Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 19 - Mork's Mixed Emotions - full transcript

Nanu-nanu.

Shazbot!

Oh, Friday night?

Oh, I can't, Sally,
it's my birthday.

Oh, thanks.

No, I'm already spending
it with somebody.

Yes, it's somebody
pretty special.

Okay, good.

All right, I'll talk
to you soon. Bye.

Hi.

You're spending your birthday
with somebody special?



Yeah...

Let me guess. Menachem Begin?

No.

Jimmy Carter.

No.

Frank Zappa.

No.

Pope John Paul.

No. I'm planning on
spending my birthday with you.

Oh, heavy sigh.

Another lonely night
again for the Pope

polishing those
little red shoes.

Mork, we'll go someplace
really nice for dinner.

We'll laugh and celebrate
and have a really good time.



How's that sound?

Rotten.

Rotten? Why?

Don't you want to be
with me on my birthday?

Oh, positively,

but, see, something
happened last night

that's going to affect the
rest of my life, if I live that long.

What?

Oh, last night when I
was sleeping I had...

little talking
pictures in my head.

Oh, you mean you had a dream?

Oh, I know it wasn't a movie

'cause when I woke up,

there was no gum under my seat.

I don't know if it
was a dream or not.

All I know is it was terrifying,
and... you were in it, too.

Me? What did I do?

Don't play dumb!

We started off first by
going to this human car-wash

and being covered
in Shake and Bake.

And the entire cast

of The Untouchables
was there, too.

And then we ended
up in this big hot tub

where we played
"Connect the Dot"

with each other's freckles
and bobbed for wet things.

And then, suddenly,

you were in another man's arms!

Exit grief, enter rage!

And as he turned
around... horror! It was me!

And I started carrying
on like I wasn't even there.

How could I do this to me?

Good old grief, then jealousy!

I started slapping
myself around,

hitting myself all
over the place.

And there was a little man
in the background going

"Don't worry, it'll be
cute. Don't worry."

And then, as I started fighting
and fighting among myself,

fighting among myself, you said,

"That's all right, stop!

Stop, I'll choose between you!"

Mindy,

my whole emotional
life is passing before me.

Mork, don't worry.

All you had was a bad dream.

People have them all the time.

Mindy, don't you understand?

See, Orkans don't have dreams.

We cut them off bleems ago
when we cut off our emotions.

Mork, you claim that
Orkans have no emotions,

and yet you show
them all the time.

Watch your mouth!

You do, face it.

You're right.

Sometimes I do get an occasional
pleasure out of flashing them

in the raincoat of my mind.

But now it's different.

They've crept into my
subconscious, and they...

Well, last night they snuck out
and they had a good old time.

They used me.

Oh, I feel so cheap and dirty.

They'll probably never
even call me in the city.

But, Mork, showing
emotions is healthy.

Really? Yeah.

But Mindy, that's a no-no
no-no for a nanu-nanu.

Mindy, I've made a decision,

and I don't think you're
going to like it very much.

What is it?

Well, I've got to stop this

before they take
me completely over,

so I've got this little door
in the back of my mind,

I'm going to round
up all my emotions,

put them behind
that door, lock it,

and hide the key in my foot.

Are you saying that you
won't feel anything anymore?

Right on. Strike up the bland.

Good-bye, Mindy,

I'm closing off my
emotions forever.

Wait a minute, Mork! Don't!

You can't do this to yourself.

Mindy, don't you understand?

These emotions
have been locked up

for thousands and
thousands of bleems.

If they get out,
they'll be dangerous.

You don't know what'll happen.

Talk about your
sailors on leave.

Mork, if you study human beings,

you'll find out that we can't
get along without emotions.

Oh, I've studied them.

World War I, World
War II, Watergate.

Well, then study
them closer at work.

I mean, people can't get
along without emotions.

I mean, after all,

it's what sets us
apart from the animals.

But, you see, on Ork only
animals have emotions.

And that's the way it should be,

according to Prime
Minister Fluffy.

What's the matter, Eugene?

My pet lizard Herbie died.

Yeah, that is too bad.

I don't what happened to him.

Maybe he ate a rancid fly.

I'm really feeling down.

Well, maybe it would
help if you cried.

No way. My dad says
big boys never cry.

Oh, interesting; not
showing emotion.

Come along, Eugene.

He does cry. I've seen him.

Recently? No, not recently.

Aha!

Hi, toots.

Hi.

Uh, what can I do for you?

Caress me with your eyes.

Say, uh, have you
got any disco records?

Yes, we do, right over here.

This is the disco section.

I love to hear my chains rattle.

Say have you got Night
Fever by the GeeBees?

Excuse me, I have
to go somewhere.

