Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 5 - Mork's Seduction - full transcript
Mindy's snobby friend Susan tries to steal Mork away.
Nanu, nanu.
Shazbot.
There.
Mork, I'm leaving now.
I'll be right down.
I'm ready! Let's go!
Ah, where do you
think you're going
dressed like that?
I'm going to the
shower with you.
But Mork, this is a
bridal shower for a girl
who's about to get married.
Oh, on Ork, when we get married,
they don't give them a shower,
they just hose them down.
Mork, you don't understand.
A shower is another
word for a party.
Oh, we'd better take an
umbrella, then, because I heard
on the radio that it's going to
be cloudy with scattered parties.
I'm sorry, Mork, but
you can't go with me.
See, this is just for
women. Men aren't allowed.
But I want to be with you.
And I want to be with you, too.
But, you know, you really should
get out and meet more friends.
You need to broaden your
horizons and grow as a person.
Oh, you're rejecting
me because I'm short.
Oh, I'm not rejecting you.
But it's just not fair
that I go out tonight;
you have to stay here all alone.
Remember, you can learn
something from everybody
you meet here on Earth.
That's very true. The
garbage men today
taught me to never lie
on the curb on pickup day.
Mork, what were you
doing lying on the curb?
Well, I was watching some
ants mug a grasshopper
when he came by.
And I suppose you're going
to tell me that the garbage man
picked you up and
threw you into the truck?
No, he said he couldn't do that
unless I was tied and bundled.
Mork, this is all
very interesting,
but the point is that you need
to go out and meet other people.
I don't know how to do that.
Just be friendly.
Oh, you mean like this?
Hi, friends, Sal Worthless
here, Worthless Motors.
I'll eat the chrome
off a trailer hitch
just to get me
in my parking lot.
Let's all react. This is my
wife Spot and my dog Chuck.
No, it's my dog Chuck
and my wife Spot.
If you believe that,
you'll buy this watch.
We're just squealing to
make you a good deal.
You don't have to put on an act.
Just be yourself.
Gizbah, funmeega.
Put on an act.
And... put on your clothes.
Morning, everybody.
Oh, good morning, honey!
Did you enjoy yourself
at that shower last night?
Well, it was really
kind of different.
Beth said that she and Jim
are going to take
separate honeymoons.
Separate honeymoons?
Yeah. They've been
living together so long,
they need a little time alone.
Well, dear, where's
Mork this morning?
Oh, he's out in the
neighborhood making new friends.
Ah, well, there goes
the neighborhood.
Why don't you just admit it,
Daddy, I know you like him.
Yeah, I'd sooner be
tied to an amplifier
at a Grateful Dead concert.
That can be arranged.
Oh, excuse me, do
you have Neil Diamond?
Only in my dreams.
Susan?
Susan Taylor! I
don't believe it.
Mindy!
Mindy McConnel!
I haven't seen
you in three years.
What are you doing
dressed like that?
What do you mean?
Aren't you a nun?
What? Me? Whatever
would give you that idea?
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Uh...
Peace Corps. Airline stewardess?
Oh, come on, I know it was
one of those
unselfish professions.
No, I was never going
to do any of those things.
Oh, what a shame.
You would have made
such a sweet nun.
You always were so sweet.
Well, thanks, but
I work here now.
Gee, it must be so exciting
working in a music store,
selling the instruments
and sorting the sheet music
and dusting off whatever.
Susan, you aren't still mad at
me because of Jack, are you?
Jack?
Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.
Oh, you must mean Jack Peterson.
That devastatingly handsome
captain of the football team
that you stole behind my back.
Who is now president
of the National Bank of
Boulder and wanted to marry me
and by now would have
given me a $200,000 home,
2.4 beautiful children
and the possibility
of high regard in the community.
That's the one.
Gee, I never gave
that a second thought.
So, what have you been
doing since graduation?
Oh, nothing much.
I was a little depressed
about Jack, so...
Susan, I never went after Jack.
He's the one who chased me.
Mindy, dear, you'll
just have to help
your father with the inventory.
I have a bad case
of wiener fatigue.
Okay, Grandma.
Susan, don't go away. I
want to talk to you later.
