Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 18 - The Night They Raided Mind-ski's - full transcript

MORK: Nanu, nanu!

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

Okay, Mork, I'm ready to go.

( HARMONICA BEING PLAYED )

Mork?

Mork.

( IN LOW VOICE ): Shut the box.

What are you doing in there?

I was just sitting in here

because it reminds me of
the house I used to have on Ork.



I had a condominium.

And this is a lot bigger,
actually.

We were gonna go hiking,
remember?

Oh, Mindy, I'm not in the mood.

I'm thinking,
my planet's so far away.

I can't even…
Oh, it's out there.

It sounds like you're homesick.

Oh, it's worse. I'm Orksick. Oh.

Orson promised me a vacation,
then he said I couldn't go.

He said there was a story
about the eggs being grounded

because of cracks.

Oh, Mindy.

( CRIES ):
Mindy, no. Oh, it's not fair!

Oh! Aw, Mork. I'm…



I'm sure Orson will give you
another vacation real soon.

Ha! A lot you know.

I'll never be able
to skip through

the fields of aluminum again
picking little Tupperware buds.

And look up at those 18 moons.

Ork has 18 moons? Oh, yes.

That's why all of our coyotes
have laryngitis.

It's real strange. You'll see
them at night going:

( CROAKS )

Oh, you are depressed,
aren't you?

Well, I'll fix that.
Here, raise your left arm.

Now, raise your right arm.

( GIGGLES )

That was wildly creative, Mindy,
but it hardly lightens the load.

Oh, come on, Mork.

Life can be beautiful anywhere
if you just give it the chance.

Mindy, stop looking at the world
through WASP-colored glasses.

Don't you understand? I got
a right to sing the blues.

Five, six, seven…

( PLAYS HARMONICA )

♪ Oh, I wander
Throughout the universe ♪

♪ It just seems
To make it worse ♪

♪ I can't get it Off my mind ♪

♪ I ain't had a close encounter
Of any kind ♪

( PLAYS )

♪ Oh, nanus is good news ♪

♪ That's why I'm singin'
These Orkan blues ♪

( PLAYS )

( KNOCK AT DOOR )

MORK: Probably an agent
with a recording contract.

Oh, hello, Mr. Bickley.
Sorry about the noise.

Noise? You mean the music?

I danced all the way upstairs

just filled with joy
at being in the same building

with musical Mork
and perky little Mindy

with the tweakable nose.

Got your nose.

♪ La-la-la ♪

I have been truly blessed.

Ta-ta.

What's that?

Did you say
I forgot something, mayhaps?

Now, what could it be? Ah, yes.

I would like both of you
to come down

to my apartment this evening
to meet my son.

Your son?

I didn't know you had a son.

Yes, I've done it all…

at least once.

Tom is a wonderful boy,
and he's about your age.

And I'm sure you'll have
a lot in common.

Seven-thirty?

Sure. We'd love to meet him.

I just knew you loved kids.

Here's your nose back.

♪ La-la-la ♪

Do you believe it?

See? Bickley actually
does have a nice side.

I knew that if we waited
long enough

that eventually
it would have to surface.

But won't that be interesting
to meet his son?

I can't go, Mindy. I… I have
a date with self-pity.

Oh.

Come on, Mork.

Look, a lot… A lot of times,

a good way to get your mind
off of your troubles

is to do something nice
for somebody else.

Like what?

Tonight we'll go down
to Bickley's,

and you'll be nice to his son.

And in the meantime
you can take me hiking

like you promised.

All right. I… I don't want
to ruin your day.

I'll take you hiking but I don't
want to leave the apartment.

So you… You just walk
in place. Walk in place.

Here we go. Here we go.
You walk in place.

- Here comes a quaking aspen.
- Oh, no!

Mork…
Oh, keep walking. Keep walking.

A tap-dancing sequoia.

( LAUGHS )

Here comes a little bunny.

Oh, no, a truck. Pfft!

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

( KNOCKING )

Come in. It's open.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Why are you sitting in the dark?

I'm sorry. The switch,
it's on the wall by the door.

I was just reading.

Oh, gee, you shouldn't read
in the dark. You'll go bl…

Bl… Uh…

I've been Bl… Bl… Bl…
For quite some time, now.

You know, I cannot wait

until they come out with
a Braille edition of Playboy.

Oh, well, I'm Mindy McConnell,
and this is my friend Mork.

Oh, I'm… I'm Tom Bickley.

Hi. Hi.

This is my friend Dinah.

Yeah. Hi.