Mork, help me
out. Will you go...

will you go wait on that guy?

Why? What's wrong?

Well, he's got on
this ridiculous toupee,

and I'm afraid I'm going
to laugh in his face, please.

Well, you're hiding
your emotions.

I thought you told me
laughing was good.

Laughing is good,

but in this case I might
hurt the guy's feelings.

Pishtosh!

I'm sure he'd be glad

to know his hair
brings joy to the world.

Watch this. I'll handle it.

Excuse me, sir.

Oh, hi. Groovy.

Did you know you
bring joy to the world?

Yeah, it's my natural charisma.

No, no, it's that silly hair.

What are you talking about?

Well, I've seen
wavy hair before,

but never hair
waving. Look at that!

Wait, wait, wait!

Well, hair today, gone tomorrow.

Mork, people really
need their emotions.

It's not the same thing, anyway.

Look, Mork, I don't
care what you say.

You can't shut
off your emotions.

Well, you haven't convinced
me that I need them.

So on behalf of my emotions,

I'd just like to say

good-bye, sayonara, ciao, ta-ta,

catch you later,
mama, and shalom.

It's been nice feeling you.

Wait a minute, Mork, don't!

Come on, don't.

It's too late.

The door is locked.

My emotions are
shut off forever.

And so's the Mork
that I like so well.

Don't worry.

We can go on having

the non-emotional
equivalent of fun.

There are certain
advantages. Watch.

Didn't that hurt?

You bet. Ow, it's killing me.

So, what's the
advantage of that?

I can hurt myself all day

without bothering other people.

Mork, that door in your head,

can that ever be re-opened?

Yes, but I can't do it,

because what's behind there

is far too dangerous.

You know something?

You are really dumb.

Nice try, but insults to
a man with no emotions

is like hay fever to
a man with no nose.

Oh, Mork, I hate you like this.

I mean, you're
ruining my birthday.

Another nice attempt
for an Earthling,

but no match for the incredible
hulking will of an Orkan.

Darn it, Mork, open that door!

I hear you knocking,
but you can't come in.

Mork, you were such a
terrific guy the way you were.

I mean, you were so,

you were so much fun to be with,

and now look at you.

You're, you're
unemotional, you're cold.

It feels like part
of you has died.

If you think you can get

to me by crying, you're wrong.

Mindy, it...

Fall back, mayday, system
to be defense line "B",

shore up defenses,
sandbag tear ducts,

think baseball, baseball.

Ah, once again

I'm in control. No problem.

I can deal with you
as any other person...

with invitingly soft skin...

rosebud lips and
sweet little eyes

that leak cute little drops

that roll gently
down your cheeks.

I'm getting to you, aren't I?

Not this fella.

Come on, Morky,
open up the door.

Why don't you show Mindy
where you tucked away

all those little emotions, hmm?

Mayday, mayday, mayday!

All systems overload, fall back,

defense line "B", prepare
for assault system!

You show me yours,
I'll show you mine.

Never, never!

The door!

It's breaking, the door is...

Mindy, run for your life,
the emotions are coming!

Aha, free at last!

All you emotions, follow me!

Mork, don't!

Mindy!

What are you doing?

I'm not Mork. I'm Mork's Lust.

Come on now, girlie girl.

I saw her first!

Get away from her, Jealousy.

What the hell are you doing?!

Don't hurt him.
He has a right...

Okay, please, okay!

Mama...

All of you emotions, come on!

We've got a lot of
catching up to do!

Let's go, boys! Yeah!

Mindy, Mindy, Mindy, help!

It just doesn't seem possible

that emotions could
so change a person.

Well, it's all my fault.

I kissed him, and bingo.

Well, at least,
dear, you got a kiss.

When I go out with a man,

it's usually just for Bingo.

Well, I guess
that's what happens

when you bottle up your
emotions for so many years.

Oh, honey, don't blame yourself.

You were only trying to help
Mork be like other human beings.

Well, excuse me!

Why don't you ever
sell any of this stuff?!

What's wrong?

Oh, Mindy, that wasn't
me, that was Anger.

Oh. Well, what happened
to your other emotions?

I think they're sleeping
it off in my mind.

Oh, it's been a hard
day's night, I can't tell you.

I'd lock them all
up behind there

except Anger's standing guard.

Yeah, and I'm a big boy, too!

And don't mess with me!

Oh, get off!

It's okay now. See?

Where have you been?

Don't ask.

I've done things that
would embarrass Idi Amin.

Like what?

Well, we started off by
going to the waterfront.

Wait a minute.

There's no
waterfront in Colorado.

Who says we stayed in Colorado?

Here's some shells.

We started off by going

to this really cheap
dive called The Ballpark.

