Monsters (1988–1990): Season 1, Episode 3 - New York Honey - full transcript

A greedy man convinces his eccentric beekeeper neighbor to market the neighbor's fantastic tasting honey.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh.

Honey, it's family hour,
there must be something on.

Oh, wow!

Candy critters!

Oh!

Oh, great! It's Monsters,
our favorite show.

Shh! It's starting.

[MONSTER LAUGHING]

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

Music, again!



It's after midnight!

We're living in a disco!

Go up there,
try to reason with them.

All right.

Enough is enough!
No more Mr. Nice Guy!

Wear the blue robe.

The, uh, pajamas
don't look forceful.

But this book says
you should dress aggressively.

Wear gray.

The color of a shark.

You don't have a gray robe.

Okay, then I'll think gray.

I wonder what he's like.

Well, nobody seems to know.



The only thing I could find out
is his name his Jimmerman.

Doctor Homer P. Jimmerman.

A doctor, no less!

I don't think he's medical,
he's some kind of scientist.

Okay, just be careful,
and civil.

Remember they are
our upstairs neighbors.

Emerald, neighbors are
a horizontal concept.

You don't consider
the people upstairs
your neighbors.

What if he's a rotten
brute of a man?

Hey, I can handle myself.

Yeah!

Let me at 'em.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

DR. JIMMERMAN:
Yes! What is it?

It's Jay Blake
from downstairs.

I mean, I live under you!

DR. JIMMERMAN:
Do you know the time?

[EXCLAIMING] I know the time!

Now open up this door
before I call the police!

DR. JIMMERMAN: The police?

[UNLOCKS DOOR]

Well, come in.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Now, what can I do
for you, Mr. Blake?

Well, for openers,
Dr. Jimmerman,

you can turn off
the damn stereo

before I turn it off for you!

Please, there's no need
for violence here.

Then turn it off!

[MUSIC STOPS]

Between you and me,

I loathe music in all forms.

It's just that
the bees adore it.

They like the big
orchestra sounds.

Go explain it.

The bees?

The bees adore the music?

Yes.

My little friends.

In there.

[BEES BUZZING]

Good Lord.

Music makes my bees...

How shall I phrase it?

More generous.

You must have a very
understanding wife.

I have no wife.

I...

I have yet to meet the mate
who shares my goals.

[CHUCKLES] Well...

My mate downstairs
shares my goal

which is to get some sleep.

Sleep?

Sleep is an indulgence.

I'm after balance.

That is my ultimate goal.

To create a complete
little world

right here in my own apartment,

with flowers,

vegetables,

and the perfect food...

Honey.

[LAUGHING] Duh.

Honey?

What?

You make your own honey?

New York honey!

High-rise honey!

Mock me if you like,

but I'm a self contained,
self sustained man,

thanks to all this.

And especially the bees.

You'll understand better
when you taste

Jimmerman One.

I named the first batch
of honey after myself.

Here, let me give you a taste.

Oh, no, no.

No, I'm...

I'm on a diet, you know.

Spare tire.

Try it.

Don't be afraid.

Mm? Tell me, do you like it?

Nice?

This stuff is incredible.

Are you all right?

I mean, I never...

What I'm trying to say,
Dr. Jimmerman,

is I didn't bring
my wallet with me.

So I'll just slip a check
under the door.

Just tell me how much
you want.

I mean, I can buy
some of this stuff, can't I?

Out of the question.
There's... There's not enough.

[SMACKS] Not enough?

Dr. Jimmerman, uh,

this building is a co-op,

and I happen to have
close friends

on the board of directors.

Oh, they've...
They've already got a list
of complaints against you,

and, uh...

When I tell them that you've
turned this place into a farm,

[SNIFFING]

you're gone.

They can't put me out.

[STAMMERING] Where...
Where would I go?

I never go any place.
I... I've got this phobia.

Calm down.

Calm down.

You don't have to go anywhere,
now that we're partners.

Partners?
Yes.

You will deliver

one jar of this stuff
every evening.

Just leave it under the door.

And, uh, I'm gonna take
some of this right now
for my wife.

There won't be enough.
Not without...

Hold! Turn on the music.

[CHUCKLING] Yes.

