Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 3 - Mork Runs Away - full transcript

Nanu-nanu.

Shazbot!

♪ ♪

Ow. Ow.

Eer, ow, ooh.

Ah, hah, hah.

That's enough.

I'll tell you what
you want to know.

I don't believe you.

Don't you get haircuts on Ork?

No, we try to avoid them
because of the noggachomps.



"Noggachomps"? What's that?

It's a small green
creature about this big.

We put them on our
heads and let them graze.

They're vicious little animals.

Kind of.

That sounds dangerous.

Oh, only if you fall
asleep in the chair.

Occasionally a maverick
will get loose from the herd

and run down your neck.

That's why we have to
set traps in our shorts.

What a horrible system.

Mindy, you don't
understand Orkan philosophy.

If something
works, don't fix it.

Well, there, you
look much better.



Ah. You're all done.

Ooh, ah, I feels worse, though.

How much do I owe you?

Where did you get the money?

I baby-sat for Eugene.

Here, six big ones.

Well, you just keep the money.

The haircut is on me.

No, it's on me.

Hello? Hello.

Brad.

Hi, there. How are you?

Well, it's so nice to
hear from you again.

Nice to hear from you, too.

I thought you were in
law school somewhere.

I'm out now... Ow!

Well, congratulations.

No big deal.

Uh...

Here, go water yourself.

Oh.

Well, sure, that would be fine.

I'd love to have dinner.

Sure. All right, 7:30 it is.

Okay, great, I'll
see you then. Bye.

Mork, I have a date.

Don't tell me... June 2, 1852.

No, I mean this guy
that I really used to like

is back in town and we're
going to have dinner tonight.

Oh, good, where are we going?

"Where are we going?"

Oh, boy.

Mork, you know
I've been thinking.

You and I have... I
think we've been seeing

too much of each other lately.

Well, then all you have
to do is close one eye.

No, I mean, I think
you should get out

and meet more people.

You know, see more things.

Oh, I get it.

Two's company, "we's" a crowd.

Oh, no.

No, not that, necessarily.

I mean, for your own development

you really should get out
and meet more people.

Like who?

Are you ready to start
the inventory, Cora?

Certainly, Fredzo.

And don't call me Fredzo.

It sounds like a detergent.

Yes.

Now, let's see, there are

one, two, three, four, five, six

Meat Loaf albums.

Six Meat Loaf.

Mm-hmm.

One, two, three, four...

Nine Bread albums.

Nine Bread.

This isn't an inventory.

It's a grocery list.

Hi, Grandma. Oh.

Oh, hello, darling.

Daddy.

How's the nicest, sweetest,

most wonderful
father in the world?

Suspicious.

Now you think I want
something from you?

Is that how little you think
of your own daughter?

Well, as a matter of fact,

I have something for you.

Two free tickets to
tonight's basketball game.

You're taking Mork.

That's the nicest
thing you've given me

since the chicken pox.

Fredzo, it's only 11:00.

You're not usually a
wiener before noon.

See, Dad, I need Mork
out of the house tonight.

I have a date.

With a human? That's wonderful.

Yeah, well, it
won't be wonderful

if he comes to pick
me up at my place

and finds Mork there.

That's why you just have
got to take him to that game.

But Mindy, I detest basketball.

Oh, but Dad, I
haven't had a date

since Mork moved in.

Every time the phone rings,

I almost hope it's
heavy breathing.

I didn't hear that.

Basketball.

How can anybody
sit through a game

that has so much dribbling?

Well, if I can't date other men

I guess I'll just have to
settle down with Mork

and have cute
little green babies

that drink their
formula with their finger.

Free throw! One-on-one!

Jump shot! Dunk shot!

I'll go! I'll go!

That was such a
nice dinner, Brad.

Here's to the old times.

Here's to the new times.

All right.

Brad, can I ask you
something kind of dumb?

Sure.

How come you never asked me out

when we were in high school?

Because I was a jerk.

