Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 2 - Mork Moves In - full transcript

Nanu, nanu.

Shazbot.

Orson calling Mork.

Orson calling Mork.

Come in, Mork.

Orson? Is that you?

Of course it's me.

Who else has your number?

Oh. That's right, I forgot.
I've got unlisted mind.

What's up, great
cosmic intruder?

It seems the report of
your first week on Earth



was accidentally destroyed.

Oh, a likely story.

Trying to pull a
Nixon on me, eh?

I thought all those reports were
stored on micro-wire cassette.

They are.

However, your superiors
were chewing caramels

and used that report
to floss their teeth.

Good thing Jimmy
Carter wasn't there

or we'd have
lost the entire file.

Mork... Sir.

I want you to activate
your Orkan total recall

and duplicate your report.

Gotcha.

Lights, camera, action!



Mork?

Ready when you are, C.B.

Hey, Mork, are you up?

Come on, get up.

Come and get it!

I hope you like corn flakes.

Why wouldn't I?

Just because I'm
from another planet

doesn't mean I'm that different.

Trust me, you are different.

Okay. Come on, let's
have a little breakfast.

May I be of some assistance?

Oh, sure, uh...

I guess you could set the table.

Where would you
like me to set it?

Hurry up, I'm getting
a cramp in my finger.

Just set it back where it was.

Nice way to build
up an appetite.

I'm so hungry I
could eat a Flizbit.

Well, today is going
to be a big day.

Today we're going to find
you a new place to live.

Why can't I go
on living with you?

Well, because my
father is a conservative,

puritanical... mm...

Nerd.

That's it. You got it.

Ah!

What is this black liquid?

This is coffee.

What do you do with it?

We have it with our breakfast.

Oh, allow me.

Oh, repulsive.

You know, Mork, the
more I think about it,

I think that we'd better keep
where you come from a secret.

I hate to admit this,
but people here on Earth

get pretty hassled over
anything they don't understand.

Oh.

Why would anyone
think I'm weird?

We must save two
to build a new race.

Swim, you little nimnuls.

I hope the rest
can tread coffee.

You know, I still
can't get over this.

I'm sitting here
having breakfast

with a being from
another planet.

What a coincidence. So am I.

You know, there's so much
we can learn from each other.

Starting with me
teaching you to act human

so you don't get
into any more trouble.

Oh, yeah, and another thing,

I've got to find you a job.

A job?

Yeah, work, you know,
like I work at the music store

with my dad and my grandma.

Oh, I was sent to observe Earth

and report back
everything to Orson on Ork.

That's my job.

No, I mean like a
job that pays money.

Oh.

You do understand the
concept of money, don't you?

Mindy, I am surprised at you.

I am a member of a
highly advanced civilization.

My superiors on Ork
thought of everything.

Going down.

Coming up.

I bring with me untold
wealth of the Universe.

Wow, this looks heavy.

What's in here?

Look.

Oh, oh, careful,
my bank's closed.

This is sand.

Yes, it's been in
my family for years.

But, Mork, on-on Earth,
sand is as common as, uh, dirt.

Well, there goes bag two.

Oh, but I realize my
superiors might be nimnuls

and I brought along something
of unquestioned value

throughout the universe. What?

A credit card.

I don't leave home without it.

♪ Um-pum... ♪

Andante,

andante, you butchers.

Andante!

Hey, Toscanini, knock it off!

Do you know what that
looks like from out there?

That looks like you're
out of your gourd.

Back, back, back!
You're blocking the violins.

Get back.

♪ Bomp, bomp,
bomp, bomp, bomp... ♪

What did you do that for?

You interrupted my sforzando.

Now, now, don't get
your Brahms in an uproar.

Why do I have to
put up with you?

After all, it's my store.

Lord, why did you
create mothers-in-law?

So they can work
in the family store

and ring up 83% of the sales.

You're wretched.

Go ahead, Freddy,
whip me with your words.

Has Mindy come in yet?

Mindy? No.

