Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 6 - Mork Goes Public - full transcript
When a reporter offers a reward for proof of alien life, Mork decides to turn himself in to pay back the McConnells.
Nanu-nanu.
Shazbot!
Oh. I'm hungry.
I wish Frederick would
get back from lunch.
Yeah. How could he leave us
at the height of our rush hour?
Yes.
Oh, say!
Business is picking up.
That last couple
came to a full stop.
♪ Do me my shazbow
di din daz bow doe ♪
Mork, what are you doing?
Singing the Orkan blues.
♪ Going to nanu all night long ♪
Oh, say, I like that.
Do you know the
"No Sales Blues"?
Come on, you guys.
Stop fooling around. I
really feel sorry for Dad.
So do I.
Why do we feel sorry for Dad?
Business is the pits.
Yeah, and on top of that,
the water pipe
broke in his house
and flooded the
entire living room.
That's too bad, because
the wet look is out.
Yes, but it's no fun trying
to wring out a wet couch.
Yeah, and it cost almost $3,000
to repair the plumbing
and dry out all the furniture.
Say, Mindy,
do you know where those
invoices are for the records?
Oh, yeah, we ran out, but
there's more in the back.
Oh, okay. I'll show
you where they are.
Hey, Mork, could you
kind of watch the store
while we're back there?
Whoa!
Oh!
Like to buy a record?
No, I'm just kind of browsing.
Great luck. Let's all
hear the special deal...
New from Rotel... Marcel
Marceau's Greatest Hits.
Who can ever forget "Man
Ascending an Escalator"?
How's it go? "Man Walking
the World's Longest Staircase."
There he goes,
walking across it now.
Also, let's just forget
the vinyl, and look inside,
see the other quite exciting
values you can get free with this.
Look, it can be a hand glove,
also can dice, slice,
and make julienne fries.
It can also be a party favor,
a King Tut hat. Who knew?
Also a puppet for a
two-dimensional child.
"Hi, Mom, nice to
have you home."
These and many more
can be yours for only $1.99.
Offer void where
prohibited by good taste.
You are one funny guy,
with loads of energy, pal.
But you know, I'd like to
ask you a couple of questions.
Do you, uh...
know one Mindy McConnell?
I know one. Are there more?
Well this one's 21, brunette,
and lives at 1619 Pine Street.
Uh... uh, excuse
me, but who are you,
and how do you know who I am?
Well I, uh, saw the,
uh, front of the store
that said "McConnell's
Music Store," and
well, he, uh, told me your name.
I didn't mention her name.
Well, you implied it.
Ooh, a psychic.
Well, how do you
know where I live?
Well, it was kind of a hunch.
Could you excuse
me for just a moment?
Here's the deal...
I'm actually from the
Boulder Evening Sun.
Clint Mullet, ace reporter.
You don't act too
much like a reporter.
Well, actually, I'm just
Clint Mullett, ace copy boy.
Oh, copy boy, a clone!
I'm working on a story so big
no other reporter
would touch it.
It's the biggest cover-up
since the Greenbrier Scandal.
I never heard of that.
You see?
My editor was so scared
when he saw my first few pages,
he threw the whole
story in the trash.
How does Mindy
fit into your trash?
Good question, boy.
All right, it seems
that a few months ago,
you were up at Boulder
Lake with one Bill Mason.
How do you know that?
Did you see anything
unusual that night?
Like what?
Well, UFOs?
Oh, what?
You know, flying saucers?
Flying saucers.
You don't believe
in them, do you?
You don't? No,
I'm into flying eggs.
Oh.
Flying saucers,
don't make me laugh.
Now, look, 12
people in your area
reported seeing
glowing flying saucers.
Now, it was a dark
night. My question is,
why didn't you see
any glowing objects?
Mindy, these are
the wrong invoices.
Um, all right, Grandma.
I'll be right back.
What was your name again?
Uh, Clint Mullet,
the next Lou Grant.
Listen, it was really
nice getting to know you,
and if I remember that I saw a
flying saucer, I will let you know.
Tell you what, save some coffee
for Tuesday, all right? Right.
Whoa, that was a close call.
Mindy!
I'll be right back.
I knew it.
I sensed it, I felt it.
She knows something.
She knows something.
She knows a lot of things.
She watches Rona Barrett.
Did she ever talk to you
about a strange creature
from another planet?
About one, no.
You know, I'm into aliens.
You like science fiction?
Hey, sci-fi's my life.
It is?
Did you ever read
Tales of the Milky Way?
I skimmed right through it.
And you talk about these
kind of things with Mindy?
