Mozart in the Jungle (2014–2018): Season 2, Episode 1 - Stern Papa - full transcript
To the outside, Rodrigo's tenure as the new maestro is a roaring success, but the conductor is having doubts. Meanwhile, Hailey works to replace herself as Rodrigo's assistant so she can focus on her new position as substitute in the oboe section.
I love...
Love L.A.
Ah, Maestro, me... me too.
I miss home, though.
Home New York or home Mexico?
Both. I miss my orchestra.
Eh, this one's better. Hm?
Yeah, you know, they're really good.
They're really good. But
mine... mine will get better.
Yeah, they will get better.
Maybe...
or maybe you'll never get them there.
Hm?
Hmm, maybe you'll never get there.
Maybe you're a fraud.
No, not now, Maestro, not now, not now.
Little Mexican street
urchin in the big city, huh?
Little enfant terrible, eh?
You're not such an enfant
anymore though, you know, hmm?
Maybe you're just...
terrible.
Shut it, Wolfgang! Shut it, stupid basta!
Aw, hell, I'm sorry, Maestro.
I... I didn't have breakfast today.
Rodrigo to stage in two minutes.
Okay, okay, copy, copy.
Cabron, what's the score?
7-1 now.
Ay, chingada madre.
Oh, yes, yes.
Bah, let's go.
- So are the rumors true?
- What rumors?
So many rumors, I don't know
which one you're talking about.
That when the New York
symphony goes on the strike,
you are coming here and
not as a guest conductor.
Who's saying that?
Everybody's talking about that.
- Really?
- Yeah, everybody.
No, we're not gonna go strike.
- No, no, no, no, we're not...
- Relax.
- You have to conduct a concert.
- Yeah.
One thing is to conduct Mozart,
and another labor negotiations.
Yeah, I know.
- You have to come here.
- Save us, please.
Hmm?
We hate our conductor.
- Really?
- Ugh.
Rodrigo to stage.
Okay, one, ready.
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
- Disfrútalo.
- Gracias.
Ciao.
Welcome.
Ball four! Take your base.
- Not your day, Bob!
- Hailey, you're in.
Hang in there, Bobby!
Come on, Hailey. Let's go.
Strike!
Hold on, hold on. Who's the ringer?
Hailey Rutledge. She's an oboist.
Okay, well, I don't see her name
- on the official roster.
- I'm a substitute.
- So you're not eligible.
- He's right.
Hailey's only eligible in
the weeks she's playing.
She's not playing this week.
She's just the maestro's assistant.
Whose side are you on?
- The side of the rules.
- I'm sorry, Hailey.
You can play in three weeks
when we're doing the Mahler.
Drop the ball. I'm... I'm back in.
Oh, uh-oh. Maestro at 2:00.
Looks like Daddy's here.
You guys are in trouble.
- No, he's not like that.
- Oh, shit.
- Hello, Maestro!
- Hey, "Hai Lai"!
How was the L.A. Phil?
Oh, it was incredible. Amazing.
- They're so much better than us.
- Really?
So much better, yeah, but don't worry.
We'll get there. We'll get there, yeah.
- Hi.
- Hey, how are you? You okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yes, Warren Boyd.
- Aw, Maestro, we missed you.
- Bob the Union.
- Maestro.
- Betty Cragdale.
- Hi.
- Everything good?
- Yeah.
- Good.
Yes, the match? Yes, yes.
Okay.
I heard that Maestro
Pembridge was, you know,
a little bit unsure about the
sporting activities, right?
That's true, Maestro, but it's
a very short softball season,
and everyone's very careful out here.
And we're just a couple of wins away
from making the playoffs.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Do you think we have a chance?
If we can have some decent pitching.
- Hey.
- Do you need a pitcher?
Strike three, you're out!
- Ha!
- Come on, Maestro!
Let's go! Pitch it to him, baby!
- Little hustle.
- Yes, Pavel!
Yeah, baby!
Aw, yeah!
Hey, yo, what's up, everybody?
My name is Alex.
I am a Sagittarius, and sometimes I like to
break into spontaneous fits of dancing.
Whoa!
Dance spin.
Hup!
Scarecrow dance.
Ohh. Michael Jackson.
Hee-hee!
Modern.
Anyway, I hope you consider me
worthy of... "Danse Haus." Yah!
Oh, shit, I totally forgot to press record.
Oh, no, you... you did, really?
Just kidding.
If "Danse Haus" doesn't
- pick you, they're idiots.
- Thank you.
Nice routine, dance boy.
I think you've got a shot.
- Thanks, Stan.
- Oh, thanks, Stan.
Oh, for a musicophile.
