Monsters (1988–1990): Season 1, Episode 2 - Holly's House - full transcript
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh.
Honey, it's family hour.
There must be something on.
Oh, wow!
Candy critters!
Oh!
Oh, great! It's Monsters,
our favorite show.
Shh! It's starting.
[MONSTER LAUGHING]
[CREAKING]
* What's the house
Where the kids always show up?
* What's the house
Where we never have to grow up?
* What's the funniest house?
* What's the silliest house?
* It's Holly's house
* It's Holly's house
* It's Holly's house
* It's Holly's house
* It's the house
Where we all wanna live *
[CHUCKLING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
It's my birthday.
And I'm having a party.
Everyone's invited.
We're all gonna have fun,
and we're all gonna be nice,
and we're all
gonna get along
with me.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Who's the first one here?
It's Early Bird.
Happy Birthday, Holly.
[QUACKS]
HOLLY: Come in, Early Bird.
Golly, what did you bring me?
A cake for your party.
[GASPS] Oh, chocolate!
My special favorite.
Look what it says.
"Happy Birthday."
Got it, ah, ah, ah. Got it!
Hear the bell.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Golly, who could that be?
Special delivery.
Is somebody having a birthday?
It's Mike the mailman.
Come in, Mr. Mike.
All for you, Holly.
Is this it?
Uh, Holly, maybe Mr. Mike
would like a nice piece
of birthday cake.
[CHUCKLING] Mm, chocolate?
Get away from that cake,
Mr Mike.
SCARLETT: Oh, come on, guys,
it's hot in this suit.
Katherine, in the script
what does it say,
"Get away from the cake,
Mr. Mike"?
Can we save the comedy?
Cardboard head is supposed to
give me a piece of cake.
Katherine, we block
for camera in an hour.
Okay, okay, um...
Let's take it
from Bird's line.
Okay. Everybody ready?
Here we come. And action.
Maybe Mr. Mike would like
a nice piece of birthday cake.
Sure, I'll give him a piece.
Golly.
I hope you like chocolate,
Mr. Mike.
[LAUGHING]
Katherine, are you nuts?
Uh, sorry, uh...
Holly got carried away.
You are in a really
weird mood today.
Did I do something?
KATHERINE: You might say that.
I'm pregnant, Lenny.
Are you sure it's mine?
No, it's Mike the mailman's,
okay?
Katherine,
I think this is great.
And you know what else I think?
I think we should, uh,
do it.
We already did it, Lenny.
No, get married.
I'm serious.
Uh, look.
It's the middle of the season.
How can I leave these guys?
Whatever you decide...
...I love you.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
You talk to her, kid.
Careful, she's charging.
You'd like
a little baby sister,
wouldn't you?
[GROANS]
Katherine.
Katherine!
Thank you.
KATHERINE: Okay.
I've switched over
to utility memory.
[CLICKING]
Hey, it works.
[CHUCKLING]
I know, I know.
Phil Gordon is a genius.
Bye, Phil.
I had a talk with Lenny.
You know what I think?
I think you should have it.
I'm not saying
marry the mailman.
Just have the kid.
[EXHALES] What do you know
about kids?
I got grandkids.
You don't get 'em from robots.
What do I do? Leave the show?
You've been on it four years.
It's a long time
in a dolls house.
Me, I do three,
three and a half years,
and it's Chinese water torture.
You gotta live, Katherine.
You gotta change some diapers.
You gotta pay for the braces.
You gotta wait up
half the night,
wondering where the hell
they are and what
they're doing,
and you've got a 7 o' clock
call that morning.
[LAUGHS]
And you've gotta know
how it feels
when they don't phone
on Mother's Day.
[CHUCKLING] Neil.
Are you actually
asking me to grow up?
It's a pain in the ass
but I highly recommend it.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
HOLLY: Don't go home.
[CLANKING]
Katherine.
This is home.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
You heard me.
[DOOR OPENS]
KATHERINE: In here.
I just want you to look at it.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'll take a look.
Go ahead.
You got something
to say, say it!
Kathy, I know what you need.
What you need
is a quiet relaxing dinner
with an understanding duck.
[KATHERINE EXHALES]
Scarlett, I have been sick...
Well, I play it as a duck.
KATHERINE: Holly doesn't
want me to have a baby.
SCARLETT: Hey,
she'll get over it.
You know how robots are.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
SCARLETT: They do this
fab ginger chicken.