Yeah, you were.

I wish I'd kept in
touch with you, Mindy.

You're a wonderful girl.

Yeah, I am.

Greetings!

Mork!

What are you doing here?

Dribbling.

Oh, is this the guy
you used to like?

Mork, this is Brad Jackson.

Brad, this is my friend Mork.

Hi. I'm glad to meet you.

Nanu-nanu.

Certainly.

So is "Mork" your
first or last name?

Yes.

Did you enjoy having
food with Mindy?

Yes, I did.

So do I.

Everybody enjoys
having food with Mindy.

So, did the basketball
game end early?

I guess so.

After about an hour,
your father stopped it.

My father stopped it?

Yeah, he said, "This has
gone on long enough."

Oh, Mork, what did you do?

Oh, lots of things.
I had a great time.

Ever been to a basketball game?

My favorite part was
when I got to dance.

You danced?

Oh, yeah, that part
at the beginning,

where they played the
music, everyone stood up and

♪ Oh, say can you see? ♪

He's a great kidder.

Then some man asked me
to pass him his coffee, so I did.

He didn't catch it, though.

That's too bad.

But your father
caught it with his pants.

Then it was his turn to dance.

Then we went to a
place called the rest room.

I didn't get any
rest there, though.

I had a terrible seat.

Couldn't even see the game.

We went back and some
woman asked me to hold her seat,

so I... Never mind.

I know, that's when
they made us leave.

Uh, are you a
friend of the family?

No, I live here.

Live here?

Oh, Brad, see, it's
not what you think.

Mindy, he lives here with you,
and you go out with other men?

Oh, yeah, but you see, uh...

Mork, Brad and I
aren't quite finished yet.

Oh, I see, you're
still hungry. Mork...

I'll whip up my special
dessert. No, Mork.

Oh, for you, le monde, mama.

Stay.

Maybe I should leave. No, Brad.

No, Brad, stay. We'd like
to get to know you better.

Mork.

You see, Mork
and I live together,

but I still go out

with whoever I want.

I mean...

Mindy, I... I don't know

what your idea
of a relationship is,

but I-I'm not a swinger.

Well, neither am I.

Oh, swinger. Baseball.

How about them Broncos?

Brad, I'd really like
to see you again.

Oh, we'll get
together again. Soon.

Hey, wait.

You missed the bologna sundae.

Your eyes are leaking.

Are they?

That means something
has hurt you, doesn't it?

Yes.

Brad did something,
that slimemunger.

I'll follow him to the
ends of the universe.

I'll vaporize his entrails.

No, Mork.

It's not what Brad did.

It's that

Brad misunderstood
our relationship.

That's what made me sad.

Ever since you moved in,

guys have stopped asking me out.

And then when somebody does

finally like me,
like Brad, well...

He think that you and I are...

Lovelings.

Yeah.

And then when I
tell them we're not,

they either don't understand

or they don't
believe the situation,

so I end up not going
anywhere, I never go out.

I guess I'm feeling
kind of lonely.

It's all because I'm
staying here, isn't it?

No, it's not your fault.

It was my idea in the first
place to have you move in.

I just have to work this out.

Night.

Hm.

Leaking.

Come on, Mork, get up.

Breakfast.

What do you want, pancakes?

Waffles?

Gladiolas?

Come on, you lazy Orkan.

"Mindy, I know you are sad

"because people think
you and I are lovelings.

"I don't want you
to be sad anymore,

"so I'm going away.

"If people from Ork
knew how to love,

"I'm sure I would love you.

"But I don't even
understand what love is.

Love, Mork."

You're doing that
very well, Eugene.

Grandma Hudson, thank
you for letting me work today.

I need the money

so I can buy my mom
a birthday present.

Oh, well, that's
all right, Eugene.

What are you going to buy her?

The best present
in the whole world.

A catcher's mitt.

Wow, that's great.

And it'll go so well

with those shin guards
you gave her last year.