Morning, Ludwig. Wolfgang.
Cheers, Gustav, how you doing, matey?
Choppy, top of the
morning to you, my laddy.
And Tom Pembridge...
Sir Thomas Pembridge...
I like the ring of that.
You get your ass on that
seat and start composing,
you cheeky bugger. Hm.
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
♪ French horn.
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
On a roll. ♪
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
Superb!
♪
Ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
Aah.
Hello?
Hailey, Mrs. Cook here.
Tom Tom has head lice.
It's been decimating the third grade,
so the lesson is off tomorrow.
Okay. When did he get it?
See you next week. Bye.
Okay, I'm not... I'm not horny at all,
and I really need to practice.
Well, I was just trying to be affectionate,
but whatever.
I also probably have head lice,
so it's probably for the best.
Ooh, lice. That's sexy.
Hello, you're Hailey,
Rodrigo's assistant, right?
Mm-hmm, that's what they call me.
I'm Sarabelle.
Gloria Windsor told me to come see you
so you could train me to
be Rodrigo's new assistant.
Oh, okay. Uh, great.
Well, first, we will start with the mate.
I actually made the maestro
my very first cup of mate
right here in this room.
Okay, "'Hai Lai'!
"First, you will slurp the mate,
"and then you will... oh, an eagle!"
'Cause he made a... he made a tape for me.
Um, anyway, how did you
get put up for the job?
Um, well, my dad knows Gloria.
My name's Sarabelle Westmore.
Oh, shit, like the Westmore Foundation.
You guys donated our organ.
Oh, my dad did.
And how'd you get this job?
Um, I play with the blood.
You play with blood?
Yup.
Are you a musician?
I'm a singer-songwriter.
Do you like this one...
or this one?
Which fabric sets off my complexion better?
- Second...
- Second.
It makes your hair look like spun gold.
Well, then, I guess we'll
go with the second one.
Thank you. Come with me.
Gloria, we can't have a strike.
Can't you just give them what they want?
Can't afford to give them what they want.
Well, you can afford those curtains.
Thanks to my fourth husband, yes.
May he rest in peace...
and don't pooh-pooh my redecorating.
We all need some creative outlet.
I'm not pooh-poohing.
I don't pooh-pooh.
Now, Maestro, if you want to help,
then please don't call one
of our major corporate
donors "evil bloodsuckers"
in the "New York Times."
Hey, no, no, no,
I... I... that was taken
completely out of context.
Because what I said is,
"Even though they are evil
corporate bloodsuckers,
they're nice."
You know what that company does in Nigeria?
Do you know what they did for our symphony?
They put their name all over the program,
that's what they do.
And gave us 5 million for the privilege.
Now, the next thing you can do
is use your influence with the orchestra
to get them to seriously
consider our recent offer.
You know they adore you.
That's true.
They adore you.
No, Craig G, no.
The L.A. Phil, they like me.
They play well, in
unison, relaxed, at ease.
They know each other.
They... they're confident.
Maybe they feel more secure
because they have a signed
five-year contract.
Contracts, contracts! You see?
We're only talking about
contracts and red tape!
Red tape, red tape all over the place.
Cut the red tape. Cut the red tape, okay?
Because if we don't
talk about the music,
then we're never gonna get good.
If we don't talk about music,
then when we go to Latin America
it's gonna be so problematic
because I'm going to be
exiled from every single country,
from Mexico, from Colombia, from Argentina,
from Bolivia, from Paraguay, from Chile,
from Peru, from Venezuela,
from... where is "Hai Lai?"
What... what's going
on? What... what is this?
Where... what... who are you?
I'm Sarabelle, your new assistant?
Is that... are you asking me
your name, or is it an answer?
Um, an answer?
Mm-hmm, okay.
Um, hold this for a second.
Sarabelle, you know,
you could be a very good soprano.
- Thank you.
- No?
Yeah, but this is not gonna work.
Cut the red tape. Cut the red tape!
Rodrigo...
How is your father, dear?
Out on the yacht right now?
Was I fired?
- No, don't worry about it.
- I'm fired?
Shh, it's okay.
Shh. Daddy will be back soon,
so that this daddy can go back to work.
It's all right. I don't
know if you want this
or what you want...
That's not a human baby, man.
Yes, I know. It's a robot baby.
Christophe thinks we should practice
for when the real one arrives.
That's weird...
- but that's cool, yeah?
- Yeah.
Do you mind if, like, maybe I... maybe...
- Uh, yes, okay.
- Yes, ah, look at that.
- Oh, he... he likes you.
- I don't...
you just got to get to know him enough...
- Maestro.
- Yes?