Don't worry.
Hi. Would you like to
be my friend for life?
What's your name?
Bug off, creep.
Oh. I'm Mork.
May I just call you Bug Off?
Nanu, nanu.
How'd you like a
knuckle sandwich?
Sorry, I don't eat meat.
Is there anything
I could do for you?
Yeah. Get out of my sight.
Oh, hide-and-seek.
I know how to play that game.
Infinity! Here I come!
Boy, he's good.
Whoa... you're a very
interesting specimen.
What's your name? Bug off.
Wow, déjàvu, I just
met your brother.
Why don't you take a hike?
Oh, football. I know that one!
We got a good ball game,
it's gonna be a good ball club.
I got it, baby! I got... aah!
I'm in the zone!
I'm in the zone!
I know. It's too much craziness.
Yeah. This is a
music store, you see,
not Mile-High Stadium.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Hudson. Do
you know where Mindy is?
Yeah, she's in back.
She'll be out in a few minutes.
I didn't realize you
were a friend of Mindy's.
Oh, yes. We live together.
Oh, really. That's interesting.
I'm Susan Taylor.
I'm Mork. Nanu, nanu.
Whatever.
Oh, are you a friend
of Mindy's, too?
Oh, yes, yes, from way back.
Well, since we're
both friends of Mindy's,
why can't we be
friends together?
Oh, Mork, I think
that's a wonderful idea.
We should be friends.
Close friends.
As a matter of fact,
I think we should
celebrate by going out tonight.
Oh, Kay-o.
You want to pick me up?
If you insist.
Is that what you do on a date?
Yeah, well, whatever
turns you on.
That did.
Uh, so, what-what
do you drive, Mork?
Oh, a Grembo Pasati.
Oh, marvelous. Is
that a foreign car?
Oh, not where I come from.
I bought it from Gezo Geb.
It's been in the shop
for three bleems.
That's okay. We can use my car.
Um, tell me, where do you live?
Oh, one-six,
one-nine, Pine Street.
It's just a hop, skip
and a churnel from here.
Great. I'll pick you up at 8:00.
Oh.
Oh, hi.
Mindy, you'd be
real proud of me.
I made a friend right
here in the store.
You did? What's his name?
Oh, it's a she. It's a human
specimen named Susan.
When she found out
we were living together,
she wanted to be
my friend real bad.
I'll bet she did.
In high school,
Susan had a habit
of collecting friends... Oh.
Other people's friends.
Oh, she sounds
real friendly then.
Yeah, well, that's
the game she plays.
Oh, that and football,
and I'll see you after the game.
Rick 'em, rack 'em,
rock 'em, rock 'em.
Get that ball and really fight!
Mork, what are
you doing in there?
You've been in that
bathroom for over an hour.
Taking the worry
out of being close.
Well, you'd better take
the worry out of being late
because Susan's going
to be here any minute.
Whoa! Mayday! Mayday!
Volgar the Enforcer!
Over there!
Mork, what are you doing?
The sacred flame is burning.
It's a candle and it's burning
because I just lit it.
Wait, wait.
You're safe.
Ah. Phew! Phew!
What a relief. I
was scared Orkless.
Why?
On Ork, when the
sacred flame is lit,
it means that Volgar
is coming to torture you.
I thought you Orkans had
done away with violence.
Violence, yes; torture, no.
Mork, there's no such
thing as nonviolent torture,
except for The Gong Show.
Oh, no. Volgar is even more
terrifying than Chuck Barris.
What they do is,
they march you up to the
Sacred Kraal, and then...
Oh, no, no, it's too terrifying
to even think about it.
They stretch you out and
they tickle you by candlelight.
Thank God it's never
happened to you.
Well, a few guys
have tried, but...
Oh, that means that Volgar
is coming, it's terrifying.
The mere thought of it,
well, it makes me laugh.
Ha! No, shh.
Mork, why would they
want to torture you?
You see, before I
got this assignment,
I got a speeding ticket
from the Stellar Patrol.
They said I was
going the speed of light
in a speed of sound zone.
I would have stopped
but I didn't hear the siren
until after they arrested me.
What happened, didn't
you pay the ticket?
