Mork & Mindy (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 16 - Skyflakes Keep Falling on My Head - full transcript

Nanu-nanu,

Shazbot!

"1884.

"In the years following the
completion of Huckleberry Finn,

"which was written in
1884, Twain went on to write

his most scathing criticisms."

Hi there.

Hi.

Give you a lotta work
in college, don't they?

Yeah. Time and Professor
Raymond wait for no man.

What are you doing still up?



Oh, me... no reason.

Just thought I'd come down here

and hang loose for a while.

You won't even know I'm here.

Mork... Hmm?

I know you're here.

Oh, please don't make me leave.

I'll do anything.

I'll shovel the dishes...
I'll wash the snow...

but don't make me go
back upstairs to him!

Please.

Him? Him who?

Vincent Price.

He's upstairs in
the TV in the attic.



Mork, why don't
you turn him off?

I did and then it
became real dark.

Don't tell me you're
afraid of a TV show.

Hey! What do ya think,

I just got off the
egg yesterday?

Vincent Price doesn't scare me.

It was the ghosts.

And the swamp and that
dude with his head cut off,

carrying it in his hands.

And the whooo!

That's what got to me, boy.

But Mork, that movie's
on everybody's TV.

Boy, we need a lot
more blankets then.

Mindy, why didn't you
tell me about ghosts?

Well, I didn't tell
you about ghosts

because there is no
such thing as ghosts.

And Vincent Price is a nice man.

He doesn't live in a swamp.

He makes soufflés
and sells art at Sears.

And there's no such
thing as ghosts, too.

Do you believe me?

All right.

I'm glad you got
that off your chest.

If there's anything else
you'd like to chat about,

I'm here anytime you need me.

Why don't we chat
about you going upstairs

while I finish my report?

All right, if the subject's
upsetting to you,

we can always change it.

How about those
basketball players?

Those suckers sure
are big, aren't they?

Look, Mork, after tomorrow,

we can spend a
lot of time together.

I know, we'll go away somewhere.

We'll chat about
anything you want,

but right now I've
gotta finish this.

All right.

Thanks.

A mind's a terrible
thing to waste.

You're right. Right.

We'll get you that vacation.

Vincent Price... he's
real old, you know.

Good night.

Ghosts... Whooo!

Who could be scared of that?

Whoo!

Ciao.

Night.

Everything's just...

Somebody here call a cab?

Oh, yes. Uh, ma'am,
your cab's here.

That's awfully
kind of you, soldier.

Here's a quarter.

Next time you're at the U.S.O.,

you have 2½ dances on me.

You know, your army's
doing a fantastic job.

Since I've been here, I
haven't seen one Necroton.

Come on. Listen,

Mindy isn't here now.

I know. She slept in.

She stayed up
till 5:00 last night

to finish that
report for school.

Oh, well, I'm glad
she finally did it.

She's been working hard
on that for a long time.

That's what I came
to talk to you about.

I think she needs to get
away for a couple of days, rest.

Well, do you have
any place in mind?

Yes, I'd like to take her
to the Dog Star, Sirius.

It's incredible to see
a whole galaxy fetch.

I still think it might be hard

to fit that into a
couple of days.

I don't believe it... Ooh.

Well, I've seen it all.

What?

If I should go
belly up tomorrow,

you can put "She saw
it all" on my tombstone.

What are you talking about?

Well, I've met a man
from outer space.

That's nothing

compared to that
student out in back.

This bozo looks so weird,

he makes Mork look
like a Republican.

Oh, my kind of guy.

Do you think I
should observe him?

Somebody should keep
him under observation.

Step aside, don't push!

We can't all get through
the door at the same time.

Exidor!

Mork, is that you?

I'm over here.

Would you step aside?

I can't see.

Ah...

there you are.

Mork, my old
friend, you've grown.

Oh, I can't take
any more of this.

What time is it?

Uh, it's 9:30.

Good. Time for lunch.

See you later.

Lovely woman, but strange.

Exidor, you remember Pops?

Are you Chinese?

Uh... no.

Oh, I was in the mood
for a fortune cookie.

Oh, well,

if, if you'll excuse
me, I have a client.

One that wears pants.

The man exudes charm.