No, she's probably
hanging around

with that absurd yo-yo.

I'm worried, Cora.

I'm scared to death it could
become something serious.

After all, he's already
spent the night with her.

Oh, he stayed in her house.

There's a big difference.

But that's the first
step towards moving in.

As far I know, he's
over there right now.

Well, you could
pick up that phone

and find out in a second.

Oh, I couldn't do that.

It would be too
much like spying,

as if I didn't trust her.

No. I could never bring
myself to stoop so low.

Oh, Freddy, you
underestimate your potential.

Mork, will you answer that?

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...

Please get the telephone.

Oh, phone.

Primitive means of
audio communication.

I wonder what it looks like.

Hello.

Hello!

I killed it.

Hello. Hello.

Yeah, hello? Hello?

Hel... hel... hel...

Hello!

I knew it. He's there.

Now don't try to stop me, Cora.

Nobody is going to
corrupt my daughter...

until after she's married.

He's such a wiener.

Mork, on Earth,

a gentleman always helps
a lady on with her coat.

Thank you.

Uh, on Earth,

a gentleman also
lets go of the coat.

Keep your hands off that child.

Daddy, he was just
helping me on with my coat.

What are you doing here?

Me?

What are you doing here?

Now, I don't want any
stories or any excuses.

I want the plain,
unvarnished truth.

I spent the night.

Couldn't you have
varnished it just a little?

Daddy, it's not like it seems.

The only reason Mork
spent the night here last night

was because, uh... uh...

Well, I can't tell
you that; it's a secret.

Secret? Secrets.

We never had secrets
from each other.

Now, I demand to
know what's going on

between the two of you.

After all, I love you.

Oh, that's nice.

Daddy, I am going
to tell you something

that you might
find hard to believe.

But you've got to promise

not to breathe a
word of this to anyone.

Okay, okay, I promise.

Mork is from Ork.
It's another planet.

Mindy, I'm your father.

You can do better than that.

Mork, do something.

Show Daddy you're from Ork.

Watch this, Daddy...
a little cosmic shtick.

Many bleams ago,
we Orkans realized

the need to talk while drinking.

Boy, am I thirsty.

I'd like to see a human do that.

Look, I-I don't know
how you did that,

but it's, uh,
some kind of trick.

It doesn't prove anything.

Perhaps these color
slides from Ork will.

Uh, what's this supposed to be?

Frizbot, the capital.

Looks completely black.

It's the inner city.

Look, fella, you can't fool me.

Everybody knows what
space creatures look like.

They have huge bald heads.

Not always.

Everybody knows that space
creatures are always green.

Oh, you mean the
old cliché... like this.

Nauseating, isn't it?

It's not easy being green.

You're an alien!
You're an alien!

Are you on vacation,

or did you come down
here to snatch a body?

No, no, no, no, I
didn't mean that.

Daddy, Mork is from a
highly advanced civilization.

They did away with
violence ages ago.

Not only that.

I like you.

Aw...

Oh, well, I like you, too, son.

Burn that.

Um, look, would you mind if I
talk to my daughter in private?

No offense, I mean
it's not worth a death ray

or anything like that.

Death ray?

Oh, humor.

Right on, Pops.
What it was. I like Ike.

Just gonna clean
up the old room.

Isn't that something else?

Mindy, let's have a
father-daughter talk.

Oh, sure.

Get rid of him!

Trash day.

We walk all over Boulder,

and we still don't
find you an apartment.

Oh, don't worry, Mork,

we'll find you a place to live.

I saw a nice tree
in the front yard.

I could hang out there tonight.

Oh, no, I wouldn't
put an Orkan out

on a night like this.

You'll just have to spend
another night, that's all.

Good. I guess it's time to
hit the old coat rack, then.

Oh, Mork, not the armoire.

You're on Earth now...
You might as well start

acting a little
more like it, right?

True. Where do you sleep?

On a bed.

Boy, have you
got a lot to learn.

Good, I'll sleep with you.