Well, Orson said he
fixed it, but I'm still terrified
of hearing...
Yeah, I'd be a little
worried if I heard that too.
Right, it means that Volgar
is coming and it strikes terror
into the hearts of
jaywalkers, speeders
and those who tell jokes.
Telling a joke is
a crime on Ork?
Only if it gets a laugh.
Mindy, I'd really like it if you
came along with me tonight.
Mork, group therapy is fine.
Group dates I am not into.
But I need you. I
need your advice.
Just be polite. Be a gentleman.
Pull out her chair.
Ah, practical jokes. Onk!
No, no, that's not what I mean.
Oh, see, wrong again.
That's why I need you.
I have no need to sit through
an entire evening
with you and Susan.
Oh, I see. Jealousy
rears its ugly head.
Me, jealous of plain old Susan?
Boy, that's a laugh.
First of all, I'm not the
jealous type, and secondly,
what's to be jealous of?
Susan.
May I come in?
Oh, sure.
You look, uh, different.
Thank you.
I took a bath. Did you?
He's such a kidder.
Oh, yeah. Mork's never serious.
Oh, Mindy, I hope you don't mind
that Mork and I are
going out tonight.
Oh, of course not. Mork
can do whatever he wants.
That's so sweet of you.
Yeah.
Well, I guess we
should be going.
Plain, old Susan.
Oh, Mindy, it's
just such a shame
that have to stay
here all alone.
Oh, well.
I asked her to come along,
but she said she
didn't want to go.
Well, oh, if you insist, Mork.
Oh, and Susan, you and I
have so much to catch up on.
Fred.
Fred!
What's the matter with you?
I haven't seen you so happy
since the Beatles broke up.
Well, it isn't every day
I gain a daughter
and lose a Mork.
Fred.
Huh? Huh? Fred!
Fred, what makes you
think they're going to split up?
Oh. Well, Mindy told me
what happened last night,
and apparently Mork wants
to see a lot more of Susan.
Why, hello, kids.
Well, hello.
Did you have a good time
on your date last night, Mork?
Yes. We went to
a big parking lot
with a giant TV in the front.
Oh.
How did you like the movie?
I didn't watch the movie.
Aha.
He was too busy
looking at all the cars.
Well, how do you know that?
Because I sat between them.
But why?
Because I couldn't get Susan
to sit in the back seat.
It didn't matter, though.
I didn't see anything.
All the car windows
were steamed up.
Gosh, I'd hate to count up
all the car windows I've
steamed up in my day.
I'll get that.
McConnell's Music.
Oh, hello, Susan.
Yes, he's here.
Just a minute.
It's your girlfriend.
Oh.
Susan.
Whoa, oh...
Yeah, she's gone now.
Yes.
Oh, yes, whoa...
Yes. Okay, I'll tell her.
Bye. Ciao, arrivederci,
chelan delecito.
Mindy, Yes.
Susan asked me over for dinner,
but she said to tell you
that she only has
enough food for two.
That's the most insulting
thing I ever heard. Oh, Dad.
Mindy, can I borrow some
money to buy her some flowers?
No, that's the most
insulting thing I ever heard.
How can you
as a self-respecting
human being...?
Uh, whatever.
How can you, how can you dare
to borrow money from my
daughter to take out her friend
who is only trying to
steal you away from her,
and obviously wants to
get her hooks into you...
Is $20 enough?
Coming.
Hello, Mork.
Good-bye.
I brought you some presents.
Oh, thank you.
Here's five dollars.
Thanks, but I already have one.
Oh. Then here's some vegetation.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, you...
You're welcome.
Mindy picked them out.
Yes, well, I'm, I'm
allergic to daisies.
Oh, she must have forgotten.
I'll bet.
Well, tell me, Mork,
uh, what do you
and Mindy talk about
when you're all alone together?
Lots of things.
I tell her everything.
Hmm, well, she'll
just love hearing
about what happens tonight.
Are you two, uh, very close?
Oh, yes; sometimes we
stand right next to each other.
Ah, well, that's
very interesting.
I, I think I'd
like a little wine.
All right, if you insist.
I'll get the bottle.
Oh... Susan has a pet.
Long tongue.