I have a feeling
in a previous life

he was a dust cover.

So, how's the
preaching business?

Behind me.

I have to look to the future.

Mork, do you have
any idea how old I am?

Wrong!

Next Wednesday
afternoon I'll be 12 years old.

Whoa, you're awfully
mature for your age.

Guilt without sex!

That's the key.

I'm too old to stand on
street corners preaching.

I've got to settle down.

Get a straight conventional job.

What do you think
you'd like to be?

Emperor of the Earth!

Exidor the Emperor.

Has a nice ring to it.

You won't be taking
anybody else's job.

I know what I can do.

I'll help you get elected.

I'll be your campaign manager.

I know what we'll do.

First we'll get a tub to
thump, some babies to kiss.

Then we'll get
another set of lips

so you can talk out of
both sides of your mouth.

Mork!

Yes, yes! I know it'll work.

Then we'll get you
some hands to shake.

Some backs to slap.

We could get you some
money to pass under a table.

A laundry to clean
it, a Korean park.

Mork!

I know, we'll build

a public image for you.

First of all, you'll
have a debate.

You'll lose it. You'll
make a come-back.

Then you rent a motel.

You get Cuban
burglars to break into it.

Then you have some tapes.

18 minutes will be
missing on the tapes.

Mork, wise up!

You can't get elected Emperor.

Do you have any idea
who runs this world?

Wrong again!

I'll tell you who
runs this world.

Joe Cocker!

No!

Yes.

Mick Jagger.

Him, too?

Bette Midler.

I'd serve under her.

Yes,

rock stars, Mork.

Rock stars.

And they don't have
a leader... until now.

That's right.

I'm going to be the rock star.

That's why I'm taking
lessons from Mrs. Hudson.

I'm going out on tour, Mork.

We'll start slow at first.

The Superdome...

The Garden... Woodstock.

Then... jump
across the big pond...

England... France.

I'll take France in 26 days.

Then we sweep across
Europe, amplifiers blaring.

We take Russia, China.

We take Africa.

And then... they
make me emperor.

Sounds reasonable.

You can say you
knew me then, Mork.

You've been a good friend to me.

Anything you ever
want, come to me.

Well, there is one favor
I'd like to ask of you.

Name it.

Well, see, Mindy's
been working very hard,

and she needs a place...

Would you stop
playing with that thing.

The man needs a favor.

No big deal.

Exidor, Mindy needs a place

where she can go rest
for a couple of days,

get away from it all.

Would you like to drive
or take a little hike?

I'll take the hike.

I have the perfect place.

My summer home.

You have a summer home?

I bought it four years
ago when I was a doctor.

Now this is the scenic route.

You park your car here

and walk the three
miles to the cabin.

But that's a lake.

Oh... you walk around the lake.

Exidor walks across the lake.

Thank you, Exidor.

Mindy'll really appreciate that.

An emperor takes
care of his subjects.

Have a nice vacation.

You have a nice career,
but there's one thing.

Your plan to become
emperor sounds really good,

but... it relies on one thing...

Your having talent.

Well, that's never stopped
any rock group before.

Besides, you've
never seen me perform.

Mork, you wait right here.

I'll get my ax.

Give me an intro, Mork.

Ladies and gentlemen,

get ready to get down
into a tucked position

'cause you're gonna be
blown out of your shorts

and into your socks.

Here he comes,
let's all get down here,

get back up again.

Here he comes,
the Duke of Disco,

the Prince of Punk,

the King of Rock and Roll,

the future Emperor of the World,

let's bring him out here,
Exidor and the Proph-ettes!

♪ Lady of Spain, I adore you ♪

♪ Right from the
night I first saw you ♪

♪ My heart has been
yearning for you... ♪

Mork, I am freezing.

Come on, Mindy.

We're almost there.

Mork, I can't believe
we finally made it.

I thought you were supposed
to be such a trailblazer.

Well, I made it
from Ork to Earth,

but there were no trees.

I wonder when we lost the trail.

I suspect it was right
before we fell off the cliff.

Well, I owe you an apology.

Next time you can land on me.

How's your ankle?

Ow.

It's still sprained.

But at least now the toes
are finally facing forward.

Well, tomorrow morning I'll
go looking for our luggage.