Sure thing.
Hmm. You know, you and I
have got a lot in common.
We ought to get together,
have some lunch...
Talk about outer space,
alien beings... Mindy.
Does this mean we're
going to be friends?
Oh, you betcha, pal.
You know, if my theory is right,
there's probably an
alien right here in Boulder.
So, be on the lookout for
anything strange or unusual.
You bet. Nanu-nanu.
Do you realize what
a close call that was?
Guess what? Clint
wants to be my friend.
Are you crazy?! Of course
he wants to be your friend.
You're the one he wants.
I know that, but there's
an old Orkan phrase...
"The best place to
hide from the enemy
is right under his
noses." Oh, but Mork...
Mork, what if he
finds out that you...?
Uh... that you don't read
the Boulder Evening Sun?
Then he won't be my friend?
He might not.
Then I better run out and
buy a copy right now. Hello!
Oh, that boy really wigs me out.
I love him.
What's the matter, dear?
Is something wrong?
Well, there was this
crazy reporter in here,
and he thinks that men
have landed from outer space.
And he thinks that I
know something about it.
Oh! Of all the crazy wieners.
Yeah.
Well, now, don't
you worry, dear.
If he comes back again,
I'll kick him right in his
Sunday supplement.
Oh!
Wow, it's a lucky day.
Mindy, look!
What happened?
He almost got hit by a bus.
Mork, you should know
better than to walk out
into the street before looking.
If you hadn't pulled me
out from in front of that bus,
I'd be dead meat
right now at Boot Hill.
Well, Mork, it was no big deal.
I just happened to be there.
Oh, thank you.
I... I owe you everything,
my life, my firstborn.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank
you, thank you...
thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank
you, thank you...
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you...
Mork-Mork, please stop saying
"Thank you, thank
you, thank you."
You're welcome, you're welcome,
you're welcome, you're welcome.
Now, cut that out.
You're right, Master.
You're always right.
I cleaned up the
house and everything.
Can I make you
another sandwich, huh?
Can I, huh? Can I,
huh? Huh? Can I, huh?
Mork, Mork, ca-can't you
find something else to do?
We can hold the funeral now.
Anything, just
lea... What funeral?
The one for the chair I zapped.
My Chippendale chair.
Good grief, man, why
did you zap my chair?
Mercy killing...
Its leg was broken.
But that chair was
a hundred years old.
Well, at least
it had a full life.
My trombone. I need my trombone.
I have to have my trombone.
See, trombone... Oh...
♪ Foot bone's connected
to the ankle bone ♪
♪ Ankle bone's connected
to the shin bone ♪
♪ Shin bone... ♪
Uh, trombone, yeah!
Mork, please leave me alone.
But you saved my life.
I owe you everything.
But anybody would have pulled
you out from in front of that bus.
Not on my planet. You
see, no one would even care.
They don't even have
emotions on my planet.
What's it like, not
having any emotions?
Well, it's a real bummer.
But being with you
makes me happy.
I'll get it! Oh, no, no, no!
No, I'll get it.
No, no, no, no...
Ah... too late! I'm there!
Daddy's residence.
It's for you, my liege.
Hello?
Oh, I, uh...
Mr. Wilson?
Oh, oh, yes, from
the high school, yes.
How are you?
Oh, your, uh... your
bandleader is sick.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
You want me to conduct
the orchestra on Saturday?
Oh! Well...
I certainly hope he
feels better... on Sunday.
What?
I-I mean, it's cutting
it a little close,
but I can get it done, uh-huh.
Right.
Money? Oh, well, no.
I don't think I can
afford more than...
Oh, you're going to pay me.
Oh, that-that's wonderful.
Thank you,
Mr. Wilson. Thank you.
Mork, they've asked me to
conduct an orchestra for money.
I can't believe it.
That's great news.
I have some even greater news.
Hmm? Remember how
this trombone used to slide?
Well, I fixed it so this sucker
will never slip on you again.
Out. Out!
Is there anything
else I can do for you?
Wax your violin?
Hose down your organ?
Out!
Aah, aah!
Great game. Now it's your turn.
It's you. It's M...
Mork.
Mork! Mork, how
did you get in here?
Well, I saw you
come up through the ladder,
so I hid. Tag, you're it.
You're toying with
me, aren't you?
You... can see right through me.
No, you're opaque.
Come here, Mork.
Listen, Mork, I'm convinced
that Mindy knows something
about these UFO sightings.
So, I'm over here snooping
around for some clues.
Clues? Like what?
Well, you know, Mork,
a clue could be
anything, you know?
