Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 19 - Mork Learns to See - full transcript

MORK: Nanu, nanu!

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

MINDY: Hey, how'd you enjoy
your first tennis game?

Well, my favorite part
was jumping over the net.

The winner jumps over
the net, Mork.

That's why you collided
with Mr. Clayton.

Yeah, but tennis is different
all over the universe.

For example, on Sperious 4,
everyone has 16 arms,

and tennis elbow
is the number-one killer.

I didn't know they had
tennis on other planets.

Only where there's gravity.
Imagine no gravity?



Service. ( SHRIEKING )

Also, on the asteroid, the
winner gets to eat the loser,

and the bad players keep
rice pilaf in their pockets.

Talk about your "sudden death."

Oh, look, a telegram.
Gee, I wonder who it's from.

Well, in Ork, we always sign
on the inside.

We do the same thing on Earth.

Wow, parallel evolution.

First, fire. Then the wheel.

Now this.

Let's see. "Set two extra places
at dinner tonight."

And remember, I hate carrots.
Love, Dad."

Mork, Dad and Grandma
are coming in!

Hazzah! Massah Fred
and missah Cora done come home!



Teppie, Gubie, everyone come in
from the field!

( IMITATING BANJO )

Mork, we haven't seen them
in about eight months.

It's 2.9% of our life so far.

Yeah. Boy, I miss them.

I miss them too.

Oh, remember how Dad
used to take us bowling?

Oh, yeah, he'd always want me
to rest my head

in the ball return.

He did. We got to get
this place cleaned up.

Let's see, I'll go to the store
and buy some flowers.

I can make my favorite dish
for dinner, wieners tartare.

We can have it medium.

No, I think I'll fix dinner.

Let's see, I'll go
to the flower store,

and then the grocery…

Uh, do you think
you could do the dishes for me?

All right, I'd like to start
by doing my impression

of an art deco teapot.

Now crystal stemware.

( HIGH-PITCHED KEENING )

And a Crock-Pot
waiting for some chicken.

( FOREIGN ACCENT )
where's the chicken?

Where is the chicken?

I'll see you a little later.

( NORMAL VOICE ) Bye, Mindy.

( SIGHS )

I thought it was funny.

You know, I just can't believe
Dad and Grandma are coming in.

I'm just so excited
I can hardly sit still.

You want me to tie you up?

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

Oh!

Dad! Surprise!

Oh, Daddy!

Mindy. Oh, honey, oh.

Granny, is that a new dress?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Kids, this is Cathy.
She's with the orchestra.

Hi, Mindy. Hi, Mork.

I feel as though
I know you both already.

Oh, a psychic
and a clairvoyant with ESP.

Yeah, close.
She's a good listener.

I've talked her ear off
about my little girl

and my little, uh, Mork.

Where's Grandma?
She couldn't come?

Oh, she's visiting
your uncle in Boston.

Oh. Well, how is she?

How are you? How's everybody?

Come on in.

We'll catch up
on things during dinner.

First, Cathy and I
want to tell you the news.

Oh, what news?

We were married yesterday.

Wow!

Well, congratulations.

I'm sorry I don't have any rice,

but, here, Doritos are forever.

Well, ( CHUCKLES )

you did tell me
he was different.

Yeah.

FRED: Is something wrong, honey?

Oh, no, no.

It… It… I mean,
it's just such a surprise.

Well, honey, we didn't mean
to leave you out,

but it all happened
so quickly with Cathy and me.

There just wasn't time.

How did it happen?

Well, for six months,
I was just another woodwind.

Then we, uh, both
started to realize

how perfect we are
for each other.

So it's not as if
we're strangers.

Well, I'm really happy for you.

It's, uh…
It just caught me unprepared.

I mean, I didn't even get
a chance to buy you a present.

Honey, if you're happy for us,

that's the best present
we could get.

So, what do you do
in the orchestra?

Oh, I play the flute.

Well, if you got it, flout it.

You know, I feel
like a million dollars.

I've got a great job
and a terrific wife

and a beautiful daughter.

Lovable me.

The cloud
around my silver lining.

Mindy, I hope you and Mork
will think of Cathy

as part of the family.

( ITALIAN ACCENT ) Oh, mama.

Oh, che faccia.

Che dita. Che ballard.

Oh, Mind, now that I have a mom,

I can do all those
wonderful things.

You can cut my meat
and take me to the barbershop,

and you can buy me little shirts
and socks and things.

Mork!

No, that's okay.