Your father didn't
tell us that…

I mean, uh, your father didn't…

He didn't say that I was blind?

No. Thank you.

Well, you know,

Dad's not the kind of fellow
that likes to brag.

Mindy, what does "blind" mean?

It means that he can't see.

Oh.

I… I was just testing.

You'll have to excuse Mork.

He's never seen
a blind person before.

Neither have I.

What's the dog for?

She's special. She really is.

She… She leads me around
and she helps me find my shoes.

Most of the time, though,
she just keeps me

from making a fool
out of myself.

That's what I have Mindy for.

( TOM LAUGHS )

So is your father here?

Mindy, show some sensitivity.

How would he know?

No, no. Dad called and said
he'd be a little late,

but that his best friends,
Mork and Mindy,

would keep me company.

Does "best" mean "only"? Ar!

Um…

So how'd you get
into the apartment?

Oh, Dad left a key for me.

Hidden in the lock.

He's going to meet me later
at the Purple Grotto Club.

I'm performing there.

Oh, you're a performer.

( IMITATING ED SULLIVAN ):
That's wonderful. Does the dog do tricks?

( LAUGHS )

No. No, I'm… I'm a singer.

I… I sing about the thing that
I can see with my other senses.

I mean, like, the sound
of a squeaky porch swing

or the friends I left back home.

( NORMAL VOICE ): Oh, back home.

Anguish. Renewed sorrow.

Mork, remember what I said?

Oh. You said I'm gonna do
nice things for people.

Well, Tom, can I read you
the newspaper

or tell you
if you're dressed funny?

( LAUGHS )

I could do some mime
if you'd… Oh.

Uh, Mork's been trying to do
nice things for people

to cheer himself up.

You see, he, um… He's been
kind of homesick lately.

Well, I… I get that way too,
sometimes when I'm on the road.

MINDY: Yeah.

Hey, it's after 8:00.

I've got to get to work. Oh.

Oh, how did you know
what time it was?

Oh, this is a special watch
you can feel.

See? When Mickey's left hand
is pointing to the 8,

and his cane is pointing to 3.

Hey, listen, why don't you guys
come along?

I'm sure you could sit with Dad
and see my act.

Oh. Dinah, get your leash.

Well, that sounds like fun,
doesn't it, Mork?

- Yes, ma'am, it does. Mm-hm.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TOM:
Bring it back. Come on. Come on.

MINDY: Oh, isn't she wonderful?

- That's a good girl.
- MINDY: She's just terrific.

- Good girl.
- That's no big deal, Mindy.

I can do that and I don't shed.

Mork, be nice? Oh, be nice. Yes.

Well, um, c… Can I help you
put that on?

- Oh, yes, please.
- Oh, gladly. Okay.

Here we go.

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Purple Grotto
is proud to present

a very special entertainer:

Mr. Tom Bickley.

( ALL APPLAUD )

Good evening, everybody.

I got a lot of great songs
to sing for you tonight.

Fooled you.

( PLAYING )

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ If you believe in yourself ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

( ALL APPLAUD ) Yeah.

Whoo! Ha-ha-ha!

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

I really did have an incredible
time being with you tonight,

but do me a favor, would you?

When you leave, drive carefully.

I always try to.

( ALL APPLAUD )

Wasn't he great?

And do you believe
he writes all his own songs?

Tom, you were wonderful.

Thank you, Mindy.

I enjoyed you too,
even though I'm into heavy mope.

I guess my dad's late.

Yeah, I wonder
what happened to him.

Well, he's got a lot of stuff
to do.

I… I'm sure he'll get here
by the second show.

You know, we've got
so much to talk about,

and tomorrow, we might even
get in a round of golf.

I didn't know you could play…

TOM ( LAUGHING ):
Yeah, I can play golf.

I'm really into sports,
actually.

I water-ski and try to jog
a few miles every day.

And I love to skydive.

You jump out of planes?

I bet the hard part is to keep
your dog from screaming, huh?

Excuse me, folks.

Tom, the operator
took this message for you

while you were on stage.

- Okay?
- Oh, thank you, Marty. Thank you.

Mork, would you read this
for me?

Oh, sure.

All done.

I'll read it.

Oh, it's from your dad.
He says…

Oh, he says he can't be here.
He was called out of town,

and he'll see you
on your next visit.

( SIGHS ) Oh, that's too bad.

Yeah, well, that's my dad.
Always on the go.

When was the last time
you two got together?

Twelve years ago.

Twelve years?

And he has the nerve
to stand you up?

You know, no big deal.

