Mozart in the Jungle (2014–2018): Season 1, Episode 10 - Opening Night - full transcript

Oh, cool, those photos came in.

- From the big modeling shoot?
- Yeah, check 'em out.

Oh, I wanna see.

Okay, here we go.

Oh, wow, your butt looks amazing.

Oh, where's the rest of you?

I think that's my nose there.

Oh, guess that's just the tip.

I thought this was a body spray ad.

Yeah, well, I guess it's
more of a butt spray ad.

- Right.
- They're a little cheesy.



- Yeah, a little.
- Okay, they're very cheesy. It's a start.

A start? What, are you gonna
become like a big model now?

Well,

I mean, not a super model or
anything, I'm not delusional,

but, I don't know, like maybe...

maybe acting...

or something?

I don't know. Guess maybe not dancing.

Oh, God, you are looking
at me like I just said

- I like eating whale meat.
- No, I... I...

- Are you serious?
- Yeah. Yeah, I am. I mean, I'm...

I'm sick of starving myself and
getting blisters all the time,

and being constantly worried I'm
gonna sprain my ankle or some shit.

You don't think models starve themselves?



I'm not talking about
modeling. I'm talking about,

like, you know, taking a moment to
question what I'm doing with my life.

Maybe you should do the same.

- Excuse me?
- I'm not judging you or anything,

but, like, what are you doing?

You're making mates,

and going on road trips with your boss.

Do you really think you're making real
steps towards playing in the symphony?

- I'm trying.
- Okay, that's good, but that's not my point.

My point is, maybe it's
not the end of the world

if we don't do these things we said we
wanted to do when we were five years old.

Yeah, maybe it's not the
end of the world for you.

I have to go to work now.

Hailey.

♪♪ [violin]

Like a devil, she plays.

That's a woman.

Yeah.

She's fucking awesome.

She reminds me of my grandmother.

♪♪

Fuck! Fuck!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, what, what? ¿Que pasa?

¿Que pasa? ¿Que pasa?

Can't you hear it? I was flat.

And the viola section was too allegro.

No, no, no, they're playing
the tempo I'm giving them.

Then maybe you are too allegro.

- Ana Maria, who's conducting here?
- Oh, Excellent question.

I thought it was the great Rodrigo.

Don't do this. Don't do this here.

- Ana Maria, please, just calm down.
- Oh, you.

- Me?
- Yeah.

Are you stoned?

Uh, not right now, I'm not.

Okay, so why are you always coming in late?

Yes, you're coming in a little bit late.

Bob, is it time for our ten minute break?

- Is it?
- I don't know, I hope.

Oh, uh, yeah, as a matter of fact, it is.

- Take ten.
- Great. Excellent.

- Let's take a break.
- Ana Maria: Yeah. Bravo.

Take your break, Union Bob.

We have all worked so
hard to achieve mediocrity.

No, no, don't say those things.

No, no, no, we're all working together,

and we will... we will succeed together.

Sit down, sit down. Give me the violin.

Jesus. Can you imagine
being married to that?

Well, I was for eight years.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Oh, God.

What's wrong, kiddo?

[sighs] Nothing.

Just momentarily wishing
I was someone else.

Betty, I need to ask you a question.

I need to go to the little
girl's room, so make it quick.

Okay. Um, you said that
I was making progress,

uh, so my question is,

do you think that if I work
really hard and I sacrifice,

that I will have a chance
at playing in this orchestra?

Hailey, if you work as hard as you can,

and you really sacrifice to
be the best that you can be,

you will still never have what
it takes to make the big leagues.

This orchestra is the big leagues.

Sorry.

It's my policy to be honest with people.

You don't have it.

Now, pardon me, I gots to tinkle.

Take it easy, okay?

These people are your friends.
They're your colleagues.

You care more about them
than you care about me.

What?

No, no, hey, no. No, that's bullshit.

That's absolute bullshit.

You have grown so soft.

Where's your cock?

Where's my cock?

- Hm?
- You want to see my cock?

Let's go to my office, I'll
show you, I'll show you.

Just give me the keys to that
fucking contraption you have there.

- Baby, I want to.
- Okay.

Yes, but you don't know how difficult it is

to... to be playing in this graveyard,

and to see you so changed.

Change is natural.

Ana Maria, change is okay.

Change is good.

We have changed.

I'm trying.

I'm trying.

Ay, wey.

Rodrigo: Hailey!

Hailey!

Can you make me a mate, please?

But this time make it warm,

because last time it was cold,

and it was...