Mind, now we have a real mom.

A new stepmother.

What's the difference, Mind?

It just means Cathy's not
Mindy's biological mother.

Yes, I guess I'm a replacement.

Oh, like sizzlean.

Cathy and I are honeymooning
in Acapulco,

but we wanted to stop here
for a few days

so you two could
get to know each other.

Oh.

So other than getting married,
what have you been doing?

Well, I've been keeping your
grandmother out of trouble.

That is not easy, she has a
crush on the entire

string section.

Oh, sex and violins.

Well, how is the orchestra biz?

Oh, great, great.

And I'm getting rave reviews
on my interpretation

of the Boléro.

Ah, if it's Ravel, it's swell.

So, what do you two have planned

while you're in Boulder?

Uh, well, uh, the first thing
I would like to do

is see the house.

Oh, yes, yes. I'm glad
it hasn't sold yet.

Uh, we're thinking of moving
back here for good.

That way, you and Cathy could be

like a real mother and daughter.

That's great.

It's, um, terrific.

Um, why don't we all
have dinner?

Din-din.

Oh.

Din-din.

Mind, I'm gonna sit
next to Mom, if you don't mind.

You don't mind
if I call you "Mom," do you?

No, no. That's okay.

Just don't ask me to push you
around in a shopping cart.

"Shopping cart."
Ar, ar, ar, ar, ar!

Uh, Mom, what are the chances

of my getting a baby brother?

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

Come on in.

It's okay. You all right?

Yeah, I just thought I'd come in
here and think a little.

I'm too excited to sleep, Mind.

It's not every day
an orphan gets a mother.

A stepmother, Mork. A real
mother's the first one

you ever have.

Cathy is the first mother
I've ever had.

I know.

I've been looking through all
your gift catalogues.

Frederick's and Spiegel,

trying to find
a wedding present for him.

Well, I'm sure you'll find
something nice.

Can't be just nice, Mind,
it's got to be super-nice.

I mean, it's for our folks.

Well, good luck.

I'll talk to you in the morning.

You know, I want to get
something for the both of them.

Maybe a negligee built for two.

They'll like that. Good night.

I'm so happy, Mind, I want to
buy a box of cigars,

that says, "It's a Mom."

Good night.

Or maybe I'll buy them
a wire-haired terrier.

It's a great pet and besides,
they do the dishes with it.

( IMITATES DOG BARKING )

Mind?

Mork?

Good night.

Daddy, I'm hungry.
I want waffles.

Good morning, honey.

I'll go fix you some.

Mommy makes them better.

Honey…

come on over here
and sit down next to Daddy.

Now, Mindy…

you know how Mommy's been sick,

and… And how she
hasn't always been able

to play with you?

Well…

the angels felt bad
that Mommy was sick,

so… They came and they…

took her to a place

where she won't have
to feel sick ever again.

When they bring Mommy back,

tell her I want waffles
for breakfast…

and some for Mr. One Eye.

Mommy can't make you waffles.
She's in heaven.

I'm waiting in Mommy's chair

until they bring her back.

Why don't you call the angels
and tell them I'm hungry?

Sweetheart… ( SIGHS )

I know this isn't easy,

but you have to understand.

Mommy isn't coming back.

It'll be all right.

I'll go fix you some waffles

and some for Mr. One Eye.

I want my mother.

I want my mother!

( CRYING ) I want my mommy!

I want my mommy!

I want my mommy!

I want my mommy.

( CRYING ) I want my mommy.

I want my mommy!

I want my mommy!

Mind? I want my mommy!

Oh! Oh, Mork! ( SOBBING )

Mind, it's all right.

Shh.

It's all right. I'm here.

I'm here.

Shh, shh.

Oh, Mork, it was just awful.

I remember exactly how I felt
the day my mother died.

Mind, that was a long time ago.

Now you have
a perfectly good mom

just waiting to be used.

I mean, I don't understand
why you're not happy.

I want to be happy.

I am. I'm happy for my father.

But it just seems awkward

to have somebody
walk into your life and say,

"Well, here's your new mom,
just as good as the old one."

I don't think
your father was saying

Cathy could take
your mom's place.

I think your father has a need
for someone in his life,

and he wants you to like her.

I know. I'm just being stupid.

You don't have to be an idiot
to see what this is all about.

What's this all about, Mind?

Well, they say sometimes,
when a father remarries,

that the daughter feels
threatened by the other woman.

Why, 'cause she's wearing
exploding underwear?