I mean, what's a few lows
with all these highs?

Boy, I wish
I could feel like that.

Something's pulling at me,
and I can't seem to shake it.

You know, you really can
do anything you want to do.

I mean, remember the old saying:

"When life hands you lemons,
hey, make lemonade."

I wish I could spend the day
with you one day

so you can teach me to enjoy
the life the way you do.

I'm not sure. How can I do that?

Hey, don't ask me.
You're the blind guy.

( LAUGHS )

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

Listen, are you really sure
you want to do this?

I want to see life
the way you do.

Ready.

Okay. Let's go.

♪ Did you ever hear the ocean ♪

♪ As it rushes to the shore? ♪

♪ Did you ever
Really understand ♪

♪ What your senses
Were meant for? ♪

♪ Did you ever smell
That green, green grass ♪

♪ When the rain
Begins to pour? ♪

♪ If you haven't done
These special things ♪

♪ You don't know
What life is for ♪

♪ So get high on life ♪

♪ The best is yet to come ♪

♪ Get high on life ♪

♪ You better let
Your senses run ♪

♪ Get a high on life ♪

♪ You know the rest
Is up to you ♪

♪ You know, get high on life ♪

♪ And let your sense
Come through ♪

♪ Love your senses ♪

♪ Get a high on life ♪

♪ Everybody knows ♪

♪ Everybody knows
They can get high on life ♪

Oh, yippee-yo-yi kai-oh, oy-vey.

( LAUGHS )

Boy, I didn't know horseback
riding could be such fun.

Ho! I rode that sucker. Whew!

Yeah, you were the hit
of the supermarket, all right.

Too bad we ran out of quarters.

Well, my frown is down,
my funk is sunk,

and my gloom split the room.

Well, I'm glad you had
a good day.

- A good day? It was spectabulous.
- Are you kidding?

You taught me
how to smell a sunset.

( SNIFFS ):
There are the greens.

( SNIFFS ):
There are the yellows. I knew it.

Can we do that again tomorrow?
And tomorrow we'll bring Mindy.

By the way,
she wasn't there today.

Ar-ar!

I'm afraid not, Mork.

I'm gonna leave town
tonight after the show.

Oh, well, maybe after
Mindy's class, we could, um,

drive you to the airport
and say goodbye.

Did I say something wrong?

Maybe we could wave goodbye,

but I think that would be
kind of cruel.

Twelve years, and he hasn't even
got time to say, "Hello."

Who?

My father.

Mork, I can't take it anymore.

I'm damn tired
of being brushed off.

I thought you said to me
that it didn't bother you.

I lied.

It bothers the hell out of me.

I'm his son.
Why is he avoiding me?

I'd like to throw something
at a wall right now,

but I'm afraid
I wouldn't hit it.

I thought you were
the happiest guy

in the whole world.

I'd be a lot happier
if I had a father again.

I guess having a son
with a handicap

is more than he can face.

I think maybe
your father's the one

that has the handicap.

( DRAMATIC THEME PLAYING )

I just don't understand it.

How could he ignore his own son?

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

She'll get it.

Well, look who's here.

Oh, it's Mr. Compassion.

Hi, there.

I thought you were out of town.

Well, I fibbed a little.

Actually, my dog Bickie and I

were over at the Holiday Inn.

Need any soap or towels?

What were you doing
at the nation's innkeeper?

I have my reasons.

Say, have you seen my son, Tom?

Of course we've seen him.

Is he okay? How does he look?

Has he grown any
since he was 14?

Mr. Bickley, why do you keep
letting down your own son?

I never let him down.
I sent him to the best doctors.

I sent him to the best schools.

I sent him
all the money he needed.

And there wasn't a Christmas
that went by

that I didn't send him a card.

Yeah, but how could he read it?

Well, it's the thought
that counts.

Well, Bick,
I don't know about you.

I used to think so much of you,

but now you've pushed it
too far.

I think you better go back
to the Holiday Inn

and join the other people
that are taking a vacation

away from
their responsibilities.

Please, don't send me away.

Please, don't send me away.

Where have I heard that before?

A little 6-year-old boy
said that to me

when I had to send him away
to a special school.

It broke my heart.

I couldn't afford the school,
so I had to take a second job.

My wife was lonely.

I was never home.

Pretty soon, neither was she.

Love doesn't keep you together.

I'd like to wring
Neil Sedaka's neck.

Bick, hiding doesn't help it.

He was better off
if I left him alone.

He had to become independent.

You don't know what it's like
to have a child born blind.