I hope it didn't sink.

Are you sure you heard a splash?

I don't know if it was
that or the avalanche.

I hope that beaver isn't hurt.

Well, what was a
beaver doing out strolling

in the middle of
the night anyway?

Why wasn't he in his darn dam

guarding his sticks
and his twigs?

Do you know how yucky it is

to step on a beaver's tail?

I didn't know those little
suckers could scream.

Well, he won't be sending
any more little beaver messages

with that tail for a while.

Mindy, you're not gonna
have a nice weekend

if you keep up with
those negative thoughts.

Mork, I stepped on a
beaver, I fell off a cliff

and you landed on
me, I sprained my ankle

and my luggage is shooting the
rapids on the way to Lake Mead.

And your scenic
little three-mile hike

was up the face of a cliff.

I knew we were in big trouble

when that mountain
goat tumbled by.

Boy, I didn't know they
could scream either.

I'm cold and I
can't walk anymore

and I'm freezing to death.

But you're right.

You are right.

Why should I be negative?

What else could possibly happen?

Well, I could have lost the key.

Just open the door.

You lost the key?

No, he never gave me one.

What!

Mork, we'll freeze to
death if we stay out here.

Kick the door in.

But it's my friend's...
Kick the door in.

But on Ork we...
Kick the door in.

But... Kick.

Mork...

It wasn't locked.

Oh, dopey me!

Well, we better
hit the sack now.

Tell you what, I'll flip
you for the top bunk.

You can have it.

I don't think I could
stand the climb.

Kay-o.

Looks like we'll be
sleeping on Mr. Floor tonight.

Oh, I wish there was
some way back to the car.

We got lost during daylight.

Imagine what it'd
be like at night.

And, besides, that
beaver's out looking for us.

You're right.

I guess there's
nothing we can do

but just make the best of this.

Well, you gotta look at
the good side, though.

At least have three walls
and a roof over our heads.

Well, if it wasn't snowing,

the stars would
be awfully pretty.

Oh, isn't this fun?

I love eating out.

I don't know.

Somehow I just can't picture

John Wayne sitting in
front of a roaring campfire

roasting Vienna sausage.

That's all Exidor
had in the cabinet.

That and the mouse.

Mork, that wasn't a mouse.

It was a moldy,
fuzzy gray avocado.

But it crawled.

I know.

Do you know that the only thing

between us and
death is this fire?

We've gotta do
something else to get warm.

Hey, wait a minute.

What about this little trunk?

Mindy, both of us
couldn't fit in there.

Although it might be fun to try.

No, I mean, there might
be some old blankets

or clothes in there.

I know that.

Who do you think
you're talking to,

Morko the pinheaded boy?

Wait, don't open it.

Do you think that avocado
could have crawled in there?

Wait!

No, there's no trail of
guacamole, we're safe.

What's this?

Confessions of a Schizophrenic

by Exidor as told to Exidor.

Here's something. Wait.

Oh, wait.

Look, look...

his and hers... prophet robes.

Well, at least they're
made out of flannel.

Well, I don't know about
you, but I'm pretty tired.

Time to hit the old sack.

No place to hang, so I
guess I'll just have to rough it

and sleep horizontal.

No, Mork, you don't understand.

If we fall asleep
and the fire goes out,

we'll freeze to death.

You mean stiff city?

Oh, I suggest we stay awake.

We'll be as tight as
two cubes in a tray.

Well, what do you do

to stay awake when
you go camping?

Well, we, we used to roast
marshmallows and sing songs.

Sing songs, that's it.

Here we go, hit it.

Come on, Mindy. Join in anytime.

Come on.

I don't know how to
count backwards in Orkan.

Oh, bummer.

Here's one that's universal.

♪ Kumbaya... ♪

Well, what else can we do?

Well, we used to tell ghost
stories by the campfire.

Oh, that'd be fun. Let's do it.

Come on, come on,
come on, let's do it.

No, I'm not telling
you a ghost story.

Come on, come on!

No, you'll get scared.
I'm not telling you.

I won't get scared.

Besides, would you
rather be a snow cone?

Let's do it.

Okay.

Uh, there was this
spooky old house

sitting at, way at
the top of a hill...

No...!

No...!

All right, go ahead.