Fruit of the boom?

Not that kind of threatened.

It's more like being afraid
that the other woman

is gonna take your
father's love away from you.

Oh. Is this jealousy, Mind?

Well, I guess I am
a little jealous.

Yeah.

I thought
you told me once, though,

that earthlings
can love more than one person.

Like, when I came
into your life,

you said that you didn't stop
loving your father any less.

Well, that's because
you didn't marry my father.

Well, I am a little jealous,

but not enough
to make me feel this bad.

- I don't know what I feel.
- ( SIGHS )

Maybe you should have a talk
with your father man to Mind.

Yeah.

I think you're right,
and the sooner, the better.

Now that I have a mom,

I can do all those kid things
I never got to do,

like grow a milk mustache,

stay up late at night
and read comic books

under the covers
with a flashlight,

go for long rides
in the car and say,

( HIGH-PITCHED VOICE )
"Are we there yet?

Why did the Arabs
raise the price of oil, Dad?"

Falling down
and skinning your knee

and having somebody tell you

there's no such thing
as the tooth fairy.

Mork and Cathy really seem to be
hitting it off, don't they?

Yeah, a little better
than you and Cathy are doing.

Actually, I'm kind of glad
they're not here right now

'cause I'd like to
talk about this.

I'd really like to.

You seem to be having some
problems with the situation.

Yeah, I am.

Dad, why didn't you tell me
you were getting married?

Well, honey, I… I…

There were so many arrangements,

and we were so busy, and…

You could've called.

Yeah, you're right.
I could have.

I'm sorry, honey.

I just wish that I had
been given a little time.

Everything was
just sort of thrown at me.

To tell you the truth, Dad,
it was kind of like

you'd completely forgotten
about Mom,

like she never existed.

Oh, honey…

I'll never forget your mother.

She was the first woman
I ever loved.

( SIGHS )

I remember…

I remember
the way her hair smelled,

her laugh, her voice.

Every detail about her
is burned into my memory.

I remember she used to grind
her teeth in her sleep,

and it drove me crazy.

After she was gone,
I missed that sound so much.

Oh, Dad, I'm sorry.

Honey…

never think
I've forgotten your mother.

But I also never forgot
what it was like to…

to be a husband, and… And…

that's what
I can have again with Cathy.

I know.

Look at the two of us.

This should be one of the
happiest days of your life,

and we're acting
like it's a funeral.

I know. You're right. Come on.

Come on, let's get this…

Let's get this place cleaned up.

And I promise

that I'll try not to act
like a jerk.

Oh, if I could only hear
those words from Mork.

Dad, you like him,
and you know it.

Yes, unfortunately.

Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de ho.

FRED: Where's Cathy?

She's outside parking the car.

You know, pops,
I really approve of your choice.

We're three lucky people.

Uh, Mork,
you shouldn't have jumped out

until I stopped the car.

I was just in a hurry to report.

Where have you been?

I was giving her
a cultural tour of Boulder.

I took her to a theater
in the mall.

There's no theater in the mall.

It's a little theater.

Actually, it was a puppet show.

They're doing Shakespeare's
"Punch and Hamlet."

( HIGH-PITCHED VOICE )
"To be or not to be,

"That is the question.

You call that a question? Whoa!"

( NORMAL VOICE )
After that, we went to see an art film.

War of the Worlds.

I meant to ask you,

why were you rooting
for the Martians?

Well, they're
a much-maligned people.

Well, I told you
he's a little eccentric.

We went to the delicatessen.

Remo and Jeanie didn't
believe that she was my mom.

What'd you do?

Mom just laughed.

"Ar, ar, ar."

That's what got us
these free desserts, see?

Ah, cannoli.

I saw them, I just couldn't
resist. My favorite dessert.

Oh, mine too.

My favorite
is spaghetti à la mode.

Mork's on the
Weight Watchers hit list.

Oh.

Don't sit there.

Oh.

Um…

it's just that
that was my mother's chair.

Oh, I… I'm sorry, I…

No, no, no, no.
I… I'm sorry, I…

Um… I really apologize.

Dad, um…

FRED: Mindy…

No, no, no, no.

I just have to work a few
things out, that's all.

I… I… I'm sorry.

Mind?

I think she just
signaled for help.

Oh, Mork, at first

I thought it was just
that I was angry

because I thought my father
had forgotten about my mother.

But he hasn't.

He just wants a chance for
a little happiness himself.

I just don't understand

why I keep getting
in the way of that.