Oh, and well-trained.
So, tell me, what do
you do with your days?
Oh, today I went to
see a cowboy movie.
Jeb, I hate to say this,
but I'm in love
with your buffalo.
Yeah.
Would you open the wine?
Oh, yes, ma'am.
If there's some trail dust
that has to be washed out,
I'll get right at it.
What are you doing?!
It's open.
Look at this mess.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I, I'd better head
back to Mindy.
Uh, no, no, no, no,
Mork, that's all right.
Uh, I, I can get a new dress.
And a new sofa.
And a new rug.
Uh, why don't we just
change the mood a little?
Oh, that reminds me of a joke.
These two Venusians
walk into a bar.
One says to the
other, "Ee-vizbah."
The other one replies,
"Arg, nimnull, arg."
I guess you've heard it.
The other one is, how
many Martians does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
8.2. Arg!
Oh... does the name
Volgar mean anything to you?
This is no time to joke.
Just stretch out and relax.
Oh, no! You're not going to
stretch me out in your Kraal!
Waah! Volgar the Enforcer!
Oh... you're not going to
tickle me... not at least alive!
Whoop! Too late!
Oh, you're crazy!
Hey, you're crazy if you think
you're going to let
Volgar tickle me here.
All right, now, stop it!
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
No! No! Don't tickle me!
Don't tickle me!
Don't tickle me! Ahh!!
Mindy!
Mindy.
Mork, I didn't hear you come in.
Oh. Shall I go back
out and come in noisier?
Do whatever you want.
Kay-o.
You want to hear about my date?
Oh...
I know what you're doing.
It's called the
silent treatment.
We used to have
it on our planet,
but we banned it
because we thought
it was an earthy thing to do.
So, how was your dinner?
I don't know. We
didn't get to eat.
Yeah, it looks like
you were too busy
doing other things.
Uh-oh.
♪ Ring around the collar. ♪
Mork, do you think I'm jealous?
Why should I be jealous?
What you and
Susan do on your date
has nothing to do
with me, and that's that.
Don't you want to
hear what happened?
Down to the last sordid detail.
All right, here's the
Reader's Digest version.
Ding dong. Here's some flowers.
Thank you very much.
I'd like a little wine.
Long tongue, whoop,
homing instinct.
♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da. ♪
Would you open it?
Sure. Psshh! Ahh!
Oh, no! Whoa, do you
know anyone named Volgar?
Ah, no, no, ah!
No, whoa, ah...
General destruction.
Ah, I can see it right now...
Blood, death, everything.
Ah, don't tickle me, don't
tickle me, don't tickle me!
That's what happened.
Oh...
Oh, Mork, I'm so sorry
your date didn't go well.
It didn't?
Well...
I guess it wasn't a total loss.
At least you learned
something from it.
You know, I learned something
about myself tonight.
Like what?
I didn't want to admit
it, but I was jealous.
Why?
I don't know.
You and I are...
We're best friends.
You know, we're buddies.
We're pals.
Oh, I think I understand.
Mindy...
What?
I'd like to kiss my pal.
All right.
Oh, pulse. Rapid heartbeat.
Temperature rising.
I get it!
What did you get?
I think I know what made
those car windows
steam up at the drive-in.
Ah...
Well, you want to
watch television?
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Orson to Mork. Orson to Mork.
Orson to Mork. Orson to Mork!
Well, have you made any
new discoveries on Earth?
Yes, sir.
This week I met a
new female specimen.
Whew!
Her name is Susan.
And she tried to kiss me.
Why?
I don't know.
It's an old Earth custom
practiced frequently
by lovers, relatives
and talk show guests.
Did you kiss her?
No. I wanted to kiss my pal.
Good thinking, Mork.
Wait just a grindle!
Isn't that the girl Mindy?
That's my pal.
Your life is starting to sound
like a real soap opera, Mork.
Just remember, your mission
is to report objectively
about life on Earth.
Don't get involved!
You can count on me,
Your Immenseness.
I'd be the last one on
Earth to get involved.
Oh, this is Mork, signing
off from Boulder, Colorado.
See you next week, Mindy.
I mean, I mean Morson.