What?

Okay, if you want to make
it cold then it's fine.

- No.
- It's how they have it in Paraguay,

- it's called tereré.
- It's really not that.

It's just I... I don't
know what I'm doing here.

You're learning.

No, I'm not learning, and

I really don't think I have what it takes

to play in a major orchestra.

Hey, who says that?

My teacher, that's who.

Betty Cragdale?

Betty Cra... Okay.

Betty Cragdale, she's a wonderful oboist.

But this is not Betty
Cragdale's orchestra, is it?

- I've said that twice.
- Yeah, you have.

Okay?

I'm really sorry, this
isn't really your problem.

I'm gonna make your mate.

Ai, dios.

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

Rodrigo: Everyone. Everyone,
everyone, compañeros.

As you might suspect,

I have some questions of interpretation
to go over with our soloist.

So, um, rehearsal's over.

You guys have been incredible.

You've been working really hard.

We've all worked really hard together.

And as a gesture of thanks
for tomorrow's performance,

I'm gonna send each and every
one of you a car to pick you up,

and to bring you to the performance.

Because it's not just only
the patrons arriving in style,

and then it looks like a funeral. No?

- [laughter]
- Okay, so,

Goodnight, Sibelius.

Sleep well. Ciao.

It's about fucking time.

What happened to all our shit?

What shit?

- The desk and the gramophone and the...
- I gave it to Mike.

- Oh. Cool. Why?
- We're leaving.

Are we moving to Manhattan
with our new found riches?

No, I was thinking more like Mumbai.

Or Moscow, Ho Chi Minh City.

We gotta get the fuck out of here.

Let's go traveling and let's not come back

until this stupid-ass money's been spent.

- You're serious?
- Yeah.

I'm serious.

Look. Are you kidding me?

Matching suitcases.

Check it out.

We can sit on them.

When we're trekkin' around
and our feet get tired...

Boom! You have a seat.

Have a seat. Have a seat
on your new suitcase.

[sighs] Lizzie, I have to...

I know, I know. No, you have a dream,

and you have a life, and you have an oboe.

So bring your fuckin' oboe.

Okay?

It's not like you're a
bass player or something.

It'll fit in the suitcase.

Uh, Lizzie, what I was
actually going to say was

I have to think about
this because you're right.

What the fuck am I doing here?

I'm right? I didn't say that.

I know.

Thank you for not saying that.

And thank you for this beautiful suitcase.

So why do you like it so much?

Maestro.

Hey.

It's you.

You're back.

I like the beard.

It's very... It ended up being Sibelius.

I've been bicycling all day.

You know, now I know why I'm here.

But I have so many things
to talk with you about.

Oh, my God, it's been crazy.

"All the world's a stage."

Yeah.

I know. Yeah.

Are you coming tonight?

Thank you.

- Oh, hey, Cynthia.
- Hey, Warren.

So, you didn't take the Maestro
up on his offer of a car?

The subway's faster.

Well, we're both a little early.

It's gonna be a bit odd.

What, you mean not having the
old boy up there in front of us?

Yes, that's exactly what I mean.

Yes, it will be odd.

But, um, well, the new guy's no slouch.

And we'll have Sibelius to keep us company.

Yes, we will, darling.

- Shall we?
- Yes, let's.

Okay, let's go. I'm running late.

I didn't say...

the west side highway.

I got a good one for you.

Do you know why violinists
are such bad lovers?

'Cause they only know one position.

[laughing]

Bob.

- Hey, Cyn.
- Hey.

Uh, listen, about the other night...

Oh, hey, wait.

There's no need.

I understand that was
a one-time only thing.

And I'm not gonna tell anybody about it.

What happens on West
103rd stays on West 103rd.

- Really?
- Yeah, absolutely.

I mean,

the chair and the vice chair of the
negotiating committee hooking up?

- That'd go down in legend.
- That's true.

Um, but Cyn, one thing.

That night was one of the
three best nights of my life.

The other two were the
night my kid was born,

and the night I got married.

Little did we know...

So, don't worry.

My lips are sealed.

Thank you, Bob.

You're a gentleman.

And, uh, you're excellent
with your piccolo.

- Fuckin' A.
- [laughs]

Hey, you guys.

You haven't seen Betty, have you?

- No.
- Betty? No. No.

You're going on the
George Washington Bridge!

What the fuck are you doing?

Gloria: It's terrific. It's going to be

a great, great night. You look lovely.

You're down front.

Hello.

Ah! Thomas. Thomas.