You can't keep firing assistants
- on their first day of work.
- "Hai Lai," look.
Oh my God.
Get that thing away from me.
Sarabelle was nice.
She was rich, but she was very nice.
No, she was not nice.
She... she... she wasn't nice, no.
No, she was not nice, no.
She spoke with rising arpeggios,
and with a minor scale,
like "keh, keh, keh..."
I can't keep being your assistant.
Hai Lai... don't...
don't walk away, Hai Lai.
Hey, oy, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay.
- Sorry, here you go.
- Yeah.
Hey, trust your instincts, man.
You got it. Don't listen to anybody.
Everybody's gonna tell
you stuff. Just go for it.
You got it. You got it.
Okay, I tell you what.
While you're substituting at oboe,
you can find a substituting
assistant for me, okay?
It puts me in a weird
position with the orchestra,
since they know that I work for you.
Weird position? I don't
see any weird position.
You need to find a new
assistant by next week,
- end of story.
- Not the end of story!
- No end of story...
- Stop, Maestro!
- This is a ladies' room!
- And?
It's for ladies. Gloria
spoke to you about this.
Step outside, Maestro.
Also, are you aware that that girl's father
donated our organ and our rehearsal rooms
- and your apartment?
- And she can't make the mate?
Anyone can make the mate.
Hey, that... that's very insulting to you.
Hey, how's it going, Cynthia?
Hello, Maestro.
- How you doing?
- I'm good.
- This is the ladies' room.
- And?
It's for ladies.
One day, it will be everybody's.
One day.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Does he have a new assistant yet?
I'm working on it.
He doesn't want to let you go, huh?
- What does that mean?
- Nothing, nothing.
I'm just, you know... you know,
Triangle Tanya's been
shooting her mouth off
that she saw him kiss you on opening night.
God, all your blood
just went to your cheeks.
Well, I mean, no.
He was just super affectionate
with everyone that night.
It was, like, 2 1/2 months ago.
It hasn't happened again, so...
You're really advancing
in your playing, Hailey.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you're...
you're getting really
fucking good. I've heard you.
So, you don't want any
bullshit gossip, trust me.
I'm gonna tell Tanya to shut her trap.
Hey, hello. Nina Robertson?
Ah, Cynthia.
- Bob?
- Hey.
Hey. Hey, nice wheels.
Oh, thanks. Just rode in from Pittsburgh.
- Ah.
- You just wrapped up
the NHL negotiations there, right?
We hip-checked those owners
right through the boards.
So, you play the cello, right?
- Yeah.
- I love the cello.
- It takes my breath away.
- You like the piccolo?
Can't say I've ever thought about that.
Huh.
Do you mind if I just stand
on the stage for a couple of minutes?
No. Hey, do you want to...
would you like to meet a couple people?
- I'd love it.
- Oh, yeah.
This is... this is... this
is Nina, our new lawyer.
This is Dee Dee, our timpani man.
- Dee Dee, nice to meet you.
- And this is Betty Cragdale,
our illustrious first-chair oboe.
35 years with the orchestra, right?
Yeah, I started when I was 12.
I hope you're gonna kick some ass for us.
I am. Those guys are forgetting
who makes the music here.
I just hope we don't get into
a situation like in Minnesota.
I was in that orchestra.
We were out of work for a year and a half.
Yeah, that's because somebody screwed up.
- We're not gonna do that.
- It's great that you're here.
- The maestro's arrived.
- Oh, shit.
Good morning, good morning.
- So great to meet you.
- Betty.
- Thank you.
- It is so nice to meet you.
Hey, power to the players.
Yeah, yeah, see you around.
Cynthia, listen, I am
really looking forward
to working closely with you on this.
Trust me, you're in good hands.
You know, I think we are.
Thank you.
Listen, you got to play the
cello just for me someday.
I fucking love Bach.
I fucking love Bach too.
- Hello.
- Maestro.
- How are you.
- Hey, nice pitching, huh?
Ahh, okay, thank you.
You're our ace, Maestro.
Oh, thank you very much, Betty Cragdale.
Thank you, guys.
- Hey, Warren Boyd.
- Maestro.
- You okay? Yes?
- Oh, absolutely.
Who... who was the person
that you were talking to?
That's our lawyer, Maestro.
Ay, a lawyer? On the stage?
- Mm.
- It's not very proper, right?
Oh, I couldn't agree more, Maestro.
Okay.
And welcome, everybody.
Of course, Schubert, 8th Symphony.
B minor, okay?
And...
Aww.
Ohh.
Thank you, thank you.
Boy, okay, guys, let's get to work, okay?
Sorry! I'm so sorry, Maestro.