Oh, say, Eugene,

uh, call me if any
customer comes in.

Okay.

Guess who?

Uh... Stevie Wonder?

What's happening, Mork?!

Hey, plasma, what it is?

What you doing
with the suitcase?

You taking a vacation?

That's what I came
to talk to you about.

If you were taking a vacation,

where would you go?

I've always wanted
to see France.

Kay-o; dosvedanya.

Or maybe

the Swiss Alps.

Hey, make up my mind.

It depends on how much
money you want to spend.

Uh, six smackers.

You can't go to the
Alps with six dollars.

Then France it is. Arrivederci.

♪ Or France, either. ♪

Hey, bummer.

Are you running away?

How can you tell?

It's written all over your face.

Shazbot... I've
broken out in words.

Psst.

Can you keep a secret?

I don't want you to tell
Mindy where I'm going.

You see, I've, I've been
a lot of trouble to her.

Man, you aren't
going far on six dollars.

You can't even
get a place to sleep

unless you stay in a flophouse.

Oh. Sounds perfect
for a flop like me.

Well, there are some
places on Mission Street.

But they're awful seedy.

"Seedy." Oh, I
love horticulture.

Hello, Eugene.

Good morning, Mr. McConnell.

What's this?

Looks like a suitcase.

Yes. Well, somebody
must have left it here.

Maybe I better open it up

and see if I can find
the name of the owner.

Good heavens!

How did that happen?

I don't know.

I told you never
to sit on my throne!

I leave you two
alone for five minutes,

and the whole place goes to pot!

You scoff?

You don't believe?

I tell you,

the men from Venus
are coming down

to take us to their planet.

They arrive...

Labor Day.

Then they're going to
blow up the whole world!

And you sit there
eating a sandwich?

Where's the passenger list?

There's only room on
the escape ship for...

1,000 people, and
so far we've lined up...

three.

Pressure.

I've been walking
the streets all day,

trying to find recruits.

My feet are killing me.

Gad, those make my thighs sweat.

Good-bye.

I saw your signs outside...
The Friends of Venus?

I thought I'd stop by to see
if there's anyone here I know.

Do you know any of
the Friends of Venus?

I know some people from Venus.

I know one guy
who's kind of cute

if you're into short and fuzzy.

His name is.

Gesundheit.

No, no, that's his name.

See, he's got a
wife and a litter,

and their names are...

I'd hate to be the child
stuck with a name like...

A believer.

A true believer.

What's not to believe?

You believe in people
from outer space?

Shazbot. Nanu-nanu.

Precisely.

My name is Exidor.

I'd like you to join me.

Well, if you insist.

No.

I mean, join our
group, be one of us.

Us? Oh...

Well, right now, you see,

I'm looking for a
fliphouse to flap in.

That's flophouse.

Oh, flip, flop... whatever.

You can stay here with us.

We'll all work together.

Oh, work.

I finally got a job

and a place to
flip out all at once.

Oh, Mindy will be proud of me.

Mindy. Heavy sigh.

Oh, Daddy, Mork ran away.

You've just got to
help me find him.

Oh. well, look, honey, I
don't know why he left,

but maybe it's the best thing.

No, it's not, Dad!

Mork is like a child here.

He shouldn't be out
in the world alone.

He has no concept
of trouble or danger.

Oh, Dad, if anything
happened to him,

I don't know what I'd do.

I don't want him to go.

All right honey, okay,
take it easy, take it easy.

Now, I'll help you find him.

But where would he go?

Oh, I don't know.

I've been looking all morning.

Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute, I just

remembered something.

This morning when I came in,

there was a shiny metal suitcase

right in the
middle of the store.

Mork has a shiny suitcase.

And then the albums
fell, and, and...

Eugene...

I don't know nothing.

I think we've uncovered a clue.

Mork,

this is my philosophy
for the Friends of Venus.

I want you to study
it and memorize it

so that you can go out with me

and convert the non-believer.

I'll study hard and let
you know when I'm ready.