Whew! An-nu. An-nu. Whoa.
Mmm... oh.
Ciao.
Shazbot.
There.
Mork, I'm leaving now.
I'll be right down.
I'm ready! Let's go!
Ah, where do you
think you're going
dressed like that?
I'm going to the
shower with you.
But Mork, this is a
bridal shower for a girl
who's about to get married.
Oh, on Ork, when we get married,
they don't give them a shower,
they just hose them down.
Mork, you don't understand.
A shower is another
word for a party.
Oh, we'd better take an
umbrella, then, because I heard
on the radio that it's going to
be cloudy with scattered parties.
I'm sorry, Mork, but
you can't go with me.
See, this is just for
women. Men aren't allowed.
But I want to be with you.
And I want to be with you, too.
But, you know, you really should
get out and meet more friends.
You need to broaden your
horizons and grow as a person.
Oh, you're rejecting
me because I'm short.
Oh, I'm not rejecting you.
But it's just not fair
that I go out tonight;
you have to stay here all alone.
Remember, you can learn
something from everybody
you meet here on Earth.
That's very true. The
garbage men today
taught me to never lie
on the curb on pickup day.
Mork, what were you
doing lying on the curb?
Well, I was watching some
ants mug a grasshopper
when he came by.
And I suppose you're going
to tell me that the garbage man
picked you up and
threw you into the truck?
No, he said he couldn't do that
unless I was tied and bundled.
Mork, this is all
very interesting,
but the point is that you need
to go out and meet other people.
I don't know how to do that.
Just be friendly.
Oh, you mean like this?
Hi, friends, Sal Worthless
here, Worthless Motors.
I'll eat the chrome
off a trailer hitch
just to get me
in my parking lot.
Let's all react. This is my
wife Spot and my dog Chuck.
No, it's my dog Chuck
and my wife Spot.
If you believe that,
you'll buy this watch.
We're just squealing to
make you a good deal.
You don't have to put on an act.
Just be yourself.
Gizbah, funmeega.
Put on an act.
And... put on your clothes.
Morning, everybody.
Oh, good morning, honey!
Did you enjoy yourself
at that shower last night?
Well, it was really
kind of different.
Beth said that she and Jim
are going to take
separate honeymoons.
Separate honeymoons?
Yeah. They've been
living together so long,
they need a little time alone.
Well, dear, where's
Mork this morning?
Oh, he's out in the
neighborhood making new friends.
Ah, well, there goes
the neighborhood.
Why don't you just admit it,
Daddy, I know you like him.
Yeah, I'd sooner be
tied to an amplifier
at a Grateful Dead concert.
That can be arranged.
Oh, excuse me, do
you have Neil Diamond?
Only in my dreams.
Susan?
Susan Taylor! I
don't believe it.
Mindy!
Mindy McConnel!
I haven't seen
you in three years.
What are you doing
dressed like that?
What do you mean?
Aren't you a nun?
What? Me? Whatever
would give you that idea?
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Uh...
Peace Corps. Airline stewardess?
Oh, come on, I know it was
one of those
unselfish professions.
No, I was never going
to do any of those things.
Oh, what a shame.
You would have made
such a sweet nun.
You always were so sweet.
Well, thanks, but
I work here now.
Gee, it must be so exciting
working in a music store,
selling the instruments
and sorting the sheet music
and dusting off whatever.
Susan, you aren't still mad at
me because of Jack, are you?
Jack?
Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.
Oh, you must mean Jack Peterson.
That devastatingly handsome
captain of the football team
that you stole behind my back.
Who is now president
of the National Bank of
Boulder and wanted to marry me
and by now would have
given me a $200,000 home,
2.4 beautiful children
and the possibility
of high regard in the community.
That's the one.
Gee, I never gave
that a second thought.
So, what have you been
doing since graduation?
Oh, nothing much.
I was a little depressed
about Jack, so...
Susan, I never went after Jack.
He's the one who chased me.
Mindy, dear, you'll
just have to help
your father with the inventory.
I have a bad case
of wiener fatigue.
Okay, Grandma.
Susan, don't go away. I
want to talk to you later.
Don't worry.
Hi. Would you like to
be my friend for life?