Fear didn't want to go in,
but Disgust called him a sissy.

And Excitement was
so titillated by that

he went to the bar
and ordered ten beers,

one for each finger.

Guilt felt so bad about
that he yanked us

in the alley.

Whimsy said it must
be named Mohammed.

Shut up! Let me
finish the story!

Suddenly, we were surrounded
by a vicious motorcycle gang.

There were 12 of us
against 42 of them.

Anger is still spitting leather.

Mork, whatever happened

to the positive
emotions like Love?

Oh, yes.

I don't know what I said to
that girl on the street corner.

All I remember is
that she sold her car

and gave all the money to me.

Well, at least you
seem all right now.

Yeah, but that's
just for the moment.

Who knows when they'll
come out again, anytime... Yeah!

See?

I can't go to your
birthday party, Mindy.

It'll ruin the birthday for you.

Oh, Mork, the only thing
that would ruin my birthday

is if you're not there.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm a heck of a guy.

What's that?

Oh, Grandma made
me this for my birthday.

Isn't it nice?

Yeah, I knitted it myself.

It took me five weeks.

Five weeks? Hah!

What did you use for
knitting needles, crowbars?

Uh, I think my emotions
are waking up again.

I noticed.

Unfortunately,
they're coming out

at the wrong times, aren't they?

Yeah, I think they're
trying to get out

and teach me a lesson
and show me who's boss.

Not now! It's okay. See?

I hope I don't
embarrass you tonight.

Oh, Mork, I got you into this,

and we're going to work this out

together, okay?

Don't worry.

Oh, thanks.

That felt real nice.

Now see? See how nice emotions

can be when they start
behaving themselves?

Yes, that was fantastic.

That was terrific...
Come on, mama,

lay another wet one
on me! Come on!

Good evening.

Good evening.

May I, uh, help you?

Yes, we have
reservations for two

under the name of
McConnell for 8:00.

Very well, I'll
just check my list.

There must be some mistake,

there's no McConnell
anywhere on this list.

But I made the
reservations two days ago.

Tonight's my birthday,
it's a special occasion.

Oh, I'm sorry. Well,
you'll just have to try us

on another special occasion.

Maybe you didn't hear the girl!

How about you gettin'
her a table right now

or I'll tear off your lips,
paste them to your eyes,

so you can see what you're
going to say, how about that, Huh?

Get us a table right
now! Haul it, haul it now!

Uh, yes, sir,
yes, sir. I'll, uh...

Here we are, sir.

Uh, this one just
became available.

This is nice,

but it's awfully
close to the kitchen.

Well, it guarantees your
food will arrive piping hot.

I just can't sit next to
the kitchen with all that,

that clattering and gibberish
and foreign tongues.

I mean, oy vey,
Maria, this is ridiculous.

And if I sit by this
tacky swinging door

and catch a disease,
I'll sue you silly, I will.

Oh, my God, I'm hypoglycemic.

Here I go.

Uh, uh, right this way, please.

Here we are,

this is uh, Chez
Michel's finest table.

Oh, it's wonderful.

It's more than that,

it's delightful, it's de-lovely,

it's delicious. Thank
you, thank you.

This is fantastic!
Thank you, thank you!

Oh, sell my clothes,
I'm going to heaven.

And we hope you have
a safe and speedy trip.

Nanu-nanu.

I didn't know my emotions
could work so well for me.

Well, yeah, they're
real nice, Mork,

but I still think they're
coming out a little too strong.

Oh, but if it wasn't for them,

we'd be celebrating your
birthday at Biffy Burger.

Bon soir,
Mademoiselle, Monsieur.

Might I recommend
the chateaubriand

with sauce Michel

and carrots glace.

And to begin, salad endive

with dressing Polonaise.

Ooh, that sounds terrific.

Very well, Mademoiselle.

Oh, by the way, do you have
Thousand Island dressing?

It's my favorite.

I'm so sorry, we do not carry

Thousand Island dressing.

Oh, that's too bad,

No Thousand Island dressing?

Oh, please, those are
her favorite little islands.

Oh, this is terrible, Mindy.

Oh, Mindy,

I-I can't go on!

Mindy, I can't go on!

It's terrible.

Please, please, please.

Tell him I'll get some
from the 7-Eleven.

And if you need

anything else,
my name is, Butch.

Hang in there, Mork,
you're doing okay.

Well, I owe it all to
you, Mindy. Thank you.

Ooh, will you look over there?

Look at that lobster!

Doesn't that look fabulous?

Oh, now I wish I'd ordered that.

Yeah, me, too.

I wish we could
have things like that.

I never have anything any good.

Yeah, because you're so
damn wimpy, that's why!