It could be big, it
could be small...
But it takes a trained eye
to spot a real clue, my friend.
Sometimes, they can even
be right under your nose.
I have the same theory.
No kidding. Well, one day,
you may be an
investigative reporter like me.
For instance, what's this?
Oh, I...
Looks like some kind
of folder, doesn't it?
Yeah.
And there's something
written on it, too.
Hi, Mork.
Oh, uh... hi, uh, Clint.
Hello, Mindy.
This is my father, Frederick.
Uh, Dad, this is the reporter
I was telling you about.
I have evidence here
that leads me to believe
that Mindy knows an alien...
The leader of a planet Orch?
Uh-oh, confusion,
fear, look of cold terror.
Yes, it's right here.
It says it... uh...
"Orch Leader."
I don't believe it.
This is my father's music.
That's O-R-C-H... Orch.
It's an abbreviation
for "orchestra leader."
It's music for the
local high school.
Sure. Oh, Clint, you lose again.
Better start all over again
and come through the window.
Wait a minute, you
came through my window?
Did you break in here?
Not actually... All
right now, buddy.
You've gone over the line.
I'm calling the cops.
Cops! I know that game.
Freeze! Nobody move!
And one Caucasian male.
Hello? This is an emergency. Some
man has just broken into my apartment.
Well, he broke into my
apartment, and he's here right now...
Wait a minute. Hang
on just a second.
What's this?
Uh, never mind.
Uh...
This looks to me like some
kind of... space helmet.
Space helmet! Does this
look like a space helmet?
This is my planter.
Well it doesn't look
like a planter to me.
Now look, you're starting
to get on my nerves.
So, why don't you just
leave my apartment,
and I don't ever want to
see you around here again.
Wait a minute, just a second.
Hang on everybody, okay?
I've got a little
admission to make.
Okay, now,
you're all familiar
with the newspaper
The American Inquirer?
Good. Well...
they're offering
a $25,000 reward
for proof that there's an
alien being living on Earth.
Now, here's the proposition.
Listen close.
I'll give you the money.
All I want is exclusive
rights to the story.
All I want is the fame.
Tell you what.
All you have to
do is get me proof
that there's an alien being here
on Earth, and the money's yours.
Who ever thought I'd be
guest conductor for
a high school band?
Well, who knows?
Maybe somebody will
hear me and see me,
and hire me to conduct
some real music, huh?
Yeah, wouldn't it be nice? Yeah.
I know you could
use the extra money.
Boy, I sure could use
that $25,000 reward.
Dad!
Oh, honey, honey, don't worry.
I wouldn't turn Mork in.
I have to admit, that's
an awful lot of money.
I don't even know what
I'd do with that much.
I know what I'd do. I'd
pay off the plumbing bills,
and I'd still have
enough left over
to get the store back on its
feet, or at least on its knees.
Yeah, having that much
money sure would be nice.
Well, it's pointless
to even think about it.
We can't turn Mork in.
I know, I know. We
just have to be happy
with what we are
and what we have.
Well, I guess I'd
better get home
and help Cora with
the clarinet parts.
It's going to be a long night.
Well, I'll go with
you and help out.
Oh, honey, you've
done enough, as it is.
Oh, don't even
worry about it, Dad.
If I help, you two can
get to bed a lot sooner.
Hey, Mork, I'm going
to go over to Dad's
for awhile, so
I'll see you later.
Yeah.
See you.
Well, it is getting late,
so I think I'll hit the road.
Okay, honey. All right,
I'll see you tomorrow, Dad.
Right. Good night. Night.
Oh! Mork.
Uh...
what are you doing here?
I've thought it over, and I...
think I'll turn myself
in for that reward.
Well, why would you want
to do a crazy thing like that?
So I can give you the money.
What?
Well, see, I have
to pay you back.
Mindy's my friend,
and especially you,
because you saved my life.
And I know you need
the money really badly.
Oh, Mork, everybody needs money.
That's right. You don't
have to do a thing like that.
Well, I want you to be able
to go back to college full time,
and I want you to be able
to put your business
back on its knees again.
Mork... Mork, that's
very generous of you,
but you don't know what kind
of a price you'd have to pay.
Oh, Mork, you just don't
know what they'd do to you.
Your life wouldn't be
your own anymore.
Oh, yes, I have an idea.
They'd make me a
celebrity, movies...
Oh, eventually I'd end up on
Hollywood Squares in a box.
Disgusting!
Yeah, and that's
just the good part.
Really?
Yeah, you wouldn't have
any privacy anymore.
