Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 22 - Mork Runs Down - full transcript

Nanu-nanu.

Shazbot!

Orson calling Mork.

Come in, Mork.

Orson calling Mork.

Come in, Mork.

Mork, activate
your receiver mode

and come in, please.

Orson, you never call me.

What's up, sweetheart,
darling, baby?

I have something very
important to tell you, Mork.



Oh, don't tell me you've
got some heavy news.

Mork,

I'm calling to tell you

you're about to have a birthday.

Uh-oh. My first?

Now don't panic.

Everything will be just fine

if you do what I say.

Why'd it have to happen to me?

Couldn't someone else
have had my first birthday?

Calm down!

Thanks. I needed that.

Every Orkan has
to go through this.

Mork, meet your gleek.



Gleek?

Now, on your birthday,

you'll begin to run down.

You'll speed up,
you'll slow down.

You'll have trouble talking.

You'll act weird...
uh, uh, excuse me.

You'll act weirder.

Don't shake the gleek!

You'll deactivate the chemicals.

Sorry, Your Fattitude.

That gleek must be in
perfect working order

when you hit it
against your head

to recharge yourself.

No problem, Your Immenseness.

I'll guard it as if my
life depended on it.

Mork, your life
does depend on it.

Whew! No pressure.

Well, sir, I've got to be going.

I've got a new job at a
place called a kennel.

It's populated with creatures

just like Venusians,
only smarter.

Lucky you speak Venusian.

Ah, you bet.

I just can't believe it.

It's so good to see you again.

I know.

Three months is too long

for friends like us to be apart.

Did you know that if we were
snails, we'd already be dead?

So much has happened, Joyce.

Yeah.

Like my name isn't
Joyce anymore.

It's Rainbow.

Do you want some coffee?

No, I never drink caffeine.

Oh, well, how
'bout a soft drink?

Mindy, sugar is suicide.

Can you drink water?

It's got fluorides in it.

Well, what can you drink?

Do you have a beer?

Doesn't beer have
chemicals in it, too?

Yeah, but after a
six-pack, who cares?

Good point.

Mindy.

Oh, Mork.

Oh.

Hi, other person.

Mork, I want you to meet
my good friend, Rainbow.

Rainbow, this is Mork.

Oh, and double it.

Nanu-nanu.

I like him already.

You know, I get so tired of that
hippie handshake, you know,

and those people who keep saying

the same boring clichés.

So, by the way,

what's your sign?

I think Mork's a moon child.

Oh, come on, Mindy, you know
moon children are only this big

with mold on their
heads and terrible acne.

Oh, how'd your first
day at the kennel go?

Oh... I don't know why

they call it work,
it was so easy.

They told me to take the
dogs for a walk, and I could see

they could walk by
themselves, so I let them out.

I told them to be
back by midnight.

Mork, they'll never come back.

Oh, yes, they will.
They promised.

Well, Mork, you might
as well not go back to work

at the kennel tomorrow.

He's been having a
hard time finding a job.

Really? Mm-hmm.

Well, you know, I run
a health food store,

and I've been looking
for a revolutionary

moon child stock boy.

How would you like to try it?

Whoa. Does a Martian
have eight legs?

Whoa. I still respect you.

Ah, none for you
until you finish

that bologna sandwich I
gave you the other day.

When I think of all the
starving plants in Asia.

What? You don't eat meat?

Oh, you're a humanitarian.

What? Then I'll fix
you a salad next time.

Oh, sorry. Might be
somebody you know.

Shh. Shh.

There's the phone.

Shut up! I know what it
was! Give me a chance!

I don't know who
that is. Get him off.

Whew! I'm okay. I'll get it.

Everybody off! Everybody off!

Hello.

Good-bye, hello, good-bye.

Jive turkey.

I know. I need my recharge.

I need my gleek.

Gleek, gleek.

Ah. Whew!

Oh, my little gleek.

Gleek, don't fail me now.

What's wrong, are you dumb? Hmm?

No, it's not time
to recharge yet.

I've got two more hours.

I'd better set my watch.

Ankle watch, set, set.

Ankle watch still ticking.

Gleek, I can't let you
out of my sight today.

If I do, I'd be up the Milky
Way without a paddle.

Mindy, get the phone.

I told her. Be quiet!

Hello?

There's nobody there.

Same thing happened to me.

Phone again.

Shut up! I heard it!

Get at the phone. I will!

Listen, dirtball, I've had
it up to here with you.

Oh, yeah?