What's your name?
Bug off, creep.
Oh. I'm Mork.
May I just call you Bug Off?
Nanu, nanu.
How'd you like a
knuckle sandwich?
Sorry, I don't eat meat.
Is there anything
I could do for you?
Yeah. Get out of my sight.
Oh, hide-and-seek.
I know how to play that game.
Infinity! Here I come!
Boy, he's good.
Whoa... you're a very
interesting specimen.
What's your name? Bug off.
Wow, déjàvu, I just
met your brother.
Why don't you take a hike?
Oh, football. I know that one!
We got a good ball game,
it's gonna be a good ball club.
I got it, baby! I got... aah!
I'm in the zone!
I'm in the zone!
I know. It's too much craziness.
Yeah. This is a
music store, you see,
not Mile-High Stadium.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Hudson. Do
you know where Mindy is?
Yeah, she's in back.
She'll be out in a few minutes.
I didn't realize you
were a friend of Mindy's.
Oh, yes. We live together.
Oh, really. That's interesting.
I'm Susan Taylor.
I'm Mork. Nanu, nanu.
Whatever.
Oh, are you a friend
of Mindy's, too?
Oh, yes, yes, from way back.
Well, since we're
both friends of Mindy's,
why can't we be
friends together?
Oh, Mork, I think
that's a wonderful idea.
We should be friends.
Close friends.
As a matter of fact,
I think we should
celebrate by going out tonight.
Oh, Kay-o.
You want to pick me up?
If you insist.
Is that what you do on a date?
Yeah, well, whatever
turns you on.
That did.
Uh, so, what-what
do you drive, Mork?
Oh, a Grembo Pasati.
Oh, marvelous. Is
that a foreign car?
Oh, not where I come from.
I bought it from Gezo Geb.
It's been in the shop
for three bleems.
That's okay. We can use my car.
Um, tell me, where do you live?
Oh, one-six,
one-nine, Pine Street.
It's just a hop, skip
and a churnel from here.
Great. I'll pick you up at 8:00.
Oh.
Oh, hi.
Mindy, you'd be
real proud of me.
I made a friend right
here in the store.
You did? What's his name?
Oh, it's a she. It's a human
specimen named Susan.
When she found out
we were living together,
she wanted to be
my friend real bad.
I'll bet she did.
In high school,
Susan had a habit
of collecting friends... Oh.
Other people's friends.
Oh, she sounds
real friendly then.
Yeah, well, that's
the game she plays.
Oh, that and football,
and I'll see you after the game.
Rick 'em, rack 'em,
rock 'em, rock 'em.
Get that ball and really fight!
Mork, what are
you doing in there?
You've been in that
bathroom for over an hour.
Taking the worry
out of being close.
Well, you'd better take
the worry out of being late
because Susan's going
to be here any minute.
Whoa! Mayday! Mayday!
Volgar the Enforcer!
Over there!
Mork, what are you doing?
The sacred flame is burning.
It's a candle and it's burning
because I just lit it.
Wait, wait.
You're safe.
Ah. Phew! Phew!
What a relief. I
was scared Orkless.
Why?
On Ork, when the
sacred flame is lit,
it means that Volgar
is coming to torture you.
I thought you Orkans had
done away with violence.
Violence, yes; torture, no.
Mork, there's no such
thing as nonviolent torture,
except for The Gong Show.
Oh, no. Volgar is even more
terrifying than Chuck Barris.
What they do is,
they march you up to the
Sacred Kraal, and then...
Oh, no, no, it's too terrifying
to even think about it.
They stretch you out and
they tickle you by candlelight.
Thank God it's never
happened to you.
Well, a few guys
have tried, but...
Oh, that means that Volgar
is coming, it's terrifying.
The mere thought of it,
well, it makes me laugh.
Ha! No, shh.
Mork, why would they
want to torture you?
You see, before I
got this assignment,
I got a speeding ticket
from the Stellar Patrol.
They said I was
going the speed of light
in a speed of sound zone.
I would have stopped
but I didn't hear the siren
until after they arrested me.
What happened, didn't
you pay the ticket?
Well, Orson said he
fixed it, but I'm still terrified
of hearing...
