Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 8 - Mork's New Look - full transcript
Mork goes to see a plastic surgeon.
Na-no, na-no!
Cathy, I was just saying to Dad
that we hardly get a chance
to see you two anymore.
You're gone so
often. Cathy: I know.
I have missed our wicked little
stepmother-stepdaughter talks,
but it really has been
a busy concert season.
I'll say. Cathy plays
wonderful flute,
but maybe I've been
working her too hard.
Lately, she's been
eating her celery like this.
Hey, you didn't
finish your eggplant.
All right, shoot
it to me straight.
Is it too spicy? Too much
garlic. Not enough rosemary.
No, it was delicious, Remo.
I'm just watching my figure.
You don't have to.
Every guy in the place
is watching it for you.
You lucky old dog, you.
I didn't... I didn't
mean old, I meant...
Well, you're older than me.
Well, excuse me while
I go away flustered.
Oh, what's happened to Mork?
Wasn't he just going out
to check the movie times?
The phone's right outside.
It shouldn't take him 20
minutes to call the theater.
Oh, Min. Min,
Min, Min, Min, Min.
Min, Min, I'm so excited.
We're gonna go
see a movie tonight.
I hope it's a musical
comedy with an "ar-ar" rating.
Well, what took so long?
Well, I was on the phone
with this wonderful woman.
She was real nice. She gave
me all the times for the theaters.
I would have been here earlier,
but she kept repeating herself.
I didn't wanna hang up.
You know, it might be rude.
Mork, I think that
was a recording.
Oh, really? Well, it'll
never make the top ten.
It's got a nice beat,
but it's hard to dance to.
Well, I've got all the
theater times right here, Min,
and there are 14
theaters where it's playing.
See? At cinema
one at 6, 8, and 10,
cinema two at 7, 9, and 11,
cinema three at...
What time does our movie start?
Oh.
Well, I'll get back
to you in 20 minutes.
No, no, no. Heh. No, no, no.
Let's just drive over there
and take our chances.
Mork, I can never tell
when you're serious.
Oh, neither can I, but it's
usually when I go like this:
Um, I'm really looking
forward to seeing 10.
10? If I had known
we were gonna see 10,
I would've had my
suspenders cornrowed.
You know, I saw the movie
when Fred was out of town,
and it's so funny, I
wanted him to see it too.
Eh, it sounds a
little far-fetched.
I mean, who would believe
an attractive, young woman
falling for an older,
middle-aged ma...?
Well, maybe art does
tend to imitate life.
Hey. Fred?
Fred McConnell?
Bob Turnbow.
I haven't seen you
since high school. Hey.
Say, I'd like you to
meet my wife, Cathy,
and my daughter,
Mindy, and my, uh, Mork.
That's, uh, me. Na-no.
Pleased to meet you, Bob.
My God. Fred, your
wife, she's beautiful.
You're very beautiful.
Hey, you old dog.
How did you meet her? Was
she helping you cross the street?
Just kidding.
Whoa, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I always have enjoyed
your sense of humor, Bob.
Me too, Bob. Look under
the hat for another surprise.
Uh, say, Bob, uh...
You know, it's amazing,
but you look the same
as you did years ago.
Exactly the same.
Well, I'll tell you
my secret, Fred.
Plastic surgery.
Changed my whole life.
I improved my best parts
and threw out all the rest.
Listen, I-I gotta run.
Say goodbye to that beautiful,
young wife of yours, will you?
Ho, ho, ho, ho. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Listen, I'm sorry I gotta fly,
but I'm meeting my
date at Rawhide's.
We're riding double
on the mechanical bull.
Ya-hoo.
Eh. Improved his best parts.
I'd be happy with
what he threw away.
Oh, come on. Cheer up, Pops.
You know, wine
improves with age.
Cheese improves with age.
It's not your fault that
you're not wine or cheese.
Come on, Bebs, try
another trick. That's it!
Oh, yea.
Play dead!
Oh, those amazing noggachomps.
Rigger mortis...
Shh! There's an
Earthling at the door, Bebs.
Either slip into your
boomer costume
or take a hike. Come on.
Fetch.
Entrez!
Pops.
Oh, hi, Mork. Is,
uh, Mindy home?
Oh, no. She's in the tub
right now with Mr. Suds.
What I want to
talk to her about,
it's, uh... Well, it's
kind of personal.
Personal. Ah-ha.
Oh, I see.
It's part of your McConnell
life that I can't McShare.
It's all right. I understand.
After I insulted you last
night at the restaurant, that...
Well, even though I was
doing it in friendship, that...
I can accept this. I-I can.
Yes, I... I can accept it. I
can even live with it. Mm-hm.
He hates me.
Oh, Mork. Oh, Mork. No, no, no.