To you, too.

Mork, will you stop
kidding around?

What's that? It's a rope.

What's it for?

Well, it serves a very
important purpose.

I can't remember
what for, though.

Are you all right?

I think so. I had trouble
sleeping last night.

I tossed and turned,
which is not very easy,

considering I sleep
hanging from a bar.

Well, if you're tired, why
don't you go crash for a while?

I'm not into pain, but
I think a nap will do.

Mindy! What?

Mindy, I remember
what the rope is for!

Oh.

It's an old Orkan custom.

You see, when we want
to remember something,

we tie a rope around our neck.

Oh, we do the same
thing, except we tie

a little string
around our finger.

Oh, on Ork, that's how we
used to hang cattle rustlers.

Well, terrific. Now, what were
you supposed to remember?

Mm... I can't remember.

I forget. I...

I bet I know. What?

Today's your interview
at the Vitamin Vendor.

Oh, thank you.

Now I don't have to
get ring around the rope.

That's something very important.

Thank you for reminding me.

I know it's important
to you, so good luck.

Mork, don't do tricks
like that at your interview.

I'll see you later.

You can count on me.

Ciao.

Whoa. Something's wrong. I...

Wait a minute.

Either I'm sick, or I'm in Pisa.

I'm all right now.

Hold on, I must be sick.

Let me see.

No fever.

Wish I could remember
what I'm supposed to do.

Play back old tape.

Plants. Head back to plants.

Plants are the clue.

You still haven't eaten
that bologna sandwich

I gave you earlier.

Now, you've got to
eat so you can grow up

and be big and strong
like your father, Fern.

Wait! Food! Food. Gleek.

Gleek! Ah, thanks.

Oh, good for you.

Oh, if I forgot my gleek,
that'd be a disaster

if I fail to recharge myself.

If I don't recharge,
I might slow down,

I speed up, my memory goes.

I slow down, I speed
up, my memory goes.

Wow, déjà vu.

I feel like I've
been here before.

I wish I could remember
what I'm supposed to do.

God, I got to remember.
What am I talking about?

I don't know. Give me a
chance. You signed the contract.

Ha, ha, ha. You're
not going to get me

with that old phone trick.

Come in.

Thank you.

Thanks. My violin sounds a
lot better now, Mrs. Hudson.

Well, I knew it would

once I shook your
pet turtle out of it.

Well, the lesson's over,
and I'm going to lunch.

Oh, enjoy it. Where
you going to go?

That new continental cafe.

Oh, Chez Eddie?

Is that place any good?

Of course.

All the French truck
drivers eat there.

Well, I guess I have
to hang around here.

My mom doesn't pick
me up for another hour.

Really? Well, I'll
give you a ride home.

Okay, on one condition.

This time, you don't
pop any wheelies.

So long, folks.

Okay, have a nice lunch, Gram.

Your grandmother
is always out to lunch.

Mork, what are you doing here?

I thought I had an interview.

You do, at the Vitamin Vendor.

I don't feel too well,

especially when I
left the house. I...

Well, you look fine now.

Well, it comes...

and goes.

Are you all right? Oh,
certainly I'm all right.

Pull!

Daddy, I think he
might need a doctor.

Uh, he's asleep
standing on his feet.

Is that normal for him?

Not at all. Normally, he
sleeps hanging from a bar.

Charley, I could've
been a contender.

♪ Feelin' good now ♪

♪ Punchin' meat now ♪

♪ Suckin' eggs now. ♪

You know something?
I think you're right.

I-I'm going to go
get that doctor.

He's out here in the mall.

I'll be right back. Good.

Mork? Huh, what?

Whoa, who took my bones?

Oh, your foot's ringing.

I'll get it. Don't answer
it. They'll just hang up.

It's your ankle-watch.

What's this piece of paper?

Must be a footnote.

It says, "Dear Mork,
just a reminder.

"If you don't use your gleek,

"you'll be dead in one hour.

Love Mork." Whoa.

Oh!

Mork, what's a gleek?

I don't know.

Well, what did you
mean when you said

you were going to
be dead in one hour?

I don't know. I heard
that somewhere, though.

In that note.

Why did you write that note?

What note?

Oh.

This note. Look, it's in
your own handwriting.

I'm going to be dead.

Oh, I miss me.

Oh, no, I'm gonna die.

Heavy sigh. Anxiety.

Anger mixed with inner turmoil.

Oh no, I'm seeing my whole life

flash before me.

No big deal.