We forgot to sign some
papers for the adoption,
- and then...
- Christophe.
Right, no excuses. I'm very sorry.
You know, when I was in youth orchestra,
and we would arrive late, Maestro Rivera...
you know Maestro Rivera...
he would throw batons at us
every time that we arrived late.
Fyah! Like that.
This one... this one...
is half fake. This one.
And then I became really good
at dodging them, you know?
And after, I don't know,
ten dodges or something...
when I was eight or nine...
he gave me the baton,
and that's the reason why I'm here.
So in a few weeks, when
we're in Mexico City,
we better be good,
because Maestro Rivera's
gonna be in the audience,
and he's gonna be throwing batons at us.
Okay?
So we don't want that, all right?
Okay, let's begin.
Ready? And...
Oh, Edward.
So glad you're here.
Well, did you hear they
swapped lawyers on us?
- Yes.
- She's supposed to be a shark.
Gloria, I believe you know
executive assistant, Sharon?
Yes, we're very angry at
you for wooing her away.
Sharon, we miss you already.
I need some protein. Could
you find me some nuts?
It's a little sad to have a
pre-concert major-donors' lounge
without any major donors in it.
Except for me, of course.
And... you know why there's
so few major donors here?
I bet you'll tell me.
It's because they're not overly large fans
of Che Guevara.
They miss our old conductor, as do I.
Even if he is dressed like
Hugh Hefner at the moment.
- Hello, big man.
- Hello, darling.
- You're here.
- Yeah.
- How are you?
- There you are.
- Oh my God, you look ravishing.
- Thank you.
Sharon, slumming it with
us this evening, huh?
Nice to see you.
- Eduardo.
- Maestro.
As I said before,
you already have a great conductor.
These are roasted.
Yes, I know... your hermano,
but the question is, are you his hermano?
Come on, Thomas, the best-reviewed concert
of the year was the one you stepped in on.
Well, that is perfectly true, but...
oh, screw it, you know the press.
Look, I'm composing now.
That is my gig.
I'm on fire, baby.
All right, now, who's ready for Schubert?
Yes.
Wow, that was enthusiastic.
Better give 'em some oxygen or something.
Let's try one more time. Who's ready...
for a little Schubert?
Schubert!
Thomas.
Thomas, you're humming.
Oh, I do apologize. I'm sorry.
You know, I'm in such a
groove with my writing.
Although, Christ, with that décolletage,
it makes it very hard to
concentrate on anything,
you little vixen. Hm.
So what did you think?
Oh, of tonight's performance?
Yes.
Well, the audience went
wild for it, didn't they?
- The audience?
- Yes, them.
The orchestra lacks cohesion.
Ah, I know, I know, I know.
They've backslid a bit since
the Benjamin Britten evening.
It's... look, it's natural.
Two steps forward, one step back.
But it's... it's also the strike thing.
It's distracting them. It's distracting me.
Mm, you've got to be stern papa.
- Stern papa?
- Oh, yeah, oh, my God, yeah.
I mean, look at the great
conductors in the past.
Ruled with an iron fist.
Well, Toscanini, look at that.
- Well, he was...
- Well, yeah.
He was a total cunt.
Von Karajan, of course, maybe too stern.
Oh, uber stern.
Solti's a good example.
Very stern, hard-working,
cracked the whip.
You don't want to be loved.
You want to be respected.
That's important. Gin.
- Cheers.
- Here's to... yeah.
You know, Maestro, would you mind
if I gave you my symphony,
- just to look at?
- Oh, Maestro.
Look, I don't want to toot my own horn,
but I think it's absolutely
fucking brilliant.
Oh, I would love nothing more, Maestro.
Thank you.
"Hai lai!"
It's 3:00 a.m.
Is it?
You said that you needed to talk.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wanted to ask you a question,
and I want you to be
really honest with me, okay?
Well, you're always honest with me.
How does the orchestra feel about me?
They think that you're crazy.
That's true, yeah. That's true.
But they believe in you.
And sometimes, they
think that they love you.
Do you sometimes think
that you love the orchestra?
Sometimes?
All the time.
But I'm the conductor, and
I must have some distance.
You know, Maestro Rivera,
he used to quote...
and say...
And that means?
That means that the highest cliff
you can fall from is trust.
You know, with closeness and familiarity,
there comes disrespect.
That's debatable.
No, I think that's the truth, "Hai Lai".
Nowadays, it's all the truth, yeah, yeah.
Aye, "Hai Lai."
It's late. What are you doing up so late?
We have to get to work.
I have to find a way of
making this orchestra better,
because, my God, it's terrible right now.
And you? You have to find a person
that makes the mate, all right?