I mean, just
think, little children
will be following you
around, saying, "Nanu-nanu."
Yes, and adults will be
walking up and saying, Shazbut.
Oh, if and if they only
knew what that meant.
Oh! I mean, think about it!
They'd come out
with dolls, games!
Oh, it could be awful! It
would be like living in a zoo!
They may stick you in a bottle.
A bottle.
My grandfather was a bottle,
and he died a broken man.
You know, there's a chance, too,
that we would
never see you again.
They make you invisible?
No, but... they'll
take you away.
Oh, looks like my future
is no bed of raisins.
I want to help my friends,
but... I don't know what to do.
Whew, I got to
think this one under.
Frederick!
Cora!
What's the matter?
Somebody better
call for a plumber.
And I'll go back
and start bailing.
Well, that settles it.
Oh, well, Mork, tell the plumber
to come here right away,
that it's an emergency.
Hello, Clint?
Mork here.
If you want to see a
real live alien being,
be at Mindy's house
at noon tomorrow.
Be there or be square. 'Bye.
Now, what's the
number of the plumber?
Come in.
Mork, where are you?
I'm up here. I'll be right down.
Where is he? Where is the alien?
He's getting dressed.
What a day for mankind.
What an event in the
history of the universe.
What a break for my
career. I can see it now.
I'll be in Washington
two years from now.
The President, he'll call me.
"Clint, we need you,
you're a good man."
I am Mork, from Ork,
sent by my superiors
to observe your primitive
civilization and report back.
Nanu-nanu.
You called me here for this?
Red pajamas and silver boots?
You look like a
reject from the O'Jays.
But I'm a member of a
superior civilization, really.
Mork, come on, I know
you need the money, but...
Wait! I can prove it. Watch.
I'll make that plant
rise into the air.
Butterfinger.
I don't perform
well under pressure.
Mork, this is silly. I'm
splitting. This is ridiculous.
Wait! How many
people do you know
that can drink
with their finger?
I'm sorry about this.
I'll get back to you.
Wait a minute.
How did you do that?
Greetings.
I am Mindy, Catwoman from Mars.
Mindy, what are you doing?
I was sent here to observe
your primitive planet.
But that's my job. Listen,
I'm the only alien here.
Of course you're an alien.
I'm an alien. We're all aliens.
I am Fredzo from Scherzo!
Somehow, I feel alienated.
I have been sent
down here to observe
your primitive society and
demonstrate my great powers.
Here, pick a card,
any card.
Clint, I don't know
how to tell you this,
but they're jiving
your socks off.
Who else could do
this? Watch this pitcher.
How do you like them eagles?
Big deal.
Move aside, boys.
Watch this.
Did you see that?
Just a second. Hang
on just a second.
There's a wire here.
This whole thing is rigged.
Oh...
well, Mork, he found us out.
Shazbut! Shazbut!
Look, I just want
to say that, uh,
you are the most
unconvincing group of aliens
I have ever seen in my life.
And, uh, Mork,
you are the worst.
The next time you try
and impersonate an alien,
why don't you just
leave the pajamas home?
I refuse to be made a fool of.
Too late.
It's a real space suit.
I paid 50 trivets
for this in New Ork.
Now you'll never get the
money you need for the store.
Well, we won't get it
from finking on you.
We've been down
before, but... we'll get out.
Yeah, we always have before.
Anyway, Mork, I
don't want to lose you.
And besides...
I've grown accustomed
to your... honk!
Why did you do that, when you
needed the money so really badly?
Oh, you don't understand.
Mork, you're more important
than any amount of money.
You can't buy friendship.
So, even if I had
turned myself in,
it would have been for nothing.
That's right.
And you saved me from that.
Well... yes.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you...
thank you, thank you...
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson!
I hear you, Mork.
Whoa!
What are we going to
talk about this week?
Believe it or not,
Your Immenseness,
my value on the Earth
market is $25,000, or 100 yen.
How much is that in grebbles?
Oh, a measly 0.3.
Money seems to be
important to Earthlings.
Oh, you bet your sweet shobow.
They put it in a
place called a "bank."
What happens at a bank?
Well, you bring in your money.
It meets other money, mates,
and makes more money.
Also, this money seems to
have a certain rubber-like quality,
because you can bounce
a check, or stretch a dollar.
Can anyone get
money from the bank?
No, only the rich, and those
with proper identification.
Also, a bank will only lend
you money to buy a boat,
or a big car, not to buy food.
Why is that?
I guess food's
harder to repossess.
We will store that
information, Mork,
even though it's from you.
Thank you, Your Immenseness.
