Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 24 - Mork's Best Friend - full transcript
Mork gets a pet caterpillar; Exidor begins preaching about reincarnation.
Nanu-nanu.
Shazbot!
Mindy? What?
Guess what followed me home?
What followed you home?
Can I keep it, huh, Mindy, huh?
Can I, hmm?
This is one of those
questions I always dread.
All right, what is it?
It's real cute.
Mm-hmm.
It's fuzzy. Mm-hmm.
It's about this tall.
A dog that's been
run over by a truck?
Oh, Mindy, that's so sick.
Squashed dogs
can't follow you home.
Look. It's a kittypiller!
Oh, that's a caterpillar.
Not for a few weeks yet, it
hasn't got hair on its chest.
No, they're always
called caterpillars.
Oh, idiot moi.
Well, does it have a name yet?
Well, I like to call her Bob.
See? She looked up
when I said her name.
Oh, that end isn't her head.
Really?
I thought she was smiling at me.
Here we go, Bob.
There we go.
Go for a walk in the candy dish.
There we go.
Now, I hope you're
not hypoglycemic.
So, Mork, a caterpillar
followed you home, huh?
Yeah, I had to walk
real slow and like this.
How do you know
that it's a girl?
Are you kidding,
with a body like that?
Well, I think you
have a lovely insect
and you two do
make a lovely couple,
but I have a
French class tonight
and I'm going to go
change my clothes.
Oh, why don't you show
Bob the rest of the house.
Thank you.
Now, Bob, don't
get mad. It's all right.
You'll get to like Mindy
once you get to know her.
She's just a little jealous.
I mean, she doesn't
have a fur coat like yours.
Well, now that we're
here, let's relax. Sit down.
Put your feet up.
Put your feet up.
Put your feet up.
Put your feet up.
I'll be right back,
my petite fuzz.
Un moment.
Why don't you slip into
something more silky.
Ar-ark!
Mork!
Exidor!
In this life, yes.
Do you mind?
We're having a
private conversation.
I told you guys to wait
on the moped. Get out!
Entourages can be the pits.
Exidor, come in. Sit down.
I'd like you to meet my insect.
Plenty of time for that later.
Mork... I have come here
to preach the
only true religion.
What's the only true
religion this time?
Reincarnation!
We have all lived before,
and we shall all be born again.
Oh, the ultimate déjà vu.
In a previous life, I was
a very famous person.
Guess who.
Are you now or have
you ever been a member
of the Communist Party?
Just to meet girls.
Are you currently in
a Broadway show?
No.
Are you bigger than a bread box?
Yes.
I got it. You're the editor
of the National Enquirer.
He's not dead.
I can wait.
I'm surprised, Mork.
I thought you'd guess.
I was Julius Caesar.
I had the little laurel
leaves right around the ear.
And if you look closely,
you can even see a little mulch.
You were Julius Caesar?
Absolutely.
I know because I get stabbing
pains every Ides of March.
Really? Then you'll enjoy
meeting my new friend, Bob.
You made friends with
a fuzzy Tootsie Roll?
No, it's, no, look
closer. It's a caterpillar.
Why, this is no ordinary
caterpillar, Mork.
This is the reincarnation
of Abraham Lincoln!
No!
Yes! How can you tell?
Is that the face of someone
who would tolerate slavery?
That's not her face.
Really? I thought
she was smiling at me.
Well, I have to be going,
but don't worry, Mork,
I'll be coming back...
If you get my drift.
Mork...
I know her.
Cleopatra!
It's me, Julie!
What?
How quickly they forget.
Those robes somehow
look strangely familiar.
They ought to be after what
you and Marc Antony did to him.
You and that asp of yours.
You know, Mork, between
your friends and your pets,
I sometimes wonder if you're
an advanced alien being,
or just an intergalactic bozo.
The answer is...
Both!
Oh, look Mindy, Bob's hungry.
Do you have anything
green in the ice box?
Hmm... last month's
cottage cheese.
Oh, leafy green is
better than lumpy green,
but I'll give it a try.
Listen, I'm going
to be late for class.
I've got to go.
Hey, maybe you can get
something from Mr. Bickley.
No, I've already had my shots.
I mean food, silly.
Bye. I'll see you later.
You have a bug for a pet?