You like hot food, don't you?
We'll stuff our faces.
You will tell me
your problems.
[IN DEEP VOICE] My good...
[CHUCKLING] Lenny.
What is this?
Club getaway.
We have Neil's beach-house
for the weekend.
I figure if I get you alone
I can be very convincing.
I might need
a lot of convincing.
Oh.
[CHUCKLING]
[KISSING]
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Special delivery.
Is somebody having a birthday?
Golly, Holly.
It's Mike the mailman.
Frankie, go with the mailman.
All for you, Holly.
Oh, thanks, Mr. Mike.
Maybe Mr. Mike would like
a nice piece of birthday cake.
[QUACKS]
[Chuckling] Um, chocolate!
Early bird made it
especially for me
and my friends.
[QUACKS]
NEIL: Cut. Perfect.
Lunch. One hour.
HOLLY: We don't need lunch.
We need another run-through.
Kathy, what's wrong?
HOLLY: I'll tell you
what's wrong!
This thing lays there
like a lox.
Okay, Kathy,
what do you wanna do?
HOLLY: Don't you talk to her.
You talk to me.
How about you do the acting
and we'll take the pictures?
I know what
you're trying to do.
You're trying to get rid of me.
You had the camera on everybody
but me in that scene.
Everybody was covered.
We had Early bird,
we had Mr. Mike...
This isn't Bird's house,
this isn't Mike's house,
this isn't Kathy's house.
And this isn't gonna be
some baby's house.
This is Holly's house.
Look at the ratings,
you idiot.
I wipe the floor with every
kiddy show in this country.
Okay, Holly.
Whatever you
and Katherine want.
I can move Mr. Mike...
His name isn't Mr. Mike.
It's Lenny Weener,
and he's a loser.
I say we dump him.
Along with that stupid bird.
Okay, Katherine,
that's enough.
Lunch, one hour.
Take off.
I want another take right now!
NEIL: Katherine, please.
Now. Now, now!
NEIL: Katherine,
we can't keep this up.
Katherine,
for God's sake, stop!
HOLLY: Now!
NEIL: That's it!
NEIL: What the hell
are you doing to yourself?
[EXHALES]
My agent, Dyne,
put me in that soap.
He's begging me.
I don't need this
stupid kiddy show.
In fact, get somebody else
to deliver your valentines.
Can your agent get you a baby?
What's that supposed to mean?
It means, yes.
Yes, to what?
Yes, to you,
and our baby.
What about Holly?
[EXHALES]
Four years is enough.
We have one more week of taping,
and then I am pulling the plug.
Let 'em watch Bozo the Bear.
Mm, I don't know whether
I should believe you or not.
[MOANING]
I'm gonna go call my lawyer
right now.
[OPENS DOOR]
Oh, Holly.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Tough luck, babe.
That's showbiz.
Mr. Mike.
[LOUD KNOCK]
LENNY: Katherine,
we're supposed to be
calling our lawyer.
I'm supposed to be cutting out
Valentine's for tomorrow.
Will you help me, please?
LENNY: What about
our celebration?
This first.
[CHUCKLING]
Is that my Valentine?
How did you guess, Mr. Mike?
I'm cutting out your heart
right now.
[GROANING]
Now, Mike,
now!
Oh, dear.
LENNY: Katherine!
Now!
[FAINTLY] Katherine...
[THUDS]
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
[WOMAN] Stop it.
[GROANING]
The quality of mercy
is not strained,
it dropeth
as the gentle rain from heaven
upon the place beneath.
[QUACKS]
You're not listening.
Come out to the island
this weekend,
we'll work out.
Neil, please,
I'm asking your opinion.
KATHERINE: Oh,
you're gonna hate me.
Why, what happened?
I just got off the phone
with Tony.
I told him
this is the last show.
Hey, that's great.
And you and Lenny?
[EXCLAIMING] Oh, good.
Get Mr. Lucky.
Let's run through
the treasure hunt bit,
and then we'll find
some champagne.
Okay.
KATHERINE: Lenny, I did it!
I told everybody.
I feel wonderful.
Lenny.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[SOFTLY] Lenny?
HOLLY: Kathy.
HOLLY: Are you sad
because Mr. Mike's not here?
HOLLY: I like Mr. Mike,
but I don't like Lenny.
Lenny's no fun to play with.
I like it better
when you and I play
all alone.
Stay with me, Kathy.