Because you have to practice.
Okay?
Okay.
The falconer and the
falcon must both take wing.
I'm the falcon, right?
Bye-bye! Good night!
Love L.A.
Ah, Maestro, me... me too.
I miss home, though.
Home New York or home Mexico?
Both. I miss my orchestra.
Eh, this one's better. Hm?
Yeah, you know, they're really good.
They're really good. But
mine... mine will get better.
Yeah, they will get better.
Maybe...
or maybe you'll never get them there.
Hm?
Hmm, maybe you'll never get there.
Maybe you're a fraud.
No, not now, Maestro, not now, not now.
Little Mexican street
urchin in the big city, huh?
Little enfant terrible, eh?
You're not such an enfant
anymore though, you know, hmm?
Maybe you're just...
terrible.
Shut it, Wolfgang! Shut it, stupid basta!
Aw, hell, I'm sorry, Maestro.
I... I didn't have breakfast today.
Rodrigo to stage in two minutes.
Okay, okay, copy, copy.
Cabron, what's the score?
7-1 now.
Ay, chingada madre.
Oh, yes, yes.
Bah, let's go.
- So are the rumors true?
- What rumors?
So many rumors, I don't know
which one you're talking about.
That when the New York
symphony goes on the strike,
you are coming here and
not as a guest conductor.
Who's saying that?
Everybody's talking about that.
- Really?
- Yeah, everybody.
No, we're not gonna go strike.
- No, no, no, no, we're not...
- Relax.
- You have to conduct a concert.
- Yeah.
One thing is to conduct Mozart,
and another labor negotiations.
Yeah, I know.
- You have to come here.
- Save us, please.
Hmm?
We hate our conductor.
- Really?
- Ugh.
Rodrigo to stage.
Okay, one, ready.
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
- Disfrútalo.
- Gracias.
Ciao.
Welcome.
Ball four! Take your base.
- Not your day, Bob!
- Hailey, you're in.
Hang in there, Bobby!
Come on, Hailey. Let's go.
Strike!
Hold on, hold on. Who's the ringer?
Hailey Rutledge. She's an oboist.
Okay, well, I don't see her name
- on the official roster.
- I'm a substitute.
- So you're not eligible.
- He's right.
Hailey's only eligible in
the weeks she's playing.
She's not playing this week.
She's just the maestro's assistant.
Whose side are you on?
- The side of the rules.
- I'm sorry, Hailey.
You can play in three weeks
when we're doing the Mahler.
Drop the ball. I'm... I'm back in.
Oh, uh-oh. Maestro at 2:00.
Looks like Daddy's here.
You guys are in trouble.
- No, he's not like that.
- Oh, shit.
- Hello, Maestro!
- Hey, "Hai Lai"!
How was the L.A. Phil?
Oh, it was incredible. Amazing.
- They're so much better than us.
- Really?
So much better, yeah, but don't worry.
We'll get there. We'll get there, yeah.
- Hi.
- Hey, how are you? You okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yes, Warren Boyd.
- Aw, Maestro, we missed you.
- Bob the Union.
- Maestro.
- Betty Cragdale.
- Hi.
- Everything good?
- Yeah.
- Good.
Yes, the match? Yes, yes.
Okay.
I heard that Maestro
Pembridge was, you know,
a little bit unsure about the
sporting activities, right?
That's true, Maestro, but it's
a very short softball season,
and everyone's very careful out here.
And we're just a couple of wins away
from making the playoffs.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Do you think we have a chance?
If we can have some decent pitching.
- Hey.
- Do you need a pitcher?
Strike three, you're out!
- Ha!
- Come on, Maestro!
Let's go! Pitch it to him, baby!
- Little hustle.
- Yes, Pavel!
Yeah, baby!
Aw, yeah!
Hey, yo, what's up, everybody?
My name is Alex.
I am a Sagittarius, and sometimes I like to
break into spontaneous fits of dancing.
Whoa!
Dance spin.
Hup!
Scarecrow dance.
Ohh. Michael Jackson.
Hee-hee!
Modern.
Anyway, I hope you consider me
worthy of... "Danse Haus." Yah!
Oh, shit, I totally forgot to press record.
Oh, no, you... you did, really?
Just kidding.
If "Danse Haus" doesn't
- pick you, they're idiots.
- Thank you.
Nice routine, dance boy.
I think you've got a shot.
- Thanks, Stan.
- Oh, thanks, Stan.
Oh, for a musicophile.
Morning, Ludwig. Wolfgang.
Cheers, Gustav, how you doing, matey?
Choppy, top of the
morning to you, my laddy.
And Tom Pembridge...