Oh, yes. I pulled a
thorn out of his paw
and the other 13 legs
followed me home.
Nobody has a bug for a pet.
Are you kidding?
Bob's clean. She's leaf-broken.
She's a skilled mime, too.
Bob, do your "Caterpillar
Walking Against the Wind."
Bugs can't do diddly.
Now, a dog is
something you can train.
Look.
Bickie, oh, sweetheart.
Bickie can do lots of tricks.
You can train
him to do anything.
Look, he can wave.
Wave, Bickie.
He can salute.
He can pledge allegiance...
Oh, yeah? Bob can
pledge allegiance
to 14 countries at once!
Bickie can sit up and beg.
Well, Bob doesn't have to.
She's independently wealthy.
That's stupid.
If you put that
thing on the rug,
it would look like
a cigarette burn.
I'm a busy man.
I'm having my dinner and
I don't have to sit around
and listen while you
try to convince me that
your insipid bug is
superior to my stupid dog.
Oh, really? You
shouldn't have said that.
Bob, no! Bob, no!
Down, Bob! Down, Bob!
I don't want to listen
to any more of this
inane conversation
about insects.
Are you implying that
you want me to bug off?
Right. All right.
I hope you realize, Mr. Bickley,
that you're being awfully cruel.
You're hurting the
feelings of another life-form.
Okay, I'll be good.
Your pet, Bob, has
one worthwhile use.
What's that?
He'd make a great bookmark.
Oh...
Where is the "other woman"?
Shh. She's asleep.
In a brand-new, combination
log cabin and condominium.
See? I built her a little hot
tub and some lawn furniture.
Here's a little chaise
lounge and inside,
she has a beetle
for a chauffeur,
a dragonfly for a hairdresser.
She's got a little vicious
watch-ant to protect
her property, see? It
always goes for the toes.
Nyah, nyah!
And tomorrow I'm going to
take her to the movie The Swarm,
because Bob says she knows
one of the stunt bees personally.
Well, you certainly are
being nice to her, Mork.
I can see why she
looks up to you.
Mindy, Bob looks
up to everybody.
Yeah, but not everybody's
that nice to their pet.
Yeah, I know.
Tomorrow I'm going
to take her for a crawl.
Now, where would you
take a caterpillar for a crawl?
Well, she loves the outdoors,
so that's why I'm taking her
to your philodendron
so she can feel a little dirt
between her toes and
crawl softly and slowly.
So, how's that
French class of yours?
Comme ci, comme ça.
What's that mean?
Eeh-eh, eeh-eh.
Did you hear that, Bob?
Comme ci, comme ça means eeh-eh.
I do that, too.
Bob, you got to wake
up now, sleepyhead.
Come on, you can't
sleep your whole life away.
Time for a little
Yoga. Let's go.
Bob! Nova! Come on, Bob. Bob...
What are you doing?
I'm giving her
cardiopulmonary resuscitation.
It's too late. Bob's dead.
Ooh...
Oh, she was so
young, so beautiful.
She had so much to live for.
I was going to buy
her those ballet shoes.
Mork, even
caterpillars have to die.
There's one last hope.
Exidor's coming in a minute.
Why did you call him?
Maybe he can bring Bob
back. He's into reincarnation.
Oh, Mork, you're just going
to have to face the facts.
Bob is gone for good.
Oh, I know. I blame myself.
I should have known she was sick
when she looked up
and went "Ug-Ugh!"
Mork, it was only a bug!
What?!
All right, I didn't mean that,
but it's not your
fault that it died.
Oh, you're right.
Yeah, you're right.
It was your fault, wasn't it?
Yeah, you were
jealous, weren't you?
You had better legs,
but she had more of them.
Now that she's dead,
you want to laugh!
Well, go ahead. Awr-awr-awr-awr!
Mork, what are you saying?!
Oh, Mindy, Mindy, Oh... Mindy!
Oh... Oh!
If this is the emotion
of grief, it really stinks.
Oh, Mork, I understand.
Earthlings feel the same
way when a pet they love dies.
Love... ha!
Who said it was love?
It was just a stupid bug.
I know what you're
going through.
I really do.
Oh, Mindy, how could
I say that about her?
I worshipped the ground
that she crawled on.
Mork!
I came over as soon as
you called. What's wrong?
Abraham Lincoln's dead again.