Why don't you get it for me?

All right, I'll get it for you!

Come on, we got to
change this world...

No problem. Excuse me!

You've been on top long enough!

Give me that, you
bourgeoisie pigs!

Give me that here! You
won't need that thing.

Oh, look, what a way
to end a honeymoon.

Poor little creatures.

Mork, I'm worried about you.

Unless you get these
emotions under control,

you're going to be
scooped up by a net.

Well, Frankie Avalon didn't
mind in all those movies

where he was
scooped up by Annette.

You know, it puzzles me...

I don't understand
why you continue

to view your emotions as
if they're alien creatures.

They're a part of you, you know.

Haven't you ever just
thought about sitting down

and talking to them?

They wouldn't talk to me.

Well, do you think
they'd talk to me?

Call them out and let me try.

Oh, you're a brave woman.

Are you sure?

All right.

Yoo-hoo, anybody home?

Olly, olly Freud's in free.

First one home is an archetype.

Yeah, what do you want?

Now, I'm not

going to know who you are

unless you identify yourselves.

Anger, here, fly brain!

Mork just wants to try and
get along with all of you better.

Why don't you
just tell Mork to...

Now, I don't know how things
got the way they-they are on Ork,

but here on Earth a
person needs his emotions.

Disappointment here.

Uh, I hate, I hate
to bother you, but...

things, things aren't the
way we thought, you know?

I mean, it's not like home.

I mean, the trees are
green, the birds have wings,

it's bizarre. It really...

Fear here.

Uh, I don't want
to tell you this,

but, you know,
it's cold and lonely

and no one likes us,

and no one hears
the voices like we do,

and they're going to
hurt us, I know they are.

Please, don't you understand me?

Oh, no, nobody's
going to hurt you.

Don't you understand...
You're free on Earth.

You can do anything you want.

Disgust here.

Now, listen, we've done our gig

and you don't even
like it when we do.

Listen, I'm going to
blow this Popsicle stand.

Besides, who wants
to live in a house

that looks like Sears blew up.

Really.

I mean...

Hope here.

I just want to say...

♪ Thanks for the memories. ♪

But don't you see,

Mork needs to work with all
of you to be a feeling person.

Yeah, Mindy's right, you guys.

How about it? I'll
make you a deal.

Tell you what...
You don't go wild,

and I won't lock you up
inside my brain, okay?

Yeah, what's in it
for us, pork face?

All right, you
said you're lonely?

Oh, yes, please,
we're so lonely.

You got to do something.

All right, I'll make you a deal.

Stick along with me,

and I'll introduce you
to Mindy's emotions.

All right, let's see what
we're going to get out of this.

Stand up there sweet girl,
let's check the noise out here.

Yeah... looks like
a good set of teeth.

All right we got that going.

Let's look...

Boy, who buys her
clothes. It's ridiculous.

Mindy, we'll be right
back. We'll get to you.

Huddle up over here
now, boy! Huddle up!

What do you think now?
Come on now, sit down!

I don't really understand why we're
doing this. Come on now, be quiet!

I don't understand. It's
not working out anyway.

Shut up! Break!

Well?

I've got mixed emotions.

Some want to come
out, and some don't.

Well, that sounds human enough.

What emotion are
you feeling right now?

Gratitude. Thank you, Mindy.

Oh, I like gratitude.

Here's one from Joy.

Oh, that was fantastic!

Thank you!

Whoo-hoo, hoo!

Here's one from Guilt, okay?

It's okay.

Oh, I'm going to
burn for this, I know.

One from Envy.

Oh, how come I got to
kiss you on the cheek

and everybody else got
to kiss you on the lips?

Boy.

One from Fear.

Oh, hope I didn't
catch anything.

And here's one from all of us.

We...

I care for you very much.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson,

Mork calling... Orson.

You opened the door

to your emotions,

didn't you, Mork?

Yes, sir.

You realize you've broken

the highest Orkan law.

It is my duty to report you

to the Council.

I understand.

But I don't regret
what I've done, sir.

You see, for the
first time in my life

I feel really alive,
I feel fantastic.

Oh, I wish you could try it.

I wish you could feel some
of the things I've been feeling.

Impossible. I
could never do that.

They'd throw me in prison.

I don't mean to
be disrespectful,

Your Immenseness,

but, until you can marvel
at a rainbow after a storm,

or rejoice at seeing a baby walk

for the first time,

or hold someone,

and feel the same warmth inside

as you feel close to
them on the outside,

until you can do these things...

aren't you already in prison?

Uh, when will
you report me, sir?

Report you? What for?

Whew! Ha!

You're all right,
Your Fattitude!

Until next week, nanu-nanu.

I knew he had it in him.