By the way, don't take
any wooden grebbles.
This is Mork, signing
off until next week.
Nanu-nanu.
Shazbot!
Oh. I'm hungry.
I wish Frederick would
get back from lunch.
Yeah. How could he leave us
at the height of our rush hour?
Yes.
Oh, say!
Business is picking up.
That last couple
came to a full stop.
♪ Do me my shazbow
di din daz bow doe ♪
Mork, what are you doing?
Singing the Orkan blues.
♪ Going to nanu all night long ♪
Oh, say, I like that.
Do you know the
"No Sales Blues"?
Come on, you guys.
Stop fooling around. I
really feel sorry for Dad.
So do I.
Why do we feel sorry for Dad?
Business is the pits.
Yeah, and on top of that,
the water pipe
broke in his house
and flooded the
entire living room.
That's too bad, because
the wet look is out.
Yes, but it's no fun trying
to wring out a wet couch.
Yeah, and it cost almost $3,000
to repair the plumbing
and dry out all the furniture.
Say, Mindy,
do you know where those
invoices are for the records?
Oh, yeah, we ran out, but
there's more in the back.
Oh, okay. I'll show
you where they are.
Hey, Mork, could you
kind of watch the store
while we're back there?
Whoa!
Oh!
Like to buy a record?
No, I'm just kind of browsing.
Great luck. Let's all
hear the special deal...
New from Rotel... Marcel
Marceau's Greatest Hits.
Who can ever forget "Man
Ascending an Escalator"?
How's it go? "Man Walking
the World's Longest Staircase."
There he goes,
walking across it now.
Also, let's just forget
the vinyl, and look inside,
see the other quite exciting
values you can get free with this.
Look, it can be a hand glove,
also can dice, slice,
and make julienne fries.
It can also be a party favor,
a King Tut hat. Who knew?
Also a puppet for a
two-dimensional child.
"Hi, Mom, nice to
have you home."
These and many more
can be yours for only $1.99.
Offer void where
prohibited by good taste.
You are one funny guy,
with loads of energy, pal.
But you know, I'd like to
ask you a couple of questions.
Do you, uh...
know one Mindy McConnell?
I know one. Are there more?
Well this one's 21, brunette,
and lives at 1619 Pine Street.
Uh... uh, excuse
me, but who are you,
and how do you know who I am?
Well I, uh, saw the,
uh, front of the store
that said "McConnell's
Music Store," and
well, he, uh, told me your name.
I didn't mention her name.
Well, you implied it.
Ooh, a psychic.
Well, how do you
know where I live?
Well, it was kind of a hunch.
Could you excuse
me for just a moment?
Here's the deal...
I'm actually from the
Boulder Evening Sun.
Clint Mullet, ace reporter.
You don't act too
much like a reporter.
Well, actually, I'm just
Clint Mullett, ace copy boy.
Oh, copy boy, a clone!
I'm working on a story so big
no other reporter
would touch it.
It's the biggest cover-up
since the Greenbrier Scandal.
I never heard of that.
You see?
My editor was so scared
when he saw my first few pages,
he threw the whole
story in the trash.
How does Mindy
fit into your trash?
Good question, boy.
All right, it seems
that a few months ago,
you were up at Boulder
Lake with one Bill Mason.
How do you know that?
Did you see anything
unusual that night?
Like what?
Well, UFOs?
Oh, what?
You know, flying saucers?
Flying saucers.
You don't believe
in them, do you?
You don't? No,
I'm into flying eggs.
Oh.
Flying saucers,
don't make me laugh.
Now, look, 12
people in your area
reported seeing
glowing flying saucers.
Now, it was a dark
night. My question is,
why didn't you see
any glowing objects?
Mindy, these are
the wrong invoices.
Um, all right, Grandma.
I'll be right back.
What was your name again?
Uh, Clint Mullet,
the next Lou Grant.
Listen, it was really
nice getting to know you,
and if I remember that I saw a
flying saucer, I will let you know.
Tell you what, save some coffee
for Tuesday, all right? Right.
Whoa, that was a close call.
Mindy!
I'll be right back.
I knew it.
I sensed it, I felt it.
She knows something.
She knows something.
She knows a lot of things.
She watches Rona Barrett.
Did she ever talk to you
about a strange creature
from another planet?
About one, no.
You know, I'm into aliens.
You like science fiction?
Hey, sci-fi's my life.
It is?
Did you ever read
Tales of the Milky Way?
I skimmed right through it.
And you talk about these
kind of things with Mindy?
Sure thing.
Hmm. You know, you and I
have got a lot in common.