Um, excuse me, Mr. Exidor,
but what exactly is it that you do?
I'm a spirit migration engineer.
You're a grave robber?
No, that's a body
migration engineer.
Oh... oh, no.
It's all right, Mork.
We still have time.
If we hurry, we can bring
Bob back as a lower life-form.
What's lower than a caterpillar?
A caterpillar trainee.
Oh... How can we do that?
The entire process
has been formulated
scientifically by
Dr. Paul Kerns,
Professor of Reincarnation
at Colorado Tech.
Well, as long
as it's scientific.
First, we'll do the
magic incantation.
Repeat after me:
Ohwah...
Ohwah...
Ta jer...
Ta jer...
Kiam.
Kiam.
Now repeat it quickly, Mork.
Ohwah ta jer kiam.
Ohwah ta jer kiam.
Oh, what a jerk I
am. Oh, what a jerk...
Exidor, how can you make
jokes at a time like this?!
Mork, lighten up.
You're always so serious.
But Bob's dead.
Not dead, just
preparing her comeback.
It's now time
for the Ritual
Reincarnation Boogie.
Arise, oh, defunct
creepy crawler!
Arise, oh, many-legged cadaver!
Well, that's that.
What's what? Nothing happened!
Oh, that's a shocker.
Bob has been
reincarnated as a cow.
That's wonderful.
No, that's terrible!
He'll be eaten.
No, she's safe. She's
in India. She's sacred.
Holy cow.
Remember to call me if
anybody else you love dies.
Oh, well, thanks so
much for everything.
You used to have the
best barge in Egypt.
Hey, you kids, get
away from that mule!
Mindy, I know.
Sometimes Exidor can have
Swiss cheese for brains, but...
tell me the truth, Bob's
gone forever, isn't she?
Yes.
Oh.
Well, what do you Earthlings
do when your pets die?
Oh, well, usually we
have a little funeral
and then flush them down...
I mean, uh, we... we bury them.
We can do that for
Bob, then, can we?
Sure we can, Mork.
We'll talk about it
tomorrow, okay?
Oh, thanks, Mindy.
Well, I'd better get started.
Started doing what?
Well, it's the least I can do.
I've got to notify the
86 million next of kin.
Bob is dead. Pass it on.
How about late August?
Yeah, yeah, it's usually
pretty dead around here then.
Oh...
I'll talk to you later, Jim.
Just got a vertical.
Hello.
May I be of assistance?
Yes.
Is this the place where
you bring the dead?
Those who have
passed into spirit
are always welcome here.
I don't know if she passed
into spirit, but she sure croaked.
Yes, well, you are
in the right place.
Please, uh,
sit down, won't you?
Now, was the deceased
a relative of yours?
No. I only knew her a few days.
Oh, you're very kind
to be making arrangements
for her everlasting peace.
Well, it's the least I could do;
we lived together.
Oh, I see.
Well, not to worry.
We here at the
Herman Funeral Home,
we don't make judgments
on our clients' lifestyles.
What was her name?
Bob.
I see.
And the last name?
I don't know.
Last names weren't
important to us.
I can imagine.
Well now, I would only
assume that you would want...
Bob to have the best.
That sounds wonderful.
Now, what would
you like for an epitaph?
Well, I could start off
with a shrimp cocktail,
have some espresso...
No, I mean what would you
like written on the headstone?
Oh.
Here lies Bob. She's dead.
It's a beautiful sentiment.
And totally accurate.
Now, let's see.
Adding on a simple wreath,
a small spray of
flowers, pallbearers,
basic ceremony and
a compact hearse...
That comes to $2,800.
For what?
For the funeral, the expenses.
You mean it costs money to die?
Only if you want
to die decently.
Bob died great.
And nothing you can do
will make her feel any better.
But the point is to
make you feel better.
Well, the only
way I'll feel better
is if Bob stayed with
me forever and ever.
And that's exactly
what I'm going to do...
Keep her with me in my room.
Keep her with you in your...
Some cocktail party.
Where's the pretzels?
What are you talking about?
Mork sent me this card saying
he was having a cocktail party.
Well, I knew you wouldn't come
if I told you it was a funeral.
A funeral? Who died?
Our dear departed Bob.
That caterpillar?
I thought she keeled
over weeks ago.
Renewed sorrow! Anguish!