And what do you do, keep him
inside so he'll be safe

or f-freeze every time
you hear a car horn?

I had to make Tommy
fend for himself,

and now he probably hates me.

Oh, no. He doesn't hate you,
Mr. Bickley.

He'd like to be with you
very much.

Yeah?

Well, the kid has rotten taste.

Listen, we were just
gonna meet him at the club

to drive him to the airport.

Why don't you come along with us
and say goodbye?

Goodbye?

Yeah. Tom's leaving tonight.

Well…

no, I couldn't.

I wouldn't know what to say
after "goodbye."

Well, maybe Bickley's right.

I mean, it's only been 12 years.

What's there to talk about?

Yeah, actually, he probably
is better off without you.

I mean, look at you.

You're mean, you're ornery,
you're self-involved.

What could you possibly
have to offer him?

I'm his father.

Yeah, you think
he still remembers?

Okay. I'll go with you.

Hallelujah, you old skunk.

( LAUGHS )

May pigeons fly upside down

the next time you wash your car.

I don't want Tom to know
I'm in the room.

I'm gonna be totally silent.

And if either of you
lets on I'm there,

I'm gonna walk right out.

Then why even bother coming?

I want to see him.

I may be gutless,
but I'm not heartless.

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )

( PLAYING )

Hey, Tom, it's us.

Mork and Mindy and…

And Mindy and Mork.

Well, I'm… I'm glad
you both could make it.

My bags are packed
and I'm ready to go.

Leaving on a jet plane, huh?

I thought I'd get
to the airport early

and pick out a window seat.

Ar-ar-ar-ar.

Mork taught me that.

And Tom taught me
to give life a feel.

Hey, I'm gonna miss you,
you big palooka.

I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss both of you.

I'm just sorry that I didn't
get a chance to see my dad.

Well,

you haven't left town yet.

The night's but a fetus.

Come, let's sit and talk
in a kind of mellow way.

We'll share some energy
and be one, you know?

You know, Tom,

I really don't know
Mr. Bickley very well.

What was he like as a father?

( SIGHS ): Well…

Dad…

Dad was, uh, stubborn and cranky

and grouchy and grumpy.

Sounds like
a law firm for dwarfs.

I couldn't wait
till he got home at night.

He always seemed to have time
to play with me.

So you're saying
that he was a good father.

TOM:
Yeah, he really was unbelievable.

You know, he gave the best
piggybacks in the world

and didn't even seem to mind
when I left gum in his ear.

And I remember the time
he bought me a baseball.

Two hundred and thirty-six
stitches on that thing.

And I remember swimming
toward the sound of his voice

my first time across the pool,

And he said,
"You can make it, Tom.

You can make it, Tom."
And I did.

And then there was the last
Christmas we spent at home.

And Dad opened the picture that
I drew of him with crayon,

and he said,
"It looks just like me, Tom."

I wish I had a father like that.

I didn't know Mr. Bickley
had those kind of feelings.

I wonder why people
always hide the feelings

that give them
the most pleasure.

You know, I've… I've got
a song that I wrote.

I think it's kind of special.
I… I'd like to sing it.

MINDY: Oh, yeah, we'd like that.

Yeah, I'd like it a lot.

( PLAYING )
♪ Beauty is in the eyes ♪

♪ Of the beholder ♪

♪ And that's what I want to do ♪

♪ Hold you in my life forever ♪

♪ And just keep on loving you ♪

♪ Beauty's in the eyes
Of the beholder ♪

♪ So take a special look
And see ♪

♪ And ♪

♪ Just possibly ♪

♪ You will see the love
And beauty ♪

♪ That's in you and me ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Look for the beauty ♪

♪ Please ♪

That was for you, Dad.

How…? How did you know
I was here?

You're still wearing that
awful-smelling after-shave.

I could find you
when I was lost in a circus.

It…

doesn't take a lot

to find you in an empty room.

Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.

What did you learn
this week, Mork?

Well, this week, sir, I learned
to see by closing my eyes.

Have you been smoking
your socks again, Mork?

Oh, no, sir.
I met a man with no eyes

who saw beauty everywhere.

Are there many people on Earth
without sight?

Oh, quite a few, sir,

and generally they're looked
upon as being handicapped.

Are people on Earth
born with handicaps?

Some are,
but others create their own

by giving up on themselves.

You really have learned to see,
haven't you, Mork?

Oh, better than ever, sir.

There's so much in life
for us to sense and enjoy

if we just wouldn't be
so blind to it.

Good night, sir.

( UPBEAT THEME PLAYING )