We ought to get together,
have some lunch...
Talk about outer space,
alien beings... Mindy.
Does this mean we're
going to be friends?
Oh, you betcha, pal.
You know, if my theory is right,
there's probably an
alien right here in Boulder.
So, be on the lookout for
anything strange or unusual.
You bet. Nanu-nanu.
Do you realize what
a close call that was?
Guess what? Clint
wants to be my friend.
Are you crazy?! Of course
he wants to be your friend.
You're the one he wants.
I know that, but there's
an old Orkan phrase...
"The best place to
hide from the enemy
is right under his
noses." Oh, but Mork...
Mork, what if he
finds out that you...?
Uh... that you don't read
the Boulder Evening Sun?
Then he won't be my friend?
He might not.
Then I better run out and
buy a copy right now. Hello!
Oh, that boy really wigs me out.
I love him.
What's the matter, dear?
Is something wrong?
Well, there was this
crazy reporter in here,
and he thinks that men
have landed from outer space.
And he thinks that I
know something about it.
Oh! Of all the crazy wieners.
Yeah.
Well, now, don't
you worry, dear.
If he comes back again,
I'll kick him right in his
Sunday supplement.
Oh!
Wow, it's a lucky day.
Mindy, look!
What happened?
He almost got hit by a bus.
Mork, you should know
better than to walk out
into the street before looking.
If you hadn't pulled me
out from in front of that bus,
I'd be dead meat
right now at Boot Hill.
Well, Mork, it was no big deal.
I just happened to be there.
Oh, thank you.
I... I owe you everything,
my life, my firstborn.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank
you, thank you...
thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank
you, thank you...
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you...
Mork-Mork, please stop saying
"Thank you, thank
you, thank you."
You're welcome, you're welcome,
you're welcome, you're welcome.
Now, cut that out.
You're right, Master.
You're always right.
I cleaned up the
house and everything.
Can I make you
another sandwich, huh?
Can I, huh? Can I,
huh? Huh? Can I, huh?
Mork, Mork, ca-can't you
find something else to do?
We can hold the funeral now.
Anything, just
lea... What funeral?
The one for the chair I zapped.
My Chippendale chair.
Good grief, man, why
did you zap my chair?
Mercy killing...
Its leg was broken.
But that chair was
a hundred years old.
Well, at least
it had a full life.
My trombone. I need my trombone.
I have to have my trombone.
See, trombone... Oh...
♪ Foot bone's connected
to the ankle bone ♪
♪ Ankle bone's connected
to the shin bone ♪
♪ Shin bone... ♪
Uh, trombone, yeah!
Mork, please leave me alone.
But you saved my life.
I owe you everything.
But anybody would have pulled
you out from in front of that bus.
Not on my planet. You
see, no one would even care.
They don't even have
emotions on my planet.
What's it like, not
having any emotions?
Well, it's a real bummer.
But being with you
makes me happy.
I'll get it! Oh, no, no, no!
No, I'll get it.
No, no, no, no...
Ah... too late! I'm there!
Daddy's residence.
It's for you, my liege.
Hello?
Oh, I, uh...
Mr. Wilson?
Oh, oh, yes, from
the high school, yes.
How are you?
Oh, your, uh... your
bandleader is sick.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
You want me to conduct
the orchestra on Saturday?
Oh! Well...
I certainly hope he
feels better... on Sunday.
What?
I-I mean, it's cutting
it a little close,
but I can get it done, uh-huh.
Right.
Money? Oh, well, no.
I don't think I can
afford more than...
Oh, you're going to pay me.
Oh, that-that's wonderful.
Thank you,
Mr. Wilson. Thank you.
Mork, they've asked me to
conduct an orchestra for money.
I can't believe it.
That's great news.
I have some even greater news.
Hmm? Remember how
this trombone used to slide?
Well, I fixed it so this sucker
will never slip on you again.
Out. Out!
Is there anything
else I can do for you?
Wax your violin?
Hose down your organ?
Out!
Aah, aah!
Great game. Now it's your turn.
It's you. It's M...
Mork.
Mork! Mork, how
did you get in here?
Well, I saw you
come up through the ladder,
so I hid. Tag, you're it.
You're toying with
me, aren't you?
You... can see right through me.
No, you're opaque.
Come here, Mork.
Listen, Mork, I'm convinced
that Mindy knows something
about these UFO sightings.
So, I'm over here snooping
around for some clues.
Clues? Like what?
Well, you know, Mork,
a clue could be
anything, you know?
It could be big, it
could be small...
But it takes a trained eye
to spot a real clue, my friend.