Live in my house.
You're just a...
I made you.
What about our friends?
What are they going to watch?
You're not alive.
Mommy, don't say that.
What's the house
where the kids always show up?
Stop it!
Don't leave me.
[SOBBING] No!
NEIL: Okay, everybody,
we're back in.
Shh, Mommy, they're coming.
NEIL: Here we go.
Early Bird, you ready?
We're doing the
treasure hunt scene.
Let's get it in one.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
NEIL: Roll, take.
Rolling. Give me speed.
Speed.
NEIL: Katherine,
are you all set?
Ready.
NEIL: Okay. Here we come.
Three, two, one,
and cue.
Bird, you're just in time.
For what, Holly?
We're gonna have
a special game.
Oh, boy, I like games.
What kind of game, Holly?
A treasure hunt
with a very special prize.
You've gotta find it.
It's somewhere in this room.
Oh, where,
oh, where could it be?
Over here?
You're very, very cold,
Early Bird.
You're so cold
you're a penguin.
Ha, ha.
I should have brought
my sweater.
You're freezing.
You're on an iceberg. Ha, ha.
Ah, ah.
Give me a hint, Holly.
Some place where
you put things, Bird.
Mmm.
You're getting warmer.
I know.
BIRD: I know...
Oh, you're burning up.
You're on fire!
I know. I know!
In here.
You found him, yay.
Lenny? He's hurt.
Have you any letters for me,
Mr. Mike?
NEIL: Oh, my God, Kathy!
HOLLY: He's gone, mommy.
Can we play?
[MOANING]
No.
SCARLETT: Kathy, stop.
SCARLETT: You don't know
what you're doing.
[SCREAMING]
HOLLY: No!
[MAN] No, it's cardboard.
Mommy.
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
She's so beautiful.
Having her is the best thing
I ever did.
You were right, Neil.
That's how you
get to be a director.
Alice,
good luck with your show.
With him as the director
I'll need it.
You get some rest now.
Goodbye, Kathy.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[KEYS CLANKING]
GIRL: Tell me again
about this show, Mommy.
There was Early Bird,
and there was Mike the mailman,
and especially,
there was me.
It's Holly's house.
It's Holly's house.
It's the house where
we all want to live.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh.
Honey, it's family hour.
There must be something on.
Oh, wow!
Candy critters!
Oh!
Oh, great! It's Monsters,
our favorite show.
Shh! It's starting.
[MONSTER LAUGHING]
[CREAKING]
* What's the house
Where the kids always show up?
* What's the house
Where we never have to grow up?
* What's the funniest house?
* What's the silliest house?
* It's Holly's house
* It's Holly's house
* It's Holly's house
* It's Holly's house
* It's the house
Where we all wanna live *
[CHUCKLING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
It's my birthday.
And I'm having a party.
Everyone's invited.
We're all gonna have fun,
and we're all gonna be nice,
and we're all
gonna get along
with me.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Who's the first one here?
It's Early Bird.
Happy Birthday, Holly.
[QUACKS]
HOLLY: Come in, Early Bird.
Golly, what did you bring me?
A cake for your party.
[GASPS] Oh, chocolate!
My special favorite.
Look what it says.
"Happy Birthday."
Got it, ah, ah, ah. Got it!
Hear the bell.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Golly, who could that be?
Special delivery.
Is somebody having a birthday?
It's Mike the mailman.
Come in, Mr. Mike.
All for you, Holly.
Is this it?
Uh, Holly, maybe Mr. Mike
would like a nice piece
of birthday cake.
[CHUCKLING] Mm, chocolate?
Get away from that cake,
Mr Mike.
SCARLETT: Oh, come on, guys,
it's hot in this suit.
Katherine, in the script
what does it say,
"Get away from the cake,
Mr. Mike"?
Can we save the comedy?
Cardboard head is supposed to
give me a piece of cake.
Katherine, we block
for camera in an hour.
Okay, okay, um...
Let's take it
from Bird's line.
Okay. Everybody ready?
Here we come. And action.
Maybe Mr. Mike would like
a nice piece of birthday cake.
Sure, I'll give him a piece.
Golly.
I hope you like chocolate,
Mr. Mike.
[LAUGHING]
Katherine, are you nuts?
Uh, sorry, uh...
Holly got carried away.
You are in a really
weird mood today.
Did I do something?
KATHERINE: You might say that.