I don't need your pity.
I don't need your pity.
Mork, Mork, Mork, I
didn't mean to offend you.
I just... I-I'm just
troubled about something.
Oh. I've always hoped that
you would look to me as a son
because I've always
looked to you as, well, um,
Mindy's father.
Let's seize this moment to
make our relationship closer.
Let me in, Fred.
Well,
okay.
Now, this is just between
you and me, Mork.
Shh, shh.
All right.
I've been to a plastic surgeon.
Why? Couldn't
you find a real one?
She is a real one.
Dr. Charlotte Dubin.
She's one of the best.
You see, I'm 15
years older than Cathy,
and while I can't
make myself her age,
I can make myself a lot younger.
Oh, you mean you humans
can change your appearance?
Oh, this will make an
interesting report to Orson.
Oh, sure, everybody's doing
it. You can lift your eyes,
and fill in your chin,
and fill out your cheeks.
Oh, that's wonderful. Could
they move your nose down here?
It would be so much more
convenient. Right next to here.
I'm doing this for Cathy.
I spent a lot of years alone.
And now that I have her,
I'm gonna do anything I can
to keep her interested in me.
Oh, come on, Pops. I
mean, I'm sure she likes you
the way you are. I do.
Thank you, Mork.
Aw, shucks, and wazoo. Heh-heh.
Well, there's nothing
wrong in looking your best,
especially for
somebody you love.
Well, anyway, thanks
for listening, Mork.
Oh, you sure you don't want to
tell Mind? It's wonderful news.
Well, on second though,
I've gotten it off my chest now.
I think I'll just save it
for later and surprise her.
All right. Mork,
you've really helped
me make up my mind.
Tomorrow at 4:00, I'm
gonna be a new man.
Well, now that we've helped
you remove your troubles,
there's something I've
always wondered about.
Do you think Orson Welles
should be made a national park?
You know, I've...
I've often wondered
about that too.
So long, Mork.
Hey, M... Have you
seen my eyeliner pencil?
Oh, yes. I was using it to play
connect-the-dot on my chest.
And it was amazing.
It made this picture of Marie
Osmond with hairy teeth.
I'll bet it did. Mm-hm.
Well, I need it to
complete my makeup.
Makeup? On vous? Oui.
Oh, Min, Min, Min. No, no.
I mean, would you
stain the Painted Desert?
Would you flock
the giant redwoods?
Would you fill the Grand
Canyon with Cheez Whiz?
I say "nay." Nay, nay, nay, nay.
Oh. Well, thank you very much.
No, no, Min. You see,
you're very, very special.
I mean, the way your
nose kind of veers to the left,
and the way your eyes sparkle,
especially the greener one.
And the way your chin
comes to that lovely point,
so convenient for
opening beer cans.
Well, thank you, Mork,
but we all could use
a little improvement.
Oh, especially for
those you care about.
Right, Min? Right.
Min, remember the
movie we saw, 10?
Yeah.
Who's your perfect ten?
Well, present
company excepted...
Oh, bless you.
Well, I guess there are
always the old standbys.
Newman, Redford,
and Cronkite. Hm.
But I always thought that...
I thought that maybe I'd like
to meet a guy like my dad.
I guess through my eyes,
he's always sort of been
the perfect ten to me.
Listen, I gotta dry my
hair. I'm gonna be late.
Oh. Oh, allow me,
Mind! Allow me!
Oh, you do hair too?
Oh, honey, I do anything I can.
Let's just give you
a little blow-dry here.
Ah. That's all we
can afford today.
Let's work on it now.
First we'll tease it.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
Yesterday, this woman
came in. She said,
"Make me look
like Cheryl Tiegs."
I said, "Honey, I'm a
beautician, not a magician."
Come on, now.
Boy she... I can tell you.
She wanted me
to give her a facial.
I said, "I don't
have a sandblaster."
Oh, whoa, this is incredible.
I looked... This
other lady came in.
She liked to look like
the Bo Derek. Like that.
So I said to her... I put
magnetic beads in her hair,
and she followed
a bus for a mile.
Let's see, one more blow-dry.
Oh, there you are.
You're all done. Get
back on the street.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Mork.
Bless you, child.
Thank you very much.
Bless you.
Susan B. Anthony. Hm.
Well, I guess I could
use a little improvement.
Ooh.
All those years of
sitting on my face
are beginning to show.
I never should
have sat on wicker.
Well, I guess this is it.
Pops said I should do it
for someone I care about.
Yeah, I'll do it for Mind.
That's it. That's right.
I'm gonna do it.
Mork's new look.
Maybe I'll be like
Diane Von Secondberg.
"Will someone loosen
my hair so I can blink?"
You have to let them
know you're here.