Sometimes, they can even
be right under your nose.
I have the same theory.
No kidding. Well, one day,
you may be an
investigative reporter like me.
For instance, what's this?
Oh, I...
Looks like some kind
of folder, doesn't it?
Yeah.
And there's something
written on it, too.
Hi, Mork.
Oh, uh... hi, uh, Clint.
Hello, Mindy.
This is my father, Frederick.
Uh, Dad, this is the reporter
I was telling you about.
I have evidence here
that leads me to believe
that Mindy knows an alien...
The leader of a planet Orch?
Uh-oh, confusion,
fear, look of cold terror.
Yes, it's right here.
It says it... uh...
"Orch Leader."
I don't believe it.
This is my father's music.
That's O-R-C-H... Orch.
It's an abbreviation
for "orchestra leader."
It's music for the
local high school.
Sure. Oh, Clint, you lose again.
Better start all over again
and come through the window.
Wait a minute, you
came through my window?
Did you break in here?
Not actually... All
right now, buddy.
You've gone over the line.
I'm calling the cops.
Cops! I know that game.
Freeze! Nobody move!
And one Caucasian male.
Hello? This is an emergency. Some
man has just broken into my apartment.
Well, he broke into my
apartment, and he's here right now...
Wait a minute. Hang
on just a second.
What's this?
Uh, never mind.
Uh...
This looks to me like some
kind of... space helmet.
Space helmet! Does this
look like a space helmet?
This is my planter.
Well it doesn't look
like a planter to me.
Now look, you're starting
to get on my nerves.
So, why don't you just
leave my apartment,
and I don't ever want to
see you around here again.
Wait a minute, just a second.
Hang on everybody, okay?
I've got a little
admission to make.
Okay, now,
you're all familiar
with the newspaper
The American Inquirer?
Good. Well...
they're offering
a $25,000 reward
for proof that there's an
alien being living on Earth.
Now, here's the proposition.
Listen close.
I'll give you the money.
All I want is exclusive
rights to the story.
All I want is the fame.
Tell you what.
All you have to
do is get me proof
that there's an alien being here
on Earth, and the money's yours.
Who ever thought I'd be
guest conductor for
a high school band?
Well, who knows?
Maybe somebody will
hear me and see me,
and hire me to conduct
some real music, huh?
Yeah, wouldn't it be nice? Yeah.
I know you could
use the extra money.
Boy, I sure could use
that $25,000 reward.
Dad!
Oh, honey, honey, don't worry.
I wouldn't turn Mork in.
I have to admit, that's
an awful lot of money.
I don't even know what
I'd do with that much.
I know what I'd do. I'd
pay off the plumbing bills,
and I'd still have
enough left over
to get the store back on its
feet, or at least on its knees.
Yeah, having that much
money sure would be nice.
Well, it's pointless
to even think about it.
We can't turn Mork in.
I know, I know. We
just have to be happy
with what we are
and what we have.
Well, I guess I'd
better get home
and help Cora with
the clarinet parts.
It's going to be a long night.
Well, I'll go with
you and help out.
Oh, honey, you've
done enough, as it is.
Oh, don't even
worry about it, Dad.
If I help, you two can
get to bed a lot sooner.
Hey, Mork, I'm going
to go over to Dad's
for awhile, so
I'll see you later.
Yeah.
See you.
Well, it is getting late,
so I think I'll hit the road.
Okay, honey. All right,
I'll see you tomorrow, Dad.
Right. Good night. Night.
Oh! Mork.
Uh...
what are you doing here?
I've thought it over, and I...
think I'll turn myself
in for that reward.
Well, why would you want
to do a crazy thing like that?
So I can give you the money.
What?
Well, see, I have
to pay you back.
Mindy's my friend,
and especially you,
because you saved my life.
And I know you need
the money really badly.
Oh, Mork, everybody needs money.
That's right. You don't
have to do a thing like that.
Well, I want you to be able
to go back to college full time,
and I want you to be able
to put your business
back on its knees again.
Mork... Mork, that's
very generous of you,
but you don't know what kind
of a price you'd have to pay.
Oh, Mork, you just don't
know what they'd do to you.
Your life wouldn't be
your own anymore.
Oh, yes, I have an idea.
They'd make me a
celebrity, movies...
Oh, eventually I'd end up on
Hollywood Squares in a box.
Disgusting!
Yeah, and that's
just the good part.
Really?
Yeah, you wouldn't have
any privacy anymore.
I mean, just
think, little children
will be following you
around, saying, "Nanu-nanu."
Yes, and adults will be
walking up and saying, Shazbut.