I've got so much to do.

There's only an hour left. Wait.

Wait. At last, a cure for acne.

I'd like to thank the Academy.

No one helped me
get this award. I...

Mork, what are you doing?

I've only got an hour
left, Mindy, and I...

I want to reach for
all the gusto I can.

Oh.

Mork, oh.

Oh, if only there were
an hour and ten minutes.

Oh.

Mindy, what are you
doing after the funeral?

Oh, Mork, stop.

No, don't stop me now.

I'm full of real zest for life!

Oh.

Listen, sit down.

Daddy went just across the mall.

He's getting a doctor, so...

Why, is he sick?

No, you're sick.

Oh, I can't be.

I've got to go
to that interview.

Forget that interview.

Forget what?

Here he is.

Oh, good.

Hi, there. I'm Dr. Ducky.

Where's my little patient?

That is not a child.

What kind of a doctor
did you say you were?

I'm Dr. Benton Phillips,

uh, pediatrician.

It was either him
or the foot doctor.

Oh, no.

Don't worry, Miss.

I am a professional.

I'll just take his temperature.

Open for Mr. Mercury.

You die, bwana.

What do you think's
wrong with him?

Well, he's obviously
very hyperactive.

And somewhat sluggish.

63 degrees.

That's not possible.

What's that?

Oh, it's Benny the Bunny

and his magic stethoscope.

I use it on the children.

But don't worry,

it works just like a real one.

You see what I mean?

Either I have a defective bunny,

or this man's heart has stopped.

Mindy, I guess it's
time we told him.

Daddy, we can't. We pro...

Well, we have to,
Mindy. It's his life.

Tell me what?

Doc, well...

You see, Doctor, he
hasn't been here long.

He's a...

He's an alien from
another planet.

Let me get this straight.

You're trying to tell me

that I have been examining a man

with no heartbeat

who has a temperature
of 63 degrees

and comes from
another planet, hmm?

You got it.

I've got no time
for practical jokes.

I don't know how you
tampered with my instruments,

but my Mr. Mercury and
my bunny were working

before I came here.

And nobody makes
a fool of Dr. Ducky.

Daddy, what are we going to do?

Oh honey, now take
it easy, take it easy.

Everything is
going to be all right.

I'll think of something.

Well, I guess the
only thing left is...

we'll just call an ambulance.

See, I told you I'd
think of something.

Now honey, everything is going

to be all right.

The ambulance will be here

in one minute, and
don't worry about a thing.

They'll run through
every red light in Boulder

to get here.

Hello, this is an emergency.

A man is dying.

Yes, I'll hold.

Oh, no, he's gone!

What? That-that's ridiculous.

Where did he go?

Well maybe he went
back to the apartment.

Right. Let's check it out.

Or he might have gone to that
interview at the Vitamin Vendor.

Well, why would he go there?

He's only got an hour to live.

Daddy, his mind
isn't working right,

and he's dying to get a job.

Oh, why did I say that?

Will you look at me?

Look, if you can't handle
drugs, don't do them, okay?

What do you mean,
I don't give a hoot?

It's just...

Oh. we'll rap later.

Hi, Mork.

Here about the job?

No. What are they saying?

I can dig your whole essence.

I can get right into your space

where you're coming
from and where you're at.

Whoa.

Is it quitting time?

I don't feel too well.

Maybe it's a nutrition thing.

Like, maybe your
potassium is in an imbalance

with your blood sugar.

You know, when
that happens to me,

I go straight for
a Snickers bar.

There's a customer.

Now I want to see
you wait on him.

How long should I wait?

Time is money, and
money is relative.

Just see what he wants.

Wow, reality... what a concept.

What do you want?

Uh, do you have any wheat germ?

I hope not.

Everybody off!

My doctor says that I
need to get more iron.

Now, what do you suggest?

Eat your car keys.

Uh, do you have
any clover honey?

Oh, I'll check, sweetheart.

Never mind.

I'll-I'll just get
some vitamins.

Um, I need some "A."

Aay!

Uh, B-l2. Oh.

Too big for this store.

Uh, Miss?

I'm sorry.

My friend's biorhythms
are the pits today.

Look, could, uh, I just
have a bottle of Vitamin "A"?

Sure. Mork, will
you go over there

and get the bottle
with the green pills?

K.O.

So, anyway, I feel that
in addition to vitamins,

a person should
get a lot of exercise.

Like, I'm into
transcendental tennis.

Transcendental tennis?