Oh, thank you.
I'm here!
Oh. Voice-activated shutters.
May I help you?
Oh, yes. Hello, doc.
I've got a list of
changes I'd like...
Oh, no, no. I'm not Dr. Dubin.
No, I'm the receptionist. Oh.
What's your name? Mork.
M... O... Is that your first
name or your last name?
Yes, it is.
I see.
No, I-C spells "ic."
M-O-R-K spells Mork.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you must be
the man who called in
and wanted to the
doctor to shoot the works.
That's me. M-E.
Okay.
Well, the doctor will be
with you in a few minutes.
Thank you!
See? Worked the same way.
I liked that... Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Well...
Wouldn't it be funny if the
Broncos played the Colts?
They'd have to call a "foal."
is this doctor any good?
Well, she certainly is.
She helped my husband
when he had his crow's feet.
Oh, crow's feet.
Boy, those can really tear
up the carpet, can't they?
Let me guess. Your
husband had crow's feet.
You have frog's legs.
Ar-ar-ar-ar! Ar-ar-ar-ar.
No. Oh.
Actually,
I'm getting her nose.
Oh, really?
You know what I'd
say if I were her?
"What do you
want to do that for?"
I didn't mean to
make fun of you.
What are you having done?
Well, I'm shooting the works.
I'm gonna have my face
tucked, my cheeks pinched,
and my bags packed.
Sir, the doctor
will see you now.
Thank you. Good luck.
Don't worry.
Everything will be fine.
Would you like to go in
there and have a seat?
Oh, seat? No thanks.
That part's okay.
Mindy, have you noticed
anything strange about your dad?
Strange? No, why?
Well, he's... He's been
acting a little unusual lately.
Like the other day, he
asked me if I thought
he would look younger
with his fringe permed.
Dad said that? Yes.
He, uh... He passed it off
as a joke, but I'm not so sure.
Well, I wouldn't worry about it.
He's probably just going
through a little phase.
I hope so.
The other night, we were sitting
in front of the
fireplace sipping wine.
It was very romantic.
And he looked me right
in the eye, and he said,
"Cathy, darling, do you
realize when you're 65,
I'll be dead?"
Whoa. That sounds like
the middle-aged crazies.
I don't know what's
making him act this way.
I really have
never said anything
to make him defensive
about his age.
Oh, listen, Cathy.
You're the best thing
that's ever happened to Dad.
Maybe he feels like
he doesn't deserve you.
Oh, Mindy, any
woman would be lucky
to have a man like your father.
Well, maybe he just needs
to hear that more often.
But it's so obvious.
I mean, I even told
Mork this morning.
Mork? Yes.
He came over to borrow
a cup of Liquid-Plumr.
Anyway, then he asked me,
"What do you think
is a perfect ten?"
And I said, "Fred."
You know, that's funny.
He asked me the same question,
and I gave him the same answer.
Well, hi, Lola and
Stephanie. What a surprise.
Hi, Mindy. We came
over to see Mork.
Oh.
Do you have any ice
cream you're not using?
Well, yeah.
There's some over
there in the fridge.
I know.
Oh.
Uh, no, Lola, Mork
hasn't gotten home yet.
Oh. I wanted to see
how he turned out.
Oh, did you know him
when he was a little boy?
Your friend has
a delightful sense
of the absurd.
Uh, this is Cathy. Hi.
Lola, what did you mean
by how Mork turned out?
He left the daycare
center early today
to go to a plastic surgeon.
A plastic surgeon? What for?
I heard him say he was
going to shoot the works.
Shoot the works?
Did he happen to mention what
doctor he was gonna go see?
Sure, he called from the
center. It was Dr. Dubin.
Dr. Dubin. Great.
Thanks a lot, Lola.
You've been a big help.
I'll just look it up
in the phone book.
I hope Mork doesn't get
too many things changed.
He had such a charming,
Chaplin-esque quality.
Come on, Stephanie.
And you know you're out
of whipped cream again.
Oh. I know.
I hope we're not too late.
Yeah.
Fred?
Dad.
How's my little girl?
Did you bring him here?
Him? Who, him? MINDY: Mork.
No. Nice talking to you.
Fred, who did you bring here?
Well, just little old me.
Well, what would you be
doing at a plastic surgeon's?
Well, what would you be
doing at a plastic surgeon's?
Well, we came here
looking for Mork.
What would Mork be
doing at a plastic surgeon?
He doesn't have
bags under his eyes.
Oh.
Oh, Fred. What are
you talking about?
May I help you?
No!
No. I mean, I
like the way I look.
Um, a friend of mine
came here named Mork.
Oh. Yes. Mork. I remember him.
He's the guy that
asked for some changes
that would make
Mr. Potato Head proud.