Yeah, I'd be a little
worried if I heard that too.
Right, it means that Volgar
is coming and it strikes terror
into the hearts of
jaywalkers, speeders
and those who tell jokes.
Telling a joke is
a crime on Ork?
Only if it gets a laugh.
Mindy, I'd really like it if you
came along with me tonight.
Mork, group therapy is fine.
Group dates I am not into.
But I need you. I
need your advice.
Just be polite. Be a gentleman.
Pull out her chair.
Ah, practical jokes. Onk!
No, no, that's not what I mean.
Oh, see, wrong again.
That's why I need you.
I have no need to sit through
an entire evening
with you and Susan.
Oh, I see. Jealousy
rears its ugly head.
Me, jealous of plain old Susan?
Boy, that's a laugh.
First of all, I'm not the
jealous type, and secondly,
what's to be jealous of?
Susan.
May I come in?
Oh, sure.
You look, uh, different.
Thank you.
I took a bath. Did you?
He's such a kidder.
Oh, yeah. Mork's never serious.
Oh, Mindy, I hope you don't mind
that Mork and I are
going out tonight.
Oh, of course not. Mork
can do whatever he wants.
That's so sweet of you.
Yeah.
Well, I guess we
should be going.
Plain, old Susan.
Oh, Mindy, it's
just such a shame
that have to stay
here all alone.
Oh, well.
I asked her to come along,
but she said she
didn't want to go.
Well, oh, if you insist, Mork.
Oh, and Susan, you and I
have so much to catch up on.
Fred.
Fred!
What's the matter with you?
I haven't seen you so happy
since the Beatles broke up.
Well, it isn't every day
I gain a daughter
and lose a Mork.
Fred.
Huh? Huh? Fred!
Fred, what makes you
think they're going to split up?
Oh. Well, Mindy told me
what happened last night,
and apparently Mork wants
to see a lot more of Susan.
Why, hello, kids.
Well, hello.
Did you have a good time
on your date last night, Mork?
Yes. We went to
a big parking lot
with a giant TV in the front.
Oh.
How did you like the movie?
I didn't watch the movie.
Aha.
He was too busy
looking at all the cars.
Well, how do you know that?
Because I sat between them.
But why?
Because I couldn't get Susan
to sit in the back seat.
It didn't matter, though.
I didn't see anything.
All the car windows
were steamed up.
Gosh, I'd hate to count up
all the car windows I've
steamed up in my day.
I'll get that.
McConnell's Music.
Oh, hello, Susan.
Yes, he's here.
Just a minute.
It's your girlfriend.
Oh.
Susan.
Whoa, oh...
Yeah, she's gone now.
Yes.
Oh, yes, whoa...
Yes. Okay, I'll tell her.
Bye. Ciao, arrivederci,
chelan delecito.
Mindy, Yes.
Susan asked me over for dinner,
but she said to tell you
that she only has
enough food for two.
That's the most insulting
thing I ever heard. Oh, Dad.
Mindy, can I borrow some
money to buy her some flowers?
No, that's the most
insulting thing I ever heard.
How can you
as a self-respecting
human being...?
Uh, whatever.
How can you, how can you dare
to borrow money from my
daughter to take out her friend
who is only trying to
steal you away from her,
and obviously wants to
get her hooks into you...
Is $20 enough?
Coming.
Hello, Mork.
Good-bye.
I brought you some presents.
Oh, thank you.
Here's five dollars.
Thanks, but I already have one.
Oh. Then here's some vegetation.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, you...
You're welcome.
Mindy picked them out.
Yes, well, I'm, I'm
allergic to daisies.
Oh, she must have forgotten.
I'll bet.
Well, tell me, Mork,
uh, what do you
and Mindy talk about
when you're all alone together?
Lots of things.
I tell her everything.
Hmm, well, she'll
just love hearing
about what happens tonight.
Are you two, uh, very close?
Oh, yes; sometimes we
stand right next to each other.
Ah, well, that's
very interesting.
I, I think I'd
like a little wine.
All right, if you insist.
I'll get the bottle.
Oh... Susan has a pet.
Long tongue.
Oh, and well-trained.
So, tell me, what do
you do with your days?