Sir Thomas Pembridge...
I like the ring of that.
You get your ass on that
seat and start composing,
you cheeky bugger. Hm.
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
♪ French horn.
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
On a roll. ♪
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
Superb!
♪
Ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
Aah.
Hello?
Hailey, Mrs. Cook here.
Tom Tom has head lice.
It's been decimating the third grade,
so the lesson is off tomorrow.
Okay. When did he get it?
See you next week. Bye.
Okay, I'm not... I'm not horny at all,
and I really need to practice.
Well, I was just trying to be affectionate,
but whatever.
I also probably have head lice,
so it's probably for the best.
Ooh, lice. That's sexy.
Hello, you're Hailey,
Rodrigo's assistant, right?
Mm-hmm, that's what they call me.
I'm Sarabelle.
Gloria Windsor told me to come see you
so you could train me to
be Rodrigo's new assistant.
Oh, okay. Uh, great.
Well, first, we will start with the mate.
I actually made the maestro
my very first cup of mate
right here in this room.
Okay, "'Hai Lai'!
"First, you will slurp the mate,
"and then you will... oh, an eagle!"
'Cause he made a... he made a tape for me.
Um, anyway, how did you
get put up for the job?
Um, well, my dad knows Gloria.
My name's Sarabelle Westmore.
Oh, shit, like the Westmore Foundation.
You guys donated our organ.
Oh, my dad did.
And how'd you get this job?
Um, I play with the blood.
You play with blood?
Yup.
Are you a musician?
I'm a singer-songwriter.
Do you like this one...
or this one?
Which fabric sets off my complexion better?
- Second...
- Second.
It makes your hair look like spun gold.
Well, then, I guess we'll
go with the second one.
Thank you. Come with me.
Gloria, we can't have a strike.
Can't you just give them what they want?
Can't afford to give them what they want.
Well, you can afford those curtains.
Thanks to my fourth husband, yes.
May he rest in peace...
and don't pooh-pooh my redecorating.
We all need some creative outlet.
I'm not pooh-poohing.
I don't pooh-pooh.
Now, Maestro, if you want to help,
then please don't call one
of our major corporate
donors "evil bloodsuckers"
in the "New York Times."
Hey, no, no, no,
I... I... that was taken
completely out of context.
Because what I said is,
"Even though they are evil
corporate bloodsuckers,
they're nice."
You know what that company does in Nigeria?
Do you know what they did for our symphony?
They put their name all over the program,
that's what they do.
And gave us 5 million for the privilege.
Now, the next thing you can do
is use your influence with the orchestra
to get them to seriously
consider our recent offer.
You know they adore you.
That's true.
They adore you.
No, Craig G, no.
The L.A. Phil, they like me.
They play well, in
unison, relaxed, at ease.
They know each other.
They... they're confident.
Maybe they feel more secure
because they have a signed
five-year contract.
Contracts, contracts! You see?
We're only talking about
contracts and red tape!
Red tape, red tape all over the place.
Cut the red tape. Cut the red tape, okay?
Because if we don't
talk about the music,
then we're never gonna get good.
If we don't talk about music,
then when we go to Latin America
it's gonna be so problematic
because I'm going to be
exiled from every single country,
from Mexico, from Colombia, from Argentina,
from Bolivia, from Paraguay, from Chile,
from Peru, from Venezuela,
from... where is "Hai Lai?"
What... what's going
on? What... what is this?
Where... what... who are you?
I'm Sarabelle, your new assistant?
Is that... are you asking me
your name, or is it an answer?
Um, an answer?
Mm-hmm, okay.
Um, hold this for a second.
Sarabelle, you know,
you could be a very good soprano.
- Thank you.
- No?
Yeah, but this is not gonna work.
Cut the red tape. Cut the red tape!
Rodrigo...
How is your father, dear?
Out on the yacht right now?
Was I fired?
- No, don't worry about it.
- I'm fired?
Shh, it's okay.
Shh. Daddy will be back soon,
so that this daddy can go back to work.
It's all right. I don't
know if you want this
or what you want...
That's not a human baby, man.
Yes, I know. It's a robot baby.
Christophe thinks we should practice
for when the real one arrives.
That's weird...
- but that's cool, yeah?
- Yeah.
Do you mind if, like, maybe I... maybe...
- Uh, yes, okay.
- Yes, ah, look at that.
- Oh, he... he likes you.
- I don't...
you just got to get to know him enough...
- Maestro.
- Yes?
You can't keep firing assistants
- on their first day of work.
- "Hai Lai," look.
Oh my God.
Get that thing away from me.
Sarabelle was nice.
She was rich, but she was very nice.
No, she was not nice.
