, I guess he did.
So nudge him back.
Trick him into thinking
we shouldn't do
the trash cans at all.
Trick James,
the Master of Nudge?
Oh, please.
James just slapped
a fresh coat of paint
on the oldest trick
in the book.
Nudging is the same as
"Great idea, sir."
It's when I say an idea,
wait for my superior
to bring it up again later,
and then compliment them
like it's their idea.
I also like "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
That's what you say to sound
like you're agreeing.
But if it's all you say,
the person you're talking to
has to start
filling the silence,
negotiating with his own idea
until he talks himself
out of it.
Yeah, I do that every time
Orly asks for a rabbit.
Oh, hey, what if we use
our old-school nudging
to get James to cancel
the trash can program?
Great idea, sir!
I know. Thank you.
Thanks for the
last-minute showing.
No problem at all.
I'm an Aquarius,
so I love meeting new souls.
I'm a Libra!
So the old "scales of balance."
It's why I'm the hero
of my own story
- but also a victim.
- And I should mention,
we're only renting
to a Scorpio.
The complex has been
really out of balance,
and I'm just looking to restore
that fearless energy
to our collective.
I love that.
Interesting you say that,
though,
because the Fair Housing Act
of 1968 says...
Says that I can't
discriminate
on the basis of race, color,
national origin,
familial history,
or disability.
Everything else is fair game.
People who wear beads
can go to law school.
I didn't. But I could.
- Huh.
- Yeah.
Thankfully,
the apartment's not for her.
It's for Jayden,
who is 100% Scorpio.
Because of the moon.
Ain't nothing but a moon thang!
Jai ho,
that's fantastic news.
I'll go get a pen and
an application from our Virgo!
What are you doing?
Jayden doesn't have
the raw animosity
to convincingly pass
as a Scorpio.
Wait, are Scorpios mean?
Guys, I'm Jayden.
- I'm stone-cold Hufflepuff.
- You can do this, Jayden.
Just, like,
everyone you talk to
is the person
who canceled "Ducktales."
[grunts]
Expressing anger already.
Classic Scorpio.
You think you're so smart,
it's embarrassing!
You need to start
thinking about
what I want to do
with my Saturdays,
not steal my joy like some sort
of corporate Magic a de Spell.
A true son of Mars!
Welcome to the building.
The laundry is in the basement,
and the dryers do not work.
Ass!
[both chuckling]
As a thank you,
I got doughnuts.
What are you doing?
You're a Scorpio now!
Scorpios don't bring doughnuts.
They take doughnuts,
or comment that other people
- shouldn't be eating doughnuts!
- I thought I was only
supposed to be a Scorpio
at the apartment.
No, Jayden,
this is the zodiac
that we're talking about.
And Tommy can roll his eyes
all that he wants...
Oh, I can? Thank you!
Oh, brother!
You're attempting to be
the opposite of everything
that the stars
have dictated for your nature.
You can't go back and forth.
I don't want this to break you.
Okay, um, put these on.
The only people who wear
sunglasses indoors
are cool and mean.
Or grammies after
cataract surgery.
You stop thinking
like a Jayden!
If you want this apartment,
you gotta be the Scorpio.
'Sup, Leslie?
What's it like having a mom
that's not as pretty as my mom?
- You take that back.
- [voice breaking] No.
- You wanted to see me, sir?
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
James, we're thrilled
with the trash can project.
It's a great first try.
"First try?" It's a home run.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
But, of course, I'm sure
there's room for improvement.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Why don't the team and I
take a look first.
See what we can improve
before the citywide roll out.
Great idea, James.
Yeah.
Race you to the top,
dog breath!
Deal with it, dog breaths!
Suck eggs, person breath!
[dog whimpers]
Scorpio! Scorpio! Scorpio!
I don't think
I did a good job
explaining to him
what a Scorpio is.
What, Nora? What?
This is the same
exact trash can!
Actually, sir, it's not.
Yes, the original trash cans
were pretty sticky on social.
But how exactly
were they trending?
"LA trash mouth."
"Garbage clown."
- "Hotdog slut."
- That is definitely sexual.
- You think I don't know that?
- Now that is awareness, yes.
But it's not the message
we're looking for,
which is why
we've updated to 2.0.
Hi, I'm Mayor Neil Bremer.
Thank you for your trash.
Boy, that... that is something.
The original cans
had a fatal flaw.
They didn't identify you
as the mayor.
So we've corrected that error
with ten fun phrases
the team put together
using existing soundbites.
I'll finish it if you won't!
I'm Mayor Neil Bremer.
And it's all eco-friendly.
The speakers are solar-powered
and the electronics
are all recycled from that dump
that's all Furbys from 1998.
Your trash but my treasure!
I'm Mayor Neil Bremer.
- It's pretty great, huh?
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But... yeah.
Yeah?
Permission
to go citywide, sir?
Is there another choice?
Oh, sorry.
I was talking to the can.
Let's do this, LA!
I'm Mayor Neil Bremer.
[groaning]
- Jayden?
- Oh, sorry.
Do you ever get the feeling
that your real personality
is at the bottom of a deep pit,
and your fake personality
you've built
keeps building the walls
of the pit higher,
and you can't get out?
Only in high school
and college.
- Okay.
- Ugh, I told you,
forcing Jayden to be a Scorpio
was going to be too much.
He's clearly losing himself.
Yeah, I didn't mind switching
to black underpants
and calling everybody
"dog breath,"
but this Scorpio duty
is just too hard.
Wait, what's Scorpio duty?