Madame la Presidente.

I'm so happy you're here.

Oh, I wouldn't have
missed this for the world.

Hello, Barbara.

Yes. Hello.

I think you forgot your dentures.

Oh, well, I see we've begun
our celebration a touch early.

What are you implying?

Nothing, Maestro.

I'm so happy you're here.

Stay by my side and we'll
get through this together.

Hey, Cynthia, have you seen
Maestro? I have his mate.

You look really nice.

[laughs] Well, opening night.

Listen, Hailey, some day you're gonna be...

Uh, look, uh, this mate is gonna get cold.

Um, break a leg.

And, um,

you're a really great player.

Like, a great one.

Thanks.

It's about 15 minutes to show time.

The auditorium is about
85 percent capacity.

Nothing unusual on stage at this point.

Uh, excuse me.

I think you're in my seat.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're right.

I'm supposed to be in this one.

Here you go.

Opening night is always so exciting.

Always.

You probably recognize my voice.

Excuse me?

My voice, you might recognize it.

Welcome Bach, this is B. Sharpe.

Classical music is our forte.

Not ringing any bells.

I see.

I like your vest, though.

Do you?

I have a confession to make.

I got this in Maui at a Rage
Against The Machine concert.

That is a shocking confession.

I like a sarcastic woman.

Bit of a conversation stopper.

I suppose it is.

I'm Bradford Sharpe.

Elizabeth.

My friends call me Lizzie,

but I'm pretty fuckin'
sick of being called Lizzie.

All right, then. It's very
nice to meet you, Elizabeth.

Marlon, it was supposed
to be Mahler tonight.

And so sometimes we
must navigate new waters.

Do you think so tonight?

Oh, Maestro.

- Your mate.
- Thank you, Hailey.

- Have a wonderful performance tonight.
- Thank you.

We have a problem, though.

- No, I boiled it.
- Come. Come, come, come, come.

We received a phone
call from Betty Cragdale.

She's not coming to the performance.

So Christine will betaking
her seat as first oboe chair.

And right beside her
there is an empty chair.

Ergo,

we need an oboe player.

Miss Hailey Rutledge,

would you mind playing
in my orchestra tonight?

I don't have my oboe.

Pavel!

I called your girlfriend, the
roommate, and she brought it.

I told her it was for a lesson.

She's in the audience. I got
her a ticket and everything.

Oboe.

Thank you, Pavel.

Maestro, I don't know if I can do this.

This is not about you.

It's not even about me.

This is about needing an oboe player.

Please, would you mind?

[speaks French] Je vous en prie.

[sighs] [speaks Spanish]

Puta madre.

[contrabass tuning]

[mutters]

[orchestra tuning]

- Thank you, Pavel.
- Welcome.

Te amo.

Siempre.

[speaks French] Je vous en prie.

[cheering and applause]

[chanting] Rodrigo! Rodrigo! Go, Rodrigo!

[whistling]

Tremendous applause as the Maestro
prowls the stage like a jaguar...

Hey, that's my friend.

That's my fucking friend!

- Rodrigo?
- No, not Rodrigo.

Um, well, he's a friend,
too, but no, no, Hailey.

- She's in the oboe section.
- Really?

Here.

[squeals]

[applause continues]

♪♪ [orchestra]

♪♪ [violin]

She's a fuckin' lefty, a lefty violinist,

- and she can play.
- Yes, thank God.

She can.

♪♪

No.

No. No.

Oh, crap.

No, I'm sorry.

- Rodrigo: Ana Maria.
- I cannot do this.

I cannot whore myself for
this audience of wealthy scum.

- Oh, my God.
- Holy shit.

- Ana Maria.
- Ana Maria: Look at you.

You're just a pimp.

- [chuckles]
- You have sold out, Rodrigo,

and you cannot even see it,

because your vision is blocked
by your gigantic fucking ego.

And I will not stand in front
of this third rate orchestra

playing for these bourgeois pigs.

No matter how much I love you.

Leave with me.

What?

Baby, leave with me now, mon amour.

I have searched my soul.
Now we can begin again.

No, Ana Maria, not like this.

I know we've been
through a lot, you and me,

but I can't.

This is my orchestra.

Then to hell with you.

[scattered applause]

[softly, from audience] Boo, boo!

[sighs]

Pavel!

Can you bring me my violin?

Pavel: Yes, Maestro.

That crazy bitch just fucked
up my best friend's debut.

Would you go to dinner with me?

What?

Ay, wey.

Ana Maria, she's right.