Oh, if and if they only
knew what that meant.
Oh! I mean, think about it!
They'd come out
with dolls, games!
Oh, it could be awful! It
would be like living in a zoo!
They may stick you in a bottle.
A bottle.
My grandfather was a bottle,
and he died a broken man.
You know, there's a chance, too,
that we would
never see you again.
They make you invisible?
No, but... they'll
take you away.
Oh, looks like my future
is no bed of raisins.
I want to help my friends,
but... I don't know what to do.
Whew, I got to
think this one under.
Frederick!
Cora!
What's the matter?
Somebody better
call for a plumber.
And I'll go back
and start bailing.
Well, that settles it.
Oh, well, Mork, tell the plumber
to come here right away,
that it's an emergency.
Hello, Clint?
Mork here.
If you want to see a
real live alien being,
be at Mindy's house
at noon tomorrow.
Be there or be square. 'Bye.
Now, what's the
number of the plumber?
Come in.
Mork, where are you?
I'm up here. I'll be right down.
Where is he? Where is the alien?
He's getting dressed.
What a day for mankind.
What an event in the
history of the universe.
What a break for my
career. I can see it now.
I'll be in Washington
two years from now.
The President, he'll call me.
"Clint, we need you,
you're a good man."
I am Mork, from Ork,
sent by my superiors
to observe your primitive
civilization and report back.
Nanu-nanu.
You called me here for this?
Red pajamas and silver boots?
You look like a
reject from the O'Jays.
But I'm a member of a
superior civilization, really.
Mork, come on, I know
you need the money, but...
Wait! I can prove it. Watch.
I'll make that plant
rise into the air.
Butterfinger.
I don't perform
well under pressure.
Mork, this is silly. I'm
splitting. This is ridiculous.
Wait! How many
people do you know
that can drink
with their finger?
I'm sorry about this.
I'll get back to you.
Wait a minute.
How did you do that?
Greetings.
I am Mindy, Catwoman from Mars.
Mindy, what are you doing?
I was sent here to observe
your primitive planet.
But that's my job. Listen,
I'm the only alien here.
Of course you're an alien.
I'm an alien. We're all aliens.
I am Fredzo from Scherzo!
Somehow, I feel alienated.
I have been sent
down here to observe
your primitive society and
demonstrate my great powers.
Here, pick a card,
any card.
Clint, I don't know
how to tell you this,
but they're jiving
your socks off.
Who else could do
this? Watch this pitcher.
How do you like them eagles?
Big deal.
Move aside, boys.
Watch this.
Did you see that?
Just a second. Hang
on just a second.
There's a wire here.
This whole thing is rigged.
Oh...
well, Mork, he found us out.
Shazbut! Shazbut!
Look, I just want
to say that, uh,
you are the most
unconvincing group of aliens
I have ever seen in my life.
And, uh, Mork,
you are the worst.
The next time you try
and impersonate an alien,
why don't you just
leave the pajamas home?
I refuse to be made a fool of.
Too late.
It's a real space suit.
I paid 50 trivets
for this in New Ork.
Now you'll never get the
money you need for the store.
Well, we won't get it
from finking on you.
We've been down
before, but... we'll get out.
Yeah, we always have before.
Anyway, Mork, I
don't want to lose you.
And besides...
I've grown accustomed
to your... honk!
Why did you do that, when you
needed the money so really badly?
Oh, you don't understand.
Mork, you're more important
than any amount of money.
You can't buy friendship.
So, even if I had
turned myself in,
it would have been for nothing.
That's right.
And you saved me from that.
Well... yes.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you...
thank you, thank you...
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson!
I hear you, Mork.
Whoa!
What are we going to
talk about this week?
Believe it or not,
Your Immenseness,
my value on the Earth
market is $25,000, or 100 yen.
How much is that in grebbles?
Oh, a measly 0.3.
Money seems to be
important to Earthlings.
Oh, you bet your sweet shobow.
They put it in a
place called a "bank."
What happens at a bank?
Well, you bring in your money.
It meets other money, mates,
and makes more money.
Also, this money seems to
have a certain rubber-like quality,
because you can bounce
a check, or stretch a dollar.
Can anyone get
money from the bank?
No, only the rich, and those
with proper identification.
Also, a bank will only lend
you money to buy a boat,
or a big car, not to buy food.
Why is that?
I guess food's
harder to repossess.
We will store that
information, Mork,
even though it's from you.
Thank you, Your Immenseness.
By the way, don't take
any wooden grebbles.
This is Mork, signing
off until next week.
Nanu-nanu.