What did he have done?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Patient information
is confidential.
Oh, no.
She said that Mork
was here, but he left.
Where would Mork get the idea
that he needs plastic surgery?
Got me.
Well, I guess, uh, he
got the idea from me.
Oh, great. Well,
we better get home.
Lord knows what he's had done.
I swear I didn't... I didn't
know anything about it.
Cancel my appointment.
I'll be back later.
Anything you say, handsome.
Mork, are you there?
No, I'm here. You're there. Ar.
Oh.
What are you
doing in the armoire?
I'm just waiting for
you to come home
so I can make a grand entrance.
Oh. Why haven't I gotten
used to moments like these?
Oh, no.
Hi, hon. How's my little girl?
Cathy, you look great.
Hi, hon. You look great too.
I don't believe this.
You know, he does
look vaguely familiar.
You know, he does
look vaguely familiar.
Now, cut that out!
Now, cut that out!
Mork.
You see, that's the latest
thing from Yves Saint-Laufred.
It's a... Notice the new
wraparound hairline
that any Hare
Krishna would envy.
Mork, what are you doing?
Well, when I'm not dropping in
on my perky daughter
and her madcap roommate,
I'm home with my
lovely wife, Cathy,
and saying, "How's
my love kitten?"
Mork.
Mork.
I feel like I'm listening
to bald stereo.
We thought you did
something ridiculous
at the plastic surgeon's.
Doctor laughed
me out of the office.
So I had to do something
ridiculous on my own.
Yeah. Where'd
you get that thing?
Pierre Trudeau.
Margaret said it was
one of his throwaways.
Aw, Min, didn't fool you?
Well, you had me
going for a minute,
but the latex stretch
marks gave you away.
That's very cute, Mork,
but why are you me?
Well, you always say
that you have to look better
for those you care about,
and both Cathy and Mindy
said that you were a ten.
And I thought, "Well,
with all my other qualities,
I-I might be an 11."
Oh, I guess I've
done wrong, haven't I?
No, Mork. We just like you
better the way you were.
Oh. I see. I've made
another mistake.
I've bitten the
big Watata again.
That's all right. If I
only had a broom,
I could leave here
like Emmett Kelly.
It's all right.
Pathetic figure departs.
Excuse me while I go
help my pathetic friend.
You said I was a ten?
With a capital T.
All right, now, look, I
know what you're thinking,
that a wife has a right to know
when her husband is
gonna rotate his parts.
But look, you're so
pretty, and you're...
Well, all right, I'll say
it. You're so young.
I mean, you don't
even have a wrinkle.
You don't even
pucker when you soak.
Oh. Are you finished, old-timer?
Yes.
Sit down, Fred.
If you want to have
plastic surgery, that's fine.
It is? Sure.
If you're doing it for you.
But if you're doing it
to look better for me,
then you're making
a big mistake.
But I wanna feel
like I belong with you.
Fred,
you are the most
beautiful man in the world.
You're kind, you're
loving, you're sensitive,
and it's written
all over your face.
Don't erase a line.
That's the nicest thing
you ever said to me.
Something's wrong, Min.
They're not even talking.
Heh. Well, I guess
we better be going.
Yes, it's getting
late. It's almost 7:30.
7:30, Min, hm?
Listen, I just want you to know
that I've taken another
look at this face,
and you know something?
It ain't so bad after all.
And, Mork, next time you do me,
I use my left hand when I say,
"How's my little girl?"
How's my little girl?
Goodbye, kids.
Yeah, we two tens are
going home. Good night.
Cute couple, Mind.
Oh, aren't they?
Well, it's almost 7:30, huh?
You know what that
means, don't you?
No. Do you?
Brady Bunch reruns. Oh.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, your beer-belliness.
♪ Roll out the Orson ♪
Thank you, Judy and the Sissy,
for that lovely melody.
It is customary, Mork, to
respect one's superiors.
Hear that? No gratitude
from His Fatitude.
- Give a little attitude...
- Your report, Mork!
This week, sir,
I learned that Earthlings
can change their appearance.
They wear shoes
to make them taller,
girdles to make them thinner,
wigs to make them hairier.
Then they say, "Darling,
why can't you accept
me for what I am?"
Bizarre.
Yes, sir, and their
"bizarres" are padded, also.
Wait till you hear this, sir.
Some Earthlings go to doctors
to have bumps
removed from their noses,
and you won't believe
where they put them.
Do these changes make
humans look better, Mork?
Oh, I don't know
about that, sir,
but they must make
them feel better.
But I think some of these
changes are unnecessary.
You see, most Earthlings
change themselves
because they don't think
they look good to others
when the real problem is, sir,
they don't look good
enough to themselves.
Pity, huh?
