Mom (2013–…): Season 8, Episode 11 - Strutting Peacock and Father O'Leary - full transcript

Are you nervous?

No, I speak at meetings
all the time.

You "share" at meetings.

You've never been one
of the main speakers,

let alone at a combo
AA/Al-Anon meeting,

and you've never had
to follow a legend.

You trying
to get me off my game?

No, honey,
I'm excited for you.

I just know how hard
it is to get up

and... pour your heart out
to 60 strangers,

some of whom
are very critical.



Well, so far I've only found
one who's critical,

and she's no stranger.

Why do people think I'm mean
when I'm being helpful

and helpful
when I'm being mean?

It has to do with your tone
and body language.

And their stupidity.

As a veteran
of these things,

I think it really helps
if you have a shape.

I like to start
with a joke,

get to the darkness,
bring 'em to tears,

applause, thank you,
good night.

How's this?
I met you, you're an alcoholic,

married you anyway,

started going to Al-Anon,
the end.



Well, putting me front
and center's not a bad instinct.

I really appreciate
your expertise.

I just find it's better for me
if I'm spontaneous.

Ah. Like jazz.

Very hit-and-miss.

You know, when it hits,
it's great.

Though you can never
dance to it.

Maybe sex,
but it's gonna be messy.

Messy is
the best kind of sex.

That's true.

You should put that
in your share.

We are really gonna
help people tonight.

We're so excited you
both agreed to speak.

You know, we've had
mother-daughter,

uh, siblings,

but we haven't had
a married couple in a while.

Talk about a profile
in courage.

- We are pretty amazing.
- Thanks.

- Stay calm.
- I'm calm.

Adam,
I'm on your side.

Now there are sides?

Ooh.

This'll be fun.

There's no oat milk
for my coffee?

The one last thing
I'm allowed, ruined.

There's almond, skim
and half-and-half.

Yes, but no oat.

The gentlest
of the milks.

God, you are
such a diva.

Been called
worse by better.

The guy OD'd on heroin,

but he can't handle
regular milk?

Don't even bother
with the coffee.

There's nothing acceptable
to dress it with.

Rod, this is
my husband Adam.

Adam, this is my sponsee Rod.

Now, I don't want you two bucks
to start tangling antlers.

Hey.
Hey.

Oh, my God,
ask each other something.

Uh, got any oat milk?

Uh, not now. Or ever.

What's your go-to milk?

Milk.

- Ah.
- Wow.

Why don't you talk
about something

that's important
to both of you,

like, for example, me?

Oh. Your wife's been
an enormous help to me.

I mean, I've been sober
a long time,

but I wasn't truly
rocking the steps

until Bonnie came along.

Oh, stop it. I'm gonna
start blushing.

Adam, your turn.

Oh, I've got
a whole nice thing

to say about you up there.

Oh, that's right, you're the
headliner tonight. Can't wait.

- I'm speaking, too.
- Yeah, but we've heard yours.

A brave little girl
who turns out to be... you.

Okay, everybody,
it's meeting time.

Let's find a seat.

This is exciting.
I've never heard Adam speak.

Too bad we have to sit through
"sad little girl" to get there.

It's "brave little girl,"

and I expect applause
from both of you this time.

*MOM*
Season 08 Episode 11

Episode Title:
"Strutting Peacock and Father O'Leary"

Aired on:
March 11, 2021

And who was that
brave little girl?

Me.

For those of you who need it,
there's Kleenex in the back.

For those of you who don't,
I wish I had your strength.

Thank you.

What did I tell you?

Legend.

I mean, I'm,
I-I'm a stuntman.

I have literally been
shot out of a cannon,

been on fire
for a good six minutes.

But none of that
prepared me

for being married
to an alcoholic.

But the longer
I've been here,

I've realized that

alcoholics have been a part
of my life for a long time.

Starting with Father O'Leary.

Not my real father,
but he did make me leery.

Wasn't this meeting
supposed to end at 9:00?

I can't believe that people
were so moved by my share.

Is that what they mean by
"not a dry eye in the house"?

You were amazing.

Never would have guessed
it was your first time.

You were amazing, too.

Ah, I was off my game.

I think
I'm getting a cold.

I didn't tell you before.

I mean, you can't hear it yet,
but it's-it's coming.

Do you want to go home
instead of the Bistro?

It's not that
kind of cold;

It's better when
I'm out with people.

Why are you parking?

I'm meeting
up with Rod.

My Rod?

Yeah. He came up to me after

and said that my share
blew him away.

He said I gave him
a light bulb moment.

Good for you.

But bear in mind, his accent is
all over the place.

He might have just been asking
for directions to the bathroom.

Can't tell you how
refreshing this is.

You're the first bloke
I've met in the rooms

who doesn't treat me like
the Rod Connaughton.

Didn't even know
that was your last name.

See, there it is.

You were a stuntman,
you worked with celebrities.

I know you won't be starstruck.

That I can guarantee.