Oh, today I went to
see a cowboy movie.
Jeb, I hate to say this,
but I'm in love
with your buffalo.
Yeah.
Would you open the wine?
Oh, yes, ma'am.
If there's some trail dust
that has to be washed out,
I'll get right at it.
What are you doing?!
It's open.
Look at this mess.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I, I'd better head
back to Mindy.
Uh, no, no, no, no,
Mork, that's all right.
Uh, I, I can get a new dress.
And a new sofa.
And a new rug.
Uh, why don't we just
change the mood a little?
Oh, that reminds me of a joke.
These two Venusians
walk into a bar.
One says to the
other, "Ee-vizbah."
The other one replies,
"Arg, nimnull, arg."
I guess you've heard it.
The other one is, how
many Martians does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
8.2. Arg!
Oh... does the name
Volgar mean anything to you?
This is no time to joke.
Just stretch out and relax.
Oh, no! You're not going to
stretch me out in your Kraal!
Waah! Volgar the Enforcer!
Oh... you're not going to
tickle me... not at least alive!
Whoop! Too late!
Oh, you're crazy!
Hey, you're crazy if you think
you're going to let
Volgar tickle me here.
All right, now, stop it!
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
No! No! Don't tickle me!
Don't tickle me!
Don't tickle me! Ahh!!
Mindy!
Mindy.
Mork, I didn't hear you come in.
Oh. Shall I go back
out and come in noisier?
Do whatever you want.
Kay-o.
You want to hear about my date?
Oh...
I know what you're doing.
It's called the
silent treatment.
We used to have
it on our planet,
but we banned it
because we thought
it was an earthy thing to do.
So, how was your dinner?
I don't know. We
didn't get to eat.
Yeah, it looks like
you were too busy
doing other things.
Uh-oh.
♪ Ring around the collar. ♪
Mork, do you think I'm jealous?
Why should I be jealous?
What you and
Susan do on your date
has nothing to do
with me, and that's that.
Don't you want to
hear what happened?
Down to the last sordid detail.
All right, here's the
Reader's Digest version.
Ding dong. Here's some flowers.
Thank you very much.
I'd like a little wine.
Long tongue, whoop,
homing instinct.
♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da. ♪
Would you open it?
Sure. Psshh! Ahh!
Oh, no! Whoa, do you
know anyone named Volgar?
Ah, no, no, ah!
No, whoa, ah...
General destruction.
Ah, I can see it right now...
Blood, death, everything.
Ah, don't tickle me, don't
tickle me, don't tickle me!
That's what happened.
Oh...
Oh, Mork, I'm so sorry
your date didn't go well.
It didn't?
Well...
I guess it wasn't a total loss.
At least you learned
something from it.
You know, I learned something
about myself tonight.
Like what?
I didn't want to admit
it, but I was jealous.
Why?
I don't know.
You and I are...
We're best friends.
You know, we're buddies.
We're pals.
Oh, I think I understand.
Mindy...
What?
I'd like to kiss my pal.
All right.
Oh, pulse. Rapid heartbeat.
Temperature rising.
I get it!
What did you get?
I think I know what made
those car windows
steam up at the drive-in.
Ah...
Well, you want to
watch television?
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Orson to Mork. Orson to Mork.
Orson to Mork. Orson to Mork!
Well, have you made any
new discoveries on Earth?
Yes, sir.
This week I met a
new female specimen.
Whew!
Her name is Susan.
And she tried to kiss me.
Why?
I don't know.
It's an old Earth custom
practiced frequently
by lovers, relatives
and talk show guests.
Did you kiss her?
No. I wanted to kiss my pal.
Good thinking, Mork.
Wait just a grindle!
Isn't that the girl Mindy?
That's my pal.
Your life is starting to sound
like a real soap opera, Mork.
Just remember, your mission
is to report objectively
about life on Earth.
Don't get involved!
You can count on me,
Your Immenseness.
I'd be the last one on
Earth to get involved.
Oh, this is Mork, signing
off from Boulder, Colorado.
See you next week, Mindy.
I mean, I mean Morson.
Whew! An-nu. An-nu. Whoa.
Mmm... oh.
Ciao.