On that, sir, good night,
and until next week,
na-no, na-no.
Cathy, I was just saying to Dad
that we hardly get a chance
to see you two anymore.
You're gone so
often. Cathy: I know.
I have missed our wicked little
stepmother-stepdaughter talks,
but it really has been
a busy concert season.
I'll say. Cathy plays
wonderful flute,
but maybe I've been
working her too hard.
Lately, she's been
eating her celery like this.
Hey, you didn't
finish your eggplant.
All right, shoot
it to me straight.
Is it too spicy? Too much
garlic. Not enough rosemary.
No, it was delicious, Remo.
I'm just watching my figure.
You don't have to.
Every guy in the place
is watching it for you.
You lucky old dog, you.
I didn't... I didn't
mean old, I meant...
Well, you're older than me.
Well, excuse me while
I go away flustered.
Oh, what's happened to Mork?
Wasn't he just going out
to check the movie times?
The phone's right outside.
It shouldn't take him 20
minutes to call the theater.
Oh, Min. Min,
Min, Min, Min, Min.
Min, Min, I'm so excited.
We're gonna go
see a movie tonight.
I hope it's a musical
comedy with an "ar-ar" rating.
Well, what took so long?
Well, I was on the phone
with this wonderful woman.
She was real nice. She gave
me all the times for the theaters.
I would have been here earlier,
but she kept repeating herself.
I didn't wanna hang up.
You know, it might be rude.
Mork, I think that
was a recording.
Oh, really? Well, it'll
never make the top ten.
It's got a nice beat,
but it's hard to dance to.
Well, I've got all the
theater times right here, Min,
and there are 14
theaters where it's playing.
See? At cinema
one at 6, 8, and 10,
cinema two at 7, 9, and 11,
cinema three at...
What time does our movie start?
Oh.
Well, I'll get back
to you in 20 minutes.
No, no, no. Heh. No, no, no.
Let's just drive over there
and take our chances.
Mork, I can never tell
when you're serious.
Oh, neither can I, but it's
usually when I go like this:
Um, I'm really looking
forward to seeing 10.
10? If I had known
we were gonna see 10,
I would've had my
suspenders cornrowed.
You know, I saw the movie
when Fred was out of town,
and it's so funny, I
wanted him to see it too.
Eh, it sounds a
little far-fetched.
I mean, who would believe
an attractive, young woman
falling for an older,
middle-aged ma...?
Well, maybe art does
tend to imitate life.
Hey. Fred?
Fred McConnell?
Bob Turnbow.
I haven't seen you
since high school. Hey.
Say, I'd like you to
meet my wife, Cathy,
and my daughter,
Mindy, and my, uh, Mork.
That's, uh, me. Na-no.
Pleased to meet you, Bob.
My God. Fred, your
wife, she's beautiful.
You're very beautiful.
Hey, you old dog.
How did you meet her? Was
she helping you cross the street?
Just kidding.
Whoa, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I always have enjoyed
your sense of humor, Bob.
Me too, Bob. Look under
the hat for another surprise.
Uh, say, Bob, uh...
You know, it's amazing,
but you look the same
as you did years ago.
Exactly the same.
Well, I'll tell you
my secret, Fred.
Plastic surgery.
Changed my whole life.
I improved my best parts
and threw out all the rest.
Listen, I-I gotta run.
Say goodbye to that beautiful,
young wife of yours, will you?
Ho, ho, ho, ho. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Listen, I'm sorry I gotta fly,
but I'm meeting my
date at Rawhide's.
We're riding double
on the mechanical bull.
Ya-hoo.
Eh. Improved his best parts.
I'd be happy with
what he threw away.
Oh, come on. Cheer up, Pops.
You know, wine
improves with age.
Cheese improves with age.
It's not your fault that
you're not wine or cheese.
Come on, Bebs, try
another trick. That's it!
Oh, yea.
Play dead!
Oh, those amazing noggachomps.
Rigger mortis...
Shh! There's an
Earthling at the door, Bebs.
Either slip into your
boomer costume
or take a hike. Come on.
Fetch.
Entrez!
Pops.
Oh, hi, Mork. Is,
uh, Mindy home?
Oh, no. She's in the tub
right now with Mr. Suds.
What I want to
talk to her about,
it's, uh... Well, it's
kind of personal.
Personal. Ah-ha.
Oh, I see.
It's part of your McConnell
life that I can't McShare.
It's all right. I understand.
After I insulted you last
night at the restaurant, that...
Well, even though I was
doing it in friendship, that...
I can accept this. I-I can.
Yes, I... I can accept it. I
can even live with it. Mm-hm.
He hates me.
Oh, Mork. Oh, Mork. No, no, no.
I don't need your pity.
I don't need your pity.