And assorted other emotions.
He's been keeping
that thing in his pocket.
I finally convinced
him it was time
to put poor old Bob to rest.
Well, if you'll excuse me...
Oh, no, please
don't go, Mr. Bickley.
I don't go to bug wakes.
Look, I know this sounds silly,
but Mork really loved that bug.
And besides, for afterwards,
I got a bottle of
your favorite snack.
Oh, all right.
But don't ask me
to view the body.
Please be seated.
Hey, what's this?
I've never seen a casket
that offers a course in
computer programming.
What can you say
about a caterpillar?
Bob was all that and more.
She was a friend,
a joy, an inspiration.
Bob will never do the
things she dreamed of
now that she's stiff city.
It's not going to be easy
to follow in her footsteps,
but tomorrow, seven
of us are going to try.
All I have to say in closing is,
"If you knew Bobbie
like I knew Bobbie,
oy, oy, oy, what a bug."
And now to say a few words,
a fine, upstanding
shiksa in her own right...
a personal friend of mine and
Bobbie's, Mindy McConnell.
Please come up...
Me?!
Uh...
although, uh,
Bob and I lived under
th-the same roof,
we-we never really
knew each other that well.
I mean, I'm even
afraid of spiders, right?
Anyway, in spite
of our differences,
I-I feel that I-I got to
know Bob better than...
any other caterpillar
I ever met, and, uh...
she sure was great, Bob was.
Thank you, Mindala.
And now, a man who is said
to have the warmth
of a snow pea...
Mr. Bickley.
Mr. Bickley, a few words.
With heavy heart
and mournful eyes
and tears that softly flow...
we say our final, sad good-byes,
to a fuzzy escargot.
Hog slop.
When I first met Bob,
I had no way of knowing
she was on her last legs.
But, uh, I realized
she was a good pet.
Not as good as dog, though.
A dog can hop up on your bed
and snuggle his cute
little face next to you
in the bed and softly whimper
when he's hungry and...
and put his little paw in
yours as though to say,
"I love you, Daddy."
Oh, I can't take it anymore!
I'm coming, Bickey!
Daddy's coming! Daddy's...!
And now...
it's time for the burial.
Oh, you want the
Evelyn Wood version?
I want to bury her
out here in your philodendron
so she'd always be outdoors.
Oh... who are you
and what have you done with Bob?
That is Bob, Mork.
She's turned into a butterfly.
Quick, take her to the window.
Mindy, I don't understand.
What's happening?
Well, see, Bob wasn't dead.
She was just changing.
Caterpillars turn
into butterflies.
Oh, I guess I'd
better set her free.
There we go, Bob.
Fly, Bob!
Be free!
There you go, Bob!
Oh, she was beautiful.
Yeah.
Well, now I guess
you probably believe
what Exidor said about
reincarnation, right?
No, I still think Exidor
had his head up his foot.
Maybe he's right, though.
Maybe when you die,
something beautiful happens.
That's a nice thought.
Hey, let's go follow Bob.
All right.
I could have made it.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Yo, Battlestar Gigantica.
Here I am, Mork.
What do you have to report?
Well, sir, this week I learned
many wonderful things.
First of all, I
learned the meaning
of the old Earth phrase,
"You can't take it with you,"
because I went to the place
where you have to leave it.
It's called a funeral home.
Is that where they
put old funerals?
Close, you old gobbler.
You get half a
laugh for that one.
No, actually a funeral
is like a track meet.
First of all, you
have to wear black,
you don't need a stopwatch,
and one of the guys is
really lousy in a relay race.
You really have a
way with words, Mork.
Oh, thank you, Your Immenseness.
You should have heard the eulogy
I did for my caterpillar.
Mindy says that when
he dies, he'll go to Heaven
and be with all the other bugs
and he'll be very happy and
everything will be beautiful.
Tell me,
if Heaven is so beautiful,
so perfect, so great,
how come humans
don't want to die?
Who wants to be
with all those bugs?
What do you think happens
when something dies, Mork?
I don't know, sir.
All I know is
when my caterpillar
became a butterfly
and sprouted
wings and flew away,
she looked kind of
a like a little angel.
See you next week.
♪ Na-nu na-nu ♪
♪ Na-nu na-nu, na-na-na-nu,
na-na-na-nu, na-na-na-nu ♪
♪ Na-nu na-nu... ♪
Shazbot!