Turn it on loud.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Go ahead, burst my eardrums.

I'm talking

full power!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Congratulations!

You certainly made them
bend to your will.

Emerald, you wouldn't believe
what I have to tell you.

So just taste this.

Taste what?

Glue?

It's all right.

It's only honey, honey,

from Dr. Jimmerman's bees.

He makes it upstairs

in the apartment!

[STAMMERING] He...
He keeps bees upstairs?

Taste this.

No.

Taste it!

[LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING]

More.

[CHUCKLES]
No, no, no, no, no.

More.
No, no, no.

[LAUGHING]

Who needs the honey?

I don't care what it is.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh, Jimmerman found
the universal aphrodisiac.

He stumbled onto bliss.

No more talk.

Have some honey, honey bunny.

Oh.

EMERALD: Slither down...
JAY: Yeah, you.

EMERALD: Panther in pajamas.

JAY: Glaze me, my baby.

[EMERALD EXCLAIMING]

DR. JIMMERMAN: Go away.

It's me, partner.

I have something nice for you.

Hey, we haven't talked
in a month.

[OPENS DOOR]

Not now.

Wait until you count
this week's take.

Go away. Keep the money.

Forget he said that.

Well...

Who are you?

I leave him alone
for a few weeks,

and presto change-o.

My new associate.

Your associate?

Mm, whatever.

Her name is Desiree.

Desiree, this is Mr. Blake.

Desiree?

Nice name.

Sensual.

An ancient name.

Older than time.

Now, go away.

Excuse me.
Right.

Get back to work.

They seem to like
your associate.

Please, no locker-room talk.

That woman
is very special to me.

I'm not alone anymore.

She has consented
to be my wife.

Hey, fabulous.

Let me be the first!

There will be no more surplus.

We will need all the honey
we can produce.

I'm afraid this is the end
of our relationship.

Hold on!

Whoa!

I've got a line of billionaires
from seven continents

just begging to ante up.

Will this help?

Help?

Oh, you bet.

[CHUCKLING]

You know, for a minute there,
I, uh...

Don't be a stranger.

You come by anytime.

I, um...

...will.

They're coming in
from the terrace,

through the, uh,
air conditioning system,

they're crawling
under the doors.

Well, bees will be bees.

Not funny.

You're not allergic.
JAY: Hey.

I think that
you're overreacting.

A bug spray-can
the size of a bomb?

Try to get it
through your head
that ever dead bee

is that much less profit!

[EXHALES]

I get so angry sometime.

Emerald, when the Jimmermans
show up,

don't criticize.

And absolutely shut up
about that spray-can!

If they notice it say that
it's a fire extinguisher!

No. No, say that it's art.

[SCOFFING]

They're not
the Jimmermans yet.

They're not married.

Now, look, it is a miracle
that they accepted our
dinner invitation,

they never leave
the apartment.

Let's not blow it.

Well, why did we
invite them anyway?

For public relations.

Since Desiree moved in,

New York honey's production
is up 45.6 percent!

Doesn't that merit
a celebration?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

The ice.

I... I forgot
to empty the cubes.

You get the door,
I'll do the drinks.

Hello, Emerald.

Am I early?

No.

Early? No. Exactly on time.
To the second.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Uh, where is, uh...
Oh, I'm mortified.

He tried to come,
he sincerely did,

but he can't leave his home.

Why does genius
have to be so quirky?

Men.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

The things us girls
have to put up with!

Come on in.

Oh, what a lovely home.

For you.
[GASPS] Oh.

Desiree.

you look marvelous.

But where's my partner?

Oh, you know him.
He's a workaholic.

I'm gonna put this
in the water.

In water?
You put that in champagne.

That's some flower.

I do hope you like it, Jay.

It whispered your name to me.

I... I have a ton and a half
of chicken Cordon Bleu.

I'm gonna fix up a plate
and take it up to him.

Oh, that's so sweet of you,
but I can do it myself.

No. No.

You're our honored guest.

Sit down,

have a libation.

Be comfortable.

A toast.

To bees-ness.

Buzz-ness.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Did I miss a good joke?

No. A bad joke.

You had to bee there.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, I have a little
surprise for you.