She... she... she wasn't nice, no.
No, she was not nice, no.
She spoke with rising arpeggios,
and with a minor scale,
like "keh, keh, keh..."
I can't keep being your assistant.
Hai Lai... don't...
don't walk away, Hai Lai.
Hey, oy, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay.
- Sorry, here you go.
- Yeah.
Hey, trust your instincts, man.
You got it. Don't listen to anybody.
Everybody's gonna tell
you stuff. Just go for it.
You got it. You got it.
Okay, I tell you what.
While you're substituting at oboe,
you can find a substituting
assistant for me, okay?
It puts me in a weird
position with the orchestra,
since they know that I work for you.
Weird position? I don't
see any weird position.
You need to find a new
assistant by next week,
- end of story.
- Not the end of story!
- No end of story...
- Stop, Maestro!
- This is a ladies' room!
- And?
It's for ladies. Gloria
spoke to you about this.
Step outside, Maestro.
Also, are you aware that that girl's father
donated our organ and our rehearsal rooms
- and your apartment?
- And she can't make the mate?
Anyone can make the mate.
Hey, that... that's very insulting to you.
Hey, how's it going, Cynthia?
Hello, Maestro.
- How you doing?
- I'm good.
- This is the ladies' room.
- And?
It's for ladies.
One day, it will be everybody's.
One day.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Does he have a new assistant yet?
I'm working on it.
He doesn't want to let you go, huh?
- What does that mean?
- Nothing, nothing.
I'm just, you know... you know,
Triangle Tanya's been
shooting her mouth off
that she saw him kiss you on opening night.
God, all your blood
just went to your cheeks.
Well, I mean, no.
He was just super affectionate
with everyone that night.
It was, like, 2 1/2 months ago.
It hasn't happened again, so...
You're really advancing
in your playing, Hailey.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you're...
you're getting really
fucking good. I've heard you.
So, you don't want any
bullshit gossip, trust me.
I'm gonna tell Tanya to shut her trap.
Hey, hello. Nina Robertson?
Ah, Cynthia.
- Bob?
- Hey.
Hey. Hey, nice wheels.
Oh, thanks. Just rode in from Pittsburgh.
- Ah.
- You just wrapped up
the NHL negotiations there, right?
We hip-checked those owners
right through the boards.
So, you play the cello, right?
- Yeah.
- I love the cello.
- It takes my breath away.
- You like the piccolo?
Can't say I've ever thought about that.
Huh.
Do you mind if I just stand
on the stage for a couple of minutes?
No. Hey, do you want to...
would you like to meet a couple people?
- I'd love it.
- Oh, yeah.
This is... this is... this
is Nina, our new lawyer.
This is Dee Dee, our timpani man.
- Dee Dee, nice to meet you.
- And this is Betty Cragdale,
our illustrious first-chair oboe.
35 years with the orchestra, right?
Yeah, I started when I was 12.
I hope you're gonna kick some ass for us.
I am. Those guys are forgetting
who makes the music here.
I just hope we don't get into
a situation like in Minnesota.
I was in that orchestra.
We were out of work for a year and a half.
Yeah, that's because somebody screwed up.
- We're not gonna do that.
- It's great that you're here.
- The maestro's arrived.
- Oh, shit.
Good morning, good morning.
- So great to meet you.
- Betty.
- Thank you.
- It is so nice to meet you.
Hey, power to the players.
Yeah, yeah, see you around.
Cynthia, listen, I am
really looking forward
to working closely with you on this.
Trust me, you're in good hands.
You know, I think we are.
Thank you.
Listen, you got to play the
cello just for me someday.
I fucking love Bach.
I fucking love Bach too.
- Hello.
- Maestro.
- How are you.
- Hey, nice pitching, huh?
Ahh, okay, thank you.
You're our ace, Maestro.
Oh, thank you very much, Betty Cragdale.
Thank you, guys.
- Hey, Warren Boyd.
- Maestro.
- You okay? Yes?
- Oh, absolutely.
Who... who was the person
that you were talking to?
That's our lawyer, Maestro.
Ay, a lawyer? On the stage?
- Mm.
- It's not very proper, right?
Oh, I couldn't agree more, Maestro.
Okay.
And welcome, everybody.
Of course, Schubert, 8th Symphony.
B minor, okay?
And...
Aww.
Ohh.
Thank you, thank you.
Boy, okay, guys, let's get to work, okay?
Sorry! I'm so sorry, Maestro.
We forgot to sign some
papers for the adoption,
- and then...
- Christophe.
Right, no excuses. I'm very sorry.