Mork, Mork, Mork, I
didn't mean to offend you.
I just... I-I'm just
troubled about something.
Oh. I've always hoped that
you would look to me as a son
because I've always
looked to you as, well, um,
Mindy's father.
Let's seize this moment to
make our relationship closer.
Let me in, Fred.
Well,
okay.
Now, this is just between
you and me, Mork.
Shh, shh.
All right.
I've been to a plastic surgeon.
Why? Couldn't
you find a real one?
She is a real one.
Dr. Charlotte Dubin.
She's one of the best.
You see, I'm 15
years older than Cathy,
and while I can't
make myself her age,
I can make myself a lot younger.
Oh, you mean you humans
can change your appearance?
Oh, this will make an
interesting report to Orson.
Oh, sure, everybody's doing
it. You can lift your eyes,
and fill in your chin,
and fill out your cheeks.
Oh, that's wonderful. Could
they move your nose down here?
It would be so much more
convenient. Right next to here.
I'm doing this for Cathy.
I spent a lot of years alone.
And now that I have her,
I'm gonna do anything I can
to keep her interested in me.
Oh, come on, Pops. I
mean, I'm sure she likes you
the way you are. I do.
Thank you, Mork.
Aw, shucks, and wazoo. Heh-heh.
Well, there's nothing
wrong in looking your best,
especially for
somebody you love.
Well, anyway, thanks
for listening, Mork.
Oh, you sure you don't want to
tell Mind? It's wonderful news.
Well, on second though,
I've gotten it off my chest now.
I think I'll just save it
for later and surprise her.
All right. Mork,
you've really helped
me make up my mind.
Tomorrow at 4:00, I'm
gonna be a new man.
Well, now that we've helped
you remove your troubles,
there's something I've
always wondered about.
Do you think Orson Welles
should be made a national park?
You know, I've...
I've often wondered
about that too.
So long, Mork.
Hey, M... Have you
seen my eyeliner pencil?
Oh, yes. I was using it to play
connect-the-dot on my chest.
And it was amazing.
It made this picture of Marie
Osmond with hairy teeth.
I'll bet it did. Mm-hm.
Well, I need it to
complete my makeup.
Makeup? On vous? Oui.
Oh, Min, Min, Min. No, no.
I mean, would you
stain the Painted Desert?
Would you flock
the giant redwoods?
Would you fill the Grand
Canyon with Cheez Whiz?
I say "nay." Nay, nay, nay, nay.
Oh. Well, thank you very much.
No, no, Min. You see,
you're very, very special.
I mean, the way your
nose kind of veers to the left,
and the way your eyes sparkle,
especially the greener one.
And the way your chin
comes to that lovely point,
so convenient for
opening beer cans.
Well, thank you, Mork,
but we all could use
a little improvement.
Oh, especially for
those you care about.
Right, Min? Right.
Min, remember the
movie we saw, 10?
Yeah.
Who's your perfect ten?
Well, present
company excepted...
Oh, bless you.
Well, I guess there are
always the old standbys.
Newman, Redford,
and Cronkite. Hm.
But I always thought that...
I thought that maybe I'd like
to meet a guy like my dad.
I guess through my eyes,
he's always sort of been
the perfect ten to me.
Listen, I gotta dry my
hair. I'm gonna be late.
Oh. Oh, allow me,
Mind! Allow me!
Oh, you do hair too?
Oh, honey, I do anything I can.
Let's just give you
a little blow-dry here.
Ah. That's all we
can afford today.
Let's work on it now.
First we'll tease it.
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
Yesterday, this woman
came in. She said,
"Make me look
like Cheryl Tiegs."
I said, "Honey, I'm a
beautician, not a magician."
Come on, now.
Boy she... I can tell you.
She wanted me
to give her a facial.
I said, "I don't
have a sandblaster."
Oh, whoa, this is incredible.
I looked... This
other lady came in.
She liked to look like
the Bo Derek. Like that.
So I said to her... I put
magnetic beads in her hair,
and she followed
a bus for a mile.
Let's see, one more blow-dry.
Oh, there you are.
You're all done. Get
back on the street.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Mork.
Bless you, child.
Thank you very much.
Bless you.
Susan B. Anthony. Hm.
Well, I guess I could
use a little improvement.
Ooh.
All those years of
sitting on my face
are beginning to show.
I never should
have sat on wicker.
Well, I guess this is it.
Pops said I should do it
for someone I care about.
Yeah, I'll do it for Mind.
That's it. That's right.
I'm gonna do it.
Mork's new look.
Maybe I'll be like
Diane Von Secondberg.
"Will someone loosen
my hair so I can blink?"
You have to let them
know you're here.
Oh, thank you.
I'm here!