I've been offering Adam
tea for years... nothing.

But the minute Rod walks
into his life,

it's Downton Abbey.

And it's okay you feel
that way, Bonnie.

I learned that
from Adam's share.

Don't tell me
it's okay to feel this way

when I don't even know
how I feel.

And that's okay, too.
It is.

All I know is, I have
one husband and one sponsee,

and frankly I don't approve
of this canoodling.

Don't you have
two sponsees?

How does that help
my point, scoreboard?

Maybe Adam's offering him

a different perspective
from Al-Anon.

Yeah, well,
Adam wouldn't even need Al-Anon

if it wasn't for me.

I don't think that's
the defense you think it is.

Yeah, I'm with Bonnie.

These two don't
make sense.

I mean, Adam's
a man of the people

and Rod's just a big
old strutting peacock.

Mm.

Being somebody's sponsor
doesn't mean

that you're their
only source of inspiration.

He can have other people
to talk to.

Well, you're my only
source of inspiration.

Don't you also
have a therapist?

Damn it, Wendy.

Look at them over there,
hogging Beatrice.

Hey.

We'd like to order, too, guys.

What would you like?

Oh. Well, I'm-I'm not sure yet.

♪ Out of
nowhere, you were there ♪

♪ Satin jacket

♪ Perfect hair...

Wow.

One tea with Rod

and you're practically throwing
your underwear at him.

All right, I was quick
to judge him.

He's a cool guy.

Yeah. He's become cooler since
I've been working with him.

He's got issues.

All confidential, of course,

but here's a hint:

Rhymes with "snoozes sniagra."

Well, he's coming over to
give me a guitar lesson.

That's gonna be fun.

Oh. You two kids
made a playdate?

- Yeah.
- Good. Good.

I give you my blessing.

Did I need
your blessing?

I'm his sponsor,
you're my husband,

it could get
complicated.

There are things that
he may share with me about you

that I can't tell you.

And there may be things
you share with me about him

that I may have to tell him.

You picking up
what I'm putting down?

Yeah. Don't tell him things
I don't want you to know.

Why? What are
you hiding from me?

Can we just go to sleep?

Yes. With my blessing.

I couldn't find
my guitar.

Do you know
where it is?

You hide things from me,
I hide things from you.

Did you know it's gonna
rain on the weekend?

Did you know you're part
of the cleanup commitment?

I'm supervising.

Yeah, my housekeeper was right,

that's not the same thing
as helping.

Are you mad at me, love?

I can't tell.

Looks like you just
jumped out of a plane.

Says the man
with the hair system.

Did you get those plugs
with a Groupon?

I see what's going on here.

Sexual tension all coming out
all squishy.

Like you could handle this.

I could handle Tina Turner.

You sure it wasn't a man
dressed like Tina Turner?

Either way, quite a night.

Rod, your mom's here
to pick you up!

Sexy.

No, no, put your index
finger there. That's it.

And your second finger
on the next fret.

No, the next fret.

No, the other next fret.

I think I know why
they call these things "frets."

Okay, how's this?

Oh!

That's lovely.

Learn two more and you
can be in a punk band.

Ugh. You make it look so easy.

Well, I've been playing
since I was 12.

It's funny, I only picked
it up to impress a girl.

Well, I should say "a woman,"
'cause she was 32.

Worked at the record shop.

The things we do
to impress girls.

Nothing else motivates me.

I used to think I liked money,
but then I realized

it's women who like money
and I like women.

Well, that worked out for you.

Did it? I'm in me 50s
and I live with me mum.

Yeah, I've never actually had
anything real,

like what, what you have
with Bonnie.

You'll find it.

Nah, I don't think so.

When it comes to women,
I just can't stop the Rod show.

I even do it with Bonnie.
I keep trying to charm her.

I get it.

I'm like that around
pro football players.

Real football, not your kind.

There's just something
about them.

I really want them
to respect me.

Are you friends
with pro football players?

I had a shot at one, but
he could smell the desperation.

Four calls in one afternoon,
and it was over.

Adam, I can't imagine any man
not wanting to be with you.

Sorry, left out a word.

Not wanting to be friends
with you.

Thanks, man.

See, that.

That's what's missing
from my life.

Men.

My dad left
when I was a little kid,

and I blamed myself.

My bandmates were only in it
for the drugs and women.

I haven't had a real male friend
since I was nine years old.

And he beat me up
for a bag of crisps.

Hey.
Oh, hey, Rod.

Are you okay?

Rod was just telling me about...

About the time I met
Cyndi Lauper.

Oh, what a day. Guess girls
just really do want to have fun.

Well, Mum's making a roast,
so off I go.

By the way,
I think I'll be better off

with a male sponsor.
Take care.

What did you do?

I just don't get it.
What did I do wrong?

It's not you. Rod said
he can't be himself with women.

That's why
he needs a man.

Oh, come on,
I'm manlier than most men.

I'm manlier than you.

Who owns more hair products?
Go.