Mindy? What?
Guess what followed me home?
What followed you home?
Can I keep it, huh, Mindy, huh?
Can I, hmm?
This is one of those
questions I always dread.
All right, what is it?
It's real cute.
Mm-hmm.
It's fuzzy. Mm-hmm.
It's about this tall.
A dog that's been
run over by a truck?
Oh, Mindy, that's so sick.
Squashed dogs
can't follow you home.
Look. It's a kittypiller!
Oh, that's a caterpillar.
Not for a few weeks yet, it
hasn't got hair on its chest.
No, they're always
called caterpillars.
Oh, idiot moi.
Well, does it have a name yet?
Well, I like to call her Bob.
See? She looked up
when I said her name.
Oh, that end isn't her head.
Really?
I thought she was smiling at me.
Here we go, Bob.
There we go.
Go for a walk in the candy dish.
There we go.
Now, I hope you're
not hypoglycemic.
So, Mork, a caterpillar
followed you home, huh?
Yeah, I had to walk
real slow and like this.
How do you know
that it's a girl?
Are you kidding,
with a body like that?
Well, I think you
have a lovely insect
and you two do
make a lovely couple,
but I have a
French class tonight
and I'm going to go
change my clothes.
Oh, why don't you show
Bob the rest of the house.
Thank you.
Now, Bob, don't
get mad. It's all right.
You'll get to like Mindy
once you get to know her.
She's just a little jealous.
I mean, she doesn't
have a fur coat like yours.
Well, now that we're
here, let's relax. Sit down.
Put your feet up.
Put your feet up.
Put your feet up.
Put your feet up.
I'll be right back,
my petite fuzz.
Un moment.
Why don't you slip into
something more silky.
Ar-ark!
Mork!
Exidor!
In this life, yes.
Do you mind?
We're having a
private conversation.
I told you guys to wait
on the moped. Get out!
Entourages can be the pits.
Exidor, come in. Sit down.
I'd like you to meet my insect.
Plenty of time for that later.
Mork... I have come here
to preach the
only true religion.
What's the only true
religion this time?
Reincarnation!
We have all lived before,
and we shall all be born again.
Oh, the ultimate déjà vu.
In a previous life, I was
a very famous person.
Guess who.
Are you now or have
you ever been a member
of the Communist Party?
Just to meet girls.
Are you currently in
a Broadway show?
No.
Are you bigger than a bread box?
Yes.
I got it. You're the editor
of the National Enquirer.
He's not dead.
I can wait.
I'm surprised, Mork.
I thought you'd guess.
I was Julius Caesar.
I had the little laurel
leaves right around the ear.
And if you look closely,
you can even see a little mulch.
You were Julius Caesar?
Absolutely.
I know because I get stabbing
pains every Ides of March.
Really? Then you'll enjoy
meeting my new friend, Bob.
You made friends with
a fuzzy Tootsie Roll?
No, it's, no, look
closer. It's a caterpillar.
Why, this is no ordinary
caterpillar, Mork.
This is the reincarnation
of Abraham Lincoln!
No!
Yes! How can you tell?
Is that the face of someone
who would tolerate slavery?
That's not her face.
Really? I thought
she was smiling at me.
Well, I have to be going,
but don't worry, Mork,
I'll be coming back...
If you get my drift.
Mork...
I know her.
Cleopatra!
It's me, Julie!
What?
How quickly they forget.
Those robes somehow
look strangely familiar.
They ought to be after what
you and Marc Antony did to him.
You and that asp of yours.
You know, Mork, between
your friends and your pets,
I sometimes wonder if you're
an advanced alien being,
or just an intergalactic bozo.
The answer is...
Both!
Oh, look Mindy, Bob's hungry.
Do you have anything
green in the ice box?
Hmm... last month's
cottage cheese.
Oh, leafy green is
better than lumpy green,
but I'll give it a try.
Listen, I'm going
to be late for class.
I've got to go.
Hey, maybe you can get
something from Mr. Bickley.
No, I've already had my shots.
I mean food, silly.
Bye. I'll see you later.
You have a bug for a pet?
Oh, yes. I pulled a
thorn out of his paw
and the other 13 legs
followed me home.
Nobody has a bug for a pet.