Well, we've examined
all the earthly reasons.

Maybe we should try
a little Orkan psychology.

I didn't know Orkans
used psychology.

Well, normally,
we like to use peanut brittle,

but this calls
for drastic measures.

Stretch out on the couch.

On Ork, you lie on couches too?

No, we usually have them
strapped to our back.

All right.

We're gonna start off with
a little free association.

Okay.

When I say "night"…

I say "day."

I say "Black"… "White."

"Red." "Yellow."

Wrong! ( LAUGHS )

That's one for me. ( CHUCKLES )

Now, Mind, we continue on.

Tell me everything
you remember about your mother.

Well, that could take hours.
Give me something more specific.

Ooh, uncooperative patient.

Well, what did
your mother look like?

Okay, let's see.
Her hair was brown.

That's a safe bet, Mind.

And she was tall. How tall?

Taller than a tabletop.

Ah, a furniture fixation. Good.

And her eyes
were blue like mine.

Mm-hm. Let's see. What else?

Patient can't remember
what mother looks like.

I'm not so crazy
about your Orkan psychology.

Oh, lucky you. It's almost over.

Now, Mind, what do you remember
most about your mother?

Well, I guess
the thing I remember most

is the terrible pain I felt
when I finally realized

that she was never coming back.

Maybe that's why you're afraid
to test-drive a new mother.

You think that could be it?

See, when I was a little boy,
I had this electric chicken,

and I tried to pet it
with wet hands.

It shocked
the shazbat out of me,

and I never wanted
to do that again.

Mork, there's a big difference

between electric
chickens and mothers.

No, I don't think so,
Mind. We both got burned.

I guess you could be right.

Maybe I don't want
another mother

if she's gonna be
taken away from me.

See, I never had a mom, Mind,

and I'm sure not gonna blow
my chance now,

even if I have
to give her up one day.

It's gonna take
some getting used to.

Yeah, but you and Cathy
have a lot of time.

Yes, we do.

You know, there is one thing
I remember about my mother.

Whenever I had a problem
or I hurt,

she'd always put her arms
around me,

and that would always
make everything just fine.

Yeah, that's real nice.

You never had anything
like that, did you?

It's kind of hard to cry
on a test tube's shoulder.

Most of the time, you'd go,
and you'd slide down.

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

Oh, come on in.

Hi. Oh, hi.

Um, we just stopped by
for a minute.

We're on our way to the airport.

But I thought you were gonna
stay for a couple of days.

Oh, well, we were, but I decided

I couldn't wait
to get down to Acapulco

and soak up that sunshine
and those margaritas.

Yes, actually…
Uh, the fact is,

I feel that I've disrupted
something here,

and maybe it's best

if Fred and I leave
just a little earlier.

It hasn't been you. I've been
the one disrupting things.

No, Mindy. Yes.

I mean, it's been my fault.

It's the old
electric-chicken syndrome.

Mindy, maybe part of the problem

is that you're feeling pressured

to accept me as your mother.

But Mindy should feel
that you're a part of…

No, Fred, I'm not her mother.

Maybe it'll be easier for you

if you just think of me
as a friend.

I'll try.

If you're lucky,
you can be both.

A friend and mother.
A "frother."

Cathy, I just want you to know

that I'm really looking forward

to the next time you
and Dad are in town.

And if you do decide
to move into the old house,

I know I'll be real happy to
have a whole family here again.

Oh…

Thank you, honey.

Oh.

Uh, Cathy…

I hope you can forgive me.

Oh.

Oh, just like a real mom.

Uh, Mom, before you go,

can we talk about an allowance?

Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.

ORSON:
Hello, Mork. Has it been a good week?

A very interesting week,
relatively speaking.

And speaking of relatives,
Mindy and I have a new one.

What's "relative"?

Everything,
according to Einstein,

but stay tuned
and turn up your volume

because here comes the
straight poop right at you.

Go ahead.

There's been a wedding
in the family

and Mindy's father
came home with a new wife.

It kind of caused problems
for Mind.

She didn't like
having a new mother?

No, she didn't like having
a replacement for the old one.

You see, humans become very
attached to their loved ones.

And when they're gone, I think
they cling to the memories.

Sounds like earthlings place
great value on their past.

It's very true, sir.

Memories are untouchable,

and humans have a need
to be touched.

But the nice thing is, sir,

that sometimes you can have one
without giving up the other.

On that high moral note,
mein Hindenburg, nanu, nanu.