Now is not the time for this,
but Rod called my hair luscious.

I thought I was helping him.

Sometimes the thing
that helps the most

is realizing
we're on the wrong path.

Are you trying
to say the worst thing?

You were right.

This did get complicated.

That's not helping.

Damn it. "You were right"
usually works.

Hey, Shawn, can you start
a dressing room for me?

Be with you in one sec, Jill.

I'm just finishing
with a customer.

Oh, that's a first.

Might as well be
at the Goodwill.

I'm not sure
that's your color, love.

What are you doing here?

A little retail therapy.

This is a woman's boutique.
That is a woman's blouse.

Ah, when it looks this good,
it's just Rod's blouse, baby.

Okay, Jill, do you want me
to put that in a dressing room?

No. I just realized it's tacky.

You live with your mom. How can
you even afford to shop here?

Oh, Capital One just sent me
a new credit card.

I'm in a mad dash to max it out
before they realize

the error of their ways.

You know what?
This is my happy place.

So I'm gonna act like
the music industry since 1988

and ignore you.

I've got that one, too, darling.

Damn it.

Don't you dare
step foot in Chanel.

Well, I hope you're happy.

Well, I was just telling them,
my feet...

Are about to be stomped on
unless you let me finish.

Can you let me out?
I need to pee.

What... 20 minutes
you've been here.

Now I sit down and
you need to pee?

You make me nervous,
and I had three waters.

Hold it.

Bonnie, what's wrong?

What's wrong is I was right.

I sat here in this booth
with Grandma Bunions

and said Adam and
Rod hanging out

was gonna be nothing
but trouble.

What happened? Did
they get into a fight?

Is Adam's hair okay?

Rod wants a new sponsor.

Just go.

So what's the big deal? People
change sponsors all the time.

That's true, I went through
five of them in jail.

Shivved, shivved, paroled,
shivved, wasn't a good listener.

How'd you get there?

I'll never tell.

Honey, we help people
for fun and for free.

Stop making it about you.

But I was really good at it.

Well, I'm really good at it
and you've fired me 17 times.

You want to go for 18?

The point is,

if you genuinely want
to help someone

and they need something from you
that you can't give them,

you should be happy they get it
from someone else.

You know, nobody's ever asked
me to be their sponsor.

What's up with that?

Conversation for a
different time. I get it.

You both are gonna say no,

but I'm starting to think
my ego got in the way here.

- No.
- No.

But wow,
what an evolved thing to say.

All right, you can be
my sponsor again.

Wow. Didn't even get to
throw my hat in the ring.

Is it my vibe?
Am I too intense?

Answer me right now.

Oh, you got to be kidding me.
I bought this months ago.

Well,
they just threw this one in

'cause, you know, I'm me.

Well, they've never given me
anything for free.

Well, you were never
on Solid Goldwith Andy Gibb.

You had one song.

Satin jacket, perfect hair,
satin jacket, perfect hair.

So you have listened
to my music.

It came on the oldies station
in my car.

Cha-ching.

Do you carry that around so
people know you're a musician?

Do you carry that around
so people know you're rich?

I'm sorry, I...
I'm doing it again.

What?

I'm putting on a show.

I can't help myself.

You're a woman and-and I feel
compelled to perform for you.

I see.

I only recently learned this
about myself.

I tried to shop it away, but...

the feelings found me again.

They always do.

I'm not proud.

Well, that's the first time
you've acted like a human being

since I met you.

Thank you, Jill.

I just, I get so tired
of the game.

Whoopsie.

Whoopsie.

Whoopsie.

Hey. Listen to this.

Yeah, I have been listening
and I'm hoping

that song is called "Whoopsie."

You sure you're okay
that Rod came over

to give me a lesson?

Well, I do wish that lesson
had been more effective,

but I do want
what's best for Rod,

and I think being friends
with you is part of that.

Awesome. But how about you give
the guitar a rest

while I show the apartment
across the courtyard?

I don't want them thinking
a musician lives here.

Eh, never mind. They won't.

Hey, I've been making progress.

Whoopsie.

We cover all utilities and...

Whoopsie, looks like the
painters are taking a break.

Yes, we are waiting
for the base coat to dry.

You guys hear
about Jill and Rod?

I know, right?

You can cover your mouths,
it's still gossip.

You want to go over there
and talk about it

away from Marjorie?

Hell yeah.

We need to talk.

Oh, yeah, we do. The
Fongs took the apartment

and they want to have you
and Rod over for dinner.

They are very open-minded,

so I would not go unless
you want things to get weird.

Um...

got to go.

Hey, Bonnie,

um, thank you for being
so understanding

about my decision
to find a new sponsor.

Of course. I want what's best
for you, it's not about me.

Anyway, um,
I have a bit of situation,

and I was wondering if you could
help me find someone to talk to?

Let me introduce you
to Marjorie.

She's not a guy,
but she's running pretty low

on estrogen these days.

Marjorie...

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Sync corrections by srjanapala