Are you kidding?
Bob's clean. She's leaf-broken.
She's a skilled mime, too.
Bob, do your "Caterpillar
Walking Against the Wind."
Bugs can't do diddly.
Now, a dog is
something you can train.
Look.
Bickie, oh, sweetheart.
Bickie can do lots of tricks.
You can train
him to do anything.
Look, he can wave.
Wave, Bickie.
He can salute.
He can pledge allegiance...
Oh, yeah? Bob can
pledge allegiance
to 14 countries at once!
Bickie can sit up and beg.
Well, Bob doesn't have to.
She's independently wealthy.
That's stupid.
If you put that
thing on the rug,
it would look like
a cigarette burn.
I'm a busy man.
I'm having my dinner and
I don't have to sit around
and listen while you
try to convince me that
your insipid bug is
superior to my stupid dog.
Oh, really? You
shouldn't have said that.
Bob, no! Bob, no!
Down, Bob! Down, Bob!
I don't want to listen
to any more of this
inane conversation
about insects.
Are you implying that
you want me to bug off?
Right. All right.
I hope you realize, Mr. Bickley,
that you're being awfully cruel.
You're hurting the
feelings of another life-form.
Okay, I'll be good.
Your pet, Bob, has
one worthwhile use.
What's that?
He'd make a great bookmark.
Oh...
Where is the "other woman"?
Shh. She's asleep.
In a brand-new, combination
log cabin and condominium.
See? I built her a little hot
tub and some lawn furniture.
Here's a little chaise
lounge and inside,
she has a beetle
for a chauffeur,
a dragonfly for a hairdresser.
She's got a little vicious
watch-ant to protect
her property, see? It
always goes for the toes.
Nyah, nyah!
And tomorrow I'm going to
take her to the movie The Swarm,
because Bob says she knows
one of the stunt bees personally.
Well, you certainly are
being nice to her, Mork.
I can see why she
looks up to you.
Mindy, Bob looks
up to everybody.
Yeah, but not everybody's
that nice to their pet.
Yeah, I know.
Tomorrow I'm going
to take her for a crawl.
Now, where would you
take a caterpillar for a crawl?
Well, she loves the outdoors,
so that's why I'm taking her
to your philodendron
so she can feel a little dirt
between her toes and
crawl softly and slowly.
So, how's that
French class of yours?
Comme ci, comme ça.
What's that mean?
Eeh-eh, eeh-eh.
Did you hear that, Bob?
Comme ci, comme ça means eeh-eh.
I do that, too.
Bob, you got to wake
up now, sleepyhead.
Come on, you can't
sleep your whole life away.
Time for a little
Yoga. Let's go.
Bob! Nova! Come on, Bob. Bob...
What are you doing?
I'm giving her
cardiopulmonary resuscitation.
It's too late. Bob's dead.
Ooh...
Oh, she was so
young, so beautiful.
She had so much to live for.
I was going to buy
her those ballet shoes.
Mork, even
caterpillars have to die.
There's one last hope.
Exidor's coming in a minute.
Why did you call him?
Maybe he can bring Bob
back. He's into reincarnation.
Oh, Mork, you're just going
to have to face the facts.
Bob is gone for good.
Oh, I know. I blame myself.
I should have known she was sick
when she looked up
and went "Ug-Ugh!"
Mork, it was only a bug!
What?!
All right, I didn't mean that,
but it's not your
fault that it died.
Oh, you're right.
Yeah, you're right.
It was your fault, wasn't it?
Yeah, you were
jealous, weren't you?
You had better legs,
but she had more of them.
Now that she's dead,
you want to laugh!
Well, go ahead. Awr-awr-awr-awr!
Mork, what are you saying?!
Oh, Mindy, Mindy, Oh... Mindy!
Oh... Oh!
If this is the emotion
of grief, it really stinks.
Oh, Mork, I understand.
Earthlings feel the same
way when a pet they love dies.
Love... ha!
Who said it was love?
It was just a stupid bug.
I know what you're
going through.
I really do.
Oh, Mindy, how could
I say that about her?
I worshipped the ground
that she crawled on.
Mork!
I came over as soon as
you called. What's wrong?
Abraham Lincoln's dead again.
Um, excuse me, Mr. Exidor,
but what exactly is it that you do?