It's when the building
Scorpio
has to do the tasks that
the Aquarius landlord can't.
All right, my Scorpio king,
I need you
to evict the lady in 2A.
You might want to do it
while her son is at preschool.
Also, tell her I'll be keeping
her security deposit
because her wheelchair
ruined the carpet.
I would do it, but I'm coo!
You know?
No, she can't make you
evict other tenants.
She's not making me,
because as a Scorpio,
I should love to do it.
And if I don't love to do it,
then I'm apparently
not a Scorpio!
This is insane.
There has to be a law
somewhere against this.
No, Tommy, just let it go.
There's a ton of laws
about building code,
but no law about
being an LA weirdo.
You're right, there are a ton
of laws about building code.
And I'm gonna read every one
until I find out
which one she's breaking.
Because Aquarians hate rules!
To the City Hall Library!
Which is now completely online!
That's a big one! Nice shot!
- But my treas... hey, I'll eat...
- Hey, hey!
What do you two
think you're doing?
Dude, have you seen these?
Yummy! I'll eat... Your. But.
I'm. Filthy. Mayor Bremer.
My. Mouth. Loves. Trash?
Dude, you can make it say,
like, whatever!
- It's called trash mouthing...
- Hey, you know what?
Oh, snap,
you're Mayor Bremer!
Oh, my God! Hotdog Slut!
[laughter]
When clean LA...
Nice shot! Yummy, yummy!
[zapping]
I'm Mayor Neil Bremer!
We gotta go. [Laughing]
[distorted] Yummy!
Okay, sir, James told me
you were on board
with the branded
garbage cans, but...
Wait, is this on a porn site?
"Mayor on mayor"
is a real kink?
I mean, no judgment.
Mean boy, coming through!
The cans are obviously
not working, Mikaela.
They just attract hooligans.
You know what I saw
when I watched that video, pal?
A clean street.
Oh! Jayden's right.
That block
is usually covered in trash.
I'm pretending
to be a Scorpio
for reasons you don't
need to know, but guess what?
I don't care that
you're butt-hurt about people
throwing garbage at your face!
They're using
the trash cans, man!
I'm so tired
of being like this.
Excuse me, Leaf?
Jayden, did you get that
Scorpio duty done
- like we had communicated about?
- Uh, no, not yet.
Okay, Jayden, I mean,
let's do it
before her water breaks, okay?
Tell her, Jayden.
[in strained voice]
Jayden is not here right now.
Okay, Jayden's not a Scorpio,
he's a Pisces.
Oh, wow.
This is a violation
of your lease
and I need you to tell yourself
to move out.
You will lose your deposit.
Ugh, I hate doing this!
- This is why I need a Scorpio!
- Oh, yeah, such a bummer.
I just find it so interesting
that, as an Aquarius,
you'd be such a stickler
for a rule like this.
Oh, well, rules protect
our vibe, you know?
Mm, yeah, but I noticed
you don't follow the rule
about having fire extinguishers
in every public hallway.
And what you have labeled
as an organic algae garden
is most definitely black mold.
[chuckles]
Your aura is so vibrant
right now.
I need to capture this.
Let me go get my watercolors.
Great, and while you do that,
I'm gonna go ahead
and just write down
every building code violation
that I observe,
as an official representative
of the City of Los Angeles.
For real?
Oh, he's 100%
Taurus about this.
I'm really a Pisces!
Yeah, we told her
already, buddy.
Oh. - Listen, you can
discriminate
based on astrological signs
all you want but...
I can shut down
your entire building.
Okay, fine!
I'm just a crappy
LA landlord.
My name is Arlene,
and I own a gun, okay?
I don't even believe
in astrology.
Then why do you
live like this?
I realized that when tenants
come to me with complaints,
I can just start babbling
about how I need to know
the exact time they were born
so I can chart
if we're compatible,
and then they'd go away,
and I never fix the AC.
How long have you been
doing this?
Since 1990
when I discovered
the character Leaf
in my Sunday show
at The Groundlings.
"SNL" may have passed
on old Arlene,
but she still found a way
to make a living
from her characters.
I also own a biker bar in WeHo
as Big Butch Betty Bodean.
- Oh, no.
- No.
It was a different time
in comedy.
Yeah.
So how much do you want
to go away?
I'm willing to look
the other way on this
if you fix all these violations
and you let Jayden stay.
At 500 less a month.
And I get to feed your lizard
whenever I want to.
- Deal!
- [maniacal laughter]
Whoa! Sorry.
That was the last
of the Scorpio leaving my body.
Okay, here's what we do
with the trash cans.
I have some friends
in the Teamsters Union
and they know
how to make things disappear.
Remember that guy
who was gonna host "Jeopardy"?
We're not getting
rid of them, Arpi.
I just approved
the citywide roll out.
Seriously? But... but...
Those stupid trash cans
are humiliating, yes,
but they're actually keeping
the streets cleaner.
And I didn't see it
until a very weird
Jayden pointed it out.
Because your face is fun
to throw trash at, of course!
I concede one point
to the I-Team.
All righty then!
Well, sir,
I'm glad you realized that
a city of four million people
is actually bigger
than your ego.
Well, thank you, Arpi.
That means...
[yawning] it means a lot to me.
- [coughs]
- I am sorry, sir.
I saw your open mouth
and it was a reflex.
I'm gonna buy you
a can of shelled nuts.
Yes, you are.
Nudging works.
What a great. Episode.
Stay. Tuned. For.
Sexy. Cop. Trash.
[laughter]
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!