Yeah, we don't believe
in actually hitting the ball.

We just kind of relate to the...

Look, could you
please hurry it up?

Okay...

Shut up, Amy!

I don't know if it was my fault!

Here's one.

No, no. If this is what
vitamins do to you,

I'm going back to junk food.

Thanks. Come again.

Mork, I think there's
something really wrong with you.

Oh, no, nothing's wrong with me.

You see, everything's...

Oh, no. Gleeks!

Everything's brown gleeks!

Everything's Brown Gleeks...

That's my favorite
Rod McKuen album.

Gleek! Recharge! Gleek!

Mork.

Mindy. Rainbow.

Gleek.

Oh, help me get him to the car.

He's really sick.

Okay.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Not the Vitamin Bender,
the Vitamin Vendor.

Yes, that's "V" as in "vendor,"

"E" as in "ender,"
"N" as in "nn-der."

Oh, I've been
trying to reach you.

Why did you bring him here?

I thought you'd take him
straight to the hospital.

He insisted on coming home.

He says he has
to find something.

Something called gleek or...

Gleek! Gleek!

Oh, oh. Got him? Yes.

All right, let's get him
to the couch. Easy.

Oh... Right on the couch.

Gleek. Need gleek.

We've got to find
out what a gleek is.

Right. What time is it?

Uh, it-it's almost 1:30.

Oh! Oh!

If we don't find out
in ten more minutes,

he doesn't stand a
chance. Chants? On, no.

Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna...

Uh, Mork, come on now.

Come on, settle down.

Take it easy, Mork.

Mork, remember you're sick.

Come here. Okay.

Oh, no, there goes
my sense of direction.

Oh, no.

Grab him.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I saw this once in a TV show.

Oh!

It worked.

Mork,

you've got to help us.

What is wrong with you?

It's my birthday.

Oh no, it's his birthday!

What's wrong with
having a birthday?

I don't know.

What is wrong with
having your birthday?

On Ork, a birthday comes
only every 2,000 zymes.

When it does, our
bodies go shazbot,

and we get the gorgles.

Gorgles?

Are these gorgles contagious?

On, no. There just like what
you earthlings call dying.

Mork, you have got to
tell us what a gleek is.

Energy source.

Oh.

Recharge.

Mork, what does it look like?

Oh, no.

Now his voice is going.

Mork, you've got to tell us

what a gleek looks like!

Give us a clue. How big is it?

I think he's trying
to tell us something.

Yeah, I feel like I'm
in a Lassie movie.

A-A gleek is a-a chicken?

It's a bald chicken.

A bald chicken.

N-No, no.

An egghead. It's an egghead!

It's an egg.

A gleek is an egg.

It's an egg.

I know. I found an egg...

I found an egg on the
counter this morning,

and I put it in
the refrigerator.

Okay, now Mork,
Mork, look, don't worry.

After you get your gleek,
your gorgles will be gone.

I can't believe I said that.

Mork, which one is it?

Yeah, come on.

Uh, gleek.

Oh!

Gleek. Let me get
something straight.

He's from a more
advanced society?

Gleek!

Gleek! Gleek!

Gleek! Oh!

Mork. Gleek!

Gleek!

Gleek!

Gleek!

Mork?

Oh, Mork.

Greetings.

Any calls for me
while I was out?

Oh!

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Did you make it through
your birthday, Mork?

Oh yes, sir, but they threw a
very strange ceremony for me.

You see, Mindy made me a
cake, and then it caught on fire.

What did you do?

You know me, sir,
semper paratus.

I stomped that sucker
right out, boy. Ha, ha!

Good work, Mork.

Thank you, sir.

Well, now that
you're getting older,

you're going to
have to settle down.

Since I've been on Earth,
I'm not a bleemager anymore.

Does that mean I
have to get boring?

Not boring, Mork,
just more like me.

Well, I'd better keep
having those zeppelins

for breakfast then.

I mean it.

Stop acting like a child.

You have to start calming down.

Au contraire, Mon Grandiose.

The dullest people
on Earth are the ones

who think that they
have to calm down

and set a pattern for
themselves as they grow older.

And that pattern dictates
what they should be.

It gives them very little
freedom to be who they are.

But everyone knows
that as you grow older,

you become more serious.

Ah, but isn't it true, sir,

no matter how
many years you have,

you have to keep just a
touch of the child in you?

A little bit of the
"mondo bozo."

And you never feel old.

So until next week,
this is Mork signing off.

Nanu-nanu.