Oh, Mindy. Hmm?

Wake up. Wake up.

We fell asleep. Look.

Oh, no.

We have to get it going again.

Here, stir the embers.

Oh, I'm so cold.

Cold.

Any matches?

Ah, okay.

I can't find the matches.

Oh, no.

I, I can't find my pockets.

I can't feel my
hands. I can't...

Oh, I've got my gloves on.

Oh, let's see.

Ah, ah! I got 'em.

Oh, good.

Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, only one match left.

Oh, no.

But there's still six
hours left until daylight.

If we don't get this fire going,

we're not gonna make it.

I'll do it. I'll do it.

Okay.

Okay, read the instructions.

"Close cover before striking."

Look, Mindy, you
can finish high school

in your spare time. Mork.

Please...

I saw that in a movie once.

Hey, I've got it.

You can start the
fire with your finger.

That's a great idea.

Except it only works
when it's above 60 degrees.

Come on, Mindy.

We've gotta keep moving.

Gotta keep the
circulation going.

Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Mork, I can't.

Well, come on, girl.

You gotta take the
bull by the tentacles.

Let's go. Come on.

I can't, Mork.

I just, I can't.

Ah, you're right.

Who am I kidding?

I can't walk either.

Mindy.

Ah, I'm sorry I
got you into this.

Ever since you've met me,

I've been getting
you into trouble.

Oh, Mork, don't be silly.

I wouldn't trade a minute of
the time we've spent together.

You know, I remember
the first time I saw you.

You had your suit on backwards.

I remember the first
emotion you taught me...

Happiness.

I'm just sorry that the last
emotion we're sharing is fear.

Yeah, I guess I am afraid.

It's nice to be
sharing it, though.

I know.

Mork, why don't you try

to make it down the
mountain yourself?

I mean, what have
you got to lose?

You.

You know, whenever
people have the time,

they never get around
to saying the things

they really want to say.

Now I really want
you to know how I feel.

You don't have to.

I know how you feel.

And I know how you feel.

You hear something?

What?

It sounds like a car.

Oh, Mork, you have to
have a road to have a car.

♪ Lady of Spain, I adore you ♪

What's that?

It's the future
emperor of the world.

And he just got my vote.

I told you to wait in the Jeep.

We can't just go
barging in on them,

after all, they've got a life.

Ah, Mork.

Have any trouble getting in?

You have a Jeep?

Yes.

About 30 yards
away on a fire road.

I was packing to go out on tour

and I remembered I hadn't
given you a key to the cabin.

You mean we could
have driven up here?

Sure.

But you said you
wanted to go for a hike.

How'd you like the scenic route?

We don't make cliffs
like that anymore.

Well, here's the key.

Have a nice weekend.

Exidor.

Mindy hurt her ankle.

Can you please give
us a ride down the hill?

Sure, if you don't
mind the seven of us

jammed into one
tiny little Jeep.

Seven people sounds
wonderfully warm.

But his kind of people
don't have much warmth.

Zippo.

I'm sorry what
happened to the cabin.

What's wrong with it?

Well, let's go, boys.

Oh, sure is a beautiful night.

It sure is.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Mork calling Orson.

Come in, Orson.

Oh, "For a good
time, dial Mary Jo."

What do you have to
report this week, Mork?

Oh, this week, Your Immenseness,

I would like to discuss the
silliness of Earth language.

Believe it or not, Your Acreage,

here words can mean
more than one thing.

That's illogical.

Ha, I know, sir.

Take, for example,
the word "run."

Run can mean this...

rivers running...

people run down...

and men can run stores.

Miss Filmon, a sale in lingerie.

Also, the female of the species
can get a run in her stockings.

Oh, no.

It all sounds very confusing.

I know, sir, but they still
manage to communicate.

For example, the word "buck."

They know when to pass
it and when to spend it.

How do Earth people
understand each other?

Many times they don't.

Sometimes humans
find it very difficult

to tell each other how
they feel about one another

until it's too late.

Pity.

I know, sir.

They have a strange custom here.

I believe people
should receive flowers

while they're still alive,
not after they're gone.

For example, sir, I never
told you that I like you and I do.

Orson...

Thanks.

Nanu.

How'd you know I
had the munchies?