I'm pregnant, Lenny.
Are you sure it's mine?
No, it's Mike the mailman's,
okay?
Katherine,
I think this is great.
And you know what else I think?
I think we should, uh,
do it.
We already did it, Lenny.
No, get married.
I'm serious.
Uh, look.
It's the middle of the season.
How can I leave these guys?
Whatever you decide...
...I love you.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
You talk to her, kid.
Careful, she's charging.
You'd like
a little baby sister,
wouldn't you?
[GROANS]
Katherine.
Katherine!
Thank you.
KATHERINE: Okay.
I've switched over
to utility memory.
[CLICKING]
Hey, it works.
[CHUCKLING]
I know, I know.
Phil Gordon is a genius.
Bye, Phil.
I had a talk with Lenny.
You know what I think?
I think you should have it.
I'm not saying
marry the mailman.
Just have the kid.
[EXHALES] What do you know
about kids?
I got grandkids.
You don't get 'em from robots.
What do I do? Leave the show?
You've been on it four years.
It's a long time
in a dolls house.
Me, I do three,
three and a half years,
and it's Chinese water torture.
You gotta live, Katherine.
You gotta change some diapers.
You gotta pay for the braces.
You gotta wait up
half the night,
wondering where the hell
they are and what
they're doing,
and you've got a 7 o' clock
call that morning.
[LAUGHS]
And you've gotta know
how it feels
when they don't phone
on Mother's Day.
[CHUCKLING] Neil.
Are you actually
asking me to grow up?
It's a pain in the ass
but I highly recommend it.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
HOLLY: Don't go home.
[CLANKING]
Katherine.
This is home.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
You heard me.
[DOOR OPENS]
KATHERINE: In here.
I just want you to look at it.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'll take a look.
Go ahead.
You got something
to say, say it!
Kathy, I know what you need.
What you need
is a quiet relaxing dinner
with an understanding duck.
[KATHERINE EXHALES]
Scarlett, I have been sick...
Well, I play it as a duck.
KATHERINE: Holly doesn't
want me to have a baby.
SCARLETT: Hey,
she'll get over it.
You know how robots are.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
SCARLETT: They do this
fab ginger chicken.
You like hot food, don't you?
We'll stuff our faces.
You will tell me
your problems.
[IN DEEP VOICE] My good...
[CHUCKLING] Lenny.
What is this?
Club getaway.
We have Neil's beach-house
for the weekend.
I figure if I get you alone
I can be very convincing.
I might need
a lot of convincing.
Oh.
[CHUCKLING]
[KISSING]
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Special delivery.
Is somebody having a birthday?
Golly, Holly.
It's Mike the mailman.
Frankie, go with the mailman.
All for you, Holly.
Oh, thanks, Mr. Mike.
Maybe Mr. Mike would like
a nice piece of birthday cake.
[QUACKS]
[Chuckling] Um, chocolate!
Early bird made it
especially for me
and my friends.
[QUACKS]
NEIL: Cut. Perfect.
Lunch. One hour.
HOLLY: We don't need lunch.
We need another run-through.
Kathy, what's wrong?
HOLLY: I'll tell you
what's wrong!
This thing lays there
like a lox.
Okay, Kathy,
what do you wanna do?
HOLLY: Don't you talk to her.
You talk to me.
How about you do the acting
and we'll take the pictures?
I know what
you're trying to do.
You're trying to get rid of me.
You had the camera on everybody
but me in that scene.
Everybody was covered.
We had Early bird,
we had Mr. Mike...
This isn't Bird's house,
this isn't Mike's house,
this isn't Kathy's house.
And this isn't gonna be
some baby's house.
This is Holly's house.
Look at the ratings,
you idiot.
I wipe the floor with every
kiddy show in this country.
Okay, Holly.
Whatever you
and Katherine want.
I can move Mr. Mike...
His name isn't Mr. Mike.
It's Lenny Weener,
and he's a loser.
I say we dump him.
Along with that stupid bird.
Okay, Katherine,
that's enough.
Lunch, one hour.
Take off.
I want another take right now!
NEIL: Katherine, please.
Now. Now, now!
NEIL: Katherine,
we can't keep this up.
Katherine,
for God's sake, stop!
HOLLY: Now!
NEIL: That's it!
NEIL: What the hell
are you doing to yourself?
[EXHALES]
My agent, Dyne,
put me in that soap.
He's begging me.