I'm always willing to learn.

Why don't you just
sleep on the sofa tonight?

Oh. On a flat surface?

Won't I get dizzy?

Well, you won't
have far to fall.

Oh, Mork,

could you go up
in the attic for me

and get the old comforter?

Oh, kay-o.

That's "okay."

You thank. "Thank you."

You're welcome.

Oh, if you have
any trouble finding it,

it's in the middle of the
attic behind the old trunk.

Got it?

Ah-bad nee-bay.

Bad-ah nee.

Which one's the comforter?

I do hope it's this one.

See, my comforter doesn't stare.

Never mind, I'll get it later.

Nice place, your attic.

Nice? It's dark, dusty
and full of spiders. Blech!

My kind of town.

It's perfect.

Could I live there?

You know, actually,

that attic wouldn't be such
a bad place if we fixed it up.

You know, it would be like
having your own apartment.

And it would be a perfect place

for you to stay while
you're adjusting to Earth.

It'd be perfect.

Oh. Except for Daddy.

He and I are having
enough problems as it is.

Stay.

Problems? Yeah.

May I be of some assistance?

I'm afraid not.

You see... you are the problem.

Me?

Yeah. Daddy made me promise

to have you moved
out by tonight... or else.

Oh, I see.

I didn't want to cause trouble.

Well, I must be leaving.

Well, where are you going?

You can't go
now... it's cold out

and it looks like rain.

I'll be fine. I'm into weather.

I will miss you.

Oh, wait, wait, Mork.

I don't want you to go.

You see, until I met you, I...

I never realized how dull
and boring my life has been.

I mean, you're a
man from outer space.

That's exciting!

Exciting. Oh...

I told you, stay!

I've never been
called exciting before.

Well, you are.

I mean, think
of it... You're a...

you're an ambassador
from another planet.

I mean, you're important.

And if I can help you, that...

that makes me feel important.

Well, the important
thing is the relationship

between you and your father.

I envy you that you have one.

My father was an eyedropper.

My mother was a sterile dish.

Hard to warm up to old Mom.

Yeah, but, Mork,
it's time that I...

It's best for you
if I leave, but...

I can come back
from time to time

and take human lessons from you.

You're already acting more
human than a lot of people I know.

I have a solution.

What?

I'll call your father
and tell him I'm leaving.

Oh... What's his number?

555-0694.

It's ringing.

Mr. McConnell, Mork here.

No, sir, that's not quite
right. I'm a son of a test tube.

No, no, um...

I just want to say, uh, I don't want
to stand between you and Mindy.

No, you won't be
seeing me anymore.

I thought it'd be
nice if you came over

and made up with Mindy.

Yes, sir.

Good-bye.

There are some words
I have to ask you about.

He's coming over.
I... I'd better be going.

Oh, Mork, I feel so sad.

Oh...

Oh...

You're soft.

I could get to like that.

Well, you just...
can't just walk out.

I mean, not just like that.

I know... we'll have a
toast, uh, to your new life.

I'll break out the bubbly.

Bubbly?

Champagne.

Oh. Thank you,

thank you, let's all
get down, get funky.

The lovely Lemmon
Sisters gonna sing

"I Can't Get No Satisfaction."

Except in this case, the
champagne has to be ginger ale

because that's all I have. Oh.

Well...

here's to...

the nicest alien I've ever met.

And here's to the
nicest alien I've ever met.

And the softest.

Are you all right?

Certainly I'm all right.

Oh, wow! Surf's up! Ha-ha!

Oh, no!

What's the matter?

I think I'm getting Bezurb.

What?

Oh, oh, oh, oh...

The carbonation hits my
bloodstream and I get Ork-faced.

Going home, Mama! Waah!

You're drunk!

Hey, don't take away my gusto!

Oh, help me,

I'm melting!

I can't believe this.

I got to sober you up. Come on.

Mindy...

I'll get it. No!

You've got to hide.

Oh, Moo-moo... No, you got to...

Shh, shh, shh.