Oh. Voice-activated shutters.
May I help you?
Oh, yes. Hello, doc.
I've got a list of
changes I'd like...
Oh, no, no. I'm not Dr. Dubin.
No, I'm the receptionist. Oh.
What's your name? Mork.
M... O... Is that your first
name or your last name?
Yes, it is.
I see.
No, I-C spells "ic."
M-O-R-K spells Mork.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you must be
the man who called in
and wanted to the
doctor to shoot the works.
That's me. M-E.
Okay.
Well, the doctor will be
with you in a few minutes.
Thank you!
See? Worked the same way.
I liked that... Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Well...
Wouldn't it be funny if the
Broncos played the Colts?
They'd have to call a "foal."
is this doctor any good?
Well, she certainly is.
She helped my husband
when he had his crow's feet.
Oh, crow's feet.
Boy, those can really tear
up the carpet, can't they?
Let me guess. Your
husband had crow's feet.
You have frog's legs.
Ar-ar-ar-ar! Ar-ar-ar-ar.
No. Oh.
Actually,
I'm getting her nose.
Oh, really?
You know what I'd
say if I were her?
"What do you
want to do that for?"
I didn't mean to
make fun of you.
What are you having done?
Well, I'm shooting the works.
I'm gonna have my face
tucked, my cheeks pinched,
and my bags packed.
Sir, the doctor
will see you now.
Thank you. Good luck.
Don't worry.
Everything will be fine.
Would you like to go in
there and have a seat?
Oh, seat? No thanks.
That part's okay.
Mindy, have you noticed
anything strange about your dad?
Strange? No, why?
Well, he's... He's been
acting a little unusual lately.
Like the other day, he
asked me if I thought
he would look younger
with his fringe permed.
Dad said that? Yes.
He, uh... He passed it off
as a joke, but I'm not so sure.
Well, I wouldn't worry about it.
He's probably just going
through a little phase.
I hope so.
The other night, we were sitting
in front of the
fireplace sipping wine.
It was very romantic.
And he looked me right
in the eye, and he said,
"Cathy, darling, do you
realize when you're 65,
I'll be dead?"
Whoa. That sounds like
the middle-aged crazies.
I don't know what's
making him act this way.
I really have
never said anything
to make him defensive
about his age.
Oh, listen, Cathy.
You're the best thing
that's ever happened to Dad.
Maybe he feels like
he doesn't deserve you.
Oh, Mindy, any
woman would be lucky
to have a man like your father.
Well, maybe he just needs
to hear that more often.
But it's so obvious.
I mean, I even told
Mork this morning.
Mork? Yes.
He came over to borrow
a cup of Liquid-Plumr.
Anyway, then he asked me,
"What do you think
is a perfect ten?"
And I said, "Fred."
You know, that's funny.
He asked me the same question,
and I gave him the same answer.
Well, hi, Lola and
Stephanie. What a surprise.
Hi, Mindy. We came
over to see Mork.
Oh.
Do you have any ice
cream you're not using?
Well, yeah.
There's some over
there in the fridge.
I know.
Oh.
Uh, no, Lola, Mork
hasn't gotten home yet.
Oh. I wanted to see
how he turned out.
Oh, did you know him
when he was a little boy?
Your friend has
a delightful sense
of the absurd.
Uh, this is Cathy. Hi.
Lola, what did you mean
by how Mork turned out?
He left the daycare
center early today
to go to a plastic surgeon.
A plastic surgeon? What for?
I heard him say he was
going to shoot the works.
Shoot the works?
Did he happen to mention what
doctor he was gonna go see?
Sure, he called from the
center. It was Dr. Dubin.
Dr. Dubin. Great.
Thanks a lot, Lola.
You've been a big help.
I'll just look it up
in the phone book.
I hope Mork doesn't get
too many things changed.
He had such a charming,
Chaplin-esque quality.
Come on, Stephanie.
And you know you're out
of whipped cream again.
Oh. I know.
I hope we're not too late.
Yeah.
Fred?
Dad.
How's my little girl?
Did you bring him here?
Him? Who, him? MINDY: Mork.
No. Nice talking to you.
Fred, who did you bring here?
Well, just little old me.
Well, what would you be
doing at a plastic surgeon's?
Well, what would you be
doing at a plastic surgeon's?
Well, we came here
looking for Mork.
What would Mork be
doing at a plastic surgeon?
He doesn't have
bags under his eyes.
Oh.
Oh, Fred. What are
you talking about?
May I help you?
No!
No. I mean, I
like the way I look.
Um, a friend of mine
came here named Mork.
Oh. Yes. Mork. I remember him.
He's the guy that
asked for some changes
that would make
Mr. Potato Head proud.
What did he have done?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Patient information
is confidential.