I don't need this
stupid kiddy show.
In fact, get somebody else
to deliver your valentines.
Can your agent get you a baby?
What's that supposed to mean?
It means, yes.
Yes, to what?
Yes, to you,
and our baby.
What about Holly?
[EXHALES]
Four years is enough.
We have one more week of taping,
and then I am pulling the plug.
Let 'em watch Bozo the Bear.
Mm, I don't know whether
I should believe you or not.
[MOANING]
I'm gonna go call my lawyer
right now.
[OPENS DOOR]
Oh, Holly.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Tough luck, babe.
That's showbiz.
Mr. Mike.
[LOUD KNOCK]
LENNY: Katherine,
we're supposed to be
calling our lawyer.
I'm supposed to be cutting out
Valentine's for tomorrow.
Will you help me, please?
LENNY: What about
our celebration?
This first.
[CHUCKLING]
Is that my Valentine?
How did you guess, Mr. Mike?
I'm cutting out your heart
right now.
[GROANING]
Now, Mike,
now!
Oh, dear.
LENNY: Katherine!
Now!
[FAINTLY] Katherine...
[THUDS]
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
[WOMAN] Stop it.
[GROANING]
The quality of mercy
is not strained,
it dropeth
as the gentle rain from heaven
upon the place beneath.
[QUACKS]
You're not listening.
Come out to the island
this weekend,
we'll work out.
Neil, please,
I'm asking your opinion.
KATHERINE: Oh,
you're gonna hate me.
Why, what happened?
I just got off the phone
with Tony.
I told him
this is the last show.
Hey, that's great.
And you and Lenny?
[EXCLAIMING] Oh, good.
Get Mr. Lucky.
Let's run through
the treasure hunt bit,
and then we'll find
some champagne.
Okay.
KATHERINE: Lenny, I did it!
I told everybody.
I feel wonderful.
Lenny.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[SOFTLY] Lenny?
HOLLY: Kathy.
HOLLY: Are you sad
because Mr. Mike's not here?
HOLLY: I like Mr. Mike,
but I don't like Lenny.
Lenny's no fun to play with.
I like it better
when you and I play
all alone.
Stay with me, Kathy.
Live in my house.
You're just a...
I made you.
What about our friends?
What are they going to watch?
You're not alive.
Mommy, don't say that.
What's the house
where the kids always show up?
Stop it!
Don't leave me.
[SOBBING] No!
NEIL: Okay, everybody,
we're back in.
Shh, Mommy, they're coming.
NEIL: Here we go.
Early Bird, you ready?
We're doing the
treasure hunt scene.
Let's get it in one.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
NEIL: Roll, take.
Rolling. Give me speed.
Speed.
NEIL: Katherine,
are you all set?
Ready.
NEIL: Okay. Here we come.
Three, two, one,
and cue.
Bird, you're just in time.
For what, Holly?
We're gonna have
a special game.
Oh, boy, I like games.
What kind of game, Holly?
A treasure hunt
with a very special prize.
You've gotta find it.
It's somewhere in this room.
Oh, where,
oh, where could it be?
Over here?
You're very, very cold,
Early Bird.
You're so cold
you're a penguin.
Ha, ha.
I should have brought
my sweater.
You're freezing.
You're on an iceberg. Ha, ha.
Ah, ah.
Give me a hint, Holly.
Some place where
you put things, Bird.
Mmm.
You're getting warmer.
I know.
BIRD: I know...
Oh, you're burning up.
You're on fire!
I know. I know!
In here.
You found him, yay.
Lenny? He's hurt.
Have you any letters for me,
Mr. Mike?
NEIL: Oh, my God, Kathy!
HOLLY: He's gone, mommy.
Can we play?
[MOANING]
No.
SCARLETT: Kathy, stop.
SCARLETT: You don't know
what you're doing.
[SCREAMING]
HOLLY: No!
[MAN] No, it's cardboard.
Mommy.
[SCREAMING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
She's so beautiful.
Having her is the best thing
I ever did.
You were right, Neil.
That's how you
get to be a director.
Alice,
good luck with your show.
With him as the director
I'll need it.
You get some rest now.
Goodbye, Kathy.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[KEYS CLANKING]
GIRL: Tell me again
about this show, Mommy.
There was Early Bird,
and there was Mike the mailman,
and especially,
there was me.
It's Holly's house.
It's Holly's house.
It's the house where
we all want to live.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]