Woop. Stairway to the stars!

Shh!

Oh... uh...

Oh, hello, Daddy. Hi, honey.

I hate to barge in like this,

but Mork called, and I
kind of got to thinking

about the way I acted.

I was out of line, Mindy,
and I want to apologize.

Oh, Daddy, you don't
have to apologize.

You don't have to
say another thing.

Well, I know I didn't
have to, but I wanted to.

You know, it's not easy
being a father, Mindy. I know.

Someday you'll be a
father... you'll understand.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm really getting bushed.

It's getting late.
I'd better get...

Oh, yeah, it's, uh, nearly...
- 30?

But, then again, it's...

not very often we get to have

these little
father-and-daughter talks.

You know what I mean, Dad?

Just sit down right over here.

You know, honey, I'm sorry
if I'm a little overprotective

about you and your
boyfriends, but this Mork,

I mean, he's a yo-yo,

he's some sort of a
creature from outer space.

Well, I know that's
a strike against him,

but he's really
not that different.

You should just
take a, you know,

a closer look at him sometime.

Oh, is that so?

Well, why don't you
take a really close look...

Aw, bummer.

What's he doing here?!

Now, Daddy, don't get excited.

I can explain.

You lied to me! You
broke your promise!

Down, boy. Down. Heel, heel.

Sit! Sit!

Well, I didn't break my promise,

but you bullied me into
that promise, you know.

I bullied you into
it? Well, I'm a father!

What are fathers for?

Well, you're just not gonna
do it anymore, Dad, that's all.

I'm 21 years old, I
have my own apartment,

I'm a grown woman,
and if I feel like it,

I'm going to keep
an Orkan in my attic.

Well, I don't feel like it!

So, in other words,
what you're asking is

that I choose between
you and Mork?

Right.

Well, don't force me to
make that choice, Dad.

I'm forcing you.

Mork stays.

Good night, Daddy.

Good night, Daddy.

Moo-moo says hi, too.

I'm warning you,
if I leave here,

I'm never coming back. Never!

If that's the way you feel.

On the other hand,
never is much too long.

Oh, honey. Oh, Daddy. Oh.

Thanks.

Oh...

Oh, good, you two
are back together.

Mork, you're sober.

Oh, yes, we Orkans only
stay bezurb for 60 seconds.

Well, you were gone
for a good five minutes.

Whew!

I was out for a long time. Yeah.

Must've really hung one on.

You mean, he's still
staying here tonight?

Yes, Daddy, but nothing
is going to happen.

Do you believe that?

Of course I do, honey.

You gave me your
word, and I trust you.

Thank you.

But I don't trust him.
I'm staying the night.

Oh, good... company.

Well, you can have
my place, Pops...

and I'll camp out.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork... calling... Orson.

Come in... Orson.

Orson to Mork.

Am I coming in loud and clear?

Uh, too loud, too clear.

You're coming in fuzzy.

What's the matter
with your head?

Oh, I'm sending fuzzy.

I think I got a little
bezurb last night.

You're supposed to
be observing the planet,

not running around
getting Ork-faced.

How's the sand holding out?

I've been meaning to talk
to you about that, Orson.

I found a very
safe place to put it...

A cat box.

But that's a...

Yes. That's what it's
worth here, Orson.

Haven't you found
out anything important?

Yes. Believe it or not,
trees are green on Earth.

There's a black liquid that
sells for three dollars a pound,

and it takes two to tango.

I mean, something
really important.

Yes. Remember that
girl I told you about?

Yes.

Well, she did
something very nice.

She defended me
against her father.

That was a very brave
and kind thing to do, and...

I don't know, I... think
I'm coming down with...

♪ Feelings... ♪

for her.

Mork, you know emotions

are hazardous to your health.

Don't start playing
around with that stuff.

No, no. Not me.

You can trust me, sir.

This is Mork,

signing off from
Boulder, Colorado.

Boy, I'm glad I
didn't land in Buffalo.

See you next week, sir.