But she's not right about
you being bourgeois pigs.

Although the vast majority
of you are bourgeois elite.

And some of us are pigs.

But she's right about the
ego getting in the way,

and not allowing me to see.

But I can listen.

And I can listen to Sibelius.

And I can listen to this orchestra.

Your orchestra. Our orchestra.

And it is not third rate.

No, this orchestra is capable
of doing amazing things,

and we're not there yet.

I know, I know, we will be.

But in the meantime, please bear with us.

And you can blame me if in the
short term we don't get there,

'cause I'm the conductor, after all.

But, um... Thank you.

But tonight, I will not conduct anymore.

I will play the violin.

Not the solo piece because
I'm not good enough for that.

- Warren Boyd.
- Yes, Maestro.

Could you play the solo?

I will, Maestro.

Thank you.

I will join the violin
section just like I used to

in my youth orchestra days back in Mexico.

But we need a conductor.

And

I think we have one of the best

in the world with us right now.

Oh, shit.

Maestro Thomas Pembridge,

would you... would you mind helping us out?

Please?

All right, listen, Gloria, slap me.

What?

Slap me hard.

That was a little bit
harder than I expected.

- I... I'm sorry.
- All right.

That got rid of the cobwebs.

Excuse me.

You can do this, Thomas.

Whoo.

[applause]

You're familiar with this piece, right?

What are we doing?

No, of course.

I conducted this in '89, Rio de Janeiro.

I know.

Look, uh, by the way, I must say,

I admire your taste in women.

My God, she's a fuckin' spitfire.

[chuckles]

Listen, my life is a total
fuck up right now, so...

but this, Maestro, I can do.

Thank you.

Thank you, Maestro.

♪♪

♪♪

[concerto ends]

[applause]

Go, Hailey!

- Woo!
- Woo!

[applause continues]

[cork pops]

- We did it.
- We did it.

You know, I once did PR
for Insane Clown Posse,

but these people are fucking insane.

Oh, Rick, over here.

You killed it, sweetheart.

Hey.

Oh, thanks.

Wasn't that amazing?

Woman: Well done, Maestro. Excellent work!

Man: Beautifully done.

Gloria: Oh, here he is, here he is.

Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo, Maestro, bravo.

Thank you, thank you.

Maestro.

That's what a real conductor looks like.

Well done. Now, can we please get rid of

that cocky little
bastard with the rat tail?

Please, he's my hermano.

I don't know what that means.

It's like...

Maestro.

Sorry, sorry. Hailey Rutledge.

- Thank you.
- You were so good.

- Thank you.
- So good.

Hailey.

- Bob: Maestro.
- Hey.

- Maestro!
- Bobby!

- Good job.
- Yes.

Thank you very much. You, too!

- You were great!
- We headbutt all the time, though.

You're one of us now.

I know. Thank you so much, thank you, guys.

- You were incredible.
- And Warren Boyd.

Warren Boyd, thank you
for coming to save the day.

You were incredible.

Oh, well, another run
at that middle section.

Next time, a little warning.

Cynthia.

You're back.

Can you ever forgive me
for being such a daft cunt?

Well, when you put it
like that, how can I not?

Listen,

I promise you I've
stopped drinking for good.

This is just juice.

I think you should stop
taking those fucking pills.

- I'm not taking...
- No, listen.

You were a tad late in the adagio.

That only happens when
you're a little high.

Let's not argue. Not tonight.

You did beautifully up there, Maestro.

That means more to me coming from you

than anything else in the world.

"And all we men and women,
we're merely players."

[screams]

Oh, my God! You did it.

Oh, I did.

Oh, hello. Who's this?

Oh, this is Bradford Sharpe.

He's smitten with me.

Who wouldn't be.

Hey, do you think you'd fit in a suitcase?

I'm pretty flexible.

Woman: Hailey Rutledge!

Uh, maybe you guys should
go get a drink or something.

Hailey Rutledge.

My idiot driver took me to the
Hoboken Dinner Theater Playhouse,

for some reason.

Anyway, you were okay.

Thank you. Not as good
as you would have done it.

No, of course not.

But still...

Congratulations.

Thank you.

See you Saturday.

- Okay. 7:00?
- No, 6:30.

- Miss Rutledge, you know this man.
- Hailey.

Yes, he's with me. Alex. Hey.

Lizzie texted me. I caught the very end,

but, oh, my God, you were amazing.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, I'm inspired, Hailey, I really am.

Oh.

Yeah, it's awesome.

♪♪