You know, when I was in youth orchestra,
and we would arrive late, Maestro Rivera...
you know Maestro Rivera...
he would throw batons at us
every time that we arrived late.
Fyah! Like that.
This one... this one...
is half fake. This one.
And then I became really good
at dodging them, you know?
And after, I don't know,
ten dodges or something...
when I was eight or nine...
he gave me the baton,
and that's the reason why I'm here.
So in a few weeks, when
we're in Mexico City,
we better be good,
because Maestro Rivera's
gonna be in the audience,
and he's gonna be throwing batons at us.
Okay?
So we don't want that, all right?
Okay, let's begin.
Ready? And...
Oh, Edward.
So glad you're here.
Well, did you hear they
swapped lawyers on us?
- Yes.
- She's supposed to be a shark.
Gloria, I believe you know
executive assistant, Sharon?
Yes, we're very angry at
you for wooing her away.
Sharon, we miss you already.
I need some protein. Could
you find me some nuts?
It's a little sad to have a
pre-concert major-donors' lounge
without any major donors in it.
Except for me, of course.
And... you know why there's
so few major donors here?
I bet you'll tell me.
It's because they're not overly large fans
of Che Guevara.
They miss our old conductor, as do I.
Even if he is dressed like
Hugh Hefner at the moment.
- Hello, big man.
- Hello, darling.
- You're here.
- Yeah.
- How are you?
- There you are.
- Oh my God, you look ravishing.
- Thank you.
Sharon, slumming it with
us this evening, huh?
Nice to see you.
- Eduardo.
- Maestro.
As I said before,
you already have a great conductor.
These are roasted.
Yes, I know... your hermano,
but the question is, are you his hermano?
Come on, Thomas, the best-reviewed concert
of the year was the one you stepped in on.
Well, that is perfectly true, but...
oh, screw it, you know the press.
Look, I'm composing now.
That is my gig.
I'm on fire, baby.
All right, now, who's ready for Schubert?
Yes.
Wow, that was enthusiastic.
Better give 'em some oxygen or something.
Let's try one more time. Who's ready...
for a little Schubert?
Schubert!
Thomas.
Thomas, you're humming.
Oh, I do apologize. I'm sorry.
You know, I'm in such a
groove with my writing.
Although, Christ, with that décolletage,
it makes it very hard to
concentrate on anything,
you little vixen. Hm.
So what did you think?
Oh, of tonight's performance?
Yes.
Well, the audience went
wild for it, didn't they?
- The audience?
- Yes, them.
The orchestra lacks cohesion.
Ah, I know, I know, I know.
They've backslid a bit since
the Benjamin Britten evening.
It's... look, it's natural.
Two steps forward, one step back.
But it's... it's also the strike thing.
It's distracting them. It's distracting me.
Mm, you've got to be stern papa.
- Stern papa?
- Oh, yeah, oh, my God, yeah.
I mean, look at the great
conductors in the past.
Ruled with an iron fist.
Well, Toscanini, look at that.
- Well, he was...
- Well, yeah.
He was a total cunt.
Von Karajan, of course, maybe too stern.
Oh, uber stern.
Solti's a good example.
Very stern, hard-working,
cracked the whip.
You don't want to be loved.
You want to be respected.
That's important. Gin.
- Cheers.
- Here's to... yeah.
You know, Maestro, would you mind
if I gave you my symphony,
- just to look at?
- Oh, Maestro.
Look, I don't want to toot my own horn,
but I think it's absolutely
fucking brilliant.
Oh, I would love nothing more, Maestro.
Thank you.
"Hai lai!"
It's 3:00 a.m.
Is it?
You said that you needed to talk.
Yeah.
Yeah, I wanted to ask you a question,
and I want you to be
really honest with me, okay?
Well, you're always honest with me.
How does the orchestra feel about me?
They think that you're crazy.
That's true, yeah. That's true.
But they believe in you.
And sometimes, they
think that they love you.
Do you sometimes think
that you love the orchestra?
Sometimes?
All the time.
But I'm the conductor, and
I must have some distance.
You know, Maestro Rivera,
he used to quote...
and say...
And that means?
That means that the highest cliff
you can fall from is trust.
You know, with closeness and familiarity,
there comes disrespect.
That's debatable.
No, I think that's the truth, "Hai Lai".
Nowadays, it's all the truth, yeah, yeah.
Aye, "Hai Lai."
It's late. What are you doing up so late?
We have to get to work.
I have to find a way of
making this orchestra better,
because, my God, it's terrible right now.
And you? You have to find a person
that makes the mate, all right?
Because you have to practice.
Okay?
Okay.
The falconer and the
falcon must both take wing.
I'm the falcon, right?
Bye-bye! Good night!