I'm a spirit migration engineer.
You're a grave robber?
No, that's a body
migration engineer.
Oh... oh, no.
It's all right, Mork.
We still have time.
If we hurry, we can bring
Bob back as a lower life-form.
What's lower than a caterpillar?
A caterpillar trainee.
Oh... How can we do that?
The entire process
has been formulated
scientifically by
Dr. Paul Kerns,
Professor of Reincarnation
at Colorado Tech.
Well, as long
as it's scientific.
First, we'll do the
magic incantation.
Repeat after me:
Ohwah...
Ohwah...
Ta jer...
Ta jer...
Kiam.
Kiam.
Now repeat it quickly, Mork.
Ohwah ta jer kiam.
Ohwah ta jer kiam.
Oh, what a jerk I
am. Oh, what a jerk...
Exidor, how can you make
jokes at a time like this?!
Mork, lighten up.
You're always so serious.
But Bob's dead.
Not dead, just
preparing her comeback.
It's now time
for the Ritual
Reincarnation Boogie.
Arise, oh, defunct
creepy crawler!
Arise, oh, many-legged cadaver!
Well, that's that.
What's what? Nothing happened!
Oh, that's a shocker.
Bob has been
reincarnated as a cow.
That's wonderful.
No, that's terrible!
He'll be eaten.
No, she's safe. She's
in India. She's sacred.
Holy cow.
Remember to call me if
anybody else you love dies.
Oh, well, thanks so
much for everything.
You used to have the
best barge in Egypt.
Hey, you kids, get
away from that mule!
Mindy, I know.
Sometimes Exidor can have
Swiss cheese for brains, but...
tell me the truth, Bob's
gone forever, isn't she?
Yes.
Oh.
Well, what do you Earthlings
do when your pets die?
Oh, well, usually we
have a little funeral
and then flush them down...
I mean, uh, we... we bury them.
We can do that for
Bob, then, can we?
Sure we can, Mork.
We'll talk about it
tomorrow, okay?
Oh, thanks, Mindy.
Well, I'd better get started.
Started doing what?
Well, it's the least I can do.
I've got to notify the
86 million next of kin.
Bob is dead. Pass it on.
How about late August?
Yeah, yeah, it's usually
pretty dead around here then.
Oh...
I'll talk to you later, Jim.
Just got a vertical.
Hello.
May I be of assistance?
Yes.
Is this the place where
you bring the dead?
Those who have
passed into spirit
are always welcome here.
I don't know if she passed
into spirit, but she sure croaked.
Yes, well, you are
in the right place.
Please, uh,
sit down, won't you?
Now, was the deceased
a relative of yours?
No. I only knew her a few days.
Oh, you're very kind
to be making arrangements
for her everlasting peace.
Well, it's the least I could do;
we lived together.
Oh, I see.
Well, not to worry.
We here at the
Herman Funeral Home,
we don't make judgments
on our clients' lifestyles.
What was her name?
Bob.
I see.
And the last name?
I don't know.
Last names weren't
important to us.
I can imagine.
Well now, I would only
assume that you would want...
Bob to have the best.
That sounds wonderful.
Now, what would
you like for an epitaph?
Well, I could start off
with a shrimp cocktail,
have some espresso...
No, I mean what would you
like written on the headstone?
Oh.
Here lies Bob. She's dead.
It's a beautiful sentiment.
And totally accurate.
Now, let's see.
Adding on a simple wreath,
a small spray of
flowers, pallbearers,
basic ceremony and
a compact hearse...
That comes to $2,800.
For what?
For the funeral, the expenses.
You mean it costs money to die?
Only if you want
to die decently.
Bob died great.
And nothing you can do
will make her feel any better.
But the point is to
make you feel better.
Well, the only
way I'll feel better
is if Bob stayed with
me forever and ever.
And that's exactly
what I'm going to do...
Keep her with me in my room.
Keep her with you in your...
Some cocktail party.
Where's the pretzels?
What are you talking about?
Mork sent me this card saying
he was having a cocktail party.
Well, I knew you wouldn't come
if I told you it was a funeral.
A funeral? Who died?
Our dear departed Bob.
That caterpillar?
I thought she keeled
over weeks ago.
Renewed sorrow! Anguish!
And assorted other emotions.
He's been keeping
that thing in his pocket.