I'm ready.

Very well, on your feet.

Uh... let's pretend that,
uh, I am a non-believer,

and you try and convert me.

Hey, you, non-believer.

Good start.

But we need more
power in your voice,

and more conviction.

Oh, I see.

Frey-und...!

I have need of your attention.

Friend, do you realize
that the Venusians

are coming down to Earth?

But they're not coming
here on Veterans Day,

not on April Fool-es Day,

but on Labor Day,
Labor Day, Labor Day.

Can you hear me, friend?

I hear you!

Are you ready now?

Can I get a
nanu-nanu? Nanu-nanu.

Thank you, friend.

Do you realize, friends,

what they're coming here to do?

Because they've come down here

to blow the Earth
to smithereens!

But it's not that bad, friend.

Because they're
sending a ship down here

to save 1,000 of us,

and they're making a list,
and they're checking it twice.

Now, friend, now, you
can either stay down here,

in your disco,
drug-infested inferno,

or come up to Venus,

and have your very own
Venusian condominimum,

with hot and cold
running champagne

and underwater dancing.

You must apply

now!

Mork! Mork...

that was beautiful!

Why can't you be more like him?!

But... there's
something's missing.

What we need is more
of your experiences

with the Venusians
here on Earth.

I didn't meet them on
Earth; I met them on Venus.

You've been there?

Oh, yes, I've been

to all the planets
in your solar system.

Mars, Mercury, Pluto?!

Oh, don't ever go to Pluto;
it's a Mickey Mouse planet.

You see, Exidor, I have
something to explain to you.

The Venusians aren't
coming to blow up the Earth.

They're not?

No, you see, their technology

isn't prepared for space travel.

It isn't?

No, their highest
invention so far has been

the garbage can. It is?

And the only reason
they invented that

was to have
something to tip over.

Blasphemy!

I had high hopes for you, Mork.

You're crazy.

Mork! Oh, what a relief.

Mindy, I didn't want
you to find me here.

You know, I knew as soon as I
saw that Friends of Venus sign,

I knew you'd be here.

I want you to come
home with me now.

No, you don't.

You just say that 'cause
you feel sorry for me.

Mork, I don't
feel sorry for you.

I feel sorry for me.

I don't understand.

When I'm not there,

you're free to do as you wish.

You have a home of your own.

No, what I have is an apartment.

It was only a home

when there was somebody
in it that I cared about.

Me?

But I get in your
way; you told me so.

Oh, I know, and I'm sorry.

I was blaming you because
guys stopped asking me out.

And then when
one did ask me out...

I know.

I made a real
crimluck of myself.

It was my fault.

Mork, I'm a woman,

and, and a woman just
sometimes needs to be held.

Mmm, that man Brad,
you wanted him to hold you.

Well, not him, necessarily.

I really didn't get a
chance to find out.

But yeah, every once in a while

a little hug really does
help get me through the day.

What's a hug?

Oh, you know, like...

Like...

like this?

Yeah. Oh.

Soft.

I can understand how
this keeps you going.

It's got me going, and I
don't even know what it is.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Orson...

♪ I am calling you-oo-oo... ♪

What a terrible connection.

Sounds like someone
stepped on a frenkle's tail.

Just me reporting from Earth.

And what words of wisdom

are you transmitting
across the universe today?

I learned how to
make a human happy.

I learned... how to give a hug.

And a hug is?

It's when you wrap your
arms around a human's body

and squeeze.

I thought that's what
Earthlings call wrestling.

No, in wrestling, you
squeeze a lot harder

until they sweat and go "Arrgh!"

They don't sweat and
go when you hug them?

No, they just
cuddle and go "Ah!"

Oh, hugging.

Amazing what pleases
the primitive tribes.

I'll never understand them.

But Orson?

Yes?

It was good for me, too.

Mork!

Yes, Your Immenseness.

This is Mork, signing off
from Boulder, Colorado,

until next week.

Nanu-nanu.