It's the new batch of honey.

Open your mouth,
and close your eyes.

Good?

Nice and warm?

It's the orchids.

And the nectar is so potent.

Very good.

[GROWLS]

Oh, Desiree, I...

I love saying your name.

It's so moist.

You look radiant tonight.

The first time I saw you, I...

Jay,

there's a tiny golden fleck
of honey on your lower lip.

[MOANING]

No, stop.

Emerald?
Emerald!

No. Jimmerman.

He's totally devoted to you.
He is obsessed.

And let's face it,
Jimmerman is New York honey,

and that is one boat
I will not rock.

Not even for love?

Supreme consuming love?

Even if I wanted to
jeopardize my finances,

which I don't, I...

They would kill me

if I told them there was
no more New York honey.

It seems we have a problem.

Mm-hmm.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

There's plenty more
if you want seconds.

I've forgotten
how delicious food can be.

But I wouldn't want
to send you downstairs
to disturb the lovers.

Meaning exactly what?

She never looks at me
the way she looks at him.

You can't imagine...

Dr. Jimmerman, I think
this place is getting to you.

I built this paradise for her.

[CLANKING]

For her!

Paradise?

Look around you.

Beauty,

nourishment.

That's really disgusting.

Disgusting?

It's the essence of beauty.

The perfect society.

Soldiers to defend it,
workers to find nectar,

drones to build the cells
and store the honey.

All in the service
of her majesty, the queen.

They worship their queen.

Any female rival is murdered.

And when the queen
desires love,

she leave the hive
with her chosen lover.

They rise to the sky
in a mating frenzy,

the quintessence of passion.

And then her lover dies.

She watches him die.

Nice life if you happen
to be the queen.

Desiree is my queen.

I would gladly die
for a moment
of perfect pleasure.

If only she would have me.

You mean, you two
have never, uh...

You don't...

You're not, uh...

A dunce?

I am waiting for the moment
to happen between us.

Like magic.

She's a shy person, delicate.

These things take time.

Shy? Delicate?

I don't think so.
She wants your husband!

[CHUCKLING]

I think you're exaggerating.

[SOBBING] I can't bear it!

My mate.

My true love!

My queen.

I'm going down.

I think
you're imagining things.

And you're upsetting
the insects.

Insects?

You dare to call them insects?

My children.

[DOOR OPENS]

EMERALD: He loved the chicken.

The man needs protein.

He's having hallucinations.

EMERALD: So, you enjoyed
the appetizer?

I suppose you can't wait
for the main dish!

[CLANKING]

Can't we behave like grown-ups?

My house, my husband,
my canopies,

and you dare to tell me!

Lady, you have the morals
of a bug!

Emerald, control yourself,
it was innocent.

And when a bug
comes into my house,

I exterminate!

[BEES BUZZING]

[BUZZING INTENSIFIES]

[JIMMERMAN SCREAMING]

[THUD AND CLANKING]

[BEES BUZZING LOUDLY]

[EMERALD SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

I gotta go talk to her.

[SCREAMING]

It's sad.

But you see,
there can only be one queen.

Aah! I gotta call an ambulance.

I'll get Jimmerman,
he must know some antidote.

I'm afraid there won't be
any answer from Dr. Jimmerman.

He's outlived his...

[CHUCKLING]

He's gone on a little trip.

What are you telling me?

That, uh...

Jimmerman, uh...

The bees?

You and me?

Don't you like happy endings?

Oh.

I could get used
to this lifestyle.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

It's so warm in here.

Come out to the terrace.

Feel the breeze.

Enjoy the view.

Oh, what a beautiful night.

The first of many.

Look how the city glitters.

Wouldn't you like to soar
high above those towers,

and lie down on a soft
misty cloud with me

under the moon?

A honeymoon.

[CHUCKLING] Darling,
you have such a way with words.

Oh, baby.

My perfect lover.

JIMMERMAN:
And when a queen desires love,

she leaves the hive
with her chosen lover.

[BEES BUZZING]

They rise to the sky
in a mating frenzy,

the quintessence of passion.

[BEES BUZZING]

[SCREAMING]

JIMMERMAN:
And then her lover dies.

She watches him die.

[SCREAMING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]