Oh, no.
She said that Mork
was here, but he left.
Where would Mork get the idea
that he needs plastic surgery?
Got me.
Well, I guess, uh, he
got the idea from me.
Oh, great. Well,
we better get home.
Lord knows what he's had done.
I swear I didn't... I didn't
know anything about it.
Cancel my appointment.
I'll be back later.
Anything you say, handsome.
Mork, are you there?
No, I'm here. You're there. Ar.
Oh.
What are you
doing in the armoire?
I'm just waiting for
you to come home
so I can make a grand entrance.
Oh. Why haven't I gotten
used to moments like these?
Oh, no.
Hi, hon. How's my little girl?
Cathy, you look great.
Hi, hon. You look great too.
I don't believe this.
You know, he does
look vaguely familiar.
You know, he does
look vaguely familiar.
Now, cut that out!
Now, cut that out!
Mork.
You see, that's the latest
thing from Yves Saint-Laufred.
It's a... Notice the new
wraparound hairline
that any Hare
Krishna would envy.
Mork, what are you doing?
Well, when I'm not dropping in
on my perky daughter
and her madcap roommate,
I'm home with my
lovely wife, Cathy,
and saying, "How's
my love kitten?"
Mork.
Mork.
I feel like I'm listening
to bald stereo.
We thought you did
something ridiculous
at the plastic surgeon's.
Doctor laughed
me out of the office.
So I had to do something
ridiculous on my own.
Yeah. Where'd
you get that thing?
Pierre Trudeau.
Margaret said it was
one of his throwaways.
Aw, Min, didn't fool you?
Well, you had me
going for a minute,
but the latex stretch
marks gave you away.
That's very cute, Mork,
but why are you me?
Well, you always say
that you have to look better
for those you care about,
and both Cathy and Mindy
said that you were a ten.
And I thought, "Well,
with all my other qualities,
I-I might be an 11."
Oh, I guess I've
done wrong, haven't I?
No, Mork. We just like you
better the way you were.
Oh. I see. I've made
another mistake.
I've bitten the
big Watata again.
That's all right. If I
only had a broom,
I could leave here
like Emmett Kelly.
It's all right.
Pathetic figure departs.
Excuse me while I go
help my pathetic friend.
You said I was a ten?
With a capital T.
All right, now, look, I
know what you're thinking,
that a wife has a right to know
when her husband is
gonna rotate his parts.
But look, you're so
pretty, and you're...
Well, all right, I'll say
it. You're so young.
I mean, you don't
even have a wrinkle.
You don't even
pucker when you soak.
Oh. Are you finished, old-timer?
Yes.
Sit down, Fred.
If you want to have
plastic surgery, that's fine.
It is? Sure.
If you're doing it for you.
But if you're doing it
to look better for me,
then you're making
a big mistake.
But I wanna feel
like I belong with you.
Fred,
you are the most
beautiful man in the world.
You're kind, you're
loving, you're sensitive,
and it's written
all over your face.
Don't erase a line.
That's the nicest thing
you ever said to me.
Something's wrong, Min.
They're not even talking.
Heh. Well, I guess
we better be going.
Yes, it's getting
late. It's almost 7:30.
7:30, Min, hm?
Listen, I just want you to know
that I've taken another
look at this face,
and you know something?
It ain't so bad after all.
And, Mork, next time you do me,
I use my left hand when I say,
"How's my little girl?"
How's my little girl?
Goodbye, kids.
Yeah, we two tens are
going home. Good night.
Cute couple, Mind.
Oh, aren't they?
Well, it's almost 7:30, huh?
You know what that
means, don't you?
No. Do you?
Brady Bunch reruns. Oh.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, your beer-belliness.
♪ Roll out the Orson ♪
Thank you, Judy and the Sissy,
for that lovely melody.
It is customary, Mork, to
respect one's superiors.
Hear that? No gratitude
from His Fatitude.
- Give a little attitude...
- Your report, Mork!
This week, sir,
I learned that Earthlings
can change their appearance.
They wear shoes
to make them taller,
girdles to make them thinner,
wigs to make them hairier.
Then they say, "Darling,
why can't you accept
me for what I am?"
Bizarre.
Yes, sir, and their
"bizarres" are padded, also.
Wait till you hear this, sir.
Some Earthlings go to doctors
to have bumps
removed from their noses,
and you won't believe
where they put them.
Do these changes make
humans look better, Mork?
Oh, I don't know
about that, sir,
but they must make
them feel better.
But I think some of these
changes are unnecessary.
You see, most Earthlings
change themselves
because they don't think
they look good to others
when the real problem is, sir,
they don't look good
enough to themselves.
Pity, huh?
On that, sir, good night,
and until next week,
na-no, na-no.