I finally convinced
him it was time
to put poor old Bob to rest.
Well, if you'll excuse me...
Oh, no, please
don't go, Mr. Bickley.
I don't go to bug wakes.
Look, I know this sounds silly,
but Mork really loved that bug.
And besides, for afterwards,
I got a bottle of
your favorite snack.
Oh, all right.
But don't ask me
to view the body.
Please be seated.
Hey, what's this?
I've never seen a casket
that offers a course in
computer programming.
What can you say
about a caterpillar?
Bob was all that and more.
She was a friend,
a joy, an inspiration.
Bob will never do the
things she dreamed of
now that she's stiff city.
It's not going to be easy
to follow in her footsteps,
but tomorrow, seven
of us are going to try.
All I have to say in closing is,
"If you knew Bobbie
like I knew Bobbie,
oy, oy, oy, what a bug."
And now to say a few words,
a fine, upstanding
shiksa in her own right...
a personal friend of mine and
Bobbie's, Mindy McConnell.
Please come up...
Me?!
Uh...
although, uh,
Bob and I lived under
th-the same roof,
we-we never really
knew each other that well.
I mean, I'm even
afraid of spiders, right?
Anyway, in spite
of our differences,
I-I feel that I-I got to
know Bob better than...
any other caterpillar
I ever met, and, uh...
she sure was great, Bob was.
Thank you, Mindala.
And now, a man who is said
to have the warmth
of a snow pea...
Mr. Bickley.
Mr. Bickley, a few words.
With heavy heart
and mournful eyes
and tears that softly flow...
we say our final, sad good-byes,
to a fuzzy escargot.
Hog slop.
When I first met Bob,
I had no way of knowing
she was on her last legs.
But, uh, I realized
she was a good pet.
Not as good as dog, though.
A dog can hop up on your bed
and snuggle his cute
little face next to you
in the bed and softly whimper
when he's hungry and...
and put his little paw in
yours as though to say,
"I love you, Daddy."
Oh, I can't take it anymore!
I'm coming, Bickey!
Daddy's coming! Daddy's...!
And now...
it's time for the burial.
Oh, you want the
Evelyn Wood version?
I want to bury her
out here in your philodendron
so she'd always be outdoors.
Oh... who are you
and what have you done with Bob?
That is Bob, Mork.
She's turned into a butterfly.
Quick, take her to the window.
Mindy, I don't understand.
What's happening?
Well, see, Bob wasn't dead.
She was just changing.
Caterpillars turn
into butterflies.
Oh, I guess I'd
better set her free.
There we go, Bob.
Fly, Bob!
Be free!
There you go, Bob!
Oh, she was beautiful.
Yeah.
Well, now I guess
you probably believe
what Exidor said about
reincarnation, right?
No, I still think Exidor
had his head up his foot.
Maybe he's right, though.
Maybe when you die,
something beautiful happens.
That's a nice thought.
Hey, let's go follow Bob.
All right.
I could have made it.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Yo, Battlestar Gigantica.
Here I am, Mork.
What do you have to report?
Well, sir, this week I learned
many wonderful things.
First of all, I
learned the meaning
of the old Earth phrase,
"You can't take it with you,"
because I went to the place
where you have to leave it.
It's called a funeral home.
Is that where they
put old funerals?
Close, you old gobbler.
You get half a
laugh for that one.
No, actually a funeral
is like a track meet.
First of all, you
have to wear black,
you don't need a stopwatch,
and one of the guys is
really lousy in a relay race.
You really have a
way with words, Mork.
Oh, thank you, Your Immenseness.
You should have heard the eulogy
I did for my caterpillar.
Mindy says that when
he dies, he'll go to Heaven
and be with all the other bugs
and he'll be very happy and
everything will be beautiful.
Tell me,
if Heaven is so beautiful,
so perfect, so great,
how come humans
don't want to die?
Who wants to be
with all those bugs?
What do you think happens
when something dies, Mork?
I don't know, sir.
All I know is
when my caterpillar
became a butterfly
and sprouted
wings and flew away,
she looked kind of
a like a little angel.
See you next week.
♪ Na-nu na-nu ♪
♪ Na-nu na-nu, na-na-na-nu,
na-na-na-nu, na-na-na-nu ♪
♪ Na-nu na-nu... ♪